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Man, voice-over: Do you know
that feeling when you're doing

exactly what you were put
on the Earth to do?

The one where it's like
everything inside you

is moving together in harmony
with the universe?

Different man: Get off!
Get off! Get off!

Get off! Get off! Get off!

Get in formation!

Man, voice-over: No matter
what happens...

What the fuck took
you so long, private?

Man, voice-over:
everything will be OK.

Do not fuck it up
on me, private!

Sweet fucking baby Jesus!

Man, voice-over: Yeah.

Me neither...

but, you know,
one can hope, right?

It started when I was a kid.

I always needed to help people.

Hey! Leave him alone!

Or at least I wanted to...

Unh!

So I did what any normal,
red-blooded American would do.

To our top summer associate.

Man, voice-over:
I became a lawyer.

That seemed like a safe move.

You're welcome here at this firm

anytime you want.

- You're one of us now,
all right?
- Woman: Yeah!

Man, voice-over: But then,
I saw it...

a life of backyard grilling
and playdates,

home improvement projects

and overplanned
tourist adventures,

neighbors I probably
didn't want to know,

a wife I probably
didn't want to know either,

maybe an affair
with my neighbor.

The thing was whenever I saw
people like that,

I always thought, "When did you
decide to stop trying?"

So I folded that hand.

[Men shouting]

Yeah. A year of law school left,
6 figures waiting,

and I enlist
in the fucking army?

[Shouting continues]

I mean, what the actual fuck?

[Groans]

Everyone thought I was insane.

1, 2, 3!

I thought I was insane.

The next thing I knew,

I made it through the Q Course
with Special Forces selection.

One minute!

Man, voice-over:
And for the first time

in my entire life...

Let's go surprise some assholes!

I was happy.

Whoo! Let's do this!

Saddle up!

Whoo!

[Soldiers shouting]

I'd found something worth doing

in a world where things
worth doing

they didn't come around
very often.

I found myself...

[Cheering]

Aah!

I found love...

[Screaming]

Push! Push!

I found family...

Come on! Let's go!

Man, voice-over:
and most of all,

I found purpose.

Leader: That's our target.
President Venegas.

We're here to take him out.

See you on the ground!

[Man grunting]

Huh?

No! Shit! Ohh!

Whoa! Ohh! Huh!

Ohh!

Unh!

Oh, fuck! Aw, shit!

Huh!

No! Ohh! Unh!

Huh!

[Groaning]

Guys. Ugh.

Man, voice-over:
And just like that,

my purpose was gone.

I went back to the normal life
that I tried to avoid

and couldn't feel more
like a failure.

[Sighs]

Woman: Mason!

Mason!

Casey's gonna be late
for school!

Good morning.

- Hey!
- Hey!

Mm-wha!

Ew! Your breath
smells, Daddy.

Ohh. Got to brush
my teeth.

[Beep, door unlatches]

OK. You want to drive?
No!

OK. Yeah. In a few years,
it's all yours, though.

All right? You in?
Everything...

Mason, don't forget
her seatbelt.

Make sure to buckle
your seatbelt.

Please.

Wave to Mommy
because she'll hate me

even more than she
already does
if you don't.

You know, how's school going?

Casey: There's a boy
named Chase

that bothers me all the time.

He tries to kiss me and stuff.

Boy tries to kiss you?
You're 9.

- I'm 8, Daddy.
- That makes it even worse.

Tell you what. The next time
he tries to kiss you,

you hit him in the throat.

You know what the throat is?

I'm not an idiot.

Just hit him
in the Adam's apple.

All boys have them.

Like penises?

Uh, yes. Kind... yes.

Um, just... just hit
him right here, OK?

It'll make it so
he can't breathe
for a little bit.

Like hitting him in the penis.

Yes, and you know what?
You can do that, also.

All right? OK.
We're here.

Remember your backpack.

Go forth, wreak havoc,
and don't forget
your bookbag.

Bye, Daddy.

You have a great day, OK?

Learn things.

So I told them...

[Breathing heavily]

they can't charge me
those calls.

I... I... I didn't
make those calls.

I... I... I don't even know
any of those numbers.

They won't leave me alone, man.

So, um... so you want
to hire me

to... argue with your
phone company for you?

Just my old phone company.

Scott, uh...

you... you have my word
I will make this
all go away.

Oh! Thank you.
Thank... thank you.

Thank you.
Can I give you
a retainer?

I'd feel better
with a retainer,
maybe just 500.

Like your style, Scott.

Ha! Oh, my gosh.

Thank you.

- This...
- There you go.

This looks great.
I'll...

- Oh, my gosh.
- I'll be in touch, OK?

OK. Thank you.

OK.

You don't write, you don't call.

As I live and breathe.

- Sebastian Earle.
- Hey!

Aw, man.
Look at you.

God. What are
you doing here?

How'd they get you in a suit?

I could ask you the same thing.

Are you kidding?
I'm about to take on

a global communications
conglomerate,

so I got to look the part.

I seem to recall
you saying that
quitting law

was the best decision
you ever made.

- I did.
- And that becoming a lawyer

would only crush your soul.

Yeah, it has,
but I got a wife and a kid,

and they both require
income, so...

in lieu of that,
I generate broken dreams
for all involved.

Well, do you have
a half-hour to spare
for an old friend?

I want to show you something.

I think Lady Justice can wait.

[Tires squeal]

Sebastian: So what
do you think?

I think you need a lawyer.

- You know a good one?
- Nope.

Carry on, fellas.

Man: Yes, sir. Hey.

CDI. Heh heh.
Chicks Dig It.

Actually, Contracted
Defense Initiatives,

but... but, yes, they do.

You name it, we got it,

and if we don't,
we'll find it,
buy it, or build it.

We can operate
in any environment

and any operational condition.

[Whistles]

We are a one-stop shop
and shoot.

Ranges, mock villages,
our own airstrip,

the whole kit.

- I opened up 7 years ago.
- Yeah, I remember,

but honestly,
I never thought
you'd pull it off.

Hey. Good on you, brother.

Well, I started
with the U.S. government,

then moved to Europe, then Asia,

then South America.

Now we're over 80%
corporate contracts.

We're grossing
high 8 figures
this year.

Heh. Ahh. Private security
work's always been
a bit dicey for me.

It's, like, a thin line
between mercenary work, yeah?

Naw. Come on.
It's like any business.

We sell a product.

That product is security.

Cavemen out there,
they're your product?

They look the part,
and they keep the peace.

Can't hire fast enough.

Tons of ex-military,
a few cops... heh...

and some good, old
boys with a passion

for the Second Amendment.

And steroids.

- Don't ask, don't tell.
- Yeah.

These guys are, uh, potentially

your new colleagues.

No. No.

No!

No, no, and no.

Come on.

I'm too broken down,
I'm... I'm out of shape.

I'm too old to go running
around the world, Seb.

I got a life here.

Mason, I know you.
You're... you're miserable.

That's not the point.

Look. The truth is
broken or not

you still look the part.

I'm asking as a personal favor.

I've got an easy
personal protection detail.

It's a one-off.
Just help me out, huh?

Total milk run.

You guys don't look
like milkmen.

[Sighs]

[Man speaking Spanish on TV]

[Spanish continues]

!¡Viva Paldoñia!

Crowd:!¡Viva Paldoñia!

[Venegas speaking Spanish]

Everybody is welcome
to Paldoñia.

It's a beautiful country,
beautiful.

Juan Arturo Venegas.

You kidding me?

You took a job for the guy
that killed half our team?

We were there to kill
him in the first place.

Dude, chill. The job
isn't for Venegas.

It's body work
for a journalist who's
gonna interview him.

Just show up, be some
window dressing for her,

make sure she doesn't
get groped.

A bunch of our friends died
because of that guy.

You don't have to tell me.

I know, and look.

If he were to get hit by a bus,

I don't think anybody
would be too upset
about it.

Believe me, I'd love
to do it myself,

but I'm running a business,

and right now,
that business is
getting a journalist

in and out of Paldoñia.

Yeah. Send one
of your other guys.

Heh. I can't spare
them for this.

Listen. I'm trying
to break into

the personal protection
racket for journalists,

and this is
the first step,
so I'm overpaying.

This is me trying to
hook you up, OK?

No drama. Venegas
is sending a plane

to D.C. tomorrow
to pick you guys up.

I'm not interested.

20 grand says you are.

[Sighs]

Who's the journalist?

Man: This year's recipient

of the International Journalism
and Editors Award

Claire Wellington.

[Cheering and applause]

Thank you.

Claire: Journalism
at its best,

it's about the truth.

I share this with all
the journalists

who report the facts

and who value the truth
above all.

[Typing]

[Reporters clamoring]

In my haste to break
a major story,

I neglected... to perform
my due diligence

in properly fact checking

and thoroughly vetting
my sources.

I have resigned
my position here.

[Reporters clamoring]

Woman: Make sure that she knows
what she did was wrong.

So, uh, how's everybody doing?

[Sighs]

You told your daughter
to hit a boy

in the throat,
and that boy's father

- is a lawyer.
- Um...

A real lawyer.

Uh, whatever this is,
it's gone, it's done.

I can't do it anymore, Mason.

- I can't...
- Jenny, don't overreact.

I'm not overreacting.
I think it might be best

for everybody if you
did move out.

[Sighs]

Never mind. I'll get Casey,
and I'll go to my mom's.

No. I'll go.

[Video game chimes]

[Controller clicking]

Hey, Daddy.

[Groans]

What are you doing?

Building a cruise ship.

Cruise ship. Wow.
That's a good gig
if you can get it.

Ahh. Listen. I got to go
out of town for a few days.

It's for work.

Do they have snow globes
where you're going?

Tell you what.
If they do, I'll get you one.

Thanks, Daddy.

[Chime]

Jenny: What do you mean
you're going out of town
for a few days?

- I took a job.
- What?

Yeah. Sebastian Earle
hooked me up.

- What about your practice?
- Ha!

You just said a minute ago
that I wasn't a real lawyer.

What job is this?

It's private security.
Easy stuff.

Mason, no.

That part of your life is over.

You're not gonna go
and get yourself killed

and leave our daughter
without a father
to raise her.

Just let me make this money, OK?

You think I don't know
how unhappy you are

being just a husband
and a father?

Imagine what it feels
like to be me,

knowing that I'm
the life you
settled for.

Jenny, I...

On second thought,
actually, you should go.

Maybe that's what you need

to fix yourself.

[Door slams]

[Doorbell beeping]

Claire: Politics
in the workplace

and... and the fallout
from that, please.

No. It's great.
Of course you're being
a weasel about this.

I can't say I'm surprised.

Yeah. I wouldn't want to
tarnish your perfect reputation.

You're a saint.
We both know it.

Excuse me.
Claire Wellington?

Well, please do,
and I'll be sure

to badmouth you to anyone
who will listen.

Hey. That's great.
Yeah. Same to you, asshole.

Miss Wellington...

I'm... I'm, uh... I'm
from CDI.

I'm Mason Pettits.

You're late.
Where's the car?

It's, uh, this way.

Great. Can you help me
with this?

Claire: So you're
my Green Beret.

Army Special Forces.

Right. A Green Beret
is a hat.

Delta Force isn't
the name of anything
but a bad movie.

I've met my share
of your colleagues.

So where'd you serve?

Oh. All
the loveliest places.

I was in the Middle East,

South America of course.

Ooh! North Carolina.

And that tan line
on your ring finger?

We don't wear
wedding rings
while we work.

Could be a possible
pressure point if
you're captured.

Either that,
or you just got a divorce.

So we're leaving for Paldoñia.

You know anything about it?

Sure do.

Paldoñia's like
a... Tim Burton movie.

It's colorful,
but it's creepy as fuck.

That's a new one.

I have an exclusive interview

with President
Juan Arturo Venegas.

He doesn't do interviews.

Um, with all due respect,
do you understand
at all who...

I think I understand quite well,

but the real question is
do you understand

why you're coming along?

My guess is not
to give my opinion

about Juan Arturo Venegas.

Perfect. Then this
will be fine.

I'll focus on Venegas.
You focus on making sure

I don't get robbed
or kidnapped at the hotel.

[Muttering]

Man: Pull!

[Gunshot]

What's up, what's up?

Welcome back to
"Infamous Daily Live."

I'm here with GG Love,

who went from doing time

to being
a multimillionaire
entrepreneur

and founder of
the Much Loved
clothing brand.

Thanks for being here, GG.

Pleasure's all mines, baby.

Give us a spin.
Show off what you got.

Wow! I can't wait
to get one.

So tell me...

- Have a good laugh?
- Oh, shit!

Was that all
an Internet search
could get you?

Trust me. There's
far worse out there.

Did you move
to the States
when you were young?

I noticed your
British passport
when we boarded,

and you slipped
your accent, so...

probably moved here as a kid.

I mean, if I had to guess.

Nobody's asking
for your guesses.

Why Paldoñia?
Some sort of
image makeover?

This might shock you, my dear,

but I didn't take
a degree at Oxford

to cover celebrity bar mitzvahs.

Paldoñia has some
of the largest oil

and natural gas fields
in the world,

and Venegas is
the last pure autocrat

in the Western Hemisphere,
and he doesn't do interviews

until now.

OK. Just...

just want me to sit
here and shut up then?

Sounds absolutely brilliant.

[Hip-hop music playing]

[Man singing in Spanish]

Miss Wellington,
welcome to Paldoñia!

President Venegas,
so nice to meet... you.

Ellie sends her regards.

Oh, my God.
You are even more beautiful

in person than on television.

- Thank you.
- Hoo. Ha ha ha!

[Sighs]

It's like that?

Oh. That...
that was a gift.

What? I have a permit
for that.

Before we begin,
we must take a selfie.

Oh. Um...

- Ah. Yes.
- That's... um...

It's a little bright out here.

- Yes?
- Oh. Oh!

You approve? Yes.

- Ahh!
- It's great.

My followers are
gonna love this.

[Phone whooshes]

Use the whole fist?

I bought that one. Yeah.

So Ellie and you were roommates

in the university, yes?

Our second
and fourth years, yes.

Hmm. Heh heh.

Well, any friend
of Ellie's is welcome
in Paldoñia.

Tell me about her.
How is she?

Well, um...

she is very happy in Kansas.

I know. What's
in Kansas anyway?

The rich rancher she married.

[in Spanish] What a pity.

[in English] Not in Kansas
anymore, huh?

Was it a bad joke?

Venegas: No.
"The Wizard of Oz."

It's one of my favorite movies.

I should have introduced you.

Mason is my protective detail.

Venegas: Of course he is.
Of course.

Mason Pettits, CDI's finest,

former Army
Special Forces, right?

Maison Petite.
The little house.

We do our own research, too.

Ha ha ha! Ha!

Vamanos!

[Man singing Del Shannon's
"Runaway" in Spanish]

Would you like to ride
my stallion?

Not now, thanks.

President Venegas,
I really appreciate you

giving me this kind of access.

Ho ho! Of course.

It's like they say.

A blind pig must use its nose.

Ah. Ha ha.

There are so many
wonderful things
about my country.

I can't wait for you
to share them with the world.

Look. Mi gente.
My people.

There is a bright future
ahead of us, bright future.

Heh.

Ha ha. Freedom of speech
is very present in Paldoñia,

but let's move on.

Vamos. Vamos.
Adelante. Adelante.

Mason: Just confirming.
We are still headed

to your ranch tonight, right?

Venegas: I am taking you
to my country estate.

I think you're gonna love it.

Let's toast, huh?

- OK.
- Yes.

Ha ha! One for you,

one for me,

and we toast
for your safe travels...

and for new friends.

- I like it.
- Yes.

Ah, ah, ah.

- Arriba...
- Arriba...

- abajo...
- abajo...

- al centro...
- al centro...

- pa' dentro.
- OK. Ha ha ha!

- Ahh.
- Ahem. Heh.

Uh, if you don't mind,
Mr. President,

I'd love to go over a few
of my interview questions

- with you now.
- Yes, of course.

No prepararse
es prepararse para fallar.

Failing to prepare
is preparing to fail?

- Ooh. I love it.
- Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Be ready to fail, huh?

I... ohh!

What are we gonna do, Mason?

[Speaking Spanish]

[Audio slowing down]

Mason!

[Gunfire]

[Speaking Spanish]

Oh, my God!

[Venegas speaking Spanish]

- Aah!
- Stay down!

- Aah, Mason!
- Get down!

Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

[Gunfire continues]

No, no, no, no, no!

[Bullets ricocheting off car]

Claire: Mason?

- What's happening?
- Stay down!

Oh! Ohh!

[Gunfire continues]

Claire: Aah!

[Tires squeal]

What are you doing?

[Tires squeal]

Oh, shit!

- Get up. Get up.
- What?

Get up. Put your
seatbelts on now.

Oh, God.

- Venegas: Unh!
- Claire: Ohh!

Ooh! Ow!

Claire, are you OK?
Yes? Yes.

[Breathing heavily]

Told you this was mine.

OK, OK.

Hey. OK. Stay here.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

[Gunfire]

Huh!

[Grunting]

Man.

Hey.

What part of "stay here"
did you guys not get?

[Gunfire]

[Man shouts]

[Claire gasping]

[Groaning]

[Grunting]

Oh, my back. Ohh.

Oh. Just...

[Claire coughs]

OK. OK.

- Mr. Pettits.
- OK.

- Thank you very much.
- God! Ohh! My back!

- Ahh. My back.
- Are you OK?

Yeah. Just give me
a second.

Are you sure you're OK?
You want a massage?

OK.

Claire: What the hell
just happened?

What happened?

Your one-man
security detail happened.

He's a hero.

Mason, what's going on?

What's going on?
This place is

a shitshow like it always was.

We never should have come.

Let's go.

Should we call for help?

Yeah, but we'll
call when we're
someplace safe.

Ahem. Can you
believe this?

What?

C'est un coup d'état.

A coup?

Putana! Merde!

I cannot hide from this!

Ha! Hiding seems
like a great idea
right now.

This is not a rebel
assassination attempt.

One, really looks like it is.

Two, you're screwed
regardless, so...

I have to stop this.

I think I just did.

Stop the overthrow
of my government,

and you will come
with me to the capital

and help me protect my people.

Newsflash... your people
just tried to kill you,
all right?

Count us out.

Can you hand me my bag?

- What?
- My bags.

We gotta get you out of here
by the end of the day.

You're never gonna need it.

I'm with the president
of a country

in the middle of a coup.

This is the scoop of a lifetime.

You gotta be alive to have
the scoop of a lifetime, OK?

You'll break your story
when you're someplace safe.

- What's that?
- A really big gun.

Let's move.

Come on.

Ohh!

["Swan Lake" Act I "Finale"
playing]

Battement tendu.

En pointe.

[Cell phone ringing]

Yes.

How's it?

Everyone?

Yes. Excellent.

Sorry. Go ahead.

I see.

Be in touch then.

Brava, brava, Marta.
The swan.

[in Afrikaans] Papa has to go
to work my dear.

Encore, encore!

[Music continues]

[Music ends]

[in English] Shit.

Wait, wait, Mason.

I c... I can't,
I can't, I can't.

I can't. Ohh.

I guess we're taking a break.

Ohh.

Are you OK, Miss Wellington?

- I'm good.
- Oh, good.

So who's trying to kill us?

Nobody. Nobody is
trying to kill us.

They're trying to kill him.

[in Spanish] Who wants
to kill you?

Ah.

A single insect may bring
down an entire country.

Which insect wants
to kill you today?

I don't know,
but I intend to find out.

[in English] Oh. You have
a satellite phone.

Who you gonna call?

I'm calling for help.

[Cell phone rings]

- Earle.
- Yo. It's Mason. We got hit.

Shit! What happened?
You OK, Mason?

Heading out of town,
they took out our vehicles.

I got us out safe, but I...

bro, we're stuck.
I got no idea
where we're at.

Is Wellington safe?

Yeah. She's with me,
and Venegas

is here, too.

What? Why is he
with you?

What about his team?

Dead. Bro, you got to
get us a ride.

Hang tight.

GPS has your position.

There's a clearing...
3 klicks east.

Exfil there by helo.

I'm gonna call some
colleagues in the area.

I'll get you picked up.

Heh. So much for a milk run.

- May I use your phone?
- Nope.

But I need to make a call.

Heh. I don't care.

- Claire: Mason.
- What?

Tell me why I should do
a favor for him.

Well, for example,
because, uh, I can have

you arrested for
being a foreign spy.

Maybe I pull a coup
of my own then.

Stop it, Mason!

[Singing in Spanish]

Singing? Dictators
don't get to sing.

Really? Well, then
go ahead.

Do it, Mr. Pettits.

I am not afraid of death,

and I am not afraid
of people like you.

Do it.

[Singing in Spanish]

Hey, hey!
Put the gun down, please.

[Continues singing]

Knock yourself out.

Thank you.
Don't worry.

I'll make it petite.

[Phone beeps]

[Indistinct chatter]

Hermanos.

Señor.

- [in Spanish] Is this my speech?
- Yes.

Is the lighting okay?

The lighting is perfect, Jefe.

Thank you, General.

Ringtone ♪ Sí señor

♪ Mi presidente

♪ Sí señor

Your phone is ringing, El Jefe.

♪ El presidente

Hello?

Jorge,

Nephew!

Uncle?

Correct!

I'm out here walking
through the jungle!

How are you?

All good?

Heh. Ha ha!

How are you, Uncle?

I'm fantastic!

I'm walking through the jungle

with an absolutely lovely woman.

- The Gringo Journalist?
- Yes!

The beautiful Claire Wellington.

- Uh-huh.
- Ah!

[Continues in Spanish]

Is he asking what I'm wearing?

[in English] No, he's describing
what you're wearing.

Don't look at me.
He's your friend
of a friend.

Yeah. Just didn't
realize he and Ellie

kept in touch still.

- What?
- The interview.

That's obviously why
he invited me here.

He invited you?

Why? Because I'm not just

a celebrity news
reporter to you now?

No. I thought you
landed the interview.

Ha! Everybody's asked
him for an interview,

but Paldoñia's
been basically
a media blackout

for the last decade.

Then just like that,
he e-mailed me,

asked me if I wanted
an interview.

Why do you think you're here?

I'm not totally clueless.

[in Spanish] Yes, yes,
don't worry. See you soon!

We were all worried for you.

Sure. Great. God bless you!

My uncle isn't dead.

Our partners
will not be pleased.

[Phone beeps]

[in English] Thank you.

Please tell us you
have good news.

Oh, I have wonderful news.

I was just talking
to Jorge, my nephew.

He's the one behind the coup.

That's good news?

Yes, it's great news.

You see, I love my nephew,
but he's an idiot.

So he... he just told you?

No. he didn't tell
me anything,

but he said
everything. Hmm?

He will not move
a finger if he knows

that I am still alive,

so I told him that
everything was OK

and that we were
gonna go to see him.

You see, you must always
stroke the head

that you are going to cut off.

So is he working
with the rebels?

No, no, no, no.

The rebels also think
that he's an idiot.

Heh. Let's go.

Back to the capital.

Heh. No.

No.

Do what you want.

We're getting out of here.

We can't just leave him.

Just did.

I need to report this.

We can't just let
another government

in another poor
country get overthrown

in another coup
and nobody pays attention.

Come on. Don't let
Venegas suck you in.

He's a textbook sociopath.

He seems OK.

Please.
Read Hannah Arendt.

I have.

I'm well aware what
the world expects

from Claire Wellington
at the moment,

but I have sacrificed everything

for my career... my family,
relationships, my life...

so forgive me if I refuse to be

the laughingstock who
went from winning a Peabody

to covering celebrity man caves.

This is my chance,

and it's working out
better than I ever
could have hoped.

Yeah, it's one way
of looking at it.

Err!

[Phone ringing]

Sebastian.

Man: Mason Pettits, we got
a call from your boss at CDI.

Heard you needed a lift.

Yeah, we sure do.

Got an ETA
of two minutes for you.

Got a spot where I can
set the bird down?

Yeah, we're headed
towards the clearing
right now.

Uh, you got my GPS?

We're heading straight for it.

You can't get
here fast enough.
We'll be standing by.

OK. Sit tight.
We're getting picked up
in a few minutes.

Are you sure we can't stay?

Oh, I'm sure.

Get you picked up
across the border.

You'll find a Starbucks
with free Wi-Fi or something,

break your story from there.

Sure sure?

You can't get
a Peabody if you're dead.

What about Venegas?
You think he'll be OK?

I don't give
a shit about Venegas!

What is your deal with him?

[Helicopter approaching]

I can smell the free Wi-Fi now.

Not good.

- Run! Run!
- What?!

[Claire screaming]

Aah!

Claire: Aah!

[Grunting]

- Agh!
- Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Come on!

Oh, God!

Come on.

Are you kidding me?

Embrace the suck!

Aah! Ohh! Ohh!

Claire: Aah!

Still excited to cover a coup?

- Less and less honestly.
- Yeah.

Shit! he's going
for another round.

Stay put.

[Grunts]

[Breathing heavily]

[Inhales]

[Exhales]

[Exhales]

[Gasps]

Tell me you got that.

Run!

[Claire panting]

Mason?

Mason?

[Branch snaps]

Mason?

Oh. Not Mason.

Because hiding in a tree
is such a good idea.

Huh!

[Both grunting]

Are you OK?

Yeah. I'm good.

Do you need help?

Enn.

[Bones crack]

Claire: Ooh!

[Panting]

You good? Ugh.

Suddenly, I'm very glad
I paid you to tag along.

[Groaning]

Mason!

- Unh!
- Aah!

Where is Venegas?

[Gunshot]

Aah!

I'm here.

Ohh!

Aah!

Puta!

Oh. Miss Wellington,
I am... I am so sorry

for the mess that I have made.

Thank you.

Where did you come from?

From behind that tree.

Not literally.

What's up with the hand cannon?

- Juanita?
- Yeah.

What kind of egomaniacal
psycho dictator

would Venegas be if he
didn't have a big gun?

Point taken.

[in Spanish] Thank you
for your help.

You're welcome, Mr. Pettits.

[Soldiers speaking Spanish]

Jorge: Colonel Koehorst.

[in English] General Vásquez,

my clients are very
disappointed that

your uncle is still alive
and causing trouble.

It would appear that
your men likewise

failed to kill my uncle.

Certainly our
arrangement's off
to a shaky start.

My clients need assurance that

their investment in
your country remains secure.

Is that clear?

Yes. Ahem.

Good.

Thank you.

Better one man dies
instead of a thousand.

[Gags]

Ahem.

- Thanks.
- Yeah.

Ahh.

Well, this is
just... awesome.

Yeah.

So how'd you get wounded?

Your back. Saw you've
been favoring it.

God, I'm sorry
for trying to have

a human moment with you
in the middle of a jungle

where we could die
at any second.

Mission I was on
went sideways
a while back.

I got injured.
My back hurts.

Did that happen here?

Yeah.

It was my last mission.

And so you're married...
or were married?

I didn't quite follow
with the ring thing.

Heh.

[Sighs]

Yes.

Probably separated by now.

Hmm.

I was just way better
at being an operator

than I am at normal,
day-to-day life.

Then I got hurt, then I got out,

and then I just sucked.

I got low.

[Exhales]

Took me years to
figure out how
to become a lawyer.

Wait. You're a lawyer?

Yeah. Officially.

Passed the Bar, whole 9.

Ha!

Thought it would make
me feel more normal.

Mmm.

Turns out it just made me
hate myself more.

So you got into
private security?

Yeah.

How long you been
doing that now?

Uh, it's what, 5...

4... 3 days?

What? CDI said
you were their best.

You saw me take out
a helicopter.

I mean, I think you
got your money's
worth, right?

I mean, come on.
That was...

that was pretty cool.

That was pretty damn cool.

Uh, we should go around.

How rude would that be?

It probably isn't safe.

It's very safe.

Welcome to Sabrina, my home.

[Indistinct chatter]

Heh heh.

[Speaking Quechuan]

- Ahh. Ha!
- Ha ha ha!

Claire, Mason,

this is my oldest friend
Ernesto Sandoval.

He is the leader
of this village.

It's an honor.

Oh! Oh!

[in Quechuan] You're much more
beautiful than on TV.

The Hulk.

The Hulk scares me.

[Laughter]

[in English] What did he say?

Something funny, I guess.

Venegas: This is Pepino.

He is the, the son-in-law
of the chief.

He will give us a ride
into town tomorrow.

- Tomorrow?
- Yes, Mason.

Nobody travels in this region

of the country at night.

Not even mercenaries.

Consider it a chance to rest

and wash off the blood.

OK.

[Speaking Quechuan]

Uh...

[Indistinct chatter]

[Gasps]

- Ohh!
- Oh, my God!

Ha ha ha!

- I just...
- I didn't...

didn't see anything.

Venegas: Whew!

Oh. Hoo!

Nice ink, woman.

Color me impressed,
Mr. Pettits.

Not petite at all.

Shall we do the interview?

Huh?

[Indistinct chatter]

Mason: So what do you want
me to do again?

Just a standard two-shot.

Didn't exactly learn
that in basic training.

Just make sure we're
both in the frame.

- Shall we begin?
- Please.

OK. Let me just...

Claire:
We're rolling?

Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

President Venegas,
thank you for
speaking to me

about the events that
have transpired over
the past 12 hours.

Venegas: I truly appreciate
the opportunity

of speaking with you.

The world will soon
learn that earlier

this morning you survived
an assassination attempt

that resulted in the deaths

of your entire security team.

Sadly, yes.

Who do you think
is behind this
attempted coup?

Our land and its mineral
resources have been exploited

by outsiders
for a very long time,

and it is no secret
that these outsiders

have propped up
my presidency for many years

while I turned
my back on my people.

The CIA, the SAS,
they're only a tool

to influence leaders
like me in countries
like mine,

but the real power has
always been in the hands

of CEOs and shareholders
that make billions

out of our natural resources
on the back of my people.

So the corporations
were behind the attempt
on your life?

I was with you.
The attackers seemed like

professional soldiers.

What can't these
people buy, Claire?

You think
an assassination
attempt is scary?

Try telling the CEO
of a global energy company

to go fuck his mother
and watch your currency drop

70% by the end
of the conference call.

Paldoñia has been blessed
with a second chance.

In my fists are lanthanides,

rare earth metals that
are the core component

for every new technology,
cell phones, tablets,

electric cars, MRI machines.

These corporations,
they want to exploit

our new resource by
a pittance of what it's worth,

and I have told them
that I will not allow it,

which is why they're
trying to kill me.

Paldoñia will become
the number one provider

of the world's
most precious metal.

[in Spanish] My promise,
and my legacy

is that wealth from these metals

will be invested solely
and exclusively

to enrich the people
of Paldonia.

Long Live Paldonia!

[Cheering and applause]

[Indistinct chatter]

[in English] Quite a puff
piece you got here.

Yeah.

[Latin music playing]

Venegas: The bridge.
Here they come.

Do you remember that?

You come back.
Ba ba ba ba! Take that!

[Speaking Spanish]

Right?

I'm telling you.

- You saved my life.
- Claire: Yes.

Very impressive.

[Speaking Spanish]

Whoo!

Más, más.

[Indistinct chatter]

Bravo! Bravo!

Y-you don't have to sleep
in a chair, Mason.

I've slept in worse.

Want to play a game to
see who gets the bed?

OK. If you know
what this is,

I'm gonna be in trouble.

[Exhales]

That's a mandala.

I'm guessing you got it
in India,

work trip.

Ha. OK.

OK.

This is Latin.

"She flies
with her own wings."

That's Latin?
It, um...

ahem... it's cool.

Yeah. I got it
a few years ago

as a reminder
that everything's
gonna work out fine.

And why would you need
that reminder,

aside from being here
with an inexperienced
bodyguard

and being hunted by mercenaries?

Oh. Ttt, ttt, tt.

Stop.

Um... heh.

Can you see that?

Yep. Uh, anarchy?

What, do you not
believe in any form
of government?

I didn't when I was a teenager.

I was very rebellious.

I can buy that.

Hmm. It got me
into journalism,

you know, confronting power,

fighting governments
to get to the truth.

What's not to love?

Yeah, yeah.
Of course.

So whatever you thought,

I came here for the chance

to confront a dictator

and hold power to account.

That's why I came here.

Not for my career.

Maybe a little bit
for my career.

Heh.

Now, you tell me something.

Good night.

Are you enjoying this?

I'm just doing my job.

Yeah. Me, too.

I c... I can't.
Ahem. I can't.

You still love her.

Yeah.

Timing, right?

- Yeah. The worst.
- Ha ha ha!

Good night, Mr. Pettits.

Good night, Miss Wellington.

[Rooster crowing]

[Groans]

Morning.

Yo. We got to go.

Heh.

Aww. You're still
not gonna let me go

to Puerto Santiago
to tell this story, huh?

That's a negative.
You got your exclusive.

We get you to safety,
you break your story.

Do you think I have
enough of a story?

I mean, yes, I have
Venegas telling his side,

but it could
still be dismissed
as the rantings

of a dictator
trying to explain away

a popular revolt.

That is true.

The world has always
been largely apathetic

towards my country.

That has served many well
but not my people.

That is why today I am
going to Puerto Santiago

for the future of my people.

Very inspiring.
I'm just gonna move

the delusions of saving
your people to the back burner

and not getting us killed
to the front burner.

Why are you here, Mason?

- What?
- Yes.

Why are you here in Paldoñia?

For her.
To protect her.

Really? That's why you
think you're here?

Hmm. For such
a cynical man,

you are hopelessly naive, Mason.

Out of all places,
you were sent here.

The question is why, Mason.

[Phone beeping]

[Cell phone ringing]

Mason:
Yo. It's Mason.

Mace. Are you OK?
I'm freaking out here.

Yeah. What's the story, bro?

You sent me down here
because you thought
I'd roll over?

Maybe I was too big
of a mess to handle it?

Because I, like, owned
a bunch of these dudes.

- What are you talking about?
- Come on, man.

You really gonna try
to convince me you sent me

down here randomly
to meet the guy who
killed half our friends,

and then the day I get
here, by coincidence,

there's a coup with a bunch
of South Africans?

It should be great.

Mace, it's not what
you think, all right?

Just breathe.

- I love you like a brother.
- Yeah?

The only thing I can't
figure out is why you
needed me down here.

[Sighs]

They wanted you
to dispose of him.

Kill Venegas?

At his ranch.

One of his bodyguards
was gonna get you a gun,

sneak you into his bedroom.

Yeah, but why me?

I thought it'd be a gift
to take out the guy

who killed our brothers,

but apparently
his nephew thought Venegas

was hip to it,
and he jumped the gun.

I never would've sent
you down there

if I thought there was
gonna be a coup.

Seb, what kind of
insanity have you
gotten yourself into?

Look. Security contracting,

you deal with some shady people.

Some of it rubs off on you.

Who are these people?
Who paid you?

The South Africans
are contractors, too.

They approached me
when the Wellington
interview happened.

They... they... they rep
people who want to
take control of the...

- The lanthanides.
- Right.

Mace, there's an easy fix here.

Put a bullet in Venegas.

Do it for the guys we lost.

Do it for his country.

Do it for the world.

Mace? Ma...

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

Mason: Honey?

Hi, Daddy.

Hey. Uh...

hey. I, um... I just
wanted to tell you

that I love you
and Mommy so much.

I love you too, Daddy.

Daddy, Mommy is sad.

You should come home.

Yeah. Yeah.

I... I promise I'll
be home soon.

Hey. Is... is Mommy there?

Can you put Mom on
the phone right now?

OK, but she told Grandma
that she doesn't

want to talk to you
again until you get

your shit together.

Heh. Ahem.

Just put mom
on the phone, sweetheart.

Mommy! Daddy's
on the phone.

OK, honey.
You go get ready.

OK.

- Mason?
- Hey.

Where are you?

I'm just in a shop
getting Casey something.

Listen. Um...

I just wanted to say thank you

for sticking with me
through all this

and that I love you very much.

Oh. OK. I mean,
you're kind of
scaring me,

- uh, with that.
- No, no.

It's, it's... don't worry.
Don't worry.

I love you.

I... I love you,
too, so much.

Please just come
home in one piece.

- I'm on my way.
- OK.

[Sighs]

Thank God for that.

Venegas: So as you
walk to this...

Claire: All right. I'll use
some of the skirt. Yes.

You walk into
position right here,

and then you go like

Mason?

Hey.

We're heading
for the border tonight.

- What?
- What?

We're leaving, and that's that.

- No, no. Wait.
- Hey!

Don't give me a reason.

[Vehicles approaching]

Claire: Ohh!

Where's Venegas?

Venegas!

Venegas!

Mason: Dude, stop
following us already.

Venegas: I could say
the same thing to you,

but I have much better manners.

Mi amigo has a car.
Come on!

[in Spanish] I said,

Where is President Venegas?

[Speaking Quechuan]

I said,

Where is President Venegas?

Nesto Sandoval.

Where is President Venegas?

[Coughs]

[Pepino speaking Spanish]

This is your car?

Sí señor.

Claire: It doesn't
look very fast.

What are we gonna
do with this thing?

[Fires 3 shots]

Where's Venegas?

[Villagers screaming]

[Engine sputtering]

[Gunshot]

[Villagers screaming]

[Engine sputtering]

- Wait, wait, wait.
- Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

Let him go.

It's the only way out of this.

If they kill him here,
they kill every person

in this village.

[Horse neighs]

I hate you.

Hey!

You're looking for Venegas?

Here is Venegas!

- Um...
- Can you ride?

I'll manage.

All right.

[Grunting]

OK. Hold on.

Huh! Ohh!

- OK.
- Oh.

- Ohh!
- Get on.

- What?!
- Get on!

No, no! I am very
afraid of horses.

Half of your pictures
are on horses.

- It was Photoshopped.
- Err!

[Horse neighs]

Ohh! OK. OK.

Let's go!

Aah! Aah!

OK. OK. Oh! OK.

Ooh! Oh! Aah!

- Aah!
- Mason: Claire, come on!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

Oh, God! Oh, God!

Venegas: Aah! Aah!

Hold onto my waist!

Ohh! Aah!

This isn't weird at all.

Let's go!
Get them!

[Screaming]

Hang tight!

Claire, this way!

Claire: Wait, wait, wait!

[Screaming]

Mason:
Claire, follow me!

[Horse neighs]

Aah!

- Aah!
- Hang on!

[Whimpering]

Stay there.
Stay there.

Do not move.

Get up.
Come here. Come here.

Stay still.

Hello, Miss Wellington.

May I call you Claire?

Where's Claire?

She was right behind us.

Oh.

Don't worry.

They won't hurt her
if I'm still alive.

Looks like I'm going
to Puerto Santiago.

Excellent!

Aah! What?!
Aah! Aah! Aah!

So you take money
to make private wars?

What's that like?

Why don't you ask
your Green Beret?

I would, but I seem
to have been kidnapped
by mercenaries.

Sweetheart,
we just saved you
from the worst dictator

this continent has ever seen.

I guess I missed
the chivalry while you were

shooting at me.

We were shooting at him.

Our group has been
contracted on behalf

of the people of Paldoñia.

You mean,
a corporate-backed coup

of a sovereign nation?

You know, most journalists cause

chaos and frenzy
but have no idea

what's actually going on.

We are here to bring
stability and peace

to a complicated situation.

You really think that
your reporting

can change the will
of the powerful?

This might sound crazy,
but, yes, I do.

- Kind of part of the gig.
- It certainly sounds nice,

and I wish you were
right, Claire.

I really do.

Unfortunately,
people are foolish.

People just want honesty.

They don't know what they want.

They can't see what matters.

They need looking after.

So what matters?

What matters is power.

You can hold it and use it.

And who's using you?

Well, Claire, certainly
people who don't like

what you're doing.

They don't give
a rat's ass
about journalists.

Mason:
How much further?

Venegas:
We're almost there.

It's just over the ridge.

[Singing in Spanish]

What's with the singing, man?

You noticed?

Well, I believe that
when one encounters danger,

you should sing to it.

You care to try?

Not much of a singer.

Not much of a dancer either.

Ha ha ha!

You're not afraid
of a big belly laugh

every now and again, huh?

Oh. Of course not.

I believe that
one should always
remember to laugh.

Well, I found out why I'm here.

Oh.

They wanted me to kill you.

That makes sense.

- It does?
- Of course.

You blame me
for shooting down
your helicopter,

for your friends dying,
for your life ever since.

Then my late bodyguard
Manuel gives you a gun

and lets you into my bedroom.

Wait. You knew
about that?

I don't stay in power

by not knowing things, Mason.

I'd be so bad
at being a dictator.

No. You'd be great
at it.

It's just practice.

There is something important
I need to tell you, though.

I didn't shoot down
your helicopter.

Come on, man.

I know you didn't personally.

It was friendly fire.

Do you really think we
can stop an American invasion

by shooting down one helicopter?

I mean, of course,
I knew you guys were coming,

but there was
nothing I could do
to stop you,

so as a matter of fact,
I was getting ready to
take a boat to Cuba,

and suddenly,
a helicopter gets shot down,

and everything stops
just like that,

and the next morning,
I get a visit

from one of my ex-patrons
telling me that

the next time the helicopter
would land

unless I signed off
some new oil leases,

which of course I did.

We were pawns.

I am very sorry about
your friends, Mason.

It's just crazy how all
this is going down

after you agree to do
your first interview
in 10 years.

Ah. That's why you
needed Claire.

You were gonna tell
the truth before they
could take you out

and replace
you with somebody
more user-friendly.

Venegas: We'll stop
here for the night,

and then, then we
end the charade.

[Venegas whispering]

[Phone beeping]

Brother, you are
killing me right now.

I'm worried sick about you.

- Are you still with Venegas?
- Yeah.

I cut ties
with the South Africans.

I'm gonna make this go away.

Dude, we need to talk.

- Gracias.
- Sí.

- Gracias.
- De nada.

Thanks.

Mmm. Heh heh heh.

So I agreed to
trade you for Claire.

Of course you did.

Heh. Yeah, it's a...

move I haven't totally
thought through, but...

Hmm.

May I please use your phone?

For what?

I am going to call
someone I trust.

- Eduardo Lavato.
- Who's that?

He's an old friend

and the shadow leader
of the opposition party, too.

He's very resourceful.

Mason, please, will you
sit down and enjoy

a cup of espresso with me?

It's the best one
in Paldoñia, huh?

This is a stupid idea.

Gracias, amor.

What is that saying?

Keep your friends close,

keep your enemies closer.

Yes it's from "The Go"...
it's from "The Godfather."

America does produce
some wonderful culture,
don't you agree?

Papi. Ha ha ha!

- [in Spanish] You're alive Papi!
- I am!

It's good to see you.

It was not my men
who attacked you.

I know, I know.

- Espresso?
- Naturally.

Who is this?

[in English] This is my new
American friend Mason Pettits,

and he's very worried about you.

- An American friend?
- Mm-hmm.

You really have hit bottom.

Ah. Sit down.
Sit down.

Eduardo: Did you know
we went

to secondary school together?

- Jesuits.
- Jesuits.

And I could tell you something.

They did not let us get
away with anything.

Nada. Hmm? Heh heh heh.

This is delicious.

So do tell.

What can the People's
Worker Party

and/or The Armed
Revolutionary Front

of Paldoñia do for you today?

Just a petite favor, my friend.

Mason:
So, uh, I got to ask.

Why have an espresso
with a man who calls me

a thief and a butcher
on a daily basis

and every so often
lets off a bomb downtown?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, perception is
reality, my friend.

I pay Lavato and his resistance.

Every couple of months,
I let them blow up a car,

burn down a building,
staging a caravan.

It's like... it's like
a steam valve, you know?

Lets off pressure.

Psssss.

And then I crack down
on them so everybody knows

they need Venegas
to give order, huh?

Ha ha ha!

My granduncle, he...

Your granduncle you overthrew?

Yes, that one.
He never understood this.

Took everything personally.

Of course, it backfired on him.

So wait.

So you... you bought
the revolution?

Much simpler
and a lot of cheaper.

It's like you Americans
like to say,

"A win-win."

You should see
Eduardo's pool. Oh!

[Dog barking]

[Chickens clucking]

[in Afrikaans] Keep her there.

[in English] Colonel Koehorst?

Former South African SAS.

Three-two Battalion.

U.S. Army Special Forces?

Me? I'm a lawyer.

Sorry. All out
of business cards.

Pretty brazen thing
you're doing here,

taking over a sovereign nation.

Sovereign?

When all's said and done,
no one's gonna have

a problem with what
we're doing here.

The people of Paldoñia might.

They won't know the difference.

Status quo, my friend.

You should have done
what was expected,
Sergeant Pettits.

Nah. I would have
never gotten near him.

You see, Venegas knew
it was going down.

You'd be surprised
what that guy
knows actually.

Sharp dude, great dresser.

Are we doing this then?

Let's do it.

[in Afrikaans] Bring
the princess out of the car.

[Grunting]

Unh!

Koehorst: Time for you
to hand over Venegas

and piss off out of the country.

If you don't do that
in 5 seconds,

I'm going to kill
your client in front of you.

1...

2, 3, 4...

OK. OK.

OK!

[Crowd cheering]

Unh!

Move!

Go, go, go! Aah!

Get back!

What was that?

That was my people, Claire, huh?

Now I give my people a message,

and you share it with the world.

Great. Let's get started.

I... I can live feed it
through Infamous Daily.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I cannot deliver such
an important message from here.

We have to do it from my palace

with my nephew by my side.

Come on. What, do we
just go up

and knock
on the front door? No.

There is another way.

Oh. Watch your
head there, OK?

This is the tunnel
I used to escape

when they tried to
kill me 8 years ago.

Are you sure this tunnel
isn't guarded?

Absolutely!

All the people who know
about it are dead now.

What about the other
times they tried
to kill you?

Oh, that's different
dead people.

Let's go.

[Cheering]

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Click]

- Hey.
- Aah! Ohh!

[in Spanish] Uncle!

No, no.

OK. Hey, hey, hey.
Thank you.

No, thank you.

I am not here to hurt you.

[in English] It's OK.

These are my American friends.

They are here to help.

What is this woman doing?

I'm live streaming this
to the entire world.

Listen to me.

When you are no longer
useful to them,

they are going to kill you.

Paldoñia deserves
a better future,

not one controlled
by corporations.

We... we don't have
to be monsters anymore.

Yes. Yes.

You've always been my favorite.

General Martínez.

[in Spanish] Mr. President.

Alive and kicking!

So I see.

Ohh!

Aah! Aah!

[in English] You good?

Yeah.

[Venegas groaning and coughing]

Yeah. I'm OK.
I'm OK. I'm OK.

Look. Look.

Ahh. Heh. Ha ha!

Bulletproof suit from Medici.

Ha ha ha! Huh?

I should have one made for you.

[Gasps]

Jorge. Jorge.

[Grunting]

Jorge. Jorge.

You're okay! You're okay!

You're okay!

[Coughing]

[Grunts]

Uncle...

Shh.

Uncle...

[Gasping]

They killed... me.

Shh. Shh, shh.
Shh, shh, shh.

I'm s... I'm sorry.

[Shushing]

[Footsteps]

Surrender!

Soldiers!

I know you are obeying orders.

My children...

You don't have to do this.

My brothers.

You can change the destiny
of this country.

Not for me.

But for you.

For your mothers.

For your fathers.

For your children.

This country has bled
for too long.

This madness has to end.

[in English] Oh, shit.

[in Spanish] Now is the time
to fight...

Fight... for this land.

My brothers.

Defend

your homeland.

[in English] Go!

Mason: Take cover!

Man: Suppressing fire!

Venegas:
Go! Go for Paldoñia!

Hey! Not the time
for coaching.

- Fuck, man!
- Oh!

[Speaking Spanish]

Spielberg, what
the hell are you doing?

- What?
- Stay down!

Fine!

Take the tunnel, OK?
Hold on. Hold on.

Ready? Go, go, go,
go, go!

Follow me!
Follow me!

Mason?

[Gunfire continues]

Go, go!

- You've been hit.
- I'm fine! Go!

Claire: Aah!

[Men groaning]

See? I'm fine.

Come in.
We're safe here.

This is my man cave.

Oh. You care
for a drink?

Mason: Yeah. I always
love a single malt

after I kneecap
a few mercenaries.

[Hisses]

Come on, Mason.
Embrace the suck.

Nnn, nnn, nnn.

Uh-oh.

Hmm. Ah! Yes.

- Uh-huh.
- Uh-huh.

This way. Come on.

[in Spanish] Mr. Venegas?

Mr. President?

Yes...

- Mason: Go!
- Claire: Aah!

[in English] Go, go, go!

Go, go, go!

Go, go, go, go, go.

That way. That way.

We have to go that way.

Claire: Aah!

[Grunting]

[Groaning]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

[Grunting]

Agh!

- Get down.
- OK.

Aah!

[Both grunting]

- Let's go! Let's go!
- OK.

Ready? Aah!

Errgh!

Say hello to your mates for me.

Shame it took so long
to finish the job.

You... you killed
my friends.

There were 7 of us.

RPGs aren't that easy to aim.

It's just a job, my friend.

[Gagging]

Unh!

[Thud]

Hey.

Where'd you learn that?

The throat thing?

Thank my dad for that.

I told you I could help.

[Distant gunfire]

[Gagging]

Let's go.

[Men shouting]

Mason! I could
really use your
help right now.

Shit!

- Shit!
- Oh, my God.

Aah! Aah!

What?

- Oh, oh.
- Nothing.

- Keep shooting them.
- OK.

[Cheering]

- Come on!
- Let's go!

Sebastian: On me!

Man: Down the hall!

Sebastian: Hey, bro!

Ha ha! Chicks Dig It!

- Huh?
- Huh?

It's an inside joke.

Man: Go! Go! Go!

Different man:
Take cover!

Sebastian: Come on!

- Yes!
- Unh!

Sorry I'm late, brother.

You kidding me?

Never thought I'd say this,

but I'd like to introduce you

to President Venegas.

Welcome to Paldoñia.

[in Spanish] Nice to meet you...

I think.

[in English] Oh!

Man: Retreat!

Anchor: The eyes of the world
are still fixed on Paldoñia,

where the fallout from a failed
coup continues to play out.

In a bold act
of guerrilla journalism,

using a live stream through
gossip site Infamous Daily,

celebrity reporter
Claire Wellington provided

on-the-ground coverage
of these shocking events.

The Paldoñian military were seen
in an intense gun battle

with members of what
we now know to be

a private military company.

Ms. Wellington has also uploaded

an exclusive uncut interview
with President Venegas,

announcing a surprising reversal

in the Paldoñian system
of government.

Claire: I know
as a journalist

I'm supposed to stay
objective and all,

but I have to say I really
admire what you're doing.

Well, you know what they say.

The man who touches honey
will eventually...

lick his fingers.

Claire: Oh. Hmm.

Ha ha!

I really appreciate you two.

I really do.

And look. The world
is finally seeing us,

and it is all because
of you, Miss Wellington.

Looks like your
tattoo was right.

Everything worked out just fine.

Worked out fine, thanks to you.

- Team effort.
- Yes!

The right people
at the right time.

Yeah.

Let's go tell
a story to the world.

I will follow your lead.

Hold up just one second
just so I know.

How many people in this room
want to kill you right now?

Eh, probably half.

No, more than half.
Ha ha ha!

Ah. Let's go.
Come on.

Uh...

[Reporters clamoring]

Venegas: Welcome.

As of today, I am no longer
the president of Paldoñia.

A transitional government
has been put in place

until the next free elections.

During this transitional period,
$5 billion will be invested

in health, education,
and infrastructure.

This is an investment
in the people of Paldoñia.

Today, you get back
what is rightfully yours,

and for the years to come,
we'll protect

and control these resources
with the sole purpose...

Mason.

Of giving
this beautiful nation...

Like, uh, dancing when
he's, like, not fluent.

He's literally...

That's only because you know...

[Grunts]

Anyway, I want to teach...

Daddy!

Hey, Worm. Ha ha ha!

Aww! Ahh!

And check this out.

Boom.

What happened to your face?

It's a long story.

- Oh, baby.
- Here I am.

In one piece.

Just so you know,
that broken man

you wanted a divorce,
he disappeared somewhere

in South America.

Ha ha ha!

I was really hoping
you'd reconsider.

Ah, you know what?

I think I'm gonna have
to consult my lawyer.

Oh, Mason.

[Cell phone chimes]

I'm just gonna make
a... quick stop.

Shit.

[ATM beeping]

- Yes!
- What? Huh?

Mason, voice-over:
And just like that,

I saw an incredible life
of minivans,

playdates, and amusement parks,

and for the first time in my
entire overachieving life...

- No!
- That dance.

Mason, voice-over: I was happy.

What's up?

What do you say
we just take the rest

of the day off
and spend it
with the family?

- Yeah!
- Yeah, you like that?

- Yeah.
- Let's do it.

You're so cute. Why?

Uh, well, um...

Mason, voice-over:
I had purpose.

He says he doesn't
know that I know.

I think he does know.

He was there,
and then we came out,

and he was, like,
just dick staring,

and it was, like, weird
because, you know, like,

you only have
2 seconds, 5... 5 tops...

Well, because it's...
it's impressive.

To stare at a guy's dick.

You look at that, it is
like a beast of its own.

He... it was, like...
I'm telling you it was...

It's a snake.
It's a monster.

8 Mississippi.

Mason: Yeah, it's... yeah.
All right. What else?

Are you a serious
journalist for sure?

I am for sure
a serious journalist,

and I would like you to
take me seriously.

I don't understand why...

I think... I think
I can do that after
what just happened.

- You're not.
- No, that's fair.

Yeah.

[Grunting]

2-5 seconds max, dude.

I am still very sorry.

I didn't know you felt
this way, but we can...

Those are... those
are unwritten rules

on the walls of every YMCA.

There are rooms up there,
We can... we can take this...

Every fucking YMCA has something

in the bathroom about
5 seconds dick staring max.

- Really?
- Yeah, man.

Welcome to America.

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