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1
00:00:01,927 --> 00:00:06,042
Fsx you spend with your family.
2
00:00:05,696 --> 00:00:08,196
So in December of 2006,
I had three options.
3
00:00:08,196 --> 00:00:10,906
Spend it with my mom
and her new boyfriend Clint,
4
00:00:10,906 --> 00:00:14,806
spend it with my dad and his
new girlfriend micro-brewing,
5
00:00:14,873 --> 00:00:16,806
or head down to Staten Island
to spend it
6
00:00:16,873 --> 00:00:19,906
with my super religious cousin
Stacy in her family
7
00:00:19,973 --> 00:00:21,806
So I opted
for none of the above
8
00:00:21,873 --> 00:00:24,606
and decided
to spend Christmas 2006
9
00:00:24,672 --> 00:00:25,789
in Manhattan...
10
00:00:26,806 --> 00:00:29,106
celebrating
with my other family.
11
00:00:31,173 --> 00:00:35,073
Okay, I have one last paper
due at 5:00 p.m. today,
12
00:00:35,140 --> 00:00:37,140
so until then, I will be
at the law library at school,
13
00:00:37,206 --> 00:00:38,939
but I'm not to be disturbed
for any reason.
14
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,140
Dude, open your eyes.
15
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,305
You're going to
hurt yourself.
16
00:00:41,372 --> 00:00:42,606
No, no.
17
00:00:42,672 --> 00:00:44,073
Christmas Eve winter wonderland
is my reward
18
00:00:44,140 --> 00:00:45,606
for finishing my paper.
19
00:00:45,672 --> 00:00:47,073
Oh.
20
00:00:47,140 --> 00:00:49,006
Baby, do I smell your
Sinfully Cinnamon Cookies?
21
00:00:49,073 --> 00:00:50,472
Yes.
22
00:00:50,539 --> 00:00:52,506
Damn me and
my heightened
other senses.
23
00:00:52,572 --> 00:00:54,272
Must be strong.
24
00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:56,305
Okay, I'll be
back here at 5:00.
25
00:00:56,372 --> 00:00:58,206
Save me at least 20 cookies
26
00:00:58,272 --> 00:00:59,606
and do not
clean the bowl.
27
00:01:02,639 --> 00:01:03,906
Was that a reindeer?
28
00:01:03,973 --> 00:01:05,073
I don't want to know!
29
00:01:10,155 --> 00:01:11,106
Hey, look.
30
00:01:11,173 --> 00:01:13,173
Our old answering machine.
Oh, yeah.
31
00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,806
After you left, we,
uh, we unplugged it
32
00:01:14,873 --> 00:01:16,206
because it
reminded Marshall
33
00:01:16,305 --> 00:01:17,906
of how you used to, you
know, leave messages.
34
00:01:17,973 --> 00:01:19,472
But hey,
35
00:01:19,539 --> 00:01:20,706
you guys are
back together.
36
00:01:20,773 --> 00:01:23,890
I say we're
plugging it back in.
37
00:01:25,405 --> 00:01:26,739
It's good to have you back.
38
00:01:26,806 --> 00:01:28,173
Thanks.
39
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,073
Oh, hey, look, there's
still some messages on here.
40
00:01:31,140 --> 00:01:33,339
MR. MOSBY:
Hey Ted, it's Dad
calling to check in.
41
00:01:33,405 --> 00:01:35,706
I'm going fishing this weekend
with my friend Clint,
42
00:01:35,773 --> 00:01:37,405
so if I don't hear from you
beforehand,
43
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,472
I'll talk to you next week.
44
00:01:39,539 --> 00:01:40,839
Yes, same Clint.
45
00:01:41,973 --> 00:01:43,339
TED (on machine):
Hey, Marshall.
46
00:01:43,405 --> 00:01:44,806
Are you lying on the couch
right now moping about Lily?
47
00:01:44,873 --> 00:01:46,839
You are, aren't you?
Oh...
48
00:01:46,906 --> 00:01:47,839
Well, stop it.
49
00:01:47,906 --> 00:01:49,073
She's not worth it.
50
00:01:49,140 --> 00:01:52,039
You gotta get over that Grinch.
51
00:01:52,106 --> 00:01:53,639
But I didn't say "Grinch."
52
00:01:53,706 --> 00:01:55,305
I said a bad word.
53
00:01:55,372 --> 00:01:57,806
A very, very bad word.
54
00:01:58,906 --> 00:02:01,873
Oh, fudge.
55
00:02:01,939 --> 00:02:04,272
But I didn't say fudge.
56
00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:12,074
The Venom - $5 million GTD Poker Tourney
Download AmericasCardroom.com
57
00:02:19,141 --> 00:02:21,175
a what?
58
00:02:21,241 --> 00:02:22,241
I--
59
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:24,895
That was Barney,
that was Barney.
60
00:02:24,896 --> 00:02:26,945
That was you, Ted.
That was Marshall.
61
00:02:26,946 --> 00:02:28,479
Marshall left a message
for Marshall?
62
00:02:28,546 --> 00:02:33,246
You know, it may have been
me, but it was so long ago.
63
00:02:33,313 --> 00:02:35,813
Man, that machine, it
really garbles your voice.
64
00:02:35,879 --> 00:02:37,879
You know, it almost
made it sound like I said...
65
00:02:37,946 --> 00:02:39,746
Why would you call me that?
66
00:02:39,813 --> 00:02:41,746
It was a fair question.
67
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,447
Marshall's breakup with Lily
had sent him
68
00:02:43,512 --> 00:02:45,013
into a deep depression
69
00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:46,813
and nothing could get him out
of it.
(moans)
70
00:02:46,879 --> 00:02:47,879
Until one day...
71
00:02:47,946 --> 00:02:49,813
She was perfect.
72
00:02:51,113 --> 00:02:52,546
I lost the perfect woman.
73
00:02:52,712 --> 00:02:55,713
I should have knocked her up
when I had the chance.
74
00:02:55,779 --> 00:02:56,713
Okay.
75
00:02:56,779 --> 00:02:58,447
That's it.
76
00:02:58,512 --> 00:03:00,080
You're never going
to get over her
77
00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:01,713
until you stop putting her
on a pedestal.
78
00:03:01,779 --> 00:03:03,579
So no more ice cream
until you tell me
79
00:03:03,646 --> 00:03:04,946
one thing that's wrong
with Lily.
80
00:03:06,612 --> 00:03:07,879
There's only one of her?
81
00:03:07,946 --> 00:03:09,447
Okay.
82
00:03:09,512 --> 00:03:11,980
She called off your wedding
and dumped you
83
00:03:12,046 --> 00:03:13,679
to be a painter
in San Francisco.
84
00:03:13,746 --> 00:03:14,746
What do you call that?
85
00:03:14,813 --> 00:03:17,746
Fiercely independent?
Uh-uh.
86
00:03:17,813 --> 00:03:19,646
Brave?
87
00:03:21,479 --> 00:03:23,913
I guess it was
a little selfish.
88
00:03:23,980 --> 00:03:25,347
There you go.
89
00:03:26,413 --> 00:03:27,679
And in almost no time,
90
00:03:27,746 --> 00:03:30,413
that spark turned
into a roaring fire.
91
00:03:30,479 --> 00:03:32,946
Yeah. No, you're right.
Lily would laugh at anything.
92
00:03:33,013 --> 00:03:34,579
She'd give it up for a bad pun.
93
00:03:34,646 --> 00:03:36,413
I'm telling you,
she's a laugh slut.
94
00:03:36,479 --> 00:03:38,380
Remember that time
we heard her laughing
95
00:03:38,447 --> 00:03:40,246
and we thought she was
watching Weekend At Bernie's,
96
00:03:40,313 --> 00:03:42,779
but it turned out she was
watching Weekend At Bernie's 2?
97
00:03:43,646 --> 00:03:45,013
And her art?
98
00:03:45,080 --> 00:03:46,946
"I'm Lily, I'm an artist."
99
00:03:47,013 --> 00:03:48,846
She doesn't even own a beret.
100
00:03:48,913 --> 00:03:51,246
Yeah, and if she's
such a great "artist,"
101
00:03:51,313 --> 00:03:53,280
why does she suck at Pictionary?
102
00:03:53,347 --> 00:03:55,512
Who draws a ninja star
like a Star of David?
103
00:03:55,579 --> 00:03:57,646
Come on, come on.
Right, right?
Yeah!
104
00:03:57,713 --> 00:03:58,646
Another round!
105
00:03:58,713 --> 00:03:59,946
(laughing):
Yeah!
106
00:04:00,013 --> 00:04:01,046
I was trying to help him.
107
00:04:01,113 --> 00:04:02,180
I'm his best friend.
108
00:04:02,246 --> 00:04:04,380
That's the best friend's job.
109
00:04:04,447 --> 00:04:07,113
The best friend's job is
to call me that word?
110
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:09,313
Yeah.
111
00:04:10,512 --> 00:04:11,646
Oh, Ted.
112
00:04:11,713 --> 00:04:13,213
Oh, Teddy boy.
113
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:14,546
Why is this such a big deal?
114
00:04:14,612 --> 00:04:15,746
It's just a word.
115
00:04:15,813 --> 00:04:17,413
We use lots of words, every day.
116
00:04:17,479 --> 00:04:19,879
It shouldn't be any different
than any other word.
117
00:04:19,946 --> 00:04:21,246
Then why don't you say it now?
118
00:04:21,313 --> 00:04:22,879
Grinch.
119
00:04:25,213 --> 00:04:26,980
You timed that didn't you?
120
00:04:27,046 --> 00:04:28,213
Perfectly.
121
00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,447
Well, at least
you apologized.
122
00:04:31,746 --> 00:04:32,879
You apologized,
didn't you?
123
00:04:32,946 --> 00:04:34,413
Oh, yeah.
124
00:04:34,479 --> 00:04:37,013
"I'm sorry" were the first
words out of my mouth.
125
00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:39,080
I'm sorry, but I am
not apologizing.
126
00:04:39,146 --> 00:04:41,512
I was just trying to put
the guy back together.
127
00:04:41,579 --> 00:04:43,246
You smashed him to pieces.
128
00:04:43,313 --> 00:04:45,746
Are you seriously not going to
apologize for leaving that...?
129
00:04:45,813 --> 00:04:46,813
No!
Why not?
130
00:04:46,879 --> 00:04:47,913
Because, Lily, this summer,
131
00:04:47,980 --> 00:04:49,146
you were kind of a Grinch.
132
00:04:49,213 --> 00:04:50,447
BOTH:
Oooh.
133
00:04:51,579 --> 00:04:54,447
Oh, you'll be
sorry, Ted Mosby.
134
00:04:55,646 --> 00:04:57,713
Ted Vivian Mosby!
135
00:04:57,779 --> 00:04:58,980
That's not my middle name.
136
00:04:59,046 --> 00:05:00,779
You kiss your mother
with that mouth?
137
00:05:00,846 --> 00:05:02,447
Like you've never
said that word.
138
00:05:02,512 --> 00:05:04,512
I don't kiss your mother
with my mouth.
139
00:05:04,579 --> 00:05:05,512
Yet.
140
00:05:07,612 --> 00:05:08,679
Are you sick?
141
00:05:08,746 --> 00:05:10,213
Is it sick to find maturity
142
00:05:10,280 --> 00:05:11,280
and experience sexy?
143
00:05:11,347 --> 00:05:12,280
No, I meant
144
00:05:12,347 --> 00:05:13,512
do you have a cold?
145
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:14,713
I'm fine.
146
00:05:19,612 --> 00:05:20,879
I'm fine.
147
00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:22,413
My nose is just
overflowing with awesome
148
00:05:22,479 --> 00:05:24,280
and I had to get some of it out.
149
00:05:25,147 --> 00:05:28,146
Now, if you'll excuse me, the
holidays are a time when people
150
00:05:28,213 --> 00:05:29,646
are lonely and desperate.
151
00:05:29,713 --> 00:05:32,780
It's the most wonderful
time of the year.
152
00:05:34,980 --> 00:05:36,146
I should go apologize.
153
00:05:36,213 --> 00:05:37,612
It's Christmas Eve.
154
00:05:37,679 --> 00:05:41,479
Yeah. I mean, slamming
doors and screaming curses?
155
00:05:41,546 --> 00:05:45,024
If I wanted that, I would have
gone home for the holidays.
156
00:05:47,980 --> 00:05:49,579
I don't see any
mistletoe, but...
157
00:05:51,980 --> 00:05:54,546
Oh! Oh, God!
158
00:05:55,612 --> 00:05:57,447
Uh... "Bless you" would
have been nice.
159
00:05:59,913 --> 00:06:00,913
You're sick.
I'm not sick.
160
00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:01,913
You're sick.
161
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:03,146
You know what? I am sick.
162
00:06:03,213 --> 00:06:04,612
Sick of you telling me I'm sick.
163
00:06:04,679 --> 00:06:07,612
What up?
164
00:06:12,113 --> 00:06:15,746
Ahh... Three flights of stairs,
not a drop spilled.
165
00:06:15,813 --> 00:06:16,813
Hey, buddy.
166
00:06:19,013 --> 00:06:20,180
You sure this
is gonna work?
167
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,347
Yeah, this is our thing.
168
00:06:21,413 --> 00:06:22,946
In college, whenever
I wanted to make up
169
00:06:23,013 --> 00:06:24,813
with her, I'd buy her
a beer. Cute, right?
170
00:06:24,879 --> 00:06:26,679
Totally.
Plus free mug.
171
00:06:29,146 --> 00:06:31,679
Usually that
would've done the trick,
172
00:06:31,746 --> 00:06:33,713
but it turned out
this was a problem
173
00:06:33,779 --> 00:06:34,913
not even alcohol could solve.
174
00:06:43,313 --> 00:06:45,679
Actually the beer
helped a little.
175
00:06:50,503 --> 00:06:51,903
She took the decorations.
176
00:06:52,403 --> 00:06:53,903
She took the decorations.
177
00:06:54,503 --> 00:06:55,503
What a grinch.
178
00:06:55,503 --> 00:06:57,303
That time i did say grinch.
179
00:06:57,803 --> 00:06:58,703
All right,
180
00:06:58,903 --> 00:07:00,103
I guess I have to call her, right?
181
00:07:02,103 --> 00:07:03,403
Lily's cell phone.
182
00:07:03,803 --> 00:07:05,403
She'll listen to reason, right?
183
00:07:07,303 --> 00:07:08,703
Oh, hey Lilly,
184
00:07:08,903 --> 00:07:10,603
Actually funny thing,
185
00:07:10,603 --> 00:07:13,003
the voice dial got you,
I was trying to call...
186
00:07:13,803 --> 00:07:15,803
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
187
00:07:17,003 --> 00:07:19,313
Yeah, the holidays are a rough time
for everyone, Billy.
188
00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:23,163
Okay, yeah,
dinner next Wednesday.
189
00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:25,496
Okay.
190
00:07:25,563 --> 00:07:26,896
Damn voice dial.
191
00:07:30,030 --> 00:07:30,963
Barney!
192
00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:32,396
What the hell are you doing?
193
00:07:32,462 --> 00:07:35,197
Get in here, it's
freezing outside.
194
00:07:35,263 --> 00:07:36,529
Are you insane?
195
00:07:36,596 --> 00:07:38,329
Hey, blame Lily and her
196
00:07:38,396 --> 00:07:41,197
oppressive "no cigars
in the apartment rule."
197
00:07:41,263 --> 00:07:43,197
God, it's like Marshall's
marrying the Taliban.
198
00:07:43,263 --> 00:07:44,297
(sneezes)
199
00:07:44,362 --> 00:07:45,297
High five.
200
00:07:45,362 --> 00:07:46,529
Eww. No.
201
00:07:46,596 --> 00:07:50,197
You have to go home
and get to bed.
202
00:07:50,263 --> 00:07:53,529
Oh, Robin, my simple friend
from the untamed north,
203
00:07:53,596 --> 00:07:56,030
let me tell you
204
00:07:56,096 --> 00:07:59,230
about a little thing I like
to call mind over body.
205
00:07:59,297 --> 00:08:00,297
You see,
206
00:08:00,362 --> 00:08:02,030
whenever I start feeling sick,
207
00:08:02,096 --> 00:08:06,163
I just stop being sick
and be awesome instead.
208
00:08:06,230 --> 00:08:07,263
True story.
209
00:08:07,329 --> 00:08:10,529
Yeah, in two minutes,
210
00:08:10,596 --> 00:08:15,030
I'm going to pound a sixer
of Red Bull, hop in a cab,
211
00:08:15,096 --> 00:08:17,163
play a couple of hours
of laser tag,
212
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:21,496
maybe get a spray-on tan.
213
00:08:21,563 --> 00:08:24,030
It's gonna be legen...
214
00:08:24,096 --> 00:08:26,163
Wait for it...
215
00:08:26,230 --> 00:08:27,830
(snoring softly)
216
00:08:29,429 --> 00:08:30,297
Lily!
217
00:08:30,362 --> 00:08:32,197
Merry Christmas, assface.
218
00:08:32,263 --> 00:08:33,696
Um, Lily?
219
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:35,563
Where are the Christmas
decorations?
220
00:08:35,629 --> 00:08:37,863
At my apartment.
221
00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:39,429
You want to bring them back
222
00:08:39,496 --> 00:08:41,030
so we can celebrate
Christmas together-- please?
223
00:08:41,096 --> 00:08:43,396
Ted, do you know what I would do
224
00:08:43,462 --> 00:08:45,529
if one of my kindergartners
used that kind of language?
225
00:08:45,596 --> 00:08:47,763
I would be on the phone
with their parents.
226
00:08:47,830 --> 00:08:49,696
Yeah, I'm not a kindergartner.
227
00:08:49,763 --> 00:08:50,729
Exactly.
228
00:08:50,796 --> 00:08:52,030
You know what that word means.
229
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,529
You know that
calling people names
230
00:08:53,596 --> 00:08:56,729
is mean and hurtful... assface.
231
00:08:56,796 --> 00:08:57,930
Lily, if you don't
232
00:08:57,996 --> 00:08:59,297
bring that stuff back
right now, we...
233
00:09:00,930 --> 00:09:02,197
She hung up.
234
00:09:02,263 --> 00:09:03,729
She's just mad.
She'll cool down.
235
00:09:03,796 --> 00:09:04,563
Mm-hmm.
(phone ringing)
236
00:09:04,629 --> 00:09:05,863
Aha.
237
00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:07,263
Lily...
238
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:08,663
Don't forget to take the cookies
239
00:09:08,729 --> 00:09:10,563
out of the oven... assface!
240
00:09:10,629 --> 00:09:12,329
Damn it!
241
00:09:12,396 --> 00:09:14,263
I could be in
Cleveland right now
242
00:09:14,329 --> 00:09:16,496
making peppermint lager
with my dad.
243
00:09:16,563 --> 00:09:17,896
Where are you going?
244
00:09:17,963 --> 00:09:19,462
Marshall gets home
in three hours.
245
00:09:19,529 --> 00:09:22,729
He's gonna show up--
no Lily, no winter wonderland.
246
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,130
I gotta get up
to the Bronx.
247
00:09:25,863 --> 00:09:27,796
...dary.
248
00:09:29,230 --> 00:09:30,429
(phone ringing)
249
00:09:32,230 --> 00:09:33,830
Hey, dude,
how's the paper going?
250
00:09:33,896 --> 00:09:35,396
Screw the paper,
how's the winter wonderland?
251
00:09:35,462 --> 00:09:36,396
Is it magical?
252
00:09:36,462 --> 00:09:38,297
Oh... so magical.
253
00:09:38,362 --> 00:09:40,096
When you walk
through the door, does it feel
254
00:09:40,163 --> 00:09:41,896
like you've been slapped
in the face by Christmas?
255
00:09:41,963 --> 00:09:42,729
Sure does.
256
00:09:42,796 --> 00:09:44,130
Look, I gotta go.
257
00:09:44,197 --> 00:09:45,496
Come on, man, describe it!
258
00:09:45,563 --> 00:09:46,763
Tell me about the decorations.
259
00:09:46,830 --> 00:09:47,763
Is Rudolph there?
260
00:09:47,830 --> 00:09:48,763
He is, isn't he?
261
00:09:48,830 --> 00:09:50,529
Hi, Rudolph!
262
00:09:50,596 --> 00:09:52,462
Ah, yeah, but, you know...
263
00:09:52,529 --> 00:09:54,963
Decorations, is that really
what Christmas is about?
264
00:09:55,030 --> 00:09:56,663
Hell, yeah!
What else would it be about?
265
00:09:56,729 --> 00:09:58,863
Uh, try the birth of Christ.
266
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:02,729
You know, Christmas--
Christ Mas,
267
00:10:02,796 --> 00:10:05,696
which means "More Christ"
to our Spanish friends.
268
00:10:05,763 --> 00:10:08,729
Yeah, well, all I know
is walking in that door
269
00:10:08,796 --> 00:10:11,596
and seeing the winter wonderland
and seeing Lily
270
00:10:11,663 --> 00:10:13,297
and all you guys, just...
271
00:10:13,362 --> 00:10:14,663
I can't wait.
272
00:10:14,729 --> 00:10:16,263
Right. I gotta go.
273
00:10:16,329 --> 00:10:17,629
Right. Okay. Oh, wait.
274
00:10:17,696 --> 00:10:19,230
Ted, Ted, Ted, Ted.
One more thing.
275
00:10:19,297 --> 00:10:20,763
How about the cookies?
Are they delicious?
276
00:10:21,963 --> 00:10:25,830
(shrieking)
277
00:10:25,896 --> 00:10:28,230
You know, honestly, they taste
a little store-bought.
278
00:10:29,297 --> 00:10:30,197
Oh! I got another call.
279
00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,362
Well, tell Lily I love her.
280
00:10:32,429 --> 00:10:33,362
Right.
281
00:10:33,429 --> 00:10:34,462
Hello?
282
00:10:34,529 --> 00:10:36,462
Ted Evelyn Mosby!
283
00:10:36,529 --> 00:10:37,830
Oh. Uh, hey, Mom.
284
00:10:37,896 --> 00:10:39,230
Merry Christmas.
285
00:10:39,297 --> 00:10:42,230
I just got the most
disturbing call from Lily.
286
00:10:42,297 --> 00:10:45,629
How could you use
such a horrible word?
287
00:10:45,696 --> 00:10:47,529
Oh, God, she called you?
288
00:10:47,596 --> 00:10:49,563
Are you acting out
because of the divorce?
289
00:10:49,629 --> 00:10:51,163
Is-is this all about Clint?
290
00:10:51,230 --> 00:10:52,863
No, Mom, why
would it be about Clint?
291
00:10:52,930 --> 00:10:55,263
Hey, buddy, it's Clint.
292
00:10:55,329 --> 00:10:56,830
How you doing, champ?
293
00:10:56,896 --> 00:10:58,629
Hey, Clint. Listen, um,
294
00:10:58,696 --> 00:11:00,496
Hey, hey, no,
I don't really have time to...
295
00:11:00,563 --> 00:11:01,496
no, no. Ted,Ted.
296
00:11:01,563 --> 00:11:02,796
You don't know this yet,
297
00:11:02,863 --> 00:11:05,163
but you and I are going
to be great friends.
298
00:11:05,230 --> 00:11:06,396
Now,
299
00:11:06,462 --> 00:11:07,963
the Native Americans
have this ritual...
300
00:11:11,362 --> 00:11:13,297
(coughing)
301
00:11:14,830 --> 00:11:17,030
(sighs)
302
00:11:16,723 --> 00:11:18,890
This is a low moment
for the Barnacle.
303
00:11:20,156 --> 00:11:23,123
I should be off playing
laser tag right now,
304
00:11:23,190 --> 00:11:24,857
but instead...
305
00:11:24,924 --> 00:11:27,423
Don't look at me. I'm hideous.
306
00:11:27,490 --> 00:11:29,857
You just look like
a regular guy.
307
00:11:29,924 --> 00:11:31,056
Exactly.
308
00:11:31,123 --> 00:11:32,423
I'm a Ted.
309
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:34,890
I'm wearing
elastic-waist fleece pants.
310
00:11:34,956 --> 00:11:36,590
And isn't it more comfy?
311
00:11:36,657 --> 00:11:38,590
Yes.
312
00:11:38,657 --> 00:11:40,723
Come on, you need eat something.
313
00:11:40,790 --> 00:11:43,657
Too weak...
314
00:11:43,723 --> 00:11:46,156
to hold... bowl.
315
00:11:46,223 --> 00:11:49,323
Fine, I'll feed you.
316
00:11:49,390 --> 00:11:50,723
Mmm.
317
00:11:53,989 --> 00:11:56,390
Ouchie in my mouth!
318
00:12:00,657 --> 00:12:03,757
I don't want it.
I want ice cream.
319
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:05,323
No, you're not having ice cream
320
00:12:05,390 --> 00:12:06,590
for dinner
just 'cause you're sick.
321
00:12:06,657 --> 00:12:08,290
But my throat hurts.
No.
322
00:12:08,356 --> 00:12:09,356
I hate you!
323
00:12:09,423 --> 00:12:11,390
Oh.
Don't leave me.
324
00:12:14,757 --> 00:12:15,989
(knock at door)
325
00:12:18,023 --> 00:12:19,956
Who is it?
326
00:12:20,023 --> 00:12:22,023
Pizza delivery.
327
00:12:25,590 --> 00:12:27,223
Whoa.
328
00:12:27,290 --> 00:12:29,089
Hey, you tricked me.
329
00:12:29,156 --> 00:12:30,857
You really thought
I was the pizza delivery guy?
330
00:12:30,924 --> 00:12:33,023
No, I knew it was you.
331
00:12:33,089 --> 00:12:35,557
I just thought you'd
at least bring a pizza.
332
00:12:35,623 --> 00:12:39,056
Yeah, well,
I brought a beer,
333
00:12:39,123 --> 00:12:41,223
but I gave it
to a homeless guy.
334
00:12:41,290 --> 00:12:43,690
All right, he took it from me.
335
00:12:43,757 --> 00:12:45,723
Now, will you please come home?
336
00:12:45,790 --> 00:12:48,457
No, I'm not spending
Christmas with you.
337
00:12:48,523 --> 00:12:52,956
Okay, I'm sorry for calling you
a... that word,
338
00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:54,989
over the summer,
339
00:12:55,056 --> 00:12:56,723
and for saying it again today.
340
00:12:56,790 --> 00:12:58,989
And for thinking it a lot
on the subway ride over.
341
00:12:59,056 --> 00:13:00,989
I had no right
to say that.
342
00:13:01,056 --> 00:13:02,223
It was hurtful
343
00:13:02,290 --> 00:13:03,824
and immature and I'm sorry.
344
00:13:03,890 --> 00:13:05,156
Oh, shut up.
345
00:13:05,223 --> 00:13:06,690
You think I don't know
346
00:13:06,757 --> 00:13:08,790
your fake apologies
by now, Ted Mosby?
347
00:13:08,857 --> 00:13:09,924
Huh?
348
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:11,757
You're clearly still mad at me.
349
00:13:11,824 --> 00:13:13,824
I'm not mad at you.
Yes, you are.
350
00:13:13,890 --> 00:13:16,423
I am not mad at you, Lily.
Now, can we please just...
351
00:13:16,490 --> 00:13:18,457
I've apologized to Marshall
and he's forgiven me
352
00:13:18,523 --> 00:13:20,490
and we've moved passed it.
Why can't you?
353
00:13:20,557 --> 00:13:23,156
Because you never
apologized to me.
354
00:13:24,723 --> 00:13:26,056
Marshall's not the only one
you walked out on.
355
00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:28,190
You leave for three months,
you don't even call.
356
00:13:28,256 --> 00:13:30,623
Come on, Lily, we're supposed
to be friends!
357
00:13:30,690 --> 00:13:32,824
Yeah, some friend,
you called me a Grinch.
358
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:33,790
You were a Grinch!
359
00:13:33,857 --> 00:13:35,457
How can you...
Grinchy,
360
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:39,356
grinch, grinch, grinch
grinch, grinch, grinch.
361
00:13:40,457 --> 00:13:41,956
Happy?
362
00:13:42,023 --> 00:13:44,223
Now, you've pissed off
the big guy upstairs.
363
00:13:44,290 --> 00:13:46,457
Yeah, I'm sure God cares if I...
364
00:13:46,523 --> 00:13:49,824
BIG GUY UPSTAIRS:
You use that language again
and I'll turn off your water!
365
00:13:49,890 --> 00:13:51,824
That's my super.
He lives above me.
366
00:13:51,890 --> 00:13:52,790
Great.
367
00:13:52,857 --> 00:13:54,356
Thanks to your filthy mouth,
368
00:13:54,423 --> 00:13:56,457
now I'm going to have Christmas
alone in the dark.
369
00:13:56,523 --> 00:13:59,190
Fine. I don't want
to ruin Christmas.
370
00:13:59,256 --> 00:14:00,457
You can have the apartment.
371
00:14:00,523 --> 00:14:01,790
Don't worry
about seeing me there
372
00:14:01,857 --> 00:14:03,390
I'll be in Staten Island
with my cousin Stacy.
373
00:14:03,457 --> 00:14:05,356
Just....
374
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:08,989
Ow.
375
00:14:12,457 --> 00:14:13,924
Merry Christmas.
376
00:14:15,390 --> 00:14:17,290
You're spending Christmas Eve
with your family?
377
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,223
Baby, that sucks. I'm so sorry.
378
00:14:20,290 --> 00:14:22,857
Uh, they're fine. They're
just... they're a little weird.
379
00:14:22,924 --> 00:14:25,123
You know they don't believe
in gifts or Christmas trees.
380
00:14:25,190 --> 00:14:27,290
And they think Santa's
how Satan spells his name
381
00:14:27,356 --> 00:14:29,156
when he wants to trick us.
382
00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:31,490
Well, do you want me to go
with you?
383
00:14:31,557 --> 00:14:32,423
Was that a sincere offer?
384
00:14:32,490 --> 00:14:34,223
First tell me your answer.
385
00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,290
Stay there. Save yourself.
386
00:14:36,356 --> 00:14:37,824
We'll spend all day
together tomorrow.
387
00:14:37,890 --> 00:14:38,824
Okay.
388
00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:40,256
Oh, how's Barney feeling?
389
00:14:40,323 --> 00:14:42,590
You mean the whiney bottomless
pit of neediness?
390
00:14:42,657 --> 00:14:46,390
He was bugging me, so I spiked
his echinacea tea with codeine.
391
00:14:48,490 --> 00:14:50,023
You're gonna be a great mom.
392
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:51,557
Mm-hmm.
393
00:14:53,490 --> 00:14:59,390
Holy crap, the magical
Christmas season is upon us.
394
00:14:59,457 --> 00:15:02,423
And thank God we don't pay
for utilities.
395
00:15:02,490 --> 00:15:06,223
Merry Christmas!
What's in the box?
396
00:15:06,290 --> 00:15:09,423
Only the best Christmas present
for the best girl ever.
397
00:15:09,490 --> 00:15:11,290
It took me all day
to track it down.
398
00:15:11,356 --> 00:15:13,356
I thought you were
writing a paper.
399
00:15:13,423 --> 00:15:14,824
Ah, naw, I blew that off.
400
00:15:14,890 --> 00:15:16,123
I'll get an extension.
School's not important.
401
00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:19,989
What is that pitter
patter on the roof?
402
00:15:20,056 --> 00:15:23,989
Could it be the sound of
an awesome Christmas story
403
00:15:24,056 --> 00:15:25,557
about to come down
the chimney?
404
00:15:25,623 --> 00:15:27,924
Why, yes, it is.
405
00:15:27,989 --> 00:15:30,757
'Twas the day before
Christmas...
406
00:15:30,824 --> 00:15:32,924
It was supposed to arrive,
like, five days ago,
407
00:15:32,989 --> 00:15:34,757
but then it got lost
and rerouted.
408
00:15:34,824 --> 00:15:35,924
I checked two other branches,
409
00:15:35,989 --> 00:15:37,390
finally they told me
it was here.
410
00:15:37,457 --> 00:15:39,623
Yeah, all I needed to know was
the tracking number.
411
00:15:40,690 --> 00:15:42,156
Looks like it's headed out
412
00:15:42,223 --> 00:15:43,890
to our regional branch
in Poughkeepsie.
413
00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:45,356
What?
414
00:15:45,423 --> 00:15:48,590
No, no, no, no,
I need that package today.
415
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,523
Listen, the truck already
left five minutes ago,
416
00:15:50,590 --> 00:15:52,857
so unless you want to run
after it...
417
00:15:52,924 --> 00:15:55,824
Stop!
418
00:15:55,890 --> 00:15:57,356
Stop!
419
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:59,390
Stop, please, stop.
420
00:15:59,457 --> 00:16:02,156
Stop the truck.
421
00:16:05,223 --> 00:16:07,023
(panting):
I need a package on your truck.
422
00:16:07,089 --> 00:16:08,323
Can I please take a look
in back?
423
00:16:08,390 --> 00:16:10,657
Sure. But I gotta keep
driving my route.
424
00:16:10,723 --> 00:16:11,857
I'm running behind.
425
00:16:13,657 --> 00:16:15,623
(screeching)
426
00:16:15,690 --> 00:16:18,123
Whoa.
427
00:16:18,190 --> 00:16:19,323
WPD DRIVER:
My bad.
428
00:16:19,390 --> 00:16:21,390
I'm okay.
429
00:16:23,757 --> 00:16:25,190
Hey, man,
430
00:16:25,256 --> 00:16:27,290
thanks for helping me make
my fianc�e's Christmas.
431
00:16:27,356 --> 00:16:28,623
No problem.
432
00:16:28,690 --> 00:16:30,457
Too bad I can't deliver
all these packages
433
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:31,956
by the end of the day.
434
00:16:32,023 --> 00:16:34,690
Wait, so some people aren't
going to get their gifts
435
00:16:34,757 --> 00:16:36,223
in time for Christmas?
436
00:16:36,290 --> 00:16:38,390
Sadly, no.
437
00:16:49,523 --> 00:16:52,490
* They call me back door Santa *
438
00:16:52,557 --> 00:16:56,790
* I make my runs
about the break of day *
439
00:16:59,590 --> 00:17:02,690
* They call me back door Santa *
440
00:17:02,757 --> 00:17:06,290
* I make my runs
about the break of day *
441
00:17:06,356 --> 00:17:07,557
* Oh, ho, ho *
442
00:17:07,623 --> 00:17:11,156
* I make all the little
girls happy... *
443
00:17:11,223 --> 00:17:13,757
We delivered every single
package on that truck.
444
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:15,089
Oh.
445
00:17:15,156 --> 00:17:16,356
But I still have one package
left to give.
446
00:17:16,423 --> 00:17:17,089
Mmm.
447
00:17:17,156 --> 00:17:17,924
Yeah, I did.
448
00:17:17,989 --> 00:17:19,023
(giggles)
449
00:17:19,089 --> 00:17:20,890
Merry Christmas.
450
00:17:21,956 --> 00:17:23,657
Open it, Baby.
Okay.
451
00:17:23,723 --> 00:17:24,956
Ah.
452
00:17:25,023 --> 00:17:27,056
Oh, my God.
453
00:17:27,123 --> 00:17:29,824
An Easy Bake Oven!
454
00:17:29,890 --> 00:17:32,557
I've wanted one of these ever
since I was a little girl.
455
00:17:32,623 --> 00:17:34,290
In this exact model.
456
00:17:35,557 --> 00:17:37,890
I never told you that.
How did you know?
457
00:17:39,323 --> 00:17:41,190
It's our first Christmas
since we got back together.
458
00:17:41,256 --> 00:17:43,056
I want to get her something
really special.
459
00:17:43,123 --> 00:17:44,523
So I'm getting her
a jukebox.
460
00:17:44,590 --> 00:17:46,857
Wow, that's a great gift.
461
00:17:46,924 --> 00:17:50,089
Not really. It's this big
and it dispenses gum.
462
00:17:50,156 --> 00:17:53,956
Oh, man, I know something
you could get her
463
00:17:54,023 --> 00:17:56,089
that would blow her mind out.
464
00:17:56,989 --> 00:17:58,390
Ready?
465
00:17:58,457 --> 00:17:59,924
Eight years ago...
466
00:17:59,989 --> 00:18:01,989
(reggae playing)
467
00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:06,290
When I was a kid, all I wanted
was an Easy Bake Oven.
468
00:18:06,356 --> 00:18:09,089
I begged and I begged,
but all I got
469
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:10,924
was a stupid Lego set
470
00:18:10,989 --> 00:18:13,423
because my feminist mom didn't
want me conforming
471
00:18:13,490 --> 00:18:15,423
to traditional gender roles.
472
00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:20,523
Easy Bake Oven-- that's what
I'm going to call my van.
473
00:18:23,423 --> 00:18:24,924
Dude...
474
00:18:24,989 --> 00:18:26,690
how was the concert?
475
00:18:28,490 --> 00:18:31,757
I couldn't find the outside.
476
00:18:31,824 --> 00:18:33,757
(laughing)
477
00:18:35,790 --> 00:18:38,924
I can't believe Ted remembered
after all these years.
478
00:18:38,989 --> 00:18:41,056
Yeah, and after all that weed.
479
00:18:42,390 --> 00:18:43,457
Where is he anyway?
480
00:18:43,523 --> 00:18:45,523
Staten Island.
481
00:18:45,590 --> 00:18:47,457
Why?
482
00:18:52,030 --> 00:18:55,897
Okay, don't tell your mom, but
I got you guys some presents.
483
00:18:55,964 --> 00:18:57,830
Like the the gift
of God's love?
484
00:18:57,897 --> 00:18:59,597
No, dude, real presents.
485
00:19:01,496 --> 00:19:02,930
Uncle Ted got us presents!
486
00:19:04,496 --> 00:19:07,630
That's okay, Ted, we'll
just give them to charity.
487
00:19:07,697 --> 00:19:08,830
Yay!
488
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,296
Uh, not you, Charity.
489
00:19:10,363 --> 00:19:12,196
I meant the less fortunate.
490
00:19:13,997 --> 00:19:16,030
Ted, how would you like
to say grace tonight?
491
00:19:16,096 --> 00:19:18,930
Uh, you know what,
why don't you say it.
492
00:19:18,997 --> 00:19:20,763
I really wouldn't know
what to say.
493
00:19:20,830 --> 00:19:23,030
Why don't you recite your
favorite passage of scripture.
494
00:19:23,096 --> 00:19:25,496
That's a great idea, Charity.
495
00:19:25,563 --> 00:19:27,296
But, really,
I don't know.
496
00:19:27,363 --> 00:19:29,663
I mean how do you choose
your favorite passage?
497
00:19:29,730 --> 00:19:30,930
It's the Bible;
498
00:19:30,997 --> 00:19:33,897
there's so many...
great ones...
499
00:19:33,964 --> 00:19:35,830
That one from Pulp
Fiction's pretty cool.
500
00:19:35,897 --> 00:19:38,430
(doorbell ringing)
Ooh, I'll get it.
Charity, I'm tapping you in.
501
00:19:38,496 --> 00:19:41,363
Dear, Father, thank you
for this day,
502
00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:44,196
and thank you for bringing
this family together.
503
00:19:44,263 --> 00:19:45,463
Amen.
504
00:19:45,530 --> 00:19:46,697
Who is it, Ted?
505
00:19:47,997 --> 00:19:51,663
Uh, it's...
it's just, um, carolers.
506
00:19:54,663 --> 00:19:58,597
* Silent night *
507
00:19:58,663 --> 00:20:02,296
ALL:
* Holy night... *
508
00:20:02,363 --> 00:20:06,296
I came here to apologize.
509
00:20:06,363 --> 00:20:07,463
I'm so sorry, Ted.
510
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:08,997
I accept. Give me the beer.
511
00:20:12,863 --> 00:20:16,030
Mm, oh, it is so good
to see you guys.
512
00:20:16,096 --> 00:20:17,363
Are you coming home?
513
00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:20,330
Totally.
514
00:20:20,396 --> 00:20:22,530
But first, Lily, I owe
you an apology.
515
00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:26,530
Oh, for the love of God, are you
as sick of apologies as I am?
Yes!
516
00:20:26,597 --> 00:20:29,997
Can we just skip the apology and
go straight to the forgiving?
Yes.
517
00:20:30,064 --> 00:20:34,530
And I promise, I will
never ever call you
a... you know, again.
518
00:20:34,597 --> 00:20:35,863
That's okay.
519
00:20:35,930 --> 00:20:37,496
I was kind of a Grinch.
520
00:20:37,563 --> 00:20:39,229
What's a Grinch?
521
00:20:40,597 --> 00:20:43,496
Nothing. It's something
you shouldn't say.
522
00:20:43,563 --> 00:20:46,030
Mom, what's a Grinch?
523
00:20:47,263 --> 00:20:48,463
Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
524
00:20:48,530 --> 00:20:49,430
(kids chanting):
Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
525
00:20:49,496 --> 00:20:51,830
...Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
526
00:20:51,897 --> 00:20:53,430
...Grinch, Grinch, Grinch...
527
00:20:53,496 --> 00:20:56,196
...Grinch, Grinch...
Merry Christmas, everybody.
528
00:21:16,470 --> 00:21:19,103
Merry Christmas, Marshall.
529
00:21:20,305 --> 00:21:26,679
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