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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:21,995 My whole life, I always hated school. 2 00:00:27,644 --> 00:00:31,637 Oh, thank you, Snowball. 3 00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:58,941 No more Fs. 4 00:00:58,975 --> 00:01:00,966 No more Fs. 5 00:01:12,322 --> 00:01:15,883 All right, I admit it. I took Mrs. Herman's grade book. 6 00:01:15,925 --> 00:01:19,793 I set fire to it. I peed on it. But before you pass judgement... 7 00:01:19,829 --> 00:01:22,593 you got to hear my side of the story. 8 00:01:25,435 --> 00:01:28,165 Let's go back to the beginning. 9 00:01:28,204 --> 00:01:32,436 That's me in the window over there, and that's my dad. 10 00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:34,739 Now, I was only five years old... 11 00:01:34,778 --> 00:01:38,179 but I already knew that I hated school. 12 00:01:40,550 --> 00:01:43,348 You see, I had just gotten over the chickenpox... 13 00:01:43,386 --> 00:01:47,015 and I was having a little trouble making friends. 14 00:01:47,056 --> 00:01:50,321 Can I play with you guys? 15 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,261 Why do you have dots on your face? 16 00:01:53,296 --> 00:01:54,888 Dot-face. 17 00:01:54,931 --> 00:01:57,729 And then I met Sammy. 18 00:02:04,274 --> 00:02:06,799 Now, this kid really hated school. 19 00:02:06,843 --> 00:02:10,108 He hated teachers, he hated coloring... 20 00:02:10,146 --> 00:02:12,876 he even hated recess. 21 00:02:12,916 --> 00:02:14,713 It was incredible. 22 00:02:16,619 --> 00:02:18,610 Sammy, come on. 23 00:02:27,063 --> 00:02:29,463 Look at the big, chubby baby. 24 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:33,065 It's disgusting. 25 00:02:42,679 --> 00:02:44,647 What are you looking at? 26 00:02:44,681 --> 00:02:47,013 I'll be your friend. 27 00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:48,142 Handsome. 28 00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:51,415 Sammy. 29 00:02:51,454 --> 00:02:54,287 Now, Sammy was the worst speller in the class... 30 00:02:54,324 --> 00:02:57,919 and I felt really bad for him, so I decided to help him out. 31 00:02:57,961 --> 00:02:59,622 You stole the answers? 32 00:02:59,662 --> 00:03:11,403 ...C-l-O-P-A-T-H. 33 00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,341 "Sociopath." 34 00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:16,434 That's correct, Sammy. 35 00:03:16,479 --> 00:03:17,810 You're the winner. 36 00:03:21,651 --> 00:03:25,610 Sammy and l, we cheated our way through elementary school. 37 00:03:25,655 --> 00:03:30,649 By the time we got to junior high, we were experts. 38 00:03:30,693 --> 00:03:31,819 You're late, Davis. 39 00:03:31,861 --> 00:03:33,658 Hey, relax, man. Everything's cool. 40 00:03:33,696 --> 00:03:35,687 I thought I told you to come alone. 41 00:03:35,732 --> 00:03:37,029 He's cool. He's my partner. 42 00:03:37,066 --> 00:03:40,229 Evan Rosengarden. When we needed a book report... 43 00:03:40,270 --> 00:03:43,296 a term paper, or a science project, we went to him. 44 00:03:43,339 --> 00:03:45,432 he would do anything for a little porn... 45 00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:48,069 as long as it wasn't soft-core. 46 00:03:48,111 --> 00:03:50,705 This better not be soft-core. 47 00:03:50,747 --> 00:03:52,715 I hate soft-core. 48 00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,341 So does my dad. 49 00:03:59,422 --> 00:04:01,822 It was a smooth operation... 50 00:04:01,858 --> 00:04:03,450 Holy smokes. 51 00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:06,519 until Rosengarden got sloppy. 52 00:04:06,562 --> 00:04:09,053 Yes, well, the reason I'm calling, Mr. Davis... 53 00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:16,664 is because your son gave my son a dirty movie. 54 00:04:16,706 --> 00:04:19,698 And it was perhaps the weirdest dirty movie... 55 00:04:19,742 --> 00:04:21,903 that I've ever seen. 56 00:04:23,913 --> 00:04:26,177 I want to know how Handsome got his hands... 57 00:04:26,215 --> 00:04:30,652 on something this... super dirty. 58 00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,951 Perhaps you should talk to him. 59 00:04:32,989 --> 00:04:35,787 Oh, don't worry. I will. 60 00:04:35,825 --> 00:04:37,850 I most certainly will. 61 00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:41,558 Handsome. 62 00:04:41,597 --> 00:04:43,531 Yes, Daddy? 63 00:04:46,502 --> 00:04:48,970 Listen... 64 00:04:49,005 --> 00:04:51,200 Now, my dad's porn was so weird... 65 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:52,935 there was no way he was gonna talk about it. 66 00:04:52,976 --> 00:04:55,740 Was there something you wanted to tell me? 67 00:04:55,778 --> 00:04:56,904 And the truth is... 68 00:04:56,946 --> 00:05:00,040 that was the least of his problems with me. 69 00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:02,449 -Good night. -Good night, Daddy. 70 00:05:02,485 --> 00:05:04,453 I was the type of kid that wouldn't even get up... 71 00:05:04,487 --> 00:05:07,581 to go to school in the morning without putting up a fight. 72 00:05:11,094 --> 00:05:13,562 Now, being a single parent is never easy... 73 00:05:13,596 --> 00:05:16,394 especially when your kid is me. 74 00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,606 Here he comes. Here he comes. 75 00:05:26,609 --> 00:05:28,133 I taught him that move. 76 00:05:29,479 --> 00:05:31,071 Basically, we were at war... 77 00:05:31,114 --> 00:05:34,845 and I wasn't going to let him win. 78 00:05:35,852 --> 00:05:39,185 I am not going to let you win! 79 00:05:39,222 --> 00:05:41,952 Now, he used to threaten to send me away all the time... 80 00:05:41,991 --> 00:05:43,720 and I would threaten him with running away from home. 81 00:05:43,760 --> 00:05:46,888 Sammy was always there to talk me out of it. 82 00:05:46,929 --> 00:05:49,591 That's a big-ass suitcase. 83 00:05:52,635 --> 00:05:56,002 Listen, Handsome, I need some help with geometry. 84 00:05:56,039 --> 00:05:58,701 You know, some secret help. 85 00:05:58,741 --> 00:06:01,301 Geometry? I don't go to school anymore. 86 00:06:01,344 --> 00:06:02,936 But everybody has to go to school. 87 00:06:02,979 --> 00:06:04,571 Not me. 88 00:06:04,614 --> 00:06:08,072 Listen, Handsome, this is crazy. Where are you gonna sleep? 89 00:06:08,117 --> 00:06:09,846 Well, I'm not sleeping at the nut house. 90 00:06:09,886 --> 00:06:12,548 My dad told me that they got kids there... 91 00:06:12,588 --> 00:06:16,581 that eat their own shit with a fork and knife. 92 00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:20,323 -Really? Yes. Really. 93 00:06:23,966 --> 00:06:26,594 Hello, world! 94 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:29,104 Now, this used to happen all the time... 95 00:06:34,177 --> 00:06:36,509 but Sammy knew that I was always gonna come back... 96 00:06:36,546 --> 00:06:38,707 and I was always going to help him cheat. 97 00:06:38,748 --> 00:06:40,875 Did you say something about geometry? 98 00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:43,010 You bet your frickin' ass I did. 99 00:06:43,052 --> 00:06:44,883 And by the time we got to high school... 100 00:06:44,921 --> 00:06:48,152 Sammy and I had taken cheating to a whole other level. 101 00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,892 We had gone from small-time spelling bees... 102 00:06:51,928 --> 00:06:54,328 to mid-terms, finals, and everything in between. 103 00:06:54,363 --> 00:06:55,660 You name it, we stole it. 104 00:06:57,934 --> 00:07:00,266 Now, there were two other guys we always worked with. 105 00:07:00,303 --> 00:07:01,793 Everything's cool? 106 00:07:01,838 --> 00:07:04,238 Now, Sammy and l may have hated school... 107 00:07:04,273 --> 00:07:06,104 but Victor hated everything. 108 00:07:06,142 --> 00:07:09,703 His motto was, "l hate everything." 109 00:07:12,215 --> 00:07:14,513 Now, we all took our jobs very seriously... 110 00:07:14,550 --> 00:07:15,847 You finished yet? 111 00:07:15,885 --> 00:07:19,184 But nobody took it as seriously as Applebee. 112 00:07:19,222 --> 00:07:21,588 Brilliance requires patience. 113 00:07:21,624 --> 00:07:25,025 You see, he was the man in charge of the crib sheets. 114 00:07:25,061 --> 00:07:28,428 Now, every cheating outfit needs a guy who can write small... 115 00:07:28,464 --> 00:07:31,399 and this guy wrote crazy small. 116 00:07:31,434 --> 00:07:33,732 That is a masterpiece. 117 00:07:33,769 --> 00:07:36,101 It should be hanging in a museum. 118 00:07:36,139 --> 00:07:38,471 I hate museums. 119 00:07:40,576 --> 00:07:42,134 The four of us were a real solid unit. 120 00:07:42,178 --> 00:07:43,839 We were efficient, we were loyal... 121 00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:47,008 and we had our own copy of the janitor's key. 122 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:49,677 Do you know why I called you in here? 123 00:07:49,719 --> 00:07:51,687 Did I win some kind of award or something? 124 00:07:51,721 --> 00:07:54,189 No, you did not win any awards. 125 00:07:56,259 --> 00:07:58,227 Do you have something you want to tell me? 126 00:07:59,428 --> 00:08:00,793 I love you? 127 00:08:00,830 --> 00:08:02,388 Stand up. 128 00:08:02,431 --> 00:08:04,023 I don't understand. 129 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:07,035 I said stand up. 130 00:08:09,672 --> 00:08:11,606 That's a ball. 131 00:08:14,243 --> 00:08:16,143 That's another ball. 132 00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:17,737 They like to travel together. 133 00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:22,410 Marla, he doesn't have them on him. 134 00:08:22,451 --> 00:08:26,444 I'd like you to schedule an assembly for sixth period. 135 00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:28,650 I know what you kids say about me. 136 00:08:28,691 --> 00:08:31,216 Well, I'm not a bitch. 137 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:33,194 I am not a lesbian. 138 00:08:33,229 --> 00:08:37,256 I am not...Medusa. 139 00:08:37,300 --> 00:08:41,634 You know, I wasn't always a principal. 140 00:08:41,671 --> 00:08:44,003 When I was your age... 141 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:49,307 every weekend, we'd go to the wrong side of town... 142 00:08:49,345 --> 00:08:53,782 so that we could listen to live Negro music. 143 00:08:53,816 --> 00:08:55,477 Yes. 144 00:09:00,723 --> 00:09:02,520 Can I get my award now? 145 00:09:02,558 --> 00:09:04,389 Get out. 146 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:08,260 Now. 147 00:09:08,297 --> 00:09:12,927 OK, the cornerstone of our operation was the key. 148 00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:15,631 -Everything's cool? -It's cool. 149 00:09:15,671 --> 00:09:17,571 It opened every single door in the school... 150 00:09:17,607 --> 00:09:20,007 so we could steal any test at any time. 151 00:09:20,042 --> 00:09:22,533 Hey, guys, I saved some seats for you. 152 00:09:22,578 --> 00:09:24,876 The key is what put us on top. 153 00:09:24,914 --> 00:09:26,211 Biology is killing me. 154 00:09:26,249 --> 00:09:28,217 We love being on top. 155 00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:30,651 I'd do anything for some help. 156 00:09:30,686 --> 00:09:32,483 Or the bottom. They're both good. 157 00:09:33,656 --> 00:09:37,148 So, you're gonna hook us up, right? 158 00:09:37,193 --> 00:09:39,354 We'll talk later. 159 00:09:41,097 --> 00:09:43,827 I heard a rumor that Stark is shutting you guys down. 160 00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:45,458 Everybody please take a seat. 161 00:09:47,703 --> 00:09:49,671 Do I look shut down? 162 00:09:49,705 --> 00:09:52,265 This isn't funny, Davis. 163 00:09:52,308 --> 00:09:55,209 If I lose my eligibility... 164 00:09:55,244 --> 00:09:57,508 I'm gonna stab you. 165 00:09:58,914 --> 00:10:00,245 Cribmaster. 166 00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:06,144 See, everybody was looking to get ahead... 167 00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:08,816 and we always had the answers. 168 00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:13,724 I'm sorry about the stabbing thing. 169 00:10:13,763 --> 00:10:15,390 I overreacted. 170 00:10:15,431 --> 00:10:16,864 You're the greatest. 171 00:10:16,899 --> 00:10:19,800 This is the second time I am asking you to be seated. 172 00:10:19,835 --> 00:10:22,030 I will not ask again. 173 00:10:23,205 --> 00:10:27,505 North Point Academy is not a public school. 174 00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:30,910 We do not have public school problems-- 175 00:10:30,946 --> 00:10:36,578 no teen pregnancies, no gunplay, no drug epidemics. 176 00:10:36,619 --> 00:10:38,587 Public school is so much cooler. 177 00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:42,682 We do, however, seem to be in the midst of a crisis. 178 00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:43,953 Douchebag. 179 00:10:43,993 --> 00:10:46,621 Douchebag! 180 00:10:46,662 --> 00:10:49,995 Will somebody please get her out of here? 181 00:10:54,103 --> 00:10:56,264 Oh, that's classic. 182 00:10:58,841 --> 00:11:00,172 She's not doing "dildo" anymore? 183 00:11:00,209 --> 00:11:01,699 No, she's back to "douchebag." 184 00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:03,507 I had a telephone call this morning... 185 00:11:03,546 --> 00:11:05,207 from one of your parents... 186 00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:08,978 who gave me some very disturbing information. 187 00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:11,248 Apparently, a group of seniors... 188 00:11:11,287 --> 00:11:15,815 has gotten its hands on a copy of the janitor's key. 189 00:11:15,858 --> 00:11:17,052 I hate rats. 190 00:11:19,562 --> 00:11:24,522 As we speak, a locksmith is going throughout the school... 191 00:11:24,567 --> 00:11:28,162 changing the locks on every single door. 192 00:11:30,005 --> 00:11:32,473 No more tests will be stolen. 193 00:11:32,508 --> 00:11:36,239 Pass it down. I want everyone to get detention today. 194 00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:37,370 Detention. 195 00:11:37,413 --> 00:11:39,278 Detention. 196 00:11:39,315 --> 00:11:40,475 Sweet. 197 00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:42,984 Trash bag. 198 00:11:43,018 --> 00:11:44,679 -Trash bag. -Douchebag. 199 00:11:58,634 --> 00:12:00,431 We got to do a job today. 200 00:12:00,469 --> 00:12:03,632 Do you have a head injury? 201 00:12:03,672 --> 00:12:06,766 We've got to do a job today. 202 00:12:06,809 --> 00:12:09,539 Stark's little threat has everyone else running scared. 203 00:12:09,578 --> 00:12:11,773 We do a job today, we go down as legends. 204 00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,714 Does anybody have any tests coming up? 205 00:12:13,749 --> 00:12:17,185 Does anyone know of any test that's coming up? 206 00:12:17,219 --> 00:12:20,052 How can there be no tests coming up? This is school. 207 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,661 But Teddy doesn't cheat. 208 00:12:32,701 --> 00:12:35,135 I know all about Teddy. 209 00:12:35,171 --> 00:12:36,468 Teddy. 210 00:12:38,774 --> 00:12:40,401 Can I talk to you for a second? 211 00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:43,167 As I'm sure you know... 212 00:12:43,212 --> 00:12:46,841 me and my associates here like to do favors for people. 213 00:12:46,882 --> 00:12:49,316 You know my position. 214 00:12:49,351 --> 00:12:52,514 Now, Teddy hated cheating. As far as she was concerned... 215 00:12:52,555 --> 00:12:55,490 the only true act of rebellion was cursing out a teacher. 216 00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:56,889 Just hear me out. 217 00:12:56,926 --> 00:13:00,020 How many times have you been forced to see Dr. Newman? 218 00:13:02,398 --> 00:13:08,530 I don't know. Like, seven, maybe eight times. 219 00:13:08,571 --> 00:13:11,267 That guy is nosy. 220 00:13:11,307 --> 00:13:14,538 He's the school psychologist. That's his job. 221 00:13:14,577 --> 00:13:17,808 Well, I don't care who he is. That guy's nosy! 222 00:13:17,847 --> 00:13:21,749 OK. What would you say if I told you... 223 00:13:21,784 --> 00:13:24,912 that I could get you your file from his office? 224 00:13:26,589 --> 00:13:29,080 You could read every little word he's ever written... 225 00:13:29,124 --> 00:13:34,084 about why you do... what you do. 226 00:13:43,739 --> 00:13:45,297 This one's free. 227 00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,074 Spread the word. 228 00:13:49,111 --> 00:13:51,102 We're still in business. 229 00:13:56,452 --> 00:13:57,612 Detention at our school... 230 00:13:57,653 --> 00:13:59,780 meant helping the janitor clean the building... 231 00:13:59,822 --> 00:14:02,222 and that meant that there was only one man... 232 00:14:02,258 --> 00:14:03,885 standing in our way. 233 00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:12,457 Oh, my God! 234 00:14:12,501 --> 00:14:14,093 Somebody just puked in there! 235 00:14:17,039 --> 00:14:18,006 Puked. 236 00:14:18,040 --> 00:14:20,304 You know...vomited? 237 00:14:23,579 --> 00:14:27,743 Every day, somebody make a puke in my school. 238 00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,906 North-south elevator. 239 00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,389 Mother of crap! 240 00:15:46,962 --> 00:15:51,899 I'm freaking out here, man. Handsome's gone too far. 241 00:15:51,934 --> 00:15:54,562 -We're not even stealing a test. -What are you doing here? 242 00:15:54,603 --> 00:15:56,696 You're supposed to be by the elevator! 243 00:15:56,739 --> 00:15:59,173 Well...I'm not. 244 00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:02,672 Handsome Davis. 245 00:16:05,614 --> 00:16:06,876 What's the matter with you? 246 00:16:06,915 --> 00:16:11,352 When he's in there, he's gonna look at my file. 247 00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,355 I have secrets. 248 00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:14,947 This is unacceptable! 249 00:16:14,990 --> 00:16:16,787 Get your ass back to the elevator. 250 00:16:16,825 --> 00:16:19,419 I have a right to my privacy. 251 00:16:19,461 --> 00:16:20,792 Now! 252 00:16:30,472 --> 00:16:31,871 Teddy, Teddy. 253 00:16:45,954 --> 00:16:50,288 I only have one question: 254 00:16:50,325 --> 00:16:53,123 Where are... 255 00:16:53,162 --> 00:16:54,993 your trash bags? 256 00:17:06,241 --> 00:17:09,142 Something fish. 257 00:17:15,017 --> 00:17:16,245 We're dead. 258 00:17:16,285 --> 00:17:17,650 We're not dead. 259 00:17:18,721 --> 00:17:22,782 There is a person up here. 260 00:17:22,825 --> 00:17:23,951 I no understand. 261 00:17:23,992 --> 00:17:27,257 He take sleep. 262 00:17:39,074 --> 00:17:40,473 What you doing? 263 00:17:43,445 --> 00:17:45,140 Where am l? 264 00:17:45,180 --> 00:17:46,408 You're in my roof. 265 00:17:46,448 --> 00:17:48,609 My school. My beauty. 266 00:17:48,650 --> 00:17:49,742 He's panicking. 267 00:17:49,785 --> 00:17:51,844 He's not panicking. He's getting stronger. 268 00:17:51,887 --> 00:17:54,549 Do you think you could help me down, 'cause... 269 00:17:56,992 --> 00:17:58,357 I'm a little scared of heights. 270 00:17:58,393 --> 00:18:00,623 Help yourself! 271 00:18:15,744 --> 00:18:19,805 You! You broke my roof in my school! 272 00:18:19,848 --> 00:18:22,248 My roof you broke! 273 00:18:22,284 --> 00:18:23,342 No, I didn't. 274 00:18:23,385 --> 00:18:24,977 I just see you there. 275 00:18:25,020 --> 00:18:26,385 It wasn't me. 276 00:18:26,421 --> 00:18:28,855 You up in roof. -No, I wasn't. 277 00:18:30,559 --> 00:18:33,323 You must be confusing me with somebody else. 278 00:18:38,734 --> 00:18:40,759 We can sit here all day and argue... 279 00:18:40,803 --> 00:18:44,102 but let's just agree... to disagree. 280 00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:47,637 Wait! 281 00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:58,842 What's your name? 282 00:18:58,887 --> 00:19:01,617 -My name? Yes. 283 00:19:06,328 --> 00:19:07,920 My name is Jimmy Carter. 284 00:19:07,963 --> 00:19:11,262 Jimmy Carter. 285 00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:12,562 Your name? 286 00:19:12,601 --> 00:19:14,694 Teddy Roosevelt. 287 00:19:14,736 --> 00:19:17,534 Roosevelt. You? 288 00:19:17,573 --> 00:19:20,974 Franklin Delano Roosevelt. 289 00:19:22,344 --> 00:19:24,778 There's no relation there. 290 00:19:24,813 --> 00:19:26,781 Dude, we're screwed. 291 00:19:26,815 --> 00:19:28,544 They actually were related. 292 00:19:30,052 --> 00:19:32,953 You idiot. 293 00:19:32,988 --> 00:19:34,216 He doesn't know that. 294 00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,486 You're racist. -Shut up! 295 00:19:36,525 --> 00:19:39,289 What is your name, huh? 296 00:19:39,328 --> 00:19:43,264 Now, there were still plenty of other presidents to pick from. 297 00:19:43,298 --> 00:19:45,562 George Washington, Abraham Lincoln... 298 00:19:45,601 --> 00:19:48,001 Zachary Taylor... 299 00:19:48,036 --> 00:19:51,904 but Applebee, well, Applebee was Applebee. 300 00:19:51,940 --> 00:19:54,807 Napplebee. 301 00:19:58,146 --> 00:20:01,638 This is all because of you, Napplebee. 302 00:20:01,683 --> 00:20:03,617 Stop calling me Napplebee. 303 00:20:03,652 --> 00:20:07,588 You know, I should kick your ass right now... 304 00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:08,851 Napplebee. 305 00:20:08,891 --> 00:20:10,188 Not my name. 306 00:20:10,225 --> 00:20:12,125 I don't care what your name is. I'm gonna kick your ass! 307 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,650 What about my ass? 308 00:20:13,695 --> 00:20:15,822 You kick his ass, you have to kick my ass. 309 00:20:15,864 --> 00:20:17,456 I kick all ass. 310 00:20:17,499 --> 00:20:20,161 Victor, count to ten. 311 00:20:24,673 --> 00:20:27,039 Now, let me explain something about Victor. 312 00:20:27,075 --> 00:20:29,635 Victor was famous for always having a plan. 313 00:20:29,678 --> 00:20:30,975 I have a plan. 314 00:20:33,749 --> 00:20:37,776 I think we should kick Napplebee's ass. 315 00:20:37,819 --> 00:20:39,946 That's not gonna happen. 316 00:20:39,988 --> 00:20:44,584 The man abandoned his post in the middle of a job. 317 00:20:44,626 --> 00:20:46,787 He has to pay for his sins. 318 00:20:48,764 --> 00:20:50,527 He writes crazy small. 319 00:20:52,501 --> 00:20:54,628 All right, let's do this one more time. 320 00:20:54,670 --> 00:20:56,001 Applebee, what did you have? 321 00:20:56,038 --> 00:20:59,474 I had a dream. 322 00:20:59,508 --> 00:21:03,911 And in that dream, you looked at my file. 323 00:21:03,946 --> 00:21:05,880 Did you look at my file? 324 00:21:07,416 --> 00:21:08,508 Applebee? 325 00:21:10,152 --> 00:21:12,643 -I had a Nestle's Crunch. -Excellent. 326 00:21:12,688 --> 00:21:14,747 Anybody can make a blanket denial... 327 00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:17,122 but a great liar gives you details. 328 00:21:17,159 --> 00:21:19,093 No matter what she says she knows... 329 00:21:19,127 --> 00:21:21,288 all we gotta do is give her the details... 330 00:21:21,330 --> 00:21:26,666 because, my friends, bullshit is in the details. 331 00:21:29,671 --> 00:21:32,162 Were you up in the ceiling yesterday? 332 00:21:34,309 --> 00:21:35,503 I don't remember. 333 00:21:36,778 --> 00:21:39,042 How can you not remember whether or not... 334 00:21:39,081 --> 00:21:40,742 you were up in the ceiling? 335 00:21:48,890 --> 00:21:50,721 I'm not so good at memory. 336 00:21:50,759 --> 00:21:53,193 Is he the one? 337 00:21:53,228 --> 00:21:55,025 Yes, that's him. 338 00:21:58,633 --> 00:22:00,828 Jimmy Carter. 339 00:22:00,869 --> 00:22:03,633 Now, do you want to tell me what you were doing... 340 00:22:03,672 --> 00:22:05,139 in the ceiling? 341 00:22:07,976 --> 00:22:10,206 You mean the ceiling by the candy closet? 342 00:22:10,245 --> 00:22:12,440 -What were you doing up there? -I already told you. 343 00:22:12,481 --> 00:22:14,949 I was getting candy. I remember it distinctly. 344 00:22:14,983 --> 00:22:16,883 I wanted a candy bar, but I only had a $5 bill. 345 00:22:16,918 --> 00:22:18,283 See, I only wanted one candy bar... 346 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:20,220 but I was forced to buy five because I didn't have any ones. 347 00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:22,587 -I remember it distinctly. -What are you talking about? 348 00:22:22,624 --> 00:22:24,615 You're the one who told us if we didn't sell enough candy... 349 00:22:24,659 --> 00:22:26,957 there'd be no senior trip. I figured I'd climb up there... 350 00:22:26,995 --> 00:22:29,054 Ieave the money, and take the candy. 351 00:22:31,033 --> 00:22:33,263 Are you trying to sabotage the senior trip? 352 00:22:33,301 --> 00:22:37,328 What I don't understand is, what were Sammy, Victor... 353 00:22:37,372 --> 00:22:39,897 and Jonathan doing up there with you? 354 00:22:39,941 --> 00:22:41,306 I can't eat five candy bars by myself. 355 00:22:41,343 --> 00:22:43,106 Applebee had a Nestle's Crunch, Victor had a Snickers... 356 00:22:43,145 --> 00:22:45,409 Sammy had two Snickers, and I had a Reese's Pieces. 357 00:22:45,447 --> 00:22:46,812 If you don't believe me, ask one of the guys. 358 00:22:46,848 --> 00:22:48,611 They'll say the same thing. 359 00:22:49,885 --> 00:22:50,909 Your friends told me... 360 00:22:50,952 --> 00:22:56,117 they weren't actually getting candy bars. 361 00:22:56,158 --> 00:23:00,492 In fact, they admitted they were cheating. 362 00:23:00,529 --> 00:23:05,364 And they said you were behind the whole thing. 363 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:06,594 Now... 364 00:23:08,370 --> 00:23:09,769 you tell me the truth... 365 00:23:09,805 --> 00:23:12,501 and I promise I won't be that hard on you. 366 00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:20,771 Jonathan Jacob Applebee. 367 00:23:20,816 --> 00:23:23,250 Nestle's Crunch. That's all I'm saying. 368 00:23:25,353 --> 00:23:31,690 I am sick and tired of your special ed bullshit! 369 00:23:34,196 --> 00:23:36,460 Jonathan Jacob Applebee. 370 00:23:36,498 --> 00:23:38,728 Nestle's Crunch. That's all I'm saying. 371 00:23:38,767 --> 00:23:41,827 I'm still not sure what it is... 372 00:23:41,870 --> 00:23:43,804 you were doing up in the ceiling... 373 00:23:43,839 --> 00:23:45,602 We were getting candy. 374 00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:47,540 but I know you weren't getting candy. 375 00:23:47,576 --> 00:23:51,273 I also know that you've been pulling detention on purpose... 376 00:23:51,313 --> 00:23:54,714 so that you could be alone in school with Marty. 377 00:23:54,749 --> 00:23:57,980 You ought to be ashamed of yourselves. 378 00:23:58,019 --> 00:23:59,987 If I punish you for cheating... 379 00:24:00,021 --> 00:24:01,682 it will have to go on the permanent record... 380 00:24:01,723 --> 00:24:03,588 so instead I am reducing it... 381 00:24:03,625 --> 00:24:07,584 to destruction of school property. 382 00:24:07,629 --> 00:24:09,256 That'll be three days suspension... 383 00:24:09,297 --> 00:24:12,198 and your parents have to come to school... 384 00:24:12,234 --> 00:24:15,431 and I'm gonna tell them what I'm telling you. 385 00:24:15,470 --> 00:24:19,099 This is your final warning. 386 00:24:28,817 --> 00:24:31,479 I hope you're happy. 387 00:24:31,520 --> 00:24:33,454 I hope you're happy. 388 00:24:35,824 --> 00:24:39,157 Three-day suspension. 389 00:24:39,194 --> 00:24:41,253 Is this how I brought you up? 390 00:24:43,031 --> 00:24:46,592 Your behavior is completely inappropriate. 391 00:24:46,635 --> 00:24:48,193 Inappropriate? 392 00:24:49,604 --> 00:24:52,004 Two words: 393 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,099 Dog porn. 394 00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:59,812 I don't know what you're talking about. 395 00:24:59,848 --> 00:25:01,179 Don't bullshit me, Dad. 396 00:25:01,216 --> 00:25:02,979 It was in the corner of the closet. 397 00:25:03,018 --> 00:25:05,680 All right, first of all-- First of all, all right-- 398 00:25:11,259 --> 00:25:13,989 What about... 399 00:25:14,029 --> 00:25:15,428 the doberman? 400 00:25:24,606 --> 00:25:28,098 Look... 401 00:25:28,143 --> 00:25:30,805 I know I'm in no position to preach to you. 402 00:25:30,845 --> 00:25:33,109 I'm sure you don't even respect me... 403 00:25:33,148 --> 00:25:37,676 but I care about you, and I care about your future. 404 00:25:37,719 --> 00:25:41,280 And I am begging you-- begging you-- 405 00:25:41,323 --> 00:25:44,121 stop the cheating. Please. 406 00:25:44,159 --> 00:25:46,491 Stop the cheating. 407 00:25:47,963 --> 00:25:49,863 And I did stop cheating. 408 00:25:49,898 --> 00:25:52,230 It lasted three days. 409 00:26:02,377 --> 00:26:04,436 Somebody want to take a stab at it? 410 00:26:06,147 --> 00:26:08,547 Now, Mr. Harkin was a real genius. 411 00:26:08,583 --> 00:26:10,676 The problem was that he was so smart... 412 00:26:10,719 --> 00:26:13,517 no one ever had a clue what he was talking about. 413 00:26:15,257 --> 00:26:17,657 I can't believe no one else knows this. 414 00:26:17,692 --> 00:26:21,753 OK, let's get a couple of things straight. 415 00:26:21,796 --> 00:26:25,493 I don't like to have my teaching methods questioned... 416 00:26:25,533 --> 00:26:30,561 and I especially don't like it when parents call me at home. 417 00:26:30,605 --> 00:26:33,506 And I really don't like to have to hear sob stories... 418 00:26:33,541 --> 00:26:35,168 about how badly certain students... 419 00:26:35,210 --> 00:26:38,976 need to get into Tufts University. 420 00:26:44,419 --> 00:26:47,479 Mr. Shapiro, you don't need to take notes on this. 421 00:26:47,522 --> 00:26:49,786 Loser! 422 00:26:49,824 --> 00:26:53,521 But you can write down the following: 423 00:26:53,561 --> 00:26:57,691 tomorrow's Regents' exam will count as your midterm... 424 00:26:57,732 --> 00:27:03,864 and no amount of parental pressure will change that. 425 00:27:03,905 --> 00:27:05,770 But that's not fair. 426 00:27:05,807 --> 00:27:09,004 You haven't taught us any of the material on the Regents'. 427 00:27:09,044 --> 00:27:11,410 Well, everything will be covered at today's review. 428 00:27:14,482 --> 00:27:15,881 You know what? 429 00:27:15,917 --> 00:27:18,784 I have taught in the heart of a ghetto... 430 00:27:18,820 --> 00:27:20,913 and none of those ghetto kids... 431 00:27:20,955 --> 00:27:25,119 were anywhere near as whiny as any of you. 432 00:27:25,160 --> 00:27:26,718 Did you get that, Mr. Shapiro? 433 00:27:30,799 --> 00:27:33,063 Mr. Harkin? 434 00:27:33,101 --> 00:27:35,797 I can't make the review 'cause I have a doctor's appointment. 435 00:27:35,837 --> 00:27:38,670 Well, unless you want to fail my class... 436 00:27:38,707 --> 00:27:41,369 I suggest you get your notes from someone else. 437 00:27:41,409 --> 00:27:45,038 Don't worry, Mr. Harkin. 438 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:46,377 I'll cover him. 439 00:27:46,414 --> 00:27:47,904 This is bullshit, man. He never taught us anything... 440 00:27:49,818 --> 00:27:52,753 from the Regents'. 441 00:27:52,787 --> 00:27:55,620 He's just too lazy to make up his own test. 442 00:27:58,393 --> 00:28:00,588 You know what that means, don't you? 443 00:28:04,132 --> 00:28:05,326 Unpassable? 444 00:28:06,801 --> 00:28:08,996 Unpassable. 445 00:28:09,037 --> 00:28:11,733 Cheaters love to use the word "unpassable." 446 00:28:11,773 --> 00:28:13,365 Usually it's just bullshit, you know? 447 00:28:13,408 --> 00:28:16,844 A way to justify what we do. In this case, however... 448 00:28:16,878 --> 00:28:19,142 we truly were dealing with an unpassable test. 449 00:28:19,180 --> 00:28:23,207 You do the eyeball, I'll do the crisis. 450 00:28:23,251 --> 00:28:25,185 Which crisis? 451 00:28:27,155 --> 00:28:29,555 "lf they're your friends, they'll understand." 452 00:28:31,092 --> 00:28:33,754 I don't like that one, man. 453 00:28:33,795 --> 00:28:36,355 It's gross. 454 00:28:36,398 --> 00:28:38,127 It works. 455 00:28:38,166 --> 00:28:39,963 The best way to distract a teacher... 456 00:28:40,001 --> 00:28:43,129 is to manufacture a teen identity crisis. 457 00:28:43,171 --> 00:28:45,696 Mr. Harkin? 458 00:28:45,740 --> 00:28:47,731 Can I talk to you a minute? 459 00:28:47,776 --> 00:28:49,505 Sure, Handsome. 460 00:28:49,544 --> 00:28:52,843 Now, I could have exploited my parents' divorce... 461 00:28:52,881 --> 00:28:56,749 or faked an eating disorder, but I knew an even better way... 462 00:28:56,785 --> 00:28:59,049 to grab Mr. Harkin's attention. 463 00:28:59,087 --> 00:29:02,181 Sometimes... 464 00:29:02,223 --> 00:29:06,091 when I'm in the locker room, and... 465 00:29:06,127 --> 00:29:09,119 everybody gets... 466 00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:10,461 naked... 467 00:29:15,870 --> 00:29:17,303 I feel really funny. 468 00:29:17,338 --> 00:29:19,169 Funny? 469 00:29:20,975 --> 00:29:22,465 Funny how? 470 00:29:51,139 --> 00:29:53,130 There's nothing wrong... 471 00:29:53,174 --> 00:29:55,904 with admiring the male form. 472 00:29:55,944 --> 00:30:00,745 Just don't stare at it for too long. 473 00:30:00,782 --> 00:30:04,878 It's frowned upon. 474 00:30:06,054 --> 00:30:08,716 -So I'm not going to hell? -Of course not. 475 00:30:08,756 --> 00:30:10,246 God doesn't hate me. 476 00:30:10,291 --> 00:30:12,782 Your God doesn't hate you. 477 00:30:16,498 --> 00:30:18,056 What about my friends? 478 00:30:18,099 --> 00:30:21,227 Well, if they're really your friends... 479 00:30:21,269 --> 00:30:24,170 then they'll understand. 480 00:30:26,941 --> 00:30:30,206 Right. Let's get started, everyone. 481 00:30:33,948 --> 00:30:35,916 Hey, did I hear you guys... 482 00:30:35,950 --> 00:30:38,475 doing a crisis on Harkin? 'Cause I am in. 483 00:30:38,520 --> 00:30:39,987 Handsome? 484 00:30:43,691 --> 00:30:46,091 Can I speak to you alone for a second, please? 485 00:30:46,127 --> 00:30:49,062 Yeah, give me one second. I'll be right back. 486 00:30:49,097 --> 00:30:50,086 Thanks. 487 00:30:51,966 --> 00:30:53,729 He has to pay for his mistakes. 488 00:30:53,768 --> 00:30:55,065 He's one of us. 489 00:30:55,103 --> 00:30:57,765 He's good at what he does. I admit it. 490 00:30:57,805 --> 00:31:00,035 He writes crazy small. 491 00:31:00,074 --> 00:31:04,135 Yeah, you know, you keep saying that, but who cares? 492 00:31:04,178 --> 00:31:07,807 Bottom line here: Applebee broke protocol. 493 00:31:07,849 --> 00:31:11,182 We have to shut him out now. Teach him a lesson. 494 00:31:16,357 --> 00:31:18,518 Just this once. 495 00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:22,690 But you have to promise me you'll start being cool again. 496 00:31:22,730 --> 00:31:24,664 I promise. 497 00:31:45,954 --> 00:31:47,387 What are you doing here? 498 00:31:47,422 --> 00:31:50,118 Helping Sammy study. What are you doing here? 499 00:31:52,594 --> 00:31:54,562 The same. 500 00:31:56,864 --> 00:31:57,888 Yeah. 501 00:31:57,932 --> 00:32:00,662 I never really understood Julie. 502 00:32:00,702 --> 00:32:02,966 I mean, she actually believed that hard work... 503 00:32:03,004 --> 00:32:08,067 and determination would pay off. What a sucker. 504 00:32:08,109 --> 00:32:10,475 What are you looking at? 505 00:32:10,511 --> 00:32:12,376 A woman. 506 00:32:14,415 --> 00:32:18,749 It seems like only yesterday she was just a girl, but now... 507 00:32:21,422 --> 00:32:23,652 she's a woman. 508 00:32:32,066 --> 00:32:34,159 I don't know if it was because of Julie... 509 00:32:34,202 --> 00:32:37,501 or Mrs. Stark or what, but Sammy started to change... 510 00:32:37,538 --> 00:32:40,268 and I was not about to let that happen. 511 00:32:40,308 --> 00:32:42,902 Hey, man. What's up? 512 00:32:42,944 --> 00:32:45,139 Why weren't you at the review today? 513 00:32:45,179 --> 00:32:47,204 I told you I had a doctor's appointment. 514 00:32:47,248 --> 00:32:49,011 A doctor's appointment. I get it. 515 00:32:49,050 --> 00:32:51,245 You're not going to school tomorrow, are you? 516 00:32:51,285 --> 00:32:54,846 You're gonna fake sick. You're gonna retest. 517 00:32:57,258 --> 00:32:59,453 It's the lowest form of cheating. 518 00:32:59,494 --> 00:33:02,520 I would never do the sick cheat. I despise the sick cheat. 519 00:33:02,563 --> 00:33:06,727 I'm just using Julie's notes to help me study. 520 00:33:06,768 --> 00:33:08,497 She takes great notes. 521 00:33:08,536 --> 00:33:10,595 So you must know it cold by now then. 522 00:33:10,638 --> 00:33:12,299 Yeah, I wish. 523 00:33:14,108 --> 00:33:17,805 Well, let me give you a few pointers. 524 00:33:17,845 --> 00:33:20,143 "A." Excuse me. "B... 525 00:33:20,181 --> 00:33:25,915 "D, D, A, B." 526 00:33:25,953 --> 00:33:27,147 Get out. 527 00:33:27,188 --> 00:33:30,316 You don't have to do anything. The hard part's over. 528 00:33:30,358 --> 00:33:32,417 We were lucky last time. 529 00:33:32,460 --> 00:33:34,928 Nothing went on our permanent record. 530 00:33:34,962 --> 00:33:37,055 I like my permanent record the way it is. 531 00:33:37,098 --> 00:33:39,066 Lucky. 532 00:33:39,100 --> 00:33:40,761 That's Julie talk. 533 00:33:40,802 --> 00:33:43,771 Look, I've decided to study. That's it. 534 00:33:43,805 --> 00:33:45,932 OK. 535 00:33:45,973 --> 00:33:47,907 All right. 536 00:33:47,942 --> 00:33:48,966 I'm leaving. 537 00:33:49,010 --> 00:33:52,946 Here I go. Out the door. 538 00:33:58,686 --> 00:34:00,847 But I have news for you. 539 00:34:02,857 --> 00:34:05,257 There's no such thing as a permanent record. 540 00:34:05,293 --> 00:34:09,889 The permanent record is something they invented... 541 00:34:09,931 --> 00:34:12,798 to get inside your head with. 542 00:34:12,834 --> 00:34:14,961 It only exists if you believe in it. 543 00:34:15,002 --> 00:34:17,937 -Really? Yes, really. 544 00:34:17,972 --> 00:34:19,303 The greatest hoax in the history... 545 00:34:19,340 --> 00:34:20,739 of institutionalized education... 546 00:34:20,775 --> 00:34:22,367 is the myth of the permanent record. 547 00:34:22,410 --> 00:34:24,173 And let me tell you something. 548 00:34:26,547 --> 00:34:29,277 Sammy Green is not about to fall for it. 549 00:34:29,317 --> 00:34:30,784 Do you know what this test is? 550 00:34:33,321 --> 00:34:35,721 -Don't do this to me. -Do you know what it is? 551 00:34:35,757 --> 00:34:39,818 You're a bad person. -Do you know what it is? 552 00:34:41,462 --> 00:34:42,622 It's unpassable. 553 00:34:42,663 --> 00:34:43,857 What is it?! 554 00:34:44,932 --> 00:34:47,765 -It's unpassable. -I can't hear you. 555 00:34:47,802 --> 00:34:49,292 It's unpassable! 556 00:34:49,337 --> 00:34:51,498 -And what are we gonna do? -We're gonna pass! 557 00:34:57,512 --> 00:34:59,275 Pencils. 558 00:35:02,884 --> 00:35:04,044 Bubble smackers. 559 00:35:10,558 --> 00:35:12,355 Jimmy Carter! 560 00:35:15,463 --> 00:35:16,657 No, thank you. 561 00:35:25,273 --> 00:35:26,706 These are big letters. 562 00:35:26,741 --> 00:35:29,073 I did the best I could, but I'm no cribmaster. 563 00:35:29,110 --> 00:35:30,771 Drop it already. The letters are fine. 564 00:35:30,812 --> 00:35:32,609 We need Applebee. It's not too late. 565 00:35:32,647 --> 00:35:34,512 Forget about the crib sheets. This is multiple choice. 566 00:35:34,549 --> 00:35:36,380 -This is cake. -Cake? 567 00:35:36,417 --> 00:35:38,544 What if Victor mis-sequenced on the eyeball? 568 00:35:38,586 --> 00:35:41,316 Hey! How do I know you didn't mis-sequence on the crib sheets? 569 00:35:41,355 --> 00:35:44,722 Applebee never mis-sequenced. 570 00:35:44,759 --> 00:35:47,421 Who's Applebee? 571 00:35:48,462 --> 00:35:50,521 -Come on! -Hey! 572 00:35:50,565 --> 00:35:54,433 Look, nobody mis-sequenced. 573 00:35:54,468 --> 00:35:56,629 This is business. 574 00:35:56,671 --> 00:35:58,502 And today... 575 00:35:58,539 --> 00:36:00,837 we do it without Applebee. 576 00:36:07,381 --> 00:36:09,246 You have 45 minutes. 577 00:36:09,283 --> 00:36:11,751 There will be no bathroom breaks. 578 00:36:11,786 --> 00:36:13,777 You have 40 minutes. 579 00:36:13,821 --> 00:36:16,289 There will be no bathroom breaks. 580 00:36:16,324 --> 00:36:18,485 When I say, "Pencils down..." 581 00:36:18,526 --> 00:36:20,585 All pencils must be down. 582 00:36:21,996 --> 00:36:24,556 Turn your papers over. 583 00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:26,926 Time to begin. 584 00:36:26,968 --> 00:36:28,936 You may begin. 585 00:36:33,074 --> 00:36:34,939 OK, first of all, you gotta remember... 586 00:36:34,976 --> 00:36:37,638 never to sit next to somebody that you're cheating with. 587 00:36:37,678 --> 00:36:39,771 It looks too suspicious. 588 00:36:41,415 --> 00:36:43,076 And then there's crib sheets. 589 00:36:43,117 --> 00:36:45,642 Crib sheets are a tricky thing, but I swear by them. 590 00:36:47,588 --> 00:36:51,581 Never write on your body. Never write on your clothing. 591 00:36:51,626 --> 00:36:55,619 You always have to be able to destroy the evidence... 592 00:36:55,663 --> 00:36:57,426 at a moment's notice. 593 00:37:00,434 --> 00:37:02,527 Now when you're done copying off your sheet... 594 00:37:02,570 --> 00:37:04,595 just keep looking busy. 595 00:37:04,639 --> 00:37:05,936 All right. 596 00:37:05,973 --> 00:37:08,100 Pencils down, everyone. 597 00:37:08,142 --> 00:37:09,609 Pass your papers forward. 598 00:37:09,644 --> 00:37:12,943 And perhaps most importantly, always get a couple wrong. 599 00:37:12,980 --> 00:37:14,845 Always leave a couple blank. 600 00:37:14,882 --> 00:37:19,876 Never--and I mean never-- get 100%. 601 00:37:41,909 --> 00:37:43,740 You made me fail. 602 00:37:53,654 --> 00:37:55,349 I made myself fail. 603 00:37:55,389 --> 00:37:57,914 I exhibited unprofessional behavior. 604 00:37:57,959 --> 00:38:02,259 Look, my cribbing skills are worthless without you guys. 605 00:38:21,916 --> 00:38:23,850 I have finished grading your exams... 606 00:38:23,884 --> 00:38:27,843 but first I would like to see the following students outside: 607 00:38:27,888 --> 00:38:32,291 Sammy Green, Handsome Davis, and Victor Barone. 608 00:39:02,790 --> 00:39:05,020 You punks... 609 00:39:05,059 --> 00:39:07,892 must think I'm some kind of idiot. 610 00:39:09,830 --> 00:39:11,127 What the hell are you talking about? 611 00:39:11,165 --> 00:39:15,033 What am I talking about? What am l-- 612 00:39:15,069 --> 00:39:18,903 I got a classroom full of kids in there... 613 00:39:18,939 --> 00:39:22,500 and the highest mark that anybody got was 55. 614 00:39:22,543 --> 00:39:23,976 Sammy, you got 81. 615 00:39:24,011 --> 00:39:26,241 Handsome, you got 84. 616 00:39:26,280 --> 00:39:29,579 And Victor, you got 100%. 617 00:39:29,617 --> 00:39:31,346 Congratulations, Victor. 618 00:39:31,385 --> 00:39:33,649 Can anybody explain to me... 619 00:39:33,687 --> 00:39:36,952 the root of this freak occurrence? 620 00:39:41,429 --> 00:39:43,420 What the hell am I doing out here? 621 00:39:48,736 --> 00:39:50,169 Handsome, calm down! 622 00:39:55,009 --> 00:39:56,306 Do you think I cheated?! 623 00:39:56,343 --> 00:39:59,437 Give me the test right now, Mr. Harkin, right now! 624 00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:02,779 All right, I'll give you the test next period. 625 00:40:02,817 --> 00:40:04,808 No, not next period. 626 00:40:04,852 --> 00:40:07,548 Right now! Right now! 627 00:40:07,588 --> 00:40:10,079 I'll take it right now! 628 00:40:13,894 --> 00:40:15,293 I'm ready for the test. 629 00:40:28,676 --> 00:40:30,473 Handsome... 630 00:40:30,511 --> 00:40:33,378 put your shirt back on and go back to class. 631 00:40:35,549 --> 00:40:37,881 I'm sorry I accused you. 632 00:40:55,769 --> 00:40:57,327 Was Hampston involved? 633 00:40:57,371 --> 00:40:59,134 No, not at all. 634 00:40:59,173 --> 00:41:00,868 You're certain? 635 00:41:00,908 --> 00:41:03,877 Yeah. He's a good kid. 636 00:41:03,911 --> 00:41:06,175 He's just a little confused right now. 637 00:41:06,213 --> 00:41:08,010 But he knows his physics. 638 00:41:10,017 --> 00:41:14,681 All right, then. It's time to get ugly. 639 00:41:18,392 --> 00:41:20,121 What do you think she'll do? 640 00:41:20,161 --> 00:41:23,289 I shouldn't be talking to you. 641 00:41:24,365 --> 00:41:26,765 That excites you, doesn't it? 642 00:41:32,706 --> 00:41:34,867 Do you want to go out for a drink? 643 00:41:36,076 --> 00:41:38,943 What happened? What happened? 644 00:41:42,149 --> 00:41:45,141 Oh, well, look who it is. 645 00:41:45,186 --> 00:41:47,245 The great leader of men. 646 00:41:47,288 --> 00:41:48,812 Just tell me what happened. 647 00:41:50,224 --> 00:41:52,920 I'll take it right now! 648 00:41:52,960 --> 00:41:54,427 That was awesome, Handsome. 649 00:41:54,461 --> 00:41:56,429 You're the man! You're the man, Handsome! 650 00:42:00,100 --> 00:42:02,125 You know, she's sending out red letters... 651 00:42:02,169 --> 00:42:04,160 with their transcripts. This is serious. 652 00:42:04,205 --> 00:42:06,935 No, it's not. Julie, both you and I know... 653 00:42:06,974 --> 00:42:08,942 that there's no such thing as a permanent record. 654 00:42:08,976 --> 00:42:12,207 Oh, that's right. 655 00:42:12,246 --> 00:42:14,407 It's just something they invented... 656 00:42:14,448 --> 00:42:17,849 to get inside your head with. The greatest hoax... 657 00:42:17,885 --> 00:42:20,445 in the history of institutionalized education... 658 00:42:20,487 --> 00:42:21,454 Stop it! 659 00:42:21,488 --> 00:42:23,115 is the myth of the permanent record. 660 00:42:23,157 --> 00:42:24,454 Now, Stark's biggest threat... 661 00:42:24,491 --> 00:42:26,823 was that she could keep us out of college. 662 00:42:26,860 --> 00:42:28,760 See, a red letter on your permanent record... 663 00:42:28,796 --> 00:42:31,492 meant that no college would even consider your application. 664 00:42:31,532 --> 00:42:34,990 Look, I am really sorry about the red letter. 665 00:42:35,035 --> 00:42:37,196 Please just pick up the phone. 666 00:42:37,238 --> 00:42:39,468 By the way, in case you were wondering... 667 00:42:39,506 --> 00:42:41,030 who this is, this is Handsome. 668 00:42:41,075 --> 00:42:44,101 Handsome Davis. We met in kindergarten. 669 00:42:44,144 --> 00:42:47,375 I was the kid with the chicken pox. Dot-face. 670 00:42:47,414 --> 00:42:50,110 Does any of this ring a bell? 671 00:42:50,150 --> 00:42:52,482 I've been thinking about this for a long time... 672 00:42:54,488 --> 00:42:57,321 Victor and I might not get into college. 673 00:42:57,358 --> 00:42:58,620 She's bluffing. 674 00:42:58,659 --> 00:43:00,991 You don't know that. You don't know everything. 675 00:43:01,028 --> 00:43:02,928 Yeah... 676 00:43:02,963 --> 00:43:04,396 Handsome. 677 00:43:04,431 --> 00:43:08,026 It's time for us to get out. I don't know. Go legit. 678 00:43:08,068 --> 00:43:11,834 Start doing whatever it takes to get into a good college. 679 00:43:14,275 --> 00:43:16,004 What's it gonna be, Handsome? 680 00:43:18,746 --> 00:43:21,738 I promise to stop cheating on tests... 681 00:43:22,983 --> 00:43:25,349 but I'm still gonna plagiarize. 682 00:43:28,989 --> 00:43:30,684 We agreed to quit cheating... 683 00:43:30,724 --> 00:43:33,056 but Sammy took it one step further. 684 00:43:35,596 --> 00:43:37,894 Yes? -I'm with the student court. 685 00:43:37,931 --> 00:43:38,989 I couldn't believe it. 686 00:43:39,033 --> 00:43:40,762 My best friend was a founding member... 687 00:43:40,801 --> 00:43:43,031 of an extracurricular activity. 688 00:43:43,070 --> 00:43:44,469 What's the student court? 689 00:43:44,505 --> 00:43:47,065 I don't know. 690 00:43:47,107 --> 00:43:49,302 I think they went soft. 691 00:43:52,680 --> 00:43:54,113 Douchebag! 692 00:43:59,119 --> 00:44:01,087 Teddy, it says here you have detention... 693 00:44:01,121 --> 00:44:02,952 for the rest of the school year. 694 00:44:04,325 --> 00:44:10,457 I could do that time standing on my head. 695 00:44:13,033 --> 00:44:15,331 It also says you'll be attending summer school. 696 00:44:15,369 --> 00:44:17,064 Why are you bothering me, dildo? 697 00:44:17,104 --> 00:44:19,766 I mean, douchebag. 698 00:44:19,807 --> 00:44:21,866 Because I think I can get you out of it... 699 00:44:21,909 --> 00:44:23,900 if you let me take your case. 700 00:44:23,944 --> 00:44:25,070 Ever since the first grade... 701 00:44:25,112 --> 00:44:27,307 I had been making fun of the studiers. 702 00:44:27,348 --> 00:44:30,681 Now I was one of 'em. 703 00:44:30,718 --> 00:44:33,312 Davis, I need a favor. 704 00:44:33,354 --> 00:44:34,753 Look, I'm sorry, man. 705 00:44:34,788 --> 00:44:36,756 I'm out of the favor business. 706 00:44:36,790 --> 00:44:38,485 This is important. 707 00:44:40,260 --> 00:44:42,353 Look, I've been clean for nine weeks. 708 00:44:42,396 --> 00:44:45,923 Try Lipnick or the Benjamin brothers. 709 00:44:49,670 --> 00:44:52,468 You know what? I take back... 710 00:44:52,506 --> 00:44:56,567 every apology I've ever made to you guys. 711 00:45:02,816 --> 00:45:04,875 Student court. 712 00:45:10,657 --> 00:45:13,285 This is all your fault. 713 00:45:13,327 --> 00:45:16,194 You turned us into a bunch of Shapiros. 714 00:45:16,230 --> 00:45:17,788 I'm not a Shapiro. 715 00:45:17,831 --> 00:45:19,628 I'm an advocate for student rights. 716 00:45:19,666 --> 00:45:24,035 You're the founding member of an extracurricular activity. 717 00:45:24,071 --> 00:45:26,335 What makes you think you're any different from Shapiro? 718 00:45:26,373 --> 00:45:28,466 I don't take notes. 719 00:45:30,677 --> 00:45:34,010 I said this before, and I will say it again. 720 00:45:34,047 --> 00:45:36,675 Mrs. Herman. Herman was one of those teachers... 721 00:45:36,717 --> 00:45:38,617 who loved the sound of her own voice. 722 00:45:38,652 --> 00:45:40,847 Now, she thought that she could make us take notes... 723 00:45:40,888 --> 00:45:44,847 on everything she said, but we had other plans. 724 00:45:44,892 --> 00:45:49,886 The only way to pass my class is to take good notes. 725 00:45:49,930 --> 00:45:53,866 Or have a friend who takes good notes. 726 00:45:56,236 --> 00:45:58,136 Hey, Noga. 727 00:45:58,172 --> 00:46:00,163 You want to be friends? 728 00:46:01,575 --> 00:46:03,099 Mr. Barone? 729 00:46:03,143 --> 00:46:06,078 Would you like me to put an "F" in my grade book right now? 730 00:46:06,113 --> 00:46:07,239 No, ma'am. 731 00:46:07,281 --> 00:46:10,011 Now as I was saying, if you've taken good notes... 732 00:46:10,050 --> 00:46:13,076 Iike Mr. Shapiro over here... 733 00:46:13,120 --> 00:46:14,747 Loser. 734 00:46:14,788 --> 00:46:16,847 you will have no problem on tomorrow's test. 735 00:46:16,890 --> 00:46:19,825 Don't worry. I'll photocopy them after school... 736 00:46:19,860 --> 00:46:21,657 and you can pick them up at my place. 737 00:46:21,695 --> 00:46:24,027 Thanks, Noga. 738 00:46:24,064 --> 00:46:27,397 You know, you're a really cool girl. 739 00:46:27,434 --> 00:46:30,232 Victor used to always say that note-taking was for suckers. 740 00:46:30,270 --> 00:46:32,864 His motto was: Why take notes when there's always a girl... 741 00:46:32,906 --> 00:46:35,374 willing to give it up for free? 742 00:46:42,115 --> 00:46:46,916 I stand here before you knee-deep in the bullshit. 743 00:46:48,121 --> 00:46:49,247 English. 744 00:46:49,289 --> 00:46:50,916 I don't get it, man. 745 00:46:50,958 --> 00:46:52,619 None of the girls are willing to give up their notes. 746 00:46:52,659 --> 00:46:56,390 It's like they all of a sudden have self-esteem. 747 00:46:56,430 --> 00:46:57,590 That's impossible. 748 00:46:57,631 --> 00:47:00,361 It's a little possible. 749 00:47:03,470 --> 00:47:04,528 It was Julie. 750 00:47:04,571 --> 00:47:06,562 It doesn't make sense. 751 00:47:06,607 --> 00:47:09,770 Why should we keep giving our notes to the boys? 752 00:47:09,810 --> 00:47:12,608 Do you want some boy who's not Shapiro... 753 00:47:12,646 --> 00:47:15,137 taking your admission spot from your reach school? 754 00:47:15,182 --> 00:47:17,116 But just because we're giving them notes doesn't mean that-- 755 00:47:17,150 --> 00:47:18,117 Tufts. 756 00:47:18,151 --> 00:47:19,948 And they will not be your friends... 757 00:47:19,987 --> 00:47:22,547 in five years when they're in a penthouse in Manhattan... 758 00:47:22,589 --> 00:47:24,750 and you're sitting in an apartment in the dark... 759 00:47:24,791 --> 00:47:26,122 because you can't pay your electric bill. 760 00:47:26,159 --> 00:47:27,456 She got waitlisted. 761 00:47:27,494 --> 00:47:29,394 I'm on a waiting list because of them. 762 00:47:29,429 --> 00:47:30,623 She's taking it pretty hard. 763 00:47:30,664 --> 00:47:32,655 We are not whores. 764 00:47:32,699 --> 00:47:34,599 We are not whores. 765 00:47:34,635 --> 00:47:36,535 She got to every single girl. 766 00:47:36,570 --> 00:47:38,435 She is good. 767 00:47:38,472 --> 00:47:40,667 We are not whores! 768 00:47:40,707 --> 00:47:41,969 We are not whores! 769 00:47:42,009 --> 00:47:43,738 Hey, what about Shapiro? 770 00:47:43,777 --> 00:47:45,438 What do you think, Shapiro? 771 00:47:45,479 --> 00:47:48,107 I'm not a whore. 772 00:47:48,148 --> 00:47:50,708 I hate Shapiro. 773 00:47:50,751 --> 00:47:52,343 I should kick his ass. 774 00:47:52,386 --> 00:47:54,616 My money's on Shapiro. 775 00:47:54,655 --> 00:47:58,614 The book. We should only be tested on what's in the book. 776 00:47:58,659 --> 00:48:00,286 Note-taking should not be mandatory. 777 00:48:00,327 --> 00:48:03,524 We should not have to listen to her when she talks. 778 00:48:03,564 --> 00:48:05,259 -It's not fair. -Fair? 779 00:48:05,299 --> 00:48:08,166 If she wanted to, she could factor in spelling or conduct... 780 00:48:08,201 --> 00:48:09,259 or penmanship. 781 00:48:09,303 --> 00:48:10,292 Hey... 782 00:48:12,205 --> 00:48:13,399 I have a plan. 783 00:48:18,745 --> 00:48:20,212 Hello? 784 00:48:20,246 --> 00:48:25,843 Hello. Is Mrs. Herman there? 785 00:48:25,885 --> 00:48:28,183 No. She's gone to bed. 786 00:48:28,221 --> 00:48:30,621 Would you like to leave a message? 787 00:48:30,657 --> 00:48:31,817 Is this her son? 788 00:48:31,858 --> 00:48:34,793 Yes. 789 00:48:34,828 --> 00:48:40,164 Well...you don't know me, but I'm your real father. 790 00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:44,330 The one who gave you up. 791 00:48:44,371 --> 00:48:48,205 The one who never loved you. 792 00:48:48,241 --> 00:48:51,733 I just called to tell you that my feelings haven't changed. 793 00:48:51,778 --> 00:48:54,406 Why? 794 00:48:54,447 --> 00:48:56,472 Why are you doing this to me? 795 00:48:56,516 --> 00:49:00,247 Because I hate adoption. 796 00:49:00,286 --> 00:49:02,117 Have a pleasant evening. 797 00:49:07,560 --> 00:49:10,757 Why would you do something like that? 798 00:49:10,797 --> 00:49:12,389 What? 799 00:49:12,432 --> 00:49:17,267 Because adoption is an unnatural act. 800 00:49:17,303 --> 00:49:19,032 It's against God's plan. 801 00:49:19,072 --> 00:49:22,564 What? Adoption is awesome. 802 00:49:22,609 --> 00:49:25,271 It keeps poor kids off crime. 803 00:49:25,311 --> 00:49:28,246 You called from my house. From my phone. 804 00:49:28,281 --> 00:49:32,240 We're going to get 69ed with the star. 805 00:49:32,285 --> 00:49:33,843 You know... 806 00:49:33,887 --> 00:49:35,980 I don't know about you... 807 00:49:36,022 --> 00:49:39,981 but I hate Gradebook, and I hate her fake little kids. 808 00:49:40,026 --> 00:49:41,994 You're being insane. 809 00:49:43,029 --> 00:49:44,462 Do you even know them? 810 00:49:44,497 --> 00:49:48,593 Yeah, I know them a little. From gymnastics camp. 811 00:49:48,635 --> 00:49:50,296 They're freaks. 812 00:49:50,336 --> 00:49:53,305 Call the freaks up and apologize. 813 00:49:53,339 --> 00:49:54,533 I got a plan. 814 00:49:54,574 --> 00:49:57,737 Hey, listen, kid. 815 00:49:59,446 --> 00:50:01,004 I screwed up. 816 00:50:02,482 --> 00:50:06,213 Adoption is awesome. 817 00:50:06,252 --> 00:50:10,348 It keeps poor kids off crime. 818 00:50:10,390 --> 00:50:15,760 Now, if you give me that test, I'll give you 47 bucks. 819 00:50:15,795 --> 00:50:20,630 I was thinking something more like...four hundred. 820 00:50:20,667 --> 00:50:24,125 Jesus, you are so goddamned greedy. 821 00:50:24,170 --> 00:50:25,762 It is what it is. 822 00:50:29,709 --> 00:50:33,406 Fine. Have it your way, Greedy. 823 00:50:33,446 --> 00:50:35,346 Four hundred it is. 824 00:50:38,918 --> 00:50:41,478 Look, I am a businessman. 825 00:50:41,521 --> 00:50:43,580 I'll get you that test. 826 00:50:46,759 --> 00:50:48,590 That was beautiful. 827 00:50:48,628 --> 00:50:52,325 Well, I know how to deal with adopted kids. 828 00:50:54,400 --> 00:50:57,995 Does anyone know Rexler's number? 829 00:51:00,006 --> 00:51:01,906 Do this somewhere else. 830 00:51:01,941 --> 00:51:04,409 -What is your problem? -It's like a sickness with you. 831 00:51:04,444 --> 00:51:08,210 It's time to grow up. Teddy's on the wagon. 832 00:51:08,248 --> 00:51:10,648 -Teddy's on the wagon? -Teddy stopped cursing. 833 00:51:10,683 --> 00:51:13,311 She realized she couldn't be an idiot for the rest of her life. 834 00:51:13,353 --> 00:51:14,911 Teddy was never an idiot. 835 00:51:14,954 --> 00:51:18,788 She was a genius, and you killed her. 836 00:51:18,825 --> 00:51:22,192 Sammy, this is bigger than me, you... 837 00:51:22,228 --> 00:51:23,889 and Teddy put together. 838 00:51:23,930 --> 00:51:28,026 This is note-taker versus non-note-taker. 839 00:51:28,067 --> 00:51:30,501 This is teacher versus student. 840 00:51:30,537 --> 00:51:33,472 Corrupting the children of the Gradebook? 841 00:51:33,506 --> 00:51:36,202 This is our chance to become a part of history. 842 00:51:36,242 --> 00:51:38,540 Get out of my house. 843 00:51:38,578 --> 00:51:40,671 Come on, man. 844 00:51:40,713 --> 00:51:41,941 Peer pressure. 845 00:51:48,588 --> 00:51:50,385 What is the big deal? We're not gonna get caught. 846 00:51:50,423 --> 00:51:53,392 You won't get caught. You'll weasel your way out of it. 847 00:51:53,426 --> 00:51:57,260 Just do me a favor and just get out of my house. 848 00:51:57,297 --> 00:52:00,892 -Are you breaking up with me? -Just get out. 849 00:52:08,775 --> 00:52:11,300 Yo! Get Rexler on the line. 850 00:52:11,344 --> 00:52:12,641 Rexler. 851 00:52:12,679 --> 00:52:14,613 Dude, where's your dad? 852 00:52:14,647 --> 00:52:16,114 Home-wrecker. 853 00:52:16,149 --> 00:52:19,118 Please hold for Handsome. 854 00:52:19,152 --> 00:52:21,882 Rexler, tonight's your lucky night. 855 00:52:32,732 --> 00:52:34,222 This job is too big. 856 00:52:34,267 --> 00:52:36,326 It's not too big. 857 00:52:36,369 --> 00:52:37,893 It's too big. 858 00:52:44,744 --> 00:52:48,373 -Hello? -All right, Greedy. 859 00:52:48,414 --> 00:52:49,904 I got your money. 860 00:52:49,949 --> 00:52:53,783 Mr. Victor, we got a problem. 861 00:52:56,789 --> 00:52:58,279 We got a problem. 862 00:53:06,299 --> 00:53:08,028 Greedy was ambushed... 863 00:53:11,070 --> 00:53:13,698 by his own fake brother. 864 00:53:13,740 --> 00:53:17,767 It's like I always say. You can't trust a fake brother. 865 00:53:19,379 --> 00:53:23,543 OK. Tell him that he can split the 4 bills with Greedy 2 and 2. 866 00:53:23,583 --> 00:53:25,517 He doesn't want money. 867 00:53:25,551 --> 00:53:29,043 That adopted little prick. 868 00:53:29,088 --> 00:53:32,353 Get him on the phone. Everybody's got a price. 869 00:53:32,392 --> 00:53:34,883 -Six hundred. -No, thank you. 870 00:53:34,927 --> 00:53:38,124 -Eight hundred? -No, thank you. 871 00:53:38,164 --> 00:53:40,325 A thousand. 872 00:53:40,366 --> 00:53:42,834 No means no, Mr. Victor. 873 00:53:42,869 --> 00:53:44,962 Do you remember the balance beam? 874 00:53:45,004 --> 00:53:47,495 Yeah. 875 00:53:47,540 --> 00:53:50,566 If it wasn't for me, you'd have no dismount, and you know it. 876 00:53:50,610 --> 00:53:52,635 I don't want your dirty money. 877 00:53:52,679 --> 00:53:54,772 We're screwed. 878 00:53:54,814 --> 00:53:55,906 We're not screwed. 879 00:53:57,016 --> 00:53:59,484 Who was the hottest girl at camp? 880 00:53:59,519 --> 00:54:00,679 What? 881 00:54:00,720 --> 00:54:02,381 Who had the best body, the biggest tits... 882 00:54:02,422 --> 00:54:05,619 the sweetest smell? Come on. Give me something. 883 00:54:08,127 --> 00:54:09,788 Allison Westbrook. 884 00:54:14,634 --> 00:54:16,761 She smelled... 885 00:54:16,803 --> 00:54:18,430 amazing. 886 00:54:21,908 --> 00:54:25,036 Handsome, you're a genius. 887 00:54:25,078 --> 00:54:28,309 I'm gonna promise the kid a hand job. 888 00:54:28,348 --> 00:54:29,610 Are you crazy? 889 00:54:29,649 --> 00:54:32,641 That's what we're doing, right? We're selling sex? 890 00:54:32,685 --> 00:54:34,983 No, my friends. 891 00:54:35,021 --> 00:54:37,421 We're selling romance! 892 00:54:37,457 --> 00:54:38,924 What? 893 00:54:38,958 --> 00:54:41,552 The kid's only fifteen. He wants the whole package. 894 00:54:41,594 --> 00:54:44,085 He wants to go horseback riding on the beach. 895 00:54:44,130 --> 00:54:45,825 He wants a candlelit dinner. 896 00:54:45,865 --> 00:54:48,959 He wants to sip champagne with her in a hot tub. 897 00:54:49,001 --> 00:54:51,868 I would love to sip champagne in a hot tub. 898 00:54:54,741 --> 00:54:58,643 You guys are so very, very wrong. 899 00:54:58,678 --> 00:55:00,009 Just trust me. 900 00:55:00,046 --> 00:55:03,038 We didn't even know Allison. We didn't know her phone number. 901 00:55:03,082 --> 00:55:07,143 We didn't know where she lived. But we knew how to lie. 902 00:55:08,354 --> 00:55:10,788 Do you remember... 903 00:55:10,823 --> 00:55:12,723 Allison Westbrook? 904 00:55:14,360 --> 00:55:16,760 I think about her all the time. 905 00:55:23,202 --> 00:55:26,103 She smelled like a moist flower. 906 00:55:26,139 --> 00:55:29,108 Well, then it's your lucky day... 907 00:55:29,142 --> 00:55:31,940 because she is a close personal friend of mine... 908 00:55:31,978 --> 00:55:34,640 and I was just talking to her a few minutes ago... 909 00:55:34,680 --> 00:55:39,379 on the phone, and she said that she'd be willing... 910 00:55:43,289 --> 00:55:47,589 to go horseback riding with you on the beach... 911 00:55:51,164 --> 00:55:56,466 and to have a candlelight dinner with you... 912 00:55:58,104 --> 00:56:01,870 and sit in a tub and drink champagne. 913 00:56:05,545 --> 00:56:07,172 I don't know, man. 914 00:56:07,213 --> 00:56:09,181 How about a hand job? 915 00:56:11,350 --> 00:56:13,841 Two hand jobs... 916 00:56:17,757 --> 00:56:19,122 and a dry hump. 917 00:56:20,359 --> 00:56:21,451 Deal. 918 00:56:23,095 --> 00:56:25,222 That's one horny little bastard. 919 00:56:25,264 --> 00:56:26,925 Romantic. 920 00:56:28,568 --> 00:56:29,557 Hello? 921 00:56:29,602 --> 00:56:31,832 Say I didn't get the test. 922 00:56:34,273 --> 00:56:37,037 -He didn't get the test. -What? 923 00:56:37,076 --> 00:56:39,909 All right. Now don't say anything. 924 00:56:39,946 --> 00:56:41,038 Just listen. 925 00:56:41,080 --> 00:56:44,208 I got the test, and it was beautiful. 926 00:56:45,818 --> 00:56:47,342 I get to the house... 927 00:56:47,386 --> 00:56:50,287 and Horny and Greedy are both there waiting for me. 928 00:56:50,323 --> 00:56:51,654 Mr. Victor. 929 00:56:54,327 --> 00:56:57,125 My brother has something he wants to tell you. 930 00:56:57,163 --> 00:56:59,324 I want what he wants. 931 00:56:59,365 --> 00:57:00,696 I was blown away. 932 00:57:00,733 --> 00:57:04,931 Turns out Greedy is just as horny as Horny. 933 00:57:04,971 --> 00:57:06,029 I knew it. 934 00:57:06,072 --> 00:57:07,334 So I renegotiate. 935 00:57:07,373 --> 00:57:08,897 Here's the new plan. 936 00:57:08,941 --> 00:57:11,068 I want you to get everybody out of there. 937 00:57:11,110 --> 00:57:14,170 -Tell them the party's over. -Explain. 938 00:57:14,213 --> 00:57:15,737 There's no way we're gonna get away with this... 939 00:57:15,781 --> 00:57:18,409 with six different people. Somebody's bound to screw it up. 940 00:57:18,451 --> 00:57:20,078 This is the smart move. You know what? 941 00:57:20,119 --> 00:57:22,383 You got twenty minutes to get everybody out of there... 942 00:57:22,421 --> 00:57:24,946 so we can look up the answers together. 943 00:57:24,991 --> 00:57:26,424 Just you and me. 944 00:58:02,328 --> 00:58:03,420 Why? 945 00:58:03,462 --> 00:58:06,556 I just couldn't screw everybody like that. 946 00:58:06,599 --> 00:58:07,793 Oh, really? 947 00:58:12,838 --> 00:58:15,466 I'll take it right now. 948 00:58:27,520 --> 00:58:28,919 You're angry. 949 00:58:28,955 --> 00:58:31,583 But now... 950 00:58:31,624 --> 00:58:36,687 is not the time to deal with that anger. 951 00:58:36,729 --> 00:58:40,358 So, put your shirt back on... 952 00:58:40,399 --> 00:58:42,697 and let's go look up answers. 953 00:58:54,180 --> 00:58:57,547 You're a real idiot, Napplebee, you know that? 954 00:58:57,583 --> 00:58:59,881 You're not in charge of me, Victor. 955 00:58:59,919 --> 00:59:03,685 I am in charge. I got the test. That means I'm in charge. 956 00:59:07,026 --> 00:59:09,358 Napplebee. 957 00:59:09,395 --> 00:59:11,693 Cribmaster or Applebee. 958 00:59:11,731 --> 00:59:13,665 Not Napplebee. 959 00:59:13,699 --> 00:59:14,893 Hey... 960 00:59:14,934 --> 00:59:17,494 Victor's right. You can't crib with this many people. 961 00:59:17,536 --> 00:59:18,867 It's too risky. 962 00:59:18,904 --> 00:59:21,202 Tonight, we sing. 963 00:59:21,240 --> 00:59:23,401 I don't sing. I crib. 964 00:59:23,442 --> 00:59:26,639 Tonight, everybody sings. Nobody cribs. 965 00:59:26,679 --> 00:59:29,739 Who died and made you Victor, king of cheaters? 966 00:59:29,782 --> 00:59:31,716 At least I'm actually a cheater. 967 00:59:31,751 --> 00:59:34,879 What are you saying? I'm a cheater! 968 00:59:34,920 --> 00:59:36,046 No, you're not! 969 00:59:36,088 --> 00:59:38,921 You're not a cheater. You just write small. 970 00:59:50,436 --> 00:59:52,427 I don't wanna hurt you... 971 00:59:54,940 --> 00:59:57,204 but maybe... 972 00:59:57,243 --> 00:59:59,404 maybe... 973 01:00:03,382 --> 01:00:05,577 Let him go, Rexler. 974 01:00:08,320 --> 01:00:09,651 Hit me. 975 01:00:14,660 --> 01:00:16,594 You have to hit him now. 976 01:00:16,629 --> 01:00:18,620 OK? Those are the rules. 977 01:00:23,769 --> 01:00:26,966 Did you look at my file? 978 01:00:27,006 --> 01:00:28,735 You have to hit him. 979 01:00:28,774 --> 01:00:31,140 Did you see the thing about my penis? 980 01:00:33,446 --> 01:00:38,179 I'm not gonna let you get hurt. OK? I promise. Just hit him. 981 01:00:39,652 --> 01:00:42,120 Hit me. Hit me! 982 01:00:42,154 --> 01:00:45,646 What's it gonna be, Nipplebee? Hit me! 983 01:00:45,691 --> 01:00:49,058 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I got angry, confused, scared. 984 01:00:56,001 --> 01:00:57,992 So we looked up the answers... 985 01:00:58,037 --> 01:00:59,664 and we finished making up the song... 986 01:00:59,705 --> 01:01:01,969 but something was missing. At least, for me it was. 987 01:01:02,007 --> 01:01:04,601 See, I started cheating when I was six years old... 988 01:01:04,643 --> 01:01:09,103 but this was the first time I ever cheated without Sammy. 989 01:01:09,148 --> 01:01:10,809 Hello? 990 01:01:10,850 --> 01:01:13,944 Crippled elves do dance around 991 01:01:13,986 --> 01:01:17,786 A devil covered by blue dress 992 01:01:17,823 --> 01:01:19,814 I'm in no mood for Beethoven. 993 01:01:19,859 --> 01:01:22,657 It's not Beethoven. It's the answer song. 994 01:01:22,695 --> 01:01:24,287 We got the test. 995 01:01:24,330 --> 01:01:27,822 Congratulations, but I really just want to go back to sleep. 996 01:01:27,867 --> 01:01:31,530 Dairy causes diarrhea 997 01:01:31,570 --> 01:01:35,631 Chunky, creamy butter cheese 998 01:01:35,674 --> 01:01:37,266 See you at school. 999 01:01:37,309 --> 01:01:40,107 Wait, wait, wait. Seriously, wait. 1000 01:01:40,146 --> 01:01:42,137 Bad Billy does dope 1001 01:01:42,181 --> 01:01:43,478 Bitches and brews 1002 01:01:43,516 --> 01:01:47,543 But can't even build a cigarette-- 1003 01:01:57,096 --> 01:01:59,496 Crippled elves do dance around 1004 01:01:59,532 --> 01:02:03,628 A devil covered by blue dress 1005 01:02:03,669 --> 01:02:07,002 Dairy causes diarrhea 1006 01:02:07,039 --> 01:02:10,133 Chunky, creamy butter cheese 1007 01:02:10,176 --> 01:02:14,078 Bad Billy does dope, bitches, and brews 1008 01:02:14,113 --> 01:02:16,877 But can't even build a cigarette boat 1009 01:02:16,916 --> 01:02:20,682 Allah bangs booze every day 1010 01:02:20,719 --> 01:02:23,688 Above a bridge behind a cave 1011 01:02:23,722 --> 01:02:26,589 Nobody left too early. Nobody got too many right. 1012 01:02:26,625 --> 01:02:30,925 Everything was going perfectly. It was a cheating miracle. 1013 01:02:30,963 --> 01:02:34,558 Carpet crawler can't eat eagle 1014 01:02:34,600 --> 01:02:37,831 Before chicken during day 1015 01:02:37,870 --> 01:02:40,498 Time's up, everyone. 1016 01:02:40,539 --> 01:02:43,167 If I see anyone writing on their papers now... 1017 01:02:43,209 --> 01:02:47,009 I will put seven Fs in the grade book. 1018 01:02:47,046 --> 01:02:49,446 It seemed too good to be true. 1019 01:02:52,384 --> 01:02:55,012 Sammy, Victor... 1020 01:02:55,054 --> 01:02:57,386 Mrs. Stark would like to see you. 1021 01:03:05,064 --> 01:03:08,659 I assumed after I handed down my punishment to you... 1022 01:03:08,701 --> 01:03:11,135 that you would've been smart enough... 1023 01:03:11,170 --> 01:03:13,400 to leave cheating behind you. 1024 01:03:15,007 --> 01:03:19,137 My sources tell me that's exactly what you have done. 1025 01:03:19,178 --> 01:03:22,477 I am so proud of you. 1026 01:03:22,514 --> 01:03:26,575 Especially you, Sammy, for starting the student court. 1027 01:03:26,619 --> 01:03:30,316 And here are your red letters. 1028 01:03:30,356 --> 01:03:33,223 I want you to keep them as souvenirs. 1029 01:03:34,994 --> 01:03:39,590 You know, I am no stranger to rebellion. 1030 01:03:39,632 --> 01:03:45,502 When I was your age and we used to pile into the phone booth... 1031 01:03:45,537 --> 01:03:49,871 I was always at the bottom of the pile. 1032 01:03:57,816 --> 01:03:58,874 Yep. 1033 01:03:59,885 --> 01:04:03,252 To the myth of the permanent record. 1034 01:04:03,289 --> 01:04:04,813 I'll drink to that. 1035 01:04:04,857 --> 01:04:08,156 Mr. Victor, this is Horny. 1036 01:04:08,193 --> 01:04:10,354 My brother and l are very interested... 1037 01:04:10,396 --> 01:04:13,524 in collecting what is rightfully ours. 1038 01:04:13,565 --> 01:04:16,227 If you do not make good on your offer... 1039 01:04:16,268 --> 01:04:19,362 we will have no choice but to-- 1040 01:04:23,342 --> 01:04:25,537 to continue calling. 1041 01:04:28,314 --> 01:04:31,283 As we got closer to graduation, the only thing... 1042 01:04:31,317 --> 01:04:34,115 that mattered anymore was getting into college. 1043 01:04:37,189 --> 01:04:39,817 You see, the thick envelope means you're in... 1044 01:04:39,858 --> 01:04:43,225 and the thin envelope means you are screwed. 1045 01:04:49,735 --> 01:04:52,363 Now, the best part about getting into college... 1046 01:04:52,404 --> 01:04:54,531 is that there's no reason to behave anymore. 1047 01:04:54,573 --> 01:04:57,201 Most teachers just accept it, look the other way... 1048 01:04:57,242 --> 01:05:00,370 but Herman... Herman was different. 1049 01:05:00,412 --> 01:05:03,848 You kids are so naive. 1050 01:05:03,882 --> 01:05:08,182 What you don't realize is that your college acceptances... 1051 01:05:08,220 --> 01:05:13,920 are contingent upon your final high school transcript. 1052 01:05:13,959 --> 01:05:17,156 Don't screw with me... 1053 01:05:17,196 --> 01:05:22,065 because this grade book can keep you out of college. 1054 01:05:22,101 --> 01:05:24,069 I hate that grade book. 1055 01:05:24,103 --> 01:05:28,472 That grade book is a Shapiro. 1056 01:05:28,507 --> 01:05:32,637 You can't say that. The grade book is a thing. 1057 01:05:32,678 --> 01:05:37,672 Yeah, but it has Shapiro power. 1058 01:05:37,716 --> 01:05:39,741 Yes, it does. 1059 01:05:41,887 --> 01:05:44,253 It does, indeed. 1060 01:05:45,624 --> 01:05:48,684 You're late, Mr. Green. That's an "F" for the day. 1061 01:05:48,727 --> 01:05:50,592 But I wasn't late. I was here. I just-- 1062 01:05:50,629 --> 01:05:51,789 That's another "F" for talking back. 1063 01:05:51,830 --> 01:05:55,960 Now, I have to leave class to make a personal call. 1064 01:05:56,001 --> 01:05:58,970 I suggest you use the time wisely. 1065 01:05:59,004 --> 01:06:01,234 There might be a quiz tomorrow. 1066 01:06:12,217 --> 01:06:15,243 My name is Mrs. Herman. 1067 01:06:15,287 --> 01:06:16,584 I'm a bitch. 1068 01:06:16,622 --> 01:06:18,988 She could come back any second. 1069 01:06:19,024 --> 01:06:21,322 Take it easy, Shapiro. 1070 01:06:23,762 --> 01:06:25,662 The "F." 1071 01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:29,797 For twelve years... 1072 01:06:29,835 --> 01:06:34,329 they have been using the "F." 1073 01:06:34,373 --> 01:06:37,001 Twelve years... 1074 01:06:37,042 --> 01:06:40,637 of us doing stuff we don't want to do... 1075 01:06:40,679 --> 01:06:44,638 all because of the "F." 1076 01:06:44,683 --> 01:06:47,311 So, what happens? 1077 01:06:47,352 --> 01:06:49,320 We finally make it to the finish line... 1078 01:06:49,354 --> 01:06:54,986 and this bitch tries to use the "F" one last time. 1079 01:07:03,168 --> 01:07:04,965 You know what? "F" the "F." 1080 01:07:07,706 --> 01:07:09,606 I'm taking all the Fs away. 1081 01:07:09,641 --> 01:07:12,041 All right, Davis. 1082 01:07:13,812 --> 01:07:15,837 -Send it. -What? 1083 01:07:15,881 --> 01:07:17,815 The grade book. Throw me the grade book. 1084 01:07:18,984 --> 01:07:21,179 Let's do it, man. 1085 01:07:21,220 --> 01:07:24,121 Let's get rid of all the grades: "A" through "F." 1086 01:07:24,156 --> 01:07:28,217 They are the tools of the enemy. 1087 01:07:28,260 --> 01:07:30,285 Come on, man. 1088 01:07:34,032 --> 01:07:35,966 Don't do it. 1089 01:07:41,106 --> 01:07:42,573 Don't tell me what to do. 1090 01:07:48,547 --> 01:07:50,242 No more Fs. 1091 01:07:50,282 --> 01:07:52,341 No more Fs. 1092 01:07:59,892 --> 01:08:01,655 I thought I could treat you like adults... 1093 01:08:01,693 --> 01:08:03,888 but you're not. You're animals... 1094 01:08:03,929 --> 01:08:05,590 uncivilized animals. 1095 01:08:05,631 --> 01:08:08,794 Do you people have any idea how much time I spend... 1096 01:08:08,834 --> 01:08:10,699 giving out grades... 1097 01:08:10,736 --> 01:08:14,137 grading your papers, grading your exams... 1098 01:08:14,173 --> 01:08:16,767 grading your homework assignments? 1099 01:08:16,808 --> 01:08:17,934 That grade book is my life. 1100 01:08:17,976 --> 01:08:20,501 Dude, we just pissed on her life. 1101 01:08:22,714 --> 01:08:25,080 If I don't have that book by tomorrow morning... 1102 01:08:25,117 --> 01:08:26,379 no more senior trip. 1103 01:08:26,418 --> 01:08:29,114 No Yankee game, no "Death of a Salesman." 1104 01:08:29,154 --> 01:08:32,055 Jesus, man. Everybody wanted that trip. 1105 01:08:33,792 --> 01:08:36,693 It's only a matter of time before somebody talks. 1106 01:08:38,363 --> 01:08:40,297 Grades... 1107 01:08:40,332 --> 01:08:44,826 are the way we maintain order in this institution. 1108 01:08:44,870 --> 01:08:47,668 This morning, on my way into my office... 1109 01:08:47,706 --> 01:08:52,006 I noticed a letter that had been slipped under my door. 1110 01:08:52,044 --> 01:08:54,035 "Dear Mrs. Stark... 1111 01:08:54,079 --> 01:08:55,671 "last Tuesday... 1112 01:08:55,714 --> 01:08:58,182 "l, along with twenty fellow students... 1113 01:08:58,217 --> 01:09:01,516 "witnessed the taking of Mrs. Herman's grade book. 1114 01:09:01,553 --> 01:09:04,716 "lt is unfair for an entire class to be punished... 1115 01:09:04,756 --> 01:09:07,054 "for the sins of an individual. 1116 01:09:07,092 --> 01:09:09,253 "And that individual is... 1117 01:09:09,294 --> 01:09:11,728 "Victor Barone." 1118 01:09:13,632 --> 01:09:15,600 Signed, "Anonymous." 1119 01:09:17,002 --> 01:09:19,527 Why are you telling me this? 1120 01:09:19,571 --> 01:09:22,404 This has nothing to do with me. 1121 01:09:22,441 --> 01:09:25,467 Because I am tired of playing the cop. 1122 01:09:25,510 --> 01:09:28,343 I want the student court to handle this. 1123 01:09:28,380 --> 01:09:31,872 The student court's really busy right now. 1124 01:09:31,917 --> 01:09:35,182 I always thought that the four of us would be friends forever. 1125 01:09:35,220 --> 01:09:37,154 You have it cleaned up by graduation. 1126 01:09:37,189 --> 01:09:40,681 But Stark finally figured out a way to tear us apart. 1127 01:09:45,197 --> 01:09:47,097 Whoever did this... 1128 01:09:47,132 --> 01:09:48,656 did this... 1129 01:09:51,670 --> 01:09:54,696 -so they could see me go down. -I'll handle this. 1130 01:09:56,675 --> 01:10:00,202 Now, Applebee, this is serious. 1131 01:10:00,245 --> 01:10:02,270 Did you write the letter? 1132 01:10:08,086 --> 01:10:12,113 This is the United States of America. 1133 01:10:12,157 --> 01:10:13,886 What are you talking about? 1134 01:10:23,468 --> 01:10:26,631 The letter doesn't really mean anything on its own... 1135 01:10:26,672 --> 01:10:28,401 but I'm gonna have to interview everyone... 1136 01:10:28,440 --> 01:10:29,737 that was there that day. 1137 01:10:29,775 --> 01:10:32,243 If one person goes on record that they saw you take it... 1138 01:10:32,277 --> 01:10:33,972 you're finished. 1139 01:10:34,012 --> 01:10:38,073 That'll be my job. To make sure no one testifies. 1140 01:10:38,116 --> 01:10:41,244 OK, but I don't know anything about that. 1141 01:10:41,286 --> 01:10:42,981 I understand. 1142 01:10:43,021 --> 01:10:45,080 What are we gonna do about Applebee? 1143 01:10:45,123 --> 01:10:47,751 I'll take care of Napplebee. 1144 01:10:47,793 --> 01:10:50,057 I'll kick his ass. 1145 01:10:50,095 --> 01:10:52,427 I don't want you doing anything. 1146 01:10:52,464 --> 01:10:55,956 I don't want you talking to anybody. Just be cool. 1147 01:10:56,001 --> 01:10:58,731 Sammy's right. You gotta stay cool. 1148 01:10:58,770 --> 01:11:03,036 I gotta say, it feels great to be back in business with you. 1149 01:11:03,075 --> 01:11:04,906 Yeah, really great. 1150 01:11:16,922 --> 01:11:18,253 You're pathetic. 1151 01:11:18,290 --> 01:11:19,552 I'm pathetic? 1152 01:11:21,059 --> 01:11:22,924 I'm not the one who worked her ass off... 1153 01:11:22,961 --> 01:11:25,156 and then got rejected by Tufts. 1154 01:11:27,099 --> 01:11:29,090 Honestly, Handsome... 1155 01:11:29,134 --> 01:11:31,432 I would love to see you guys go down. 1156 01:11:31,470 --> 01:11:33,995 All of you. 1157 01:11:34,039 --> 01:11:37,167 I'm sorry you feel that way, Julie. 1158 01:11:37,209 --> 01:11:39,541 But let me paint you a little picture. 1159 01:11:39,578 --> 01:11:41,409 Graduation... 1160 01:11:41,446 --> 01:11:43,573 they call your name. 1161 01:11:43,615 --> 01:11:46,448 You're on your way to pick up your diploma. 1162 01:11:48,320 --> 01:11:51,289 Then you hear your classmates chanting something. 1163 01:11:53,625 --> 01:11:56,458 You can't make it out at first, but... 1164 01:11:56,495 --> 01:11:59,521 it starts to get louder and louder. 1165 01:11:59,564 --> 01:12:02,556 "Julie is a rat." 1166 01:12:02,601 --> 01:12:04,091 "Julie is a rat." 1167 01:12:13,879 --> 01:12:16,279 Please just state your name for the record. 1168 01:12:16,314 --> 01:12:18,111 This is such a joke. 1169 01:12:20,619 --> 01:12:24,749 Just state your name for the record. 1170 01:12:24,790 --> 01:12:26,781 You're a joke. 1171 01:12:29,027 --> 01:12:31,222 This is awesome. Nobody talked. We're in the clear. 1172 01:12:31,263 --> 01:12:32,287 Are we? 1173 01:12:32,330 --> 01:12:33,820 Now, Victor was famous... 1174 01:12:33,865 --> 01:12:36,925 for having some pretty crappy plans... 1175 01:12:36,968 --> 01:12:40,460 but this one had to be the crappiest. 1176 01:12:56,488 --> 01:12:57,978 Napplebee. 1177 01:13:06,498 --> 01:13:08,932 And I didn't see because that morning... 1178 01:13:08,967 --> 01:13:10,958 I had woken up with an eye infection. 1179 01:13:11,002 --> 01:13:12,663 Sometimes I get them. 1180 01:13:14,673 --> 01:13:16,937 I want to go on the record right now. 1181 01:13:16,975 --> 01:13:20,172 -What? -I want to do this right now. 1182 01:13:20,212 --> 01:13:23,238 Victor is gonna destroy you. 1183 01:13:23,281 --> 01:13:25,044 Well, hallelujah. 1184 01:13:25,083 --> 01:13:27,244 Why do you want to do this to yourself? 1185 01:13:28,553 --> 01:13:30,748 Napplebee! 1186 01:13:30,789 --> 01:13:33,257 My name... 1187 01:13:33,291 --> 01:13:35,521 is not Napplebee. 1188 01:13:39,331 --> 01:13:41,799 Not... 1189 01:13:41,833 --> 01:13:43,733 Crapplebee. 1190 01:13:45,136 --> 01:13:48,435 It's not Applebutt. 1191 01:13:58,149 --> 01:14:00,617 Please state your name for the record. 1192 01:14:04,623 --> 01:14:05,920 My name... 1193 01:14:08,593 --> 01:14:14,259 is Jonathan Jacob Applebee. 1194 01:14:16,768 --> 01:14:19,134 I am gonna bash that kid's head in... 1195 01:14:19,170 --> 01:14:20,831 with a hammer. 1196 01:14:22,440 --> 01:14:26,274 If the jury finds you guilty, which they will... 1197 01:14:26,311 --> 01:14:28,279 you're gonna be expelled. 1198 01:14:28,313 --> 01:14:30,804 Stark won't even let you walk at graduation. 1199 01:14:30,849 --> 01:14:33,374 My parents are gonna kill me. 1200 01:14:33,418 --> 01:14:35,318 There is another way. 1201 01:14:37,088 --> 01:14:39,613 I have the authority to offer you a deal. 1202 01:14:41,960 --> 01:14:47,057 You know, he's never seen karate... 1203 01:14:47,098 --> 01:14:48,565 Iike my karate. 1204 01:14:48,600 --> 01:14:51,501 There's not gonna be any karate. 1205 01:14:51,536 --> 01:14:52,798 You get an "F" in the class... 1206 01:14:52,837 --> 01:14:55,067 but the "F" won't go on your final transcript. 1207 01:14:55,106 --> 01:14:56,630 It won't? 1208 01:14:56,675 --> 01:14:59,667 No. You get to go to graduation, then you make up the class... 1209 01:14:59,711 --> 01:15:03,010 in summer school. It'll be like it never happened. 1210 01:15:03,048 --> 01:15:05,812 But you have to give a full confession. 1211 01:15:13,925 --> 01:15:16,257 I'm gonna choke him to death. 1212 01:15:18,730 --> 01:15:21,563 Then, after he stops breathing... 1213 01:15:24,569 --> 01:15:26,059 karate. 1214 01:15:27,339 --> 01:15:29,637 Victor never got to do any karate... 1215 01:15:29,674 --> 01:15:32,074 but he sure did sing like a canary. 1216 01:15:32,110 --> 01:15:33,304 I couldn't believe it. 1217 01:15:33,345 --> 01:15:37,679 He decided to rat me out, and Stark had finally won. 1218 01:15:37,716 --> 01:15:39,741 My punishment, well, my punishment... 1219 01:15:39,784 --> 01:15:42,753 was the same as Victor's. We could go to graduation... 1220 01:15:42,787 --> 01:15:45,688 but we wouldn't get our diplomas till after summer school. 1221 01:15:45,724 --> 01:15:48,659 Was I angry about it? Of course I was. 1222 01:15:48,693 --> 01:15:51,753 But no one was as angry as Horny or Greedy. 1223 01:15:51,796 --> 01:15:55,323 Mr. Victor, this is your last chance. 1224 01:15:56,835 --> 01:15:58,666 My last chance? 1225 01:15:58,703 --> 01:16:00,034 For what? 1226 01:16:02,173 --> 01:16:03,401 The deal. 1227 01:16:10,582 --> 01:16:12,641 You guys don't get it, do you? 1228 01:16:12,684 --> 01:16:15,118 It's never gonna happen. 1229 01:16:16,921 --> 01:16:18,582 You lose. 1230 01:16:20,425 --> 01:16:21,915 I win. 1231 01:16:26,464 --> 01:16:28,227 You know what, Victor? 1232 01:16:28,266 --> 01:16:30,393 You can shit on our fantasies. 1233 01:16:30,435 --> 01:16:32,369 You can beat the crap out of us. 1234 01:16:32,404 --> 01:16:37,137 You can remind us that we're not really brothers. 1235 01:16:37,175 --> 01:16:39,575 But at least we're not rats. 1236 01:16:41,613 --> 01:16:45,276 Everyone knows who you are. 1237 01:16:45,316 --> 01:16:47,079 Even Shapiro. 1238 01:16:54,592 --> 01:16:55,923 Back at the beginning of the year... 1239 01:16:55,960 --> 01:16:57,587 the four of us were best friends. 1240 01:16:57,629 --> 01:16:59,563 By the time we got to graduation... 1241 01:16:59,597 --> 01:17:02,088 things had fallen apart. Sammy had gotten soft... 1242 01:17:02,133 --> 01:17:04,101 Victor and Applebee had turned into rats... 1243 01:17:04,135 --> 01:17:07,730 and everybody, well, everybody was blaming me. 1244 01:17:07,772 --> 01:17:11,640 Listen, Sammy. 1245 01:17:11,676 --> 01:17:13,507 Have a nice life. 1246 01:17:13,545 --> 01:17:18,005 And now, to give out the awards in math and science... 1247 01:17:18,049 --> 01:17:21,712 I call to the podium Alex Harkin. 1248 01:17:23,922 --> 01:17:26,482 Love you, Mr. Harkin. 1249 01:17:30,195 --> 01:17:34,461 This is my favorite part about being a teacher. 1250 01:17:37,502 --> 01:17:39,629 I wasn't gonna necessarily be a teacher... 1251 01:17:39,671 --> 01:17:41,866 but l, as you know, became one... 1252 01:17:41,906 --> 01:17:43,897 and the winner of the award... 1253 01:17:43,942 --> 01:17:49,107 for outstanding achievement in chemical science is... 1254 01:17:49,147 --> 01:17:50,239 Julie Merkle. 1255 01:17:52,150 --> 01:17:54,015 Come on up here, Julie. 1256 01:18:00,158 --> 01:18:01,921 I'm sorry. 1257 01:18:05,196 --> 01:18:07,187 Not your fault. 1258 01:18:08,366 --> 01:18:11,767 I'm sorry that I looked at your file. 1259 01:18:11,803 --> 01:18:16,399 The award-- the winner of the award... 1260 01:18:16,441 --> 01:18:19,877 for outstanding achievement in physics is... 1261 01:18:19,911 --> 01:18:24,507 one of my favorite students... 1262 01:18:24,549 --> 01:18:27,279 Handsome Davis. 1263 01:18:40,431 --> 01:18:42,490 Come on up here, Handsome. 1264 01:18:43,501 --> 01:18:45,867 OK. I admit it. 1265 01:18:45,904 --> 01:18:48,202 I stole the midterm... 1266 01:18:48,239 --> 01:18:50,503 I took my dad's porn... 1267 01:18:50,542 --> 01:18:53,875 I flirted with Mr. Harkin, I broke the ceiling... 1268 01:18:53,912 --> 01:18:56,472 I lied to the fake brothers, I looked at Applebee's file... 1269 01:18:56,514 --> 01:18:58,379 I read the thing about his penis... 1270 01:18:58,416 --> 01:18:59,713 I pissed on the grade book... 1271 01:18:59,751 --> 01:19:02,845 and I pissed off all of my friends. 1272 01:19:02,887 --> 01:19:04,354 But you know what? 1273 01:19:04,389 --> 01:19:06,755 When the four of us were cheating together... 1274 01:19:06,791 --> 01:19:08,588 it was the sweetest thing I ever knew. 1275 01:19:08,626 --> 01:19:11,424 It was horseback riding on the beach... 1276 01:19:11,462 --> 01:19:14,920 a candlelight dinner, champagne in a hot tub. 1277 01:19:14,966 --> 01:19:17,434 -He's my hero. -I agree. 1278 01:19:17,468 --> 01:19:20,631 Stark did everything she could to ruin graduation for us... 1279 01:19:20,672 --> 01:19:24,005 but, actually, it ended up as one of our greatest victories. 1280 01:19:24,042 --> 01:19:25,475 Cheated on the midterm. 1281 01:19:25,510 --> 01:19:27,273 Take it right now. 1282 01:19:27,312 --> 01:19:29,746 -Cheater! -Cheated on the midterm. 1283 01:19:29,781 --> 01:19:31,772 Because it wasn't just me who won that award. 1284 01:19:31,816 --> 01:19:35,047 It was for Sammy for winning that spelling bee... 1285 01:19:35,086 --> 01:19:38,021 and it was for Applebee for writing crazy small... 1286 01:19:38,056 --> 01:19:40,490 and it was for Victor... 1287 01:19:40,525 --> 01:19:44,586 for knowing how to deal with adopted kids. 1288 01:19:44,629 --> 01:19:47,757 You see, cheating is what made the four of us famous-- 1289 01:19:47,799 --> 01:19:52,862 the most famous cheaters in North Point history. 1290 01:19:55,273 --> 01:19:57,400 Everything is bullshit. 1291 01:19:57,442 --> 01:19:59,376 It is what it is. 92696