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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,341 BARBARA: Good morning. 2 00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:11,469 Oh, I'm starving. 3 00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,513 What's for breakfast, bitch? 4 00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,640 Ooh, you look rough in the morning. 5 00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,893 - [gasps] 6 00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,603 Ah. 7 00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,896 [truck beeping outside] 8 00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:22,981 [sighs] 9 00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,569 [toilet flushes] 10 00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,030 Babe, I had the weirdest dream. 11 00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,115 DAN: Huh? 12 00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,742 - Yeah, I was, like... 13 00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:42,584 [intriguing music playing] 14 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,388 DAN: Hey, babe? 15 00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,557 - Hmm? - What you up to today? 16 00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,267 - Nothing. 17 00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,810 - Want to come to my ADR session? 18 00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,648 [indistinct chatter] 19 00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,567 [laughter] 20 00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,113 DIRECTOR: All right. That's a wrap. 21 00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:13,615 I think we're all set here. - MAN: Sounds good, Jason. 22 00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,492 I'll get the stems uploaded 23 00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,161 to the FTP and ship 'em off to Editorial. 24 00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,205 SIMONE: Rick and Morty is literally my religion. 25 00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,207 I wanted to do a voice since season one, 26 00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,250 and my agents were all like, "Oh, but we got you 27 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,002 this part as this hot girl, and she doesn't know it." 28 00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,629 [scoffs] Who needs that? 29 00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,381 Oh, and I have to say, that apology 30 00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:33,343 you gave about crossing romantic boundaries in the workplace? 31 00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,637 So beautiful. - DAN: Thank you. 32 00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,931 SIMONE: Um, I actually talked about it on my podcast. 33 00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,725 I, uh, have a podcast about, uh, Jungian archetypes 34 00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,727 in the world of cosplay. 35 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,063 Oh, uh, could I grab a hot water with some lemon? 36 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,689 You made me scream so loud on that last take. 37 00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:47,732 - Oh, no, this is my girlfriend Cody. 38 00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,359 - [Simone gasps] - Hi. 39 00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,236 - Oh, my God. Hi! - Hi. So nice to meet you. 40 00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,987 - Oh, I'm so embarrassed. - No, not at all. It's fine. 41 00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,322 I can... - Forget I said anything. 42 00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,032 - Cody's a writer, too. - Oh, wow! 43 00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,034 - No, not like Dan. - Oh, two legends at work? 44 00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:01,788 Is that what that is? - No. No. Um, I can get you the water, um... 45 00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,706 - No, no, no. Please. - I'm happy to do it. - What are you doing? 46 00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:04,541 - It's totally fine. - I can get the... - Tell her to stop. No. 47 00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,337 [distant chatter] 48 00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,677 [sniffles] 49 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,390 [whimsical music playing] 50 00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,400 - Bean? 51 00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,610 - Huh? 52 00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,862 - You okay? What happened? 53 00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,029 You've been gone for, like, ten minutes. 54 00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,865 - Oh, shit. Yeah, I'll just 55 00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,907 bring it to her right now. 56 00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:38,783 - Oh, no, she left already. 57 00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:41,119 - Oh. 58 00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,954 - You bummed you couldn't valet her car? - Shut up. 59 00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,372 - I bet you she has some dry-cleaning 60 00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,082 she'd like you to pick up. - Don't. 61 00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,710 Stop. I was just trying to be nice. 62 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:49,711 - Are you okay? 63 00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,840 - Yeah, um, you know, I think 64 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,633 I left my, um, computer charger at your house. 65 00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,385 Is it cool if I go grab it? 66 00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,554 - Oh, yeah. I, um... 67 00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,306 I have a spare key. 68 00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,808 - Okay, cool. I'll just... 69 00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,477 [suspenseful music playing] 70 00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,739 [music intensifies] 71 00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,874 ♪ 72 00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,351 [laughs softly] 73 00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,354 - Psych! 74 00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,147 - Oh, what the fuck?! - [chuckles] 75 00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,858 - Fuck, man! Shit! 76 00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,026 - I knew you were gonna come back here, being like, 77 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,694 "Was that a dream? Was that drugs?" 78 00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:57,946 I was like, "I'm gonna prank this bitch." 79 00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,739 Did you see me? I was like... 80 00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,658 - Stop. Stop! That freaks me out! 81 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,618 [laughs, snorts] 82 00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,829 - Oh, my God. Your face is so stupid. 83 00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,206 - You suck, dude. - You suck. 84 00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,582 - You suck. - You suck. 85 00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,209 You ready to do this? 86 00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,503 - What? 87 00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,838 - My pussy. I've got, like, years' worth 88 00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,006 of Dan's pole milk congealed up in there. 89 00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,675 - Okay. Okay. 90 00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,134 Okay. 91 00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,761 This isn't real. 92 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,346 [whispering]: You're not real. 93 00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,097 - [whispering]: I'm real. 94 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,474 - But... 95 00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,226 the yeast infection I could get is real, 96 00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,896 so I'm just gonna... do this. 97 00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,815 BARBARA: Oh, I love baths! 98 00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,775 I love how at first, it feels like they're so hot, 99 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,110 and you're like, "I'm gonna fucking die. 100 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,903 It's like my skin's gonna crawl off." 101 00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,571 And then it gets kind of cold and it's just heaven. 102 00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,244 [clicks tongue] Oh, it's 'cause you saw my perfect body, huh? 103 00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,204 - What? 104 00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,665 - Why you're in such a bad mood. 105 00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,167 - No. No. 106 00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,877 - Is it because you're scared Dan's gonna cheat on you 107 00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:57,255 with the redheaded actress from that nerdy podcast 108 00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,215 who's like a way less hot version of me? 109 00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:03,219 - No. Barbara, I'm in a bad mood, 110 00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,555 because I'm having a fucking nervous breakdown. 111 00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,473 My boyfriend's sex doll is talking to me. 112 00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,350 - Okay. I don't know if you're trying 113 00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:10,977 to diminish my self-worth by calling me a sex doll, 114 00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,937 but I have news for you, babe. 115 00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:15,523 We're all sex dolls until we topple the patriarchy. 116 00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,608 - Great. That's great. You're a feminist sex doll. 117 00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:19,736 - Yeah. I am. Yeah. 118 00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,112 I've read The Feminine Mystique, so, yeah. 119 00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,239 - No, see, no, you haven't. 120 00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,991 You're just me. 121 00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,035 You're not your own person. 122 00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,119 And I haven't read The Feminine Mystique. 123 00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,537 I just pretend that I've read it 124 00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,331 when it comes up in conversation. 125 00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,666 So you can't have read it. - I have read it. 126 00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,710 - Tell me one thing about it. Tell me one thing. 127 00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,003 - You know what, Cody? I'm not gonna sit here 128 00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,714 in a bath in my peaceful time for me 129 00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,549 and justify myself to a crazy person, okay? [ringtone playing] 130 00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,343 I mean, you've got a dark cloud energy. 131 00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,595 Oh, my God, is it Dan? - No, it's my agent. 132 00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,388 - He's, like, a real estate agent? 133 00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,265 - Hello. - WOMAN: Hi, Cody. 134 00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:52,018 I have Jason Levy for you. - Who? 135 00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,062 - Hey, Cody, I'm Jason. I'm your new agent. 136 00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,064 - Okay. What are you...? 137 00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,607 - Yeah, I don't know if you heard or not, 138 00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,108 but, uh, Bryan Chang got MeToo'd. 139 00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,443 He's no longer with the company. 140 00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,071 - Oh, my God. - Yeah. 141 00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,947 So I've taken over his roster, the whole roster, 142 00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,449 and, uh, it looks like you owe us 143 00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,743 a new spec pilot for staffing season? 144 00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,536 - Oh, yeah. I'm... I'm... working on... 145 00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,080 I'm kind of halfway through... 146 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,331 more than halfway through this thing. 147 00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,416 It's, like, you know, 148 00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,752 the-the tooth fairy, but she's also a stripper. 149 00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,504 You know, because both jobs, like... 150 00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,214 'Cause dollar bills. 151 00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,673 - You know, honestly, uh, 152 00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,217 you're a female writer. 153 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,094 It doesn't have to be that good. 154 00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,970 - Really? - Oh, not at all. 155 00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,014 - Not sure how to feel about that. 156 00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:31,557 - Ah, feelings are good. Put those in there. 157 00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,601 We need more female voices. 158 00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,061 - Okay. - I can't wait to read it. 159 00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,145 Oh, sorry. Bad connection. Bye. 160 00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,189 [beeps] 161 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,902 - Oh, my God. 162 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,904 - Oh, my God. Your agent was MeToo'd? 163 00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,281 - Yeah. Shit. 164 00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,575 - Babe, I'm so sorry. That's crazy. - Right? 165 00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,744 - Oh, my God. You want to talk about it? 166 00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,704 You were probably, like, harassed, right? 167 00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,498 - No. No. 168 00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,792 - Wait. What? I'm just confused, 169 00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,503 'cause I thought you said that he was MeToo'd. 170 00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,088 Did he, like, whip his dick out at you ever? 171 00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,509 - No. I mean, thank God, no. 172 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,636 - So he didn't, like, call you late at night 173 00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,597 and say it was for work, but really was just trying to bone? 174 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,016 - No, but I'm-I'm... I mean, I'm sure that's 'cause he, like, 175 00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,935 respected me too much as a writer to do... 176 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,188 - [muffled laugh] I'm sorry. I'm really not trying to laugh, 177 00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,107 but, like, it's funny, 'cause, like, obviously, 178 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,484 he didn't respect you as a writer or want to fuck you. 179 00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,611 [snorts] 180 00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,780 - Is your pussy clean yet? Can we...? Come on. 181 00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,490 - So, you're a comedy writer. 182 00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,826 So cool. 183 00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,953 It's just, you haven't made me laugh. 184 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,457 - Well, wasn't trying to. - Well, I'm waiting. 185 00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,333 [gasps] Oh, Cody, I forgot to tell you. 186 00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,127 I'm not just a regular sex doll. 187 00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,712 I'm actually a special order. 188 00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,213 - That's great, Barbara. 189 00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,174 - I know. It's so sweet. 190 00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,092 Dan designed me from top to bottom. 191 00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,219 I'm, like, his ideal woman. [laughs] 192 00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,266 - I make Dan laugh. 193 00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,393 - I'm sorry. What? 194 00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,270 - I said, I make Dan laugh. 195 00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,689 - You do? When? I never hear him laughing. 196 00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,357 - I hear you laughing. - [Cody grunts] 197 00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,401 - And I guess sometimes I hear, like, 198 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,278 - incidental laughter on his part? - [Cody grunting] 199 00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,363 - But then that... No, that was always kind of connected back 200 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:10,990 to whatever his original joke was. 201 00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,117 You know what, Cody? Don't feel bad. 202 00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,369 Like, I just do not expect you to be as funny as Dan. 203 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,205 Like, he's Dan Harmon. 204 00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,248 He's won Emmys and created two hit shows. 205 00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:22,251 You know who else is super funny? His ex-wife. 206 00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,170 Back then, I used to live in the basement, 207 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:28,090 and I swear to God, she was so funny. 208 00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,510 Like, I would be like, "Guys, stop laughing so hard! 209 00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,053 I can't sleep!" 210 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:34,305 They'd be, like, howling. 211 00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,556 - Okay, great. Bye! 212 00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,267 - Wait! Wait! 213 00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,645 Babe? Oh, my God, you're stupid. 214 00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,480 This isn't how I was positioned. 215 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,315 - So? 216 00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,192 - So, Dan's gonna know you snooped, 217 00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,568 and then he's gonna think you're a crazy bitch, 218 00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:48,945 and then he's gonna break up with you. 219 00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:52,114 - Okay. Fine. How were you? 220 00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,033 - My right arm was higher. 221 00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,368 Because I had just finished running my hands 222 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,620 through my beautiful hair. No, higher. 223 00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,455 - [grunts] Why are you so hard to move? 224 00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,374 - Pull harder. Why are you so weak? 225 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,251 Harder! - I'm trying. God. 226 00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,669 - Oh, we get... [screaming] 227 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,921 - [both screaming] - Fuck, shit! 228 00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,839 - It hurts! 229 00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,424 CODY: I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 230 00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:11,467 BARBARA: Is my arm there? Is it there? 16725

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