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1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,000
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:07,300
Another beer, Sam.
3
00:00:07,400 --> 00:00:08,600
Uh, put it on my tab.
4
00:00:08,700 --> 00:00:11,200
Actually, Paul,
we don't run tabs here.
5
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:12,900
What do you mean
you don't run tabs here?
6
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,400
Norm Peterson has a tab
the size of his pants.
7
00:00:16,400 --> 00:00:18,700
Well, that's, that's Norm.
8
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:19,900
Well, this is Paul.
9
00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:21,900
Come on, Norm doesn't
have much in life,
10
00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,200
except Cheers.
11
00:00:23,300 --> 00:00:24,700
What about me?
I'm unemployed.
12
00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:27,000
I don't like my wife.
13
00:00:28,900 --> 00:00:31,400
You're putting me
in a tough spot here.
14
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,400
I'm sorry, Sam,
I really want a tab.
15
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:34,700
Yeah, I want a tab, too.
16
00:00:34,900 --> 00:00:36,100
MAN:
Hey, you guys
are getting tabs?
17
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:38,100
Hey, everybody,
we're all getting tabs.
18
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:39,400
No, you're not.
Put that back.
19
00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:41,700
Paul, you see what...
20
00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:43,300
Sam, I'm sitting here
until I get a tab.
21
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:44,300
What are you
talking about?
22
00:00:44,300 --> 00:00:45,500
Paul doesn't
have a tab here?
23
00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:46,900
Please.
24
00:00:46,900 --> 00:00:48,100
This is one of our
25
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,400
most loyal
customers for years.
26
00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,100
If anyone deserves a tab
in this joint, it's Paul.
27
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:53,700
All right.
28
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:55,300
We'll run a tab for Paul.
29
00:00:55,300 --> 00:00:57,000
Hey, thanks, Norm.
30
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:59,400
Can I have beer,
please, Sam, and, uh,
31
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,200
why don't we put
it on Paul's tab?
32
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,200
(theme song begins)
33
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,500
� Making your way
in the world today �
34
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,700
� Takes everything you've got �
35
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:17,400
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
36
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,800
� Sure would help a lot
37
00:01:20,900 --> 00:01:24,700
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
38
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:28,300
� Sometimes you want to go
39
00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,800
� Where everybody
knows your name �
40
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:38,700
� And they're always
glad you came �
41
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:40,900
� You wanna be
where you can see �
42
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:43,500
� Our troubles
are all the same �
43
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:47,800
� You wanna be where
everybody knows your name �
44
00:01:49,100 --> 00:01:51,000
� You wanna go
where people know �
45
00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:54,200
� People are all the same
46
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:58,900
� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �
47
00:02:16,400 --> 00:02:18,600
Carla, it's
the first of the month.
48
00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,100
Where's my rent check
49
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:22,600
for the poolroom
and the bathrooms?
50
00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:24,300
Here you are.
51
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:27,900
Buy yourself a melon in
case you misplace your head.
52
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,900
Thank you.
53
00:02:31,900 --> 00:02:33,400
Tell me, Carla,
clinically speaking,
54
00:02:33,500 --> 00:02:36,000
are you considered
a dwarf or a midget?
55
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:42,600
Say, is that your head or is
your neck blowing a bubble?
56
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,200
Somebody phone
the authorities in Paris.
57
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:49,400
A gargoyle has just
fallen off Notre Dame
58
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,400
and is now taking
drink orders.
59
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:54,100
You know, two
heads like that
60
00:02:54,200 --> 00:02:56,700
would make a
perfectly good butt.
61
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:02,300
Shrike.
Bullet head.
62
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:04,700
Slattern.
Hatchet face.
63
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:07,400
Well, must be off.
64
00:03:07,500 --> 00:03:09,300
Till next month, then.
65
00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,400
He's good people.
66
00:03:15,700 --> 00:03:17,200
Hey, Carla.
67
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,800
What's the matter, Eefus?
68
00:03:18,900 --> 00:03:22,600
Well, you served table
three's drinks to table five.
69
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:25,400
That's a five?
70
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:26,700
Yeah, can't you read that?
71
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:28,600
CLIFF:
Aw, it's not
surprising, Woody.
72
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,800
Carla's reaching
that age
73
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,800
where the lens of the cornea
loses its elasticity.
74
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,000
They do say that the eye
is the first to go.
75
00:03:36,100 --> 00:03:37,200
(chuckles)
76
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:38,400
Keep it up
77
00:03:38,400 --> 00:03:41,200
and your teeth will be
the first to go.
78
00:03:46,300 --> 00:03:48,200
That was clearly
a three there, Eefus.
79
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,600
Get your orders straight.
80
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:51,700
Good morning.
81
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:53,000
Hey, Rebecca,
82
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,200
you got to get on the
phone with the distributor.
83
00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:56,900
I'm still out of vermouth.
84
00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,200
Yeah, yeah,
I'll do that this afternoon.
85
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,500
I have to work on
my own plans this morning.
86
00:04:00,600 --> 00:04:01,700
Your plans for what?
87
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:02,400
For what I'm going to do
88
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:03,400
when I buy your bar.
89
00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:05,900
(laughing):
Oh, those plans, right.
90
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,500
Oh, how can I forget that?
91
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,300
You're not taking me seriously,
are you, Sam?
92
00:04:11,400 --> 00:04:13,800
No, no, I'm not.
No, I'm not.
93
00:04:13,900 --> 00:04:15,600
You, the bar owner.
94
00:04:15,700 --> 00:04:16,900
"Hi, I'm Rebecca Howe.
95
00:04:16,900 --> 00:04:18,200
"Welcome to my bar.
96
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,800
"Gee, you know, we're
a little low on vermouth today.
97
00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,100
"Maybe I ought to get
on the phone and order some
98
00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,600
"because, after all,
this is...
99
00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:26,600
my bar."
100
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:27,700
That is not funny.
101
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,200
Yeah, well, I guess to get it,
102
00:04:29,300 --> 00:04:31,500
you'd have to be a bar owner
or out of vermouth
103
00:04:31,600 --> 00:04:34,300
and I'm both,
so order it.
104
00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:35,600
Sam, I am prepared
to make you
105
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,500
a legitimate offer
on this bar.
106
00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,900
I can offer you
$25,000 cash right now.
107
00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:45,200
How about $15,000 in cash
and $10,000 in vermouth?!
108
00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,500
Sam, I'm serious.
109
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,600
Where are you going to get
that kind of money?
110
00:04:49,700 --> 00:04:50,600
(scoffing):
I have a degree.
111
00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,000
I'm a businesswoman.
112
00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:54,300
I just spent the last ten
years in a major corporation.
113
00:04:54,400 --> 00:04:57,400
My daddy's
giving it to me.
114
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,600
He's just giving it to you?
115
00:04:58,700 --> 00:04:59,900
Well, no, we have
an agreement.
116
00:04:59,900 --> 00:05:01,300
He agreed to
give me the money
117
00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:02,900
and I agreed to
never again come home
118
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:06,500
and cry so hard that I throw
up at the dinner table.
119
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,300
This is a bit of a surprise,
isn't it, Rebecca?
120
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:11,000
Why do you want Cheers?
I would think
121
00:05:11,100 --> 00:05:12,800
for you this bar would only have
122
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:14,900
negative associations
connected with it.
123
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,700
Well, think of all the
heartbreak you've had here,
124
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:20,000
the forgotten goals,
the missed opportunities.
125
00:05:20,100 --> 00:05:22,400
Hey, it's called
atmosphere, babe.
126
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,600
I would think for you
127
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:26,900
this place would have
the stench of failure.
128
00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,900
No, that's Clavin,
129
00:05:28,900 --> 00:05:32,200
and F.Y.I.,
it's not just failure.
130
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:34,000
You know,
actually, Lilith,
131
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,500
I had more productive,
successful times at Cheers
132
00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,500
than I've had anyplace
else in my life.
133
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,700
Dear God.
134
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,000
Oh, I'm sorry.
135
00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:45,900
I was thinking
of something else.
136
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,200
Sweetheart, I-I think
it's a great idea--
137
00:05:51,300 --> 00:05:52,500
you know, you
running a business--
138
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:53,800
but you got to
understand something.
139
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:56,700
This bar is not for sale
at any price, end of story.
140
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,000
Do you really mean that?
141
00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,400
Because I'm not going to come
to you with this offer again.
142
00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:02,000
Well, I'll just have
to live with that.
143
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,500
I-I-I'll hold
it in my heart
144
00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,800
and remember all the
laughter it brought me.
145
00:06:05,900 --> 00:06:07,200
Oh, and by the
way, you know,
146
00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,500
that vermouth is not going to
order itself, there, Sparky.
147
00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,600
Sam!
148
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:12,300
(laughs)
Come on.
149
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:13,800
I'm sorry.
150
00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:15,500
You're right, I'm not
taking you seriously here.
151
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:16,500
I got to be
supportive.
152
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,700
All right, uh,
tell you what.
153
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:20,900
I will sell you this bar.
154
00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,200
You will?
Yeah.
155
00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:23,400
What would be a
fair price here?
156
00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:26,300
We got liquor,
glasses, bar stools.
157
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,500
Oh, I don't know,
let's say $25 million.
158
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:32,300
Come on, Sam.
159
00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:33,200
Oh, don't be so negative.
160
00:06:33,300 --> 00:06:35,300
Here, I'll show you how
supportive I can be.
161
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:36,700
All right, let's take
a collection here for Rebecca.
162
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:38,100
I need a tin can.
163
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,100
Oh, yeah, here we go, all right.
Hey, yo,
yo, yo.
164
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,000
Whoop-- all right, there you go.
165
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:45,900
Okay, let's help, uh,
166
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,500
Rebecca pay for this bar here.
167
00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:50,300
I'll tell you what, I am going
to put in a nickel myself.
168
00:06:50,300 --> 00:06:51,500
Now, can anyone,
169
00:06:51,600 --> 00:06:52,600
uh, match that?
170
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:53,900
Anybody?
171
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,100
Ooh, not looking
good here, babe.
172
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,000
I hope you're having fun.
173
00:06:59,100 --> 00:06:59,900
Actually, I'm not.
174
00:07:00,100 --> 00:07:02,200
You know, fund-raising
is really hard work.
175
00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:06,600
I must be doing somethin' right.
176
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:10,300
A guy just gave me a ten dollar
tip on a $30 bar tab.
177
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:13,400
That's a single.
178
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:15,300
Oh, man.
179
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:17,700
Well, I might as well
get this over with.
180
00:07:17,700 --> 00:07:19,100
Woody, cover for me.
181
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,100
I shouldn't put this off
any longer.
182
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:22,800
There you go, now you're
thinking there, Carla.
183
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:24,800
Get those eyes checked out
properly.
184
00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:25,800
Forget that.
185
00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:29,500
I'm going to run the cheapskate
over like a dog.
186
00:07:29,600 --> 00:07:31,800
Well, if your eyes
are in such great shape,
187
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:34,300
then how come you took
my car keys by mistake?
188
00:07:34,300 --> 00:07:35,400
That was no mistake.
189
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:38,300
You think I want his blood
and hair on my fender?
190
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,400
Oh, I see
a starfish.
191
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,800
CLIFF:
I think it's a manta ray.
192
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,100
You showing ink blots again,
Dr. Crane?
193
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:51,100
Uh, no, Woody.
194
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:53,500
We are engaged in something
far more challenging
195
00:07:53,600 --> 00:07:55,600
than anything Hermann
Rorschach ever dreamed up.
196
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:57,600
That's right, Wood, we're
trying to figure out
197
00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,900
the five hidden pictures on
Melville's kiddie place mat.
198
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,700
SAM:
Okay, boys.
199
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,000
Tell you what,
let's check, uh,
200
00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,900
Rebecca's tote board here,
201
00:08:08,900 --> 00:08:11,400
ladies and gentlemen.
202
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:16,500
All right, you can see her
goal here of $25 million.
203
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:17,700
Let's check that
against
204
00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:21,000
the grand total of--
whoo-- two nickels!
205
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,000
All right!
206
00:08:22,100 --> 00:08:25,000
Whoo!
207
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,500
Uh-oh, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
208
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,600
That confetti just
cost you a nickel.
209
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:32,000
Promotion's not
free, you know.
210
00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:33,800
Your jokes
211
00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:35,900
are so childish
and moronic.
212
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:37,800
Well, that's what keeps me
young, babe.
213
00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:39,100
(both laughing)
MAN:
Rebecca.
214
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:42,000
REBECCA:
Oh, Harry, I'm glad
you're here. Sam.
215
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,200
This is my appraiser,
he's going
216
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:44,900
to tell me how much
this bar is really worth.
217
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,500
Well, I'll save you
some trouble here, Harry.
218
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,800
The bar is worth $25 million.
219
00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,000
Well, Rebecca, I need
to work up the figures,
220
00:08:52,100 --> 00:08:54,500
but everything seems
to be in good shape.
221
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,200
Except for that strange
floor deformity.
222
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,800
What floor deformity?
223
00:08:58,900 --> 00:09:01,100
There seems to be
a depression here.
224
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:08,400
It's almost as
if this bar stool
225
00:09:08,500 --> 00:09:11,400
is sinking right
into the earth.
226
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:13,600
I wonder what
could cause that.
227
00:09:13,700 --> 00:09:14,800
Uh, pardon me, pal.
228
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:16,900
You're standing between me
and my cheese doodles.
229
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:21,600
You know, uh,
230
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:23,600
I don't think that a ground
surface irregularity
231
00:09:23,700 --> 00:09:25,600
of this nature
is so strange.
232
00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:26,600
I mean, after all,
233
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,500
the entire east coast
is sinking.
234
00:09:28,600 --> 00:09:29,800
We all know that.
235
00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:32,300
I mean, due to global warming,
the polar ice caps are melting
236
00:09:32,300 --> 00:09:35,100
and, hey, we're gonna be
all underwater anyway.
237
00:09:35,200 --> 00:09:36,300
Yeah, that's why I, uh,
238
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:38,200
like to keep a couple
of cans of tuna
239
00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:40,600
and an inflatable raft
in the trunk of my car.
240
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:46,400
Wait a second, I ate the tuna
a couple of nights ago.
241
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,400
I'd better go out
and get some more.
242
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:49,600
Boy, if that flood
comes tonight,
243
00:09:49,700 --> 00:09:51,700
I'm really going
to kick myself.
244
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:56,000
Harry...
245
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,300
do you think you have enough
figures to run the appraisal?
246
00:09:58,300 --> 00:09:59,500
Well, just one
more question.
247
00:09:59,500 --> 00:10:01,800
Is that mailman going to
be hanging around here?
248
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,200
I don't know.
249
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,400
Well, I'll run the
figures both ways.
250
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:10,600
Honey, you're wasting your money
running an appraisal like this.
251
00:10:10,700 --> 00:10:12,200
Remember,
you only got one nickel left.
252
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:13,700
(huffing):
Sam, you know what?
253
00:10:13,700 --> 00:10:16,300
You never take anything
I say seriously.
254
00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:18,100
Take this seriously.
255
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,700
I will have this bar.
256
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,000
You're right,
I'm sorry.
257
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:23,900
From now on, I'm going
to take you seriously.
258
00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:25,700
Good.
259
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:29,400
(in low voice):
This is me taking Rebecca
seriously.
260
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:32,200
Come on, guys, let's all
take Rebecca seriously.
261
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,300
(in low voice):
All right, Sam, well, I'm going
to be very serious now.
262
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,500
(in low voice):
Well, what the heck?
This is a very serious bar.
263
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:40,000
I'd like a very
serious beer, please.
264
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:41,200
(Sam and Norm laughing)
265
00:10:41,300 --> 00:10:42,900
No, I'm serious, Sam,
I'd like one.
266
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:49,200
You guys
are such...
267
00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:50,600
Excuse me, Miss.
268
00:10:50,700 --> 00:10:53,500
Is this
total right?
269
00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:59,300
Yeah.
270
00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:01,100
What was that?
271
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:04,200
Nothing.
272
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:06,600
There was something across
the bridge of your nose.
273
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,500
It was horn-rimmed
and a little Coke bottle-ish.
274
00:11:09,600 --> 00:11:11,800
All right, I went to one
of those one-hour joints
275
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,700
and I got myself a pair
of reading glasses.
276
00:11:14,700 --> 00:11:17,900
But if I hear one single
comment about Ben Franklin
277
00:11:17,900 --> 00:11:19,100
or Granny or "four eyes,"
278
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:22,200
I will cut out your tongue
and fry it up for lunch.
279
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:28,100
(muffled laughs)
280
00:11:28,100 --> 00:11:30,100
(laughing)
281
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,500
(laughing)
282
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:39,500
I don't care.
It's worth a tongue.
283
00:11:42,700 --> 00:11:45,000
Oh darn.
284
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,500
These glasses have
a spot on them.
285
00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:55,600
That's better.
286
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,200
(laughing)
287
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,800
This is so funny!
288
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,300
What are you
doing, Sam?
Huh?
289
00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,300
Oh, I'm, uh, faking a letter
from the IRS here saying
290
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:08,700
that Rebecca overpaid
her return last year.
291
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:12,600
So the government
now owes her $25 million.
292
00:12:12,700 --> 00:12:15,500
Sam...
293
00:12:15,600 --> 00:12:17,300
Well, it could happen!
294
00:12:17,300 --> 00:12:19,300
Come on! Give me a break.
295
00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,600
I think your humor is expressing
296
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:24,000
a hidden hostility
toward Rebecca.
297
00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:25,700
Or perhaps, deep down, you fear
298
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:28,200
she really is capable
of taking this bar from you.
299
00:12:28,300 --> 00:12:31,400
Put a suit on a woman
and she thinks she's God.
300
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,600
Frasier,
are you going
301
00:12:34,700 --> 00:12:36,600
to let him
talk to me like this?
302
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,000
She's also this way
303
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,800
when the suit
comes off, Sam.
304
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,600
You should see her
rule the roost
305
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,900
in her bra and panties.
306
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:50,300
Well, well...
307
00:12:50,300 --> 00:12:53,300
well, hey,
it's a compliment, baby!
308
00:12:58,100 --> 00:12:59,000
(laughing):
Oh!
309
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,000
Hey, listen to this!
310
00:13:01,000 --> 00:13:04,000
"P.S. Order some vermouth."
311
00:13:04,100 --> 00:13:06,100
(hysterically laughing)
312
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:10,000
Sam.
Yeah?
313
00:13:10,100 --> 00:13:13,000
I've always known that you felt
that my owning the pool room
314
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,000
and bathrooms was an unwieldy
arrangement.
315
00:13:15,100 --> 00:13:16,800
So I found a solution.
316
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:18,000
Oh, good. What?
317
00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:19,700
I've agreed to sell
them to Rebecca.
318
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,700
I hope you can afford
the new rent, Sam,
319
00:13:22,800 --> 00:13:24,500
but if you have any trouble
320
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,200
maybe you can throw
a little telethon.
321
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:28,200
Tell you what.
322
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:31,300
(low voice):
I'm willing to donate a nickel.
323
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:35,200
Oh, no, no, no.
324
00:13:35,300 --> 00:13:36,300
This is not
gonna happen here.
325
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:38,400
Listen, if you want to sell
these rooms to somebody,
326
00:13:38,500 --> 00:13:39,800
sell them to me.
327
00:13:39,900 --> 00:13:42,100
I mean, whatever she offered
you, I'll pay more.
328
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,400
Oh, really?
329
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:46,300
Why? Wait a minute.
What-What did she offer you?
330
00:13:46,300 --> 00:13:49,200
I offered him the $25,000
my father gave me.
331
00:13:49,300 --> 00:13:51,200
Sam, do you have a father?
332
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:54,700
Hold it. Excuse me.
Wait a minute.
333
00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,200
You accepted my deal.
334
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:57,400
You said, "Yes."
335
00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:00,400
"Yes" can mean
so many things.
336
00:14:00,500 --> 00:14:02,200
You see, you see
what she's trying
337
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,200
to do here,
don't you, John?
338
00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:06,000
I mean, if she gets a hold
of those bathrooms
339
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:08,300
and the pool room, she, she'll
take the whole bar from me
340
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:09,400
and she's gonna ruin me.
341
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,100
Oh, I'm all a tingle.
342
00:14:12,100 --> 00:14:14,100
All right. All right.
343
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:16,500
Uh, how much did she offer you?
344
00:14:16,500 --> 00:14:18,200
$25,000.
345
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:19,300
All right. All right.
346
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:21,400
Uh, $25,000 and one dollar.
347
00:14:21,500 --> 00:14:22,700
No, no, $20.
348
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,100
Yeah. $25,000 and $20.
349
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,400
Let's see you beat that.
350
00:14:25,500 --> 00:14:27,100
$30,000.
351
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,900
I thought, I thought
we were going up in $20.
352
00:14:34,900 --> 00:14:37,700
It seems we have two interested
parties here.
353
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,400
Perhaps I should
give it to the one
354
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:40,700
who wants it
the most.
355
00:14:40,700 --> 00:14:44,000
The party who's willing
to go that extra mile.
356
00:14:44,100 --> 00:14:47,900
Oh, dear, I notice
my shoelace is untied.
357
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,300
Oh, give me
a break!
358
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,900
You expect one of us to get down
on our hands and knees
359
00:14:53,900 --> 00:14:56,200
and tie your shoelace
so you can give them the rooms?
360
00:14:56,200 --> 00:14:57,800
Oh, well to hell
with you, Mister.
361
00:14:57,800 --> 00:14:59,400
You know, nothing's
worth that.
362
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:06,700
Oh, Christmas is coming
early this year.
363
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:17,400
Ah, Woody, if you see Hill,
give him his keys,
364
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,100
tell him I'm finished,
all right?
365
00:15:19,100 --> 00:15:21,900
Oh, Sammy, you didn't
wash his car, did you?
366
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,700
Hey, what do you take me for?
367
00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,400
I detailed every inch of it.
368
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:29,100
Hey, Carla,
369
00:15:29,100 --> 00:15:31,300
I heard the guys were kidding
you about your glasses.
370
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:32,600
But I want you to know,
371
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,300
I think it makes you look
a lot more intellectual.
372
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,700
Thanks, Woody.
373
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,100
In fact, they...
374
00:15:38,100 --> 00:15:41,400
they kind of make you
look like Einstein.
375
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:43,100
Thanks a lot.
Yeah,
376
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:46,200
if you could just get your
hair to do what his does.
377
00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:49,200
Well, actually,
it almost does.
378
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:55,100
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
379
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,200
Why me?
380
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:57,800
I have to work with him.
381
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,200
Oh, boy, Miss Howe!
382
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,000
When I see
a woman
383
00:16:09,100 --> 00:16:10,900
in a hot little black dress
like that,
384
00:16:11,000 --> 00:16:13,100
all I can think of is "zowie,"
385
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,300
and "who died?"
386
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:18,200
Oh, Sam!
387
00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,200
I want to thank you
for washing John's car
388
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:21,900
because after he cooks
dinner for me tonight,
389
00:16:21,900 --> 00:16:23,600
he might want me
to go dancing and...
390
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:25,600
I want us to look good.
391
00:16:25,700 --> 00:16:27,700
Oh, that's great.
392
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:30,900
I-I send him flowers
and he takes you dancing.
393
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:32,900
Men.
394
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:36,000
You know, also,
395
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,600
you can wax John's car
396
00:16:37,600 --> 00:16:39,700
and you can do
his menial tasks,
397
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,500
but I have something
you don't have.
398
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,400
See you later...
399
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:45,500
or in the morning.
400
00:16:45,600 --> 00:16:48,500
What does she mean
by that,
401
00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:50,500
she has something
you don't have?
402
00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:57,500
She's got nice hair,
you got nice hair.
403
00:16:57,600 --> 00:17:00,800
She's got nice eyes,
you got nice eyes.
404
00:17:00,900 --> 00:17:03,000
She's got...
405
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,200
Uh-oh, Sam.
406
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:08,200
You're in big trouble.
407
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:16,300
That was a very nice
meal, Mr. Hill.
408
00:17:16,400 --> 00:17:17,700
Thank you.
409
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,000
I only wish that I could have
cooked it for you.
410
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,600
Oh, well,
I didn't want to disturb you
411
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,700
while you were doing
the windows.
412
00:17:25,600 --> 00:17:28,800
Why don't we just sit here
a while and enjoy
413
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,000
a little wine,
414
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:32,200
before you do the dishes.
415
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,500
Mmm, you know, John...
416
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,700
I really deserve
that property downstairs
417
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,000
more than Sam does.
418
00:17:41,100 --> 00:17:43,200
Well, deserving something
419
00:17:43,300 --> 00:17:45,300
and earning it
are two different things.
420
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:48,300
Well, you know, John,
421
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,800
if you did
sell me the property,
422
00:17:51,900 --> 00:17:55,500
I would be a very friendly
neighbor.
423
00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:57,500
And I'm sure
we could come
424
00:17:57,600 --> 00:17:59,600
to some mutual agreement.
425
00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:01,900
You do know what I mean,
don't you?
426
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:07,700
(glassed and dishes shattering)
427
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,300
Oh, I'll clean that up later.
428
00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:14,900
Don't worry about that,
429
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,900
we have a real estate purchase
to consider.
430
00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:21,300
In fact, why don't we go
into the next room.
431
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,400
We can get under the sheets
and haggle.
432
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:28,700
Right now?
433
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,300
I'm ready.
434
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:32,100
Oh, gee, John.
435
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,100
I think that stain
is gonna set in here.
436
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,000
I'm willing to throw
caution to the wind
437
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:39,100
and say I'll risk
my carpet.
438
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,800
We really need to put
something on it.
439
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,300
Very well. How about us?
440
00:18:42,400 --> 00:18:43,600
Eww...
441
00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:44,600
Oh.
442
00:18:44,700 --> 00:18:46,000
I mean,
443
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,000
as enchanting
as that offer is, John,
444
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:51,100
I-I really think club soda
would be more effective.
445
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:54,600
Oh, you're into club soda,
are you?
446
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,600
No, not really, I just...
447
00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:59,600
(softly):
What can that possibly mean?
448
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:03,000
Come to Papa, Peaches.
449
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:04,400
Oh, no, no, don't,
wait, hold it.
450
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:06,200
You know, there's a joint
right around the corner
451
00:19:06,200 --> 00:19:07,600
and they sell these carpet
cleaning machines.
452
00:19:07,600 --> 00:19:09,100
This hot water shoots
right into the bristles
453
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:10,500
and it really cleans
it up fast!
454
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:12,700
Sounds like fun.
No, I really
better be going.
455
00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:15,800
You're fast.
456
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,900
And agile.
457
00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:19,600
(knocking at door)
458
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,600
Yes! Come in!
459
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,700
Oh! Oh!
460
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,500
Rebecca. Rebecca.
Rebecca.
461
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,100
Sam, I'm really glad to see you.
462
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:29,400
I'm just glad
I got here in time.
463
00:19:29,400 --> 00:19:30,900
I mean, you see what
he's driving you to,
464
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:33,200
don't you? You're throwing
yourself at a man
465
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,400
just to gain
material things.
466
00:19:34,500 --> 00:19:36,100
You know what that
makes you, don't you?
467
00:19:36,100 --> 00:19:39,100
Ahead in the race to get a pool
room and two bathrooms.
468
00:19:39,100 --> 00:19:40,500
Come on, Rebecca.
469
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:42,600
Yeah, you just stay out
of this will you, John?
470
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,900
Honey, go downstairs,
471
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,200
wipe that makeup off,
will you?
472
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:46,400
I tell you what,
473
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,400
why don't you put on
a nice dress or something,
474
00:19:48,500 --> 00:19:49,500
maybe call your Mom.
475
00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:50,900
Bet it's been a while,
hasn't it?
476
00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:52,900
Yeah, yes,
Sam, it has.
477
00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:55,000
Yeah, yeah.
478
00:19:55,100 --> 00:19:57,900
Actually it's been a while
for me, too, Sam.
479
00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:02,200
Thanks for spoiling what was
going to be a lovely evening.
480
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:03,900
That certainly
endears you to me.
481
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:06,700
I just have two words
for you, John.
482
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:08,400
What's that?
Twins.
483
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:10,400
Come on in, girls.
484
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:12,400
Here's Johnny!
485
00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,400
How do you like
these, Johnny boy?
486
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,400
Go ahead and touch 'em.
They're real.
487
00:20:21,900 --> 00:20:23,500
Oh, I just forgot
my...
488
00:20:23,600 --> 00:20:25,500
Wha...
489
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:27,400
Who are they?
Uh...
490
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:29,100
this is not what you think.
491
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:31,500
Gee, we never met a big
Hollywood producer before.
492
00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,400
All right, it's,
it's what you think.
493
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:37,700
Sam, Sam, look
at us.
I know, I know.
494
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,700
Do you know what
he's doing here?
Yeah.
495
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,300
He's playing us
against each other.
496
00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:42,800
You're right.
This is disgusting.
497
00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:44,400
You can't make us act
like this.
498
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,500
You know something? You can
keep those stupid old rooms.
499
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,500
All bets are off.
Come on, let's go.
500
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:49,900
I'm sorry you feel that way.
501
00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:56,900
So did Sam explain the part
you'll be reading for?
502
00:21:03,100 --> 00:21:04,400
Oh, Sam.
503
00:21:04,500 --> 00:21:06,900
I can't believe you
could sink this low.
504
00:21:07,000 --> 00:21:08,900
You should have seen me
in my prime.
505
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,000
JOHN:
Sam.
506
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,800
Oh, get out of here,
will you, Hill?
507
00:21:13,900 --> 00:21:15,400
We don't want your type
around here anymore.
508
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:16,500
You're bad news.
509
00:21:16,600 --> 00:21:18,800
Bad news.
510
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,300
I just came down to thank you
511
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:22,400
for introducing me
to Hope and Joy, Sam.
512
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,800
It's very hard to make friends
in a new town.
513
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:27,400
The least I can do is sell you
514
00:21:27,500 --> 00:21:28,700
the pool room
and the bathrooms.
515
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,700
As I recall,
the last
516
00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:32,700
offer was, uh, $30,000.
517
00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:34,700
Yeah, but,
518
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:36,800
but I don't have $30,000.
519
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:38,000
How much do you have?
520
00:21:38,100 --> 00:21:39,300
$5,000.
521
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,100
I'm sorry, Sam.
It's simply out of the question.
522
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,900
Yeah, but wait a minute,
I-I detailed your car.
523
00:21:45,600 --> 00:21:48,100
Wait, wait
a minute, Sam.
524
00:21:48,100 --> 00:21:50,100
You do have
$30,000.
525
00:21:50,200 --> 00:21:51,600
Oh, wow.
526
00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:53,300
Rebecca, you'd do this
for me?
527
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:55,200
I'd do this for us.
528
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,300
A business
partnership, Sam.
529
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,200
We should have thought of
it in the first place.
530
00:21:59,300 --> 00:22:01,300
Oh, yeah.
531
00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:03,100
Wh... yeah,
why didn't we?
532
00:22:03,200 --> 00:22:04,500
Because you
were so busy
533
00:22:04,500 --> 00:22:06,200
making those stupid
telethon jokes.
534
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:07,600
Oh.
535
00:22:07,600 --> 00:22:09,500
Yeah, I'm gonna
miss those.
536
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:12,600
All right, listen.
537
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,100
Here's her check
and here's mine.
538
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:15,800
That makes $30,000.
539
00:22:15,900 --> 00:22:17,800
Well, thank you
very much.
540
00:22:17,900 --> 00:22:19,500
Enjoy your pool room.
541
00:22:19,600 --> 00:22:20,700
Oh, and you should
542
00:22:20,800 --> 00:22:22,200
rest well in the knowledge
543
00:22:22,200 --> 00:22:25,900
that this $30,000 will pay
nicely for that screen test.
544
00:22:25,900 --> 00:22:27,900
Good news, girls!
545
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:30,900
We're going to Hollywood!
546
00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:34,000
BOTH:
Eww!
38776
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