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1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:04,921
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:08,758
Are you, uh,
3
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,510
are you going to make
a move in our lifetime?
4
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:12,796
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...
5
00:00:12,796 --> 00:00:13,797
Oh, come on, Norm.
6
00:00:13,797 --> 00:00:15,682
Why don't you just give
up? You're finished.
7
00:00:15,682 --> 00:00:16,599
Well, not necessarily.
8
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,101
He could move this piece
9
00:00:18,101 --> 00:00:20,103
over to here.
10
00:00:21,104 --> 00:00:23,106
My God, Woody, that's brilliant.
11
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,109
You're suggesting that after
two futile interpositions,
12
00:00:26,109 --> 00:00:29,396
he attempt to force unobstructed
access to the eighth rank.
13
00:00:29,396 --> 00:00:31,231
Well, no, I'm saying he
should take your horsey
14
00:00:31,231 --> 00:00:33,233
with his little pointy-headed guy.
15
00:00:35,735 --> 00:00:37,237
No, not that one.
16
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:39,122
Too late! Checkmate!
17
00:00:39,122 --> 00:00:39,956
(cackles)
18
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:41,207
Good game, Norm.
19
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:42,042
Okay, next victim.
20
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:43,543
SAM: Well, what's with this
21
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,412
obsession with chess here, huh?
22
00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:46,796
Oh, it's just a hobby, Sam.
23
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:47,797
You know, uh, relieve the tension.
24
00:00:47,797 --> 00:00:50,300
Well, I got a better
way to relieve tension.
25
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,168
Her name's Tawny. You want her number?
26
00:00:52,168 --> 00:00:53,970
No, thanks, Sam.
27
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,840
I prefer something with a little
mental stimulation as well.
28
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:58,341
So read to her first.
29
00:01:00,844 --> 00:01:02,846
No, thanks. I'll stick to chess.
30
00:01:02,846 --> 00:01:04,347
You know, that and fencing
31
00:01:04,347 --> 00:01:06,232
were my two outlets during college.
32
00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,650
Oh, boy, fencing.
33
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,403
I haven't had the old ep�e out in years.
34
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:11,738
Boy, that'd make me
35
00:01:11,738 --> 00:01:13,239
pretty tense, too.
36
00:01:15,241 --> 00:01:18,244
(piano plays)
37
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,114
? Making your way in the world today ?
38
00:01:21,114 --> 00:01:24,117
? Takes everything you've got ?
39
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:27,120
? Taking a break from all your worries ?
40
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:30,623
? Sure would help a lot ?
41
00:01:30,623 --> 00:01:34,127
? Wouldn't you like to get away? ?
42
00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,298
? Sometimes you want to go ?
43
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:43,803
? Where everybody knows your name ?
44
00:01:43,803 --> 00:01:48,308
? And they're always glad you came ?
45
00:01:48,308 --> 00:01:50,810
? You want to be where you can see ?
46
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:53,313
? Our troubles are all the same ?
47
00:01:53,313 --> 00:01:58,318
? You want to be where
everybody knows your name ?
48
00:01:58,318 --> 00:02:00,820
? You want to go where people know ?
49
00:02:00,820 --> 00:02:03,823
? People are all the same ?
50
00:02:03,823 --> 00:02:08,328
? You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ?
51
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:12,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
52
00:02:25,428 --> 00:02:26,346
Mind if I play, Dr. Crane?
53
00:02:26,346 --> 00:02:28,097
No, not at all, Woody.
54
00:02:28,097 --> 00:02:30,400
I've thrashed everybody else in the bar.
55
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:33,269
You may as well be allowed your
chance at ignominious defeat.
56
00:02:33,269 --> 00:02:35,738
Well, thank you, Dr. Crane.
57
00:02:35,738 --> 00:02:37,490
(whimpering)
58
00:02:38,775 --> 00:02:40,777
(whimpering continues)
59
00:02:40,777 --> 00:02:43,279
Hi, Sam.
60
00:02:43,279 --> 00:02:45,281
Hi, Lor... are you all right, Loretta?
61
00:02:45,281 --> 00:02:47,283
I'm fine, and you?
62
00:02:49,285 --> 00:02:50,787
Oh, I'm-I'm fine.
63
00:02:50,787 --> 00:02:52,789
That's nice to hear.
64
00:02:52,789 --> 00:02:54,791
Is Carla working tonight?
65
00:02:54,791 --> 00:02:55,792
Yeah.
66
00:02:55,792 --> 00:02:57,177
She's right over there.
67
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,011
Thank you, Sam.
68
00:02:58,511 --> 00:03:00,513
It's been nice talking with you.
69
00:03:00,513 --> 00:03:02,015
(sobs)
70
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,434
Excuse me, Carla,
71
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,886
but I caught Nick cheating on me
72
00:03:06,886 --> 00:03:08,888
and I've decided to leave him.
73
00:03:09,856 --> 00:03:12,859
So you finally found out
my ex-husband is a jerk.
74
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:15,728
Well, I told you that
before you married the bum.
75
00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:17,063
I've done my part.
76
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:18,064
(sobs)
77
00:03:18,064 --> 00:03:20,066
Carla...
78
00:03:20,066 --> 00:03:23,953
Don't ignore her in her time of need.
79
00:03:23,953 --> 00:03:26,456
Can't you tell when a woman is dying?
80
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,457
Sure.
81
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,959
When the roots start showing. Like that.
82
00:03:34,881 --> 00:03:36,583
Want a drink?
83
00:03:36,583 --> 00:03:38,418
A diet cola would be wonderful.
84
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:39,669
Okay.
85
00:03:41,504 --> 00:03:43,389
Look, kid,
86
00:03:43,389 --> 00:03:45,341
I'm sorry this happened to you.
87
00:03:45,341 --> 00:03:48,344
Oh, thank you, Carla, thank you.
88
00:03:48,344 --> 00:03:50,847
I'm moved beyond recognition.
89
00:03:52,599 --> 00:03:55,602
How long did it take you
to mend your broken heart?
90
00:03:55,602 --> 00:03:57,270
I'll let you know when it happens.
91
00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,243
Loretta...
92
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,246
...would you like to talk about it?
93
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,747
Not really.
94
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:13,253
To come home and find
out that a loved one
95
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,256
has been unfaithful is a terrible blow.
96
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:20,760
The best therapy is to
tell how you feel about it.
97
00:04:20,760 --> 00:04:22,762
I'm against it.
98
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,767
All right, Diane, you've
got your catharsis.
99
00:04:27,767 --> 00:04:29,269
Now leave the girl alone.
100
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,771
Well, at least I'm trying to help.
101
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:35,275
You're merely trying to figure out
102
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:37,277
why your king's about to be mated.
103
00:04:37,777 --> 00:04:39,145
Oh, my God.
104
00:04:40,863 --> 00:04:42,649
Woody, you must be an idiot savant.
105
00:04:42,649 --> 00:04:44,651
Yeah, but I cover it
106
00:04:45,151 --> 00:04:47,036
by smiling a lot.
107
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:51,658
Come on, Loretta.
108
00:04:51,658 --> 00:04:53,326
Don't hold it inside.
109
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:56,629
Well, Nick, who is my husband,
110
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:59,132
has been seeing another woman.
111
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,134
I just realized it today
112
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:03,636
when I found blonde
hairs on Nick's shirt.
113
00:05:06,806 --> 00:05:08,308
Loretta, you're a blonde.
114
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:11,678
Sure. Take his side.
115
00:05:11,678 --> 00:05:14,480
Would you excuse us, please?
116
00:05:19,435 --> 00:05:21,437
Look, it's closing time.
117
00:05:21,437 --> 00:05:24,440
Loretta needs someone
to confide in right now.
118
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,858
Sam, why don't you go on home,
119
00:05:25,858 --> 00:05:27,860
and we ladies will take care of her.
120
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,863
Wh-What is this "we" bit?
121
00:05:30,863 --> 00:05:34,367
I feel very strongly that
it's our duty as women
122
00:05:34,367 --> 00:05:37,870
to be there for another
woman when she wants to talk.
123
00:05:37,870 --> 00:05:40,373
Just as I feel very strongly
that it's my duty as a man
124
00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:42,375
to be there for a woman when
she doesn't want to talk.
125
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:43,626
Same kind of thing.
126
00:05:44,927 --> 00:05:47,930
We'll miss that kind of poignancy, Sam.
127
00:05:49,799 --> 00:05:50,600
Now, what do you say?
128
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,101
Will you do it? Oh, all right.
129
00:05:52,101 --> 00:05:54,604
But only because no living
thing should be subjected
130
00:05:54,604 --> 00:05:57,607
to a night alone with you.
131
00:05:57,607 --> 00:05:59,609
That's the spirit.
132
00:05:59,609 --> 00:06:01,060
Let's wrap it up, guys.
133
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:02,562
Oh, oh, well, all right, Sam.
134
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,564
We can, uh, finish
this up tomorrow, Woody.
135
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,566
Well, who's winning now, Dr. Crane?
136
00:06:06,566 --> 00:06:08,568
Oh, what does it matter who's winning?
137
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,741
We'll just start out
fresh tomorrow, okay?
138
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:17,210
Night, Sam.
139
00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:29,222
Oh, Carla, I still love him.
140
00:06:29,722 --> 00:06:31,224
Nothing you can do.
141
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:34,093
We're talking about Nick Tortelli.
142
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:36,095
He wants you, you got no choice.
143
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:41,067
This is the part I don't get.
144
00:06:41,067 --> 00:06:43,820
Here's a man that
quicksand would spit up...
145
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:51,110
...and yet he has this strange
Svengali-like power over you.
146
00:06:51,110 --> 00:06:52,995
Oh, yes.
147
00:06:52,995 --> 00:06:54,997
From the moment I first saw him,
148
00:06:54,997 --> 00:06:58,501
I knew I'd follow him
to the ends of the earth.
149
00:06:58,501 --> 00:07:01,504
Where he's obviously
spent a lot of time.
150
00:07:02,505 --> 00:07:03,506
You know, there's,
151
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,508
there's something about him.
152
00:07:06,008 --> 00:07:07,510
I mean, he knows women.
153
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:10,012
Like a jeweler knows jewels.
154
00:07:10,012 --> 00:07:11,514
Like a meat cutter knows meat.
155
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:16,969
Like a marine biologist knows marines.
156
00:07:22,975 --> 00:07:25,978
Knowing me as well as I do,
157
00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:28,481
I'll probably end up
crawling right back to him.
158
00:07:28,981 --> 00:07:30,483
Yeah, and he'll be there waiting
159
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,985
with that cute look on his face
160
00:07:32,985 --> 00:07:34,987
and those three little words,
161
00:07:34,987 --> 00:07:37,874
"She's my cousin."
162
00:07:41,127 --> 00:07:43,129
You're not crawling back to him.
163
00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:45,131
We're gonna fight this together.
164
00:07:45,131 --> 00:07:46,415
You don't need that reptile.
165
00:07:46,415 --> 00:07:48,417
You can take care of yourself.
166
00:07:48,417 --> 00:07:50,419
But what'll I do?
167
00:07:50,419 --> 00:07:52,171
Well, you must be good at something.
168
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,976
Well... I'm great at singing.
169
00:07:56,976 --> 00:07:57,844
Okay.
170
00:07:57,844 --> 00:08:00,179
In fact, before I married Nick,
171
00:08:00,179 --> 00:08:03,182
I was on my way to
becoming a taller, blonder,
172
00:08:03,182 --> 00:08:06,185
less Mormon Marie Osmond.
173
00:08:09,605 --> 00:08:12,108
Loretta, if Nick's going
to treat you this way,
174
00:08:12,108 --> 00:08:14,610
you can't let him come
between you and your career.
175
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:16,112
You're right.
176
00:08:16,112 --> 00:08:18,614
I've got to sing again.
177
00:08:18,614 --> 00:08:20,616
Do you think Sam would let me sing here?
178
00:08:20,616 --> 00:08:22,418
Let me take care of it.
179
00:08:22,418 --> 00:08:23,786
I can talk him into anything.
180
00:08:25,671 --> 00:08:29,041
SAM: No, Diane, I told
you. Absolutely not.
181
00:08:29,041 --> 00:08:30,510
I wish you'd reconsider.
182
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:33,012
Oh, please... Loretta needs a job.
183
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,932
And you've never had a singer before.
184
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,433
Oh, I've had a singer.
185
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,353
You probably mean...
186
00:08:41,721 --> 00:08:43,723
Yes, in the bar.
187
00:08:43,723 --> 00:08:44,724
Right. It might be
188
00:08:44,724 --> 00:08:46,108
good for business.
189
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:47,894
I, uh...
190
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,896
I don't need a-a singer.
191
00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:51,397
C-Can you waitress?
192
00:08:51,397 --> 00:08:55,618
No, but I can do a salute
to waitresses in my act.
193
00:08:56,869 --> 00:08:58,654
Come on, it's only temporary,
194
00:08:58,654 --> 00:09:00,039
until she can get back on her feet.
195
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:03,159
Okay, all right. Okay.
196
00:09:03,159 --> 00:09:06,162
I ran across an interesting
fact the other day.
197
00:09:06,162 --> 00:09:09,165
You know, if I took a,
uh, ride in a spaceship
198
00:09:09,165 --> 00:09:11,167
at the speed of light for ten years,
199
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:13,169
when I return, I'd be ten years older,
200
00:09:13,169 --> 00:09:15,671
but everybody else here
would be 80 years older.
201
00:09:15,671 --> 00:09:17,173
Now, do you realize
202
00:09:17,173 --> 00:09:19,675
the ramifications of that?
203
00:09:19,675 --> 00:09:22,178
Yeah, for once you'd be the
best player on our softball team.
204
00:09:24,680 --> 00:09:26,682
I just can't discuss science with you.
205
00:09:27,183 --> 00:09:28,184
Cliffie, Cliffie...
206
00:09:28,184 --> 00:09:30,186
Give me a break. W-Wait!
207
00:09:31,687 --> 00:09:32,688
Carla!
208
00:09:32,688 --> 00:09:34,690
Nick.
209
00:09:34,690 --> 00:09:36,075
Long time, no see.
210
00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,944
You do somethin' to your hair?
211
00:09:37,944 --> 00:09:39,445
No.
212
00:09:39,445 --> 00:09:40,446
Think about it.
213
00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,949
(wheezing laughter)
214
00:09:42,949 --> 00:09:45,451
Nick, be a cannibal.
215
00:09:45,451 --> 00:09:47,837
Eat a rat.
216
00:09:47,837 --> 00:09:50,339
The magic is still there, Carla.
217
00:09:50,339 --> 00:09:52,208
Whatever happened between us?
218
00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:54,627
You lied, you cheated,
you neglected the kids,
219
00:09:54,627 --> 00:09:57,129
you never came home,
and you drank too much.
220
00:09:57,129 --> 00:09:58,631
Nah. It'd have to be more than that.
221
00:10:03,302 --> 00:10:06,305
Say the word, blondie,
and we can happen.
222
00:10:11,110 --> 00:10:16,115
I'd rather be the love toy
of a Greek army battalion.
223
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:17,617
Who wouldn't?
224
00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:21,988
But dreaming gets you nowhere.
225
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,372
Nicky!
226
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:24,874
Loretta.
227
00:10:24,874 --> 00:10:26,375
I've decided to forgive you
228
00:10:26,375 --> 00:10:30,246
for bursting in on me and
Miss Romero in the shower.
229
00:10:30,246 --> 00:10:32,164
I'm sorry, Nicky.
230
00:10:32,665 --> 00:10:34,667
You oughta be. It was very embarrassing.
231
00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:35,668
Let's go home.
232
00:10:35,668 --> 00:10:36,886
Okay.
233
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:38,220
Be strong.
234
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:39,722
I mean...
235
00:10:39,722 --> 00:10:41,590
No.
236
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,513
That sounded negative to me.
237
00:10:47,513 --> 00:10:49,932
I'm here for you.
238
00:10:49,932 --> 00:10:52,435
I'm not going home with you.
239
00:10:52,435 --> 00:10:53,436
I'm leaving you, Nick.
240
00:10:53,436 --> 00:10:54,437
NICK: Uh...
241
00:10:54,437 --> 00:10:56,439
get-g-get in the
car, sugar lump.
242
00:10:56,439 --> 00:10:57,690
Don't make me mad now.
243
00:10:57,690 --> 00:10:58,991
Hey, Nick, why don't
you leave her alone?
244
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,993
Uh, Sam, she's coming home with me.
245
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:04,363
Uh, in case you have forgotten,
she is my, uh, betrothed.
246
00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:07,083
She doesn't want to go
back to him. All right.
247
00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:08,417
Please help her. I know. I know.
248
00:11:08,417 --> 00:11:09,418
Nick, come on. Beat it.
249
00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:11,420
She doesn't want to be
around you right now.
250
00:11:11,420 --> 00:11:12,922
Eh, Sam, buddy, uh,
it is not a good thing
251
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:14,423
for them to see us fighting here.
252
00:11:14,423 --> 00:11:16,425
Uh, these people, uh,
they look up to us.
253
00:11:16,425 --> 00:11:18,427
Uh, we're role models.
254
00:11:20,429 --> 00:11:22,932
Then don't make me ask again.
255
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:24,934
Okay, okay, I'm not looking for trouble.
256
00:11:25,434 --> 00:11:26,802
Eh, but mark my words.
257
00:11:26,802 --> 00:11:29,605
Eh, I'm coming back for my woman.
258
00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,107
Oh, Sam,
259
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,475
you stood up for me.
260
00:11:32,475 --> 00:11:34,810
Nobody's ever done that for me before.
261
00:11:34,810 --> 00:11:35,811
Oh.
262
00:11:35,811 --> 00:11:37,813
Sam, I'm aghast.
263
00:11:37,813 --> 00:11:39,115
What?
264
00:11:39,115 --> 00:11:40,566
You of all people?!
265
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:43,069
Have you no respect
for our blessed union?
266
00:11:43,069 --> 00:11:44,987
Oh, come on, Nick.
267
00:11:44,987 --> 00:11:46,489
There's nothing going on here.
268
00:11:46,489 --> 00:11:47,990
I'm not interested in Loretta.
269
00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:49,875
Uh, I got one thing to say to you, Sam.
270
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:53,379
Two can play the same game.
271
00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:55,881
You took my woman...
272
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:02,388
...I'm gonna take yours.
273
00:12:02,671 --> 00:12:04,256
Me?
274
00:12:04,256 --> 00:12:05,257
You're taking me?
275
00:12:05,257 --> 00:12:07,760
The only thing you should be taking
276
00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,762
is penicillin.
277
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,232
This is great.
278
00:12:13,232 --> 00:12:14,600
Nick is gonna cast
279
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,435
a love spell on Miss Goody Two Shoes,
280
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:18,320
and I get to watch.
281
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,107
Actually, I'm not gonna make
my romantic approach tonight.
282
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,359
It's getting too late for that.
283
00:12:23,359 --> 00:12:28,164
Ah, yes, goodness... look at the time.
284
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:34,336
Time.
285
00:12:34,336 --> 00:12:37,840
Time to lay back.
286
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:42,711
Time to forget your inhibitions.
287
00:12:42,711 --> 00:12:45,297
This is diabolical.
288
00:12:45,297 --> 00:12:47,133
From this day forward,
289
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:49,635
there will be nobody for you but me.
290
00:12:49,635 --> 00:12:51,637
You will fall hopelessly in love
291
00:12:51,637 --> 00:12:55,641
and follow me to the ends of the earth.
292
00:12:57,143 --> 00:13:01,397
Oh, yeah... and bring a six-pack.
293
00:13:05,234 --> 00:13:06,735
God, the man is insane to think
294
00:13:06,735 --> 00:13:07,987
that anyone would be
295
00:13:07,987 --> 00:13:11,323
gullible enough to fall
for that idiotic nonsense.
296
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:32,595
LORETTA: ? Mr. Sandman,
bring me a dream. ?
297
00:13:32,595 --> 00:13:34,063
(applause)
298
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,564
Thank you, thank you.
299
00:13:35,564 --> 00:13:38,067
You've been a wonderful audience.
300
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:40,569
Expecting someone, Diane?
301
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:43,572
No, not really.
302
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,074
Sure you are.
303
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,076
He's out there somewhere.
304
00:13:47,076 --> 00:13:49,078
Waiting.
305
00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:52,081
I've heard so much about
Nick Tortelli's magic,
306
00:13:52,081 --> 00:13:53,582
but it's been a week,
307
00:13:53,582 --> 00:13:56,085
and I haven't seen any evidence of it.
308
00:13:56,085 --> 00:13:57,586
Don't you see what he's doing?
309
00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:58,587
It's all part of his plan.
310
00:13:58,587 --> 00:14:00,589
You know, like when the drums stop
311
00:14:00,589 --> 00:14:02,091
in a jungle movie?
312
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:07,596
You sit and wonder...
what are the natives doing?
313
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:11,600
And then you start to sweat.
314
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,102
He's a genius.
315
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:17,106
(makes bomb whistling, explosion sounds)
316
00:14:19,608 --> 00:14:21,110
Woody, I refuse to continue playing
317
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:23,612
if every time you take
one of my pieces, you go...
318
00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:26,615
(makes whistling, explosion sounds)
319
00:14:26,615 --> 00:14:28,117
I'm sorry, Dr. Crane; I thought it added
320
00:14:28,117 --> 00:14:29,118
a little bit of excitement to the game.
321
00:14:29,618 --> 00:14:31,120
Well, it doesn't!
322
00:14:33,622 --> 00:14:35,124
Okay, Woody.
323
00:14:35,124 --> 00:14:38,127
You know, I think it's
time we took off the gloves.
324
00:14:38,127 --> 00:14:39,995
I have allowed you
325
00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:41,747
to defeat me several times
326
00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,749
because I was going easy on you,
327
00:14:43,749 --> 00:14:46,752
so as not to crush
your natural enthusiasm.
328
00:14:46,752 --> 00:14:48,637
But I think it's time
329
00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:51,006
you took a giant step toward maturity.
330
00:14:51,006 --> 00:14:54,510
There are a great many lessons
to be learned in defeat.
331
00:14:54,510 --> 00:14:57,012
Chief among them is
how to lose gracefully.
332
00:15:00,015 --> 00:15:01,016
Checkmate.
333
00:15:01,016 --> 00:15:03,018
(loud growling)
334
00:15:03,018 --> 00:15:05,020
You missed my king.
335
00:15:05,020 --> 00:15:06,021
(growling)
336
00:15:06,021 --> 00:15:08,407
(makes bomb whistling
and explosion sounds)
337
00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:10,993
Dr. Crane!
338
00:15:16,198 --> 00:15:17,666
Good night, Loretta.
339
00:15:17,666 --> 00:15:19,168
Thanks, Sam. Mm-hmm.
340
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:24,173
Never again does she sing in this bar.
341
00:15:24,173 --> 00:15:26,175
Yes, dear.
342
00:15:29,511 --> 00:15:31,013
You know, Sammy,
343
00:15:31,013 --> 00:15:32,514
I know you kind of like Diane.
344
00:15:32,514 --> 00:15:34,016
(grunts softly)
345
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:35,517
But you're gonna have to face it.
346
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,519
She's his now.
347
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,021
Oh, come on, will you stop it?
348
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,522
I mean, Nick
and Diane--
349
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:42,391
they don't even belong
on the same planet.
350
00:15:42,391 --> 00:15:44,693
The guy doesn't have any table manners.
351
00:15:44,693 --> 00:15:46,946
I mean, he thinks he's
God's gift to women.
352
00:15:46,946 --> 00:15:49,732
And when was the last time
he even picked up a book?
353
00:15:49,732 --> 00:15:51,984
How's that different from you, Sam?
354
00:15:51,984 --> 00:15:55,287
All right, there's a big difference...
355
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,705
there's a big difference
356
00:15:57,206 --> 00:16:00,209
between thinking you're
God's gift and knowing it.
357
00:16:01,627 --> 00:16:02,628
(cash register dings)
358
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:06,131
You know, Sammy, I, uh,
think Nick is getting to you.
359
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:08,133
Why? You think I'm worried about this?
360
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,135
Are you kidding? Uh-huh,
well, look at this.
361
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:12,137
You added these receipts all wrong.
362
00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:14,640
I did not. Then you're saying
363
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,059
we took in $32 million tonight?
364
00:16:17,059 --> 00:16:20,062
Well, there was that party of
ten in the corner table there.
365
00:16:20,062 --> 00:16:22,564
Yeah. I'm gonna go add
these on the machine, okay?
366
00:16:23,065 --> 00:16:24,066
Yeah, maybe you better.
367
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:25,567
Uh...
368
00:16:25,567 --> 00:16:27,069
Diane, I'm going to go home now
369
00:16:27,569 --> 00:16:29,571
and watch the, uh, last
half of the Celtics game.
370
00:16:30,072 --> 00:16:31,073
All right?
371
00:16:31,073 --> 00:16:32,941
Okay, Sam.
372
00:16:32,941 --> 00:16:33,993
See you in the morning.
373
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:36,779
Okay. I'll be dreaming of you.
374
00:16:36,779 --> 00:16:40,282
I'll be dreaming of me, too.
375
00:16:45,287 --> 00:16:46,789
Closing!
376
00:16:46,789 --> 00:16:49,291
(register dings)
377
00:17:03,305 --> 00:17:04,807
Good evening, Miss Chambers.
378
00:17:04,807 --> 00:17:08,777
Nick, you had better be here to tell me
379
00:17:08,777 --> 00:17:13,198
that you've given up your
quest to win my favor.
380
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:15,734
Please, Miss Chambers,
381
00:17:15,734 --> 00:17:20,239
this is for you and you alone, my sweet.
382
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:21,740
(loud whistle)
383
00:17:23,125 --> 00:17:29,048
(violins playing "As Time Goes By")
384
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,256
God, you've got to be kidding!
385
00:17:37,256 --> 00:17:40,175
In matters of amore,
Nick Tortelli never kids.
386
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:41,510
Sit.
387
00:17:41,510 --> 00:17:43,729
I am not a dog.
388
00:17:43,729 --> 00:17:45,013
Of course you're not.
389
00:17:45,013 --> 00:17:46,515
You think I'd spend this
kinda dough on an ug-o?
390
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,685
Now, come on.
391
00:17:49,685 --> 00:17:53,188
We have a night of magic ahead of us.
392
00:17:53,188 --> 00:17:55,074
Let us commence.
393
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,861
Nick, there will be no
dinner, no magic, no us.
394
00:17:58,861 --> 00:18:01,113
You and I have to talk.
395
00:18:01,113 --> 00:18:03,949
Now, please, sit down.
396
00:18:03,949 --> 00:18:05,951
Okay.
397
00:18:05,951 --> 00:18:08,454
(snaps fingers)
398
00:18:16,378 --> 00:18:21,383
Nick... will you give up on me?
399
00:18:21,383 --> 00:18:23,385
You and I are an impossibility.
400
00:18:23,385 --> 00:18:27,773
The only thing you instill
in me is the desire to flee.
401
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:32,611
And then to be de-flea'd.
402
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:39,618
I'm sensing that, uh, we're not
gonna hit the sheets together.
403
00:18:42,621 --> 00:18:43,622
That is correct.
404
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:44,990
Save it!
405
00:18:44,990 --> 00:18:45,991
(violins stop)
406
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:49,495
Why are you wasting your time on this?
407
00:18:49,495 --> 00:18:50,963
Loretta's the woman for you.
408
00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,882
She's spending all of her time with Sam.
409
00:18:53,882 --> 00:18:56,885
Women can't get their
eyes off of that guy.
410
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:59,388
I guess, in his own
way, he's good-looking.
411
00:18:59,388 --> 00:19:05,394
Oh, Nick, you're every bit
as... mistaken as you can be.
412
00:19:07,262 --> 00:19:09,765
Sam and Loretta are not an item.
413
00:19:09,765 --> 00:19:11,266
Sam is mine.
414
00:19:11,266 --> 00:19:12,184
So, why don't you
415
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,153
do something decent for once
416
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,655
and go back and make your marriage work?
417
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:18,607
(whispering): Get up, get up, get up!
418
00:19:18,607 --> 00:19:19,491
What's going on here?
419
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,944
Surprise!
420
00:19:26,615 --> 00:19:30,619
I just came because I
forgot my... my charts.
421
00:19:30,619 --> 00:19:31,620
Is this all for me?
422
00:19:31,620 --> 00:19:33,121
Of course it's for you.
423
00:19:33,121 --> 00:19:36,124
It's my attempt to win
you back into my heart.
424
00:19:36,124 --> 00:19:38,126
Isn't that right, Miss Chambers?
425
00:19:38,126 --> 00:19:39,511
Oh, yes, yes.
426
00:19:39,511 --> 00:19:41,930
He's really a sweet
guy, isn't he, Loretta?
427
00:19:41,930 --> 00:19:43,432
He sure is.
428
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,800
Yeah. If he
429
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:45,801
weren't already taken,
430
00:19:46,301 --> 00:19:47,686
I'd snap him up for myself.
431
00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:50,606
Well, I'll leave you
two lovebirds alone.
432
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:53,108
I'm just going in the
back to freshen up.
433
00:19:53,108 --> 00:19:55,611
I'll be out of here
in just a few minutes.
434
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,614
I really like that Debbie.
435
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:07,122
Uh... Loretta, if I have
caused you, uh, any heartache,
436
00:20:07,122 --> 00:20:08,123
I want to say I'm sorry.
437
00:20:08,624 --> 00:20:10,626
But I really do love you,
and I know you love me,
438
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:13,879
and it's crazy for
us not to be together.
439
00:20:13,879 --> 00:20:17,165
You're the only woman on Earth for me.
440
00:20:17,666 --> 00:20:20,969
How come the cake says "Nick and Diane"?
441
00:20:20,969 --> 00:20:22,921
Excuse me?
442
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:26,808
How come the cake says "Nick and Diane"?
443
00:20:26,808 --> 00:20:29,678
You know what a lousy speller I am.
444
00:20:29,678 --> 00:20:33,181
Oh, right.
445
00:20:37,102 --> 00:20:41,106
But, wait, that's pretty bad.
446
00:20:45,494 --> 00:20:48,363
This wasn't for me after all, was it?
447
00:20:48,363 --> 00:20:50,666
This was for some girl named Diane!
448
00:20:50,666 --> 00:20:52,167
No!
449
00:20:52,167 --> 00:20:53,585
It's no use.
450
00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:56,588
We're through forever.
451
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,461
If you ever need a singer,
I'm available for any gig.
452
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:06,848
Cut it!
453
00:21:08,350 --> 00:21:09,601
Nick.
454
00:21:09,601 --> 00:21:12,437
Carla!
455
00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:15,107
(violins playing)
456
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,360
What's all this?
457
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,646
This is for you, my sweet.
458
00:21:22,564 --> 00:21:24,566
All this is for me?
459
00:21:24,566 --> 00:21:26,068
Yeah. And if this
460
00:21:26,068 --> 00:21:29,037
is not an attempt at reconciliation,
461
00:21:29,538 --> 00:21:31,540
uh, I don't know what is.
462
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:33,041
This is.
463
00:21:36,044 --> 00:21:38,046
You don't believe me?
464
00:21:40,549 --> 00:21:42,551
Whose lipstick is on the glass?
465
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:46,555
What? I'm gonna have
the caterer flogged.
466
00:21:46,555 --> 00:21:47,806
Right, Nick.
467
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:50,142
I hope you guys got your money up front.
468
00:21:57,649 --> 00:21:59,518
Nick?
469
00:22:03,939 --> 00:22:06,942
Diane. Diane, look how fate once again
470
00:22:06,942 --> 00:22:09,945
has brought us together this evening.
471
00:22:09,945 --> 00:22:12,948
Uh, excuse me if I don't get up for you.
472
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:16,418
Where's Loretta?
473
00:22:16,418 --> 00:22:17,703
Uh, I don't know.
474
00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:19,705
She, uh, she got up and ran out on me.
475
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:22,090
Uh, apparently, she
didn't like the cake.
476
00:22:22,090 --> 00:22:24,042
Nick, do yourself a favor.
477
00:22:24,042 --> 00:22:28,046
Get up out of that chair,
march out that door...
478
00:22:28,046 --> 00:22:29,431
Do you mind?
479
00:22:29,431 --> 00:22:30,432
(music stops)
480
00:22:30,432 --> 00:22:33,268
March out that door,
481
00:22:33,268 --> 00:22:36,271
find your wife, take her in your arms,
482
00:22:36,271 --> 00:22:39,274
sweep her up off her
feet, and tell her that
483
00:22:39,775 --> 00:22:43,278
"if our hearts cannot be
as one for all eternity,
484
00:22:43,278 --> 00:22:45,781
life will have lost all meaning."
485
00:22:45,781 --> 00:22:47,149
Okay, I'll do that.
486
00:22:49,151 --> 00:22:50,652
That's it, boys. You're off the clock.
487
00:22:50,652 --> 00:22:52,154
Find your own ways home.
488
00:22:53,905 --> 00:22:55,741
NICK: Loretta!
489
00:23:00,495 --> 00:23:02,998
Did I miss something here?
490
00:23:03,999 --> 00:23:07,502
Men. They are so stupid.
491
00:23:07,502 --> 00:23:09,004
What are you
492
00:23:09,004 --> 00:23:10,505
doing here?
493
00:23:10,505 --> 00:23:12,507
Oh, well, I thought
it was more important
494
00:23:12,507 --> 00:23:13,508
for me to be here with you
495
00:23:13,508 --> 00:23:16,011
than watching some silly
old basketball game.
496
00:23:16,011 --> 00:23:18,513
Your TV's broken? Yeah.
497
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,819
This whole thing is so
sad, really very sad.
498
00:23:23,819 --> 00:23:25,187
Oh, that's all right.
499
00:23:25,187 --> 00:23:27,072
It's under warranty.
500
00:23:27,072 --> 00:23:29,324
It'll be okay.
501
00:23:29,324 --> 00:23:32,611
No, I'm talking about life.
502
00:23:32,611 --> 00:23:33,995
Oh, oh, oh, yeah.
503
00:23:33,995 --> 00:23:37,365
How a good woman can make all
the difference in the world,
504
00:23:37,365 --> 00:23:40,752
and yet men are constantly
letting them slip away.
505
00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:42,421
Mm...
506
00:23:45,207 --> 00:23:48,210
I hope you don't let that happen to you
507
00:23:48,210 --> 00:23:50,595
and a certain flaxen-haired beauty
508
00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:53,048
in your life. (chuckling)
509
00:23:53,048 --> 00:23:54,049
Don't worry.
510
00:23:54,049 --> 00:23:55,934
I won't.
511
00:24:00,889 --> 00:24:04,893
(playing "As Time Goes By")
512
00:24:05,000 --> 00:24:08,141
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