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1
00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:02,068
[Applause]
2
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Heeeeey, Abbott!
3
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Oh, excuse me.
4
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,820
Mr. Fields, do you mind if
we borrow a little cream?
5
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:38,763
- Oh, of course not, my boy.
- Oh.
6
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- You may have it all.
- Thank you.
7
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:50,066
I want you guys
out of here by noon!
8
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You understand?!
9
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Ohh!
10
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,224
Now, how did you get it up
there, standing on your head?
11
00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,408
Abbott, if I was to tell you,
you wouldn't believe me.
12
00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,095
Oh, I'll go down the corner
and get a cup of coffee,
13
00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:16,727
and I'll try and
raise some money.
14
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,533
If I raise some
money, I'll come back,
15
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,665
but don't leave this apartment.
16
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,300
- Don't leave the apartment.
- Don't leave this apartment.
17
00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,938
As long as one of us are
here, Fields can't lock us out.
18
00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,106
Okay.
19
00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,241
Don't leave the apartment.
20
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,689
[Knocking on door]
21
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Wait a minute.
22
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,534
Costello, wait a minute.
23
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,542
You're wanted on
the hall telephone.
24
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:56,973
I am?
25
00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,988
Yeah, you better hurry.
They said it was important.
26
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,310
Oh, thank you.
27
00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,246
I better get dressed.
28
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:17,030
Hello? Hello?
29
00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,158
Hello?
30
00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,398
Hello?
31
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,736
- Mr. Fields.
- Yes?
32
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,522
Didn't you say somebody
wanted me on the phone?
33
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,913
Yes, I wanted you on the phone
34
00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,917
so I could put this
padlock on your door.
35
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,145
Why did you do that?
36
00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,778
Well, that's just my
subtle way of telling you
37
00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,950
that you don't
live here anymore.
38
00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,999
M-Mr. Fields?
39
00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:00,300
What do you say,
Joe? Will you do it?
40
00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,205
Okay, but what's it all about?
41
00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,005
It's only a gag.
Have you got it right?
42
00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,977
Sure, I got it.
43
00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,578
[Telephone rings]
44
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,554
Hello, Fields Apartments.
Fields speaking.
45
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,722
Mr. Fields?
46
00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:20,750
This is Mr. Parker of the law
firm of Pintok, Perrin, and Parker.
47
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,796
I'm trying to locate
a Mr. Lou Costello,
48
00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,491
and I've been informed that
he lived at that place at one time.
49
00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:29,295
That's right. He did
live here... at one time.
50
00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,893
How much does he owe you?
51
00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:32,505
Why, nothing, Mr. Fields.
52
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,235
We've been commissioned
by Mr. Costello's Uncle Rupert
53
00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,902
in Paterson, New
Jersey, to find his nephew.
54
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,446
It seems the old
gentleman is very wealthy,
55
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,412
and this Mr. Costello
is his only heir.
56
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,451
Wh... Costello?
57
00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:46,884
He's going to inherit
all that money?
58
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:50,014
Why, he never mentioned
having a rich uncle.
59
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,625
I believe they haven't seen
one another in many years,
60
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:56,128
and the old gentleman accumulated
his fortune since that time...
61
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,229
Oil, I think.
62
00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,993
If I see Mr. Costello,
I'll certainly tell him
63
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:04,094
to get in touch with his
uncle, his rich Uncle Rupert.
64
00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,638
Yes, sir.
65
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,435
Good-bye.
66
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,079
Costello, what on Earth
are you doing out here?
67
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:21,712
You'll catch your death of cold.
68
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,381
Ah-choo!
69
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,187
Here. Put this on.
70
00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:28,421
I'm going to take you right
back into your apartment
71
00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,895
and fix you a nice,
hot cup of coffee.
72
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,308
You mean you're
going to let me in?
73
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,527
Let you in?
74
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,467
Why, you didn't think I was
serious about this, did you?
75
00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,003
Yeah.
76
00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,698
Oh, why, no, you're
my friend, my pal.
77
00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,775
It was only a joke, a gag.
78
00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:47,610
Why, everything I have
is yours. You know that.
79
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,551
Now, careful. Easy, my boy.
80
00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,177
Sit right down here.
81
00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,414
There we are.
82
00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,821
Now, get your
feet up. That's it.
83
00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:01,656
Now we'll make you
nice and comfy, huh?
84
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,355
Now, I'll go in the kitchen
85
00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:06,490
and get you a nice,
hot cup of coffee.
86
00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:12,671
Well, no luck.
87
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,475
Well, have you seen that
bald-headed moron lately?
88
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,010
Shh!
89
00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,614
- Oh, hello, Mr. Fields!
- Here I am!
90
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,158
Oh, I knew you were
there all the time.
91
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,206
I was only fooling, yes.
92
00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,615
I-I was off trying to get some
money for you, Mr. Fields, but no luck.
93
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,054
Now, did I ask you
boys for money?
94
00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:30,919
Well, uh...
95
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,583
Look, forget it. Forget it.
96
00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,287
What good are friends if
they can't help one another?
97
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,331
Share and share
alike, I always say.
98
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:41,128
Now, if you boys need
a little ready cash...
99
00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,897
W-Well, w-w-we...
100
00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,233
Ready cash?
101
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,000
Well, we could
use a few dollars.
102
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,042
That's mighty nice
of you, Mr. Fields.
103
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,438
How do you like that?
104
00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:52,188
Only this morning,
Abbott was saying to me,
105
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:55,080
"Costello, how do you like that
bald-headed eagle of a landlord,
106
00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:57,776
Sid Fields, trying to take
the joint right from under us?"
107
00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,353
He said, "That bald-headed
monkey of a landlord?"
108
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:02,498
He says, "He'd kill his own
grandmother for a nickel."
109
00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,546
Costello!
110
00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:05,851
I was only trying to show
you and tell you that...
111
00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,585
Pay no attention to Costello.
112
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,438
When he speaks, the
words come out of his mouth,
113
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,007
and he don't even
know the meanings of it.
114
00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,158
I understand.
115
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,702
Now, don't forget... if you need
some money to tide you over...
116
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,033
Well, we could
use a few dollars.
117
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:22,200
Of course, uh, say, $100, $200?
118
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:24,710
$200? That's marvelous.
119
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,389
Abbott, how we going
to pay the guy back?
120
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:29,349
Well, now, look, you don't want
to hurt Mr. Fields' feelings, do you?
121
00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:29,814
No.
122
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,356
- You don't want to insult him.
- No.
123
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,080
Well, I don't want to hurt his
feelings, so I took his money.
124
00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,052
- Mr. Fields.
- Yes?
125
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,899
Would you feel insulted if
we don't take the money?
126
00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,221
It would hurt my feelings.
127
00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,122
- It would?
- Yes.
128
00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:42,161
I don't want to hurt your
feelings. Could I have $100, too?
129
00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,525
There you are.
130
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,690
And, boys, I want you to know
131
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,325
that I'm sure that you
would do just as much for me.
132
00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:51,428
Either one of you would be glad
to share anything you have with me.
133
00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:52,982
- Absolutely.
- Sure, I think he's right.
134
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,975
We ain't got nothing, anyway.
135
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:59,044
Maybe not, but someday
you will. Maybe, huh?
136
00:07:59,145 --> 00:07:59,771
Oh, sure.
137
00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,258
Well, boys, remember now... If
there's anything I can do for you,
138
00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:05,548
anything at all, just
let me know, huh?
139
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,450
Thanks a lot,
Mr. Fields. It's a pleasure.
140
00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,149
- It's a pleasure for me, too.
- Yeah, I...
141
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,291
- Mike.
- Well, hello, Mr. Fields.
142
00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:22,733
Mike, have I got news for you.
143
00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:24,102
What got into this Mr. Fields?
144
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,315
First he locks me out of the
apartments so I can't get in,
145
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,317
and then the guy is starting
to force money on to us.
146
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,037
That guy must be
crazy or something.
147
00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,702
He's just a
big-hearted fella, Lou.
148
00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:33,746
We possibly haven't
understood him lately.
149
00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,110
- No?
- No.
150
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,892
In other words, he's
the salt of the earth.
151
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:37,645
Salt of the earth.
152
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,161
You know what they
do with salt, don't you?
153
00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,676
- They pickle fish with it.
- Huh?
154
00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,278
[Speaking indistinctly]
155
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:48,019
Think of it... $7 million,
and Costello is the only heir.
156
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,688
I don't know. Don't
sound kosher to me.
157
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,323
Mr. Fields, did you know the
man that called you on the phone?
158
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:57,063
Why... Why, sure, a
lawyer, some big firm...
159
00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,435
Uh, uh, Peacock and Pinto?
160
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,474
No, no. Parker and Pook?
161
00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,065
No, that's not it. Uh...
162
00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,200
- Mr. Fields.
- Huh?
163
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:07,405
By any chance, did the
boys put the bite on you?
164
00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:08,379
What do you mean?
165
00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:09,721
Well, want to borrow some money
166
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,775
on the strength of this
so-called inheritance.
167
00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,410
Well, of course.
168
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,183
Wait a minute.
Why, I gave them...
169
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,087
Ho, ho, what a sucker you are.
170
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,684
I'll bet you Costello
hasn't even got an uncle.
171
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:26,256
Mike! Mike! What have I... Mike!
172
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,843
Oh! Hello, Mr. Fields.
173
00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,007
Don't you "Hello, Mr. Fields"
me, you lowlife crooks,
174
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,379
you snakes in the grass!
175
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,282
- Give me back my money!
- Uh-oh.
176
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,830
Now, Mr. Fields, I
thought that the...
177
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,413
Never mind what you thought.
178
00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:52,686
You're crooks, the both of you,
and I'm going to have you arrested.
179
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,070
What for? We didn't do anything.
180
00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,689
You obtained money from
me under false pretenses.
181
00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,094
That's what for!
182
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,997
Mr. Fields, we can
straighten this whole thing out.
183
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:01,659
You bet.
184
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,930
You can straighten
this out in jail!
185
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,198
Just a minute.
186
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,999
You are an ingrate.
187
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:11,636
I deliberately took $100 from
you just so I wouldn't offend you.
188
00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:13,838
Oh, that's ridiculous!
I'm calling the police!
189
00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:14,947
[Telephone rings]
190
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,210
Oh-oh!
191
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:18,951
Hello?
192
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,247
This is the Acme
Finance Company, Abbott.
193
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,789
Just what do you intend to do
about the payment on your car?
194
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:27,826
Uh... Oh, y-y-yes,
just... just a minute.
195
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,054
It's Western Union.
196
00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,757
Give me a pencil and a
piece of paper quick. Hurry up.
197
00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:33,957
Go ahead. What's the message?
198
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,399
What are you using my head for?
199
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,061
Somebody better use it.
200
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,398
Here, here.
201
00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,234
Yes?
202
00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,452
What's the matter with you?
203
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,635
I said this is the Acme
Finance Company.
204
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,744
Well, go ahead with the message.
205
00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,039
Uh, yes.
206
00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,173
"Dear nephew Louis,
207
00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:54,084
just learned where you were."
208
00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,520
Yes, yes, yes, go...
I've got it. Go ahead.
209
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:57,554
What is this?
210
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,922
I said this was the
Acme Finance Company.
211
00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,056
"Your loving Uncle Rupert."
212
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,102
Oh. Thank you.
213
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:14,168
Your Uncle Rupert is
coming here to visit you.
214
00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,140
I never knew you
had an Uncle Rupert.
215
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,521
Oh, yeah, he's a little old fat
guy from Paterson, New Jersey.
216
00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,985
Well, he'll be here
most anytime now.
217
00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:20,739
No.
218
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,543
Yeah, but that
puts us on the spot.
219
00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,515
We're financially
embarrassed here.
220
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,586
We won't be able to
entertain the old boy.
221
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,884
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
You got a friend here... Fieldsy!
222
00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,467
Maybe you want to
buy some new clothes?
223
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,084
There's nothing like
impressing people!
224
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,789
Now, just a minute, Fieldsy. You
were just going to put us in jail.
225
00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,626
Ah, you never know
when I'm kidding.
226
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:41,599
Surely you didn't think I
was serious about that.
227
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,363
Yes, I did.
228
00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,938
- I didn't take you serious.
- Well, of course not.
229
00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,235
- Share and share alike, remember?
- Why, certainly.
230
00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:51,209
Anything... what do you
need, boys, $200, $300?
231
00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,939
Come on. Just leave
me a few dollars.
232
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,743
- Go ahead.
- Thanks a lot, Mr. Fields.
233
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,818
You see? Always use your head.
234
00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,750
Thank you, boys, just wonderful!
235
00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,220
Remember, I hope to
see and meet your uncle.
236
00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,259
- We'll see that you do meet him.
- Thank you.
237
00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,760
Aye-dee-do, dee-dah.
238
00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:18,496
Mike, you big dummy.
239
00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,541
You know you almost caused
me to make a fool of myself?
240
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,007
What are you talking about?
241
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,011
I'm talking about
Costello and his rich uncle.
242
00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,877
That uncle is going
to be here this evening.
243
00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,726
Do you mean that
thing's really on the level?
244
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:31,870
Of course it's on the level.
245
00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,285
That's the trouble with
you, Mike... You're a skeptic.
246
00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,982
You don't believe anybody.
247
00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,136
- You want to know something, Abbott?
- What?
248
00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,186
If my Uncle Rupert walks
through that front door,
249
00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,491
I'm diving out that window.
250
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:44,962
Why?
251
00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,795
He's been dead for 15 years.
252
00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:57,934
Now, boy. When I get you
into these whiskers and this wig,
253
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,240
you'll look just like
your Uncle Rupert.
254
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,413
I'll look like I'm dead?
255
00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:06,543
No, no, you're going to look like
they'd expect Uncle Rupert to look.
256
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:09,120
Yeah, well, I still
think he's a phoney.
257
00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,200
I'll believe there's an Uncle
Rupert when I see him.
258
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,784
Okay, wise guy, he'll
be here any minute.
259
00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:16,692
Stick around, and you
probably will see him.
260
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,287
I think I'll do just that.
261
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,237
It's me.
262
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,641
Ohh, come on.
That's only the beard.
263
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,709
- It looks like Eucalyptus S. Grant.
- Come on.
264
00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,300
- Get out the window.
- Yeah.
265
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,988
Get out the window.
And listen... be careful.
266
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:36,380
If you see Fields, be
careful what you say to him.
267
00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,178
All I can tell you,
brother, is I'm afraid.
268
00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:39,946
I can't be two people
at the same time.
269
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,579
What are you afraid of?
It'll all be over tomorrow.
270
00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:45,853
Once Sidney Fields sees
you, everything will be all right,
271
00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,086
and he won't be
suspicious anymore.
272
00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:49,314
You get me in more messes...
273
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,159
- Go ahead. Get out the window.
- Okay.
274
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,664
Go ahead.
275
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,198
Right, yeah.
276
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,769
Here, you forgot your grip.
277
00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:58,735
Aah!
278
00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:00,870
I'm not waiting any
longer. He ain't coming.
279
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,464
You wait and see.
280
00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,007
Gentlemen, pardon me, please.
281
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,811
I'm looking for my
nephew, Louis Costello.
282
00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:14,217
Oh! You must be
his Uncle Rupert.
283
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,949
Well, it's a pleasure
to know you.
284
00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:18,250
- Thank you.
- How do you do?
285
00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,487
Lou has told me, oh,
so much about you.
286
00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:26,031
I'm Sidney Fields, the landlord.
I'm Lou's very closest friend.
287
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,591
Ah, your nephew is
just like my own son...
288
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,161
Fine boy, fine boy.
289
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:34,363
Boy, you're telling me.
290
00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:38,844
He's such a wonderful boy,
just a grand boy, a lovely boy...
291
00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:39,810
Clever, too.
292
00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,881
- He is, indeed.
- Who's he?
293
00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:46,850
Oh, this? This is one of
my other tenants... Mike.
294
00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:50,478
It's always a pleasure to meet
a fine, upstanding gentleman,
295
00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:54,925
an officer of the law, such
a credit to the community.
296
00:14:56,496 --> 00:15:00,661
- It's sure nice to meet you, too.
- Thank you, youngster.
297
00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,862
Can you tell me, please, where
my nephew's apartment is?
298
00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:07,065
- Oh, right over here, Sir.
- Thank you, Sir.
299
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:14,874
This is Lou's Uncle
Rupert, Mr. Abbott.
300
00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,041
Why, Uncle Rupert.
301
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,277
Alexander.
302
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:21,218
Alexander... Th-that's
my real name.
303
00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,118
Alexander, where's
my nephew, Louis?
304
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,521
Oh, he's in shaving, Uncle
Rupert. He'll be right out.
305
00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:26,923
Come on in, Uncle Rupert.
306
00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,138
Mr. Abbott, don't forget to
put in a good word for me, huh?
307
00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,495
Oh, yes, yes.
308
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,162
Fine old gentleman.
309
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:40,935
Well, wise guy, seeing is
believing, huh, Mr. Skeptic?
310
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,910
Come on. Now,
get all that stuff out
311
00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,421
and get ready to
pack it into the trunk
312
00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,074
so we can leave here
on a minute's notice.
313
00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,377
Oh, come on, already!
314
00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:51,746
- Hey.
- What's the matter?
315
00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,328
- Now get a load of that.
- See that rip there?
316
00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:54,718
- What?
- We got rats here.
317
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,653
Well, I hope they
enjoy it after we're gone.
318
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:57,849
Get the things out.
319
00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,597
Come on. We've got
to put it in the trunk.
320
00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:02,220
- I'm going to fix those rats.
- What are you...
321
00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,904
Say, Mike, would you hold
this for Mr. Fields, please?
322
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,201
- Sure, I guess so.
- Thank you.
323
00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,143
Uh, here.
324
00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,077
- Oh, here.
- Thanks.
325
00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:23,343
Hey, hey, hey, what's
the idea, you big oaf?
326
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:25,816
Is this your idea of
something funny?
327
00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,477
Oh, what are you talking
about? I didn't do that.
328
00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:32,218
No? I suppose that got
up there by itself, huh?
329
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,159
Someday I'm going to choke
that Costello with my bare hands.
330
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,160
Ah, you.
331
00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,782
What are you doing
with the rat poison?
332
00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,459
Costello wants it. Maybe
he's trying to poison you.
333
00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,092
That's very comical, but
maybe it ain't so funny.
334
00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:46,138
I wouldn't put it past those two
trying to bump off Uncle Rupert.
335
00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,208
Ah, there you go,
getting suspicious again.
336
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,799
Why don't you stop
trying to be a policeman?
337
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,675
Yeah? Well, the old guy's
swimming with dough.
338
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,509
You said that yourself.
339
00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,607
And who gets it if he croaks?
340
00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,185
Costello, that's who.
341
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:02,585
Oh, that's ridiculous.
342
00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,184
Oh, Mr. Fields.
343
00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,264
Here you are, Costello.
Here's your rat poison.
344
00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:11,990
Thanks.
345
00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,726
- Hey.
- Uh...
346
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,428
- What's the empty trunk for?
- Well, uh, uh, uh, uh...
347
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,801
We're just, uh, cleaning it
out so we can store it away
348
00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:19,998
in the basement.
349
00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,837
How's your Uncle Rupert?
I hope he's feeling all right.
350
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,205
Yes, he's fine.
351
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,972
He just took a stroll
down to the bank.
352
00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:29,981
He wants to draw a few thousand
dollars for pocket money, you know?
353
00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,313
Well, give my regards
when you see him.
354
00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:34,546
Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure.
355
00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,145
Sure.
356
00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:44,386
Mike, there is
something strange.
357
00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,937
They've got a great big trunk
right in the middle of the room,
358
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,969
like they're waiting to put
something or somebody into it.
359
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:51,446
You go ahead and
finish packing the trunk.
360
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:52,714
I'm going out and
getting a bite to eat.
361
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,216
Just a minute. I want
to eat, too, you know.
362
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,285
Well, we can't both go out.
Fields is suspicious, you know.
363
00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,387
He could come in here snooping
around, and there'd be trouble.
364
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,107
You eat, I eat.
365
00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,443
All right, then Uncle
Rupert will have to stay here.
366
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,459
Okay... now, wait a minute.
That's the same thing.
367
00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,816
If Uncle Rupert stays here,
then I can't go with you.
368
00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,512
Please. Wait a minute.
369
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,648
Here, put this beard
and this wig on.
370
00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,588
Now, you go out the
window over there,
371
00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,821
come through the front
door so Fields can see you,
372
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,295
and when he sees you
come in and he sees us go out,
373
00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,525
he'll think Uncle
Rupert is still here.
374
00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,728
I don't know how I let you
ever talk me into this stuff.
375
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:27,295
Everything is going to be
all right. Now, do as I tell you.
376
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,406
Stop!
377
00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:31,033
You know, Mike, we
could be wrong about this.
378
00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:32,873
No, we ain't wrong. We're right.
379
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,539
They're going to poison the
old guy and smuggle his body out
380
00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:36,648
in that trunk.
381
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,310
You wait and see.
382
00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,352
I'm going to listen.
383
00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,458
Now, listen, why do I
have to do all the dirty work?
384
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,550
- He's your uncle, isn't he?
- Yeah.
385
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,697
COSTELLO: When are we going to
get rid of Uncle Rupert permanently?
386
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,526
ABBOTT: Right
away. This will do it.
387
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,725
By tomorrow at this time,
388
00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,473
your Uncle Rupert
will be dead and buried.
389
00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,230
You see? What did I tell you?
390
00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,703
Mike, this is horrible. We've
got to do something here.
391
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,433
Go call the lieutenant
at the station.
392
00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:02,851
I'll stay here and
guard the door.
393
00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,037
And tell him to hurry.
394
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,421
- Good morning, Officer.
- Good morning, Sir.
395
00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:18,718
Doin-da-dye-dye.
396
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:25,660
Hello, Uncle Rupert.
Did you have a nice walk?
397
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,325
Oh, yes, I did, Louis. I
had a wonderful walk.
398
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,801
I went down by the bank,
drew out a few thousand dollars
399
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,930
for pocket money, and I
met that nice policeman.
400
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,874
Oh, Uncle Rupert,
that guy's a jerk.
401
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,674
Oh, why'd you say that,
Louis? He's a fine gentleman.
402
00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,477
He's a meddlesome busybody.
403
00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:46,778
He probably is standing right
outside the door now, listening.
404
00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,151
Mike, the lieutenant
wasn't in, but I left word.
405
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:54,125
The old man just went in.
406
00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:58,091
Shut the trunk.
407
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,560
Aah! Aah! Aah!
408
00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,329
What was that?
409
00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:06,262
I'll finish this job.
410
00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,374
Boy, am I glad we got
Uncle Rupert in the trunk.
411
00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,000
I hope that's the last
we ever see of him.
412
00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,169
Open up in the name of the law!
413
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:15,837
Lock that crook. Lock it.
414
00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,178
Open up, I say,
or I'll break it down!
415
00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,786
All right, you two,
I've got you covered.
416
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,413
- What is this all about?
- Take a look around.
417
00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,116
- Where's Uncle Rupert?
- Uh-oh.
418
00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,126
- He's around someplace.
- Don't give me that.
419
00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,405
I saw him come in this
apartment. He didn't leave again.
420
00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,069
I've been standing
right outside the door.
421
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,530
He's not here.
422
00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,624
- What's in that trunk?
- Oh!
423
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,170
Now, you don't expect to find
Uncle Rupert in there, do you?
424
00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,582
Are you going to open that trunk,
or do I have to smash it open?
425
00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:41,630
You got a search warrant?
426
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,518
I don't need a search
warrant. All I need's an ax.
427
00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,353
- Get one, Mr. Fields.
- Now, wait a minute, Mike.
428
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:47,676
You know the law better
than that. You're a policeman.
429
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,412
Well, yeah...
430
00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,349
You know, Section 14,
Paragraph 9 of the Penal Code
431
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,716
says you've got to
have a search warrant!
432
00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:58,655
Yeah, well... Yeah, all right,
but I'll be right outside that door.
433
00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,817
Call the station house
434
00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,003
and tell the lieutenant to
bring a search warrant with him,
435
00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:03,518
and don't try any funny stuff
436
00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:06,326
because I'll be right
outside that door.
437
00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:10,096
You may be outside that
door, but you ain't right.
438
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,596
They come back and search
this trunk and find that whiskers,
439
00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,266
and we... we're dead pigeons.
440
00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:18,810
That's the last I thought I'd
ever seen of Uncle Rupert,
441
00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:21,005
and here we go again.
442
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,460
We know we're going to get
thrown out of here anyway,
443
00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:26,995
so we might as well
get rid of the trunk.
444
00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:28,497
But we can't get it
past that goon out there.
445
00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:31,548
- That's easy... out the window.
- Let's go.
446
00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,336
Did you tell him to
bring a search warrant?
447
00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,420
The lieutenant was
already on his way here.
448
00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:37,588
What's the matter now?
449
00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:40,188
It's a murder, Lieutenant.
They've got a body in a trunk.
450
00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,700
Did you see it, or is this
another one of your pipe dreams?
451
00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:43,497
Yes, Sir.
452
00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:45,127
I mean, no, Sir.
453
00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,569
Well, I didn't exactly see it.
454
00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:48,664
Well, come on. Come on.
455
00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:13,462
Open up! We
know you're in there!
456
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,566
Break it in.
457
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,367
Oh, but, Lieutenant, Paragraph 14
of Paragraph 9 of the Penal Code...
458
00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:20,837
Are you nuts? I
said break it in!
459
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,499
Yes, Sir.
460
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:30,272
- Okay, where's the body?
- Right...
461
00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:32,550
[Car horn honks]
462
00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:47,557
Stop, or I'll shoot!
463
00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:02,257
Well, I got one of
them, Lieutenant.
464
00:23:02,281 --> 00:23:03,825
Wait a minute. Now,
what is this all about?
465
00:23:03,849 --> 00:23:05,249
You know what it's all about.
466
00:23:05,351 --> 00:23:07,650
I'm charging you with the
murder of Uncle Rupert.
467
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,278
Oh, now, that's ridiculous.
468
00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,152
Come on inside.
469
00:23:15,527 --> 00:23:17,894
- Hello, gentlemen.
- Uncle Rupert!
470
00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:20,557
- Who's he?
- H-He's the murder victim.
471
00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:23,033
You dumb moron, can
you keep out of trouble?
472
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:24,535
- B-B-B-But...
- Aw, shut up.
473
00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:26,833
And report to me when
you get back to the station.
474
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:28,373
Yes, Sir.
475
00:23:29,008 --> 00:23:30,169
Say.
476
00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:34,712
Now, what's this all about
me being a murder victim?
477
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,679
Well... Well, it's your nephew,
Lou. He was going to poison you.
478
00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:38,842
What?!
479
00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:42,581
My own nephew, Louis,
was going to poison me?
480
00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:44,554
[Telephone rings]
481
00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:46,853
Hello? Yes, this is Bud Abbott.
482
00:23:47,026 --> 00:23:48,085
Now, look here, Abbott.
483
00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:49,786
What about that
payment on your car?
484
00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:53,729
Now, Costello, where
in the world are you?
485
00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,323
You better come right home here.
486
00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:58,733
This isn't Costello. This is
the Acme Finance Company.
487
00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:01,840
Costello, your Uncle
Rupert is here waiting for you.
488
00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:02,670
Just a minute.
489
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,937
If that's my nephew, I
want to speak to him.
490
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:06,876
Louis, you scoundrel.
491
00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:10,507
You liver-bellied scoundrel,
trying to murder me for my money.
492
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:13,814
If it wasn't for this nice,
young police officer here,
493
00:24:13,919 --> 00:24:15,751
I wouldn't have known
a thing about you!
494
00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,913
Look, this is the Acme
Finance Company.
495
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:19,423
Is everybody there crazy?
496
00:24:19,525 --> 00:24:21,551
This is the Acme
Finance Company!
497
00:24:21,694 --> 00:24:26,394
Don't shout at me. Nothing's
going to save you from me.
498
00:24:26,498 --> 00:24:28,763
And I'm going to tell you
something else, Louis.
499
00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:30,267
I'm going to disinherit you,
500
00:24:30,369 --> 00:24:34,602
and I am not going to
leave you one penny!
501
00:24:34,707 --> 00:24:37,472
Oh, Uncle Rupert,
it was all a mistake.
502
00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:40,410
Yes, Mr. Abbott, it's a mistake,
503
00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:43,141
and I'm going back to
Paterson, New Jersey,
504
00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:44,443
and live in peace.
505
00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:49,181
You... You... I could strangle
you with my bare hands.
506
00:24:49,288 --> 00:24:52,486
You've cost us $7 million.
507
00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:55,083
Well, Mr. Fields,
I just didn't think.
508
00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:56,685
Ohh!
509
00:25:06,805 --> 00:25:10,139
And you can tell that
rascal nephew of mine
510
00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:13,041
if I never see him
again, it'll be too soon!
511
00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:14,545
Good-bye!
512
00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:22,581
Well, Mr. Fields, and I am
through with my nephew, Lou.
513
00:25:22,688 --> 00:25:25,283
I don't blame you, Uncle Rup...
514
00:25:26,492 --> 00:25:27,721
Why, it's you!
515
00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:31,194
Of course, it's
me... Ohh! Abbott!
516
00:25:35,801 --> 00:25:37,429
Hey, Abbott!
39210
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