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1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:05,137
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:26,417
So, what are you gonna do
about your problem, Reiger?
3
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:27,753
What?
4
00:01:27,822 --> 00:01:29,299
What are you talking
about, my problem?
5
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,357
Latka's girlfriend
is coming back.
6
00:01:32,426 --> 00:01:33,992
Who else is gonna tell her
7
00:01:34,060 --> 00:01:37,296
that he's become the
Three Faces of Weird?
8
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:39,832
You know, Louie,
Louie, even for you,
9
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,100
there's gotta be a more
sensitive and caring way
10
00:01:42,169 --> 00:01:43,602
to refer to someone who suffers
11
00:01:43,671 --> 00:01:45,303
from multiple personality.
12
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:48,006
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
13
00:01:48,075 --> 00:01:50,541
I was talking about
the gentleman
14
00:01:50,610 --> 00:01:54,412
who suffers from... (babbling)
15
00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,950
ALEX: Latka...
16
00:01:59,019 --> 00:02:00,852
how many times have
you shaved today?
17
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:05,257
Eh, twice on my face
and once on my back.
18
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:08,460
I want to look good for Simka.
19
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:09,962
(clears throat)
20
00:02:10,030 --> 00:02:12,664
Have you, uh, a
girlfriend, Latka?
21
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,033
Oh, yeah, she's a girl
from Latka's country.
22
00:02:15,102 --> 00:02:16,568
And when she first
came to America,
23
00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:18,837
she and Latka were dating
each other for a while.
24
00:02:18,906 --> 00:02:20,906
Yeah, then I let her slip away.
25
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,041
Boy, what a fool I was.
26
00:02:23,110 --> 00:02:26,277
I'm sorry that she left
before I told her I love her.
27
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,213
Latka, are you gonna
tell her you love her now?
28
00:02:28,282 --> 00:02:29,381
I will not make
29
00:02:29,450 --> 00:02:31,215
the same mistake again. Good.
30
00:02:31,284 --> 00:02:33,217
She is the girl for
me in the whole world.
31
00:02:33,286 --> 00:02:34,453
Good, good.
32
00:02:34,521 --> 00:02:36,455
Yeah, excuse me, Elaine.
33
00:02:36,523 --> 00:02:39,691
I'm sorry, but she's better
than American women.
34
00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,026
I don't even like
American women.
35
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:43,828
I have a good reason, too.
36
00:02:43,897 --> 00:02:45,130
What's that?
37
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,032
They don't give
me the time of day.
38
00:02:47,100 --> 00:02:48,634
Oh.
39
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,835
Latka, you know,
you ought to get rid
40
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,971
of all that tissue
paper on your face.
41
00:02:53,040 --> 00:02:56,341
You know, what you need to
use is a styptic pencil instead.
42
00:02:56,410 --> 00:02:57,609
Styptic pencil?
43
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:58,777
Styptic pencil.
44
00:02:58,846 --> 00:02:59,846
Where will I find one?
45
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,213
Here, use mine.
46
00:03:02,283 --> 00:03:04,483
No, no, no, Jim, Jim, Jim!
47
00:03:04,551 --> 00:03:06,518
He needs a
styptic pencil, not...
48
00:03:06,587 --> 00:03:09,020
By golly, that's
a styptic pencil.
49
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:11,055
I will try it.
50
00:03:11,124 --> 00:03:14,059
Why are you carrying a
styptic pencil in your ear?
51
00:03:14,128 --> 00:03:16,628
Well, in light of
what just happened,
52
00:03:16,696 --> 00:03:19,297
a better question
is, "Why aren't you?"
53
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,537
Hey!
54
00:03:26,606 --> 00:03:28,773
Hey! Oh!
55
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,675
Is-Is Latka here?
56
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,777
Oh, yeah, and he's dying
to see you. Mm-hmm!
57
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,278
Yeah, yeah, he'll be right out.
58
00:03:34,348 --> 00:03:37,915
Oh, it is good to
hear you say that.
59
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:40,385
I miss him.
60
00:03:40,454 --> 00:03:44,088
I've not had too much
luck with men lately. Oh?
61
00:03:44,158 --> 00:03:47,759
Elaine, you know
what it feels like
62
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:51,563
to be used, taken advantage of
63
00:03:51,632 --> 00:03:54,666
and then thrown
away like an old shoe?
64
00:03:54,734 --> 00:03:58,036
Does she.
65
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,576
Simka.
66
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:07,245
Latka.
67
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,848
Simka.
68
00:04:17,925 --> 00:04:20,258
Well, are you going
to just stand there?
69
00:04:20,327 --> 00:04:22,594
Oh.
70
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,764
(speaking native language)
71
00:04:28,768 --> 00:04:30,601
Oh, oh, Latka, Latka,
72
00:04:30,671 --> 00:04:33,939
we can speak English now.
73
00:04:34,008 --> 00:04:38,476
I feel very comfortable in
that tongue, you bet, Joe!
74
00:04:38,545 --> 00:04:40,745
You are looking very well.
75
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:43,715
Oh, I cannot complain.
76
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,785
You are looking well also.
77
00:04:46,853 --> 00:04:48,853
Are you available
for getting together?
78
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:53,124
Yes, you may call me
for social engagements.
79
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:56,694
Whew! This is just
like in Body Heat.
80
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:58,863
SIMKA: Latka,
81
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,533
Latka, let's have lunch.
82
00:05:01,601 --> 00:05:04,502
Okay, but let me just
grab a quick shave.
83
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,504
Okay.
84
00:05:12,780 --> 00:05:15,113
Oh, is same sweet man.
85
00:05:15,182 --> 00:05:17,022
Yeah, well, listen, I,
uh, I'll be going along.
86
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:18,149
So long.
87
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:19,317
(bell dings)
88
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:20,718
Calling Dr. Reiger.
89
00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:23,454
(ringing bell) Oh, Dr. Reiger?
90
00:05:23,523 --> 00:05:26,791
Uh, Simka, Simka, can I
talk to you for a second?
91
00:05:26,860 --> 00:05:28,960
Over here, please?
Yes, excuse me.
92
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:31,896
Uh, Simka, uh...
93
00:05:31,965 --> 00:05:34,332
I think there's something
you have to know about Latka.
94
00:05:34,401 --> 00:05:35,666
Oh, no... No, no, no,
95
00:05:35,735 --> 00:05:36,946
there's nothing to
be alarmed about.
96
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:39,104
Believe me, nothing.
Sit down, please.
97
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:43,541
Look, Latka has
what doctors call,
98
00:05:43,610 --> 00:05:45,677
uh, multiple personality.
99
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:48,914
You see, sometimes, uh,
100
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,149
and he's not even
aware he's doing it,
101
00:05:51,218 --> 00:05:54,352
he totally becomes
another person.
102
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:59,591
I mean, his walk, his talk
becomes totally different.
103
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:02,794
You understand?
104
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,796
Yes, he's kookiputz.
105
00:06:09,303 --> 00:06:12,236
(man sings "Love Me
Tender" in Latka's language)
106
00:06:22,349 --> 00:06:23,815
(knocking on door)
107
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,184
Just a minute.
108
00:06:29,790 --> 00:06:31,723
(volume decreases)
109
00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:39,798
Hello, Simka.
110
00:06:39,867 --> 00:06:42,500
Hello, Latka.
111
00:06:42,569 --> 00:06:43,902
Come in.
112
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,780
Take it for you.
113
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:58,916
You are looking even more
gorgeous than normal for you.
114
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:04,021
Well... you are not
looking so awful yourself.
115
00:07:07,994 --> 00:07:09,727
I hope you are hungry.
116
00:07:09,796 --> 00:07:11,229
I made something special.
117
00:07:11,298 --> 00:07:13,598
Oh, I am! What is it?
118
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,333
Smell.
119
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:16,834
(sniffing)
120
00:07:16,904 --> 00:07:19,137
Warthog!
121
00:07:19,206 --> 00:07:21,472
I think it's ready now.
122
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:23,274
Oh, lovely.
123
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,345
And the salad.
124
00:07:33,620 --> 00:07:38,757
Mmm... So, what would you like?
125
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:41,525
Eh, would you like
something from the hoof
126
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:45,363
or something close to the tusk?
127
00:07:45,431 --> 00:07:46,764
Both!
128
00:07:46,833 --> 00:07:49,768
That's what I love about
you, you eat like a swine.
129
00:07:49,836 --> 00:07:52,771
Oh, you!
130
00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,312
I hope you like it.
131
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:02,681
Oh...
132
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:03,982
You know, it's hard to find
133
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,684
self-basting warthog in America.
134
00:08:06,753 --> 00:08:09,120
It is perfect, Latka.
135
00:08:09,188 --> 00:08:11,822
Everything is perfect.
136
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:16,661
The flowers, the
candles, the music.
137
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:17,996
Brethnees?
138
00:08:18,064 --> 00:08:22,066
Well, maybe just a quick one.
139
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:47,191
You know, Latka,
140
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:51,629
I have had many lonely nights
141
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:53,664
since I last saw you.
142
00:08:53,733 --> 00:08:56,901
Well, you know, it hasn't
been all brethnees and warthog
143
00:08:56,969 --> 00:08:59,136
for Mama Gravas's
little boy either.
144
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,039
That's why I was so glad
145
00:09:02,108 --> 00:09:04,041
that you wrote me when
you discovered that Omaha
146
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:07,278
was not all the songs say it is.
147
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:11,182
Here is mud in your blifnik.
148
00:09:25,031 --> 00:09:30,234
Simka, Simka, I want
to tell you something.
149
00:09:30,303 --> 00:09:31,603
Oh?
150
00:09:31,672 --> 00:09:33,704
(clearing throat)
151
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:42,280
This is the best evening
I've had in a long time.
152
00:09:42,348 --> 00:09:45,149
I've dreamed about
this evening, and you.
153
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,885
And I just want
to tell you that...
154
00:09:53,126 --> 00:09:56,160
What is it you want to say?
155
00:09:56,229 --> 00:10:01,465
Well... I want to say that...
156
00:10:02,869 --> 00:10:03,968
I...
157
00:10:07,307 --> 00:10:09,707
(sniffing)
158
00:10:09,776 --> 00:10:12,343
(as Vic Ferrari):
What died in here?
159
00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,245
Oh, my gosh!
160
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:16,481
Where am I?
161
00:10:16,549 --> 00:10:17,815
The Ramada Inn of Rumania?
162
00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:19,250
(chuckling)
163
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,952
Latka?
164
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,420
Latka?
165
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:25,690
Oh, boy, here we go again.
166
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:28,826
No, honey, Vic... Vic Ferrari.
167
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:29,994
And you?
168
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,630
Oh...
169
00:10:32,699 --> 00:10:36,701
Alex told me
something about this
170
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:41,773
and darned if he wasn't right.
171
00:10:41,841 --> 00:10:46,978
I think, uh...
Maybe I better go.
172
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,480
Well, uh, that's your
decision, but one thing.
173
00:10:49,549 --> 00:10:51,483
Leave and I'll die.
174
00:10:55,221 --> 00:11:00,024
Well, I mean, how can I... stay?
175
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,694
I hardly even know you.
176
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:04,996
Oh, well, but I know you.
177
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,597
I think I do.
178
00:11:06,666 --> 00:11:10,701
You're smart,
independent and, uh...
179
00:11:11,805 --> 00:11:13,070
You were a daddy's girl.
180
00:11:13,139 --> 00:11:14,238
Am I right?
181
00:11:14,307 --> 00:11:20,845
Well... How would
you know these things?
182
00:11:20,914 --> 00:11:25,016
I mean, Latka doesn't
know these things.
183
00:11:25,085 --> 00:11:27,218
It's in your eyes when
you look at a man.
184
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:30,421
(sighing): Oh, brother.
185
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,831
What else?
186
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:42,834
(chuckles) Playful.
187
00:11:42,903 --> 00:11:46,604
A little bold and, uh,
188
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,007
you have my name
tattooed on your right thigh.
189
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:50,942
Oh, I don't!
190
00:11:51,011 --> 00:11:52,343
Hey, okay, the evening's young.
191
00:11:54,948 --> 00:12:00,118
You are very funny
this way, Latka.
192
00:12:00,186 --> 00:12:02,687
I mean, Vic.
193
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:07,458
Would you chop me
down if I took a chance?
194
00:12:07,527 --> 00:12:10,661
No, I will not chop you.
195
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,264
Okay, then here goes.
196
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,634
I am completely taken by you
197
00:12:17,703 --> 00:12:19,136
and I want to love you.
198
00:12:21,575 --> 00:12:24,809
Well, in my country,
there is only one thing
199
00:12:24,877 --> 00:12:26,977
a girl can say to that,
200
00:12:27,046 --> 00:12:29,980
which is one of
the reasons I left.
201
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,690
I don't even know your name.
202
00:12:39,759 --> 00:12:42,694
Simka Dahblitz.
203
00:12:43,830 --> 00:12:45,764
Hello, Simka.
204
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,368
Hello, Vic.
205
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:12,590
(singing in native language)
206
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,933
LATKA: Ah!
207
00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:28,672
Babycakes!
208
00:13:28,741 --> 00:13:30,675
Simka?
209
00:13:30,743 --> 00:13:33,678
Oh... Latkacakes?
210
00:13:34,747 --> 00:13:36,681
What's going on here?
211
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:38,683
Why are you still here?
212
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,686
What are you so happy about?
213
00:13:41,754 --> 00:13:43,721
You don't remember?
214
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:45,757
No.
215
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:51,428
Well... Oh, we had
a wonderful time.
216
00:13:51,497 --> 00:13:57,401
Oh, you were very
funny, and very charming,
217
00:13:57,470 --> 00:14:00,337
and you said your name was Vic.
218
00:14:00,406 --> 00:14:01,605
Vic!
219
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:04,608
Ooh, that guy, Vic.
220
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:06,610
I am not Vic.
221
00:14:06,679 --> 00:14:08,145
I don't even like Vic.
222
00:14:08,214 --> 00:14:09,647
Listen, sit down, please.
223
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:10,715
Tell me everything.
224
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:13,684
What did you do
with Vic last night?
225
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:16,487
Are you sure you want to know?
226
00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:17,821
Yes.
227
00:14:17,890 --> 00:14:20,625
Uh, of course, not if you
think it will destroy me.
228
00:14:22,728 --> 00:14:26,297
Well, I don't know what to say.
229
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,132
Well, for instance, you can say,
230
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,967
that you were up
all night with him,
231
00:14:30,036 --> 00:14:32,804
and you discussed, uh,
whether the Today show
232
00:14:32,872 --> 00:14:34,806
is better with Bryant Gumbel.
233
00:14:37,310 --> 00:14:39,377
I cannot say that.
234
00:14:39,445 --> 00:14:41,379
I knew it.
235
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:45,683
You made love with Vic!
236
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:49,086
Well, I did, but...
237
00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,355
You made love with another man
238
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:53,857
right under my nose!
239
00:14:54,961 --> 00:14:58,462
Well, there was no other way.
240
00:15:00,300 --> 00:15:03,934
And besides, that was you.
241
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:05,937
Did I whimper?
242
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:08,406
Was I... clumsy?
243
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:11,576
No, you were wonderful!
244
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,677
Then it wasn't me.
245
00:15:14,780 --> 00:15:16,714
Latka, please.
246
00:15:16,782 --> 00:15:21,452
You have shamed
me, degraded yourself,
247
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:23,621
disgraced your family,
248
00:15:23,690 --> 00:15:25,289
cheapened your people,
249
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,291
and blemished your planet.
250
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,430
That was not nice!
251
00:15:33,499 --> 00:15:34,499
I'm going!
252
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:35,967
Good. Go. Good-bye.
253
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:37,035
I am going.
254
00:15:37,069 --> 00:15:38,569
Good.
255
00:15:38,637 --> 00:15:40,104
Latka!
256
00:15:40,173 --> 00:15:43,107
I hate you and I never
want to see you again,
257
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:45,509
and thanks for a
wonderful night!
258
00:15:55,855 --> 00:15:57,788
Latka.
259
00:15:57,857 --> 00:15:59,790
Latka.
260
00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:02,793
Latka, you've been
under that cab all day.
261
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:03,961
Now come on.
262
00:16:04,030 --> 00:16:05,629
Something's happened, huh?
263
00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:07,631
Tell me about it.
264
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:11,468
Well, Simka says she
found another man.
265
00:16:11,537 --> 00:16:14,472
Oh... Latka.
266
00:16:14,540 --> 00:16:16,474
Oh...
267
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,309
I can't tell you how many times
268
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,311
I've had something
like that happen.
269
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,246
Talk to me.
270
00:16:22,315 --> 00:16:23,315
Okay.
271
00:16:23,349 --> 00:16:26,284
She says the other man was Vic.
272
00:16:26,352 --> 00:16:28,286
Talk to Alex.
273
00:16:32,224 --> 00:16:34,158
Latka, Latka, let's have...
274
00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:35,493
Let's get a cup of coffee. No.
275
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,038
Come on, come on,
let's get a cup of coffee.
276
00:16:37,062 --> 00:16:38,829
I don't want to. Come on, Latka,
277
00:16:38,898 --> 00:16:40,831
let's get a cup of coffee.
278
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:42,833
No.
279
00:16:42,902 --> 00:16:44,835
Latka...
280
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:49,307
I can't believe that a girl
like Simka would, uh...
281
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,476
Could possibly
prefer Vic to you.
282
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:52,710
Oh yeah?
283
00:16:52,779 --> 00:16:54,378
Well, look what I
found in the pockets
284
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,215
of his fancy sports coat.
285
00:16:57,283 --> 00:16:59,416
Airline tickets to Bermuda?
286
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,953
Yeah, he's taking her away.
287
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,554
Oh, Latka, just
'cause he has tickets
288
00:17:03,622 --> 00:17:05,156
doesn't mean she's going.
289
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,157
Oh, yeah?
290
00:17:06,225 --> 00:17:07,691
Look what I found in the pockets
291
00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,693
of his velour smoking jacket.
292
00:17:11,798 --> 00:17:13,564
"The trip sounds okay to me.
293
00:17:13,633 --> 00:17:16,400
"I will be at your place
tonight promptly at 7:00-ish.
294
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,002
Signed Simka."
295
00:17:18,070 --> 00:17:19,336
See?
296
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:21,171
Vic has more fun in his pockets
297
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,040
than I have in my whole life.
298
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:28,178
Okay, Latka, look,
maybe Simka prefers Vic,
299
00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:31,382
but I know there
are a lot of women
300
00:17:31,451 --> 00:17:34,218
who are going to prefer your
sweet little innocent qualities.
301
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:35,287
Oh, really? Yeah.
302
00:17:35,321 --> 00:17:36,521
Where are they? I don't know.
303
00:17:36,589 --> 00:17:37,855
I've asked all of them.
304
00:17:37,924 --> 00:17:40,124
Look, women don't
like timid, weak men
305
00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:41,559
half as much as they should.
306
00:17:44,930 --> 00:17:46,930
Well, Latka,
307
00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,466
is that what you're gonna do?
308
00:17:48,534 --> 00:17:49,633
Huh?
309
00:17:49,702 --> 00:17:51,269
You're gonna just
sit there and mope?
310
00:17:51,337 --> 00:17:53,904
No, I'm going to
whine and snivel.
311
00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,307
Okay, fine, terrific.
312
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:58,376
You lost her.
313
00:17:58,444 --> 00:17:59,844
Give up.
314
00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:01,990
Why don't you stop thinking
of yourself for a moment?
315
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,491
Why don't you start
thinking of Simka?
316
00:18:03,515 --> 00:18:06,450
You gonna let her go
out with a guy like Vic?
317
00:18:06,518 --> 00:18:08,018
Ah.
318
00:18:10,122 --> 00:18:11,288
Hey, wait a minute.
319
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:12,456
Wait a minute!
320
00:18:12,525 --> 00:18:15,459
Latka, you're responsible.
321
00:18:16,963 --> 00:18:18,896
You got them together!
322
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:20,698
They met through you.
323
00:18:20,766 --> 00:18:22,300
Wait a minute.
324
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:23,767
You are right.
325
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:25,936
I am responsible.
326
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:29,807
Yes, I-I have to save her
from that two-bit bossa nova.
327
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:31,809
All right!
328
00:18:31,878 --> 00:18:33,811
Oh, I am going to go.
329
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:37,048
And-And if he won't
listen to good manners,
330
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,050
I'm going to have to get rough.
331
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,752
I would hate to be in his shoes.
332
00:18:48,995 --> 00:18:50,928
(knocking on door)
333
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,272
Hello, Simka.
334
00:19:01,341 --> 00:19:03,307
Hello, Latka.
335
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:06,310
You were expecting someone else?
336
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:08,312
Maybe someone smooth?
337
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,650
May I enter your house
338
00:19:12,719 --> 00:19:14,452
and sit down on something?
339
00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,487
Yes, that would be pleasant.
340
00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:29,166
There is something
very important
341
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,668
I want to tell you.
342
00:19:30,736 --> 00:19:32,670
Okay, first of all,
343
00:19:32,738 --> 00:19:35,339
I am sorry that I got
mad at you the other day.
344
00:19:35,408 --> 00:19:38,342
That's okay, Latka.
345
00:19:38,411 --> 00:19:41,345
I accept your sorriness.
346
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:42,613
Thank you.
347
00:19:42,681 --> 00:19:46,117
Second of all, you
cannot see Vic anymore.
348
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,186
He is a terrible, awful person.
349
00:19:49,255 --> 00:19:51,221
At least he is happy with me.
350
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:53,123
He has a lot more
to be happy about.
351
00:19:56,562 --> 00:19:59,630
There is one other
thing I want you to know.
352
00:19:59,698 --> 00:20:02,466
Ever since you have come back,
353
00:20:02,535 --> 00:20:04,468
I don't know what I'm doing.
354
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:07,304
I cannot sleep, I cannot eat,
355
00:20:07,373 --> 00:20:09,340
and my work is suffering.
356
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:11,842
Men have gone to
almost certain injury
357
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:13,844
in the cabs.
358
00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,679
So, please,
359
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:18,316
don't-don't go to
Bermuda with Vic,
360
00:20:18,384 --> 00:20:24,522
because... Because what, Latka?
361
00:20:24,590 --> 00:20:27,024
Well, because...
362
00:20:27,092 --> 00:20:29,192
Oh, I-I don't
know how to say it.
363
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:32,897
Uh, uh, well, you know...
364
00:20:35,001 --> 00:20:37,534
I...
365
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:42,840
(as Vic): Simka, baby!
366
00:20:42,908 --> 00:20:44,408
Oh no, not Vic.
367
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:47,077
I want to hear what
Latka wants to tell me.
368
00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,746
I'm listening, Latka.
369
00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:51,181
Simka, it's so good to see you.
370
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,217
You know, this is crazy.
371
00:20:53,285 --> 00:20:56,220
I just realized how
much I missed you.
372
00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:59,223
Now I know what it
feels like to really care.
373
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:00,725
Oh, well. Hey, come on,
374
00:21:00,793 --> 00:21:02,292
we're missing
valuable sack time.
375
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:04,295
Come on. Oh!
376
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:08,966
I think all you want
is physical pleasure.
377
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:10,467
Oh, come on now,
378
00:21:10,536 --> 00:21:12,303
why would I want
something like that?
379
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:13,770
(chuckles)
380
00:21:15,875 --> 00:21:20,544
Latka, if you are in there...
381
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,979
come back to me.
382
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,248
Please.
383
00:21:24,317 --> 00:21:25,416
Yes, yes!
384
00:21:25,485 --> 00:21:27,418
No, no.
385
00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,255
Come with me to
Bermuda, and good news,
386
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:35,926
we're gonna fly...
business class.
387
00:21:35,994 --> 00:21:39,963
I don't want to go to
Bermuda anymore, Vic.
388
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:42,465
I want Latka.
389
00:21:42,535 --> 00:21:45,135
Uh, there must be an
acoustic problem in here.
390
00:21:45,204 --> 00:21:48,138
Uh, I could have sworn I heard
you make kissing-off noises
391
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:49,706
to Captain Joy!
392
00:21:50,809 --> 00:21:53,810
Ya.
393
00:21:53,879 --> 00:21:57,147
Well, if that means I
want you to go away
394
00:21:57,216 --> 00:22:00,317
so that Latka will come back,
395
00:22:00,386 --> 00:22:04,154
then you're hitting nail
with your head, buddy boy!
396
00:22:05,657 --> 00:22:08,258
You know, I don't think you
realize what you're saying.
397
00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:09,926
Let me just explain
something to you.
398
00:22:09,995 --> 00:22:12,429
If I walk out that door,
399
00:22:12,498 --> 00:22:14,965
I'm never coming back.
400
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:23,007
(sighs)
401
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:24,574
Bye, Vic.
402
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:36,821
Okay.
403
00:22:36,889 --> 00:22:38,823
Okay.
404
00:22:40,026 --> 00:22:46,297
No tears, no bum
feelings, no blame,
405
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:47,931
no fault insurance.
406
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,634
I'm just glad
407
00:22:50,703 --> 00:22:52,703
that I got to spend
a part of my life
408
00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:54,572
in part of your life.
409
00:22:54,640 --> 00:22:56,574
You blew it, baby.
410
00:22:56,642 --> 00:22:57,975
(clicks tongue)
411
00:22:58,043 --> 00:22:59,043
Pow.
412
00:23:11,991 --> 00:23:13,631
(as Latka): That's
right. Get out of here.
413
00:23:13,659 --> 00:23:15,592
And if you ever come
near my woman again,
414
00:23:15,661 --> 00:23:17,594
I will call you a name!
415
00:23:19,298 --> 00:23:21,565
Simka, there is
something I want to tell you,
416
00:23:21,634 --> 00:23:22,733
right here and now,
417
00:23:22,802 --> 00:23:25,202
and no, I'm not going
to beating on the bush.
418
00:23:28,474 --> 00:23:33,644
I... I love you!
419
00:23:33,712 --> 00:23:35,479
Good deal!
420
00:23:35,548 --> 00:23:37,481
Me, too!
421
00:23:42,788 --> 00:23:44,388
Vic?
422
00:23:44,456 --> 00:23:46,890
No, it is me.
423
00:23:46,958 --> 00:23:48,892
Wow, Latka!
424
00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:02,106
(theme song playing)
425
00:24:25,231 --> 00:24:26,696
WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!
426
00:24:26,765 --> 00:24:28,064
(man grumbling)
27981
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