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00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,000
Cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
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00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:07,000
Good morning.
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00:00:07,100 --> 00:00:07,800
Morning.
4
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:10,800
What's with the vegetables?
5
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:12,200
Same as always--
6
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,200
they're watching TV.
7
00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,500
Sam, I have changed my diet.
8
00:00:16,600 --> 00:00:20,100
I'm finally eating right
for the first time in 30 years.
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00:00:20,200 --> 00:00:22,500
30? What were you
doing the other 12?
10
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,400
And I feel so good
that I thought
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00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:27,800
we can all work on our diets.
12
00:00:27,900 --> 00:00:29,400
So I'm making up
this little vegetable plate.
13
00:00:29,400 --> 00:00:31,400
And I figure if those guys
are gonna sit around and eat,
14
00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:33,700
they might as well
eat something healthy.
15
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:34,800
I don't think
they're gonna like this.
16
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,000
Oh, they'll never even notice.
17
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:46,900
What the hell is this?!
18
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:48,000
What's wrong?
19
00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,700
This thing I found
in the pretzel bowl.
20
00:00:50,700 --> 00:00:52,200
Oh, my God,
what are these?
21
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:54,600
They appear to be orange
and green sticks.
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00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,100
CLIFF:
I know what they are.
You know, when you
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00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:58,200
go in a restaurant
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00:00:58,300 --> 00:01:00,100
and you order a nice,
big, thick, juicy steak
25
00:01:00,200 --> 00:01:02,500
and they put this other
stuff on the plate
that you shove aside?
26
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:03,700
Oh, you mean vegetables?
27
00:01:03,800 --> 00:01:05,200
They can't
be vegetables.
28
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:06,400
There's no batter.
29
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,600
You guys,
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00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:09,900
you're not even
giving me a chance.
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00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:10,900
Now, you sit around
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00:01:10,900 --> 00:01:12,400
and you stuff your faces
all day long,
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00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,600
so why don't you stuff them
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00:01:13,700 --> 00:01:14,900
with something
that's good for you?
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00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,300
Go ahead. Try it.
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Yeah, it's not bad.
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00:01:23,700 --> 00:01:24,800
Yeah. No, try
the cauliflower.
38
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It acts like a ladle.
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(theme song begins)
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� Making your way
in the world today �
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� Takes everything you've got �
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00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,400
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
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00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:45,900
� Sure would help a lot
44
00:01:45,900 --> 00:01:49,800
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
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00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,700
� Sometimes you want to go
46
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:57,500
� Where everybody
knows your name �
47
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:03,600
� And they're always
glad you came �
48
00:02:03,700 --> 00:02:05,500
� You wanna be
where you can see �
49
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:08,600
� Our troubles
are all the same �
50
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:12,900
� You wanna be where
everybody knows your name �
51
00:02:14,100 --> 00:02:16,000
� You wanna go
where people know �
52
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:18,900
� People are all the same
53
00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:23,100
� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �
54
00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,000
Whoa! Sammy.
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00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:48,200
I see her.
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00:02:48,400 --> 00:02:49,600
How do you do that?
57
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,000
I could tell you, but then
I'd have to kill you, Norm.
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00:02:53,400 --> 00:02:55,100
Excuse me. Excuse me. Uh...
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00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:56,500
Come over here for
a second, will you?
60
00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,400
I want to pour you
a glass of champagne.
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00:02:58,500 --> 00:02:59,900
Interesting thing
about this bottle:
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it was presented to me
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00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:05,000
for being the hottest
single guy in Boston,
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00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,500
but, you know, until you
walked through that door,
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00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:10,000
I have never found anyone
I wanted to share it with.
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00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:11,700
I don't drink champagne.
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00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:12,600
Thanks.
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00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,000
Whoo! What just
happened here, guys?
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00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,200
Well, you got
shot down, Sam.
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00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:20,400
Uh, you know, you read
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00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:21,800
about those kind of things
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00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:23,600
but you never think
they're gonna happen to you.
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NORM:
Well, you know,
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00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:26,700
maybe she's
seeing someone else.
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00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:28,700
I don't see
how that's relevant.
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00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:31,500
You know, Sammy, maybe
she's one of these women
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00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,100
who, uh, coaches basketball
and does her own carpentry,
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00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:36,100
if you know what I mean.
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00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,900
Let's go with that,
shall we, gentlemen?
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00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,900
Afternoon, all.
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00:03:40,900 --> 00:03:42,900
Hey, how's it going, Dr. Crane?
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00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:46,100
Oh, the usual. The crying,
the tantrums, the bed-wetting.
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00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,200
Yeah. That's
fatherhood.
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00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,500
No, that's my therapy group.
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00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:54,100
What a bunch of losers.
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00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,300
And I'm sorry. You know,
I'm just a bit stressed today.
87
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:59,100
Lilith and I have been looking
for a preschool for Frederick.
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00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:02,100
Tomorrow we've got an interview
with the administrators
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00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,000
of the Magic Hours
Learning Center.
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00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,300
You know, I
don't get that.
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00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:08,100
Now, this is your
kid, your money--
92
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,900
why aren't you
interviewing them?
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00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:13,200
Well, the beauty
of private education, Sam,
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00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,800
is that they're able to weed out
the unacceptable lowlifes.
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00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:18,700
I just pray I'm not one of them.
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00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:21,100
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait
a second here.
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00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:23,800
Uh, what's the matter
with public school?
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00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:26,300
I went to public school.
99
00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:31,100
I love you, Cliff.
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00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:32,100
Don't ever change.
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00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:38,500
Until I began eating clean,
I never realized how good
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00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:42,300
a nice, dry rice cake
could taste.
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00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:43,800
How can you eat
those, Miss Howe?
104
00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:45,800
They don't have
any flavor.
Oh.
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00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:48,500
If I eat these, I
will live longer.
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00:04:48,600 --> 00:04:50,000
Well, I have a question.
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00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:51,000
You know how
you're always talking
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about how you hate your life?
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00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,400
How come you want
to make it longer?
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00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:54,800
Shut up, Woody.
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00:04:58,800 --> 00:04:59,900
Hello, Frasier.
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Darling.
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00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,500
What's wrong?
You look so somber.
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How can you tell?
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I took a shot and got lucky.
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00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,500
Frasier, I have some bad news.
117
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This morning-- at 9:00--
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Whitey passed away.
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Oh, Lilith.
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00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:23,100
Oh.
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CRANE:
I'm so sorry.
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Just yesterday, he was
so young, so vital.
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00:05:27,600 --> 00:05:29,400
This morning
I walked into the lab
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and found him facedown in
his nest of cedar shavings.
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Excuse me?
126
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,200
You see, Whitey
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was Lilith's senior,
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00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:39,200
and most cherished,
lab rat.
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00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:40,600
Aw, gee!
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00:05:40,600 --> 00:05:42,500
(grumbling)
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No, you don't understand.
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Usually we don't get
attached to the rats,
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but this one was so special.
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We even named him.
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00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,500
Everyone in the lab
called him Whitey.
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00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:57,800
Are you sure they
weren't talking to you?
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00:05:57,900 --> 00:06:00,700
No, Carla. They were talking
about Whitey the rat.
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00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,100
Okay, I'll ask again.
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00:06:02,200 --> 00:06:04,600
Are you sure they
weren't talking to you?
140
00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:06,700
Carla, please!
141
00:06:06,700 --> 00:06:08,500
Lilith is mourning the
loss of a close friend.
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What's the big deal?
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00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:10,700
You go find another rat
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00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:12,400
to hook up to
your electrodes.
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00:06:12,600 --> 00:06:16,500
My research never harmed Whitey
in any way.
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00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:19,300
In fact, he had
everything a rat could want.
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00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:21,700
If he needed it,
I gave it to him.
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00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,400
That rat was the envy of others.
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00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,500
You know, that's true,
but I got over it.
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I miss him so much.
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00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,400
(sobs)
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00:06:36,500 --> 00:06:38,200
Let it out, darling.
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00:06:38,300 --> 00:06:39,500
I am.
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00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:45,700
Ooh... Here she comes.
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00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:48,000
Ho-ho. I'm psyched this time.
I'm psyched.
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00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,200
Hi. Listen, excuse me
for just a second here.
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00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:52,600
I, I didn't mean
to, you know, imply
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that I was gonna give you
the champagne to get you drunk.
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00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:57,400
I just wanted to...
get to know you.
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00:06:57,500 --> 00:06:59,900
You'd have to get
me drunk for that.
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00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:03,500
Ooh!
162
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,400
First that other girl,
now her twin sister.
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00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,500
I don't know what she's
looking for in life,
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00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:11,100
but, well, if she
can't find it here,
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00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:12,800
she's not gonna
find it anywhere.
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00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,100
Paul! You ready?
167
00:07:15,100 --> 00:07:16,400
Yeah, let's go.
168
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:20,200
Paul?
169
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,000
See you later, guys.
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00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:24,300
Don't wait up.
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00:07:29,900 --> 00:07:31,200
You know, this isn't
really happening.
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00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,300
No, no, no, no.
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00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,500
In a few seconds,
I'm gonna wake up
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00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,200
in my own bed covered in sweat.
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00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:43,200
Okay, here we go.
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00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,200
Ooh, this is gonna
be a long one.
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00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:51,700
I feel great.
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00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:53,700
I've been eating clean
for 12 hours now
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00:07:53,800 --> 00:07:56,000
and I feel like I have
a whole new body.
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00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,100
I have more energy,
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00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:58,200
and I-I just feel better.
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I'm a celebration of life.
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00:08:00,200 --> 00:08:01,400
Boy, I'll say, Rebecca,
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00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,300
and what goes better
with a celebration
185
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,100
than... Ho-Hos?
186
00:08:06,500 --> 00:08:08,800
Well... Well, Norm,
I-I can't think
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00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:12,800
of anything except,
maybe... Twinkies.
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00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,100
Gentlemen,
I have one word for you:
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00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:16,200
Snowballs.
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00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,400
Snowballs!
Snowballs!
191
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,700
Snowballs are better
because they're bite-size.
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00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,100
Good evening, all.
193
00:08:33,200 --> 00:08:35,100
Sam, Glenlivet rocks.
194
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,300
Two.
How you feeling
there, Lilith?
195
00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,100
Life goes on, Sam.
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00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:41,100
Ah, that's the spirit.
197
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,400
Rather than brood and mourn,
198
00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:45,300
Frasier and I have
decided to do something
199
00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:47,200
a little bit more
life-affirming.
200
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,200
We're going to a theater
and a late dinner.
201
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,300
I think Whitey
would approve.
202
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:54,500
REBECCA:
Lilith, your clinic's
203
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,600
on the phone. I think there's
204
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,000
an emergency
with one of your patients.
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00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:58,200
You can use
the phone
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00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,500
in my office.
Thank you.
207
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:00,900
Well, we-we've got
an 8:00 curtain.
208
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,400
Tell them to take two Thorazine
and call you in the morning.
209
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,500
That'll be $7.50,
Dr. Crane.
210
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,400
Oh, yes, of course.
211
00:09:10,500 --> 00:09:12,600
Oh, gee, I-I've
only got big bills.
212
00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:15,000
Well, perhaps Lilith
has some change.
213
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,200
Oh, dear God.
214
00:09:16,300 --> 00:09:18,400
What? What is it?
215
00:09:18,500 --> 00:09:20,300
Lilith is carrying
a dead rat in her purse.
216
00:09:20,300 --> 00:09:22,200
Oh.
217
00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:26,500
Why would she be carrying
a dead rat in her purse?
218
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:27,400
Just a wild guess.
219
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:28,800
A snack?
220
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,800
This is not healthy at all.
221
00:09:35,900 --> 00:09:38,000
My wife has gone
completely around the bend.
222
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:40,300
Perhaps I rushed her
through the grieving process
223
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,600
too quickly. Oh...
Oh, the poor woman.
224
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:46,700
I dare you to look
in the purse.
225
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:49,100
Ha! Dare me? Dare you.
226
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:53,300
You know, obviously,
I've got to dispose of Whitey
227
00:09:53,400 --> 00:09:54,600
break this fixation,
228
00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,400
then deal with the repercussions
as they occur.
229
00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,700
Eww.
Eww.
230
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,700
Yeah, I looked first.
231
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,300
I bet you won't kiss him.
232
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:05,800
You two are sick!
233
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:07,800
Oh, yeah. We've got
a big problem.
234
00:10:10,600 --> 00:10:12,100
Obviously, Lilith
is having trouble
235
00:10:12,100 --> 00:10:13,600
breaking this attachment
on her own.
236
00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:14,700
I've got to be the man
237
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,600
and handle this
in a mature fashion.
238
00:10:20,100 --> 00:10:22,900
Eww, eww, eww, eww! Eww!
239
00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,200
Is everything all right?
240
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,100
Yes, it was a false alarm.
241
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:30,700
So nothing was wrong?
242
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:33,700
No. One of my patients
set off a false alarm,
243
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,700
but he's a pyromaniac, so,
for him, this is progress.
244
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,300
Oh, Lilith, darling. Hello.
245
00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:40,800
I've, I've got your purse.
246
00:10:40,900 --> 00:10:43,700
Uh, you know, we don't have time
for our drinks, really.
247
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,500
Uh, th-the curtain's
in 45 minutes
248
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,200
and you know
how I hate to be late.
249
00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,400
Yes. It's one of your
more endearing compulsions.
250
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:50,900
Uh, by the way, uh...
251
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,200
there's something
we need to discuss.
252
00:10:56,200 --> 00:10:57,400
You did what?!
253
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,200
Darling, I did
what I had to do!
254
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,800
Shut up! Where is he?
255
00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:03,000
(trash cans rattling)
256
00:11:11,200 --> 00:11:13,800
Apparently,
she's still grieving!
257
00:11:23,000 --> 00:11:27,100
Well, 26 hours of eating clean.
258
00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:29,300
And 26 hours
of hearing about it.
259
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:36,500
Oh, good morning there.
Did you sleep okay?
260
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,700
Not too well, Sam.
261
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:43,500
You know, I'd have thought
that that couch,
262
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:46,800
after all the acrobatics
you've done on it, would
have a little more give.
263
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,200
But I appreciate
your hospitality.
264
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:52,900
Anytime, Fras.
265
00:11:52,900 --> 00:11:55,800
You know, I guess
I ought to freshen up, huh?
266
00:11:55,900 --> 00:11:57,200
This is what it's come to.
267
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:58,600
Bedding down in a bar,
268
00:11:58,700 --> 00:12:00,900
wearing the same clothes
for two days in a row.
269
00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:02,200
Yeah, well,
the trick, Fras,
270
00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:04,700
is to take your
sport coat off like that.
Yeah?
271
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:06,500
and stand directly under
the air conditioning duct
272
00:12:06,500 --> 00:12:07,700
for about, uh...
ten minutes.
273
00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:09,400
Take it from me,
if you do that,
274
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,200
you can go another
couple days easy.
275
00:12:11,200 --> 00:12:15,300
Are you saying
that you sometimes go
276
00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:17,600
for days at a time
in the same clothes?
277
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,600
Oh, yeah, you get a look
that works for you,
278
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:21,100
you stick with it.
279
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,800
(laughing):
Oh, Paul.
280
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,300
Why is she laughing?
281
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,500
Paul's not funny.
282
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:37,200
(laughing)
283
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,400
Does anyone know what
Paul does for a living?
284
00:12:39,500 --> 00:12:41,200
After all, women are
attracted to power.
285
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:43,600
Uh, I think he's
a tollbooth attendant.
286
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:46,900
Yep, well, that would
explain the quarter tips.
287
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:50,900
I think I know what it is.
288
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,300
Paul's a real nice guy
and a good listener.
289
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,100
He probably shows
a genuine interest
290
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:57,000
in who she is
as a person.
291
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,800
Probably treats her
with respect.
292
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,900
Well, if that's the case,
he's welcome to her.
293
00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:08,300
Well, is there anything here
I can have for breakfast?
294
00:13:08,300 --> 00:13:10,700
If you'd like something
that's tasty and nutritious,
295
00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:12,700
you could spread
some of this,
296
00:13:12,900 --> 00:13:15,800
uh, bean curd on these
fiber-rich bran crackers.
297
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:18,900
I won't eat that crap.
298
00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,000
Frasier, you're a doctor.
299
00:13:20,000 --> 00:13:21,600
You should believe
in health and nutrition.
300
00:13:21,700 --> 00:13:23,000
Doesn't mean I have to listen
301
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:25,900
to some tree-hugging,
dirt-munching Druid.
302
00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:30,000
I'm sorry.
303
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:33,100
I'm not exactly what
you'd call a morning person.
304
00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:34,700
Dr. Crane, your wife called.
I didn't want to wake you.
305
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:37,500
Oh. She called to apologize?
306
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:38,800
Well, sort of.
307
00:13:38,900 --> 00:13:40,700
Uh, she said for you to meet her
at Frederick's school.
308
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:41,900
You have that interview.
309
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:44,000
Oh, I completely forgot.
Well, she also said
310
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,900
to tell you
she knew you'd forget
311
00:13:46,000 --> 00:13:47,700
because "you're such
an uncaring human being.
312
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:48,800
"But for once
313
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:50,900
"in your life,
think of your child,
314
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,100
"comb your few remaining hairs
315
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:54,000
"and wash that canned ham
you call a face
316
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,500
and get over there."
317
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,900
You know, now that I reread this
318
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,300
it sounds less and less
like an apology.
319
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:06,200
Say, uh, Sammy, could I have
a couple of coffees
320
00:14:06,300 --> 00:14:08,100
for me and Paula?
321
00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:10,300
Paul and Paula?
322
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,000
Yeah.
323
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:13,600
Hey, Paul?
324
00:14:13,700 --> 00:14:15,500
What?
325
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,200
No, the song, you know,
"Hey, Paul."
326
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:19,000
Hey, what?
327
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:20,400
CLIFF:
No, wait a minute.
328
00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:23,700
You never heard of that old
song, "Hey, hey, Paul?"
329
00:14:23,700 --> 00:14:26,200
Hey, hey, shut up.
330
00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:28,400
No, no, no, come on.
331
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,600
We're talking about
that song from the '60s
332
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:32,700
by Paul and Paula,
"Hey, hey, Paula."
333
00:14:32,800 --> 00:14:33,500
What?
334
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:34,900
Nothing. Never mind.
335
00:14:35,000 --> 00:14:36,400
Forget I brought it up.
336
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,500
Hey, this has been
driving me crazy.
337
00:14:40,600 --> 00:14:42,500
I gotta know
something here, Paul.
338
00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:43,700
What, Sam?
339
00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:46,000
Well, I'll try to put this
as delicately as I can,
340
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:47,600
because you're my friend
and I like you,
341
00:14:47,700 --> 00:14:49,300
and I don't want to insult you,
342
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,800
but why would any girl
be caught dead with you
343
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,600
when she could be with me?
344
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:57,400
You thought that
would offend me?
345
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,100
I'm serious.
346
00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:02,300
I mean, what'd you do, slip
her a mickey or something?
347
00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:05,200
Well since you asked me so
nicely, Sam, I'll tell you.
348
00:15:05,300 --> 00:15:09,400
Paula is what we like to refer
to as a chubby-chaser.
349
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:12,600
You're kidding.
350
00:15:12,600 --> 00:15:13,900
You mean, she likes
to go out
351
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,200
with guys who are...
who are, uh...
352
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,800
Portly, Sam.
The word is "portly."
353
00:15:21,500 --> 00:15:23,300
Did you hear that?
354
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,600
She only goes out
with guys who are heavy.
355
00:15:25,700 --> 00:15:28,300
Well, you'd be
surprised, Sam.
356
00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:30,000
Women like the
oddest things.
357
00:15:30,100 --> 00:15:31,100
Take me.
358
00:15:31,100 --> 00:15:32,400
Yeah? What do you like?
359
00:15:32,400 --> 00:15:35,200
Nothing. Just take me.
360
00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:42,600
SAM:
This is driving me crazy.
361
00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:43,900
I've gotta fin...
362
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,400
Excuse me. Listen.
363
00:15:45,500 --> 00:15:47,500
Apparently, you've been,
you know, shooting me down here
364
00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,300
for the last couple of days
because of the way I look.
365
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,100
So?
366
00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:52,600
I think it's unfair
367
00:15:52,700 --> 00:15:54,700
that you're not willing
to get to know the real me.
368
00:15:54,700 --> 00:15:56,500
I think if you did, we could be
really good friends.
369
00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,400
You want to be friends?
370
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,900
Yeah, I do.
Yeah?
371
00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,500
Okay, well, maybe
we could start
372
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:05,500
by you introducing me
to some of your friends.
373
00:16:05,500 --> 00:16:09,800
Especially that large and
lovely one right over there.
374
00:16:22,200 --> 00:16:23,300
You mean Norm?
375
00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:26,700
Yeah. He's a suitful,
isn't he?
376
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,500
Oh, thank God.
377
00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:36,400
I didn't miss
the interview, did I?
378
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,600
Yes, you did.
I've already had it.
379
00:16:38,700 --> 00:16:41,900
They're outside
conferring about us now.
380
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,300
What did you tell them
about me?
381
00:16:44,300 --> 00:16:45,800
I described you in terms
382
00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:47,000
which were positively
glowing,
383
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:49,500
which is the way I'd like
to see you in hell.
384
00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:52,300
So just remember
385
00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:55,600
when they come back in
to pretend that
we love each other.
386
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,900
After that, I go right
back to loathing you.
387
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:01,300
I can't believe that you're
willing to destroy our marriage
388
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,500
all because of
your childish refusal
389
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,200
to accept the death
of an animal.
390
00:17:04,300 --> 00:17:07,700
The very fact that you think
of Whitey as "an animal"
391
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:10,500
proves that we are
completely incompatible.
392
00:17:10,600 --> 00:17:13,100
But he was an animal!
393
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,800
Well, what-what-what was he?
394
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,500
A... a... a vegetable?
A mineral?
395
00:17:16,600 --> 00:17:20,100
Oh, I know, he was the
CEO of General Motors.
396
00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:22,900
I hate you.
397
00:17:23,000 --> 00:17:24,700
I hate you!
398
00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:25,600
Hello.
Hello.
399
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,300
This is my husband,
400
00:17:27,500 --> 00:17:29,600
Dr. Frasier Crane.
401
00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:31,100
He's very sorry he's late,
402
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,000
but he's always so
busy helping people.
403
00:17:33,100 --> 00:17:35,100
Pleased to meet you.
404
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:36,600
Won't you sit down?
405
00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:38,400
And we'd like
to thank you
406
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:40,800
for taking the time
to come down here.
407
00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:43,900
It's good to see parents
that care so much.
408
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,200
You know, a program
409
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:49,900
like ours requires as much
of the parents as the child.
410
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,200
We couldn't agree more.
411
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,300
Right, dear?
412
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,800
Oh, absolutely, dear.
413
00:17:53,900 --> 00:17:56,500
Unofficially, I think it's
a very good possibility
414
00:17:56,500 --> 00:17:58,200
that we'll be able
to welcome Frederick
415
00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,700
to the Magic Hours
Learning Center.
416
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:02,200
Oh, that's wonderful news.
417
00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,000
We couldn't be happier.
418
00:18:04,100 --> 00:18:05,500
But before you leave--
419
00:18:05,600 --> 00:18:07,900
would you like to see
something precious?
420
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:09,600
Our Sylvia
421
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:11,300
just had babies.
422
00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:13,600
Well, who's Sylvia?
423
00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:15,800
The school's pet hamster.
424
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:17,100
Oh.
425
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:24,800
Oh, look at that little one
in the corner.
426
00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:26,800
He looks just like Whitey.
427
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,400
Who's Whitey?
428
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:31,300
Oh, he was my favorite
dead rat
429
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:34,600
that this bastard took
and threw in the trash!
430
00:18:34,700 --> 00:18:37,100
Don't mind her.
431
00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,900
She's just overemotional,
432
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:40,500
and crazy as a loon!
433
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:42,600
I suppose you'd like
to take one of these
434
00:18:42,700 --> 00:18:44,800
and throw it
in the garbage, too?
435
00:18:44,900 --> 00:18:46,900
Here, why don't you just bite
the heads off these birds
436
00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:48,200
while you're at it,
437
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:49,400
Dr. Death?
438
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,100
I am not the one
who goes walking around
439
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,900
with the decomposing corpse
of a rat in my purse.
440
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:59,200
You're a hateful man.
441
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,600
And you are a troubled,
disturbed woman.
442
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,900
But a wonderful mother.
443
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:11,300
Well, we'll get back to you.
444
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,100
Well, Sam, I've done it.
445
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:19,300
Blighted my child's hopes
446
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,800
of ever getting an education,
447
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:26,200
and probably ruined
my marriage as well.
448
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:28,100
I think my life is over.
449
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:29,900
Yeah, well, life is tough.
450
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:33,000
I just got shot down by
a chick who likes fat guys.
451
00:19:37,300 --> 00:19:40,000
Oh, Rebecca, do you have
any more of those rice cakes?
452
00:19:40,100 --> 00:19:41,200
Why?
453
00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:42,200
Well, you were right.
454
00:19:42,300 --> 00:19:43,500
They're the perfect food.
455
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:45,500
Yeah, what's the gag?
456
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:48,200
No, I'm telling you,
we've been enjoying
them all day, right?
457
00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:49,100
You bet.
458
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:50,100
Really?
Yeah.
459
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,400
Well, that's neat.
460
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,300
I'm glad I could make you guys,
you know, feel better.
461
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,300
Yeah, I've got a whole new bag
of them right down here.
Great.
462
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,100
You guys are gonna feel
so much healthier
when you eat like this.
463
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:00,800
I'm not kidding.
You'll have a lot more energy.
464
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:03,500
Your bodies will feel lighter.
Your reflexes will be sharper.
465
00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:05,900
Oh, our reflexes are already
much, uh, sharper.
466
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,400
Carla, pull.
467
00:20:08,800 --> 00:20:10,000
Pull.
468
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:15,800
Frasier.
469
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:23,400
Frasier, I owe you
an apology.
470
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,700
I haven't been myself
the past couple of days.
471
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,000
No, darling.
472
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:29,300
I, I trivialized your grief.
473
00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:31,100
A husband should
be supportive.
474
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,800
But, please... help me.
475
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,300
Help me.
476
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,400
Meet me halfway.
477
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,500
Why were you carrying a moribund
rodent in your evening bag?
478
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,100
I wasn't going to take
him on our date.
479
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:46,400
But I knew if I left
him at the lab,
480
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:48,400
they'd have given him to
the undergraduates to dissect.
481
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,700
I couldn't let that
happen to Whitey.
482
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:52,800
I just wanted to give
him a decent burial.
483
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:54,800
I'm, I'm so sorry.
484
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,500
How could I have been
so insensitive?
485
00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,600
Of course, I overreacted.
486
00:20:58,700 --> 00:21:00,200
But I think I know why.
487
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:01,600
I was confronted
488
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:03,100
for the first time
489
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,800
with the death of
someone close to me.
490
00:21:04,900 --> 00:21:06,200
I understand, dear.
491
00:21:06,300 --> 00:21:08,600
It's what we call a crisis.
492
00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:13,100
I know what we call it,
Frasier.
493
00:21:13,100 --> 00:21:16,300
The upshot is I've never
been more acutely aware
494
00:21:16,300 --> 00:21:19,300
of how precious and fragile
life is for each of us.
495
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,100
Well, darling, I think
everyone would agree
496
00:21:21,100 --> 00:21:24,000
that existence is
tenuous at best.
497
00:21:24,100 --> 00:21:27,700
Therefore, all we can
do is embrace life.
498
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,200
And you and I,
we're so fortunate.
499
00:21:30,300 --> 00:21:33,000
We, we have a baby,
the very symbol of life reborn.
500
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,800
Frasier, he's no longer a baby.
501
00:21:35,900 --> 00:21:37,700
He'll be going to school
in September.
502
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,900
Oh, yes, if we can successfully
negotiate a preschool interview
503
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,100
without slipping
into a scene
504
00:21:42,200 --> 00:21:43,600
from Who's Afraidof Virginia Woolf?
505
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,500
But, darling, you're right.
506
00:21:47,500 --> 00:21:49,300
Frederick is getting older.
507
00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,500
You know there is a way
508
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,600
we could renew
ourselves yet again.
509
00:21:54,700 --> 00:21:57,200
How would we do that?
510
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,700
We could have another child.
511
00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:01,500
We could, couldn't we?
512
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,300
That's a wonderful idea.
513
00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:07,200
Oh, Frasier, suddenly,
I'm filled with a glow.
514
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,000
Let's start right now.
515
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:12,700
It's all so strange.
516
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:17,100
A seemingly insignificant
creature lives and dies...
517
00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:19,900
a marriage is threatened...
518
00:22:20,000 --> 00:22:22,700
a child's education
is almost destroyed...
519
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,400
yet, somehow, someway,
520
00:22:25,500 --> 00:22:28,300
I'm getting some action
out of it.
37173
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