All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s06e02 You Got Zukod.eng

ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
there was nothing my mom loved

more than cooking her way
into her family's heart,

from her ooey, gooey
potato casserole

to whatever this thing is.

But her signature move
was the art of Parming,

featuring her
legendary dish of choice.

Shrimp Parm.
Shrimp Parm.

Shrimp Parm.
Shrimp Parm.

Unlike my mom,
Barry and his fiancee, Lainey,

were happy to leave
the cooking to a microwave.

Aww. Look at you two.

Snuggled up on the couch.

And what the hell is that?

Oh, I made us
Hungry-Man dinners.

I'm hungry. I'm a man.
It lines up.

Well, that was
so thoughtful of you

to make Barry a delightful mix
of mystery meat and radiation.

Thank you. I think?

Sweetie, I know you grew up
in a lawless, broken home,

but these frozen,
compartment-based dinners

are unacceptable for Barry...
No offense.

You can't just tag
"no offense" on the end of something

horribly offensive
and act like it's okay.

It's just that
Barry requires

a real home-cooked dinner
fit for a boy-king.

As his future wife,
that responsibility falls on you.

And every creepy thing
you just said

is the reason
why your boy is so broken... No offense.

Hey. (CHUCKLES)
Your thing does work.

Okay,
I wasn't gonna do this,

but your resistance
shows me that it's time.

(STIRRING MUSIC PLAYS)
Everybody in the kitchen!

Family history is
about to take place!

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SIGHS)

The others will be down
in a minute.

They'd be crushed
to miss this.

Family presentation!
Down here, now!

They clearly don't care,
but I'm jazzed!

What's the big news?

Lainey, we are gathered
here today

in front of parts of
my entire family

for the bequeathing...

(STIRRING MUSIC PLAYS)
...of our family's most prized possession.

ADULT ADAM: It was true.

This really was the biggest
deal in the world

to my mom and no one else.

Oh. Recipes?

(MUSIC DISTORTS, STOPS)

The keys to Barry's happiness
are in this box.

(WHISPERS) You're welcome.

Speech! Speech! Speech!

Uh, thanks a ton.

And food is family?

Very nice.
Very nice try.

While I appreciate
the gesture,

I just don't see myself
cooking for Barry, like, ever.

That is the single
most upsetting thing

I've ever heard,
so take the box.

Thanks, but I really
won't use the box,

so I kinda don't
need the box.

Well,
I don't need the box.

I've got the box memorized,
so take the box.

Just take the box!

Fine!
I'll take the box!

Yay! My Schmoopy-in-law
wants the box!

Oh!
Speech! Speech, speech!

My Barry's in
such good hands.

* I'm twisted up inside

* But nonetheless
I feel the need to say

* I don't know the future

* But the past keeps getting
clearer every day *

ADULT ADAM: It was September
1980-something,

a brand-new year of school
with my same old, awesome friends.

Hey, dumb-ass.
Still a dumb-ass?

You know it, Muscles.

Dave Kim, see you're still
rocking the turtleneck.

I was thinking of making the
switch to a mock turtleneck,

but why change
what works?

Adam!

Jackie?

ADULT ADAM: Turns out,
there was one person who changed a ton

over the summer.
My sci-fi-loving,

theater-geek girlfriend,
Jackie Geary.

I missed you so much!

Me too.

Ow! Something sharp
stabbed my torso!

Sorry, safety pin.

Don't you just love
this jacket?

I got it at a thrift shop
in the Village.

What happened to
the crushed velvet cloak

I found you
at the Ren Faire?

Kinda got swampy
in the subway.

You went on the subway?

But that's where breakdancing
gangs shake you down for cash!

Turns out, Breakin' 2:
Electric Boogaloo lied to us.

I had the best time
exploring the city.

Next year, you have to do
the NYU summer program.

You won't regret it.

Yeah, my mom said I can never
live in New York,

'cause the pigeons
are too aggressive

and the poisonous
air-conditioner juice

from apartments drips
on your head as you walk.

Dude, I discovered
all this cool new music and clothes

and made
tons of new friends.

Speaking of...

'Sup, skank?
Carla?

This special and terrifying
person's now your friend?

Well, when I first got there,
I didn't know anyone,

and then I saw Carla,
and I was like, "Ah, crap, it's Carla.

She's probably gonna
make fun of my face

and then tell everyone
I'm a total nerd."

And I totally did.

But then Jack Attack
let me borrow her hairbrush,

and I was like,
"You're my best friend now."

She kicked a rat for me.

Well, it sounds like
you and Jack Attack had a good time.

Ooh, talk later!
Save me a spot at lunch!

Dude, is it me
or did your lady go away for the summer

and come back
a totally different person?

ADULT ADAM:
Sure, Jackie didn't look the same,

but that didn't matter to me,
'cause we still loved the same nerdy stuff.

Boom!
No way!

You got us tickets
for the school Bazaar-nival!

That's right. One part bazaar,
one part carnival.

Two parts fun.

You're so cute.

Are you swooning
at a Bazaar-nival?

It's our special thing
since we had our first kiss on the bumper cars.

That's how I chipped
my tooth.

It was a magical time.
So jealous.

So, I'll pick you up
Saturday night?

Saturday?

Oh, man, Carla and I
already have plans

to watch her boyfriend
drag-race.

The Bazaar-nival's got
a crafting booth and candy apples.

Not that it's
a competition.

I'll just cancel
my plans with Carla.

No, don't do that.

Are you sure you
don't want to come?

I already have my ticket.
It's okay. You should go.

Yeah. You're right.

I'll see you later.

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

How could Jackie pass
on the Bazaar-nival?

It's the Bazaar-nival!

Bro, your lady just went
full Zuko on you.

Full wha?
You know, Danny Zuko from "Grease."

After months of summer loving,
Sandy returns to school

and finds Zuko
totally changed.

In this instance,
you're the Sandy.

And like the movie,
the only way to keep your girl

is to change everything
about yourself

in utter desperation.

That's a horrible message
for children!

The worst. But the songs
are real toe-tappers.

While I was dreading
losing my geeky girlfriend,

Lainey dreaded her future
as Barry's mom.

I can't believe your
mom forced me to take the box! The nerve!

Well, did you at least
give a speech to honor the big moment?

Calm down, Geoff.

Lainey will lend you
the dumb box

so that you can cook
and bake for me, too.

No! Your mom gave it
to her, not me.

I'll just make you
store-bought cookies from a mix,

like some stupid (BLEEP)
face off the street!

Okay, we get it!

Clearly, you wanna be
Erica's mom,

but I'm not going
down that way.

You apologize for nothing!

Look in my wild, angry eyes.

The last thing I want
is for you to be my mom.

You mean it?
More than anything, baby!

I've never been more excited
about our future together.

This is my life now.

And it sucks.
(BEEPS)

But you just told
Lainey you didn't care if she cooked or not.

Dude, of course I care.

Dinner's the only time
of day I can be me!

I love racing home
to a warm blanket of Parm.

That's how our family
expresses love...

Through melted cheese.

Damn it, I want Erica
to experience that cheese love, too!

You gotta get me a peek
at that box.

Wait. Maybe there's a way
we can both get what we want.

Name it. I'm in.
Take it. It's yours.

Wait. You're giving
me the box?

But your mom handed it off
to Lainey.

Indeed she did,
young Geoffrey.

And when Lainey realizes
the box is gone,

she'll feel so guilty,

she'll let my mom
teach her all the recipes.

So you do want Lainey
to be your mom.

Ew! Gross!

But for sure, yes.
I want my wife to be my mom.

That's weird...
But I get it!

I want to be
my girlfriend's mom!

Dude, there's no one
I'd rather have

be a mom to my sister
than you.

Sir, it would be
an honor to be your mother/brother-in-law.

With my looks and my brains,
we can't fail!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

You can't put metal
in the microwave. Got it.

ADULT ADAM: As Barry's plan
sparked to life,

I went to my love guru,

who could help me
find the spark with Jackie.

Pops, I have
a romantic emergency,

and I need some of
your patented love advice.

That's exactly why
I sit here all day.

Jackie came back
from summer break,

and now she's all New York-ish
and fringy.

Dave Kim says
if I don't change, we're done.

Dave Kim...
Always stirring the pot.

You need to be proud
of who you are

and never change
for anyone.

Wrong. You gotta change
and change hard.

Ya think?
No! Don't listen to him.

He's not even
in this conversation.

He's behind the paper!

Ya gotta change
when you date someone more pretty.

Like me and your mom.

That makes sense!
No, it doesn't!

You're just intrigued
because the paper

makes him hidden
and mysterious.

You wouldn't believe
the things I did for that woman.

Tell me more,
dark stranger.

I took square-dancing
lessons,

I brunched
with her friends,

I even took my shoes off
at the beach.

And the guy is still
with my mom!

It's your dad!
You know who he is!

ADULT ADAM:
True, and yet I still listened to the wise voice

hidden behind
the sports section.

I headed straight to
the coolest store

on South Street...
Zipperhead.

Back then,
it was the one place

you'd go
for all your punk needs.

Hello, there, fine madam.

I'm here to purchase
some of your fine anti-monarchy garb.

Beat it, yuppie. Go
home and wait for "L.A. Law" to come on.

She knows what we watch.
Let's bail.

No. This is too important.

Nothing can help you,
poser.

Pfft!
I am not a poser.

Name one member
of The Clash.

"Of the Titans"?

Well, there's Zeus
and that metal robot owl,

and, of course, Harry Hamlin
from "L.A. Law" plays Perseus.

Stop talking,
and I'll help you.

First, we gotta fix
your dumb hair.

I'll do whatever it takes
to turn into Eric Idle.

I think you mean
Billy Idol. Right!

So, how long will it take
to get cool, punky...

Gah! Oh, boy,
it smells so weird!

This is not gonna be
an easy process for you.

ADULT ADAM:
Yep. My change all began with my hair.

Meanwhile, Barry's harebrained
scheme was about to unfold.

Barry, we need to talk.
I'm in huge trouble, dude!

Good thing I was just
sitting here waiting for you.

What is it?
Someone stole your mom's recipe box out of my purse!

(GASPS)
Oh, no!

How could something
like this happen?

I know!
It's so weird!

They didn't take my car keys
or my wallet or my Walkman.

Not all thieves are in it
for the money.

Some are after
the hottest food trends.

Thief-cooks, they're called.
This was so important to your mom.

She'll never forgive me!

But with me at your side,
we'll find a way.

You're an amazing
human being.

Must feel good
to say it out loud.

Mother, we have
some terrible news.

Oh, no. Is it Lyme
disease-related?

I saw a deer on the way home
from the mall.

It is much worse
than a rogue deer.

Worse than a rogue deer that
may or may not have a tick?

What are you trying
to tell me, Barry?

Someone stole your recipes
out of my bag.

No!
Please, tell me how I can make this right.

Well, you could call
all of my relatives

that knew the recipes...

Oh, wait...
They're all dead.

Whoa! I'm just
thinking out loud,

but I believe my mom
knows all those recipes by heart, yes?

My broken heart.
Perhaps if you let my mom teach you

how to cook
those recipes,

one of the cornerstones
of caring for me,

then all will
be forgiven?

Babe, thank you for
helping us through this.

As we've established,
I'm the best. So, what do you say?

I say...
(BILLY IDOL'S WHITE WEDDING PLAYS)

we better hit the market.

We're gonna need
all their meats and cheeses.

ADULT ADAM:
As my mom took Lainey under her wing,

my new look had taken flight.

I had my new hair,
studded vest,

and a Black Flag shirt,
which I thought was bug spray.

Goodbye, Sandy from "Grease"!

Hello, Billy Idol!

Whoa! Check out
the hot new guy!

I feel threatened
and I wanna punch your face off.

No, wait! It's me!

Adam?
Jackie's boyfriend?

Why didn't you say so?
I almost went to jail just now.

Cool.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

If you see Jackie, tell her
I'm in for Saturday night.

Let's burn some rubber.

Wait. You race?

But Jackie said
you're, like,

afraid of birds
and have allergies.

(SCOFFS)
Not allergic to speed.

Just cat dander
and feather pillows.

What kinda wheels
you driving, bro?

I got me a sick wagon.
Station style.

Wood panels,
bitchin' roof rack.

I got a gnarly
Celica ST.

You wanna race
for pink slips?

The pinker the better,
Holmes!

Sick! I'll spread the word,
make sure the whole school shows up!

Oh, uh,
the whole what, now?

Hells yeah.
I'm on it.

New Goldberg's got nards,
and I like it.

Hope there's
no hard feelings

when I smoke you
and take your car.

Wait, that's what
a pink slip is?

Oh, balls.
This went bad fast.

After going punk for my lady,
all I needed now was badass wheels.

Ah! I hear jingling!

Don't know
which moron that is,

but if you want my car,
then take Pops home.

Yeah,
I could use a ride.

Ah, come on!

Fine. 'Cause I love you!
Let's get moving!

Bup bup! You know
all those paving stones?

You mean the ones
Mom has screamed at you

to return
for the last year?

Yeah, load 'em up
in the car

and take 'em back to
Heckingers before they close in an hour.

No! Can't I do this
another time?

Nah, it'll feel good
to get it off my plate.

(RIPPING)

Aw, crap!

I accidentally ripped
my purposely ripped jeans!

You actually bought
tattered jeans with holes?

Who does that?

Badasses like me.

While I hit a detour,

inside was a race
for the perfect Parm.

Okay, here you go.
Pork Parm Wellington.

Attempt number nine,
so, dear God, please like it.

Uh...

Close enough.

Let's just move on
to meatloaf burgers.

No! Not till we've
perfectly baked all 53 ingredients.

Or is it 54?

I thought you said you knew
all the recipes by heart.

No yenta in the world
can remember

every ounce of butter
and pinch of salt

that goes into
this many dishes!

Can't I just order Barry
Chinese food every night?

You think this is
just about cooking?

There is so much
more that goes into taking care of our Barry.

Like what?
Washing his Flyers shirts,

flipping his covers
when he sweats at night,

reminding him to make
when he waits too long

and gets plugged up.

What is that?
What are you doing?

It's the signal
for poo-poos.

You gotta learn
the signal.

I don't wanna
learn the signal!

Don't make her do
the signal, Mom!

She has to learn
the signal!

I don't wanna
learn the signal.

Now, this hand
is the potty,

beckoning the poo-poos,
and in they go.

Huh?
She's not doing it!

Of course
I'm not doing it! Don't turn on each other!

Go back to bonding over food
as I grab some fresh air.

Be right back.

(EXHALES SHARPLY) Hard to run
after so much eating!

(DOOR SLAMS)

Dude!
Where is the box?

It's on the counter.

Your mom has
some real gems in there.

I made a hearty chowder
for Erica.

Here, take a spoonful.

No! I don't have time
to eat...

Mmm!

Tastes like our summers
at the shore.

But enough
of your dumb thing.

I need a recipe.
Stat.

ADULT ADAM:
Barry knew there was only one ingredient

that could save his plan.

Meanwhile, the recipe
for a badass drag race...

(ENGINE REVS)
...just needed one more thing. Me.

Where's Goldnerd?

I've been revving
my engine for the crowd,

but it's losing
its luster!

Wait!
Here he comes!

ADULT ADAM:
I may have been drag racing like Zuko,

but Greased Lightning
I wasn't.

(SCRAPING)

(ENGINE CLUNKS, STOPS)

'Sup, people
and the place to be!

Adam?
Jack Attack! What's up?

I honestly have
no idea.

What is on your body
right now?

I kinda ripped
my punk-rock jeans

on a jagged
paving stone,

so then I ripped off
the other leg to be matchy

like a badass.

Okay, but what's up
with your hair?

Just how I roll, bro.

Also, I forgot
to wash out the Sun-In,

so then the actual
blazing sun overbaked my head

when I was loading in those
aforementioned paving stones

in the back of my ol'
wood-paneled rocket here.

Okay, but why are you
wearing snow gloves?

Don't own racing gloves,
so I'mma tear it up

in these Freezy Freakies
'cause I'm crazy like that.

Okay, but why did
you bring an old man to a drag race?

That's my boy Al.
Had to drop him off at his sick pad,

but the bumpy car ride
lulled him to sleep

which is good,
'cause he would not approve

of my drag-racing
lifestyle.

I don't even know
who you are right now.

Looks like
you're not the only one

who's changed for the better
this year.

Yo, no more stalling.
It's go time!

Let's ride.

ADULT ADAM: That day, I wasn't
the only one racing for my life.

"Bring to simmer,
caramelize the onions,

"sprinkle two pinches
of celery salt."

Needs more wrist.

More wrist.

Forget the signal!

I realized on my walk home

you need to caramelize
the onions,

then sprinkle two pinches
of celery salt.

How do you know
about celery salt?

Oh. Um,
eater's intuition?

It's my recipe.
How did you...

I'll tell you how.

You stole the box,
didn't you?

No! Also, yes.

But you told me
you didn't want me to baby you,

like your mom does.
And I don't!

Also, I do.
Tell you what.

You already have a mom,

and you can keep her!
No! You're not getting it!

If anything, you're
a smoking-hot mom with benefits!

Ew!

How could this happen to
a boy-king I raised so normally?

It was go time.

Our engines were roaring, and
everything was on the line,

my car, my dignity,

but most importantly,
my future with Jackie.

(ENGINE REVS)

Listen, I kind of borrowed
this car from my dad,

so it's not really mine
to lose. You get it, right?

The only thing I'm getting
is that car.

And those tasteful
paving stones,

which will encourage
outdoor living

during the warm
summer months.

Ahh!
(LAUGHS)

(STAN BUSH'S FIGHT TO SURVIVE
PLAYS)

(ENGINE REVS)

Whoo-hoo!
Ahh!

Come on, baby!

Oh, no!
This is bullcrap!

I revved so much
for the crowd, I got no gas left!

Push it, baby! I love you,
but only if you win!

Hey, you're cheating!

Said to the barrel
and back!

(GRUNTS)

Ponytail losing power.

(WEAK APPLAUSE)

Jackie! We did it, baby!
We won!

Yeah, congratulations
on getting from here to there

slightly quicker than Johnny
was able to push his car.

You mean my car.

Pink slip's mine, Atkins.
I'm taking the Celica.

You can't take
the Celica!

You can't take his
Celica, Adam.

You can't take
the Celica!

Oh, I'm taking the Celica!
But it's my mom's!

She needs it to get to the
dental office in the morning.

Hey, you were gonna take
my car and the paving stones.

I just said that
for the pageantry of the event!

Please! My brother has tennis
after school!

Well, he ain't getting there
in my Celica!

You can't take
the Celica!

Jackie, your boyfriend's
got a real nasty way about him.

This is not
my boyfriend.

At least,
not the one that I want.

I think it's pretty clear
what you want.

And it's not us.

Why?
You went away and changed,

and I'm still
the same old Adam.

I just loved
what we had.

And now it's over.

BEVERLY: Hey, Squish.

Now that I got
my recipes back,

I thought maybe a little bit
of Mama's cheeseburger pot pie

might cheer you up.

Not hungry.
What?

I've literally never
heard you say that.

I just realized
me and Lainey

want the complete opposite
kind of marriage.

She wants
an equal partnership,

while I want her to
tend to my needs the rest of our days.

There's no
right or wrong here.

A good relationship
needs a lot of give-and-take, Barry.

Why can't it be
like you and Dad?

You know, where you give
and he takes.

I've heard enough, moron.

Not all marriages
are the same.

Stop worrying about
what you want to take

and start thinking about
what you want to give.

(WHITE WEDDING PLAYS)
Wow.

So, maybe
Lainey has a point.

You're right.

I'm lucky I had
someone like you

taking care of me
my whole life.

I learned
from the best

which means now
I can take care of Lainey.

Wait.
You want the box?

Cooking is how our family
shows love, right?

So now it's time
I show Lainey how much I love her.

Although, I could use
a few pointers.

ADULT ADAM:
And that night, they whisked,

they battered,

they rolled and seasoned,

until they had
pork Parm Wellington

fit for a boy-king's queen.

* ...white wedding

* It's a nice day
to start again

Hey.

Believe me,
the last thing I want right now

is your mom's cooking.

Actually...

I made it.
For you.

You really think cooking
me one dinner is gonna change anything?

It's not about this one.

It's about
the next thousand.

I just...
(SIGHS)

God, this sounds
so stupid. No, say it.

Every day,
you take care of me just by being you. And...

I realized

now it's my job
to take care of you.

How about we just take care
of each other?

Deal.

* It's a nice day
for a white wedding

Winner number one.

A winner.

Dude.

You suck at driving.

How'd you know
I'd be here?

Because
it's the Bazaar-nival.

I knew
you wouldn't miss it.

It turns out the Bazaar-nival
is not that many parts fun.

It's completely lame.
And so am I.

I never said
it was lame.

And I certainly
never asked you

to cut your jeans
into Daisy Dukes.

I know!

I just loved that I actually
found someone out there

who was just like me,

someone who could geek out
over a good Bazaar-nival.

Adam, even though I changed
a bit over the summer

doesn't mean
we're not the same.

And nothing will ever change
the way I feel about you.

Really?
I will always love

my allergenic,
Bazaar-nival-loving, nerd boyfriend.

* It's a nice day
to start again *

ADULT ADAM:
Sure, change is scary.

Sometimes we're so desperate
to hold on to the past

that we lose sight
of who we really are.

But in the end,
when we open our hearts

to accept those we love most
for who they really are,

a little change can
be a wild ride

that stays with you forever.

ADAM: Can I come in?
Never.

No. This is
so teenagery...

Is it?
...that I don't want any recording

of it on any kind of tape.
Yeah, I wouldn't do that to you.

Hi. I'm with
the real Jackie Geary,

Adam's high school
girlfriend,

and we have
some questions for you.

I'm ready.
Now, were you into theater and movies

and all the geeky stuff
Adam is into?

Or were you just
going along with it?

I was also a big geek.
Yeah.

I was into different
geeky stuff sometimes,

like "Star Trek" being
better than "Star Wars."

Turns out
Jackie likes "Star Trek"

more than "Star Wars"!

Adam remembers you
going from theater geek

to cool, fringy
New York City girl.

Who did I think I was?

(LAUGHS)

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