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[Music]
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thank you
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[Music]
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[Music]
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but he always gotta hide my face fast
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police I'm going across the street to
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that Greenhouse buy some more you're
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going to that Greenhouse square right
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across the street there
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that's a White House over there well
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that's the greenhouse how can the White
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House be a greenhouse that is the
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greenhouse how to be a greenhouse if
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it's painted white what is the
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difference how it's painted if it was
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painted red it would still be a green
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who knows you mean if that house was
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painted red it would be a greenhouse
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sure suppose it was painted blue it
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would still be a greenhouse let me spell
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your breath oh stop that I ladies and
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gentlemen I want you to listen very
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carefully to the next lines that Mr
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rabbit reads because here hangs the plot
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of the entire story take these flowers
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and plant them in the backyard and don't
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get into any trouble was that not a
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beautiful reading
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yes
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thank you okay
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maybe you like a coconut yeah
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yeah
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I think that's enough that's enough yeah
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okay
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yeah give me 30 seconds
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it might be like a lemon pie oh I ain't
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got no money well I don't know what are
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you nice to follow we're friends a
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longer time I'm gonna give the lemon pie
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for another day thank you yeah
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I cost you 60 cents
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oh dare you speak to a single girl you
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don't even know a 19 year old girl who
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lives all by yourself a 106 Maple Street
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on the second floor apartment
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oh my God
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[Music]
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oh I made a mistake you're the wrong man
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I apologize to you I thought you were my
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husband even if I was your husband what
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right should I mean I have a dumb
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brother
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with my husband
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oh Louis would you mind coming over here
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a minute
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[Music]
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could you put some oil on my back
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Elijah that's me all over let's put on
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my back and shoulders you want me to put
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this oil on your back yes please huh
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this is ridiculous you can pour it on
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rub it on that's why I said it was
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ridiculous okay
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okay
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how's that fine
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Hillary yes are you coming out tomorrow
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at the same time yes
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can I put some more oil on your back
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that's a deal tomorrow we're not going
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to take a sun bath you can put smile on
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my back if it's all right with you
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tomorrow
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can I take my gloves off
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[Music]
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thanks again
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[Music]
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foreign
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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I'll have to do it with the allowance I
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get for my candy no you
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people look at me
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I don't have no candy for a month
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you and your big nozzle
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[Applause]
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[Applause]
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if I do play fireman kill me
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there you go get no place
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Music]
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thank you
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foreign
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[Music]
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[Music]
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hello
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[Music]
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hello what are you doing I'm picking
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oranges for Hillary I want to make up
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with her
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he must be a magician I'm making these
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oranges disappear I'll never mind the
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oranges I'm telling you every time I've
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got to pick an eyes it disappears
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disappears
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oh that's nothing but crows crows love
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oranges are you kidding certainly a fool
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is doing that oh maybe a message froze
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up in there go get my sawed-off shotgun
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don't go away throw I'll get you hey
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what kind of a sort of shotgun is that
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something like that I shut it off the
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wrong hand
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hey oh this clothes sound like that yeah
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that was a crow all right Mrs crumb cake
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you shot I'll see you no you don't see
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what happens we'll see what happened
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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how dare you shouldn't be when I'm up in
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the tree Gathering oranges I mean after
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all that'll teach you not to steal my
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oranges you
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wait on Mr crumb cake you ever see a fat
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man at a bar yes what about it well the
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part that hangs over the bar does that
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belong to the bartender
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yeah
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okay don't you wear any serious damage
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has been done and I will apologize for
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anything that he has ah what do you mean
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stop fighting with the line I'm gonna
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fight with her my days men never fought
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with women in your days being much too
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busy fighting with the Indians
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I can't see where any serious damage has
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been done outside of your pride oh is
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that
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we perforated her bucket how much does a
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little thing like this cost 79 cents
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including sales tax no you don't you'll
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make no cash sediment until we consult a
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competent attorney okay for your
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information I'm going in the house and
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call marloy don't call him we'll see you
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in court you bet you will I'll charge
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you a slander I'll charge you with
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assault and battery I'll charge you with
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attempted murder by before I'm through
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with you this case will cost you five
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thousand dollars now what have you got
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to say you can charge that too
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come on see my attorney I thought you
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were attorney was in jail you got out
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this morning be smart come on
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thank you
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together
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why don't you let me pay Mrs crumb cake
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to 79 cents what and give up all the
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principles that Patrick Henry Thomas
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Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin fought
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for you mean they all perforated Mrs
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Plum takes bucket too never mind we're
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going down to see my lawyer come on here
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we go
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Mr attorney now that you have the facts
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do you think you can help this poor
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unfortunate boy well certainly Mr
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Costello you know what I'm gonna do
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and then I'll slap on a riff of mandamus
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that's good well it's not good for you
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but I just love to put on the list
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he's one of the slickest attorneys in
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town you bet I am I promise you that
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I'll get you out of jail the minute your
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sentence is up
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some rules for that my boy do you know
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what I'm going to do with you when I get
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you in court oh this is wonderful first
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I'll put you on the witness stand all by
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yourself and I'll show the judge your
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peculiar dilemma then I'll drag all your
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antecedents into the courtroom and I'll
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expose your entire background and then
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my boy then I will split your plea and
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I'll draw off your briefs in front of
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the jury
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who wouldn't dare you haven't got the
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nerve suddenly Mr Sydney yes what is it
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Clarence my boy would you mind giving me
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the papers on the proudly case well of
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course my boy you fit your life there
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you are Clarence thank you you're
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welcome Malad no who's that oh that's
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just a young lawyer friend of mine you
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see he can't afford to rent an office so
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he rents drawer's face in my desk here
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oh please
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this is one lawyer that is not gonna
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defend me
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you are not going to defend me
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your honor this case is very simple
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almost as simple as my client look at
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him sitting over there what does he look
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like to you well he looks to me like
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I think I need you glasses I don't think
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this judge likes me will you please let
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me pay the 79 cents and get out of here
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are you crazy you pay Mrs Chrome take
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that 79 cents you're admitting your
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guilt I want you to fight this thing
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find it right through I want you to walk
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out of here with clean hands all right
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listen to you I'll be all washed up
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any more loud talking in this courtroom
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and I shall order you both to leave
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well I'm a boy do you say is everything
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all right with you
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Mr Costello take the witness chair
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okay
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put it down
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will the defendant take off his hat
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thank you
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will the defendant take off his hand
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come on folks you heard the judge who's
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everywhere you
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will you please take off
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your honor it seems that my client here
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took a sawed-off shotgun he aimed at a
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woman a poor unfortunate woman up in a
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tree picking oranges he fired that
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weapon not that poor misguided woman to
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the ground causing her great family
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injury and Perforating her bucket
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whose side are you on you're supposed to
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be my attorney
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I mean after all Mrs Crum take the woman
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that has shown me for the 79 cents she's
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not even here I think this case I think
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the whole thing is dishonest are you
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intimating that this is not an honest
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Court well I mean I thought you ain't
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here what kind of fish quiet
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you to understand that anyone appearing
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before me Corp gets Justice or my name
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isn't judge Henry Q crumpy oh
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Council have you anything more to say
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before I find the defendant guilty your
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honor on behalf of my client here
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sanity
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for what's wrong with that
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but crazy that's the law my boy I'm
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taking advantage of the insanity clause
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will the defendant step up to the bar
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it's often nice to be a judge but I
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don't drink
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step up before the bench she'd make up
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his mind but take the money
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I'm sorry my boy
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ah the brakes just went against us I
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guess the court finds the defendant
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guilty as charged
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you won't give me the chair will you I'm
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so young I hereby order you to pay the
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plane of the 79 cent or serve 30 days in
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jail
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all I gotta do is pay the 79 cents and
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I'm free why are you ungrateful and
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great what are you trying to do ruin
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this man's reputation my boy this case
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isn't lost yet we'll take it to a higher
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don't want to go upstairs
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please I appealed to you as a man you
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don't even appeal to me as a woman
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stone walls no matter prison make Orion
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bars a cage and don't forget the words
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of that great fourth judge crumb cake 30
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days has September April June and Lou
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Costello
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[Music]
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hey David get me out of here we'll get
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the whole person full of rats what are
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you worrying about I'm here it's the
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little rats I'm afraid of don't worry
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about a thing my attorney will get you
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out of here if it takes them 20 years
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what does he care about time he's on a
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bowling you're telling me and I'll go
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and talk to him yeah don't go away
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[Music]
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oh were you addressing me
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thank you sir thank you those are the
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first kind words I've heard in years
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your sister I I wasn't always a dirty
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filthy scurvy bum like you
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mine is rather a sad story would you
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like to hear it awesome well and I'll
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tell it to you you see it began many
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years ago and I was just a little boy my
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my father gave me the benefit of a good
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education 14 years of Grade School
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Preparatory School College and UCLA
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thank you sir oh yes sir you passed your
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examinations no sir but I was first on
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the list of those who failed
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childhood well then I met her she was
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young she was beautiful she was
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desirable
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she was wonderful she was like a flower
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blooming frequently in the garden of
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Youth and then one day God and His
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Infinite Mercy smiled down on us a
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little bundle of pink and white a baby
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boy I worked harder than ever and then
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one day a little baby boy yes a little
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bit of one a little boy did he have blue
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eyes yes and brown hair yeah a little
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fat color yes daddy
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but my boy I worked day and night and
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then one day he came into my life he was
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an actor broken in health and spirit I
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took him into my home I said make my
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home your home and he did
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yes I was a fool but one day when I
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returned to my workers with my one I
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called to her Mary
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immediately there was no answer
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Mary
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Mary
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
333
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she was gone my wife my baby and The
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Stranger
335
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they were gone
336
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what are you laughing at
337
00:18:43,259 --> 00:18:47,579
then began a search that lasted for
338
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years I was only 21 days behind them as
339
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they poured in the United Fruit line
340
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steamer for Buenos Aires 15 days in Rio
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de Janeiro five days at the island of
342
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Madagascar two and a half days at the
343
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Cape of Good Hope seven hours at
344
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Portside in Egypt and then one day at
345
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the gates of Calcutta I found him I was
346
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just about to pounce upon him just about
347
00:19:03,359 --> 00:19:06,479
to tear him limb from limb when my
348
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:08,880
weakened condition aggravated by the
349
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pitless Rays of the tropical Sunny well
350
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it just proved too good an obstacle I
351
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:15,549
stank on the Heap in the Sands and when
352
00:19:11,640 --> 00:19:17,120
I regained Consciousness he was born
353
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[Music]
354
00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:22,139
Milan Paris Moscow Berlin across the
355
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channel to London then across the
356
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American back to America New York
357
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Pittsburgh Chicago Milwaukee yes
358
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Patterson and then Niagara Falls finally
359
00:19:29,579 --> 00:19:33,538
at Niagara Falls I found him again he
360
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:36,240
was standing there with his back to the
361
00:19:33,538 --> 00:19:38,339
falls all eternity behind him and
362
00:19:36,240 --> 00:19:40,259
retribution finally stare him in the
363
00:19:38,339 --> 00:19:42,178
face when I saw him standing there the
364
00:19:40,259 --> 00:19:44,339
men would ruin my life the man who had
365
00:19:42,179 --> 00:19:45,900
stolen my wife and my baby the man was
366
00:19:44,339 --> 00:19:47,459
made of me a miserable Wanderer over
367
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:49,860
half the face of the earth when I saw
368
00:19:47,460 --> 00:19:52,019
him all the typical motion for years of
369
00:19:49,859 --> 00:19:54,918
suffering dwelled within me and with
370
00:19:52,019 --> 00:19:54,918
murder in my heart
371
00:19:57,380 --> 00:20:03,179
step
372
00:20:00,019 --> 00:20:05,970
by step by crept upon him and when I
373
00:20:03,179 --> 00:20:09,150
felt his hot bath on my cheek I struck
374
00:20:05,970 --> 00:20:09,150
[Music]
375
00:20:18,298 --> 00:20:23,900
excuse me I I forgot myself I'm so weak
376
00:20:25,679 --> 00:20:28,180
I've done the same thing I'm gonna put
377
00:20:27,298 --> 00:20:30,619
the guy in Niagara Falls
378
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:34,269
[Music]
379
00:20:30,619 --> 00:20:35,959
when I saw him standing there
380
00:20:34,269 --> 00:20:39,859
[Music]
381
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:39,860
I'm gonna get it again
382
00:20:43,609 --> 00:20:49,519
[Music]
383
00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:49,519
thank you
384
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:59,400
yeah
385
00:20:55,819 --> 00:21:00,538
cut it out ever again will I say that
386
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:03,360
word
387
00:21:00,538 --> 00:21:05,940
that word that gives you off your being
388
00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:07,379
there what word do you mean the word way
389
00:21:05,940 --> 00:21:08,340
up there in New York state where
390
00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:11,480
everybody goes when they get married
391
00:21:08,339 --> 00:21:11,480
where do they go
392
00:21:11,759 --> 00:21:15,779
you think I'm gonna say it huh well I
393
00:21:14,339 --> 00:21:18,000
ain't gonna say the word you think I'm
394
00:21:15,779 --> 00:21:19,740
gonna say what word are you talking
395
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:21,960
about
396
00:21:19,740 --> 00:21:22,180
go ahead try and make me say Niagara
397
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Falls
398
00:21:22,180 --> 00:21:33,900
[Music]
399
00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:37,739
[Applause]
400
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:56,759
is a bird
401
00:21:54,419 --> 00:21:59,038
well he's all yours
402
00:21:56,759 --> 00:22:02,220
wait a minute one thing more Malad for
403
00:21:59,038 --> 00:22:06,900
you oh for me yeah
404
00:22:02,220 --> 00:22:09,659
who three hundred dollars and 79 cents
405
00:22:06,900 --> 00:22:11,038
what is the 79th stands for well
406
00:22:09,659 --> 00:22:13,640
somebody's got to pay for Mrs Crumb
407
00:22:11,038 --> 00:22:13,640
Cake's bucket
408
00:22:15,538 --> 00:22:18,839
may I see you Mr attorney well of course
409
00:22:17,579 --> 00:22:19,678
my boy your friend over here what's on
410
00:22:18,839 --> 00:22:22,339
your mind how would you like to have
411
00:22:19,679 --> 00:22:24,600
another client of course
412
00:22:22,339 --> 00:22:25,619
also well why don't you take this case I
413
00:22:24,599 --> 00:22:27,240
don't know anything about him who is he
414
00:22:25,619 --> 00:22:29,149
where is he from
415
00:22:27,240 --> 00:22:32,229
Niagara Falls
416
00:22:29,150 --> 00:22:32,229
[Music]
417
00:22:45,558 --> 00:22:49,859
sorry
418
00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,779
for the things that you say get yourself
419
00:22:49,859 --> 00:22:54,079
in trouble all the time what did I say
420
00:22:51,779 --> 00:22:57,109
Niagara Falls
421
00:22:54,079 --> 00:23:00,210
Niagara Falls
422
00:22:57,109 --> 00:23:00,209
[Music]
423
00:23:10,460 --> 00:23:15,659
and took away my children and my wife
424
00:23:13,619 --> 00:23:17,579
and everybody else and my mother-in-law
425
00:23:15,659 --> 00:23:19,100
not only like that but I followed him
426
00:23:17,579 --> 00:23:21,240
all over the country
427
00:23:19,099 --> 00:23:23,038
but sick New Jersey nothing New Jersey
428
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,419
gone from New Jersey then we went to
429
00:23:23,038 --> 00:23:27,240
another state we went up to Ohio
430
00:23:24,419 --> 00:23:30,360
Cleveland Detroit and then I found the
431
00:23:27,240 --> 00:23:32,159
stoop and Steubenville Ohio that's where
432
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:34,969
I met him fight fight against your
433
00:23:32,159 --> 00:23:37,210
stupid self Niagara Falls
434
00:23:34,970 --> 00:23:38,538
[Music]
435
00:23:37,210 --> 00:23:41,960
[Applause]
436
00:23:38,538 --> 00:23:41,960
step by step
437
00:23:42,440 --> 00:23:50,269
inside of me
438
00:23:44,750 --> 00:23:50,269
[Music]
439
00:23:52,829 --> 00:23:59,549
[Music]
30379
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