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1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:05,622
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:08,925
Hey, Mr. Clavin's back.
3
00:00:09,426 --> 00:00:10,427
Whatta you say, Woody?
4
00:00:10,427 --> 00:00:11,928
How was your trip to Expo?
5
00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:13,430
Oh, a once-in-a-lifetime
experience.
6
00:00:13,430 --> 00:00:14,431
I tell ya.
7
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:15,932
You know, no ears have heard,
8
00:00:15,932 --> 00:00:17,934
no eyes have seen the
wonders I've experienced
9
00:00:17,934 --> 00:00:19,436
these past two weeks in Canada.
10
00:00:19,436 --> 00:00:22,439
If I died right now,
I'd be a happy person.
11
00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,941
You wouldn't be the only one.
12
00:00:24,941 --> 00:00:27,444
Hey, uh, Normie, you should have seen
13
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,946
this 3-D movie they had
about life in Vancouver.
14
00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,448
You know, with those glasses on,
15
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:33,316
you felt like you were really there.
16
00:00:33,316 --> 00:00:36,653
You were there, Cliff.
17
00:00:36,653 --> 00:00:37,654
I've been readin' up on Expo.
18
00:00:37,654 --> 00:00:39,155
Did you catch that bullet
train they got there?
19
00:00:39,155 --> 00:00:40,657
No, I guess I missed that one.
20
00:00:40,657 --> 00:00:43,159
Did you see the Great Hall of Ramses?
21
00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:47,163
Uh, no, no, I guess that
slid right by me... yeah.
22
00:00:47,163 --> 00:00:48,665
Uh, how about the U.S. space exhibit?
23
00:00:48,665 --> 00:00:52,052
No.
24
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:53,553
Chinese acrobats?
25
00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:54,554
Uh-uh.
26
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,807
SAM: Hey, Cliff! How was Expo?
27
00:00:57,807 --> 00:01:00,643
A major disappointment, Sam.
28
00:01:03,563 --> 00:01:07,100
(piano plays)
29
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:09,569
? Making your way in the world today ?
30
00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:12,572
? Takes everything you've got ?
31
00:01:12,572 --> 00:01:15,575
? Taking a break from all your worries ?
32
00:01:15,575 --> 00:01:19,079
? Sure would help a lot ?
33
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? Wouldn't you like to get away? ?
34
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? Sometimes you want to go ?
35
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? Where everybody knows your name ?
36
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? And they're always glad you came ?
37
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:39,299
? You want to be where you can see ?
38
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? Our troubles are all the same ?
39
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:47,307
? You want to be where
everybody knows your name ?
40
00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,809
? You want to go where people know ?
41
00:01:49,809 --> 00:01:52,312
? People are all the same ?
42
00:01:52,312 --> 00:01:56,316
? You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ?
43
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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
44
00:02:15,585 --> 00:02:17,554
Sam, Yeah.
45
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,055
I need a Dewar's rocks and
a Grand Marnier, please.
46
00:02:19,556 --> 00:02:20,557
Comin' up.
47
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:21,558
Did you have a chance
48
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,059
to look at the catalog I left for you?
49
00:02:23,059 --> 00:02:24,060
What catalog?
50
00:02:24,561 --> 00:02:26,813
This catalog with the
silverware patterns.
51
00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,098
To go with our china and fine crystal.
52
00:02:29,098 --> 00:02:30,600
Sam, we have to make a decision,
53
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,602
if we're going to be registered.
54
00:02:32,602 --> 00:02:33,603
Some people in the bar
55
00:02:33,603 --> 00:02:35,488
are starting to ask about gifts.
56
00:02:35,488 --> 00:02:37,907
Who? What people? Where?
57
00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,409
Aw, Norm.
58
00:02:39,409 --> 00:02:42,662
I just asked if ya had
to give one, all right?
59
00:02:44,948 --> 00:02:48,368
Anyway, Sam, should
we have a big wedding?
60
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:49,369
No, no,
61
00:02:49,369 --> 00:02:52,755
I think we should have a military one.
62
00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:55,041
All 21 guns aimed at the bride.
63
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,347
Hey, Fitz. Still Irish?
64
00:03:01,347 --> 00:03:02,599
As Paddy's pig.
65
00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:03,550
All right.
66
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:05,435
Make it the usual, Sam.
67
00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:07,270
SAM: Uh, drinks for everybody.
68
00:03:07,270 --> 00:03:09,055
(cheering, applause)
69
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:11,774
So, uh, who's the geezer?
70
00:03:11,774 --> 00:03:13,059
That's Mr. Fitzgerald.
71
00:03:13,059 --> 00:03:15,061
He's come in every day
for the past two weeks
72
00:03:15,562 --> 00:03:17,063
and bought drinks for everybody.
73
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:17,947
Yeah?
74
00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,449
Gee, he's a heck of a guy.
75
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,950
You know, I think, in many ways,
76
00:03:20,950 --> 00:03:22,952
Mr. Fitzgerald and I are alike.
77
00:03:22,952 --> 00:03:26,456
We both come here seeking
warmth and camaraderie.
78
00:03:26,456 --> 00:03:27,957
A safe haven from the outside world.
79
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,959
You know, a place where
you can always feel welcome.
80
00:03:29,959 --> 00:03:32,462
Excuse me, pal, you're on my stool.
81
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:34,464
Oh, I'm sorry.
82
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:35,465
I didn't realize.
83
00:03:38,334 --> 00:03:41,170
Eh, look at him, huh?
84
00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:43,006
Mr. Big Shot over there.
85
00:03:43,006 --> 00:03:45,258
What does he think he is,
a "bon vivone" or something?
86
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:46,259
(chuckles)
87
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:48,761
He's about the richest guy
you'll ever meet, Cliff.
88
00:03:48,761 --> 00:03:49,762
Why don't we join him?
89
00:03:49,762 --> 00:03:52,015
CARLA: Hey, Fitzie,
90
00:03:52,015 --> 00:03:54,317
thanks for that $20 tip last night.
91
00:03:54,317 --> 00:03:57,320
But I don't want ya gettin'
the wrong idea about me.
92
00:03:57,820 --> 00:04:00,823
Carla, I know that your
favors are not for sale.
93
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:04,744
See? That's what I mean
about the wrong idea.
94
00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,748
Eh, howdy. Cliff Clavin.
95
00:04:08,748 --> 00:04:11,751
Duncan Fitzgerald. Nice to meet you.
96
00:04:11,751 --> 00:04:13,753
Yeah, so, uh, you, uh, you
live in the neighborhood?
97
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,255
Well, I just moved here.
98
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:17,257
I was originally from Michigan.
99
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,758
The, uh, Wolverine State, huh?
100
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:21,761
Interesting, interesting.
101
00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:23,763
So, I hear you're stinkin' rich.
102
00:04:25,765 --> 00:04:27,267
Real smooth, Cliff. Very smooth.
103
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:31,771
Uh, Fitz is actually kind of
a minor celebrity, I guess.
104
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:32,772
He invented a little something
105
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,274
we call the, uh, the refill, right?
106
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,725
Is that right? No, no, no, no.
107
00:04:35,725 --> 00:04:37,727
It wasn't the refill. It was...
108
00:04:37,727 --> 00:04:40,229
The metal vapor input valve.
109
00:04:40,229 --> 00:04:42,732
It's, uh, used on most, uh, commercial
110
00:04:42,732 --> 00:04:44,734
and military jet engines.
111
00:04:44,734 --> 00:04:45,735
Oh, yeah.
112
00:04:45,735 --> 00:04:48,237
I never step on a plane
without lookin' right out
113
00:04:48,237 --> 00:04:50,239
on that wing and see if
there's one out there.
114
00:04:50,239 --> 00:04:52,742
Actually, it's located in the tail.
115
00:04:52,742 --> 00:04:53,743
Uh, well, yeah, yeah.
116
00:04:53,743 --> 00:04:55,745
It's, uh, 'cause if
ya saw it on the wing,
117
00:04:55,745 --> 00:04:58,247
then you'd know you were
in a lot of trouble, huh?
118
00:04:59,749 --> 00:05:02,251
NORM: As long as we're
talkin' business here,
119
00:05:02,251 --> 00:05:03,252
who, uh, who does your books, sir?
120
00:05:03,252 --> 00:05:04,253
McCann and Williams.
121
00:05:04,253 --> 00:05:05,505
McCann and Williams.
122
00:05:05,505 --> 00:05:06,306
Uh, can I talk to you about that
123
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,307
over a game of darts?
124
00:05:07,307 --> 00:05:08,558
FITZGERALD: Sure.
125
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,893
I think I could do
better than those guys.
126
00:05:10,893 --> 00:05:12,395
What do you like best about them?
127
00:05:12,895 --> 00:05:14,897
Well, I must say I like
their aggressiveness.
128
00:05:14,897 --> 00:05:16,399
(chuckles)
129
00:05:16,399 --> 00:05:17,900
Sir, I think I can
be just as aggressive.
130
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:18,901
I doubt that.
131
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:20,403
Yeah, you're probably right.
132
00:05:23,406 --> 00:05:25,775
He's a great guy.
133
00:05:25,775 --> 00:05:28,077
Yeah, it's too bad that we
seem to be his only family.
134
00:05:28,077 --> 00:05:28,945
No wife?
135
00:05:28,945 --> 00:05:29,912
He's a widower.
136
00:05:29,912 --> 00:05:31,280
CARLA: Boy, I'm tellin' you,
137
00:05:31,280 --> 00:05:32,615
with all the millions he's got,
138
00:05:32,615 --> 00:05:33,616
if I was an old bat,
139
00:05:33,616 --> 00:05:35,118
I'd snatch him up in a minute.
140
00:05:35,118 --> 00:05:37,253
Ma.
141
00:05:37,253 --> 00:05:38,705
What's that, Cliff?
142
00:05:38,705 --> 00:05:41,674
Huh? Oh, uh, well, you
know, my ma's been dyin'
143
00:05:41,674 --> 00:05:45,678
to come down here for, uh, years
to meet all the guys at the bar.
144
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:48,931
Hey! Tonight's a good
a night as any, huh?
145
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:50,717
I wish I'd thought of that.
146
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:53,219
I'd try to get my
mother down here first,
147
00:05:53,219 --> 00:05:55,722
but it takes a forklift
to get her off the couch.
148
00:06:02,311 --> 00:06:03,312
Hey, Clavin,
149
00:06:03,312 --> 00:06:05,281
Fitz really wants to leave.
150
00:06:05,281 --> 00:06:06,783
Yeah, yeah, she's comin' now.
151
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,151
Just hang on a minute.
152
00:06:08,151 --> 00:06:09,485
Hold him there.
153
00:06:11,487 --> 00:06:12,488
Hi, there.
154
00:06:12,488 --> 00:06:13,373
Ma,
155
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,324
what took you so long to get down here?
156
00:06:15,324 --> 00:06:18,828
Well, I wanted to look
my best for your friends.
157
00:06:18,828 --> 00:06:21,080
And this is two hours' worth?
158
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,382
Uh,
159
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:23,883
Ma,
160
00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,252
this is Cheers.
161
00:06:26,252 --> 00:06:27,754
Yeah, this is the odor
162
00:06:27,754 --> 00:06:29,756
I'm always washing out of your shirts.
163
00:06:29,756 --> 00:06:31,641
Well, come on in, Ma.
164
00:06:31,641 --> 00:06:33,509
I, I want to introduce you
165
00:06:33,509 --> 00:06:36,396
to the finest, greatest
bunch of pals a guy could have
166
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,399
anywhere on the Earth. I'm tellin' ya.
167
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,401
Everybody, this is
Ma. Ma, this everybody.
168
00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:44,821
Ma, you just stand right
there for a few seconds, huh?
169
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:46,689
I'll be right back.
170
00:06:46,689 --> 00:06:48,491
So I guess Mr. Clavin's
told you a lot about us, huh?
171
00:06:48,491 --> 00:06:50,910
No, actually, Clifford doesn't talk much
172
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:52,412
around the house.
173
00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:53,696
That Cliff?
174
00:06:53,696 --> 00:06:55,164
That's right.
175
00:06:55,164 --> 00:06:56,916
Some days, not a peep.
176
00:06:56,916 --> 00:06:58,618
Of course, the same thing occurs
177
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:00,420
in nature, too.
178
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,790
It's a little-known
fact that arctic wolves
179
00:07:03,790 --> 00:07:06,092
that remained in the den too long
180
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:09,095
exhibited a tendency to be reticent
181
00:07:09,095 --> 00:07:09,962
in their howling.
182
00:07:09,962 --> 00:07:11,464
Ah.
183
00:07:11,464 --> 00:07:12,465
Now, when I read that...
184
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:13,466
Hey, Ma, Ma, Ma, come on.
185
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,968
You're boring the pants
off these people here.
186
00:07:17,353 --> 00:07:18,354
Well, look who's here.
187
00:07:18,354 --> 00:07:19,722
Ma, I'd like you to meet
188
00:07:19,722 --> 00:07:22,558
a dear, dear, old, very
close friend of mine.
189
00:07:22,558 --> 00:07:25,061
Mr. Fitzgerald, this
is my ma, Esther Clavin.
190
00:07:25,061 --> 00:07:26,312
Nice to meet you.
191
00:07:26,312 --> 00:07:28,815
Duncan here's originally
from Michigan, Ma.
192
00:07:28,815 --> 00:07:29,699
Oh.
193
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:30,483
Have a seat.
194
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:31,484
Yeah, my ma's been
195
00:07:31,484 --> 00:07:32,452
to your home state.
196
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,453
Oh, really?
197
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:36,456
No, I've been to Maine and Montana,
198
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:37,957
but not Michigan.
199
00:07:37,957 --> 00:07:38,958
(forced laugh)
200
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:39,959
Isn't that fascinating, huh?
201
00:07:40,460 --> 00:07:42,462
Perhaps, if you live in a cave.
202
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:44,464
(laughs)
203
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,965
Isn't she a firecracker?
204
00:07:51,337 --> 00:07:54,257
Uh, say, Mrs. Clavin, uh, did you know
205
00:07:54,257 --> 00:07:59,262
that Fitz over there invented a
technical gizmo on jet airplanes?
206
00:07:59,262 --> 00:08:00,229
Oh, really?
207
00:08:00,229 --> 00:08:02,231
Yeah, yeah, what a coincidence, huh, Ma?
208
00:08:02,231 --> 00:08:04,734
You've, uh, you've ridden
in jet planes before,
209
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:05,735
haven't you?
210
00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:09,238
No, I walked to Montana.
211
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:10,740
(giggles)
212
00:08:10,740 --> 00:08:12,742
Normie, I'm sinkin' fast.
213
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:16,245
Uh, correct me if I'm wrong,
214
00:08:16,245 --> 00:08:18,247
but didn't you two share a war together?
215
00:08:18,247 --> 00:08:20,249
Hey, yeah.
216
00:08:22,084 --> 00:08:23,035
That's, that's right.
217
00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:25,037
Uh, Ma, where were
you during the big one?
218
00:08:25,538 --> 00:08:28,424
Clifford, you know I was in New York.
219
00:08:28,424 --> 00:08:30,793
I worked at the USO on 42nd Street.
220
00:08:30,793 --> 00:08:33,296
I was in charge of table games.
221
00:08:33,296 --> 00:08:35,681
Universal checker championships,
222
00:08:35,681 --> 00:08:38,434
Tuesdays and Thursdays at 9:00 p.m.
223
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,219
Oh, my goodness!
224
00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,470
Ladies red,
225
00:08:41,470 --> 00:08:42,939
gentlemen black. Right.
226
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:43,890
Your host...
227
00:08:43,890 --> 00:08:45,391
BOTH: Bobby Holloway.
228
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:46,275
(both laugh)
229
00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:47,777
That's right! That's right.
230
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:50,279
Bobby Holloway.
231
00:08:50,279 --> 00:08:51,647
Oh, Bobby Holloway.
232
00:08:51,647 --> 00:08:53,699
ESTHER: Oh, Bobby Holloway.
233
00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,535
Isn't this beautiful, huh?
234
00:08:56,035 --> 00:08:58,654
Hey, why don't you two
finish up your reminiscing
235
00:08:58,654 --> 00:09:00,039
over some nice baked sea bass, huh?
236
00:09:00,039 --> 00:09:02,408
That's the, uh, special
up there at Melville's.
237
00:09:02,408 --> 00:09:03,409
Well, I could use a bite.
238
00:09:03,409 --> 00:09:07,413
Well, I guess I'm feeling
kind of peckish, too.
239
00:09:07,413 --> 00:09:10,416
Great. Hey, and listen, it's my treat.
240
00:09:10,917 --> 00:09:14,420
Now, I absolutely, positively,
insist-- dinner is on me.
241
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:16,422
Oh, I can take care of it, Cliff.
242
00:09:16,422 --> 00:09:18,424
You got it!
243
00:09:18,424 --> 00:09:21,928
Oh, what lovely buttons.
244
00:09:21,928 --> 00:09:25,431
Did you know that buttons
on a man's jacket sleeve
245
00:09:25,431 --> 00:09:27,433
have absolutely no purpose?
246
00:09:27,433 --> 00:09:30,436
They originated on the
uniforms of Napoleon's army
247
00:09:30,436 --> 00:09:31,938
when he discovered
248
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,440
that his soldiers were
using their sleeves
249
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,192
to wipe their noses.
250
00:09:36,192 --> 00:09:40,529
Oh, she's gonna flap her gums
all the way to the poorhouse.
251
00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,337
Hey, Cliff!
252
00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:49,338
Hey, Sammy!
253
00:09:49,839 --> 00:09:51,841
Have you heard the latest
in the, uh, Ma-Fitz romance?
254
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,092
No, no. What's goin' on?
255
00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,378
Yeah, they're celebratin'
their first week together
256
00:09:55,378 --> 00:09:56,879
with a picnic on the Charles.
257
00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:57,880
Whoa, the Charles!
258
00:09:57,880 --> 00:10:00,383
Boy, that's the make-out
capital of the world.
259
00:10:00,383 --> 00:10:01,884
And if he does as well as I do,
260
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:03,886
there's gonna be a lotta panting
261
00:10:03,886 --> 00:10:05,137
and rolling around and...
262
00:10:07,473 --> 00:10:08,474
...shopping.
263
00:10:08,474 --> 00:10:11,360
There's a mall right
next to the Charles.
264
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:14,280
SAM: Oh, yeah.
265
00:10:14,780 --> 00:10:16,282
Speaking of the devil...
266
00:10:16,282 --> 00:10:17,283
Oh, hey, Ma, Fitz!
267
00:10:17,283 --> 00:10:20,286
I thought you two were
on the way to the Charles.
268
00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,787
Well, we are.
269
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:23,289
Are you busy?
270
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,658
What's up, Ma?
271
00:10:25,658 --> 00:10:27,543
Sit down, son.
272
00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:31,247
Clifford,
273
00:10:31,247 --> 00:10:34,750
now I know how much
your father meant to you,
274
00:10:34,750 --> 00:10:36,752
and I know it's going
275
00:10:36,752 --> 00:10:39,755
to take a while for
you to adjust to this,
276
00:10:39,755 --> 00:10:41,257
to having a new father.
277
00:10:41,257 --> 00:10:42,758
Daddy!
278
00:10:45,761 --> 00:10:47,263
ESTHER: My God!
279
00:10:47,263 --> 00:10:51,267
Clifford, I haven't even
kissed him on the lips.
280
00:10:51,267 --> 00:10:52,268
Hey, everybody!
281
00:10:52,268 --> 00:10:53,769
Wedding bells at the Clavin compound!
282
00:10:53,769 --> 00:10:56,272
(cheering)
283
00:10:56,272 --> 00:10:57,773
When's the happy day, folks?
284
00:10:57,773 --> 00:10:59,659
Tomorrow.
285
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,110
CLIFF: Sammy, champagne!
286
00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:03,112
Oh, Duncan, I'm gonna throw you
287
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:05,614
the biggest bachelor
bash Beantown's ever seen!
288
00:11:05,614 --> 00:11:07,616
Normie, call all my friends.
289
00:11:07,616 --> 00:11:10,119
I think he moved.
290
00:11:10,119 --> 00:11:12,121
Well, then call all yours.
291
00:11:12,121 --> 00:11:14,123
Woody, I'm gonna make you
entertainment chairman, huh?
292
00:11:14,123 --> 00:11:15,124
Hot dog!
293
00:11:15,124 --> 00:11:17,626
Get on the horn there,
call the Parker House
294
00:11:17,626 --> 00:11:19,512
and, uh, order me up
their fanciest room.
295
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:20,346
You got it.
296
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:23,349
Wow, my first bachelor party.
297
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,350
No dates, right?
298
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,269
No.
299
00:11:27,269 --> 00:11:29,772
Hey, uh, congratulations there, Fitzie.
300
00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,273
Thank you.
301
00:11:31,273 --> 00:11:34,276
Listen, if things don't
work out with Esther,
302
00:11:34,276 --> 00:11:36,278
here is my mother's number, okay?
303
00:11:36,278 --> 00:11:38,280
Let it ring ten or 15 minutes.
304
00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:39,148
She'll get there.
305
00:11:41,283 --> 00:11:44,070
Oh, you two.
306
00:11:44,070 --> 00:11:45,571
I'm so happy for you.
307
00:11:45,571 --> 00:11:46,572
You know, Cliff,
308
00:11:46,572 --> 00:11:48,574
your mother is the first person
309
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:51,077
who's ever really loved me for me
310
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:52,578
instead of my checkbook.
311
00:11:52,578 --> 00:11:54,080
Oh, Ma...
312
00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:55,081
That's why I'm donating
313
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,083
the bulk of my fortune to charity.
314
00:12:06,692 --> 00:12:10,012
CLIFF: Giving... money... away.
315
00:12:10,012 --> 00:12:12,298
Actually it was your mother's idea.
316
00:12:12,298 --> 00:12:13,799
Ma's?
317
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:18,304
I didn't want Duncan to have
any doubts about my feelings.
318
00:12:18,304 --> 00:12:19,805
How are you two gonna live?
319
00:12:19,805 --> 00:12:21,807
Well, I'm not gonna give it all away.
320
00:12:21,807 --> 00:12:23,809
I'll keep enough for the
two of us to be comfortable.
321
00:12:23,809 --> 00:12:26,312
We're simple people-- we
don't need much to live.
322
00:12:26,312 --> 00:12:27,313
ESTHER: And you're
323
00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:28,814
self-sufficient, not to mention
324
00:12:28,814 --> 00:12:31,317
that postal pension you're
always bragging about.
325
00:12:31,317 --> 00:12:33,319
WOODY: Mr. Clavin,
it's the Parker House.
326
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:34,820
They want to know if you want
327
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,822
the Embassy Court or the Grand Ballroom.
328
00:12:36,822 --> 00:12:39,825
Give me that! Give me that phone!
329
00:12:39,825 --> 00:12:41,827
Fraternity prank.
330
00:12:41,827 --> 00:12:43,829
What, are you nuts, Woody?
331
00:12:43,829 --> 00:12:45,331
I can't afford a party.
332
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:48,334
Parties are for rich people. I'm poor.
333
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:49,835
I've always been poor.
334
00:12:49,835 --> 00:12:50,836
I'll always be poor.
335
00:12:50,836 --> 00:12:52,838
I'm gonna die poor!
336
00:12:52,838 --> 00:12:55,641
I'd like to resign as
entertainment chairman.
337
00:12:57,092 --> 00:12:59,094
Listen, I don't know
how to say this to you
338
00:12:59,094 --> 00:13:01,347
without offending you, but you're
behaving like a class-A jerk.
339
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:02,181
Oh, am I?
340
00:13:02,681 --> 00:13:04,183
Well, what have I got to celebrate?
341
00:13:04,183 --> 00:13:05,684
SAM: Well, for one thing,
342
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,186
your mother's met a very nice man
343
00:13:07,186 --> 00:13:08,938
who's making her very happy.
344
00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:09,772
And?
345
00:13:09,772 --> 00:13:11,657
Cliff!
346
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:15,411
Well... all right.
347
00:13:15,411 --> 00:13:17,413
All right, of course you're right.
348
00:13:17,413 --> 00:13:19,281
(Cliff sighs)
349
00:13:19,281 --> 00:13:22,585
I guess I just forgot
how much Ma means to me.
350
00:13:22,585 --> 00:13:25,087
Yeah, I'll have the party for her sake.
351
00:13:25,087 --> 00:13:28,090
It'll just have to be
the economy version.
352
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,592
You know, no frills.
353
00:13:29,592 --> 00:13:31,594
Well, if it'll help out,
we'll close the bar early,
354
00:13:31,594 --> 00:13:32,461
and you can have it here.
355
00:13:32,461 --> 00:13:34,847
Why, thank you, Samuel.
356
00:13:34,847 --> 00:13:36,849
That's very nice of you.
357
00:13:36,849 --> 00:13:38,350
Hey! Hey, wait a second.
358
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,602
Who knows,
359
00:13:39,602 --> 00:13:41,387
when Fitz sees what a nice guy I am,
360
00:13:41,387 --> 00:13:42,888
maybe he'll, uh,
remember me in his will.
361
00:13:42,888 --> 00:13:44,273
CARLA: Yeah.
362
00:13:44,273 --> 00:13:46,108
"To the idiot son of my new wife,
363
00:13:46,108 --> 00:13:48,110
I leave squat."
364
00:13:51,614 --> 00:13:54,867
(lively jazz playing)
365
00:13:54,867 --> 00:13:56,702
(music continues)
366
00:13:56,702 --> 00:13:59,205
Uh, Mr. Clavin, some of
your guests have been asking
367
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:01,207
if they can take the
plastic wrap off the food.
368
00:14:01,207 --> 00:14:02,708
Huh.
369
00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:03,709
Don't they understand?
370
00:14:03,709 --> 00:14:05,211
When food is exposed to air,
371
00:14:05,211 --> 00:14:06,712
just about anything can happen.
372
00:14:06,712 --> 00:14:09,215
Yeah, people could eat it.
373
00:14:09,715 --> 00:14:12,218
Yeah, yeah, yeah, very funny, wise guy.
374
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:13,219
Oink, oink, Mr. Peterson.
375
00:14:13,719 --> 00:14:14,720
Let's have a little restraint.
376
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,223
This food's got to last
us the rest of the night.
377
00:14:19,725 --> 00:14:21,477
Oh, the girls are here!
378
00:14:21,477 --> 00:14:23,262
(men whooping and shouting)
379
00:14:23,262 --> 00:14:25,014
CLIFF: Oh, Sammy, Sammy,
380
00:14:25,014 --> 00:14:27,349
I thought this was gonna
be a low-budget affair.
381
00:14:27,349 --> 00:14:28,350
My treat.
382
00:14:28,350 --> 00:14:31,153
Oh, hey, well, in that
case, ladies, welcome!
383
00:14:31,153 --> 00:14:33,072
Shake it, bake it, let's
see if we can take it!
384
00:14:33,072 --> 00:14:35,074
(laughs)
385
00:14:35,074 --> 00:14:37,576
Oh, come on in here
and let me introduce you
386
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,828
to the, uh, the guest of honor tonight.
387
00:14:39,828 --> 00:14:41,113
There he is.
388
00:14:41,113 --> 00:14:42,615
Sic him!
389
00:14:42,615 --> 00:14:44,617
(belly dancing music plays)
390
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:52,625
(laughing): Hey!
391
00:14:52,625 --> 00:14:54,009
Eh, so, Fitz,
392
00:14:54,009 --> 00:14:56,045
how are you enjoying your
bachelor party so far?
393
00:14:56,045 --> 00:14:57,846
I haven't been this excited
394
00:14:57,846 --> 00:15:01,850
since I first trapped
vapor in my input valve.
395
00:15:01,850 --> 00:15:04,853
No man forgets his first time, huh?
396
00:15:04,853 --> 00:15:06,355
(chuckling): Oh, my!
397
00:15:06,355 --> 00:15:08,724
Hey, don't worry, Fitz,
they're not gonna bite.
398
00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:10,976
Yeah, he's right. That costs extra.
399
00:15:12,861 --> 00:15:14,613
Hey! SAM: Hey, girls.
400
00:15:14,613 --> 00:15:16,482
What're you doing back
here? I thought you had
401
00:15:16,482 --> 00:15:18,317
a bachelorette party
going. Yeah, yeah, but, uh,
402
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:20,319
I have to borrow some money
against next week's loan.
403
00:15:20,319 --> 00:15:22,321
Can you give me 50 bucks?
404
00:15:22,321 --> 00:15:24,823
All right. What do you, uh...
405
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:26,325
what do you need it for?
406
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:29,328
We're going to a dance recital.
407
00:15:29,328 --> 00:15:31,714
You need 50 bucks for a dance recital?
408
00:15:31,714 --> 00:15:35,634
We have to have something to
stick in the guys' underwear.
409
00:15:35,634 --> 00:15:38,554
(both laughing)
410
00:15:38,554 --> 00:15:40,055
Good for you.
411
00:15:40,055 --> 00:15:42,308
Esther here is okay.
412
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:43,642
I mean, you can't blame her
413
00:15:43,642 --> 00:15:47,396
for one horrible crime against humanity.
414
00:15:47,396 --> 00:15:49,598
Where, uh... where's Diane?
415
00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,016
We ditched her.
416
00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,020
There you are!
417
00:15:57,856 --> 00:15:59,825
How on earth did we get separated?
418
00:15:59,825 --> 00:16:01,827
I have no idea.
419
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:03,829
I thought we all got in the taxi,
420
00:16:03,829 --> 00:16:05,831
but when it pulled away from the curb,
421
00:16:05,831 --> 00:16:07,833
I was the only one inside.
422
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,335
(laughs)
423
00:16:11,837 --> 00:16:13,839
Uh, this is... this is fun, but, I...
424
00:16:13,839 --> 00:16:15,341
you girls are gonna have to leave.
425
00:16:15,341 --> 00:16:16,842
This is "men only" here.
426
00:16:16,842 --> 00:16:19,345
Oh... Oh... Okay, okay.
427
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:22,848
You know, instead of going
to that club you suggested,
428
00:16:22,848 --> 00:16:24,350
we could try Cafe au Lait.
429
00:16:24,350 --> 00:16:26,852
They have a wonderful
new harpist, I hear.
430
00:16:26,852 --> 00:16:27,853
Oh, great.
431
00:16:27,853 --> 00:16:30,356
No, that sounds like fun.
432
00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:32,358
I'll hail a cab.
433
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:33,859
Let's go!
434
00:16:35,861 --> 00:16:37,863
Hey, Normie, Normie,
435
00:16:37,863 --> 00:16:40,115
things are going very smoothly.
436
00:16:40,115 --> 00:16:41,950
Yeah, yeah, I think Fitz might donate
437
00:16:41,950 --> 00:16:43,952
some money to, uh, my favorite charity.
438
00:16:43,952 --> 00:16:48,323
Yeah? What's that? Save
the Clavin Foundation.
439
00:16:48,323 --> 00:16:50,743
I am having the time of my life!
440
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:52,745
I knew you would, Fitz.
441
00:16:52,745 --> 00:16:53,746
You know,
442
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,749
I didn't warm up to
you at first, but, uh,
443
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:59,635
I'm beginning to think
you're not so bad after all.
444
00:16:59,635 --> 00:17:01,470
Yeah? When did you
come to that conclusion?
445
00:17:01,470 --> 00:17:02,971
Figure it out for yourself.
446
00:17:02,971 --> 00:17:05,841
(music continues)
447
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:13,265
Then she says to her
girlfriend, "Maybe so,
448
00:17:13,766 --> 00:17:15,267
but this one's eating my popcorn."
449
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,268
(laughter)
450
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:18,270
Okay, okay, I guess it's time
451
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:20,773
for me to take off
the psychiatrist's cap
452
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:22,274
and tell one of my own.
453
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:24,276
All right! All right, well,
454
00:17:24,276 --> 00:17:27,780
it seems there's these two men
stranded on a deserted island.
455
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:28,781
Doug and Dave.
456
00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,282
Oh, oh, wait, wait, wait.
457
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,167
This is better with dialects. Uh...
458
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:34,620
Okay, so an Irishman and a Dane
459
00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,622
are stranded on a--
no, wait a second.
460
00:17:37,122 --> 00:17:39,541
I-I don't do Danish. Um...
461
00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:41,460
Okay! An Irishman and a Swede.
462
00:17:41,460 --> 00:17:42,461
All right. That's it.
463
00:17:42,461 --> 00:17:43,962
Patrick and Lars.
464
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:46,965
So Lars turns to Patrick
one day, and he goes, uh...
465
00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:49,468
(Swedish accent): "How
much water have you left?"
466
00:17:49,468 --> 00:17:50,969
(laughter)
467
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:51,970
Oh, no, gee, wait a second.
468
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:53,972
I-I think one of them's
supposed to be a rabbi.
469
00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:59,111
(conga music playing)
470
00:17:59,111 --> 00:18:00,112
Whoa!
471
00:18:05,567 --> 00:18:07,035
The King of the Conga.
472
00:18:07,536 --> 00:18:09,538
Hey, Cliffy, how am I
doing? Ah, you're a vision,
473
00:18:09,538 --> 00:18:11,907
Fitz, a vision!
474
00:18:11,907 --> 00:18:15,794
Woody, I don't think I've
done that since my wedding.
475
00:18:15,794 --> 00:18:17,246
Oh, you conga'd at your wedding?
476
00:18:17,246 --> 00:18:20,249
No, I sweated.
477
00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:23,252
Okay, now, I want to get
the punch line just right
478
00:18:23,252 --> 00:18:25,754
because otherwise, I'll
ruin the whole joke.
479
00:18:25,754 --> 00:18:28,140
Uh, you know, it's
all the noise in here.
480
00:18:28,140 --> 00:18:29,892
Would you mind? It's
kind of distracting.
481
00:18:29,892 --> 00:18:31,894
I'll, uh, I'll be back in a second.
482
00:18:31,894 --> 00:18:33,395
Kick up your heels, Fitz.
483
00:18:33,395 --> 00:18:34,396
That's it, faster!
484
00:18:34,396 --> 00:18:36,398
Hey, Fitz! Fitz, hey, maybe
you ought to sit one out.
485
00:18:36,398 --> 00:18:37,900
You've been going pretty hard there.
486
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,902
No, no, Sammy, it's
his last night to howl.
487
00:18:39,902 --> 00:18:40,903
Let him live it up, huh?
488
00:18:40,903 --> 00:18:42,404
Hey, listen, thank you, Cliffy.
489
00:18:42,404 --> 00:18:44,907
You've given me one of the
very great nights of my life.
490
00:18:44,907 --> 00:18:47,409
And I want to promise you
491
00:18:47,409 --> 00:18:49,912
I'm gonna take very good care of you.
492
00:18:54,116 --> 00:18:55,617
Sammy...
493
00:18:55,617 --> 00:18:57,619
is there a tear in my eye?
494
00:18:57,619 --> 00:18:59,121
No, no.
495
00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:01,623
Are there dollar signs in my eyes?
496
00:19:02,624 --> 00:19:04,126
Yeah, I think
497
00:19:04,126 --> 00:19:06,011
there are, Cliffy. (laughs): Oh-ho...
498
00:19:06,011 --> 00:19:07,796
Hey, Normie, did you hear that?
499
00:19:07,796 --> 00:19:09,798
I'm gonna be rollin' in it!
500
00:19:09,798 --> 00:19:14,269
Yeah, you been rollin'
in it for years, Cliff.
501
00:19:14,269 --> 00:19:17,272
Come quick! This is
terrible! Fitz is really sick!
502
00:19:17,272 --> 00:19:18,690
Oh, my God!
503
00:19:20,692 --> 00:19:22,694
Okay, I've got it!
504
00:19:22,694 --> 00:19:24,196
(Irish accent): "Glory be.
505
00:19:24,196 --> 00:19:26,198
Nobody knows the rubble I've seen."
506
00:19:26,198 --> 00:19:27,649
(Frasier laughing)
507
00:19:27,649 --> 00:19:30,652
No, no, that wasn't it.
508
00:19:33,572 --> 00:19:36,375
All right, before we
go home, one more time.
509
00:19:36,375 --> 00:19:38,243
Fitz. Hell of a guy.
510
00:19:38,243 --> 00:19:39,745
To Fitz. Fitz. Fitz.
511
00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:44,750
It was a lovely service.
512
00:19:44,750 --> 00:19:49,254
And, Diane, your choice
of poem was wonderful.
513
00:19:49,254 --> 00:19:50,756
Thank you.
514
00:19:50,756 --> 00:19:54,643
I just wish I hadn't been
cut off right in the middle.
515
00:19:54,643 --> 00:19:58,597
We had to-- the eternal
flame was starting to go out.
516
00:19:58,597 --> 00:20:00,599
Good night, Sammy.
517
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,100
Yeah. Good night, all.
518
00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,102
WOODY: You know, funerals
are a lot different here
519
00:20:04,102 --> 00:20:05,604
than they are back home.
520
00:20:05,604 --> 00:20:07,105
NORM: Yeah? How's that, Woody?
521
00:20:07,105 --> 00:20:10,108
Well, where I come
from, when somebody dies,
522
00:20:10,108 --> 00:20:12,110
people come from miles around,
523
00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:15,614
bake lots of pies,
bring all kinds of food,
524
00:20:15,614 --> 00:20:18,617
make speeches, ride the roller coaster.
525
00:20:19,585 --> 00:20:20,586
Oh, wait,
526
00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,454
that might be the state fair.
527
00:20:29,261 --> 00:20:30,762
Ma...
528
00:20:31,263 --> 00:20:32,264
you okay?
529
00:20:32,264 --> 00:20:34,132
ESTHER: I'm fine.
530
00:20:34,132 --> 00:20:35,467
I just was gonna straighten up
531
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:37,970
in here a little.
532
00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,471
You don't have to do that, Ma.
533
00:20:39,471 --> 00:20:40,973
No, I want to.
534
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,976
Oh, will you look at
the rings on this table.
535
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:46,979
Don't people use coasters anymore?
536
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:50,983
Ma... whenever you're trying
to hide something inside,
537
00:20:50,983 --> 00:20:54,987
you always pick up some
household chore to do.
538
00:20:54,987 --> 00:20:57,990
Now, I don't know if
you realize it, but...
539
00:20:57,990 --> 00:21:00,993
since Fitz passed away,
you... you haven't cried,
540
00:21:01,493 --> 00:21:02,995
you... you haven't got upset,
541
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,997
you haven't shown any kind of emotion.
542
00:21:04,997 --> 00:21:06,999
Well, what's there to be upset about?
543
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:08,000
I barely knew the man.
544
00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:11,003
We just had some good
times together, that's all.
545
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:14,506
Ma... stop wiping.
546
00:21:16,508 --> 00:21:18,510
(sobbing)
547
00:21:20,012 --> 00:21:22,014
That's it, Ma.
548
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,017
You just let it all out now.
549
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:28,020
(sobbing)
550
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:31,023
Good, good. Now, don't you feel better?
551
00:21:31,523 --> 00:21:35,827
(loud sobbing)
552
00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:39,748
Yeah, that should just about do it, huh?
553
00:21:39,748 --> 00:21:43,251
(sobbing)
554
00:21:43,251 --> 00:21:46,171
Good. One last little spurt.
555
00:21:46,171 --> 00:21:49,591
(sobbing)
556
00:21:49,591 --> 00:21:51,760
Ma, you know, there's
a fine line between
557
00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,097
expressing your feelings and blubbering.
558
00:21:55,097 --> 00:21:58,050
(crying, chuckling)
559
00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,551
(chuckles)
560
00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:02,554
I'm sorry. I guess you're right.
561
00:22:02,554 --> 00:22:04,056
I'll get you a glass of water, Ma.
562
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:06,558
Oh, well.
563
00:22:06,558 --> 00:22:09,478
Life goes on.
564
00:22:09,478 --> 00:22:11,980
I guess I have to accept the fact
565
00:22:11,980 --> 00:22:15,283
that I'm not the type
that good things happen to.
566
00:22:15,283 --> 00:22:18,403
Well, I don't know, Ma.
567
00:22:18,403 --> 00:22:20,405
I mean, there was, uh,
568
00:22:20,405 --> 00:22:21,907
one good thing that happened to you
569
00:22:21,907 --> 00:22:25,410
about, uh, well, 37 years ago.
570
00:22:26,828 --> 00:22:29,331
There certainly
was-- not many women
571
00:22:29,331 --> 00:22:33,335
get to shake hands with Bing Crosby.
572
00:22:33,335 --> 00:22:38,256
(clears throat): Well,
there you are, huh?
573
00:22:40,258 --> 00:22:43,762
Oh, Cliff, you know I mean you.
574
00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:47,265
You're my pride and joy.
575
00:22:47,265 --> 00:22:50,769
You're the best thing
that ever happened to me.
576
00:22:52,270 --> 00:22:54,773
Gee, think of that.
577
00:22:55,305 --> 00:23:01,356
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