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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,000 Cheers is filmed before a live studio audience. 2 00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:07,000 Good morning. 3 00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:07,800 Morning. 4 00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:10,800 What's with the vegetables? 5 00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:12,200 Same as always-- 6 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,200 they're watching TV. 7 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,500 Sam, I have changed my diet. 8 00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,100 I'm finally eating right for the first time in 30 years. 9 00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,500 30? What were you doing the other 12? 10 00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,400 And I feel so good that I thought 11 00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:27,800 we can all work on our diets. 12 00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:29,400 So I'm making up this little vegetable plate. 13 00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,400 And I figure if those guys are gonna sit around and eat, 14 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:33,700 they might as well eat something healthy. 15 00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:34,800 I don't think they're gonna like this. 16 00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,000 Oh, they'll never even notice. 17 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,900 What the hell is this?! 18 00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,000 What's wrong? 19 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,700 This thing I found in the pretzel bowl. 20 00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,200 Oh, my God, what are these? 21 00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,600 They appear to be orange and green sticks. 22 00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,100 CLIFF: I know what they are. You know, when you 23 00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,200 go in a restaurant 24 00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,100 and you order a nice, big, thick, juicy steak 25 00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,500 and they put this other stuff on the plate that you shove aside? 26 00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:03,700 Oh, you mean vegetables? 27 00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,200 They can't be vegetables. 28 00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,400 There's no batter. 29 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,600 You guys, 30 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:09,900 you're not even giving me a chance. 31 00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:10,900 Now, you sit around 32 00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,400 and you stuff your faces all day long, 33 00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,600 so why don't you stuff them 34 00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:14,900 with something that's good for you? 35 00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,300 Go ahead. Try it. 36 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,600 Yeah, it's not bad. 37 00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:24,800 Yeah. No, try the cauliflower. 38 00:01:24,900 --> 00:01:26,000 It acts like a ladle. 39 00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,000 (theme song begins) 40 00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,500 � Making your way in the world today � 41 00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:39,800 � Takes everything you've got � 42 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,400 � Taking a break from all your worries � 43 00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:45,900 � Sure would help a lot 44 00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:49,800 � Wouldn't you like to get away? � 45 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,700 � Sometimes you want to go 46 00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,500 � Where everybody knows your name � 47 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:03,600 � And they're always glad you came � 48 00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,500 � You wanna be where you can see � 49 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,600 � Our troubles are all the same � 50 00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,900 � You wanna be where everybody knows your name � 51 00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,000 � You wanna go where people know � 52 00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:18,900 � People are all the same 53 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:23,100 � You wanna go where everybody knows your name. � 54 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,000 Whoa! Sammy. 55 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,200 I see her. 56 00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,600 How do you do that? 57 00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,000 I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you, Norm. 58 00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,100 Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh... 59 00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,500 Come over here for a second, will you? 60 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,400 I want to pour you a glass of champagne. 61 00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,900 Interesting thing about this bottle: 62 00:02:59,900 --> 00:03:01,200 it was presented to me 63 00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:05,000 for being the hottest single guy in Boston, 64 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,500 but, you know, until you walked through that door, 65 00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:10,000 I have never found anyone I wanted to share it with. 66 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,700 I don't drink champagne. 67 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:12,600 Thanks. 68 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,000 Whoo! What just happened here, guys? 69 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,200 Well, you got shot down, Sam. 70 00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,400 Uh, you know, you read 71 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,800 about those kind of things 72 00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,600 but you never think they're gonna happen to you. 73 00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:24,900 NORM: Well, you know, 74 00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,700 maybe she's seeing someone else. 75 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,700 I don't see how that's relevant. 76 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,500 You know, Sammy, maybe she's one of these women 77 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,100 who, uh, coaches basketball and does her own carpentry, 78 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,100 if you know what I mean. 79 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,900 Let's go with that, shall we, gentlemen? 80 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,900 Afternoon, all. 81 00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:42,900 Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane? 82 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,100 Oh, the usual. The crying, the tantrums, the bed-wetting. 83 00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,200 Yeah. That's fatherhood. 84 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,500 No, that's my therapy group. 85 00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,100 What a bunch of losers. 86 00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,300 And I'm sorry. You know, I'm just a bit stressed today. 87 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,100 Lilith and I have been looking for a preschool for Frederick. 88 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:02,100 Tomorrow we've got an interview with the administrators 89 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,000 of the Magic Hours Learning Center. 90 00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,300 You know, I don't get that. 91 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,100 Now, this is your kid, your money-- 92 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,900 why aren't you interviewing them? 93 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,200 Well, the beauty of private education, Sam, 94 00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,800 is that they're able to weed out the unacceptable lowlifes. 95 00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:18,700 I just pray I'm not one of them. 96 00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:21,100 Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait a second here. 97 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,800 Uh, what's the matter with public school? 98 00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,300 I went to public school. 99 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,100 I love you, Cliff. 100 00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,100 Don't ever change. 101 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,500 Until I began eating clean, I never realized how good 102 00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,300 a nice, dry rice cake could taste. 103 00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,800 How can you eat those, Miss Howe? 104 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,800 They don't have any flavor. Oh. 105 00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,500 If I eat these, I will live longer. 106 00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,000 Well, I have a question. 107 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,000 You know how you're always talking 108 00:04:51,100 --> 00:04:52,000 about how you hate your life? 109 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,400 How come you want to make it longer? 110 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,800 Shut up, Woody. 111 00:04:58,800 --> 00:04:59,900 Hello, Frasier. 112 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:02,600 Darling. 113 00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,500 What's wrong? You look so somber. 114 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,000 How can you tell? 115 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,000 I took a shot and got lucky. 116 00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,500 Frasier, I have some bad news. 117 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:19,400 This morning-- at 9:00-- 118 00:05:19,500 --> 00:05:21,200 Whitey passed away. 119 00:05:21,300 --> 00:05:22,300 Oh, Lilith. 120 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,100 Oh. 121 00:05:23,300 --> 00:05:24,100 CRANE: I'm so sorry. 122 00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:27,500 Just yesterday, he was so young, so vital. 123 00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,400 This morning I walked into the lab 124 00:05:29,400 --> 00:05:33,500 and found him facedown in his nest of cedar shavings. 125 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:34,100 Excuse me? 126 00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,200 You see, Whitey 127 00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:37,500 was Lilith's senior, 128 00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,200 and most cherished, lab rat. 129 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,600 Aw, gee! 130 00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,500 (grumbling) 131 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,300 No, you don't understand. 132 00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,600 Usually we don't get attached to the rats, 133 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:48,500 but this one was so special. 134 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:50,000 We even named him. 135 00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,500 Everyone in the lab called him Whitey. 136 00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:57,800 Are you sure they weren't talking to you? 137 00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,700 No, Carla. They were talking about Whitey the rat. 138 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,100 Okay, I'll ask again. 139 00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,600 Are you sure they weren't talking to you? 140 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,700 Carla, please! 141 00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,500 Lilith is mourning the loss of a close friend. 142 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:09,500 What's the big deal? 143 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:10,700 You go find another rat 144 00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:12,400 to hook up to your electrodes. 145 00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,500 My research never harmed Whitey in any way. 146 00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,300 In fact, he had everything a rat could want. 147 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,700 If he needed it, I gave it to him. 148 00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,400 That rat was the envy of others. 149 00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,500 You know, that's true, but I got over it. 150 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:33,000 I miss him so much. 151 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,400 (sobs) 152 00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,200 Let it out, darling. 153 00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:39,500 I am. 154 00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,700 Ooh... Here she comes. 155 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,000 Ho-ho. I'm psyched this time. I'm psyched. 156 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,200 Hi. Listen, excuse me for just a second here. 157 00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,600 I, I didn't mean to, you know, imply 158 00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:55,500 that I was gonna give you the champagne to get you drunk. 159 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,400 I just wanted to... get to know you. 160 00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,900 You'd have to get me drunk for that. 161 00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,500 Ooh! 162 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,400 First that other girl, now her twin sister. 163 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,500 I don't know what she's looking for in life, 164 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,100 but, well, if she can't find it here, 165 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,800 she's not gonna find it anywhere. 166 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,100 Paul! You ready? 167 00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,400 Yeah, let's go. 168 00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:20,200 Paul? 169 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,000 See you later, guys. 170 00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,300 Don't wait up. 171 00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:31,200 You know, this isn't really happening. 172 00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,300 No, no, no, no. 173 00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,500 In a few seconds, I'm gonna wake up 174 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,200 in my own bed covered in sweat. 175 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,200 Okay, here we go. 176 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,200 Ooh, this is gonna be a long one. 177 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,700 I feel great. 178 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,700 I've been eating clean for 12 hours now 179 00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,000 and I feel like I have a whole new body. 180 00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,100 I have more energy, 181 00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,200 and I-I just feel better. 182 00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:00,200 I'm a celebration of life. 183 00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,400 Boy, I'll say, Rebecca, 184 00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,300 and what goes better with a celebration 185 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,100 than... Ho-Hos? 186 00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,800 Well... Well, Norm, I-I can't think 187 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,800 of anything except, maybe... Twinkies. 188 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,100 Gentlemen, I have one word for you: 189 00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,200 Snowballs. 190 00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,400 Snowballs! Snowballs! 191 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,700 Snowballs are better because they're bite-size. 192 00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,100 Good evening, all. 193 00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,100 Sam, Glenlivet rocks. 194 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,300 Two. How you feeling there, Lilith? 195 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,100 Life goes on, Sam. 196 00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,100 Ah, that's the spirit. 197 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,400 Rather than brood and mourn, 198 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,300 Frasier and I have decided to do something 199 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,200 a little bit more life-affirming. 200 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,200 We're going to a theater and a late dinner. 201 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,300 I think Whitey would approve. 202 00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,500 REBECCA: Lilith, your clinic's 203 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,600 on the phone. I think there's 204 00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,000 an emergency with one of your patients. 205 00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:58,200 You can use the phone 206 00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,500 in my office. Thank you. 207 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,900 Well, we-we've got an 8:00 curtain. 208 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,400 Tell them to take two Thorazine and call you in the morning. 209 00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,500 That'll be $7.50, Dr. Crane. 210 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,400 Oh, yes, of course. 211 00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,600 Oh, gee, I-I've only got big bills. 212 00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,000 Well, perhaps Lilith has some change. 213 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,200 Oh, dear God. 214 00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:18,400 What? What is it? 215 00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,300 Lilith is carrying a dead rat in her purse. 216 00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,200 Oh. 217 00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,500 Why would she be carrying a dead rat in her purse? 218 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,400 Just a wild guess. 219 00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,800 A snack? 220 00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,800 This is not healthy at all. 221 00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,000 My wife has gone completely around the bend. 222 00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,300 Perhaps I rushed her through the grieving process 223 00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,600 too quickly. Oh... Oh, the poor woman. 224 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,700 I dare you to look in the purse. 225 00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,100 Ha! Dare me? Dare you. 226 00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:53,300 You know, obviously, I've got to dispose of Whitey 227 00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:54,600 break this fixation, 228 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,400 then deal with the repercussions as they occur. 229 00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,700 Eww. Eww. 230 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,700 Yeah, I looked first. 231 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,300 I bet you won't kiss him. 232 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,800 You two are sick! 233 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,800 Oh, yeah. We've got a big problem. 234 00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,100 Obviously, Lilith is having trouble 235 00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:13,600 breaking this attachment on her own. 236 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,700 I've got to be the man 237 00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,600 and handle this in a mature fashion. 238 00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,900 Eww, eww, eww, eww! Eww! 239 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,200 Is everything all right? 240 00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,100 Yes, it was a false alarm. 241 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,700 So nothing was wrong? 242 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,700 No. One of my patients set off a false alarm, 243 00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,700 but he's a pyromaniac, so, for him, this is progress. 244 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,300 Oh, Lilith, darling. Hello. 245 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,800 I've, I've got your purse. 246 00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:43,700 Uh, you know, we don't have time for our drinks, really. 247 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,500 Uh, th-the curtain's in 45 minutes 248 00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,200 and you know how I hate to be late. 249 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,400 Yes. It's one of your more endearing compulsions. 250 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:50,900 Uh, by the way, uh... 251 00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,200 there's something we need to discuss. 252 00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,400 You did what?! 253 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,200 Darling, I did what I had to do! 254 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,800 Shut up! Where is he? 255 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,000 (trash cans rattling) 256 00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,800 Apparently, she's still grieving! 257 00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,100 Well, 26 hours of eating clean. 258 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,300 And 26 hours of hearing about it. 259 00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,500 Oh, good morning there. Did you sleep okay? 260 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,700 Not too well, Sam. 261 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,500 You know, I'd have thought that that couch, 262 00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,800 after all the acrobatics you've done on it, would have a little more give. 263 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,200 But I appreciate your hospitality. 264 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,900 Anytime, Fras. 265 00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:55,800 You know, I guess I ought to freshen up, huh? 266 00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,200 This is what it's come to. 267 00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,600 Bedding down in a bar, 268 00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,900 wearing the same clothes for two days in a row. 269 00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:02,200 Yeah, well, the trick, Fras, 270 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,700 is to take your sport coat off like that. Yeah? 271 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,500 and stand directly under the air conditioning duct 272 00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,700 for about, uh... ten minutes. 273 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,400 Take it from me, if you do that, 274 00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,200 you can go another couple days easy. 275 00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:15,300 Are you saying that you sometimes go 276 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,600 for days at a time in the same clothes? 277 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,600 Oh, yeah, you get a look that works for you, 278 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,100 you stick with it. 279 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,800 (laughing): Oh, Paul. 280 00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,300 Why is she laughing? 281 00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,500 Paul's not funny. 282 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,200 (laughing) 283 00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,400 Does anyone know what Paul does for a living? 284 00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,200 After all, women are attracted to power. 285 00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,600 Uh, I think he's a tollbooth attendant. 286 00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,900 Yep, well, that would explain the quarter tips. 287 00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:50,900 I think I know what it is. 288 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,300 Paul's a real nice guy and a good listener. 289 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,100 He probably shows a genuine interest 290 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,000 in who she is as a person. 291 00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,800 Probably treats her with respect. 292 00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,900 Well, if that's the case, he's welcome to her. 293 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,300 Well, is there anything here I can have for breakfast? 294 00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,700 If you'd like something that's tasty and nutritious, 295 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,700 you could spread some of this, 296 00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,800 uh, bean curd on these fiber-rich bran crackers. 297 00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:18,900 I won't eat that crap. 298 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,000 Frasier, you're a doctor. 299 00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,600 You should believe in health and nutrition. 300 00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,000 Doesn't mean I have to listen 301 00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,900 to some tree-hugging, dirt-munching Druid. 302 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,000 I'm sorry. 303 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:33,100 I'm not exactly what you'd call a morning person. 304 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:34,700 Dr. Crane, your wife called. I didn't want to wake you. 305 00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,500 Oh. She called to apologize? 306 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:38,800 Well, sort of. 307 00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,700 Uh, she said for you to meet her at Frederick's school. 308 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:41,900 You have that interview. 309 00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,000 Oh, I completely forgot. Well, she also said 310 00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,900 to tell you she knew you'd forget 311 00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,700 because "you're such an uncaring human being. 312 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:48,800 "But for once 313 00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,900 "in your life, think of your child, 314 00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,100 "comb your few remaining hairs 315 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:54,000 "and wash that canned ham you call a face 316 00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,500 and get over there." 317 00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,900 You know, now that I reread this 318 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,300 it sounds less and less like an apology. 319 00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,200 Say, uh, Sammy, could I have a couple of coffees 320 00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,100 for me and Paula? 321 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,300 Paul and Paula? 322 00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,000 Yeah. 323 00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,600 Hey, Paul? 324 00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,500 What? 325 00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,200 No, the song, you know, "Hey, Paul." 326 00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,000 Hey, what? 327 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,400 CLIFF: No, wait a minute. 328 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,700 You never heard of that old song, "Hey, hey, Paul?" 329 00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,200 Hey, hey, shut up. 330 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,400 No, no, no, come on. 331 00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,600 We're talking about that song from the '60s 332 00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,700 by Paul and Paula, "Hey, hey, Paula." 333 00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,500 What? 334 00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,900 Nothing. Never mind. 335 00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,400 Forget I brought it up. 336 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,500 Hey, this has been driving me crazy. 337 00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,500 I gotta know something here, Paul. 338 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:43,700 What, Sam? 339 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,000 Well, I'll try to put this as delicately as I can, 340 00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:47,600 because you're my friend and I like you, 341 00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,300 and I don't want to insult you, 342 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,800 but why would any girl be caught dead with you 343 00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,600 when she could be with me? 344 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,400 You thought that would offend me? 345 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,100 I'm serious. 346 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:02,300 I mean, what'd you do, slip her a mickey or something? 347 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,200 Well since you asked me so nicely, Sam, I'll tell you. 348 00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:09,400 Paula is what we like to refer to as a chubby-chaser. 349 00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,600 You're kidding. 350 00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:13,900 You mean, she likes to go out 351 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,200 with guys who are... who are, uh... 352 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,800 Portly, Sam. The word is "portly." 353 00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,300 Did you hear that? 354 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,600 She only goes out with guys who are heavy. 355 00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:28,300 Well, you'd be surprised, Sam. 356 00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,000 Women like the oddest things. 357 00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:31,100 Take me. 358 00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,400 Yeah? What do you like? 359 00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,200 Nothing. Just take me. 360 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,600 SAM: This is driving me crazy. 361 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,900 I've gotta fin... 362 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,400 Excuse me. Listen. 363 00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,500 Apparently, you've been, you know, shooting me down here 364 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,300 for the last couple of days because of the way I look. 365 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,100 So? 366 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,600 I think it's unfair 367 00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:54,700 that you're not willing to get to know the real me. 368 00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,500 I think if you did, we could be really good friends. 369 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,400 You want to be friends? 370 00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,900 Yeah, I do. Yeah? 371 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,500 Okay, well, maybe we could start 372 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,500 by you introducing me to some of your friends. 373 00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:09,800 Especially that large and lovely one right over there. 374 00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,300 You mean Norm? 375 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:26,700 Yeah. He's a suitful, isn't he? 376 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,500 Oh, thank God. 377 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,400 I didn't miss the interview, did I? 378 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,600 Yes, you did. I've already had it. 379 00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:41,900 They're outside conferring about us now. 380 00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,300 What did you tell them about me? 381 00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,800 I described you in terms 382 00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:47,000 which were positively glowing, 383 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,500 which is the way I'd like to see you in hell. 384 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,300 So just remember 385 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,600 when they come back in to pretend that we love each other. 386 00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,900 After that, I go right back to loathing you. 387 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,300 I can't believe that you're willing to destroy our marriage 388 00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,500 all because of your childish refusal 389 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,200 to accept the death of an animal. 390 00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:07,700 The very fact that you think of Whitey as "an animal" 391 00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,500 proves that we are completely incompatible. 392 00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,100 But he was an animal! 393 00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,800 Well, what-what-what was he? 394 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,500 A... a... a vegetable? A mineral? 395 00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,100 Oh, I know, he was the CEO of General Motors. 396 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,900 I hate you. 397 00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,700 I hate you! 398 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:25,600 Hello. Hello. 399 00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,300 This is my husband, 400 00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,600 Dr. Frasier Crane. 401 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:31,100 He's very sorry he's late, 402 00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,000 but he's always so busy helping people. 403 00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,100 Pleased to meet you. 404 00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,600 Won't you sit down? 405 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,400 And we'd like to thank you 406 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,800 for taking the time to come down here. 407 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,900 It's good to see parents that care so much. 408 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,200 You know, a program 409 00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:49,900 like ours requires as much of the parents as the child. 410 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,200 We couldn't agree more. 411 00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,300 Right, dear? 412 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,800 Oh, absolutely, dear. 413 00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:56,500 Unofficially, I think it's a very good possibility 414 00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,200 that we'll be able to welcome Frederick 415 00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,700 to the Magic Hours Learning Center. 416 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:02,200 Oh, that's wonderful news. 417 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,000 We couldn't be happier. 418 00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:05,500 But before you leave-- 419 00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,900 would you like to see something precious? 420 00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,600 Our Sylvia 421 00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,300 just had babies. 422 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,600 Well, who's Sylvia? 423 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,800 The school's pet hamster. 424 00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:17,100 Oh. 425 00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,800 Oh, look at that little one in the corner. 426 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:26,800 He looks just like Whitey. 427 00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,400 Who's Whitey? 428 00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,300 Oh, he was my favorite dead rat 429 00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:34,600 that this bastard took and threw in the trash! 430 00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,100 Don't mind her. 431 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,900 She's just overemotional, 432 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,500 and crazy as a loon! 433 00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,600 I suppose you'd like to take one of these 434 00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,800 and throw it in the garbage, too? 435 00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,900 Here, why don't you just bite the heads off these birds 436 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,200 while you're at it, 437 00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,400 Dr. Death? 438 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,100 I am not the one who goes walking around 439 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,900 with the decomposing corpse of a rat in my purse. 440 00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,200 You're a hateful man. 441 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,600 And you are a troubled, disturbed woman. 442 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,900 But a wonderful mother. 443 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,300 Well, we'll get back to you. 444 00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,100 Well, Sam, I've done it. 445 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,300 Blighted my child's hopes 446 00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,800 of ever getting an education, 447 00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:26,200 and probably ruined my marriage as well. 448 00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,100 I think my life is over. 449 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,900 Yeah, well, life is tough. 450 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,000 I just got shot down by a chick who likes fat guys. 451 00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:40,000 Oh, Rebecca, do you have any more of those rice cakes? 452 00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,200 Why? 453 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,200 Well, you were right. 454 00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:43,500 They're the perfect food. 455 00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,500 Yeah, what's the gag? 456 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,200 No, I'm telling you, we've been enjoying them all day, right? 457 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,100 You bet. 458 00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,100 Really? Yeah. 459 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,400 Well, that's neat. 460 00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,300 I'm glad I could make you guys, you know, feel better. 461 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,300 Yeah, I've got a whole new bag of them right down here. Great. 462 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,100 You guys are gonna feel so much healthier when you eat like this. 463 00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,800 I'm not kidding. You'll have a lot more energy. 464 00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,500 Your bodies will feel lighter. Your reflexes will be sharper. 465 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,900 Oh, our reflexes are already much, uh, sharper. 466 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,400 Carla, pull. 467 00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,000 Pull. 468 00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,800 Frasier. 469 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,400 Frasier, I owe you an apology. 470 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,700 I haven't been myself the past couple of days. 471 00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,000 No, darling. 472 00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,300 I, I trivialized your grief. 473 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,100 A husband should be supportive. 474 00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,800 But, please... help me. 475 00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,300 Help me. 476 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,400 Meet me halfway. 477 00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,500 Why were you carrying a moribund rodent in your evening bag? 478 00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,100 I wasn't going to take him on our date. 479 00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:46,400 But I knew if I left him at the lab, 480 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,400 they'd have given him to the undergraduates to dissect. 481 00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,700 I couldn't let that happen to Whitey. 482 00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:52,800 I just wanted to give him a decent burial. 483 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:54,800 I'm, I'm so sorry. 484 00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,500 How could I have been so insensitive? 485 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,600 Of course, I overreacted. 486 00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:00,200 But I think I know why. 487 00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,600 I was confronted 488 00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,100 for the first time 489 00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,800 with the death of someone close to me. 490 00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,200 I understand, dear. 491 00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:08,600 It's what we call a crisis. 492 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:13,100 I know what we call it, Frasier. 493 00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:16,300 The upshot is I've never been more acutely aware 494 00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:19,300 of how precious and fragile life is for each of us. 495 00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,100 Well, darling, I think everyone would agree 496 00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:24,000 that existence is tenuous at best. 497 00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:27,700 Therefore, all we can do is embrace life. 498 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,200 And you and I, we're so fortunate. 499 00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:33,000 We, we have a baby, the very symbol of life reborn. 500 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,800 Frasier, he's no longer a baby. 501 00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:37,700 He'll be going to school in September. 502 00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,900 Oh, yes, if we can successfully negotiate a preschool interview 503 00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,100 without slipping into a scene 504 00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,600 from Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? 505 00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,500 But, darling, you're right. 506 00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,300 Frederick is getting older. 507 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,500 You know there is a way 508 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,600 we could renew ourselves yet again. 509 00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:57,200 How would we do that? 510 00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,700 We could have another child. 511 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,500 We could, couldn't we? 512 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,300 That's a wonderful idea. 513 00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:07,200 Oh, Frasier, suddenly, I'm filled with a glow. 514 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,000 Let's start right now. 515 00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,700 It's all so strange. 516 00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,100 A seemingly insignificant creature lives and dies... 517 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,900 a marriage is threatened... 518 00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,700 a child's education is almost destroyed... 519 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,400 yet, somehow, someway, 520 00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:28,300 I'm getting some action out of it. 37173

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