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1
00:00:02,001 --> 00:00:05,036
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,959 --> 00:00:11,325
Oh! Oh!
3
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,079
( gasping )
4
00:00:14,113 --> 00:00:17,082
Sam, I think Carla
has a drink order.
5
00:00:18,784 --> 00:00:19,917
Sweetheart,
are you all right?
6
00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:21,970
Sammy, I think this could be it.
7
00:00:22,004 --> 00:00:23,771
I think the twins are coming.
8
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:24,840
Oh. Ooh, ooh!
9
00:00:24,874 --> 00:00:25,841
( groans )
10
00:00:25,875 --> 00:00:26,842
What do you know?
11
00:00:26,876 --> 00:00:28,109
The Sixers are
in town tonight.
12
00:00:28,144 --> 00:00:30,611
Isn't it amazing
how Carla's labor pains
13
00:00:30,646 --> 00:00:34,082
always seem to coincide
with Celtic home games?
14
00:00:34,116 --> 00:00:35,683
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
15
00:00:35,718 --> 00:00:37,602
Wait a minute.
16
00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:40,388
Now, you think
that I would exploit
17
00:00:40,422 --> 00:00:42,590
this beautiful thing
called motherhood
18
00:00:42,624 --> 00:00:46,394
just to go
to some stupid basketball game?
19
00:00:46,428 --> 00:00:49,414
( groaning )
20
00:00:49,449 --> 00:00:51,149
I'm insulted!
21
00:00:51,183 --> 00:00:52,200
Carla, I'm not falling
for it this time.
22
00:00:52,234 --> 00:00:53,301
You can scream till you shatter
23
00:00:53,335 --> 00:00:54,602
every glass in this bar,
24
00:00:54,636 --> 00:00:55,770
but you're not going anywhere.
25
00:00:55,804 --> 00:00:57,522
( groans )
26
00:00:57,556 --> 00:00:58,640
Sweetheart,
you're just going
27
00:00:58,674 --> 00:01:00,775
to have to give birth
right here in the bar.
28
00:01:00,809 --> 00:01:02,577
Come on.
It won't be that bad.
29
00:01:02,612 --> 00:01:05,130
Remember, the last kid
you had here was no big deal.
30
00:01:05,164 --> 00:01:06,364
All you had to do
was a little
31
00:01:06,398 --> 00:01:08,582
snip-snip
and a quick mop-up
32
00:01:08,617 --> 00:01:09,734
and you were right back
on your feet.
33
00:01:09,769 --> 00:01:11,085
( groaning )
34
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,453
Let me call you
a cab, Carla.
35
00:01:12,487 --> 00:01:14,989
It's all right.
I got one waiting.
Thank you.
36
00:01:15,024 --> 00:01:16,441
Hey, uh, there
wouldn't happen
to be another seat
37
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:17,576
in the delivery room,
would there?
38
00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,243
No, no.
There are only seats
for me and Eddie, Sam.
39
00:01:19,278 --> 00:01:20,311
Oh, come on.
40
00:01:20,346 --> 00:01:22,297
Maybe next... child.
41
00:01:22,331 --> 00:01:24,132
( groans )
42
00:01:25,518 --> 00:01:29,454
( piano plays )
43
00:01:29,488 --> 00:01:31,906
� Making your way
in the world today �
44
00:01:31,941 --> 00:01:35,126
� Takes everything you've got
45
00:01:35,161 --> 00:01:37,862
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
46
00:01:37,896 --> 00:01:41,098
� Sure would help a lot
47
00:01:41,133 --> 00:01:46,304
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
48
00:01:46,338 --> 00:01:49,190
� Sometimes you want to go
49
00:01:49,224 --> 00:01:54,562
� Where everybody
knows your name �
50
00:01:54,596 --> 00:01:59,234
� And they're always glad
you came �
51
00:01:59,268 --> 00:02:01,502
� You want to be
where you can see �
52
00:02:01,536 --> 00:02:04,239
� Our troubles
are all the same �
53
00:02:04,273 --> 00:02:09,677
� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �
54
00:02:09,711 --> 00:02:11,863
� You want to go
where people know �
55
00:02:11,897 --> 00:02:14,615
� People are all the same
56
00:02:14,650 --> 00:02:18,519
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �
57
00:02:36,172 --> 00:02:39,958
Announcement! Announcement!
58
00:02:39,992 --> 00:02:41,393
I just got a phone call,
59
00:02:41,427 --> 00:02:43,694
and if things work out,
it might be
60
00:02:43,729 --> 00:02:45,046
my ticket out of here.
61
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,731
( all cheering )
62
00:02:50,986 --> 00:02:52,687
Don't you even want
to know what it's about?
63
00:02:52,722 --> 00:02:54,972
There's more?
64
00:02:55,006 --> 00:02:58,460
Yes. I have been asked
to organize a cocktail party
65
00:02:58,494 --> 00:03:02,197
for Mr. Daniel T. Collier.
66
00:03:02,982 --> 00:03:05,533
Ooh, Daniel T. Collier,
the lemon wafer king?
67
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:07,551
No, no, that's Donald P. Cooper.
68
00:03:07,586 --> 00:03:09,070
Hey, I love
those lemon wafers.
69
00:03:09,104 --> 00:03:10,104
You ever dip them in cocoa
70
00:03:10,139 --> 00:03:12,056
and try to get them out
without breaking them?
71
00:03:12,090 --> 00:03:14,409
Yeah, yeah.
Do you know you can make
a mock apple pie with those?
72
00:03:14,443 --> 00:03:16,177
Excuse me.
Those are Ritz Crackers.
73
00:03:16,212 --> 00:03:17,928
Stop talking about wafers!
74
00:03:19,131 --> 00:03:20,515
This is Daniel T. Collier,
75
00:03:20,549 --> 00:03:22,217
the chairman of the board,
76
00:03:22,251 --> 00:03:24,652
the chief executive officer
of Lillian.
77
00:03:24,686 --> 00:03:26,738
ALL:
Oh...
78
00:03:26,772 --> 00:03:27,371
Sammy, don't you have,
79
00:03:27,405 --> 00:03:29,024
like, the slightest bit of guilt
80
00:03:29,058 --> 00:03:31,659
selling this bar
to a corporation named Lillian?
81
00:03:33,312 --> 00:03:34,112
Well, we used to be called
82
00:03:34,146 --> 00:03:35,563
Drax Chemical,
Dye and Munitions,
83
00:03:35,597 --> 00:03:37,431
but people had trouble
believing our motto:
84
00:03:37,465 --> 00:03:38,933
"We care about people."
85
00:03:40,686 --> 00:03:42,186
Okay, I'm going
to need the best
of everything:
86
00:03:42,220 --> 00:03:43,254
the best food,
87
00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:44,488
the best liquor.
88
00:03:44,523 --> 00:03:45,790
The best bartenders.
89
00:03:45,824 --> 00:03:47,074
You?
90
00:03:47,809 --> 00:03:49,443
( laughs )
91
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:53,081
( laughs )
92
00:03:53,115 --> 00:03:54,949
Good one, Sam.
93
00:03:57,336 --> 00:03:58,769
Did I say something
funny here?
94
00:03:58,804 --> 00:04:00,588
Well, actually,
I didn't get it either.
95
00:04:00,622 --> 00:04:02,223
I was just laughing
to be polite.
96
00:04:02,258 --> 00:04:04,041
But in my own defense,
97
00:04:04,075 --> 00:04:07,679
I do get some things
that no one else does.
98
00:04:10,132 --> 00:04:12,600
� When there's a shine
on your shoes �
99
00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:14,385
� There's a melody
in your heart �
100
00:04:14,419 --> 00:04:17,188
Shiny shoes, huh?
101
00:04:17,223 --> 00:04:19,090
� Shiny shoes, shiny shoes.
102
00:04:20,359 --> 00:04:23,645
Ah, gents, notice anything
different about me today?
103
00:04:23,679 --> 00:04:25,179
Okay, I'll go out on a limb.
104
00:04:25,214 --> 00:04:26,314
New shoes?
105
00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:27,415
( chuckles )
106
00:04:27,449 --> 00:04:28,482
Yes, siree, Normie.
107
00:04:28,517 --> 00:04:31,219
And for a limited time only,
108
00:04:31,253 --> 00:04:32,753
thanks to the US
Postal Service,
109
00:04:32,788 --> 00:04:34,488
you, too, can be saying
to your feet,
110
00:04:34,523 --> 00:04:36,190
"Thanks for your support."
111
00:04:37,693 --> 00:04:39,727
Are we to deduce
from this, Cliff,
112
00:04:39,762 --> 00:04:42,346
that you are now selling
mail-order shoes?
113
00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:44,732
I am not selling
shoes here, Doctor.
114
00:04:44,767 --> 00:04:46,600
I'm selling dreams.
115
00:04:46,635 --> 00:04:50,454
Dreams of a little cobbler
in Missouri who pours his heart
116
00:04:50,489 --> 00:04:52,791
into every sole.
117
00:04:52,825 --> 00:04:55,326
Actually, Cliff,
with a pair of
dark socks
118
00:04:55,360 --> 00:04:57,428
those could look
halfway decent.
119
00:04:57,462 --> 00:04:58,646
How much
are they, Cliff?
120
00:04:58,680 --> 00:04:59,714
$19.99.
121
00:04:59,748 --> 00:05:00,432
Well, what the heck?
122
00:05:00,466 --> 00:05:02,417
For 20 bucks,
I'll give it a shot.
123
00:05:03,202 --> 00:05:06,253
All right,
order me a size 11.
124
00:05:06,288 --> 00:05:07,355
Normie, Normie, Normie,
125
00:05:07,389 --> 00:05:09,557
these are not
your assembly line clodhoppers.
126
00:05:09,591 --> 00:05:11,859
These are precisely
machine-measured.
127
00:05:11,893 --> 00:05:13,111
How do I do it then?
128
00:05:13,145 --> 00:05:14,546
Just trace your tootsies
on a cocktail napkin
129
00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:15,813
over here, fellas, all right?
130
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:19,400
I'll tell you.
131
00:05:19,434 --> 00:05:20,435
This brings back memories
132
00:05:20,469 --> 00:05:21,969
of my dad when I was a kid.
133
00:05:22,004 --> 00:05:22,503
Did you all always
used to order
134
00:05:22,538 --> 00:05:23,687
your shoes
through the mail?
135
00:05:23,722 --> 00:05:25,472
He was always getting taken
136
00:05:25,507 --> 00:05:26,674
by some huckster.
137
00:05:28,677 --> 00:05:30,011
Sam,
138
00:05:30,045 --> 00:05:31,079
if you were throwing
a party,
139
00:05:31,113 --> 00:05:32,847
would you order Dom Perignon
or Cristal?
140
00:05:32,881 --> 00:05:33,581
Cristal.
141
00:05:33,615 --> 00:05:35,516
Dom Perignon it is, then.
142
00:05:37,369 --> 00:05:40,405
This is getting insulting.
143
00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:42,924
You know, I don't think
that she respects us.
144
00:05:42,958 --> 00:05:44,392
What do you mean "us," Sam?
145
00:05:44,426 --> 00:05:47,061
You're the one who goofed
up that champagne thing.
146
00:05:47,095 --> 00:05:49,063
Woody, come on, man.
147
00:05:49,097 --> 00:05:50,398
We're a team.
148
00:05:50,432 --> 00:05:53,267
Is that the insulting part?
149
00:05:53,302 --> 00:05:54,802
This... the point is,
150
00:05:54,836 --> 00:05:55,870
she doesn't think
that we're worthy
151
00:05:55,904 --> 00:05:59,273
of hanging around
with her society friends.
152
00:05:59,308 --> 00:06:01,559
She thinks
we're nincompoops.
153
00:06:01,593 --> 00:06:03,661
Nincompoops?
154
00:06:03,695 --> 00:06:04,662
Let's go, Sam.
155
00:06:04,696 --> 00:06:06,013
We're going
to talk to her.
156
00:06:06,047 --> 00:06:06,881
What?
157
00:06:06,915 --> 00:06:10,034
Nobody calls Woody Boyd
a nincompoop.
158
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:12,470
Except my dad.
159
00:06:12,504 --> 00:06:14,155
( knocking )
160
00:06:16,976 --> 00:06:17,708
Miss Howe,
161
00:06:17,743 --> 00:06:19,410
with all due respect,
162
00:06:19,444 --> 00:06:22,413
that nincompoop crack
really hurt.
163
00:06:22,447 --> 00:06:26,133
Woody, I didn't call you
a nincompoop.
164
00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:29,353
All right, then why
you won't let us tend
bar at your party?
165
00:06:29,387 --> 00:06:30,288
Is it because you think
we're incompetent?
166
00:06:30,322 --> 00:06:32,040
You think we're
not smooth enough?
167
00:06:32,158 --> 00:06:34,792
You think we're uncouth?
168
00:06:34,826 --> 00:06:36,611
No, I need you here.
169
00:06:36,645 --> 00:06:38,212
Oh, okay.
170
00:06:38,247 --> 00:06:40,748
Let's go, Sam.
171
00:06:40,782 --> 00:06:41,749
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
172
00:06:41,783 --> 00:06:43,917
What are you doing?
Where are you going?
173
00:06:43,952 --> 00:06:44,619
Sam, now, look.
174
00:06:44,653 --> 00:06:45,736
Really, why do you care?
175
00:06:45,771 --> 00:06:47,622
Why on Earth do you want
to work this party?
176
00:06:47,656 --> 00:06:49,440
All right, you know,
by not hiring us,
177
00:06:49,474 --> 00:06:51,176
what you're doing is
you're telling the rest
of the world
178
00:06:51,210 --> 00:06:54,712
that Sam Malone is not fit
for the society of decent folks,
179
00:06:54,746 --> 00:06:57,115
that he's incompetent,
that he's a clod.
180
00:06:57,149 --> 00:06:58,149
What about me, Sam?
181
00:06:58,184 --> 00:06:59,617
You, too, Woody.
182
00:06:59,651 --> 00:07:01,034
I'm going to tell you
183
00:07:01,069 --> 00:07:01,852
something, lady.
184
00:07:01,887 --> 00:07:03,237
We may not have come
out of Harvard.
185
00:07:03,271 --> 00:07:04,639
We may not belong
to a yacht club.
186
00:07:04,673 --> 00:07:07,341
We may not have tended
bar at a polo tournament,
187
00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:08,977
but we know how
to do our job
188
00:07:09,011 --> 00:07:12,981
and we do it with
dignity and class.
189
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:15,950
You're right.
190
00:07:15,984 --> 00:07:17,952
I'm sorry. The job is yours.
191
00:07:17,986 --> 00:07:19,870
All right!
Whoa, baby!
192
00:07:19,905 --> 00:07:21,089
Whoo!
193
00:07:21,123 --> 00:07:24,459
Whoo! Whoo, baby!
194
00:07:36,271 --> 00:07:38,089
Lovely party, Rebecca.
195
00:07:38,123 --> 00:07:39,707
Why, thank you, Mr. Collier.
196
00:07:43,228 --> 00:07:45,530
Isn't this place
something, Sam?
197
00:07:45,564 --> 00:07:46,598
Ooh, yeah.
198
00:07:46,632 --> 00:07:48,232
I think it's even nicer
199
00:07:48,266 --> 00:07:51,169
than Wheeler's Funeral
Parlor in Hanover.
200
00:07:51,203 --> 00:07:54,271
Of course, that's
not the most fun
place in town.
201
00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:55,472
Well, I'll bet not.
202
00:07:55,507 --> 00:07:57,675
That would be
Bob's Funeral Parlor.
203
00:07:59,544 --> 00:08:00,578
Oh, my God.
204
00:08:00,612 --> 00:08:03,998
Woody, is it me
or is that woman gorgeous?
205
00:08:04,032 --> 00:08:05,566
You look nice, Sam,
206
00:08:05,601 --> 00:08:09,003
but I'm going
to have to go
with the woman.
207
00:08:09,037 --> 00:08:10,838
Do me a favor here,
will ya, buddy?
208
00:08:10,872 --> 00:08:12,806
Hold down the fort here
209
00:08:12,841 --> 00:08:14,975
while I pass that lady
a tray of smoked Sammy.
210
00:08:19,547 --> 00:08:21,115
Great party, huh?
211
00:08:21,149 --> 00:08:22,450
Yes.
212
00:08:22,484 --> 00:08:26,220
I'll have
a Manhattan.
213
00:08:26,254 --> 00:08:27,488
What?
214
00:08:27,522 --> 00:08:29,323
Oh, this.
215
00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:31,692
Well, you think
I'm a bartender, huh?
216
00:08:31,726 --> 00:08:34,878
What do you think you are?
217
00:08:34,913 --> 00:08:35,997
Well, to tell you
the truth,
218
00:08:36,031 --> 00:08:37,048
I used to be a bartender,
219
00:08:37,082 --> 00:08:39,266
but now I'm an
eccentric millionaire.
220
00:08:39,301 --> 00:08:42,003
I just dress like this
to remind myself
221
00:08:42,037 --> 00:08:44,205
of my modest beginnings.
222
00:08:44,239 --> 00:08:46,340
Back behind the bar.
223
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:50,144
I pay her to say that.
It keeps me humble.
224
00:08:50,178 --> 00:08:51,762
Malone, now!
225
00:08:51,797 --> 00:08:55,532
Ooh, that was
a good one, huh?
226
00:08:55,567 --> 00:08:58,936
I'm going to have
to give her a raise, huh?
227
00:08:58,971 --> 00:09:01,806
Looking good.
228
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,407
Woody, what are you doing?!
229
00:09:03,441 --> 00:09:05,026
That is not a trash can.
230
00:09:05,060 --> 00:09:06,593
That is a work of art.
231
00:09:10,933 --> 00:09:13,568
Oh, my God.
232
00:09:13,602 --> 00:09:15,937
This is just what I need
is for Collier to see this.
233
00:09:15,971 --> 00:09:17,237
He is a collector.
234
00:09:17,272 --> 00:09:18,739
Oh, hey, let's
calm down now.
235
00:09:18,773 --> 00:09:20,374
Nobody's seen anything yet.
236
00:09:20,409 --> 00:09:23,110
Woody, take it in the kitchen
and clean it out.
237
00:09:23,144 --> 00:09:24,245
Sure, Sam.
Sorry, Miss Howe.
238
00:09:24,279 --> 00:09:25,246
Woody, go.
Just go.
239
00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,215
I got you. I got you.
240
00:09:27,249 --> 00:09:28,382
I tell you, Sam.
241
00:09:28,417 --> 00:09:29,517
This is the last time
242
00:09:29,551 --> 00:09:30,785
I'm going to throw
one of these fancy parties.
243
00:09:30,819 --> 00:09:32,754
The next time one
of these hotshots wants...
244
00:09:32,788 --> 00:09:34,655
( glass breaking )
245
00:09:39,428 --> 00:09:40,494
Don't worry, Ms. Howe.
246
00:09:40,529 --> 00:09:41,995
It was only a tray of glasses.
247
00:09:44,649 --> 00:09:46,833
Thank God.
Let's not tempt fate, Woody.
248
00:09:46,868 --> 00:09:48,152
I'll clean it myself.
249
00:09:50,439 --> 00:09:52,739
They weren't great glasses,
Sam, and they were dirty.
250
00:09:52,774 --> 00:09:55,025
( glass breaking )
251
00:09:59,664 --> 00:10:02,483
Just a guess here:
uh, the vase?
252
00:10:08,706 --> 00:10:10,908
It was there.
I was holding it.
253
00:10:10,942 --> 00:10:14,211
It was right in my hands,
and now it's gone.
254
00:10:14,246 --> 00:10:15,780
Maybe we can glue it
back together
255
00:10:15,814 --> 00:10:17,081
and no one will ever know.
256
00:10:18,233 --> 00:10:19,499
Forget that.
257
00:10:19,534 --> 00:10:21,135
Oh!
258
00:10:21,170 --> 00:10:22,437
Just calm down now.
259
00:10:22,471 --> 00:10:24,038
Calm down.
It was an accident.
260
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,673
I'm sure Mr. Collier
will understand.
261
00:10:25,707 --> 00:10:26,774
No, he won't.
262
00:10:26,808 --> 00:10:27,875
This isn't the
first time
263
00:10:27,909 --> 00:10:29,310
I've goofed up
at the company.
264
00:10:29,344 --> 00:10:30,945
I started out
as a junior executive
265
00:10:30,979 --> 00:10:33,514
and I'm diligently working
my way down to the mailroom
266
00:10:33,548 --> 00:10:38,552
with a brief stopover
at that Siberia called Cheers.
267
00:10:38,586 --> 00:10:42,507
Shh-shh. Stop it.
Just calm down here.
Calm down.
268
00:10:42,541 --> 00:10:45,142
I know.
I'll just resign now,
269
00:10:45,176 --> 00:10:46,744
move back to San Diego,
270
00:10:46,778 --> 00:10:49,179
join the Navy,
grow old and die.
271
00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:50,148
Oh...
272
00:10:51,850 --> 00:10:55,853
Boy, Sam,
I really feel
sorry for her.
273
00:10:55,887 --> 00:10:58,922
Never thought I'd say it,
but so do I.
274
00:10:58,957 --> 00:11:01,859
Look at this party
she threw together here,
275
00:11:01,893 --> 00:11:04,962
and then that happens.
Poor kid.
276
00:11:06,764 --> 00:11:08,298
You think they'll
make me manager?
277
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:09,767
Hey, yo, over here.
278
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:17,941
You know, Woody,
279
00:11:17,976 --> 00:11:20,578
I'm about to do
a decent thing here.
280
00:11:20,612 --> 00:11:21,562
Get out.
281
00:11:21,596 --> 00:11:23,263
Yeah.
282
00:11:23,298 --> 00:11:24,715
I'm going to take
the fall for this.
283
00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:27,317
What the hell?
I'm a great bartender.
284
00:11:27,352 --> 00:11:29,587
I can get a job anywhere I want.
285
00:11:29,621 --> 00:11:32,239
Sam, that's the
second nicest thing
you've ever done.
286
00:11:32,273 --> 00:11:33,307
Well, thank you.
287
00:11:33,341 --> 00:11:35,459
What's the nicest?
288
00:11:35,493 --> 00:11:38,078
When you let me
drive your Corvette.
289
00:11:38,112 --> 00:11:38,946
Right. Right, right.
290
00:11:39,064 --> 00:11:40,698
That's good. That's good.
291
00:11:44,386 --> 00:11:46,987
Excuse me, young man.
292
00:11:47,022 --> 00:11:48,906
What happened to the vase
that was sitting there?
293
00:11:48,940 --> 00:11:50,040
Somebody move it?
294
00:11:54,162 --> 00:11:56,430
Sir, I have a confession.
295
00:11:56,465 --> 00:11:57,598
My name is Woody Boyd,
296
00:11:57,632 --> 00:11:59,633
and by accident,
I broke your vase.
297
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:01,586
You...
298
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,387
you broke it?!
299
00:12:03,421 --> 00:12:04,304
You...
300
00:12:05,774 --> 00:12:08,208
Do you know how many years
I waited
301
00:12:08,242 --> 00:12:09,743
to add that to my collection?
302
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:13,480
Do you realize
the significance of that piece?
303
00:12:13,514 --> 00:12:15,132
No, sir.
304
00:12:15,166 --> 00:12:17,601
And I also broke some glasses.
305
00:12:21,540 --> 00:12:23,324
No, Sam,
I can't let you do it.
306
00:12:23,358 --> 00:12:24,675
It wouldn't be right if you...
307
00:12:25,894 --> 00:12:30,097
Uh, Mr. Collier, there's been
a terrible accident.
308
00:12:30,132 --> 00:12:32,433
Yes. This person just told me
309
00:12:32,467 --> 00:12:35,569
how he destroyed
my vase.
310
00:12:35,604 --> 00:12:37,171
But Woody didn't do it.
311
00:12:37,205 --> 00:12:39,190
What she means
is I didn't do it
on purpose.
312
00:12:39,224 --> 00:12:40,707
Yes, I know.
313
00:12:40,742 --> 00:12:43,327
The only thing that can match
my great disappointment
314
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:46,897
at losing the vase
is the admiration
315
00:12:46,931 --> 00:12:49,083
that I feel for this boy.
316
00:12:52,437 --> 00:12:55,272
Woody, you showed
great courage
and integrity
317
00:12:55,306 --> 00:12:57,541
in stepping up
to face the music here.
318
00:12:57,576 --> 00:13:00,043
Rebecca, would you mind
standing in for Woody
319
00:13:00,078 --> 00:13:01,078
for a little while?
320
00:13:01,112 --> 00:13:02,212
You wouldn't mind,
would you?
321
00:13:02,246 --> 00:13:03,781
I'd like to get
to know him better.
322
00:13:07,903 --> 00:13:10,387
You want a drink?
323
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:12,256
Well, sure.
324
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:13,958
Well, just tell
the girl.
325
00:13:16,245 --> 00:13:19,679
Miss Howe, I'll have a...
gin and tonic.
326
00:13:19,714 --> 00:13:20,998
Well, come on.
She'll bring 'em in.
327
00:13:21,032 --> 00:13:22,866
WOODY:
Oh.
328
00:13:35,146 --> 00:13:37,364
Another Manhattan.
329
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:39,283
Manhattan, huh?
330
00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:42,119
I own a lot of that, you know?
331
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,522
Right, the eccentric millionaire
routine.
332
00:13:44,556 --> 00:13:46,239
You know, I got
to tell you the truth here.
333
00:13:46,274 --> 00:13:48,676
I'm getting kind of bored
serving all these stiffs drinks.
334
00:13:48,710 --> 00:13:50,043
What do you say
you and I go out
335
00:13:50,078 --> 00:13:51,311
and spend some
of my money?
336
00:13:51,345 --> 00:13:53,114
What time does France
close anyway?
337
00:13:55,517 --> 00:13:57,017
I think they're
remodeling.
338
00:13:57,052 --> 00:13:58,385
Oh.
339
00:13:58,419 --> 00:13:59,954
Have any other
suggestions?
340
00:13:59,988 --> 00:14:02,706
Unfortunately, my mansion's
being painted
341
00:14:02,740 --> 00:14:04,325
and my yacht's
in dry dock.
342
00:14:04,359 --> 00:14:05,409
Well, let me see...
343
00:14:05,443 --> 00:14:06,610
Oh, I know it.
I know it.
344
00:14:06,644 --> 00:14:07,811
You know, my chauffeur's
345
00:14:07,845 --> 00:14:09,913
got a little one-bedroom
apartment downtown.
346
00:14:09,947 --> 00:14:12,749
What do you say you
and I go slumming?
347
00:14:12,783 --> 00:14:13,617
Let me guess:
348
00:14:13,651 --> 00:14:16,570
you're not really
rich at all, are you?
349
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:17,971
Well, now,
define "rich."
350
00:14:18,006 --> 00:14:19,072
I have my health.
351
00:14:21,543 --> 00:14:24,911
I... uh, think I'll just
stick with the drink.
352
00:14:24,946 --> 00:14:26,013
Let me get this straight:
353
00:14:26,047 --> 00:14:27,982
when you thought
that I was a millionaire,
354
00:14:28,016 --> 00:14:29,516
you were ready to go out
with me,
355
00:14:29,550 --> 00:14:31,318
but now that I'm just
a healthy bartender,
356
00:14:31,353 --> 00:14:33,354
you don't want to have
anything to do with me.
357
00:14:33,388 --> 00:14:34,304
I gotta tell you, lady,
358
00:14:34,339 --> 00:14:36,123
that makes you
an incredibly shallow person.
359
00:14:36,158 --> 00:14:37,891
Do you actually think
this sort of approach
360
00:14:37,926 --> 00:14:38,993
is going to work?
361
00:14:39,027 --> 00:14:40,294
Absolutely.
362
00:14:40,329 --> 00:14:42,663
You see, I'm an incredibly
shallow person myself.
363
00:14:42,698 --> 00:14:44,698
Between the two of us,
364
00:14:44,732 --> 00:14:47,468
we couldn't make
a decent wading pool.
365
00:14:47,502 --> 00:14:49,102
What do you say, huh?
366
00:14:49,137 --> 00:14:51,438
Don't I know you from somewhere?
367
00:14:51,473 --> 00:14:52,573
Yeah, well,
you probably
368
00:14:52,607 --> 00:14:54,575
caught me out
at Fenway, huh?
369
00:14:54,609 --> 00:14:55,509
Of course.
370
00:14:55,543 --> 00:14:58,212
I bought a bag
of peanuts from you.
371
00:15:03,985 --> 00:15:07,120
Another round of brandies
for Butch and Sundance.
372
00:15:09,057 --> 00:15:11,058
They're really, uh,
hitting it off, huh?
373
00:15:11,092 --> 00:15:12,359
I should say so.
374
00:15:12,394 --> 00:15:15,229
They're in there
singing school songs.
375
00:15:15,263 --> 00:15:16,847
If you hate Ivy
League fight songs,
376
00:15:16,881 --> 00:15:20,918
wait till you hear one
from bartending school.
377
00:15:20,952 --> 00:15:22,703
You're not taking this
very well, are you?
378
00:15:22,738 --> 00:15:24,338
What, that little
backstabber?
379
00:15:24,372 --> 00:15:25,972
Oh, now cut that out.
380
00:15:26,007 --> 00:15:28,308
Woody took a big risk, you know.
381
00:15:28,343 --> 00:15:30,711
You broke the vase and
he took the blame for it.
382
00:15:30,745 --> 00:15:32,579
It didn't have
to turn out that way.
383
00:15:32,613 --> 00:15:34,481
He just had your best
interest at heart.
384
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:35,882
I know.
385
00:15:35,917 --> 00:15:38,352
I could just hug him till
his tongue turns black.
386
00:15:44,926 --> 00:15:48,062
You know, I'm not convinced
you're a millionaire,
387
00:15:48,096 --> 00:15:52,499
but I am sold
on the eccentric part.
388
00:15:52,534 --> 00:15:54,168
Well, that's a start.
389
00:15:54,202 --> 00:15:55,702
And since
I'm not getting
390
00:15:55,736 --> 00:15:57,371
any interesting
nibbles tonight anyway,
391
00:15:57,405 --> 00:15:59,806
I'm reconsidering
your offer.
392
00:15:59,841 --> 00:16:03,127
Nibbles are my specialty.
393
00:16:03,161 --> 00:16:04,412
Great.
394
00:16:04,446 --> 00:16:06,713
Well, what time will
you be getting off?
395
00:16:14,155 --> 00:16:15,339
( laughing )
396
00:16:15,373 --> 00:16:17,541
Oh, listen, I've got
to show you a trick shot.
397
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:18,876
Now you watch this.
398
00:16:18,910 --> 00:16:20,978
Got you again, Pinky!
399
00:16:21,012 --> 00:16:22,680
( laughing )
400
00:16:22,714 --> 00:16:24,215
You can't do that!
401
00:16:24,249 --> 00:16:25,816
Oh, uh...
402
00:16:25,850 --> 00:16:28,168
You seem to have something
in your eye, Woodhead.
403
00:16:28,203 --> 00:16:29,703
I'll get it for you.
404
00:16:29,737 --> 00:16:31,872
Oh, Pinky, stop!
405
00:16:31,907 --> 00:16:34,641
It's noogie time!
406
00:16:34,675 --> 00:16:36,193
Oh, no! No! No!
407
00:16:36,227 --> 00:16:38,261
No, Woody!
408
00:16:38,296 --> 00:16:39,863
No! No more!
409
00:16:39,897 --> 00:16:43,651
( stifled chuckling )
410
00:16:43,685 --> 00:16:45,686
I see our serving
wench is here.
411
00:16:47,305 --> 00:16:48,805
I mean, hello,
Miss Howe.
412
00:16:48,839 --> 00:16:51,441
( chuckling ):
Oh, Woody.
413
00:16:51,476 --> 00:16:54,244
I tell you, you have
no idea how hard it is
414
00:16:54,278 --> 00:16:56,046
to find young fellas
415
00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:58,582
with your stuff
in this day and age.
416
00:16:58,616 --> 00:17:00,618
You ought to see
the buttoned-down brats
417
00:17:00,652 --> 00:17:02,820
my granddaughter
drags home from college.
418
00:17:02,854 --> 00:17:05,105
She really
deserves someone
419
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:06,473
more solid, someone real.
420
00:17:09,344 --> 00:17:12,229
Someone with
a strong back
421
00:17:12,263 --> 00:17:14,097
and a thick neck,
you know?
422
00:17:14,131 --> 00:17:15,882
Someone like you, Woody.
423
00:17:15,916 --> 00:17:17,785
Thank you, sir. I couldn't.
424
00:17:17,819 --> 00:17:19,870
Yeah, I could.
425
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:26,676
She's out in Vail right
now on a skiing holiday.
426
00:17:26,711 --> 00:17:30,047
I'm going up
there tomorrow.
427
00:17:30,081 --> 00:17:32,633
Woody, why don't
you join me?
428
00:17:33,268 --> 00:17:34,184
You mean that, Pinky?
429
00:17:34,219 --> 00:17:35,652
You bet I do.
430
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:38,488
Well, I don't know if Miss Howe
would be too happy...
431
00:17:38,523 --> 00:17:39,874
Oh, she'll be thrilled.
432
00:17:39,908 --> 00:17:41,876
To my toes.
433
00:17:41,910 --> 00:17:43,077
See?
434
00:17:43,111 --> 00:17:44,744
So, great, I'll
go tell Jamison
435
00:17:44,779 --> 00:17:46,213
to arrange it
right now.
436
00:17:46,247 --> 00:17:47,815
Ah!
437
00:17:47,849 --> 00:17:52,185
Woody, where do you
get these things?!
438
00:17:54,055 --> 00:17:55,623
Go figure, Miss Howe.
439
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,525
I mean, you break the vase,
440
00:17:57,559 --> 00:18:00,895
and I end up being
the big boss' buddy.
441
00:18:02,430 --> 00:18:03,797
Isn't life funny?
442
00:18:03,832 --> 00:18:05,499
Do you mean funny "ha-ha"
443
00:18:05,533 --> 00:18:08,068
or funny "a living nightmare"?
444
00:18:09,988 --> 00:18:11,322
Is something wrong, Miss Howe?
445
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:14,040
Yes, something is wrong.
446
00:18:14,075 --> 00:18:15,793
I am the one who should
be playing pool.
447
00:18:15,827 --> 00:18:18,194
I'm the one who should
be smoking cigars
and drinking brandy.
448
00:18:18,229 --> 00:18:20,547
I'm the one who should
be going out with
his granddaughter.
449
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,568
You know what I mean.
450
00:18:24,602 --> 00:18:25,819
Well, I'm sorry, Miss Howe.
451
00:18:25,853 --> 00:18:27,721
I was only trying to help.
452
00:18:27,755 --> 00:18:28,955
Okay, Woody, we're all set.
453
00:18:28,989 --> 00:18:31,891
I'll stop by the bar tomorrow
afternoon and pick you up.
454
00:18:33,211 --> 00:18:34,945
Pinky, I have a confession.
455
00:18:36,097 --> 00:18:39,216
I didn't break your vase.
Miss Howe did.
456
00:18:41,001 --> 00:18:43,403
Whew, glad I got that
off my chest.
457
00:18:45,406 --> 00:18:47,191
You broke my vase?
458
00:18:47,225 --> 00:18:50,811
Well, actually, yes.
459
00:18:50,845 --> 00:18:53,413
That's the most cowardly thing
I have ever heard.
460
00:18:55,116 --> 00:18:57,217
You'd let this fine young man
take the blame
461
00:18:57,252 --> 00:18:58,769
for your clumsiness?
462
00:18:58,803 --> 00:19:00,837
I don't know,
Miss Howe.
463
00:19:00,872 --> 00:19:02,405
I'm going to have
to seriously reconsider
464
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:05,209
your future with
our organization.
465
00:19:05,243 --> 00:19:06,776
Uh, Pinky, wait a minute here.
466
00:19:06,811 --> 00:19:09,179
Uh, Miss Howe
is a very nice lady.
467
00:19:09,214 --> 00:19:11,315
Klutzy, sure, but...
468
00:19:11,349 --> 00:19:13,550
she has a heart of gold.
469
00:19:13,584 --> 00:19:16,186
Well... well, all right.
470
00:19:16,220 --> 00:19:19,322
Woody, if you'll vouch
for her, I'll give her
471
00:19:19,357 --> 00:19:21,825
another chance,
I guess.
472
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,159
Thanks, Pinky.
473
00:19:23,194 --> 00:19:26,229
Hey, by the way,
your barn door's open.
474
00:19:26,263 --> 00:19:28,765
( laughing )
475
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:31,802
Woody!
476
00:19:37,691 --> 00:19:39,293
Hey, everybody.
477
00:19:39,327 --> 00:19:41,595
Look what the shoe fairy
left under my pillow.
478
00:19:43,081 --> 00:19:44,932
Okay, Fox and Hounds,
that's you, Pete.
479
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:48,335
Uh, Hugh,
you had the Executives.
480
00:19:48,369 --> 00:19:50,036
Uh, Norm, you had
the Old Smoothies,
481
00:19:50,070 --> 00:19:50,770
didn't you?
482
00:19:50,805 --> 00:19:51,922
Uh, let's see--
Frasier.
483
00:19:51,956 --> 00:19:53,624
Would you give
those to Frasier?
484
00:19:53,658 --> 00:19:54,975
All right,
who had the, uh, Playboy?
485
00:19:55,010 --> 00:19:56,810
Who else?
486
00:20:01,483 --> 00:20:02,616
Hold it. Hold it.
487
00:20:02,650 --> 00:20:03,967
Wait a minute.
488
00:20:04,001 --> 00:20:07,136
You bought shoes from
Boston's fashion king,
489
00:20:07,171 --> 00:20:08,772
Oh Leg the Weenie?
490
00:20:08,806 --> 00:20:10,240
Yeah.
491
00:20:10,274 --> 00:20:13,009
I can't leave you guys
alone for a minute.
492
00:20:13,043 --> 00:20:14,394
Hey, Cliff,
I got to hand it to you.
493
00:20:14,429 --> 00:20:15,595
These are really comfortable.
494
00:20:15,629 --> 00:20:16,697
Eh, you bet ya.
495
00:20:16,731 --> 00:20:18,031
What style are these?
496
00:20:18,065 --> 00:20:18,681
The Star Fighter.
497
00:20:18,716 --> 00:20:19,350
Oh.
498
00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:20,868
Yes.
499
00:20:20,902 --> 00:20:23,804
I was sorely tempted
to get the Coup de Villes,
500
00:20:23,838 --> 00:20:26,807
but, uh, I do love
tassels, so...
501
00:20:26,841 --> 00:20:32,662
( squeaking )
502
00:20:32,696 --> 00:20:36,182
Cliffie, mine squeak.
503
00:20:36,217 --> 00:20:38,168
Uh, after a few weeks
of constant wear,
504
00:20:38,203 --> 00:20:39,436
it'll be all right.
505
00:20:39,470 --> 00:20:43,557
( squeaking )
506
00:20:43,591 --> 00:20:46,693
Make it stop.
507
00:20:46,728 --> 00:20:48,328
Normie, what's the big deal?
508
00:20:48,362 --> 00:20:51,498
I mean, squeaky shoes are only
a problem if you're a mugger.
509
00:20:51,532 --> 00:20:52,916
( squeaking )
510
00:20:52,950 --> 00:20:56,553
Cliff, mine are
a little squeaky, too.
511
00:20:56,587 --> 00:21:00,006
( both squeaking )
512
00:21:00,041 --> 00:21:02,509
Mine are squeaking,
too, Cliff.
513
00:21:03,344 --> 00:21:04,845
In E Minor.
514
00:21:04,879 --> 00:21:11,084
( all squeaking )
515
00:21:11,118 --> 00:21:13,453
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, stop!
Freeze, everybody.
516
00:21:13,488 --> 00:21:15,138
( squeaking stops )
517
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:17,991
Back on your barstools
right now. Go on.
518
00:21:18,025 --> 00:21:21,862
( squeaking )
519
00:21:21,896 --> 00:21:23,764
SAM:
Hurry up.
520
00:21:23,798 --> 00:21:25,549
Thank you.
521
00:21:32,090 --> 00:21:33,123
Miss Howe.
522
00:21:34,458 --> 00:21:35,959
May I see you for a moment?
523
00:21:35,993 --> 00:21:37,411
Yes, sir.
524
00:21:37,445 --> 00:21:39,796
He's changed
his mind.
525
00:21:39,831 --> 00:21:41,130
I'm doomed.
526
00:21:41,165 --> 00:21:43,232
Next stop: hell.
527
00:21:43,267 --> 00:21:45,001
Compliment his tie.
528
00:21:47,405 --> 00:21:51,758
Last night at the party someone
broke an irreplaceable vase.
529
00:21:51,793 --> 00:21:53,961
That's a very nice tie.
530
00:21:54,846 --> 00:21:56,613
Are you listening to me?
531
00:21:57,832 --> 00:21:59,249
We found the remains
in the trash.
532
00:21:59,283 --> 00:22:01,051
Now, is it any
of your people?
533
00:22:01,085 --> 00:22:03,336
You mean you don't
know who broke it?
534
00:22:03,371 --> 00:22:05,705
Unfortunately, I had
a little too much to drink.
535
00:22:05,740 --> 00:22:07,791
The whole evening's
rather foggy.
536
00:22:07,825 --> 00:22:09,526
And you mean you don't
remember anything,
537
00:22:09,561 --> 00:22:12,396
and you have no idea
538
00:22:12,430 --> 00:22:13,780
who did it?
539
00:22:13,815 --> 00:22:15,148
No, but when I find out,
540
00:22:15,182 --> 00:22:17,651
they're going to wish
they never crossed my path.
541
00:22:17,685 --> 00:22:18,902
'Cause I'll find
542
00:22:18,936 --> 00:22:20,153
a way to make
their life
543
00:22:20,187 --> 00:22:21,955
a living hell.
544
00:22:21,989 --> 00:22:23,089
REBECCA:
I don't blame you.
545
00:22:23,124 --> 00:22:24,424
And you know, when you
find out who did it,
546
00:22:24,458 --> 00:22:25,825
give me a call, because
I'd like to give them
547
00:22:25,859 --> 00:22:27,093
a piece of my mind.
548
00:22:27,127 --> 00:22:28,811
Guess who, Pinky?!
SAM:
Woody! Woody!
549
00:22:31,966 --> 00:22:34,485
What in God's name
do you think you're doing?
550
00:22:34,519 --> 00:22:37,787
Oh, I'll show you
what I'm doing. Ah!
551
00:22:37,821 --> 00:22:40,073
Noogie!
552
00:22:40,107 --> 00:22:42,709
Who is this madman?
553
00:22:42,744 --> 00:22:44,428
This is Woody Boyd.
554
00:22:44,462 --> 00:22:45,612
Woody,
555
00:22:45,646 --> 00:22:47,114
last night, a very
valuable vase
556
00:22:47,148 --> 00:22:48,948
was broken
at Mr. Collier's.
557
00:22:48,983 --> 00:22:52,719
But he doesn't remember
who did it.
558
00:22:52,753 --> 00:22:54,888
Of course he knows
who did it. It was...
559
00:22:54,922 --> 00:22:56,823
Fire! Fire!
560
00:22:56,858 --> 00:22:58,776
( shoes squeaking )
561
00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:00,110
What fire?
562
00:23:00,144 --> 00:23:02,328
Now wait. Hold it!
Now hold it.
563
00:23:02,363 --> 00:23:03,630
There is no fire.
564
00:23:04,398 --> 00:23:05,599
She didn't say "fire."
565
00:23:05,633 --> 00:23:08,668
Uh, she said "flyer."
566
00:23:08,703 --> 00:23:11,938
Yes, yes, I thought I saw
Amelia Earhart up there.
567
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:14,224
NORM:
Great, uh,
568
00:23:14,259 --> 00:23:15,392
nice save, Rebecca.
569
00:23:15,426 --> 00:23:20,547
( shoes squeaking )
570
00:23:20,581 --> 00:23:25,385
What in God's name
is going on here?
571
00:23:25,419 --> 00:23:27,787
Well, it's the, uh...
572
00:23:27,822 --> 00:23:29,223
Squeaky Shoe Club.
573
00:23:29,257 --> 00:23:32,592
Look, I intend to get
to the bottom of this.
574
00:23:32,626 --> 00:23:35,928
Now Miss Howe, you were in
charge of that party last night.
575
00:23:35,963 --> 00:23:39,549
Do you or do you not know
who broke my vase?
576
00:23:39,583 --> 00:23:40,767
Of course she does.
577
00:23:40,801 --> 00:23:41,651
I certainly do.
578
00:23:41,685 --> 00:23:43,503
It's time the truth
came out.
579
00:23:43,538 --> 00:23:44,705
It was...
Me.
580
00:23:44,739 --> 00:23:47,607
No, Sam.
Yes, Rebecca.
581
00:23:47,642 --> 00:23:49,876
I want to do this.
582
00:23:49,911 --> 00:23:51,912
You, huh?
583
00:23:51,946 --> 00:23:53,680
Sir...
584
00:23:53,714 --> 00:23:56,149
you have grit.
585
00:24:03,157 --> 00:24:05,325
COLLIER:
You don't ski by any chance,do you?
40296
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