All language subtitles for Abbott_Costello S02E22 Honeymoon House.DVDRip.NonHI.en.e-One

Hey, Abbott!

Darling, will you excuse me?

Thank you.

You're beautiful, Sally.

I got to get Abbott's
breakfast ready.

Will you help me, dear?

You're just
adorable, my darling.

And I love you. I love
you with all my heart.

Sally, we've got to get married.

I can't live without you.

Will you excuse me, please?

I got to make
Abbott's breakfast.

Got to make him some
coffee. He loves coffee.

Sally, let me ask you something.

Why is your father always
treating me so harsh?

Sally, you're beautiful.

Sally, I got some
coffee on you. Oh, my.

Such a beautiful girl.

Sally, you got me feeling
so good I could kiss anybody.

Anybody at all.

- Hello, Bud.
- Hello.

Stop, Lou.

No, I see why you're nervous.

- I'm trying...
- You know, just be yourself.

I'm trying to get
your coffee ready.

Yeah. Fix my coffee.

Did you get my ham?
How's my ham coming along?

Pretty good. Wait
till I get the coffee on.

Sally. I hope you're both happy.

You know, incidentally, Lou,

I was talking to
Sally's father last night.

And...

We had a long conversation.

The ham. Yes.

- What are you doing?
- Here it is. Your ham, Abbott.

I'll get your eggs all ready
for you, and you'll be all set.

What is this? A heart?

See what I mean, Abbott?

But, Lou, don't let it go
to your head that way.

I mean, you can fall in love...

No matter what I'm doing,

I see Sally in front
of me all the time.

I know, but you can fall in love,
Lou, you can be in love, but...

I want you to do me one favor.

Let's not talk about Sally
now until I finish my breakfast.

We'll forget Sally
until breakfast is over.

I know how you feel.
I'm going to help you out.

- I'll get the cream.
- Good.

Show you my heart's
in the right place.

No, no. Not in the icebox.

It's enough here...
All over the place.

You've got Sally's...

Look, let me ask
you something, Lou.

Have you really
proposed to Sally?

Why do you think I
got Sally in the icebox?

What do you think
I got Sally here for?

- I got Sally in the other room.
- Has she said yes to you?

I got her in there so
every time I pass by,

just to get enough nerve and
say, "Hello, Sally, I love you."

I pecked her two or three times.

Now you're looking for your
nerve. You have no nerve.

I've asked her four or
five times to marry me.

What did she say?

Well, I think she's
very happy about it,

but she doesn't
give me an answer.

You don't know.

Look, I'll show you
how to propose to Sally.

- You going to marry Sally?
- No!

- Why, you culprit...
- Look, take it easy.

Not me. No. I want
you to be happy, Lou.

I'll pretend... Look,
I'll pretend I'm Sally.

- You're going to be Sally?
- I'll be Sally. And you're Lou.

And I want to see how
you would propose to Sally.

- No, no, no.
- You don't even look like Sally.

You just pretend. Now,
you come over to me.

Here. Step over there.

Now, you're coming
over to me. I'm Sally.

Now, you come over
to me and propose.

Now, let me see what
you would really say.

Go ahead.

Sally, darling.

- Stop that!
- What are you hitting me for?

What are you grabbing
her right away?

I grabbed her hand. I
was going to kiss her hand.

You don't grab her right away.

- Finesse.
- Oh.

Neat. Nice.

Now, you come up to her and...

In other words, "How
do you do, Sally?"

You know what I
mean. Take it easy.

- I'll get this.
- Gradually come up.

- All right, all right. I'll get this.
- Now, I'm Sally. You're Lou.

You're yourself.

Oh, don't, don't...
Don't creep in.

- Walk up like a man.
- I was.

- You got to be very nice.
- You want respect, don't you?

Look, you got to be romantic.

All right, be
romantic, but don't...

Not like that. Sweet.

Hello, Sally.

How are you this bright
and glorious morning?

I'm fine. Thank you.

No! No! You're Lou.

Now, take it easy.
I'm Sally. Go ahead.

- Hello, Sally.
- Hello, Lou.

How are you this bright and
beautiful, sunshiny morning?

Fine, Lou. And yourself?

He does it good, don't he?

Will you keep playing?
I haven't said anything!

I like the way you do that.

Oh, what's the use
of talking to you?

I...

Have you talked
to her father yet?

Oh, her father's murder.
Her father's murder.

Well, there you are. You
see? There's a whole...

He's the one guy I got a
lot of doubt in. The old man.

Why? Why should you have doubt?

Because you've got no nerve.

That's the whole
trouble with you, Lou.

If you walked in to her father,

let him think that
you're a big man.

And have respect for you.

You've got to demand respect.

Otherwise, you're a dead
pigeon. You won't get to first base.

You be Sally's father.

I'm coming in to
ask you for the...

You see? Now you're starting
to show signs of intelligence.

- Okay.
- Now, I'll be Sally's father.

And you're yourself.
Now, be yourself.

In other words, you're
outside the door now,

and you're coming into the home

to ask me for my
daughter's hand in marriage.

Now, be careful how you say it.

- Ask you for what?
- My daughter's hand in marriage.

I don't want only the
hand. I want everything.

Do you want to
do it right or not?

- Yeah, I'd better...
- Well, take it easy.

- Before Sally gets...
- All right. Take it easy.

- Look, this is all for your benefit.
- Yeah, I can see that.

If I didn't like you, Lou,

I wouldn't even advise
you along these lines.

- I'm coming in.
- Now, I'm Sally's father.

- Okay.
- Very stern, I am. I'm very stern.

Hello, Mr. Davis! How are you?

Is that the way to
approach a man?

Is that the way to
approach a man, asking...

I come in, didn't I, like
that? I says, "Hello, Sally!"

No, "Hello, Mr. Davis.
How are you?"

- Don't you knock on the door?
- Oh.

Don't you... Do you
just walk through?

What did you do? Climb
through a window or something?

Excuse me. I didn't know
there was a door here.

Well, certainly! There's
a door in every home!

All right! So I'll knock on
the door. I'm coming in now.

I don't know why
I'm wasting my time.

- I'm only waiting for the coffee.
- Okay.

I...

Well, come on. Will
you say, "Come in"?

I'm knocking.

There's a bell. We
have a bell on all doors.

Ring the bell.

Ring the bell and come
in like a gentleman.

- I'm waiting.
- I'm ringing.

Oh, I forgot this. I forgot.

The bell was out of
order. You better knock.

Go ahead. You better knock.

Take it easy!

Lou, you see? You've got to
control that temper of yours.

I'm knocking.

Come in.

Where were you
brought up, in a barn?

Close the door!

- Did you hear what I heard?
- Are you hearing things?

Go and sit down.
I'll bring your coffee.

Yes. Get my coffee in.

- Coffee. Coffee.
- Want any cream?

No cream.

- Sugar?
- No sugar.

That's the way I like it. Black.

Black. Well, here's
to you and Sally.

Thank you, Bud.

- Good health, good luck.
- Thank you.

I sold my car so I could use
the money for a down payment

on a Bride's Delight
prefabricated house.

Oh, Lou! You didn't.

I did, too.

And tomorrow, they're going to
deliver the crates to my own lot

on the corner of
Maple and Syrup.

Oh, Lou, that's wonderful news.

Gee, I hope we don't get stuck.

Sally, now that I'm going to
have a house for you to live in,

will you marry me?

Well, wait till I see the house.

And if it's as nice as
you say it is, I'll say "Yes."

Sally, you're the most
wonderful girl a boy ever knew.

And I know the house is going
to be gorgeous, so help me.

Hey! You know, I ought
to fire you as a maid.

Look at all the extra
work you've caused.

Aren't you ashamed?

To tell you the
truth, Sally, no.

I could keep on doing
this for the rest of my life.

If you don't want to lose Sally,
you better start thinking fast.

I'll figure some way to louse
up this little dream of Costello's.

So, you see, Sally, with
each crate numbered,

it'll be a cinch to put
that house together.

Sounds wonderful, Lou.

But supposing you get
the numbers mixed up.

Sally, that would be impossible.

Every crate is going
to be numbered.

So, a 7 is a 7,
and an 11 is an 11.

Sounds natural.

It is natural.

Ah, gee, Lou. Darling.

Just think... Our own
little honeymoon house.

It's like a dream.

Did you get a load of that?

Sickening, isn't it? What
are you going to do?

You heard tubby say
those crates are numbered.

Yeah.

Now, those crates

are being dumped on
his lot tomorrow afternoon.

Keep talking.

Now, suppose you and I were to
sneak down there tomorrow night

and change the
numbers of the crates.

What would happen?

Corky, you're an
absolute genius.

I have a feeling his
little dream house

might turn out to
be a nightmare.

How right you are.

Come.

Let us mingle with the
guests and play dumb.

Lou, won't it cost a lot of
money to hire carpenters

to put the house together?

No, Sally.

You see, Abbott and Fields,

they're going to help me
put the house together.

Oh... That's nice of Bud
and the others to help.

Really, Sally, I really don't
need Abbott and Fields.

With my natural ability, I
could put it up myself like that.

Don't you think you ought
to put the dishes away?

Yes, darling.

Got one left over here.

- Lou.
- Yes?

Darling, I hope your cooking
is better than your dish drying.

Will you take a look and
see if your chicken is done?

I've been cooking for
Abbott for a long time.

I'll take a look, Sally.

If you'll be honest, Father,

you'll admit you've
always picked on Lou.

You've done your darnedest
to bust up our romance.

Well, I certainly do.

But if that honeymoon house

turns out as nice
as Lou's predicted,

I'll give you my blessing.

Mr. Davis, you've got
nothing to worry about.

It'll be a model home,
something that you'll be very proud

to have your daughter live in.

I am proud of Lou.

You know, this house
of his is his first step

in becoming a solid citizen.

Oh, he's going to
make a fine son-in-law.

That's the first time
anyone's ever said

a kind word towards Lou.

Be careful. He's apt to get a
swell head and not marry Sally.

Well, I don't think we
have to worry about that.

Suppose we have a glass of punch

to celebrate the launching
of your future home.

A very good suggestion.

Costello, how
about a little punch?

Abbott, you give me
a punch right here,

and I'll lay you
all over the joint.

Get back in your nest.

- A toast.
- Toast.

A toast. I'd like
to make a toast.

- Well, make one.
- Fine.

- For Sally and I.
- Go ahead.

I would like to change all
the letters in the alphabet

so that "U" and "I"
would always be together.

All right.

- Let's drink to that.
- Awfully sweet.

We'll drink to that.

Oh, Helen, don't tell me

you're going into one of
your hiccup marathons?

I can't help it if I get these
things and can't stop them.

Is there anything we
can do to stop them?

Not that I know of.

We've tried everything
but shooting her.

Well, she's had these,
and they last for a long time.

- Come on.
- Why don't we sit down?

Thank you. I'd like to.

There, now, Mother.
You just sit down there.

Sally.

- Just relax.
- Sit down, Sally, over here.

- Costello! I'd like to...
- No. Dad.

Go over there and make a pitch.

If you can stop the
old girl from burping,

you'll be in solid with her.

Yeah. Maybe you're right.

You idiot! What
are you trying to do?

I read that you could stop
hiccups by scaring a person.

It's better to die of
hiccups than of heart failure.

The way to cure
this dread malady

is to use thought control.

You see, you must concentrate
your mind on your affliction

by using self-hypnosis.

- Mr. Fields, what are you doing?
- Hypnosis.

Cut that out.

You must hypnotize yourself

by repeating over
and over to yourself,

"I will stop them, I will
stop them, I will stop them."

And they will go away.

Now try it. You can't fail.

"I will stop them, I will
stop them, I will stop them."

You see? She's completely cured.

You kept saying to
yourself over and over,

"I will stop them,
I will stop them."

And what is the result?

Now, if the amateur quacks
will step aside, please,

I will show Mrs. Davis how
to cure her of her affliction.

Now, Mrs. Davis,

will you place that pencil
in your mouth, crosswise?

Watch this.

Now, drink as much water as
you possibly can without breathing.

Take your time, Mrs. Davis.

Take it easy. Don't breathe.

Mr. Abbott, you're a genius!

They're gone!

Why, certainly. When
I give out self-aid tips...

The real McCoy.

Nothing like this
self-hypnosis bunk of his.

Oh, Mr. Abbott,
I could kiss you.

Now, you fellas.
You all had your turn.

Why don't you let
me have my turn

with my method
that I use on my dog?

How dare you compare
Mrs. Davis to a dog?

Mr. Abbott is right.
My wife is not a dog.

Now, wait a minute.
Hiccups are hiccups.

And if it'll cure
my dog, Englebert,

I think it'll cure Mother.

Please, Lou. I
know you can do it.

Thanks, Sally.

Excuse me, Dad.

Now, all I got to do is take
the thumb and the forefinger.

And I put that over
the nose like this.

Take it easy, Mom.

And with the palm of the
hand, I put it against the mouth.

- Why?
- Well this way, she can't breathe.

And when she can't
breathe, she can't hiccup.

Now, watch. She's
stopping right now.

She can't hiccup right now.

You got that? Isn't
that wonderful?

This is a wonderful,
really, test.

No kidding.

How do you like that, fellas?

See? Mrs. Davis
is not hiccupping.

- How do you like that, Pop?
- Stop it!

- Costello, stop it!
- What's the matter with you?

She's got nothing wrong
there. She can't breathe now.

She can't breathe, and
it's stopping the hiccups.

You with the pencil
and the water.

And you with that...

Only have to go like that.

- Costello, let her alone!
- What's the matter with you?

She's all right. She's
all right. Look at her.

Excuse me.

You fiend! You
strangled my darling wife!

I ought to punch
you in the nose!

Costello!

Fine mess you've
made out of things.

You get a chance to marry
a wonderful girl like Sally,

and you wind up by trying
to break her mother's neck.

I didn't strangle her, Bud.

Lou? Lou? Where's Lou?

- Oh!
- Here I am, Mom.

Lou, you've cured my hiccups.

And this time, I do
know it's for good.

But he almost
choked you to death.

Well what difference
does that make?

After all, his treatment
was a little rough,

that dog treatment,
but it did work.

Oh, darling, you're wonderful.

How can I repay you?

How about a little punch?

That calls for a
drink. All of us.

Come on. Let's celebrate.

Right this way. My hero.

A nice large glass for Lou.

- Here you are, Mother.
- Thank you, Lou.

- To you, my darling.
- Thank you, Lou.

Excuse me. Do you mind?

- A pleasure.
- Thank you.

If you don't mind, folks,
I'd like to make a toast.

- A toast.
- A toast.

A toast to my little
dog, Englebert.

To Englebert!

What'll we do first?

We change the
numbers on the crates

so when Costello and his
pals put this joint together,

it should resemble
something out of a nightmare.

I'd love to be in on the
preview of this place

he's giving Sally and her folks.

And I've got a hunch by
the time this preview is over,

Costello will be poison
to the Davis family.

Then I step in and get Sally.

Perfect. Let's get started.

Whistler couldn't
have done a better job.

A masterpiece.

- Shall we continue?
- Be my guest.

Beautiful.

Hey, don't hog all the fun.

I'm a wizard at making 8s
out of 6s and 9s out of 7s.

All right, when we get to those
numbers, you can handle them.

Good.

Well...

It's all right.

Well, gentlemen, I want
to tell you something.

I'm proud.

- I'm happy.
- You should be.

I want to thank
you two for helping.

This is the dream
house for Sally and I.

It's so perfect.

Well, it should be perfect.

It's taken the three of us over
a week to assemble this thing.

Yeah, and it's too bad
we worked so late today.

Didn't get a chance to check
and see if everything's all right.

Well, at least the lights work.

Mr. Fields, I left the lights on

just in case we wanted
to check something.

Why shouldn't
everything be all right?

We've assembled this house

according to the
numbers on the crates.

Everything is perfect.

It's chilly, isn't it?

Yeah, close that door.
You want us to catch cold?

- I...
- Look out!

- Hey, Lou!
- What happened?

When you slammed the
door, the piano took off.

Hey, maybe the
floor isn't level.

Hold on to that piano.
I'll soon check that.

Let's put it back in its place.

Let's see now.

Boys, according to this level,

the floor slants about
10 degrees to my right.

Now, with a slant like that,
anything is liable to happen.

Yeah, it does feel
a little lumpy here.

Grab that piano before
somebody gets killed.

Now, wait. Let's
take it easy, boys.

I can't understand this.
I just can't understand it.

I put this floor
together myself.

I distinctly remember
joining section 7 to section 8.

It's got to be right.

There's only one
thing wrong with it.

- What?
- It's wrong.

That's right.

- It's not right. It's wrong.
- That's right.

Look, wait a minute, boys.
There's no need of arguing.

Let's prop something up
against it so it don't run wild,

and tomorrow we
can nail it down.

- Get something.
- Hold it.

I'll help you hold
it. Now, hold it hard.

Yes. That's a good idea.

That ought to hold it.

Come, Mother.

Well, here we are for the big
inspection of honeymoon house.

- Daddy?
- Yeah?

Isn't it a dream?

Looks all right
from the outside.

Well, supposing we go in and
see what it's like on the inside.

Must be Sally and her folks.

That's them. Well, here it is.

- Well, wish me luck.
- Good luck, kid.

Lou, it's perfectly darling.

Isn't it beautiful, Sally?
Come right in. Come right in.

Listen, what did you
knock on the door for?

Why didn't you ring the
bell? We got beautiful chimes.

You have? I love
chimes. Let me try.

Most unusual chimes I ever heard
Remind me of the Queen Mary.

Sally.

Oh, you got to see
the rest of the house.

Will you be surprised.

May I take your coat?

Oh, no. I'm not feeble.
Where's the closet?

Over this way.

You didn't carry me
across the threshold.

That comes after the wedding,

providing this house
is up to expectations.

I wonder what's keeping
Helen in that closet.

We'd better go look.

What happened to you?

I stepped into that closet

and fell flat on my
face in the driveway!

A pardonable error.

We just didn't have time to
find the outer wall to the closet.

Minor detail.

Let's see the dining room.

Good idea. Right over this way.

Wait a minute, darling.
I'll put the lights on.

Uh-oh. Must be a mistake here.

I suppose when you want to
put the lights on in the bedroom,

you go out and flick
a switch in the garage.

Oh, Henry, be your age.
Let's look over the dining room.

Isn't it pretty?

You like it, Pop?

Hey! I like the idea
of having sliding doors.

Cuts off the dining room
from the living room.

Makes it cozier.

Lou. What's wrong
with the doors?

Oh, sweetie, there's
nothing wrong with the doors.

These are the new modern doors

that they put in these
kind of dining rooms now.

You see, what you do... In
the summertime, if it's real hot,

you see, these kind
of doors let more air in.

I want to show
you how they work.

They slide back real lovely.

See that? Isn't that cute?

You and your big head.

They're lovely doors, sweetie.

I'm tired.

Certainly feels good to relax.

Henry!

Oh, Henry!

- Mr. Costello.
- Yeah?

From what I've seen
of this house so far,

my daughter stands an excellent
chance of dying an old maid.

Come, come, Mr. Davis.

You must realize every new
house must have a few flaws in it.

That's right, Daddy.

Thank you a million, Mr. Fields.
Bail me out! Bail me out!

Don't pay attention
to old sourpuss.

Come on. Let's all
go look at the kitchen.

- Oh, no!
- Come on, Lou.

No, no, no. Not the kitchen.

Heaven knows what
could happen to us in there.

Let's be safe and
try the bedroom.

Well, let's all go
into the living room

while you snoop
around the bedroom.

Come on, Sally.
Come on, Lou, dear.

- Let's go back to the bedroom.
- The bedroom is right over here.

- Thank you, Mr. Abbott.
- That's the bedroom.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, Sir.

Oh, my goodness.

What's the matter?

No floor.

Henry, how did you
get into that condition

going into the bedroom?

Bedroom, my eye.

I opened the door,
and there was no floor.

I went all the way
down to the basement.

- Costello, I ought to...
- Hold, hold, hold...

No, Dad. Please.

Wait a minute. I'll
get a chair for you.

Yeah, Daddy. Come sit down.

You idiot! You moron!
Look what you did to my car!

- Henry!
- Daddy!

You nitwit! I'm
going to brain you!

Daddy, please!

I'll brain you!

Henry! Henry!

You better... Come on.

Lou, are you all right?

I'm fine. Fine, darling.

Gee, now we'll never
be able to get married.

Oh, well don't worry, Lou.

Why, in 10 or 15 years,
when Daddy forgets,

we'll try again.

You're so right, Sally.

Time wounds all heels.