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CARLA: Hey, Cheers is filmed
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before a live studio audience.
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FRASIER: Hi, Wood.
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Let me get a beer, will you?
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00:00:10,527 --> 00:00:12,529
Oh, say, what'd you
do to your thumb there?
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Oh, well, it's a long story, but, uh,
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I was playing this guy
some pool last night,
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and I had this one-
four-seven combination.
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Yeah.
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So, I was trying to show off
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00:00:23,006 --> 00:00:24,507
and sink all of them in one shot,
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but the balls were positioned
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in such a way that I had to lean
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way over the edge of the table
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and get in a kind of twisted-up...
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Yeah, so, what, you fell
and you broke your thumb?
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00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:35,852
No. I still couldn't get the shot,
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so I went and got the bridge
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and I got up on a chair
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and I put all my weight on the bridge.
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And it snapped and you
fell and broke your thumb?
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00:00:44,277 --> 00:00:45,228
No.
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I made the shot and I beat the guy.
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Oh, so he got angry and
he broke your thumb, right?
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No, I beat him fair and square
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00:00:51,735 --> 00:00:53,236
and he paid me the ten bucks he owed me.
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00:00:53,737 --> 00:00:55,739
So, how did you break your thumb?
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00:00:55,739 --> 00:00:57,741
I slipped on the ice on the way home.
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Woody, why did you go into
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all that long-winded
detail about the game?
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Well, now, it wouldn't
have been much of a story
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without the pool stuff.
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Hello, Woody.
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What happened to your thumb?
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Oh, I slipped on the ice.
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00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:23,817
Woody, why didn't you tell him
the long, drawn-out version?
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That's the guy I was playing pool with.
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(piano plays)
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? Making your way in the world today ?
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? Takes everything you've got ?
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? Taking a break from all your worries ?
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? Sure would help a lot ?
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? Wouldn't you like to get away? ?
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? Sometimes you want to go ?
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? Where everybody knows your name ?
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? And they're always glad you came ?
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? You want to be where you can see ?
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? Our troubles are all the same ?
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? You want to be where
everybody knows your name ?
50
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:16,035
? You want to go where people know ?
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? People are all the same ?
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? You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ?
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What the hell is keeping Diane?
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I'm gonna be late for school.
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School, Carla?
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Well, I must say I'm
delightfully astonished.
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You know, I've always
held that adult education
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is one of the finest gifts
that one can give oneself.
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Kudos on joining the
ever-burgeoning ranks
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of enlightened, wondering minds
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seeking betterment through knowledge.
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It's traffic school, you nimrod.
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You got pinched, huh, Carla?
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Yeah, speeding.
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But it wasn't my fault.
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00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,787
There was a leaf stuck on my windshield,
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and I had to gun her
up to 80 to blow it off.
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What, and the cop didn't believe you?
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No. Couldn't be bribed, either.
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Carla, what, you offered
a policeman money?
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Money? With a body like this? Huh.
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Hello, everyone.
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We're back.
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Sammy, where you been, man?
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Picking china patterns.
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This may have been the
stupidest morning of my life.
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Oh, Sam, don't forget.
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Tomorrow we register for flatware.
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The second stupidest.
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Well, did you select something nice?
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We've committed to
Royal Doulton's Carlisle
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for the fine china,
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but Sam still hasn't made up his mind
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about the everyday ware.
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Yes, I have.
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I, I like the dishes with
the different colored flowers.
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Oh, ish!
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Come on, I love those.
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They're just like I
had when I was a kid.
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They're real pretty,
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00:04:05,428 --> 00:04:07,931
and-and if you don't like
the food on your plate,
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you can hide it in the pattern.
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Okay, fine.
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00:04:13,436 --> 00:04:15,939
Well, uh, why don't you think about it,
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00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:16,940
and if you still insist
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that they're not the
most garish, bourgeois,
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stomach-turningly ugly
pattern in the book,
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then that's what we'll get.
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00:04:25,698 --> 00:04:28,034
She's making me nuts
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00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,285
with this wedding stuff.
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00:04:29,285 --> 00:04:30,586
So, ditch her.
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00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:33,589
You know, if I had my way,
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I would find the nearest
justice of the peace
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and, and tie the knot.
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00:04:37,093 --> 00:04:38,962
You know, that's not such a bad idea.
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Right. Or you could ditch her.
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Don't you have traffic
school, or something?
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Nuts! Now I'm gonna be late!
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Well, I guess I can make
it if I run all the yellows.
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Sam... Yo.
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I've got Penelope from the
bridal registry on the line,
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and we're going back
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over the linen choices.
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Now, for the fingertip towels
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in the guest bath, do
we want monogrammed,
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or is that too ootsie?
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The second thing you said.
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I agree.
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00:05:11,878 --> 00:05:16,382
Of course... a simple
initial can be elegant.
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00:05:16,382 --> 00:05:18,384
Oh, I think you'd better
look at the picture.
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00:05:18,384 --> 00:05:19,886
I need a man's opinion.
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00:05:19,886 --> 00:05:22,889
Frasier, help Diane, will you please?
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Sam, these will be our fingertip towels
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for the rest of our lives.
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We'd better get married
quick, or I'm gonna kill her.
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All right, all right, that's it.
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00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:46,329
Bachelor party here tonight.
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00:05:46,329 --> 00:05:47,747
What are you talking about?
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Well, didn't you hear the man?
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Uh, they might be eloping.
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And I'm not gonna be, uh, done out
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of my right as best man
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to, uh, throw him the best
wingding of the century.
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All right now, so
what're we gonna have...?
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00:05:57,924 --> 00:05:59,425
Just a second here, Cliff.
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00:05:59,425 --> 00:06:02,295
Uh, Sam asked you to be his best man?
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00:06:02,295 --> 00:06:03,179
Well, not in so many words,
138
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:04,680
but, uh, you know, who's closest?
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00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,099
So, uh... (everybody talking)
140
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,017
Hold on now, I don't know.
141
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:10,520
I may not have known Sam
as long as some of you guys,
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00:06:10,520 --> 00:06:12,522
but we're pretty darned close.
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00:06:12,522 --> 00:06:15,024
I think I'm kind of like
the brother he never had.
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00:06:15,024 --> 00:06:17,026
Wait, Woody, Sam has a brother.
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00:06:17,026 --> 00:06:20,530
Guess we're not as close as I thought.
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00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:22,532
Well, look, I think we better throw
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00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:24,033
the greatest bachelor party
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for the greatest
bachelor who ever lived.
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Tell you what.
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00:06:27,870 --> 00:06:29,872
I'll pick up some deli
platters and some champagne,
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00:06:29,872 --> 00:06:30,873
and you guys can just reimburse me,
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00:06:30,873 --> 00:06:32,375
you know, at your leisure, all right?
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00:06:32,375 --> 00:06:34,377
CLIFF: Why didn't you
say so in the first place?
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00:06:34,377 --> 00:06:36,379
Okay, we got the food and
the drink taken care of.
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00:06:36,379 --> 00:06:37,880
Now we need a little
bit of entertainment.
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00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,382
Who's gonna...?
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00:06:39,382 --> 00:06:41,384
Well, I-I think
tradition calls for, uh,
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00:06:41,384 --> 00:06:42,385
what about a stag film, huh?
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00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:44,253
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think there's
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00:06:44,253 --> 00:06:46,506
a place on my route
that might sell them.
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00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,008
Uh, the, uh, Hot and
Nasty Video Boutique.
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00:06:50,009 --> 00:06:53,012
Yeah, I think there might be
one or two laying around there.
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00:06:53,012 --> 00:06:55,515
Okay, we got the food,
drink, entertainment.
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00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:56,516
Now all we need is a, uh,
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00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:58,434
a girl jumping out of the cake.
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00:06:58,434 --> 00:06:59,435
(general agreement)
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00:06:59,435 --> 00:07:01,320
Oh, yeah, I've seen them do that
168
00:07:01,320 --> 00:07:02,822
in the movies all the time.
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00:07:02,822 --> 00:07:05,191
That seems like a waste
of good cake to me.
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00:07:07,493 --> 00:07:08,744
You see, Woody, the cake
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00:07:08,744 --> 00:07:09,529
is really immaterial.
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00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:11,030
It's the girl who's the actual dessert.
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00:07:11,030 --> 00:07:12,532
Right.
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00:07:12,532 --> 00:07:14,534
Well, then I think it
should be Miss Chambers.
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00:07:14,534 --> 00:07:15,785
FRASIER: Ooh. Aw, come on.
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00:07:15,785 --> 00:07:17,620
Ee-i-ee-i-oh!
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00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:21,124
Hey, listen, tractor-boy...
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00:07:21,124 --> 00:07:23,126
you know,
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00:07:23,126 --> 00:07:25,628
no guy wants his fianc�e
jumping out of a cake.
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00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:29,132
It's, I mean, it's like
taking your mother to the prom.
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00:07:29,132 --> 00:07:31,134
(chuckling)
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00:07:31,134 --> 00:07:33,136
Or so I'm told.
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00:07:38,641 --> 00:07:39,642
PAUL: Okay, okay, okay,
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00:07:40,143 --> 00:07:42,145
so where can we get Sammy someone hot?
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00:07:42,645 --> 00:07:44,147
Dare we look in his book?
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00:07:44,147 --> 00:07:46,649
Nah, Sammy's had all those girls.
187
00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:49,152
Oh, Sam, stop being
such a grumble-bunny.
188
00:07:49,152 --> 00:07:51,654
Just grit your teeth and
pick out a dust ruffle.
189
00:07:54,657 --> 00:07:55,658
Guys, I still say
190
00:07:55,658 --> 00:07:57,660
we're missing a bet
right under our noses.
191
00:07:57,660 --> 00:07:59,162
Look, pal, trust me...
192
00:07:59,162 --> 00:08:00,663
Oh, it's... that's okay.
193
00:08:00,663 --> 00:08:02,665
Listen, I... it wouldn't hurt to ask.
194
00:08:02,665 --> 00:08:04,167
CLIFF: No, no, no, no, don't, don't...
195
00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:05,668
Excuse me, Miss Chambers?
196
00:08:05,668 --> 00:08:07,170
Yes, Woody? Uh...
197
00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:10,173
Uh, would you like to jump out
of Sam's bachelor party cake?
198
00:08:10,173 --> 00:08:17,647
Woody, I abhor such
juvenile, sexist male rituals.
199
00:08:17,647 --> 00:08:19,849
Yeah, but would you do it?
200
00:08:21,150 --> 00:08:22,018
Just checking.
201
00:08:22,018 --> 00:08:23,486
All right, guys, you're right.
202
00:08:23,486 --> 00:08:24,987
We're going to have to find
203
00:08:24,987 --> 00:08:27,356
some other beautiful
girl to be Sam's dessert.
204
00:08:27,356 --> 00:08:30,109
Wait a minute.
205
00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:34,113
(laughing)
206
00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:35,615
I, I just realized
207
00:08:35,615 --> 00:08:38,618
why you want me,
the bride-to-be,
208
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:41,120
to jump from the cake.
209
00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,122
It's a wonderful irony.
210
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:44,373
(laughs)
211
00:08:44,373 --> 00:08:45,541
Oh...
212
00:08:45,541 --> 00:08:47,009
Of course I'll do it.
213
00:08:47,009 --> 00:08:48,010
Of course.
214
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:49,011
Oh, great.
215
00:08:49,011 --> 00:08:50,963
Imagine me, of all people,
216
00:08:50,963 --> 00:08:53,466
missing the point of a joke.
217
00:08:53,466 --> 00:08:54,467
(laughing)
218
00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,469
Hey, don't worry about
it, Miss Chambers.
219
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:57,970
It even happens to me.
220
00:09:03,392 --> 00:09:05,278
NORM: Sammy, uh, what
time you got there, man?
221
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,230
11:15.
222
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:10,233
11:15. How did it get so late so early?
223
00:09:10,233 --> 00:09:12,735
I'd better be getting home to, uh, Vera.
224
00:09:12,735 --> 00:09:14,237
(yawning): Oh, yeah.
225
00:09:14,237 --> 00:09:17,623
(everybody talking and yawning)
226
00:09:20,576 --> 00:09:22,578
Yeah, you know what they say:
227
00:09:22,578 --> 00:09:25,081
"An early bird catches
the obsessive-compulsive."
228
00:09:25,581 --> 00:09:26,582
(laughing)
229
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,968
'Night, Sam.
230
00:09:28,968 --> 00:09:31,887
MAN: Oh, boy!
231
00:09:31,887 --> 00:09:34,890
They sure took off in
a hurry, didn't they?
232
00:09:34,890 --> 00:09:38,761
Yeah, but that doesn't seem
suspicious to you, does it?
233
00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:44,517
No, I... I guess not.
234
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,068
Oh, hey, I have an idea.
235
00:09:46,068 --> 00:09:47,270
You go in the back
236
00:09:47,270 --> 00:09:49,989
and total these receipts,
and we'll get out of here.
237
00:09:49,989 --> 00:09:51,907
Okay.
238
00:09:51,907 --> 00:09:53,409
All right.
239
00:09:53,409 --> 00:09:55,411
Say, Woody, when I come back out here,
240
00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:58,414
there's not going to be a
surprise for me, is there?
241
00:09:58,414 --> 00:09:59,915
A surprise party, maybe?
242
00:09:59,915 --> 00:10:00,916
No.
243
00:10:00,916 --> 00:10:03,169
You're not lying, are you?
244
00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,955
Sam, you'd know if I was lying.
245
00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:07,840
I'd... I'd tell you.
246
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:12,128
Right. I'll, uh, I'll be in my office.
247
00:10:12,128 --> 00:10:13,379
WOODY: All right.
248
00:10:17,683 --> 00:10:18,684
Come on in, guys.
249
00:10:18,684 --> 00:10:20,186
He doesn't suspect a thing.
250
00:10:22,688 --> 00:10:24,190
Come on down, fellas.
251
00:10:25,691 --> 00:10:27,693
(half-whispers)
252
00:10:29,695 --> 00:10:31,197
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
253
00:10:36,786 --> 00:10:40,539
Okay? In the words of the
immortal bard, "Party!"
254
00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,041
(silent cheering)
255
00:10:44,126 --> 00:10:47,129
Uh, Sam, you can go home now.
256
00:10:48,130 --> 00:10:49,999
EVERYONE: Surprise!
257
00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:52,251
(whooping and cheering)
258
00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:54,754
(laughter and applause)
259
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,640
Wow!
260
00:10:57,640 --> 00:11:01,927
Sam, you should have seen
the look on your face!
261
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,519
(music playing on video)
262
00:11:13,522 --> 00:11:14,523
SAM: Ooh!
263
00:11:14,523 --> 00:11:16,025
FRASIER: Hey!
264
00:11:16,025 --> 00:11:17,026
All right!
265
00:11:17,026 --> 00:11:18,027
(guys whooping)
266
00:11:18,027 --> 00:11:19,528
Boy! Thanks, guys.
267
00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:20,529
Yeah, man.
268
00:11:20,529 --> 00:11:23,032
That last scene gave me new
respect for rowing machines.
269
00:11:23,032 --> 00:11:24,917
I hear you, bud. Ooh!
270
00:11:24,917 --> 00:11:28,871
Hey, you guys, oh! Thank you.
271
00:11:28,871 --> 00:11:29,872
This has been fantastic.
272
00:11:30,373 --> 00:11:31,257
I have to admit
273
00:11:31,257 --> 00:11:32,508
that I used to think
that bachelor parties
274
00:11:33,008 --> 00:11:33,876
were kind of embarrassing.
275
00:11:33,876 --> 00:11:34,627
Get the lights!
276
00:11:34,627 --> 00:11:36,512
SAM: Oh, God, not again...
277
00:11:36,512 --> 00:11:38,464
(guys cheering)
278
00:11:45,771 --> 00:11:46,772
Girl in there, right?
279
00:11:46,772 --> 00:11:48,274
Well...
280
00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:50,142
Just your type.
281
00:11:52,945 --> 00:11:55,231
So make the obligatory
speech and have at her!
282
00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:56,649
GUYS: Yeah!
283
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:59,402
Oh, no, I can't do it.
284
00:11:59,402 --> 00:12:00,903
I... you know... (scoffs)
285
00:12:00,903 --> 00:12:02,405
No, I-I know you went
to a lot of trouble.
286
00:12:02,405 --> 00:12:05,291
I'm sorry, but it
just wouldn't be right.
287
00:12:05,291 --> 00:12:07,209
CLIFF: What? Come on,
Sammy. What is this?
288
00:12:07,209 --> 00:12:10,079
Malone, King of the Road!
289
00:12:10,079 --> 00:12:13,833
(everyone whooping)
290
00:12:13,833 --> 00:12:15,217
Better make hay, buddy.
291
00:12:15,217 --> 00:12:16,218
After this, it is one woman
292
00:12:16,218 --> 00:12:17,720
for the rest of your life. Oh, boy.
293
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,089
EVERYONE: Yeah...
294
00:12:21,590 --> 00:12:26,595
I-I never really thought
about it in those terms before.
295
00:12:26,595 --> 00:12:29,482
One woman for the rest of my life.
296
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:31,233
(everyone chuckles) I
mean, don't get me wrong.
297
00:12:31,233 --> 00:12:33,602
I mean, she's... she's a...
she's a great woman, but, uh...
298
00:12:33,602 --> 00:12:35,821
there's only one of her...
299
00:12:37,656 --> 00:12:39,825
...for the rest of my life.
300
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,277
But, you know, it'll go quickly.
301
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:43,162
Just go-go ahead, cut the cake.
302
00:12:44,113 --> 00:12:45,614
Boy, it really makes you think.
303
00:12:45,614 --> 00:12:48,117
You know, I've been a
bachelor a good long time.
304
00:12:48,117 --> 00:12:51,003
I mean, a good lot of women.
305
00:12:51,003 --> 00:12:53,873
Now there won't be any more women.
306
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:55,758
Just woman.
307
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:57,376
One woman.
308
00:12:57,376 --> 00:12:59,345
Yeah, but what a woman!
309
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,263
I mean, you know what? I've got an idea.
310
00:13:01,263 --> 00:13:02,264
Why don't we have some cake?
311
00:13:02,264 --> 00:13:05,017
(everyone agreeing)
312
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:06,802
One perfume.
313
00:13:07,303 --> 00:13:08,804
One set of earlobes.
314
00:13:08,804 --> 00:13:11,190
Not, not even sensitive earlobes.
315
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:17,813
One pair of lips flapping in my ears...
316
00:13:17,813 --> 00:13:19,732
day after day until I die.
317
00:13:19,732 --> 00:13:21,734
Oh, my God!
318
00:13:21,734 --> 00:13:23,202
Sammy, Sammy, that's great.
319
00:13:23,202 --> 00:13:25,704
Look, we got a big,
wonderful cake here, you know,
320
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:28,207
with a... with a very
special surprise inside...
321
00:13:28,207 --> 00:13:32,161
which just might spoil
if you don't shut up!
322
00:13:33,162 --> 00:13:36,165
Uh... I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
323
00:13:36,165 --> 00:13:37,166
What am I doing?
324
00:13:37,166 --> 00:13:38,918
I mean, if I'm going to tie myself
325
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,753
to the old ball and
chain, I might as well get
326
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,255
one last night of freedom in here.
327
00:13:43,255 --> 00:13:45,257
(everyone agreeing)
Okay, bring her out here.
328
00:13:45,257 --> 00:13:46,141
Strap her on.
329
00:13:46,141 --> 00:13:47,059
Come on.
330
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:48,060
EVERYONE: Yeah!
331
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,066
Strap this on!
332
00:14:05,911 --> 00:14:09,415
Sam, you should see
the look on your face!
333
00:14:15,204 --> 00:14:16,071
Hi, guys.
334
00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:17,957
Hey, Carla, how was traffic school?
335
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,291
Eh, it was all right.
336
00:14:19,792 --> 00:14:20,292
NORM: Yeah?
337
00:14:20,793 --> 00:14:22,294
Well, don't all those
gory movies they show
338
00:14:22,294 --> 00:14:23,796
kind of turn your stomach a bit?
339
00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:25,297
Hey, Norm, you're forgetting...
340
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:27,299
I've seen Diane without makeup.
341
00:14:30,052 --> 00:14:31,053
Hello, everyone.
342
00:14:31,053 --> 00:14:32,555
Hi.
343
00:14:32,555 --> 00:14:33,556
Hello, you.
344
00:14:33,556 --> 00:14:35,057
Let me help you with that.
345
00:14:35,057 --> 00:14:36,058
Well, all right.
346
00:14:36,058 --> 00:14:37,059
Boy, you look fantastic, dear.
347
00:14:37,059 --> 00:14:38,561
That is a great outfit on you.
348
00:14:38,561 --> 00:14:40,062
Sam... Hmm?
349
00:14:40,062 --> 00:14:41,564
You make a lousy sycophant.
350
00:14:41,564 --> 00:14:44,567
Yes, but I make a great margarita.
351
00:14:44,567 --> 00:14:46,569
May I speak to you in
your office, please?
352
00:14:46,569 --> 00:14:48,821
Sure, anything you want. You bet cha.
353
00:14:48,821 --> 00:14:50,105
SAM: Oh, come on, smile.
354
00:14:50,105 --> 00:14:51,106
DIANE: For some reason,
355
00:14:51,106 --> 00:14:53,609
I don't feel like smiling.
356
00:14:53,609 --> 00:14:55,611
Did I ever tell you how cute you are
357
00:14:55,611 --> 00:14:57,613
when you're mad?
358
00:14:57,613 --> 00:15:00,115
Come on, listen, snap
out of this, will you?
359
00:15:00,115 --> 00:15:02,618
I mean, I-I didn't say
all that stuff last night
360
00:15:02,618 --> 00:15:04,620
to hurt your feelings.
361
00:15:06,121 --> 00:15:08,507
My feelings aren't hurt.
362
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:11,460
I just feel bad for you.
363
00:15:12,878 --> 00:15:15,881
Sentenced to a life with one perfume...
364
00:15:17,883 --> 00:15:21,637
...one set of insensitive earlobes,
365
00:15:21,637 --> 00:15:25,941
one set of lips flapping in your ear...
366
00:15:27,810 --> 00:15:29,612
...till you die.
367
00:15:31,614 --> 00:15:34,483
Come on! I was with a bunch of guys.
368
00:15:34,483 --> 00:15:36,452
I mean, they forced me to make a speech.
369
00:15:36,452 --> 00:15:38,954
How the hell did I know
my fianc�e was hiding
370
00:15:38,954 --> 00:15:40,823
in the cake, taking dictation?
371
00:15:41,707 --> 00:15:43,709
Did you mean it, Sam?
372
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:44,576
No.
373
00:15:44,576 --> 00:15:47,379
See, it's just this...
374
00:15:47,379 --> 00:15:49,381
this whole marriage thing's
375
00:15:49,381 --> 00:15:51,884
kind of snuck up on me, that's all.
376
00:15:51,884 --> 00:15:53,886
I mean, I'm happy that
you're the only woman
377
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:57,890
I'll make love to again... ever.
378
00:16:01,677 --> 00:16:02,678
(fingers snapping)
379
00:16:02,678 --> 00:16:04,063
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
380
00:16:04,063 --> 00:16:05,431
yeah, but-but, you see...
381
00:16:05,931 --> 00:16:07,816
I mean, if I had known
382
00:16:07,816 --> 00:16:10,185
that the last one was
going to be the last one,
383
00:16:10,185 --> 00:16:12,688
I-I-I would've
prepared myself for it.
384
00:16:14,073 --> 00:16:17,359
Sweetheart, it's kind of like popcorn.
385
00:16:17,359 --> 00:16:18,861
Now, you-you can munch away
386
00:16:18,861 --> 00:16:20,663
as long as you know there's a bowlful,
387
00:16:20,663 --> 00:16:22,081
but, you know, if all of a sudden,
388
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,867
it's all gone, there's nothing
left but the salt and the duds,
389
00:16:24,867 --> 00:16:27,369
well, you feel bad,
because if you'd known
390
00:16:27,369 --> 00:16:30,873
the last kernel was the last
one, you would've savored it.
391
00:16:32,841 --> 00:16:35,177
Am I making myself clear on this?
392
00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:38,047
Oh, yes, yes...
393
00:16:38,047 --> 00:16:39,548
Oh. I'm salt and duds.
394
00:16:42,551 --> 00:16:46,055
Well, I-I-I
don't know. I...
395
00:16:46,055 --> 00:16:49,058
I don't know what to say to
make this right, except...
396
00:16:49,058 --> 00:16:51,810
I'm sorry.
397
00:16:53,529 --> 00:16:57,533
Would 24 hours of wild, uninhibited,
398
00:16:57,533 --> 00:17:03,038
hedonistic sexual carousing with
anything in a tube top suffice?
399
00:17:06,625 --> 00:17:10,629
In-in a-addition
to saying I'm sorry?
400
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:16,635
Sam, you can apologize
till the cows come home,
401
00:17:16,635 --> 00:17:20,506
but it won't alleviate the problem.
402
00:17:20,506 --> 00:17:21,924
After much consideration,
403
00:17:21,924 --> 00:17:24,810
I propose that you go on a flesh binge.
404
00:17:27,229 --> 00:17:29,181
Sow your wild oats.
405
00:17:29,181 --> 00:17:31,683
Get it out of your system.
406
00:17:31,683 --> 00:17:35,187
Savor your last kernel of popcorn.
407
00:17:37,106 --> 00:17:38,107
Are you serious?
408
00:17:38,107 --> 00:17:39,608
Absolutely.
409
00:17:39,608 --> 00:17:42,611
It's the only way we can
establish a clean slate.
410
00:17:42,611 --> 00:17:46,615
No guilt, no remorse, no regrets.
411
00:17:46,615 --> 00:17:48,000
So...
412
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,336
dive into that little black
book of yours and enjoy.
413
00:17:51,336 --> 00:17:52,838
Oh, you know,
414
00:17:52,838 --> 00:17:54,706
I threw that dumb thing
away when we got engaged.
415
00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:58,627
I'm sure you have one
or two numbers etched
416
00:17:58,627 --> 00:18:00,129
in your memory.
417
00:18:00,129 --> 00:18:01,880
You listen to me.
418
00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:06,051
I'm only going to agree to do
this because I love you, Diane.
419
00:18:09,354 --> 00:18:12,224
Well, don't do it for me, Sam.
420
00:18:12,224 --> 00:18:14,526
Do it for the health
of our future marriage.
421
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:16,528
Right, right, right.
422
00:18:16,528 --> 00:18:18,030
Uh, excuse me, uh...
423
00:18:18,030 --> 00:18:21,533
when do my, uh, 24 hours begin?
424
00:18:21,533 --> 00:18:22,534
Right now.
425
00:18:22,534 --> 00:18:24,036
All right. The same as mine.
426
00:18:24,036 --> 00:18:27,039
Okay. Wait, wait, whoa, whoa, whoa!
427
00:18:29,541 --> 00:18:30,542
Yours?
428
00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:32,494
Of course, Sam.
429
00:18:32,494 --> 00:18:34,379
This is the only way we can be sure
430
00:18:34,379 --> 00:18:38,383
that I have all other
men out of my system.
431
00:18:47,226 --> 00:18:49,728
No... no...
432
00:19:02,241 --> 00:19:04,109
Sammy back yet?
433
00:19:04,109 --> 00:19:04,910
Uh, well, uh,
434
00:19:04,910 --> 00:19:07,412
"T" minus 30 minutes and counting.
435
00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:10,282
I figure right about now,
436
00:19:10,282 --> 00:19:14,169
Sammy's probably leaning
back in bed and smoking.
437
00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:16,171
Oh, wait, I don't, uh, remember
438
00:19:16,171 --> 00:19:18,173
ever seeing Sammy smoke a cigarette.
439
00:19:18,173 --> 00:19:20,592
Who said anything about cigarettes?
440
00:19:23,595 --> 00:19:24,596
Ho, the man!
441
00:19:24,596 --> 00:19:25,964
All right!
442
00:19:25,964 --> 00:19:27,933
Hey, what's the score, Sammy?
443
00:19:27,933 --> 00:19:30,936
Oh, Norm, you know he's not the
kind of guy to kiss and tell...
444
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:33,438
not that he wastes much time
kissing, anyway, eh, compadre?
445
00:19:34,439 --> 00:19:37,442
Yeah, you guys know me, all right.
446
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:39,945
So, has anyone, uh...
anyone heard from Diane?
447
00:19:40,445 --> 00:19:42,447
No, not a word. It's been heaven. Ah.
448
00:19:42,447 --> 00:19:43,899
Why? You worried about her?
449
00:19:43,899 --> 00:19:44,900
No, I'm not worried.
450
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:46,401
Wha-What makes you think I'm worried?
451
00:19:46,401 --> 00:19:47,903
Uh, what time is it, anyway?
452
00:19:47,903 --> 00:19:50,405
It's time for you to stop worrying.
453
00:19:50,405 --> 00:19:51,907
I mean, for God's sakes, Sammy,
454
00:19:51,907 --> 00:19:54,910
who'd be stupid enough to touch Diane?
455
00:19:54,910 --> 00:19:56,411
Besides you.
456
00:19:56,411 --> 00:19:57,412
Good point.
457
00:19:57,412 --> 00:20:00,415
You know, uh, yeah, what
am I worried about here?
458
00:20:00,415 --> 00:20:02,885
Oh, Rick, you really came through.
459
00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:05,837
Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam!
460
00:20:05,837 --> 00:20:07,839
Rick was kind enough to drive me to work
461
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:10,342
when my car broke down.
462
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:13,345
I knew that.
463
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:14,229
I, uh...
464
00:20:14,229 --> 00:20:17,149
I just wanted to give
him a thank-you shake.
465
00:20:17,649 --> 00:20:19,651
Thank you, thank you.
466
00:20:22,020 --> 00:20:27,993
Uh, maybe I'll, uh, take
a rain check on that drink.
467
00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,495
Uh, good luck with your marriage.
468
00:20:30,495 --> 00:20:31,496
Yes. Thank you.
469
00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:32,998
Thank you. Thank you very much.
470
00:20:33,498 --> 00:20:34,499
Thank you, Rick.
471
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,002
Well...
472
00:20:37,002 --> 00:20:39,004
I guess I'll just, uh...
473
00:20:39,004 --> 00:20:41,006
begin my shift.
474
00:20:41,006 --> 00:20:43,008
Uh, yeah, like hell you will!
475
00:20:43,008 --> 00:20:45,010
Sam? Now, Sam! Sam!
476
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:48,880
All right.
477
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,633
Where were you last night, hmm?
478
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:57,522
I was taking full
advantage of my 24 hours.
479
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:01,476
I looked into the recesses of my heart,
480
00:21:01,476 --> 00:21:03,979
and I realized that I still had...
481
00:21:04,479 --> 00:21:06,982
one oat that needed to be sown.
482
00:21:08,984 --> 00:21:11,486
One fantastic oat.
483
00:21:11,486 --> 00:21:15,240
Is that all you
think about-- sex?
484
00:21:17,042 --> 00:21:19,044
You know, it's disgusting!
485
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:22,047
Wh-Wh-Whatever happened
to romance, to commitment?
486
00:21:22,047 --> 00:21:23,048
I mean, look at you!
487
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:25,917
Look at you-- you haven't
even changed your dress!
488
00:21:27,336 --> 00:21:30,839
I am wearing this dress
again because I like it.
489
00:21:30,839 --> 00:21:33,225
It sets off my eyes.
490
00:21:33,225 --> 00:21:35,093
Yeah, I'll set off your eyes.
491
00:21:35,093 --> 00:21:36,478
You know...
492
00:21:36,478 --> 00:21:37,929
You want know something?
493
00:21:37,929 --> 00:21:40,432
I had the exact same 24 hours you did,
494
00:21:40,432 --> 00:21:41,433
and I didn't do anything.
495
00:21:41,433 --> 00:21:42,434
You know why?
496
00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:44,936
Because I happen to be a one-woman guy.
497
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:46,738
I mean, I mean,
498
00:21:46,738 --> 00:21:48,273
I think we got something
special going here,
499
00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:50,275
and I didn't want to cheapen
it, like somebody else
500
00:21:50,776 --> 00:21:51,777
I could mention.
501
00:21:51,777 --> 00:21:55,747
You-you know, people could
refer to you as a tart.
502
00:21:58,667 --> 00:22:00,669
How can you say that?
503
00:22:00,669 --> 00:22:02,120
Easy. Tart!
504
00:22:02,120 --> 00:22:04,006
Tart, tart, tart, tart!
505
00:22:04,006 --> 00:22:05,173
I mean, what-what else
506
00:22:05,173 --> 00:22:06,875
do you call somebody who didn't go home?
507
00:22:06,875 --> 00:22:08,760
How do you know that?
508
00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,264
Because I was idiot enough
to spend the entire night
509
00:22:12,264 --> 00:22:14,266
watching your apartment from my car,
510
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:16,134
and you did not go home.
511
00:22:18,437 --> 00:22:20,806
Well, you must be exhausted.
512
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:22,307
Yeah, yeah, that's right! I'm exhausted.
513
00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:23,809
You're damned right, I'm exhausted.
514
00:22:23,809 --> 00:22:25,811
Oh, come on, Sam.
515
00:22:25,811 --> 00:22:28,563
Now, you had a little
catnap around 6:00 a.m.
516
00:22:28,563 --> 00:22:29,364
Did not.
517
00:22:30,365 --> 00:22:32,367
How'd you know that?
518
00:22:33,368 --> 00:22:34,870
Because I was down the street
519
00:22:34,870 --> 00:22:37,239
in my car watching you watch me.
520
00:22:40,158 --> 00:22:43,045
Oh, my God, you spied on me!
521
00:22:43,045 --> 00:22:44,913
I mean, that stinks!
522
00:22:44,913 --> 00:22:48,800
What... what hap...
what happened to faith?
523
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,304
What-what-what happened...
what happened to trust?
524
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:53,805
My God!
525
00:22:53,805 --> 00:22:55,307
Sam!
526
00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:58,810
I took a lover's leap of faith
527
00:22:58,810 --> 00:23:01,813
in granting you sexual carte blanche
528
00:23:01,813 --> 00:23:06,768
for the past 24 hours!
529
00:23:06,768 --> 00:23:10,155
And just as my heart suspected,
530
00:23:10,155 --> 00:23:11,907
instead of gallivanting about,
531
00:23:11,907 --> 00:23:14,910
you spent the whole time spying on me.
532
00:23:16,411 --> 00:23:17,913
(wry chuckle)
533
00:23:17,913 --> 00:23:21,416
I had one last night to go
out and have a great time,
534
00:23:21,416 --> 00:23:22,834
and I blow it.
535
00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:25,921
God, I'm a poor excuse for a stud.
536
00:23:29,374 --> 00:23:30,959
I don't know about that.
537
00:23:30,959 --> 00:23:33,962
We still have five minutes left...
538
00:23:33,962 --> 00:23:36,348
in our deal.
539
00:23:37,265 --> 00:23:38,767
Five minutes?
540
00:23:38,767 --> 00:23:39,768
Mm-hmm.
541
00:23:39,768 --> 00:23:42,771
Well, hell, somebody
should've told me that.
542
00:23:46,274 --> 00:23:47,275
Damn it!
543
00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:53,365
How long did you say we have here?
544
00:23:53,365 --> 00:23:54,366
Five minutes.
545
00:23:54,366 --> 00:23:56,368
Not enough time. Now, come on, Sam.
546
00:23:56,368 --> 00:23:57,869
We'd better skip to the good part.
547
00:23:57,869 --> 00:23:59,371
No... come on.
548
00:23:59,371 --> 00:24:02,874
We have to go to work! Sam! Whoo!
549
00:24:03,874 --> 00:24:13,874
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