All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s06e04 Hershey Park.eng

ADULT ADAM: Growing up,
there was nothing better than the school field trip,

that rare opportunity to skip your classes and head out on an adventure.

Yep, field trips
were the best.

Boofaloo, come play I Spy!

Unfortunately, my smother
was always there.

I spy
a handsome schmendrick

I'm gonna squeeze all the way
to the Liberty Bell!

And this time, our trip
was low on education and high on fun!

We were going to Hersheypark!

I can't believe we're
finally going to Hershey, Pennsylvania!

I hear the air there
smells like chocolate!

I hear the streets
are paved with nougat!

When you're over
five feet tall, you're considered a Twizzler.

It means we can go
on any ride.

Well, we can go
on any ride.

Your mom always chaperones

and there's no way
she'll let you loose

into Chocolate Town USA
without her.

It's your own fault,
dude.

The rest of us
forced our parents

to stop chaperoning
years ago.

Yeah, all you got to do
is lay down

some clear boundaries
with your mom.

Oh. Uh, oh,
is that all I got to do? Huh.

I didn't know
it was so easy!

Thank you, Clueless Chad!

You get mean when
it involves your mom.

My mom needs
these field trips.

It's the only
school-sanctioned opportunity she has left

to painfully insert herself
into my life.

Well, I told my mom,
"No more!

"Dave Kim is a grown-up
who doesn't need his mommy on some field trip!

"Now sign my permission slip
and lay out my clothes!"

That would never work
for Adam.

All I know is that
this ends today!

[STIRRING MUSIC PLAYS]
I've waited my whole life to eat eight pounds of chocolate,

then ride
crazy roller coasters till I hork.

I'm an adult man now
and shall not be controlled.

It's time I finally face
Beverly Goldberg once and for all!

[MUSIC ENDS]

You're gonna lie to her,
aren't you?Right to her face!

What?

Hersheypark has been closed
and our trip is off!

Why are they trying to ruin
our precious time together?

'Cause of
the Chocolate Wars.

You didn't hear about it
on the news?

No,
I don't watch the news.

It aggravates your father till
he throws his shoe at the TV.

It's those Fudge Barons
at Nestle Megacorp.

They declared an all-out war
on Mr. Goodbar

so they shut down
the amusement park.

Screw those
Chocolate War-Mongers!

I just made a fresh batch
of Oooey Gooey Fudgy Chewies.

[CHUCKLES]
These always cheer you up.

Wow.
He's good.

Maybe the best.

♪ I'm twisted up inside

♪ But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

♪ I don't know the future

♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪

ADULT ADAM:
It was October 17th, 1980-something,

the night of the annual
Career Fair at William Penn Academy...

Hello, everyone,
and welcome to Career Night.

[COUGHS]
No-one-cares![LAUGHTER]

Okay, well, the joke's on you,
mysterious cougher.

The path
that you choose tonight

will determine
the rest of your lives.

Rest of our lives? Oh, man.
That sounds pretty permanent.

Lucky for you, you have

your old man's noble
profession of ophthalmology

pre-selected for you.

You're so lucky!

I have tons of questions
about doctoring, Mister Dr. Geoff's Dad!

Okay, I see how passionate
you are about medicine.

Come by the office and see
for yourself what I do.

I call eyeball holder
when you do a head transplant!

Boom!

I know that's not
real science,

but I'm still
gonna take a walk.

How's it going?

Well, my "rock star" booth
is an obvious sham,

but I'm broke
and they got free food, so goin' good. You?

Well, my dad's pushing me into
the eyeball game, so, gross?

Dude, you're at
a career night.

If eye doctoring
skeeves you out so much, then go find another job.

What? No.

I... I love the human eye,
all squishy with its veins

and mysterious,
disgusting rings.

Are you gonna hurl?
I might.

Hey, you!
Me?

Yeah, you! The kid who ate
my corn on the cob. Come here!

That was one time
two years ago.

How is that the only thing
he remembers about me?

He really likes his corn.

Why is your dad
even at a school event?

He finds a few idiots
to move heavy crap for free

and then
he calls them interns.

[SIGHS]

Hey, niblets. How would
you feel about interning

in the exciting world of new
and recycled furniture sales?

Um, maybe, I guess.

You're hired.

And by hired, I don't mean
I'm actually paying you.

Geoff!
Get back to the booth!

This young man's being
very disrespectful

to my anatomical
eye models.

Check it out, I'm putting
a giant eye in my pants!

Chaperones, we'll meet here
at 8:00 a.m. sharp

to hit the Hershey Highway
before it clogs up.

[QUIET LAUGHTER]
All right, grow up.

What the hell,
ladies and Vinny?

What happened to
our PTA meeting?

We got bumped.

Mellor's talking to all
the field trip chaperones.

Field trip? Doesn't he know
the amusement park is closed indefinitely?

What?
The park is closed?

Hello? Nestle pulled out
of the Cocoa Accords.

There's been
a travel advisory.

All non-essential personnel
must steer clear.

Uh, Beverly? None of
your insane words are true.

But that's not possible.

Adam swore to me that Reese's
was literally blown to pieces.

Exactly. You're the
last person in the world he wants on a field trip.

But chaperoning
is the one thing

I'm still allowed
to be a part of!

Just feel lucky you made it
to 10th grade, Bev.

Jackie cut me off
in 8th grade.

Independence Hall.

6th grade, Freedom Trail.

5th grade.
Ben Franklin Museum.

Dave Kim told me to
[VOICE BREAKING] go fly a kite.

For me it was 3rd grade.
My Emmy is garbage.

But those field trips
are my only window

into Adam's
day-to-day life.

Without them,
how am I supposed to know how he's doing in school?

You could just ask him
when he comes home?

Please. Whenever I ask about
his day, all I get is "Muh."

Aw, you get
actual sounds?

I just get
soul-destroying silence.

Well, you may all be fine
with a frosty cold "muh" at the end of your day,

but not Beverly Goldberg.

Coach, put me down
for chaperone.

But your son made it clear
you're the worst and you can't go.

Lucky for me, I have a way
to get Adam to say yes to whatever I want.

ADULT ADAM:
It was true. She really did.

Before parents
could guilt their kids through texts or e-mails,

my mom used the Guilt Letter.

These passive-aggressive
tirades of manipulation were a true art form.

[DRAMATIC NOTES PLAY]

And if her words
didn't get to you,

the mom tears on the letter
sure would.

Balls!

♪♪

I got to admit it, Cobby,

you're the best pretend intern
I've had yet.

I didn't realize how cool
it was to run a business.

What do you mean?
Your dad runs a whole eye doctoring business.

Yeah, but in our business,
if we mess up,

people will never
see their children again.

The worst I can do around here
is stain a loveseat.

Look, I don't want
to get involved

between you
and your old man,

mostly 'cause I don't care,

but if eyes freak you out,
I wouldn't do eyes.

What would I do with my life
if not eye doctoring?

I'm not involved,
but do what makes you happy

instead of being
such a pushover all the time.

I know you're not involved,
but, oh, man,

I'm suddenly rethinking
my entire future!

Well, why don't you
think about it while you bring

that heavy-ass end table
to the back room?

[CHIMES RING]

Okay, you can
take your son back now!

He's been shadowing me
all day.

In fact,
I learned so much,

Dr. Lou said I don't have to
go back tomorrow!

Or ever again.
We'll play it by ear.

Oh, crap, it's my dad.
Hello, Father.

Geoffrey?
Where were you all day?

There was an outbreak
of pink eye.

So gunky, bro.

Ew, bummed
I missed it. Ew.

Uh, I was learning about
furniture here.

You spent the day learning
another man's trade?

Murray, how could you
betray me like this?

No betrayal.
I'm not involved.

Son, the only business
you need to know

is the one
I'm handing to you.

But Mr. G got me thinking that
maybe I don't want it, right?

Not involved.

Don't want it?
What's he talking about, Murray?

Look, all I know is this
wonderful mentor of mine...Notvolved!

...told me to stick up
for myself.

So, I'll just say it.
Not involved!

I hereby reject
all professional doctoring and modern medicine.

So what are you gonna do
with your life?

This? Furniture sales?

Notvolved!

I'd rather do anything
than eyes!

Maybe I'll do computers
or fitness

or maybe I'll just start
my own food delivery service!

He wants to do
food delivery

instead of helping
people see, Murray?

Notvolved! Come on!

ADULT ADAM: Yep, all my dad
wanted was to stay out of Geoff's business.

Meanwhile, my mom had
successfully guilted her way back into mine.

Hi, Mama.

I just wanted to
say sorry and all.

For?
For being a bad son

and not appreciating
the time you spent baking me in your belly.

And how will you
make it up to me?

Maybe you can chaperone
the field trip?

I'll have to move some things
around, but I'll be there.

Now go. Be a boy!

My mom had guilted me
into submission,

but even better,
she impressed her friends.

I don't understand.
How?

I can't tell you that.

So you get to participate
in Adam's school life

as he frolics about
with friends

while the rest of us
stay home and suck it?

I'm sorry, Dave Kim's mom.

I just can't risk something
this huge getting out.

I give you my word
as a parent

and as an esteemed
kindergarten teacher.

I will say nothing.

Same here!
Ditto.

Agreed.

Meet me in my basement
at 1600 hours.

Take separate cars,
don't let anyone follow you,

and do not park
on our street.

You're about to learn
Beverly Goldberg's biggest secret.

[QUIET LAUGHTER]

Hey! Why you guys looking
all shady right now?

Nothing!
No big secrets here.

We're normal.
All good.

Carry on.

ADULT ADAM: The time
had come for my mom

to teach her fellow parents
a master class in the art of manipulation.

What I'm about to show you
is the most lethal

and powerful weapon
in a yenta's arsenal.

The guilt letter.

You wrote eight pages
on both sides?Yes.

Everything you're about
to hear has been written

by Beverly Goldberg
and sent to her children.

This is all real.

"Adam, I gave birth to you,
fed and nurtured you,

"dried your tears,
and made you the center of my universe.

"But the way
you treated me today makes me regret it all."

Wait,
you really wrote this?

Again, every word
is 100% true.

"I don't know another
human being on this earth

"who would treat
their parent this way,

"especially four weeks
before Mother's Day."

That's how you started
an actual letter?

Oh, sweet,
stupid Vincent Geary. The opening is everything.

I call it the "guilt grabber."

Oh, I got to
write this down.

Wait. You can't just copy
what I say.

Once I teach you
the basic structure,

you have to find
your own spiteful voice.

You have
a whole structure?

Of course I do.

Now,
after the guilt grabber,

you deliver your
emotionally devastating thesis,

wherein you single them out
as the most ungrateful child the world has ever known.

"Not only am I ashamed to have
such a cruel, selfish son,

"but I may never sleep again
knowing how I failed as a mother."

My God,
who writes this?

Literally me, no joke.

Next comes
the body of the letter,

in which you present
the many hurtful specifics

that demonstrate
how much you've sacrificed for your baby.

"I haven't slept
since you were born

"and gave
my whole life to you.

"Not once did I focus
on myself.

"I could have been
a lawyer!"

Again, something I actually
wrote to my children.

Finally,
we have the closer,

where you remind your children
that they, and they alone,

are responsible
for your early demise.

Wow.
I know, Serry Mirsky.

You finally have the tool
to shame Emmy

into being perfect
like class valedictorian Aliza Goren.

[LAUGHING]
She'll never be Aliza Goren.

Beverly, these crazy guilt
letters are a game-changer.

Thank you for this amazing,
hateful gift.

You truly are
a genius of our time.

It's so nice
to finally be recognized.

Quick, give me your paper.
Let's not waste these.

Your father
ruined my son.

This morning,
Geoffrey said

he wanted to go to a liberal
arts college like Vassar where he can find himself.

But you've mapped out
the next 10 years of his life,

which ends in him taking over
your thriving practice.

All I ever wanted was
an apprentice who cares, but now there's no one.

Geoff is as blind
as a patient

who needs
a penetrating keratoplasty.

I know. You rearranged
the entire filing system,

and my apprentice wasn't
even here to see that.

This is worse than
that one patient who had

the viral eye infection
of the retina.

Which I missed
and you pointed out.

Thanks for that,
by the way.

Enough is enough!

You need an apprentice.
This is shameful.

I want the old Geoff back!

And you'll get him back!

As leader of the JTP,
he has to do exactly what I say.

You will do
exactly what I say, Schwartz.

No.
No?

No.
No?

Since when
does he say no?

Since I'm done being
the doormat of the JTP.

But that's your role.

Each friendship group has
a doormat, a leader,

a Naked One,
a tiny pocket man, and a lame Matt Bradley!

Well, I'm done
being the doormat.

I hereby change the structure
of the JTP as we know it.

You can't change that!

It's the structure
of friendship!

Oh, it's changed
but good.

And as the new leader
of the JTP,

I demand a piece
of your Gator Gum.

There's only one man here
who needs Gatorade

magically injected into
their gum and it's me.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Oh, dang. Geoff just swiped
some of Barry's Gator Gum.

Oh, the Gator Gum
is totally replacing

the vital salts and minerals
in Geoff's legs.

No! Stop hydrating
with my Gator Gum! Those are my electrolytes!

Dude, he just quenched his
thirst with Barry's Gator Gum. Geoff is our clear leader now.

Damn right I am.
I'm so freakin' fired up right now

I'm gonna cut science class
and go run around the park.

With no clear objective?

That's crazy, dude.

No. It's new Geoff.
JTP!

ALL: JTP!

New Geoff is exciting.

Yeah, man.
That science lab was, like, 30% of our grade,

but new Geoff don't care.

And this is an act of war.

It's time I unleash
my sister.

♪♪

Hey, I wanted to...
Barry sent you, didn't he?

Wow, yeah.
He charged into the kitchen all sweaty and angry,

and I said
I would come in here just to get rid of him.

Okay, well, why don't you
go tell Barry

that new Geoff
is here to stay.

Okay, I'm really not
in the loop, so what's happening here?

What's happening is the new me
refuses to be bossed around

by his dad, his friends,
and quite frankly, you!

Me? I'm part of this now?

Yeah. I'm tired of folding
your sweaters.

But I thought you liked
the folding.

Does this answer
your question?

♪♪

No-go.
I like new Geoff.

You like new Geoff?

New Geoff is hot.
Good luck to you both.

ADULT ADAM: As new Geoff
wasn't backing down,

our bus full of kids and lame chaperones was pulling up to Hersheypark.

Oh, you know what
those chocolate kiss street lamps mean.

We're here!

It was a brutal start.
But once the bus parked,

we were free to explore
Chocolate World without our lame-ass par...

Oh, balls!
They're back again!

I don't get it.

You all said you cut
your parents off

from chaperoning
ages ago.

I did, but last night
my mom wrote me

this heartbreaking
eight-page letter, and I caved.

Same here. My dad even circled
his tears on the paper.

My mom did
the same thing.

Listen to this.

"And when I literally die
from the disappointment,

"please do not
visit my grave site.""...visit my grave site."

Lemme see those letters.

Look.

They're all the same.

See? My mom also has a hole
in her heart the shape of me.

My mom has that same
kid-shaped hole!

This can only be the work
of one woman...

Beverly Goldberg.

What are we gonna do,
man?

I can't ever read
another one of these.

I cried
in my mom's bosom.

Her bosom!

I'll tell you what
we're gonna do.

We're gonna rise up
against this reign of guilt and take back what is ours.

Chocolatier!
We need chocolate-scented stationery STAT!

Time to give our parents
a taste of their own guilt.

♪♪

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

All right, hit the showers or
generously spray on deodorant.

Schwartz, got a bunch
of scoop balls that need scooping, so have at it.

Nah, man. I'm good.
Excuse me?

I'm tired of being
Mr. Pushover

who always scoops
the scoop balls after class.

As leader of the JTP,
I say Andy does it.

Hey! He's not the leader
of the JTP.

You don't have to
do that, Andy.

But Geoff said I should.

Well, I say Geoff scoops
the scoop balls!

You scoop
the scoop balls!

I'm not scooping
no scoop balls!

Somebody scoop
the scoop balls.

I'll scoop the scoop balls,
okay?

Don't you dare scoop
the scoop balls, Matthew!

Fine! You'll all scoop
the scoop balls!

Or better yet, [BLEEP],
why don't you scoop my [BLEEP]?

♪♪

Never in all my years
in the gymanatorial arts

have I ever been
so blatantly disrespected.

I expected more from you,
Mr. Schwartz.

Anything to say before
I decide your punishment?

Yeah. Why am I here?

The kid's got his own dad.
Call him.

Yeah, but he's busy,
and he'll be so mad.

But I'm busy
and I'm mad.

You're mad? My jaw is
seizing up with anger.

Dang it, Rick.
You got to chew some Gator Gum

like a grown man
and calm the heck down.

Follow me.
MURRAY: Oh, geez.

What the hell's
wrong with you?

Look, you're the one
who set me on this new path.

We both agreed
I'm not involved in any of this.

Just saying you're
not involved doesn't make you not involved.

Look, I got my own
idiot kids to worry about.

And you, you got a great dad
who wants you to be a doctor.

You're the only one
who let me be me,

and now even you're
taking it back.

Thanks for nothing.

♪♪

ADULT ADAM: It was time
for us to take some sweet revenge

on our chaperone parents.

Sup.
Sup yourselves.

Uh, it is our job
as chaperones to make sure you stay safe,

and that extends
to sugar consumption.

Then it's a good thing
we no longer accept you as school chaperones.

"Mother, I have clearly
failed as a son."

What the hell is this?
It's a guilt letter,

like the ones you taught
your friends to write.

[GASPS] They know!
You know?

We all know.
Chad Hayward Kremp, please.

Think of me lying
in my grave site.

That's my line.

What she said,
but for me in my grave site.

Sorry,
ladies and Vinny.

This field/guilt trip
is over.

We had an agreement.

You were supposed to write
your own letters,

but then you go
and copy mine?

I tried to write my own,
Beverly.

I just couldn't be a scathing
guilt monster like you.

If you don't mind,
we're gonna head out to Chocolate Town USA.

Enjoy waiting
on the boiling hot bus.

♪♪

This is not the bus!

I'm not riding my first
roller coaster with my mom!

We need to talk
about your letter.

My letter? You're the one
who's manipulated me for years,

and is that creaking
normal?

That's because you were
shutting me out of your life,

and, oh,
we keep climbing.

Of course I shut you out!
I'm a teenager!

And yeah, this is higher
than I thought.

Here, hold my hand.
Let Mama protect you.

Please, I'm gonna be
just fine!

I'm gonna die, aah!

Aah!

I am so angry
and upside down! Where's the ground?

Aah, I was dead just now!
I'm so scared!

Well, I'm loving
every moment of thi...

Ohh! Help! We need
the coaster police!

Where am I?

Aah!

I'm so furious
but I forget why!

Aah!

I'm blind!

I am blind!

[GASPS]

So are we good?
Did we resolve this?

Maybe! I don't know
anything anymore!

Yes, I agree,
and I love you, too.

ADULT ADAM: Yeah,
even though I blacked out from terror,

I was still super fired up.

Adam, wait.

I've given you four hours
of bus ride to cool off...

Trust me, that's not
nearly enough.

Okay, so maybe it was
a mistake for me

to force my way
on this trip.

Of course it was!

My God, every other parent
was fine not to chaperone. Why not you?

Adam, when you were little,
I was your everything.

I'd hold your hand when
I'd walk you into school, and you'd cry when I left.

Now when you walk through
that door in the morning,

you're just gone.

And when you come home,
I get nothing.

Come on, I tell you stuff.

Please.
At best I get a "muh."

That's why
I write the letters,

so I can hear more,
hear anything.

Okay, then.
I promise to give you more than a "muh"

if you promise to stop
with your crazy mom manifestos.

Guess I could cut back
a little.

With you... I still have
plenty of hurtful things to say to Barry and Erica.

ADULT ADAM: That day,
me and my mom were finally seeing eye to eye,

and my dad decided
to help someone see things more clearly.

If you're here for a
discounted eye exam, forget it.

Not today.

I just thought
maybe we could talk.

What's to talk about?
Geoff was in trouble and called you, not me.

Look, I'm far from
the kind of guy

who should be giving
parenting advice,

but I have learned
you can't plan your kid's life for them.

It's just always been
my dream

for him to follow
in my footsteps.

I get it,
but is it his dream?

I guess not.

For what it's worth, whatever
Geoff does with his life,

I know he's gonna be
amazing at it. He's a good egg.

Tell you the truth,
your son's not so bad, either.

Barry?

You know, he's fantastic
with the patients.

Kid's gonna be
a hell of a doctor.Maybe.

♪♪

But I don't want
to get involved.

♪ She drives me crazy

♪ Ooh, ooh

I see you're back
to folding my sweaters.

Yeah. The whole, uh,
new Geoff thing, it's just not who I am.

Look, you don't know
who you are, and that's okay,

'cause I don't know
who I am, either.

Come on, you've got it
all figured out.

Dude, I have no idea
what I'll end up doing with my life.

All I can do
is follow my heart.

And I love seeing you
finally doing the same.

LOU: [CLEARS THROAT]
Sorry to interrupt.

I just wanted a word
with Geoffrey.

Look, Dad,
I don't want to hear about how I let you down...

It doesn't matter
what I think.

It's your life,

and I want it to be
whatever you want it to be.

As long as
it's not furniture.

Oh, God, no.

♪ She drives me crazy

♪ Ooh, ooh

♪ Like no one else

Boofaloo!
How was your day?

Muh.

♪ And I can't help myself

Actually, it was really good.
You want to hear about it?

♪ She drives me crazy ♪

ADULT ADAM: When we're kids,

it's natural to want
to shut your parents out,

but once you start opening up,

you realize
it can be pretty sweet.

♪♪

Bev, I have one of
your actual letters,

and it's a smooth...

[LAUGHING] 12 pages.

Now, I know they've told me
they don't read the letters.

I don't believe them,
because here's a letter that's 20 years old,

and my son Adam
still saved it.

"Not only am I ashamed to have
such a cruel, selfish son,

"but I may never sleep again
knowing how I have failed as a mother."

Well, a little guilt
doesn't hurt.

What can I tell you?

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