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1
00:00:00,210 --> 00:00:02,586
They say a happy hen
makes a happy egg.
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00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:04,808
And the Moone coop
was full of perky poultry.
3
00:00:05,087 --> 00:00:07,888
But all it takes to stink up
a hen house is one bad egg.
4
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,491
Or a cock with diarrhoea.
Thanks for tuning in.
5
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,491
Pat. Jesus. Are you all right?
6
00:00:13,651 --> 00:00:17,811
I'm sorry to call so early, Debra,
but I'm looking for Padraic.
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00:00:17,931 --> 00:00:19,131
I think he's run away.
8
00:00:19,291 --> 00:00:23,491
Oh, God! Don't worry, love,
kids wander off all the time,
9
00:00:23,611 --> 00:00:25,691
but they always find their way home.
10
00:00:25,811 --> 00:00:27,091
They're like cats.
11
00:00:29,371 --> 00:00:30,971
Padraic loved cats.
12
00:00:31,091 --> 00:00:33,971
Ah, Pat. Come in, come on. love.
13
00:00:34,091 --> 00:00:35,371
It'll be OK.
14
00:00:35,531 --> 00:00:38,051
Martin, Padraic's run away.
Go out and find him, will ya?
15
00:00:38,171 --> 00:00:39,811
He's run away?
16
00:00:39,971 --> 00:00:43,931
Without us? The big Judas. What
does he know about running away?
17
00:00:44,051 --> 00:00:45,491
We invented running away.
18
00:00:45,651 --> 00:00:48,571
Yeah. That's our thing.
We ran home from holidays.
19
00:00:48,731 --> 00:00:51,891
But why would anyone
run away from Boyle?
20
00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,531
That just makes no sense.
21
00:00:55,491 --> 00:01:00,851
This seems very unlike Padraic.
Running away is just so reckless.
22
00:01:00,971 --> 00:01:03,051
And athletic.
23
00:01:03,211 --> 00:01:06,451
Things have been a bit
tense at home lately.
24
00:01:06,611 --> 00:01:10,771
Between myself and Paddy. Oh. It's
such a quiet house these days.
25
00:01:10,931 --> 00:01:14,491
I think Padraic finds all the
long silences quite upsetting. Oh.
26
00:01:14,611 --> 00:01:16,691
Plus all the shouting and screaming.
27
00:01:16,851 --> 00:01:19,171
That seems to really
bother him, too.
28
00:01:19,331 --> 00:01:24,051
I know on the outside Padraic
seems to have such a hard, almost
29
00:01:24,211 --> 00:01:29,211
brutally tough shell, but underneath
it all he's quite a sensitive soul.
30
00:01:29,331 --> 00:01:30,771
Don't worry, love.
31
00:01:30,931 --> 00:01:33,371
I'm sure Martin will
track him down in no time.
32
00:01:33,491 --> 00:01:36,171
He loves a good man-hunt.
33
00:01:36,291 --> 00:01:38,811
What we've got here is a fugitive.
34
00:01:38,971 --> 00:01:42,171
Average running and skipping speed
for Padraic is 1mph -
35
00:01:42,331 --> 00:01:46,291
that's not including time spent
napping and chasing squirrels.
36
00:01:46,411 --> 00:01:48,371
That gives us a search radius of...
37
00:01:48,491 --> 00:01:51,051
Depends on squirrel speed, really.
38
00:01:51,171 --> 00:01:52,451
Oh, that's a good point.
39
00:01:52,611 --> 00:01:56,171
I hadn't even... We should
just give up, actually.
40
00:01:56,331 --> 00:01:59,011
No, Sean, we'll just have to
search every farmhouse,
41
00:01:59,171 --> 00:02:01,331
treehouse, Wendy house
and house-house
42
00:02:01,491 --> 00:02:04,971
until we find Padraic, and
bring him home, dead or alive!
43
00:02:05,131 --> 00:02:08,291
Well, let's aim for alive,
and see how we get on, yeah?
44
00:02:08,411 --> 00:02:09,891
Grand, I'll just grab my shotgun.
45
00:02:10,051 --> 00:02:13,291
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Isn't that
him there in your wardrobe?
46
00:02:13,411 --> 00:02:15,611
Padraic?
47
00:02:15,731 --> 00:02:19,971
Oh, hi, Martin!
48
00:02:20,131 --> 00:02:23,331
Is breakfast ready? I'm so hungry,
I could eat a squirrel.
49
00:02:24,911 --> 00:02:44,938
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
http://UKsubtitles.ru.
50
00:02:47,011 --> 00:02:48,051
Dad? Can I ask...
51
00:02:48,171 --> 00:02:50,651
Just let me finish my tea, love.
52
00:02:50,811 --> 00:02:53,851
Poor Padraic. I can't believe Paddy
and Pat are having such problems.
53
00:02:54,011 --> 00:02:56,091
Well, not all marriages
are built to last.
54
00:02:56,251 --> 00:02:58,571
Some of us stick together
through thick and thin
55
00:02:58,691 --> 00:03:00,051
like a pair of lovely swans.
56
00:03:00,211 --> 00:03:04,411
While others just flounder around in
a constant state of marital despair.
57
00:03:04,531 --> 00:03:05,571
Like ducks.
58
00:03:05,691 --> 00:03:07,891
Don't ducks mate for life, too?
59
00:03:08,051 --> 00:03:10,771
Are you joking? Ducks are the
Liz Taylors of the lake.
60
00:03:10,931 --> 00:03:12,471
Dad, can I just ask
you this one thing?
61
00:03:12,491 --> 00:03:14,531
Does that look done yet, love?
62
00:03:14,651 --> 00:03:15,771
The thing is, though, Liam,
63
00:03:15,931 --> 00:03:18,771
when I was consoling Pat,
I had a bit of a revelation.
64
00:03:18,931 --> 00:03:21,851
When she was going on and on and
on and on about all her problems
65
00:03:22,011 --> 00:03:24,891
and whatever, I realised -
I'm a really good listener.
66
00:03:25,011 --> 00:03:26,331
Ah, yeah. Me too.
67
00:03:26,451 --> 00:03:28,971
Maybe I could listen professionally.
68
00:03:29,131 --> 00:03:34,211
Interesting. Like take on the
monopoly of the fecking Samaritans?
69
00:03:34,371 --> 00:03:38,171
No, I mean, like a therapist.
Or a marriage counsellor.
70
00:03:38,331 --> 00:03:40,331
Well, there's certainly
a lot that people could
71
00:03:40,451 --> 00:03:41,851
learn from swans like us, Deb.
72
00:03:41,971 --> 00:03:43,031
Exactly.
73
00:03:44,531 --> 00:03:47,411
Now, I know you're upset we missed
out on a good manhunt this morning.
74
00:03:47,531 --> 00:03:48,931
I shouldn't have got my hopes up.
75
00:03:49,091 --> 00:03:52,691
But, in a way, we get the same buzz
by making sure Padraic is all right.
76
00:03:52,851 --> 00:03:55,971
Yes! We should track down his
problems and skin them alive.
77
00:03:56,091 --> 00:03:57,971
A friend in need is a friend indeed.
78
00:03:58,091 --> 00:03:59,171
What? That's mad talk.
79
00:03:59,331 --> 00:04:01,631
Surely the best kind of friend
is one who gives ya sweets
80
00:04:01,651 --> 00:04:02,671
and crisps and stuff?
81
00:04:02,731 --> 00:04:04,651
A friend who feeds
is a friend indeed? Ha!
82
00:04:04,771 --> 00:04:06,531
Now you're talking sense, Sean.
83
00:04:08,891 --> 00:04:11,171
And I knew she was having
an affair, Dr Bill,
84
00:04:11,331 --> 00:04:14,971
cause she started
acting so fecking happy.
85
00:04:15,091 --> 00:04:16,171
Mm-hm.
86
00:04:16,331 --> 00:04:20,771
Going around whistling and
stuff. Humming and whistling.
87
00:04:20,931 --> 00:04:23,491
It cut through me
like a musical knife.
88
00:04:23,651 --> 00:04:25,771
I like to whistle.
Is it a crime now?
89
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:29,051
A woman has needs,
doctor. Mm-hm. Mm-hm.
90
00:04:29,211 --> 00:04:32,491
You could totally do that, Deb.
I mean, Jesus, I could that.
91
00:04:33,851 --> 00:04:36,251
So the Weight Watchers
all done, yeah?
92
00:04:36,371 --> 00:04:37,771
You're a marriage counsellor now?
93
00:04:37,931 --> 00:04:40,171
Well, I've applied for
a correspondence course,
94
00:04:40,291 --> 00:04:42,091
so my tune may well change, Linda,
95
00:04:42,251 --> 00:04:44,771
but I don't think of it as the
end of the weight loss symphony.
96
00:04:44,931 --> 00:04:48,131
More as another string
to my self-help bow.
97
00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:50,651
Someone's getting
fiddled, anyway. God.
98
00:04:50,811 --> 00:04:53,051
It's a shame you don't have
a broken marriage, Linda.
99
00:04:53,211 --> 00:04:55,251
You could have been
my first customer!
100
00:04:56,931 --> 00:05:00,731
Yep, definitely a downside
to being a widow, all right.
101
00:05:00,891 --> 00:05:04,411
We'll be back with more from Bernard
and Collette on You Talking to Me?
102
00:05:04,531 --> 00:05:06,931
with Dr Bill, right after this.
103
00:05:07,051 --> 00:05:09,011
Knob. Oh, Jesus.
104
00:05:10,691 --> 00:05:13,571
Hey, P-dawg, old pal.
Want some sambo?
105
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:16,331
Ah, no, I'm grand.
Got a whole Viennetta here.
106
00:05:16,451 --> 00:05:18,411
Mam's great for apology lunches.
107
00:05:18,571 --> 00:05:21,211
I hope you didn't mind me sleeping
in your wardrobe last night.
108
00:05:21,411 --> 00:05:24,611
There was so much shouting at home,
not even my crying could drown it out.
109
00:05:24,771 --> 00:05:27,251
What were they shouting about?
Ah, just the usual stuff.
110
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:29,331
"You ruined me life,
I wish I was dead."
111
00:05:29,491 --> 00:05:32,171
Sure, you know yourself.
God, that's awful, P.
112
00:05:32,331 --> 00:05:35,051
Ah, no, it's grand. They were
just having a big old fight.
113
00:05:35,171 --> 00:05:36,771
It's all just a bit of craic.
114
00:05:36,891 --> 00:05:38,851
Anyway, I'd better be heading in.
115
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:44,211
Yeah, those eyes won't cry
themselves. Poor P-dawg.
116
00:05:44,371 --> 00:05:46,451
I know. I mean, on the
surface he seems fine.
117
00:05:46,611 --> 00:05:50,451
But you should see how messed up
his imaginary friend is.
118
00:05:50,571 --> 00:05:53,771
I'm not imaginary! You're imaginary!
119
00:05:53,891 --> 00:05:57,011
You're imaginary! You're imaginary!
120
00:05:57,171 --> 00:06:00,491
All right, Crunchie, all right.
Ah, shut up, you big stupid mick!
121
00:06:07,931 --> 00:06:12,011
I don't think he's diluted that,
I think he's drinking it neat.
122
00:06:15,011 --> 00:06:17,691
And I think it might be really
helpful to just sit down
123
00:06:17,851 --> 00:06:20,331
and have a chat about
your problems, you know?
124
00:06:20,491 --> 00:06:23,011
With someone who has
compassionate ears.
125
00:06:23,171 --> 00:06:26,091
Is this cos Padraic was
hiding in your closet?
126
00:06:26,251 --> 00:06:29,011
Sure, he does that here.
He'll come out of the closet
127
00:06:29,131 --> 00:06:30,411
when he's good and ready.
128
00:06:31,771 --> 00:06:33,651
To be honest, Debs,
we have tried stuff.
129
00:06:33,771 --> 00:06:35,691
Books and watching Dr Bill.
130
00:06:35,851 --> 00:06:38,611
We even did a mediation
thing with the priest.
131
00:06:38,771 --> 00:06:42,651
I just don't know
what I can do. I just don't know
132
00:06:42,811 --> 00:06:46,411
how I can please him! Yeah, yeah,
yeah! He seems unpleasable!
133
00:06:46,571 --> 00:06:48,771
Shut up! I'm holding
the Jesus cushion!
134
00:06:48,891 --> 00:06:50,331
I get to talk now!
135
00:06:50,491 --> 00:06:52,971
That's is actually the
listening cushion. Idiot!
136
00:06:53,171 --> 00:06:56,131
Pat's holding the Conch of Mary...
I'll crack it over your fecking head!
137
00:06:56,251 --> 00:06:58,091
Bells, Padraic, bells!
138
00:07:03,931 --> 00:07:05,891
There's a big difference
between a priest
139
00:07:06,011 --> 00:07:07,251
and a marriage counsellor.
140
00:07:07,411 --> 00:07:09,571
I thought you were a
fatty instructor?
141
00:07:09,731 --> 00:07:13,371
I'm an all-rounder, Paddy.
I just improve people's lives.
142
00:07:13,531 --> 00:07:16,011
Whether it's lightening up
a drooping marriage or
143
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:18,411
tightening up drooping bingo wings.
144
00:07:18,531 --> 00:07:20,211
But you've no actual experience?
145
00:07:20,371 --> 00:07:23,531
Which is why I'm offering
the trainee discount.
146
00:07:23,651 --> 00:07:25,451
And there's tea included with that.
147
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,451
Oh, stop!
148
00:07:27,571 --> 00:07:29,571
And Jaffa cakes. Sold.
149
00:07:31,171 --> 00:07:33,171
Hey, want to go into
the pet shop, P-dawg?
150
00:07:33,291 --> 00:07:35,211
Nah, I should probably head home.
151
00:07:35,371 --> 00:07:38,131
See if I can fall asleep before
the screaming kicks off. C'mon, P.
152
00:07:38,291 --> 00:07:40,891
Nothing'll take your mind off your
problems at home like looking
153
00:07:41,051 --> 00:07:43,731
at a bunch of mad animals
cooped up in a cage together.
154
00:07:43,851 --> 00:07:45,811
Well, I can't argue with that logic.
155
00:07:50,531 --> 00:07:52,331
We're not putting ya out here, Liam?
156
00:07:52,491 --> 00:07:55,891
No, no. Actually, I prefer working
outside when it's nice and cold.
157
00:07:56,011 --> 00:07:58,091
Thanks, Liam. I love you.
158
00:07:58,251 --> 00:08:01,971
And appreciate you.
With all my heart.
159
00:08:02,091 --> 00:08:03,611
Weirdo. Now.
160
00:08:03,771 --> 00:08:07,091
To kick things off, I thought I'd
let you share your many problems.
161
00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:10,611
Just to get a sense of why your
marriage is so very terrible.
162
00:08:10,731 --> 00:08:13,051
So, Pat, if you'd like to go first.
163
00:08:13,211 --> 00:08:15,211
And, Paddy, if you'd like
to just listen for now.
164
00:08:15,331 --> 00:08:17,331
And then respond. OK?
165
00:08:17,451 --> 00:08:19,051
Are those our Jaffa cakes?
166
00:08:19,211 --> 00:08:22,731
We'll have the cakes later.
First the tears, then the cakes.
167
00:08:24,411 --> 00:08:25,451
Pat.
168
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:27,291
Debra. Pat.
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00:08:27,411 --> 00:08:29,251
Debra.
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00:08:29,371 --> 00:08:30,931
Go ahead, Pat.
171
00:08:31,091 --> 00:08:37,331
Oh, well, I think the big
problem is communication. Mm-hm.
172
00:08:37,491 --> 00:08:40,691
We don't talk any more.
Bar the shouting.
173
00:08:40,711 --> 00:08:41,751
And the roaring.
174
00:08:41,765 --> 00:08:42,799
Uh-huh.
175
00:08:45,691 --> 00:08:51,171
When we first got married, we
were like two peas in a pod. Mm-hm.
176
00:08:51,331 --> 00:08:56,971
Now we're like two peas in
some miserable pea soup,
177
00:08:57,091 --> 00:09:02,171
that's watery and bland and hateful.
178
00:09:03,851 --> 00:09:07,291
And what about you, Paddy?
What do you see as the problem?
179
00:09:16,411 --> 00:09:17,691
Feeling any better, P?
180
00:09:17,851 --> 00:09:21,291
Yeah, nothing lifts the sprits
like the smell of caged fear.
181
00:09:21,451 --> 00:09:24,611
Where'd you get that?
Nicked it?! Nicked it?!
182
00:09:24,771 --> 00:09:27,651
From the hamsters? Why?
Felt like nicking it.
183
00:09:27,771 --> 00:09:28,811
Do you want one?
184
00:09:28,931 --> 00:09:31,211
What?! Of course I want one!
185
00:09:31,331 --> 00:09:32,971
It feels like Christmas.
186
00:09:34,411 --> 00:09:37,091
Wait, isn't this kind of wrong?
187
00:09:37,251 --> 00:09:40,371
I don't know. I've been thieving
loads, lately! It's great craic.
188
00:09:40,491 --> 00:09:42,131
Let's do it again!
189
00:09:42,251 --> 00:09:45,331
This is amazing! He's gone rogue.
190
00:09:45,491 --> 00:09:48,891
He's a rebel from a broken
home with nothing to prove.
191
00:09:49,011 --> 00:09:50,211
I never thought I'd say this,
192
00:09:50,411 --> 00:09:53,091
but Padraic's actually
becoming pretty flipping cool.
193
00:09:53,251 --> 00:09:55,651
Yeah, but cool in a
bad way, right?
194
00:09:55,811 --> 00:09:58,051
Don't you remember our
song about cool people?
195
00:09:58,211 --> 00:10:01,211
# Follow them, copy them
Do everything that they do
196
00:10:01,371 --> 00:10:06,571
♪ Never question, that's our rule
And then we will be cool! Yeah! ♪
197
00:10:07,811 --> 00:10:08,971
Danger?
198
00:10:15,971 --> 00:10:19,731
That's it, buddy. Now, just stroll
down the street. Nice and casual.
199
00:10:19,851 --> 00:10:21,011
Oh, balls.
200
00:10:41,331 --> 00:10:43,771
Oh, I must give up
the chocolate fags.
201
00:10:43,891 --> 00:10:45,211
So what did you get?
202
00:10:45,371 --> 00:10:48,211
Some frozen peas. And a
box of cling-film. Deadly!
203
00:10:48,331 --> 00:10:50,211
What a score!
204
00:10:50,331 --> 00:10:51,571
What about you?
205
00:10:51,731 --> 00:10:58,251
Six jars of jam. And a healthy
begonia semperflorens.
206
00:10:58,371 --> 00:11:00,011
Sweet! What'll we do with it all?
207
00:11:00,171 --> 00:11:04,091
I'm thinking a jam and clingfilm
party! Who's with me?
208
00:11:04,211 --> 00:11:05,891
Let's throw them all in the river!
209
00:11:07,411 --> 00:11:09,251
Both good ideas.
210
00:11:09,411 --> 00:11:11,731
Well, we could clingfilm everything
so it doesn't get wet.
211
00:11:11,742 --> 00:11:12,911
Now that's what I'm talking about.
212
00:11:12,966 --> 00:11:16,085
That's a Martin Moone party.
Keeping it fresh!
213
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:29,129
So how did the first counselling
session go last night?
214
00:11:29,428 --> 00:11:32,028
Yeah, good. Oh, yeah? It's just,
215
00:11:32,188 --> 00:11:34,668
I noticed a few windows
in the workshop got smashed.
216
00:11:34,789 --> 00:11:35,869
Oh, balls.
217
00:11:35,989 --> 00:11:37,469
Shards and crumbs everywhere.
218
00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:40,189
To be honest, Liam, this is actually
a lot harder than I thought.
219
00:11:40,349 --> 00:11:42,949
I just can't seem to
get Paddy to open up.
220
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,669
Well, don't worry about it, love.
221
00:11:44,829 --> 00:11:49,069
The important thing is, you gave
it a whole day before giving up.
222
00:11:49,189 --> 00:11:51,349
Hey! I'm not giving up.
223
00:11:51,509 --> 00:11:53,269
I'm just saying that
resuscitating a dead,
224
00:11:53,429 --> 00:11:56,589
loveless marriage isn't
a total piece of piss.
225
00:11:56,709 --> 00:11:57,909
Like I thought it would be.
226
00:11:58,069 --> 00:12:01,789
Well, some men can feel a
bit vulnerable around women.
227
00:12:01,949 --> 00:12:04,909
Maybe I should invite Paddy out
for a few rounds with the lads.
228
00:12:05,029 --> 00:12:07,389
Yeah, that might soften him up a bit.
229
00:12:07,549 --> 00:12:10,949
Exactly. Get him to lower his
guard and you can finish him off.
230
00:12:11,069 --> 00:12:12,589
No, that's not what I had in mind.
231
00:12:12,709 --> 00:12:13,769
Team Moone!
232
00:12:24,789 --> 00:12:28,149
And so it was that Martin Moone
embarked on a life of crime,
233
00:12:28,309 --> 00:12:31,309
taking to it like a duck
to marital breakdown.
234
00:12:44,669 --> 00:12:49,189
Goo-goo, ga-ga. I've done a toilet!
235
00:12:49,309 --> 00:12:51,029
Nice day for it.
236
00:12:51,149 --> 00:12:52,169
Argh!
237
00:12:53,269 --> 00:12:56,909
And then Declan said, "I don't
think you're even my real father."
238
00:12:57,029 --> 00:12:58,389
Sweet Jesus.
239
00:12:58,509 --> 00:12:59,669
And it hurt me deep.
240
00:12:59,789 --> 00:13:01,309
Of course it did.
241
00:13:01,429 --> 00:13:04,389
Cos I'm not 100% sure meself.
242
00:13:04,509 --> 00:13:07,269
Well, It was the '70s.
243
00:13:07,389 --> 00:13:09,669
The Irish '60s.
244
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,549
Heady days.
245
00:13:12,749 --> 00:13:15,789
It's mad to think that
I'm a grandad now.
246
00:13:15,909 --> 00:13:18,029
But I'm still just a young lad.
247
00:13:18,149 --> 00:13:21,909
A boy, with hopes and desires.
248
00:13:23,789 --> 00:13:27,549
Let's talk about desires now.
I had a great one last night.
249
00:13:27,709 --> 00:13:29,589
Ya know the young one
from the nunnery?
250
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,269
Hold that thought there, Frank.
251
00:13:31,429 --> 00:13:33,589
Is there anything you'd
like to share, Paddy?
252
00:13:37,429 --> 00:13:40,349
When does the poker start?
253
00:13:40,509 --> 00:13:42,869
Here we go!
What's so funny?
254
00:13:43,029 --> 00:13:47,469
Well, you see, Paddy, we
don't really play poker here.
255
00:13:47,629 --> 00:13:52,069
No, it's more kind of high stakes
emoting that we're dealing.
256
00:13:52,189 --> 00:13:53,549
You nailed it there.
257
00:13:53,709 --> 00:13:55,549
Whingeing about your families,
is it?
258
00:13:57,989 --> 00:14:01,829
Well, exploring the difficulties
of the modern male, I suppose.
259
00:14:01,949 --> 00:14:04,309
My wife is a stupid old cow.
260
00:14:05,909 --> 00:14:08,589
And that makes me so sad.
261
00:14:25,069 --> 00:14:27,069
So is it my birthday or something?
262
00:14:27,229 --> 00:14:30,349
No. We're here because
the other imaginary friends
263
00:14:30,509 --> 00:14:32,629
and I are worried
about you, buddy.
264
00:14:32,829 --> 00:14:35,469
And we thought it was time
to have a little talk at you.
265
00:14:35,589 --> 00:14:37,989
Is this an intervention? In a pub?!
266
00:14:38,149 --> 00:14:40,189
Look, Crunchie, it's just
that we're a little bit
267
00:14:40,349 --> 00:14:42,869
concerned about your
behaviour lately.
268
00:14:42,989 --> 00:14:44,069
What behaviour?
269
00:14:44,229 --> 00:14:47,629
I watched you wrestle a bicycle
yesterday, Crunch. And you lost.
270
00:14:47,749 --> 00:14:49,389
You lost against a bicycle.
271
00:14:49,509 --> 00:14:52,069
It started it! Spoked me in the eye!
272
00:14:54,709 --> 00:14:56,029
Don't you start, Derrick.
273
00:14:56,189 --> 00:14:58,109
We were there for you
when that bitch left you.
274
00:14:58,229 --> 00:14:59,789
And then there's your drinking.
275
00:14:59,949 --> 00:15:02,949
Last week you puked
into my Cinderella slippers.
276
00:15:03,069 --> 00:15:04,589
And then you drank it.
277
00:15:04,749 --> 00:15:06,909
Well, at least it shows I'm
cleaning up after myself.
278
00:15:07,069 --> 00:15:09,829
Oh, come on! Do you think this
is what Padraic had in mind
279
00:15:09,989 --> 00:15:11,709
when he picked you as
his imaginary friend?
280
00:15:11,869 --> 00:15:15,709
An old wrestler in a babygro
drinking shoe sick?
281
00:15:15,829 --> 00:15:16,829
Maybe?
282
00:15:19,109 --> 00:15:22,909
You're right, Derrick! I'm so sorry.
283
00:15:23,069 --> 00:15:25,749
It's been so stressful at home
with Padraic, it got to me.
284
00:15:25,869 --> 00:15:28,069
OK? I'm only human.
285
00:15:28,229 --> 00:15:31,109
I've failed him, I should
be there for that boy.
286
00:15:37,909 --> 00:15:40,669
Thou shalt not steal!
287
00:15:40,829 --> 00:15:44,189
You took our water feeders.
When we were crossing the dessert!
288
00:15:44,309 --> 00:15:45,949
Drink his blood!
289
00:15:46,069 --> 00:15:47,129
Pile on!
290
00:15:47,149 --> 00:15:48,669
Get off me, hamsters!
291
00:15:48,789 --> 00:15:50,549
Hey.
292
00:15:50,709 --> 00:15:53,109
It's OK, Martin.
It was just a bad dream.
293
00:15:53,229 --> 00:15:54,549
You get used to them.
294
00:15:54,669 --> 00:15:57,109
Thanks, Padraic. G'night.
295
00:15:57,229 --> 00:15:59,069
Night, pal.
296
00:15:59,189 --> 00:16:00,349
Night, Sinead.
297
00:16:00,469 --> 00:16:02,349
I've a knife under my pillow.
298
00:16:02,469 --> 00:16:04,709
Okey-doke. Night, all.
299
00:16:08,709 --> 00:16:13,829
Hateful glances, words
unsaid, dreams forgotten.
300
00:16:13,989 --> 00:16:19,229
I want to start over, but I can't
even see the start line any more.
301
00:16:21,029 --> 00:16:23,549
What if ye have a holiday?
302
00:16:23,669 --> 00:16:25,069
I hear Blackpool is nice.
303
00:16:25,189 --> 00:16:27,669
I need a new life, not a new bed.
304
00:16:27,829 --> 00:16:29,909
A life where I can
look in the mirror
305
00:16:30,069 --> 00:16:33,149
and not despise the
boy staring back.
306
00:16:36,069 --> 00:16:37,429
You're sharing too much.
307
00:16:37,549 --> 00:16:40,269
We only really want 20% honesty.
308
00:16:40,429 --> 00:16:44,109
Maybe, Paddy, the whole counselling
thing might be more suitable.
309
00:16:44,229 --> 00:16:45,989
I'm drowning in pathos over here.
310
00:16:46,109 --> 00:16:47,589
Counselling my hole.
311
00:16:47,749 --> 00:16:50,589
Another room where women
take turns judging me.
312
00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,349
Ridiculing me.
313
00:16:52,469 --> 00:16:54,669
Like Mammy did.
314
00:16:57,389 --> 00:16:58,989
What if I came along, too?
315
00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:06,709
You and me, Liam.
316
00:17:06,829 --> 00:17:09,229
Together.
317
00:17:09,349 --> 00:17:11,229
Two little boys standing tall.
318
00:17:13,109 --> 00:17:14,109
Okey-dokey.
319
00:17:19,309 --> 00:17:23,749
I think I'll go and get the
poker set. I'll come with you.
320
00:17:25,309 --> 00:17:27,909
I wonder what we'll nick next.
We've done every joint in town.
321
00:17:28,069 --> 00:17:29,950
Yeah, it felt like we were
running out of places
322
00:17:30,109 --> 00:17:31,869
when we stole those
coat hangers from Oxfam.
323
00:17:32,029 --> 00:17:35,349
Not to worry, I suppose we'll just
start over. Like Bonnie and Clyde.
324
00:17:35,509 --> 00:17:38,709
C'mon, sweet cheeks, me
thieving fingers are getting giddy.
325
00:17:38,829 --> 00:17:40,509
I think I might sit this one out.
326
00:17:40,669 --> 00:17:43,029
My thieving fingers
have pilferer's fatigue.
327
00:17:43,189 --> 00:17:45,669
But it's not as fun
if we don't do it together.
328
00:17:45,829 --> 00:17:49,069
Well, maybe you don't
have to do it either? Ha!
329
00:17:49,229 --> 00:17:53,389
I said it's not as fun, Bonnie.
Alone it's still brilliant craic.
330
00:17:53,509 --> 00:17:55,629
Why do I always have to be the girl?
331
00:17:55,749 --> 00:17:58,229
So here we are again. All of us.
332
00:18:01,029 --> 00:18:05,229
Hopefully we can reach a new state
of honesty and reconciliation.
333
00:18:05,349 --> 00:18:07,389
What does Liam have to say?
334
00:18:07,509 --> 00:18:09,949
We're really just here to listen.
335
00:18:10,069 --> 00:18:11,669
I want to listen too.
336
00:18:11,789 --> 00:18:12,809
To Liam.
337
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:20,709
Well, marriage is hard.
338
00:18:20,869 --> 00:18:24,589
Finally, someone talking
a bit of bloody sense in here.
339
00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:26,589
But how do we make it easier, Liam?
340
00:18:27,669 --> 00:18:30,749
Go on, Liam, throw us some pearls.
341
00:18:30,869 --> 00:18:33,069
Yes, Liam, fill us with your wisdom.
342
00:18:35,069 --> 00:18:36,669
All right.
343
00:18:36,789 --> 00:18:40,509
Paddy, once a week,
344
00:18:40,629 --> 00:18:44,749
say something nice about Pat's hair.
345
00:18:44,909 --> 00:18:48,949
Oh, for God's sake!
Will do. Your hair is nice.
346
00:18:49,069 --> 00:18:50,469
Nice and thick.
347
00:18:51,549 --> 00:18:54,429
Thanks, Paddy. That means a lot.
348
00:18:56,149 --> 00:18:59,989
I have one. Respect
each other's space.
349
00:19:00,109 --> 00:19:01,989
That's rich, sitting in my workshop.
350
00:19:02,149 --> 00:19:05,269
Well done, Liam.
Stand tall, little man.
351
00:19:05,389 --> 00:19:07,349
How do you get your hair so thick?
352
00:19:13,309 --> 00:19:14,389
Hello.
353
00:19:16,469 --> 00:19:18,549
Hello, stupid ears.
354
00:19:20,069 --> 00:19:22,269
Ah, hello little fellas.
355
00:19:28,749 --> 00:19:30,909
That won't quench
your thirst, fella.
356
00:19:31,029 --> 00:19:33,309
No, but it'll take the edge off.
357
00:19:33,469 --> 00:19:37,429
Yeah, but think of the hamsters.
All caged up, famished and alone.
358
00:19:37,549 --> 00:19:38,749
They're five to a cage.
359
00:19:38,909 --> 00:19:40,989
Yeah, and all they want
is a bit of peace.
360
00:19:41,149 --> 00:19:45,469
A quiet life, far away from
their ferocious furry family.
361
00:19:45,629 --> 00:19:48,669
I think I know what you're
saying, you wise old bastard.
362
00:19:48,789 --> 00:19:53,829
Good. Cos it felt very hazy to me.
363
00:19:53,989 --> 00:19:56,909
I knew you were trouble
the minute I saw you!
364
00:19:57,069 --> 00:19:59,589
It's little brats like you
that make my life hell,
365
00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:02,069
with your shaggy hair
and your giddy hands.
366
00:20:02,189 --> 00:20:03,269
Sorry.
367
00:20:03,389 --> 00:20:05,069
Remember the dodgy rhyme, buddy.
368
00:20:09,549 --> 00:20:11,669
A friend who thieves
is a friend indeed!
369
00:20:11,789 --> 00:20:13,869
Bonnie! Who the hell are you?
370
00:20:14,029 --> 00:20:17,429
I am the water feeder thief. This
man is innocent. Set him free!
371
00:20:17,549 --> 00:20:19,629
Is the water feeders gone too?
372
00:20:19,749 --> 00:20:23,149
I just opened up all the cages.
373
00:20:24,309 --> 00:20:25,869
Oh, balls.
374
00:20:34,029 --> 00:20:36,389
Right, lads.
Let's break it down.
375
00:20:36,549 --> 00:20:41,389
Marriage. Always. Requires.
Really. Impressive. Affection.
376
00:20:41,509 --> 00:20:43,789
Goals. Etc.
377
00:20:43,949 --> 00:20:46,749
Brilliant. Say it again, Liam,
I want to write it down.
378
00:20:46,869 --> 00:20:48,949
It's not even a sentence.
379
00:20:49,069 --> 00:20:50,089
Wait!
380
00:20:55,069 --> 00:20:58,269
It spells marriage, too!
You're a genius, Liam.
381
00:21:01,069 --> 00:21:02,669
Moone and Moone marriage savers?
382
00:21:02,829 --> 00:21:05,109
'I've got kids down here.
They let the rabbits out!'
383
00:21:05,229 --> 00:21:06,429
They what?!
384
00:21:06,589 --> 00:21:09,349
If I catch them in here again,
I'll have to call the guards.
385
00:21:09,509 --> 00:21:14,749
I'm so sorry, I'm afraid Padraic
has had some problems at home.
386
00:21:14,909 --> 00:21:17,549
This is the one
who did the stealing.
387
00:21:17,669 --> 00:21:19,949
So your child is the bad child?
388
00:21:20,109 --> 00:21:22,829
There's no such thing
as a bad child, Pat.
389
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:25,469
Apart from your fella. The thief.
390
00:21:25,629 --> 00:21:28,869
Well, his father always had
a bit of a dark streak. Me?
391
00:21:29,029 --> 00:21:31,949
Says Little Miss "Oh, did I
forget to pay for the petrol?"
392
00:21:32,109 --> 00:21:36,869
One time, that happened. Probably
from watching you "forget" so often.
393
00:21:37,029 --> 00:21:41,749
I mean, it's almost impenetrable
to the weather. How do you do it?
394
00:21:41,869 --> 00:21:43,629
A woman has her secrets, Paddy.
395
00:21:43,789 --> 00:21:45,909
Maybe I'll let them slip
when we get home.
396
00:21:46,069 --> 00:21:48,389
Lovely, I'm looking forward
to a nice cup of tea
397
00:21:48,549 --> 00:21:50,509
and putting my feet up
in the wardrobe.
398
00:21:50,629 --> 00:21:52,309
Hope there's room for one more.
399
00:21:52,469 --> 00:21:54,429
I'll always make room for you,
my friend.
400
00:21:54,589 --> 00:21:56,569
At least I've never come
back from a wedding with
401
00:21:56,589 --> 00:21:58,149
a set of cutlery in my purse.
402
00:21:58,309 --> 00:22:01,989
They were wedding favours, Liam.
Everyone was taking them.
403
00:22:02,149 --> 00:22:05,189
You're the one always sampling
grapes at the supermarket.
404
00:22:05,349 --> 00:22:07,269
I need to know if they're
sweet. Not like you.
405
00:22:07,389 --> 00:22:09,349
You big sour grape!
406
00:22:09,509 --> 00:22:12,709
Wow! Your parents get
vicious pretty quick.
407
00:22:12,869 --> 00:22:17,109
Yeah. They're like a pair
of flipping swans.
408
00:22:17,226 --> 00:22:45,808
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