All language subtitles for Black.Cake.S01E07.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL

Previously, on Black Cake...

London wasn't exactly safe,

but it was the devil I knew.

I could blend in.

Until I realized that the longer
you go without being seen,

the smaller and smaller you become.

Until you all but disappear.

B and B... you have a sister.

A secret I couldn't bring myself to
even share with your father.

- Your mum, did she mention
my birth father in the recordings?

- She was assaulted...

by her employer
around the time you were born.

- Assaulted?

Mabel, my first born.

The moment I held you,
I knew I wanted to be your mother.

But by that point, it was too late.

Because the truth is,
I didn't choose to let you go.

You were taken from me.

By the time I left Scotland,

I was in a daze.

Trying so hard to block out
everything that had happened.

I told you before that I ran into Gibbs
when I got back to London,

but in truth,

it was nearly a year before that happened.

And those first few weeks back
just seemed to slip away.

Up until I started feeling sick.

- You don't have the flu, Ms. Douglas.

- Oh, that's a relief.

- The nausea, the fatigue, the dizziness,

these are all classic symptoms
of early pregnancy.

I take it
this isn't the news you were expecting.

Do you remember
when your last menstrual period began?

- I don't know.

Two months ago maybe.

- And you didn't think
to come in earlier for an exam?

Do you know who the father is?

- I was working in Scotland

when my supervisor took advantage.

That's the only time it could've happened.

I see.

Well, young ladies these days
are so liberated,

it's no great wonder
when these predicaments come about.

Do you have any family nearby?

Anyone you can ask for help?

- No, I'm on my own.

- What about employment?

Do you have a means of supporting a child?

- I haven't been able to find any work
since returning to London.

Well,

the good news is
you have options nowadays.

If you choose to terminate,

it's quite safe and perfectly lawful.

I can provide you
with a referral if you like.

- I'm sorry, I-I just need...

I need some time to think.

Of course.

Although you mustn't wait too long.

Time is of the essence.

Now,

good luck to you.

Back then,

there weren't many housing options
for people of color,

and I couldn't go back
to the boarding house

with the island girls.

I was dead.

So I found a place
where I wouldn't be recognized.

I had no plan

and no support.

I just kept wishing that this thing,

this problem,

would somehow... disappear.

And I had learned long before

that I was on my own.

I know you're still angry at me, Covey.

Believe me,

baking a cake for a wedding,

like this,

for you,

it's not what I ever wanted.

- I know Pa made you do it.

I just wanna be left alone.

- Here.

I brought you something.

From your mother.

When she left the island,
her plan was to come back for you.

But she asked me
to hold onto this just in case.

So you'd always have a piece of her.

- A part of me was hoping maybe she'd

show up today,

somehow fix all of this.

- She would be here if she could.

I know...
-Stop.

If she ever really cared about me,

she never would've left me
in the first place.

I don't want nothing from her.

She's not gonna save me now.

And neither is my pa.

And neither are you.
So please... just go away.

I needed to make a decision.

But I could hardly even hear myself think.

And I found myself
begging for some kind of answer

or sign.

- Hello, child. Can I help you?

- I'm... I'm sorry.
I-Is the church closed?

- No. No.

You seem upset, dear.

May I help?

- That's okay. Let it all out.

- You have no idea how long it's been

since anyone has said
anything genuinely kind to me,

let alone someone from the island.

- Are you in trouble?

Are you in the family way?

Well, you've come to the right place.

Now, when was the last time
you had anything to eat?

Church runs this place
especially for unwed mothers.

So you can take comfort
knowing that you're not alone.

We offer room and board free of charge.

And when the time has come,

we'll help to place the child
into a loving home.

So you won't have a thing to worry about.

How does that sound to you?

- Better than I could've hoped for.

Thank you.

- Normally, we would sit down
for an intake first,

but since it's late,
we can save that for the morning.

For now, I would like
to introduce you to the other ladies.

- Quiet, girls.

- Hello, everyone. This is Eleanor.

She'll be joining us here for now,

and I trust that
you'll make her feel right at home.

- Sister Madeline,
may I help Eleanor get a plate?

- Yes, you may. Thank you, dear.

- I'm Irene.

How do you feel about beef stew?

- Well, to be honest, I haven't been able
to keep much down lately.

- The first few weeks, I could only eat
cheese and Marmite sandwiches.

In fact, I just about ate my weight
in cheese and Marmite sandwiches.

How about some plain broth
with bread and butter?

That ought to settle your stomach.

- Sounds perfect.

- So how far along are you?

- Almost three months, I think.

- I'm just a little further than you,
so we'll be due around the same time.

How fun.

Are you still with the baby's father?

Don't worry.

Most of the girls here
are in the same boat as you.

I'm one of the lucky ones.

My boyfriend, Tommy, and I have been
going together for almost two years now.

- And he knows why you're here?

- Oh.

Yes.

Although he never wanted me
to come in the first place.

What do you mean? Why not?

Sorry. I don't mean to pry.

You don't have to tell me
anything you don't want to.

But you should know,
I'm very good at keeping secrets.

- My parents have never approved of Tommy.

They forced me to come here.

They've been telling everyone
I'm studying in Brussels.

But... me and Tommy have a plan.

He's going to sneak me out of here
when the baby comes.

We're getting married,

and we're keeping Henry.

He's going to be a boy. I just know it.

Tommy wants to name him after his dad.

- That's quite a plan.

Where will you go?

Do you have a place to live?

- Not yet.

But Tommy's got a good job at a factory,
and he's saving up.

You think I'm mad, don't you?

- No, not at all.

I just think
you must really want to be a mom.

- What about you?

- No.

Not now.

Maybe not ever.

Well, you're in good company at any rate.

I'm glad you found your way here, Eleanor.

- So did you have everything you needed
in the dormitory last night?

- Yes. Thank you.

It was comfortable and quiet.

- Good. I'm glad that you're settling in.

Now, a few ground rules.

As I told you before,

there is no cost for you to stay here.

But to cover expenses,

all our girls are expected to help
with the cooking and the cleaning.

Are you prepared to do so?

- Of course.

I'm not afraid of a little hard work.

- Good. Glad to hear it.

Now, I'll have you complete these forms
on your own.

Date of birth, etcetera.

And may I just ask,

what is the race of the baby's father?

- Well,

he's Scottish.

- Alright now, one last thing.

By signing this,

you are allowing the church
to find a good home for the child

with a stable family.

Do you understand, Eleanor?

- Yes.

I just want to get through all this
and move forward with my life.

- You're making the right decision

for yourself

and for your child.

From that moment on,

my days were full,

from dawn until dark.

The work was hard.

But it was also a welcome escape.

And so the months slipped by,

mercifully.

And I did my best not to think
about what was happening inside my body.

- Baby's heartbeat sounds perfect.

Would you like to hear it?

- No, thank you.

Have you been feeling
a lot of kicks lately?

They usually start
to get pretty active around now.

- I don't know.

I haven't noticed.

- The little one should be about the size
of a head of lettuce by now,

and they love to roll around
doing somersaults...

- Please, I'd really rather not know.
Thank you.

If it's all the same to you.

- Alright. As you like.

Let's get you onto the scales.

Mm.

You haven't gained enough
since your last appointment.

- I can't keep anything down.

- It's late in your pregnancy
to still be having morning sickness,

though some women just never feel well
until the baby comes.

Did your mother have the same problem
when she was expecting you?

- I wouldn't know.

But this thing is making me sick
around the clock.

- Look, I can see that you're trying
to distance yourself from this baby.

And that's fine, I understand.

But there is a baby in there
whether you like it or not.

And if you don't feed it
the nutrients it needs now,

then it'll turn out to be a sickly child
and no one will want to adopt it.

- What am I supposed to do?

Everything I eat just comes back up again.

- Try smaller portions more often.

I don't care if you eat nothing but chips
or gherkins or custard creams.

Just find something you can keep down
and eat it every day.

Do you understand?

- What is it?

- It's Tommy.

He's changed his mind.

- Irene.

- He says he's not ready
to be a father after all.

He's not coming to get us.

I can't let them take my baby away.

- But you signed the paper, didn't you?

We all did.

- But,

m-maybe I can still find a way.

M-Maybe I can sneak him out
after he's born, when no one's watching.

M-Maybe I can raise him on my own.

What am I asking you for?

You chose to be here.

Nobody forced you.

How would you understand?

- I told you before
that I could keep a secret.

So if I tell you one of mine,
do you promise to do the same?

- Of course.

- Before I came here,
I was working in an office.

And my supervisor had...
had been so kind to me.

I thought he was someone I could trust.

But one day,

he attacked me.

That's how I ended up here.

- Eleanor, I had no idea.

- This baby wasn't conceived in love,

not like yours was.

But even though
you and I have very different stories,

somehow we've both ended up
in the same predicament.

- My parents will hardly speak to me.

Everybody's turned their back.

- Irene,

If there's one thing I've learned,

it's that the only person
you can truly count on

is yourself.

So you have to ask yourself, honestly,

are you gonna be able
to raise this child alone?

Are you gonna be able to find a job

and a place to live?

Are you gonna be able
to look into that child's face every day

and be reminded of his father?

I know, for me, I couldn't do it.

- But I want this baby.

How am I supposed to just give him up?

- You have to do what I've been doing,

and remind yourself he isn't yours.

He belongs to some other woman,
some other family.

And he'll have a good life with them.

Better than anything
you or I could provide.

The sooner we can get through this,

the sooner we can put it all behind us.

- Come now, girls, this isn't social hour.

Don't you have chores to do?

- Coming, Sister Janette.

There it is. Praise God.

Strong and steady.

You've got
a little fighter in there, Eleanor.

- Wait.

Can I hear it?

- Oh, surely.

Right there.

Listen.

- It's so fast.

That's normal.

They're growing so rapidly,

the heart has to pump extra hard
to keep up.

Do you need anything before I go?

- No. Thank you.

I just don't know
what I'm gonna do with myself all day

with nothing to distract me.

- If I were you, I'd be thrilled

not to have to scrub
another dirty bed sheet.

Enjoy your bedrest.

It's quite easier.

Thank you. I keep it by the bed.

I had felt little flutters before,

but I ignored them.

Now for the first time,
I started to wonder

about this little life
moving around inside of me.

Was it a boy?

Or a girl?

Would she have my eyes

or my mother's smile?

And what kind of hopes and dreams
would she have one day?

- Irene?

What is it? What happened?

Something's wrong.

It hurts!

- Someone go wake up Sister Madeline!

Tell her Irene needs help.

Please! Now! Hurry!

- My belly feels like a fist.

What's happening to me?

- I don't know.

Just squeeze my hand when it hurts, okay?

The night Irene went into labor,

we had no idea what labor even was.

It's all right, Irene.

Settle down.

We are taking you to the hospital now.

Nothing had been explained to us.

- What's wrong with her?

Is she gonna be all right?

- The baby's coming. Everything is fine.

Everything was shrouded in mystery.

Now you girls get back to sleep.

It's none of your concern.

So all I could do... was wait.

- Irene, I've been so worried.

How did it go?

She needs to rest,

and so do you.

Now leave her alone.

Let her sleep.

I'll be back later to check on you.

- How do you feel?

Is everything okay?

Where's little Henry?

- I was wrong.

It wasn't a boy after all.

She's down in the nursery now, I suppose.

- How is she?

What did you name her?

- I didn't give her a name.

But they told me that she was
the third baby born this month.

So they just wrote "Baby Number Three"
on all the forms.

- Well, even though
it wasn't a boy like you planned,

it could still make you feel better
to give her a name.

Maybe something meaningful to you.

- But she's not my baby.

So there's no point
in naming her, is there?

She's just Baby Number Three.

And yours will be Baby Number Four.

Or Five.

Or Six.

The sooner
we can all get on with our lives

and put all of this behind us, the better.

Right?

It's adoption day.

Hope one of those couples
will take a liking to Baby Number Three.

Say a prayer for me, won't you?

- Of course.

She's so precious,
I'm sure they'll be fighting over her.

- They better.

I feel like a dairy cow.

I don't understand
why they keep us here for six weeks

when they can just buy formula.

- They say it's the cost.

And,

it's what's best for the baby.

- But what about us?

I don't know how much more I can take.

- Eleanor, what are you doing out of bed?

- I'm sorry, I ju...
I just cannot find a comfortable position.

- Well, that's too bad
because the midwife was quite clear.

You plant yourself back in that bed

'til you're instructed to do otherwise.

Now, Irene, those floors aren't going
to scrub themselves, are they?

Coming, Sister Janette.

Breathe deep and wide, Covey.

Deep and wide.

Deep and wide.

- You're not coming with me?

Breathe deep and wide.

Eleanor, you have to breathe.

- If you want to swim
on your own one day, my girl,

you must learn to control your breath.

Breathe deep and wide.

And take it one stroke at a time.

Ready to try one more time?

What are you afraid of?

- What's underneath. What I can't see.

You have to breathe.

Eleanor...

- Breathe deep and wide.

And I'll be right here.

Breathe in.

Out.

In. Out.

In.

- I wanna see.

- Calm down, dear.
We do this with all the girls.

It's what's best.

No! I need to see!

Breathe in.

Out.

In.

Out.

Breathe in.

That's it.

Out.

In.

Out.

- Is the baby okay?

Miss Sheila, is the baby okay?

Miss Sheila, please.

Congratulations.

We have ourselves
a healthy, thriving girl.

Mm. You're so sweet!

And so easy to place.

Feeding time.

Down you go.

"So easy to place." Of course.

My sweet girl with a shock of dark hair

and a birthmark
on her perfect little pink head.

Come on, Eleanor.

The baby will latch better
if you scoot down a bit.

- Her name is Mathilda.

Before I met you, my firstborn,

I was afraid that you would be a reminder

of that horrible thing
that happened to me.

And then, all of a sudden,
my past didn't matter.

All of a sudden,

you were my future.

My everything.

- You'll feed every two hours.

And you'll do so in the nursery,
no exceptions.

One of us will wake you
to keep you on schedule.

Please take her away.

Please! I can't do this.
-You need to try again.

Please, just take her away. I can't.

She needs to feed. Pull the chin up.

- What on earth is going on?

- It doesn't matter what I do,
this baby will not feed.

- Hush, child. Untuck the baby's chin.

I've tried that already!

I'm not a machine.
Just... You take her. I can't do this.

- You must try. She's starving.

Untuck the baby's chin.

- She bit me!
-Quiet yourself, Irene.

And keep at it.

- See! She won't stay on.
-Dear God.

Please, just let me go back to work.

I can't do this.

She won't latch,
what other choice do we have?

- You only upset her anyway.

Go on, escort Eleanor
back to the dormitory.

- Could I maybe sit with her
for a little bit longer?

She did not feed much at the hospital.

- We have them on a schedule.

It makes for an easier transition
when they're placed.

Irene, go on.

Mm.

- Well, you did it.
You're one step closer to the finish line.

How are you feeling?

- Different.

- Yes, of course.

When the shock wears off,
you'll feel like a split turkey.

You'll want to slip into that.

To heal your privates.

- It's awkward,

but like everything else
in this hellhole, you'll get used to it.

- How lovely. Did you do this?

- Me and the other girls.

Thought it was about time we were,
I don't know, acknowledged.

Celebrated.

After all we put our bodies through.

Do you know what I mean?

- I do.

- Especially considering we don't even get
a couple of days to recover

before they send us back to work.

- At least we get to rest during feedings.

- Rest?

I'd rather scrub floors
until my knuckles bleed.

- Stop it.
-Stop what?

- Acting like
you don't care about your baby.

- It's not my baby, remember?

- I'm sorry I said that, Irene.

But it was months ago.

I didn't know.

I couldn't have known.

Now that I do, I think...

I think maybe
you should try and bond with her.

- I can't.

Not when I know she isn't mine.

- But if you enjoy the time
you do have with her,

feed her, soothe her,

maybe it'll make this time less miserable.

Maybe years from now,

it'll be the one thing you hold on to.

Can't you just try?

I know you're tired of pretending.

Believe me, I understand how hard it is.

- Don't worry about me, Eleanor.

In a few weeks, this will all be over,

and I'll be able to move on with my life.

We both will.

Time to feed.

I hear ya. I know.

Where's Irene?

Not that it's any of your business,

but she's been discharged.

But it hasn't been six weeks.

- She was unable and unwilling to nurse.

We needed to free up the bed.

Where did she go?
-Home.

- Home? But her parents...

- They came to pick her up this afternoon.

It was quite a warm reception.

They're eager to move on,

as a family.

Hush now.

We have a hungry baby on our hands.

- Hello there, Mathilda.

Are you hungry, my sweet girl?

I'm here.

Oh, it's a bit of rash.

Terrible stuff.

- And where do you think you're going?

- I don't know.

I just...

I have to get outta here,

and I have to take her with me.

- I understand.

- You do?

- Of course.
It's perfectly normal to feel this way,

so close to the birth.

But let me ask you something.

How far you think you're gonna get
with two diapers and a blanket?

The child won't survive. Neither will you.

You're not in your right mind
to make such a decision.

You've been waking up
all hours of the night,

barely eating or sleeping.

Why don't you... get some rest?

And we'll talk about all this
in the morning.

- You're right.

I'm so sorry
to have worried you, Sister Madeline.

That's okay.
-You go and get some sleep.

Right now, you're in a fog.

But tomorrow,
everything will be much clearer.

I promise.

I had grown accustomed to pretending.

Pretending I was a girl
raised by my grandmother in the mountains.

Pretending I was an orphan nurse.

And now, I would pretend
that I was the same person

who walked into that home
for unwed mothers.

A young woman
unwilling and unfit to be a mother.

But I knew something
Sister Madeline did not.

I knew that love was enough
to make me a fit parent,

that I was enough.

I just had to wait until the right moment
to prove it.

- I'll be home soon, my girl.

The boat leaves in an hour, Mathilda.

You'll just make it if you hurry.

- I'll write to you when I reach America,

and then I'll be back for Covey,

when I find somewhere safe
for us to start over.

- Here. It's my share of the cake money.

- No. I can't accept this.

You have your own family.

- You are my family.

- Promise me you will protect her,

and wrap your arms around her for me
every single day.

I promise.

Now go.

Go on.

Before you lose your nerve.

- Where's Mathilda?

Wh-Why didn't anyone wake me to feed
or for morning chores?

- Our mistake. Get dressed
and head on down to the kitchen, will you?

- Sister Madeline!

Sister Madeline!

What a beauty.

- Oh, she's absolutely perfect.

Oh, would you look at that, Ron?
I think she smiled at me.

- What are you doing?

Okay, let me take care of this. Hello...

- Sister Madeline,
you have to stop this! Please!

Everything is fine.

- Give her to me! That's my baby!
-Everything is fine.

- No, you lied to me!
-No.

- Please, don't do this to me!

Please, please!
-Oh, okay.

- I-I changed my mind.
I take it all back.

- It's too late!
-No! I didn't know what I was doing.

I didn't know what I was signing.
Please, I want her. Please!

That's my baby!

No! Mathilda!

No!

No!

No! No! Please!

Please!

They've been praying for a baby for years.

- And they've agreed to keep Mathilda
as her middle name at my request, so...

- A little piece of you
will be with her always.

Take comfort in that, will you?

- Come on, dear.

Let's get you packed and on your way.

Where will I go?

- You've done a good thing.

God will lead the way, child.

I will never know what kept my mum away.

But I believe, with all my heart,

that she wanted to come back for me.

I have to believe that.

For weeks,
I walked the streets, hoping I'd find you.

Speak now, brothers and sisters.

Let our burdens be known!

And then I saw him,

my reason to keep living.

If Gibbs Grant had only known
what he was getting into that day

when I nearly walked in front of a bus,

instead of into his arms,

I'm not sure he would've kept walking.

But I'm so grateful that he did.

Just as I am grateful
for the time I had with you,

Mabel Mathilda.

You must know, my firstborn,

that even if I couldn't find the courage
to tell my family about you,

you are always here with me.

With us.

You are everywhere.

Know that.

- I'm sorry. I just, um...

I just need a break.

- Byron,

the daffodils.

- I am so sorry.

For coming here unannounced

and storming out yesterday
like a madwoman.

- Mabel,

come on.

There's something you should see.

- Ma was obsessed with this garden.

Hmm.

- And now, after hearing her talk
about the daffodils in bloom

when you were born...

She planted these for you.

Mabel,

I hope that
you will find comfort in knowing

that you are not alone in this world.

As I reach the end of my time here,

I find myself feeling closer
to my mother than ever before.

If only I had more time
to find out what happened to her.

Maybe you can do that for me, my loves.

B and B, I don't know how you will feel
after hearing everything I've had to say.

You may be upset.

You may be asking yourselves

if you can ever really know who I am.

And this is what I need you to hear.

You have always known who I am.

Who I am is your mother.

My children,
I've reached the end of my story.

This is it for me.

I realize, of course,

that I'm leaving you
with so many unanswered questions,

particularly... about my wedding.

And I understand
if you still want answers.

So you deserve to know
that there is still someone out there

who can give them to you.

Someone who knows what really happened.

Although, I must admit

I'm afraid of what you'll think
if you find out the truth.

So please,

before you go digging into the past,

just know that
it might not be what you expect.

And please,

try to understand
that nothing about that night was easy.

But in the end,

it had to be done.