All language subtitles for Shameless.S08E09.Episode.9.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.DDP.2.0.H.264-CHDWEB_track3_[eng]

-[tapping]
-[intro music]

Anyone watching, thinking we know fuck all
about knowing fuck all about owt,

needs to watch their back.
[cries out]

So, you've had your Labour,
reclassifying skunk,

sending prices sky high,

literally, literally taking the grass
from its own roots.

And now you've got your con-dem-nation,

Liberals noshing Tories
like altar boys picking dimps up.

Have we had
a national fucking stroke or what?

Is revolution a word or was it never?

Anybody watching, needs to know

we cope better than average
with irony in Chatsworth.

Well, for fuck's sake,
we live in Manchester

and they charge us for water!

I wandered lonely as a clown,
necking mushrooms rarely found,

this green and pleasant land
in ancient times...

yak, yak, yak, yak, yak, yak!

It's not theirs anymore.

-This is our England now.
-[cheering]

Party!

[intro music]

[intro music fades away]

I'm sorry.

[emotive music]

[Kelly] They say that it only takes
two generations

for people to forget your name.

I thought this was bullshit

until I realised I didn't know
my grandmother's,

never mind my great grandmother's.
Or my granddad's.

Two generations, and gone.

We're told you live on
through your kids,

but I ain't got any,
so that's that theory fucked.

Get your tits out.

[Kelly] You can live on through
your deeds and that's great,

so long as you're discovering penicillin
or landing on the moon.

[groans] Fuck.

[Kelly] Who's gonna remember me
giving a punter his best orgasm yet?

Beside the punter, obviously.

-[man] Oi, dickheads!
-Here, have a chip!

Slag.

[Kelly] So for me and you,
the ordinary folk, the cannon fodder,

once we've popped our clogs, that's it.

So the best idea
would be to spread a little happiness

while we're still in the here and now.

Shine a little light
into the dark corner.

Make a difference.

Absolutely gone with the wind.

What else was it, Frank?

Sorry, Mimi, voddy, double.

Oh.

Crisps.

Nuts.

And change?

I gave you 20.

[clink]

Two pints, two double vodkas,
crisps, nuts. £9.60, please.

No charge
for taking the piss out of my mum.

But if you do it again,
I'll take it out on your fucking face.

Mam, what's going on with you?
Frank Gallagher with a 20?

Ches taking the piss?

Dunno if I'm coming or fucking going.

Mimi, d'you wanna get off
and have a kip? You look knackered.

Keep hold of her a minute,
I-I've just got to run to the bog.

[Kelly] And Aunty Anna was only 42.

They said two years.
She barely lasted six months.

Oh, yeah, I knew a bloke got three years.

Was on remand that long,
he was out before he was in.

Cat burglar name of Pussy Willow.

I'm not getting maudlin.
I've got things to do.

Plans to make.

Less work, more play,

and I'm gonna try like fuck
to put a smile on your mother's face.

We'll have that place like a palace
by the time we've finished.

Little oasis for her.

Diddy Noel and lickle Liam
of her very own,

like a, y'know, welcome home party.

It's invitation only, Frank.

Shane wants me to do a bit of stripping.

Come if you can handle it.
But... it might get dirty.

-[Batman groans]
-Settled in okay?

Loving it.

All Bonnie's work.

This is fantastic.

-So much done in so little time.
-She's a logistical genius.

-That's easy for you to say.
-Believe me, it isn't.

I've been on at you for years
to get this place done up.

Never listened.
Knew Bonnie would work her magic.

They used to call me
"the anal girl" at school.

-Early starter?
-On account of my organising skills.

Hundred and twenty quid a go, they were.
Nearly give me a thrombo.

Get out your box, Lillian, dream big.

Broaden your horizons.

Plus, you'll make that back in no time

with the money you don't need to spend
on replacing the curtains.

Dirty bastards.
Been wiping their cocks on them.

We're doing some decorating for Mimi.

D'you fancy popping round
after you knock off 'ere,

-give us a bit of advice?
-I'd love to.

Typical Micky...
a bit of work to be done and he fucks off.

-Where's he gone?
-Team building exercise.

For a few days with college.

["Club Tropicana" by WHAM playing]
♪ Club Tropicana, drinks are free ♪

♪ Fun and sunshine,
There's enough for everyone... ♪

-Sooner him than me.
-So, anyway, Kel.

She's been having a tough time, mate,

so she came up with the idea
of decorating this place for Mam.

Don't sound too keen.

Chesney, the last thing I wanna be doing
in my spare time is decorating.

-Be different if it were our own place.
-You do live here.

It's not like we had much choice, mate.

Couldn't afford a place of our own.
Council told us to fuck off.

You've got it made.

Mimi's got tea on the table every night,
ironing done--

Yes, but the price that you pay for that
is complete lack of privacy.

It's not like you, doing what you like,
to who you like, when you like.

Have I missed the stripping?

Oh, ha-fucking-ha.

["Kiss" by Prince & The Revolution
playing]

♪ Women, not girls... ♪

-Where's Mum?
-Don't you ever knock?

-Out with the girls.
-Girls?

-From work.
-There aren't any girls at Mum's work,

there's no one under the age of 60.

And where are you off?

-Parents' evening.
-In fancy dress?

-Meeting up with mum later for a drink.
-On a Wednesday?

Since when have you started
to go out on Wednesdays?

Will you piss off!
What's with the third degree?

It's usually a Friday or a Saturday.

And what about my tea?

Downstairs cupboard, open,
big green tin with "beans" on the front.

[dramatic music]

Said he was going to a parents' evening,

but I know for a fact
there isn't a parents' evening.

He was dressed like he was
on Pimp My Ride

and stunk like an air freshener.

-What's he up to?
-He's playing away.

I'm telling Mum.

And blow a golden opportunity? No.
Let him know you've rumbled him.

Put the squeeze on,
sit back and watch the rewards roll in.

I can't blackmail me own dad,
it's not right.

And him banging some slapper is?

[dramatic music]

Ladies.

Typical Gallagher, only turns up
when a job's nearly finished.

Yeah, fuck off, glory boy!

-I'll just go home, then.
-Hey, hey, hey!

-Carlos! Me old mucker!
-[indistinct chatter]

It's like a little thank you, isn't it?
Putting a roof over your heads and all.

Exactly.

She's forgotten it was her
kicked the whole thing off

in the first place,
accused us of interfering.

Forgotten?

What, like dementia?

Runs in the family.

She had a cousin who thought he were Bono.

-Had Nelson Mandela on speed dial.
-[both giggle]

Fuck've you done?

Doing the place up.

I don't want it doing up.

See what I mean?

You'll love it.

Honest. Look at the new carpet
we've got coming.

Get out.

[yells] I said get out!

All right. I think we'd better
call it a night, thanks everyone.

Thanks very much for your help.

-[trapping]
-Grub up!

Hardly appropriate attire for dinner.

Hardly the appropriate time.

It's four o'clock in the morning, Mimi.

It's the middle of the night.

Cilla's in our bed.

-You must think I'm stupid.
-Mimi, what's wrong?

Nothing.

Gotta get this lot tidied.

It'll... do for our tea tomorrow.

Leave it, it'll keep.

Get to bed. This needs sorting.

-Then let me help
-[yells] I said get to bed!

[Cilla crying]

[whimpering]

[sobbing]

Go on, then. Dig in.

[Micky] I don't actually think I'm worthy
to sit at your table, Mam.

Don't go all biblical on me, son.

I'm just a dead weight.

Human luggage.

-I'm neither use nor ornament.
-You're my flesh and blood.

You might have
the intellectual capacity of an amoeba,

but you've a heart of gold.

And what mother wouldn't love you?

[Jamie] After all I've done?
The pain I've caused?

[Mimi] You're too like your dad
for your own good.

No one knows better than Jamie.

That'll be your downfall: your arrogance.

Your vanity.

-You're too good to me.
-I know.

There's even a space in my heart for you,
you mad fucking slut.

[laughs]

[Shane] Even though I tried to steal
the house from under your nose?

Thrown back every ounce of love
you've ever shown back in your face?

You have embarrassed the fuck out of me

by not being able to father
a child of your own.

You look like a tramp,
you smell like a night on a wet riverbank

and you're married to a woman
who sells her fanny

for less than the price
of a Variety Bucket of KFC.

But I still love you.

That's just the woman I am.

Now, this chicken won't carve itself.

-[Mandy] Room for a little 'un?
-[eerie music]

No.

-[dramatic ominous music]
-No. No!

Oh, no!

[Jackson] Then I'm gonna have to insist on
payment in kind.

Well, if your husband's out,

I'll come round soon as
and sort your pipes out, Mrs Smith.

I'll see you shortly.

You were right.

The old bastard's shagging
some slapper called Mrs Smith.

Just keep your eye
on the big picture, yeah?

The big picture's my family falling apart
and it's all his fault.

[Aidan] So... start small, say... 20 quid,

pile on the pressure over a few weeks
and work up to an iPad.

-[kid] Oi, c'mon!
-Make him pay.

[screams]

This is the devil's work.

-[buttons beep]
-Who are you calling?

Fuckin' Ghostbusters, who do you think?

Father McKenzie
the place needs to be exorcised.

[grits teeth] Fuck's sake, Mimi!

[knock at door]

[Mimi] Dark forces are at work here.

-[knocking at door]
-What the fuck?

Get the door, will ya?

The house is haunted, possessed.

Hi, lads. Uh, anywhere in there.

What if it was built over a loony bin?

An orphanage?

A Red Indian burial site?

Mimi! Mimi!

When was the last time you slept?

Tuesday.

-You've gone two nights without sleep?
-Last Tuesday.

What have you done to my fucking house?

It's part of the makeover.
We talked about it, remember?

I've gotta get to work.
She needs help. Get her some.

Yeah, Mam, do us a favour, will ya?

Go upstairs, get yourself changed,
take Cilla out for a walk, okay?

Fresh air might do you good.

When you get back
everything'll be back to normal. Okay?

I've sewn name tags
into all our work gear.

Good idea.

Stockings, suspenders, strap-on's.
It'll save time and mix-ups.

Oh, and thanks for the other night.
I had a great time.

-You made me feel really welcome.
-It's nice to see you away from work.

If you need to cover your shifts,
while you'd doing the place up,

-give a shout.
-Don't mind babysitting Lillian?

I really like her.

Sooner you than me.

Thanks. I might take you up on that.

Are you done yet, Chief Inspector?

No, no, no, no. Keep going, keep going.

[quietly] This normally finishes him off.
[snickers]

[Chief Inspector groans]

[Cilla Crying]

Oh, for fuck's sake!

It's getting that way
I don't wanna be there.

Me own house.

My fucking house, not theirs.

Like a stranger.

It's like I'm the lodger!

[dramatic music]

Yeah, it looks great.

It's a bit of a disaster with Mam, though,

she's fucked off out
and left me holding baby again.

-[rip]
-[gasps]

Shit! You all right?

[Kelly]
That... was... just a little bit too hot.

Just try and get her to sleep
and crack on, okay?

-Laters.
-It's looking good, isn't it?

Oh, I like my pelt au naturel.

I did have it shaved once,

but my Brendan said
it was like shagging a welcome mat.

Lillian... dry gag.

Sure you don't want to give
your boyfriend a treat?

You're not too old for the nubile look.

[grumbles] Too old for boyfriends.

Don't be daft, you're in your prime!

What I mean is; they're too old for me.

I like the element of surprise
a younger man can bring.

Creeping up and being slotted one
when you're least expecting it.

I was once taken
bending down tying me shoe laces.

The best thing about the young 'uns is,
they're ready to go again in ten minutes.

Now, my Brendan
needed a fortnight's notice.

In writing.

-[rip]
-[gasps, whimpers]

-You're home early.
-Music teacher's sick.

You might fool Mum, but you don't fool me.

-What?
-I know.

-Know what?
-I... know.

-[laughs] What are you talking about?
-Your dirty little secret.

I saw you on the phone.

It was a one-off, I was stressed.

-Twenty quid.
-What?

Or Mum hears the lot,
and it won't be pretty.

[door opens]

-[door shuts]
-[Avril] Hiya!

Bit of extra pocket money!

Isn't it a bit extravagant?

The old one's knackered,

so you've been going
to the bag-wash every week.

Three loads, wash and dry? So...
Twenty quid a trip. Minimum.

What's that over a year?

One thousand... four hundred.

Hmm! Fuck me!

Profit's been going down the plughole.

This is your business , Lillian,

you need it working for you,
not the other way round.

[doorbell rings]

-How's it feeling?
-Hot.

-And not in a good way.
-Sorry. My fault.

I'll make it up to you some time.

[Lillian] Your 12 o'clock's in.

Make it up to me now.

I really wanna spend more time at home
and...

Oh, go on, then.

Mr Etheridge, this is Bonnie. She's new.
And I mean new.

Where's Cilla?

Bed.

How come you're still on this?
It's hardly rocket science, Shane.

Because the last leg won't go on.

The special bolt
needed to attach it is missing.

-Box it up, then, we'll take it back.
-I phoned.

We bought the last one.
They've got no spare parts.

-Get a refund. The receipt's--
-They don't do refunds.

Two hundred notes
for a three-legged table. Only us, eh?

Hard day at the office, dear?

Hurray for Hollywood.

Ooh, shaven haven!

Punters love it. Crabs hate it.

No hiding place, according to Bonnie.
Approve?

I'd sooner have a bit of grass
on the pitch, know what I mean?

Jesus, Shane.
You look like you've been whipped!

I feel as sick as a dog.

-Light-headed.
-It's definitely got worse.

You need to see a doctor.

We were about to call out a search party.

-She okay?
-Tired.

Cunts! You've moved everything!

-[Kelly] Didn't you tell her?
-[grunts]

[Mimi] Tell her what?

That you're messing with her head,
telling everyone she's mad

so you can have her carted off
to the fuckin' nuthouse

and out your way for good?

No. That we moved the knives and forks
to a different drawer.

-Somebody's having a good time.
-[muffled moaning]

[scoffs] Never had a multiple. You?

Just one.

-Made me feel sick like the waltzers.
-[chuckles]

Oh, it's nice to have a bit of company.

You've got friends, you're close to Kelly.

-Oh, she's always busy these days.
-She's got Shane, I suppose.

She's bound to put him first.

But you go the pub and see people.

And then I come home alone.

Don't know what I did with meself
before you moved in.

Feels like a new beginning.

Another chance at happiness.

I'm not a muff-diver, by the way.

[chuckles] Don't be daft, I know.

It's just nice having a bit of company,
isn't it, Mum?

Yeah, yeah. It is.

This your Rodney?

-[Lillian] Mmm.
-[Bonnie] He looks nice.

You're just being polite, he looks a twat.

And he looks a twat because he is a twat.

Let's see what's on the telly.

All that money and effort
spent fixing the place up, and look at it.

[breathing heavily] I'll, er...

I'll get Chesney and Carl
to give us a hand.

[sniffs] Have it sorted in no time.

Stop worrying, will ya?

Just wanted it nice for your mam.

It will be.

-[Shane wheezing]
-You okay?

-[wheezing]
-Shit!

-[Mimi] No! No!
-[Cilla crying]

What is it? What's wrong?

Help me! It's Cilla!

[ambulance siren wails]

Doctor said there are two other people
in here with the same thing.

Carpet fitters.

Carpet's made them sick?

Impregnated with chemicals
to make it easy to clean.

It was over-treated and rejected,
so shop had carpet they couldn't sell.

Till they saw you coming.

You nearly killed my baby.

Don't be stupid!

You brought that carpet into my house.

-We had no idea it was--
-It's all down to you!

Cos my baby's in intensive care
and Shane's fucking not!

-Mimi, they're both--
-Liar! Liar!

Listen...
If you're looking for someone to blame,

if you hadn't taken a bag of spuds
to the park instead of your daughter,

maybe this'd be playing out differently.

Maybe it'd just be Shane
lying in a hospital bed.

Or is that what you would've wanted?

-Yes. Yes, it is.
-[intense music]

I may not look it,
but I'm due for retirement soon.

You'll never retire.

Hmm, give it another year
and I'm calling it a day.

What about the business?

Hand it over to Rodney?

He'd have the place closed down
within a week.

-He'd either be dead or back inside.
-You should think about asking Kelly.

You know, like a manager,
but make sure you're looked after.

She'd do a great job
and you'd get peace of mind.

[Lillian] Hmm...

I want my eggs sunny side up.

-You? Making breakfast?
-Don't act so surprised.

[Avril laughing]
I'm fucking floored.

Dad's taking me into town later
to buy me some new trainers.

-I'm not.
-You are. You promised, remember?

I promised you breakfast.

What's going on?

You're right.
Thanks for reminding me, babes.

A treat for doing well in school.

-I did promise.
-[Letitia] I don't fancy this anymore.

Think I might have some cereal instead.

Well, if you won't!

Corn flakes.

[Letitia] Waiting!

[mischievous music]

-You okay?
-Never better.

Managed to pull Micky
out of a bonding session to let him know.

Why don't we find a doctor,

see if they can give you something
to help you get some rest?

Knock me out, you mean?

My face has got to be
the first Cilla sees when she wakes up.

Why don't you go and get us some coffees?

Lillian.

Will I get used to it?

-What?
-Feeling like this?

Being mad.

[Karen] One in four people in this country
are mentally unstable.

Who are your three closest relatives?

-Jamie, Micky and Shane.
-[Karen] They seem okay.

You're probably the one.

I know mad when I see it.

And you are not it.

You're tired, Mimi.

You're overwhelmed.

I've gotta say it can't be easy
bringing a little one

when you thought you'd put that behind ya.

She was my new start, Karen.
My new beginning.

That's what I keep telling meself.

I just wanna do right by her.

And I can't.

Christ knows, I've tried, but I can't.

Hey, don't talk like that.

If anything happens to her.

It's all down to me. All of it.

[emotive music]

I've searched me conscience.

And searched me heart.

And I swear down, I don't know
what I've done to deserve this.

[tense music]

-[gunshot]
-[thud]

-Oh, father, who art in heaven...
-[together] Oh!

I mean, apart from the obvious, like.

[Mandy]
Oh, will you shut your fuckin' moaning.

-You ought to be ashamed of yourself!
-[Mandy] For what?

Swearing like a tuppeny whore.

You're Mary, the mother of Christ.

Mandy... The mother of little Joe.

After that ginger gobshite?

You're dead and you're still sweet on him?

How? Why?

Still kind of seeing each other.

Back to you, what's going on?

Hang on, what are you doing 'ere?

You're not after
taking my Cilla to the other side,

-escorting her to the bosom of Jesus.
-Mum, I'm not here to take Cilla!

-I'm here to try and sort you.
-I'm at me wit's end.

Micky's buggered off, and Jamie's got
that much to sort with him and Karen,

he's no use to me.

And Shane and Kelly are hell bent
on seeing me homeless!

-Shane and Kelly?
-[Mimi] Redecorating,

chucking me furniture.

In a few months' time there'll be no sign
I was ever there at all.

They're erasing me.

-They want me out!
-They want you in.

That's why they're doing it,
you dozy mare.

To make the place nicer for ya.

They're finishing off the job you can't.

There are people taking advantage,
but not your own flesh and blood.

You just can't see it!

I see everything.

I'm omnipresent.

Thought that was just God?

Hmm. He decided we all should be.

One of the perks.

You need to sort this, Mum.

Get your house in order.

I know someone's pulling a fast one,
and I know who!

-You're wrong.
-I know.

-You're wrong.
-I'm not. You are.

No, you are.

I'm fuckin' not.

-Fuckin' are!
-[angrily] Am so fuckin' not!

Oh, get fucked!

[Shane] Oi!

If that's the insurance company,
you can forget it.

You won't be cashing in on me just yet.

-Bang goes the dream holiday, then.
-[sucks teeth]

You really had me going there.

Nah... Constitution of an ox, me.

In't that right, Mam?

She's upset. Don't take much notice.

How dare you walk away?

He's your son!

My son who wants me dead.

Everything we've done,
and it's been a fucking disaster

from start to finish,
it's not just for me and Shane.

It's for all of us.

For you, Cilla, Micky.

[sighs sharply]

It's for the family.

He loves you, Mimi.
You're his mum. He needs ya.

I want the pair of yous out my house.
You're not welcome.

[tense music]

Do you wanna sign
Shane and Cilla's get well card?

What's wrong?

My bracelet.

I left it over there on the dressing table
and it's vanished.

-Was it a punter?
-I don't know.

It was my mum's.

Lost her last year.

Was she sick?

Sick of living.

Stepped in front of a train.

She gave it to me the day before
and I knew something wasn't right.

But I was all, "Oh, thanks, Mum."

I still blame myself.

You mustn't do that.

Did you talk to anyone after? Your dad?

I haven't seen him in years.

I'll talk to the girls.

No, Lillian, please don't.
I don't want any fuss.

Promise you won't.

[melodramatic music]

Mam, it's all right.

Cilla's gonna be fine.

Mimi? Mimi?

Look. There's one of your kids
out there needs ya.

Well, more than one,
but there's one who's relying on ya.

[grits teeth] Fuck, Mimi!

She's been sick and she's scared

and there's only one person
can make her feel better,

and unfortunately for her, that's you.

So, whatever it is
you're on or going through,

drop the fucker
and get your arse out there

and see to your daughter!

I wanted her dead.

What kind of warped fuck am I...

where I want me own flesh and blood
not to make it?

But the thought of letting go...

of not being responsible
for the first time in over 30 years.

Of not being
just someone's mum any more...

but being me.

Do you know how much I just wanna be me?

She deserves better than that.

She's beautiful and everything I'm not.

She needs someone better than me.

I'm not good enough, Kelly.

Well, you didn't do
such a bad job with Shane, Mimi.

[emotive music]

Found it.

In her room!

No, Lillian, I lent it to her.

Remember, Trix?

You asked if you
could borrow my bracelet and I said yes.

I completely forgot.

You're lying to me, aren't ya?

Bonnie, love, you can't let people
like Trixie take the piss.

Come here.

You're all heart, that's your trouble.

Hello, Cilla.

Hello. Yeah.

-[emotive music]
-Take her?

You all right, then.

I'm sorry.

So sorry.

[TV plays in background]

You know what?

I'm actually glad she threw us out.

Sometimes you need that kick up the arse

to make you go see
what's really important,

what you really want.

Well... need.

You know what?

This is it.

This is it.

Me and you.

Auntie Anna dying taught me that.

This is it.

Mister and Mrs.

Mister and Mrs.

[Lillian]
You weren't even gonna say goodbye?

I can't stay, much as I'd love to.

After that thing with the bracelet,
the other girls have turned against me.

-[Lillian] What've they said?
-Nothing.

I try and talk to them and they blank me.
Then I see them whispering.

It's just...
I can't stay where I'm not wanted.

-I'll have a word.
-I don't blame them.

I come in here
and everything starts changing.

Suddenly you and me are best friends.

It's obvious they're going to resent me.

It's just after all that stuff
with my mum,

I think I saw you
as a replacement for her.

I'm in a vulnerable place right now.

-I'll look after ya, then.
-It's not fair on you.

Bye.

And thank you, for everything.

I need you!

And I think you need me.

Not in a lezzie way,
and I've never been a big fan of muff.

Hmm. Tried it once, it gave me lockjaw.

So, why can't we have each other?

Be friends? Family, even?

Come home, please.

-[Letitia] I want a bottle of vodka.
-And I want a voice like James Brown.

I'll tell mum your little secret.

[sighs heavily]
Have you any idea how hurtful this is?

How distasteful?

Cider or nothing, okay?

I'll be ten minutes.

D'you know what?

No.

-You can't have it.
-[scoffs] I'll tell her.

Then tell her. It'll be embarrassing,

you'll put us in a position
we don't really wanna be in, but...

-if you wanna risk all that...
-[door opens]

-...then tell her.
-[door shuts]

Tell her what?

-Dad's been--
-I'll tell her.

[woman moaning on video]

Pot the pink!

[Jackson] And that's it.

It's not pretty, I'm not proud.

That's what I did, and I'm sorry.

Happy now?

[Letitia] That's not what I meant,
you dirty bastard!

Watch your mouth!

-He's having an affair.
-What?

Other night, all dressed up
to meet some skank.

Tried to say he was going
to a parents' evening.

["I've Got So Much To Give" by Barry White
playing]

♪ Baby, please don't do that ♪

You got it wrong.

I heard you on the phone talking filth,
you can't deny it!

I know her name... Mrs Smith.

Hang on a minute.

I'm Mrs Smith.

What?

♪ Now that I'm here ♪

♪ No more... ♪

Now and then...

to spice things up,

your dad and I pretend...
pretend we're someone else.

It's a game, Letitia.

I don't know what's wrong with it,
it's just dripping.

It's... very... wet.

It needs fixing, but... I'm skint.

Then I'm gonna have to insist
on payment in kind.

A grown-up game.

Consenting adults.

Sniffing my knickers?

Dirty twat!

[Jackson chuckles]

-You were asleep.
-[Mimi] All night.

Amazing, isn't it?

Is she all right?

She's perfect.

No fuckin' thanks to you, you selfish
bastard,

pissing off with your mates
when she needed ya.

But...

♪ Boys, boys, boys
I'm looking for a good time ♪

How's your penis-colado?

[laughs]

Never mind "but."
Get home and get the place tidied.

They've said we can take her home today
and I want everything just right.

And Micky...

I want all the locks changing.

Front and back.

All the keys to me.

[hoover whirring]

[sombre music]

Ah... good to have you back.

[Mimi] Did you change the locks?

Haven't had chance yet.

[Mandy] That's why they're doing it,
you dozy mare,

to make the place nicer for ya.

Don't.

Few bridges to build, haven't I?

["Psycho Killer" by Talking Heads]
♪ I can't seem to face up to the facts ♪

-Excuse me?
-[man] Yes, love?

-Are you the manager?
-I am.

[both grunt]

You need to reassess your refunds policy!

♪ Psycho killer qu'est-ce que c'est? ♪

Voddy... crisps... I gave you 20.

[Frank grunts]

Nice to see you, Frank.

♪ Oh, oh, oh
Psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est? ♪

♪ Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far... ♪

Get it in without a mark

and we'll throw in
a complimentary hand-job.

How the fuck did you talk Lillian
into forking out for that?

-It's an investment.
-In what? Skin cancer?

[Bonnie] Punters'll pay extra
for a healthy-looking girl.

Pasty and fat they can get at home.

-It's gotta be what, two grand?
-Three and a half.

-Fuck me, what next?
-A website, punters book online.

Double your trade overnight
with the right web designer.

I hate to break it to ya,
but this is not Spearmint fuckin' Rhino.

Just leave the thinking
to me and Lillian, yeah?

Where is she?

-Where's Lillian?
-Out on business.

What kind of business?

Her own.

[Karen] Okay.

What man-made object
built over 2,000 years ago

is said to be visible from space?

The Trafford Centre!

[laughter]

S'one hell of a bronzy

for a few days' team building
in the sticks.

Er, yeah, it's out of a bottle.
It'll wash off in a few days.

Was it hard, though?

["Y.M.C.A" by Village People]
♪ ...you will find many ways ♪

♪ To have a good... ♪

Go on, get it all in.

Ooh!

Pretty much all the time.

Yeah, they had us up all hours.

[Karen] What liquid
is also known as H2O?

By the way, er, we're sorted.

Jamie says we can crash here for a bit.

And what was Hitler's first name?

Heil!

[laughter]

Chocka tonight.

I just wanted to apologise for earlier,

you know, when the men
were delivering the tanning beds?

I was stressed out really bad.
I think I was a bit off with you.

A bit?

Trixie told me about the bracelet.

Yeah, it was a misunderstanding.
It's all sorted now.

Well, not really.

Cos she reckons she'd never seen it

before Lillian
started waving it in her face.

She never asked to borrow it,
and defo never stole it.

-I'm not a liar!
-Neither's Trixie.

And she's not a thief.

[toilet flushes]

You know what?

It's none of my business
as long as Lillian's happy.

Oh, she is.

Who wrote Robinson Crusoe?

What did Sir Walter Raleigh bring back
to England from the New World?

-The bike!
-[indistinct chatter]

Lillian, will you shut the fuck up?

Little Miss Sunshine over there,
joined at the hip with Lillian.

I thought you were letting go?

Living your life?

There's something up there, Shane.

[Shane]
Lillian's run that place for donkeys.

She's survived two recessions,

fought off police, nutters in rubber,
her husband getting shot

and a son with all the charm and appeal
for young Charles Manson.

Bonnie, I think she can handle.

[Karen]
And your last question this round is...

Look, we just grab our stuff and go, yeah?

Come in.

But, first, close your eyes.

[Mimi] Open them now.

[pop]

Karen told me the way to inner peace
was to finish what you started.

So, I looked around me house
to see the things I'd started,

but hadn't finished.

As well as this room,

I finished a bottle of wine,
a bottle of Baileys, a tub of ice cream,

a packet of Penguins,
the last of the Prozac,

the rest of the cheesecake,
and a box of Black Magic.

Can't tell you how good I feel!
[laughs]

Will you stay?

Course we will.

[smirks]

But there are rules, okay?

My rules.

[Kelly] And sometimes,
when you get it right, it works.

Cheers.

[Kelly] Extend the hand of friendship .
Might get it slapped now and again,

but keep on putting it out there...

and one day, someone'll take it.

And you can make that difference.

And, who knows, in years to come,
you might prove that theory wrong.

Everyone will remember your name.

Not cos you were just there,

but because you shone a little light,

filled a hole,

made a difference.

-Is that it?
-That's it.

-All legal.
-Yep.

-I can't believe that's it.
-You're a bit too old for adoption,

but a legal name change,
that's a step in the right direction.

Welcome to the family... Bonnie Tyler.

Thanks, Mum!

I've got better things to do
than watch you earn minimum wage.

-You know nothing about me.
-Ditto.

[Micky] I've got so much love to give.
I just need someone to give it to.

I want that thing out!

[Jamie] Got a couple of cars need
your Midas touch over the next few days.

How am I gonna drive for Jamie tomorrow?
You'll have to.

-[Carl] Brake, now!
-[tyres screeching]

[siren wails]

[Mimi] Something missing off
our washing line.

-What?
-[Mimi] My knickers!

There's a sexual deviant on the loose!

[Patty] Throw a rock round here,
you'd hit a dozen.

[ominous music]