All language subtitles for F-1

Man, voice-over: Do you know
that feeling when you're doing

exactly what you were
put on the Earth to do?

The one where it's like
everything inside you

is moving together in
harmony with the universe?

Different man: Get
off! Get off! Get off!

Get off! Get off! Get off!

Get in formation!

Man, voice-over: No
matter what happens...

What the fuck took
you so long, private?

Man, voice-over:
everything will be OK.

Do not fuck it up
on me, private!

Sweet fucking baby Jesus!

Man, voice-over: Yeah.

Me neither...

but, you know, one
can hope, right?

It started when I was a kid.

I always needed to help people.

Hey! Leave him alone!

Or at least I wanted to...

Unh!

So I did what any normal,
red-blooded American would do.

To our top summer associate.

Man, voice-over:
I became a lawyer.

That seemed like a safe move.

You're welcome here at this firm

anytime you want.

You're one of us now,
all right? Woman: Yeah!

Man, voice-over: But
then, I saw it...

a life of backyard
grilling and playdates,

home improvement projects

and overplanned
tourist adventures,

neighbors I probably
didn't want to know,

a wife I probably didn't
want to know either,

maybe an affair
with my neighbor.

The thing was whenever
I saw people like that,

I always thought, "When did
you decide to stop trying?"

So I folded that hand.

[Men shouting]

Yeah. A year of law school
left, 6 figures waiting,

and I enlist in
the fucking army?

[Shouting continues]

I mean, what the actual fuck?

[Groans]

Everyone thought I was insane.

1, 2, 3!

I thought I was insane.

The next thing I knew,

I made it through the Q Course
with Special Forces selection.

One minute!

Man, voice-over: And
for the first time

in my entire life...

Let's go surprise some assholes!

I was happy.

Whoo! Let's do this!

Saddle up!

Whoo!

[Soldiers shouting]

I'd found something worth doing

in a world where
things worth doing

they didn't come
around very often.

I found myself...

[Cheering]

Aah!

I found love...

[Screaming]

Push! Push!

I found family...

Come on! Let's go!

Man, voice-over:
and most of all,

I found purpose.

Leader: That's our
target. President Venegas.

We're here to take him out.

See you on the ground!

[Man grunting]

Huh?

No! Shit! Ohh!

Whoa! Ohh! Huh!

Ohh!

Unh!

Oh, fuck! Aw, shit!

Huh!

No! Ohh! Unh!

Huh!

[Groaning]

Guys. Ugh.

Man, voice-over:
And just like that,

my purpose was gone.

I went back to the normal
life that I tried to avoid

and couldn't feel
more like a failure.

[Sighs]

Woman: Mason!

Mason!

Casey's gonna be
late for school!

Good morning.

Hey! Hey!

Mm-wha!

Ew! Your breath smells, Daddy.

Ohh. Got to brush my teeth.

[Beep, door unlatches]

OK. You want to drive? No!

OK. Yeah. In a few years,
it's all yours, though.

All right? You
in? Everything...

Mason, don't forget
her seatbelt.

Make sure to buckle
your seatbelt.

Please.

Wave to Mommy because
she'll hate me

even more than she
already does if you don't.

You know, how's school going?

Casey: There's a
boy named Chase

that bothers me all the time.

He tries to kiss me and stuff.

Boy tries to kiss
you? You're 9.

I'm 8, Daddy. That
makes it even worse.

Tell you what. The next
time he tries to kiss you,

you hit him in the throat.

You know what the throat is?

I'm not an idiot.

Just hit him in
the Adam's apple.

All boys have them.

Like penises?

Uh, yes. Kind... yes.

Um, just... just hit
him right here, OK?

It'll make it so he can't
breathe for a little bit.

Like hitting him in the penis.

Yes, and you know what?
You can do that, also.

All right? OK. We're here.

Remember your backpack.

Go forth, wreak havoc, and
don't forget your bookbag.

Bye, Daddy.

You have a great day, OK?

Learn things.

So I told them...

[Breathing heavily]

they can't charge
me those calls.

I... I... I didn't
make those calls.

I... I... I don't even
know any of those numbers.

They won't leave me alone, man.

So, um... so you
want to hire me

to... argue with your
phone company for you?

Just my old phone company.

Scott, uh...

you... you have my word I
will make this all go away.

Oh! Thank you.
Thank... thank you.

Thank you. Can I
give you a retainer?

I'd feel better with a
retainer, maybe just 500.

Like your style, Scott.

Ha! Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

This... There you go.

This looks great. I'll...

Oh, my gosh. I'll
be in touch, OK?

OK. Thank you.

OK.

You don't write, you don't call.

As I live and breathe.

Sebastian Earle. Hey!

Aw, man. Look at you.

God. What are you doing here?

How'd they get you in a suit?

I could ask you the same thing.

Are you kidding?
I'm about to take on

a global communications
conglomerate,

so I got to look the part.

I seem to recall you
saying that quitting law

was the best decision
you ever made.

I did. And that
becoming a lawyer

would only crush your soul.

Yeah, it has, but I
got a wife and a kid,

and they both
require income, so...

in lieu of that, I generate
broken dreams for all involved.

Well, do you have a half-hour
to spare for an old friend?

I want to show you something.

I think Lady Justice can wait.

[Tires squeal]

Sebastian: So
what do you think?

I think you need a lawyer.

You know a good one? Nope.

Carry on, fellas.

Man: Yes, sir. Hey.

CDI. Heh heh. Chicks Dig It.

Actually, Contracted
Defense Initiatives,

but... but, yes, they do.

You name it, we got it,

and if we don't, we'll find
it, buy it, or build it.

We can operate in
any environment

and any operational condition.

[Whistles]

We are a one-stop
shop and shoot.

Ranges, mock villages,
our own airstrip,

the whole kit.

I opened up 7 years
ago. Yeah, I remember,

but honestly, I never
thought you'd pull it off.

Hey. Good on you, brother.

Well, I started with
the U.S. government,

then moved to Europe, then Asia,

then South America.

Now we're over 80%
corporate contracts.

We're grossing high
8 figures this year.

Heh. Ahh. Private security work's
always been a bit dicey for me.

It's, like, a thin line
between mercenary work, yeah?

Naw. Come on. It's
like any business.

We sell a product.

That product is security.

Cavemen out there,
they're your product?

They look the part, and
they keep the peace.

Can't hire fast enough.

Tons of ex-military,
a few cops... heh...

and some good, old
boys with a passion

for the Second Amendment.

And steroids.

Don't ask, don't tell. Yeah.

These guys are, uh, potentially

your new colleagues.

No. No.

No!

No, no, and no.

Come on.

I'm too broken down,
I'm... I'm out of shape.

I'm too old to go running
around the world, Seb.

I got a life here.

Mason, I know you.
You're... you're miserable.

That's not the point.

Look. The truth
is broken or not

you still look the part.

I'm asking as a personal favor.

I've got an easy personal
protection detail.

It's a one-off. Just
help me out, huh?

Total milk run.

You guys don't
look like milkmen.

[Sighs]

[Man speaking Spanish on TV]

[Spanish continues]

¡Viva Paldoñia!

Crowd: ¡Viva Paldoñia!

[Venegas speaking Spanish]

Everybody is
welcome to Paldoñia.

It's a beautiful
country, beautiful.

Juan Arturo Venegas.

You kidding me?

You took a job for the guy
that killed half our team?

We were there to kill
him in the first place.

Dude, chill. The job
isn't for Venegas.

It's body work for a journalist
who's gonna interview him.

Just show up, be some
window dressing for her,

make sure she
doesn't get groped.

A bunch of our friends
died because of that guy.

You don't have to tell me.

I know, and look.

If he were to get hit by a bus,

I don't think anybody would
be too upset about it.

Believe me, I'd love
to do it myself,

but I'm running a business,

and right now, that business
is getting a journalist

in and out of Paldoñia.

Yeah. Send one of
your other guys.

Heh. I can't spare
them for this.

Listen. I'm trying
to break into

the personal protection
racket for journalists,

and this is the first
step, so I'm overpaying.

This is me trying
to hook you up, OK?

No drama. Venegas
is sending a plane

to D.C. tomorrow to
pick you guys up.

I'm not interested.

20 grand says you are.

[Sighs]

Who's the journalist?

Man: This year's recipient

of the International
Journalism and Editors Award

Claire Wellington.

[Cheering and applause]

Thank you.

Claire: Journalism
at its best,

it's about the truth.

I share this with
all the journalists

who report the facts

and who value the
truth above all.

[Typing]

[Reporters clamoring]

In my haste to
break a major story,

I neglected... to
perform my due diligence

in properly fact checking

and thoroughly
vetting my sources.

I have resigned
my position here.

[Reporters clamoring]

Woman: Make sure that she
knows what she did was wrong.

So, uh, how's everybody doing?

[Sighs]

You told your
daughter to hit a boy

in the throat, and
that boy's father

is a lawyer. Um...

A real lawyer.

Uh, whatever this is,
it's gone, it's done.

I can't do it anymore, Mason.

I can't... Jenny,
don't overreact.

I'm not overreacting. I
think it might be best

for everybody if
you did move out.

[Sighs]

Never mind. I'll get Casey,
and I'll go to my mom's.

No. I'll go.

[Video game chimes]

[Controller clicking]

Hey, Daddy.

[Groans]

What are you doing?

Building a cruise ship.

Cruise ship. Wow. That's a
good gig if you can get it.

Ahh. Listen. I got to go
out of town for a few days.

It's for work.

Do they have snow globes
where you're going?

Tell you what. If they
do, I'll get you one.

Thanks, Daddy.

[Chime]

Jenny: What do you mean you're
going out of town for a few days?

I took a job. What?

Yeah. Sebastian
Earle hooked me up.

What about your practice? Ha!

You just said a minute ago
that I wasn't a real lawyer.

What job is this?

It's private
security. Easy stuff.

Mason, no.

That part of your life is over.

You're not gonna go
and get yourself killed

and leave our daughter
without a father to raise her.

Just let me make this money, OK?

You think I don't know
how unhappy you are

being just a husband
and a father?

Imagine what it
feels like to be me,

knowing that I'm the
life you settled for.

Jenny, I...

On second thought,
actually, you should go.

Maybe that's what you need

to fix yourself.

[Door slams]

[Doorbell beeping]

Claire: Politics
in the workplace

and... and the fallout
from that, please.

No. It's great. Of course you're
being a weasel about this.

I can't say I'm surprised.

Yeah. I wouldn't want to
tarnish your perfect reputation.

You're a saint.
We both know it.

Excuse me. Claire Wellington?

Well, please do,
and I'll be sure

to badmouth you to
anyone who will listen.

Hey. That's great. Yeah.
Same to you, asshole.

Miss Wellington...

I'm... I'm, uh...
I'm from CDI.

I'm Mason Pettits.

You're late. Where's the car?

It's, uh, this way.

Great. Can you
help me with this?

Claire: So you're
my Green Beret.

Army Special Forces.

Right. A Green Beret is a hat.

Delta Force isn't the name
of anything but a bad movie.

I've met my share
of your colleagues.

So where'd you serve?

Oh. All the loveliest places.

I was in the Middle East,

South America of course.

Ooh! North Carolina.

And that tan line
on your ring finger?

We don't wear wedding
rings while we work.

Could be a possible pressure
point if you're captured.

Either that, or you
just got a divorce.

So we're leaving for Paldoñia.

You know anything about it?

Sure do.

Paldoñia's like a...
Tim Burton movie.

It's colorful, but
it's creepy as fuck.

That's a new one.

I have an exclusive interview

with President Juan
Arturo Venegas.

He doesn't do interviews.

Um, with all due respect, do
you understand at all who...

I think I understand quite well,

but the real question
is do you understand

why you're coming along?

My guess is not
to give my opinion

about Juan Arturo Venegas.

Perfect. Then
this will be fine.

I'll focus on Venegas.
You focus on making sure

I don't get robbed or
kidnapped at the hotel.

[Muttering]

Man: Pull!

[Gunshot]

What's up, what's up?

Welcome back to
"Infamous Daily Live."

I'm here with GG Love,

who went from doing time

to being a multimillionaire
entrepreneur

and founder of the Much
Loved clothing brand.

Thanks for being here, GG.

Pleasure's all mines, baby.

Give us a spin. Show
off what you got.

Wow! I can't wait to get one.

So tell me...

Have a good laugh? Oh, shit!

Was that all an Internet
search could get you?

Trust me. There's
far worse out there.

Did you move to the States
when you were young?

I noticed your British
passport when we boarded,

and you slipped
your accent, so...

probably moved here as a kid.

I mean, if I had to guess.

Nobody's asking
for your guesses.

Why Paldoñia? Some
sort of image makeover?

This might shock you, my dear,

but I didn't take
a degree at Oxford

to cover celebrity bar mitzvahs.

Paldoñia has some
of the largest oil

and natural gas
fields in the world,

and Venegas is the
last pure autocrat

in the Western Hemisphere,
and he doesn't do interviews

until now.

OK. Just...

just want me to sit
here and shut up then?

Sounds absolutely brilliant.

[Hip-hop music playing]

[Man singing in Spanish]

Miss Wellington,
welcome to Paldoñia!

President Venegas, so
nice to meet... you.

Ellie sends her regards.

Oh, my God. You are
even more beautiful

in person than on television.

Thank you. Hoo. Ha ha ha!

[Sighs]

It's like that?

Oh. That... that was a gift.

What? I have a
permit for that.

Before we begin, we
must take a selfie.

Oh. Um...

Ah. Yes. That's... um...

It's a little bright out here.

Yes? Oh. Oh!

You approve? Yes.

Ahh! It's great.

My followers are
gonna love this.

[Phone whooshes]

Use the whole fist?

I bought that one. Yeah.

So Ellie and you were roommates

in the university, yes?

Our second and
fourth years, yes.

Hmm. Heh heh.

Well, any friend of Ellie's
is welcome in Paldoñia.

Tell me about her. How is she?

Well, um...

she is very happy in Kansas.

I know. What's
in Kansas anyway?

The rich rancher she married.

Not in Kansas anymore, huh?

Was it a bad joke?

Venegas: No. "The
Wizard of Oz."

It's one of my favorite movies.

I should have introduced you.

Mason is my protective detail.

Venegas: Of course
he is. Of course.

Mason Pettits, CDI's finest,

former Army Special
Forces, right?

Maison Petite.
The little house.

We do our own research, too.

Ha ha ha! Ha!

Vamanos!

[Man singing Del Shannon's
"Runaway" in Spanish]

Would you like to
ride my stallion?

Not now, thanks.

President Venegas, I
really appreciate you

giving me this kind of access.

Ho ho! Of course.

It's like they say.

A blind pig must use its nose.

Ah. Ha ha.

There are so many wonderful
things about my country.

I can't wait for you to
share them with the world.

Look. Mi gente. My people.

There is a bright future
ahead of us, bright future.

Heh.

Ha ha. Freedom of speech is
very present in Paldoñia,

but let's move on.

Vamos. Vamos.
Adelante. Adelante.

Mason: Just confirming.
We are still headed

to your ranch tonight, right?

Venegas: I am taking you
to my country estate.

I think you're gonna love it.

Let's toast, huh?

OK. Yes.

Ha ha! One for you,

one for me,

and we toast for
your safe travels...

and for new friends.

I like it. Yes.

Ah, ah, ah.

Arriba... Arriba...

abajo... abajo...

al centro... al centro...

pa' dentro. OK. Ha ha ha!

Ahh. Ahem. Heh.

Uh, if you don't
mind, Mr. President,

I'd love to go over a few
of my interview questions

with you now. Yes, of course.

No prepararse es
prepararse para fallar.

Failing to prepare
is preparing to fail?

Ooh. I love it. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Be ready to fail, huh?

I... ohh!

What are we gonna do, Mason?

[Speaking Spanish]

[Audio slowing down]

Mason!

[Gunfire]

[Speaking Spanish]

Oh, my God!

[Venegas speaking Spanish]

Aah! Stay down!

Aah, Mason! Get down!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

[Gunfire continues]

No, no, no, no, no!

[Bullets ricocheting off car]

Claire: Mason?

What's happening? Stay down!

Oh! Ohh!

[Gunfire continues]

Claire: Aah!

[Tires squeal]

What are you doing?

[Tires squeal]

Oh, shit!

Get up. Get up. What?

Get up. Put your
seatbelts on now.

Oh, God.

Venegas: Unh! Claire: Ohh!

Ooh! Ow!

Claire, are you OK? Yes? Yes.

[Breathing heavily]

Told you this was mine.

OK, OK.

Hey. OK. Stay here.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

[Gunfire]

Huh!

[Grunting]

Man.

Hey.

What part of "stay here"
did you guys not get?

[Gunfire]

[Man shouts]

[Claire gasping]

[Groaning]

[Grunting]

Oh, my back. Ohh.

Oh. Just...

[Claire coughs]

OK. OK.

Mr. Pettits. OK.

Thank you very much.
God! Ohh! My back!

Ahh. My back. Are you OK?

Yeah. Just give me a second.

Are you sure you're
OK? You want a massage?

OK.

Claire: What the
hell just happened?

What happened?

Your one-man security
detail happened.

He's a hero.

Mason, what's going on?

What's going on? This place is

a shitshow like it always was.

We never should have come.

Let's go.

Should we call for help?

Yeah, but we'll call when
we're someplace safe.

Ahem. Can you believe this?

What?

C'est un coup d'état.

A coup?

Putana! Merde!

I cannot hide from this!

Ha! Hiding seems like
a great idea right now.

This is not a rebel
assassination attempt.

One, really looks like it is.

Two, you're screwed
regardless, so...

I have to stop this.

I think I just did.

Stop the overthrow
of my government,

and you will come
with me to the capital

and help me protect my people.

Newsflash... your people just
tried to kill you, all right?

Count us out.

Can you hand me my bag?

What? My bags.

We got to get you out of
here by the end of the day.

You're never gonna need it.

I'm with the
president of a country

in the middle of a coup.

This is the scoop of a lifetime.

You got to be alive to have
the scoop of a lifetime, OK?

You'll break your story
when you're someplace safe.

What's that? A really big gun.

Let's move.

Come on.

Ohh!

["Swan Lake" Act I
"Finale" playing]

Battement tendu.

En pointe.

[Cell phone ringing]

Yes.

How's it?

Everyone?

Yes. Excellent.

Sorry. Go ahead.

I see.

Be in touch then.

Brava, brava, Marta. The swan.

[Speaking Afrikaans]

Encore, encore!

[Music continues]

[Music ends]

Shit.

Wait, wait, Mason.

I c... I can't,
I can't, I can't.

I can't. Ohh.

I guess we're taking a break.

Ohh.

Are you OK, Miss Wellington?

I'm good. Oh, good.

So who's trying to kill us?

Nobody. Nobody is
trying to kill us.

They're trying to kill him.

Ah.

Oh. You have a
satellite phone.

Who you gonna call?

I'm calling for help.

[Cell phone rings]

Earle. Yo. It's
Mason. We got hit.

Shit! What happened?
You OK, Mason?

Heading out of town, they
took out our vehicles.

I got us out safe, but I...

bro, we're stuck. I got
no idea where we're at.

Is Wellington safe?

Yeah. She's with
me, and Venegas

is here, too.

What? Why is he with you?

What about his team?

Dead. Bro, you got
to get us a ride.

Hang tight.

GPS has your position.

There's a clearing...
3 klicks east.

Exfil there by helo.

I'm gonna call some
colleagues in the area.

I'll get you picked up.

Heh. So much for a milk run.

May I use your phone? Nope.

But I need to make a call.

Heh. I don't care.

Claire: Mason. What?

Tell me why I should
do a favor for him.

Well, for example,
because, uh, I can have

you arrested for
being a foreign spy.

Maybe I pull a coup
of my own then.

Stop it, Mason!

[Singing in Spanish]

Singing? Dictators
don't get to sing.

Really? Well, then go ahead.

Do it, Mr. Pettits.

I am not afraid of death,

and I am not afraid
of people like you.

Do it.

[Singing in Spanish]

Hey, hey! Put the
gun down, please.

[Continues singing]

Knock yourself out.

Thank you. Don't worry.

I'll make it petite.

[Phone beeps]

[Indistinct chatter]

Hermanos.

Señor.

Ringtone: ♪ Sí señor ♪

♪ Mi presidente ♪

♪ Sí señor ♪

♪ El presidente ♪

Heh. Ha ha!

Uh-huh. Ah!

[Continues in Spanish]

Is he asking what I'm wearing?

No, he's describing
what you're wearing.

Don't look at me. He's
your friend of a friend.

Yeah. Just didn't
realize he and Ellie

kept in touch still.

What? The interview.

That's obviously why
he invited me here.

He invited you?

Why? Because I'm not just

a celebrity news
reporter to you now?

No. I thought you
landed the interview.

Ha! Everybody's asked
him for an interview,

but Paldoñia's been
basically a media blackout

for the last decade.

Then just like that,
he e-mailed me,

asked me if I
wanted an interview.

Why do you think you're here?

I'm not totally clueless.

[Phone beeps]

Thank you.

Please tell us you
have good news.

Oh, I have wonderful news.

I was just talking
to Jorge, my nephew.

He's the one behind the coup.

That's good news?

Yes, it's great news.

You see, I love my
nephew, but he's an idiot.

So he... he just told you?

No. he didn't
tell me anything,

but he said everything. Hmm?

He will not move a
finger if he knows

that I am still alive,

so I told him that
everything was OK

and that we were
gonna go to see him.

You see, you must
always stroke the head

that you are going to cut off.

So is he working
with the rebels?

No, no, no, no.

The rebels also think
that he's an idiot.

Heh. Let's go.

Back to the capital.

Heh. No.

No.

Do what you want.

We're getting out of here.

We can't just leave him.

Just did.

I need to report this.

We can't just let
another government

in another poor
country get overthrown

in another coup and
nobody pays attention.

Come on. Don't let
Venegas suck you in.

He's a textbook sociopath.

He seems OK.

Please. Read Hannah Arendt.

I have.

I'm well aware what
the world expects

from Claire Wellington
at the moment,

but I have sacrificed everything

for my career... my family,
relationships, my life...

so forgive me if I refuse to be

the laughingstock who went
from winning a Peabody

to covering celebrity man caves.

This is my chance,

and it's working out better
than I ever could have hoped.

Yeah, it's one way
of looking at it.

Err!

[Phone ringing]

Sebastian.

Man: Mason Pettits, we got a
call from your boss at CDI.

Heard you needed a lift.

Yeah, we sure do.

Got an ETA of two
minutes for you.

Got a spot where I
can set the bird down?

Yeah, we're headed towards
the clearing right now.

Uh, you got my GPS?

We're heading straight for it.

You can't get here fast
enough. We'll be standing by.

OK. Sit tight. We're getting
picked up in a few minutes.

Are you sure we can't stay?

Oh, I'm sure.

Get you picked up
across the border.

You'll find a Starbucks with
free Wi-Fi or something,

break your story from there.

Sure sure?

You can't get a
Peabody if you're dead.

What about Venegas?
You think he'll be OK?

I don't give a
shit about Venegas!

What is your deal with him?

[Helicopter approaching]

I can smell the free Wi-Fi now.

Not good.

Run! Run! What?!

[Claire screaming]

Aah!

Aah!

Claire: Aah!

[Grunting]

Agh! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Come on!

Oh, God!

Come on.

Are you kidding me?

Embrace the suck!

Aah! Ohh! Ohh!

Claire: Aah!

Still excited to cover a coup?

Less and less honestly. Yeah.

Shit! he's going
for another round.

Stay put.

[Grunts]

[Breathing heavily]

[Inhales]

[Exhales]

[Exhales]

[Gasps]

Tell me you got that.

Run!

Run!

[Claire panting]

Mason?

Mason?

[Branch snaps]

Mason?

Oh. Not Mason.

Because hiding in a tree
is such a good idea.

Huh!

[Both grunting]

Are you OK?

Yeah. I'm good.

Do you need help?

Enn.

[Bones crack]

Claire: Ooh!

[Panting]

You good? Ugh.

Suddenly, I'm very glad
I paid you to tag along.

[Groaning]

Mason!

Unh! Aah!

Where is Venegas?

[Gunshot]

Aah!

I'm here.

Ohh!

Aah!

Puta!

Oh. Miss Wellington,
I am... I am so sorry

for the mess that I have made.

Thank you.

Where did you come from?

From behind that tree.

Not literally.

What's up with the hand cannon?

Juanita? Yeah.

What kind of egomaniacal
psycho dictator

would Venegas be if he
didn't have a big gun?

Point taken.

[Soldiers speaking Spanish]

Jorge: Colonel Koehorst.

General Vásquez,

my clients are very
disappointed that

your uncle is still alive
and causing trouble.

It would appear that
your men likewise

failed to kill my uncle.

Certainly our arrangement's
off to a shaky start.

My clients need assurance that

their investment in your
country remains secure.

Is that clear?

Yes. Ahem.

Good.

Thank you.

Better one man dies
instead of a thousand.

[Gags]

Ahem.

Thanks. Yeah.

Ahh.

Well, this is just... awesome.

Yeah.

So how'd you get wounded?

Your back. Saw you've
been favoring it.

God, I'm sorry
for trying to have

a human moment with you
in the middle of a jungle

where we could
die at any second.

Mission I was on went
sideways a while back.

I got injured. My back hurts.

Did that happen here?

Yeah.

It was my last mission.

And so you're married...
or were married?

I didn't quite follow
with the ring thing.

Heh.

[Sighs]

Yes.

Probably separated by now.

Hmm.

I was just way better
at being an operator

than I am at normal,
day-to-day life.

Then I got hurt, then I got out,

and then I just sucked.

I got low.

[Exhales]

Took me years to figure
out how to become a lawyer.

Wait. You're a lawyer?

Yeah. Officially.

Passed the Bar, whole 9.

Ha!

Thought it would make
me feel more normal.

Mmm.

Turns out it just made
me hate myself more.

So you got into
private security?

Yeah.

How long you been
doing that now?

Uh, it's what, 5...

4... 3 days?

What? CDI said you
were their best.

You saw me take
out a helicopter.

I mean, I think you got
your money's worth, right?

I mean, come on. That was...

that was pretty cool.

That was pretty damn cool.

Uh, we should go around.

How rude would that be?

It probably isn't safe.

It's very safe.

Welcome to Sabrina, my home.

[Indistinct chatter]

Heh heh.

[Speaking Quechuan]

[Speaking Quechuan]

Ahh. Ha! Ha ha ha!

Claire, Mason,

this is my oldest
friend Ernesto Sandoval.

He is the leader
of this village.

It's an honor.

Oh! Oh!

[Laughter]

What did he say?

Something funny, I guess.

Venegas: This is Pepino.

He is the, the
son-in-law of the chief.

He will give us a ride
into town tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Yes, Mason.

Nobody travels in this region

of the country at night.

Not even mercenaries.

Consider it a chance to rest

and wash off the blood.

OK.

[Speaking Quechuan]

Uh...

[Indistinct chatter]

[Gasps]

Ohh! Oh, my God!

Ha ha ha!

I just... I didn't...

didn't see anything.

Venegas: Whew!

Oh. Hoo!

Nice ink, woman.

Color me impressed,
Mr. Pettits.

Not petite at all.

Shall we do the interview?

Huh?

[Indistinct chatter]

Mason: So what do you
want me to do again?

Just a standard two-shot.

Didn't exactly learn
that in basic training.

Just make sure we're
both in the frame.

Shall we begin? Please.

OK. Let me just...

Claire: We're rolling?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

President Venegas, thank
you for speaking to me

about the events that have
transpired over the past 12 hours.

Venegas: I truly
appreciate the opportunity

of speaking with you.

The world will soon
learn that earlier

this morning you survived
an assassination attempt

that resulted in the deaths

of your entire security team.

Sadly, yes.

Who do you think is behind
this attempted coup?

Our land and its mineral
resources have been exploited

by outsiders for
a very long time,

and it is no secret
that these outsiders

have propped up my
presidency for many years

while I turned my
back on my people.

The CIA, the SAS,
they're only a tool

to influence leaders like
me in countries like mine,

but the real power has
always been in the hands

of CEOs and shareholders
that make billions

out of our natural resources
on the back of my people.

So the corporations were behind
the attempt on your life?

I was with you. The
attackers seemed like

professional soldiers.

What can't these
people buy, Claire?

You think an assassination
attempt is scary?

Try telling the CEO of
a global energy company

to go fuck his mother and
watch your currency drop

70% by the end of
the conference call.

Paldoñia has been blessed
with a second chance.

In my fists are lanthanides,

rare earth metals that
are the core component

for every new technology,
cell phones, tablets,

electric cars, MRI machines.

These corporations,
they want to exploit

our new resource by a
pittance of what it's worth,

and I have told them
that I will not allow it,

which is why they're
trying to kill me.

Paldoñia will become
the number one provider

of the world's most
precious metal.

[Cheering and applause]

[Indistinct chatter]

Quite a puff piece you got here.

Yeah.

[Latin music playing]

Venegas: The bridge.
Here they come.

Do you remember that?

You come back. Ba
ba ba ba! Take that!

[Speaking Spanish]

Right?

I'm telling you.

You saved my
life. Claire: Yes.

Very impressive.

[Speaking Spanish]

Whoo!

Más, más.

[Indistinct chatter]

Bravo! Bravo!

Y-you don't have to
sleep in a chair, Mason.

I've slept in worse.

Want to play a game to
see who gets the bed?

OK. If you know what this is,

I'm gonna be in trouble.

[Exhales]

That's a mandala.

I'm guessing you
got it in India,

work trip.

Ha. OK.

OK.

This is Latin.

"She flies with
her own wings."

That's Latin? It, um...

ahem... it's cool.

Yeah. I got it a few years ago

as a reminder that everything's
gonna work out fine.

And why would you
need that reminder,

aside from being here with
an inexperienced bodyguard

and being hunted by mercenaries?

Oh. Ttt, ttt, tt.

Stop.

Um... heh.

Can you see that?

Yep. Uh, anarchy?

What, do you not believe
in any form of government?

I didn't when I was a teenager.

I was very rebellious.

I can buy that.

Hmm. It got me
into journalism,

you know, confronting power,

fighting governments
to get to the truth.

What's not to love?

Yeah, yeah. Of course.

So whatever you thought,

I came here for the chance

to confront a dictator

and hold power to account.

That's why I came here.

Not for my career.

Maybe a little
bit for my career.

Heh.

Now, you tell me something.

Good night.

Are you enjoying this?

I'm just doing my job.

Yeah. Me, too.

I c... I can't. Ahem. I can't.

You still love her.

Yeah.

Timing, right?

Yeah. The worst. Ha ha ha!

Good night, Mr. Pettits.

Good night, Miss Wellington.

[Rooster crowing]

[Groans]

Morning.

Yo. We got to go.

Heh.

Aww. You're still
not gonna let me go

to Puerto Santiago to
tell this story, huh?

That's a negative. You
got your exclusive.

We get you to safety,
you break your story.

Do you think I have
enough of a story?

I mean, yes, I have
Venegas telling his side,

but it could still be
dismissed as the rantings

of a dictator trying
to explain away

a popular revolt.

That is true.

The world has always
been largely apathetic

towards my country.

That has served many
well but not my people.

That is why today I am
going to Puerto Santiago

for the future of my people.

Very inspiring.
I'm just gonna move

the delusions of saving your
people to the back burner

and not getting us killed
to the front burner.

Why are you here, Mason?

What? Yes.

Why are you here in Paldoñia?

For her. To protect her.

Really? That's why
you think you're here?

Hmm. For such a cynical man,

you are hopelessly naive, Mason.

Out of all places,
you were sent here.

The question is why, Mason.

[Phone beeping]

[Cell phone ringing]

Mason: Yo. It's Mason.

Mace. Are you OK? I'm
freaking out here.

Yeah. What's the story, bro?

You sent me down here because
you thought I'd roll over?

Maybe I was too big of
a mess to handle it?

Because I, like, owned
a bunch of these dudes.

What are you talking
about? Come on, man.

You really gonna try to
convince me you sent me

down here randomly to meet the
guy who killed half our friends,

and then the day I get
here, by coincidence,

there's a coup with a
bunch of South Africans?

It should be great.

Mace, it's not what
you think, all right?

Just breathe.

I love you like
a brother. Yeah?

The only thing I can't figure out
is why you needed me down here.

[Sighs]

They wanted you
to dispose of him.

Kill Venegas?

At his ranch.

One of his bodyguards
was gonna get you a gun,

sneak you into his bedroom.

Yeah, but why me?

I thought it'd be a
gift to take out the guy

who killed our brothers,

but apparently his
nephew thought Venegas

was hip to it, and
he jumped the gun.

I never would've
sent you down there

if I thought there
was gonna be a coup.

Seb, what kind of insanity
have you gotten yourself into?

Look. Security contracting,

you deal with some shady people.

Some of it rubs off on you.

Who are these
people? Who paid you?

The South Africans
are contractors, too.

They approached me when the
Wellington interview happened.

They... they... they rep people
who want to take control of the...

The lanthanides. Right.

Mace, there's an easy fix here.

Put a bullet in Venegas.

Do it for the guys we lost.

Do it for his country.

Do it for the world.

Mace? Ma...

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

Mason: Honey?

Hi, Daddy.

Hey. Uh...

hey. I, um... I just
wanted to tell you

that I love you
and Mommy so much.

I love you too, Daddy.

Daddy, Mommy is sad.

You should come home.

Yeah. Yeah.

I... I promise
I'll be home soon.

Hey. Is... is Mommy there?

Can you put Mom on
the phone right now?

OK, but she told
Grandma that she doesn't

want to talk to you
again until you get

your shit together.

Heh. Ahem.

Just put mom on the
phone, sweetheart.

Mommy! Daddy's on the phone.

OK, honey. You go get ready.

OK.

Mason? Hey.

Where are you?

I'm just in a shop
getting Casey something.

Listen. Um...

I just wanted to say thank you

for sticking with
me through all this

and that I love you very much.

Oh. OK. I mean, you're
kind of scaring me,

uh, with that. No, no.

It's, it's... don't
worry. Don't worry.

I love you.

I... I love you, too, so much.

Please just come
home in one piece.

I'm on my way. OK.

[Sighs]

Thank God for that.

Venegas: So as you
walk to this...

Claire: All right. I'll
use some of the skirt. Yes.

You walk into
position right here,

and then you go like

Mason?

Hey.

We're heading for
the border tonight.

What? What?

We're leaving, and that's that.

No, no. Wait. Hey!

Don't give me a reason.

[Vehicles approaching]

Claire: Ohh!

Where's Venegas?

Venegas!

Venegas!

Mason: Dude, stop
following us already.

Venegas: I could say
the same thing to you,

but I have much better manners.

Mi amigo has a car. Come on!

[Speaking Spanish]

[Speaking Quechuan]

Nesto Sandoval.

[Coughs]

[Pepino speaking Spanish]

Sí señor.

Claire: It doesn't
look very fast.

What are we gonna
do with this thing?

[Fires 3 shots]

Where's Venegas?

[Villagers screaming]

[Engine sputtering]

[Gunshot]

[Villagers screaming]

[Engine sputtering]

Wait, wait, wait.
Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Let him go.

It's the only way out of this.

If they kill him here,
they kill every person

in this village.

[Horse neighs]

I hate you.

Hey!

You're looking for Venegas?

Here is Venegas!

Um... Can you ride?

I'll manage.

All right.

[Grunting]

[Grunting]

OK. Hold on.

Huh! Ohh!

OK. Oh.

Ohh! Get on.

What?! Get on!

No, no! I am very
afraid of horses.

Half of your pictures
are on horses.

It was Photoshopped. Err!

[Horse neighs]

Ohh! OK. OK.

Let's go!

Aah! Aah!

OK. OK. Oh! OK.

Ooh! Oh! Aah!

Aah! Mason: Claire, come on!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Venegas: Aah! Aah!

Hold onto my waist!

Ohh! Aah!

This isn't weird at all.

Let's go! Get them!

[Screaming]

Hang tight!

Claire, this way!

Claire: Wait, wait, wait!

[Screaming]

Mason: Claire, follow me!

[Horse neighs]

Aah!

Aah! Hang on!

[Whimpering]

Stay there. Stay there.

Do not move.

Get up. Come here. Come here.

Stay still.

Hello, Miss Wellington.

May I call you Claire?

Where's Claire?

She was right behind us.

Oh.

Don't worry.

They won't hurt her
if I'm still alive.

Looks like I'm going
to Puerto Santiago.

Excellent!

Aah! What?! Aah! Aah! Aah!

So you take money to
make private wars?

What's that like?

Why don't you ask
your Green Beret?

I would, but I seem to have
been kidnapped by mercenaries.

Sweetheart, we just saved
you from the worst dictator

this continent has ever seen.

I guess I missed the
chivalry while you were

shooting at me.

We were shooting at him.

Our group has been
contracted on behalf

of the people of Paldoñia.

You mean, a
corporate-backed coup

of a sovereign nation?

You know, most journalists cause

chaos and frenzy
but have no idea

what's actually going on.

We are here to bring
stability and peace

to a complicated situation.

You really think
that your reporting

can change the will
of the powerful?

This might sound
crazy, but, yes, I do.

Kind of part of the gig.
It certainly sounds nice,

and I wish you
were right, Claire.

I really do.

Unfortunately,
people are foolish.

People just want honesty.

They don't know what they want.

They can't see what matters.

They need looking after.

So what matters?

What matters is power.

You can hold it and use it.

And who's using you?

Well, Claire, certainly
people who don't like

what you're doing.

They don't give a rat's
ass about journalists.

Mason: How much further?

Venegas: We're almost there.

It's just over the ridge.

[Singing in Spanish]

What's with the singing, man?

You noticed?

Well, I believe that when
one encounters danger,

you should sing to it.

You care to try?

Not much of a singer.

Not much of a dancer either.

Ha ha ha!

You're not afraid
of a big belly laugh

every now and again, huh?

Oh. Of course not.

I believe that one should
always remember to laugh.

Well, I found out why I'm here.

Oh.

They wanted me to kill you.

That makes sense.

It does? Of course.

You blame me for shooting
down your helicopter,

for your friends dying,
for your life ever since.

Then my late bodyguard
Manuel gives you a gun

and lets you into my bedroom.

Wait. You knew about that?

I don't stay in power

by not knowing things, Mason.

I'd be so bad at
being a dictator.

No. You'd be great at it.

It's just practice.

There is something important
I need to tell you, though.

I didn't shoot down
your helicopter.

Come on, man.

I know you didn't personally.

It was friendly fire.

Do you really think we can
stop an American invasion

by shooting down one helicopter?

I mean, of course, I knew
you guys were coming,

but there was nothing
I could do to stop you,

so as a matter of fact, I was
getting ready to take a boat to Cuba,

and suddenly, a
helicopter gets shot down,

and everything stops
just like that,

and the next morning,
I get a visit

from one of my ex-patrons
telling me that

the next time the
helicopter would land

unless I signed off
some new oil leases,

which of course I did.

We were pawns.

I am very sorry about
your friends, Mason.

It's just crazy how
all this is going down

after you agree to do your
first interview in 10 years.

Ah. That's why
you needed Claire.

You were gonna tell the truth
before they could take you out

and replace you with
somebody more user-friendly.

Venegas: We'll stop
here for the night,

and then, then we
end the charade.

[Venegas whispering]

[Phone beeping]

Brother, you are
killing me right now.

I'm worried sick about you.

Are you still with
Venegas? Yeah.

I cut ties with
the South Africans.

I'm gonna make this go away.

Dude, we need to talk.

Gracias. Sí.

Gracias. De nada.

Thanks.

Mmm. Heh heh heh.

So I agreed to trade
you for Claire.

Of course you did.

Heh. Yeah, it's a...

move I haven't totally
thought through, but...

Hmm.

May I please use your phone?

For what?

I am going to call
someone I trust.

Eduardo Lavato. Who's that?

He's an old friend

and the shadow leader of
the opposition party, too.

He's very resourceful.

Mason, please, will
you sit down and enjoy

a cup of espresso with me?

It's the best one
in Paldoñia, huh?

This is a stupid idea.

Gracias, amor.

What is that saying?

Keep your friends close,

keep your enemies closer.

Yes it's from "The Go"...
it's from "The Godfather."

America does produce some
wonderful culture, don't you agree?

Papi. Ha ha ha!

This is my new American
friend Mason Pettits,

and he's very worried about you.

An American friend? Mm-hmm.

You really have hit bottom.

Ah. Sit down. Sit down.

Eduardo: Did you know we went

to secondary school together?

Jesuits. Jesuits.

And I could tell you something.

They did not let us
get away with anything.

Nada. Hmm? Heh heh heh.

This is delicious.

So do tell.

What can the
People's Worker Party

and/or The Armed
Revolutionary Front

of Paldoñia do for you today?

Just a petite favor, my friend.

Mason: So, uh, I got to ask.

Why have an espresso
with a man who calls me

a thief and a butcher
on a daily basis

and every so often lets
off a bomb downtown?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, perception is
reality, my friend.

I pay Lavato and his resistance.

Every couple of months,
I let them blow up a car,

burn down a building,
staging a caravan.

It's like... it's like
a steam valve, you know?

Lets off pressure.

Psssss.

And then I crack down on
them so everybody knows

they need Venegas
to give order, huh?

Ha ha ha!

My granduncle, he...

Your granduncle you overthrew?

Yes, that one. He
never understood this.

Took everything personally.

Of course, it backfired on him.

So wait.

So you... you bought
the revolution?

Much simpler and
a lot of cheaper.

It's like you
Americans like to say,

"A win-win."

You should see
Eduardo's pool. Oh!

[Dog barking]

[Chickens clucking]

[Speaks Afrikaans]

Colonel Koehorst?

Former South African SAS.

Three-two Battalion.

U.S. Army Special Forces?

Me? I'm a lawyer.

Sorry. All out of
business cards.

Pretty brazen thing
you're doing here,

taking over a sovereign nation.

Sovereign?

When all's said and
done, no one's gonna have

a problem with what
we're doing here.

The people of Paldoñia might.

They won't know the difference.

Status quo, my friend.

You should have done what was
expected, Sergeant Pettits.

Nah. I would have
never gotten near him.

You see, Venegas knew
it was going down.

You'd be surprised what
that guy knows actually.

Sharp dude, great dresser.

Are we doing this then?

Let's do it.

[Speaking Afrikaans]

[Grunting]

Unh!

Koehorst: Time for you
to hand over Venegas

and piss off out of the country.

If you don't do
that in 5 seconds,

I'm going to kill your
client in front of you.

1...

2, 3, 4...

OK. OK.

OK!

[Crowd cheering]

Unh!

Move!

Go, go, go! Aah!

Get back!

What was that?

That was my people, Claire, huh?

Now I give my people a message,

and you share it with the world.

Great. Let's get started.

I... I can live feed it
through Infamous Daily.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I cannot deliver such an
important message from here.

We have to do it from my palace

with my nephew by my side.

Come on. What,
do we just go up

and knock on the
front door? No.

There is another way.

Oh. Watch your head there, OK?

This is the tunnel
I used to escape

when they tried to
kill me 8 years ago.

Are you sure this
tunnel isn't guarded?

Absolutely!

All the people who know
about it are dead now.

What about the other times
they tried to kill you?

Oh, that's different
dead people.

Let's go.

[Cheering]

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Click]

Hey. Aah! Ohh!

No, no.

OK. Hey, hey, hey. Thank you.

No, thank you.

It's OK.

These are my American friends.

They are here to help.

What is this woman doing?

I'm live streaming this
to the entire world.

Listen to me.

When you are no
longer useful to them,

they are going to kill you.

Paldoñia deserves
a better future,

not one controlled
by corporations.

We... we don't have to
be monsters anymore.

Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

You've always been my favorite.

General Martínez.

El Presidente.

[Speaks Spanish]

[Speaks Spanish]

Ohh!

Aah! Aah!

You good?

Yeah.

[Venegas groaning and coughing]

Yeah. I'm OK. I'm OK. I'm OK.

Look. Look.

Ahh. Heh. Ha ha!

Bulletproof suit from Medici.

Ha ha ha! Huh?

I should have one made for you.

[Gasps]

Jorge. Jorge.

[Grunting]

Jorge. Jorge.

[Coughing]

[Grunts]

Shh.

[Gasping]

Shh. Shh, shh. Shh, shh, shh.

[Shushing]

[Footsteps]

Oh, shit.

Go!

Mason: Take cover!

Man: Suppressing fire!

Venegas: Go! Go for Paldoñia!

Hey! Not the time
for coaching.

Fuck, man! Oh!

[Speaking Spanish]

Spielberg, what the
hell are you doing?

What? Stay down!

Fine!

Take the tunnel, OK?
Hold on. Hold on.

Ready? Go, go, go, go, go!

Follow me! Follow me!

Mason?

[Gunfire continues]

Go, go!

You've been hit. I'm fine! Go!

Claire: Aah!

[Men groaning]

See? I'm fine.

Come in. We're safe here.

This is my man cave.

Oh. You care for a drink?

Mason: Yeah. I always
love a single malt

after I kneecap a
few mercenaries.

[Hisses]

Come on, Mason.
Embrace the suck.

Nnn, nnn, nnn.

Uh-oh.

Hmm. Ah! Yes.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

This way. Come on.

Mason: Go! Claire: Aah!

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go.

That way. That way.

We have to go that way.

Claire: Aah!

[Grunting]

[Groaning]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Grunting]

Agh!

Get down. OK.

Aah!

[Both grunting]

Let's go! Let's go! OK.

Ready? Aah!

Errgh!

Say hello to your mates for me.

Shame it took so long
to finish the job.

You... you killed my friends.

There were 7 of us.

RPGs aren't that easy to aim.

It's just a job, my friend.

[Gagging]

Unh!

[Thud]

Hey.

Where'd you learn that?

The throat thing?

Thank my dad for that.

I told you I could help.

[Distant gunfire]

[Gagging]

Let's go.

[Men shouting]

Mason! I could really
use your help right now.

Shit!

Shit! Oh, my God.

Aah! Aah!

What?

Oh, oh. Nothing.

Keep shooting them. OK.

[Cheering]

Come on! Let's go!

Sebastian: On me!

Man: Down the hall!

Sebastian: Hey, bro!

Ha ha! Chicks Dig It!

Huh? Huh?

It's an inside joke.

Man: Go! Go! Go!

Different man: Take cover!

Sebastian: Come on!

Yes! Unh!

Sorry I'm late, brother.

You kidding me?

Never thought I'd say this,

but I'd like to introduce you

to President Venegas.

Welcome to Paldoñia.

Oh!

Man: Retreat!

Anchor: The eyes of the world
are still fixed on Paldoñia,

where the fallout from a failed
coup continues to play out.

In a bold act of
guerrilla journalism,

using a live stream through
gossip site Infamous Daily,

celebrity reporter Claire
Wellington provided

on-the-ground coverage
of these shocking events.

The Paldoñian military were
seen in an intense gun battle

with members of what
we now know to be

a private military company.

Ms. Wellington has also uploaded

an exclusive uncut interview
with President Venegas,

announcing a surprising reversal

in the Paldoñian
system of government.

Claire: I know as a journalist

I'm supposed to stay
objective and all,

but I have to say I really
admire what you're doing.

Well, you know what they say.

The man who touches
honey will eventually...

lick his fingers.

Claire: Oh. Hmm.

Ha ha!

I really appreciate you two.

I really do.

And look. The world
is finally seeing us,

and it is all because
of you, Miss Wellington.

Looks like your
tattoo was right.

Everything worked out just fine.

Worked out fine, thanks to you.

Team effort. Yes!

The right people
at the right time.

Yeah.

Let's go tell a
story to the world.

I will follow your lead.

Hold up just one
second just so I know.

How many people in this room
want to kill you right now?

Eh, probably half.

No, more than half. Ha ha ha!

Ah. Let's go. Come on.

Uh...

[Reporters clamoring]

Venegas: Welcome.

As of today, I am no longer
the president of Paldoñia.

A transitional government
has been put in place

until the next free elections.

During this transitional period,
$5 billion will be invested

in health, education,
and infrastructure.

This is an investment in
the people of Paldoñia.

Today, you get back what
is rightfully yours,

and for the years to
come, we'll protect

and control these resources
with the sole purpose...

Mason.

Of giving this
beautiful nation...

Like, uh, dancing when
he's, like, not fluent.

He's literally...

That's only because you know...

[Grunts]

Anyway, I want to teach...

Daddy!

Hey, Worm. Ha ha ha!

Aww! Ahh!

And check this out.

Boom.

What happened to your face?

It's a long story.

Oh, baby. Here I am.

In one piece.

Just so you know,
that broken man

you wanted a divorce,
he disappeared somewhere

in South America.

Ha ha ha!

I was really hoping
you'd reconsider.

Ah, you know what?

I think I'm gonna have
to consult my lawyer.

Oh, Mason.

[Cell phone chimes]

I'm just gonna make
a... quick stop.

Shit.

[ATM beeping]

Yes! What? Huh?

Mason, voice-over:
And just like that,

I saw an incredible
life of minivans,

playdates, and amusement parks,

and for the first time in my
entire overachieving life...

No! That dance.

Mason, voice-over: I was happy.

What's up?

What do you say we
just take the rest

of the day off and spend
it with the family?

Yeah! Yeah, you like that?

Yeah. Let's do it.

You're so cute. Why?

Uh, well, um...

Mason, voice-over:
I had purpose.

He says he doesn't
know that I know.

I think he does know.

He was there, and
then we came out,

and he was, like,
just dick staring,

and it was, like, weird
because, you know, like,

you only have 2
seconds, 5... 5 tops...

Well, because it's...
it's impressive.

To stare at a guy's dick.

You look at that, it is
like a beast of its own.

He... it was, like...
I'm telling you it was...

It's a snake. It's a monster.

8 Mississippi.

Mason: Yeah, it's... yeah.
All right. What else?

Are you a serious
journalist for sure?

I am for sure a
serious journalist,

and I would like you
to take me seriously.

I don't understand why...

I think... I think I can do
that after what just happened.

You're not. No, that's fair.

Yeah.

[Grunting]

2-5 seconds max, dude.

I am still very sorry.

I didn't know you felt
this way, but we can...

Those are... those
are unwritten rules

on the walls of every YMCA.

There are rooms up there, We
can... we can take this...

Every fucking YMCA has something

in the bathroom about 5
seconds dick staring max.

Really? Yeah, man.

Welcome to America.