All language subtitles for S01E19 - The Derelicts.en

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Good evening.

I hope you don't mind
but I have to eat
on the job tonight.

We're terribly rushed.

But no matter how busy...

I think the least one can do
is to dress properly.

Tonight's supper show
is called...

"The Derelicts."

And there isn't much
to tell you about it.

Naturally, we shall...

populate our stage
with a few delinquents.

Rabbit. I could have
pulled that out of the hat.

[doorbell ringing]

(Herta)
I'll get it, darling.

[door opening]

Thank you.

[door closing]

Who was it?
Delivery boy.

What did he bring?
This.

Ralph, did you ever see
anything so sleek?

Good heavens, Herta,
that must have cost $1,000.

Seventeen hundred
and sixty-five.

Seventeen hundred and--
Plus tax.

State, federal,
luxury and sales.

Have you gone
out of your mind?

I've told you before.
You're spending money
faster than I can make it.

Then make more.
Sell more gadgets or raise
the price or something.

But I'm squeezing
every dime out of it now.

You certainly seemed
to have plenty to spend
when I met you.

Now all of a sudden,
we have to economize.

Look, honey. You know you can
have anything you need.

But you got a stole
just a couple of months ago.

If you think that I would
set foot in the 300 Club
in those ratty old foxes--

All right, then, we won't go.
We'll stay home.

Call the Gravenhursts
and tell them
we can't make it.

Look, Ralph, I can make it,
but if you're going to be
such an old grouch...

you'd better stay home.

Now look--
Ralph, I warned you
I was expensive.

If you can't afford me
on your income,
do something about it.

Honey, don't talk
like that.

Don't I buy you
everything you want?

Why sure, Ralph.
You just bought me
a black mist stole.

[door slamming]

[phone ringing]

Hello?
(Sloane)
Ralph.

Hello, Mr. Sloane.

You haven't forgotten
what day this is,
have you, Ralph, my boy?

Just a year
since we formed
our partnership.

Why, of course not, sir.

Then we'll meet
as we arranged...

in the same spot.
In an hour, say?

Yes, sir.

And, Ralph, don't forget
to bring your checkbook.

[phone disconnects]

I was a stranger
on a park bench and you...

a door-to-door salesman
who couldn't open any doors.

After all, I invented
a new kind of dispenser.

An excellent gadget, my boy.
I see it in all the stores.

They tell me it outsells
the next leading dispenser
3-to-1.

I've worked very hard
at it this year.

I know you have.

And look at the results.

That's why I asked you
to bring your checkbook along.

Let's take a walk, my boy.

The IOU you gave me...

I brought that along.

Yes, sir.

"I owe you $10,000
and 50% of the profits."

I'm going to let you
buy it back, my boy.

I got you started
but you've done a fine job.

And now you deserve
to be on your own.

Perhaps next year,
Mr. Sloane.

Why not now?

Your share of the profits
will more than take care
of it.

Next year.

In that case...

just give me a check
for my share of the profits
and we'll talk about it then.

Well, Ralph?

I'm sorry, Mr. Sloane,
but you'll just have to wait
for your check.

I don't have the money.

I don't understand.

Sales have been booming.

Yes, but I've been carrying
a lot of expense.
Business entertainment.

Meeting the right people,
things like that.

Is it all business?

You're sure
you're not living too high?

I wouldn't be if I had
a bigger share of the profits.

After all,
I invented the dispenser.

I do all the work.
I'm entitled to more.

You didn't talk this way
when I lent you the money
to get started.

I was so lightheaded that day,
I'd have given you 90%.

I wouldn't have taken it.

50% was fair then
and it's fair now.

I may be eccentric in the way
I do business,
but to me a deal is a deal.

Here is your IOU.

If you won't pay me
my share of the profits...

then I'll have to
turn it over to my lawyer.

But I've spent the money,
all of it.

Then I'm sorry.

Good night, Ralph.

Mr. Sloane.
Yes, my boy?

Have you told your lawyer
about our agreement?

I've told no one.

It was a private transaction
from the start.

And I had hoped
it would always be that way.

Good night.

Good night.

(Goodfellow)
"I promise to pay
Alfred Sloane...

"$10,000 and 50%
of all profits."

Thanks.

(Ralph)
"The body of Alfred Sloane,
wealthy eccentric was...

"discovered last night
in Washington Park.

"He had been strangled
and robbed.

"The police are proceeding
on the theory that...

"Sloane was the victim
of a gang of hoodlums. "

[exhaling]

Cab, sir?

[whistling]

Spark Apartments.

Who the devil are you?
I'm Peter J. Goodfellow.

I wonder if I have
one of my cards with me.

Where did you get
that cigarette case?

It was bequeathed to me
by an elderly gentleman I met
in the park.

Poor chap, he was foully
done in only last night.

I witnessed
the shocking affair myself.

Did you see the man
who did it?

Yes, as clearly as I can
see you now.

I wonder what I should do
about the IOU I found
in this case?

It was signed
by someone named Ralph Cowell.

You won't find it there.
I had the foresight
to remove it.

Mr. Cowell.

Very valuable, that IOU.

So it's blackmail, is it?

Come, must we use that word?

I was reduced
to my deplorable state...

through my own follies.

Wine, women, and song.

I have no voice.

But should the occasion
warrant it...

I shall sing like a canary.

How much do you want?

Why, I'm sure we can reach
an amicable settlement.

Shall we meet
at your apartment, at, say,
9:00 this evening?

No, not my place.
Yes, at your place.

I would prefer it.

Thank you. Driver?

Darling,
aren't you ready?

What?
For heaven's sake, Ralph.

You know very well
we're due at the Fairlies'
for the weekend.

I'm sorry,
I can't make it. I have
a business appointment.

At this hour?

Look, if I'm going to pay
all your charge accounts...

I've got to work
day and night.

Poor baby, you have been
working too hard.

But you do want me
to look beautiful for you,
don't you?

Should I call the Fairlies
and tell them
we can't make it?

Don't do that.

I'll tell you what.
You take the car
and drive on out.

I'll get a train later on.

All right, darling.
Make it as soon as you can.

Just as soon
as I finish here.
All right.

[doorbell ringing]

My dear chap.

A pleasant good evening
to you.

What's the idea?
I thought we agreed on 9:00.

I observed the lady
of the house leaving.

I saw no reason to wait.

[stuttering]

Who is this?

Let me present
my old friend and colleague,
Mr. Fenton Shanks.

Pleased to meet you.

Goodfellow has been
touting you up as a winner.

Nice place you got here.

Fenton is my
financial adviser.

As a devotee
of the sport of kings...

he's amazingly adept
at calculating the odds.

My system has produced
17 winners in the past week.

Unfortunately, they've
all been paper bets...

if you know what I mean.

Most thoughtful of you,
my boy. Just what I needed.

Your very good health.

Fenton's a teetotaler,
I'm afraid.

He rather disapproves
of my weakness.

Not at all, Goodfellow.
I'm not without vices
of my own.

That's true
of all three of us.
With me, it's this.

With Fenton,
the gambling fever.

And with you, Mr. Cowell....

Never mind that.
Let's get on with it.

How much do you want
for the IOU?

Well, now, let me see.

Say $1,000.
How does that sound to you?

Has a nice ring to it.
So be it.

$1,000 a month.

Are you crazy? I don't have
that kind of money.

Come, you have
a lucrative business.

And no partner
to split the profits with.

But $1,000 a month.
Why, that's impossible.

Think of the alternative,
Mr. Cowell.

Murder is frowned upon
in present society.

Only how do we make sure
of regular payments?

Our pigeon could just
fly away and...

forget to leave
a forwarding address.

My dear boy, you have put
your finger on the loophole.

How do you suggest
we plug it?

May I call your attention
to the excellent guest room.

You mean
take up residence here.

A capital suggestion.

You can't do that.
How about my wife?

I'll pay you $1,000
every month.

When do we move in?

I take it
we've already done so.

Unless you got
some packing to do?
Not me.

Mr. Cowell will supply us
with anything we want.

But don't put yourself out,
my dear chap.

Simply look upon us
as members of the family.

[Goodfellow grunting]

My dear. Well.

Now you must be
cousin Herta.

Who are you?

Cousin Peter.

And this is cousin Fenton.

Pleased to meet you,
cousin Hertie.

Bounced your husband
on my knee when he was
a little punk.

Ralph's never told me
anything about cousins.

An oversight, no doubt.

What's going on here?
Where's Ralph?

The poor chap's resting.
He's feeling a little
under the weather, I believe.

[exclaims]

A rare wench,
to say the least.

I got a hunch
she's trouble.
Aren't they all?

The only reason
I never mentioned them
is because...

we just don't talk about
that side of the family.

I can see why.

Look, we all have relatives
we're not proud of.

Maybe, but you don't have to
invite them into my home.

It's my home.
And they're going to stay
right here...

until I find a way
to get rid of them.
It's very easy.

Just walk in there
and throw them out.

You don't know
what you're talking about.

Yes, I do. It seems
that your family...

is more important to you
than I am.

Darling, you know
that isn't true.

Look for my sake,
please try to put up
with them.

I promise you,
they'll be gone within a week.

All right, Ralph.
But remember, one week.

Okay. One week.

Listen, you, you've been
freeloading around here
for 9 days.

Why don't you blow?

"'Freeloading." "Blow."
How uncouth.

Yeah. I can be
a lot more uncouth.

I'm fed up right to here
with you.

Have a noggin of this.
It will calm your nerves.

I don't want anything.

Come. "A Jug of Wine
A Loaf of Bread - and Thou"

May I have this dance?

I would rather dance
with an ape.

Very well, if that's
you're attitude,
I think I'll take a siesta.

I have a rendezvous
this evening...

with a young widow
of my acquaintance.

She maybe less pleasing
to the eye...

but she's certainly
more soothing to the ear.

[grunts]

Herta?

Ralphie?
Sorry to trouble you, pal...

but I find myself temporarily
out of funds.

What, again? What's wrong
with that system?

You haven't had a winner
for three weeks.
Nothing.

The nags
just ain't been following it.
Yeah, that's tough.

You've had all you're going
to get from me.
A cigarette, Ralphie?

What are you doing
with that case?

A little knickknack
Goodfellow gave me.

Now, about that loan.
I'm in hock to my bookie
for about--

(Herta)
Ralph?

Ralph, my furs.
They're gone. My mink stole.
Everything's stolen.

You took them.
The skins? Yeah.

I had to pawn them yesterday.
Or was it the day before?

No, that was the day
I sold the silverware.

But, don't worry, Ralphie.
Here are the tickets.

You can bail them out
some day.

Why don't you sell
the furniture, too?
That's all that's left.

You ruined my business.
Cleaned out my bank account.
Taken every cent I've got.

What more do you want?
Don't get excited, Ralphie.

I'll just have to
pawn something else.
That's all.

What are you doing?
What does it look like?

I've got news for you,
I've had it.
Honey, please--

You've been telling me
for a month that you'd get rid
of them and nothing happens.

What have they got on you?
Enough to hang me.

Herta, I killed a man.

You did what?

I must have been
out of my mind.

We needed money.
He was a silent partner.

I figured that
if I got rid of him, I....

Everything would be mine.
So I killed him.

Goodfellow saw me do it.

I can't believe it.

You actually killed somebody?

I never thought
you had it in you.

Neither did I,
but I was desperate.

You're desperate now, Ralph.
And Goodfellow
is in our guest room.

It would be self-defense.
He attacked you.

I couldn't do that.
Not a second time.

He's asleep.

It would be so simple.

(Goodfellow)
"Methinks I hear a voice cry

"'Sleep no more

"Macbeth does murder sleep"'

A classic parallel,
don't you think?

Going out, old boy?
Yes. You mind?

Not at all.

Delighted.

Poor boy, you know.
He really is a bit
under the weather.

[door closing]

Now I see why.
You're leaving him.

He's broke.
Thanks to you and your friend,
he hasn't got a dime.

I'm not entirely
without resources, my dear.

Does that mean money?

The equivalent of ten "G's."

You know, I think
I'll change my mind and have
that drink, after all.

Splendid.

And how about
a little dinner later?

I have an excellent recipe
for a dish named mulligan.

Can we eat it
with our fingers?

Your friend sold
all the silverware.

Poor Fenton,
he's had a bad run lately.

Try this. I warn you,
it's very potent.

It really shouldn't be drunk
on an empty stomach.

We'll have dinner later.

I'm not keeping you
from your widow, am I?

Well, on second thoughts...

I think the little woman
is becoming a bit of a bore.

Well, let's drink to that,
cousin Peter.

May I suggest
a more comfortable place
to sit?

Why not?
Yes.

You know, I don't really
believe you have $10,000.

Come, do you doubt me?

No, not really.
It's that horseplayer
I'm thinking of.

Well, it's your husband
that worries me.

He prowls around
my room at night
Iike a common burglar.

Surely you don't
keep it there?
Ralph's bound to find it.

Not a chance.
He lacks imagination.

One can hide an old envelope
in a diversity of places.

An old envelope?

But poor Ralph
is so systematic.

Last night
he searched the bureau.

So tonight he won't even think
of looking there.

It's the weakness
of the orderly mind.

Well, happy days.

To you, my dear.

[snoring]

[grunting]

$10,000.

What on earth
are you doing?

What do you think I'm doing?
It's the IOU.

What?

I told you
I'd find it sooner or later.

Where's Herta?
She's gone
but she'll be back.

But you won't. Come on.
You're leaving, right now.

All right, there's no need
to use violence.

What's going on here?

Fenton, the jig is up.

(Fenton)
It was great while it lasted.
Get out.

No hard feelings, old man.
One last pawn ticket
for your collection.

Here, boy.

I've only one regret,
that I was demolished
by a woman.

Fenton, unless you have
other plans...

I suggest Florida again
this year.

Delightful weather
for riding the rafts.

Welcome home, darling.

Don't ever let me
leave again.

I know just how to keep you.

[doorbell ringing]

That's for you, I think.
Go on.

[door opening]

(Herta)
Thank you.
Who was it?

Delivery boy.
But I didn't order anything.

Well, if you like it,
maybe we'll keep it.

[gasps]

Oh, Ralph!

It's the most beautiful thing
I've ever seen in my life.

[laughing]

Business is going
to be better than ever,
so I've declared a dividend.

Mr. Cowell?
Yes. What is it?

Your door was open.

Detective Sergeant Monroney.

We're checking on some furs
and silverware...

that were pawned in your name
a couple of weeks ago,
I believe.

We wanted to be quite certain
that you actually pawned them
yourself.

Why not?
Just checking, Mr. Cowell.

Are these your signatures?

Yes.
And you pawned them yourself?

Of course.

There's nothing illegal about
pawning one's own things,
is there?

No, if they are your things.

Of course they are.
Ralph buys me all my furs.

I'm not talking about the furs
or the silverware.

But this ticket,
signed by you...

was for a cigarette case
that belonged
to Alfred Sloane.

It was stolen from him
at the time of his murder.

I think you'd better
come to the station...

and explain how
you happened to pawn it.

Come along, Mr. Cowell.

As you might expect...

before Mr. Goodfellow
and Mr. Shanks
had reached the street...

they had walked
into the inviting arms of...

two luscious young ladies.

And the current was especially
to Goodfellow's liking.

But since the ladies
were policewomen...

his enjoyment was,
at best, momentary.

sync: alphamale

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