All language subtitles for The Ben Stiller Show s01e11.eng

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:07,333 How you doing? Welcome to the show. 2 00:00:07,507 --> 00:00:09,407 I'm Ben Stiller. This is Janeane Garofalo. 3 00:00:09,576 --> 00:00:13,103 We're at the beach today... I won't let you say anything till I get this out. 4 00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:16,339 We've gotten a lot of cards and letters requesting to see... 5 00:00:16,516 --> 00:00:20,282 - Cards and letters requesting Janeane... - But I just... Could l...? Would you...? 6 00:00:20,453 --> 00:00:22,421 We want to see you naked. Let's face facts. 7 00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:25,786 We want to see you in a little tight tube top, prancing around. 8 00:00:25,959 --> 00:00:29,190 - What do you say? - I'd say you're a chubby chaser, sir. 9 00:00:30,196 --> 00:00:31,686 Janeane, come on. 10 00:00:32,499 --> 00:00:33,864 You're not chubby. We'll be... 11 00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:35,433 Shut up. I hate that word. Cut! 12 00:00:35,602 --> 00:00:37,069 We'll be right back after this. 13 00:00:42,409 --> 00:00:43,774 Hello. 14 00:00:43,943 --> 00:00:46,810 I am Brent Forrester. 15 00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,847 It's nice to be with you again. 16 00:00:50,016 --> 00:00:54,453 I want you to get ready to relax. 17 00:00:55,755 --> 00:01:01,387 Let the sound of the ocean relax and soothe you... 18 00:01:01,961 --> 00:01:06,295 ...as the tensions and distractions of the day... 19 00:01:06,466 --> 00:01:09,094 ...drift into the past. 20 00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:14,963 Let the sound of the ocean relax every muscle. 21 00:01:16,609 --> 00:01:20,477 Starting with your calves... 22 00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:24,811 ...and moving up to your nice, creamy thighs. 23 00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,414 That's right. 24 00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:32,689 Relax, and rub that into your stomach. 25 00:01:33,493 --> 00:01:36,121 Very good with the lotion thing. 26 00:01:36,296 --> 00:01:38,059 Now arch your back. 27 00:01:38,898 --> 00:01:40,456 Nice. 28 00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:42,267 Very nice. Hello. 29 00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:44,464 Sorry to bother you. What? 30 00:01:44,637 --> 00:01:45,865 Don't worry about it. 31 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,506 Hi, I'm Brent. 32 00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,141 I'm Brent. 33 00:01:49,309 --> 00:01:51,675 I'm here to relax you. 34 00:01:51,845 --> 00:01:53,779 Relax. 35 00:01:54,581 --> 00:01:56,344 Everybody take a deep breath. 36 00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:58,143 It's... There's no need to... 37 00:01:58,751 --> 00:01:59,911 In and out. 38 00:02:00,086 --> 00:02:01,883 Don't play with that thing. 39 00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:03,181 That is not a play toy. 40 00:02:03,356 --> 00:02:04,880 No! What are...? 41 00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:06,218 That thing is sharp! 42 00:02:06,392 --> 00:02:07,916 Don't make me come down there! 43 00:02:08,094 --> 00:02:09,721 I will crush you! 44 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,955 You'd better run, you... You... 45 00:02:13,733 --> 00:02:16,827 Got him! Three points for the Relaxation King. 46 00:02:18,671 --> 00:02:21,697 Now listen to the sound of the waves. 47 00:02:22,242 --> 00:02:25,336 Let each and every muscle relax. 48 00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:43,888 It's time for Roundtable, with correspondent Art Louwater. 49 00:03:45,358 --> 00:03:48,816 Good evening. I'm Art Louwater, and this is Roundtable. 50 00:03:48,995 --> 00:03:52,260 Tonight, television situation comedies and politics go head-to-head. 51 00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:54,263 It all started about two weeks ago... 52 00:03:54,434 --> 00:03:58,165 ...on the season premiere of the hit comedy series Skank. 53 00:04:04,410 --> 00:04:07,777 Who turned off the stinking faucet? I'm trying to get some sleep. 54 00:04:08,348 --> 00:04:11,317 Skank, you're not supposed to waste water. 55 00:04:11,484 --> 00:04:14,078 Doris, it's not a waste. You are! 56 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:17,519 Turn the faucet on and shut your stinking trap! 57 00:04:19,459 --> 00:04:21,586 The following day, Senator Edmund Warring... 58 00:04:21,761 --> 00:04:25,197 ...made an off-the-cuff reference to the show at an awards ceremony. 59 00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:27,431 And might I add that I am sickened... 60 00:04:29,769 --> 00:04:31,964 ...by the way TV shows such as The Skank... 61 00:04:32,138 --> 00:04:36,234 ...trivialize serious issues such as water conservation. 62 00:04:36,409 --> 00:04:41,904 I think when it comes to water usage, Mr. Skank should shut his stinking trap. 63 00:04:46,919 --> 00:04:49,547 Skank shot back with a hurriedly rewritten episode. 64 00:04:51,858 --> 00:04:57,455 I think when it comes to water usage, Mr. Skank should shut his stinking trap. 65 00:04:57,630 --> 00:04:59,257 Doris, get in here! 66 00:04:59,432 --> 00:05:02,629 The world's biggest moron is on TV. 67 00:05:04,070 --> 00:05:06,334 Hey, everybody, go turn on the faucets full blast. 68 00:05:06,506 --> 00:05:09,475 Flood the place! I feel like taking a nap. 69 00:05:10,810 --> 00:05:14,803 You know, the human body is 90% water. 70 00:05:14,981 --> 00:05:18,109 How much of that is wasted every year by murder? 71 00:05:18,284 --> 00:05:19,581 Senator Warring... 72 00:05:19,752 --> 00:05:23,711 ...get your priorities straight, or shut your stinking trap! 73 00:05:23,890 --> 00:05:26,222 Thank you. Thank you. 74 00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:28,223 That's right. 75 00:05:29,662 --> 00:05:31,186 Now, here to clarify things... 76 00:05:31,364 --> 00:05:33,764 ...in the studio with me is Senator Edmund Warring... 77 00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,424 ...and live via satellite from his Hollywood set... 78 00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:39,127 ...the actor who portrays Skank, Theodore Hume. 79 00:05:39,305 --> 00:05:40,897 Gentlemen, thanks for joining me. 80 00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,304 - My pleasure. - It's great to be here, Art. 81 00:05:43,476 --> 00:05:45,808 Mr. Hume, as the creator and star of Skank... 82 00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,811 ...are we to believe that you condone the character's actions? 83 00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:51,575 I think it's rather obvious that Skank is an antihero... 84 00:05:53,786 --> 00:05:58,814 ... a clown, a Pagliacci, not to be emulated, but rather pitied. 85 00:05:58,991 --> 00:06:01,892 - That is a load. - I beg your pardon? 86 00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:04,588 Look, when a child sees you up there... 87 00:06:04,764 --> 00:06:09,133 ...with your madcap antics and your slapstick behavior... 88 00:06:09,302 --> 00:06:13,500 ...he's gonna try it himself, and that means he's gonna waste water. 89 00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:15,902 Let me ask you a question, sir. 90 00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,566 If your daughter couldn't sleep without water running... 91 00:06:19,912 --> 00:06:22,107 ... would you protect her freedom of choice... 92 00:06:22,281 --> 00:06:24,340 ... or lock her up and throw away the key? 93 00:06:24,517 --> 00:06:26,951 - That is unfair. - Answer the question! 94 00:06:27,120 --> 00:06:31,250 Why don't you shut your stinking trap! 95 00:06:31,424 --> 00:06:34,484 All right, gentlemen. Why don't we just cool our jets for a second. 96 00:06:34,660 --> 00:06:37,026 Senator Warring, he does have a good point. 97 00:06:37,196 --> 00:06:40,393 Look, I just can't believe that I'm being lampooned... 98 00:06:40,566 --> 00:06:42,727 ...by a TV standup comedian. 99 00:06:42,902 --> 00:06:45,302 I'm examining the truth, you lou... 100 00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:48,967 Look, I have here 50 documents... 101 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:52,873 ... that state that you used to have water-balloon fights as a child. 102 00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:56,113 - Where did you get those? - Answer the question! 103 00:06:56,315 --> 00:06:58,476 Why don't you shut your stinking trap. 104 00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,846 You shut your stinking trap! 105 00:07:01,187 --> 00:07:03,212 Shut your stinking trap! 106 00:07:03,389 --> 00:07:06,051 - You shut it! - Shut your stinking trap! 107 00:07:06,225 --> 00:07:08,352 You shut your stinking trap! 108 00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:10,052 You shut your stinking trap! 109 00:07:10,229 --> 00:07:11,958 I will not listen! You shut it! 110 00:07:12,131 --> 00:07:14,292 Shut it! Shut your stinking trap! 111 00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:17,197 - Keep your trap shut! - Shut your trap! Shut it! Shut it! 112 00:07:17,370 --> 00:07:19,634 Shut your lousy trap! 113 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:21,831 Gentlemen, uh, gentlemen... 114 00:07:22,842 --> 00:07:25,743 I might advise both gentlemen to shut their stinking traps... 115 00:07:25,912 --> 00:07:27,106 ...if they could hear me. 116 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,078 Listen, I'm Art Louwater, and this has been Roundtable. 117 00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:31,910 Thank you for joining us. Good night. 118 00:07:32,084 --> 00:07:33,642 - You... - Shut your stinking... 119 00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:36,280 On the next Skank: 120 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:39,948 Everything goes nuts when the family is visited by Senator Edmund Doofus. 121 00:07:40,126 --> 00:07:41,423 Senator! 122 00:07:41,594 --> 00:07:43,789 Have you seen my pants? 123 00:07:45,498 --> 00:07:48,626 I'm not even gonna waste my breath. 124 00:07:48,868 --> 00:07:50,927 It'll be classic Fox. 125 00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:54,233 One thing I love about Southern California... 126 00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:57,501 ...is the beautiful weather, the clean, fresh air... 127 00:07:57,677 --> 00:08:00,145 ...the natural beauty of the water, and the... 128 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:01,777 Andy, no! 129 00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,946 Andy! Andy, didn't you see the sign? 130 00:08:05,117 --> 00:08:06,243 I can't read. 131 00:08:08,588 --> 00:08:10,647 Thank you. This has been a comedy sketch... 132 00:08:10,823 --> 00:08:14,156 ...but the character Andy represents is a cross-section of this country. 133 00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:17,421 People who are illiterate, coupled with an environment... 134 00:08:17,597 --> 00:08:21,624 ...that's really icky and bad, makes for a terrible combination. 135 00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:23,928 I really drank some of that stuff. 136 00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,264 - You're not supposed to. - It burned going down. 137 00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,498 That's what I call commitment to a character. 138 00:08:34,914 --> 00:08:36,176 Welcome back, headslammers. 139 00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:41,013 It's time to sit in with James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich of Metallica. 140 00:08:41,187 --> 00:08:43,348 So, boys, let's do a conversation kind of thing. 141 00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:47,653 Why don't you tell us why you decided to do a motion picture soundtrack. 142 00:08:47,827 --> 00:08:50,261 It's like, we've always wanted to score a film, Duff. 143 00:08:50,429 --> 00:08:52,090 It's like, we had to wait for one... 144 00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,995 ...that was as extreme and dark as Metallica is, you know? 145 00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:58,227 The Boy Who Magically Switches Places With His Dad is that film. 146 00:08:58,404 --> 00:09:00,702 That's right. James is totally tapped into... 147 00:09:00,873 --> 00:09:03,671 ...the whole dark side of the switching thing, you know? 148 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:06,334 It's like, after we saw 18 Again together... 149 00:09:06,512 --> 00:09:09,037 ...James came home and wrote this incredible ballad. 150 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:13,811 - "Eighteen is Three Sixes." - Disney was insane not to buy it. 151 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:18,423 What makes this movie different from all the other father/son switching films? 152 00:09:19,191 --> 00:09:20,590 Different actors, you know? 153 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,887 It's different actors... 154 00:09:23,062 --> 00:09:26,395 You know, the father is a host of a TV morning show in this one. 155 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,659 I mean, think about it, you know, it's like... 156 00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,699 ...the kid switches places with his dad. 157 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,839 So it's like, he doesn't know how to run a TV talk show. 158 00:09:34,006 --> 00:09:35,530 What is he gonna do? 159 00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:38,142 Well, buddies, Pauly Shore's in this film, right? 160 00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,404 Why don't you tell us how you feel about that. 161 00:09:41,147 --> 00:09:43,479 Pauly Shore scares the hell out of us. 162 00:09:43,649 --> 00:09:46,812 - But that's life, isn't it? - It sure is. C'est la vie. 163 00:09:46,986 --> 00:09:49,614 Well, the tune is "The Father/Son Switching Song"... 164 00:09:49,789 --> 00:09:52,622 ...and the band is Metallica. So let's check it out together. 165 00:11:58,284 --> 00:12:00,946 Well, that was some buzz clip, now, wasn't it? 166 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:04,317 This film deals with complex issues on a lot of different levels... 167 00:12:04,490 --> 00:12:07,584 ...but the bottom line is, it's just the old switcheroo. 168 00:12:08,928 --> 00:12:12,420 Yeah. I was, like, thinking about what that kid says at the end of the film. 169 00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:14,589 You know, about how you gotta be yourself... 170 00:12:14,767 --> 00:12:16,758 ...and not try to be somebody else. 171 00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,996 Hey, Lars, don't give away the ending, man. 172 00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,172 Shoot. I'm sorry. 173 00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:24,673 Well, it's time to do a little commercial... 174 00:12:24,844 --> 00:12:27,005 ...but we'll be back with more Metallica. 175 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:30,413 - What are you doing, man? - I'm sorry. I was just... stupid. 176 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,575 I switched places with a stupid guy or something. 177 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:36,244 You switched places with a drum stool. 178 00:12:42,561 --> 00:12:45,724 Hello. Welcome to Andy Dick's Political Children's Theatre... 179 00:12:45,898 --> 00:12:49,163 ...where a spoonful of sugar helps reality go down. 180 00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:52,862 Tonight's scene is meant to spark discussion of a very serious topic: 181 00:12:53,038 --> 00:12:54,300 The homeless. 182 00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:58,375 So put on your thinking caps. And scene. 183 00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:04,380 Hey, man, you got a dollar for a cheese sandwich? 184 00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:08,111 Drop dead, hobo! Why don't you work for a living? 185 00:13:08,287 --> 00:13:12,189 I can't get a job, because I ain't got no home. 186 00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:15,657 Maybe we should have more compassion. These are tough economic times. 187 00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:20,026 We can't just give money to any Boxcar Willie who asks for a handout. 188 00:13:20,199 --> 00:13:23,293 So then you ain't gonna help anybody? 189 00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:24,959 Where do we draw the line? 190 00:13:26,939 --> 00:13:29,965 Where do we draw the line? 191 00:13:37,650 --> 00:13:40,710 I need more ships, Sir Charles. 192 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,588 To do so will cost us money. 193 00:13:43,756 --> 00:13:45,747 Not to do so... 194 00:13:46,592 --> 00:13:49,789 ...will cost us England. 195 00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:53,792 Hi. Welcome back to the KFSB Pledge-a-thon. 196 00:13:53,966 --> 00:13:56,799 When it comes to super-duper dramatic programming... 197 00:13:56,969 --> 00:14:00,029 ...public television is where you'll find it. But guess what, people? 198 00:14:00,206 --> 00:14:05,234 Great drama doesn't grow on trees. We won't carry at a deficit any longer. 199 00:14:05,411 --> 00:14:08,073 What we're looking for is 10,000 pledges. 200 00:14:10,015 --> 00:14:11,949 We've got our work cut out for us, don't we? 201 00:14:12,151 --> 00:14:15,780 So let's get on the horn. In the meantime, back to some great drama. 202 00:14:18,591 --> 00:14:21,424 Do you find my policies... 203 00:14:21,994 --> 00:14:24,929 ...unwise, Sir Charles? 204 00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:30,568 With His Majesty in such a mood, I think it best not to answer, sire. 205 00:14:30,903 --> 00:14:32,768 A shrewd response. 206 00:14:33,372 --> 00:14:35,067 But how will you respond... 207 00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:36,870 ...to this? 208 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,340 Welcome back to the KFSB Pledge-a-thon. 209 00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:43,208 You don't get great drama like that on regular television... 210 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:46,044 ...and you certainly don't get it commercial-free. 211 00:14:46,218 --> 00:14:48,118 You know what else you don't get? 212 00:14:48,287 --> 00:14:52,223 This attractive tote, which can be yours free when you become... 213 00:14:52,391 --> 00:14:56,384 ...a "Special Friend" at PBS, and it's only a $50 donation. 214 00:14:56,562 --> 00:14:58,120 That's right, Ruth. 215 00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:01,528 And for just $200 more, you'll become a PBS "Cherished Companion"... 216 00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:05,227 ...which entitles you to a free cassette entitled Laugh About Washington... 217 00:15:05,404 --> 00:15:10,432 ...a full hour of wit from comedian/ commentator/political satirist Mark Russell. 218 00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:11,905 Absolutely, Neil. 219 00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:15,638 Now let's get back to some of that great uninterrupted programming. 220 00:15:17,049 --> 00:15:19,745 You have betrayed me, Sir Charles. 221 00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:23,721 The letter. I am undone. 222 00:15:24,556 --> 00:15:26,456 Now you must pay for it. 223 00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:30,219 Welcome back to the KFSB Pledge-a-thon. 224 00:15:30,396 --> 00:15:34,628 With us today is the star of the dramatic presentation you're enjoying, Daniel Stillman. 225 00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:36,358 - Daniel, hello. - Hi. 226 00:15:36,535 --> 00:15:41,472 Why don't you tell us what attracted you to the role of Henry the Wicked on PBS. 227 00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,768 Well, Henry's always been a fascinating human being. 228 00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:49,040 He's a moral dilemma. I felt it was a good chance to stretch some acting muscle... 229 00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:51,409 ...and really get in there and fight some demons. 230 00:15:51,583 --> 00:15:55,383 Super-duper, Daniel. So you'll be manning the phones with us, I assume? 231 00:15:55,554 --> 00:15:58,717 You'll be in the trenches and giving of your time. 232 00:15:59,091 --> 00:16:02,583 I hadn't... Nobody mentioned the phones... 233 00:16:02,761 --> 00:16:05,229 ...but I guess I could hang out for a couple minutes. 234 00:16:05,397 --> 00:16:08,366 Okay, let's get back to that great commercial-free programming... 235 00:16:08,534 --> 00:16:10,161 ...that makes it all worthwhile. 236 00:16:10,402 --> 00:16:12,097 I have to really get out of here. 237 00:16:12,271 --> 00:16:15,468 Just go... Just go over to the phone. Just... Just pretend. 238 00:16:17,376 --> 00:16:22,370 No. You... You must reconsider, Your Majesty. 239 00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,814 By the way, Ruth, that personal plea Dan made earlier is from the both of us... 240 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:31,184 ...for, alas, if you do not give, public programming will be: 241 00:16:31,357 --> 00:16:34,622 "Out, out, brief candle." 242 00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:38,489 Reconsider... 243 00:16:38,664 --> 00:16:40,928 But I... I... 244 00:16:41,834 --> 00:16:46,635 For an additional $500, you become a PBS "Bestest Buddy of Them AII." 245 00:16:46,805 --> 00:16:50,969 You'll receive seven tote bags, a Mark Russell shirt and a mug that says: 246 00:16:51,143 --> 00:16:53,043 "I like my coffee... uninterrupted." 247 00:16:53,212 --> 00:16:55,840 Letter was part of a game... 248 00:16:56,015 --> 00:17:01,043 ...where you write down the opposite of how you feel. 249 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,991 What are you waiting for? Think you could get this tote bag anywhere else? 250 00:17:06,158 --> 00:17:07,887 You can't. So make the call. 251 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:13,563 What price England? 252 00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:21,196 PBS: Special programs, attractive totes... 253 00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,432 ...and no commercials. 254 00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:26,237 I'm not moving till you make the call. 255 00:17:26,412 --> 00:17:27,970 - I'm quite serious. - Excuse me... 256 00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:29,876 I can stand here all day... 257 00:17:31,483 --> 00:17:35,180 ...if I have to. The gravy train is over. Get off. 258 00:17:35,354 --> 00:17:37,788 Put something into the system. 259 00:17:39,725 --> 00:17:45,186 He looks like he's got a rope. My goodness! What a good mime this is. 260 00:17:45,364 --> 00:17:47,127 What's going on? What are you doing? 261 00:17:47,299 --> 00:17:50,132 Andy's doing mime, and I'm his shill. 262 00:17:50,302 --> 00:17:53,271 Hey, look at him go! Looks like he's climbing the wall. 263 00:17:53,439 --> 00:17:57,068 I like him. I'm going to give him money. Other people should too. 264 00:17:57,242 --> 00:18:01,406 Come on. Looks like he's really climbing the building. 265 00:18:01,580 --> 00:18:05,072 - It's an incredible illusion, really. - It's all an illusion, though. 266 00:18:05,250 --> 00:18:08,777 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 267 00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:11,354 Andy, get down from there. 268 00:18:11,523 --> 00:18:14,924 Andy... 269 00:18:15,094 --> 00:18:18,154 - We'll be right back after this. - Andy, sketch is over. 270 00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:21,561 You know, the scary part is, he'll reach the top and he'll keep going. 271 00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:24,725 He'll keep going, because he's a mime. He doesn't need anything to climb. 272 00:18:24,903 --> 00:18:26,530 - Bye, Andy. - See you. 273 00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,870 It's time once again for "Stiller's Wheel of Filler." 274 00:18:32,044 --> 00:18:35,878 Where the wheel stops, that's where the comedy goes. 275 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:42,815 Bruce Springsteen makes an answering machine tape. 276 00:18:43,822 --> 00:18:45,983 All right. Well, let's see here. 277 00:18:47,826 --> 00:18:50,795 Hi, this is the Boss. Would you leave a message after the... 278 00:18:50,963 --> 00:18:53,955 No, that's... That doesn't work. 279 00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:58,001 Hey, all right. Here. 280 00:18:58,170 --> 00:19:01,628 Hi. I'm in a lost treasure cave searching for... No. 281 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:05,174 That's ridiculous. That's not funny. 282 00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:11,144 The Boss is out. The Boss is out. 283 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:16,754 The Boss it out, the Boss is... Nah, that's just not... 284 00:19:16,922 --> 00:19:20,983 Think, think, think. All right. All right. Here we go. 285 00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,219 Hello? 286 00:19:23,395 --> 00:19:25,920 What's that? I can't hear you. You gotta speak up. 287 00:19:26,098 --> 00:19:30,057 I can't hear you. Ha, ha! Ha, got you. 288 00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:31,827 Just playing around with you. 289 00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:35,872 I'm not here right now. Would you leave a message at the beep. Thanks a lot. 290 00:19:36,041 --> 00:19:41,274 Yeah, that's a good one. That's gonna work. 291 00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:45,382 I can't wait for somebody to call so I can see if they like it. 292 00:19:52,791 --> 00:19:56,659 Hello, I am Brent Forrester. 293 00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:59,497 It's nice to be with you again. 294 00:19:59,898 --> 00:20:02,890 It is time now to relax. 295 00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:08,005 Excuse me. I'm searching for the Sandy Shoal of Creativity. Am I close? 296 00:20:08,173 --> 00:20:11,165 No. This is the Oceanfront for Advanced Relaxation. 297 00:20:11,343 --> 00:20:15,871 You'll want to go down past the Fertile Pastures of Assertiveness... 298 00:20:16,048 --> 00:20:18,278 ...and make a right at the Volcano of Dynamic Energy. 299 00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:19,747 You can't miss it. 300 00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:23,354 I'm running a little late. You wouldn't mind if I stayed here, would you? 301 00:20:23,522 --> 00:20:26,787 I'm sorry, I would mind. I have this spot for the full hour, okay? 302 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,359 That's why there's sign-up sheets for these things. 303 00:20:29,528 --> 00:20:32,361 Why don't you relax. There's room here for the both of us. 304 00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:37,525 Don't tell me to relax. I am Brent Forrester, "Mr. Relaxation." 305 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:41,867 Is that supposed to impress me? I'm Jefferson Kahn, Master of Inner Balance. 306 00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:45,498 Whoop-de-do. Congratulations. Now leave. 307 00:20:45,677 --> 00:20:47,269 There's no need to be sarcastic. 308 00:20:47,446 --> 00:20:52,145 - You don't seem too relaxed, my friend. - Want me to take you down, mister? 309 00:20:52,317 --> 00:20:55,980 - Lay your best shot on me, hotshot. - Okay, turban-head. 310 00:20:56,154 --> 00:20:59,555 - I love that lipstick, by the way. - Relax. 311 00:20:59,725 --> 00:21:01,750 - Inner peace. - Let your inner peace... 312 00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:05,988 Negativity all flow away. You are one with the universe. 313 00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:07,995 What's the matter? You can't keep up? 314 00:21:08,166 --> 00:21:12,762 Allow the love and the laughter of the universe to fill your soul. 315 00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,929 Are you finished, Yul Brynner? 316 00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:19,567 Find your inner peace. Let it soothe and relax you. 317 00:21:19,745 --> 00:21:24,409 You're happy you don't look like a pathetic super-boy with strange blond hair. 318 00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:27,313 Find your inner peace and let it relax you. 319 00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:30,284 - That's good. You said that already. - Find your inner peace... 320 00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:32,650 Sounds like you're busting up, Mr. Can't-Take-It. 321 00:21:32,824 --> 00:21:35,918 L... You, shut up, and I hate all of you! 322 00:21:36,094 --> 00:21:42,465 All of you! I hate you! I can't take it! Oh, God! 323 00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:45,831 Well, looks like he reached his breaking point. 324 00:21:46,004 --> 00:21:51,738 Welcome to the new man in town: Mr. Inner Balance. 325 00:21:56,581 --> 00:21:58,139 All right, okay, listen. 326 00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:01,081 It's not fair. It's just not fair. 327 00:22:01,253 --> 00:22:03,016 I want you to apologize to Bob. 328 00:22:03,188 --> 00:22:06,419 - I'm not going to apologize. - You destroyed his sandcastle. 329 00:22:06,591 --> 00:22:09,992 - It wasn't fair. Now, apologize. - This isn't fair. Mine is clearly better. 330 00:22:10,162 --> 00:22:11,652 - Can I say something? - Yeah. 331 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:14,321 - Kaboom! - What are you doing? 332 00:22:14,499 --> 00:22:16,057 What are you doing? 333 00:22:16,234 --> 00:22:18,099 I won! 334 00:22:18,270 --> 00:22:20,500 You stop that! Stop that! 335 00:22:20,672 --> 00:22:25,666 This is great. This is my cast. I have a very mature cast. 336 00:22:25,844 --> 00:22:27,106 You get away! 337 00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:28,644 Don't step on my lines. 338 00:22:28,814 --> 00:22:30,247 - Step on lines? - I'm not talking to you. 339 00:22:30,415 --> 00:22:35,079 - You use mine as a railroad track. - You were stepping on mine. 340 00:22:35,253 --> 00:22:37,551 - Don't give me that. - You stepped on his lines. 341 00:22:37,723 --> 00:22:39,213 Shut up. Shut up! 342 00:22:39,391 --> 00:22:41,291 - And don't step on my lines. - I wasn't. 343 00:22:41,460 --> 00:22:43,587 - I'm a professional actor! - So are we! 344 00:22:43,762 --> 00:22:49,325 I don't care, hear me? Do your part, and do it well... 345 00:22:49,501 --> 00:22:51,435 ...and then get out of here! 346 00:22:57,142 --> 00:22:58,131 [ENGLISH] 347 00:22:58,181 --> 00:23:02,731 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 29254

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.