All language subtitles for D i S A S04E09 Biffels 720p BYU WEB-DL AAC2 0 x264-DarkSaber (1)_track3_[eng]

Dwight: Previously on Dwight

in Shining Armor.

Macklyn: I awoke in the woods

one morning

with no recollection of my life,

no clue to my origin.

Gretta: Auntie Ermie,

this is Macklyn the Fox,

leader of the bandits.

Auntie Ermie: This is

Lord Henrick, your godfather,

and my husband.

I know someone who can help

you reclaim your memory, a mage.

Let's away.

♪

Baldric: Begin with

a bunny's weight of flour.

Dwight: In closing,

my life is

a rich tapestry stitched

from my Polish, Albanian,

Portuguese, French heritage.

And then I pass out

the macarons.

Whaddya think?

- Most informative, Sir Dwight.

Baldric: An angry pinch

of salt.

- Mm.

Blah!

Baldric: [laughs]

- There.

I feel good.

And I'm not gonna

over-prepare this time.

I tend to do that

and it ends up killing

the spontaneity.

You uh, wanna go over

your presentation?

- I'd prefer

to surprise you, Sir Dwight.

- That's cool.

Just here to help.

You want to make sure

you hit all the points

in the rubric.

- Hm?

- Who?

Dwight: In an oral presentation,

not to exceed five minutes,

tell the class

about the cultural history

of your family

and how you actively

remember it

in ideology, language,

art and food.

- Have no fear, Sir Dwight.

I shall praise, laud and honor

the house of Moondragon

until the very rafters shake.

- Mm-hm-hm.

- Well, that's not really

the assignment.

Gretta: And then we pass

around the biffels.

- Pip! Pip!

- Biffels?

- A cream-filled

Rogemorian pastry, Sir Dwight?

Gretta: There's no better way

to honor my ancestors

than with biffels.

- Pip! Pip!

Ah, a bee's bottom of cinnamon.

- A bee's bottom?

And how much is that?

- As much

as the bottom of a bee.

- [blows dust]

[pop]

- It is what

the recipe calls for.

- It's part

of our cultural history,

Sir Dwight.

Dwight: And I'm all for that.

I just also kinda love

standard measurements.

- There is only one way

to make biffels.

[knocking]

Gretta: [poof, poof, poof]

What's next?

[thump]

Dwight: Guys!

Come quick!

Gretta: [gasp]

Macklyn: Uh.

- Macklyn the Fox!

- Uh, uh, uh, uh.

♪

Dwight: Okay, so about

a thousand years ago,

there was this princess, Gretta,

and she was in big trouble

'cause she had lots of enemies

and not a lot of friends.

♪

So her court magician, Baldric,

cast the champion spell.

It put everyone in the woods

to sleep

until a champion would come

break the spell with his kiss

and deal with Gretta's

big, scary enemies,

but that guy never showed up.

Instead...

Ahhh!

[kiss]

they got me.

♪

Ahhh!

♪

Ow!

♪

♪

Macklyn: Uh.

Your Aunt Ermingarde is

a glorious woman.

The love of my life.

The first person I'd pick

to fight at my side

against a legion of orcs,

but I have known drunk squirrels

with a better sense

of direction.

[deep breath]

We wandered in circles

for months looking

for that mage friend of hers.

- You got lost?

- Don't tell anyone.

- Then what happened?

Macklyn: We found a mage,

retired now from public life,

living in a beaver dam

on the other side

of orc territory.

Dwight: Oh, no kidding.

- What did he say?

- He said...

- If your memory were lost,

I could find it.

If it was broken,

I could repair it.

But your memory, dear boy,

is neither lost nor broken,

it was stolen from you.

[crunch]

[laughs]

- Stolen?

- [imitating mage]

By a memory thief.

Dwight: A memory thief?

- I have never heard

of such a thing.

- Nor had I.

Or perhaps I had,

but I don't remember now

for obvious reasons.

- Uh.

- Did the guy

in the beaver dam

say anything else?

- [imitating mage]

That'll be 80 crowns.

- Eighty crowns?

- Dirty bandit.

- Huh.

Gretta: Then your memory

is gone forever.

Macklyn: If the mage is correct.

Dwight: Well,

maybe the mage isn't correct.

You should absolutely get

a second opinion.

- Ermingarde said the same.

- Where is she?

Macklyn: She went north

to look for a wizard

of some renown

and I've come here looking

for a contrarian

the mage told me to find.

Dwight: Hey,

we know a contrarian.

- Oh.

Baldric/Dwight: Oh.

Gretta: We do?

Baldric: Well met, good sir.

- Not well met at all.

You interrupt my soup course.

Baldric: We need but a moment.

Our situation is dire.

- If you'd swallowed

your eyeballs

that would be dire.

Baldric: Indeed it would.

Gretta: I take it

you're the contrarian.

Dwight: He prefers counterarian.

Contrarian: Not anymore.

Counterist,

would be more to my liking.

Dwight: [nervous laugh]

Macklyn: I have journeyed far

to meet you.

Contrarian: Far is relative.

- Most revered counterist.

- Now that I hear you say it,

I think

I like contrarian better.

Gretta: We've come

for your help.

- Huh, not for my help.

- Your professional

opinion then.

- Not for

my professional opinion, either.

You have come for

a quick and easy solution

to your problems.

A way to cheat the consequences

of your own poor choices, hm?

Dwight: Hey.

You see that human being

standing right there?

Well, he dragged himself

through the woods,

through the ticks

and the mosquitoes

and the poison ivy for months

because some creep

in a beaver dam

said you might help him.

- I didn't say

that I wouldn't help him.

There's an empty place

in you.

It was once filled with rich

memories of love and joy, fear.

All gone now, stolen.

Macklyn: Yes, by a memory thief.

- No, by one

who steals another's memories.

Dwight: So a memory thief.

Gretta: Most alarming.

- I wouldn't say alarming

so much as perplexing.

Gretta: Oh.

Dwight: Oh, you're both right.

It's alarming,

and it's perplexing.

Contrarian: Until today I had

never encountered a victim

of a memory thief.

Dwight: Don't you mean one

who steals another's memories?

Baldric/Gretta: [laugh]

Contrarian: Now I've encountered

three at once.

- Three?

Contrarian: You,

and you

and you.

Three victims

of the same thief.

Baldric: You mean to say,

our memories have been stolen?

Contrarian: Not exactly, no,

they were taken without

your knowledge or consent.

- Which means they were stolen,

uh, you know what, never mind.

You're right, as always.

Gretta: Which of our memories

were stolen?

- I couldn't say.

- Then my memory

is gone forever?

- Not forever, not necessarily.

There is a way.

Find the thief.

- How?

Contrarian: Search your memories

for what is missing,

that's where you'll find him.

Dwight: And then what?

- Steal your memories back.

Baldric: How?

- I wouldn't ask how,

so much as in what manner.

All: [barely managed

frustration]

Contrarian: That I cannot know

until you find a thief.

Come back when you know

the answer to that question.

- Wha--

Gretta: Who spied

the hairy beef?

- [sighs]

Dwight: Who's supposed

to read this?

- Who is the memory thief?

- Mm.

All: Oh. Oh. Oh.

Dwight: So, according

to the contrarian,

we'll find the memory thief

if we figure out what's missing

from your memories.

Gretta: Yes.

Think Baldric,

what don't you remember?

Baldric: Uh, oh.

Uh, hm.

Dwight: Maybe we're asking

the wrong question.

Not, what don't you remember,

what should you remember?

Macklyn: I should remember

my childhood.

Dwight: Yeah,

that's a good start.

Baldric: Ah.

Macklyn: My family,

my boyhood antics.

Dwight: Family and antics.

I should remember meeting

Ermingarde

and our wedding day.

- Yes, agreed.

Macklyn: I should remember

what took me to the woods

16 years ago.

Dwight: Woods.

Huh.

Now we're getting somewhere.

If the contrarian was right,

then we should find

the memory thief

somewhere right there

in all the stuff that's missing.

Macklyn, maybe you don't

remember your childhood,

your family, your antics,

your wedding day,

or the day you were

in the woods

because the memory thief

was there at all those times.

- [exhales]

And that's where

I must return to find him.

[phone alert]

- Reminder.

Cultural history presentation

tomorrow.

Gretta: Oh.

Forgive me, Macklyn,

but I have the urgent need

to make biffels tonight.

- Pip! Pip!

A welcome distraction.

Dwight: How many

are you making?

Gretta: One for every member

of the class,

plus Mr. Hammond.

Dwight: So, 24.

Gretta: Correct,

though this recipe

only makes four biffels.

Baldric: So, we'll have to

repeat the process six times.

- Six times?

You're gonna be at it all night.

- Biffels are worth it.

- Pip! Pip!

- [laughs]

Dwight: Why don't you just

scale up the recipe?

- [stammers]

Dwight: You know,

just multiply it by six

and then do it all at once.

It's getting pretty late,

it'll save you

a bunch of hours.

Gretta: A novel idea.

- The risk is too great.

Dwight: Guys, it's just math.

You work smarter, not harder.

- The recipe is most emphatic.

Follow these instructions

perfectly else your biffels

will end in shame

and catastrophe.

- Seriously?

- Mm.

Dwight: What, is everything

a life and death drama

with you guys?

We're talking

about cream puffs.

- Biffels!

- Pip. Pip.

- Work smarter, not harder.

I like your thinking,

Sir Dwight.

- Hm.

- Bu-- Bu--.

- We're going to need

a bigger bowl.

Dwight: Okay, begin with

six bunnies' weight of flour.

- Pff, how much is that?

- Well, you didn't have any

trouble with one bunny's weight.

Baldric: I can imagine

one bunny's weight,

but six,

[sputtering]

that's nonsense.

Gretta: Let me try.

Dwight: While she's doing that.

You get an angry pinch of salt,

multiplied by six.

- Wait!

Is the salt multiplied

by six or the anger?

Baldric: Oh.

- What?

Gretta: Both, to be safe.

- Ah, yeah.

Macklyn: [grunting

with increasing anger]

[pleasant voice]

That ought to do it.

- Okay, we're ready

for six bees' bottom's worth

of cinnamon.

- What has a bottom

six times larger than a bee?

- A hummingbird?

- Guys.

- A hummingbird's bottom

is perhaps four times

the size of a bee.

- Guys.

Gretta: A beetle doesn't have

a bottom, per se.

Baldric: Mm.

Dwight: I think we're getting

off track here.

Macklyn: Oh! Newborn mouse.

- Brilliant!

Ah, ha, ha.

Ha.

Macklyn: Ha.

- Form scoops of dough

into the shape

of unicorn droppings.

What?

Ew.

Gretta: Hm.

Dwight: And place them

on a baking tray

nestled together like

four puppies in a basket.

Okay, I'm getting a little lost

in the metaphors here.

Are we doing droppings

or puppies?

Macklyn: First droppings,

then puppies.

Dwight: Drink a tall glass

of water and bake

until you can't hold it

any longer.

Wow.

Macklyn: Should we then drink

six glasses of water?

Baldric: Oh.

Dwight: Nope.

Just the one.

[slam]

Gretta: [sighs happily]

- When do we eat them?

Gretta: They're not for us.

Dwight: They're for history

tomorrow.

Oh, I'll see

if I can save you one.

Macklyn: I suppose my quest

for the memory thief

can wait one more day

for a biffel.

Gretta: On the morrow

the name of Moondragon

will ring to the skies.

[applause]

- Nicely done, Dwight.

Your Polish, Albanian,

Portuguese, French ancestors

will be very happy to see how

you're preserving your culture.

So we have time for one more,

any volunteers?

Baldric: [loudly]

Her Royal Highness,

Princess Gretta the Besieged

of the Kingdom of Rogemore.

- Good day to you

harmless, peasant youths.

As you all know I am

the eleventh great-granddaughter

of Osric the Grim,

the last heir of the house

of Moondragon.

We are a grim people,

forged in the flame

of battle,

though we do enjoy

lively dancing,

sprightly song,

[class laughs]

and puffy pastries.

Bring on the biffels.

Pip! Pip!

Baldric: Pip! Pip!

Mm.

- Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

[clears throat]

Gretta: Behold

the Rogemorian national pastry,

served at births, burials,

weddings, knightings,

greetings, farewells,

tea parties,

and amputations.

- Amputations?

- Uh-huh.

As we say in Rogemore,

life is misery

and fate is cruel,

but biffels are

a delightful, tasty puff pastry.

- You guys really say that?

- Pip! Pip!

[odd bubbling]

[pop]

[gasp]

[pop]

[multiple pops and gasps]

[multiple pops and gasps]

- Okay, guys.

Let's dismiss and go get

the cream puff out of our hair.

There's an eyewash

in the science lab.

Does anyone need that?

Who can tell me

where the janitor's closet is?

- End of the hall

on the right.

- Uh.

Baldric: What did I tell you?

- Wait, how is this my fault?

- We strayed from the recipe

and now we paid the price.

Baldric: Follow

these instructions perfectly

else your biffels will end in--

Gretta: Shame and catastrophe!

- Why didn't it just say

your biffels will blow up?!

Gretta: My grandmother

would be so disappointed.

- Ah, this is gonna take

a while.

Gretta: [frustrated grunt]

Dwight: Hey guys,

did you get the biffels

out of the desks?

Like in the cracks?

Gretta: [frustrated growl]

The biffels are no more.

- Great, then uh, what's wrong?

- See this.

- Oh, ha-ha.

Dwight: Whoa, a C-.

Oo.

- He claims my history

isn't history.

What on earth does

that mean, Sir Dwight?

- Yes.

Dwight: Wow, that's uh,

that's a tricky one.

Do you remember what

Mr. Hammond said

about how history is what people

have chosen to remember?

- Mm-hm.

- Well, I guess Rogemore

and Osric the Grim

and the House of Moondragon

aren't those things.

And when you search Rogemore

you get Roger Moore.

He played James Bond

like five James Bonds ago.

Baldric: There's no record

of the House of Moondragon.

Dwight: Just that

one Chinese restaurant.

Gretta: Who does the Google

think banished the orcs

to orc territory?

Baldric: Or drove the giants

out of the realm?

Gretta: What kind

of ungrateful lot of peasants,

it's-- It's as if--

we never existed.

- Pip! Pip!

Did you save me a biffel?

Baldric: [grunts]

Dwight: Well, uh, um.

Gretta: It is my royal wish

to never hear

the word biffel again.

- What's amiss, princess?

Dwight: The biffels blew up.

Baldric: Pip, pip.

- Shame and catastrophe.

But not to worry, fellows.

We will live to eat biffels

another day.

I must be off.

Biffels or no biffels.

I go now to find the knave

who pilfered our memories.

Baldric: How will you find him?

- I shall rejoin Ermingarde,

and return to the places

and people of my youth.

No doubt the thief

is hiding among them.

Gretta: Macklyn!

Uh, Uncle Henrik.

Please give my love

to Auntie Ermie.

Baldric: Guard your back.

This thief knows us,

but we do not know him.

- Never fear my friends,

for I am not called

Macklyn the Fox for nothing.

[shimmering magical noise]

Dwight: Hey.

You okay?

- They're gone.

- Well, yeah.

That's not your fault.

Some dirtbag stole 'em,

but Macklyn's on it.

They'll find the guy.

We'll get your memories back.

- They're gone, Dwight.

My family.

I'm all that's left.

I'm the last heir

of the House of Moondragon.

My people have been forgotten

by the world,

and even I don't remember them

as I should.

What's all this?

Baldric: Biffels, Highness.

Uh, but done properly this time.

Uh, I'll get the custard.

Dwight: Hey Gretta.

I wanna show you something.

Nana made this for me

after my mom and dad died.

It started with just pictures

and notes.

Ah, these are ticket stubs

from when we went

to the pumpkin patch

one Halloween.

My parents went as ghostbusters

and I was a little baby

Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

And this is an invitation

my mom made

for my first birthday party.

It was duck-themed.

We just kept it going.

Any time we remember

something about them,

we, uh, write it down here.

I used to think

I didn't really remember

my parents.

But that's not true.

I remember my mom holding me.

I used to love to put my face

on the inside of her arm

because it was

so soft and cool.

I remember my dad smelled

like mentholatum.

I guess he had chapped lips

a lot?

[small chuckle]

This is how I make sure

I won't forget them.

And this is for you.

And this is for you.

If history really is what

we choose to remember,

it's up to you, Gretta.

Anything

you don't want to forget

about your mom and dad,

about your family, your people,

where you came from,

just write it down there.

Then nobody can steal it.

- Thank you, Dwight.

- [clears throat]

Huh.

Glory to the House

of Moondragon.

All hail the ruler of Rogemore.

[clears throat]

Bring on the biffels!

[chuckles]

- Thank you.

Baldric: Princess.

Gretta: Thank you.

Baldric: [sighs]

[chuckles]

Pip. Pip.

Gretta/Dwight: Pip! Pip!

[ominous music]

♪