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1
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(theme song playing)
2
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TONY: Alex, take a look at this.
3
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I have a date with the
girl in the suntan oil ad.
4
00:01:23,784 --> 00:01:24,949
Her name is Randi. Oh...
5
00:01:24,985 --> 00:01:26,385
She's agreed to go out with me,
6
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,997
but she wants me to
bring somebody else along
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to go out with her older sister.
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What do you say?
Oh, I don't know, Tony.
9
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Come on, do one for me,
10
00:01:32,459 --> 00:01:34,092
please, please, please. No, I...
11
00:01:34,128 --> 00:01:35,427
Oh, all right, okay.
12
00:01:35,462 --> 00:01:36,595
Oh, great, Alex.
13
00:01:36,630 --> 00:01:37,763
We're meeting them at 8:30,
14
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,598
at this French
place in the Village.
15
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:42,067
La Belle Chateau.
16
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:45,504
Oh, French food!
17
00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:48,140
Sounds like a terrific evening.
18
00:01:48,175 --> 00:01:49,641
It's gonna be a
great evening, Jim.
19
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:52,478
Oh, la la la la la!
20
00:01:52,513 --> 00:01:56,881
Ah, la cuisine
française est magnifique.
21
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:59,551
C'est la plus bonne de monde.
22
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Hey, Jim, you're
speaking French.
23
00:02:02,089 --> 00:02:03,788
Moi?
24
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:10,429
All right, attention,
cabbies, attention here.
25
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,698
All right, yesterday,
26
00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:16,768
Latka Gravas was
test driving a cab
27
00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:20,805
when suddenly, the
engine burst into flames.
28
00:02:20,841 --> 00:02:23,775
Our Latka got out of the cab
29
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:26,378
and beat the flames
out with his jacket,
30
00:02:26,413 --> 00:02:29,648
risking life and limb
to save that vehicle.
31
00:02:29,683 --> 00:02:31,416
(applause)
32
00:02:31,451 --> 00:02:34,953
Therefore, I am
pleased to present Latka
33
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:37,155
with the Employee
of the Month Award.
34
00:02:37,191 --> 00:02:38,156
(applause)
35
00:02:38,192 --> 00:02:40,492
Latka, would you like to say
36
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,594
a few words to the cabbies?
37
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,899
Thank you very much.
38
00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,934
I am a dope.
39
00:03:02,816 --> 00:03:05,717
Madame, I can seat you now.
40
00:03:05,753 --> 00:03:07,753
Will you be dining... uh...?
41
00:03:07,788 --> 00:03:11,189
Uh, are you, uh... Alone?
42
00:03:11,225 --> 00:03:12,958
Is that what you're
trying to say?
43
00:03:12,993 --> 00:03:14,893
Yes, I will be dining alone.
44
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,594
No one else is coming.
45
00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,697
We're all here.
46
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:22,567
Uh, excuse me, this is
my first time dining alone,
47
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:24,970
so I just wanted to
ask you one thing.
48
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,972
Where are lonely,
desperate women
49
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:29,374
usually seated in the
better restaurants?
50
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:31,409
Table four.
51
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:40,352
Hey... now, this
is a classy place.
52
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,953
I know, I came here years ago
53
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:44,656
when they only
had one brick wall.
54
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,491
Oh, my God.
55
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,160
Uh, waiter, waiter!
56
00:03:48,195 --> 00:03:49,327
Waiter! Oh, madame...
57
00:03:49,363 --> 00:03:50,795
something is wrong?
58
00:03:50,830 --> 00:03:52,563
Yes, my ex-husband
just walked in.
59
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,600
Is there a side door
60
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,369
or a meat locker
I could hide in?
61
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:59,137
I'm sorry.
62
00:03:59,172 --> 00:04:01,606
I don't know why I let
you talk me into this, Tony.
63
00:04:01,642 --> 00:04:03,775
Come on! Oh, dear.
64
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:06,979
Alex!
65
00:04:07,014 --> 00:04:09,046
ALEX: Huh? TONY: There she is!
66
00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:11,616
Oh. Isn't she beautiful?
67
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:15,953
TONY: Alex, there she is again!
68
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,225
Hi, Tony. TONY: Hi.
69
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:21,860
I'd like you to meet
my sister, Candi.
70
00:04:21,895 --> 00:04:23,362
Hi, Candi. Randi, Candi,
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00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:24,896
I'd like you to meet
my friend, Alex.
72
00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:26,064
Hi. Hi.
73
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,365
Hi! (chuckles)
74
00:04:29,270 --> 00:04:31,470
Uh, how long have
you two been twins?
75
00:04:31,505 --> 00:04:35,641
(laughing)
76
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:37,676
I feel silly, right, but
I love feeling silly.
77
00:04:44,985 --> 00:04:46,518
Sorry I'm late.
78
00:04:46,553 --> 00:04:48,553
What do you mean late?
79
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:49,988
What are you doing here?
80
00:04:50,024 --> 00:04:51,656
I assumed I was invited.
81
00:04:51,691 --> 00:04:52,891
You weren't!
82
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,959
Well, you're lucky I
made that mistake,
83
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,128
or I never would've gotten here.
84
00:04:57,164 --> 00:05:00,899
Uh, Jim Ignatowski, this is
Candi and Randi Moratta.
85
00:05:00,934 --> 00:05:02,367
Oh. Our dates...
86
00:05:02,403 --> 00:05:03,502
Mine and Alex's.
87
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:04,703
Ours, ours.
88
00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:06,037
How do?
89
00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:08,039
How's it going?
90
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:10,208
Egg split in the womb, huh?
91
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,744
Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim...
92
00:05:12,779 --> 00:05:14,045
Jim.
93
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,714
Alex? Huh?
94
00:05:16,749 --> 00:05:18,249
I got a real problem here.
95
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:19,751
Yeah, yeah, I know, I know.
96
00:05:19,786 --> 00:05:21,085
Would you ladies excuse us?
97
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,732
Uh, we have something
to straighten out here.
98
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,289
I'm having a great
time here, Alex.
99
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,959
Yeah, yeah, yeah, listen, Jim...
100
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Oh, my God.
101
00:05:29,697 --> 00:05:32,597
Oh, my God, my ex-wife.
102
00:05:32,632 --> 00:05:34,032
Uh, Jim, uh, would you tell them
103
00:05:34,068 --> 00:05:35,667
to excuse me for
just a few minutes?
104
00:05:35,703 --> 00:05:38,369
See, I'm coming
in handy already.
105
00:05:38,405 --> 00:05:39,405
Yeah.
106
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,821
Phyllis. Oh, hi, Alex.
107
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,788
You, uh, you look terrific.
108
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,493
You've lost weight.
109
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,060
Yeah, 35 pounds.
110
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:03,294
Wow, how'd you do that?
111
00:06:03,330 --> 00:06:05,397
The grief diet.
112
00:06:05,432 --> 00:06:07,399
Your husband divorces you
113
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,368
and then you cry and
vomit for three months.
114
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,803
(uneasy laugh)
115
00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:13,971
No, I mean, uh, I'm,
I'm really sorry to hear
116
00:06:14,007 --> 00:06:15,618
that your second marriage
didn't work out, Phyllis.
117
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Well, hey, you
know, I'll survive.
118
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Look at me.
119
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I'm back in circulation already.
120
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:22,613
Oh, who're you with?
121
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,749
Him.
122
00:06:24,784 --> 00:06:26,050
You know, he's always
123
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,352
so interested that other people
124
00:06:28,388 --> 00:06:30,555
are having a good time.
125
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:35,026
Hey, come on, Phyllis,
you're dining alone, right?
126
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,862
It's nothing to be ashamed of.
127
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,097
Well, I'm not ashamed.
128
00:06:39,132 --> 00:06:40,965
I mean, I'm really
glad to be dining alone.
129
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,167
Could I just ask you
one thing, though? What?
130
00:06:43,203 --> 00:06:46,872
Is it rude to talk to yourself
with your mouth full?
131
00:06:46,907 --> 00:06:48,673
Alex, we're still over here!
132
00:06:48,708 --> 00:06:50,175
TONY: Come on over here.
133
00:06:50,210 --> 00:06:53,244
Uh, listen, Phyllis, I'm, I'm
neglecting my company, uh...
134
00:06:53,280 --> 00:06:56,247
Oh, right, listen,
go back to them.
135
00:06:56,283 --> 00:06:57,748
I mean, (chuckles)
136
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:00,551
I can see you got a pretty
big night ahead of you, huh?
137
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,788
No, no, no, it's not a big
night, it's not a big night.
138
00:07:02,823 --> 00:07:04,263
Oh, it's not a big
night? No, no, no.
139
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:05,568
Oh, well, then
what is a big night?
140
00:07:05,592 --> 00:07:06,691
Triplets?
141
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,196
(sighs)
142
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:13,331
Well, it was really nice
seeing you again, Phyllis.
143
00:07:13,366 --> 00:07:15,233
Alex, before you go, don't go.
144
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,667
But, Phyllis, I have to, uh...
145
00:07:16,703 --> 00:07:17,869
Alex, please.
146
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:21,405
I'm gonna be staying
at the Mayflower Hotel
147
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:24,909
through next Tuesday,
and I just... I just thought
148
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,846
it would be really good if we
spent some of that time together.
149
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,780
Yeah. Or most of
that time together.
150
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,782
Or every waking
moment of that time...
151
00:07:31,818 --> 00:07:34,885
Look, Phyllis, Phyllis,
look, if-if-if you want to talk,
152
00:07:34,921 --> 00:07:36,388
just give me a call, okay?
153
00:07:36,423 --> 00:07:37,822
Please. Listen,
Alex, no, really,
154
00:07:37,858 --> 00:07:39,758
I understand that you
have to be running along
155
00:07:39,793 --> 00:07:42,527
to your little pagan ritual,
156
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:46,431
but I just want to ask you
one thing right now, okay?
157
00:07:46,466 --> 00:07:49,033
I mean, even
after all this time,
158
00:07:49,068 --> 00:07:51,469
is there still something there?
159
00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:55,407
Sure, sure, sure.
160
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:56,941
Of course there's
something there.
161
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:59,644
I mean, uh, if you were
walking down the street
162
00:07:59,679 --> 00:08:02,514
and a safe was about to fall
on you, I would yell, "Look out".
163
00:08:04,618 --> 00:08:07,419
Me, too.
164
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:09,788
Phyllis, not wanting to
see you get pulverized
165
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,424
is a far cry from
a reconciliation.
166
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:13,725
Will you excuse me?
167
00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,629
Oh, Alex... Huh?
168
00:08:17,664 --> 00:08:20,899
When I'm reaching
out to you like this,
169
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:25,737
when I'm this vulnerable,
when I'm this manipulative,
170
00:08:25,772 --> 00:08:28,540
I just don't believe that you
can get up from this table
171
00:08:28,575 --> 00:08:32,343
and just walk away
from me like this.
172
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:35,179
Uh, look, uh, uh, Phyllis, look,
173
00:08:35,214 --> 00:08:38,249
the best thing that I can
do for you right now is,
174
00:08:38,284 --> 00:08:42,053
uh, to be as honest and
as clear as I know how.
175
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:46,223
We're...
176
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:50,528
We're simply just not involved
in each other's lives anymore.
177
00:08:50,564 --> 00:08:52,496
Understand?
178
00:08:57,370 --> 00:08:58,970
So, I just put an end to things
179
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:00,204
right then and there.
180
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:01,740
I think I did the right thing.
181
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:03,174
You think I did the right thing?
182
00:09:03,209 --> 00:09:04,643
I'm sure I did the right thing.
183
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,277
Aren't you sure I
did the right thing?
184
00:09:06,312 --> 00:09:07,712
Yes, you did the right thing.
185
00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:08,880
How could you say that?
186
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,047
The woman is all alone.
187
00:09:10,083 --> 00:09:13,317
Alex, you can't
make it easy for her.
188
00:09:13,352 --> 00:09:14,719
All you can do
189
00:09:14,754 --> 00:09:16,955
is you can help her
postpone all the stuff
190
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,357
that she's gonna have to
eventually deal with anyway.
191
00:09:19,393 --> 00:09:22,460
The only way you can help
your ex-wife is if you care,
192
00:09:22,496 --> 00:09:25,563
I mean, really care enough
to get involved with her again.
193
00:09:25,599 --> 00:09:27,164
Do you?
194
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:28,533
No!
195
00:09:28,569 --> 00:09:30,068
Well, then you
were absolutely right
196
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:31,503
in being as rotten as you were.
197
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:34,338
Oh, Elaine, come
on, don't do that to me.
198
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,674
No, really, I did the
right thing, didn't I?
199
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,343
Yes, you did. Oh...
200
00:09:38,378 --> 00:09:40,812
Don't touch me.
201
00:09:46,353 --> 00:09:48,353
Personally...
202
00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:54,091
I love divorced women.
203
00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:57,862
I love women who
just broke up with guys.
204
00:09:57,897 --> 00:10:01,232
I live on the rebound.
205
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,167
I love the rebound.
206
00:10:03,203 --> 00:10:04,703
I am the rebound.
207
00:10:05,806 --> 00:10:07,872
Now, come here,
come here, come here,
208
00:10:07,908 --> 00:10:08,908
come here, come here.
209
00:10:10,109 --> 00:10:12,076
Look, I don't, I don't
tell this to anybody
210
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:15,180
because I don't want
anybody to find out.
211
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:17,482
You want desperate women?
212
00:10:17,517 --> 00:10:20,652
Desperate, desperate, women?
213
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:24,289
I know where to go
where there are girls
214
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:27,825
who just failed their bar exam.
215
00:10:31,330 --> 00:10:35,266
You look like a
lawyer to me, honey.
216
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,802
The greatest date I ever had
217
00:10:37,838 --> 00:10:41,072
was with a girl who
flunked the police academy
218
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:44,943
because she couldn't
do 12 push-ups.
219
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,945
At least, not on the exam.
220
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,881
(goofy chuckle)
221
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:54,986
Thanks for sharing
that with me, Louie.
222
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:57,088
Excuse me, I have to
go boil my ears now.
223
00:11:00,927 --> 00:11:02,526
Pearls.
224
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:15,273
Hello?
225
00:11:15,308 --> 00:11:17,708
Is Alex Reiger here?
226
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:20,111
Nah, he's working. He's working.
227
00:11:23,482 --> 00:11:26,451
You... you're not
his ex-wife, are you?
228
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,519
Yes, I am.
229
00:11:28,555 --> 00:11:29,954
I was just in the neighborhood,
230
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:32,090
and I thought I just
might catch him in.
231
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:35,659
You know, to say hello.
232
00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:39,363
Well, he's, uh, out on the road.
233
00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:41,632
He won't be back for 12 hours.
234
00:11:43,636 --> 00:11:44,736
I'll wait.
235
00:11:55,682 --> 00:11:58,616
Uh, I, I know it's
none of my business,
236
00:11:58,651 --> 00:12:01,552
but I just want, uh, to tell you
237
00:12:01,588 --> 00:12:03,454
that I feel for you,
238
00:12:03,490 --> 00:12:06,458
what with your life
in shreds and all.
239
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,392
Oh, thank you.
240
00:12:11,197 --> 00:12:15,232
Whoever are you?
241
00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,568
My name's Louie De Palma.
242
00:12:17,603 --> 00:12:18,736
Oh.
243
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:20,537
I'm a real close friend of Alex.
244
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:21,773
Oh.
245
00:12:21,808 --> 00:12:24,308
Yeah. Yeah, I-I guess
he's told you all about me?
246
00:12:24,343 --> 00:12:26,077
No. Good.
247
00:12:27,613 --> 00:12:30,515
Well, he's told
me all about you.
248
00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:34,652
How, uh, witty and charming
and intelligent you are.
249
00:12:34,687 --> 00:12:35,987
Oh.
250
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:39,524
And, uh, if you don't
mind my saying,
251
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:43,194
you're also really
easy on the blinkers.
252
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:50,134
How you talk... it... (laughs)
253
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:53,037
So, listen, you want to go out?
254
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:56,173
Oh, I'm busy, uh...
But I didn't say when.
255
00:12:56,208 --> 00:12:58,543
Oh, say when.
256
00:12:58,578 --> 00:13:00,611
Tonight.
257
00:13:00,647 --> 00:13:02,547
I'm busy.
258
00:13:02,582 --> 00:13:04,649
All right, all right.
259
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:06,751
I'm, I'm... I'm sorry,
uh, for being so forward.
260
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,219
It's... it's just that this
feeling came over me
261
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:13,457
that, uh, this would be
my first and last chance
262
00:13:13,492 --> 00:13:16,293
to ever spend even a little time
263
00:13:16,328 --> 00:13:19,430
with a really elegant woman.
264
00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:26,704
That was so well put.
265
00:13:26,739 --> 00:13:28,005
Yeah.
266
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,909
Well, you know,
this may be a sewer,
267
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:35,546
but that doesn't mean
it can't have its daisies.
268
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:41,352
Well, like, uh,
269
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:44,321
uh, what do you suppose we'd do
270
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:46,324
together, you know?
271
00:13:46,359 --> 00:13:48,726
Make for me a memory
272
00:13:48,761 --> 00:13:52,664
that would haunt the
remainder of my days on earth.
273
00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:56,567
You know, either
the fumes in this place
274
00:13:56,603 --> 00:13:58,569
are affecting my judgment...
275
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:04,442
or you're kind of cute.
276
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:14,152
I was afraid there for a
moment you wouldn't notice.
277
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:16,754
How about if I pick
you up at 8:00?
278
00:14:17,924 --> 00:14:20,358
Why not? (laughs)
279
00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:21,625
(laughs)
280
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:23,627
I'm at the Mayflower Hotel.
281
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,696
Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.
282
00:14:25,732 --> 00:14:27,665
(both laughing giddily)
283
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,134
(stops laughing) What?
What? What? What? What?
284
00:14:30,170 --> 00:14:32,636
Oh, nothing, nothing,
nothing. Just, uh...
285
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,839
(laughs, then stops abruptly)
286
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,207
What? What? What? What?
287
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:37,374
Nothing!
288
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,709
(both laughing)
289
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,712
(stops laughing)
290
00:14:40,747 --> 00:14:43,448
Maybe I shouldn't
do this, you know?
291
00:14:43,483 --> 00:14:45,416
I hope I'm not dreaming.
292
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,387
(laughs heartily)
293
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,738
Bingo!
294
00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:14,044
He's coming! Here,
you got to read this.
295
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,013
Oh, Louie, I... Yes,
you got to do it.
296
00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,393
You read this. Louie,
I don't want to do this.
297
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:18,882
You do it. You do it.
298
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:21,085
I don't want to do it.
It's stupid! It's not stupid.
299
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:23,420
You do... you do it
when he gets up...
300
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:26,791
There you go, Louie.
301
00:15:26,826 --> 00:15:27,992
(humming)
302
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:29,694
(reading): "Say, Louie..."
303
00:15:29,729 --> 00:15:31,629
Uh, yes, Jeff?
304
00:15:31,664 --> 00:15:34,498
"I hear you have
a date tonight."
305
00:15:34,533 --> 00:15:36,333
Uh, yes, that-that's true.
306
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:40,304
Yes, as a matter of fact,
I've got a hot date tonight.
307
00:15:40,339 --> 00:15:46,978
She's got class,
beauty and experience.
308
00:15:47,013 --> 00:15:49,179
Here.
309
00:15:49,215 --> 00:15:50,714
"Would I know her, Louie?"
310
00:15:53,386 --> 00:15:55,820
No, I don't believe you do,
311
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,788
but Reiger might.
312
00:15:59,158 --> 00:16:00,691
I don't think he heard it.
313
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:01,892
Wait a minute.
314
00:16:01,928 --> 00:16:03,861
Whoa. Come on now.
We got to do it again.
315
00:16:03,897 --> 00:16:05,041
Come on. Hurry
up. Again?! Louie,
316
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,497
this is childish. Come on!
317
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,768
(clears throat)
318
00:16:14,006 --> 00:16:15,940
"Say, Louie..."
319
00:16:18,111 --> 00:16:19,444
Yes, Jeff?
320
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,612
"I hear you have
a date tonight."
321
00:16:21,647 --> 00:16:22,780
Uh, yes, Jeff.
322
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:24,782
Well, I guess this
is where I came in.
323
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:26,551
Who have you got
a date with tonight?
324
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:28,519
Beat it. Beat it. Beat it.
325
00:16:29,856 --> 00:16:33,357
I'll give you a hint.
326
00:16:33,392 --> 00:16:35,793
The answer is right
under your nose,
327
00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:37,829
but then again, what isn't?
328
00:16:39,132 --> 00:16:43,134
All right, I guess
I should find out
329
00:16:43,169 --> 00:16:45,469
how you feel about
this because, uh,
330
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:50,241
I remember once you got mad
331
00:16:50,276 --> 00:16:52,043
because I used your comb.
332
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,514
What the hell are
you talking about?
333
00:16:56,549 --> 00:16:58,749
Aha! Aha!
334
00:16:58,784 --> 00:17:01,285
Got your curiosity
up there, huh?
335
00:17:01,321 --> 00:17:02,820
Oh, yes, oh, yes.
336
00:17:02,855 --> 00:17:05,490
You're so sophisticated
and intelligent.
337
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:08,092
You go out with a
whole different class
338
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:10,461
of women than old
Louie De Palma, huh?
339
00:17:12,632 --> 00:17:14,699
Not necessarily.
340
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,401
This happens to be a woman
341
00:17:17,436 --> 00:17:19,870
that you've dated.
342
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,471
Louie, it's been a long day.
343
00:17:21,507 --> 00:17:22,707
Will you cut the crap?
344
00:17:22,742 --> 00:17:24,641
I've been out with
a lot of women,
345
00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:25,876
and it's just possible
346
00:17:25,912 --> 00:17:27,778
that you might have
dated one of them.
347
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,613
So, what's the big deal?
348
00:17:34,020 --> 00:17:35,986
How big a deal would it be
349
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:38,322
if it was your ex-wife?
350
00:17:39,692 --> 00:17:41,426
Hmm?
351
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,327
Phyllis?
352
00:17:43,362 --> 00:17:45,329
Hey, now, wait a minute!
353
00:17:45,365 --> 00:17:46,764
Now, wait a minute! Whoa, whoa.
354
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:47,931
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
355
00:17:47,967 --> 00:17:50,033
I don't want you
to do that, Louie.
356
00:17:50,069 --> 00:17:51,402
Now, she's weak,
she's vulnerable,
357
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,871
and she might mistake
you for a human being.
358
00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,038
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
359
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,206
Go easy, easy, easy.
360
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:57,541
Oh, what is going on here? Easy.
361
00:17:57,577 --> 00:17:58,809
ALEX: I'll tell you what's
362
00:17:58,845 --> 00:18:00,422
going on here. He's got
a date with my ex-wife.
363
00:18:00,446 --> 00:18:03,214
Hey, Phyllis and I
are consenting adults,
364
00:18:03,249 --> 00:18:05,383
and you have
nothing to say about it.
365
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,850
I am a busy man.
366
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:07,818
LOUIE: Jeff?
367
00:18:07,854 --> 00:18:08,986
"Say, Louie,
368
00:18:09,021 --> 00:18:10,154
I hear you have a date..."
369
00:18:10,189 --> 00:18:11,855
No, no, no, no.
370
00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:15,893
Oh, it sickens me to say
this, Alex, but, uh, he's right.
371
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,695
There's nothing
you can do about it.
372
00:18:28,407 --> 00:18:30,341
(knocking)
373
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,146
Look, Phyllis...
Alex, what's wrong?
374
00:18:35,180 --> 00:18:38,015
The Doublemint
sisters kicked you out?
375
00:18:38,051 --> 00:18:41,185
Phyllis, you can't go
out with Louie De Palma!
376
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:44,021
Alex, what are
you talking about?
377
00:18:44,056 --> 00:18:46,023
I mean, Louie seems real nice.
378
00:18:46,058 --> 00:18:49,560
I mean, I'll admit he won't make
anybody forget Paul Newman.
379
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:52,062
Phyllis... Or Edwin Newman.
380
00:18:52,098 --> 00:18:54,665
Phyllis... Or Alfred E.
381
00:18:54,701 --> 00:18:55,833
Phyllis!
382
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,968
Will you listen to me?
383
00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:00,103
Louie is a terrible,
rotten, low-life person,
384
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,872
and if you're using
Louie De Palma
385
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,719
to get over that Brazilian
ex-husband of yours,
386
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:04,975
then I shudder to think
387
00:19:05,010 --> 00:19:07,210
who you're gonna use to
get over Louie De Palma.
388
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,480
Alex, I don't know why
you're acting like this,
389
00:19:09,515 --> 00:19:11,248
but you're behaving
like a crazy person!
390
00:19:11,284 --> 00:19:13,450
Phyllis, everything
I've said thus far
391
00:19:13,486 --> 00:19:15,286
about Louie, his
mother would agree with.
392
00:19:15,321 --> 00:19:16,587
In fact, I'm quoting her.
393
00:19:16,623 --> 00:19:18,388
Alex, will you stop it now?
394
00:19:18,424 --> 00:19:19,690
Just stop it.
395
00:19:19,726 --> 00:19:21,058
I'm a single person,
396
00:19:21,094 --> 00:19:23,761
and there's a new
Phyllis to explore.
397
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:25,095
But-but-but Phyl, but...
398
00:19:25,130 --> 00:19:26,831
(knocking) Okay.
399
00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,499
Now will you please save us
all any further embarrassment
400
00:19:29,535 --> 00:19:31,302
and get into that bathroom
401
00:19:31,337 --> 00:19:35,272
until my date and I
have left for our evening?
402
00:19:35,308 --> 00:19:36,440
(sighs)
403
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:37,708
You're right.
404
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:38,909
I feel foolish.
405
00:19:38,944 --> 00:19:40,744
I feel like I've
insulted my dignity.
406
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,280
I welcome the opportunity
to cower in your toilet.
407
00:19:48,954 --> 00:19:50,154
Hi, Phyllis.
408
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:51,388
Hi, Louie.
409
00:19:51,423 --> 00:19:52,957
I'll be ready in a minute.
410
00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,424
Great!
411
00:19:54,460 --> 00:19:57,561
'Cause have I got an
evening planned for us!
412
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,602
I already called room service,
413
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:10,307
and they are sending
up champagne...
414
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:14,278
canapés... and oxygen.
415
00:20:34,300 --> 00:20:38,302
It's nice to see someone not
caught up in the exercise fads.
416
00:20:42,174 --> 00:20:45,443
I have my own form of exercise.
417
00:20:45,478 --> 00:20:47,044
Ee-ee, ee-ee, ee-ee.
418
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,279
PHYLLIS: Oh,
419
00:20:48,314 --> 00:20:49,914
Alex!
420
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:52,249
Reiger!
421
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,385
What are you,
some kind of weirdo?
422
00:21:00,859 --> 00:21:04,094
And I thought you
two wouldn't hit it off.
423
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,998
Well, I'll just leave you
and your gentleman caller
424
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:09,500
to explore the new Phyllis.
425
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:11,001
Alex, you can't go.
426
00:21:11,036 --> 00:21:12,269
You can't go.
427
00:21:12,304 --> 00:21:13,504
Why?
428
00:21:13,539 --> 00:21:15,005
I'm in the way here.
429
00:21:15,040 --> 00:21:17,641
I mean, I can take a hint.
430
00:21:17,676 --> 00:21:19,310
Alex, Alex! Okay,
you were right.
431
00:21:19,345 --> 00:21:21,011
I'm sorry. I apologize, okay?
432
00:21:21,046 --> 00:21:22,179
You were right.
433
00:21:22,215 --> 00:21:25,015
You were real... Wait a minute.
434
00:21:25,050 --> 00:21:27,284
Did you put him up to this?
435
00:21:29,355 --> 00:21:30,921
Wait a minute here.
436
00:21:30,956 --> 00:21:34,090
Is this something
that you two cooked up
437
00:21:34,126 --> 00:21:36,460
in that little garage there
438
00:21:36,495 --> 00:21:39,063
so you would have to
come in and rescue me?
439
00:21:39,098 --> 00:21:41,598
(laughs)
440
00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,400
No, of course not.
441
00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:44,668
Oh, come on!
442
00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:46,703
No real person acts like that.
443
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:51,041
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
444
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:52,810
Hey, wait a minute here.
445
00:21:52,845 --> 00:21:55,746
What is there, some kind
of weird place in Manhattan
446
00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:58,849
where you rent out these guys?
447
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,788
I-I'm starting to feel a
little self-conscious here.
448
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,465
Uh...
449
00:22:14,500 --> 00:22:17,601
excuse me, but, uh,
did it ever occur to you
450
00:22:17,636 --> 00:22:19,803
that our date was over?
451
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:24,208
This is your fault, Reiger!
452
00:22:24,243 --> 00:22:27,645
Because I didn't do
anything wrong this time.
453
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:30,814
You said you didn't
want to get involved.
454
00:22:30,850 --> 00:22:33,183
And you end up walking
out of the bathroom.
455
00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:35,285
I mean, now, what-what...
what's going on here?
456
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:36,787
I don't understand.
457
00:22:36,822 --> 00:22:39,623
You don't understand because
you've never been married.
458
00:22:39,659 --> 00:22:41,458
You've never been engaged.
459
00:22:41,494 --> 00:22:44,094
You've never been invited
to a wedding for that matter.
460
00:22:44,129 --> 00:22:46,196
Now there's something
that happens to people
461
00:22:46,231 --> 00:22:48,732
when, for six years,
they go to bed together
462
00:22:48,768 --> 00:22:50,334
and they get up together,
463
00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,169
who have some
kind of a connection
464
00:22:52,204 --> 00:22:54,772
because they were married
and because they had a child.
465
00:22:54,807 --> 00:22:56,073
And if that's not true,
466
00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:57,908
then something's
wrong with you or life.
467
00:22:57,943 --> 00:23:00,410
I mean, something's wrong.
468
00:23:00,445 --> 00:23:02,913
You want to go out
and eat with me?
469
00:23:02,948 --> 00:23:07,184
Oh, Alex, you're so sweet.
470
00:23:07,220 --> 00:23:09,586
And I really know
that you're worried
471
00:23:09,621 --> 00:23:11,956
about just even going
on a date with me
472
00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:13,224
'cause you're afraid
473
00:23:13,259 --> 00:23:14,892
that suddenly I'll
drive you crazy,
474
00:23:14,927 --> 00:23:18,162
and then I'll be neurotic,
and I'll be crazy, you know,
475
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:20,130
be demanding and...
476
00:23:22,368 --> 00:23:25,302
I just really would like
to put your mind at ease.
477
00:23:26,605 --> 00:23:28,539
But I can't.
478
00:23:30,209 --> 00:23:32,209
Uh, uh, Phyllis? Phyllis?
479
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,110
What?!
480
00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:39,082
I'll call you next week.
481
00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:46,456
(wry chuckle)
482
00:23:48,327 --> 00:23:50,260
PHYLLIS: Am I crazy?
483
00:23:50,295 --> 00:23:52,329
I get a kick out of that guy.
484
00:24:02,908 --> 00:24:05,141
(theme song playing)
485
00:24:28,767 --> 00:24:30,267
WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!
486
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:31,335
(man grumbling)
33596
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