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1
00:00:02,200 --> 00:00:05,100
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:06,300
Watch this.
Okay...
3
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:15,400
What do you got, Wood?
4
00:00:15,500 --> 00:00:19,800
Watch closely as I remove
my own index finger.
5
00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:21,500
Uh-huh.
6
00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:22,600
It's something I learned
from my uncle,
7
00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:24,600
only when I do it, it's a trick.
8
00:00:26,500 --> 00:00:28,600
Eh?
9
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:29,800
Uh, not bad but, uh,
10
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:31,800
I think Cliffy's still
ahead on points here.
11
00:00:31,900 --> 00:00:33,700
And in what sophomoric
activity
12
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,700
are you gentlemen
involved now?
13
00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:38,700
Our first annual tricks
with digits exhibition!
14
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:42,100
Of all the pointless wastes
of human energy.
15
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:43,900
Frasier's right.
16
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,500
You could sit here until
the end of time doing your
17
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:47,900
silly little finger tricks,
18
00:00:47,900 --> 00:00:50,600
but none of you will ever
be able to top this.
19
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,900
Wow, she's right.
20
00:01:00,900 --> 00:01:01,800
The king is dead.
21
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:03,500
Long live the queen!
22
00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:06,100
NORM:
Yes and she's writing!
23
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,300
She's going for
bonus points.
24
00:01:08,300 --> 00:01:09,700
CLIFF:
What's it say?
25
00:01:09,800 --> 00:01:11,700
"My fist is stuck.
Call 911."
26
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,200
FRASIER:
Come on, hon.
27
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,300
You know, this
happens to her
28
00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:19,000
more often than
you'd think.
29
00:01:23,900 --> 00:01:25,700
(theme song begins)
30
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:30,100
� Making your way
in the world today �
31
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:33,200
� Takes everything you've got �
32
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,200
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
33
00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:39,200
� Sure would help a lot
34
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:43,300
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
35
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:47,300
� Sometimes you want to go
36
00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:51,300
� Where everybody
knows your name �
37
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,900
� And they're always
glad you came �
38
00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,700
� You wanna be
where you can see �
39
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:02,400
� Our troubles
are all the same �
40
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:06,400
� You wanna be where
everybody knows your name �
41
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,200
� You wanna go
where people know �
42
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:13,000
� People are all the same
43
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:17,000
� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �
44
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:34,900
How am I supposed to make
a drink around here?
45
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:38,100
We're out of gin, vermouth,
cherries and lime juice.
46
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,700
We gotta get into
that storeroom.
47
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:40,800
We can't.
48
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,300
Sam said to substitute.
49
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:44,300
Okay.
50
00:02:46,300 --> 00:02:48,300
Here you go.
51
00:02:48,300 --> 00:02:49,400
What the hell
is this?
52
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,400
It's clam juice.
53
00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:55,200
I wanted a martini.
54
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,900
I wanted to be Princess
Carla of Monaco.
55
00:02:58,000 --> 00:03:00,000
Drink it!
56
00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,300
Sorry,
57
00:03:02,400 --> 00:03:03,400
Mr. Krapence.
58
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:05,300
We can't get into the office
or the storeroom
59
00:03:05,300 --> 00:03:06,700
because Miss Howe
locked herself in
60
00:03:06,700 --> 00:03:09,000
since she decided not to marry
Mr. Colcord.
61
00:03:09,100 --> 00:03:09,800
She's still
in there.
62
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:10,900
She's still
in the gown.
63
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,100
She won't talk
to anybody.
64
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:13,600
Doesn't move.
Doesn't eat.
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00:03:13,600 --> 00:03:15,100
Gee, that's awful.
66
00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,100
I really wanted a martini.
67
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,900
Greetings all!
68
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:22,700
A pint of lager,
69
00:03:22,800 --> 00:03:24,600
my good publican!
70
00:03:24,700 --> 00:03:26,800
I'm of a Dickensian spirit
today.
71
00:03:26,900 --> 00:03:29,300
I've just come from
the Antiquarian Book Fair,
72
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:31,600
where I managed to luck
into a handsomely bound
73
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,700
first edition of Charles
Dickens' Tale of Two Cities.
74
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:36,200
Wow!
75
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:37,300
If you don't mind
my asking,
76
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:39,300
how much does something
like this cost, Dr. Crane?
77
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:41,200
Well, uh, Woody, money
isn't really the issue,
78
00:03:41,300 --> 00:03:44,100
but, uh, around $1,200.
79
00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,400
(scoffs, snickers)
80
00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:47,900
1,200 bucks?
81
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,700
Got something to
show you, Dr. Crane.
82
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:53,500
It's called a
library card.
83
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:56,300
Thank you for the advice, Woody.
84
00:03:56,300 --> 00:03:58,300
Now may I have a scotch
on the rocks, please?
85
00:03:58,300 --> 00:03:59,900
Okeydoke!
86
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:03,000
That'll be around
1,200 bucks.
87
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,500
Oh, Frasier, you know,
it's a good thing you're here
88
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:08,100
because we gotta
think of some way
89
00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,200
to get that crazy lady
out of the office.
90
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:11,600
It's been two days.
91
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:13,500
Well, I realize that
you're concerned about Rebecca
92
00:04:13,600 --> 00:04:15,000
and that you all look to me
93
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,800
as the solver
of all problems personal,
94
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,600
but, in this case,
I have to throw up my hands.
95
00:04:18,700 --> 00:04:20,500
I mean, there's a limit
to what even I can do.
96
00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:22,100
And we also know
how you pout
97
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,800
when we don't ask you.
98
00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,700
Well... fine.
99
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,700
Maybe I'll just go home.
100
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:33,300
Okay!
101
00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,300
I've got the tool box here.
102
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:38,300
I'm gonna get Rebecca out
of that office right now.
103
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,900
Rebecca!
104
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,700
I've got a screwdriver here!
105
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,800
I'm gonna take that doorknob off
106
00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:49,800
and I'm gonna open the door
here.
107
00:04:51,200 --> 00:04:54,800
Rebecca, I got a Phillips head
by mistake,
108
00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:58,000
but I'm gonna...
109
00:04:58,100 --> 00:05:02,000
I'm putting that down and
I'm picking up a flathead,
110
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:05,000
and then I'm gonna take that
doorknob off.
111
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:10,000
Rebecca, I don't have
a flathead,
112
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:13,000
but I have one of those
putty things
113
00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,000
and I'm gonna put it...
114
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,300
Damn!
115
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:21,000
Okay, Rebecca, I just punctured
my thumb with that, uh...
116
00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:24,200
putty thing and I'm gonna go
get a tetanus shot,
117
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:26,200
then I'm...
118
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,200
coming back here
and taking that doorknob off.
119
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,200
Here's a Band-Aid.
120
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:32,100
Hey, hey, guys!
Rebecca!
121
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:33,700
Hey!
Rebecca's out.
REBECCA:
No, no.
122
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,000
Don't say Rebecca.
123
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,500
Don't call me
Rebecca.
124
00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:39,500
Rebecca doesn't live
here anymore.
125
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,500
Rebecca died two
days ago.
126
00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:44,600
Oh! So that's
what that is.
127
00:05:44,700 --> 00:05:47,500
Whoof!
128
00:05:47,500 --> 00:05:48,800
I'm telling you,
129
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:51,900
a woman should never
sweat in taffeta.
130
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,500
Have a seat.
Come on.
131
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:57,700
Thank you.
132
00:05:57,700 --> 00:05:59,300
Wow.
133
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:01,100
I've never sat
here before.
134
00:06:03,100 --> 00:06:05,200
Here I am, sitting
on this stool,
135
00:06:05,300 --> 00:06:07,700
knowing my life
is a mess.
136
00:06:07,800 --> 00:06:09,900
I have no future, and...
137
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:12,700
I'm a totally
hopeless failure.
138
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,700
Yeah. Try it
with beer nuts.
139
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:19,900
It is all my fault.
140
00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:21,600
I mean, I got
what I deserve.
141
00:06:21,700 --> 00:06:22,800
And now I'm alone.
142
00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:25,200
I... I have nothing
and I'm just a,
143
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,800
you know, worthless,
shallow person.
144
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:30,800
I'm telling you,
try it with the beer nuts.
145
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,300
Rebecca...
146
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:38,100
I realize you haven't sought
my professional advice, but
147
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:40,200
I think it's time
to get some perspective,
148
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,600
take a look at yourself.
149
00:06:41,700 --> 00:06:45,000
Splash some water on your face
and get a fresh start.
150
00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,400
I'd like to, Frasier,
151
00:06:46,500 --> 00:06:49,100
but I seem to have lost
the will to move.
152
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:52,100
I just want to sit here
for the rest of my life.
153
00:06:52,200 --> 00:06:54,400
Geez, maybe
it's the stool.
154
00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,200
Come on,
Miss Howe.
155
00:07:02,300 --> 00:07:04,300
Woody...
156
00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:07,000
have you ever
had your whole life
157
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:09,000
cave in on you
all of a sudden?
158
00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,300
No, but I have had
a cave cave in on me
159
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,700
all of a sudden.
160
00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,100
You know, at the risk
of sounding insensitive,
161
00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:19,100
I'm... I'm glad she's
getting out of here.
162
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:21,300
Her walking around
in that wedding dress
163
00:07:21,300 --> 00:07:23,800
was just a tad too
"Miss Havisham" for me.
164
00:07:25,100 --> 00:07:27,000
Who?
Miss Havisham.
165
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,600
Famous character
from Charles Dickens'
166
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:30,300
Great Expectations.
167
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,600
Spends the entire novel
168
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:32,900
walking around
in her wedding dress.
169
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,900
What?!
Yes.
170
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,800
Well, surely you know it.
171
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,400
It's Great Expectations.
172
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,300
Pip? Miss Havisham?
173
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:41,800
Magwich?
174
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:45,200
And, uh... and four...
175
00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,300
pizza-loving turtles
176
00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,600
who practice martial
arts in the sewer.
177
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:53,200
Oh, cowabunga, dudes!
178
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:54,500
CLIFF:
You know,
179
00:07:54,500 --> 00:07:56,000
there's a lot of people
don't realize
180
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:58,000
that that was
a comic book first.
181
00:08:01,800 --> 00:08:03,800
I'm gonna go for a drive, Sam.
182
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:05,700
SAM:
Oh, yes, sweetheart.
183
00:08:05,700 --> 00:08:07,700
That's a good idea.
You know, get some fresh air.
184
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,500
Take all the time
you want.
Thank you.
185
00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:13,300
Where did she get those clothes?
186
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,600
WOODY:
Hey, Sam, could you
dig some clothes out
187
00:08:15,700 --> 00:08:17,500
of lost and found?
188
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:26,800
Here you go.
189
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,200
Woody, come on out here.
Let's take a look.
190
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:31,000
Hey, Sam, how long did
you say these clothes
191
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,600
have been in the
lost and found?
192
00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:34,400
I don't know--
a while, I guess. Why?
193
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:40,100
(laughing)
194
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:48,200
Is that Woody Boyd?
195
00:08:48,300 --> 00:08:50,400
Or is that
Keith Partridge?!
196
00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:56,100
When is Miss Howe getting back
with my real clothes?
197
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,900
I can't go out like this.
198
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,000
I mean, I know it was
the '70s and all,
199
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:03,700
but who would dress in anything
this dumb-looking?
200
00:09:05,700 --> 00:09:08,900
Those duds look familiar.
201
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:14,000
"Property
of C. Clavin."
202
00:09:14,800 --> 00:09:18,300
Deep inside, didn't
we all know that?
203
00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:19,900
(laughing)
204
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:21,700
These are your
clothes, Mr. Clavin?
205
00:09:21,700 --> 00:09:23,000
Yeah, I guess.
206
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:24,400
Well, how'd they end up
in the lost and found?
207
00:09:24,500 --> 00:09:25,800
How did they end up in there?
208
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:28,000
Well, it was the '70s,
209
00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,100
(chuckles):
and I was a swinger.
210
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:33,800
Uh-oh.
211
00:09:33,900 --> 00:09:35,700
I had some good times
in those rags, Woody.
212
00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,500
Cliff, we don't want to
hear about it, please.
213
00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:39,300
Huh? Oh, it was great.
214
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:40,700
You know, hey,
the disco scene,
215
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:41,700
grooving.
216
00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,200
Ixnay, Cliff.
217
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,600
Yeah, it was
a great decade, huh?
218
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,900
Hot-tubbing every night.
219
00:09:45,900 --> 00:09:47,000
I got rolfed.
220
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,200
WOODY:
Oh.
221
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:50,600
Please stop, Mr. Clavin.
222
00:09:50,700 --> 00:09:53,000
Oh, now I remember
how I lost those clothes.
223
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,700
Oh, don't say it;
don't say it.
224
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:56,300
I was streaking!
225
00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:57,600
Oh! I knew it!
226
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,600
I knew he was gonna
say it!
227
00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:01,600
Of course, I was about
three pounds lighter then.
228
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:04,900
FRASIER:
Woody...
229
00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,100
I think it was
a great sacrifice
230
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,700
for you to give
your clothes to Rebecca.
231
00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,000
It puts me in mind
232
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,300
of another novel by
my favorite British author.
233
00:10:11,400 --> 00:10:13,200
You know who I mean.
234
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,500
I'll give you a hint.
235
00:10:14,500 --> 00:10:16,400
Charles...?
236
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,700
In Charge?
237
00:10:18,800 --> 00:10:20,700
(laughs)
238
00:10:20,800 --> 00:10:22,700
Are you people really
this ignorant
239
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,700
or do you just do this
to torture me?
240
00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:27,700
Uh, sometimes the two
go hand-in-hand.
241
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:29,000
All right.
242
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,500
Gather around,
everyone.
243
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,700
I am going to right
a horrible wrong.
244
00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:35,000
I am going to read to you
Dickens' classic,
245
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:36,600
A Tale of Two Cities,
246
00:10:36,700 --> 00:10:38,400
and you will see
just how much fun
247
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,900
great literature can be.
248
00:10:39,900 --> 00:10:41,400
(all groaning)
249
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,900
FRASIER:
"Book the First.
250
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:46,200
It was the best of times,
it was the worst of times."
251
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:47,300
Hey, wait,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
252
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,200
Which was it?
253
00:10:54,400 --> 00:10:56,400
Just stay tuned, Norm.
254
00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:01,100
"It was the age of wisdom,
it was the age of foolishness.
255
00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:04,300
It was the epoch of belief, it
was the epoch of incredulity."
256
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,800
Boy, this Dickens guy
really liked
257
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,800
to keep his butt covered,
didn't he?
258
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:14,300
"There was a king
with a large jaw,
259
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,600
"and a queen with a plain face,
260
00:11:16,700 --> 00:11:18,200
"on the throne
of England.
261
00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:21,700
"And... and..."
262
00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:25,100
"...and there was
a bloodthirsty clown,
263
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,900
"who beckoned innocent
children into the sewer,
264
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,400
and swallowed them whole."
265
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,600
Ah!
266
00:11:32,700 --> 00:11:35,300
That's a neat trick.
267
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,100
(phone ringing)
268
00:11:37,200 --> 00:11:38,900
Wait-wait-wait a minute, Fras,
wait there.
269
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,300
Yeah, Cheers. What?
270
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,300
Hey... uh... Rebecca!
271
00:11:43,400 --> 00:11:45,500
Where are you calling from?
I can barely hear you.
272
00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:47,900
30,000 feet over Pittsburgh.
273
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,100
What?
274
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,800
I thought you were just
going for a drive.
275
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:52,500
I did.
I drove to the airport.
276
00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:54,000
Listen,
277
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,600
will you tell Woody
that I left his car
278
00:11:55,700 --> 00:11:58,100
outside the United terminal.
279
00:11:58,200 --> 00:12:00,200
Or American.
280
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:01,900
It doesn't really
make any difference.
281
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:05,300
They all tow them
to the same place anyway.
282
00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:07,900
Sam, is that Miss Howe?
283
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,400
Ask her if she
has my wallet.
284
00:12:09,500 --> 00:12:11,700
I need my
driver's license.
285
00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:14,600
Actually, you don't
have to worry about
that right now, Wood.
286
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,600
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
287
00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,900
I'm-I'm going home
to San Diego, Sam.
288
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,700
I want to try and forget Boston.
289
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,100
I want to erase
the last three years of my life.
290
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:25,400
It's been five, Rebecca.
291
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:27,600
Has it been that long?
292
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,100
Hey, Sam, does she
have my wallet?
293
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,000
You still have Woody's
wallet, don't you?
294
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:35,500
Yeah, sure, how do you think
I'm paying for this call?
295
00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:38,500
Hell, how do you think
I'm paying for this flight?
296
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:41,700
Yeah, she still has it.
297
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:48,300
Honey, listen to me.
298
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,400
You can't run away from
your problems like this.
299
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,000
Sam, Sam, look,
the only reason I called
300
00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:54,900
was to say good-bye
and thank you for everything.
301
00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:57,700
It's really meant a lot to me.
Bye-bye.
302
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,600
Oh, miss, did you remember
your credit card?
303
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:02,100
Oh, yeah, thanks.
304
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:03,400
I'm gonna need this.
305
00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:05,700
I need to buy a whole new
wardrobe when we land.
306
00:13:05,700 --> 00:13:08,200
I'm gonna be good to myself.
307
00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:17,800
As we recall...
308
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:21,600
from Monday's installment
of A Tale of Two Cities,
309
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:25,000
Sydney Carton was about to go
to the guillotine
310
00:13:25,100 --> 00:13:26,900
and sacrifice himself.
311
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:29,600
The guillotine--
slice that neck.
312
00:13:29,700 --> 00:13:30,900
(laughing)
313
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:34,500
"When suddenly,
an Apache attack chopper
314
00:13:34,600 --> 00:13:37,500
"hovered above the guillotine,
315
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,700
pumping hot lead
into the crowd."
316
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,600
Get them Frogs, huh?
317
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:43,900
"As Darnay climbed
into the chopper,
318
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,600
"sweat streaming
from his bloodstained headband,
319
00:13:46,600 --> 00:13:48,800
"he could be heard to mutter,
320
00:13:48,900 --> 00:13:51,500
"'It is a far, far
better thing I do
321
00:13:51,500 --> 00:13:53,500
"'than I have ever done.
322
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:56,100
"'It is a far, far better...
323
00:13:56,200 --> 00:13:58,600
"'butt-kicking I give...
324
00:14:00,400 --> 00:14:02,700
...than I have ever
butt-kicked.'"
325
00:14:02,700 --> 00:14:04,400
All right.
Whoa!
326
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:06,100
What a book, huh?
327
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:07,900
Yeah, that was
great, great, Fras.
328
00:14:08,000 --> 00:14:09,600
What, uh, what are you
going to read to us next?
329
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:12,700
Well, I was thinking about,
uh, David Copperfield.
330
00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:13,900
What's that about?
331
00:14:14,000 --> 00:14:16,300
Well, it's about
these, uh...
332
00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,600
two coppers,
and this... field,
333
00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:23,700
um... and they're found...
334
00:14:23,800 --> 00:14:27,000
dismembered with their
body parts switched.
335
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:28,600
CARLA:
Man...!
336
00:14:28,700 --> 00:14:31,900
Man, that Dickens
is one sick dude.
337
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,400
Have any of you guys
heard from Rebecca yet?
338
00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,700
Normie.
Turn on the game,
will you, Sam?
339
00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:38,900
No, no, no, come on,
let's, uh...
340
00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:39,700
Let's give her
a call here.
341
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,700
I got her parents'
number here.
342
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:42,900
Let's just tell her that,
you know,
343
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:44,900
we're thinking about her
and that we care.
344
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:48,400
Ah, hell,
it's her parents' machine.
345
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:49,800
I hate these things.
346
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,400
I never know what to say.
347
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:52,700
Hi. This is Sam from Cheers.
348
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,200
Uh, this message is for Rebecca.
349
00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,000
Um, hi, Rebecca.
350
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,800
We just wanted to find out
if you're okay,
351
00:14:57,900 --> 00:14:59,200
and tell you
that we all miss you,
352
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,800
and I love you,
and I hope that...
353
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,500
Oh, oh, Sam.
Wh-What?
354
00:15:02,600 --> 00:15:04,100
You love her?
355
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,600
No. No, I-I didn't say that.
356
00:15:06,600 --> 00:15:08,500
Hold on a second.
No, I didn't say that.
357
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,400
No, no, I said-I said
we miss her and we love her.
358
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:14,900
You said we miss her
and you love her.
359
00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:17,500
Yeah, but it was implied
that you miss her, too.
360
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:19,800
Well, shoot.
361
00:15:19,900 --> 00:15:22,200
I-I-I don't want her to get
the wrong impression here.
362
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,600
Uh, hi, Rebecca, listen,
when I said that I love you,
363
00:15:24,700 --> 00:15:26,400
you know I didn't mean
love love.
364
00:15:26,500 --> 00:15:29,800
I, uh, you know, I meant more
like a friend, you know,
365
00:15:29,900 --> 00:15:32,500
a buddy, a pal, uh,
like a partner, you know.
366
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,300
Like the two cops
in David Copperfield.
367
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,800
Okay, honey?
368
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,100
Well, anyway, bye-bye.
369
00:15:40,200 --> 00:15:41,900
Wait, no...
Wait, hold on.
370
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:43,200
That was a little cold.
371
00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:44,400
Yeah, you know,
372
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:45,800
listen, she's, uh,
she's feeling kind of low.
373
00:15:45,900 --> 00:15:48,100
You can't just kick her
when she's down like that.
Yeah.
374
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,100
Sweetheart, when-when I said
that I love you, you know,
375
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,000
I meant that you're a-a very
important part of my life,
376
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:58,300
you know, along with a lot
of other people.
377
00:15:58,300 --> 00:16:01,200
It-it's, uh, you know,
it's like my-my life
378
00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:02,700
is this big jigsaw puzzle,
379
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:04,200
and you are
a very important part.
380
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:06,200
You know,
like a corner piece, huh?
381
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,700
All right.
382
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,100
Hold on. Oh...
383
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,000
I think the guys want to say
something here. Go ahead.
384
00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:13,000
GUYS:
Sammy loves you.
385
00:16:20,600 --> 00:16:25,100
Hey, any of you guys tried that
new steak house on Commonwealth?
386
00:16:25,100 --> 00:16:25,900
No.
387
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:27,200
It's the greatest.
388
00:16:27,200 --> 00:16:29,800
Beautiful waitresses
in tiny little wench outfits.
389
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:31,100
Yeah? What
did you have?
390
00:16:31,200 --> 00:16:33,900
Beautiful waitress
in a tiny little wench outfit.
391
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,700
I'm going back, too.
392
00:16:36,700 --> 00:16:39,800
Dr. Crane, when are you going
to read us some more Dickens?
393
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:42,100
(chanting):
Dickens, Dickens, Dickens.
LILITH: Oh, well.
394
00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:45,300
Frasier, I'm impressed.
395
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,000
It seems your experiment
in cultural enrichment
396
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:49,900
has been a success.
397
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:53,300
Yep. We're waiting for OliverTwist: The Wrath of Fagin.
398
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,700
Excuse me?
399
00:16:56,700 --> 00:17:00,200
Darling, I've done some
things the past few weeks
400
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:03,000
I'm not very proud of.
401
00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,600
Just leave it alone.
402
00:17:07,800 --> 00:17:09,800
Shoot, shoot, shoot.
403
00:17:09,900 --> 00:17:11,900
Hey, guys...
404
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:13,400
listen to this.
405
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:15,600
(recorder beeps)
Sam, this is Rebecca.
406
00:17:15,700 --> 00:17:17,200
I got your message.
407
00:17:17,300 --> 00:17:18,500
Hearing your voice
made me realize
408
00:17:18,600 --> 00:17:20,800
what I'm missing
in my life, and...
409
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:24,100
and I was such a fool
not to have seen it before.
410
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,600
My plane lands
at midnight tonight,
411
00:17:25,700 --> 00:17:27,200
and I'm coming straight
to the bar to see you.
412
00:17:27,300 --> 00:17:29,200
So will you please,
please wait for me?
413
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,600
(beep)
414
00:17:30,700 --> 00:17:32,500
(snickering)
415
00:17:34,000 --> 00:17:36,400
What am I gonna do?
416
00:17:36,500 --> 00:17:38,600
I mean, do you think
that she's coming back here
417
00:17:38,700 --> 00:17:40,600
because I left that message
on her machine?
418
00:17:40,700 --> 00:17:42,800
Yeah.
419
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:44,600
Hey, will you be serious here
for a minute?
420
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:46,400
Just once I'd like to have
a serious conversation
421
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:48,400
in this damn bar.
Okay. Fine.
Mm-hmm.
422
00:17:48,500 --> 00:17:51,200
Do you really think
that she's rushing back
423
00:17:51,300 --> 00:17:52,800
because I said I love you?
424
00:17:52,900 --> 00:17:55,200
Mm, yeah.
425
00:17:56,200 --> 00:17:58,300
What do you know.
426
00:17:58,300 --> 00:18:00,500
I'm gonna talk to somebody who
knows something around here.
427
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:01,900
What do you think?
428
00:18:01,900 --> 00:18:04,100
You're dead meat
on a stick.
429
00:18:05,100 --> 00:18:06,700
No, I'm not dead meat
on a stick.
430
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,200
You know,
and even if she does think that,
431
00:18:08,300 --> 00:18:10,000
I've handled lots
of love-crazed babes
432
00:18:10,100 --> 00:18:11,900
who want to become
Mrs. Sam Malone.
433
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:14,300
I got dozens of ways
of handling that.
434
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:17,000
You know,
even if they all don't work,
435
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,400
I still have Plan Z.
436
00:18:21,200 --> 00:18:22,700
What's, uh,
Plan Z there, Sam?
437
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,600
Never you mind.
438
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:26,300
It's pretty drastic, I'll admit,
439
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:29,000
but I'll use it if I have to.
440
00:18:29,100 --> 00:18:30,800
SAM:
I-I...
441
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,400
I don't want the same woman
hanging onto me
442
00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:33,900
for the rest of my life.
443
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:37,000
I mean, can you imagine how
creepy that would be, Frasier?
444
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:48,400
I'll... answer that
question another time.
445
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,700
Okay, Leon, you just
wait outside there
446
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:01,400
and come running in when
you see the lights flash.
447
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:02,800
Right.
448
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:04,800
Carla, Sammy will
not tell us.
449
00:19:04,900 --> 00:19:06,700
What is this Plan Z?
450
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:10,000
I'll tell you everything I know
for 20 bucks each.
451
00:19:10,900 --> 00:19:13,200
All right.
452
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:20,500
It's called Plan Z.
453
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,300
When Sammy flashes the lights,
454
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:25,300
this guy Leon comes in
and executes it.
455
00:19:27,500 --> 00:19:30,300
Okay, well, what...
what is Plan Z?
456
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:31,500
Beats me.
457
00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:33,300
I didn't know that much
two minutes ago.
458
00:19:33,300 --> 00:19:34,700
Give me the money.
459
00:19:43,200 --> 00:19:44,500
I think it was worth it.
460
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,500
Oh, yeah.
461
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,700
Sam, it seems to me
462
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:54,300
you're going through an awful,
awful lot of machinations
463
00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:56,900
to avoid dealing honestly
and directly with Rebecca.
464
00:19:57,000 --> 00:20:00,500
Well, that's me,
you know, always thinking.
465
00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:03,400
Besides, you know,
I don't think we're gonna
have to use Plan Z here.
466
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:04,800
I mean, what are we
talking about?
467
00:20:04,900 --> 00:20:06,000
We're talking about Rebecca.
468
00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:07,300
I mean, what's
the worst she can do?
469
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:09,000
Sam.
470
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:10,900
I hope you're ready to change
your life, because I am.
471
00:20:10,900 --> 00:20:12,600
Ah...
472
00:20:12,600 --> 00:20:14,600
Can you excuse me
just a second here, hon?
473
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,000
Sam, why are you flashing
the lights?
474
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,200
Oh, you know, it's just kind of
to welcome you back.
475
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,300
You know like, three cheers,
hey, Rebecca's back.
476
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,300
Rebecca's back.
477
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,600
REBECCA:
Sam,
478
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,100
get over here,
quit being silly.
479
00:20:30,100 --> 00:20:31,600
I have to ask you something
really important.
480
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:36,500
Will you sell me this bar?
481
00:20:36,500 --> 00:20:38,200
No. What?
482
00:20:38,300 --> 00:20:39,600
Cheers-- I want to buy Cheers.
483
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,200
Running this place was the only
time I ever felt like somebody.
484
00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:44,000
You know, people
looked up to me.
485
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,500
Who?
486
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,100
You mean you didn't come
back here to marry Sam?
487
00:20:51,200 --> 00:20:52,300
Marry Sam?!
488
00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,300
No, why would
you think that?
489
00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:55,600
You didn't think that, did you?
490
00:20:55,700 --> 00:20:58,500
Shoot, no.
491
00:20:58,500 --> 00:21:00,900
That's why you've been doing
all this weird stuff.
492
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,300
Because you think I came
back here to marry you?
493
00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:05,000
What weird stuff?
494
00:21:05,900 --> 00:21:08,500
I can't keep
living a lie, Sam.
495
00:21:08,500 --> 00:21:10,500
No, no, no, Leon.
496
00:21:18,100 --> 00:21:21,300
Sam is my lover.
497
00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:23,300
Boy, you...
498
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,900
you really did think
I was after you.
499
00:21:27,000 --> 00:21:29,100
REBECCA:
I can't believe this.
500
00:21:29,100 --> 00:21:31,300
You are a wussy little
fraidy cat.
501
00:21:31,300 --> 00:21:34,000
I'm not a wussy
little fraidy cat.
502
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:35,500
Oh, then this is real?
503
00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,300
You and Leon
are lovers.
504
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:41,200
Well, why don't you give
Leon a kiss then?
505
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:46,800
Because we've been
together for 14 years,
506
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,900
and we're no longer
demonstrative.
507
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:55,900
You know, the, uh,
the spark's gone.
508
00:21:55,900 --> 00:21:57,600
I'm sorry, Leon.
509
00:21:57,600 --> 00:22:00,300
I probably should have
said something sooner.
510
00:22:00,300 --> 00:22:02,800
No, no, no, Sam,
you can't have it both ways.
511
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:06,200
You either give Leon a kiss...
512
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,200
on his lips...
513
00:22:08,300 --> 00:22:10,500
or you admit
that you are
514
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,500
a wussy little fraidy cat.
515
00:22:12,600 --> 00:22:14,200
Sammy, don't let her
make you look like
516
00:22:14,300 --> 00:22:16,400
a wussy little fraidy cat.
517
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:18,100
I'm not a wussy
little fraidy cat.
518
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:19,700
(Carla meowing)
519
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:21,000
What are we
supposed to think?
520
00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:30,000
Sorry about that, Leon.
521
00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,900
You realize I'm gonna have
to slug you in the face now.
522
00:22:33,000 --> 00:22:34,700
I wish you would.
523
00:22:34,800 --> 00:22:37,500
(Cliff and Norm
groaning)
524
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:39,300
We, uh, still on for golf
on Thursday?
525
00:22:39,400 --> 00:22:40,600
Yeah, you bet, Leon.
526
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,500
Great.
527
00:22:43,800 --> 00:22:45,300
Oh, ow...
528
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:46,500
That hurt.
529
00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:48,000
Sammy, look at you.
530
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:49,300
Your nose is bleeding.
531
00:22:49,400 --> 00:22:50,900
Your eye is
starting to swell.
532
00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:52,900
And you just kissed a man.
533
00:22:55,300 --> 00:22:57,900
But you're not a wussy
little fraidy cat.
534
00:22:58,000 --> 00:23:00,200
NORM:
You ain't afraid.
No, not Sammy.
535
00:23:00,300 --> 00:23:01,400
NORM:
Good boy.
536
00:23:01,500 --> 00:23:02,700
Good, Sam.
You know,
537
00:23:02,800 --> 00:23:04,900
in the space
of the last 30 seconds,
538
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,600
we have witnessed deceit,
sexual turmoil
539
00:23:08,700 --> 00:23:10,900
and sudden,
senseless violence.
540
00:23:10,900 --> 00:23:14,200
It puts me in mind
of a passage from...
541
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,500
The Pickwick Papers.
38340
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