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1
00:00:06,423 --> 00:00:08,341
BARBARA:
Good morning.
2
00:00:08,341 --> 00:00:11,469
Oh, I'm starving.
3
00:00:11,469 --> 00:00:13,513
What's for breakfast, bitch?
4
00:00:13,513 --> 00:00:15,640
Ooh, you look rough
in the morning.
5
00:00:17,267 --> 00:00:18,893
- [gasps]
6
00:00:18,893 --> 00:00:20,603
Ah.
7
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:21,896
[truck beeping outside]
8
00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:22,981
[sighs]
9
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,569
[toilet flushes]
10
00:00:27,569 --> 00:00:30,030
Babe, I had the
weirdest dream.
11
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:32,115
DAN:
Huh?
12
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:33,742
- Yeah, I was, like...
13
00:00:39,998 --> 00:00:42,584
[intriguing music playing]
14
00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:55,388
DAN:
Hey, babe?
15
00:00:55,388 --> 00:00:57,557
- Hmm?
- What you up to today?
16
00:00:57,557 --> 00:00:59,267
- Nothing.
17
00:00:59,267 --> 00:01:00,810
- Want to come to
my ADR session?
18
00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:05,648
[indistinct chatter]
19
00:01:05,648 --> 00:01:07,567
[laughter]
20
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,113
DIRECTOR:
All right. That's a wrap.
21
00:01:12,113 --> 00:01:13,615
I think we're all set here.
- MAN: Sounds good, Jason.
22
00:01:13,615 --> 00:01:15,492
I'll get the stems uploaded
23
00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:18,161
to the FTP and ship
'em off to Editorial.
24
00:01:18,161 --> 00:01:20,205
SIMONE: Rick and Morty
is literally my religion.
25
00:01:20,205 --> 00:01:22,207
I wanted to do a voice
since season one,
26
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:24,250
and my agents were all like,
"Oh, but we got you
27
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:26,002
this part as this hot girl,
and she doesn't know it."
28
00:01:26,002 --> 00:01:27,629
[scoffs]
Who needs that?
29
00:01:27,629 --> 00:01:30,381
Oh, and I have to
say, that apology
30
00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:33,343
you gave about crossing romantic
boundaries in the workplace?
31
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,637
So beautiful.
- DAN: Thank you.
32
00:01:35,637 --> 00:01:37,931
SIMONE:
Um, I actually talked about it
on my podcast.
33
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:40,725
I, uh, have a podcast
about, uh, Jungian archetypes
34
00:01:40,725 --> 00:01:42,727
in the world of cosplay.
35
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:45,063
Oh, uh, could I grab a hot water
with some lemon?
36
00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:46,689
You made me scream so loud
on that last take.
37
00:01:46,689 --> 00:01:47,732
- Oh, no, this is
my girlfriend Cody.
38
00:01:47,732 --> 00:01:49,359
- [Simone gasps]
- Hi.
39
00:01:49,359 --> 00:01:51,236
- Oh, my God. Hi!
- Hi. So nice to meet you.
40
00:01:51,236 --> 00:01:52,987
- Oh, I'm so embarrassed.
- No, not at all. It's fine.
41
00:01:52,987 --> 00:01:54,322
I can...
- Forget I said anything.
42
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,032
- Cody's a writer, too.
- Oh, wow!
43
00:01:56,032 --> 00:01:58,034
- No, not like Dan.
- Oh, two legends at work?
44
00:01:58,034 --> 00:02:01,788
Is that what that is?
- No. No. Um, I can
get you the water, um...
45
00:02:01,788 --> 00:02:03,706
- No, no, no. Please.
- I'm happy to do it.
- What are you doing?
46
00:02:03,706 --> 00:02:04,541
- It's totally fine.
- I can get the...
- Tell her to stop. No.
47
00:02:07,669 --> 00:02:09,337
[distant chatter]
48
00:02:13,925 --> 00:02:15,677
[sniffles]
49
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,390
[whimsical music playing]
50
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,400
- Bean?
51
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,610
- Huh?
52
00:02:32,610 --> 00:02:33,862
- You okay? What happened?
53
00:02:33,862 --> 00:02:35,029
You've been gone for,
like, ten minutes.
54
00:02:35,029 --> 00:02:36,865
- Oh, shit. Yeah, I'll just
55
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,907
bring it to her right now.
56
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:38,783
- Oh, no, she left already.
57
00:02:38,783 --> 00:02:41,119
- Oh.
58
00:02:41,119 --> 00:02:42,954
- You bummed you couldn't valet
her car? - Shut up.
59
00:02:42,954 --> 00:02:44,372
- I bet you she has
some dry-cleaning
60
00:02:44,372 --> 00:02:46,082
she'd like you to pick up.
- Don't.
61
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,710
Stop.
I was just trying to be nice.
62
00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:49,711
- Are you okay?
63
00:02:51,796 --> 00:02:53,840
- Yeah, um, you know, I think
64
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,633
I left my, um,
computer charger at your house.
65
00:02:55,633 --> 00:02:57,385
Is it cool if I go grab it?
66
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:59,554
- Oh, yeah. I, um...
67
00:02:59,554 --> 00:03:01,306
I have a spare key.
68
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:03,808
- Okay, cool. I'll just...
69
00:03:03,808 --> 00:03:06,477
[suspenseful music playing]
70
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,739
[music intensifies]
71
00:03:25,038 --> 00:03:27,874
♪
72
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:46,351
[laughs softly]
73
00:03:47,602 --> 00:03:49,354
- Psych!
74
00:03:49,354 --> 00:03:51,147
- Oh, what the fuck?!
- [chuckles]
75
00:03:51,147 --> 00:03:53,858
- Fuck, man! Shit!
76
00:03:53,858 --> 00:03:55,026
- I knew you were gonna
come back here, being like,
77
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,694
"Was that a dream?
Was that drugs?"
78
00:03:56,694 --> 00:03:57,946
I was like, "I'm gonna
prank this bitch."
79
00:03:57,946 --> 00:03:59,739
Did you see me? I was like...
80
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,658
- Stop. Stop!
That freaks me out!
81
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,618
[laughs, snorts]
82
00:04:03,618 --> 00:04:06,829
- Oh, my God.
Your face is so stupid.
83
00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:08,206
- You suck, dude.
- You suck.
84
00:04:08,206 --> 00:04:09,582
- You suck.
- You suck.
85
00:04:09,582 --> 00:04:11,209
You ready to do this?
86
00:04:11,209 --> 00:04:13,503
- What?
87
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:15,838
- My pussy.
I've got, like, years' worth
88
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,006
of Dan's pole milk
congealed up in there.
89
00:04:17,006 --> 00:04:18,675
- Okay. Okay.
90
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:20,134
Okay.
91
00:04:20,134 --> 00:04:21,761
This isn't real.
92
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,346
[whispering]:
You're not real.
93
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:24,097
- [whispering]:
I'm real.
94
00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:26,474
- But...
95
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:28,226
the yeast infection
I could get is real,
96
00:04:28,226 --> 00:04:31,896
so I'm just gonna... do this.
97
00:04:31,896 --> 00:04:33,815
BARBARA:
Oh, I love baths!
98
00:04:33,815 --> 00:04:35,775
I love how at first,
it feels like they're so hot,
99
00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:37,110
and you're like, "I'm
gonna fucking die.
100
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,903
It's like my skin's
gonna crawl off."
101
00:04:38,903 --> 00:04:40,571
And then it gets kind of cold
and it's just heaven.
102
00:04:43,241 --> 00:04:46,244
[clicks tongue] Oh, it's 'cause
you saw my perfect body, huh?
103
00:04:46,244 --> 00:04:48,204
- What?
104
00:04:48,204 --> 00:04:50,665
- Why you're in such a bad mood.
105
00:04:50,665 --> 00:04:53,167
- No. No.
106
00:04:53,167 --> 00:04:54,877
- Is it because you're scared
Dan's gonna cheat on you
107
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:57,255
with the redheaded actress
from that nerdy podcast
108
00:04:57,255 --> 00:04:59,215
who's like a way less
hot version of me?
109
00:04:59,215 --> 00:05:03,219
- No. Barbara,
I'm in a bad mood,
110
00:05:03,219 --> 00:05:05,555
because I'm having
a fucking nervous breakdown.
111
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,473
My boyfriend's sex
doll is talking to me.
112
00:05:07,473 --> 00:05:09,350
- Okay. I don't know
if you're trying
113
00:05:09,350 --> 00:05:10,977
to diminish my self-worth
by calling me a sex doll,
114
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:12,937
but I have news for you, babe.
115
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:15,523
We're all sex dolls
until we topple the patriarchy.
116
00:05:15,523 --> 00:05:17,608
- Great. That's great.
You're a feminist sex doll.
117
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:19,736
- Yeah. I am. Yeah.
118
00:05:19,736 --> 00:05:21,112
I've read The Feminine
Mystique, so, yeah.
119
00:05:21,112 --> 00:05:23,239
- No, see, no, you haven't.
120
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,991
You're just me.
121
00:05:24,991 --> 00:05:27,035
You're not your own person.
122
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,119
And I haven't read
The Feminine Mystique.
123
00:05:28,119 --> 00:05:29,537
I just pretend that I've read it
124
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:31,331
when it comes up
in conversation.
125
00:05:31,331 --> 00:05:33,666
So you can't have read it.
- I have read it.
126
00:05:33,666 --> 00:05:35,710
- Tell me one thing about it.
Tell me one thing.
127
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:37,003
- You know what, Cody?
I'm not gonna sit here
128
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,714
in a bath in my
peaceful time for me
129
00:05:39,714 --> 00:05:41,549
and justify myself
to a crazy person, okay?
[ringtone playing]
130
00:05:41,549 --> 00:05:43,343
I mean, you've got
a dark cloud energy.
131
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:45,595
Oh, my God, is it Dan?
- No, it's my agent.
132
00:05:45,595 --> 00:05:47,388
- He's, like, a
real estate agent?
133
00:05:47,388 --> 00:05:49,265
- Hello.
- WOMAN: Hi, Cody.
134
00:05:49,265 --> 00:05:52,018
I have Jason Levy for you.
- Who?
135
00:05:52,018 --> 00:05:54,062
- Hey, Cody, I'm Jason.
I'm your new agent.
136
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,064
- Okay. What are you...?
137
00:05:56,064 --> 00:05:57,607
- Yeah, I don't know
if you heard or not,
138
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,108
but, uh, Bryan
Chang got MeToo'd.
139
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:00,443
He's no longer
with the company.
140
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,071
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah.
141
00:06:03,071 --> 00:06:04,947
So I've taken over his roster,
the whole roster,
142
00:06:04,947 --> 00:06:06,449
and, uh, it looks
like you owe us
143
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:08,743
a new spec pilot
for staffing season?
144
00:06:08,743 --> 00:06:10,536
- Oh, yeah.
I'm... I'm... working on...
145
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,080
I'm kind of halfway through...
146
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:13,331
more than halfway
through this thing.
147
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,416
It's, like, you know,
148
00:06:15,416 --> 00:06:17,752
the-the tooth fairy,
but she's also a stripper.
149
00:06:17,752 --> 00:06:19,504
You know, because
both jobs, like...
150
00:06:19,504 --> 00:06:21,214
'Cause dollar bills.
151
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,673
- You know, honestly, uh,
152
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,217
you're a female writer.
153
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,094
It doesn't have to be that good.
154
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:27,970
- Really?
- Oh, not at all.
155
00:06:27,970 --> 00:06:30,014
- Not sure how to
feel about that.
156
00:06:30,014 --> 00:06:31,557
- Ah, feelings are good.
Put those in there.
157
00:06:31,557 --> 00:06:33,601
We need more female voices.
158
00:06:33,601 --> 00:06:35,061
- Okay. - I can't wait to
read it.
159
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:36,145
Oh, sorry. Bad connection. Bye.
160
00:06:36,145 --> 00:06:38,189
[beeps]
161
00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,902
- Oh, my God.
162
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,904
- Oh, my God.
Your agent was MeToo'd?
163
00:06:44,904 --> 00:06:47,281
- Yeah. Shit.
164
00:06:47,281 --> 00:06:49,575
- Babe, I'm so sorry. That's
crazy. - Right?
165
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:51,744
- Oh, my God.
You want to talk about it?
166
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,704
You were probably,
like, harassed, right?
167
00:06:53,704 --> 00:06:55,498
- No. No.
168
00:06:55,498 --> 00:06:57,792
- Wait. What?
I'm just confused,
169
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,503
'cause I thought you said
that he was MeToo'd.
170
00:07:00,503 --> 00:07:02,088
Did he, like, whip his dick out
at you ever?
171
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,509
- No. I mean, thank God, no.
172
00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,636
- So he didn't, like,
call you late at night
173
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:11,597
and say it was for work, but
really was just trying to bone?
174
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:14,016
- No, but I'm-I'm... I mean,
I'm sure that's 'cause he, like,
175
00:07:14,016 --> 00:07:15,935
respected me too much
as a writer to do...
176
00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:19,188
- [muffled laugh] I'm sorry.
I'm really not trying to laugh,
177
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:21,107
but, like, it's funny,
'cause, like, obviously,
178
00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:23,484
he didn't respect you as a
writer or want to fuck
you.
179
00:07:23,484 --> 00:07:25,611
[snorts]
180
00:07:25,611 --> 00:07:27,780
- Is your pussy clean yet?
Can we...? Come on.
181
00:07:27,780 --> 00:07:29,490
- So, you're a comedy writer.
182
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:31,826
So cool.
183
00:07:31,826 --> 00:07:33,953
It's just, you
haven't made me laugh.
184
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:37,457
- Well, wasn't trying to.
- Well, I'm waiting.
185
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,333
[gasps]
Oh, Cody, I forgot to tell you.
186
00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,127
I'm not just a regular sex doll.
187
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:42,712
I'm actually a special order.
188
00:07:42,712 --> 00:07:44,213
- That's great, Barbara.
189
00:07:44,213 --> 00:07:46,174
- I know. It's so sweet.
190
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:48,092
Dan designed me
from top to bottom.
191
00:07:48,092 --> 00:07:50,219
I'm, like, his ideal woman.
[laughs]
192
00:07:53,306 --> 00:07:55,266
- I make Dan laugh.
193
00:07:55,266 --> 00:07:57,393
- I'm sorry. What?
194
00:07:57,393 --> 00:07:59,270
- I said, I make Dan laugh.
195
00:07:59,270 --> 00:08:01,689
- You do? When?
I never hear him laughing.
196
00:08:01,689 --> 00:08:03,357
- I hear you laughing.
- [Cody grunts]
197
00:08:03,357 --> 00:08:05,401
- And I guess
sometimes I hear, like,
198
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,278
- incidental laughter on his
part? - [Cody grunting]
199
00:08:07,278 --> 00:08:09,363
- But then that... No, that was
always kind of connected back
200
00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:10,990
to whatever his
original joke was.
201
00:08:10,990 --> 00:08:13,117
You know what, Cody?
Don't feel bad.
202
00:08:13,117 --> 00:08:15,369
Like, I just do not expect you
to be as funny as Dan.
203
00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:17,205
Like, he's Dan Harmon.
204
00:08:17,205 --> 00:08:19,248
He's won Emmys and
created two hit shows.
205
00:08:19,248 --> 00:08:22,251
You know who else is
super funny? His ex-wife.
206
00:08:22,251 --> 00:08:24,170
Back then, I used to
live in the basement,
207
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:28,090
and I swear to God,
she was so funny.
208
00:08:28,090 --> 00:08:30,510
Like, I would be like,
"Guys, stop laughing so hard!
209
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,053
I can't sleep!"
210
00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:34,305
They'd be, like, howling.
211
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:35,556
- Okay, great. Bye!
212
00:08:35,556 --> 00:08:38,267
- Wait! Wait!
213
00:08:38,267 --> 00:08:40,645
Babe? Oh, my God, you're stupid.
214
00:08:40,645 --> 00:08:42,480
This isn't how I was positioned.
215
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,315
- So?
216
00:08:44,315 --> 00:08:46,192
- So, Dan's gonna
know you snooped,
217
00:08:46,192 --> 00:08:47,568
and then he's gonna think
you're a crazy bitch,
218
00:08:47,568 --> 00:08:48,945
and then he's gonna
break up with you.
219
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:52,114
- Okay. Fine. How were you?
220
00:08:52,114 --> 00:08:54,033
- My right arm was higher.
221
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:55,368
Because I had
just finished running my hands
222
00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,620
through my beautiful hair.
No, higher.
223
00:08:57,620 --> 00:08:59,455
- [grunts]
Why are you so hard to move?
224
00:08:59,455 --> 00:09:01,374
- Pull harder.
Why are you so weak?
225
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,251
Harder!
- I'm trying. God.
226
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,669
- Oh, we get...
[screaming]
227
00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,921
- [both screaming]
- Fuck, shit!
228
00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,839
- It hurts!
229
00:09:08,839 --> 00:09:10,424
CODY:
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
230
00:09:10,424 --> 00:09:11,467
BARBARA: Is my arm
there? Is it there?
16725
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