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1
00:00:37,337 --> 00:00:39,203
- Where have you been?
- I was at the doctor's.
2
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:42,299
I went down to the doctor's...
3
00:00:42,609 --> 00:00:44,339
This kid needs a doctor herself.
4
00:00:44,444 --> 00:00:46,208
You went to the doctor's, Lou?
5
00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,111
Why does this happen
every week to me?
6
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,241
Never mind. They're
just introducing the cast.
7
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:51,215
Forget about that.
8
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:53,096
What were you doing at
the doctor's, though, Lou?
9
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,986
I had a dime stuck in
my ear for six years.
10
00:00:55,088 --> 00:00:56,613
I had to go down and get it out.
11
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:57,884
You had to get it out now?
12
00:00:57,991 --> 00:00:58,991
- Certainly.
- Why?
13
00:00:59,059 --> 00:00:59,890
It's my birthday today.
14
00:00:59,993 --> 00:01:01,437
This is the first time
I needed the money.
15
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,794
Oh, this is your birthday!
16
00:01:03,897 --> 00:01:04,728
Yeah, it's my birthday.
17
00:01:04,831 --> 00:01:05,855
Well, now, wait a minute.
18
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:07,366
This calls for something.
19
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:08,127
I have it.
20
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:10,780
Then I'll invite the two girls
that we had to our party last year.
21
00:01:10,804 --> 00:01:11,814
I'll stop you right there.
22
00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:13,082
You're not going to
invite those two girls
23
00:01:13,106 --> 00:01:14,217
you had at my party last year.
24
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:14,833
Why? What's wrong with them?
25
00:01:14,942 --> 00:01:16,819
- I don't want those girls at my party.
- Why not?
26
00:01:16,843 --> 00:01:18,221
I mean, after all,
whenever there's two girls
27
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:20,356
and you have them over for
a party or anything like that,
28
00:01:20,380 --> 00:01:21,424
and when we go to
a show or anything,
29
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:23,293
right away, you say to me
you take this one over here,
30
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:24,427
and I'm always left
with the other one,
31
00:01:24,451 --> 00:01:25,316
whether I want her or not.
32
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:27,019
- Oh, now...
- You don't know how I feel.
33
00:01:27,054 --> 00:01:29,098
- Sometimes I don't want that girl.
- Ah, well, now...
34
00:01:29,122 --> 00:01:30,700
And you always take
the best-looking ones, too.
35
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:31,555
Oh, now, let's not get personal.
36
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,002
It's about time I had
the best-looking one.
37
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,289
Let's not get personal.
38
00:01:34,394 --> 00:01:36,056
- Yours was pretty.
- Oh, so what?
39
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:38,132
- Yours had teeth.
- Well, I... Huh?
40
00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:39,927
Yours had teeth, too.
41
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:42,434
- Did you see tooth on mine?
- I... Yes, I saw it.
42
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,265
Mine had so much bridgework,
43
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,981
every time I kissed
her, I had to pay tolls.
44
00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,282
All right, look,
never mind that.
45
00:01:46,306 --> 00:01:48,718
This calls for a big celebration...
Your birthday and everything.
46
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,074
We'll throw a big party.
47
00:01:50,177 --> 00:01:51,805
Come on. Let's go
out and buy some stuff.
48
00:01:51,912 --> 00:01:52,811
A lot of presents?
49
00:01:52,913 --> 00:01:54,905
- A lot of presents and everything!
- Let's go!
50
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:02,355
Attaboy.
51
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:03,685
Come on!
52
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:06,282
Knock on the landlord's door
and invite him to the party.
53
00:02:06,393 --> 00:02:09,261
- Why don't you?
- My hands are full.
54
00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:11,358
Go ahead.
55
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:14,495
Oh, Marie, you've been shopping!
56
00:02:14,601 --> 00:02:15,796
Well, now that you're...
57
00:02:15,902 --> 00:02:17,461
Let me help you
with these bundlings.
58
00:02:17,571 --> 00:02:19,369
Well, mercy me.
59
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,304
What are you...?
60
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,399
Oh, it's you.
61
00:02:22,509 --> 00:02:26,446
What do you mean by
dragging all this junk in here?
62
00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,825
Mr. Fields, it's my birthday today,
and we're going to have a party.
63
00:02:28,849 --> 00:02:29,441
Oh, no, you're not.
64
00:02:29,549 --> 00:02:30,727
You're not going to
have a party in this house.
65
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,751
The last party you had,
66
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:33,912
your broken-down friends
burnt holes in my carpet...
67
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:35,131
Now, wait a minute.
Hold on, Mr. Fields.
68
00:02:35,155 --> 00:02:35,952
Broke all my furniture.
69
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:37,233
- Just a minute, Mr. Fields.
- Why, they ruined the place.
70
00:02:37,257 --> 00:02:38,635
It took me two weeks to
get the crumbs out of here.
71
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,092
Now, wait a minute.
72
00:02:39,192 --> 00:02:40,503
There's going to be
no crumbs at this party.
73
00:02:40,527 --> 00:02:42,171
You mean, Bud Abbott's
folks aren't coming?
74
00:02:42,195 --> 00:02:44,824
Hey. I heard that remark.
Now, you keep my folks ou...
75
00:02:44,931 --> 00:02:46,456
Oh, I'm sorry, Lou.
It's your birthday.
76
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:47,644
I didn't want to argue with you.
77
00:02:47,668 --> 00:02:49,933
Hey, did you invite the
landlord to the party?
78
00:02:50,037 --> 00:02:50,800
That's what I was trying to do.
79
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,915
Well, you go ahead and invite
him. I'll go up and decorate the room.
80
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,739
Okay. Mr. Fields, you
are invited to my party.
81
00:02:54,775 --> 00:02:55,640
You're finally inviting me.
82
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:57,142
You want me to
bring a present, huh?
83
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:57,872
Look, Mr. Fields,
84
00:02:57,978 --> 00:02:59,022
a lot of people are going
to bring me presents.
85
00:02:59,046 --> 00:02:59,706
You don't have to
bring me no presents.
86
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,133
I see. Everybody
brings a present.
87
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:02,740
You want me to
come empty-handed.
88
00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:05,561
People should look at me and say,
"Sidney Fields is a cheapskate," huh?
89
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:07,797
"Sidney Fields is nothing but
a dirty, broken-down tramp."
90
00:03:07,821 --> 00:03:08,998
- Is that it?
- Look, Mr. Fields.
91
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,133
You don't look like no tramp.
92
00:03:10,157 --> 00:03:11,397
- You look nice.
- I don't, huh?
93
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:12,802
My feet are coming
through my shoes.
94
00:03:12,826 --> 00:03:14,488
My elbows are coming
through my sleeves.
95
00:03:14,594 --> 00:03:17,257
Yeah, and your head is
coming through your hair.
96
00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:18,195
All right.
97
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:19,823
Tell everybody I'm bald-headed.
98
00:03:19,933 --> 00:03:21,196
Start a rumor.
99
00:03:21,301 --> 00:03:23,395
Make me ashamed
to come to your party.
100
00:03:23,503 --> 00:03:25,904
Look, Mr. Fields, you
don't have to be ashamed.
101
00:03:26,006 --> 00:03:27,133
Nobody will even notice you.
102
00:03:27,240 --> 00:03:29,402
Oh, they're going
to ignore me, huh?
103
00:03:29,509 --> 00:03:31,444
I'm not even fit to
be associated with.
104
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,673
People will be afraid to
put their hands on me.
105
00:03:33,780 --> 00:03:35,124
No, they won't. I wouldn't
be afraid to touch you.
106
00:03:35,148 --> 00:03:36,616
- Look.
- Take your filthy hands off.
107
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,652
What are you trying
to do, soft-soap me?
108
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,846
Now, look, Mr. Fields,
don't get mad.
109
00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,565
Now, you can bring
your kids to the party,
110
00:03:42,589 --> 00:03:43,766
and they can eat
anything they want.
111
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:45,835
They can have plenty of food.
They can eat anything they want.
112
00:03:45,859 --> 00:03:47,452
Sure, I can have
my kids eat first, huh?
113
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,223
Then if that broken-down,
bad food you got
114
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:50,957
doesn't give my kids ptomaine,
115
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:53,192
then the other
people will eat it, huh?
116
00:03:53,300 --> 00:03:54,677
Going to use my
kids for guinea pigs.
117
00:03:54,701 --> 00:03:56,294
Say it... My kids
are guinea pigs!
118
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,634
Mr. Fields, your kids
are not guinea pigs.
119
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,732
Oh, they're just plain pigs?
120
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,208
Look, Mr. Fields,
121
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,644
I never use the word "pigs"
when I talk about anything like that.
122
00:04:06,747 --> 00:04:07,976
I use, like, "swine."
123
00:04:08,081 --> 00:04:11,483
Oh, now you're dragging
my wife in the argument.
124
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,054
What's wrong with my wife?
125
00:04:14,154 --> 00:04:16,521
Mr. Fields, please let
your wife out of this.
126
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:19,115
Oh, my kids and I should
come to a party and have fun,
127
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:22,321
but my wife, she has to
stay home alone, huh?
128
00:04:22,429 --> 00:04:25,263
Look, Mr. Fields, you can
bring your wife to the party.
129
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:26,642
- She can come to the party?
- Yeah.
130
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,760
But she can't eat, huh?
131
00:04:28,869 --> 00:04:30,669
She can eat! I'll give
her anything she wants.
132
00:04:30,771 --> 00:04:31,568
She can have meat.
133
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,537
She can have potatoes
with bread and butter
134
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,952
and peas on the mashed potatoes
and stick them in the mash...
135
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,086
She can have anything she wants.
136
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,009
No dessert.
137
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,137
Oh, yes, we're going to
have dessert... apple pie.
138
00:04:40,247 --> 00:04:42,682
But no ice cream, huh?
139
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:45,343
We're going to have ice cream.
I'm going to put it on apple pie.
140
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:48,786
What flavor?
141
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,653
- Vanilla.
- Vanilla.
142
00:04:50,757 --> 00:04:53,283
Plain vanilla or
anything particular?
143
00:04:53,393 --> 00:04:55,004
How about strawberry?
I'll put strawberry on it.
144
00:04:55,028 --> 00:04:55,757
- Oh, strawberry?
- Yeah.
145
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:58,923
Will it be real fruit
or artificial flavor?
146
00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,365
This is going to be
genuine strawberry.
147
00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:02,697
So, that's it!
148
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:06,102
You know, my wife is
allergic to fresh strawberries.
149
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:09,335
Every time she eats them,
she starts scratching herself,
150
00:05:09,442 --> 00:05:10,466
scratching herself.
151
00:05:10,644 --> 00:05:12,112
Infection sets in.
152
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:12,975
She's sick!
153
00:05:13,079 --> 00:05:15,639
Ambulances take
her to the hospital!
154
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:18,583
The doctors work on her
day and night, day and night,
155
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,085
but they can't save her!
156
00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:21,246
She's gone!
157
00:05:21,354 --> 00:05:26,224
I'm left alone, a
widower with 11 children!
158
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:28,386
Mr. Fields, I don't want
you to be a widower.
159
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,021
You don't want me
to be a widower?!
160
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:35,193
You want me to live the rest of
my life with that old bag, huh?!
161
00:05:35,302 --> 00:05:38,568
You don't want me to go out
with the boys and have fun, huh?
162
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:42,336
And why? All because
you ruined my life
163
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:46,641
because you wanted to feed my
wife fresh strawberry ice cream!
164
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:49,511
Mr. Fields, your wife don't
have to eat any ice cream.
165
00:05:49,616 --> 00:05:50,447
You said it.
166
00:05:50,550 --> 00:05:53,645
Nobody's going to push
fresh strawberry ice cream
167
00:05:53,753 --> 00:05:55,153
down my wife's throat.
168
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,883
That's what I'm here for!
169
00:05:56,990 --> 00:05:57,990
You said it.
170
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,798
You!
171
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:08,026
Lou?
172
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:10,269
Lou?
173
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,794
I'm in the kitchen!
174
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:18,668
- Oh, you're in the kitchen, huh?
- What do you want?
175
00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:19,507
What are you doing?
176
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:21,757
- I'm going to make a little fudge.
- Oh, swell, swell.
177
00:06:21,781 --> 00:06:23,511
The guests will be here
most any minute now.
178
00:06:23,617 --> 00:06:25,552
- You got to hustle up, too.
- I'll get ready.
179
00:06:25,652 --> 00:06:27,848
Attab... What's the matter?
180
00:06:29,256 --> 00:06:30,417
- Hey, Bud.
- What?
181
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:32,754
Can you reach that
syrup can for me?
182
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:34,020
Can I reach it?
183
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,857
Certainly I can reach it.
184
00:07:00,987 --> 00:07:06,517
Sweet syrup in my food.
185
00:07:06,626 --> 00:07:10,028
[Indistinct singing]
186
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,381
Bud.
187
00:07:32,485 --> 00:07:34,454
Bud!
188
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,154
What's the matter?
What are you doing now?
189
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:38,281
I'm stuck.
190
00:07:38,391 --> 00:07:40,485
Oh, my goodn...
191
00:07:41,528 --> 00:07:43,861
- Aah!
- What's the matter with you?
192
00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,432
You can't do a thing right.
193
00:07:45,532 --> 00:07:46,842
Put it back. Put it
back where found it.
194
00:07:46,866 --> 00:07:47,959
Put it back where found it.
195
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:48,933
Come on! Come on!
196
00:07:49,035 --> 00:07:51,129
What are you
doing? What is this?
197
00:07:52,672 --> 00:07:54,004
Get that off.
198
00:07:54,107 --> 00:07:56,042
Aah! Now, don't
pull the skin off.
199
00:07:57,644 --> 00:07:59,272
- Ugh!
- Ha ha.
200
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:01,473
Throw that can away.
201
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,588
That's nothing like my fudge.
202
00:08:51,097 --> 00:08:53,566
- Come right in, Mrs. Crumbcake.
- Thank you.
203
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:55,464
Happy Birthday, dear Lou.
204
00:08:55,568 --> 00:08:57,901
Mwah! Happy Birthday.
205
00:08:58,738 --> 00:09:00,730
It's so nice of you to
come, Mrs. Crumbcake.
206
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:05,801
I never miss a birthday party,
and I never forget a birthday boy.
207
00:09:05,912 --> 00:09:07,904
I have a little gift for you.
208
00:09:08,014 --> 00:09:09,448
Ooh! Isn't that nice?
209
00:09:09,549 --> 00:09:12,144
- That's all for me?
- Yes.
210
00:09:12,585 --> 00:09:13,712
Oh.
211
00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:16,884
How do you like that?
212
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:18,549
It's beautiful.
213
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:21,270
Don't you want to
blow out the candles?
214
00:09:21,294 --> 00:09:22,853
- Don't I have to make a wish?
- Yes.
215
00:09:22,962 --> 00:09:24,396
No, no, it's customary, Lou.
216
00:09:24,497 --> 00:09:27,797
Now, take a great, big, deep
breath and blow it right out.
217
00:09:28,368 --> 00:09:29,368
Aah!
218
00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:32,504
Well!
219
00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:35,684
Come right over here and
sit down, Mrs. Crumbcake.
220
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:36,198
Thank you.
221
00:09:36,309 --> 00:09:38,421
The rest of the guests will
be here most any minute now.
222
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:40,744
- Are you comfortable?
- Yes, thank you.
223
00:09:41,314 --> 00:09:43,306
Happy birthday, Costello!
224
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:46,249
- Oh, no, not on your birthday.
- Oh.
225
00:09:46,352 --> 00:09:48,218
Oh, I brought
you a little present.
226
00:09:48,321 --> 00:09:49,932
All the kids in the
neighborhood just love them.
227
00:09:49,956 --> 00:09:52,084
- It's a police whistle.
- A police whistle?
228
00:09:52,192 --> 00:09:54,491
- Yes, Sir, and solid brass.
- A real one?
229
00:09:54,594 --> 00:09:55,323
Yes, Sir.
230
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:57,056
I can play cops and robbers now.
231
00:09:57,163 --> 00:09:59,359
- That's right.
- Oh, bang, bang, bang!
232
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,067
- It don't work.
- Oh, no, it's an old one.
233
00:10:04,170 --> 00:10:06,765
It's the first one I had
when I joined the force.
234
00:10:06,873 --> 00:10:08,398
But you have a
lot of fun with it.
235
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:11,034
- Congratulations, Lou.
- Thank you, Officer.
236
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:14,939
I said, "Thank you."
237
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:17,047
No. Thank you.
238
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,484
I was making fudge, and the
syrup got stuck to my hands.
239
00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:21,587
Oh, you...
240
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:28,025
Get off of me!
241
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:28,788
Ohh!
242
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:29,895
Get up.
243
00:10:37,570 --> 00:10:38,265
Who is it?
244
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:39,566
Some drunk.
245
00:10:41,908 --> 00:10:44,173
Why, Mr. Fields, come right in.
246
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:45,277
How do you do?
247
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:46,973
Where's the funeral?
248
00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:49,675
- Where's the birthday boy?
- There he is.
249
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:50,680
Well!
250
00:10:50,783 --> 00:10:51,546
How are you?
251
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,586
Thank you for
inviting me to the party.
252
00:10:53,686 --> 00:10:55,245
I've got a little
surprise for you...
253
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:57,381
Brought you a little present.
254
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:00,592
Come here.
255
00:11:00,627 --> 00:11:02,892
I want to show you
what I brought for you.
256
00:11:03,696 --> 00:11:06,723
Wait till you see
what I got for you.
257
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:15,166
Hold it up to the light
and peek through it.
258
00:11:23,082 --> 00:11:25,142
- How do you like it?
- Mr. Fields!
259
00:11:25,251 --> 00:11:27,186
Ain't that something?
Take another peek.
260
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,186
Ohh.
261
00:11:28,288 --> 00:11:29,381
Go ahead.
262
00:11:38,731 --> 00:11:40,597
- Hi, Bud.
- Well, look who's here.
263
00:11:40,867 --> 00:11:44,565
Happy Birthday, Louis.
264
00:11:44,671 --> 00:11:46,867
Guess what I brought
you for your birthday.
265
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:48,413
Handkerchiefs
with my initials on it?
266
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:49,669
- Hunh-unh.
- A necktie?
267
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,176
- Hunh-unh.
- A watch?
268
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,745
- Hunh-unh.
- Oh.
269
00:11:52,845 --> 00:11:55,076
I won't keep you
guessing any longer.
270
00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:57,650
Look... a beautiful comic book.
271
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:58,911
No.
272
00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:00,145
Just the one I wanted,
273
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,745
the one I asked him to pick
up on the stands for me...
274
00:12:02,855 --> 00:12:05,086
"Terry and the
Used-Car Dealers."
275
00:12:05,191 --> 00:12:08,389
Ooh, tonight,
tonight! What a night!
276
00:12:08,494 --> 00:12:09,518
Come here. Sit down here.
277
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:10,629
Thank you, Bud.
278
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:12,424
- Hey, Lou?
- Yep?
279
00:12:12,532 --> 00:12:14,023
Are you fixing those
hors d'oeuvres?
280
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:17,626
I'm making my famous
antipasto hors d'oeuvres.
281
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:19,330
There, thataboy.
282
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:20,916
- Are they almost ready?
- They're all ready.
283
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:23,239
- Well, serve them to the folks.
- I'll have one myself.
284
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:24,520
It's your birthday,
you know, kid.
285
00:12:24,544 --> 00:12:25,910
I'll serve the drinks.
286
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:28,114
- Thank you, Louis.
- My famous antipasto.
287
00:12:28,214 --> 00:12:28,840
Ahh.
288
00:12:28,948 --> 00:12:30,576
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
289
00:12:30,683 --> 00:12:32,151
Oh, thank you, Louie.
290
00:12:32,252 --> 00:12:34,619
You're welcome. I'll
think I'll have one myself.
291
00:12:35,722 --> 00:12:37,350
Oh, fine.
292
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:40,791
- Aren't they good?
- Perfect!
293
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:47,291
Well, you clumsy ox, is that
any way to treat your guests?
294
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,062
What's the matter with you?
295
00:12:49,168 --> 00:12:50,408
Go away. Will you have a drink?
296
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:51,562
Mm-hmm.
297
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:53,936
- How's your good health?
- Perfect.
298
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,307
Ohh!
299
00:13:01,848 --> 00:13:04,044
Oh, I knew I shouldn't
have come here!
300
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,015
Ohh!
301
00:13:05,118 --> 00:13:06,780
I hope I never see you again!
302
00:13:06,886 --> 00:13:09,048
Why, you ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
303
00:13:09,155 --> 00:13:10,532
You can't do this
to your friends, Lou.
304
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,081
I'm surprised at you.
305
00:13:12,725 --> 00:13:14,921
What are you trying to
do, poison everybody?
306
00:13:15,028 --> 00:13:16,189
I'll have you on this!
307
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:19,630
I'll throw you out of here!
Ohh, get me a doctor!
308
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:22,835
What did you put
on those crackers?
309
00:13:22,935 --> 00:13:26,929
Buddy, my famous
antipasto... I made it the same.
310
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,066
I had 22 of them. I feel good.
311
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:30,609
Are you sure?
312
00:13:30,710 --> 00:13:31,609
I'm positive.
313
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:32,804
Come here.
314
00:13:33,446 --> 00:13:35,142
Now, let me see your antipasto.
315
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:36,807
- Where is it?
- Here.
316
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,484
Ant paste!
317
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,746
What...
318
00:13:40,853 --> 00:13:43,288
What in the world did you do?
319
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:44,880
Buddy, I don't read so good.
320
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,926
That's no excuse.
321
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:49,291
What are you trying to
do, poison your friends?
322
00:13:49,395 --> 00:13:51,762
And I don't feel so good myself.
323
00:13:51,864 --> 00:13:53,162
That's the last straw.
324
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,010
You'll never do anything
like this to me again.
325
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:56,366
Now, get out of here!
326
00:13:56,469 --> 00:13:58,165
Get out of this
room and stay out!
327
00:13:58,271 --> 00:13:59,271
Get out of the building!
328
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,932
- You want me to go?
- Get out!
329
00:14:01,040 --> 00:14:02,384
You mean, we're not
together anymore?
330
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:04,343
Don't ever link my
name with yours again.
331
00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:06,379
Now, get out of here!
332
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:07,378
Go on!
333
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,175
All right.
334
00:14:08,281 --> 00:14:09,180
Take that off.
335
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:10,282
There.
336
00:14:10,550 --> 00:14:12,041
That's my shirt!
337
00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:14,814
- I...
- You... Get out of here.
338
00:14:14,921 --> 00:14:16,116
Right now!
339
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:17,986
Go on! Get out of here!
340
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:21,994
Fine pal you are.
341
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:25,725
Get out that door, and
don't ever darken it again!
342
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:28,395
Get out of the building!
343
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:29,662
Go on. Get out.
344
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:30,634
Go on. Get out.
345
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:31,898
Go on. Get out.
346
00:14:47,286 --> 00:14:49,812
Louis, come here.
347
00:14:53,826 --> 00:14:56,318
Louis, why do you
do these things?
348
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,092
I'm a bad boy.
349
00:14:59,198 --> 00:15:01,758
No, you're not a bad
boy. You're a good boy.
350
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:03,769
You just don't think.
351
00:15:03,870 --> 00:15:05,566
You become
confused and involved,
352
00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:08,163
and the first thing you know,
everything's in an uproar.
353
00:15:08,274 --> 00:15:10,106
Why don't you try harder?
354
00:15:10,209 --> 00:15:11,541
I will.
355
00:15:12,278 --> 00:15:13,439
I will.
356
00:15:14,380 --> 00:15:15,507
Louis.
357
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:20,877
Happy birthday again.
358
00:15:20,987 --> 00:15:22,319
Thanks.
359
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,659
Oh, it's you.
360
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,233
Why, you little
overstuffed runt!
361
00:15:34,333 --> 00:15:37,235
Trying to make me sick and
everybody in this building sick!
362
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:40,170
Now, I am telling you, and
I'm telling you for the last time...
363
00:15:40,273 --> 00:15:43,141
Get out of this
neighborhood and stay out!
364
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:46,542
Don't you open your
mouth! Get out of here!
365
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,618
You heard me! Get out!
366
00:15:57,323 --> 00:16:01,055
Well... nobody loves me.
367
00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:02,719
That policeman...
368
00:16:03,196 --> 00:16:06,758
That's one guy, a policeman...
I don't understand it.
369
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:07,424
You're...
370
00:16:07,533 --> 00:16:13,962
He's supposed to be a boy's
best friend, just like a dog.
371
00:16:54,547 --> 00:16:56,106
I'm still a Boy Scout.
372
00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:58,548
I could still do my good deed.
373
00:16:59,285 --> 00:17:05,020
Madame, may I escort you across
the street and through the traffic?
374
00:17:05,124 --> 00:17:06,217
Please.
375
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:09,388
Have no fear.
376
00:17:09,495 --> 00:17:11,157
You're in trusty arms.
377
00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:25,844
Here.
378
00:17:25,945 --> 00:17:27,174
There you are.
379
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:31,144
Madame, it was a pleasure
to be of service to you.
380
00:17:31,250 --> 00:17:35,813
You dope! I didn't
want to cross the street!
381
00:17:35,922 --> 00:17:37,254
What's the matter, M'aam?
382
00:17:37,456 --> 00:17:39,448
Oh, he dragged
me across the street,
383
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,187
and I didn't want
to be on this side.
384
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:42,193
What's the matter with you?
385
00:17:42,295 --> 00:17:44,373
It's not enough bothering
everybody else in the neighborhood.
386
00:17:44,397 --> 00:17:46,229
Now you got to
pick on an old lady.
387
00:17:46,332 --> 00:17:49,131
I told you to get out of this
neighborhood, and I mean it!
388
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:51,163
I'm sorry.
389
00:17:51,270 --> 00:17:53,102
You broke my cane.
390
00:18:00,479 --> 00:18:02,471
Ohh, you poor man.
391
00:18:05,318 --> 00:18:07,287
Begging without a license, huh?
392
00:18:07,386 --> 00:18:09,651
Now, you get out
of this neighborhood!
393
00:18:15,294 --> 00:18:17,456
Why don't you go
home and sober up?
394
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:37,582
Hoo-hoo!
395
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:38,846
Hoo-hoo!
396
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:47,483
Why don't you look
where you're going?
397
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:50,324
I gave you a warning signal.
398
00:18:50,429 --> 00:18:53,957
You're a dangerous
pedestrian. That's what you are.
399
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:57,527
Hoo-hoo! Hoo-hoo!
400
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,837
Why don't you pick on
somebody your size?
401
00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:44,250
Birthday cakes.
402
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:48,216
And it's my birthday today, too.
403
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,988
I'm going to go in there, and I'm
going to get me a nice birthday cake.
404
00:19:54,393 --> 00:19:57,591
And I don't care if
nobody comes to my party.
405
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,223
I'll have a party by myself.
406
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:07,835
Why, Lou... I don't look
on your face a long time.
407
00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:08,999
Hello, Mr. Bacciagalupe.
408
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:10,108
What's the matter?
409
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:11,074
Is there something for you?
410
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:12,406
No, it's my birthday today.
411
00:20:12,511 --> 00:20:14,111
It's your birthday?
Well, happy birthday.
412
00:20:14,146 --> 00:20:15,045
Thank you, Mr. Bacciagalupe.
413
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:17,776
Look, I would like a nice
cake for my birthday party.
414
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:18,748
Birthday cake?
415
00:20:18,851 --> 00:20:20,319
Well, you come
for the right place.
416
00:20:20,419 --> 00:20:21,648
You like this one?
417
00:20:21,754 --> 00:20:24,883
No, it's a nice cake, but
it's a little too small for mine.
418
00:20:24,990 --> 00:20:26,788
- Too small?
- I want a big birthday cake.
419
00:20:26,892 --> 00:20:28,336
You like this one? It's
much bigger, ain't it?
420
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:29,589
- This here one?
- Yeah.
421
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:30,890
No, this...
422
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:34,233
You bad boy. No touch the cake.
423
00:20:34,333 --> 00:20:36,165
- I'm sorry, Mr. Bacciagalupe.
- Uh-huh.
424
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,913
No, I don't like the
taste of that one, anyway,
425
00:20:37,937 --> 00:20:39,097
and that's too small, Mister.
426
00:20:39,138 --> 00:20:42,700
I want a big one, a big cake,
like about 3 feet by 3 feet.
427
00:20:42,808 --> 00:20:43,673
I want a big one.
428
00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,787
You don't want a cake. You
want a bungalow, don't you?
429
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:47,355
No, I want a big one.
I want to eat the cake.
430
00:20:47,379 --> 00:20:48,540
- Big cake?
- Yeah.
431
00:20:48,647 --> 00:20:50,639
- 3 feet?
- Yeah, big one, a very big cake.
432
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:51,513
I going to make it...
433
00:20:51,617 --> 00:20:53,347
I know this is the
best place to buy one.
434
00:20:53,452 --> 00:20:55,216
I going to make
it a masterpiece.
435
00:20:55,321 --> 00:20:57,517
But for this, I'm going
to knead a lot of dough.
436
00:20:57,623 --> 00:20:59,668
- You going to need a lot of dough?
- A lot of dough.
437
00:20:59,692 --> 00:21:00,318
Oh.
438
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:01,786
You want me to go
out and get some?
439
00:21:01,827 --> 00:21:05,730
No, no, I got plenty of dough,
but you see, I got to knead a lot.
440
00:21:05,831 --> 00:21:07,925
The more dough I got
them, the more I knead them.
441
00:21:08,033 --> 00:21:09,377
Mr. Bacciagalupe,
I don't understand.
442
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:11,563
If you got a lot of dough,
what do you need more for?
443
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:14,299
When you knead a lot of
dough, you need more time.
444
00:21:14,540 --> 00:21:15,951
- You understand?
- Well, that's what I said.
445
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:17,552
If you want me to go, I'll
go get you some dough.
446
00:21:17,576 --> 00:21:18,407
No, no, no.
447
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:20,155
Are you talking about
money, Mr. Bacciagalupe?
448
00:21:20,179 --> 00:21:21,389
You got enough money right now.
449
00:21:21,413 --> 00:21:22,142
You're the wealthiest...
450
00:21:22,248 --> 00:21:24,274
Money's got nothing
for do for this thing!
451
00:21:24,383 --> 00:21:24,975
It's the dough!
452
00:21:25,084 --> 00:21:26,848
Aw, Mr. Bacciagalupe,
it's my birthday today,
453
00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:28,853
and everybody's
getting mean at me!
454
00:21:28,954 --> 00:21:30,616
Don't get mad at me, too.
455
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:32,968
Just a minute, and I'm going
to explain it to you once more.
456
00:21:32,992 --> 00:21:35,120
You see, the more dough I
got them, the more I knead.
457
00:21:35,227 --> 00:21:36,304
- You understand?
- That's what I'm saying.
458
00:21:36,328 --> 00:21:38,006
Now, you got a lot of
dough, and you need more.
459
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,641
I ain't got a nickel.
I ain't got nothing.
460
00:21:39,665 --> 00:21:41,566
I'm trying to have a
happy birthday, that's all.
461
00:21:41,667 --> 00:21:43,465
All right, relax yourself.
462
00:21:43,569 --> 00:21:45,162
This is going to
take about an hour.
463
00:21:45,271 --> 00:21:46,948
Now, you want to wait in here,
or you going to go someplace?
464
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,703
- You going to make me a big one?
- Big cake, big, fat cake...
465
00:21:49,809 --> 00:21:50,970
for your eyes.
466
00:21:51,076 --> 00:21:52,305
Ooh, good.
467
00:21:52,411 --> 00:21:53,889
You want to wait, or you
want to go someplace?
468
00:21:53,913 --> 00:21:55,142
I'll wait right here.
469
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:57,409
All right, you wait right
here. I make you cake.
470
00:21:57,516 --> 00:22:00,111
He's a nice man...
Mr. Bacciagalupe.
471
00:22:09,528 --> 00:22:13,021
Luigi, your cake, she's
finished. Oh, she's beautiful,
472
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:16,000
the most wonderful cake
what I make for my life!
473
00:22:16,735 --> 00:22:18,135
- You want to see the cake?
- Yeah.
474
00:22:18,237 --> 00:22:19,728
Get your feet off the counter!
475
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:21,000
Sorry, Mr. Bacciagalupe.
476
00:22:21,106 --> 00:22:21,869
You got the cake ready?
477
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:24,000
I'll let you take a peek now.
478
00:22:24,109 --> 00:22:24,906
Uh-huh.
479
00:22:25,010 --> 00:22:26,842
That's a nice cake, ain't it?
480
00:22:26,946 --> 00:22:27,946
Ohh.
481
00:22:28,447 --> 00:22:29,915
That's an awful
flat-looking cake.
482
00:22:30,015 --> 00:22:30,675
Flat?
483
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:32,623
Where's the marshmallows
in between the layers?
484
00:22:32,718 --> 00:22:34,563
I want... I want a layer
of marshmallows in there.
485
00:22:34,587 --> 00:22:36,231
But you no told me you
wanted marshmallows.
486
00:22:36,255 --> 00:22:37,416
I want marshmallows in there.
487
00:22:37,523 --> 00:22:38,900
You got to tell me
you want marshmallow
488
00:22:38,924 --> 00:22:40,017
before I make the cake.
489
00:22:40,125 --> 00:22:41,684
I don't got no crystal ball.
490
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:45,026
I want marshmallows
in between the layers.
491
00:22:45,130 --> 00:22:47,099
- Marshmallow you want, huh?
- Yeah.
492
00:22:47,199 --> 00:22:48,690
[Speaking Italian]
493
00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:49,894
You like marshmallow?
494
00:22:50,002 --> 00:22:52,130
It going to take
about 15 minutes.
495
00:22:52,838 --> 00:22:54,272
- You want marshmallow?
- Yeah.
496
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:56,274
[Speaking Italian]
497
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:57,707
Marshmallow.
498
00:23:02,548 --> 00:23:03,988
Luigi, come on and
look at your cake.
499
00:23:04,049 --> 00:23:04,948
She's finished now.
500
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:06,814
It's a beautiful cake, ain't it?
501
00:23:06,919 --> 00:23:08,888
Ohh.
502
00:23:08,988 --> 00:23:10,149
That's white frosting.
503
00:23:10,256 --> 00:23:11,588
I wanted pink frosting.
504
00:23:11,690 --> 00:23:12,714
Of course it's white f...
505
00:23:12,825 --> 00:23:14,487
- Pink frost...
- I want pink frosting.
506
00:23:14,593 --> 00:23:16,494
You no told me you
want pink frosting!
507
00:23:16,595 --> 00:23:17,722
Well, I want pink frosting.
508
00:23:17,830 --> 00:23:21,858
[Speaking Italian]
509
00:23:21,967 --> 00:23:24,960
It's going to take 5 more
minutes, now. You wait.
510
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,437
You're making me
lose my temperature.
511
00:23:31,710 --> 00:23:33,201
Hey, Luigi...
512
00:23:33,312 --> 00:23:36,476
Go look at you cake
now... Pink frosting, huh?
513
00:23:36,582 --> 00:23:37,582
- Oh, yes.
- Good, huh?
514
00:23:37,650 --> 00:23:39,094
- You got pink frosting on it.
- Pink frosting.
515
00:23:39,118 --> 00:23:40,228
And you got the
marshmallows in the layers.
516
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:42,448
Got the marshmallow...
Masterpiece!
517
00:23:42,554 --> 00:23:44,113
Where... Where's my initials?
518
00:23:44,223 --> 00:23:45,533
- Initials?
- My initials on the cake.
519
00:23:45,557 --> 00:23:47,526
- What initials?
- I want my initials on the cake.
520
00:23:47,626 --> 00:23:48,937
You no told me
you want initials!
521
00:23:48,961 --> 00:23:51,055
This is my birthday
cake. I want initials on it.
522
00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:52,893
All right, I put initials.
523
00:23:52,998 --> 00:23:55,661
Maybe you like I put
the date you was born.
524
00:23:55,768 --> 00:23:56,531
Yeah.
525
00:23:56,635 --> 00:23:58,297
Also, the date I
going to kill you.
526
00:23:58,404 --> 00:23:59,269
[Speaking Italian]
527
00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:01,340
It's going to take
5 minutes, now.
528
00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:02,601
You wait, huh?
529
00:24:08,614 --> 00:24:10,515
Your cake is finished
now. Come on and...
530
00:24:10,616 --> 00:24:12,312
Don't eat the cake!
531
00:24:12,418 --> 00:24:13,628
- My cake's finished?
- All finished.
532
00:24:13,652 --> 00:24:14,796
You want to come in
the kitchen and look?
533
00:24:14,820 --> 00:24:15,185
Yeah.
534
00:24:15,287 --> 00:24:17,222
- Where's your shoes?
- Oh.
535
00:24:17,323 --> 00:24:18,086
In my box.
536
00:24:18,190 --> 00:24:20,284
What do you do to the box?!
537
00:24:20,392 --> 00:24:22,623
Come on in the
kitchen. Look at the cake.
538
00:24:24,463 --> 00:24:28,298
Mr. Bacciagalupe, that's the
most beautiful cake I've ever seen.
539
00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:30,631
This cake...
she's fit for a king.
540
00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:33,065
Anybody ask you
where you get this cake,
541
00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:36,267
you tell them only one man know
how to make this kind of cake...
542
00:24:36,375 --> 00:24:37,570
Bacciagalupe, huh?
543
00:24:37,676 --> 00:24:38,974
I can't see the initials.
544
00:24:39,078 --> 00:24:40,171
I can't see the initials.
545
00:24:40,279 --> 00:24:41,856
Come on up on the ladder.
I'll show you the initials.
546
00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:43,576
- Oh.
- Come on up here.
547
00:24:43,682 --> 00:24:44,308
This is mine?
548
00:24:44,416 --> 00:24:46,044
Yeah, isn't it beautiful?
549
00:24:46,151 --> 00:24:46,948
Beautiful, huh?
550
00:24:47,052 --> 00:24:50,250
This is the most beautiful
birthday cake a boy ever had.
551
00:24:50,356 --> 00:24:51,483
I got my truck outside.
552
00:24:51,590 --> 00:24:52,834
Where do you want
me to take this cake?
553
00:24:52,858 --> 00:24:54,936
I don't want you to take it
no place, Mr. Bacciagalupe.
554
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:56,087
Get me some coffee.
555
00:24:56,195 --> 00:24:57,390
I'll eat it here.
556
00:24:57,496 --> 00:24:59,328
[Speaking Italian]
557
00:25:14,613 --> 00:25:16,605
Well, Louie,
558
00:25:16,715 --> 00:25:19,514
I know you didn't have
a... A real jolly good time
559
00:25:19,618 --> 00:25:20,677
at your birthday party.
560
00:25:20,786 --> 00:25:25,781
I-I know the party wasn't...
Your party wasn't really a hit.
561
00:25:25,891 --> 00:25:28,656
But you made a big hit
with the birthday cake.
562
00:25:30,229 --> 00:25:31,390
- Yeah.
- Good.
563
00:25:31,530 --> 00:25:32,964
- Bud?
- What?
564
00:25:33,065 --> 00:25:35,043
I would like to say something
to everybody in the audience,
565
00:25:35,067 --> 00:25:38,094
to everybody all over the world,
anybody that has a birthday.
566
00:25:38,203 --> 00:25:39,102
There they are.
567
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:40,900
I want to say "happy
birthday" to them,
568
00:25:41,006 --> 00:25:44,966
but I want to say "happy
birthday" to me, too.
569
00:25:45,077 --> 00:25:47,979
Go right ahead, Lou.
There's the folks watching in.
570
00:25:48,714 --> 00:25:51,183
Happy birthday to me.
571
00:25:51,283 --> 00:25:53,218
Happy birthday to me.
572
00:25:53,318 --> 00:25:55,787
Happy birthday, dear Louie.
573
00:25:55,888 --> 00:25:58,517
You certainly are screwy.
41472
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