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1
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CARLA: Hey, Cheers is filmed
before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,904 --> 00:00:06,906
Afternoon, Woody!
3
00:00:06,906 --> 00:00:08,408
Oh, hiya, Mr. Twitchell.
4
00:00:08,408 --> 00:00:09,909
If it isn't Walter Q. Twitchell,
5
00:00:09,909 --> 00:00:11,911
the man who put the "nie" in weenie.
6
00:00:14,914 --> 00:00:16,916
You South Central Branch types
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are all alike--
wisenheimers.
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Good Lord, Miss Agnes!
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00:00:23,339 --> 00:00:25,341
You're wearing your postal keychain
10
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and you're not on active duty?
11
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Well...
12
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That's a direct violation
13
00:00:29,846 --> 00:00:30,847
of postal regulations.
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I'm filing a report on you.
15
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Oh, yeah? Yeah.
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I'd love to see the supervisor's face
17
00:00:35,351 --> 00:00:36,853
when he calls me out on the mat
18
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and I whip out this little baby.
19
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Heh? Care to take a peep
20
00:00:39,856 --> 00:00:41,725
at the old French peeper here, Twitch?
21
00:00:41,725 --> 00:00:46,196
I warn ya, it's, uh, pretty hot stuff.
22
00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,703
You're a sick man, Clavin.
23
00:00:57,707 --> 00:01:00,210
(all laughing)
24
00:01:00,210 --> 00:01:02,212
What are you...?
25
00:01:02,212 --> 00:01:04,214
Oh, nice shiner there, Twitch.
26
00:01:05,715 --> 00:01:07,634
Yeah, they could never pass up
27
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,136
a chance to sneak a peek
at Natalie in her nightie.
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TWITCHELL: Nightie?!
29
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Wasn't wearing anything I could see.
30
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Huh?
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TWITCHELL: Revenge is sweet.
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Here's your mail.
33
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Have a nice...
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(piano plays)
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? Making your way in the world today ?
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? Takes everything you've got ?
37
00:01:30,857 --> 00:01:33,860
? Taking a break from all your worries ?
38
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? Sure would help a lot ?
39
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:42,252
? Wouldn't you like to get away? ?
40
00:01:42,252 --> 00:01:45,038
? Sometimes you want to go ?
41
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? Where everybody knows your name ?
42
00:01:50,043 --> 00:01:55,048
? And they're always glad you came ?
43
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,050
? You want to be where you can see ?
44
00:01:57,050 --> 00:02:00,053
? Our troubles are all the same ?
45
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:05,058
? You want to be where
everybody knows your name ?
46
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:08,061
? You want to go where people know ?
47
00:02:08,061 --> 00:02:10,063
? People are all the same ?
48
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? You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ?
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00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:22,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
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00:02:34,053 --> 00:02:35,555
(sighs)
51
00:02:39,559 --> 00:02:41,060
(sighs)
52
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:48,067
Are you developing a slow leak, Diane?
53
00:02:48,067 --> 00:02:49,068
No.
54
00:02:49,068 --> 00:02:51,070
I have a problem.
55
00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:53,072
I just don't know who to talk to.
56
00:02:53,072 --> 00:02:54,574
Oh.
57
00:02:54,574 --> 00:02:55,575
Well, how about me?
58
00:02:55,575 --> 00:02:59,078
I don't think that would
be appropriate in this case.
59
00:02:59,078 --> 00:03:00,580
You see, it's a romantic problem.
60
00:03:00,580 --> 00:03:02,081
Oh.
61
00:03:02,081 --> 00:03:04,083
Considering our past, I don't think
62
00:03:04,083 --> 00:03:06,586
you could possibly
maintain your objectivity.
63
00:03:06,586 --> 00:03:07,587
Oh, come on.
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00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:08,588
Give it a shot.
65
00:03:10,540 --> 00:03:12,292
Very well.
66
00:03:12,292 --> 00:03:13,626
As you know, last week,
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00:03:13,626 --> 00:03:16,129
I was substituting as
a teaching assistant
68
00:03:16,129 --> 00:03:18,131
at the college and...
69
00:03:18,131 --> 00:03:20,133
it seems that one of the students
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00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:21,384
has fallen in love with me.
71
00:03:21,384 --> 00:03:22,719
Marry him. See!
72
00:03:26,222 --> 00:03:28,725
Sam,
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00:03:28,725 --> 00:03:32,228
in this case, the smitten youth
is particularly good-looking.
74
00:03:32,228 --> 00:03:33,112
Ah.
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00:03:33,112 --> 00:03:34,981
No, make that
76
00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,482
exceptionally good-looking.
77
00:03:36,482 --> 00:03:37,367
All right.
78
00:03:37,367 --> 00:03:40,737
No, make it
Greek-god-like.
79
00:03:40,737 --> 00:03:43,239
The problem is that he's very persistent
80
00:03:43,239 --> 00:03:47,744
and with his beauty and youthful ardor,
81
00:03:47,744 --> 00:03:50,630
I find myself inexplicably
82
00:03:50,630 --> 00:03:51,497
drawn to him.
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00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:52,999
He's asked me out several times.
84
00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:55,501
Now, I don't want to encourage him,
85
00:03:55,501 --> 00:03:58,922
but on the other hand, I'm tempted.
86
00:03:58,922 --> 00:04:00,423
What do you think I should do, Sam?
87
00:04:00,423 --> 00:04:02,926
I'm sorry. I got sidetracked there.
88
00:04:02,926 --> 00:04:05,812
I was looking at my foot.
89
00:04:09,098 --> 00:04:10,099
Sam, please.
90
00:04:10,099 --> 00:04:12,602
As you know, I'm one who prides herself
91
00:04:12,602 --> 00:04:16,990
on her attraction to the inner man,
92
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,241
but every once in awhile,
93
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:21,110
someone comes along that
makes you go, "zowie."
94
00:04:21,110 --> 00:04:22,495
Oh, stop it, will ya?
95
00:04:22,495 --> 00:04:24,864
You're just trying to make me jealous.
96
00:04:24,864 --> 00:04:28,117
Your being jealous was the
farthest thing from my mind...
97
00:04:29,085 --> 00:04:30,086
...although,
98
00:04:30,586 --> 00:04:31,587
now that you bring it up,
99
00:04:31,587 --> 00:04:34,090
any sane man would be jealous
of Lance Apollonaire.
100
00:04:34,590 --> 00:04:35,341
Oh, come on.
101
00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,626
If you're gonna make a guy up,
102
00:04:36,626 --> 00:04:37,627
at least give him a name
103
00:04:37,627 --> 00:04:39,629
that doesn't sound
like a bad aftershave.
104
00:04:41,597 --> 00:04:44,550
I knew it was a mistake to talk to you.
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00:04:44,550 --> 00:04:47,937
I'll just have to deal
with this on my own.
106
00:04:47,937 --> 00:04:50,223
Rest assured, though,
that the last thing I need
107
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,725
is to become that young
man's "Mrs. Robinson."
108
00:04:52,725 --> 00:04:55,728
Wouldn't that be Mrs. Apollonaire?
109
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:58,231
No, Woody.
110
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:01,734
Mrs. Robinson was a... Yes, it would.
111
00:05:04,654 --> 00:05:06,656
Well, top of the day, everybody,
112
00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:09,158
and what a fine day it is, too, huh?
113
00:05:09,158 --> 00:05:10,660
Why the good spirits, Mr. Clavin?
114
00:05:10,660 --> 00:05:11,661
Well, uh, you guys ever hear
115
00:05:11,661 --> 00:05:13,546
of the Knights of the Scimitar?
116
00:05:13,546 --> 00:05:15,298
Yeah, it's one of those lodges, right?
117
00:05:15,798 --> 00:05:17,300
The lodge, Sammy.
118
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:18,301
You know, it's always,
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00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,303
uh, been a dream of
mine to become a member.
120
00:05:20,303 --> 00:05:21,754
Well, yesterday, I made it.
121
00:05:21,754 --> 00:05:23,639
You guys are looking at a Knight.
122
00:05:23,639 --> 00:05:24,891
Hey, that's great, man.
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00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:26,809
Thanks... Thank you.
Thank you very much.
124
00:05:26,809 --> 00:05:28,811
You know, uh, Dad himself was a Knight.
125
00:05:28,811 --> 00:05:31,314
When I was a kid, I used
to sneak up into his room
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when he was out at work and,
uh, try on his turban and sword.
127
00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:36,319
And unless I miss my guess,
128
00:05:36,319 --> 00:05:37,320
you completed the outfit
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00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,822
with your mother's bra and high heels.
130
00:05:42,325 --> 00:05:44,827
Carla, this is serious.
131
00:05:44,827 --> 00:05:46,829
It's no easy task
getting into the Knights.
132
00:05:46,829 --> 00:05:48,698
Oh, sure, as the son
of an alumnus, I was,
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00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:50,199
uh, guaranteed full membership,
134
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:54,203
but, uh, well, hey, my oath does
not permit me to say any more.
135
00:05:54,203 --> 00:05:55,204
Thank God.
136
00:05:55,204 --> 00:05:56,205
Yeah.
137
00:05:56,205 --> 00:05:57,707
But the best part is...
138
00:05:57,707 --> 00:05:59,709
Your oath, Clavin, your oath.
139
00:05:59,709 --> 00:06:01,210
No, no, this stuff's permissible, Carla.
140
00:06:01,210 --> 00:06:03,212
Oh, shut up, anyway.
141
00:06:03,212 --> 00:06:05,715
Well, oh, well, so don't listen!
142
00:06:05,715 --> 00:06:07,216
Hey, look, uh, listen, you guys.
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00:06:07,216 --> 00:06:09,719
The best part is that, uh,
you know, now that I'm a member,
144
00:06:09,719 --> 00:06:11,220
I can get all you guys in.
145
00:06:11,220 --> 00:06:12,722
Huh? You know,
146
00:06:12,722 --> 00:06:14,891
of course it's gonna
have to be one at a time.
147
00:06:14,891 --> 00:06:17,226
Now, uh, I figured out a fair
way to do the choosing, okay?
148
00:06:17,226 --> 00:06:19,112
Now I'm thinking of a number
149
00:06:19,112 --> 00:06:20,113
between one and ten.
150
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:21,564
Whoever has the closest wins.
151
00:06:21,564 --> 00:06:24,567
Uh, Norm, you first.
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00:06:24,567 --> 00:06:28,321
Two million and 12.
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00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:30,156
Two million 13.
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00:06:31,457 --> 00:06:33,743
Two million 14.
155
00:06:33,743 --> 00:06:35,578
Well, the number was four.
156
00:06:35,578 --> 00:06:38,081
Norm's closest with two million 12.
157
00:06:39,582 --> 00:06:41,084
Darn! I was gonna say four.
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00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:43,586
I shoulda stuck with my first instinct.
159
00:06:46,089 --> 00:06:47,090
Cliffy, uh, thanks a lot,
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00:06:47,090 --> 00:06:48,591
but I-I'm just not interested.
161
00:06:48,591 --> 00:06:50,593
You know, I guess I'm an example
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00:06:50,593 --> 00:06:53,096
of the old adage, "I'd never join a club
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00:06:53,096 --> 00:06:54,597
that would have someone like you
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00:06:54,597 --> 00:06:56,099
as a member," you know?
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00:06:56,099 --> 00:06:57,100
That's great.
166
00:06:57,100 --> 00:06:59,102
Hey, Normie, Normie,
you know, the Knights,
167
00:06:59,102 --> 00:07:00,103
they got a lot of, uh, you know,
168
00:07:00,103 --> 00:07:01,604
bankers, lawyers, and assorted
169
00:07:01,604 --> 00:07:02,605
captains of industry down there.
170
00:07:02,605 --> 00:07:04,107
Yeah, so?
171
00:07:04,107 --> 00:07:06,109
Well, so, they're
gonna need accountants,
172
00:07:06,109 --> 00:07:07,110
and, uh, God knows
173
00:07:07,110 --> 00:07:08,611
you could use a few clients.
174
00:07:08,611 --> 00:07:09,612
Yeah, I've heard those places
175
00:07:09,612 --> 00:07:11,114
are great for making contacts.
176
00:07:11,114 --> 00:07:12,115
Yeah.
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00:07:12,115 --> 00:07:14,117
My business has been down just a bit
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00:07:14,117 --> 00:07:15,118
this past year.
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00:07:15,118 --> 00:07:16,119
There you go.
180
00:07:16,119 --> 00:07:18,121
Woody, give me the horn, will ya?
181
00:07:18,121 --> 00:07:19,622
Oh, boy. Hey,
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00:07:19,622 --> 00:07:22,041
you're gonna love it down
at the lodge, you know.
183
00:07:22,041 --> 00:07:24,043
After a hard day's work,
it's a great place to unwind.
184
00:07:24,043 --> 00:07:25,545
Yeah, wearing those turbans,
185
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,213
you probably need a place to unwind.
186
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:31,601
You know, unwind.
187
00:07:32,101 --> 00:07:34,103
(laughs)
188
00:07:34,103 --> 00:07:35,104
Turbans?
189
00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:37,106
How they're all wound
up around your head
190
00:07:37,106 --> 00:07:38,107
and you gotta unwind 'em?
191
00:07:38,107 --> 00:07:41,027
Hey, uh... good one, Woody.
192
00:07:43,529 --> 00:07:45,531
I was voted class clown.
193
00:07:45,531 --> 00:07:47,400
You should be proud.
194
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,902
Yeah, I was only running
for class president.
195
00:07:57,877 --> 00:07:59,328
Oh, Diane, will you do me a favor
196
00:07:59,328 --> 00:08:00,830
and run up and get some change
197
00:08:00,830 --> 00:08:01,831
from Melville's, please?
198
00:08:01,831 --> 00:08:03,332
Oh.
199
00:08:08,337 --> 00:08:10,339
What, what are you doing?
200
00:08:10,339 --> 00:08:12,842
Lance is definitely taller than you are.
201
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:17,230
For a while there, I
thought you were taller,
202
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:18,731
but I see why I was mistaken.
203
00:08:18,731 --> 00:08:20,733
Your shoulders are less broad,
204
00:08:20,733 --> 00:08:24,737
thus giving you
the illusion of greater height.
205
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,740
I promised not to bring up
206
00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:30,109
this Adonis-like
creature, didn't I? Sorry.
207
00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:32,578
No, no, hey, don't be sorry
about a little fantasy.
208
00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,080
I mean, I'm not sorry about the fantasy
209
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:35,581
I had a couple of hours ago.
210
00:08:35,581 --> 00:08:37,083
By the way, how many nurses
211
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:40,586
do you think can fit in
a standard-size hot tub?
212
00:08:43,589 --> 00:08:47,460
Sam, I assure you, Lance is not a fantasy,
213
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:49,929
and the feelings he inspires
214
00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,430
are very real, too.
215
00:08:51,430 --> 00:08:52,932
Change.
216
00:08:52,932 --> 00:08:55,935
Not for you or any man.
217
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:57,303
No, no, Diane.
218
00:08:57,303 --> 00:08:59,272
Change: Nickels, dimes, quarters.
219
00:09:04,894 --> 00:09:06,395
Can I ask you a question here, Carla?
220
00:09:06,395 --> 00:09:08,397
Mm-hmm.
221
00:09:08,397 --> 00:09:11,400
Who's the handsomest man you know?
222
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:12,401
Robert Redford.
223
00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:14,904
No, no, he's a movie star.
224
00:09:14,904 --> 00:09:16,405
I mean someone you really know.
225
00:09:16,405 --> 00:09:17,406
Robert Redford.
226
00:09:18,407 --> 00:09:19,909
You don't know Robert Redford.
227
00:09:19,909 --> 00:09:22,411
Yes, I do.
228
00:09:22,411 --> 00:09:23,913
How come you never mentioned it?
229
00:09:23,913 --> 00:09:25,915
If you were the only woman in Boston
230
00:09:25,915 --> 00:09:29,418
he was messing around with,
would you tell anybody?
231
00:09:32,421 --> 00:09:34,423
Okay, all right, besides Robert Redford.
232
00:09:34,423 --> 00:09:36,926
I mean, some... somebody
you see in the city here.
233
00:09:36,926 --> 00:09:38,928
Who's the handsomest
guy you see in the city?
234
00:09:39,428 --> 00:09:40,930
Um, Dwight Evans.
235
00:09:41,931 --> 00:09:44,934
No, not-not an athlete.
236
00:09:44,934 --> 00:09:46,936
Somebody that you see every day.
237
00:09:46,936 --> 00:09:47,937
My butcher.
238
00:09:47,937 --> 00:09:50,940
In this bar, Carla.
239
00:09:50,940 --> 00:09:52,441
Well, uh...
240
00:09:52,441 --> 00:09:53,943
Standing next to you,
getting very angry.
241
00:09:55,945 --> 00:09:57,947
Well, that would be you, Sam.
242
00:09:57,947 --> 00:09:59,448
Well, why do you
243
00:09:59,448 --> 00:10:00,950
put me through this stuff?
244
00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:02,752
Put you through what?
245
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:09,675
Oh, hey, uh, Woody.
246
00:10:10,176 --> 00:10:11,177
Come here for a second, will ya?
247
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,179
Uh, let me ask you a question.
248
00:10:13,179 --> 00:10:16,682
Who, uh, who's the
handsomest guy you know?
249
00:10:16,682 --> 00:10:19,185
Oh, that's easy--
Carla's butcher.
250
00:10:24,724 --> 00:10:25,725
Evening, everybody.
251
00:10:25,725 --> 00:10:26,726
ALL: Norm!
252
00:10:26,726 --> 00:10:28,728
What's the latest, Mr. Peterson?
253
00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:30,229
Zsa Zsa marries a millionaire.
254
00:10:30,229 --> 00:10:31,731
Peterson drinks a beer.
255
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:32,732
Film at 11:00.
256
00:10:32,732 --> 00:10:34,233
Hey, uh, Normie, you're supposed to be
257
00:10:34,233 --> 00:10:35,735
at your interview down at the lodge.
258
00:10:35,735 --> 00:10:37,737
Oh, yeah, I've already been, Cliff.
259
00:10:37,737 --> 00:10:39,739
Already... That took what, 15 minutes?
260
00:10:39,739 --> 00:10:41,240
Yeah, something like that.
261
00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:42,241
CLIFF: Oh, uh, so,
262
00:10:42,241 --> 00:10:44,243
did you get to meet
the, uh, High Sultan?
263
00:10:44,243 --> 00:10:46,245
Good guy he was. Yeah.
264
00:10:46,245 --> 00:10:48,247
Oh, well, so tell me,
what'd you say to him?
265
00:10:48,247 --> 00:10:50,750
Uh, something like, uh, "Hi, High."
266
00:10:50,750 --> 00:10:53,252
CLIFF: That's great, Norm.
267
00:10:53,252 --> 00:10:55,254
I told you to be friendly, not flippant.
268
00:10:55,254 --> 00:10:57,256
You know, frankly,
this just doesn't bode
269
00:10:57,256 --> 00:10:58,758
at all well for you.
270
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:00,760
(telephone rings)
271
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,261
Cheers.
272
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:03,512
It's for you.
273
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:04,847
Hmm. It's probably those guys.
274
00:11:04,847 --> 00:11:06,349
They said they were gonna call.
275
00:11:06,349 --> 00:11:08,351
Yeah, like they called Joan of Arc
276
00:11:08,351 --> 00:11:10,853
before they turned
her into French toast.
277
00:11:10,853 --> 00:11:11,854
Now look, look.
278
00:11:11,854 --> 00:11:14,857
Just treat this guy
with respect, all right?
279
00:11:14,857 --> 00:11:16,359
Hello.
280
00:11:16,359 --> 00:11:17,360
Oh, yeah, yeah.
281
00:11:17,860 --> 00:11:18,861
Hi, High.
282
00:11:18,861 --> 00:11:20,863
Yeah.
283
00:11:20,863 --> 00:11:22,365
Great.
284
00:11:22,865 --> 00:11:25,368
Oh, no, no, no. No apology necessary.
285
00:11:25,368 --> 00:11:26,369
That's okay. Sure.
286
00:11:26,369 --> 00:11:27,870
All right, bye.
287
00:11:27,870 --> 00:11:29,372
Here. You blew it.
288
00:11:29,872 --> 00:11:30,873
You got nobody to blame
but yourself, Norm.
289
00:11:30,873 --> 00:11:32,875
No, Cliffie, he just, uh, apologized
290
00:11:32,875 --> 00:11:34,377
for making me wait so long.
291
00:11:34,377 --> 00:11:35,378
I'm, uh, I'm a Knight.
292
00:11:35,378 --> 00:11:36,379
Oh! Great!
293
00:11:36,379 --> 00:11:37,880
Congratulations.
294
00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:40,800
How's that for the old Clavin clout, eh?
295
00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:42,685
Evening, Sam.
296
00:11:42,685 --> 00:11:44,437
Hey, Frasier.
297
00:11:44,437 --> 00:11:45,438
What's with your voice?
298
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:48,808
Oh, I spent the afternoon
screaming at a patient.
299
00:11:48,808 --> 00:11:49,775
Oh.
300
00:11:52,645 --> 00:11:54,647
What, what kind of therapy is that?
301
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:55,648
No, it's not therapy.
302
00:11:55,648 --> 00:11:56,982
He burned a hole in my carpet.
303
00:12:01,404 --> 00:12:02,905
Anyway...
304
00:12:02,905 --> 00:12:04,907
how you doing, Sam, old man?
305
00:12:04,907 --> 00:12:07,410
You know, Frasier, I, uh,
306
00:12:07,410 --> 00:12:09,912
I don't like that
phrase "old man" anymore.
307
00:12:09,912 --> 00:12:11,914
Uh, I-I prefer "buddy."
308
00:12:11,914 --> 00:12:13,916
Oh, well, how you doing, Sam, old buddy?
309
00:12:16,419 --> 00:12:19,305
Look, is, uh, something bothering you?
310
00:12:21,173 --> 00:12:23,559
Well, yeah.
311
00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:25,478
Diane's made up some guy who's supposed
312
00:12:25,478 --> 00:12:26,979
to be great-looking,
just to get me riled.
313
00:12:26,979 --> 00:12:28,981
Only I could care less
about the whole thing.
314
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,483
Well, good for you, Sam.
315
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,485
You know, the old Sam
would've rambled on and on
316
00:12:32,485 --> 00:12:34,487
about how jealous he isn't,
proving only that he really is.
317
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:35,488
Right.
318
00:12:35,488 --> 00:12:36,906
I mean, I could give
319
00:12:36,906 --> 00:12:38,407
a rat's rear what Diane does
320
00:12:38,407 --> 00:12:41,777
or who she does it with.
321
00:12:41,777 --> 00:12:44,580
And I certainly am not jealous
about some college punk kid.
322
00:12:44,580 --> 00:12:46,081
And even if I were,
323
00:12:46,081 --> 00:12:47,500
which I'm not...
324
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,001
Call me at the office.
325
00:12:52,955 --> 00:12:55,458
Hey, Sammy, you want to see a sap?
326
00:12:55,458 --> 00:12:57,460
Sure, why not?
327
00:12:59,962 --> 00:13:01,964
That's me, Carla. Uh-huh.
328
00:13:01,964 --> 00:13:03,966
But a great-looking sap, right?
329
00:13:03,966 --> 00:13:05,468
Not bad. Why?
330
00:13:05,468 --> 00:13:06,469
Not bad?
331
00:13:06,469 --> 00:13:07,970
He's a killer.
332
00:13:07,970 --> 00:13:09,472
And I can't believe,
with a mug like that,
333
00:13:09,472 --> 00:13:11,474
you're letting Diane do a number on you.
334
00:13:11,474 --> 00:13:12,475
What are you talking about?
335
00:13:12,975 --> 00:13:13,976
Oh, come on, she's just trying
336
00:13:13,976 --> 00:13:16,479
to make you jealous,
and you're sucking it up
337
00:13:16,479 --> 00:13:17,730
like a Hoover deluxe.
338
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:22,401
No, I'm not. I mean, first of all,
339
00:13:22,401 --> 00:13:24,737
I don't believe this Lance guy exists.
340
00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,122
But if he does exist, I don't
believe he's crazy about her.
341
00:13:27,122 --> 00:13:29,458
And even if he exists
and he's crazy about her,
342
00:13:29,458 --> 00:13:31,327
he's got to have a face like a fish.
343
00:13:33,662 --> 00:13:35,164
Uh, excuse me.
344
00:13:35,164 --> 00:13:36,665
Is Diane Chambers here?
345
00:13:36,665 --> 00:13:39,585
Uh, she'll be right back, Mister...?
346
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:40,970
Apollonaire.
347
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,392
Check out what Diane thinks
is great-looking, will you?
348
00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:48,761
(laughs)
349
00:13:52,314 --> 00:13:53,432
Carla?
350
00:13:54,183 --> 00:13:56,185
(thud)
351
00:14:02,892 --> 00:14:04,260
Is she gonna be all right?
352
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:05,761
Yeah, of course she's
gonna be all right.
353
00:14:05,761 --> 00:14:07,263
Are you all right? You okay?
354
00:14:07,263 --> 00:14:09,148
Yeah, yeah, I'm-I'm fine.
355
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:12,935
I just had this dream that
I saw the handsomest man.
356
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:14,987
(gasps)
357
00:14:14,987 --> 00:14:16,772
(thud)
358
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:19,658
Would you stop that, please?
359
00:14:19,658 --> 00:14:21,026
Oh, nice going, Sam.
360
00:14:21,026 --> 00:14:23,028
I was hoping he'd
give me mouth-to-mouth.
361
00:14:24,413 --> 00:14:26,198
You still can, you know.
362
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:29,535
Diane's upstairs.
363
00:14:29,535 --> 00:14:30,953
She'll be right down.
364
00:14:30,953 --> 00:14:32,204
Can I get you something?
365
00:14:32,204 --> 00:14:33,923
Yeah. How about a beer?
366
00:14:33,923 --> 00:14:35,207
Oh, dear, now, I'm sorry,
367
00:14:35,207 --> 00:14:37,710
I'm gonna have to ask you for an I.D.
368
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,094
(laughs)
369
00:14:39,094 --> 00:14:41,213
Yeah, sure.
370
00:14:44,550 --> 00:14:45,935
(chuckling)
371
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:50,222
Is something funny?
372
00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:53,225
Yeah, yeah, it says here
you're six two and a half.
373
00:14:53,225 --> 00:14:54,226
So?
374
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:56,729
Ha! I'm six three.
375
00:14:59,231 --> 00:15:02,735
Oh, Diane, your little
friend's here to see you.
376
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,538
Lance, what are you doing here?
377
00:15:06,538 --> 00:15:07,957
Well, I brought these for you.
378
00:15:07,957 --> 00:15:11,410
Six two and a half. (chuckles)
379
00:15:11,410 --> 00:15:13,412
Oh, thank you. They're beautiful.
380
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:15,414
They must have cost you a fortune.
381
00:15:15,414 --> 00:15:17,416
Oh, no, I... I picked them all myself.
382
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:19,418
And arranged them, too.
383
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:22,922
I was hoping they might change your
mind about going with me to Vermont.
384
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,924
Lance,
385
00:15:24,924 --> 00:15:27,927
I've already told you,
I don't think it would be
386
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:30,930
a good idea for you and
me to go away together.
387
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,432
Will you at least think about it?
388
00:15:36,936 --> 00:15:38,687
Okay...
389
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:39,989
I'll...
390
00:15:39,989 --> 00:15:41,490
I'll think about it.
391
00:15:41,490 --> 00:15:42,491
Fair enough.
392
00:15:42,491 --> 00:15:44,493
Talk to you on Friday. Uh-huh.
393
00:15:48,497 --> 00:15:50,499
Oh, dear.
394
00:15:53,419 --> 00:15:55,421
Things are beginning to get complicated.
395
00:15:55,421 --> 00:15:57,423
Lance is becoming more insistent
396
00:15:57,423 --> 00:15:59,875
that I go away with him this weekend.
397
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:03,379
So, Sam, should I go or not with this...
398
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:06,382
figment of my imagination?
399
00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:08,884
Well, if you do, just make
sure he doesn't eat first.
400
00:16:08,884 --> 00:16:09,885
Children tend to get car sick.
401
00:16:14,390 --> 00:16:17,893
I know I shouldn't even
be considering it, but...
402
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:21,397
when I look at him, I consider it.
403
00:16:22,898 --> 00:16:24,900
Excuse me, but what
happened to the woman
404
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:28,404
who said it's the inner man who counts?
405
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:30,406
That woman just pictured Lance
406
00:16:30,406 --> 00:16:33,409
gathering flowers in his bikini briefs.
407
00:16:36,412 --> 00:16:38,247
So did this one.
408
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:46,889
MAN: Thank you, Brother Tanner,
409
00:16:46,889 --> 00:16:51,393
for reading the minutes
of last week's meeting.
410
00:16:51,393 --> 00:16:54,897
Now, Brother Foley, what is
the next order of business?
411
00:16:54,897 --> 00:16:56,899
According to the agenda, High Sultan,
412
00:16:56,899 --> 00:16:58,400
we're to welcome
413
00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,403
our newest member into the
Knights of the Scimitar.
414
00:17:01,403 --> 00:17:02,905
Ah, yes.
415
00:17:02,905 --> 00:17:05,774
Stand up, Norm Peterson,
and be welcomed.
416
00:17:10,279 --> 00:17:11,280
Norm, uh, Norm,
417
00:17:11,280 --> 00:17:13,749
why don't you tell us a
little bit about yourself, huh?
418
00:17:13,749 --> 00:17:15,751
Well, there's really
nothing to say, guys.
419
00:17:15,751 --> 00:17:16,752
Now...
420
00:17:16,752 --> 00:17:17,753
don't be modest.
421
00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,255
No, I mean it. There's
really nothing to say.
422
00:17:20,255 --> 00:17:21,707
Uh...
423
00:17:21,707 --> 00:17:24,209
Let's see, I was born in Chicago, uh...
424
00:17:24,209 --> 00:17:26,712
I moved to Boston and
became an accountant.
425
00:17:26,712 --> 00:17:27,713
Are you married?
426
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:28,714
Yeah.
427
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:29,131
To?
428
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:30,132
Long.
429
00:17:32,634 --> 00:17:34,136
By the way, uh, in case you guys need
430
00:17:34,136 --> 00:17:36,138
a good accountant, you
know, I did happen to bring
431
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,140
some of my business
cards along, so, uh...
432
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:39,141
Oh, sorry,
433
00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,642
Norm, I-I guess you
didn't get the word.
434
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:42,644
It-it's against the
rules to do business
435
00:17:43,145 --> 00:17:44,146
with fellow lodge members.
436
00:17:48,817 --> 00:17:51,320
You know, Cliff said...
437
00:17:51,820 --> 00:17:53,322
My fault for listening.
438
00:17:53,822 --> 00:17:55,824
HIGH SULTAN: Well, Norm,
439
00:17:55,824 --> 00:17:58,327
the time has now arrived...
440
00:17:58,327 --> 00:18:01,830
for you to undergo
the initiation ritual.
441
00:18:01,830 --> 00:18:03,332
Stand, please.
442
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,252
Approach me.
443
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:17,262
Are you prepared?
444
00:18:20,065 --> 00:18:21,567
Yeah.
445
00:18:21,567 --> 00:18:23,068
(gong sounds)
446
00:18:23,068 --> 00:18:24,570
Congratulations.
447
00:18:30,576 --> 00:18:32,578
Just, uh, just like that, huh?
448
00:18:32,578 --> 00:18:33,579
Yeah, that's it.
449
00:18:33,579 --> 00:18:35,080
Uh, grab a hat and sword
out of the bin, hmm?
450
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:38,584
Great. Yeah, my God, the pageantry, huh?
451
00:18:38,584 --> 00:18:41,086
Okay, our, uh, next order of business
452
00:18:41,086 --> 00:18:42,087
is our third annual...
453
00:18:42,087 --> 00:18:43,589
Hey, uh, Normie, look, I'm sorry
454
00:18:43,589 --> 00:18:44,590
about that business rule.
455
00:18:44,590 --> 00:18:46,091
I, uh, I didn't know, I guess.
456
00:18:46,091 --> 00:18:47,593
Great time to find out, Cliff.
457
00:18:47,593 --> 00:18:49,094
Oh, hey, if it's any consolation,
458
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,597
these guys give great parties.
459
00:18:51,597 --> 00:18:53,098
Hoo-hoo-hoo,
hey.
460
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,600
Oh, I'll tell you, I thought this was
461
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:56,101
going to be really stupid,
462
00:18:56,101 --> 00:18:57,603
but these are a good bunch of guys,
463
00:18:57,603 --> 00:18:58,604
I tell you. Yep.
464
00:18:58,604 --> 00:19:00,105
Well, have I ever
steered you wrong, Norm?
465
00:19:00,105 --> 00:19:02,608
Oh, yeah; that's why I thought
it was going to be stupid.
466
00:19:02,608 --> 00:19:05,110
But, uh, you know, it's too
bad about the business stuff,
467
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:07,112
but I-I feel pretty
comfortable with these guys.
468
00:19:07,112 --> 00:19:09,615
Yeah. Really, thank you
for sponsoring me, buddy.
469
00:19:09,615 --> 00:19:11,617
Mm-hmm. I can't wait for
some of these parties.
470
00:19:11,617 --> 00:19:14,119
Bang, zoom, eh?
471
00:19:14,119 --> 00:19:15,621
HIGH SULTAN: Oh, uh, before I forget,
472
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:17,623
the, uh, referendum that we ban beer
473
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,875
at all lodge functions has been passed.
474
00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:21,660
Good-bye!
475
00:19:35,757 --> 00:19:38,260
So, what time's Peewee coming in?
476
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:42,264
If you're referring to Lance,
477
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:45,267
I'm expecting him shortl... soon.
478
00:19:47,769 --> 00:19:49,271
And I don't appreciate
479
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:51,773
these constant attempts
to denigrate him.
480
00:19:51,773 --> 00:19:54,776
Let me ask you a question.
481
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,278
What do you see in him?
482
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:58,697
(laughs)
483
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:04,703
You mean... besides a young,
brainy, stunningly gorgeous man
484
00:20:04,703 --> 00:20:06,705
with many interests similar to mine
485
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,707
who's fawning over me and
giving me all the attention
486
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,709
I could ever ask for?
487
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:13,212
Yeah.
488
00:20:14,713 --> 00:20:18,517
I see what I used to see in you
489
00:20:18,517 --> 00:20:21,019
before you decided to
spend the last few months
490
00:20:21,019 --> 00:20:22,938
flogging me with your apathy.
491
00:20:22,938 --> 00:20:24,940
Well, I'm sorry, Diane,
492
00:20:24,940 --> 00:20:26,942
but that's all I had handy.
493
00:20:30,395 --> 00:20:31,396
Hi, Diane.
494
00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:34,399
Have you made a decision?
495
00:20:35,901 --> 00:20:37,903
Have I, Sam?
496
00:20:37,903 --> 00:20:39,905
Send me a postcard.
497
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,830
I don't think I can go,
498
00:20:48,830 --> 00:20:51,667
because it would upset someone too much.
499
00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:55,387
Diane, go with someone's blessings.
500
00:20:56,838 --> 00:20:58,257
Excuse me.
501
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,758
May I speak with you for a moment?
502
00:20:59,758 --> 00:21:01,760
Hop up on a stool there, Lance.
503
00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:03,262
Carla, why don't you pour him a beer?
504
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,770
I know you're still smarting
505
00:21:11,770 --> 00:21:14,773
from my turning down
your proposal of marriage,
506
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:17,276
but how long can you drag this out?
507
00:21:17,276 --> 00:21:19,278
You're hurting me, but
you're also hurting yourself
508
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:21,780
with this feigned indifference.
509
00:21:21,780 --> 00:21:23,782
Well, while we're talking
about hurting people,
510
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,284
how do you think Lance is going to feel
511
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:27,286
when he finds out that
you're using him to get to me?
512
00:21:27,286 --> 00:21:29,788
I am not using him.
513
00:21:29,788 --> 00:21:31,790
I like him.
514
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:33,292
He treats me wonderfully.
515
00:21:33,292 --> 00:21:37,296
And I don't, so go with him.
516
00:21:38,297 --> 00:21:40,766
(scoffs)
517
00:21:40,766 --> 00:21:43,685
Mr. Malone, I'm about
to call your bluff.
518
00:21:43,685 --> 00:21:45,637
I'm going to go with him,
519
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,522
and I'm going to have a great time,
520
00:21:47,522 --> 00:21:51,943
and it will leave you
a hollow, broken man.
521
00:21:54,863 --> 00:21:56,865
All right.
522
00:21:57,866 --> 00:21:59,368
All right.
523
00:21:59,368 --> 00:22:00,369
Just watch while I give you
524
00:22:00,869 --> 00:22:04,373
a little preview of
our weekend together.
525
00:22:05,874 --> 00:22:07,876
I'm going to kiss him
526
00:22:07,876 --> 00:22:09,878
in front of you and the whole bar,
527
00:22:09,878 --> 00:22:11,380
and it's going to kill you.
528
00:22:12,881 --> 00:22:14,383
Lance...
529
00:22:14,383 --> 00:22:16,885
this is for the flowers.
530
00:22:25,894 --> 00:22:27,396
Now, Mr. Indifference, are you going
531
00:22:27,396 --> 00:22:28,897
to tell me that doesn't bother you?
532
00:22:28,897 --> 00:22:30,399
Well, I have to admit for a while there,
533
00:22:30,399 --> 00:22:32,401
my life passed before my eyes...
534
00:22:34,403 --> 00:22:36,405
...but the funny thing
is you weren't in it.
535
00:22:36,405 --> 00:22:37,906
Right.
536
00:22:37,906 --> 00:22:39,908
Lance, let's go.
537
00:22:39,908 --> 00:22:41,410
Diane?
538
00:22:41,410 --> 00:22:42,911
Yes, Sam?
539
00:22:42,911 --> 00:22:44,913
It would've bothered me
540
00:22:44,913 --> 00:22:46,415
if he had done this.
541
00:23:04,933 --> 00:23:06,935
Yes, I can see where
that might have given you
542
00:23:06,935 --> 00:23:08,937
cause for concern.
543
00:23:12,441 --> 00:23:13,442
(clears throat)
544
00:23:13,442 --> 00:23:15,360
Uh, so, Diane, are
you about ready to go?
545
00:23:17,946 --> 00:23:19,448
Uh...
546
00:23:19,448 --> 00:23:20,949
Lance. Thank you.
547
00:23:21,950 --> 00:23:24,453
Um... Lance,
548
00:23:24,453 --> 00:23:26,455
I-I-I just
remembered
549
00:23:26,455 --> 00:23:28,957
I have to work this weekend.
550
00:23:28,957 --> 00:23:31,460
That's okay. I understand.
551
00:23:32,961 --> 00:23:34,963
Bye. DIANE: Good-bye, Lance.
552
00:23:37,466 --> 00:23:39,968
Well, kid, you blew it.
553
00:23:39,968 --> 00:23:42,971
You know what would've
really have bothered Sam
554
00:23:42,971 --> 00:23:45,474
would be if you had
kissed her like this.
555
00:23:53,982 --> 00:23:55,484
Carla, you're not involved in this.
556
00:23:55,484 --> 00:23:56,985
I am now.
557
00:23:57,305 --> 00:24:03,899
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