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1
00:00:05,200 --> 00:00:07,360
[intro music]
2
00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,520
[Frank] Tickets this way
for the Chatsworth Express!
3
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:16,560
Come and watch pikeys
making a mess of the lives they were given
4
00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,040
by him upstairs.
5
00:00:19,120 --> 00:00:22,360
And kids they're convinced
aren't actually theirs.
6
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:28,840
What sounds on earth could ever replace
kids needing money or wives in your face?
7
00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:31,880
Cos this, people reckon, and me included,
8
00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:36,240
is why pubs and drugs
were kindly invented.
9
00:00:36,320 --> 00:00:40,920
To calm us all down
and stop us going mental.
10
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:45,200
These are Chatsworth Estate's
basic essentials.
11
00:00:45,280 --> 00:00:49,360
We are worth every penny
for grinding your axes.
12
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:53,840
You shit on our heads,
but you pay the taxes.
13
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:00,720
Imagine a Britain
without Chatsworth buccaneers
14
00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,400
who'd come on your face
for the price of a beer.
15
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:07,600
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
16
00:01:07,680 --> 00:01:11,760
Make poverty history, cheaper drugs now!
17
00:01:11,840 --> 00:01:13,040
[laughing] [cough]
18
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:15,320
Scatter!
19
00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:16,800
Party!
20
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,080
[Paddy] Used to know this fella,
21
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Bobby Cash Machine we called him.
22
00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:27,320
Taxi driver.
23
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:29,800
Terrible drinker as well,
every sense of the word.
24
00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,840
He was forever blacking out,
waking up in the weirdest of places.
25
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:37,560
He once woke up in the basement
of Manchester Cathedral,
26
00:01:37,640 --> 00:01:39,200
no idea how he got there.
27
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:46,080
Aye. The demon drink!
That's a terrible thing, so it is.
28
00:01:48,360 --> 00:01:49,320
[knocking at door]
29
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Debbie! Get that!
30
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,880
[knocking at door]
31
00:01:56,920 --> 00:01:58,160
Frank!
32
00:01:59,880 --> 00:02:00,960
[knocking at door]
33
00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:10,560
Yeah?
34
00:02:10,639 --> 00:02:13,560
-Ah, Phillip Gallagher in?
-No, he doesn't live here anymore.
35
00:02:13,640 --> 00:02:14,880
-Ian Gallagher?
-Uh-uh.
36
00:02:14,960 --> 00:02:17,480
I presume Deborah Gallagher
has moved away as well.
37
00:02:17,560 --> 00:02:19,040
Oh, no, she's here somewhere.
38
00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:20,560
-I'll give her a shout.
-No need.
39
00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:24,080
Just need to see some proof,
plus, there's a... Liam Gallagher,
40
00:02:24,160 --> 00:02:26,680
and a Stella Gallagher as well, correct?
41
00:02:26,760 --> 00:02:30,840
-Can I ask what this is about?
-Ah. Bernard White. Benefits officer.
42
00:02:30,920 --> 00:02:33,440
-Oh! Just a minute, please.
-[door slams]
43
00:02:33,520 --> 00:02:36,200
-Frank, benefits!
-What?
44
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-At the door.
-Don't answer it.
45
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,520
[sighs]
46
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:42,080
Like fucking vampires, they can't get you
if you don't let 'em in.
47
00:02:42,160 --> 00:02:46,720
It's too late, and I told him
Lip doesn't live here any more, or lan.
48
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:47,720
So?
49
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:52,440
So, we're still collecting benefits
for 'em. That's not good, is it?
50
00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:54,640
[prison officer]
Got a dead man walking here!
51
00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,280
And his wife. Dead wife walking, too!
52
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:06,880
Hiya, I'm the, er... man of the house.
53
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,680
Vernon Francis Gallagher?
54
00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:10,600
Yeah, look...
55
00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,920
[giggles] What the wife was just saying...
Just pay no attention to her.
56
00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,040
She's totally fucking gone.
57
00:03:16,120 --> 00:03:19,640
In days gone by, we'd have just
dragged her down the nuthouse, you know.
58
00:03:19,720 --> 00:03:22,320
Now it's all care in the community,
and all that, innit?
59
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,840
-Mr Gallagher.
-Yeah?
60
00:03:23,920 --> 00:03:27,240
Benefit theft is a crime,
not a joking matter.
61
00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:31,960
No, no... but look,
can't we just chalk this one down,
62
00:03:32,040 --> 00:03:37,040
you know, to a sort of clerical error,
bloody computers, that... sort of thing?
63
00:03:37,120 --> 00:03:38,240
[eerie music]
64
00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:42,240
-[shuts door]
-[Monica] Shit.
65
00:03:44,480 --> 00:03:45,720
[grunts]
66
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:53,000
[sighing]
67
00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:03,840
What the fuck?
68
00:04:05,880 --> 00:04:08,680
Good morning, Meena. How are you?
69
00:04:10,600 --> 00:04:13,200
Well, a little bit tired
because of the party last night,
70
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:15,640
and sort of pissed off because
there was this cute guy,
71
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,600
only Debbie got in there first,
and he was all over her,
72
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:21,399
but then she pulled her
"I'm not that sort of girl" thing.
73
00:04:21,480 --> 00:04:24,160
So, he ended up buggering off,
which was pretty pointless,
74
00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:26,280
because she more or less
ruined a good thing.
75
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:30,000
[sighs]
And did you actually want to know that,
76
00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:32,440
or were you just making
boring conversation?
77
00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:33,680
Boring conversation.
78
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,560
So, what are your plans for today, then?
79
00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,920
Sit around on our sofa, feet up,
80
00:04:40,480 --> 00:04:43,440
watching our TV, eating our food,
like every other day?
81
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:46,000
No! I've got places to go, people to see.
82
00:04:46,520 --> 00:04:48,200
Yeah, course you do
83
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,240
Right, so let me recap.
84
00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,200
You're claiming for five children
who no longer live here.
85
00:04:55,280 --> 00:04:57,560
Neither of you are actively seeking work.
86
00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:00,320
And despite what you filled
on your form, Mr Gallagher,
87
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,400
you're not confined to a wheelchair.
88
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:05,520
Disability,
it's more a state of mind, innit?
89
00:05:05,600 --> 00:05:07,920
-[Monica] Are we in trouble?
-I think that's safe to say.
90
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:10,560
She was a lesbian!
91
00:05:11,680 --> 00:05:13,360
-Sorry?
-For a while.
92
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,960
Moved out on me,
living with that thing in the yard.
93
00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:17,040
And?
94
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:20,920
Dunno, just...
95
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:25,640
you know, thought it might help
get some compensation for it.
96
00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:28,400
-Oh, that's right, just walk away!
-You'll be hearing from us.
97
00:05:28,480 --> 00:05:31,440
Yeah! Go on, back to your nice life,
and your wife and your fucking kids.
98
00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:33,800
Want the shirt off me back?
You can fuckin' have it,
99
00:05:33,880 --> 00:05:36,280
any fuckin' dreams I've had lately,
and me kid's nappies.
100
00:05:36,360 --> 00:05:37,480
Benefits!
101
00:05:38,200 --> 00:05:39,080
Benefits!
102
00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:42,800
Look around ya!
Do you see any fuckin' benefits?
103
00:05:43,440 --> 00:05:46,800
You know what you are?
A total fuckin' inadequate!
104
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,400
Yeah, Germans had a word
for people like you. Hitler!
105
00:05:56,520 --> 00:05:57,480
[Bernard sobbing]
106
00:05:58,640 --> 00:05:59,480
Are you...
107
00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:01,400
crying?
108
00:06:01,480 --> 00:06:02,680
[Bernard] It's just...
109
00:06:02,760 --> 00:06:06,800
what you said... about being inadequate,
110
00:06:08,480 --> 00:06:09,440
you're right.
111
00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:13,160
Just like me wife said
when she left me this morning.
112
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:14,160
Bloody hell!
113
00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:16,480
On me fucking birthday, too.
114
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,480
-Did she at least get you a present?
-Yeah.
115
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,280
There you go. Silver lining!
116
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,280
A videotape of her
doing the bastard next door.
117
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:28,240
Christ on a bike!
Hey! Wait a sec, wait a sec!
118
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:33,240
Can't let your birthday go by
without at least having a drink, can you?
119
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:37,280
C'mon, you and me, no-man's-land,
pipes of peace.
120
00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:39,400
Hey, c'mon, eh?
121
00:06:41,040 --> 00:06:44,240
Just wait. I'll just get me jacket.
Just wait... there.
122
00:06:57,440 --> 00:06:58,640
[laughs]
123
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:03,440
Bring it on, sister!
124
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,520
Mm! Great news!
125
00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:11,320
Fat Donny's wife found out
about him and that lap dancer.
126
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,440
Mmm. She took it dead badly, too.
127
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,000
[menacing music]
128
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,000
[ripping]
129
00:07:17,080 --> 00:07:18,360
[scream in fear] Argh!
130
00:07:19,720 --> 00:07:21,400
Apparently, he was rushed to hospital
131
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,080
with Little Donny stuck
in a bag of frozen peas!
132
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,200
-You know what that means, right?
-What?
133
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,800
Well, he played right-back, didn't he?
I'm off the bench!
134
00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:30,920
Terrible fuckin' news, more like.
You're shit.
135
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,280
-I'm not!
-[clattering]
136
00:07:32,360 --> 00:07:35,360
Can't aim for arseholes.
And he's got no positional sense either!
137
00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:37,560
Shane, shut the fuck up,
and unpack the shopping.
138
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:38,600
-[spitting]
-Eugh!
139
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,600
-Micky.
-Yeah?
140
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:46,760
The key to defending is zonal marking,
none of this headless-chicken shite.
141
00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,640
Mark your territory!
142
00:07:51,920 --> 00:07:52,840
Never mind.
143
00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:55,240
Ask your dad to explain it to you
when he gets home.
144
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:06,760
Maureen!
145
00:08:06,840 --> 00:08:07,720
Patrick.
146
00:08:11,440 --> 00:08:12,600
[Maureen] You're awake.
147
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:14,200
[giggles]
148
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:18,280
-What the hell's going on here?
-[giggles]
149
00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,840
You're full of surprises.
150
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,200
Now, c'mon, you can untie me now.
151
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:28,200
And not that I'm complaining
about the kinky stuff, it's just...
152
00:08:28,880 --> 00:08:31,080
[chuckles]
I don't even remember how I got here.
153
00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,520
You had a little much to drink.
154
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:41,200
[Maureen and Paddy laughing]
155
00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:46,240
So, I thought
it's best you stayed the night.
156
00:08:47,760 --> 00:08:48,640
What's this about?
157
00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:50,560
I'm hoping you can tell me, Patrick.
158
00:08:51,440 --> 00:08:53,040
That's really the point.
159
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:56,320
That you understand.
160
00:08:59,520 --> 00:09:01,240
What do you think this is about?
161
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:03,440
[giggling]
162
00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,800
Got to admit, darling,
you got me stumped here.
163
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,200
How about a clue?
164
00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:12,440
Oh!
165
00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:16,080
C'mon, Maureen, untie me now.
166
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:18,120
Enough is enough, huh?
167
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:22,960
Maureen!
168
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:25,880
Come on!
169
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:31,720
Oi!
170
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:35,960
[exhaling]
171
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,480
Appreciate this, Mr Gallagher.
172
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,360
Sorry, I didn't mean
to get so emotional back there.
173
00:09:45,440 --> 00:09:46,440
No worries.
174
00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:48,960
It just gets harder
to keep things together, you know.
175
00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,080
-[Frank] Yeah.
-[Bernard] Turning 40.
176
00:09:51,680 --> 00:09:52,800
The wife leaving.
177
00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:55,520
The job...
178
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,600
I'm ashamed of myself, what I've become.
179
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:02,560
Yeah, but it's never too late
to change, though, is it?
180
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:06,360
A man in a position like yours
has got influence, power,
181
00:10:06,920 --> 00:10:08,160
you know, to help folk,
182
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,880
like, you know, maybe people who
made a mistake on their benefit form.
183
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:14,000
I can't ignore fraud, Mr Gallagher!
184
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:19,200
[laughing] What? Come on,
I'm joking just talking generally here.
185
00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:22,360
God, what kind of scum do you think I am?
186
00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,080
Sorry. I didn't mean to you know, snap.
187
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,120
[Frank] It's all right. No harm, no foul.
188
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:29,880
Er, two pints, Karen.
189
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:33,360
-Same again?
-Yes, thank you, Frank.
190
00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:41,120
With two E's, Karen.
191
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:51,000
Hmm.
192
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,400
[Frank] The Buddhists
are the fucking same, you know.
193
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,920
I mean, they don't give a diffing,
they're going to a better place.
194
00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:59,120
-[Bernard] Yeah.
-They're not scared of death, you see.
195
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,240
So, me pubes are going grey,
and I'm nearer the end than the beginning.
196
00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:04,760
But it's what you're remembered for,
innit?
197
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:09,240
Like Geldof, shit songs,
but he got the kiddies fed, right?
198
00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,720
That's a proper legacy. Love!
199
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,280
-[mellow music]
-Love, Iove, love, Iove.
200
00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:19,400
Yes! Yes!
201
00:11:19,480 --> 00:11:20,760
-Love.
-[Bernard] Yes!
202
00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,320
Yes! Yes! Yes!
203
00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:26,160
[mellow music]
204
00:11:29,880 --> 00:11:32,400
[Karen] What the fuck
you staring at, you pervert?
205
00:11:36,160 --> 00:11:37,400
[giggles]
206
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:38,880
[chuckling]
207
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,440
-I think I'm drunk!
-[both laugh]
208
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:43,360
[laughing]
209
00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:44,680
[maniacal laughing]
210
00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:49,520
I think I understand it all now, Frank.
211
00:11:49,600 --> 00:11:52,120
-Yeah?
-It's all about the love.
212
00:11:52,200 --> 00:11:56,160
You, me, everybody. Love.
213
00:11:56,240 --> 00:11:58,040
Love it is, Bernard!
214
00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:01,880
-The treacle that binds us all together.
-[Bernard giggles]
215
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:04,720
[slapping]
216
00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:08,040
Why did she do that?
217
00:12:08,120 --> 00:12:10,320
I just wanted to share my love.
218
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,160
-I just need love.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, tiger!
219
00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:18,240
[Frank]
Love you need, and love you shall have.
220
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,240
All about the love, brother.
All about the love.
221
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,120
And then we can see
how you can help your fellow man.
222
00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:29,760
Yes. Thank you, brother.
223
00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,120
[kiss] [chuckling]
224
00:12:32,600 --> 00:12:35,040
Christ, I hope we don't end up
married to that.
225
00:12:37,880 --> 00:12:39,040
That's nice.
226
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:41,520
-Is it real?
-Uh-huh.
227
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:44,440
-A gift.
-Jesus, he must be loaded.
228
00:12:44,520 --> 00:12:47,680
-Treats me like a princess.
-Nice.
229
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:50,080
Yeah. A bit much sometimes.
230
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,400
-What d'you mean?
-Nothing.
231
00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:56,080
-How's Jamie?
-Yeah. Better.
232
00:12:56,160 --> 00:12:59,240
"True love travels on a gravel road,"
and all that shite.
233
00:12:59,320 --> 00:13:01,920
We'll be all right, though. No worries.
234
00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:06,680
[Joe]
We keep it simple, and we keep it tight.
235
00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:09,080
Get an early lead,
make them work for the ball.
236
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:12,360
Play it out to the wings,
and stretch them at the back.
237
00:13:12,440 --> 00:13:14,120
Micky! Hello?
238
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:18,560
Right, yeah, no probs.
Tight at the back. Wings. Sorted.
239
00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,640
-Right, let's fuck 'em up, then!
-Yeah!
240
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:21,680
[whistle peeps]
241
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:25,560
[Micky] Get it back here! [grunts]
242
00:13:27,960 --> 00:13:29,320
[people cheering]
243
00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:30,880
[boy] Come on, pal!
244
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:35,360
[all whimpering] Oh!
245
00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:47,680
[green team cheering]
246
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,520
-[clapping]
-Here we go.
247
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,360
-Fuck's sake, Micky!
-What?
248
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,080
-Where were you?
-Midfield... ish.
249
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:57,760
-Right back! Right fucking back!
-All right.
250
00:13:57,840 --> 00:14:01,080
Keep your hair on. Fucking hippy!
251
00:14:02,400 --> 00:14:03,960
-[whistle]
-[indistinct shouting]
252
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:07,560
[groaning] Oh!
253
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:13,240
[football player yelling]
254
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:14,400
[cheering]
255
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,640
What's he pointing at?
256
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:26,960
-[Mimi] Fuck's sake, Micky!
-[Micky] Shite!
257
00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:30,920
Shane, sort him out.
He's drifting everywhere.
258
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,640
Mum, please! You're embarrassing me.
259
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:35,480
-Can you get off the pitch, please?
-[shouts] I'm his mother!
260
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,760
[football players yelling]
261
00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:41,640
[green team cheering]
262
00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:44,320
[Micky] Keeper, where the fuck were you?
263
00:14:47,640 --> 00:14:50,320
- Grunting
-[green team cheering]
264
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:52,440
[Jamie] Micky!
265
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:00,040
-All right, mate? How's it going?
-It's work. Remember that?
266
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,200
[Tom]
Not all of us get "compassionate leave".
267
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,280
[Stan] Not my fault,
268
00:15:03,360 --> 00:15:04,880
you took the prank wars too far.
269
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:08,000
Post-traumatic stress disorder.
That's me all over, a victim.
270
00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:11,240
-Well, I'm pleased to see you, Stan.
-[Stan] Cheers.
271
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,560
Only happy because she got
a transfer, didn't she?
272
00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:15,880
-Norfolk.
-A transfer?
273
00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:18,960
[Stan] What about the flat?
You know, the three amigos.
274
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:21,920
Us. All for one and one for all.
275
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,760
That'd be the Three Musketeers, then.
276
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,040
[Stan] You know what I mean.
They offering you a pay rise or something?
277
00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:28,880
-I wish.
-Don't go, then.
278
00:15:28,960 --> 00:15:30,760
Norfolk. It's shit. You'll be bored.
279
00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:31,680
Right,
280
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,880
cos hanging out with the Keystone Cops
was really working out for me.
281
00:15:37,960 --> 00:15:40,280
You're not doing a runner, are you?
282
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:43,080
Nah. Still got things
worth sticking round for.
283
00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:45,760
I meant Debbie.
284
00:15:46,800 --> 00:15:49,040
Saw her earlier.
Still might be something there.
285
00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,680
I don't know about that, mate.
I think she made it pretty clear.
286
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:54,160
Stan. You don't know women.
287
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,200
What I'm thinking is some grand,
romantic gesture.
288
00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:05,640
Three-nil.
289
00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:07,440
Three fucking nil!
290
00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:10,080
They're nothing special. We can take 'em!
291
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,400
Keep it tight, stay in position,
keep possession,
292
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:15,200
-and, Micky...
-Yeah?
293
00:16:15,280 --> 00:16:17,000
-For fuck's sake!
-What does that mean?
294
00:16:17,080 --> 00:16:19,520
Stop wandering about.
Just stay in defence.
295
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,160
-It's total football, you dick!
-It's the total opposite.
296
00:16:22,840 --> 00:16:25,000
Maybe we'd be better off
playing with ten men.
297
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:25,960
He's your brother,
298
00:16:26,040 --> 00:16:28,880
he might be a twat on the pitch,
but family is family.
299
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:31,160
Right, come on. Let's have it. Come on!
300
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,680
Yeah, thanks, Mum.
301
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:33,880
For fuck's sake, Micky.
302
00:16:35,760 --> 00:16:37,080
-[cheering]
-[whistle]
303
00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:50,600
[cheering]
304
00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:56,640
[cheering]
305
00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,200
[cheering]
306
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:03,800
[Joe] Three-two. Come on, boys!
307
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,480
[Carl] Micky, kick it, here.
308
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,440
[Mimi] Pass, Micky, pass it! Micky.
309
00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:18,440
[Carl] Bring it off, now! Micky! Micky!
310
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,480
[groaning]
311
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,480
-[whistle]
-You cock!
312
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,560
[whistle twice]
313
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:26,800
You play it.
314
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:28,560
You're shit!
315
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:29,600
You're shit!
316
00:17:30,840 --> 00:17:32,840
Well played. [clapping]
317
00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,280
[green team cheering]
318
00:17:34,360 --> 00:17:36,520
Showers! Showers!
319
00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:40,600
[suspenseful music]
320
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,080
No, that's just creepy.
321
00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:26,520
[Debbie] Tom!
322
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,960
Shit! [chuckles]
323
00:18:31,520 --> 00:18:33,880
No, no, no, not what it looks like.
324
00:18:35,440 --> 00:18:36,360
No. Debbie!
325
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:38,800
[indistinct chatter]
326
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,360
[sexy music]
327
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:54,880
[Joe passionately] Micky...
328
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,240
give it to me.
329
00:18:57,720 --> 00:18:58,800
Give it to me now.
330
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:01,160
-Micky!
-[scratching]
331
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,320
Give us the fucking shower gel!
332
00:19:07,560 --> 00:19:09,120
What the fuck you staring at?
333
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:11,080
Could ask you the same question.
334
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:13,840
[Carl] It's the most attention you've paid
all fucking day.
335
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,920
You're the one that's shit!
We'd have won if it wasn't for you.
336
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:18,800
Me? What the fuck you talking about?
All I said was--
337
00:19:18,880 --> 00:19:20,320
-[punch]
-[boys shouting]
338
00:19:20,400 --> 00:19:21,280
[struggling]
339
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:22,720
[Carl] Get away!
340
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:30,360
[Paddy grunting]
341
00:19:31,840 --> 00:19:32,720
[grunts]
342
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:37,840
[doorknob turning]
343
00:19:41,320 --> 00:19:43,720
This is... not what it looks like.
344
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,560
There's been no funny business going on.
345
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,000
You are her husband, right?
346
00:19:54,080 --> 00:19:55,080
[door closes]
347
00:19:58,640 --> 00:20:00,120
[man] I was against her doing this.
348
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:03,880
[man] I'm so sorry.
349
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:04,800
Great, man.
350
00:20:05,640 --> 00:20:06,520
Good.
351
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,160
So why don't you scoot over here,
and untie us?
352
00:20:10,240 --> 00:20:11,240
I can't do that.
353
00:20:11,320 --> 00:20:15,640
Listen, I don't know what your kink is,
but it's going beyond a joke here.
354
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,720
And it wasn't that funny to start with.
355
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:19,920
Untie me.
356
00:20:21,960 --> 00:20:24,160
I don't understand a fucking thing
that's going on!
357
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:25,880
-You don't, do you?
-No.
358
00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:28,640
Then it's not my place to say.
359
00:20:30,080 --> 00:20:31,360
[gasping] Enough!
360
00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:35,480
You walk over here, you turn me loose.
361
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,640
Last chance.
362
00:20:37,720 --> 00:20:38,760
You do that,
363
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,840
I promise I'll walk away. Won't look back.
364
00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:43,760
And if you don't,
365
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,360
I'll raze this place
to the fucking ground,
366
00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:50,640
with you and her in it.
367
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,720
You do as I say
368
00:20:54,800 --> 00:20:56,800
Do you have any idea who I am?
369
00:20:56,880 --> 00:21:00,040
I know exactly who you are, Mr Maguire.
370
00:21:00,120 --> 00:21:01,520
[eerie music]
371
00:21:01,600 --> 00:21:02,760
[Paddy] Stop.
372
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:03,680
Don't go!
373
00:21:04,440 --> 00:21:06,480
[shouting] Don't you walk away from me!
374
00:21:07,320 --> 00:21:08,360
Don't go!
375
00:21:08,960 --> 00:21:10,320
Fuck!
376
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:16,040
[Frank]
Go on, it's all right. Don't be scared.
377
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,480
-[Frank] All right, Lillian?
-Looking for something special?
378
00:21:20,560 --> 00:21:21,960
Oh, it's not-- All right, love?
379
00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,000
No, it's not for me.
It's for my compadre here.
380
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:26,800
-[Frank] Yeah?
- Hiya.
381
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,080
-[Frank] What can I get for 30 quid?
382
00:21:30,160 --> 00:21:34,240
Thirty will get you a Colombian handshake,
or a paisley snow job.
383
00:21:34,320 --> 00:21:35,440
But for an extra tenner,
384
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,880
I can chuck you in
a Yugoslavian quarter pounder,
385
00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:39,720
which is popular with the young 'uns!
386
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:40,640
Just, you know,
387
00:21:40,720 --> 00:21:43,000
a traditional roll in the hay
will be all right.
388
00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:43,920
Go on, then, love.
389
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,560
-[Frank] Go on.
-[woman] Come on, then.
390
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:48,800
Everything is so lovely here.
391
00:21:48,880 --> 00:21:50,480
[Frank] Hey, no rush, Bernard.
392
00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:52,480
You just lose yourself up there,
all right?
393
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:54,840
We'll talk later.
394
00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:56,640
All right, Leanne?
395
00:21:57,760 --> 00:21:58,680
Fine, thanks.
396
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,720
-Hey, how's your gran?
-She's all right.
397
00:22:00,800 --> 00:22:02,960
-Great, the--
-[loud vomiting from upstairs]
398
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:04,400
-[woman screeching]
-Jesus!
399
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:08,120
[Bernard] I'm sorry, I'm so sorry.
400
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:10,200
[gasping deeply]
401
00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:13,320
Frank, I don't feel so good.
402
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,400
[vomiting] [coughing]
403
00:22:16,360 --> 00:22:17,400
[scoffing]
404
00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:20,360
I think we'd better call it a night, then.
405
00:22:22,280 --> 00:22:24,040
[Paddy] I know there's someone there!
406
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:27,760
[yelling] Listen, I'm sorry.
Whatever it is you think I've...
407
00:22:27,840 --> 00:22:30,880
Whatever it is I have done,
I'm sorry, okay?
408
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:32,720
[sighs]
409
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:38,240
[shouting] Hello?
410
00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:40,200
Please, I need...
411
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:42,640
-Oh...
-[tense music]
412
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:50,040
[grunting] Fuck!
413
00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:54,480
[knock at door]
414
00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:05,760
[door closes]
415
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:06,680
[soft snoring]
416
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:11,080
-[steps]
-[Monica] Frank, what the hell's
417
00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,280
the benefits officer
doing in Debbie's bed?
418
00:23:13,360 --> 00:23:15,440
Ideally, waking up to a new life.
419
00:23:15,520 --> 00:23:19,880
One where the idea of helping out
his fellow man, i.e., you and me, Monica,
420
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:20,920
is most appealing.
421
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:24,280
[Monica] What on earth
are you babbling on about?
422
00:23:24,360 --> 00:23:27,560
I tried to expand his horizons, you know?
423
00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:32,440
Sort of, you know, slipped him
a couple of Es to change his world view,
424
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:34,040
give him his own mini-Woodstock.
425
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:37,640
You know, welcome to Spike Island,
leave your preconceptions at the door.
426
00:23:37,720 --> 00:23:39,360
And that worked, did it?
427
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,640
-Sort of.
-[Monica scoffs]
428
00:23:43,880 --> 00:23:45,560
-No, not really.
-[Monica sighs]
429
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:48,160
Oh, all right! I fucked it.
430
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:52,120
We're in the shit here, Monica.
It's not funny.
431
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:55,440
It's not just cutting benefits off.
We're talking jail here.
432
00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:57,360
They don't send you to jail just for that!
433
00:23:57,440 --> 00:24:01,120
The place is teeming with 'em.
They don't fuck around.
434
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,200
Come on, seriously.
435
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,680
Strangeways, here we come. Again.
436
00:24:05,760 --> 00:24:07,800
No way. I can't do jail.
437
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:10,520
I'm not wanting
to Steve McQueen it meself.
438
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,520
Plus, they're gonna take away the kids.
439
00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:16,360
You can wave goodbye to lickle Stella
up there, the house, everything.
440
00:24:16,440 --> 00:24:18,840
-Well, we've got to do something!
-All right.
441
00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:24,080
We've got the answer, though. [slurp]
442
00:24:26,840 --> 00:24:29,920
Right here under our roof.
Lying there, in bed.
443
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:32,400
Benefits Boy.
444
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:34,840
Look, it's simple mathematics.
445
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:40,960
He's lonely. His wife's left him.
It was his fucking birthday.
446
00:24:41,040 --> 00:24:44,120
Well, he's vulnerable, in't he?
447
00:24:44,200 --> 00:24:49,280
We've just got to show him a bit of care,
448
00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:52,560
and attention, bit of love,
449
00:24:52,640 --> 00:24:55,360
so that he bins our report,
and we're back laughing again.
450
00:24:55,440 --> 00:24:56,440
What you getting at?
451
00:24:56,520 --> 00:24:58,400
No, I'm just saying,
452
00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:03,560
you know, we need to be creative.
453
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:07,400
Maybe you could do something.
454
00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:13,360
You know, be nice to him.
The old feminine wiles and that.
455
00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:20,120
Fine.
456
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:23,480
Fucking fine.
457
00:25:23,560 --> 00:25:26,200
[dramatic piano music]
458
00:25:30,000 --> 00:25:31,400
[door opens]
459
00:25:32,760 --> 00:25:35,200
[Maureen] Good morning, Patrick.
460
00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,400
Oh! Sorry I wasn't able
to look in on you first thing.
461
00:25:38,480 --> 00:25:40,920
There was a bring-and-buy sale
at the church.
462
00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:44,960
Really, some of the junk
people drag there! [laughs]
463
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:47,080
How did you sleep?
464
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,280
Why do you ask me that question?
465
00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:51,040
I don't understand.
466
00:25:51,120 --> 00:25:54,240
Like I've just popped round,
kettle's boiling,
467
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:58,760
some fucking cucumber sandwiches
daintily arranged on a plate...
468
00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:01,160
You have me tied to a fucking bed.
469
00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:04,760
-Honestly, language!
-What is it you want from me?
470
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,920
You tell me I've got to understand.
471
00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:13,160
I don't understand what the hell
it is you expect from me.
472
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:15,360
You've soiled yourself,
haven't you, Patrick?
473
00:26:16,520 --> 00:26:17,760
[sniffs] Sorry.
474
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:21,080
-These things happen.
-No. No, they don't.
475
00:26:21,160 --> 00:26:24,600
Not unless some psycho bitch
has tied you to a fucking bed.
476
00:26:24,680 --> 00:26:25,920
They do happen!
477
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:30,360
[sobbing] People found lying
in their own excrement,
478
00:26:30,440 --> 00:26:33,560
turned blue, life thrown away,
479
00:26:33,640 --> 00:26:35,600
[shouting in anger] it happens!
480
00:26:36,400 --> 00:26:37,480
[sighs]
481
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,160
[Maureen] I can make it easier.
482
00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:45,960
I could clean you up.
483
00:26:46,040 --> 00:26:48,400
And you must be thirsty by now,
really thirsty.
484
00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:50,000
Would you like a drink, Patrick?
485
00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,440
If you don't answer me,
I can't get you one.
486
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:57,480
A glass of water, Patrick? Yes or no?
487
00:26:58,200 --> 00:26:59,520
-Yes.
-Yes!
488
00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,600
Right, so you'll have to do
something for me, then, Patrick.
489
00:27:03,680 --> 00:27:04,880
[Maureen] Do you sing?
490
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:06,800
What?
491
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:08,000
I bet you do.
492
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,280
The Irish love singing, don't they?
493
00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:13,800
What beautiful voices!
494
00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:19,080
-Or is that is that racist to assume that?
-How the fuck should I know?
495
00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:21,360
[yelling]
What did I say to you about language?
496
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:25,880
[Maureen panting] Sorry.
497
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:30,280
[softly] I'm really sorry.
498
00:27:36,120 --> 00:27:39,400
I'm having a bad day.
It happens sometimes.
499
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:41,200
[sighs] [sniffs]
500
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:47,080
Did you ever see the musical Bugsy Malone?
501
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,160
-I saw the movie.
-Yeah, of course you did.
502
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:55,200
Well, there's a song in it,
"We Could Have Been Anything. "
503
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,600
I think it's apt.
504
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:04,320
Could you indulge me, Patrick?
Sing for me.
505
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:05,680
I don't know the words.
506
00:28:05,760 --> 00:28:08,080
Of course, you don't. [chuckles]
Hang on a minute
507
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:14,600
Ta-da!
508
00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:19,000
[Maureen] I can get you started.
509
00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:27,000
[Maureen singing]
♪ We could have been anything ♪
510
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:34,080
♪ That we wanted to be ♪
511
00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:36,080
♪ And it... ♪
512
00:28:37,360 --> 00:28:38,520
♪ And... ♪
513
00:28:39,560 --> 00:28:40,680
[ominous music]
514
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:46,400
[Maureen]
All I'm asking you to do is sing, Patrick.
515
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:47,760
[shouts] Sing!
516
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:52,280
♪ We could have been anything ♪
517
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:58,040
♪ That we wanted to be ♪
518
00:29:01,040 --> 00:29:04,360
[Paddy singing]
♪ And it's not too late to change ♪
519
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:08,840
[Paddy] ♪ I'd be delighted
To give it some thought ♪
520
00:29:08,920 --> 00:29:11,280
Can't hear you, Patrick.
521
00:29:11,840 --> 00:29:17,440
♪ Maybe you'll agree
That we really ought ♪
522
00:29:17,520 --> 00:29:20,160
He was sniffing your knickers!
523
00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:24,040
-No, I never said he was sniffing 'em.
-Yeah, only cos you disturbed him.
524
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:27,360
I'd have him hauled up for that.
But that's just me.
525
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:31,520
-Unless, you know, you still fancy him.
-Shut up!
526
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:35,480
[knock at door]
527
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,720
So... When were you going to tell us
you were getting a promotion?
528
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:43,200
Didn't think
that was anyone's business but mine.
529
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:44,560
How did you swing that?
530
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,760
-Hard work. Dedication.
-Yeah, right.
531
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:52,000
Think I want to spend the rest
of my career wasting away in this dump?
532
00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,080
I made a choice.
533
00:29:55,240 --> 00:29:57,560
Sometimes a girl's gotta do
what a girl's gotta do.
534
00:30:01,040 --> 00:30:04,440
Oh, before I forget,
Super wants to see you.
535
00:30:04,520 --> 00:30:05,480
What about?
536
00:30:06,840 --> 00:30:10,080
-Could you not have told me that earlier?
-Yes, Tom, I suppose I could.
537
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,040
I suppose I could stick toothpaste
on your toothbrush every morning,
538
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,040
and warm your slippers,
and wipe your smelly bum
539
00:30:17,120 --> 00:30:19,360
and hold your hand as you cross the road.
540
00:30:20,440 --> 00:30:21,560
But that's not my job.
541
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,800
For too long
I've let you losers drag me down.
542
00:30:27,120 --> 00:30:29,520
So, grow a brain,
and work it out for yourself, right?
543
00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:38,280
Right.
544
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:40,440
See ya!
545
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:44,160
[bittersweet music]
546
00:30:48,240 --> 00:30:49,280
[knock on door]
547
00:30:50,760 --> 00:30:53,920
I'll be out of your hair in a minute.
I'm really sorry.
548
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:56,280
Don't worry about it.
549
00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:05,760
Are you okay?
550
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,120
-No.
-I didn't mean to impose, I...
551
00:31:08,200 --> 00:31:11,280
[sighing]
It's nothing to do with you at all.
552
00:31:11,360 --> 00:31:12,920
[exhaling]
553
00:31:16,720 --> 00:31:18,480
[sighing]
554
00:31:18,560 --> 00:31:21,400
[sniffing] [sobbing]
555
00:31:21,480 --> 00:31:24,000
It's okay, don't worry.
556
00:31:28,000 --> 00:31:29,920
[soft-rock music playing]
557
00:31:30,000 --> 00:31:31,560
He's a fucking psycho.
558
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,560
There's something
seriously wrong with him.
559
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:35,280
Don't need to tell me. He's me brother.
560
00:31:35,360 --> 00:31:37,920
[Mandy] Mum'll go mental
if you kick him out the team.
561
00:31:38,000 --> 00:31:39,320
Not worth the hassle.
562
00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,040
There's a fella I know through work,
563
00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:43,280
can barely walk,
but he'd be up for a game.
564
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,840
Stick Micky on the subs bench,
and it's problem sorted.
565
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,880
Yeah. Problem sorted.
566
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:55,520
-Speaking of problems, we've got one.
-What?
567
00:31:55,600 --> 00:31:58,120
[Joe] Well, we can either go
to that expensive French restaurant
568
00:31:58,200 --> 00:31:59,920
where they turn their noses up at us,
569
00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:02,280
or we can go to the expensive Italian one.
570
00:32:02,360 --> 00:32:04,680
Tell you what,
life's just full of problems, innit?
571
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:06,040
[Mandy chuckling]
572
00:32:06,120 --> 00:32:07,440
-[Jamie grunts]
-[kiss]
573
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:20,400
[liquid pouring]
574
00:32:21,680 --> 00:32:22,680
It's all right.
575
00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:25,720
-Look if you want to.
-Fuck off.
576
00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:26,640
Don't bother me.
577
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,080
Poof!
578
00:32:30,000 --> 00:32:30,960
[whimsical music]
579
00:32:37,200 --> 00:32:41,400
-I fucking knew it!
-[bittersweet music]
580
00:32:41,480 --> 00:32:42,560
[Micky] Carl!
581
00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:46,080
-Stay away from me, you fuckin' psycho!
-[Micky] Wait!
582
00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,440
[Jamie] For fuck's sake, Micky,
what have you done?
583
00:32:48,520 --> 00:32:51,520
What? It was an accident! You know...
584
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:52,800
I slipped.
585
00:32:52,880 --> 00:32:55,680
[panting]
586
00:32:55,760 --> 00:32:59,400
Oh, yes, yes, oh, don't stop!
587
00:32:59,480 --> 00:33:03,440
[panting] You're beautiful.
588
00:33:03,520 --> 00:33:06,240
-You don't have to say that.
-But you are.
589
00:33:07,480 --> 00:33:08,840
Sorry.
590
00:33:08,920 --> 00:33:10,680
Just...
591
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:13,800
You are beautiful, you know?
592
00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:15,560
[soft music]
593
00:33:17,400 --> 00:33:18,640
[moaning] Oh!
594
00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:29,080
-I presume you know what this is about.
-I do.
595
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:30,760
There are certain things
we frown on here--
596
00:33:30,840 --> 00:33:31,720
Can I just explain?
597
00:33:32,600 --> 00:33:35,640
First of all,
it wasn't like I didn't know her.
598
00:33:37,080 --> 00:33:38,000
We used to go out.
599
00:33:38,760 --> 00:33:41,320
And okay, I admit, you step back,
you look at it, yes,
600
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:43,960
she was 15 when I met her,
but I didn't do anything!
601
00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:45,560
And she'd testify to that.
602
00:33:46,640 --> 00:33:49,000
And yes, technically,
I let myself into the house,
603
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:52,360
which, if you look at it in the wrong way,
you might see as breaking and entering,
604
00:33:52,440 --> 00:33:55,040
but, I was just putting the chocolate
in the drawer.
605
00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,400
Then I thought,
"No, drawer, that's invasion of privacy,
606
00:33:58,480 --> 00:33:59,920
I'll stick them on the bed." You know?
607
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:07,160
[shyly]
Then the pants got snagged... and voila!
608
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,239
Pants?
609
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:10,480
As in... underwear?
610
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,560
-Yeah.
-Of a 15-year-old girl?
611
00:34:13,639 --> 00:34:15,679
No. Debbie's 16 now.
612
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:18,080
Why would she say she's 15?
613
00:34:19,000 --> 00:34:21,520
I have no idea who she is,
or what you're talking about.
614
00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:26,280
We are here to discuss the circumstances
which led to Stanley Waterman
615
00:34:26,360 --> 00:34:27,880
having to take extended sick leave.
616
00:34:28,800 --> 00:34:32,239
We've received a report about the incident
which we feel lays the groundwork
617
00:34:32,320 --> 00:34:33,679
for a disciplinary procedure.
618
00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:36,159
You've received a report?
619
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:40,199
Sometimes a girl's gotta do
what a girl's gotta do.
620
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,679
A blatant abuse of position,
and waste of resources.
621
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,840
But maybe you should start again.
622
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,239
The other story
sounds far more interesting.
623
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:54,960
So, there was a 15-year-old girl.
624
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:56,400
[tense music]
625
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:01,440
Fucking hell!
626
00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:02,840
[steps on stairs]
627
00:35:04,800 --> 00:35:07,000
I'll, um... Goodbye, then.
628
00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:09,320
-Wait, wait, wait!
-[door slams]
629
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:10,640
What happened?
630
00:35:10,720 --> 00:35:15,680
Our case is gonna disappear
down behind some filing cabinet.
631
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:17,680
Really? Yeah!
632
00:35:17,760 --> 00:35:19,280
Fucking genius, Mon! [spanks]
633
00:35:19,360 --> 00:35:21,640
Fucking genius! How did you convince him?
634
00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:24,240
Don't think we need
to go into the gory details, do we?
635
00:35:24,320 --> 00:35:28,480
-What do you mean "gory details"?
-You know what I mean.
636
00:35:28,560 --> 00:35:33,840
-I told you to speak to him.
-Mmm. You told me to be nice to him.
637
00:35:33,920 --> 00:35:36,920
What you fucking talking about? Eh?
638
00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:42,760
Oh, no!
639
00:35:45,520 --> 00:35:46,680
Tell... tell me you didn't.
640
00:35:46,760 --> 00:35:50,760
-[sighs] It was your idea!
-No. No! [struggling]
641
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,440
[clattering]
642
00:35:52,520 --> 00:35:55,000
Don't touch me. Don't come near me.
643
00:35:55,080 --> 00:35:58,440
You upstairs? In my own house?
644
00:35:58,520 --> 00:36:03,920
For fucking benefits?
Benefits, Monica?
645
00:36:04,000 --> 00:36:06,760
Even prossies have the sense of mind
to do it for cold, hard cash--
646
00:36:06,840 --> 00:36:09,560
-Don't you dare turn this round!
-Don't you fucking start!
647
00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,440
You told me! This is what you wanted!
648
00:36:12,520 --> 00:36:15,240
Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. Of course, it is!
649
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,880
[shouting] Of course, it is!
Yeah, this is what I wanted,
650
00:36:17,960 --> 00:36:21,160
16 years of age,
the world unfurling at me feet,
651
00:36:21,240 --> 00:36:27,600
I said: "Hey, what I want is nine kids,
a house that's falling apart around me,
652
00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:30,680
a wife who leaves me
for another fucking woman, comes back,
653
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,560
and then fucks around on me again."
654
00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,480
Oh, yeah, this is what I wanted!
655
00:36:34,560 --> 00:36:36,720
Don't... Fuck off! [grunts]
656
00:36:36,800 --> 00:36:40,680
-[slams]
-[glass breaking]
657
00:36:40,760 --> 00:36:42,360
Yeah, I was on me knees, praying:
658
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:45,280
"Oh, please, grant my wish,
your Almighty."
659
00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,760
And He did!
660
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:54,360
I mean, this is heaven with you.
661
00:36:54,440 --> 00:36:57,720
Every day, every second, every breath.
662
00:36:57,800 --> 00:37:01,120
-This is fucking heaven, this is!
-[clattering]
663
00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:07,120
[inhales and exhales deeply]
664
00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:09,600
[window thudding]
665
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:14,840
[Monica] I did it for you.
666
00:37:14,920 --> 00:37:16,560
-Don't you...
-I did it for the family!
667
00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:20,360
-[utensils clattering]
-Don't, Monica. Just...
668
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,000
[voice breaking] Just don't!
669
00:37:23,600 --> 00:37:26,320
From now on, Monica...
670
00:37:28,000 --> 00:37:31,520
just... don't!
671
00:37:33,680 --> 00:37:35,840
All right?
672
00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:37,320
[dramatic music]
673
00:37:45,480 --> 00:37:47,400
[machines beeping]
674
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,400
-It's okay, Paddy.
-[Paddy grunting]
675
00:37:49,480 --> 00:37:51,920
It's okay. You're safe.
676
00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,040
-Oh, Mimi! I'm so sorry.
-Sssh.
677
00:37:56,120 --> 00:37:59,560
-Everything's going to be all right.
-No, Mimi, no.
678
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:03,920
I got lost.
I was stupid, and I have to change.
679
00:38:04,000 --> 00:38:06,240
This life we lead,
this world of ours, it's...
680
00:38:07,040 --> 00:38:08,800
Something's gotta give!
681
00:38:08,880 --> 00:38:10,560
I forgot...
682
00:38:10,640 --> 00:38:13,200
I forgot just how much you meant to me.
683
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:16,560
[kiss]
684
00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:20,200
-I love you so fucking much!
-I know, Paddy. I know.
685
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,360
I don't even...
686
00:38:23,440 --> 00:38:26,760
I don't even remember how I got here.
687
00:38:26,840 --> 00:38:29,720
They found you by the side of the road,
half dead.
688
00:38:32,160 --> 00:38:34,200
Better let them see to you.
689
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:36,240
Need to tell the boys
you're awake as well.
690
00:38:36,320 --> 00:38:37,200
Mimi.
691
00:38:40,960 --> 00:38:45,000
[nurse whistles "Bad Guys"
from Bugsy Malone]
692
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,000
[menacing music]
693
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:53,800
No!
694
00:39:01,360 --> 00:39:03,840
I think it's time now, Patrick.
695
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:04,960
[suspenseful music]
696
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:16,800
[cheerful piano over TV]
697
00:39:16,880 --> 00:39:18,160
[kids singing over TV]
♪ We could have been anything ♪
698
00:39:18,240 --> 00:39:20,560
♪ That we wanted to be ♪
699
00:39:22,480 --> 00:39:24,240
♪ But don't it make your heart glad ♪
700
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:30,040
♪ That we decided
A fact we take pride in ♪
701
00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:33,120
♪ We became the best at being bad ♪
702
00:39:35,280 --> 00:39:38,320
[Maureen] My daughter, Patrick. Rachel.
703
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:40,680
It was a few years ago.
704
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:43,000
She looked different towards the end...
705
00:39:44,840 --> 00:39:46,520
once the heroin got hold of her.
706
00:39:46,600 --> 00:39:49,000
[sighs] Maureen.
707
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,840
Only 18 years old.
708
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:55,400
[calm voice] 18 years, that's nothing.
709
00:39:55,480 --> 00:39:58,920
And the worst thing is,
I went to the police,
710
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:02,960
and even if they did manage
to make it stick,
711
00:40:03,040 --> 00:40:04,800
well, you'd be out long before that.
712
00:40:04,880 --> 00:40:07,080
I'll stop.
713
00:40:07,160 --> 00:40:08,640
Swear to God, I'll stop.
714
00:40:08,720 --> 00:40:12,560
Even if I believed you,
it wouldn't change anything.
715
00:40:14,040 --> 00:40:17,000
We have to be accountable...
716
00:40:18,680 --> 00:40:20,920
for our choices,
717
00:40:21,000 --> 00:40:23,120
for what we've done.
718
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:24,640
[singing over TV continues]
719
00:40:28,520 --> 00:40:29,960
[menacing music]
720
00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,600
Oh, no, no! Not that, please!
721
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:36,080
I was a nurse! It's all right, Patrick.
I know what I'm doing!
722
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:37,800
No, no! Fuck off!
723
00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,120
Get off, no!
724
00:40:41,240 --> 00:40:43,360
[Maureen]
It's better if you please stay still.
725
00:40:43,440 --> 00:40:45,920
[screaming in pain] Argh! No!
726
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:48,200
-[Maureen] That's it!
-[Paddy grunts]
727
00:40:50,000 --> 00:40:52,920
Maybe it would be a good idea
for you to try your product.
728
00:40:53,880 --> 00:40:57,560
After all, you didn't have issues
with anyone else trying it, did you?
729
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:01,640
I'll fucking kill ya... bitch.
[breathless]
730
00:41:01,720 --> 00:41:03,640
[gasps] Fuck!
731
00:41:06,240 --> 00:41:07,840
[Paddy grunting]
732
00:41:07,920 --> 00:41:10,320
[piano over TV continues]
733
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:11,480
[Maureen] Shush.
734
00:41:12,240 --> 00:41:13,160
Ssh!
735
00:41:13,840 --> 00:41:15,640
[music booms and echoes]
736
00:41:18,840 --> 00:41:20,360
[gasping]
737
00:41:25,640 --> 00:41:26,880
[Stan] I don't really care.
738
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:30,480
-Mmm?
-Carrie's gone, you leave...
739
00:41:30,560 --> 00:41:32,320
Just one more room to rent, isn't it?
740
00:41:32,400 --> 00:41:33,280
Excuse.
741
00:41:34,120 --> 00:41:36,880
You're just saying that,
cos you know you'll miss me really.
742
00:41:36,960 --> 00:41:39,560
No, seriously. I'm tired of you, anyway.
743
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:43,320
It's the accent, I think. It grates.
Been drifting apart for a while.
744
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:46,320
-It's the way of the world.
-Get a hug, at least?
745
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,560
Whatever. Won't make a difference to me.
746
00:41:51,160 --> 00:41:52,080
[store door opens]
747
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:55,000
[Stan] I'm really going to miss you, mate.
748
00:41:59,800 --> 00:42:01,200
I don't know what to say, mate.
749
00:42:04,640 --> 00:42:05,480
-Get off!
-[kiss]
750
00:42:05,560 --> 00:42:06,520
-Twat!
-[giggling]
751
00:42:11,640 --> 00:42:13,840
-Take care of yourself, Carl.
-Dick!
752
00:42:16,040 --> 00:42:16,880
Carl!
753
00:42:26,840 --> 00:42:27,840
[beep]
754
00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:30,320
[answering machine female voice]
First new message.
755
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:32,720
[Tom] Debbie, it's me, Tom.
756
00:42:32,800 --> 00:42:36,520
I didn't get a chance to say goodbye,
and there's something I need to tell you.
757
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:40,520
Something important I learned about life,
about Chatsworth, and about you.
758
00:42:40,600 --> 00:42:42,960
And it's kind of mind-blowing stuff, see?
759
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:47,280
Debs, after all the time here,
what I realized is... was,
760
00:42:47,360 --> 00:42:49,520
-that I really love--
-[beep]
761
00:42:51,000 --> 00:42:52,280
Whatever.
762
00:42:55,600 --> 00:42:57,160
[pop music playing over the radio]
763
00:43:12,520 --> 00:43:13,560
[tense music]
764
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:29,040
Guess what. Micky. Micky's a poof.
765
00:43:29,120 --> 00:43:31,160
-Yeah, I know.
-Why didn't you warn me, then?
766
00:43:31,240 --> 00:43:33,160
He's not catching, you dick.
767
00:43:33,240 --> 00:43:35,120
It's just he's trying to kill me.
768
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,280
[knock at door]
769
00:43:36,360 --> 00:43:37,960
-[Micky] Carl!
-Fuck!
770
00:43:38,040 --> 00:43:40,520
That's him now.
Ian, please, you gotta to speak to him.
771
00:43:41,880 --> 00:43:43,360
Hang on, I'll be there in a second.
772
00:43:43,440 --> 00:43:45,320
-Ian!
-Listen Carl, I've got to go.
773
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:48,000
If he kills you, make sure
he doesn't do it in the next few weeks.
774
00:43:48,080 --> 00:43:50,080
I'll be well pissed off
if I have to fly home for your funeral!
775
00:43:50,160 --> 00:43:51,360
-Alright?
-[beep]
776
00:43:54,240 --> 00:43:56,400
-[Micky in distance] Carl Gallagher!
-Shit!
777
00:43:59,440 --> 00:44:00,360
Carl?
778
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,040
[Micky] Is that you up there?
779
00:44:05,920 --> 00:44:09,200
-[window opens and closes]
-[rousing music]
780
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,080
Wait!
781
00:44:25,640 --> 00:44:27,400
Aw, that's gorge!
782
00:44:28,400 --> 00:44:29,520
[Lillian] What the...?
783
00:44:30,120 --> 00:44:31,280
[utensil clinks]
784
00:44:35,960 --> 00:44:38,080
-[Micky] I'll be your best friend!
-What?
785
00:44:38,160 --> 00:44:41,440
If you don't tell anyone,
I'll be your best friend. I'm serious!
786
00:44:41,520 --> 00:44:44,680
[in despair] It'd kill me dad.
And me mam. Or they'd kill me!
787
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:49,000
I'll do anything. Please!
[gasping fast] I've got DVDs.
788
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:51,800
All the best films. Die Hard and that.
789
00:44:51,880 --> 00:44:53,680
Fuck's sake, Micky. I don't give a shit!
790
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:59,200
Just wish you were better at football.
No need to go all psycho on us.
791
00:45:01,720 --> 00:45:03,480
I've been dead lonely since lan went.
792
00:45:03,560 --> 00:45:05,760
Micky, I'm not gonna tell anyone.
793
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,800
Don't mean we're gonna be mates, though.
All right?
794
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:12,960
Sorry.
795
00:45:14,080 --> 00:45:15,600
[gasping]
796
00:45:21,800 --> 00:45:25,440
These DVDs... How many you got?
797
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:27,880
Two hundred. Maybe more!
798
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:31,280
-Did a film course, didn't I?
-Got any porn?
799
00:45:31,360 --> 00:45:32,760
Loads!
800
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:35,440
[upbeat music over TV]
801
00:45:50,360 --> 00:45:51,400
[Frank blows kisses]
802
00:46:04,000 --> 00:46:05,880
[Frank] Monica?
803
00:46:06,840 --> 00:46:09,800
Close the fucking door on the way out, eh?
804
00:46:20,520 --> 00:46:22,960
[piano plays over TV]
805
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:25,520
[applause over TV]
806
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:28,240
[Paddy] Another fella I knew, Duncan.
807
00:46:28,320 --> 00:46:30,040
He was a right fucking terror.
808
00:46:30,120 --> 00:46:32,800
One day he did over a post office.
809
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:37,600
Driving off, full speed, hits a dog.
Never seen a man so cut up.
810
00:46:37,680 --> 00:46:40,520
This is someone who stabbed his mother,
seriously,
811
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,800
and he's crying over a fucking dog.
812
00:46:43,880 --> 00:46:48,120
Everybody's got a breaking point
when things just change,
813
00:46:48,200 --> 00:46:51,680
and after that,
you realise everything's different.
814
00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,160
You won't be going back.
815
00:46:54,240 --> 00:46:56,960
Might be others who force your hand,
816
00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,520
or it might be something within yourself.
817
00:46:59,600 --> 00:47:02,920
I guess you don't know.
Not until it hits ya.
818
00:47:05,520 --> 00:47:08,000
[piano music over TV ends]
819
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,440
What am I supposed to do with him? Peg?
820
00:47:11,520 --> 00:47:12,640
-Ian!
-Yeah!
821
00:47:12,720 --> 00:47:14,480
-[Ian] This is Danny.
-Fuck!
822
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:18,160
-Dad will be back.
-Course he will, it's our anniversary.
823
00:47:18,240 --> 00:47:21,120
He'd walk across broken glass,
and swim seven seas.
824
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,320
You all right there, darlin'?
825
00:47:24,880 --> 00:47:26,720
Time to stop.
826
00:47:26,800 --> 00:47:29,320
-So what is it, then?
-Another woman?
827
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:30,760
What've you dug that out for?
828
00:47:30,840 --> 00:47:33,080
Me and Kell
are making us own porn, aren't we?
829
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:34,960
[American-Indian war chant]
830
00:47:35,040 --> 00:47:36,280
[theme song begins]
831
00:48:13,840 --> 00:48:14,960
[theme song ends]
832
00:48:17,680 --> 00:48:20,480
-[sexy music over laptop]
-Oh, yes, I'll do that for you, baby.
833
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:23,320
-[panting over laptop]
-What the fuck!
834
00:48:28,280 --> 00:48:29,400
Oh, sorry.
835
00:48:29,480 --> 00:48:30,880
-Dick!
-Totally.
61582
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