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1
00:00:01,793 --> 00:00:04,838
You know the human vagina
can lift over 200 pounds?
2
00:00:06,464 --> 00:00:09,300
No, uh... no, it is 20 pounds.
3
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:12,554
I don't know, I-I saw, like,
a YouTube thing about it.
4
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:15,682
Oh. I think I got
too high to do this.
5
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:17,142
- Don't say that.
Are you joking?
6
00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,393
- N... Okay.
- That's so irresponsible.
7
00:00:18,393 --> 00:00:19,936
- It's fine. I can
do it. I can do it.
8
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:21,980
I can do it.
I just, like, got freaked out,
9
00:00:21,980 --> 00:00:23,982
'cause I felt like I was gonna
perform, like, a real surgery,
10
00:00:23,982 --> 00:00:26,234
so I thought I would just get,
like, a little toasted
11
00:00:26,234 --> 00:00:28,236
and it would give me confidence
and I would just do it,
12
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:29,946
and I figured, you know, we're
gonna write after this anyway.
13
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,948
- Well, yeah, we're not gonna
write, like, right after this.
14
00:00:31,948 --> 00:00:34,200
- We're not?
15
00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:36,202
- Yeah, we're writing a show
about female friendship, right?
16
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,329
- Yeah.
- Yeah, so don't you think
17
00:00:38,329 --> 00:00:39,539
we should, like,
actually become friends first?
18
00:00:39,539 --> 00:00:42,375
- What do you call this?
19
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:44,627
- Okay, yes, you installing
my new vagina would be, like,
20
00:00:44,627 --> 00:00:46,254
an amazing beginning
to an episode,
21
00:00:46,254 --> 00:00:48,048
but all I'm saying is,
so far, all we've done is, like,
22
00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:50,467
sit in your apartment
and talk about Dan.
23
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:53,094
I just feel like it's kind of a
no-brainer that, like, we should
24
00:00:53,094 --> 00:00:55,138
go on some adventures together
before we start writing.
25
00:00:55,138 --> 00:00:58,058
- Come on, man. Can't we just...
- So I was thinking, after this,
26
00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,268
we pack our bags,
we hit the road for a few days
27
00:01:00,268 --> 00:01:02,562
and camp under the stars,
we have some laughs.
28
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,022
- I don't know,
like... what, today?
29
00:01:04,022 --> 00:01:06,024
- Why not?
30
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:08,151
- I'm busy. I've
got stuff to do.
31
00:01:08,151 --> 00:01:10,862
- Ugh. You have Dan's podcast,
Dan's weekly podcast
32
00:01:10,862 --> 00:01:13,073
you go to every week.
- Come on, man, just...
33
00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:14,908
- I'm just saying I'm sorry,
I feel like you would have
34
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:16,785
a lot more power in your
relationship if you actually
35
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,953
had your own things going on
every once in a while.
36
00:01:18,953 --> 00:01:20,997
- Barbara, I understand that
you represent a part of me
37
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,875
that feels the need to question
my very happy relationship with
Dan,
38
00:01:23,875 --> 00:01:25,335
but that doesn't mean
that you're right.
39
00:01:25,335 --> 00:01:27,378
I don't need to play games
40
00:01:27,378 --> 00:01:29,881
and, like, you know,
make myself unavailable
41
00:01:29,881 --> 00:01:32,217
to, like, prove myself to him.
- Mm.
42
00:01:32,217 --> 00:01:34,135
- We're past that. We poop
with the door open sometimes.
43
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,012
- Yeah, right
there, right there.
44
00:01:36,012 --> 00:01:37,097
- Like, we tell each other
everything. - Mm-hmm.
45
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,723
- Except for the
fact that I, like,
46
00:01:38,723 --> 00:01:40,225
formed this unhealthy
codependent relationship
47
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,060
with his former sex doll.
48
00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:43,311
- Mm-hmm. - I'm, like, currently
giving her
49
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:44,854
a vaginal rejuvenation,
50
00:01:44,854 --> 00:01:46,648
'cause she can talk me
into anything and...
51
00:01:46,648 --> 00:01:48,441
Goddamn it! Is
this thing in yet?
52
00:01:48,441 --> 00:01:49,526
- Yeah. It is.
53
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,153
- What?
54
00:01:52,153 --> 00:01:53,655
- It has been for a while.
55
00:01:53,655 --> 00:01:54,864
- Like, you can feel this?
56
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,741
- Oh, yeah.
57
00:01:56,741 --> 00:01:58,118
- Oh, you are such an asshole!
58
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:00,286
- Oh, Codes, a girls'
trip, you and me.
59
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,330
Oh! It'll be so fun.
60
00:02:02,330 --> 00:02:04,874
We'll show Dan what an
independent codependent woman
you are.
61
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,709
We'll let go of the things
that no longer serve us.
62
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:09,129
Wait! I want to hold on to that.
63
00:02:10,296 --> 00:02:13,466
♪
64
00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,426
[Barbara squeals]
65
00:02:15,426 --> 00:02:17,762
Road trip...!
66
00:02:17,762 --> 00:02:20,265
- I can't believe
I let you talk me into this.
67
00:02:20,265 --> 00:02:22,433
That looks ridiculous, by the
way. - What?
68
00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:24,394
- The dirty vagina you made
me tie around your neck.
69
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:26,604
Fuckin' Ed Gein-lookin'
motherfucker.
70
00:02:26,604 --> 00:02:28,356
- Whatever. It's so cute.
You're just jelly.
71
00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:30,233
- Nah. You look insane.
- As insane as the patriarchy
72
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:31,651
upon which I'm,
like, commenting?
73
00:02:31,651 --> 00:02:33,570
No, I didn't think so.
74
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:36,489
[sighs] Codes, ever since
I got this new vagina,
75
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:38,616
I honestly, like, I
feel like a new woman.
76
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:41,035
Like, my own woman.
77
00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:43,121
- That's great, Barbara.
- You should try it sometime.
78
00:02:43,121 --> 00:02:45,123
- What, removing my vagina
and getting a new one?
79
00:02:45,123 --> 00:02:47,250
- [mock laughing]
No.
80
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,127
Not letting every single moment
of your life be consumed
81
00:02:49,127 --> 00:02:51,004
by your boyfriend.
- What? It's not.
82
00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,463
- Then why do you keep looking
at your phone?
83
00:02:52,463 --> 00:02:54,299
- No, that... I just...
I wanted to make sure
84
00:02:54,299 --> 00:02:56,342
he got my text earlier, like,
85
00:02:56,342 --> 00:02:57,802
'cause he dot-dot-dotted,
but then the bubble disappeared,
86
00:02:57,802 --> 00:02:59,262
and I just felt like...
- [mock gagging]
87
00:02:59,262 --> 00:03:01,181
Cody! Do you fucking
hear yourself?
88
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,600
All you ever do
is talk about Dan.
89
00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,768
Dan, Dan, Dan this, Dan that,
I'm obsessed with Dan,
90
00:03:05,768 --> 00:03:07,896
I love Dan's dick,
even when it smells like curry.
91
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,814
- I don't feel like
I've said that before.
92
00:03:09,814 --> 00:03:11,399
- How are we gonna write
a feminist masterpiece
93
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:12,442
if we can't even pass
the Bechdel test?
94
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,363
Oh, shit. You do know
what the Bechdel test is, right?
95
00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:20,033
- Yeah, Barbara, yes, I know
what the Bechdel test is.
96
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:22,410
We know the same
amount of stuff.
97
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:24,871
We're the same person. Stop
trying to act like you're
smarter than me.
98
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:28,291
Created by cartoonist Alison
Bechdel, it asks whether...
99
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,084
Sorry. I have pee anxiety.
100
00:03:30,084 --> 00:03:31,586
Can you, like...?
101
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:34,547
- [hisses softly]
102
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:37,300
- It asks whether a movie
or, like, a work of fiction,
103
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,178
um, has at least two
female characters,
104
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,430
and then the two characters
have to talk about something
105
00:03:42,430 --> 00:03:44,182
other than a man.
106
00:03:44,182 --> 00:03:45,975
- But aren't there,
like, three things?
107
00:03:45,975 --> 00:03:47,852
- Yeah. There's, like,
more to it than that.
108
00:03:47,852 --> 00:03:51,439
I think, um, one of
the things is, like...
109
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,067
um, do they both have names?
- Yeah. We have names.
110
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:56,444
- Yeah. I mean, mine's kind of
a boy's name. I don't...
111
00:03:56,444 --> 00:03:58,154
- Yeah, I don't think that
matters. - Okay. It doesn't
matter. Um...
112
00:03:58,154 --> 00:04:00,448
So, then...
What's the third thing?
113
00:04:00,448 --> 00:04:03,201
- Isn't it just, like,
that there are two women?
114
00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,286
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so one...
- Yeah.
115
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:06,663
- Are there two women?
- Yeah.
116
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:08,164
- Which, you know, there are.
117
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,375
And then two, do
they both have names?
118
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:11,876
- They have names.
- And three, do they talk
119
00:04:11,876 --> 00:04:13,503
about something other than a
man? - Yeah.
120
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:16,005
- Okay. So all we have to do to
pass this is just not talk about
men.
121
00:04:16,005 --> 00:04:17,257
- Oh, my God, we're gonna be
so good at this.
122
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,883
- Okay, so, Bechdel test?
123
00:04:18,883 --> 00:04:20,885
- Yes!
- Starting...
124
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,845
now! [laughs]
- Now!
125
00:04:22,845 --> 00:04:24,722
Oh, my God, we're gonna be
the best feminist-y feminists
126
00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:25,932
that were ever feminists!
127
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,351
♪ Let me go on ♪
128
00:04:28,351 --> 00:04:30,895
♪ Like I blister in the sun ♪
129
00:04:30,895 --> 00:04:33,815
♪ Let me go on... ♪
130
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:36,025
[Barbara sighs]
131
00:04:36,025 --> 00:04:37,902
Really pretty out here, huh?
132
00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:40,280
- Yeah. I love it.
133
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,115
Growing up, my dad
used to take...
134
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:44,117
- Ooh!
- What?
135
00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:45,576
- Oh, just like, your dad.
136
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:47,036
He's a man, right?
137
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:49,414
- Oh. Oh, right. Shit!
138
00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:51,457
Okay. Yeah, okay,
start over, start over?
139
00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:53,042
- Yeah. Okay, ready?
- Okay, okay, ready?
140
00:04:53,042 --> 00:04:54,335
- Bechdel test starting...
-Starting...
141
00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:55,795
-now. [chuckles]
-now. Okay.
142
00:04:55,795 --> 00:04:57,755
♪ I know you're the one... ♪
143
00:04:57,755 --> 00:05:00,216
- Ugh. Look at that.
144
00:05:00,216 --> 00:05:03,428
The fact that 53% of white women
145
00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:06,556
hated themselves enough to vote
for that bloated orangutan...
146
00:05:06,556 --> 00:05:08,474
- Ooh.
- What?
147
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,101
- Well...
- [gasps]
148
00:05:10,101 --> 00:05:12,437
Oh, my God, you fucking
voted for Trump.
149
00:05:12,437 --> 00:05:13,980
Oh, that makes so much sense.
150
00:05:13,980 --> 00:05:15,898
- What? No. No! Oh, my God.
151
00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:19,277
No, I'm saying, Trump
is a man, Bechdel.
152
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,362
- Oh, shit! [laughs]
- Right?
153
00:05:21,362 --> 00:05:23,740
- Oh, my God, this is
so much harder than I thought.
154
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:24,782
- I know! Jesus!
155
00:05:24,782 --> 00:05:26,576
- Ooh.
- What?
156
00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,161
- Well, Jesus, like,
that's kind of a guy, right?
157
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,371
- Oh, come on. Come on.
158
00:05:30,371 --> 00:05:32,332
- #BechdelFail on
you right now, bitch.
159
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,042
- No. Okay, okay, okay,
come on, come on, come on.
160
00:05:34,042 --> 00:05:35,752
- Okay.
- Ready? And...
161
00:05:35,752 --> 00:05:36,836
Bechdel!
- Bechdel!
162
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:37,837
[Cody chuckles]
163
00:05:42,717 --> 00:05:43,926
- What's your, um...
- You know...
164
00:05:43,926 --> 00:05:45,720
- No. Uh, no, no, no,
sorry, you go ahead.
165
00:05:45,720 --> 00:05:47,096
- You absolutely can go.
166
00:05:47,096 --> 00:05:49,140
- I didn't have anything.
167
00:05:49,140 --> 00:05:51,351
- Me, neither.
- Fuck!
168
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,644
Why is it so hard to talk about
something that isn't a dude?
169
00:05:53,644 --> 00:05:56,314
- I don't know! I hate this!
[laughs]
170
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:59,609
BARBARA: We shouldn't
be forcing it, you know?
171
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,944
- Yeah. Like, I
feel like if we stop
172
00:06:01,944 --> 00:06:04,238
thinking about it,
it'll just, like, come to us.
173
00:06:04,238 --> 00:06:06,199
- We should just, like,
think about something else.
174
00:06:06,199 --> 00:06:08,159
- Yeah, we can talk about...
175
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:10,370
anything else.
- Yeah, like, anything.
176
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:12,538
-Yeah. I mean, we can
talk about this beer
177
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:14,248
and, like, the...
- Uh-huh.
178
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,917
- ...store, how gross it is.
179
00:06:15,917 --> 00:06:17,710
[grunting]:
We can talk about...
180
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,380
that woman over there.
- Yes, we could totally talk
181
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:22,507
about the crack whore.
- Oh, my God, you're so bad.
182
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:24,425
- Do you know what I'm thinking?
- What?
183
00:06:24,425 --> 00:06:26,260
- I feel like her discharge
would be, like, booger-y.
184
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,720
- My God, you're so gross.
185
00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:29,013
I know what you're
talking about.
186
00:06:29,013 --> 00:06:31,015
Like, when it's,
like, you could use it
187
00:06:31,015 --> 00:06:33,476
- as an adhesive
for arts and crafts. Gross.
- Yes!
188
00:06:33,476 --> 00:06:35,645
It's, like, go bedazzle some
shit. - Oh, my God, shut up.
189
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,480
- [snorting laugh]
190
00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:39,399
[Barbara sighs]
191
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,234
- I don't know, does
that seem weird?
192
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,861
- What?
- I don't know, just, like...
193
00:06:43,861 --> 00:06:46,322
you know, that we could be,
like, talking shit
194
00:06:46,322 --> 00:06:48,324
about another woman
and still pass the Bechdel test?
195
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:49,951
- Yeah, I do know what you mean.
196
00:06:49,951 --> 00:06:51,327
- And, like, also,
are you saying that, like,
197
00:06:51,327 --> 00:06:52,954
we could have one conversation?
198
00:06:52,954 --> 00:06:54,414
Like, we could talk
about dudes all day,
199
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,082
and we have
one conversation about, like,
200
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:57,583
"How many calories are
in these plantain chips?"
201
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,669
and we'd still pass?
- Yeah, we're thinking about it
202
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,379
like we can't talk about dudes,
but really, we just have to
203
00:07:01,379 --> 00:07:03,673
talk shit about a lady first,
and then we can go back
204
00:07:03,673 --> 00:07:05,425
to talking about dudes, right?
- I mean, like, we did it.
205
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,218
- We totally passed!
- All right!
206
00:07:07,218 --> 00:07:08,845
- Okay, amazing. So we
could talk about guys again.
207
00:07:08,845 --> 00:07:11,013
That is so good, because
I've been wanting to tell you,
208
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:12,390
there's this guy...
209
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:14,517
MAN:
Open the fucking register now!
210
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,853
Now! Come on, I want everything,
you hear me?
211
00:07:16,853 --> 00:07:18,271
I want everything!
Everybody get your hands up.
- Barbara, get down!
16666
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