All language subtitles for Abbott_Costello S01E08 The Army Story.DVDRip.HI.en.e-One

Put that thing away.

Hey, listen...

We've got to rush right
over to the rooming house.

I'm expecting a very important
letter from the government.

- Well, let's go.
- Come on.

"You are therefore ordered

to report to your
company's headquarters."

Signed, Captain White.

Why, that's incredible.

They're taking
Abbott and Costello?

Why not?

Well, that's ridiculous.

The country must
be in awful shape.

They're scraping the
bottom of the barrel.

How do you like that? I...

What's the matter? You
guys join the Boy Scouts?

- Nah.
- I hope it's my troop.

Wait a minute.

I've got some great
news for you, boy.

You and I are now in the
service of our government.

- We are?
- Certainly.

You see, I sent an
application to the government,

and here's the reply...

They've accepted us.

- They accepted us?
- Yes.

Are you sure, Abbott,
that they accepted me?

Oh, definitely.

You mean I... I'm in?

You're in.

I can't get out?

Can't get out.

In that case, I'll volunteer.

- Vol... Volunteer?
- I'm in the Army.

You're in the Army, boy.

Stop that, and don't
take that with you.

- Why not?
- Come on, listen...

We've got to take our physical.

- Let's go in and get cleaned up.
- Okay.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

You owe me back room rent.

Now, don't get
excited. How much is it?

You owe me 13 weeks
at 7 dollars a week.

Tidy sum, isn't it?

Pardon me just a minute.

Lou, here's 28 dollars.

28 dollars?

Shh. Give him that
old routine of ours.

You know, 7 and 28, 13 times.

Say, give me the Crayola.

Oh, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, here.

And do it right this time.

- I hope it works.
- Make it snappy.

Okay.

Uh, Mr. Landlord.

Yeah?

What are you smoking,
an Army blanket?

Never mind about that.
You owe me room rent.

All right, here's 28 dollars.

28 dollars, fine.

Just a minute.

You owe me 13 weeks
at 7 dollars a week,

and that happens to be
a lot more than 28 dollars.

Oh, no, that
comes to 28 dollars.

Did you go to school?

Yes, Sir.

Do you mean to say that you
can prove that 7 x 13 is 28?

Well, it's got to be.

Certainly it is, because
Mr. Abbott and I...

That's 28 dollars.
That's what you get.

If you can prove it,
I'll tell you what I'll do.

I will give you the
room rent for nothing.

You will?

But if you don't prove it, you'll
owe me double the back rent.

- Is it a deal?
- That's a deal.

Okay.

You happen to have
any Crayola on you?

- Crayola?
- Come on. I got it.

- Oh, you have?
- I got the Crayola.

7 into 28 is going
to come out 13.

- That's your way.
- That's my way.

It's got to come out right.

Now, first, I put down a 7.

Right.

Now, I'm going to
divide the 7 into 28.

- Yeah.
- I put a 28 there.

- Okay.
- Isn't that cute?

Now, here we go.

7 into 2?

7 will not go into 2.

It will not.

That's a very big 7 to
push into that little bit of 2.

I can say it is.

We ain't going to hurt
that little 2, are we?

- Of course you won't.
- Shall we take the 2?

- Open your hand.
- Yes.

And I put that 2 right
there for safe keeping,

but don't drop it
and don't lose it.

Now, 7 into 8?

- Once.
- Once.

I'll put the 1 over here.

1 over there.

Now, we're going to carry the 7

because it's very big and it's
getting heavy on my shoulders,

and I'm going to
drop the 7 under there.

Now, 7 from 8...

- Is 1.
- Is 1.

- I put the 1 down there.
- Mm-hmm.

Now comes...

Would you mind opening up
the palm of your hand, please?

I would like to use that 2.

Open it up. Give me that 2.

You've had it long enough.

I'm going to put
that 2 right there.

Now, 7 into 21?

Three times.

That's right.

7 into 28... 13.

- Yeah?
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You have to prove this
even better than that.

You can prove it very
easy by multiplication.

You mean, you
want me to multify it?

No, no, not multify... multiply.

Multiply?

Multiply.

All right, all right,
all right, multify it.

- 7 x 13... prove it.
- Is 28.

Go ahead.

Now, first we got to
put down a 13, right?

Right.

There's a 13.

Times 7.

- Times 7.
- Right.

7 weeks times 13, right?

- 7 x 3?
- 21.

21.

- 7 x 1?
- 7.

7.

- 7 and 1?
- 8.

And 2 to carry... 28.

Now, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

I'm still not convinced.

There's one sure
way of proving this,

one sure way,

and that's by addition.

You want me to addition it up?

I want you to put 13
seven times on that wall

and then draw a
line and add them up.

You want me to put
down 13 seven times?

That's right.

It's got to come out right.

- There's one.
- One.

- Two.
- Two.

- Three.
- Three.

- Four.
- Four.

- Five.
- Five.

- Six.
- Six.

- Seven.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

What's the idea of
spreading them out like that?

Well, it looks like
a flock of seagulls

is going to hit
the electric poles.

Now we're going to
add them up, right?

- All right, go ahead.
- Here we go!

- Three, six, nine...
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Let me do the adding this time.

With you, it wouldn't
come out right.

- Three, six, nine...
- Just a minute.

I will do the adding.

Then there will be no mistake.

- Yeah?
- All right?

28 dollars here.

All right? Now...

Go ahead.

3, 6, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21.

22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28.

Mr. Schultz, you answered
all the questions very well.

Now, there's just
one thing more.

How many fingers do I have up?

Would you mind holding
those a little bit closer, please?

Five.

Very good.

Just go in the next room
and get your physical.

Next?

Five fingers.

- I didn't ask you anything.
- In case you do.

- Five fingers.
- Never mind.

You don't have to
hold them over there.

Keep quiet!

Name.

Bud Abbott.

Lou Costello.

Born?

Were we?

Certainly.

Yes, Sir.

Where were you born?

What kind of
questions are these?

Tell the man where
you were born.

He didn't ask the
other guy that question.

- Tell the man where.
- Paterson, New Jersey.

- Paterson, New Jersey.
- Yes, Sir.

Where in Paterson, New Jersey?

Tell him where!

Under a sink.

How do you know it
was under the sink?

I heard the water running.

Pay no attention to him.

He's very nervous.

Now, would you
mind breathing for me?

I have enough trouble
breathing for myself.

Get him out of here.

Take him to the next room
and let him get his physical.

- Okay.
- Next.

- We passed.
- Come on.

- I'm afraid of those needles.
- Bud, you got nothing to worry about.

It's only a little bit
of a needle like that.

All they do is they take
your arm and they go...

I hate that!

They ain't going to hurt you.

He's scared of needles.

Yeah. I got the shivers now.

- It won't hurt.
- I know how much it's going to hurt.

Watch this kid.

He'll take it. Look,
look. He's a skinny kid.

Ain't going to hurt him.

Look.

Nothing to it, Bud.

Walk right up and take it.

Well, he's taking
it. He's taking it.

Yeah.

That's a strong kid, that kid.

I'm scared, Lou.

Oh, there's nothing to it. Go
ahead. Go ahead. Go ahead.

- Is this going to hurt, Doc?
- No, no.

Don't worry.
Just a little pinch.

Don't worry about it.

Take it easy, Doc.

Aaaaaaah!

Louis, what are you
doing in that uniform?

Well, I did it, Hillary.

I'm giving my all
for national defense.

Don't tell me that you...

Well, Ms. Brooks,
what do you think?

I think it's wonderful.

I think it's a fine, brave
thing you're doing.

Yes. We're off now.

We got to report.

Louis, I won't ask
you where you're going

'cause I'm sure
it's a military secret,

but I wish you had told
me about this, Louis.

I would have arranged
a farewell party for you.

Oh, Hillary, would
you kiss me good-bye?

Oh, of course, Louis.

Too bad there's a war.

Once more, please,
before I leave.

- Ah, pardon me.
- Yes?

You don't mind if I
meet you outside?

We don't mind if...

Of course not.

Go on.

Louis, promise me you'll take
care of yourself for my sake.

Well, I haven't even
had that thought, Hillary,

but if it means that
much to you, I will.

It means everything to me.
And try not to be too brave.

I won't.

I won't be too brave.

Louis, may I give you
a real good-bye kiss?

You may.

Hillary, this war, you can
never tell what's going to happen.

Once more.

Good-bye.

Louis...

I want you to know that
I'll be waiting for you.

Oh, it's wonderful, Hillary, to
know that when you go off to war

the girl that you love is waiting
for you when you come back home.

I know how eager and
anxious you are to do your duty.

Well, when all this is over,

I'll be here to
welcome you home.

I'll be at the airport
to meet every plane.

I'll be at the railway
station to meet every train.

I'll be at the docks
watching every ship.

Aren't you going to
watch for the trolley cars?

What for?

That's the way I'll
be coming home.

Oh, Louis. Don't
forget to write.

I'll do better
than that, Hillary.

I'll phone you every night.

Won't that be expensive?

Only 5 cents.

Louis, what outfit are you with?

National Guard, Third and Main.

Hillary, our last good-bye kiss.

Good-bye, Louis.

Oh, Hillary, you
can't do this to me.

My love has went.

Good-bye, my darling. Good-bye.

Good-bye.

You called for everybody.

See, you was going to go
without saying good-bye to me,

your little playmate.

- No, I wasn't, Stinky.
- Yeah, you were.

You were just going to...

You was going out real fast,

and you wasn't even
going to say anything.

Good-bye, Stinky.

- Good-bye...
- Shake.

Shake. The old gang shake.

It's tough going,
but I got to go to war.

Well, before you go, will you
play one jump rope with me,

because you and I
always play, you know?

This will be the
last time, Stinky.

Okay.

We'll jump rope.

We'll jump rope together.

Okay. My turn.

No.

I didn't even do it yet!

It was my turn!

Ooh!

Oh, Stinky, I'm...

I'll harm you.

No. It's my first turn.

You're first, then I'm second.

You're second.

Now jump. Jump hard.

Abbott, wait!

Wait for me, Abbott!

- On the inside!
- All right!

Well, come on now!

Come on!

You did that yourself,
Stinky! I didn't...

Cut it out, will you?

- I'm going to punch you in the nose.
- Yeah?

Well, one of these days,
you're going to talk to somebody

and you're going to
get in trouble like that.

Stinky...

What?

I'm leaving now.

So long, fatso.

I want you to take
care of my pet frog.

You mean Oswald?

- Take care of him.
- I will.

He's all yours.

So long.

Be brave and...

Ow!

Oh, so long.

- Stinky...
- So long, fatso.

You'll never know what
going to war means.

So long.

I'm charging out!

That's it. Go out and get
every last one of them!

I'll get every last
one of them, Stinky!

May I cut in?

Oh!

- So it's you, huh?
- Yeah.

Well, this time, I really
got a charge against you!

Yeah?

Yes, I can get you 10 years
for impersonating a soldier!

Officer, this is one
time that you're wrong.

Hey, what's going on here?

For your information,

Costello and I have
joined the service.

Oh, I'm sorry,
fellas. I didn't know.

Oh, but it can't be.

It just can't be.

You mean it can't be
that we're in the service?

No.

It can't be that this country's in
such bad shape it needs you two.

Now, wait a minute.

You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.

Costello and I are going to
do our bit for national defense,

and if you had any nerve,
you'd be doing the same thing.

Yeah.

- That's telling him, Abbott.
- Thataboy.

Come on. Let's go
down to headquarters.

- Okay.
- Come on.

- Abbott?
- What?

I am mighty proud of you.

You really held your
end up against that cop.

Oh, why not? I tell them off.

I'm not afraid of them.

Gee, I wish my uncle was here
to see you and I in our uniforms.

Your uncle?

Yeah, the one that
was in the last war.

The last war?

He was right where the
bullets were the thickest.

Where was that?

Underneath the ammunition truck.

Come on.

You will be as well-drilled
and as competent

as any soldier in any
other branch of the Army.

I'm going to give you a
15-minute recreation period.

You can go to the
barracks and get cleaned up.

Now you can all relax.

Sorry, Captain.

He didn't say “collapse."
He says "relax."

I know. Let's go, Junior.

You gentlemen scholar, that...

Hey, fellas, what are you doing?

We're shooting dice.

You're shooting dice?

- Yeah.
- Can I play?

Sure.

- What are you doing?
- I'm shooting the dice.

Not that way!

Now, wait a minute.

Wait till we see, now.

7.

You lose again,
Bacciagalupe. I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- All the time I lose.

Hey, what kind of game is this?

Oh, you never shot dice?

No.

Uh-oh.

I play a lot of games,
but not that kind.

What kind of games you play?

I play kiddie games.

What kind?

Like Post Office.

Ah, Post Office?

That's a kids' game.

Not the way I play it.

Wait a minute.
This is a real game.

Yeah?

You see, there's numbers
on here from 1 to 6,

and you roll them
out on the floor.

See, if you throw a
6 with a 1, that's 7.

That's a natural. You win.

If you throw a 5
and a 2, that's 7.

That's a natural. You win.

If you roll a 4
and a 3. That's 7.

That's a natural. You win.

That's all you do is win?

Well, no.

Oh, you can lose, too.

Well, once in a while.

If you throw two
aces, that's craps.

You lose.

If you throw two
6s, that's craps.

You lose.

Oh, sometimes you win
and sometimes you lose.

- That's it.
- That's a fair game.

Fair game. Well,
sure, it's a fair game.

You want to play it?

Yeah, I'd like to play.

Well, sure.

Well, let's play. Come on.

- Okay.
- Now, how much...?

Whose turn? Whose turn?

Well, it'll be your turn.

How much you want to shoot?

What do you mean?

Well, we got to make it
interesting, you know?

You mean you want
to play for money?

- Oh, sure.
- Aah!

All right, all right. We'll
just call it banking, okay?

- That's better.
- Sure.

There's no harm
in that, is there?

My mother wouldn't like it
if I was gambling for money.

No, certainly not.

- Play for banking.
- That's right.

Just to make it interesting.
We'll put 10 dollars down.

- Okay.
- Go ahead.

Now, you shoot them.

You never played
this game before, eh?

- No.
- Oh, you'll like...

What do I do?

Just throw them on the floor.

7, you win.

Craps, you lose.

And then read them, huh?

That's all, read the numbers.

- Here I go, now!
- Go ahead.

- Watch this one, everybody.
- Good luck.

Here I go!

Go ahead.

Whee!

7.

7.

Wait a minute.

I forgot to tell you, you
don't pick it up right away.

I don't get to pick it up?

Oh, sure, sure, sure,
but not right away.

What do you mean? I wait
till it gets up to my chin?

That's the idea.

Then I get a truck
and back it out.

Sure. Do you like that idea?

That's cute.

Yeah, sure.

What do I do with the dice?

They're still yours.
You don't lose them.

How much you want to shoot now?

Fade that.

I thought you told me you
never played this game.

I never did.

Where'd you get
that "fade that"?

Did I say something wrong?

No, you said it too darn right.

What is this "fade that"?

Come on, speak up.

I heard that at the Boy Scouts.

Then, you haven't
played this game?

Oh, no.

When I was walking
in the Boy Scouts

one night at a meeting,

I heard the Boy Scouts,

they had some lumps of
sugar with black marks on them,

and I heard the kids
go, "Whee! Whee!"

Oh.

Oh, you heard the kids.

I didn't know that
was a bad word.

But you didn't play in the game?

- Oh, no.
- Oh, well, that's all right.

I thought he played,
Bacciagalupe.

It's all right.

There you are.

Go ahead. Roll them out.

7, you win. Craps, you lose.

- Go ahead.
- My turn again.

Sure.

Whee!

7 again!

- It's beginner's luck, I think.
- That's all it...

Hey, that's right.

It could be beginner's luck.

What's the difference?

How much you want to shoot now?

- Let it ride.
- Let...

- Where'd you hear that?
- The Boy Scouts!

- The Boy Scouts?
- Troop 35!

Troop 35?

Yeah.

Lumps of sugar.

Uh-huh.

"Let it ride."

"Fade that."

I'm doing good, huh?

Yeah, you're doing
too darn good.

"Let it ride."

Is it still my turn?

Go ahead. Shoot the dice.

Put some money down.

- You never played this game?
- No, Sir.

Go ahead.

Still my dice.

Still your dice. Go ahead.

- Here I go!
- Go ahead.

Whee!

Hey, you never said
nothing about 11.

Oh, yes. That's right.

- Well, 11 don't mean anything.
- It don't count?

Don't count.

It's just a few extra
numbers they put on the dice.

Don't mean nothing.

Don't mean nothing. Go ahead.

- I get another chance?
- Oh, the dice are still yours.

- It's a good game.
- Sure, go ahead.

Here I go!

Go ahead.

Whee!

- 4.
- Little Joe!

"Little Joe"?

What is this "little Joe"?

- Club house.
- Club house?

Boy Scouts.

Everything is at
the club house, eh?

You learned an awful lot down
at that club house, didn't you?

Yeah, we learned how to jump
over the walls and wall scaling.

Never mind the walls!

Light a fire, put two Indians
together, and rub them to get a fire.

I'm talking about this game.

4 is your number.

If you throw a 7 before
you make that 4, you lose.

Don't forget it.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Now, take it easy.

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Don't choke those dice.

Leave some air in
there. Let them breathe.

Let them breathe!

You and that club house.

Shake them up!

Whee!

- 3.
- 3.

You lose.

How come?

Well, what did you
roll the first time?

- 4.
- What did you just roll?

- 3.
- 4 and 3 is what?

- 7.
- So you lose.

Oh, you add them up.

Oh, you didn't learn
that at the club house.

Now, he didn't say anything
about adding them up.

I didn't know you
had to add them up.

Louie, I'm sorry.

Now it's my turn.

You mean, I got to
use my money now?

For a change, yes. For a change.

Just wait a minute.

We'll put it all down, eh?

Then you can take
it all to the bank.

All right.

Put it all down.

Here we go now.

11!

11, I win.

Unh-unh!

That's a natur...

11 don't count.

You get another chance.

You see, for me,
that 11 don't count.

Don't count. You
get another chance.

- I'm a good sport, too, you know?
- Yeah, sure, sure.

There we go.

- 6.
- 6!

Now all we have
to do is make a 6.

6! You got to make a 6.

Come on, now. 6 out.

- 6 out!
- 6!

Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

- You lose! You lose!
- That was a 6!

That was a 6. You lose!

- What did you roll the first time?
- 6.

- And what did you just roll?
- 6.

6 and 6 is 12.

Craps.

Big Benny.

Hut!

Corporal Abbott,

your drill sergeant
will be here in a minute.

Yes, Sir.

How is it I don't get a nice,
tailored uniform like that?

Soldiers, I got some
bad news for you.

We've got a new top sergeant
and he's as tough as nails

and you better
look out for yourself.

Abbott, no sergeant's
going to worry me.

I don't care how tough
the top sergeant is.

I was in the last
war, too, you know,

and I hate top sergeants!

I hate any kind of sergeants!

I mean, if he's going to
try to make it tough for me,

I'll let him have it, brother!

I'm not afraid of him!

I'll take this gun
like I did the last time

and I'll haul up with
this gun, brother,

and I'll come down
right on his head

and that'll hurt!

Because when I take the
gun, and I... take the gun...

I lose more guns in this Army!

What did I do with the gun?

I held it up here.

I held it up here when I had it.

I went to hit the
guy, and I went...

Massy, take the rear
rank and work them.

Rear flank, about face!

Forward march!

Corporal Abbott,
take this front rank

and work them
till their corns pop!

I'm with you.

What did you say?

I said work them
till their corns pop!

Ah, we're going to have popcorn!

Shut up!

What were you about to say?

I don't like popcorn.

This is the worst bunch
of recruits I've ever seen!

Now, Abbott, really work them!

[Speaks indistinctly]

All right, boys, at ease.

Chin up, chest out.

Get your chest out.

All right, take
it easy, soldier.

Take it easy.

Get your chest
out. All right, hold it.

We've got a long
ways to go in this Army.

Costello, is this one
of your relatives?

Mine are living.

Yep.

Slowly.

Get your chin up.

Chest out.

Ooh!

Get your chest out!

Do it, because the guy's
a corporal. He's a big man.

Shut up.

I'll break you to a civilian.

No lip from you, Costello.

I've been...

Present!

Shut up!

Present arms!

- You asked for it, didn't you?
- I don't want it!

You said, "Present
arms"! I'm presenting it!

- You don't want it.
- I don't want it.

Pick up that gun.

Why don't you make up
your mind and... present arms.

Pick up that gun!

You don't have to take
it if you don't want it.

- Pick up that gun.
- Okay.

I should have took the job
with you on that vegetable stand.

Never mind that.

Right shoulder, arms.

Right face!

Oh!

Why don't you do as you're told?

Oh!

Left face, boys.

Why don't you do as you're told?

Bacciagalupe hit me in the head.

Turn with the rest of them!

I didn't get a chance!

Do as you're told.

Listen to your commands.

Yes, Officer.

Right face!

Ow!

Get up on your feet!

What kind of a soldier are you?

Pick up that gun!

Pick up that gun!

All right, I'm picking it up.

Follow the rest of them!

- Do as you're told!
- I don't have to do it...

What did you say?

What did you say?

- I'm talking to myself.
- Well, don't talk so loud.

I got to hear what I got to say.

I told you not to bring
that cap pistol in the Army!

That's my protector.

Now get with it!

Right face!

Right face!

Forward march!

Halt!

Forward march.

Follow the rest of them!

Huh?

- Get with it, brother.
- What are you guys doing up there?

Get with it!

You're supposed to be over here.

Quiet!

- At Troop 35 Boy Scouts...
- Right face!

Right face!

Forward march!

Halt!

Where are you going?

Where are you going?

Get in line with
the rest of them!

Those guys are all wrong!

You listen to me!

Do as you're told!

Do as you're told!

Right face!

Right face!

Forward march!

Halt!

What a mess.

Is that a good halt?

Get up on your feet.

Right face!

Right face!

Boy, did we have a
time with those guys.

Yeah, we had a time.

Forward march!

Hut, hut, hut, hut!

Thanks for watching, neighbors.

So long.

We'll be seeing you.