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[Applause]
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Heeeeey, Abbott!
3
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Look at him.
4
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:24,722
Let me tell you something,
Machine-Gun Mike,
5
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,157
there's no use clamming up.
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00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:27,421
I've asked you several times.
7
00:00:27,528 --> 00:00:29,963
Are you going to tell me what
happened to that last bank job,
8
00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,292
who killed that messenger?
9
00:00:31,398 --> 00:00:32,457
Are you going to tell me?!
10
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:34,967
No use clamming up, Mike,
or I'll let you have it right here!
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00:00:35,068 --> 00:00:37,833
I'm turning you over to the
priest! Do you hear me, Mike?!
12
00:00:37,938 --> 00:00:41,375
Listen, Mike, I'm telling
you for the last time,
13
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I don't want no
trouble... No trouble at all!
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00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:48,579
Are you going to talk,
or do I have to nail Lefty?
15
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:50,014
You want me to nail Lefty?!
16
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:53,451
And if I do, so help
me, he'll squeal!
17
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:56,854
I know Lefty,
Mike! He'll squeal!
18
00:00:56,957 --> 00:00:58,289
Stick 'em up!
19
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:02,388
You idiot, what are you
doing? Stop playing here.
20
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,590
Hey, what's this you're reading.
21
00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:06,633
Oh. That's what...
That's what I'm reading.
22
00:01:06,733 --> 00:01:08,895
"How to be a Private Eye"
by Professor Lou Asher.
23
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:09,628
What is this?
24
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:11,796
Yeah. That's the Watchdog
Correspondence School.
25
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It tells you how to be a
private eye, Mr. Fields.
26
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:16,105
Listen, don't tell
Abbott about this,
27
00:01:16,209 --> 00:01:18,371
because while he's been in
the pool room playing pool,
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I've been saving my
money, and I'm ready...
29
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:23,712
Look at it.
30
00:01:23,817 --> 00:01:25,513
Look at it.
31
00:01:25,619 --> 00:01:27,110
You, a detective?
32
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It came. It finally came.
33
00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:31,452
"Watchdog Correspondence School.
34
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To whom this may
concern, Greetings.
35
00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:38,025
Lou Costello, having
complied with all requirements
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00:01:38,131 --> 00:01:42,034
prescribed by the trustees
of this detective college,
37
00:01:42,135 --> 00:01:45,731
has been granted this diploma."
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00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:49,104
I never thought I'd last
through the eight lessons.
39
00:01:49,209 --> 00:01:52,839
This is the biggest
day of my life.
40
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:55,783
I'm a detective.
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00:01:55,882 --> 00:01:57,373
Abbott will never believe this.
42
00:01:57,484 --> 00:02:01,478
Abbott didn't think I had
the brains to learn anything,
43
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:02,612
but I'm a detective!
44
00:02:02,723 --> 00:02:04,521
I'm a detective,
do you hear me?!
45
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:07,993
Look at this box.
It's loaded with stuff.
46
00:02:08,095 --> 00:02:09,723
Wonder what this...
47
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:13,199
What is it?
48
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My badge.
49
00:02:14,568 --> 00:02:15,399
Your badge?
50
00:02:15,502 --> 00:02:17,494
Look at it, Mr. Fields.
51
00:02:17,604 --> 00:02:20,802
"Lou Costello, Detective."
52
00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:23,240
Isn't that something?
A real badge.
53
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:27,539
If my mother was only
here to see this graduation.
54
00:02:27,648 --> 00:02:30,015
She'd be proud of me.
55
00:02:30,183 --> 00:02:33,244
Machine-Gun Mike, I
ought to let you have it.
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00:02:33,353 --> 00:02:35,447
Oh, more stuff.
57
00:02:35,555 --> 00:02:37,683
Oh, look, folding eyeglasses.
58
00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:41,159
No, no, you nincompoop.
Those are handcuffs.
59
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,773
I know it, Mr. Fields. I
wanted to see if you knew it.
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00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:46,528
For a guy who hasn't been
able to find a job in two years,
61
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:49,228
I don't see how you're going
to be able to find anything.
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00:02:49,336 --> 00:02:50,713
Mr. Fields, now
that I'm a detective
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00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:52,482
and I live in your private
rooming house here,
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00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:54,026
I'll find anything
you want me to find.
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00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:56,475
Ah, nonsense. I lost
something years and years ago.
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00:02:56,576 --> 00:02:58,296
I've been looking for
it and looking for it.
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00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:02,180
If you can find what I lost
years ago, I'll... I'll give you $50.
68
00:03:02,282 --> 00:03:04,649
Mr. Fields, you want me
to find something for you?
69
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:05,183
Yes.
70
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:06,996
- And if I find it, you'll give me $50?
- Right.
71
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,683
- What do you want me to find?
- Find my hair.
72
00:03:14,561 --> 00:03:17,001
It's a good thing I didn't have
the badge on. It wasn't legal.
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00:03:25,739 --> 00:03:27,083
What are you doing
on the street here?
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00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:28,006
Who do you think I am?
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00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,474
That's who I am.
76
00:03:29,976 --> 00:03:31,205
Hmm!
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00:03:32,746 --> 00:03:34,840
Must be a blackjack.
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00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,585
It's a real gun.
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00:03:40,687 --> 00:03:42,155
A real gun.
80
00:03:42,255 --> 00:03:44,451
Now I'm allowed to keep it.
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00:03:44,558 --> 00:03:48,154
I want to tell you.
Now, listen, you.
82
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:57,964
What's the matter with you,
Lou? Have you gone crazy?
83
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,682
I thought that was a
pretty good shot, Abbott!
84
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:00,799
Shooting my hat off.
85
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:02,185
- Give me that gun.
- Wait a minute.
86
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,371
Give me the gun. Give me...
87
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:06,407
- There you go again.
- Uh-oh.
88
00:04:06,513 --> 00:04:08,709
What's the idea of
all this nonsense?
89
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:10,716
- Just a minute, Abbott.
- You handling guns?
90
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:12,462
- That's not a cap pistol.
- Just a minute.
91
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,751
In case you don't know
it, I am a private eye.
92
00:04:14,855 --> 00:04:16,346
- You're a what?
- A detective to you.
93
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- Ah, go away. Detective.
- See that book?
94
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:21,492
Watchdog Correspondence
School. I graduated in eight lessons.
95
00:04:21,595 --> 00:04:23,154
- Are you kidding?
- Hold it, Abbott.
96
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,529
While you were wasting your time
in a pool room doing nothing at all,
97
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:30,229
I was going to school by this
mail-correspondence course,
98
00:04:30,337 --> 00:04:31,965
and I finally graduated.
99
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,072
I am a detective!
100
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:34,971
Aw, you couldn't catch a cold.
101
00:04:35,075 --> 00:04:36,635
Catch a cold? Tell
me where he's hiding.
102
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,020
Ah, will you stop
that nonsense?!
103
00:04:38,044 --> 00:04:39,244
- Detective's badge.
- So what?
104
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:41,124
- You got the badge, have you?
- You can buy them anywhere.
105
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,878
You cannot. It's
a beautiful gun.
106
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,076
Gun down!
107
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,210
Now, don't start that again.
108
00:04:46,319 --> 00:04:49,687
Lou, I don't know why I
tolerate all these things from you.
109
00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:50,814
- Look at this.
- What?
110
00:04:50,924 --> 00:04:52,802
- You see those, don't you?
- What are you going to do with them?
111
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:54,604
- They're handcuffs.
- What are you going to do with them?!
112
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:56,038
Don't you really
believe I'm a detective?
113
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Ah, certainly not.
114
00:04:57,097 --> 00:04:58,808
Take a look at the book.
See what it says there.
115
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,960
What about? Well, read it.
116
00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:02,645
- See what it says?
- You put them on the wrist.
117
00:05:02,669 --> 00:05:03,880
That's all. You put
them on the wrist.
118
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:05,381
Give me your wrist. I'll
show you what I mean.
119
00:05:05,405 --> 00:05:07,431
- For what?
- I got... That's on the first page.
120
00:05:07,541 --> 00:05:09,009
Take it easy. Hey!
121
00:05:09,109 --> 00:05:11,635
Go ahead. Break the
wrist off if you want.
122
00:05:11,745 --> 00:05:13,509
I did it, too, the first
time. You're locked.
123
00:05:13,613 --> 00:05:14,824
- Yeah. So what?
- See what we do now?
124
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,359
- Now what do you do?
- Now I take you like this.
125
00:05:16,383 --> 00:05:18,928
I take you down to the station house,
or I'll turn you over to Mike the Cop.
126
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,217
Oh, I'll take this and wrap
it right around your neck.
127
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:23,051
- That's what you think.
- That's what I do.
128
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,387
Just a minute. You're going
to wrap me around the neck?
129
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:27,358
- What are you going to do?
- Just a minute.
130
00:05:27,460 --> 00:05:29,326
"Handcuffs..."
131
00:05:29,963 --> 00:05:31,207
So you'll have to
look at the page
132
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to find out what to do
with the other end, huh?
133
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,043
Why do you think they
send you the book for?
134
00:05:34,067 --> 00:05:35,778
Just a minute, now. You know
what I do with the other end?
135
00:05:35,802 --> 00:05:38,362
- What do you do?
- I put them on me like this.
136
00:05:38,471 --> 00:05:39,564
Now we're both locked.
137
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,873
And this is the way I take
you out to the station house.
138
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,319
And if you don't want
to go peacefully...
139
00:05:43,343 --> 00:05:44,811
Put the gun down!
140
00:05:44,911 --> 00:05:46,322
- Now I got them.
- All right. I get it.
141
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,626
Open them up.
Stop this nonsense.
142
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,158
Well, do you believe
I'm a detective now?
143
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,502
All right, so
you're a detective.
144
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:52,428
- That does it right there.
- All right. Keep it covered.
145
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:53,215
Take it off!
146
00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:54,640
- Take it easy.
- Where's the key?
147
00:05:54,721 --> 00:05:56,280
The key...
148
00:05:56,590 --> 00:05:57,717
Get them off.
149
00:05:57,824 --> 00:05:59,202
- Get them off!
- All right, all right.
150
00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:01,195
They hide the key.
Will you wait a minute?!
151
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,819
- It hurts!
- Here's the key over here.
152
00:06:02,929 --> 00:06:03,988
Open them up.
153
00:06:04,097 --> 00:06:05,541
- Give me the key!
- Will you stop it?
154
00:06:05,565 --> 00:06:07,261
- Give me the key.
- Will you... Let me...
155
00:06:07,367 --> 00:06:08,630
Give me the...
156
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,361
Give me the key.
157
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:11,836
Where's the key?
158
00:06:11,938 --> 00:06:13,372
- See where the key went?
- Where?
159
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:15,271
Right through the
hole in the wall.
160
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,468
Well, go and get the key.
161
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,307
I'm going in the kitchen
and get some tea.
162
00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:20,107
Wait a minute!
163
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:22,614
You can't go in there if I
got to go over and get the...
164
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:25,083
- We got to go together.
- You see what you've done?
165
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:27,381
- Would you mind...
- Correspondence school.
166
00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:30,548
- Go on, get out! Get the key!
- Let's go over here and get the key.
167
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:32,001
Come on. Now, where is it?
168
00:06:32,025 --> 00:06:33,049
- Hey, Abbott.
- What?
169
00:06:33,159 --> 00:06:35,924
- The key went through that hole.
- Well, go and get it.
170
00:06:36,029 --> 00:06:37,759
Give me the key.
171
00:06:37,864 --> 00:06:39,332
- What's the matter?
- I can't...
172
00:06:39,432 --> 00:06:40,776
- Uh-oh, uh-oh.
- What's the matter?
173
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:42,378
- I can't get my hand out.
- Never mind your hand.
174
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,495
I'm not kidding.
175
00:06:43,603 --> 00:06:45,663
You can't get out of these
things without the key?
176
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:46,916
Look. But that's a small hole,
177
00:06:46,940 --> 00:06:48,317
and I can't get my
hand all the way down.
178
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:50,086
You can't get these things
off unless you have a key!
179
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:51,888
- What, do you think I'm a dope?
- Well, get the key!
180
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,512
The key is in there
and down in the hole.
181
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,858
- Is that my fault it's in there?
- I don't know how far down it is.
182
00:06:55,882 --> 00:06:57,722
I don't care how far
down it is. Go and get it.
183
00:06:57,817 --> 00:07:00,196
Do you think I'm small enough
to go through a hole like that?
184
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:01,848
Look. You're supposed
to be a detective.
185
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:02,684
Naturally.
186
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,229
You've got them
on. Now get them off.
187
00:07:04,324 --> 00:07:05,417
Wait a minute.
188
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:06,857
There you are. Get the...
189
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,871
Never mind that. What are
you breaking the wall for?
190
00:07:08,895 --> 00:07:10,439
- Making a bigger hole...
- Get the key.
191
00:07:10,463 --> 00:07:13,456
- Just get the key.
- Wait a minute.
192
00:07:13,566 --> 00:07:15,262
Can you see it?
193
00:07:15,368 --> 00:07:16,392
Well, look inside!
194
00:07:16,503 --> 00:07:17,713
This is better
now. This is bet...
195
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,282
- Go ahead. Give me the key.
- I don't feel...
196
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,650
- What's the matter?
- I don't feel it.
197
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:21,039
Huh?
198
00:07:21,141 --> 00:07:22,473
- Hey.
- What?
199
00:07:22,575 --> 00:07:23,873
Do termites bite?
200
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,570
- Well, certainly they do.
- Uh-oh.
201
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:27,356
- What's the matter?
- They might be in there.
202
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:28,814
Well, you're going
to get that key!
203
00:07:28,915 --> 00:07:29,746
Look in there.
204
00:07:29,849 --> 00:07:31,369
Dark. Give me a
match. You got a match?
205
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,852
- Give me a match.
- In my pocket.
206
00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,320
Get your hand out of my pocket!
207
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,066
You just told me the
match was in your pocket.
208
00:07:37,090 --> 00:07:38,701
- Keep out of my pockets!
- Give me a match.
209
00:07:38,725 --> 00:07:39,818
There.
210
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,020
- There's a match.
- Okay.
211
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,757
- I want to fix my...
- What are you... Well, hold still!
212
00:07:44,864 --> 00:07:47,197
Let me fix the hat, will ya?
213
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,064
- Hold still.
- Will you let me fix the hat?
214
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,297
Will you look in there
and see if that key is there?
215
00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:55,301
- Can you see it?
- I don't know.
216
00:07:55,408 --> 00:07:56,886
- Can you see it?!
- I don't see nothing.
217
00:07:56,910 --> 00:07:58,970
Now, come on!
218
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,357
Now, you see what happened to
the match? The match went down.
219
00:08:01,381 --> 00:08:03,592
Well, go and get the match out
of there before you start a fire.
220
00:08:03,616 --> 00:08:05,227
Give me another match
so I can see down there.
221
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:06,981
Another match?
222
00:08:07,087 --> 00:08:08,931
- I got to get the key.
- Here. Hold still a minute.
223
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:10,321
Uh-oh. Never mind the match.
224
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,423
- Hey.
- Hey, Abbott.
225
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,427
Wait a minute. That's a fire.
226
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:15,166
Stay here and watch
it so it don't spread.
227
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,595
- I'll go get some water.
- Okay.
228
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:18,941
Wait! How can... How can you
get water without me, Abbott?!
229
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:21,196
Well, come on.
Let's get some water.
230
00:08:21,301 --> 00:08:21,825
Come on!
231
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,870
Come here, come here!
232
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:27,634
See what else you can
do to cause more trouble.
233
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:28,570
Will you...
234
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,871
What are you
doing? Get over here.
235
00:08:30,977 --> 00:08:32,172
You take it easy.
236
00:08:32,278 --> 00:08:34,304
Fire, fire, fire!
237
00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:38,213
Put it down. Wait till
I make a bigger hole.
238
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:41,220
Get out of the way. We've
got to save the building.
239
00:08:41,321 --> 00:08:43,017
Hurry up, hurry up.
240
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:45,724
That's enough now.
241
00:08:45,892 --> 00:08:47,793
Now give me that
water. Give me the water.
242
00:09:05,945 --> 00:09:08,107
"Try to handle each
case by yourself.
243
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,149
But in case trouble develops,
244
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:13,482
use the whistle we sent you to
call the police for assistance."
245
00:09:13,586 --> 00:09:15,020
The whistle.
246
00:09:35,842 --> 00:09:38,107
[Whistles]
247
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:41,209
- Hey, did you whistle at my Olga?
- I don't even know your Olga.
248
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:41,872
Why, you!
249
00:09:41,981 --> 00:09:42,812
Ooh!
250
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,043
Ow!
251
00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:46,312
Come on, Olga. We'll
be late for the show.
252
00:09:49,756 --> 00:09:51,156
Ooh!
253
00:09:51,257 --> 00:09:52,748
You want me to help
you straighten up?
254
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:53,859
Would you, partner?
255
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,326
Ooh!
256
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,648
"When you see a
suspicious person,
257
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:28,888
it is very important that
you follow him closely."
258
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,246
Gosh, am I glad to see you here.
259
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:29,720
Now, now, Dot, what's
worrying your pretty head?
260
00:11:29,822 --> 00:11:33,782
Oh, Harry, I'm
in terrible trouble.
261
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,999
Hey, Harry, what's
the matter with the kid?
262
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,693
Fields raising her
rooming again?
263
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:44,327
I don't know yet.
264
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:47,430
There, there.
That's a brave girl.
265
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:49,736
Now tell Papa
Harry all about it.
266
00:11:49,842 --> 00:11:51,435
- Hello, Lou.
- Hello, Dot.
267
00:11:51,544 --> 00:11:53,069
This is serious, Harry.
268
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:55,808
If you remember, my
grandpa died a few months ago,
269
00:11:55,915 --> 00:11:57,543
and he left everything
he had to me.
270
00:11:57,650 --> 00:11:58,811
I sure do remember.
271
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:01,183
He left you that screwy
house he built down the street.
272
00:12:01,287 --> 00:12:02,565
Hey, anybody would
leave me a house,
273
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:04,133
I don't care how
screwy it is. I'd live in it.
274
00:12:04,157 --> 00:12:05,785
Oh, you don't know this house.
275
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,293
You see, her granddad
was an eccentric inventor.
276
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:10,090
He had a house
full of secret panels
277
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:11,891
and all kinds so tricky gadgets.
278
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,832
If someone busted in there
trying to steal one of his inventions,
279
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:16,766
he was in for a
lot of surprises.
280
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:18,905
But that's not the
worst of it, Harry.
281
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:22,203
Granddad left me
$50,000 in bonds.
282
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,503
What's bad about that?
283
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,135
Well, when they read the will,
284
00:12:25,311 --> 00:12:27,456
they said the bonds were
hidden somewhere in the house.
285
00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:28,846
Oh, that's crazy.
286
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,883
Just another one
of his funny ideas.
287
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,613
Look, why don't you
go and live in the house,
288
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,280
take your time, and
locate the bonds?
289
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:38,322
But I'm afraid to move in.
290
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,384
The neighbors tell me
strange things are happening
291
00:12:40,426 --> 00:12:42,292
in that creepy old place.
292
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:44,294
Lights go on and off
all hours of the night.
293
00:12:44,397 --> 00:12:46,557
Sounds like somebody's
trying to beat you to the bonds.
294
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,158
Have you got any suspicions?
295
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,702
I certainly have.
296
00:12:49,802 --> 00:12:51,498
When they had a
reading of the will,
297
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:54,096
Granddad disinherited
my cousin Bill.
298
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,836
He got very angry, and he
swore that nobody could rob him
299
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,603
of what rightfully was his.
300
00:12:58,711 --> 00:13:01,613
- Sounds like a real troublemaker.
- Oh, he sure is.
301
00:13:01,714 --> 00:13:03,444
I'd be scared to death
to move in that house
302
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,244
with Bill Mason
roaming around loose.
303
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:06,546
Can't blame you.
304
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,054
But in the meantime, it's
just like him to bust in there
305
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:10,623
and find those bonds.
306
00:13:10,723 --> 00:13:12,021
I don't know what to do.
307
00:13:12,191 --> 00:13:13,853
Dotty, I think I can
solve your problem.
308
00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,452
I'll keep a close eye on the
house while I'm walking my beat.
309
00:13:16,562 --> 00:13:17,825
Oh, thanks, Harry.
310
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:21,389
Hey, better than that, Lou
just became a private eye.
311
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,628
He's going in your house
312
00:13:22,735 --> 00:13:25,671
to make sure that nobody steals
those bonds. Aren't you, Lou?
313
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:26,831
- Yeah, yeah.
- Sure.
314
00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:29,285
On second thought, you're
right, Harry. I'll go in that house.
315
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,387
And I'm going to see that
whoever stole those bonds, I'm...
316
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:33,004
Why don't you talk
for yourself, Harry?
317
00:13:33,112 --> 00:13:35,624
You're not pushing me in no corner
of the house or any place like that.
318
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:38,174
- I quit. I'm no more private eye.
- Lou, you're a private eye!
319
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:39,547
- Am I...
- Sure, sure.
320
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:40,929
All right, I'm still
a private eye.
321
00:13:40,953 --> 00:13:42,831
I'm back on the job, and
I'll tell you what I'll do, Dot.
322
00:13:42,855 --> 00:13:44,600
I'll go in that house, and
I'll get ahold of that guy.
323
00:13:44,624 --> 00:13:46,302
And when I see that guy,
I'll punch him in the nose.
324
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:47,885
I'll punch him over here.
325
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:49,986
I'll punch him all
over the place.
326
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:51,927
I'll drive over and
keep watch outside.
327
00:13:52,031 --> 00:13:53,556
That's a very good
suggestion, Dot.
328
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:56,329
On second thought,
you go inside,
329
00:13:56,436 --> 00:13:59,031
and I'll stay on the
outside and watch.
330
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,282
And I'll tell you what you do.
331
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:01,750
I don't want nothing
to happen to you.
332
00:14:01,774 --> 00:14:04,608
Now, Dot, if anything should
happen while you're inside the house,
333
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:05,872
you whistle three times.
334
00:14:05,978 --> 00:14:08,948
If I don't come, try it
again three more times.
335
00:14:09,048 --> 00:14:11,984
If I should happen to
come running in then,
336
00:14:12,085 --> 00:14:13,644
boy, am I out of my mind.
337
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:17,019
I'm crazy. Just crazy.
338
00:14:19,659 --> 00:14:22,686
Well, here we are.
339
00:14:22,795 --> 00:14:24,787
Uh-oh. It's locked.
340
00:14:24,931 --> 00:14:26,331
It's all right. Dot
gave me the key.
341
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:27,958
Oh, good.
342
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:32,131
There we are. Here.
343
00:14:32,238 --> 00:14:33,866
Now that should do it.
344
00:14:34,640 --> 00:14:36,768
No. It's stuck.
345
00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,277
Come on. Put your
shoulder to the door.
346
00:14:41,581 --> 00:14:44,176
Wait a minute, wait a
minute, wait a minute!
347
00:14:44,283 --> 00:14:46,445
Oh, let's step back
and give it a good push.
348
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,145
Here we go.
349
00:14:53,359 --> 00:14:55,851
Abbott, here.
350
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:59,524
You... You be the private eye.
I'm going to be a private citizen.
351
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:01,794
Wait a minute.
Where are you going?
352
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,665
- Look at the door.
- Where were you going?
353
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,781
I'm going out. I forgot
my gun. I'm going to get it.
354
00:15:05,805 --> 00:15:08,365
Stop the nonsense. You
don't need no gun here.
355
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,500
- There's nothing that can harm you.
- No?
356
00:15:10,610 --> 00:15:13,546
Now go ahead inside.
I'll look around the yard.
357
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,205
Look, Abbott, I'm going inside,
358
00:15:15,314 --> 00:15:17,593
but then I'm going to close
the door, and I'm going to lock it.
359
00:15:17,617 --> 00:15:19,279
When you come back,
you knock three times.
360
00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:22,685
- Signal three...
- All right. I'll be around.
361
00:15:48,281 --> 00:15:49,874
A couple of mugs
just arrived, boss.
362
00:15:49,982 --> 00:15:52,227
One's in the living room. The
other's prowling around outside.
363
00:15:52,251 --> 00:15:54,186
Okay, you know what to
do and how things work.
364
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,084
Right.
365
00:15:55,188 --> 00:15:57,054
Pete all set to go?
366
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:59,387
He's right here in the box.
367
00:15:59,492 --> 00:16:02,519
Turn him loose in the living
room and see what happens.
368
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:41,925
[Sneezes]
369
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:43,257
Bless you.
370
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:54,769
Better get Abbott.
371
00:17:57,310 --> 00:17:59,802
Hey, A-A-A-Abbott!
372
00:18:04,817 --> 00:18:07,343
Is this joint jumping.
373
00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:12,434
Look at that. Right on the wall.
374
00:18:12,458 --> 00:18:13,858
Nothing to hide
there. Nothing else.
375
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:15,237
I bet that's where
the bonds are.
376
00:18:15,261 --> 00:18:16,901
Everybody looks every
place else but here,
377
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:18,864
where the bonds should be.
378
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:36,272
Ooh!
379
00:18:37,683 --> 00:18:41,552
Why, you sneak,
whoever's in that safe!
380
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:51,129
Abbott!
381
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,773
Something peculiar
about that safe.
382
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,867
I ought to put my hand and
punch that hand right back.
383
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,570
That's what I ought to do.
384
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:21,893
Aah!
385
00:19:31,971 --> 00:19:33,496
Oh!
386
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:47,250
[Knocking]
387
00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:48,150
Who is it?
388
00:19:48,254 --> 00:19:50,246
It's me. Open up.
389
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:56,620
[Knocking]
390
00:19:56,996 --> 00:19:58,294
- Come here.
- Huh?
391
00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:00,366
Well, I've searched
all over the grounds.
392
00:20:00,466 --> 00:20:02,901
Nothing out there. It's
quiet as a graveyard.
393
00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:04,479
No, don't mention
that name, graveyard.
394
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:06,665
Don't say that word,
graveyard. I don't like it.
395
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:08,332
The whole joint in
here, I don't like...
396
00:20:08,441 --> 00:20:11,502
- I'm getting out of here.
- Oh, stop the nonsense.
397
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:14,079
When you're with me,
everything is all right. You're safe.
398
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:16,240
- Safe, safe, safe.
- Yeah? What's the matter.
399
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,544
- Come here.
- Safe, what?
400
00:20:19,418 --> 00:20:21,683
- And look, the safe is open.
- Yeah.
401
00:20:21,787 --> 00:20:23,722
Well, why don't you
search these things?
402
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,987
- Did you get anything out of it?
- Go ahead. You look.
403
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:31,523
There's something in here.
404
00:20:32,231 --> 00:20:33,893
There. Papers.
405
00:20:33,999 --> 00:20:36,127
Well, now, look at that.
406
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,535
Don't do that to me.
407
00:20:38,637 --> 00:20:40,382
What's the matter with
you? I didn't do nothing.
408
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:43,376
This is serious business.
You hit me right in the head.
409
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:45,502
There's nothing here.
410
00:20:46,045 --> 00:20:47,775
Well, you search around here.
411
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:49,391
I'll see if there's
a door to the cellar
412
00:20:49,415 --> 00:20:51,441
and search down there.
413
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,520
Ha, ha!
414
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:21,136
Oh!
415
00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:24,149
This is about the goofiest
house I've ever been in.
416
00:21:33,459 --> 00:21:35,052
Hiya, Buster.
417
00:21:35,161 --> 00:21:38,723
Did anybody ever tell you
you wasn't a beautiful baby?
418
00:22:11,797 --> 00:22:14,699
Well, I searched all over the
cellar. I couldn't find a thing.
419
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:15,927
- Hey, Abbott.
- Now what?
420
00:22:16,035 --> 00:22:17,731
Somebody just
skated right on by me.
421
00:22:17,837 --> 00:22:20,204
Oh, stop this nonsense of yours!
422
00:22:20,306 --> 00:22:24,038
Nobody can skate around
here. All your imagination.
423
00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:25,668
Hey, what's behind that arch?
424
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:26,904
That's another doozy.
425
00:22:27,012 --> 00:22:30,210
That's a solid wall
behind that drape.
426
00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,616
Oh, that's ridiculous.
427
00:22:33,719 --> 00:22:35,950
I've never heard of such a...
428
00:22:36,488 --> 00:22:39,424
It's just an archway. There
never was a wall there.
429
00:22:39,525 --> 00:22:42,120
I don't know about a never
was, but there was a wall there.
430
00:22:42,228 --> 00:22:43,560
Oh, nonsense.
431
00:22:43,662 --> 00:22:45,342
I'm going upstairs to
look for those bonds.
432
00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:47,175
You don't mind if I go
home, will you? I'm tired.
433
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,929
Now, what would Dotty
think if we went home
434
00:22:49,034 --> 00:22:50,627
without looking for those bonds?
435
00:22:50,736 --> 00:22:53,706
If you're tired, go over
on the couch and lie down.
436
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:55,297
Go ahead, go ahead!
437
00:22:55,407 --> 00:22:57,035
All right, all right.
438
00:22:58,277 --> 00:23:00,940
There was a wall
there. I know. I went...
439
00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:09,220
Remember?
440
00:23:12,391 --> 00:23:15,520
Isn't that a beautiful
picture? That's a nice painting.
441
00:23:15,628 --> 00:23:18,894
I got to look at this picture
nice, with my glasses.
442
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:28,234
Isn't that 3-D beautiful?
443
00:23:35,014 --> 00:23:39,042
Flat's nice, too. The
flat picture's nice, too.
444
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:42,679
Reminds me, I'd better get
out of here before I get flattened.
445
00:24:15,621 --> 00:24:18,090
What are you looking
at me like that for?
446
00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:19,249
What...
447
00:24:19,358 --> 00:24:21,793
Oh, no. You've got to go.
448
00:25:03,869 --> 00:25:05,098
Ooh!
449
00:25:07,906 --> 00:25:10,239
Lou! I didn't know
it was you, Lou.
450
00:25:10,409 --> 00:25:14,176
- That's a knock on the head!
- I didn't know it was you, Lou.
451
00:25:14,279 --> 00:25:15,279
- Lou...
- The bonds.
452
00:25:15,347 --> 00:25:16,645
The bonds.
453
00:25:16,749 --> 00:25:18,547
The bonds!
454
00:25:18,650 --> 00:25:21,381
Oh, is Dotty going
to love me for this.
455
00:25:21,487 --> 00:25:23,631
What do you mean, love you?
I was the one who found them.
456
00:25:23,655 --> 00:25:25,415
I'm the private eye.
I'm the guy that got it.
457
00:25:25,457 --> 00:25:29,019
I'm proud of you, Lou.
You're a great detective.
34476
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