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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,068 --> 00:00:02,068 [Applause] 2 00:00:02,169 --> 00:00:06,937 Heeeeey, Abbott! 3 00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:32,616 Oh, excuse me. 4 00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,820 Mr. Fields, do you mind if we borrow a little cream? 5 00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:38,763 - Oh, of course not, my boy. - Oh. 6 00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:41,926 - You may have it all. - Thank you. 7 00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:50,066 I want you guys out of here by noon! 8 00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,372 You understand?! 9 00:01:51,478 --> 00:01:53,174 Ohh! 10 00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,224 Now, how did you get it up there, standing on your head? 11 00:02:10,330 --> 00:02:12,408 Abbott, if I was to tell you, you wouldn't believe me. 12 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,095 Oh, I'll go down the corner and get a cup of coffee, 13 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:16,727 and I'll try and raise some money. 14 00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,533 If I raise some money, I'll come back, 15 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,665 but don't leave this apartment. 16 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,300 - Don't leave the apartment. - Don't leave this apartment. 17 00:02:23,410 --> 00:02:26,938 As long as one of us are here, Fields can't lock us out. 18 00:02:27,047 --> 00:02:28,106 Okay. 19 00:02:28,215 --> 00:02:30,241 Don't leave the apartment. 20 00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,689 [Knocking on door] 21 00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:52,803 Wait a minute. 22 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,534 Costello, wait a minute. 23 00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,542 You're wanted on the hall telephone. 24 00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:56,973 I am? 25 00:02:57,077 --> 00:02:58,988 Yeah, you better hurry. They said it was important. 26 00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:00,310 Oh, thank you. 27 00:03:00,414 --> 00:03:02,246 I better get dressed. 28 00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:17,030 Hello? Hello? 29 00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,158 Hello? 30 00:03:22,736 --> 00:03:24,398 Hello? 31 00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:30,736 - Mr. Fields. - Yes? 32 00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,522 Didn't you say somebody wanted me on the phone? 33 00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,913 Yes, I wanted you on the phone 34 00:03:35,015 --> 00:03:37,917 so I could put this padlock on your door. 35 00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:39,145 Why did you do that? 36 00:03:39,252 --> 00:03:41,778 Well, that's just my subtle way of telling you 37 00:03:41,888 --> 00:03:45,950 that you don't live here anymore. 38 00:03:53,700 --> 00:03:55,999 M-Mr. Fields? 39 00:03:58,638 --> 00:04:00,300 What do you say, Joe? Will you do it? 40 00:04:00,407 --> 00:04:02,205 Okay, but what's it all about? 41 00:04:02,309 --> 00:04:04,005 It's only a gag. Have you got it right? 42 00:04:04,111 --> 00:04:05,977 Sure, I got it. 43 00:04:10,484 --> 00:04:12,578 [Telephone rings] 44 00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,554 Hello, Fields Apartments. Fields speaking. 45 00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,722 Mr. Fields? 46 00:04:16,790 --> 00:04:20,750 This is Mr. Parker of the law firm of Pintok, Perrin, and Parker. 47 00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:22,796 I'm trying to locate a Mr. Lou Costello, 48 00:04:22,896 --> 00:04:25,491 and I've been informed that he lived at that place at one time. 49 00:04:25,665 --> 00:04:29,295 That's right. He did live here... at one time. 50 00:04:29,402 --> 00:04:30,893 How much does he owe you? 51 00:04:31,037 --> 00:04:32,505 Why, nothing, Mr. Fields. 52 00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:35,235 We've been commissioned by Mr. Costello's Uncle Rupert 53 00:04:35,342 --> 00:04:37,902 in Paterson, New Jersey, to find his nephew. 54 00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,446 It seems the old gentleman is very wealthy, 55 00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:42,412 and this Mr. Costello is his only heir. 56 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,451 Wh... Costello? 57 00:04:44,551 --> 00:04:46,884 He's going to inherit all that money? 58 00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:50,014 Why, he never mentioned having a rich uncle. 59 00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,625 I believe they haven't seen one another in many years, 60 00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:56,128 and the old gentleman accumulated his fortune since that time... 61 00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,229 Oil, I think. 62 00:04:57,364 --> 00:04:59,993 If I see Mr. Costello, I'll certainly tell him 63 00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:04,094 to get in touch with his uncle, his rich Uncle Rupert. 64 00:05:04,204 --> 00:05:05,638 Yes, sir. 65 00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,435 Good-bye. 66 00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,079 Costello, what on Earth are you doing out here? 67 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:21,712 You'll catch your death of cold. 68 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,381 Ah-choo! 69 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,187 Here. Put this on. 70 00:05:26,293 --> 00:05:28,421 I'm going to take you right back into your apartment 71 00:05:28,528 --> 00:05:30,895 and fix you a nice, hot cup of coffee. 72 00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,308 You mean you're going to let me in? 73 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,527 Let you in? 74 00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:36,467 Why, you didn't think I was serious about this, did you? 75 00:05:36,570 --> 00:05:37,003 Yeah. 76 00:05:37,103 --> 00:05:39,698 Oh, why, no, you're my friend, my pal. 77 00:05:39,806 --> 00:05:41,775 It was only a joke, a gag. 78 00:05:41,875 --> 00:05:47,610 Why, everything I have is yours. You know that. 79 00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:52,551 Now, careful. Easy, my boy. 80 00:05:52,652 --> 00:05:54,177 Sit right down here. 81 00:05:54,287 --> 00:05:55,414 There we are. 82 00:05:55,522 --> 00:05:57,821 Now, get your feet up. That's it. 83 00:05:57,924 --> 00:06:01,656 Now we'll make you nice and comfy, huh? 84 00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:03,355 Now, I'll go in the kitchen 85 00:06:03,463 --> 00:06:06,490 and get you a nice, hot cup of coffee. 86 00:06:08,768 --> 00:06:12,671 Well, no luck. 87 00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,475 Well, have you seen that bald-headed moron lately? 88 00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:18,010 Shh! 89 00:06:18,645 --> 00:06:20,614 - Oh, hello, Mr. Fields! - Here I am! 90 00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:22,158 Oh, I knew you were there all the time. 91 00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:23,206 I was only fooling, yes. 92 00:06:23,383 --> 00:06:26,615 I-I was off trying to get some money for you, Mr. Fields, but no luck. 93 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,054 Now, did I ask you boys for money? 94 00:06:30,156 --> 00:06:30,919 Well, uh... 95 00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,583 Look, forget it. Forget it. 96 00:06:32,692 --> 00:06:35,287 What good are friends if they can't help one another? 97 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:38,331 Share and share alike, I always say. 98 00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:41,128 Now, if you boys need a little ready cash... 99 00:06:41,234 --> 00:06:43,897 W-Well, w-w-we... 100 00:06:44,004 --> 00:06:45,233 Ready cash? 101 00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,000 Well, we could use a few dollars. 102 00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,042 That's mighty nice of you, Mr. Fields. 103 00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:50,438 How do you like that? 104 00:06:50,543 --> 00:06:52,188 Only this morning, Abbott was saying to me, 105 00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:55,080 "Costello, how do you like that bald-headed eagle of a landlord, 106 00:06:55,181 --> 00:06:57,776 Sid Fields, trying to take the joint right from under us?" 107 00:06:57,884 --> 00:07:00,353 He said, "That bald-headed monkey of a landlord?" 108 00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:02,498 He says, "He'd kill his own grandmother for a nickel." 109 00:07:02,522 --> 00:07:03,546 Costello! 110 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:05,851 I was only trying to show you and tell you that... 111 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:07,585 Pay no attention to Costello. 112 00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,438 When he speaks, the words come out of his mouth, 113 00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:11,007 and he don't even know the meanings of it. 114 00:07:11,031 --> 00:07:12,158 I understand. 115 00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,702 Now, don't forget... if you need some money to tide you over... 116 00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:18,033 Well, we could use a few dollars. 117 00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:22,200 Of course, uh, say, $100, $200? 118 00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:24,710 $200? That's marvelous. 119 00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:26,389 Abbott, how we going to pay the guy back? 120 00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:29,349 Well, now, look, you don't want to hurt Mr. Fields' feelings, do you? 121 00:07:29,449 --> 00:07:29,814 No. 122 00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:31,356 - You don't want to insult him. - No. 123 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:34,080 Well, I don't want to hurt his feelings, so I took his money. 124 00:07:34,187 --> 00:07:35,052 - Mr. Fields. - Yes? 125 00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:36,899 Would you feel insulted if we don't take the money? 126 00:07:36,923 --> 00:07:38,221 It would hurt my feelings. 127 00:07:38,325 --> 00:07:39,122 - It would? - Yes. 128 00:07:39,225 --> 00:07:42,161 I don't want to hurt your feelings. Could I have $100, too? 129 00:07:42,262 --> 00:07:43,525 There you are. 130 00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,690 And, boys, I want you to know 131 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,325 that I'm sure that you would do just as much for me. 132 00:07:48,435 --> 00:07:51,428 Either one of you would be glad to share anything you have with me. 133 00:07:51,604 --> 00:07:52,982 - Absolutely. - Sure, I think he's right. 134 00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:54,975 We ain't got nothing, anyway. 135 00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:59,044 Maybe not, but someday you will. Maybe, huh? 136 00:07:59,145 --> 00:07:59,771 Oh, sure. 137 00:07:59,879 --> 00:08:02,258 Well, boys, remember now... If there's anything I can do for you, 138 00:08:02,282 --> 00:08:05,548 anything at all, just let me know, huh? 139 00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:07,450 Thanks a lot, Mr. Fields. It's a pleasure. 140 00:08:07,554 --> 00:08:10,149 - It's a pleasure for me, too. - Yeah, I... 141 00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,291 - Mike. - Well, hello, Mr. Fields. 142 00:08:19,399 --> 00:08:22,733 Mike, have I got news for you. 143 00:08:22,902 --> 00:08:24,102 What got into this Mr. Fields? 144 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,315 First he locks me out of the apartments so I can't get in, 145 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,317 and then the guy is starting to force money on to us. 146 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,037 That guy must be crazy or something. 147 00:08:30,143 --> 00:08:31,702 He's just a big-hearted fella, Lou. 148 00:08:31,811 --> 00:08:33,746 We possibly haven't understood him lately. 149 00:08:33,847 --> 00:08:35,110 - No? - No. 150 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,892 In other words, he's the salt of the earth. 151 00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:37,645 Salt of the earth. 152 00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,161 You know what they do with salt, don't you? 153 00:08:39,185 --> 00:08:40,676 - They pickle fish with it. - Huh? 154 00:08:40,787 --> 00:08:42,278 [Speaking indistinctly] 155 00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:48,019 Think of it... $7 million, and Costello is the only heir. 156 00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,688 I don't know. Don't sound kosher to me. 157 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:53,323 Mr. Fields, did you know the man that called you on the phone? 158 00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:57,063 Why... Why, sure, a lawyer, some big firm... 159 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,435 Uh, uh, Peacock and Pinto? 160 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,474 No, no. Parker and Pook? 161 00:09:01,574 --> 00:09:03,065 No, that's not it. Uh... 162 00:09:03,176 --> 00:09:04,200 - Mr. Fields. - Huh? 163 00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:07,405 By any chance, did the boys put the bite on you? 164 00:09:07,514 --> 00:09:08,379 What do you mean? 165 00:09:08,481 --> 00:09:09,721 Well, want to borrow some money 166 00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,775 on the strength of this so-called inheritance. 167 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:13,410 Well, of course. 168 00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,183 Wait a minute. Why, I gave them... 169 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,087 Ho, ho, what a sucker you are. 170 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,684 I'll bet you Costello hasn't even got an uncle. 171 00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:26,256 Mike! Mike! What have I... Mike! 172 00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:39,843 Oh! Hello, Mr. Fields. 173 00:09:39,946 --> 00:09:43,007 Don't you "Hello, Mr. Fields" me, you lowlife crooks, 174 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:44,379 you snakes in the grass! 175 00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,282 - Give me back my money! - Uh-oh. 176 00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,830 Now, Mr. Fields, I thought that the... 177 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,413 Never mind what you thought. 178 00:09:49,522 --> 00:09:52,686 You're crooks, the both of you, and I'm going to have you arrested. 179 00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:54,070 What for? We didn't do anything. 180 00:09:54,094 --> 00:09:56,689 You obtained money from me under false pretenses. 181 00:09:56,796 --> 00:09:58,094 That's what for! 182 00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,997 Mr. Fields, we can straighten this whole thing out. 183 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:01,659 You bet. 184 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,930 You can straighten this out in jail! 185 00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:05,198 Just a minute. 186 00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:06,999 You are an ingrate. 187 00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:11,636 I deliberately took $100 from you just so I wouldn't offend you. 188 00:10:11,744 --> 00:10:13,838 Oh, that's ridiculous! I'm calling the police! 189 00:10:13,947 --> 00:10:14,947 [Telephone rings] 190 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,210 Oh-oh! 191 00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:18,951 Hello? 192 00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,247 This is the Acme Finance Company, Abbott. 193 00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,789 Just what do you intend to do about the payment on your car? 194 00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:27,826 Uh... Oh, y-y-yes, just... just a minute. 195 00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:29,054 It's Western Union. 196 00:10:29,162 --> 00:10:31,757 Give me a pencil and a piece of paper quick. Hurry up. 197 00:10:31,931 --> 00:10:33,957 Go ahead. What's the message? 198 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:35,399 What are you using my head for? 199 00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:37,061 Somebody better use it. 200 00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:38,398 Here, here. 201 00:10:38,505 --> 00:10:39,234 Yes? 202 00:10:39,372 --> 00:10:40,452 What's the matter with you? 203 00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:42,635 I said this is the Acme Finance Company. 204 00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,744 Well, go ahead with the message. 205 00:10:44,844 --> 00:10:46,039 Uh, yes. 206 00:10:46,146 --> 00:10:49,173 "Dear nephew Louis, 207 00:10:49,282 --> 00:10:54,084 just learned where you were." 208 00:10:54,187 --> 00:10:56,520 Yes, yes, yes, go... I've got it. Go ahead. 209 00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:57,554 What is this? 210 00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:59,922 I said this was the Acme Finance Company. 211 00:11:04,063 --> 00:11:07,056 "Your loving Uncle Rupert." 212 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,102 Oh. Thank you. 213 00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:14,168 Your Uncle Rupert is coming here to visit you. 214 00:11:14,274 --> 00:11:16,140 I never knew you had an Uncle Rupert. 215 00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,521 Oh, yeah, he's a little old fat guy from Paterson, New Jersey. 216 00:11:18,545 --> 00:11:19,985 Well, he'll be here most anytime now. 217 00:11:20,079 --> 00:11:20,739 No. 218 00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,543 Yeah, but that puts us on the spot. 219 00:11:22,649 --> 00:11:24,515 We're financially embarrassed here. 220 00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:26,586 We won't be able to entertain the old boy. 221 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,884 Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You got a friend here... Fieldsy! 222 00:11:29,989 --> 00:11:31,467 Maybe you want to buy some new clothes? 223 00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:33,084 There's nothing like impressing people! 224 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:36,789 Now, just a minute, Fieldsy. You were just going to put us in jail. 225 00:11:36,896 --> 00:11:38,626 Ah, you never know when I'm kidding. 226 00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:41,599 Surely you didn't think I was serious about that. 227 00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,363 Yes, I did. 228 00:11:43,469 --> 00:11:45,938 - I didn't take you serious. - Well, of course not. 229 00:11:46,039 --> 00:11:48,235 - Share and share alike, remember? - Why, certainly. 230 00:11:48,341 --> 00:11:51,209 Anything... what do you need, boys, $200, $300? 231 00:11:51,311 --> 00:11:52,939 Come on. Just leave me a few dollars. 232 00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:55,743 - Go ahead. - Thanks a lot, Mr. Fields. 233 00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:58,818 You see? Always use your head. 234 00:11:58,918 --> 00:12:00,750 Thank you, boys, just wonderful! 235 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:03,220 Remember, I hope to see and meet your uncle. 236 00:12:03,323 --> 00:12:06,259 - We'll see that you do meet him. - Thank you. 237 00:12:06,359 --> 00:12:08,760 Aye-dee-do, dee-dah. 238 00:12:14,934 --> 00:12:18,496 Mike, you big dummy. 239 00:12:18,605 --> 00:12:21,541 You know you almost caused me to make a fool of myself? 240 00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:23,007 What are you talking about? 241 00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:26,011 I'm talking about Costello and his rich uncle. 242 00:12:26,112 --> 00:12:28,877 That uncle is going to be here this evening. 243 00:12:28,982 --> 00:12:30,726 Do you mean that thing's really on the level? 244 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:31,870 Of course it's on the level. 245 00:12:31,918 --> 00:12:34,285 That's the trouble with you, Mike... You're a skeptic. 246 00:12:34,387 --> 00:12:36,982 You don't believe anybody. 247 00:12:39,559 --> 00:12:41,136 - You want to know something, Abbott? - What? 248 00:12:41,160 --> 00:12:43,186 If my Uncle Rupert walks through that front door, 249 00:12:43,296 --> 00:12:44,491 I'm diving out that window. 250 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:44,962 Why? 251 00:12:45,064 --> 00:12:47,795 He's been dead for 15 years. 252 00:12:53,439 --> 00:12:57,934 Now, boy. When I get you into these whiskers and this wig, 253 00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,240 you'll look just like your Uncle Rupert. 254 00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:01,413 I'll look like I'm dead? 255 00:13:01,514 --> 00:13:06,543 No, no, you're going to look like they'd expect Uncle Rupert to look. 256 00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:09,120 Yeah, well, I still think he's a phoney. 257 00:13:09,222 --> 00:13:11,200 I'll believe there's an Uncle Rupert when I see him. 258 00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,784 Okay, wise guy, he'll be here any minute. 259 00:13:13,893 --> 00:13:16,692 Stick around, and you probably will see him. 260 00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:18,287 I think I'll do just that. 261 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:25,237 It's me. 262 00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,641 Ohh, come on. That's only the beard. 263 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,709 - It looks like Eucalyptus S. Grant. - Come on. 264 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,300 - Get out the window. - Yeah. 265 00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,988 Get out the window. And listen... be careful. 266 00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:36,380 If you see Fields, be careful what you say to him. 267 00:13:36,482 --> 00:13:38,178 All I can tell you, brother, is I'm afraid. 268 00:13:38,284 --> 00:13:39,946 I can't be two people at the same time. 269 00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,579 What are you afraid of? It'll all be over tomorrow. 270 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:45,853 Once Sidney Fields sees you, everything will be all right, 271 00:13:45,958 --> 00:13:48,086 and he won't be suspicious anymore. 272 00:13:48,194 --> 00:13:49,314 You get me in more messes... 273 00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,159 - Go ahead. Get out the window. - Okay. 274 00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,664 Go ahead. 275 00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:54,198 Right, yeah. 276 00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:56,769 Here, you forgot your grip. 277 00:13:56,869 --> 00:13:58,735 Aah! 278 00:13:59,038 --> 00:14:00,870 I'm not waiting any longer. He ain't coming. 279 00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:02,464 You wait and see. 280 00:14:06,879 --> 00:14:09,007 Gentlemen, pardon me, please. 281 00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:10,811 I'm looking for my nephew, Louis Costello. 282 00:14:10,917 --> 00:14:14,217 Oh! You must be his Uncle Rupert. 283 00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:16,949 Well, it's a pleasure to know you. 284 00:14:17,123 --> 00:14:18,250 - Thank you. - How do you do? 285 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:21,487 Lou has told me, oh, so much about you. 286 00:14:21,661 --> 00:14:26,031 I'm Sidney Fields, the landlord. I'm Lou's very closest friend. 287 00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:29,591 Ah, your nephew is just like my own son... 288 00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:33,161 Fine boy, fine boy. 289 00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:34,363 Boy, you're telling me. 290 00:14:34,474 --> 00:14:38,844 He's such a wonderful boy, just a grand boy, a lovely boy... 291 00:14:38,945 --> 00:14:39,810 Clever, too. 292 00:14:39,912 --> 00:14:41,881 - He is, indeed. - Who's he? 293 00:14:42,048 --> 00:14:46,850 Oh, this? This is one of my other tenants... Mike. 294 00:14:47,019 --> 00:14:50,478 It's always a pleasure to meet a fine, upstanding gentleman, 295 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:54,925 an officer of the law, such a credit to the community. 296 00:14:56,496 --> 00:15:00,661 - It's sure nice to meet you, too. - Thank you, youngster. 297 00:15:00,767 --> 00:15:03,862 Can you tell me, please, where my nephew's apartment is? 298 00:15:03,970 --> 00:15:07,065 - Oh, right over here, Sir. - Thank you, Sir. 299 00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:14,874 This is Lou's Uncle Rupert, Mr. Abbott. 300 00:15:14,981 --> 00:15:17,041 Why, Uncle Rupert. 301 00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,277 Alexander. 302 00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:21,218 Alexander... Th-that's my real name. 303 00:15:21,320 --> 00:15:23,118 Alexander, where's my nephew, Louis? 304 00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,521 Oh, he's in shaving, Uncle Rupert. He'll be right out. 305 00:15:25,625 --> 00:15:26,923 Come on in, Uncle Rupert. 306 00:15:27,026 --> 00:15:29,138 Mr. Abbott, don't forget to put in a good word for me, huh? 307 00:15:29,162 --> 00:15:31,495 Oh, yes, yes. 308 00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,162 Fine old gentleman. 309 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:40,935 Well, wise guy, seeing is believing, huh, Mr. Skeptic? 310 00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:43,910 Come on. Now, get all that stuff out 311 00:15:44,010 --> 00:15:45,421 and get ready to pack it into the trunk 312 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:48,074 so we can leave here on a minute's notice. 313 00:15:48,181 --> 00:15:50,377 Oh, come on, already! 314 00:15:50,483 --> 00:15:51,746 - Hey. - What's the matter? 315 00:15:51,851 --> 00:15:53,328 - Now get a load of that. - See that rip there? 316 00:15:53,352 --> 00:15:54,718 - What? - We got rats here. 317 00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,653 Well, I hope they enjoy it after we're gone. 318 00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:57,849 Get the things out. 319 00:15:57,957 --> 00:15:59,597 Come on. We've got to put it in the trunk. 320 00:15:59,625 --> 00:16:02,220 - I'm going to fix those rats. - What are you... 321 00:16:10,036 --> 00:16:12,904 Say, Mike, would you hold this for Mr. Fields, please? 322 00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:15,201 - Sure, I guess so. - Thank you. 323 00:16:17,143 --> 00:16:18,143 Uh, here. 324 00:16:18,211 --> 00:16:20,077 - Oh, here. - Thanks. 325 00:16:20,179 --> 00:16:23,343 Hey, hey, hey, what's the idea, you big oaf? 326 00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:25,816 Is this your idea of something funny? 327 00:16:25,985 --> 00:16:28,477 Oh, what are you talking about? I didn't do that. 328 00:16:28,588 --> 00:16:32,218 No? I suppose that got up there by itself, huh? 329 00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,159 Someday I'm going to choke that Costello with my bare hands. 330 00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,160 Ah, you. 331 00:16:36,262 --> 00:16:37,782 What are you doing with the rat poison? 332 00:16:37,864 --> 00:16:40,459 Costello wants it. Maybe he's trying to poison you. 333 00:16:40,566 --> 00:16:43,092 That's very comical, but maybe it ain't so funny. 334 00:16:43,202 --> 00:16:46,138 I wouldn't put it past those two trying to bump off Uncle Rupert. 335 00:16:46,239 --> 00:16:48,208 Ah, there you go, getting suspicious again. 336 00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,799 Why don't you stop trying to be a policeman? 337 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:53,675 Yeah? Well, the old guy's swimming with dough. 338 00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:55,509 You said that yourself. 339 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:57,607 And who gets it if he croaks? 340 00:16:57,717 --> 00:16:59,185 Costello, that's who. 341 00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:02,585 Oh, that's ridiculous. 342 00:17:07,693 --> 00:17:09,184 Oh, Mr. Fields. 343 00:17:09,295 --> 00:17:11,264 Here you are, Costello. Here's your rat poison. 344 00:17:11,364 --> 00:17:11,990 Thanks. 345 00:17:12,098 --> 00:17:13,726 - Hey. - Uh... 346 00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:16,428 - What's the empty trunk for? - Well, uh, uh, uh, uh... 347 00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,801 We're just, uh, cleaning it out so we can store it away 348 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:19,998 in the basement. 349 00:17:20,106 --> 00:17:22,837 How's your Uncle Rupert? I hope he's feeling all right. 350 00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:24,205 Yes, he's fine. 351 00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,972 He just took a stroll down to the bank. 352 00:17:26,078 --> 00:17:29,981 He wants to draw a few thousand dollars for pocket money, you know? 353 00:17:30,082 --> 00:17:32,313 Well, give my regards when you see him. 354 00:17:32,418 --> 00:17:34,546 Oh, sure, sure, sure, sure. 355 00:17:34,654 --> 00:17:36,145 Sure. 356 00:17:40,927 --> 00:17:44,386 Mike, there is something strange. 357 00:17:44,497 --> 00:17:46,937 They've got a great big trunk right in the middle of the room, 358 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,969 like they're waiting to put something or somebody into it. 359 00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:51,446 You go ahead and finish packing the trunk. 360 00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:52,714 I'm going out and getting a bite to eat. 361 00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,216 Just a minute. I want to eat, too, you know. 362 00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,285 Well, we can't both go out. Fields is suspicious, you know. 363 00:17:56,309 --> 00:17:58,387 He could come in here snooping around, and there'd be trouble. 364 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,107 You eat, I eat. 365 00:18:00,212 --> 00:18:02,443 All right, then Uncle Rupert will have to stay here. 366 00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,459 Okay... now, wait a minute. That's the same thing. 367 00:18:04,483 --> 00:18:06,816 If Uncle Rupert stays here, then I can't go with you. 368 00:18:06,919 --> 00:18:08,512 Please. Wait a minute. 369 00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:11,648 Here, put this beard and this wig on. 370 00:18:11,824 --> 00:18:13,588 Now, you go out the window over there, 371 00:18:13,693 --> 00:18:15,821 come through the front door so Fields can see you, 372 00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:18,295 and when he sees you come in and he sees us go out, 373 00:18:18,397 --> 00:18:20,525 he'll think Uncle Rupert is still here. 374 00:18:20,633 --> 00:18:23,728 I don't know how I let you ever talk me into this stuff. 375 00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:27,295 Everything is going to be all right. Now, do as I tell you. 376 00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:28,406 Stop! 377 00:18:28,507 --> 00:18:31,033 You know, Mike, we could be wrong about this. 378 00:18:31,143 --> 00:18:32,873 No, we ain't wrong. We're right. 379 00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:35,539 They're going to poison the old guy and smuggle his body out 380 00:18:35,648 --> 00:18:36,648 in that trunk. 381 00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:38,310 You wait and see. 382 00:18:38,417 --> 00:18:40,352 I'm going to listen. 383 00:18:42,989 --> 00:18:45,458 Now, listen, why do I have to do all the dirty work? 384 00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,550 - He's your uncle, isn't he? - Yeah. 385 00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:50,697 COSTELLO: When are we going to get rid of Uncle Rupert permanently? 386 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,526 ABBOTT: Right away. This will do it. 387 00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:53,725 By tomorrow at this time, 388 00:18:53,833 --> 00:18:55,473 your Uncle Rupert will be dead and buried. 389 00:18:55,534 --> 00:18:57,230 You see? What did I tell you? 390 00:18:57,336 --> 00:18:59,703 Mike, this is horrible. We've got to do something here. 391 00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:01,433 Go call the lieutenant at the station. 392 00:19:01,540 --> 00:19:02,851 I'll stay here and guard the door. 393 00:19:02,875 --> 00:19:05,037 And tell him to hurry. 394 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,421 - Good morning, Officer. - Good morning, Sir. 395 00:19:17,523 --> 00:19:18,718 Doin-da-dye-dye. 396 00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:25,660 Hello, Uncle Rupert. Did you have a nice walk? 397 00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,325 Oh, yes, I did, Louis. I had a wonderful walk. 398 00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:30,801 I went down by the bank, drew out a few thousand dollars 399 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:33,930 for pocket money, and I met that nice policeman. 400 00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:36,874 Oh, Uncle Rupert, that guy's a jerk. 401 00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,674 Oh, why'd you say that, Louis? He's a fine gentleman. 402 00:19:40,780 --> 00:19:43,477 He's a meddlesome busybody. 403 00:19:43,649 --> 00:19:46,778 He probably is standing right outside the door now, listening. 404 00:19:48,454 --> 00:19:51,151 Mike, the lieutenant wasn't in, but I left word. 405 00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:54,125 The old man just went in. 406 00:19:56,395 --> 00:19:58,091 Shut the trunk. 407 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:01,560 Aah! Aah! Aah! 408 00:20:01,667 --> 00:20:03,329 What was that? 409 00:20:04,270 --> 00:20:06,262 I'll finish this job. 410 00:20:06,439 --> 00:20:08,374 Boy, am I glad we got Uncle Rupert in the trunk. 411 00:20:08,474 --> 00:20:11,000 I hope that's the last we ever see of him. 412 00:20:11,610 --> 00:20:13,169 Open up in the name of the law! 413 00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:15,837 Lock that crook. Lock it. 414 00:20:16,982 --> 00:20:19,178 Open up, I say, or I'll break it down! 415 00:20:19,351 --> 00:20:21,786 All right, you two, I've got you covered. 416 00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:24,413 - What is this all about? - Take a look around. 417 00:20:24,523 --> 00:20:26,116 - Where's Uncle Rupert? - Uh-oh. 418 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,126 - He's around someplace. - Don't give me that. 419 00:20:28,227 --> 00:20:30,405 I saw him come in this apartment. He didn't leave again. 420 00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,069 I've been standing right outside the door. 421 00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,530 He's not here. 422 00:20:33,632 --> 00:20:35,624 - What's in that trunk? - Oh! 423 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:38,170 Now, you don't expect to find Uncle Rupert in there, do you? 424 00:20:38,270 --> 00:20:40,582 Are you going to open that trunk, or do I have to smash it open? 425 00:20:40,606 --> 00:20:41,630 You got a search warrant? 426 00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:43,518 I don't need a search warrant. All I need's an ax. 427 00:20:43,542 --> 00:20:45,353 - Get one, Mr. Fields. - Now, wait a minute, Mike. 428 00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:47,676 You know the law better than that. You're a policeman. 429 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:49,412 Well, yeah... 430 00:20:49,515 --> 00:20:52,349 You know, Section 14, Paragraph 9 of the Penal Code 431 00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:54,716 says you've got to have a search warrant! 432 00:20:54,820 --> 00:20:58,655 Yeah, well... Yeah, all right, but I'll be right outside that door. 433 00:20:58,758 --> 00:20:59,817 Call the station house 434 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,003 and tell the lieutenant to bring a search warrant with him, 435 00:21:02,027 --> 00:21:03,518 and don't try any funny stuff 436 00:21:03,629 --> 00:21:06,326 because I'll be right outside that door. 437 00:21:06,432 --> 00:21:10,096 You may be outside that door, but you ain't right. 438 00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,596 They come back and search this trunk and find that whiskers, 439 00:21:14,707 --> 00:21:16,266 and we... we're dead pigeons. 440 00:21:16,375 --> 00:21:18,810 That's the last I thought I'd ever seen of Uncle Rupert, 441 00:21:18,911 --> 00:21:21,005 and here we go again. 442 00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:25,460 We know we're going to get thrown out of here anyway, 443 00:21:25,484 --> 00:21:26,995 so we might as well get rid of the trunk. 444 00:21:27,019 --> 00:21:28,497 But we can't get it past that goon out there. 445 00:21:28,521 --> 00:21:31,548 - That's easy... out the window. - Let's go. 446 00:21:32,792 --> 00:21:34,336 Did you tell him to bring a search warrant? 447 00:21:34,360 --> 00:21:36,420 The lieutenant was already on his way here. 448 00:21:36,529 --> 00:21:37,588 What's the matter now? 449 00:21:37,696 --> 00:21:40,188 It's a murder, Lieutenant. They've got a body in a trunk. 450 00:21:40,299 --> 00:21:42,700 Did you see it, or is this another one of your pipe dreams? 451 00:21:42,802 --> 00:21:43,497 Yes, Sir. 452 00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:45,127 I mean, no, Sir. 453 00:21:45,237 --> 00:21:46,569 Well, I didn't exactly see it. 454 00:21:46,672 --> 00:21:48,664 Well, come on. Come on. 455 00:22:11,630 --> 00:22:13,462 Open up! We know you're in there! 456 00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:14,566 Break it in. 457 00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,367 Oh, but, Lieutenant, Paragraph 14 of Paragraph 9 of the Penal Code... 458 00:22:18,470 --> 00:22:20,837 Are you nuts? I said break it in! 459 00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:22,499 Yes, Sir. 460 00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:30,272 - Okay, where's the body? - Right... 461 00:22:30,649 --> 00:22:32,550 [Car horn honks] 462 00:22:45,531 --> 00:22:47,557 Stop, or I'll shoot! 463 00:23:00,846 --> 00:23:02,257 Well, I got one of them, Lieutenant. 464 00:23:02,281 --> 00:23:03,825 Wait a minute. Now, what is this all about? 465 00:23:03,849 --> 00:23:05,249 You know what it's all about. 466 00:23:05,351 --> 00:23:07,650 I'm charging you with the murder of Uncle Rupert. 467 00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,278 Oh, now, that's ridiculous. 468 00:23:09,388 --> 00:23:11,152 Come on inside. 469 00:23:15,527 --> 00:23:17,894 - Hello, gentlemen. - Uncle Rupert! 470 00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:20,557 - Who's he? - H-He's the murder victim. 471 00:23:20,666 --> 00:23:23,033 You dumb moron, can you keep out of trouble? 472 00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:24,535 - B-B-B-But... - Aw, shut up. 473 00:23:24,637 --> 00:23:26,833 And report to me when you get back to the station. 474 00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:28,373 Yes, Sir. 475 00:23:29,008 --> 00:23:30,169 Say. 476 00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:34,712 Now, what's this all about me being a murder victim? 477 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,679 Well... Well, it's your nephew, Lou. He was going to poison you. 478 00:23:37,783 --> 00:23:38,842 What?! 479 00:23:38,951 --> 00:23:42,581 My own nephew, Louis, was going to poison me? 480 00:23:42,688 --> 00:23:44,554 [Telephone rings] 481 00:23:44,657 --> 00:23:46,853 Hello? Yes, this is Bud Abbott. 482 00:23:47,026 --> 00:23:48,085 Now, look here, Abbott. 483 00:23:48,193 --> 00:23:49,786 What about that payment on your car? 484 00:23:49,962 --> 00:23:53,729 Now, Costello, where in the world are you? 485 00:23:53,832 --> 00:23:55,323 You better come right home here. 486 00:23:55,501 --> 00:23:58,733 This isn't Costello. This is the Acme Finance Company. 487 00:23:58,904 --> 00:24:01,840 Costello, your Uncle Rupert is here waiting for you. 488 00:24:01,941 --> 00:24:02,670 Just a minute. 489 00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:04,937 If that's my nephew, I want to speak to him. 490 00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:06,876 Louis, you scoundrel. 491 00:24:06,979 --> 00:24:10,507 You liver-bellied scoundrel, trying to murder me for my money. 492 00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:13,814 If it wasn't for this nice, young police officer here, 493 00:24:13,919 --> 00:24:15,751 I wouldn't have known a thing about you! 494 00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,913 Look, this is the Acme Finance Company. 495 00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:19,423 Is everybody there crazy? 496 00:24:19,525 --> 00:24:21,551 This is the Acme Finance Company! 497 00:24:21,694 --> 00:24:26,394 Don't shout at me. Nothing's going to save you from me. 498 00:24:26,498 --> 00:24:28,763 And I'm going to tell you something else, Louis. 499 00:24:28,867 --> 00:24:30,267 I'm going to disinherit you, 500 00:24:30,369 --> 00:24:34,602 and I am not going to leave you one penny! 501 00:24:34,707 --> 00:24:37,472 Oh, Uncle Rupert, it was all a mistake. 502 00:24:37,576 --> 00:24:40,410 Yes, Mr. Abbott, it's a mistake, 503 00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:43,141 and I'm going back to Paterson, New Jersey, 504 00:24:43,248 --> 00:24:44,443 and live in peace. 505 00:24:44,550 --> 00:24:49,181 You... You... I could strangle you with my bare hands. 506 00:24:49,288 --> 00:24:52,486 You've cost us $7 million. 507 00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:55,083 Well, Mr. Fields, I just didn't think. 508 00:24:55,194 --> 00:24:56,685 Ohh! 509 00:25:06,805 --> 00:25:10,139 And you can tell that rascal nephew of mine 510 00:25:10,242 --> 00:25:13,041 if I never see him again, it'll be too soon! 511 00:25:13,145 --> 00:25:14,545 Good-bye! 512 00:25:18,917 --> 00:25:22,581 Well, Mr. Fields, and I am through with my nephew, Lou. 513 00:25:22,688 --> 00:25:25,283 I don't blame you, Uncle Rup... 514 00:25:26,492 --> 00:25:27,721 Why, it's you! 515 00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:31,194 Of course, it's me... Ohh! Abbott! 516 00:25:35,801 --> 00:25:37,429 Hey, Abbott! 39210

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