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1
00:00:01,468 --> 00:00:02,492
[Applause]
2
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:07,268
Heeeeey, Abbott!
3
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:23,987
Well, to make you nervous
poker players a little more nervous,
4
00:00:24,091 --> 00:00:25,491
I'm betting 5.
5
00:00:25,592 --> 00:00:27,390
Just a minute,
Mr. Fields. Can't bet 5.
6
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:29,554
You know the rules,
and the limit is only 3.
7
00:00:29,663 --> 00:00:31,632
All right, chicken.
I bet 3 cents.
8
00:00:31,732 --> 00:00:32,961
I'm going to see you for 3.
9
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:35,297
Well, I'll just see it.
10
00:00:35,402 --> 00:00:38,429
- What do you got?
- Queens and a pair of 6s.
11
00:00:38,539 --> 00:00:40,906
Ah, ah, ah, ah. Leave
your hands off those stuff.
12
00:00:41,008 --> 00:00:43,034
I got a pair of kings
and a pair of 7s.
13
00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:47,205
Ah-ah, don't touch.
Take a look at that.
14
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:50,478
Hey, wait a minute! You
haven't even got a pair there.
15
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:52,643
You got a 2-4-6-8-10,
all different suits.
16
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,879
How dumb can one get?
17
00:00:54,988 --> 00:00:57,355
That's a kangaroo straight.
18
00:00:57,457 --> 00:00:59,653
- Kangaroo straight?!
- Certainly.
19
00:00:59,760 --> 00:01:01,626
How'd the kangaroo
get in this game?
20
00:01:01,728 --> 00:01:03,196
Explain it to him, Mr. Fields.
21
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:07,130
A kangaroo straight jumps
from the deuce to the 4 to the 6
22
00:01:07,234 --> 00:01:08,702
to the 8 to the 10.
23
00:01:08,802 --> 00:01:11,328
A very rare hand.
24
00:01:11,505 --> 00:01:13,406
That's a raw hand.
25
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,885
I don't know what kind of game
this is... a kangaroo straight,
26
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,935
2-4-6-8-10 in
all different suits.
27
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,207
Don't get excited.
Don't get excited.
28
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,646
Deal out.
29
00:01:21,949 --> 00:01:23,281
Got to watch this guy.
30
00:01:23,383 --> 00:01:25,477
What do you mean, watch me?
31
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,050
Lend me a couple?
32
00:01:28,155 --> 00:01:30,249
Wait a minute!
33
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,416
Deal the cards right.
34
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:33,824
Go ahead. Cut them.
35
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:36,522
What's the matter?
Don't you trust me?
36
00:01:37,230 --> 00:01:39,597
- Well, let me deal them now.
- Go ahead.
37
00:01:55,482 --> 00:01:56,609
Well...
38
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:05,081
I'll open it.
39
00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:06,387
All right, I'll see.
40
00:02:12,165 --> 00:02:13,656
Wait. I'll stay with you guys.
41
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,998
Good. I'll take one card.
42
00:02:16,103 --> 00:02:19,699
Oh, no, this is not draw
poker. This is 5-card showdown.
43
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:21,297
You know that's the
way I always deal.
44
00:02:21,408 --> 00:02:22,652
You're not going
to draw any cards.
45
00:02:22,676 --> 00:02:23,853
The pasteboards on the table...
46
00:02:23,877 --> 00:02:25,254
They're the ones
that's going to count.
47
00:02:25,278 --> 00:02:26,109
[Coughing]
48
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:28,358
I tell you... he's smoking too
many cigarettes, Mr. Fields.
49
00:02:28,382 --> 00:02:31,216
Lou, do me a favor. Will
you get me a glass of water?
50
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,129
- All right.
- I'll do a favor for you sometime.
51
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,349
Well, this a good chance
for me to get a fresh cigar.
52
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:36,889
Swell.
53
00:02:45,599 --> 00:02:48,194
I'm fresh out. Have you got
a cigar around the house?
54
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,293
I have one right over here.
55
00:03:00,947 --> 00:03:02,347
- There you are.
- Thank you.
56
00:03:02,449 --> 00:03:04,680
We're all set.
57
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,151
Oh, thanks, Lou.
58
00:03:09,189 --> 00:03:11,420
Ahh, much better,
much better, much better.
59
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:12,015
Okay.
60
00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:13,650
Well, now, let me see.
61
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,993
Well, I'll just, uh...
62
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,591
I'll just bet 3.
63
00:03:21,768 --> 00:03:24,636
I'll see your 3 and raise you 3.
64
00:03:24,738 --> 00:03:27,572
Look, why don't we
cut out the kid stuff?
65
00:03:27,674 --> 00:03:30,667
Raise the limit. Let's
bet some real money.
66
00:03:30,844 --> 00:03:32,622
Now, wait a minute. What are
you trying to do, run the game?
67
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,086
Are you trying to pull the game
or something? Rules are rules.
68
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:54,160
Wait, I'm playing. I'm
not out of the game.
69
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,793
Rules were made to be broken.
70
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,131
What do you mean?
71
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,639
Uh, let's bet from here.
I'm going to see that bet.
72
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:04,200
I'm going to bet some real
money. $10... right over there.
73
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:08,305
Well, that's not bad.
74
00:04:08,415 --> 00:04:14,150
I will see your $10
and um, I'll raise it $25.
75
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:19,555
This is like stealing dead
flies from blind spiders.
76
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:23,357
Two $25s, and
I'll raise you $50.
77
00:04:23,463 --> 00:04:25,364
Fellas, fellas.
78
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,899
Don't...
79
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:29,700
Don't... Don't let's be, uh...
80
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,237
Don't... Don't... Don't
let's be pikers here.
81
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:36,936
- Let's bet some real money.
- Good, good.
82
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,875
I'll see your $50.
83
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:44,179
I'm going to see your $50,
and I'm going to bet $50 more.
84
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:47,118
I call your $50, and $100 more.
85
00:04:47,287 --> 00:04:50,155
Okay, I call.
86
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:51,054
All right?
87
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,626
Go ahead. I'm in.
88
00:04:52,726 --> 00:04:54,285
- How do you like this?
- What?
89
00:04:54,394 --> 00:04:58,161
Two handsome jacks and
three beautiful queens...
90
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,234
A full house.
91
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:02,768
Ah! Just a minute.
92
00:05:02,869 --> 00:05:05,532
Gaze on this pretty picture...
93
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:09,440
Three aces and a
pair of gentlemen.
94
00:05:09,976 --> 00:05:10,671
Aha?
95
00:05:10,777 --> 00:05:11,870
Unh-unh, unh-unh!
96
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,623
- What's the matter with you?
- I got two pair.
97
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:14,808
- You got what?
- Two pair.
98
00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:15,981
But that's two pair.
99
00:05:16,082 --> 00:05:17,448
Two pair? I've got a full house.
100
00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,295
- I know, but I got two pair.
- That's for the birds.
101
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,897
That doesn't beat
these things. These are...
102
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:25,154
Just a minute! Just a minute!
103
00:05:25,258 --> 00:05:30,458
I got two pair of
2s, two pair of 2s.
104
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:34,698
- Let's play another hand.
- Yeah.
105
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,292
Let's play another hand.
106
00:05:36,403 --> 00:05:37,166
Go ahead.
107
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,602
I'll deal them out this time.
108
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:40,936
Let's play table
stakes this time, huh?
109
00:05:41,041 --> 00:05:41,770
Yes.
110
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,410
Want to play table stakes?
111
00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:44,876
How do you like
that... A cheater?
112
00:05:44,978 --> 00:05:46,310
- Table stakes.
- Put it all up!
113
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:47,540
All right, go ahead.
114
00:05:47,647 --> 00:05:49,013
Put it all up, matches and all.
115
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:52,483
- Okay, table stakes.
- There we go.
116
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,888
- You ready?
- Yes.
117
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,498
- Well, I'm okay.
- Well?
118
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:15,047
- I showed them.
- What have you got?
119
00:06:15,141 --> 00:06:17,201
- I win. I got a pair of queens.
- Uh-huh.
120
00:06:17,310 --> 00:06:18,938
Hold it.
121
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,638
- What do you got?
- No good.
122
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:21,840
- What do you got?
- Kings.
123
00:06:21,948 --> 00:06:23,211
- How many?
- I've got kings.
124
00:06:23,316 --> 00:06:24,727
- That's no good.
- What do you mean?
125
00:06:24,751 --> 00:06:27,778
I got a kangaroo straight.
126
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,352
Wait a minute!
127
00:06:29,456 --> 00:06:31,400
I got a kangaroo straight
like you had the last time!
128
00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:33,086
I forgot to tell
you, that's, uh...
129
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,755
That's only good once
in a game, only once.
130
00:06:36,863 --> 00:06:39,059
Only once in a game? Heck.
131
00:06:40,467 --> 00:06:42,663
Heck. Once in a game?
132
00:06:42,769 --> 00:06:43,862
That's all.
133
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,528
You can only use
it once in a game.
134
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:47,164
[Knocking on door]
135
00:06:50,343 --> 00:06:51,971
Only once in a game.
136
00:06:55,649 --> 00:06:57,584
Hey, Abbott, it's from Alaska.
137
00:06:57,684 --> 00:06:59,653
Alaska? I don't know
anybody in Alaska.
138
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:02,018
Keep your hands off
the letter. It's for me.
139
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:02,851
Who's it from?
140
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,858
Hey, it's from my grandfather,
Sourdough Costello, from Alaska.
141
00:07:05,959 --> 00:07:07,018
- From Alaska?
- Yeah.
142
00:07:07,127 --> 00:07:09,438
Hey, that's the guy you haven't
heard from in over 20 years!
143
00:07:09,462 --> 00:07:10,157
That's right.
144
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,323
Oh, hey! Any gold
in the envelope?
145
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:13,764
Get your hand off that.
146
00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:15,733
I thought so... cheapskate. Ha!
147
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:18,031
- Cheapskate?
- I'm going to go.
148
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,868
- Go ahead.
- Go on.
149
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:21,134
W-w-what does he say?
150
00:07:21,241 --> 00:07:22,766
- What does he say?
- Yeah.
151
00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:25,277
"Dear Louis, will be down
in your city in a few weeks.
152
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:28,018
I sure look forward to having a
nice visit with you and your wife."
153
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:29,549
Your wife? What wife?
154
00:07:29,649 --> 00:07:31,527
The one I've been writing
to my grandfather about,
155
00:07:31,551 --> 00:07:32,791
telling him that I was married.
156
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:33,445
That you...
157
00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:36,032
Yeah, he always said, Abbott,
that no girl would ever marry me.
158
00:07:36,056 --> 00:07:38,787
Well, uh, wait a minute.
You're in a fine mess.
159
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:40,403
What are you going to
tell him when he comes in?
160
00:07:40,427 --> 00:07:41,570
He knows you're
not married then.
161
00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:42,838
How did I know he
was coming here?
162
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:44,797
Well, tell him the truth.
What's the difference?
163
00:07:44,898 --> 00:07:47,026
What's the difference?
There's $10,000 difference.
164
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,193
He said if I get married,
he'd give me $10,000.
165
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:50,998
Oh, well, wait a minute.
166
00:07:51,104 --> 00:07:53,938
That's 10,000 reasons why
we've got to find you a wife.
167
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,565
- Unh-unh.
- What am I going to...
168
00:07:55,675 --> 00:07:57,595
How about your old flame,
Agnes, across the hall?
169
00:07:57,677 --> 00:07:58,677
Oh, no, no, no, no.
170
00:07:58,745 --> 00:08:00,407
Well, what's the
difference for $10,000?
171
00:08:00,513 --> 00:08:01,674
Agnes will not talk to me.
172
00:08:01,781 --> 00:08:04,080
Ever since she was going
with that Bone-Bender Brodsky,
173
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:05,083
she won't talk to me.
174
00:08:05,185 --> 00:08:06,676
Oh, well, can't you patch it up?
175
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:09,449
Not as long as she's around
that Bone-Bender Brodsky.
176
00:08:09,556 --> 00:08:10,922
Argh! He's murder.
177
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,234
Well, I've got to
get you a wife.
178
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:13,836
What are you going to
do, pick one off a tree?
179
00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,158
No, we've got to get a...
180
00:08:15,261 --> 00:08:17,389
We'll go around town.
We'll comb the town.
181
00:08:17,564 --> 00:08:19,775
Hey, if we go down to the
carnival and I can't get a wife,
182
00:08:19,799 --> 00:08:21,310
maybe I could win
myself a Kewpie doll.
183
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,279
Oh, come on, get your hat.
Let's go out and look for a wife.
184
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:24,635
Come on.
185
00:08:30,477 --> 00:08:32,412
Hey, now, there's your chance.
186
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,277
- Go ahead.
- Okay.
187
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:37,544
Go ahead. This is your chance.
188
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,211
Excuse me, young
girl, may I help you?
189
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,515
Oh, you certainly can.
190
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:43,783
The darn thing seems
to be stuck or something.
191
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,267
I must tell the city
fathers about this.
192
00:08:45,291 --> 00:08:46,535
Would you mind?
Excuse me, please.
193
00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,051
- Oh, certainly.
- See what I can do for you.
194
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,166
- There it is. How's that?
- Thank you.
195
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:54,529
- You want more?
- Yes, please.
196
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:55,829
Go ahead.
197
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,281
- Would you turn it up, please?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, get it.
198
00:08:59,305 --> 00:09:00,773
Get it. I'm turning.
I'm turning.
199
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:02,399
- Can't make it?
- A little more.
200
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:03,704
A little more.
201
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:10,714
Beast!
202
00:09:14,454 --> 00:09:16,582
You had to get it in her face.
203
00:09:16,689 --> 00:09:19,352
- You're a fine dumb cluck.
- Did you see that water come out?
204
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,657
I sent you into a perfect setup
with a gorgeous little woman,
205
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:24,230
and what happens?
206
00:09:24,330 --> 00:09:25,958
Water coming out.
207
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,797
Why, that was like opening up
the floodgates of Boulder Dam.
208
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,546
Well, I tried to give
it to her. I turned it.
209
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:32,148
I didn't know it was
coming out like that!
210
00:09:32,172 --> 00:09:34,869
Aw, shut up. Any
2-year-old kid could do this!
211
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:41,074
You better send
for a 2-year-old kid.
212
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,581
Hey!
213
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:46,085
Let go of this trombone,
you crook! I saw it first!
214
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:49,188
- Here I go.
- Go ahead.
215
00:09:49,389 --> 00:09:50,448
Girls, girls!
216
00:09:50,557 --> 00:09:51,957
Oh, please, girls.
217
00:09:52,125 --> 00:09:54,560
I'm ashamed of two
beautiful, pretty girls like you
218
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,562
having a brawl right
here on the street.
219
00:09:56,663 --> 00:09:58,689
You're sweet. Will you help me?
220
00:09:58,798 --> 00:10:01,199
She's trying to
grab my trombone!
221
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,997
She's nuts. It's mine.
222
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:07,006
Oh, girls, let lover boy
straighten out this quarrel.
223
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,872
Here... there's half
for you and half for you.
224
00:10:09,976 --> 00:10:11,171
You wrecked it!
225
00:10:11,277 --> 00:10:13,007
Ohh, it's ruined!
226
00:10:15,748 --> 00:10:17,683
Let's get out of here.
227
00:10:18,184 --> 00:10:18,913
I don't know.
228
00:10:19,018 --> 00:10:20,884
Have patience, that's all.
229
00:10:20,987 --> 00:10:22,131
Look, I'll tell you what you do.
230
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:23,817
The next one
comes along, try this.
231
00:10:23,923 --> 00:10:25,619
Try... T-Try...
232
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:27,717
Oh, the young lady
dropped a envelope.
233
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:29,920
"Miss Nancy Dixon,
Mason City, Iowa."
234
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:31,554
That might be the one.
235
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:34,725
Now that you know her
address, you know her name,
236
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:36,393
go up and ring the bell.
237
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,631
Are you sure that this
is going to be in the bag?
238
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,401
Treat her like a long-lost
sister. Go ahead up there.
239
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:42,751
Treat her like a
long-lost sister?
240
00:10:42,775 --> 00:10:44,420
Well, what's the difference?
You know what I mean.
241
00:10:44,444 --> 00:10:46,288
- She knows I'm a boy.
- I know that. Well, go on up, now.
242
00:10:46,312 --> 00:10:48,057
- Treat her like a long-lost cousin.
- Thataboy.
243
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,674
Put it right on.
Put it on that talk.
244
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:52,877
No, no, no, no.
Now, take it easy.
245
00:10:59,726 --> 00:11:01,251
- Yes?
- How do you do?
246
00:11:01,361 --> 00:11:03,853
- Are you Miss Nancy Dixon?
- Yes.
247
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,693
Of the Mason Dixons?
248
00:11:05,798 --> 00:11:09,826
Why, you must be
cousin Elmer from Iowa!
249
00:11:09,936 --> 00:11:11,928
Cousin Elmer! Oh!
250
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:14,706
I-I...
251
00:11:14,807 --> 00:11:17,242
Why, Aunt Emma wrote
and told me you were coming.
252
00:11:17,343 --> 00:11:20,939
Oh, Elmer, after all these
years, I'm so thrilled to meet you!
253
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:22,777
Why, you're so handsome!
254
00:11:22,882 --> 00:11:23,941
Mmm!
255
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:26,746
Attaboy, Costello. We're in.
256
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,217
Elmer, I'm being so rude.
Darling, come in. I'm so excited.
257
00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,434
But... But... But... But...
But... But... But, I mean...
258
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,689
I mean, I think you
made a slight mistake.
259
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,194
I mean, I'm not
your Cousin Elmer.
260
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,160
You're not my Cousin Elmer?
261
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:40,028
- No, I'm Lou Costello.
- Why, you imposter!
262
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,625
How dare you come to
my door and lie like that!
263
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:45,328
Would you all pardon
me for a moment, please?
264
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,304
Oh, I'd be delighted.
265
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,739
Naturally.
266
00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,735
Don't know what I'm
going to do with you. I...
267
00:12:06,759 --> 00:12:09,729
Hey, wait a minute...
Manna from Heaven.
268
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:16,168
Now, I want you to go over there
and act like Sir Walter Raleigh.
269
00:12:16,269 --> 00:12:18,113
How can I act like him? I
don't even know the guy.
270
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:20,197
Oh, stop. He's been
dead for 300 years.
271
00:12:20,306 --> 00:12:23,003
- What, you want me to act dead?
- No, certainly not.
272
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:24,975
He was very
courteous to the women.
273
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:28,515
He used to take his coat off
and spread it on a puddle of water
274
00:12:28,615 --> 00:12:31,585
so the ladies could step on it
and not get little tootsies wet.
275
00:12:31,684 --> 00:12:33,128
Are you kidding? He
used to take his coat off
276
00:12:33,152 --> 00:12:34,997
and put it in a puddle of water
so they could walk over it?
277
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:36,114
Yes.
278
00:12:36,289 --> 00:12:37,700
Why, she'll swoon
right at your feet.
279
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:39,818
Go ahead, try that.
280
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:42,329
Attaboy.
281
00:12:42,428 --> 00:12:44,522
Now you're doing it.
282
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:47,861
Brave, pretty maiden, don't
worry your cute little head.
283
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:50,459
I will have you
safely across in a jiffy.
284
00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,232
Oh, ho, ho!
285
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,939
Now you just step right on that.
286
00:13:19,999 --> 00:13:20,728
Hm.
287
00:13:20,833 --> 00:13:22,131
Never saw such a...
288
00:13:22,235 --> 00:13:25,501
You and your Sir Walter
Raleigh. I ought take this and s...
289
00:13:25,605 --> 00:13:26,436
What?
290
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:29,737
Well, you did it. You slapped
me in the face instead.
291
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:36,012
Hey, Lou, I think we'll
save time if we split up.
292
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:38,622
Now, I'll go down the street
here and look for a girl for you.
293
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,176
You look around
the amusement park.
294
00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:42,846
Okay, I'll give some
lucky girl one more chance.
295
00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:44,733
If she gives me the
brush-off, I'm going home.
296
00:13:44,757 --> 00:13:46,817
All right, look, Lou, if
you fail, don't worry.
297
00:13:46,926 --> 00:13:48,189
I'll bring home the bacon.
298
00:13:48,294 --> 00:13:50,923
Now, don't think I'm going to
get tied up with a piece of bacon.
299
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,963
Will you go look around
the amusement park?
300
00:13:53,066 --> 00:13:54,295
Go on.
301
00:13:55,902 --> 00:13:57,427
Here you are,
folks! Here you are!
302
00:13:57,537 --> 00:13:58,903
Step right up and find romance
303
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,871
as you drift through
Spooners Heaven!
304
00:14:00,973 --> 00:14:01,973
Step on up here, folks!
305
00:14:02,075 --> 00:14:03,195
- There you are.
- Thank you.
306
00:14:03,242 --> 00:14:04,835
Well, what's a
pretty girl like you
307
00:14:04,944 --> 00:14:06,936
doing around here
without a boyfriend?
308
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:10,380
I've been whistled at and been
the victim of wolf calls all day.
309
00:14:10,483 --> 00:14:13,282
Now I just want a nice place
where it's peaceful and quiet
310
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,321
and no dime-store Romeos.
311
00:14:15,421 --> 00:14:17,219
Well, lady, you've
come to the right place.
312
00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:19,815
Now, if you'll just step right
over here, please, and sit down.
313
00:14:19,926 --> 00:14:21,019
Thank you very much.
314
00:14:21,127 --> 00:14:22,527
Ah, a new customer.
315
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:23,628
How do you do, Sir?
316
00:14:23,663 --> 00:14:25,040
Step right there
in the second seat.
317
00:14:25,064 --> 00:14:27,556
Here you are, folks...
A trip to romance!
318
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:29,693
Step right up here,
folks... A trip to romance!
319
00:14:29,802 --> 00:14:32,738
Well, I guess, here we go.
320
00:15:05,705 --> 00:15:09,540
♪ I'm in love with
a beautiful girl ♪
321
00:15:09,642 --> 00:15:10,769
Wait a minute.
322
00:15:10,877 --> 00:15:13,073
Has that Mike the Cop
been beating you up again?
323
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:15,772
Oh, no, Abbott, I'm in
love! I love everybody!
324
00:15:15,882 --> 00:15:17,544
You met that
wrestler, didn't you?
325
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,279
Oh, no, I met Agnes,
and she spoke to me.
326
00:15:20,386 --> 00:15:21,081
Huh?
327
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,280
- She spoke to me... Agnes.
- Aah, Agnes.
328
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:25,483
Ohh!
329
00:15:25,591 --> 00:15:27,753
- What's the matter?
- Ohh!
330
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:29,020
- Ohh!
- Take it easy.
331
00:15:29,128 --> 00:15:31,688
Oh, Abbott, I don't care
what gets me right now.
332
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:32,798
I'm so in love.
333
00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,334
I met Agnes, coming in the
front way with a lot of bundles.
334
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:37,700
And she dropped one and
I stooped down to pick it up
335
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,568
and I handed it
to her very gently.
336
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:42,073
You know what she
did? She smiled at me.
337
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:42,972
So what?
338
00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:43,872
So what?
339
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:46,036
She invited me over
to her place later.
340
00:15:46,145 --> 00:15:48,637
And what about that
wrestling friend of hers?
341
00:15:48,748 --> 00:15:51,843
- Oh, Bone-Bender Brodsky?
- Yeah! Watch out.
342
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:55,012
He got so jealous around
her that she told him
343
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,132
that she'd give him the
bounce if he didn't get away.
344
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:57,589
Hey.
345
00:15:57,690 --> 00:16:00,090
And not only that... he's not
allowed to call her up anymore.
346
00:16:00,226 --> 00:16:01,023
I think I'm in.
347
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,755
I love Agnes!
348
00:16:02,862 --> 00:16:04,091
I love Agnes!
349
00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:05,197
Wait a minute. Shh.
350
00:16:05,231 --> 00:16:06,790
- Wait a minute.
- Agnes is loving me!
351
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:09,130
Wait a minute, boy!
352
00:16:09,302 --> 00:16:11,828
Tonight you're going over
and paying a visit to Agnes.
353
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:12,667
And then what?
354
00:16:12,772 --> 00:16:13,967
- "Then what?"
- Yeah.
355
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:17,271
You're going to pour on that
charm of yours, flatter her,
356
00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:20,608
tell her beautiful little things
that comes to your mind.
357
00:16:20,713 --> 00:16:23,205
And when you get her
in the palm of your hand,
358
00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:26,150
you propose to her,
propose marriage to her.
359
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:28,278
- Oh, I couldn't do that, Bud.
- Why not?
360
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,427
I'm not in front of Agnes.
361
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,855
I wouldn't know what to
say. I'd get all mixed up.
362
00:16:32,024 --> 00:16:33,617
Have you still got
that engagement ring
363
00:16:33,726 --> 00:16:35,922
that you bought and was
ashamed to give to Agnes?
364
00:16:36,028 --> 00:16:37,239
- I still got it.
- You still got it.
365
00:16:37,263 --> 00:16:39,630
I still got it, in the hopes
of some girl saying, "Yes."
366
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,099
Before she bats my brains
out, I'd put it on her finger.
367
00:16:42,201 --> 00:16:43,897
You've got nothing
to worry about.
368
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,666
You'll slip that on to her
finger before the night is over.
369
00:16:46,772 --> 00:16:48,638
I'll be right back.
370
00:16:50,510 --> 00:16:51,773
♪ I'm in love ♪
371
00:16:51,878 --> 00:16:55,178
♪ I'm in love with
Agnes McDonning ♪
372
00:16:55,581 --> 00:16:59,018
Oh, I might as
well relax a little bit.
373
00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:04,553
"Advice to Lovers
by Frith Delight"?
374
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:06,455
Baby, do I need you.
375
00:17:06,559 --> 00:17:07,891
What help I need.
376
00:17:07,994 --> 00:17:09,189
Get a load of this...
377
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:10,523
"Dear Mr. Bashful,
378
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:12,895
there are many ways
of proposing to a girl,
379
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:15,434
but if you follow the
pattern I'm outlining for you,
380
00:17:15,535 --> 00:17:17,367
I am sure you cannot fail."
381
00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:20,971
This is hot stuff. This
is the real McCoy.
382
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:24,271
This is what I need, baby.
383
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:31,876
This is a load of some
good-looking words.
384
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,112
I'm going to try this.
385
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:39,215
"Agnes, do you think you
could ever fall in love?"
386
00:17:39,325 --> 00:17:43,057
"Oh, maybe, Louis."
387
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:47,366
"Would you like
to fall in love?"
388
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:52,699
"Oh, perhaps."
389
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:58,205
"Agnes, could you
love a fellow like me?"
390
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:01,272
"Possibly."
391
00:18:01,914 --> 00:18:04,907
"Do you like me a little?"
392
00:18:05,017 --> 00:18:09,955
"Oh, Louis, honey
boy, I like you a lot."
393
00:18:10,523 --> 00:18:15,188
"Agnes, will you dance with me?"
394
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:19,664
"Of course, Louis.
I'll dance with you."
395
00:18:19,765 --> 00:18:21,256
"Thanks, Agnes, I...
396
00:18:21,367 --> 00:18:22,266
Thanks, Agnes.
397
00:18:22,368 --> 00:18:24,803
Th-Thanks, Ag... Thanks,
Ag... Thanks, Agnes."
398
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,064
What's the matter with you?
What's the matter with you?
399
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:29,267
You better cut out
this nonsense with girls.
400
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,809
I heard what happened to
you at Spooners Heaven.
401
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:33,539
What are you up to, Costello?
402
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:36,172
Oh, I'm just trying
to make a proposal.
403
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:38,945
Forget about this kind
of nonsense and junk.
404
00:18:39,051 --> 00:18:40,462
Why don't you just
come out and ask...
405
00:18:40,486 --> 00:18:42,284
Who is this unlucky girl?
406
00:18:42,388 --> 00:18:43,754
- Agnes.
- Agnes?
407
00:18:43,856 --> 00:18:44,856
Oh, ho, ho!
408
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:47,416
When Bone-Bender
Brodsky hears about this,
409
00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:49,358
I wouldn't want to
be in your shoes.
410
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,226
Let me tell you
something, Mr. Fields.
411
00:18:51,330 --> 00:18:53,959
I don't care about that
Bone-Bender Brodsky.
412
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:55,644
You know what I
would do with that guy?
413
00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,866
I would take that
Bone-Bender Brodsky
414
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,270
and I'd take him like
this and I'd split him.
415
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:02,374
I'd crack him.
416
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:03,441
He w...
417
00:19:03,542 --> 00:19:05,909
He wouldn't have a chance
with me, that... that fella.
418
00:19:06,012 --> 00:19:08,072
He wouldn't have
a chance with me.
419
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,706
You'd just break him
in half, wouldn't you?
420
00:19:10,816 --> 00:19:14,218
You see, Mr. Fields,
that's why I'm not strong.
421
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:17,950
I'm not strong to ask
anything to anybody.
422
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,150
Costello, you don't
have to be strong.
423
00:19:20,259 --> 00:19:24,196
Nobody in the world could refuse
you if you put your heart into it.
424
00:19:24,296 --> 00:19:27,994
Just say, "Will you marry me?"
425
00:19:28,100 --> 00:19:30,069
Will you marry me?
426
00:19:30,169 --> 00:19:34,368
No, you're the ugliest thing
I've ever laid my eyes on.
427
00:19:36,475 --> 00:19:37,875
I'll...
428
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,145
[Knocking on door]
429
00:19:41,247 --> 00:19:42,806
Come in.
430
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,884
Agnes... Aye!
431
00:19:46,819 --> 00:19:47,819
Come in, Lou.
432
00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:49,446
Agnes, I didn't know
you had company.
433
00:19:49,555 --> 00:19:51,854
Oh, that's just a dummy I
borrowed from the store.
434
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:53,084
Well, I'll see you later.
435
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:55,303
Tell your friend to get more
clothes on. I'm embarrassed.
436
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,023
Oh, come on in, Lou.
437
00:19:58,297 --> 00:19:59,765
Sit down and relax, Lou.
438
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:02,198
Excuse me while I turn
off my iron in the kitchen.
439
00:20:02,301 --> 00:20:04,327
Thank you, Agnes.
440
00:20:10,976 --> 00:20:15,744
"Agnes, do you ever think
you could fall in love with me?"
441
00:20:16,615 --> 00:20:18,516
"Maybe."
442
00:20:19,085 --> 00:20:22,647
"Would you like
to fall in love?"
443
00:20:23,189 --> 00:20:25,215
"Perhaps."
444
00:20:25,324 --> 00:20:27,793
I think I got this
thing pretty good.
445
00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:33,628
But just to make sure, I don't
want to fluff up here with this thing.
446
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,604
This is just like
old times, Lou.
447
00:20:38,704 --> 00:20:41,435
Oh, gee, Agnes, I...
448
00:20:41,540 --> 00:20:44,032
All that time that you
and I hadn't been talking,
449
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,270
I was miserable.
450
00:20:45,377 --> 00:20:46,902
I never even looked
at another girl.
451
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:49,173
We never should have
quarreled in the first place.
452
00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:50,772
It was all my fault.
453
00:20:50,883 --> 00:20:53,819
If I hadn't gone gaga over
that muscle-bound wrestler,
454
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,217
we would never have had a spat.
455
00:20:55,387 --> 00:20:57,322
What ever happened
to that Bone-Bender?
456
00:20:57,423 --> 00:20:59,983
Oh, he still hangs
around, trying to date me,
457
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,459
but in my book,
he's all washed-up.
458
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:04,826
- You don't like him?
- No, I should say not.
459
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:08,162
He thinks he's big stuff, always
bragging about what he'll do
460
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,759
to anyone who tries to
take me away from him.
461
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:12,771
Let's not talk about
that old windbag.
462
00:21:12,872 --> 00:21:15,842
You said it. He's a dead duck.
463
00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,934
Agnes, I'm going to
ask you something.
464
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:21,479
You won't get mad
at me, will you?
465
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:24,516
Of course not, Lou.
466
00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:27,587
Do you think you could
ever fall in love with me?
467
00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:31,453
But, Lou, I have.
468
00:21:33,159 --> 00:21:35,321
Oh, Lou.
469
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:42,058
Agnes, oh, Agnes, not
in front of your friend.
470
00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:43,636
Oh, Lou, I'm so happy.
471
00:21:43,736 --> 00:21:46,934
There will never be anyone
else in my life but you.
472
00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:48,473
I got a surprise for you.
473
00:21:48,574 --> 00:21:50,634
Honest?
474
00:21:51,377 --> 00:21:53,005
Shut your eyes.
475
00:21:53,112 --> 00:21:55,013
Close them tight.
476
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,540
This is going to do it, Agnes.
477
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,347
Give me your hand.
478
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:03,650
This is the proudest
moment of my life.
479
00:22:03,756 --> 00:22:04,655
Can I look?
480
00:22:04,757 --> 00:22:05,918
In a minute, in a minute.
481
00:22:06,025 --> 00:22:09,120
Go ahead. Open
your eyes and look.
482
00:22:09,295 --> 00:22:11,093
Well, what is it?
483
00:22:19,471 --> 00:22:22,100
Lou, I don't know
what it is. What is it?
484
00:22:22,208 --> 00:22:24,177
[Speaking indistinctly]
485
00:22:24,276 --> 00:22:26,677
Just turn it around,
and I'll tell you.
486
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:28,543
Turn it a little
more, just a little...
487
00:22:28,647 --> 00:22:30,240
Hold it! Hold it!
You went past it.
488
00:22:30,349 --> 00:22:33,251
You went past it.
489
00:22:33,352 --> 00:22:35,480
It's got to... It's got to...
490
00:22:35,588 --> 00:22:36,920
Boy, is that a beauty!
491
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,491
Take a look at it, Agnes.
492
00:22:41,093 --> 00:22:43,995
Oh, Lou, it's beautiful.
493
00:22:44,096 --> 00:22:45,096
It was nothing.
494
00:22:45,164 --> 00:22:46,632
You can say that again.
495
00:22:46,732 --> 00:22:49,395
- What did you say?
- It's beautiful.
496
00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:50,525
Thank you.
497
00:22:50,636 --> 00:22:52,764
[Knocking on the door]
498
00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:00,406
Bone-Bender Brodsky.
499
00:23:00,512 --> 00:23:03,004
So, while the rat's
away, the micey play.
500
00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:06,677
Just a minute, Mr. Bone-Bender.
Don't misinterpret this situation.
501
00:23:06,785 --> 00:23:09,345
I only come over to ask Agnes
for some powders for my headache.
502
00:23:09,455 --> 00:23:10,718
And will you need it.
503
00:23:10,823 --> 00:23:13,816
Well, tell him the truth, Lou.
Tell him that we love each other.
504
00:23:13,926 --> 00:23:15,503
You tell him. If I
tell him, he'll kill me.
505
00:23:15,527 --> 00:23:16,872
- You're so right.
- That's what I said.
506
00:23:16,896 --> 00:23:19,695
Oh, no! No! No! No!
507
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:42,181
What are you doing
with my dummy?
508
00:23:42,354 --> 00:23:44,255
Lou! Lou!
509
00:23:44,356 --> 00:23:45,051
Louie!
510
00:23:45,157 --> 00:23:47,058
Lou! Lou!
511
00:23:48,327 --> 00:23:50,694
That's my dummy.
512
00:23:52,631 --> 00:23:55,430
- Where's Brodsky?
- Right behind you.
513
00:24:07,212 --> 00:24:08,212
Aah!
514
00:24:13,986 --> 00:24:15,545
Get up!
515
00:25:01,467 --> 00:25:02,332
Lou.
516
00:25:02,434 --> 00:25:03,697
Hey, Lou.
517
00:25:03,802 --> 00:25:06,033
Lou, I've got some
great news for you.
518
00:25:06,138 --> 00:25:08,403
Your grandfather's not
coming here, after all.
519
00:25:08,574 --> 00:25:10,294
He's been called back
to Alaska on business.
520
00:25:10,342 --> 00:25:11,503
- So what?
- Well, so what?
521
00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:13,841
Now he don't have to get
married for the $10,000.
522
00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:16,472
So, that's why you decided
to marry me all of a sudden,
523
00:25:16,582 --> 00:25:17,675
you conniving louse!
524
00:25:17,783 --> 00:25:18,614
Give me back my ring.
525
00:25:18,717 --> 00:25:19,741
Give me back my ring!
526
00:25:19,852 --> 00:25:22,083
Well, honey, do something.
Don't just stand there.
527
00:25:22,187 --> 00:25:23,587
Now, give me...
38728
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