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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,838 You know the human vagina can lift over 200 pounds? 2 00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:09,300 No, uh... no, it is 20 pounds. 3 00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,554 I don't know, I-I saw, like, a YouTube thing about it. 4 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:15,682 Oh. I think I got too high to do this. 5 00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,142 - Don't say that. Are you joking? 6 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,393 - N... Okay. - That's so irresponsible. 7 00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,936 - It's fine. I can do it. I can do it. 8 00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,980 I can do it. I just, like, got freaked out, 9 00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,982 'cause I felt like I was gonna perform, like, a real surgery, 10 00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:26,234 so I thought I would just get, like, a little toasted 11 00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,236 and it would give me confidence and I would just do it, 12 00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,946 and I figured, you know, we're gonna write after this anyway. 13 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,948 - Well, yeah, we're not gonna write, like, right after this. 14 00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,200 - We're not? 15 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,202 - Yeah, we're writing a show about female friendship, right? 16 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,329 - Yeah. - Yeah, so don't you think 17 00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:39,539 we should, like, actually become friends first? 18 00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,375 - What do you call this? 19 00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,627 - Okay, yes, you installing my new vagina would be, like, 20 00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:46,254 an amazing beginning to an episode, 21 00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:48,048 but all I'm saying is, so far, all we've done is, like, 22 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,467 sit in your apartment and talk about Dan. 23 00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,094 I just feel like it's kind of a no-brainer that, like, we should 24 00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,138 go on some adventures together before we start writing. 25 00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:58,058 - Come on, man. Can't we just... - So I was thinking, after this, 26 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,268 we pack our bags, we hit the road for a few days 27 00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,562 and camp under the stars, we have some laughs. 28 00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,022 - I don't know, like... what, today? 29 00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:06,024 - Why not? 30 00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,151 - I'm busy. I've got stuff to do. 31 00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,862 - Ugh. You have Dan's podcast, Dan's weekly podcast 32 00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,073 you go to every week. - Come on, man, just... 33 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,908 - I'm just saying I'm sorry, I feel like you would have 34 00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,785 a lot more power in your relationship if you actually 35 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,953 had your own things going on every once in a while. 36 00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,997 - Barbara, I understand that you represent a part of me 37 00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,875 that feels the need to question my very happy relationship with Dan, 38 00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,335 but that doesn't mean that you're right. 39 00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,378 I don't need to play games 40 00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,881 and, like, you know, make myself unavailable 41 00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,217 to, like, prove myself to him. - Mm. 42 00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,135 - We're past that. We poop with the door open sometimes. 43 00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,012 - Yeah, right there, right there. 44 00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,097 - Like, we tell each other everything. - Mm-hmm. 45 00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,723 - Except for the fact that I, like, 46 00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:40,225 formed this unhealthy codependent relationship 47 00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,060 with his former sex doll. 48 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,311 - Mm-hmm. - I'm, like, currently giving her 49 00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,854 a vaginal rejuvenation, 50 00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,648 'cause she can talk me into anything and... 51 00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,441 Goddamn it! Is this thing in yet? 52 00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,526 - Yeah. It is. 53 00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,153 - What? 54 00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,655 - It has been for a while. 55 00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,864 - Like, you can feel this? 56 00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,741 - Oh, yeah. 57 00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,118 - Oh, you are such an asshole! 58 00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,286 - Oh, Codes, a girls' trip, you and me. 59 00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,330 Oh! It'll be so fun. 60 00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,874 We'll show Dan what an independent codependent woman you are. 61 00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,709 We'll let go of the things that no longer serve us. 62 00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:09,129 Wait! I want to hold on to that. 63 00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:13,466 ♪ 64 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,426 [Barbara squeals] 65 00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,762 Road trip...! 66 00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:20,265 - I can't believe I let you talk me into this. 67 00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,433 That looks ridiculous, by the way. - What? 68 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,394 - The dirty vagina you made me tie around your neck. 69 00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,604 Fuckin' Ed Gein-lookin' motherfucker. 70 00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,356 - Whatever. It's so cute. You're just jelly. 71 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,233 - Nah. You look insane. - As insane as the patriarchy 72 00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,651 upon which I'm, like, commenting? 73 00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,570 No, I didn't think so. 74 00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,489 [sighs] Codes, ever since I got this new vagina, 75 00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,616 I honestly, like, I feel like a new woman. 76 00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:41,035 Like, my own woman. 77 00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,121 - That's great, Barbara. - You should try it sometime. 78 00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,123 - What, removing my vagina and getting a new one? 79 00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,250 - [mock laughing] No. 80 00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,127 Not letting every single moment of your life be consumed 81 00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,004 by your boyfriend. - What? It's not. 82 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,463 - Then why do you keep looking at your phone? 83 00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,299 - No, that... I just... I wanted to make sure 84 00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,342 he got my text earlier, like, 85 00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:57,802 'cause he dot-dot-dotted, but then the bubble disappeared, 86 00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,262 and I just felt like... - [mock gagging] 87 00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,181 Cody! Do you fucking hear yourself? 88 00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,600 All you ever do is talk about Dan. 89 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,768 Dan, Dan, Dan this, Dan that, I'm obsessed with Dan, 90 00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:07,896 I love Dan's dick, even when it smells like curry. 91 00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,814 - I don't feel like I've said that before. 92 00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,399 - How are we gonna write a feminist masterpiece 93 00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,442 if we can't even pass the Bechdel test? 94 00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,363 Oh, shit. You do know what the Bechdel test is, right? 95 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:20,033 - Yeah, Barbara, yes, I know what the Bechdel test is. 96 00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,410 We know the same amount of stuff. 97 00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,871 We're the same person. Stop trying to act like you're smarter than me. 98 00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:28,291 Created by cartoonist Alison Bechdel, it asks whether... 99 00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,084 Sorry. I have pee anxiety. 100 00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,586 Can you, like...? 101 00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:34,547 - [hisses softly] 102 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,300 - It asks whether a movie or, like, a work of fiction, 103 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,178 um, has at least two female characters, 104 00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,430 and then the two characters have to talk about something 105 00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,182 other than a man. 106 00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:45,975 - But aren't there, like, three things? 107 00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,852 - Yeah. There's, like, more to it than that. 108 00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:51,439 I think, um, one of the things is, like... 109 00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,067 um, do they both have names? - Yeah. We have names. 110 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,444 - Yeah. I mean, mine's kind of a boy's name. I don't... 111 00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,154 - Yeah, I don't think that matters. - Okay. It doesn't matter. Um... 112 00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,448 So, then... What's the third thing? 113 00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:03,201 - Isn't it just, like, that there are two women? 114 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,286 - Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so one... - Yeah. 115 00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,663 - Are there two women? - Yeah. 116 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,164 - Which, you know, there are. 117 00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,375 And then two, do they both have names? 118 00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,876 - They have names. - And three, do they talk 119 00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,503 about something other than a man? - Yeah. 120 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,005 - Okay. So all we have to do to pass this is just not talk about men. 121 00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,257 - Oh, my God, we're gonna be so good at this. 122 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,883 - Okay, so, Bechdel test? 123 00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,885 - Yes! - Starting... 124 00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,845 now! [laughs] - Now! 125 00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,722 Oh, my God, we're gonna be the best feminist-y feminists 126 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:25,932 that were ever feminists! 127 00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,351 ♪ Let me go on ♪ 128 00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,895 ♪ Like I blister in the sun ♪ 129 00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,815 ♪ Let me go on... ♪ 130 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,025 [Barbara sighs] 131 00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,902 Really pretty out here, huh? 132 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:40,280 - Yeah. I love it. 133 00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,115 Growing up, my dad used to take... 134 00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,117 - Ooh! - What? 135 00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,576 - Oh, just like, your dad. 136 00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,036 He's a man, right? 137 00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:49,414 - Oh. Oh, right. Shit! 138 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,457 Okay. Yeah, okay, start over, start over? 139 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,042 - Yeah. Okay, ready? - Okay, okay, ready? 140 00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:54,335 - Bechdel test starting... -Starting... 141 00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,795 -now. [chuckles] -now. Okay. 142 00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,755 ♪ I know you're the one... ♪ 143 00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:00,216 - Ugh. Look at that. 144 00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,428 The fact that 53% of white women 145 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:06,556 hated themselves enough to vote for that bloated orangutan... 146 00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,474 - Ooh. - What? 147 00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,101 - Well... - [gasps] 148 00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,437 Oh, my God, you fucking voted for Trump. 149 00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,980 Oh, that makes so much sense. 150 00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,898 - What? No. No! Oh, my God. 151 00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:19,277 No, I'm saying, Trump is a man, Bechdel. 152 00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,362 - Oh, shit! [laughs] - Right? 153 00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,740 - Oh, my God, this is so much harder than I thought. 154 00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:24,782 - I know! Jesus! 155 00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,576 - Ooh. - What? 156 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,161 - Well, Jesus, like, that's kind of a guy, right? 157 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,371 - Oh, come on. Come on. 158 00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:32,332 - #BechdelFail on you right now, bitch. 159 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,042 - No. Okay, okay, okay, come on, come on, come on. 160 00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,752 - Okay. - Ready? And... 161 00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,836 Bechdel! - Bechdel! 162 00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,837 [Cody chuckles] 163 00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,926 - What's your, um... - You know... 164 00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:45,720 - No. Uh, no, no, no, sorry, you go ahead. 165 00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,096 - You absolutely can go. 166 00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,140 - I didn't have anything. 167 00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,351 - Me, neither. - Fuck! 168 00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,644 Why is it so hard to talk about something that isn't a dude? 169 00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,314 - I don't know! I hate this! [laughs] 170 00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:59,609 BARBARA: We shouldn't be forcing it, you know? 171 00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,944 - Yeah. Like, I feel like if we stop 172 00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,238 thinking about it, it'll just, like, come to us. 173 00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,199 - We should just, like, think about something else. 174 00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,159 - Yeah, we can talk about... 175 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,370 anything else. - Yeah, like, anything. 176 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,538 -Yeah. I mean, we can talk about this beer 177 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,248 and, like, the... - Uh-huh. 178 00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,917 - ...store, how gross it is. 179 00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,710 [grunting]: We can talk about... 180 00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,380 that woman over there. - Yes, we could totally talk 181 00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,507 about the crack whore. - Oh, my God, you're so bad. 182 00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,425 - Do you know what I'm thinking? - What? 183 00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,260 - I feel like her discharge would be, like, booger-y. 184 00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,720 - My God, you're so gross. 185 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,013 I know what you're talking about. 186 00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,015 Like, when it's, like, you could use it 187 00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,476 - as an adhesive for arts and crafts. Gross. - Yes! 188 00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,645 It's, like, go bedazzle some shit. - Oh, my God, shut up. 189 00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,480 - [snorting laugh] 190 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,399 [Barbara sighs] 191 00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,234 - I don't know, does that seem weird? 192 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,861 - What? - I don't know, just, like... 193 00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,322 you know, that we could be, like, talking shit 194 00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,324 about another woman and still pass the Bechdel test? 195 00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,951 - Yeah, I do know what you mean. 196 00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,327 - And, like, also, are you saying that, like, 197 00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,954 we could have one conversation? 198 00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,414 Like, we could talk about dudes all day, 199 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,082 and we have one conversation about, like, 200 00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,583 "How many calories are in these plantain chips?" 201 00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,669 and we'd still pass? - Yeah, we're thinking about it 202 00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,379 like we can't talk about dudes, but really, we just have to 203 00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,673 talk shit about a lady first, and then we can go back 204 00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,425 to talking about dudes, right? - I mean, like, we did it. 205 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,218 - We totally passed! - All right! 206 00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,845 - Okay, amazing. So we could talk about guys again. 207 00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,013 That is so good, because I've been wanting to tell you, 208 00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,390 there's this guy... 209 00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,517 MAN: Open the fucking register now! 210 00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,853 Now! Come on, I want everything, you hear me? 211 00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,271 I want everything! Everybody get your hands up. - Barbara, get down! 16666

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