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1
00:01:05,774 --> 00:01:07,275
There you go,
Thomas, come on, come on.
2
00:01:07,776 --> 00:01:08,776
Set it up.
3
00:01:26,378 --> 00:01:28,630
You guys are doing great, man.
4
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:39,782
You're doing so,
you're doing such a good job.
5
00:01:40,183 --> 00:01:42,994
And honestly, this
time, let's get it done.
6
00:01:45,980 --> 00:01:46,980
Don't worry about that.
7
00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,046
What the hell?
8
00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:53,029
You call that a pass?
9
00:01:53,029 --> 00:01:54,113
You call that a catch?
10
00:01:54,113 --> 00:01:55,340
Your mom's a catch?
11
00:01:55,490 --> 00:01:56,490
She's your mom too.
12
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,995
Hey, get off the floor.
13
00:02:00,995 --> 00:02:02,055
What's the matter with you?
14
00:02:02,205 --> 00:02:04,098
You're playing
like JV girls out there.
15
00:02:04,207 --> 00:02:06,017
And for the record,
your mother is not a catch.
16
00:02:06,876 --> 00:02:08,728
She was decidedly
unfaithful to your dad.
17
00:02:09,003 --> 00:02:10,003
Come on.
18
00:02:12,632 --> 00:02:13,816
Oh, run again, run again.
19
00:02:15,593 --> 00:02:17,779
Coach, is Gabe gonna be all right?
20
00:02:17,929 --> 00:02:19,697
No, Gabe's not
gonna be all right, David.
21
00:02:20,181 --> 00:02:22,992
Gabe blew his ACL and
probably our chance at being state champs.
22
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,827
But, Coach,
you're already a state champ.
23
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,412
Two times state champ.
24
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:28,165
It's true.
25
00:02:28,189 --> 00:02:31,960
For me, this is a
minor setback for you boys.
26
00:02:32,402 --> 00:02:33,254
This is it.
27
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:34,278
This is your shot.
28
00:02:34,612 --> 00:02:36,047
No state championship means--
29
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,342
well, it means no
making your parents proud.
30
00:02:39,826 --> 00:02:41,886
It means no
scholarship to Michigan.
31
00:02:42,161 --> 00:02:43,388
But Michigan's my dream.
32
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:45,056
It means Gabriel died in vain.
33
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:46,432
You said it was his ACL.
34
00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,209
Well, he can't score
points in the second half,
35
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:49,209
so he's dead to me.
36
00:02:49,586 --> 00:02:50,586
What about me and Blaine?
37
00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,505
I mean, I'm being honest.
38
00:02:52,505 --> 00:02:54,565
I see you both ending up
used car salesman either way.
39
00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:56,049
Nice.
40
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:58,194
But you can kiss your
chances with Rebecca Vanderkamp.
41
00:02:58,469 --> 00:02:58,737
Goodbye.
42
00:02:58,761 --> 00:02:59,761
Damn.
43
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,114
She isn't into you.
44
00:03:01,264 --> 00:03:02,116
No.
45
00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:03,241
She isn't into you.
46
00:03:14,569 --> 00:03:15,569
I'm rolling with the bat.
47
00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:16,946
Come on, Coach.
48
00:03:16,946 --> 00:03:18,423
You must have
something to help us win.
49
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,075
I already threw three
chairs on the sidelines, pal.
50
00:03:21,075 --> 00:03:22,427
I don't know what
else you want from me.
51
00:03:22,577 --> 00:03:24,303
And that was inspiring for sure.
52
00:03:25,288 --> 00:03:26,288
But--
53
00:03:27,123 --> 00:03:28,123
But what?
54
00:03:28,541 --> 00:03:29,541
You know.
55
00:03:30,501 --> 00:03:31,686
You want to pep talk, Alex?
56
00:03:31,711 --> 00:03:32,711
Is that it?
57
00:03:33,713 --> 00:03:35,632
You think I'm like
one of those coaches on TV
58
00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:38,092
who can just
give a speech and change
59
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,194
the fates of every
young man in a locker room?
60
00:03:41,179 --> 00:03:43,222
That I could by
dent of my rhetoric alone
61
00:03:43,222 --> 00:03:47,143
so stir the hearts of
my team as to snatch victory
62
00:03:47,143 --> 00:03:49,078
from the jaws of certain defeat.
63
00:03:50,271 --> 00:03:52,957
That by the virtue
of my soaring oratory alone,
64
00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:56,444
I might muster the animal
spirit in each and every one of you
65
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,296
that you might do the impossible.
66
00:03:59,489 --> 00:04:02,008
You might
drive harder, dig deeper,
67
00:04:02,492 --> 00:04:05,954
and say to that ancient
enemy of man who promised an easy life
68
00:04:05,954 --> 00:04:11,851
with no suffering or
glory, no, not me, not today,
69
00:04:12,043 --> 00:04:15,730
to call forth the future
and all the wonderful and terrible
70
00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:16,981
possibility it holds.
71
00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:21,652
Not for the naked, but
for the bold, for the brave.
72
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,888
For those willing to risk it all,
73
00:04:23,888 --> 00:04:25,865
then history
might remember their names,
74
00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,201
remember their
struggles, and remember
75
00:04:28,518 --> 00:04:29,952
it means to be a tiger.
76
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,289
To those who say
in the voice of thunder,
77
00:04:35,024 --> 00:04:38,586
winners are just losers who win.
78
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:43,091
I said winners
are just losers who win.
79
00:04:43,992 --> 00:04:46,511
Winners are just losers who win.
80
00:04:47,286 --> 00:04:49,680
Winners are just losers who win.
81
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,642
Winners are just losers who win.
82
00:04:52,875 --> 00:04:54,393
Now get out there, Joe.
83
00:04:54,836 --> 00:04:56,062
Let's go.
84
00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:57,504
Let's go.
85
00:04:57,922 --> 00:04:58,922
Javakers!
86
00:04:59,590 --> 00:05:01,109
I'm Brian Kanger!
87
00:05:05,430 --> 00:05:07,198
You're a god among men, Coach.
88
00:05:07,598 --> 00:05:08,598
I am, Talboy.
89
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,143
I really am.
90
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:14,580
It's Felix.
91
00:05:44,510 --> 00:05:48,156
It's over, but it's just starting.
92
00:05:48,306 --> 00:05:49,323
Can't you see?
93
00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:55,121
Ain't going nowhere
until the others finally sing.
94
00:05:55,605 --> 00:06:01,210
It takes a strong one to
stand and face the coming star.
95
00:06:03,029 --> 00:06:03,571
Strongly me.
96
00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:04,571
Oh.
97
00:06:05,948 --> 00:06:07,091
It ain't over.
98
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:10,327
No.
99
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:12,038
Strongly me.
100
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,038
No.
101
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:15,499
Oh.
102
00:06:22,340 --> 00:06:24,400
It ain't over.
103
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:27,111
It ain't over.
104
00:06:28,346 --> 00:06:29,822
It ain't over.
105
00:06:31,349 --> 00:06:32,700
It ain't over.
106
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:50,177
Wow.
107
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,162
They are calling
you Coach Miracle, the coach
108
00:06:53,162 --> 00:06:56,098
of the new
millennium, the future of basketball.
109
00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:57,332
What do you say to that?
110
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:00,210
Coach Miracle?
111
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,146
Sir?
112
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,438
What do you
have to say to yourself?
113
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:05,216
Lady, what can I possibly say?
114
00:07:05,216 --> 00:07:08,052
The three state
championships, haven't said already.
115
00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:09,052
Go Tigers!
116
00:07:10,429 --> 00:07:11,656
Tonight's that indication.
117
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,659
The future looks
right for Coach Miracle.
118
00:07:15,685 --> 00:07:16,685
Go Tigers!
119
00:07:18,062 --> 00:07:20,539
Go, Coach!
120
00:07:20,815 --> 00:07:21,815
Go, Coach!
121
00:07:22,859 --> 00:07:24,068
Go, Coach!
122
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:25,003
Go, Coach!
123
00:07:25,027 --> 00:07:25,403
Go, Coach!
124
00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:25,903
Go, Coach!
125
00:07:25,903 --> 00:07:26,070
Go, Coach!
126
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,964
It's not the only
church that you want today.
127
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:30,925
What does it take to be a man?
128
00:07:31,993 --> 00:07:32,993
Is it money?
129
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:34,096
Fame?
130
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,120
Respect?
131
00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:37,080
Maybe.
132
00:07:37,373 --> 00:07:38,641
But what do those
things have in common?
133
00:07:38,791 --> 00:07:39,892
What do they take to achieve?
134
00:07:41,711 --> 00:07:42,711
You have to win.
135
00:07:43,212 --> 00:07:44,981
You have to be a winner.
136
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:47,942
So now you have a
question before you, gentlemen.
137
00:07:48,509 --> 00:07:51,153
You going to go out there today
and play like it's just another game?
138
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,472
Or are you
going to go out there and
139
00:07:53,472 --> 00:07:55,491
play like this
could be the beginning of--
140
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:56,976
Dammit, Kevin.
141
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:58,828
Could you put the
cell phone down, buddy?
142
00:07:58,895 --> 00:07:59,895
Please.
143
00:08:00,688 --> 00:08:01,688
Dwayne?
144
00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:03,291
Guys, this is serious.
145
00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,002
Sports can be your
pathway to a better life.
146
00:08:06,736 --> 00:08:07,736
What like yours?
147
00:08:09,530 --> 00:08:10,530
No, not like mine.
148
00:08:11,073 --> 00:08:12,073
Better.
149
00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:14,826
Like this.
150
00:08:18,539 --> 00:08:19,557
The global games.
151
00:08:20,124 --> 00:08:21,542
When I was a kid, you had to be an
152
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:23,602
elite athlete just
to try out for the games.
153
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:25,479
Now they'll let any loser try.
154
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:26,922
Any loser.
155
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:29,317
And if that loser happens to win,
156
00:08:30,051 --> 00:08:34,822
well, now he's not
a loser at all, Lizzie.
157
00:08:38,184 --> 00:08:39,184
He's a winner.
158
00:08:39,727 --> 00:08:40,727
Isn't that worth something?
159
00:08:41,103 --> 00:08:42,103
Isn't that worth a shot?
160
00:08:45,524 --> 00:08:46,524
Nothing?
161
00:08:47,985 --> 00:08:48,985
No.
162
00:08:49,070 --> 00:08:50,070
All right.
163
00:08:50,571 --> 00:08:51,571
Good talk, boys.
164
00:08:52,073 --> 00:08:54,633
Please don't steal my
catalytic converter again on your way out.
165
00:08:54,825 --> 00:08:55,825
Yo.
166
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:57,470
Can't talk to us like that.
167
00:08:59,705 --> 00:09:00,373
You're right, Kevin.
168
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,373
I'm sorry.
169
00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,273
Hey, buddy, you dropped
your cordless reciprocating saw.
170
00:09:11,008 --> 00:09:12,008
Kevin!
171
00:09:13,344 --> 00:09:15,237
I really feel like
he would have heard that.
172
00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,034
Damn it.
173
00:09:22,603 --> 00:09:24,121
It's racism, Rob.
174
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:27,166
You can't tell a bunch
of teenage boys not to steal.
175
00:09:27,358 --> 00:09:28,459
Yes, you can, Gary.
176
00:09:28,734 --> 00:09:30,878
It's one of the most important
things you should be teaching them.
177
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,171
It's literally in the Bible.
178
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,007
Which you also can't teach them.
179
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,803
You're 86 from
the rec center, pal.
180
00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:38,369
Buddy, come on.
181
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:39,387
You know I need this job.
182
00:09:41,038 --> 00:09:42,038
Gary?
183
00:09:55,803 --> 00:09:57,196
Sorry, Miss Breswell.
184
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,906
I'm normally very punctual.
185
00:10:01,809 --> 00:10:02,809
What's that?
186
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:06,664
This is the fourth time.
187
00:10:07,189 --> 00:10:08,983
It's the obedience craft, lady.
188
00:10:08,983 --> 00:10:10,543
I can't hear anything through it.
189
00:10:11,235 --> 00:10:12,962
This is the fourth time.
190
00:10:13,321 --> 00:10:15,823
For crying out loud, I
don't even have a catalytic converter.
191
00:10:15,823 --> 00:10:16,823
You gotta speak up.
192
00:10:17,199 --> 00:10:19,009
This is the fourth time.
193
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:19,970
See?
194
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:20,929
There you go.
195
00:10:20,953 --> 00:10:21,953
You're a beautiful woman.
196
00:10:22,121 --> 00:10:23,080
It's a beautiful day.
197
00:10:23,080 --> 00:10:24,890
Maybe a little
concealer next time.
198
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:36,801
Put it there, kiddo.
199
00:10:38,554 --> 00:10:39,554
Hey, what's wrong?
200
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:41,073
You weren't really late, daddy.
201
00:10:41,515 --> 00:10:43,184
I know, baby girl.
202
00:10:43,184 --> 00:10:44,518
What can I say?
203
00:10:44,518 --> 00:10:45,953
Daddy was on the court, okay, huh?
204
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:47,645
On the court.
205
00:10:47,730 --> 00:10:48,730
There she is.
206
00:10:49,273 --> 00:10:51,041
What'd that big brain
of yours learn at school today?
207
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,002
We learned all about the Cold War.
208
00:10:53,152 --> 00:10:54,152
Oh, yeah?
209
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,697
Our history teacher
led us in a moment of silence
210
00:10:56,697 --> 00:10:59,884
for all the workers
exploited by the capitalistic system.
211
00:11:00,785 --> 00:11:03,079
You should ask your history
teacher which side people ran to
212
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,180
when the Berlin Wall fell.
213
00:11:04,747 --> 00:11:05,931
What's the Berlin Wall?
214
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,810
Oh, and Mary
Margaret showed me her penis.
215
00:11:12,797 --> 00:11:14,773
Some boy showed you his penis.
216
00:11:15,007 --> 00:11:16,609
What? No, not a boy, daddy.
217
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,011
Gross. Mary
Margaret, she's a girl.
218
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:20,429
Girls don't have penises, Winnie.
219
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:21,429
Mary Margaret does.
220
00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:22,740
Penises are weird.
221
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,241
Stop saying penis, please.
222
00:11:24,934 --> 00:11:25,934
Where did this happen, anyway?
223
00:11:26,227 --> 00:11:27,162
In the bathroom.
224
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,789
Well, why are they
letting boys in the girls' bathroom?
225
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:31,165
Why do you keep
misgendering Mary Margaret?
226
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:32,983
Misgendering?
What are you talking about?
227
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:34,610
It's very transphobic of you.
228
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:36,153
How do you know
the word "transphobic"?
229
00:11:36,153 --> 00:11:37,321
I'm eight years old.
230
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:38,964
Exactly. You're eight years old.
231
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:40,031
Okay, boomer.
232
00:11:43,202 --> 00:11:44,512
You know what? It's fine.
233
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:46,889
We'll just have to
get you into a private school.
234
00:11:47,039 --> 00:11:48,516
Some of them
have good sports programs.
235
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:52,019
Private schools
reinforce white patriarchal privilege.
236
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,230
Did you teach that
at public school, did they?
237
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,190
No.
238
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,590
Mommy's boyfriend Chris told me.
239
00:11:56,590 --> 00:11:57,590
He's an ally.
240
00:11:58,801 --> 00:11:59,818
He's a busy.
241
00:12:00,678 --> 00:12:03,447
We'll see about that.
242
00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:44,154
Hi.
243
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:48,869
How are you?
244
00:12:48,893 --> 00:12:49,727
You have a good time?
245
00:12:49,727 --> 00:12:50,162
Yeah.
246
00:12:50,186 --> 00:12:51,662
Daddy was okay? Was he late?
247
00:12:52,021 --> 00:12:52,747
No, he wasn't.
248
00:12:52,771 --> 00:12:53,956
Okay, okay.
249
00:12:53,981 --> 00:12:54,981
Good time.
250
00:12:56,775 --> 00:12:57,775
Hey!
251
00:12:58,694 --> 00:12:59,694
We need to talk.
252
00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,590
Thank you for
picking up Winnie, Robert.
253
00:13:03,282 --> 00:13:05,426
We're married for 15
years. Darby, call me Rob.
254
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:06,868
Darby.
255
00:13:06,952 --> 00:13:08,887
And Robert will do just fine.
256
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:09,931
Coach Rob!
257
00:13:09,955 --> 00:13:10,955
Oh, good.
258
00:13:11,040 --> 00:13:12,516
My lover, former lover.
259
00:13:16,879 --> 00:13:17,879
Okay, my God.
260
00:13:18,631 --> 00:13:19,631
Yep.
261
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:20,317
Okay.
262
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:23,736
Look at us. One
big, unconventional family.
263
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,781
Lover, I think your
transition into divorce will be smoother
264
00:13:26,805 --> 00:13:28,824
if Coach moved in with us.
265
00:13:29,350 --> 00:13:30,285
Absolutely not.
266
00:13:30,309 --> 00:13:31,309
Never gonna happen.
267
00:13:31,393 --> 00:13:33,537
Coach, now that
we're basically co-dads,
268
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,623
I was wondering if
you'd like to help me train
269
00:13:35,773 --> 00:13:37,750
where the Nashville runs.
270
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,170
$5,000 prices.
271
00:13:42,112 --> 00:13:43,255
My body's a sacred temple.
272
00:13:43,364 --> 00:13:45,049
I'm all about physical fitness.
273
00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:49,261
Bug-based foods, mRNA
vaccines, equitable and inclusive hiking.
274
00:13:49,537 --> 00:13:50,263
There it is.
275
00:13:50,287 --> 00:13:52,139
My lover says you were
a great coach back in the day.
276
00:13:53,123 --> 00:13:55,893
Honey, why don't you go
help Winnie with her homework?
277
00:13:58,796 --> 00:14:01,690
Light and love,
Coach. Light and love.
278
00:14:06,470 --> 00:14:18,023
This is the guy you
replaced me with, seriously?
279
00:14:18,357 --> 00:14:19,541
I'm not having this conversation.
280
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,652
Yeah, well, I don't like the
things that he's teaching Winnie.
281
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:22,652
How about that?
282
00:14:22,861 --> 00:14:24,798
Chris is a good man
who cares about other people
283
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:26,507
and the world around him.
284
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,384
Not just winning some stupid game.
285
00:14:28,492 --> 00:14:30,969
Hey, basketball
is not a stupid game.
286
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:32,120
And winning matters.
287
00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,932
It's the key
ingredient in becoming a winner.
288
00:14:35,499 --> 00:14:36,642
Maybe you should try it sometime.
289
00:14:41,422 --> 00:14:42,422
Unbelievable.
290
00:14:42,673 --> 00:14:43,732
I... I...
291
00:14:58,355 --> 00:15:02,793
Can I help you?
292
00:15:03,485 --> 00:15:04,320
Yeah, I used to work here.
293
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:05,671
They said I
could come back anytime.
294
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:07,947
How long ago was this?
295
00:15:08,866 --> 00:15:09,199
Mm-hmm.
296
00:15:09,199 --> 00:15:09,926
25 years?
297
00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:11,510
Is this still
compact discs forever?
298
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,054
Not for the
last 24 and a half years.
299
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:16,706
But it doesn't matter.
300
00:15:17,499 --> 00:15:18,499
You're hired.
301
00:15:19,043 --> 00:15:21,270
Cool. You don't need
to ask me any questions first.
302
00:15:21,629 --> 00:15:23,689
We only have one
question at the dollhouse.
303
00:15:23,797 --> 00:15:25,691
What's your bra size?
304
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:29,719
What the...
305
00:15:47,780 --> 00:15:49,256
Boy, mate.
306
00:15:49,573 --> 00:15:50,883
Well, mate, yes, shortly.
307
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:55,787
Coach?
308
00:15:56,622 --> 00:15:57,622
Alex?
309
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:06,273
What a way to make a living.
310
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,069
I just had no idea
men could be so handsy.
311
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:13,822
It only makes you
think about how you treat women.
312
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:15,890
Thanks, babe.
313
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:18,935
Mm.
314
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:21,872
What the heck
happened to you, Coach?
315
00:16:22,773 --> 00:16:24,833
That's just it.
Nothing happened to me.
316
00:16:25,275 --> 00:16:27,294
I stayed the
same, and the world changed.
317
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:28,862
One day it's all about winning.
318
00:16:28,862 --> 00:16:30,547
The next day they
want you to lead from behind.
319
00:16:31,031 --> 00:16:32,074
Don't be mean to the kids.
320
00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,217
Don't push them so hard.
321
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:34,593
Don't make fun of the losers.
322
00:16:35,536 --> 00:16:36,887
How are you
supposed to win that way?
323
00:16:37,830 --> 00:16:38,830
Man.
324
00:16:39,081 --> 00:16:40,081
What about you?
325
00:16:40,165 --> 00:16:41,165
Mm.
326
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:44,378
You know, everyone always
told me I could do anything I wanted,
327
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:47,314
so what does any kid who
can choose anything in the world do?
328
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:48,941
Mm. Actor.
329
00:16:49,133 --> 00:16:50,133
Actor.
330
00:16:50,426 --> 00:16:51,426
I always
thought you were straight.
331
00:16:52,678 --> 00:16:53,678
I am straight.
332
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:55,555
Who could doubt it?
333
00:16:56,056 --> 00:17:00,018
Well, either way, it turns
out white male of non-exotic sexuality
334
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:02,663
is the only ethnic group not
being cast by Hollywood these days.
335
00:17:03,021 --> 00:17:03,707
Yeah.
336
00:17:03,731 --> 00:17:04,857
I hear Disney's gonna make the new
337
00:17:04,857 --> 00:17:06,458
Snow White and
neurodivergent lesbian.
338
00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:08,752
Neurodivergent black lesbian.
339
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:11,713
I don't understand the world.
340
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:14,132
It wasn't that
long ago we were champions.
341
00:17:14,742 --> 00:17:15,552
Winners.
342
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:16,803
You're the fastest
point guard in Tennessee.
343
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,680
No, I'm still pretty fast.
344
00:17:20,539 --> 00:17:21,539
Yeah.
345
00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,250
How fast are we talking?
346
00:17:29,798 --> 00:17:31,900
Just going to the
end of the alley and back?
347
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,050
Nothing to it.
348
00:17:33,135 --> 00:17:34,444
On your mark, get set.
349
00:17:35,512 --> 00:17:36,655
Coach, this is ridiculous.
350
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:39,241
I gotta get some
sleep. I'm working nine to five.
351
00:17:40,642 --> 00:17:41,743
You hear yourself, right?
352
00:17:42,186 --> 00:17:43,186
What?
353
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:44,789
Buddy, we're
talking about $5,000 here.
354
00:17:44,813 --> 00:17:46,915
Think about what we
could do with that money.
355
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:50,752
Think about what we
could not do with that money.
356
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:55,465
I do miss being a winner.
357
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:56,676
Yeah, you do.
358
00:17:56,700 --> 00:17:58,385
Knowing who you
were, knowing your purpose.
359
00:17:58,535 --> 00:17:59,678
That's what I'm talking about.
360
00:18:00,037 --> 00:18:01,037
The money could be nice.
361
00:18:01,121 --> 00:18:02,121
Damn right it would be.
362
00:18:03,457 --> 00:18:04,457
Fine.
363
00:18:04,833 --> 00:18:05,833
Hold my heels.
364
00:18:05,959 --> 00:18:06,959
Attaboy.
365
00:18:10,547 --> 00:18:11,899
On your mark, get set.
366
00:18:31,777 --> 00:18:33,587
We are definitely homeschooling.
367
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:52,856
End time.
368
00:18:54,800 --> 00:18:56,360
Not bad for a girl.
369
00:18:58,053 --> 00:18:59,304
Seriously,
buddy, I think with some
370
00:18:59,304 --> 00:19:01,448
training and
some excellent coaching,
371
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:02,991
you could be competitive.
372
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:05,017
No.
373
00:19:09,773 --> 00:19:10,773
How much?
374
00:19:14,820 --> 00:19:16,129
We're not actually ladies.
375
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:18,990
I see it.
376
00:19:19,867 --> 00:19:20,867
How much?
377
00:19:31,461 --> 00:19:32,461
Damny's fast.
378
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:51,123
All right, Coach, you got this.
379
00:19:51,315 --> 00:19:52,416
Just like the old days.
380
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:54,751
Just get out there and win.
381
00:19:56,486 --> 00:19:57,486
Here we go.
382
00:20:01,199 --> 00:20:02,199
You're late.
383
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,261
Tina made me clean
all the fry traps again.
384
00:20:04,578 --> 00:20:06,179
I nearly got
grease all over my good wig.
385
00:20:06,455 --> 00:20:07,789
Now we'll lose the wig, would you?
386
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,224
We're in public
for crying out loud.
387
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:11,375
Coach Rob?
388
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:12,919
Daddy!
389
00:20:13,420 --> 00:20:14,420
Hey!
390
00:20:15,297 --> 00:20:18,275
Oh, there's my girl, former lover.
391
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:19,634
Don't call me that.
392
00:20:19,968 --> 00:20:20,968
It came and cheered me on.
393
00:20:21,303 --> 00:20:22,446
Actually, I'm here professionally.
394
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:23,888
Look, profession.
395
00:20:23,972 --> 00:20:26,366
You remember
Alex, my former student?
396
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:28,392
Oh, hey, Mrs. G.
397
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:32,497
Oh, hey, Daddy.
You're gonna be a coach.
398
00:20:32,940 --> 00:20:33,875
Yes, I am.
399
00:20:33,899 --> 00:20:34,899
Yes, I am.
400
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,336
I see you.
401
00:20:42,032 --> 00:20:42,783
Okay, big guy. We feel seen.
402
00:20:42,783 --> 00:20:44,952
Thank you.
403
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:47,137
Just gonna go get seen
by the registration lady, huh?
404
00:20:47,162 --> 00:20:48,162
Good luck, pal.
405
00:20:51,792 --> 00:20:54,936
Thank you.
406
00:20:57,422 --> 00:20:59,024
I need to
register my athlete, please.
407
00:20:59,049 --> 00:20:59,734
Name?
408
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:00,758
Alex Cruz.
409
00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:06,156
I'm sorry, sir.
The men's events are awful.
410
00:21:06,890 --> 00:21:07,700
Next!
411
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:09,242
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you talking about?
412
00:21:09,518 --> 00:21:11,870
You're late, and
there's nothing I can do, so next!
413
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:14,289
That's bullshit.
414
00:21:15,899 --> 00:21:18,543
I will tease a white man.
415
00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,505
I've been here the
whole time. Cut me some slack.
416
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,882
I need to help the next athlete.
417
00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,383
Help me what? You said it's false.
418
00:21:25,993 --> 00:21:26,993
Are you gonna move?
419
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,119
I am not.
420
00:21:29,204 --> 00:21:35,268
Coach, I'm sorry.
I couldn't find my wipes.
421
00:21:36,545 --> 00:21:38,647
Oh, my crap. You're a trans woman.
422
00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:42,067
Oh, my crap. I teased an ally.
423
00:21:43,010 --> 00:21:43,486
Oh.
424
00:21:43,510 --> 00:21:45,654
Oh, there you go, miss.
425
00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:47,597
This is
everything you need for the
426
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,908
women's
heptathlon and all other events.
427
00:21:50,350 --> 00:21:51,350
And you know what?
428
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,620
I'm just gonna go
ahead and wave that in, Treffy.
429
00:21:55,230 --> 00:21:57,249
It is so
wonderful what you're doing.
430
00:21:57,649 --> 00:21:59,251
No, I'm not.
431
00:22:00,777 --> 00:22:02,821
I'm just glad we
were able to get this worked
432
00:22:02,821 --> 00:22:05,882
out without having to
get social media involved.
433
00:22:06,783 --> 00:22:11,304
Please! I have a
family! And a queer dog!
434
00:22:12,789 --> 00:22:14,057
Oh, she tastes me.
435
00:22:14,332 --> 00:22:15,332
Yeah.
436
00:22:15,417 --> 00:22:16,893
Let me down. Let me down.
437
00:22:17,044 --> 00:22:18,044
Let me down.
438
00:22:19,004 --> 00:22:20,147
Coach, what the heck was that?
439
00:22:20,297 --> 00:22:21,439
You can't.
440
00:22:23,800 --> 00:22:25,443
I'm not gonna
compete against women.
441
00:22:26,386 --> 00:22:27,386
Are you crazy?
442
00:22:27,429 --> 00:22:29,139
Do you have any idea
how much faster even a man
443
00:22:29,139 --> 00:22:31,616
past his prime like
you is than a female athlete?
444
00:22:32,225 --> 00:22:32,785
Past his prime?
445
00:22:32,809 --> 00:22:37,080
High school boys can run
faster than world record female sprinters.
446
00:22:37,564 --> 00:22:39,708
You're gonna get out there
and you're gonna beat these chicks.
447
00:22:40,067 --> 00:22:41,168
I'm a man.
448
00:22:42,069 --> 00:22:43,069
Seth, who?
449
00:22:43,153 --> 00:22:43,945
I have a...
450
00:22:43,945 --> 00:22:45,172
That doesn't matter anymore.
451
00:22:45,822 --> 00:22:47,866
Look, my eight-year-old
daughter told me all about it.
452
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,301
This is the way the world is now.
453
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:50,659
This is wrong.
454
00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:55,015
We wear a dress every second day.
455
00:22:55,749 --> 00:22:56,875
When was the
last time you could say
456
00:22:56,875 --> 00:22:58,476
we were wearing
the dress of a champion?
457
00:22:58,794 --> 00:23:00,504
This last time
you could look in the
458
00:23:00,504 --> 00:23:03,148
mirror and say this
is the makeup of a winner.
459
00:23:03,590 --> 00:23:05,150
The tatas of a titan.
460
00:23:07,803 --> 00:23:08,862
You're wearing a thonger.
461
00:23:09,221 --> 00:23:10,280
Yeah, you're a staying character.
462
00:23:10,514 --> 00:23:11,514
Unbelievable.
463
00:23:12,140 --> 00:23:13,617
This is the
hands life is, don't you?
464
00:23:14,392 --> 00:23:15,392
Are you gonna waste it?
465
00:23:16,061 --> 00:23:19,289
Or are you gonna get out
there and be the best lady you can be?
466
00:23:21,274 --> 00:23:22,292
Best lady I can be.
467
00:23:22,776 --> 00:23:23,776
That's the spirit.
468
00:23:25,779 --> 00:23:26,779
Oh, no.
469
00:23:27,781 --> 00:23:29,116
There we go.
470
00:23:40,919 --> 00:23:47,192
In these hard streets
471
00:23:47,801 --> 00:23:51,096
They say she should just go home
472
00:23:51,096 --> 00:23:53,823
She'll never make it out here
473
00:23:54,808 --> 00:23:58,036
Her pretty face won't cut it alone
474
00:23:58,770 --> 00:24:01,790
She knows she's got it all
475
00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:07,587
Get it right, keep
it tight like a psycho girl
476
00:24:07,779 --> 00:24:10,907
Burning bright, watch
her fight like love of the world
477
00:24:10,907 --> 00:24:13,718
Keep your good, you keep
your coach, you keep your product
478
00:24:13,785 --> 00:24:17,138
She's okay with
secondhand and working harder
479
00:24:17,789 --> 00:24:20,767
Golden sight every
night like a psycho girl
480
00:24:20,792 --> 00:24:24,437
She's a psycho
girl, be like a psycho girl
481
00:24:24,796 --> 00:24:26,064
Go! Go!
482
00:24:26,339 --> 00:24:28,800
Don't look at me,
you're the son of a bitch
483
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:32,304
Get it right, keep
it tight like a psycho girl
484
00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:35,783
Burning bright, watch
her fight like love of the world
485
00:24:35,807 --> 00:24:38,576
Keep your good, you keep
your coach, you keep your product
486
00:24:38,810 --> 00:24:41,938
She's okay with
secondhand and working harder
487
00:24:41,938 --> 00:24:45,567
Golden sight every
night like a psycho girl
488
00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:48,796
She's a psycho
girl, be like a psycho girl
489
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:52,507
She's a psycho
girl, be like a psycho girl
490
00:24:52,782 --> 00:24:55,844
Call the
station, we've got a story.
491
00:25:03,001 --> 00:25:06,129
There's breaking news
tonight from the All City Haptathlon
492
00:25:06,129 --> 00:25:10,175
Where Alex Cruz, a
brave and beautiful trans woman
493
00:25:10,175 --> 00:25:12,778
Has taken gold in
the female competition
494
00:25:12,802 --> 00:25:15,864
Winning in every
single event by wide margins
495
00:25:16,806 --> 00:25:20,477
That's right, Drake.
And WIAW's own Gwen Wilde
496
00:25:20,477 --> 00:25:24,189
Is on the scene with more
from this unprecedented moment
497
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:27,525
Thanks, Daisy.
Indeed, history was made today
498
00:25:27,525 --> 00:25:31,363
As Middle Tennessee's own
Alex Cruz, a brave and beautiful
499
00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:33,590
Former high school
basketball state champion
500
00:25:33,782 --> 00:25:36,326
Absolutely
dominated the women's Haptathlon
501
00:25:36,326 --> 00:25:38,887
Setting new records
in both javelin and shot putt
502
00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:11,878
The secret to her
success according to Alex, her coach
503
00:26:13,405 --> 00:26:15,865
I want to thank my
parents for always supporting me
504
00:26:15,865 --> 00:26:19,077
No matter what,
and my coach, Rob Gibson
505
00:26:19,077 --> 00:26:22,347
I've never once
been a winner without him
506
00:26:24,791 --> 00:26:27,560
Gwen, Stacey Santiago O'Brien here
507
00:26:27,794 --> 00:26:30,130
There's no question that
good coaching can make a difference
508
00:26:30,130 --> 00:26:33,133
But isn't there
another reason why Alex might have
509
00:26:33,133 --> 00:26:35,318
Completely
crushed the competition?
510
00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,362
I don't know
what you're saying, Stacey
511
00:26:37,804 --> 00:26:41,784
I think Stacey is referring
to the obvious fact that Alex is a
512
00:26:41,808 --> 00:26:42,808
A what?
513
00:26:43,852 --> 00:26:47,981
Well, I mean, as
brave and beautiful as he is
514
00:26:47,981 --> 00:26:51,709
She... she is brave and beautiful
515
00:26:52,193 --> 00:26:54,946
Of course. But
she does have certain
516
00:26:54,946 --> 00:26:57,257
advantages over
a real woman, right?
517
00:26:57,615 --> 00:27:02,762
Well, Stacey, Drake, all I
can say to that is, how dare you?
518
00:27:03,288 --> 00:27:06,249
Trans women are real women,
and thus have no innate differences
519
00:27:06,249 --> 00:27:08,769
With other women
whatsoever. The only story here
520
00:27:08,793 --> 00:27:12,339
For which I fully intend to
win a Pulitzer is that absolutely
521
00:27:12,339 --> 00:27:14,466
Nothing out of the
ordinary happened here tonight
522
00:27:14,466 --> 00:27:19,070
And we should all celebrate
the brave, beautiful woman who did it
523
00:27:19,262 --> 00:27:22,073
Back to you
524
00:27:35,945 --> 00:27:37,947
Here's to you,
bud. Probably the least
525
00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:40,033
sexy elite
female athlete of all time
526
00:27:40,033 --> 00:27:42,994
Hold on. I've
been informed that I am in
527
00:27:42,994 --> 00:27:45,330
fact not only
brave, but also beautiful
528
00:27:45,330 --> 00:27:51,644
You know what you are.
You're $500 richer. That's what you are
529
00:27:52,170 --> 00:27:53,170
$500?
530
00:27:53,630 --> 00:27:57,092
Well, you know what, there are
taxes, attorney's fees, child support
531
00:27:57,092 --> 00:28:00,778
Well, I choose that
532
00:28:05,809 --> 00:28:06,809
What is that?
533
00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:09,037
Bud Light. I'm sponsored now
534
00:28:09,437 --> 00:28:11,898
Oh, buddy. They'll give
that shit to any dude in the press
535
00:28:30,208 --> 00:28:32,585
I better roll out.
It's Wednesday tomorrow
536
00:28:34,796 --> 00:28:37,065
The only day with double D's
537
00:28:37,799 --> 00:28:39,484
It's a pretty
big deal at the dollhouse
538
00:28:40,468 --> 00:28:41,468
Dollhouse?
539
00:28:41,553 --> 00:28:42,470
You're going back to that place
540
00:28:42,470 --> 00:28:44,180
before when you
got a corporate sponsorship
541
00:28:44,180 --> 00:28:45,532
And five vengeance in your bra
542
00:28:45,807 --> 00:28:47,809
I don't know. I guess I
don't completely hate it there
543
00:28:47,809 --> 00:28:50,495
And a man can't
live on $500 for long
544
00:28:50,770 --> 00:28:52,748
$500 is just the beginning
545
00:28:52,772 --> 00:28:54,541
Win wild
546
00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:56,818
Come on. On, on, on
547
00:28:56,818 --> 00:28:59,821
Let's cut to the
chase. I know you're not a woman
548
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,799
Hey, you dare me
549
00:29:01,823 --> 00:29:06,244
I'm a journalist. I
literally cannot be shamed
550
00:29:06,244 --> 00:29:08,371
And I don't care how you identify
551
00:29:08,371 --> 00:29:10,331
Unless you've
cried three times in the
552
00:29:10,331 --> 00:29:12,000
same day from the
pain of menstrual cramps
553
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,710
Frustration with
your boyfriend for not
554
00:29:13,710 --> 00:29:15,295
understanding the
pain of menstrual cramps
555
00:29:15,295 --> 00:29:18,214
And frustration with yourself
for being so mean to your boyfriend for
556
00:29:18,214 --> 00:29:19,883
not understanding
the pain of menstrual cramps
557
00:29:19,883 --> 00:29:22,260
You are not a woman
558
00:29:22,260 --> 00:29:24,262
That's strangely specific
559
00:29:24,262 --> 00:29:25,780
It's cute that you think so
560
00:29:25,805 --> 00:29:28,449
But you just did
that entire story to what?
561
00:29:28,850 --> 00:29:30,868
To make a name for
myself, to get clicks, to gain power
562
00:29:31,769 --> 00:29:34,872
What part of I'm a
journalist do you not understand?
563
00:29:36,107 --> 00:29:37,542
I guess all of it
564
00:29:37,859 --> 00:29:40,587
Look, what do you know about
the US Open for the global games?
565
00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:44,491
First time in history amateur
566
00:29:44,491 --> 00:29:46,868
athletes can
compete to represent the USA
567
00:29:46,868 --> 00:29:48,428
Exactly
568
00:29:48,786 --> 00:29:50,288
The diversity and inclusion crowd
569
00:29:50,288 --> 00:29:52,373
decided to
democratize the global games
570
00:29:52,373 --> 00:29:55,018
Now anyone has a chance
571
00:29:55,793 --> 00:29:57,854
Any woman has a chance
572
00:29:58,796 --> 00:30:00,857
Don't you see?
573
00:30:01,549 --> 00:30:04,319
Men are faster, stronger, meaner
574
00:30:04,886 --> 00:30:08,890
The entire reason we created
Women's Sports was to keep you out
575
00:30:08,890 --> 00:30:10,825
But now
576
00:30:12,769 --> 00:30:16,122
Soon all the
best women will be men
577
00:30:16,648 --> 00:30:18,942
Cheating, low life men
578
00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:20,793
Like you
579
00:30:21,778 --> 00:30:24,422
You want us to compete as women?
580
00:30:24,864 --> 00:30:26,716
Think of the
sponsorships, think of the fame
581
00:30:26,783 --> 00:30:28,368
People will hate us
582
00:30:28,368 --> 00:30:29,410
People will love you
583
00:30:29,410 --> 00:30:30,410
How do you know?
584
00:30:30,870 --> 00:30:32,513
Because I'm going to tell them to
585
00:30:32,789 --> 00:30:33,790
That's the deal
586
00:30:33,790 --> 00:30:36,209
I won't tell the
world the truth about you
587
00:30:36,209 --> 00:30:39,312
And in exchange, I
get to tell them the lie
588
00:30:39,796 --> 00:30:40,897
I get the exclusive
589
00:30:42,799 --> 00:30:43,776
Let's half the money
590
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:44,800
Half?
591
00:30:45,093 --> 00:30:47,011
Go home, think about it
592
00:30:47,011 --> 00:30:48,154
You'll see I'm right
593
00:30:52,183 --> 00:30:54,369
Not you coach,
you're going home with me
594
00:30:54,769 --> 00:30:56,412
You're a winner now
595
00:30:56,771 --> 00:30:58,790
Every woman wants a winner
596
00:30:59,649 --> 00:31:01,901
You literally just
called me a cheating lowlife
597
00:31:01,901 --> 00:31:02,960
Cool
598
00:31:03,528 --> 00:31:04,528
One
599
00:31:04,779 --> 00:31:06,881
Now put your tongue down my throat
600
00:31:24,799 --> 00:31:26,901
With your breathing
601
00:31:54,829 --> 00:31:57,014
Coach?
602
00:31:57,457 --> 00:31:59,726
Alex, we could play basketball.
603
00:32:00,209 --> 00:32:01,586
It could be like the old days.
604
00:32:01,586 --> 00:32:02,895
We'd have to get the
whole team back together.
605
00:32:04,505 --> 00:32:05,505
You think there's a chance?
606
00:32:13,056 --> 00:32:15,308
You know you always
get a fair deal on wheels
607
00:32:15,308 --> 00:32:18,619
and three square
mils here at Crane & Company.
608
00:32:24,817 --> 00:32:29,130
And if you need a ride to
the airport, we can do that too.
609
00:32:29,280 --> 00:32:31,591
Because we have to
gently use love wagons,
610
00:32:31,741 --> 00:32:35,428
and one of us is more than
happy to give you the ride of a lifetime.
611
00:32:43,086 --> 00:32:44,629
Since 1987, we've had our own
612
00:32:44,629 --> 00:32:47,648
continuously
operational smorgasbord on-site.
613
00:32:56,057 --> 00:32:59,660
So whether that's wheels, on
wheels, or a ride to the airport,
614
00:32:59,769 --> 00:33:03,247
we do it all for
you, Middle Tennessee!
615
00:33:06,776 --> 00:33:07,877
And we sell mailbox.
616
00:33:11,072 --> 00:33:12,532
Alright, ladies, good job.
617
00:33:12,532 --> 00:33:13,241
Listen, if you want to have dinner
618
00:33:13,241 --> 00:33:14,659
later, just
make sure you get me up.
619
00:33:14,659 --> 00:33:15,659
Just let me know.
620
00:33:16,577 --> 00:33:18,846
That should
have gone to med school.
621
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:20,080
Oh, wait, daddy!
622
00:33:20,707 --> 00:33:22,099
Oh! Boom!
623
00:33:22,792 --> 00:33:24,435
Tell me the
cameras are still rolling!
624
00:33:24,627 --> 00:33:24,895
Wow!
625
00:33:24,919 --> 00:33:25,919
Wait!
626
00:33:26,087 --> 00:33:28,172
You have lost your mind!
627
00:33:28,172 --> 00:33:29,424
You've lost your mind!
628
00:33:29,424 --> 00:33:30,049
What did you just say?
629
00:33:30,049 --> 00:33:30,800
You heard me.
630
00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:31,800
Look clean to me, boys.
631
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:33,760
Coach?
632
00:33:34,053 --> 00:33:35,053
Alex?
633
00:33:43,938 --> 00:33:45,414
It's good to see you
boys still love the game.
634
00:33:46,107 --> 00:33:47,542
It means we can get right to it.
635
00:33:48,067 --> 00:33:50,002
Yeah, coach,
what's the deal with that?
636
00:33:50,778 --> 00:33:51,778
A burger again or something?
637
00:33:53,030 --> 00:33:54,030
Yes, I do, Jake.
638
00:33:54,532 --> 00:33:55,633
But that's not why we're here.
639
00:33:56,409 --> 00:33:57,885
We're here on serious business.
640
00:33:59,495 --> 00:34:00,495
Basketball business.
641
00:34:01,164 --> 00:34:02,164
Well, can I
get the blinds, please?
642
00:34:02,582 --> 00:34:03,582
Code 11.
643
00:34:06,169 --> 00:34:08,521
You guys are going to love this.
644
00:34:35,782 --> 00:34:38,217
What fresh hell is this?
645
00:34:41,788 --> 00:34:43,180
Oh, yeah.
646
00:34:48,795 --> 00:34:49,896
Oh, yeah.
647
00:34:50,797 --> 00:34:51,797
Boom.
648
00:34:54,801 --> 00:34:58,946
This, my
friends, is the Crane Cave.
649
00:35:03,810 --> 00:35:05,828
Alex, is that a purse?
650
00:35:06,437 --> 00:35:07,437
It's a purse.
651
00:35:08,856 --> 00:35:12,919
It's a purse.
652
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,131
What is this?
653
00:35:17,824 --> 00:35:21,469
My man, this is
where the kitchen happens.
654
00:35:25,414 --> 00:35:26,414
What's this one?
655
00:35:26,582 --> 00:35:30,144
My man, this is
where the action happens.
656
00:35:31,337 --> 00:35:32,337
In the same room?
657
00:35:33,130 --> 00:35:34,130
Yeah.
658
00:35:35,049 --> 00:35:37,109
Gentlemen, take a seat.
659
00:35:38,302 --> 00:35:39,302
Let's talk basketball.
660
00:35:42,515 --> 00:35:44,241
We're getting the old
state champs back together.
661
00:35:45,226 --> 00:35:46,226
For what?
662
00:35:47,144 --> 00:35:49,163
Just say Alex and I
are working on a new strategy.
663
00:35:49,397 --> 00:35:52,041
Something to get us back
into the game professionally.
664
00:35:52,900 --> 00:35:54,043
Coach, we're old.
665
00:35:54,485 --> 00:35:55,485
We're out of practice.
666
00:35:55,987 --> 00:35:56,922
We're in.
667
00:35:56,946 --> 00:35:57,946
We're in, Coach.
668
00:35:58,030 --> 00:35:59,030
What?
669
00:35:59,282 --> 00:36:01,217
Bro, professionals.
670
00:36:02,243 --> 00:36:05,930
Honestly, when's the
last time you felt like someone?
671
00:36:06,956 --> 00:36:09,600
I mean, I kind of
always feel like someone.
672
00:36:09,792 --> 00:36:10,935
But when was the
last time you got laid?
673
00:36:11,586 --> 00:36:12,586
We're in.
674
00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:14,855
Now, you guys
got David already, right?
675
00:36:15,214 --> 00:36:17,316
Coach, we have
to have the human tower.
676
00:36:17,800 --> 00:36:18,968
No one's heard from David since he
677
00:36:18,968 --> 00:36:20,736
blew that
college championship game.
678
00:36:21,804 --> 00:36:22,905
But there have been sightings.
679
00:36:26,851 --> 00:36:28,035
I'll give my hiking boots.
680
00:36:31,230 --> 00:36:32,832
Hey, Coach, you
didn't mention the hold.
681
00:36:34,192 --> 00:36:35,418
One thing at a time, buddy.
682
00:36:36,235 --> 00:36:37,235
One thing at a time.
683
00:36:58,799 --> 00:37:00,067
Got it.
684
00:37:00,217 --> 00:37:01,861
GBS says we're here.
685
00:37:03,095 --> 00:37:04,095
I don't see anything.
686
00:37:12,897 --> 00:37:14,248
Dammit, I lost the signal.
687
00:37:15,107 --> 00:37:18,044
What the hell was that?
688
00:37:25,785 --> 00:37:26,785
David?
689
00:37:27,370 --> 00:37:28,370
Coach?
690
00:37:29,789 --> 00:37:31,265
What are you guys doing here?
691
00:37:32,333 --> 00:37:33,333
Stop!
692
00:37:35,962 --> 00:37:37,438
I mean, it's fine.
693
00:37:37,672 --> 00:37:39,732
You're all very safe.
694
00:37:41,384 --> 00:37:42,384
We're not safe.
695
00:37:59,485 --> 00:38:00,462
Sorry, Coach.
696
00:38:00,486 --> 00:38:01,545
My life is here.
697
00:38:02,530 --> 00:38:04,006
I'm a man of peace now.
698
00:38:05,157 --> 00:38:06,592
How many badgers have you killed?
699
00:38:09,453 --> 00:38:10,453
All but one.
700
00:38:10,788 --> 00:38:13,432
Man, this jerk is great.
701
00:38:14,333 --> 00:38:15,333
What is this?
702
00:38:15,459 --> 00:38:16,459
This venison?
703
00:38:17,545 --> 00:38:18,545
Squirrel.
704
00:38:20,464 --> 00:38:22,483
Look, David, I get it, man.
705
00:38:22,842 --> 00:38:28,030
You're fat, you're old,
you're slow, you're very fat.
706
00:38:28,889 --> 00:38:32,660
Like Shaquille O'Neal
if he was mediocre and white.
707
00:38:36,647 --> 00:38:37,148
That's it?
708
00:38:37,148 --> 00:38:38,148
That's the pitch?
709
00:38:38,524 --> 00:38:39,775
Yeah, Coach, I'm
not a good speech-giver.
710
00:38:39,775 --> 00:38:40,835
I'm sorry.
711
00:38:41,569 --> 00:38:42,837
Look, buddy, we need you.
712
00:38:43,154 --> 00:38:44,713
You're the heart of
the team, you're the center.
713
00:38:45,156 --> 00:38:46,156
I said no.
714
00:38:47,074 --> 00:38:48,717
I can't go back.
715
00:38:49,410 --> 00:38:50,410
Not after the--
716
00:38:52,788 --> 00:38:53,973
Not after.
717
00:39:23,778 --> 00:39:25,671
What was that badger hoping?
718
00:39:29,784 --> 00:39:31,886
What was that badger hoping?
719
00:39:35,414 --> 00:39:36,414
I don't know, buddy.
720
00:39:37,208 --> 00:39:38,601
Maybe this is
your shot at redemption.
721
00:39:39,710 --> 00:39:43,314
I have been
redeemed through badger blood.
722
00:39:44,215 --> 00:39:45,215
Redeemed through basketball.
723
00:39:45,299 --> 00:39:48,485
This whole badger
murder thing is a weird tangent.
724
00:39:50,596 --> 00:39:51,989
You guys should leave.
725
00:39:56,393 --> 00:40:01,624
At least I'm not fat.
726
00:40:03,526 --> 00:40:04,668
Disgustingly fat.
727
00:40:05,820 --> 00:40:07,546
I miss you, pal.
728
00:40:10,783 --> 00:40:11,783
You're not not fat.
729
00:40:55,745 --> 00:40:57,872
What if this
isn't about revenge at all?
730
00:40:59,790 --> 00:41:01,475
What if it's
just about basketball?
731
00:41:02,710 --> 00:41:03,710
Please let me go.
732
00:41:03,794 --> 00:41:05,813
Shut your
mouth, you pervert badger.
733
00:41:08,799 --> 00:41:10,442
I'll be back.
734
00:41:33,782 --> 00:41:34,782
Coach!
735
00:41:36,785 --> 00:41:37,785
I'm in.
736
00:41:39,079 --> 00:41:40,079
Nice.
737
00:41:40,456 --> 00:41:42,850
Is that a purse?
738
00:41:43,626 --> 00:41:44,626
Let's play some basketball.
739
00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:46,002
No!
740
00:42:07,608 --> 00:42:09,418
We just need one more
player to round out the spot.
741
00:42:09,735 --> 00:42:10,735
What about Jamal?
742
00:42:10,903 --> 00:42:11,903
Nah, he's dead.
743
00:42:12,488 --> 00:42:13,739
I'm in the
middle of the street with
744
00:42:13,739 --> 00:42:15,341
a hole through
the top of his head.
745
00:42:15,741 --> 00:42:18,661
The cop said it was almost
like some type of laser from space,
746
00:42:18,661 --> 00:42:19,970
and it was all over the place.
747
00:42:20,162 --> 00:42:20,555
Weird.
748
00:42:20,579 --> 00:42:21,097
What?
749
00:42:21,121 --> 00:42:23,499
What about that little
guy who was always picking on?
750
00:42:23,499 --> 00:42:24,499
Not a bad player.
751
00:42:24,875 --> 00:42:25,852
Moishe.
752
00:42:25,876 --> 00:42:28,437
We revealed he was a
mussad, even back in high school.
753
00:42:30,381 --> 00:42:31,381
Well, that's it.
754
00:42:31,799 --> 00:42:32,799
That's everybody.
755
00:42:34,385 --> 00:42:36,236
My man, looking smooth.
756
00:42:36,470 --> 00:42:38,238
Man, you guys weren't kidding.
757
00:42:38,514 --> 00:42:40,240
These Jeremy's razors are amazing.
758
00:42:41,308 --> 00:42:43,519
And did you know that
Jeremy's now offers a razor
759
00:42:43,519 --> 00:42:44,870
specially designed for women?
760
00:42:47,481 --> 00:42:49,541
And don't forget
about Jeremy's shampoo.
761
00:42:50,067 --> 00:42:51,251
And conditioner.
762
00:42:51,485 --> 00:42:54,880
They keep our
hair silky and smooth.
763
00:42:57,658 --> 00:42:59,760
Didn't we just find
someone else from the year before?
764
00:43:00,452 --> 00:43:02,246
No, it has to be
somebody from this team,
765
00:43:02,246 --> 00:43:02,806
the championship team.
766
00:43:02,830 --> 00:43:05,265
I knew this was
too good to be true.
767
00:43:06,208 --> 00:43:08,227
Hey, what about Talboy Felix?
768
00:43:10,504 --> 00:43:12,106
Talboy Felix?
769
00:43:12,798 --> 00:43:15,150
Guys, we used to shove
him in the lockers after we won.
770
00:43:15,509 --> 00:43:16,509
Oh, hey!
771
00:43:16,885 --> 00:43:17,945
Hey, Jeremy.
772
00:43:18,220 --> 00:43:19,220
Real small.
773
00:43:19,555 --> 00:43:20,347
Total loser.
774
00:43:20,347 --> 00:43:21,347
Totally.
775
00:43:21,390 --> 00:43:22,574
I heard he's rich.
776
00:43:24,143 --> 00:43:25,143
He's in.
777
00:43:26,979 --> 00:43:30,624
I'm in.
778
00:43:37,781 --> 00:43:39,049
What's with the cat?
779
00:43:39,908 --> 00:43:40,908
Cindy Crawford?
780
00:43:41,660 --> 00:43:44,263
She was my
grandma's cat, and now she's mine.
781
00:43:45,414 --> 00:43:47,224
I love her more than
anything in the whole world.
782
00:43:48,500 --> 00:43:50,060
Bro, I'm allergic to cats.
783
00:43:51,795 --> 00:43:52,795
Ooh.
784
00:43:53,255 --> 00:43:54,255
Cats are stupid.
785
00:43:55,341 --> 00:43:56,341
More of a dog guy.
786
00:43:59,803 --> 00:44:03,824
I can't wait to
show you guys around.
787
00:44:06,810 --> 00:44:08,287
Who is this guy?
788
00:44:08,520 --> 00:44:10,664
It's like the
Willy Wonka, the towel game.
789
00:44:10,981 --> 00:44:12,207
Oh, my God.
790
00:44:13,442 --> 00:44:15,669
The hand of wine's come on.
791
00:44:17,363 --> 00:44:19,840
Talboy has become the Tal man.
792
00:44:25,120 --> 00:44:25,788
You ever do--
793
00:44:25,788 --> 00:44:26,889
Jim in your house?
794
00:44:27,206 --> 00:44:27,790
Oh, yeah.
795
00:44:27,790 --> 00:44:30,084
After I sold
my company, I thought,
796
00:44:30,084 --> 00:44:33,228
I'm going to build the
sickest gym for when my bros come over.
797
00:44:36,799 --> 00:44:38,942
But this is the first
time we've ever come over here.
798
00:44:41,637 --> 00:44:43,489
So it was totally worth it.
799
00:44:45,140 --> 00:44:46,140
It's a drain-out festival.
800
00:44:46,392 --> 00:44:47,392
Bring the kids.
801
00:44:47,684 --> 00:44:48,785
And his wedding.
802
00:44:50,729 --> 00:44:51,872
Nothing's changed.
803
00:44:58,362 --> 00:44:59,963
Feels good to be back
on the court, eh, big guy?
804
00:45:00,989 --> 00:45:01,989
Oh, my God.
805
00:45:02,282 --> 00:45:03,550
Is that our mascot?
806
00:45:17,798 --> 00:45:18,798
Badger!
807
00:45:21,969 --> 00:45:22,719
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
808
00:45:22,719 --> 00:45:23,429
Easy, big guy.
809
00:45:23,429 --> 00:45:24,429
That's our old tiger mask.
810
00:45:25,347 --> 00:45:26,783
Dude, that's not nurse.
811
00:45:26,807 --> 00:45:28,951
This is a purse, bro.
812
00:45:33,188 --> 00:45:34,248
Hey, bud.
813
00:45:34,731 --> 00:45:35,731
Hey.
814
00:45:35,816 --> 00:45:36,543
Dad?
815
00:45:36,567 --> 00:45:36,960
Huh?
816
00:45:36,984 --> 00:45:37,818
Not dad.
817
00:45:37,818 --> 00:45:38,753
Come on.
818
00:45:38,777 --> 00:45:40,045
I'll never hurt you.
819
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:41,089
Huh?
820
00:45:41,113 --> 00:45:41,989
I'll never hurt you.
821
00:45:41,989 --> 00:45:42,757
I'm always--
822
00:45:42,781 --> 00:45:44,550
What are you doing?
823
00:45:44,741 --> 00:45:47,219
You know our kids
got serious PTSD issues.
824
00:45:47,327 --> 00:45:48,327
You got PTSD.
825
00:45:48,912 --> 00:45:50,055
That doesn't even make any sense.
826
00:45:50,622 --> 00:45:51,622
You don't make sense.
827
00:45:51,832 --> 00:45:52,832
Easy.
828
00:46:01,467 --> 00:46:02,859
Welcome to Edstein's Island.
829
00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:04,010
You know too much.
830
00:46:06,346 --> 00:46:07,346
Let's eat.
831
00:46:08,599 --> 00:46:09,658
Whoo!
832
00:46:14,021 --> 00:46:15,021
Hey!
833
00:46:16,398 --> 00:46:18,500
Hey, what the
hell's the matter with you?
834
00:46:20,194 --> 00:46:22,546
That is enough.
835
00:46:23,780 --> 00:46:25,132
You have a coach whistle.
836
00:46:25,616 --> 00:46:26,468
That's funny.
837
00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:27,801
I have a brain whistle.
838
00:46:28,285 --> 00:46:29,285
That's not funny.
839
00:46:30,037 --> 00:46:31,138
This is the dream team.
840
00:46:32,080 --> 00:46:33,080
Seriously.
841
00:46:33,415 --> 00:46:33,999
What's up?
842
00:46:33,999 --> 00:46:35,559
I'm Jake, and I love poetry.
843
00:46:35,834 --> 00:46:36,919
No one cares what's up.
844
00:46:36,919 --> 00:46:38,687
I'm Blaine, and I hate poetry.
845
00:46:38,837 --> 00:46:39,837
Easy, boys.
846
00:46:40,088 --> 00:46:41,088
This is my...
847
00:46:41,965 --> 00:46:42,965
girlfriend?
848
00:46:44,801 --> 00:46:45,801
I'm a reporter.
849
00:46:46,470 --> 00:46:48,488
And I'm here to
start my profile on the team.
850
00:46:49,223 --> 00:46:50,033
Profile?
851
00:46:50,057 --> 00:46:51,408
Why would we need a profile?
852
00:46:51,808 --> 00:46:52,808
We're just getting started.
853
00:46:55,771 --> 00:46:56,771
Phew.
854
00:46:57,189 --> 00:46:58,189
You haven't told them.
855
00:46:58,982 --> 00:46:59,982
Told us what?
856
00:47:02,236 --> 00:47:03,236
Told us what?
857
00:47:42,859 --> 00:47:44,795
Guys, it's not that bad.
858
00:47:44,987 --> 00:47:45,987
Really?
859
00:47:46,655 --> 00:47:48,090
Have you lost your mind?
860
00:47:48,365 --> 00:47:49,575
You know the
name "creating company"
861
00:47:49,575 --> 00:47:50,784
still means
something in this town.
862
00:47:50,784 --> 00:47:53,637
And we're not gonna
besmirch it in this way.
863
00:47:54,705 --> 00:47:56,290
I feel like I've
spent the riddler on this--
864
00:47:56,290 --> 00:47:57,432
I'm going back to the woods.
865
00:47:57,583 --> 00:47:59,267
I've never been
so disgusted in my life.
866
00:47:59,876 --> 00:48:01,103
I ain't no chick, bro.
867
00:48:04,506 --> 00:48:06,149
I cut my dick off for you, coach.
868
00:48:06,884 --> 00:48:09,069
Just say the word, and it's gone.
869
00:48:10,470 --> 00:48:11,972
And I'm not dragging him into it.
870
00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:12,347
We need this guy!
871
00:48:12,347 --> 00:48:14,157
I'm not dragging him into it!
872
00:48:14,474 --> 00:48:16,310
You know what you want.
873
00:48:16,310 --> 00:48:17,310
Come on.
874
00:48:17,769 --> 00:48:18,769
Take a knee.
875
00:48:21,773 --> 00:48:24,418
Boys.
876
00:48:25,777 --> 00:48:26,777
No.
877
00:48:26,987 --> 00:48:27,987
Men.
878
00:48:28,155 --> 00:48:29,548
I know I'm asking a lot of you.
879
00:48:29,656 --> 00:48:31,258
Hell, I've
always asked a lot of you.
880
00:48:31,658 --> 00:48:32,801
Even when no one else would.
881
00:48:33,035 --> 00:48:35,011
Even when you didn't
think you had anything left to give.
882
00:48:36,371 --> 00:48:37,431
Do you remember where that got us?
883
00:48:39,124 --> 00:48:40,124
I do.
884
00:48:41,001 --> 00:48:42,878
I remember holding
that trophy in my hands
885
00:48:42,878 --> 00:48:44,521
with you boys by my side.
886
00:48:45,964 --> 00:48:48,191
And where have you gotten
since I stopped asking too much of you?
887
00:48:49,801 --> 00:48:51,845
Jake and Blaine
running the skeeziest
888
00:48:51,845 --> 00:48:53,822
car lot on the
skeeziest side of town.
889
00:48:55,182 --> 00:48:57,576
They've been too
afraid to even leave the woods.
890
00:48:58,810 --> 00:48:59,810
It's so fat.
891
00:49:00,062 --> 00:49:02,105
I've gained three
pounds since high school.
892
00:49:02,105 --> 00:49:03,105
You're fat.
893
00:49:03,690 --> 00:49:04,690
And Felix--
894
00:49:06,109 --> 00:49:08,195
I mean, Felix, you did all right.
895
00:49:08,195 --> 00:49:09,195
Nobody saw that coming.
896
00:49:10,822 --> 00:49:11,840
You know what
I'm offering you now?
897
00:49:13,659 --> 00:49:15,594
Something nobody's
offered you in a long time.
898
00:49:16,411 --> 00:49:17,411
A chance.
899
00:49:17,788 --> 00:49:18,805
A chance at success.
900
00:49:19,831 --> 00:49:21,933
A chance at dignity.
901
00:49:24,169 --> 00:49:25,169
A chance at redemption.
902
00:49:27,839 --> 00:49:28,839
What about me, Coach?
903
00:49:29,883 --> 00:49:31,234
Kind of already
into the speech, buddy.
904
00:49:35,138 --> 00:49:36,138
Screw it.
905
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:37,682
I'm in.
906
00:49:38,183 --> 00:49:39,183
Yes.
907
00:49:40,060 --> 00:49:41,060
Fine.
908
00:49:43,647 --> 00:49:44,915
Here's my boys.
909
00:49:46,817 --> 00:49:47,817
Me too.
910
00:49:50,612 --> 00:49:53,173
So are we or aren't
we cutting our dicks off?
911
00:49:53,657 --> 00:49:54,925
Nobody's cutting
their dicks off, buddy.
912
00:49:55,409 --> 00:49:57,093
I totally would
though, just for the record.
913
00:49:57,452 --> 00:49:58,452
Dude.
914
00:50:00,330 --> 00:50:01,389
What's the deal with those two?
915
00:50:03,125 --> 00:50:05,310
Heteropaternal
super-fuckin-dation.
916
00:50:06,962 --> 00:50:07,962
They're half-brother.
917
00:50:08,547 --> 00:50:09,547
Twists.
918
00:50:11,466 --> 00:50:12,466
Same mom.
919
00:50:13,093 --> 00:50:14,093
Same time.
920
00:50:14,803 --> 00:50:15,803
Different dance.
921
00:50:16,888 --> 00:50:17,888
Sounds hot.
922
00:50:19,349 --> 00:50:20,349
Daddy!
923
00:50:20,809 --> 00:50:21,809
Hey.
924
00:50:21,977 --> 00:50:23,203
Where's my little athlete?
925
00:50:24,020 --> 00:50:24,831
Oh.
926
00:50:24,855 --> 00:50:25,855
This is Miss Quinn.
927
00:50:26,773 --> 00:50:27,773
Alex, boys.
928
00:50:28,275 --> 00:50:29,275
It's good to see you.
929
00:50:29,401 --> 00:50:30,460
What's up, Mrs. G?
930
00:50:31,278 --> 00:50:32,278
Mwah.
931
00:50:32,904 --> 00:50:33,904
Hey, you.
932
00:50:35,782 --> 00:50:37,926
Hello, Robert.
933
00:50:39,286 --> 00:50:39,870
Hello, Darby.
934
00:50:39,870 --> 00:50:41,555
Put your hands off my boyfriend.
935
00:50:42,789 --> 00:50:45,809
Thanks for
bringing Winnie by, huh?
936
00:50:46,042 --> 00:50:47,102
I got a little caught up.
937
00:50:47,544 --> 00:50:49,354
Look at this.
938
00:50:49,671 --> 00:50:51,314
You got the
state champs back together.
939
00:50:51,840 --> 00:50:52,483
Yeah.
940
00:50:52,507 --> 00:50:54,442
We got a little something
cooking, if you can believe it.
941
00:50:54,801 --> 00:50:55,902
And a great friend.
942
00:50:56,470 --> 00:50:57,304
She's a journalist.
943
00:50:57,304 --> 00:50:58,530
You can't
believe anything she says.
944
00:50:59,765 --> 00:51:00,765
No, it's fine.
945
00:51:00,891 --> 00:51:02,909
I mean, why wouldn't you date?
946
00:51:03,477 --> 00:51:04,477
I just...
947
00:51:05,812 --> 00:51:07,455
I hope you're friendly, Abby.
948
00:51:08,482 --> 00:51:09,482
Darby.
949
00:51:11,777 --> 00:51:13,420
That's right.
950
00:51:13,695 --> 00:51:14,571
Walk away, bitch.
951
00:51:14,571 --> 00:51:15,755
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
952
00:51:16,573 --> 00:51:18,008
It's the mother of my child, okay?
953
00:51:19,743 --> 00:51:20,969
Plus, I owe
her a mortgage payment.
954
00:51:21,536 --> 00:51:22,329
It's the newest one.
955
00:51:22,329 --> 00:51:23,205
This just came out this year.
956
00:51:23,205 --> 00:51:24,681
I saw a commercial for it.
957
00:51:25,040 --> 00:51:26,040
Lady Balders.
958
00:51:26,666 --> 00:51:27,666
Man up.
959
00:51:28,210 --> 00:51:29,269
Come on!
960
00:51:29,961 --> 00:51:32,647
Yes, sir.
961
00:51:32,672 --> 00:51:35,317
Ladies, ladies,
you look ridiculous.
962
00:51:35,467 --> 00:51:37,677
Felix, get that bra off your head.
963
00:51:37,677 --> 00:51:39,196
And you got to shave your beard.
964
00:51:39,346 --> 00:51:39,781
Girls don't have beards, right?
965
00:51:39,805 --> 00:51:42,198
Well, I've told
girls have beards, Daddy.
966
00:51:42,641 --> 00:51:43,825
My aunt teaches a girl.
967
00:51:44,100 --> 00:51:45,100
Her beard is great.
968
00:51:46,061 --> 00:51:47,729
Daddy's a
little busy, so we're just
969
00:51:47,729 --> 00:51:49,331
gonna put those
head things right back.
970
00:51:49,564 --> 00:51:50,707
Your little spawn is right.
971
00:51:51,650 --> 00:51:52,751
Girls can have beards.
972
00:51:53,527 --> 00:51:54,527
It's a great head line.
973
00:51:55,987 --> 00:51:57,881
What else has
your teacher told you?
974
00:52:07,499 --> 00:52:09,935
Pansexual is a
whole different category,
975
00:52:10,335 --> 00:52:12,879
but really, you'll
need a crap ton of drugs
976
00:52:12,879 --> 00:52:15,841
or complicated surgery
every seven or eight months
977
00:52:15,841 --> 00:52:16,983
if your body is morbid.
978
00:52:19,135 --> 00:52:23,281
So a guy can become a girl
with no physical changes at all?
979
00:52:23,932 --> 00:52:24,784
They were always a girl.
980
00:52:24,808 --> 00:52:28,328
Unless they
decide they're guys again.
981
00:52:28,687 --> 00:52:30,997
In which case,
they were always guys.
982
00:52:31,565 --> 00:52:33,875
But what if they,
like, go back and forth?
983
00:52:34,150 --> 00:52:35,710
Oh, that's called gender-fluid.
984
00:52:35,861 --> 00:52:36,861
Mm.
985
00:52:37,153 --> 00:52:39,339
So I can be a woman on the court
986
00:52:39,781 --> 00:52:41,950
and a man in the bedroom.
987
00:52:41,950 --> 00:52:43,076
I can't believe it.
988
00:52:43,076 --> 00:52:44,076
Nice!
989
00:52:44,244 --> 00:52:45,887
You mean when you're sleeping?
990
00:52:48,665 --> 00:52:49,665
Yes.
991
00:52:49,916 --> 00:52:50,768
Okay.
992
00:52:50,792 --> 00:52:52,627
I think that's
enough knowledge for one day.
993
00:52:52,627 --> 00:52:53,627
Thank you, sweetie.
994
00:52:54,963 --> 00:52:57,273
So, any questions?
995
00:52:58,758 --> 00:53:02,821
Yeah, Coach, what is a woman?
996
00:53:05,807 --> 00:53:06,825
Guys, it's easy.
997
00:53:07,309 --> 00:53:09,160
Women are just
like men, only better.
998
00:53:10,645 --> 00:53:11,663
Just shave your legs.
999
00:53:12,230 --> 00:53:13,565
Tell each other how brave you are
1000
00:53:13,565 --> 00:53:16,251
for things that require
absolutely no physical courage.
1001
00:53:17,110 --> 00:53:18,670
And don't be
afraid to cry at work.
1002
00:53:19,446 --> 00:53:20,446
Easy peasy.
1003
00:53:24,492 --> 00:53:25,492
All right.
1004
00:53:25,785 --> 00:53:27,178
I think that's enough, ladies.
1005
00:53:27,495 --> 00:53:28,495
Better get some sleep.
1006
00:53:28,955 --> 00:53:30,640
Tomorrow, we start winning.
1007
00:53:30,790 --> 00:53:31,767
Let's go.
1008
00:53:31,791 --> 00:53:32,791
So brave.
1009
00:53:48,808 --> 00:53:50,852
History is being made today.
1010
00:53:50,852 --> 00:53:52,078
As for the first time ever,
1011
00:53:52,395 --> 00:53:54,022
the United States
will choose the athletes
1012
00:53:54,022 --> 00:53:55,231
they send to the global games
1013
00:53:55,231 --> 00:53:58,376
from a
competition open to all Americans.
1014
00:53:59,444 --> 00:54:03,089
It's nice to know the
little guy has a chance for once, Gwen.
1015
00:54:03,573 --> 00:54:05,967
During my two weeks
of sensitivity training,
1016
00:54:06,242 --> 00:54:09,805
I discovered that I am
not only a raging scolio-sexual,
1017
00:54:09,829 --> 00:54:14,684
but also one
2,048th pure Dakota Indian.
1018
00:54:15,043 --> 00:54:17,979
So I know what it's
like to overcome adversity.
1019
00:54:18,546 --> 00:54:19,546
Right, Stacey?
1020
00:54:20,340 --> 00:54:23,359
Stacey Santiago
O'Brien is my slave name.
1021
00:54:25,011 --> 00:54:26,011
Okay.
1022
00:54:36,606 --> 00:54:38,458
Stacey, Drake, back to you.
1023
00:54:39,776 --> 00:54:42,879
Remember that feeling, boys?
1024
00:54:42,946 --> 00:54:44,047
The thrill of the crowd.
1025
00:54:49,202 --> 00:54:50,202
Are you crazy?
1026
00:54:50,495 --> 00:54:51,495
What?
1027
00:54:54,040 --> 00:54:55,225
All right, pack it up.
1028
00:54:55,542 --> 00:54:56,542
Pack it up.
1029
00:54:57,127 --> 00:54:57,645
Here we go.
1030
00:54:57,669 --> 00:54:58,669
Here we go.
1031
00:55:01,172 --> 00:55:03,858
That's the end of
the men's qualifying round.
1032
00:55:04,175 --> 00:55:05,777
Up next, the women!
1033
00:55:06,386 --> 00:55:06,862
Who owns this game?
1034
00:55:06,886 --> 00:55:08,805
Lady Bo!
1035
00:55:08,805 --> 00:55:10,365
Who was born for this game?
1036
00:55:10,640 --> 00:55:11,099
Lady Bo!
1037
00:55:11,099 --> 00:55:12,117
Who loved America?
1038
00:55:12,559 --> 00:55:13,868
Lady Boers!
1039
00:55:13,977 --> 00:55:14,994
Who could keep a secret?
1040
00:55:15,854 --> 00:55:16,854
Lady Boers.
1041
00:55:17,188 --> 00:55:18,414
Lady Boers on three.
1042
00:55:18,732 --> 00:55:20,041
One, two, three.
1043
00:55:20,108 --> 00:55:21,167
The Lady Boers!
1044
00:55:54,434 --> 00:55:55,618
This is ladies' basketball, boys.
1045
00:55:56,519 --> 00:55:57,519
Nobody watch us.
1046
00:55:58,271 --> 00:55:59,831
You said the thrill of the crowd.
1047
00:56:01,024 --> 00:56:02,024
That was rhetorical.
1048
00:56:03,109 --> 00:56:04,544
How'd they clear out so fast?
1049
00:56:05,987 --> 00:56:07,463
I don't know.
1050
00:56:15,413 --> 00:56:20,543
No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
1051
00:56:20,543 --> 00:56:22,270
Hey! What's your problem?
1052
00:56:22,670 --> 00:56:24,355
Never seen a
ladies' basketball team before?
1053
00:56:25,173 --> 00:56:26,232
Those aren't--
1054
00:56:26,382 --> 00:56:27,193
Wait.
1055
00:56:27,217 --> 00:56:28,217
What?
1056
00:56:33,014 --> 00:56:34,824
Guys, I'm getting
paid like 50 bucks to be here.
1057
00:56:35,058 --> 00:56:36,058
I don't care.
1058
00:56:40,688 --> 00:56:41,688
Hey.
1059
00:56:43,775 --> 00:56:45,210
I'm a lesbian.
1060
00:56:46,861 --> 00:56:47,879
I'm a lesbian.
1061
00:56:51,491 --> 00:56:57,263
All right, ladies. Keep it clean.
1062
00:56:57,664 --> 00:56:58,599
Keep it tucked.
1063
00:56:58,623 --> 00:56:59,623
Destroy.
1064
00:57:00,875 --> 00:57:03,269
Hey! Hey! Hey!
1065
00:57:03,378 --> 00:57:04,479
Back on deep! Back on deep!
1066
00:57:05,171 --> 00:57:06,023
Get out! Get out!
1067
00:57:06,047 --> 00:57:06,524
Let me in!
1068
00:57:06,548 --> 00:57:07,774
Let me in! Let me in!
1069
00:57:08,299 --> 00:57:09,276
What are they doing?
1070
00:57:09,300 --> 00:57:10,360
I think they're running a set.
1071
00:57:10,635 --> 00:57:11,635
They're making me nervous.
1072
00:57:12,137 --> 00:57:13,196
Hey, watch out! Watch out!
1073
00:57:14,222 --> 00:57:16,432
Oh, my God!
1074
00:57:16,432 --> 00:57:17,851
I am so sorry.
1075
00:57:17,851 --> 00:57:19,035
Hey! Get down the corner!
1076
00:57:40,415 --> 00:57:41,415
That's garbage!
1077
00:57:43,793 --> 00:57:46,562
Technical! And you shut the
up the transphobic mother
1078
00:57:46,796 --> 00:57:48,147
Oh.
1079
00:58:00,393 --> 00:58:04,330
♪ Welcome to my rodeo ♪
1080
00:58:04,898 --> 00:58:12,714
♪ Welcome to my rodeo ♪
1081
00:58:13,114 --> 00:58:17,760
♪ Welcome to my rodeo ♪
1082
00:58:22,790 --> 00:58:24,017
Okay, it's going!
1083
00:58:49,192 --> 00:58:51,836
-This is much better!
-This is much better!
1084
00:58:51,945 --> 00:58:53,947
Yeah! This is great.
1085
00:58:53,947 --> 00:58:55,506
It's like
watching men's basketball.
1086
00:58:56,783 --> 00:58:57,783
Yes!
1087
00:59:22,892 --> 00:59:24,869
-Let's go, girls!
-Go!
1088
00:59:31,109 --> 00:59:37,757
-You did it, Daddy!
-Oh, there he is.
1089
00:59:38,533 --> 00:59:41,344
We're hugging.
We're hugging. It's weird.
1090
00:59:41,786 --> 00:59:43,137
Lady balls forever, baby!
1091
00:59:45,623 --> 00:59:46,623
Davila.
1092
00:59:46,791 --> 00:59:49,852
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
1093
00:59:51,337 --> 00:59:56,192
Lady balls forever!
1094
00:59:57,093 --> 00:59:58,903
Lady balls forever!
1095
01:00:00,054 --> 01:00:01,656
Lady balls forever!
1096
01:00:01,973 --> 01:00:02,973
Lady balls forever!
1097
01:00:09,772 --> 01:00:12,483
-Come on.
-Come on.
1098
01:00:12,483 --> 01:00:13,483
Up, up, up.
1099
01:00:13,818 --> 01:00:15,837
Guys, I'm on the team now.
1100
01:00:16,279 --> 01:00:18,798
That felt good.
1101
01:00:18,823 --> 01:00:21,634
The crowd loved us.
1102
01:00:21,951 --> 01:00:23,469
Have you seen
the reaction on social?
1103
01:00:24,996 --> 01:00:25,931
We're heroes.
1104
01:00:25,955 --> 01:00:27,473
I didn't know it
was gonna feel this good.
1105
01:00:27,707 --> 01:00:29,016
I want to
stuff myself in a locker.
1106
01:00:30,793 --> 01:00:31,770
Pfft.
1107
01:00:31,794 --> 01:00:34,188
How does it feel
to be winners again, boys?
1108
01:00:35,590 --> 01:00:36,883
-Amazing.
-Incredible.
1109
01:00:36,883 --> 01:00:37,883
Amazing.
1110
01:00:39,093 --> 01:00:40,093
David, what's your problem?
1111
01:00:42,347 --> 01:00:43,324
I don't know, Coach.
1112
01:00:43,348 --> 01:00:45,784
It's just some of those
girls were out there beating.
1113
01:00:45,808 --> 01:00:48,494
They've worked their
entire lives for this opportunity.
1114
01:00:49,562 --> 01:00:50,746
I didn't make the rules, pal.
1115
01:00:51,105 --> 01:00:54,776
Okay, but aren't we
just using our innate strength
1116
01:00:54,776 --> 01:00:58,071
and speed to
wail on a bunch of girls
1117
01:00:58,071 --> 01:01:01,115
in a competition
where we wouldn't stand a chance
1118
01:01:01,115 --> 01:01:02,216
against other men?
1119
01:01:02,784 --> 01:01:03,677
None.
1120
01:01:03,701 --> 01:01:06,679
I mean, Coach,
what's that make us?
1121
01:01:07,497 --> 01:01:08,497
Winners.
1122
01:01:08,706 --> 01:01:10,766
I'll take the
course I would for a thousand.
1123
01:01:11,084 --> 01:01:12,627
I'm a growing coach.
1124
01:01:12,627 --> 01:01:14,604
I'm keeping
these cups a daily double.
1125
01:01:18,800 --> 01:01:19,800
Oh, no, darling.
1126
01:01:19,884 --> 01:01:21,319
-Aww.
-Ugh.
1127
01:01:21,594 --> 01:01:22,594
Put a baby in me.
1128
01:01:22,845 --> 01:01:23,845
What?
1129
01:01:24,055 --> 01:01:25,055
No, you're right.
1130
01:01:25,264 --> 01:01:27,450
The last thing I need
is another abortion this year.
1131
01:01:28,226 --> 01:01:29,226
You're a monster.
1132
01:01:29,769 --> 01:01:30,769
What?
1133
01:01:31,396 --> 01:01:33,606
You have any idea what it
takes to be a female field reporter
1134
01:01:33,606 --> 01:01:35,708
in the 29th biggest media market?
1135
01:01:36,275 --> 01:01:37,275
No.
1136
01:01:38,194 --> 01:01:39,194
Whatever.
1137
01:01:39,487 --> 01:01:43,216
I just think what
we're doing here isn't right.
1138
01:01:44,659 --> 01:01:46,010
No way.
1139
01:01:46,661 --> 01:01:49,555
I just got
sponsored by Maybelline.
1140
01:01:49,789 --> 01:01:50,641
No, you didn't.
1141
01:01:50,665 --> 01:01:53,042
Nike wants me to be in
a commercial about tolerance
1142
01:01:53,042 --> 01:01:54,042
or some crap.
1143
01:01:54,210 --> 01:01:56,421
Nike wants me to be in
a commercial about tolerance
1144
01:01:56,421 --> 01:01:57,422
or some crap.
1145
01:01:57,422 --> 01:01:58,232
Shh.
1146
01:01:58,256 --> 01:01:59,882
I was just
invited to the White House
1147
01:01:59,882 --> 01:02:02,443
to give a talk on women's rights.
1148
01:02:02,635 --> 01:02:03,302
You earn that.
1149
01:02:03,302 --> 01:02:04,154
You own it.
1150
01:02:04,178 --> 01:02:05,178
You go, girl.
1151
01:02:05,555 --> 01:02:07,156
Welcome to the
virtue economy, girls.
1152
01:02:07,932 --> 01:02:09,951
And that's just
from one game of basketball.
1153
01:02:11,018 --> 01:02:12,788
You could win at any sport.
1154
01:02:12,812 --> 01:02:16,666
You could win at every sport.
1155
01:02:17,650 --> 01:02:17,918
What?
1156
01:02:17,942 --> 01:02:19,294
No, no, no, no.
1157
01:02:19,318 --> 01:02:20,212
Focus up.
1158
01:02:20,236 --> 01:02:21,046
Focus up.
1159
01:02:21,070 --> 01:02:22,129
She's right, Coach.
1160
01:02:22,530 --> 01:02:24,799
We could
dominate every woman's sport.
1161
01:02:25,575 --> 01:02:27,343
Running, swimming, soccer.
1162
01:02:27,493 --> 01:02:29,095
I said sport, Felix.
1163
01:02:29,704 --> 01:02:31,013
Hey, we talked about this.
1164
01:02:31,914 --> 01:02:33,099
We could be kings.
1165
01:02:33,624 --> 01:02:34,624
Queens.
1166
01:02:35,084 --> 01:02:36,811
No, that's not the plan.
1167
01:02:37,003 --> 01:02:38,062
We're here to play basketball.
1168
01:02:38,504 --> 01:02:40,648
We still have four games
to go before we even qualify.
1169
01:02:40,965 --> 01:02:41,775
You can't assume
they're all going to be this easy.
1170
01:02:43,843 --> 01:02:44,777
I'm with her.
1171
01:02:47,555 --> 01:02:49,265
Holy crap!
1172
01:02:49,265 --> 01:02:50,265
They are going to be this easy.
1173
01:03:33,393 --> 01:03:36,729
One small step for dudes,
one giant leap for lesbians.
1174
01:04:06,801 --> 01:04:10,012
♪ You've
always had the freedom ♪
1175
01:04:10,012 --> 01:04:12,073
Day one of being a girl athlete.
1176
01:04:12,473 --> 01:04:14,850
I've already eaten a
whole pint of pistachio ice cream,
1177
01:04:14,850 --> 01:04:16,827
given up on
parallel parking twice,
1178
01:04:17,228 --> 01:04:19,146
re-read "Sense and Sensibility,"
1179
01:04:19,146 --> 01:04:22,500
and started washing
down Benzo Diassepines with rose.
1180
01:04:23,734 --> 01:04:26,587
I love being a
girl. How'd I do, ladies?
1181
01:04:27,989 --> 01:04:30,324
♪ This is
yours, the winner lose ♪
1182
01:04:30,324 --> 01:04:31,784
♪ We're counting on ya ♪
1183
01:04:31,784 --> 01:04:33,661
♪ Butterfly just look inside ♪
1184
01:04:33,661 --> 01:04:34,137
♪ We're waiting on ya ♪
1185
01:04:34,161 --> 01:04:38,833
♪ You've
always had the freedom ♪
1186
01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:41,419
♪ Take any
commas and meet them ♪
1187
01:04:41,419 --> 01:04:43,938
My pronoun-ter, I'm strong.
1188
01:04:45,214 --> 01:04:49,093
♪ You've
always had the freedom ♪
1189
01:04:49,093 --> 01:04:53,197
♪ Take
any commas and meet them ♪
1190
01:06:34,990 --> 01:06:38,010
And I guess if
I'm really being honest,
1191
01:06:39,078 --> 01:06:40,805
I've never
completely known myself,
1192
01:06:41,997 --> 01:06:44,892
or been known, until now.
1193
01:06:46,085 --> 01:06:48,270
You've all
overcome so many obstacles.
1194
01:06:49,422 --> 01:06:52,107
I've developed
body positivity issues.
1195
01:06:52,675 --> 01:06:53,675
She's a fan.
1196
01:06:54,009 --> 01:06:55,945
Yeah, it still hasn't been easy.
1197
01:06:56,846 --> 01:06:58,723
Yeah, some
people won't even let us use
1198
01:06:58,723 --> 01:07:01,158
the women's showers, no.
1199
01:07:01,475 --> 01:07:02,618
Such bigotry.
1200
01:07:02,893 --> 01:07:04,350
You know, it's been a special hard.
1201
01:07:04,374 --> 01:07:05,830
for Felix here,
1202
01:07:05,938 --> 01:07:07,706
who was bullied in high school.
1203
01:07:08,232 --> 01:07:10,251
It's Sheilich's coach.
1204
01:07:11,610 --> 01:07:13,237
Maybe you can
just like not dead name me
1205
01:07:13,237 --> 01:07:14,839
for five frickin' seconds.
1206
01:07:15,072 --> 01:07:17,366
Okay, that's, you
know, as my daughter Winnie
1207
01:07:17,366 --> 01:07:19,885
has informed me, one
can even be Trans-Aged now,
1208
01:07:20,202 --> 01:07:22,288
which provides Sheilich
with a wonderful opportunity
1209
01:07:22,288 --> 01:07:24,473
to relive all
the experiences that she
1210
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:26,040
missed out on in school.
1211
01:07:26,959 --> 01:07:27,959
Like having my period.
1212
01:07:28,544 --> 01:07:29,479
Never happened.
1213
01:07:29,503 --> 01:07:30,503
Yes.
1214
01:07:30,671 --> 01:07:31,856
Let's go to the package.
1215
01:08:19,804 --> 01:08:21,388
What do you say,
coach, to people at home
1216
01:08:21,388 --> 01:08:25,200
who suggest your athletes
have unfair natural advantages?
1217
01:08:25,601 --> 01:08:27,812
And LeBron
doesn't, Tiger doesn't.
1218
01:08:27,812 --> 01:08:29,997
We're talking
about elite athletes, Quinn.
1219
01:08:30,022 --> 01:08:31,457
Of course they have natural gifts.
1220
01:08:31,774 --> 01:08:33,250
What about
people who say that women
1221
01:08:33,526 --> 01:08:35,085
could never
compete in men's sports?
1222
01:08:35,444 --> 01:08:36,444
Well, that's a lie.
1223
01:08:36,862 --> 01:08:39,423
Caitlyn Jenner won
the men's decathlon in 1976.
1224
01:08:39,907 --> 01:08:42,117
My ladies were
high school state champions
1225
01:08:42,117 --> 01:08:43,177
and boys basketball.
1226
01:08:44,078 --> 01:08:46,639
Some would say
they were boys back then.
1227
01:08:47,206 --> 01:08:48,849
Well, anyone who would say that
1228
01:08:49,792 --> 01:08:51,101
doesn't understand science.
1229
01:08:54,380 --> 01:08:55,856
And cut.
1230
01:08:57,174 --> 01:08:58,174
That was fun.
1231
01:08:58,384 --> 01:09:00,553
You wanna grab some avocado toast
1232
01:09:00,553 --> 01:09:01,695
and tie me to the furnace again?
1233
01:09:01,971 --> 01:09:03,764
I think the
blisters are starting to heal
1234
01:09:03,764 --> 01:09:04,764
from last time.
1235
01:09:04,807 --> 01:09:05,807
Not here, you idiot.
1236
01:09:06,392 --> 01:09:08,829
That was awesome, Mrs. Weil.
1237
01:09:08,853 --> 01:09:10,120
Who said you could speak to me?
1238
01:09:10,813 --> 01:09:11,813
Okay.
1239
01:09:12,606 --> 01:09:14,249
You did it, daddy.
1240
01:09:14,483 --> 01:09:15,483
Hey.
1241
01:09:15,526 --> 01:09:17,336
Oh, there she is.
1242
01:09:17,653 --> 01:09:18,653
Okay.
1243
01:09:18,863 --> 01:09:21,131
Daddy's gonna talk
to the girls for one minute.
1244
01:09:21,407 --> 01:09:22,407
Can you wait for me over there?
1245
01:09:23,576 --> 01:09:25,177
What's up in here?
1246
01:09:25,327 --> 01:09:27,680
Bellas, where's the after party?
1247
01:09:28,038 --> 01:09:29,139
No party for me, coach.
1248
01:09:29,748 --> 01:09:30,916
Gotta work on my backhand
1249
01:09:30,916 --> 01:09:33,060
so I can make the
women's tennis team tomorrow.
1250
01:09:33,669 --> 01:09:34,669
Yeah.
1251
01:09:34,962 --> 01:09:35,963
We're out too, coach.
1252
01:09:35,963 --> 01:09:38,132
Got a couple of
hotheads coming over to the office
1253
01:09:38,132 --> 01:09:40,442
for an old fashioned sleepover.
1254
01:09:41,010 --> 01:09:41,468
Oh yeah.
1255
01:09:41,468 --> 01:09:43,179
Y'all know girls
don't have sex with each other
1256
01:09:43,179 --> 01:09:44,430
at sleepovers, right?
1257
01:09:44,430 --> 01:09:45,430
Wait, what?
1258
01:09:45,890 --> 01:09:46,682
They told me tonight.
1259
01:09:46,682 --> 01:09:47,892
Get internet name
safe, I didn't make this.
1260
01:09:47,892 --> 01:09:48,392
That's what I gave you.
1261
01:09:48,392 --> 01:09:49,393
You can have a bow in your ear.
1262
01:09:49,393 --> 01:09:50,393
What, what are you lying?
1263
01:09:50,477 --> 01:09:51,495
Well, that's
why my mom hated you.
1264
01:09:52,813 --> 01:09:53,813
Felix.
1265
01:09:54,064 --> 01:09:54,833
Huh?
1266
01:09:54,857 --> 01:09:55,857
Got a blog, babe.
1267
01:09:56,567 --> 01:09:58,168
Day three of being a girl athlete,
1268
01:09:58,360 --> 01:10:00,421
I already have
two million followers.
1269
01:10:01,113 --> 01:10:02,589
Like and subscribe, bitch.
1270
01:10:04,450 --> 01:10:06,118
Well hey, I need you
fresh tomorrow for the game.
1271
01:10:06,118 --> 01:10:07,161
I don't stay up all night.
1272
01:10:07,161 --> 01:10:08,429
I'm always fresh, girl.
1273
01:10:11,206 --> 01:10:14,210
Hey, that was
quite a display back there
1274
01:10:14,210 --> 01:10:15,519
with the
waterworks, you all right?
1275
01:10:15,920 --> 01:10:17,062
I'm in every word.
1276
01:10:17,421 --> 01:10:19,315
This is the best
experience of my life, coach.
1277
01:10:20,215 --> 01:10:21,817
I feel like a brand new woman.
1278
01:10:22,760 --> 01:10:23,760
Brand new man?
1279
01:10:24,011 --> 01:10:25,011
What?
1280
01:10:25,846 --> 01:10:27,139
Oops, where is my head?
1281
01:10:27,139 --> 01:10:28,933
I've got to get to
the spa for a mani-pedi
1282
01:10:28,933 --> 01:10:29,933
before the game tomorrow.
1283
01:10:33,145 --> 01:10:35,706
That was weird.
1284
01:10:41,779 --> 01:10:49,779
Mommy!
1285
01:10:51,705 --> 01:10:52,539
Hi, sweetie.
1286
01:10:52,539 --> 01:10:53,539
Hi.
1287
01:10:54,291 --> 01:10:56,794
Can you go wait with
Chris in the car for a second?
1288
01:10:56,794 --> 01:10:58,479
Mommy needs to
talk to daddy for a minute.
1289
01:11:00,005 --> 01:11:02,483
What's up?
1290
01:11:03,008 --> 01:11:04,568
You have to stop, Rob.
1291
01:11:04,760 --> 01:11:05,737
Stop what?
1292
01:11:05,761 --> 01:11:06,779
The Crane boys, really?
1293
01:11:06,929 --> 01:11:07,906
What about them?
1294
01:11:07,930 --> 01:11:09,698
They barely even
bothered to shave their legs.
1295
01:11:10,808 --> 01:11:12,701
My former lover, the turf.
1296
01:11:12,810 --> 01:11:13,869
Oh please.
1297
01:11:14,269 --> 01:11:15,412
Look, I don't
know what to tell you.
1298
01:11:15,646 --> 01:11:17,856
My girls say
they're girls, so they're girls.
1299
01:11:17,856 --> 01:11:19,249
But they don't even believe it.
1300
01:11:19,608 --> 01:11:20,667
Except maybe Alex.
1301
01:11:21,402 --> 01:11:22,544
That kid isn't well.
1302
01:11:23,237 --> 01:11:24,237
No.
1303
01:11:27,241 --> 01:11:28,241
You know what I think they need?
1304
01:11:31,578 --> 01:11:32,578
A hug.
1305
01:11:34,957 --> 01:11:38,644
Half of these ideas
come from Winnie, you know?
1306
01:11:38,919 --> 01:11:40,212
Between your stupid woke school
1307
01:11:40,212 --> 01:11:41,672
and your stupid woke boyfriend.
1308
01:11:41,672 --> 01:11:42,423
That's different.
1309
01:11:42,423 --> 01:11:43,423
How is it different?
1310
01:11:43,632 --> 01:11:46,568
Chris, he's big hearted.
1311
01:11:47,261 --> 01:11:48,404
You're taking advantage.
1312
01:11:48,804 --> 01:11:51,198
So guys like Chris
get to just make this crap up
1313
01:11:51,306 --> 01:11:53,117
and if I go along
with it, I'm taking advantage?
1314
01:11:53,350 --> 01:11:54,101
That's real nice.
1315
01:11:54,101 --> 01:11:55,244
You're better than this, Rob.
1316
01:11:55,436 --> 01:11:56,353
You're the
one who couldn't handle
1317
01:11:56,353 --> 01:11:57,353
being married to a loser.
1318
01:11:57,521 --> 01:11:59,289
You're the one who
told me to try winning sometime.
1319
01:11:59,523 --> 01:12:01,417
I never
cared if you won or lost.
1320
01:12:01,859 --> 01:12:03,252
I just wanted you to be happy.
1321
01:12:03,652 --> 01:12:05,404
You were always so unhappy.
1322
01:12:05,404 --> 01:12:07,381
Well take a good
look, cause I'm happy, baby.
1323
01:12:07,656 --> 01:12:08,882
You know this is wrong.
1324
01:12:09,199 --> 01:12:10,951
I'm happy
and my girls are happy.
1325
01:12:10,951 --> 01:12:12,427
They're not real girls.
1326
01:12:14,663 --> 01:12:18,600
Chris?
1327
01:12:22,254 --> 01:12:23,313
No, you know what?
1328
01:12:23,797 --> 01:12:25,983
Fine, I'm the bad guy.
1329
01:12:27,384 --> 01:12:28,384
Come on, Winnie.
1330
01:12:34,391 --> 01:12:38,537
At least we
still have each other.
1331
01:12:44,068 --> 01:12:45,669
How much?
1332
01:13:02,044 --> 01:13:03,979
Alexa, what's your problem?
1333
01:13:04,171 --> 01:13:05,171
Hit the game!
1334
01:13:08,592 --> 01:13:09,592
Come on.
1335
01:13:14,223 --> 01:13:15,223
Get it!
1336
01:13:15,307 --> 01:13:17,993
Come on!
1337
01:13:19,061 --> 01:13:20,245
Get your weight, girl!
1338
01:13:34,201 --> 01:13:36,703
Excuse me, are these seats open?
1339
01:13:38,956 --> 01:13:39,956
Nevermind.
1340
01:13:41,166 --> 01:13:43,060
Told you we should
have sprung for the box seats.
1341
01:13:45,838 --> 01:13:46,547
What's your problem?
1342
01:13:46,547 --> 01:13:47,898
I think the girl broke my nail.
1343
01:13:48,465 --> 01:13:49,465
Get off my foot.
1344
01:13:50,843 --> 01:13:51,778
You?
1345
01:13:51,802 --> 01:13:53,111
Tennis looks so easy.
1346
01:13:54,930 --> 01:13:56,990
Blair, would you run a
frickin' marathon last night?
1347
01:13:57,432 --> 01:13:59,059
Let's just say, David was wrong
1348
01:13:59,059 --> 01:14:00,953
about the girl's
sleepover last night, Coach.
1349
01:14:01,228 --> 01:14:02,228
Jake?
1350
01:14:03,939 --> 01:14:05,190
Let's just say David was wrong
1351
01:14:05,190 --> 01:14:07,125
about the girl's
sleepover last night, Coach.
1352
01:14:08,152 --> 01:14:10,654
Monica from the
Hawkeyes played a little one-on-one
1353
01:14:10,654 --> 01:14:12,881
with her last
night, shirts and skin style.
1354
01:14:13,365 --> 01:14:14,867
Kicked me up like half the night.
1355
01:14:14,867 --> 01:14:15,677
What?
1356
01:14:15,701 --> 01:14:17,135
Monica kept me up half the night.
1357
01:14:17,202 --> 01:14:18,202
Which half?
1358
01:14:19,204 --> 01:14:20,264
Hey, hey, hey!
1359
01:14:21,582 --> 01:14:22,683
Coach, you're not the targets.
1360
01:14:22,791 --> 01:14:23,791
What's the matter with you?
1361
01:14:25,752 --> 01:14:26,752
Shut up!
1362
01:14:26,920 --> 01:14:28,230
Hey, not that!
1363
01:14:32,759 --> 01:14:34,444
Hey!
1364
01:14:59,995 --> 01:15:00,995
First test.
1365
01:15:04,082 --> 01:15:11,023
All right!
1366
01:15:12,049 --> 01:15:13,859
What can I say?
1367
01:15:14,259 --> 01:15:15,861
It wasn't a
pretty win, but it was a win.
1368
01:15:16,386 --> 01:15:17,654
My girls look
forward to participating
1369
01:15:17,763 --> 01:15:19,614
in the championship
game tomorrow, that's it.
1370
01:15:20,182 --> 01:15:21,182
Any questions?
1371
01:15:40,327 --> 01:15:42,287
Daddy, can we talk?
1372
01:15:43,664 --> 01:15:45,666
Daddy's a
little busy right now, honey.
1373
01:15:45,666 --> 01:15:46,666
Can we?
1374
01:15:49,711 --> 01:15:53,106
No, of course
you can, baby, anytime.
1375
01:15:55,759 --> 01:15:57,569
Come on, sit down, yeah?
1376
01:16:00,889 --> 01:16:02,949
I'm sorry you saw Mom
and Dad fighting last night, huh?
1377
01:16:03,308 --> 01:16:04,308
That's not for you.
1378
01:16:04,726 --> 01:16:05,994
I wanna be a boy.
1379
01:16:08,188 --> 01:16:09,956
What?
1380
01:16:10,440 --> 01:16:12,417
I wanna be a
winner just like you, Daddy.
1381
01:16:18,240 --> 01:16:19,674
What's that have
to do with being a boy?
1382
01:16:20,867 --> 01:16:22,010
Boys are better at everything.
1383
01:16:22,911 --> 01:16:23,911
Oh, honey.
1384
01:16:24,705 --> 01:16:26,556
That's just not true.
1385
01:16:26,748 --> 01:16:27,748
They're better at basketball.
1386
01:16:28,208 --> 01:16:29,309
Okay, yeah, basketball.
1387
01:16:29,668 --> 01:16:30,668
And swimming.
1388
01:16:30,711 --> 01:16:31,396
Okay.
1389
01:16:31,420 --> 01:16:32,188
MMA.
1390
01:16:32,212 --> 01:16:33,230
That goes without saying.
1391
01:16:33,422 --> 01:16:35,565
And running, and
javelin, power lifting,
1392
01:16:35,757 --> 01:16:37,776
shot putt,
hockey, karate, football,
1393
01:16:37,968 --> 01:16:41,154
hole vault, driving,
parking, most of the STEM fields,
1394
01:16:41,430 --> 01:16:43,365
rock and roll,
opening pickle jars!
1395
01:16:43,682 --> 01:16:44,682
Okay!
1396
01:16:45,600 --> 01:16:47,369
Yeah, boys are
better at all of those things.
1397
01:16:48,353 --> 01:16:49,746
But those are just things, Winnie.
1398
01:16:50,355 --> 01:16:52,541
Things boys made up so
we'd have something to be good at.
1399
01:16:55,652 --> 01:16:56,652
Doesn't matter anyway.
1400
01:16:57,696 --> 01:16:59,631
Those girls can't become boys.
1401
01:17:01,491 --> 01:17:03,260
Boys clearly can't become girls.
1402
01:17:05,287 --> 01:17:08,390
Listen, women are
better at all kinds of things.
1403
01:17:09,249 --> 01:17:12,227
They can be nurturing,
and sensitive, and empathetic.
1404
01:17:13,086 --> 01:17:14,671
Better at doing
lots of things at once,
1405
01:17:14,671 --> 01:17:16,898
and caring for a
lot of people at once.
1406
01:17:17,049 --> 01:17:19,818
They're better at
communicating, and building community,
1407
01:17:20,010 --> 01:17:24,281
and they civilize men.
1408
01:17:26,308 --> 01:17:27,743
It's the only
reason we have a civilization.
1409
01:17:28,727 --> 01:17:29,727
No women.
1410
01:17:31,605 --> 01:17:32,605
No world.
1411
01:17:34,483 --> 01:17:36,042
Did mommy civilize you?
1412
01:17:38,862 --> 01:17:42,299
She tried.
1413
01:17:47,037 --> 01:17:48,037
I think she's still trying.
1414
01:17:50,499 --> 01:17:51,892
Plus mommy
brought you into the world.
1415
01:17:52,918 --> 01:17:55,061
That's a superpower
no man will ever have, yeah?
1416
01:17:56,171 --> 01:17:57,171
Okay.
1417
01:18:00,217 --> 01:18:01,217
You go with mommy.
1418
01:18:01,676 --> 01:18:02,903
Daddy's got a
few things to figure out.
1419
01:18:42,300 --> 01:18:43,360
My God, you're weak.
1420
01:18:43,468 --> 01:18:44,778
How the hell
did you get in here?
1421
01:18:44,970 --> 01:18:45,987
You gave me a key.
1422
01:18:46,346 --> 01:18:48,573
I absolutely
did not give you a key.
1423
01:18:48,807 --> 01:18:49,950
You're right, I picked the lock.
1424
01:18:51,017 --> 01:18:52,452
What do you want, Gwen?
1425
01:18:52,853 --> 01:18:53,853
What do I want?
1426
01:18:54,020 --> 01:18:55,997
How about for you to
stick to your end of the deal?
1427
01:18:56,189 --> 01:18:59,109
Your merry band of losers
almost shit the bed out there.
1428
01:18:59,109 --> 01:19:00,277
Yeah, we won, didn't we?
1429
01:19:00,277 --> 01:19:01,277
And what's with all this?
1430
01:19:01,528 --> 01:19:02,963
Boys and girls
are different, honey.
1431
01:19:03,071 --> 01:19:04,256
At least you can have babies.
1432
01:19:04,573 --> 01:19:05,133
Crap.
1433
01:19:05,157 --> 01:19:06,424
Won't you bug the locker room?
1434
01:19:09,035 --> 01:19:11,429
What if that had
been for a different network?
1435
01:19:12,289 --> 01:19:13,289
Idiots.
1436
01:19:14,166 --> 01:19:16,184
I'm sorry, I
forgot I was mic'd, okay?
1437
01:19:18,211 --> 01:19:22,107
I just need
you to be open, Coach.
1438
01:19:23,508 --> 01:19:24,444
Okay?
1439
01:19:24,468 --> 01:19:25,819
No, no, I'm sorry.
1440
01:19:25,969 --> 01:19:27,445
I just, it's this divorce.
1441
01:19:28,305 --> 01:19:30,156
I think it's really
starting to affect my daughter.
1442
01:19:31,224 --> 01:19:32,224
Seriously?
1443
01:19:33,810 --> 01:19:35,787
Of course your divorce
is affecting your daughter.
1444
01:19:36,229 --> 01:19:38,648
70% of all people in
prison come from broken families.
1445
01:19:38,648 --> 01:19:40,585
She's twice as likely to do drugs,
1446
01:19:40,609 --> 01:19:42,043
twice as likely
to drop out of school,
1447
01:19:42,319 --> 01:19:44,237
four times as likely
to have trouble fitting in,
1448
01:19:44,237 --> 01:19:45,755
three times as
likely to end up in therapy,
1449
01:19:45,989 --> 01:19:47,507
twice as likely to commit suicide,
1450
01:19:47,908 --> 01:19:49,801
50% more likely
to have health problems.
1451
01:19:51,995 --> 01:19:54,097
Do you people not even
do a freaking Google search
1452
01:19:54,164 --> 01:19:57,142
before you decide to blow
up the planet your kids live on?
1453
01:19:59,795 --> 01:20:00,854
Greeders.
1454
01:20:07,302 --> 01:20:09,696
Buck, when are
you going to be fine?
1455
01:20:10,222 --> 01:20:10,430
I'm not going to be fine.
1456
01:20:10,430 --> 01:20:12,557
I'm just going to
keep fighting with my mom
1457
01:20:12,557 --> 01:20:15,410
and get her into a
school journalism program.
1458
01:20:17,062 --> 01:20:18,204
She could end up like me.
1459
01:20:19,564 --> 01:20:20,564
Oh God.
1460
01:20:33,328 --> 01:20:37,582
Look, I just need you
to focus on what really matters.
1461
01:20:40,168 --> 01:20:45,315
Winning tomorrow and
becoming the most important news story
1462
01:20:45,465 --> 01:20:48,151
in the history of sports.
1463
01:20:49,511 --> 01:20:50,511
Okay?
1464
01:20:53,181 --> 01:20:54,891
What we're doing to these women,
1465
01:20:54,891 --> 01:20:57,243
to the entire concept
of women's sports is wrong.
1466
01:21:04,734 --> 01:21:07,253
Stop it.
1467
01:21:07,529 --> 01:21:08,506
You listen to me, coach.
1468
01:21:08,530 --> 01:21:10,799
These are not sexy slaps.
1469
01:21:11,157 --> 01:21:12,134
Do you hear me?
1470
01:21:12,158 --> 01:21:13,593
Do not get aroused right now.
1471
01:21:13,702 --> 01:21:14,702
Not even a little.
1472
01:21:16,204 --> 01:21:19,683
I've staked my
entire future on this.
1473
01:21:20,041 --> 01:21:21,793
These transhumanist tech oligarchs
1474
01:21:21,793 --> 01:21:23,587
and nihilist college professors
1475
01:21:23,587 --> 01:21:26,047
have already convinced
every self-righteous housewife
1476
01:21:26,047 --> 01:21:28,550
with munchausen by
proxy to sacrifice their kids
1477
01:21:28,550 --> 01:21:30,068
on the altar of false virtue.
1478
01:21:31,636 --> 01:21:34,364
The least we
could do is get rich off it.
1479
01:21:36,224 --> 01:21:37,224
Greasy.
1480
01:21:37,434 --> 01:21:40,453
You ruin this for
me and I'll cut you in ways
1481
01:21:40,979 --> 01:21:43,456
that don't lead to orgasm.
1482
01:21:44,899 --> 01:21:46,292
I'll cancel you.
1483
01:21:47,068 --> 01:21:48,068
Robert.
1484
01:21:53,408 --> 01:21:54,801
Are we ever even gonna have sex?
1485
01:21:56,077 --> 01:21:57,470
How much?
1486
01:22:00,415 --> 01:22:04,352
It's an amazing
day for Middle Tennessee
1487
01:22:04,669 --> 01:22:08,690
as 10,000 people are
gathered right here in Music City
1488
01:22:09,007 --> 01:22:11,860
for the Women's
Championship Basketball Match
1489
01:22:12,177 --> 01:22:15,113
in the first ever US
Open for the Global Games.
1490
01:22:15,555 --> 01:22:19,242
A big day for sports
and a big day for trans rights.
1491
01:22:19,559 --> 01:22:21,244
Which are women's rights?
1492
01:22:21,478 --> 01:22:23,163
Which are human rights?
1493
01:22:23,313 --> 01:22:25,331
Why do you
always get to talk first?
1494
01:22:25,649 --> 01:22:26,833
I beg your pardon?
1495
01:22:27,025 --> 01:22:30,086
It's just evidence of
systemic sexism and racism, Drake.
1496
01:22:30,528 --> 01:22:31,588
You are very white.
1497
01:22:39,579 --> 01:22:42,223
Ladies and
gentlemen and in between,
1498
01:22:42,999 --> 01:22:47,479
from Nashville,
Tennessee, the Lady of Orange!
1499
01:23:03,144 --> 01:23:04,579
That's my daddy!
1500
01:23:07,649 --> 01:23:13,171
And from Santa
Fe, the skiddless cowgirls!
1501
01:23:43,101 --> 01:23:45,270
Why is Gwen
Wilde talking to their coach?
1502
01:23:47,021 --> 01:23:49,207
I mean,
what's wrong with his neck?
1503
01:23:51,317 --> 01:23:52,317
Furnace earth.
1504
01:23:52,444 --> 01:23:53,903
I dated a girl like that once.
1505
01:23:53,903 --> 01:23:55,548
The cowgirls seem to have made
1506
01:23:55,572 --> 01:23:57,632
some last minute substitutions.
1507
01:23:58,241 --> 01:24:00,009
Keep talking, big man.
1508
01:24:03,329 --> 01:24:04,848
Those aren't
the Santa Fe cowgirls.
1509
01:24:05,415 --> 01:24:07,809
Let's just say I
made some substitutions.
1510
01:24:08,168 --> 01:24:10,478
You can't substitute
players in a qualification match.
1511
01:24:10,795 --> 01:24:12,480
Qualifying the
players is the entire point.
1512
01:24:12,881 --> 01:24:14,148
There's no rule against it.
1513
01:24:15,717 --> 01:24:18,945
Yeah, we're pretty
much just making it up as we go.
1514
01:24:19,387 --> 01:24:20,697
But they're not real.
1515
01:24:20,972 --> 01:24:22,365
They're not what?
1516
01:24:29,147 --> 01:24:30,707
She told me
there's a sniper here
1517
01:24:30,857 --> 01:24:32,500
in the rafters right now.
1518
01:24:33,276 --> 01:24:34,276
Help me.
1519
01:24:36,362 --> 01:24:38,923
Okay.
1520
01:24:41,743 --> 01:24:42,760
What's the story there, coach?
1521
01:24:44,162 --> 01:24:49,559
Gentlemen, Alex, I've
known you men since you were boys.
1522
01:24:51,044 --> 01:24:52,003
This isn't the
first time we've walked
1523
01:24:52,003 --> 01:24:53,813
into a
championship game as the underdogs.
1524
01:24:54,839 --> 01:24:56,107
Remember what happened last time?
1525
01:24:56,966 --> 01:24:58,443
- We won.
- We won.
1526
01:24:59,260 --> 01:25:00,528
So ask yourselves this.
1527
01:25:01,596 --> 01:25:03,114
What do we have
then that we don't have now?
1528
01:25:03,431 --> 01:25:04,449
- Practice.
- Youth.
1529
01:25:04,557 --> 01:25:05,783
A black guy on the team?
1530
01:25:05,975 --> 01:25:07,018
- Heart.
- We had heart.
1531
01:25:07,018 --> 01:25:07,995
That is heart.
1532
01:25:08,019 --> 01:25:09,203
We had love of the game.
1533
01:25:09,729 --> 01:25:12,498
We had the desire to win
and the determination to do it.
1534
01:25:13,441 --> 01:25:16,586
There wasn't about
money then, sponsorships, fame.
1535
01:25:17,403 --> 01:25:18,696
Trying to keep
the psycho journalists
1536
01:25:18,696 --> 01:25:19,656
I've been trying to sleep with
1537
01:25:19,656 --> 01:25:21,341
from shooting us
all with sniper rifles.
1538
01:25:22,158 --> 01:25:23,158
What?
1539
01:25:23,326 --> 01:25:24,385
It was about basketball.
1540
01:25:24,994 --> 01:25:27,764
Wait, you got tied to
a furnace and didn't get laid?
1541
01:25:28,414 --> 01:25:30,099
I like to move slow, Blaine.
1542
01:25:31,167 --> 01:25:32,167
It's called respect.
1543
01:25:33,419 --> 01:25:35,271
It was about
love of competition then.
1544
01:25:36,130 --> 01:25:37,690
Love of your
teammates, love of America.
1545
01:25:38,800 --> 01:25:42,028
And it was about
one simple, beautiful truth.
1546
01:25:43,596 --> 01:25:46,908
Winners are just losers who win.
1547
01:25:47,225 --> 01:25:48,225
There he is.
1548
01:25:48,309 --> 01:25:52,038
I said winners
are just losers who win.
1549
01:25:52,647 --> 01:25:55,208
Winners are just losers who win.
1550
01:25:55,984 --> 01:25:57,877
Winners are just losers who win.
1551
01:25:58,653 --> 01:26:00,630
Winners are just losers who win.
1552
01:26:00,864 --> 01:26:01,906
Winners are just losers--
1553
01:26:01,906 --> 01:26:03,491
I'm so sick of you doing that.
1554
01:26:03,491 --> 01:26:05,159
How was I
supposed to know when to stop?
1555
01:26:05,159 --> 01:26:06,137
Did you guys practice?
1556
01:26:06,161 --> 01:26:07,303
We just hit a party with a cage.
1557
01:26:07,537 --> 01:26:08,537
How are you rich?
1558
01:26:08,621 --> 01:26:09,621
- Yeah.
- Come on, man.
1559
01:26:09,664 --> 01:26:11,224
Let's play some basketball.
1560
01:27:42,215 --> 01:27:46,402
That's the
end of the half, folks.
1561
01:27:59,023 --> 01:28:03,086
Bro, you know
tampons are for real girls, right?
1562
01:28:03,277 --> 01:28:05,963
No, now
they're for people who bleed.
1563
01:28:06,114 --> 01:28:07,507
Where'd you
even get those things?
1564
01:28:08,449 --> 01:28:10,009
I found them in Alex's purse.
1565
01:28:11,035 --> 01:28:12,745
Oh, God, oh, Lordy.
1566
01:28:12,745 --> 01:28:13,538
Where does he put them?
1567
01:28:13,538 --> 01:28:14,806
Oh, grip all the fire.
1568
01:28:15,707 --> 01:28:16,707
- Oh.
- Oh.
1569
01:28:18,459 --> 01:28:23,648
Jake, Blaine.
1570
01:28:24,215 --> 01:28:25,215
Hey, Monica.
1571
01:28:25,508 --> 01:28:26,508
Hey.
1572
01:28:26,676 --> 01:28:28,361
There's something
I have to tell you both.
1573
01:28:31,806 --> 01:28:32,806
Oh.
1574
01:28:33,224 --> 01:28:34,742
I'm pregnant.
1575
01:28:35,309 --> 01:28:36,245
Oh, man.
1576
01:28:36,269 --> 01:28:37,269
Who's the father?
1577
01:28:38,062 --> 01:28:39,747
Both of you.
1578
01:28:46,195 --> 01:28:49,924
Heteropaternal
suprifacundation, man.
1579
01:28:51,993 --> 01:28:55,204
How did she
know any of that this soon?
1580
01:28:55,204 --> 01:28:56,204
Shh.
1581
01:28:57,582 --> 01:29:02,812
And the sins of the
father will be visited upon the son
1582
01:29:02,962 --> 01:29:06,023
even until the
third and fourth generations.
1583
01:29:07,467 --> 01:29:08,467
Fathers.
1584
01:29:50,134 --> 01:29:51,385
What are we gonna do, coach?
1585
01:29:54,514 --> 01:29:55,514
Coach?
1586
01:29:55,973 --> 01:30:02,246
Coach Gibson,
Drake Diamond, WIAW News.
1587
01:30:03,022 --> 01:30:04,022
How?
1588
01:30:04,941 --> 01:30:08,629
Coach, win or lose,
you have clearly changed the game
1589
01:30:08,653 --> 01:30:10,838
of women's basketball forever.
1590
01:30:12,073 --> 01:30:14,700
In as much as no
matter the outcome tonight,
1591
01:30:14,700 --> 01:30:18,204
for the first time ever,
the American team won't include
1592
01:30:18,204 --> 01:30:20,932
a single real biological woman.
1593
01:30:21,833 --> 01:30:23,392
How does it
feel to change the world?
1594
01:30:25,294 --> 01:30:26,312
All right, that's enough.
1595
01:30:26,546 --> 01:30:27,546
Whoa, all right.
1596
01:30:28,756 --> 01:30:31,400
Don't push me
off my land, white man.
1597
01:30:32,802 --> 01:30:37,031
Is literally
every journalist a lunatic?
1598
01:30:39,934 --> 01:30:41,911
Coach, you all right?
1599
01:30:54,198 --> 01:30:56,467
Let's play some basketball!
1600
01:31:13,426 --> 01:31:14,569
Coach, what are we gonna do?
1601
01:31:18,890 --> 01:31:21,767
Now boys, we've
taken this thing about
1602
01:31:21,767 --> 01:31:22,952
as far as we're gonna take it.
1603
01:31:23,352 --> 01:31:25,579
Coach is right,
they're not even real girls.
1604
01:31:25,855 --> 01:31:27,690
We're not even real girls.
1605
01:31:27,690 --> 01:31:30,209
No, we're not,
Jake, but we're not men either.
1606
01:31:31,736 --> 01:31:32,837
Maybe we still can be.
1607
01:31:34,614 --> 01:31:35,614
We just have to lose.
1608
01:31:36,699 --> 01:31:40,970
You mean we'll never
be going to the global games?
1609
01:31:41,662 --> 01:31:44,056
I am, already
qualified in powerlifting.
1610
01:31:44,332 --> 01:31:46,267
I landed a spot on
the swim team and the marathon.
1611
01:31:46,751 --> 01:31:47,751
And your meter hurdles.
1612
01:31:48,127 --> 01:31:49,127
400 meter hurdles.
1613
01:31:49,420 --> 01:31:52,023
I am the fastest female
jockey in the world right now.
1614
01:31:52,131 --> 01:31:52,590
Congrats, man.
1615
01:31:52,590 --> 01:31:54,550
Not the brag, but you're gonna
1616
01:31:54,550 --> 01:31:55,943
forfeit all of those positions.
1617
01:31:56,385 --> 01:31:57,570
Coach, coach.
1618
01:31:58,387 --> 01:32:02,225
Guys, you don't want
your legacy to be erasing women
1619
01:32:02,225 --> 01:32:03,225
from women's sports.
1620
01:32:03,392 --> 01:32:06,078
It's time to man up.
1621
01:32:09,982 --> 01:32:11,292
So what's the plan, coach?
1622
01:32:12,235 --> 01:32:13,945
I think I've
got it all figured out,
1623
01:32:13,945 --> 01:32:15,863
but I'm gonna need
you boys to buy me some time.
1624
01:32:15,863 --> 01:32:16,863
Can you do that?
1625
01:32:17,114 --> 01:32:18,632
Yes sir, yes sir, we can.
1626
01:32:20,076 --> 01:32:22,678
Coach, there's a--
1627
01:32:22,828 --> 01:32:24,430
A little red dot on my forehead?
1628
01:32:25,206 --> 01:32:27,433
I know, but I know Gwen.
1629
01:32:28,542 --> 01:32:30,086
She's a vindictive little mince,
1630
01:32:30,086 --> 01:32:31,837
but I don't think
she'd actually hurt anybody.
1631
01:32:31,837 --> 01:32:33,647
- I'm sorry, but I'm sorry.
- Oh look.
1632
01:32:36,842 --> 01:32:37,842
A lucky penny.
1633
01:32:38,886 --> 01:32:40,905
She's got a
gun, she's got a gun.
1634
01:32:41,180 --> 01:32:42,180
What?
1635
01:32:43,266 --> 01:32:44,266
Dammit.
1636
01:32:44,725 --> 01:32:45,993
Hey, let's look at this.
1637
01:32:46,394 --> 01:32:47,394
What?
1638
01:32:49,021 --> 01:32:50,021
Coach.
1639
01:32:50,815 --> 01:32:52,833
You what, pal?
1640
01:32:53,859 --> 01:32:55,461
I understand why this is wrong.
1641
01:32:56,028 --> 01:32:57,463
I mean, Jake
can blame his real women.
1642
01:32:57,989 --> 01:32:58,632
Please.
1643
01:32:58,656 --> 01:33:01,008
It's a miracle we got
away with it as long as we have.
1644
01:33:02,576 --> 01:33:03,576
But I am--
1645
01:33:04,662 --> 01:33:05,662
You what, pal?
1646
01:33:06,080 --> 01:33:08,641
I am a woman.
1647
01:33:09,959 --> 01:33:12,645
I mean, all those
years playing basketball,
1648
01:33:13,129 --> 01:33:14,730
I never really felt like myself.
1649
01:33:15,381 --> 01:33:17,650
A decade in Hollywood,
trying to figure out who I really was,
1650
01:33:17,758 --> 01:33:19,760
and then I started
working at the dollhouse,
1651
01:33:19,760 --> 01:33:22,905
and this is the real me, Coach.
1652
01:33:24,098 --> 01:33:25,324
This is who I am.
1653
01:33:27,226 --> 01:33:28,702
Proud of
myself for the first time.
1654
01:33:29,603 --> 01:33:31,122
My parents are proud of me.
1655
01:33:31,981 --> 01:33:33,791
Have your parents
ever not been proud of you, bud?
1656
01:33:34,483 --> 01:33:35,483
What do you mean?
1657
01:33:36,027 --> 01:33:37,403
Your parents love you, Alex.
1658
01:33:37,403 --> 01:33:38,213
That's a good thing.
1659
01:33:38,237 --> 01:33:39,797
Parents should love
their kids unconditionally.
1660
01:33:41,407 --> 01:33:43,092
Shouldn't be proud
of you unconditionally.
1661
01:33:44,327 --> 01:33:45,995
Shouldn't be proud of
you when you do what's right.
1662
01:33:45,995 --> 01:33:49,890
What we've done
here, this, this isn't right.
1663
01:33:52,043 --> 01:33:53,227
You're confused, I get that.
1664
01:33:53,669 --> 01:33:54,962
We all get confused sometimes,
1665
01:33:54,962 --> 01:33:58,023
and if you need help,
buddy, I'm gonna help you get it.
1666
01:33:58,966 --> 01:34:01,277
You gotta believe
me when I tell you this.
1667
01:34:02,345 --> 01:34:03,654
You are not a woman.
1668
01:34:05,056 --> 01:34:06,891
You're just a
lost man in a lost world
1669
01:34:06,891 --> 01:34:08,909
with shitty parents
and a real shitty coach.
1670
01:34:09,560 --> 01:34:10,853
We've all gone along with this lie
1671
01:34:10,853 --> 01:34:12,229
instead of just
hurting your felence
1672
01:34:12,229 --> 01:34:13,247
and telling you the truth.
1673
01:34:14,315 --> 01:34:16,167
How can you be
so sure I'm not a woman?
1674
01:34:19,779 --> 01:34:25,301
Good talk, man.
1675
01:34:25,951 --> 01:34:27,052
Good talk.
1676
01:34:33,334 --> 01:34:37,521
Hymns, hers and sims.
1677
01:34:37,880 --> 01:34:39,815
It's your boy,
Deuce Johnson, here.
1678
01:34:40,549 --> 01:34:41,567
This was a basketball!
1679
01:34:45,471 --> 01:34:50,242
What are you doing?
1680
01:34:50,393 --> 01:34:51,018
I'm gonna take it easy, buddy.
1681
01:34:51,018 --> 01:34:52,286
No, no, no, no.
1682
01:34:52,353 --> 01:34:53,579
I have to do this.
1683
01:34:56,690 --> 01:34:59,960
Ladies and gentlemen,
I have an announcement to make.
1684
01:35:00,861 --> 01:35:04,590
I, Blaine Crane,
of Lady Ballish fame,
1685
01:35:05,074 --> 01:35:08,093
am not only a
woman, which is obvious,
1686
01:35:09,537 --> 01:35:10,971
but I'm also a hot lesbian.
1687
01:35:12,331 --> 01:35:13,516
A lesbian in love.
1688
01:35:15,209 --> 01:35:18,796
Monica, my love,
I knew I was gay for you
1689
01:35:18,796 --> 01:35:20,481
since the first time I saw you.
1690
01:35:21,298 --> 01:35:23,567
Please, come down here.
1691
01:35:27,221 --> 01:35:28,239
That's fine, I'll do it from here.
1692
01:35:29,265 --> 01:35:34,078
Monica, will
you be my lesbian wife?
1693
01:35:34,895 --> 01:35:36,439
And I, Jenny
Claine, of Lady Ballish fame,
1694
01:35:36,439 --> 01:35:37,957
am also a super lesbian.
1695
01:35:38,315 --> 01:35:40,210
People say I'm the
best lesbian around right now.
1696
01:35:40,234 --> 01:35:41,026
Monica, I love you.
1697
01:35:41,026 --> 01:35:41,878
You're the one for me.
1698
01:35:41,902 --> 01:35:43,487
I'm trying to
get married, you dick.
1699
01:35:43,487 --> 01:35:44,196
I'm getting married.
1700
01:35:44,196 --> 01:35:45,132
I am.
1701
01:35:45,156 --> 01:35:46,340
You're stupid.
1702
01:35:46,532 --> 01:35:47,532
Rob.
1703
01:35:49,118 --> 01:35:50,118
I don't care, fight.
1704
01:35:52,163 --> 01:35:53,305
Oh no, she didn't.
1705
01:36:05,926 --> 01:36:07,361
How much?
1706
01:36:09,013 --> 01:36:11,448
That's the biggest
dick I've ever seen on a lady.
1707
01:36:17,813 --> 01:36:21,500
Come on, we're
here to topple the patriarchy,
1708
01:36:21,942 --> 01:36:22,942
not each other.
1709
01:36:25,696 --> 01:36:26,696
Wait!
1710
01:36:27,615 --> 01:36:29,717
The Lady Ballers are
making some substitutions.
1711
01:36:43,381 --> 01:36:44,340
Come on, Coach.
1712
01:36:45,424 --> 01:36:46,424
What is this?
1713
01:36:55,476 --> 01:36:56,369
What?
1714
01:36:56,393 --> 01:36:58,287
You never seen a
ladies basketball team before?
1715
01:37:47,528 --> 01:37:48,571
What are they doing?
1716
01:37:49,780 --> 01:37:50,964
I think they're running a set.
1717
01:37:51,448 --> 01:37:52,448
They're making me nervous.
1718
01:38:02,251 --> 01:38:03,894
Dink it, dink it!
1719
01:38:28,777 --> 01:38:29,777
Oh, hey!
1720
01:38:37,494 --> 01:38:38,494
Get it, man!
1721
01:38:38,662 --> 01:38:39,680
They killed it all!
1722
01:38:46,629 --> 01:38:47,629
Yeah!
1723
01:38:50,007 --> 01:38:51,759
Get on your
man, get on your man!
1724
01:38:51,759 --> 01:38:53,235
Come on, hustle, hustle!
1725
01:38:53,719 --> 01:38:54,945
How do you say?
1726
01:38:55,638 --> 01:38:57,239
Proud of a team.
1727
01:38:57,598 --> 01:38:58,598
Oh.
1728
01:38:58,849 --> 01:39:00,367
Come on now, hustle!
1729
01:39:00,768 --> 01:39:01,994
I can still cancel you.
1730
01:39:02,645 --> 01:39:04,246
I can cancel all of you.
1731
01:39:04,521 --> 01:39:05,521
You can.
1732
01:39:06,023 --> 01:39:07,023
You probably should.
1733
01:39:07,691 --> 01:39:08,691
I won't.
1734
01:39:10,319 --> 01:39:11,378
You gave me a good story.
1735
01:39:12,946 --> 01:39:16,508
It pains me to say
it, but you're a winner, Rob.
1736
01:39:18,243 --> 01:39:21,138
A reluctant
winner, but still a winner.
1737
01:39:22,289 --> 01:39:25,309
But I don't ever
wanna have sex with you.
1738
01:39:25,834 --> 01:39:26,834
Aw.
1739
01:39:27,628 --> 01:39:29,730
I don't ever wanna
have sex with you either, Quinn.
1740
01:39:30,172 --> 01:39:31,172
Really?
1741
01:39:31,507 --> 01:39:32,524
Oh no, I do.
1742
01:39:33,258 --> 01:39:34,860
I really, really do.
1743
01:39:36,470 --> 01:39:37,988
But I think our
time together is heading in.
1744
01:39:38,389 --> 01:39:39,698
Mm-hmm.
1745
01:39:42,434 --> 01:39:43,911
Uh-oh.
1746
01:39:45,229 --> 01:39:46,580
See you around, coach.
1747
01:39:51,235 --> 01:39:52,252
See you around, Quinn.
1748
01:39:54,446 --> 01:39:56,256
All right,
ladies, form up, form up!
1749
01:40:27,813 --> 01:40:29,314
And that was
the heartwarming scene
1750
01:40:29,565 --> 01:40:32,709
at today's Global
Games Final Qualifiers.
1751
01:40:33,193 --> 01:40:36,405
Just about the
cutest thing I have ever seen.
1752
01:40:36,405 --> 01:40:38,966
A true testament to
the power of sportsmanship.
1753
01:40:39,283 --> 01:40:40,283
Absolutely.
1754
01:40:40,868 --> 01:40:43,554
Though ultimately the
little girls were trounced,
1755
01:40:43,871 --> 01:40:47,057
the final score, 418 to six.
1756
01:40:56,967 --> 01:41:00,179
Welcome to the grand
reopening of the Crane & Company
1757
01:41:00,262 --> 01:41:02,931
Luxury Used Cars
and Youth Sports Center.
1758
01:41:02,931 --> 01:41:05,684
Where you can
still get a deal on new wheels.
1759
01:41:05,684 --> 01:41:08,954
And now you can help
kiddos learn how to dunk and steal
1760
01:41:09,229 --> 01:41:11,874
here at Crane & Company!
1761
01:41:15,736 --> 01:41:18,171
You still sell bail bonds.
1762
01:41:18,614 --> 01:41:19,614
You still sell bail bonds.
1763
01:41:20,991 --> 01:41:23,118
Plus, kids will
have a chance to figure out
1764
01:41:23,118 --> 01:41:24,118
who they really are.
1765
01:41:24,453 --> 01:41:26,221
I'm the best
coach anyone could help for.
1766
01:41:26,955 --> 01:41:28,390
Coach, you wanna
come say a few words?
1767
01:41:30,709 --> 01:41:32,227
Tellers, tellers, tellers.
1768
01:41:32,836 --> 01:41:38,817
I look at it all your faces.
1769
01:41:40,344 --> 01:41:42,112
Some of you loved me
even when I didn't deserve it.
1770
01:41:44,515 --> 01:41:46,867
Some of you slapped me
when I clearly deserved it.
1771
01:41:47,768 --> 01:41:51,413
You tased me,
precious little provocation.
1772
01:41:51,814 --> 01:41:52,814
I'm sorry.
1773
01:41:53,941 --> 01:41:56,126
They have a
restraining order against you.
1774
01:41:56,485 --> 01:41:57,961
Oh, I say, was there a merge?
1775
01:41:58,779 --> 01:42:01,214
Look at all
these families and children.
1776
01:42:04,201 --> 01:42:05,427
How do these
people live like this?
1777
01:42:05,869 --> 01:42:06,869
It's disgusting.
1778
01:42:08,038 --> 01:42:09,765
All of you helped
me learn an important lesson.
1779
01:42:10,916 --> 01:42:12,142
There's only one win that matters.
1780
01:42:14,169 --> 01:42:15,729
Now let's play
some basketball, huh?
1781
01:42:15,754 --> 01:42:16,754
Woo!
1782
01:42:18,090 --> 01:42:20,592
Hey,
how big an investment did you make
1783
01:42:20,592 --> 01:42:21,944
in Crane & Company anyway?
1784
01:42:22,135 --> 01:42:23,487
Oh, I wanted it outright.
1785
01:42:24,012 --> 01:42:24,948
Makes sense.
1786
01:42:24,972 --> 01:42:26,198
Probably sell it next week.
1787
01:42:26,640 --> 01:42:27,640
Touché.
1788
01:42:31,311 --> 01:42:32,121
Whoa!
1789
01:42:32,145 --> 01:42:33,145
Hi.
1790
01:42:34,940 --> 01:42:36,750
You're a good dad, Rob.
1791
01:42:37,526 --> 01:42:38,526
You're a good mom, Rob.
1792
01:42:39,152 --> 01:42:40,152
I was thinking,
1793
01:42:40,279 --> 01:42:41,864
if only the three of
us get together this weekend,
1794
01:42:41,864 --> 01:42:42,864
have a little picnic.
1795
01:42:42,948 --> 01:42:43,842
Oh yeah?
1796
01:42:43,866 --> 01:42:44,866
Why not?
1797
01:42:46,159 --> 01:42:47,159
Why not?
1798
01:42:48,954 --> 01:42:52,040
Hey,
Baldilocks, I wanna see a rebound.
1799
01:42:52,040 --> 01:42:53,350
Come on, run that set again.
1800
01:42:53,792 --> 01:42:56,937
Remember, winners are
just losers who do what's right.
1801
01:42:57,880 --> 01:42:59,940
Come on now,
hustle, hustle, hustle.
1802
01:43:00,299 --> 01:43:01,942
This is his favorite line.
1803
01:43:02,676 --> 01:43:03,676
Oh!
1804
01:43:07,514 --> 01:43:11,368
Here we, whoa!
1805
01:43:12,269 --> 01:43:13,269
Oh!
1806
01:43:14,271 --> 01:43:15,372
We'll get him next time.
1807
01:43:15,939 --> 01:43:17,624
Your dad is so silly.
1808
01:43:28,619 --> 01:43:30,162
Another
sweet daddy Walsh adventure
1809
01:43:30,162 --> 01:43:32,347
comes to a satisfying conclusion.
1810
01:43:33,123 --> 01:43:33,874
What are you talking about?
1811
01:43:33,874 --> 01:43:39,062
I don't understand how anyone
else helped to make this situation better.
1812
01:43:40,255 --> 01:43:41,255
Don't you?
1813
01:44:14,414 --> 01:44:17,167
♪ You think it's over ♪
1814
01:44:17,167 --> 01:44:19,044
♪ But it's just starting ♪
1815
01:44:19,044 --> 01:44:20,420
♪ Can't you see ♪
1816
01:44:20,420 --> 01:44:23,065
♪ It ain't going nowhere ♪
1817
01:44:23,173 --> 01:44:26,093
♪ Until the
others finally see ♪
1818
01:44:26,093 --> 01:44:28,637
♪ It takes a strong one ♪
1819
01:44:28,637 --> 01:44:31,531
♪ To stand and
face the coming stars ♪
1820
01:44:33,141 --> 01:44:39,690
♪ It's strong
and we owe it over ♪
1821
01:44:39,690 --> 01:44:47,089
♪ No, it ain't over ♪
1822
01:44:53,328 --> 01:44:55,706
♪ It ain't over ♪
1823
01:44:55,706 --> 01:44:58,542
♪ It ain't over ♪
1824
01:44:58,542 --> 01:45:01,103
♪ It ain't over ♪
1825
01:45:01,795 --> 01:45:06,817
♪ It ain't over ♪
1826
01:45:11,722 --> 01:45:19,454
In fifth grade,
Lacey Logan called me pretty.
1827
01:45:19,855 --> 01:45:21,623
Not handsome, pretty.
1828
01:45:22,774 --> 01:45:23,875
And that felt good.
1829
01:45:24,818 --> 01:45:25,836
Everybody loves a compliment.
1830
01:45:27,237 --> 01:45:29,322
In seventh
grade, Moisha convinced me
1831
01:45:29,322 --> 01:45:31,216
to steal Carly Truett's underwear
1832
01:45:31,324 --> 01:45:32,551
from the girls locker room.
1833
01:45:33,243 --> 01:45:34,243
And I did.
1834
01:45:34,494 --> 01:45:36,388
And God, they were so soft.
1835
01:45:37,039 --> 01:45:38,039
Silky, you know?
1836
01:45:38,832 --> 01:45:41,768
Why don't they make
men's underwear more soft, doc?
1837
01:45:43,170 --> 01:45:47,357
And eighth grade, I had a
down pad for Jessica Montgomery.
1838
01:45:48,175 --> 01:45:50,068
And I didn't feel
like a girl at all that year.
1839
01:45:50,469 --> 01:45:51,469
You know what I mean?
1840
01:45:52,137 --> 01:45:55,057
But in ninth grade,
Jessica broke up with me
1841
01:45:55,057 --> 01:45:57,409
and I had a good cry.
1842
01:45:59,102 --> 01:46:00,370
Jake called me a sissy.
1843
01:46:02,230 --> 01:46:04,207
I don't know why
it's so wrong for men to cry.
1844
01:46:04,441 --> 01:46:06,501
But we'll make that a lie.
1845
01:46:07,611 --> 01:46:08,779
♪ You made it ♪
1846
01:46:08,779 --> 01:46:11,156
♪ No one
could take it from ya ♪
1847
01:46:11,156 --> 01:46:14,618
♪ A legend
history was waiting for ya ♪
1848
01:46:14,618 --> 01:46:18,038
♪ You've
always had the freedom ♪
1849
01:46:18,038 --> 01:46:22,334
♪ Take any
commas and meet them ♪
1850
01:46:22,334 --> 01:46:24,503
♪ Ah ♪
1851
01:46:24,503 --> 01:46:27,898
♪ Ah ♪
125755
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