Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,703 --> 00:00:05,534
How you doing?
Welcome to the show.
2
00:00:05,705 --> 00:00:08,970
I'm really excited because
Sarah Jessica Parker will be here.
3
00:00:09,142 --> 00:00:12,578
Let's start. The sooner we start,
the sooner Sarah gets here.
4
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:13,940
So let's watch this.
5
00:00:14,114 --> 00:00:15,809
Anybody seen Sarah?
6
00:00:15,982 --> 00:00:19,418
He showed you conspiracy in JFK.
7
00:00:19,586 --> 00:00:21,816
Rebellion in The Doors.
8
00:00:21,988 --> 00:00:24,149
Greed in Wall Street.
9
00:00:24,324 --> 00:00:26,656
The agony of war in Platoon.
10
00:00:26,826 --> 00:00:31,195
And more agony of war
in Born on the Fourth of July.
11
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:33,696
Hi. I'm Oliver Stone.
12
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:37,701
And this summer, I invite you
to witness my latest creation.
13
00:00:39,406 --> 00:00:43,502
It's Oliver Stoneland!
14
00:00:44,644 --> 00:00:47,738
Welcome to the future site
of Oliver Stoneland...
15
00:00:47,914 --> 00:00:49,575
...my own amusement park.
16
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:52,650
Let me be your host
as I usher you through reality.
17
00:00:52,819 --> 00:00:54,150
My reality.
18
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:59,053
A magical place
where the objective is not to escape...
19
00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,489
...but to confront.
20
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:04,493
Inspired by my hit film The Doors...
21
00:01:04,664 --> 00:01:08,691
...is a feverishly psychotic maze
called "Mr. Morrison's Wild Ride."
22
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:10,859
It's an enhanced trip
through depression...
23
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:13,198
...self-delusion
and crazed egomania.
24
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:16,865
I wanted everyone to feel
the fire that is Morrison.
25
00:01:18,945 --> 00:01:23,211
That's all right.
You can get on, you little Lizard King.
26
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:28,017
At Oliver Stoneland,
we question authority.
27
00:01:29,022 --> 00:01:32,822
Each bathtub fits a family of four.
28
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:36,621
But beware.
This ride may remove your will to live.
29
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:39,390
Break on through!
30
00:01:39,599 --> 00:01:41,760
Break on through!
31
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:45,632
I am an Indian,
but I also represent death.
32
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:47,534
I am an Indian,
but I also represent...
33
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:49,504
No, Jim, no.
34
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:53,305
- Give me some death.
- No, Jim, no.
35
00:01:53,480 --> 00:01:54,845
Give me some death.
36
00:01:55,014 --> 00:01:57,209
Come on!
37
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:00,381
Come on!
38
00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:04,349
Come on!
39
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:07,584
The only way out is death.
40
00:02:07,760 --> 00:02:09,990
The only way out is death.
41
00:02:10,663 --> 00:02:13,223
The only way out is death.
42
00:02:13,399 --> 00:02:16,425
I'm not really dead!
43
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:18,828
Morrison was the lifeblood
of a generation...
44
00:02:19,005 --> 00:02:22,099
...that was sucked down
the bathtub drain of the apathetic '70s...
45
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,176
...and into the materialistic cesspool
of the next decade.
46
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,404
But the ride's a gas.
47
00:02:27,580 --> 00:02:30,606
If you're into communications,
why not try Talk Radio Town...
48
00:02:30,783 --> 00:02:34,514
...where you and your family
can broadcast your very own radio show.
49
00:02:34,687 --> 00:02:37,087
And get killed afterwards.
50
00:02:37,557 --> 00:02:40,958
But if it's musical merriment you want,
don't miss Platunes...
51
00:02:41,127 --> 00:02:44,221
... a rabble-rousing salute to a war
we've never stopped fighting...
52
00:02:44,397 --> 00:02:46,524
... as performed by the Combat Rollers.
53
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:49,600
And with showstopping numbers
like "Viet-wow!"...
54
00:02:49,769 --> 00:02:51,498
... who's gonna protest?
55
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,516
Combat Rollers
are true professionals.
56
00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,888
They're cynical, angry,
fed up and great skaters.
57
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,689
I was very lucky to find them.
58
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:38,338
Hey, how you doing?
We're here with Janeane.
59
00:04:38,511 --> 00:04:41,947
Very excited. Sarah Jessica Parker
will be here at any moment.
60
00:04:42,115 --> 00:04:46,575
- You know she has a boyfriend.
- Yeah. So what? What's that mat...?
61
00:04:46,753 --> 00:04:49,278
- She's just guest-starring.
- You have a crush on her.
62
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,320
- I don't have a crush.
- You so much do.
63
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:55,291
Just because she's on the show,
I have to have a crush on her?
64
00:04:55,461 --> 00:04:58,259
What are we going to do with her?
Why is she on the show?
65
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:01,662
I'm gonna have a picnic with her.
That's what I thought we'd do.
66
00:05:01,834 --> 00:05:03,768
- You're having a picnic with Sarah?
- Yes.
67
00:05:03,936 --> 00:05:06,404
I don't recall you having picnics
with other guests.
68
00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,267
- It's a new concept.
- Really?
69
00:05:08,441 --> 00:05:11,877
Why don't we go to this film right now?
Okay? It'll be great.
70
00:05:12,045 --> 00:05:15,481
- She really has a boyfriend?
- Yes. They've lived together a long time.
71
00:05:15,648 --> 00:05:17,639
Pan America Insurance Company...
72
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:21,048
... profiles Salesman of the Year,
Phillip Morrow.
73
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:24,218
If I have one strong point
as a salesman...
74
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:28,690
...it is my ability to locate
and tap into new markets.
75
00:05:28,861 --> 00:05:30,089
For the last two years...
76
00:05:30,263 --> 00:05:32,993
... Phillip Morrow has been
traveling around the country...
77
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,761
... attending to the insurance needs
of a very specific demographic:
78
00:05:36,936 --> 00:05:39,496
The Grateful Dead fan.
79
00:05:40,973 --> 00:05:42,406
To meet their insurance needs...
80
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:45,806
... I had to understand their lifestyle.
81
00:05:45,978 --> 00:05:48,071
I wonder who their beneficiary was?
82
00:05:48,247 --> 00:05:50,807
You know, get into their heads.
83
00:05:50,983 --> 00:05:53,952
- Mind if I sit down?
- No. Go ahead, young man.
84
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:56,520
- What's happening?
- I'm psyched on this concert.
85
00:05:56,689 --> 00:05:59,055
I hope they play "Truckin'."
Truck-truck-trucking.
86
00:05:59,225 --> 00:06:00,351
Trucking.
87
00:06:00,526 --> 00:06:02,653
You got health insurance, man?
88
00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:04,194
Think insurance.
89
00:06:04,364 --> 00:06:07,333
Some take drugs,
buy food from strangers...
90
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:09,934
... and get no exercise,
except for the Space Jam.
91
00:06:10,436 --> 00:06:12,165
They need insurance.
92
00:06:12,338 --> 00:06:15,899
When Jerry Garcia went
into a coma, man, he was covered.
93
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:18,475
Being a Deadhead doesn't
mean being irresponsible.
94
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:19,804
It means being free.
95
00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:23,310
The only people that are grateful
when someone's dead...
96
00:06:23,483 --> 00:06:26,213
...is the recipient
of life insurance, man.
97
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:27,683
Yeah?
98
00:06:27,854 --> 00:06:30,789
What happens if you go on a trip
and never come back?
99
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:33,221
How will your little Deadheads
go to Albany...
100
00:06:33,393 --> 00:06:35,384
...or go to Minnesota
and catch the Dead?
101
00:06:35,561 --> 00:06:38,029
How will they do that
without any money, man?
102
00:06:38,197 --> 00:06:40,222
I'll just put them in Larry's van.
103
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,302
Getting them to sign a policy
is not always easy.
104
00:06:44,470 --> 00:06:47,268
Dragons, man!
They're all over the place!
105
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,805
They're biting on me!
106
00:06:48,975 --> 00:06:50,966
- Cool out, man.
- Breathing out fire!
107
00:06:51,144 --> 00:06:53,112
I got dragon insurance, my man.
108
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:55,372
You sign here,
the dragons will go away.
109
00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,743
- I can protect you, man.
- Yeah.
110
00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,852
- The dragons are going away, man.
- Oh, yeah, man.
111
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:02,885
- You're a hero, man.
- Peace, brother.
112
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:04,283
You're a hero.
113
00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,719
No! No!
114
00:07:05,892 --> 00:07:07,883
You sign on this bottom line...
115
00:07:08,060 --> 00:07:10,654
You sign on this bottom line,
you'll be so free, man.
116
00:07:10,830 --> 00:07:13,697
- You'll be, like, flying.
- Freaking me out, dude.
117
00:07:13,866 --> 00:07:16,426
Go ahead. Sign up, man.
118
00:07:16,602 --> 00:07:18,900
- Okay.
- All right, man. I love you, man.
119
00:07:19,071 --> 00:07:21,301
- I love you, man.
- Peace, brother.
120
00:07:21,474 --> 00:07:26,309
- Hope they play "Truckin'."
- All right! Take care of yourself, now.
121
00:07:26,479 --> 00:07:28,777
What did I just sign?
122
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:30,438
It's a lot of work.
123
00:07:30,616 --> 00:07:34,211
The funny thing is,
I'm not a big fan of their music...
124
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,821
... but I have to admit,
it's grown on me.
125
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:40,015
After 400 shows, it had better.
126
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,221
This program is working so well...
127
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:47,366
...that I'm gonna start touring
with The Cure.
128
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:50,001
The boys in the office think I'm crazy.
129
00:07:50,169 --> 00:07:52,000
Crazy like a fox.
130
00:07:52,171 --> 00:07:56,733
Now, you understand suicide's
not covered under this policy.
131
00:07:59,612 --> 00:08:03,070
Welcome back. We're really excited.
Sarah Jessica Parker's gonna be here.
132
00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,547
- What's this?
- What's with the change of clothes?
133
00:08:05,718 --> 00:08:08,881
- You think you're Madonna?
- I can't change clothes during the show?
134
00:08:09,055 --> 00:08:11,523
It's no big deal, you know.
Guys, listen...
135
00:08:11,691 --> 00:08:13,852
- I know why.
- When she gets here, just move out.
136
00:08:14,026 --> 00:08:15,050
- Why?
- Oh, what?
137
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:18,891
Three jerks spitting and arguing about
football is gonna cramp your style?
138
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:21,625
- Yeah, it is. Come on, it's too weird.
- Ben.
139
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:24,634
Hi. How you doing?
Sarah Jessica Parker.
140
00:08:24,804 --> 00:08:26,965
- This is great.
- Thanks for being on the show.
141
00:08:27,139 --> 00:08:30,836
- Thanks for having me in the woods.
- I'll see you. I wish you could hang out.
142
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,001
- They have to leave?
- Yeah. They gotta go.
143
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:36,979
They gotta go do some charity work
over at the homeless shelter.
144
00:08:37,149 --> 00:08:39,083
- Really? They volunteer?
- Yeah.
145
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:42,278
That's so sweet. You probably
don't have time to volunteer.
146
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,424
Oh, no. I was there this morning.
147
00:08:45,591 --> 00:08:47,889
- This morning around 5:30. I get there...
- Really?
148
00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:50,858
Every morning,
I try to put in the hours early.
149
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:55,023
- That's amazing.
- Why don't we just go to a movie?
150
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,396
Or a film or whatever
we got coming up.
151
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:02,769
Weekends too. I try to do
as much work as I can for...
152
00:09:03,576 --> 00:09:08,604
And now, Jake Steel: Marionette Cop.
153
00:09:08,781 --> 00:09:11,443
It was Saturday night, 2 a.m.
154
00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:16,020
I was walking my beat when I noticed
an open window at Shempkin's Market.
155
00:09:16,188 --> 00:09:20,557
Suddenly, I spotted two punks climbing
out the window with stolen groceries.
156
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:24,184
- Freeze, dirtbags!
- See you later, copper.
157
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:28,994
Oh, I'll be seeing you...
158
00:09:29,168 --> 00:09:30,726
...in hell.
159
00:09:30,903 --> 00:09:33,428
I ain't going back to the joint, pig!
160
00:09:54,894 --> 00:09:57,021
Oh, God.
161
00:09:57,597 --> 00:09:59,428
Oh, God.
162
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:04,002
My legs!
I can't feel my legs!
163
00:10:05,204 --> 00:10:07,138
Gino!
164
00:10:07,306 --> 00:10:08,796
Gino!
165
00:10:10,009 --> 00:10:12,807
Get up, man! Get up!
166
00:10:14,013 --> 00:10:16,709
Oh, my God! You killed Gino!
167
00:10:17,316 --> 00:10:19,648
You stinking pig!
168
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,219
You killed my baby brother!
169
00:10:22,388 --> 00:10:26,188
You dirty, stinking pig!
170
00:10:27,226 --> 00:10:29,558
I'm gonna kill you!
171
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:43,408
Hello, Department of Sanitation?
This is Officer Jake Steel.
172
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:49,105
Send a truck to Sixth and Main.
I need you to pick up some garbage.
173
00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,754
- I've gotta meet her.
- Down, boy.
174
00:11:02,928 --> 00:11:05,123
It's now or never.
I'm gonna introduce myself.
175
00:11:05,297 --> 00:11:06,321
Attention, shoppers.
176
00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:10,026
This man wants to make a good
impression, but he's got dandruff.
177
00:11:10,202 --> 00:11:11,191
What?
178
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:14,203
The only thing she'll do
when she sees you is flake out.
179
00:11:14,373 --> 00:11:16,898
- Will you quit talking like that?
- Like what?
180
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:21,445
In that voice. Will you stop speaking in
that stupid "funny" voice all the time?
181
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,378
News flash: This is how
hip and clever people talk.
182
00:11:24,550 --> 00:11:26,916
Yeah? Well, it's just stupid, all right?
183
00:11:27,086 --> 00:11:28,212
Here she comes.
184
00:11:28,387 --> 00:11:29,445
- Hi.
- Hi.
185
00:11:29,622 --> 00:11:31,852
He shoots, he scores!
186
00:11:32,024 --> 00:11:34,822
Oops. Looks like somebody
noticed your dandruff.
187
00:11:34,994 --> 00:11:37,656
What she noticed is
how lame you are.
188
00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:39,559
- Hi. My name is Bob.
- Hi.
189
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:43,395
And I'm the amusing young friend
who teaches him all about dandruff.
190
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:45,230
I'm really sorry about my friend.
191
00:11:45,404 --> 00:11:48,965
- What's wrong with him?
- He's obsessed with dandruff.
192
00:11:49,141 --> 00:11:50,506
Are we having fun yet?
193
00:11:50,676 --> 00:11:54,271
For some reason, he keeps speaking
in these irritating "funny" phrases.
194
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,007
I just hate him so much sometimes.
195
00:11:57,183 --> 00:11:59,777
Better beam me up, Scotty.
No intelligent life here.
196
00:11:59,952 --> 00:12:03,444
- Do you want to get some coffee?
- Yeah. I'd love to.
197
00:12:03,622 --> 00:12:05,351
Great.
198
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,783
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
199
00:12:08,961 --> 00:12:10,360
Hey, Mr. Wilson.
200
00:12:10,529 --> 00:12:13,930
You know why your wife left you?
You've got dandruff.
201
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:17,866
Blue & White Shampoo. Because we think
this is the way really cool people talk.
202
00:12:18,037 --> 00:12:21,165
Caution: Use of this product may result
in decreased sense of humor.
203
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,672
Manufacturers not responsible
for loss of friends.
204
00:12:25,111 --> 00:12:28,808
The Ben Stiller Show is brought to you
in part by Oliver Stoneland.
205
00:12:28,981 --> 00:12:33,441
And now, with more information
about the park, it's Oliver Stone!
206
00:12:33,619 --> 00:12:36,850
Start your day out
on Main Street, 1964...
207
00:12:37,022 --> 00:12:40,788
...where the American dream died
just after Kennedy did.
208
00:12:44,530 --> 00:12:48,694
While you're at the park,
take a trip down Little Wall Street...
209
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:51,894
...where you have to avoid
the falling stockbrokers.
210
00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:55,097
Where's Charlie Sheen
when you need him?
211
00:12:55,674 --> 00:12:57,801
And if you're in
a really adventurous mood...
212
00:12:57,977 --> 00:13:01,879
... why not give the Born on the
Fourth of July Bumper Chairs a go-round.
213
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:05,908
It's 90 solid seconds
of clanking metal and bitter regret.
214
00:13:06,085 --> 00:13:08,019
You need to ride this one
several times...
215
00:13:08,187 --> 00:13:11,679
...to fully feel the frustration
and anguish of the Vietnam vet.
216
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,484
Hey, quit it!
217
00:13:13,659 --> 00:13:16,093
I'm gonna get you!
218
00:13:16,962 --> 00:13:19,897
Or if you're in a different mood,
try Late '60s Land...
219
00:13:20,065 --> 00:13:22,295
...where the atmosphere is
bitter and discontented...
220
00:13:22,468 --> 00:13:25,528
...but the salad bar is
all you can eat.
221
00:13:26,005 --> 00:13:28,405
And coming in the fall of '94...
222
00:13:28,574 --> 00:13:31,065
...experience the wonder
of the Hall of Conspiracies...
223
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:34,610
...where every hour, I'll expose
the fabrications of our government...
224
00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:36,839
...through the use
of animatronic robots.
225
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:43,547
We are through
the looking glass, people.
226
00:13:43,722 --> 00:13:47,488
Black is white and white is black.
227
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:52,162
Who did the president? Oh, man!
228
00:13:52,331 --> 00:13:57,359
It's a mystery wrapped inside a riddle
wrapped inside an enigma.
229
00:13:57,536 --> 00:13:59,003
Sure, they're only robots...
230
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:03,665
...but aren't we puppets tied
to the strings of corruption?
231
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:08,412
And on your way out,
have your picture taken with Oscar...
232
00:14:08,581 --> 00:14:10,481
...one of our highly coveted pals.
233
00:14:10,649 --> 00:14:14,176
So come and enjoy
the distortion of reality that is...
234
00:14:14,353 --> 00:14:16,844
...Oliver Stoneland!
235
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:20,389
Why isn't he bald?
I told you people Oscar is bald.
236
00:14:20,559 --> 00:14:22,493
I know. I have six of them.
237
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:25,630
I'm working with incompetents here!
238
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:30,132
I have a vision of this thing.
How come no one else can see it?
239
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:33,533
I went to Vietnam.
I'm not afraid to kick butt here.
240
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:38,268
Now, who's responsible?
Get me a razor. I'll shave him myself.
241
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:42,706
We're back. We're having a picnic
with Sarah Jessica Parker.
242
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:46,409
I'm sorry to interrupt. I don't want
to ruin your flow or anything...
243
00:14:46,585 --> 00:14:47,574
That's okay.
244
00:14:47,753 --> 00:14:51,621
I just wanna understand the concept
because I'm sort of confused.
245
00:14:51,790 --> 00:14:54,315
I come on the show,
or you have a guest on the show.
246
00:14:54,493 --> 00:14:58,020
We come on and help you
introduce clips or movies...
247
00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,129
...or whatever those things
you do are.
248
00:14:59,298 --> 00:15:01,027
- Right.
- And then, what?
249
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:03,634
Like, we're supposed
to eat a big meal?
250
00:15:03,802 --> 00:15:06,202
No. Just this time,
we're having a little picnic.
251
00:15:06,372 --> 00:15:08,306
It's not like every time
we have a meal.
252
00:15:08,474 --> 00:15:10,374
I just thought it would be fun to do.
253
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:14,979
And then the show, it always
takes place out in the wilderness?
254
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:18,139
No. Just this time,
we're doing it out in the woods.
255
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:21,582
It wasn't even my idea.
The writers wanted to.
256
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,517
Then where's the rest of the cast?
257
00:15:23,689 --> 00:15:27,284
I was told I'd be working
with a bunch of people, not just you.
258
00:15:27,459 --> 00:15:30,053
It's not like we're alone.
It's not, like, just us.
259
00:15:30,229 --> 00:15:33,596
This is kind of like America's here.
We're having a picnic with you.
260
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:36,496
It's like America's having a picnic
with you through me.
261
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:38,193
I'm a vehicle for America...
262
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:41,305
I didn't want to do this.
This was the writers' idea.
263
00:15:41,473 --> 00:15:43,407
I don't want to have
a picnic with you.
264
00:15:43,575 --> 00:15:48,478
I mean, not that I don't. I'd love
to have a picnic with you anytime.
265
00:15:48,647 --> 00:15:51,582
There's no pressure about that.
That's not what I mean.
266
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:55,117
Do you want to have some?
I got Grecian chicken, which is...
267
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:57,084
- Do you like...?
- I'm not even hungry.
268
00:15:57,256 --> 00:15:59,315
Then don't eat it.
It's not even real.
269
00:15:59,491 --> 00:16:03,018
This is just all fun props and...
270
00:16:03,195 --> 00:16:05,163
- Why don't we...?
- Weird.
271
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:12,329
Let's go to a film.
Could we go to a little film?
272
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:18,308
Oh, man. What a nightmare.
273
00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:23,247
Horrible.
Everything's gonna be destroyed.
274
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:25,542
Keith and David...
275
00:16:31,757 --> 00:16:35,158
- Where is it?
- It's right over there.
276
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:43,425
- Get out of the house.
- Is there anything I can do...?
277
00:16:43,602 --> 00:16:45,092
Get out! Now!
278
00:16:53,645 --> 00:16:56,205
I always forget that.
279
00:18:43,755 --> 00:18:45,154
Great!
280
00:18:46,725 --> 00:18:50,491
Baby gotta make a poo-poo? Huh?
281
00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:54,462
- What a nice dog you've got.
- Thank you. She's a real sweetheart.
282
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:57,761
- Have a nice day.
- Yeah. I'll try.
283
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:33,267
So anyways, I had a lot of braces
and I loved licorice...
284
00:19:33,438 --> 00:19:36,134
...and I always looked like this...
285
00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:39,606
...in high school.
"Hi, I'm Andy. How are you?"
286
00:19:39,778 --> 00:19:42,645
Sarah, I got the Frisbee.
Sarah, I got it.
287
00:19:42,814 --> 00:19:45,442
- Hi, Ben.
- They aren't bothering you, are they?
288
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:49,109
- No. They're hilarious.
- Yeah, yeah, they're great.
289
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:53,554
We're getting together next week
to play volleyball or something.
290
00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:55,852
Ben, you left.
We had to keep the show going.
291
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,553
Do you wanna go?
You wanna go play? Should we...?
292
00:19:58,730 --> 00:20:01,198
Maybe in a second.
I want Andy to finish his story.
293
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:02,697
Could you wait, please?
294
00:20:02,868 --> 00:20:06,269
- They need you at the soup kitchen.
- It's chicken noodle today.
295
00:20:06,438 --> 00:20:09,601
I had the headgear too, right?
But I never wore it.
296
00:20:09,775 --> 00:20:12,471
Who wore it? You know?
297
00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:15,169
Well, good. Show's going good.
Everybody's having fun.
298
00:20:15,347 --> 00:20:20,182
That's what it's all about.
Everybody having fun.
299
00:20:20,352 --> 00:20:21,910
I'm gonna go play on my own.
300
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:25,784
There are a lot of Frisbee games
you can play on your own.
301
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:29,450
You throw it right up in the wind.
It's not easy.
302
00:20:30,762 --> 00:20:34,198
- You are adorable.
- Thank you, Sarah.
303
00:20:34,366 --> 00:20:37,631
It's time once again for
Ask Manson...
304
00:20:37,803 --> 00:20:41,000
... starring America's favorite
answer man, Charles Manson.
305
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:45,007
Our first letter comes from
Beth Del Monte from Wichita, Kansas.
306
00:20:45,177 --> 00:20:47,839
Dear Charles, I have
three rambunctious children.
307
00:20:48,013 --> 00:20:51,210
How do you remove a tomato stain
from a Persian rug?
308
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:54,113
You can't get a stain out.
You think I'm the stain.
309
00:20:54,286 --> 00:20:56,220
They say Charlie is a stain.
310
00:20:56,388 --> 00:20:59,721
They try to rub me out
and put me in a jail cell.
311
00:20:59,891 --> 00:21:02,359
Only, you just spread me around more.
312
00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:05,724
I'm inside your children.
I'm a stain out there in the world.
313
00:21:05,897 --> 00:21:08,593
I'm not just locked up.
You're locked up in the prison.
314
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:11,531
I'm free. I'm fly... I'm...
315
00:21:12,337 --> 00:21:14,396
...floating around and looking around.
316
00:21:14,573 --> 00:21:16,234
I like it up here.
317
00:21:16,408 --> 00:21:18,376
You should try some lemon juice.
318
00:21:18,543 --> 00:21:23,173
Ask Manson was brought to you by
Happy Children's Toys. Fun for all ages.
319
00:21:27,719 --> 00:21:29,209
That's it. We're out of time.
320
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:31,618
I wanna thank my guest,
Sarah Jessica Parker.
321
00:21:31,790 --> 00:21:35,658
Thank you. I have to tell you,
your cast is so funny.
322
00:21:35,827 --> 00:21:38,295
They're the funniest people
I have ever met.
323
00:21:38,463 --> 00:21:40,624
Actually, it's funny
you should bring that up...
324
00:21:40,799 --> 00:21:43,427
...because I was gonna ask you,
and now's a good time...
325
00:21:43,602 --> 00:21:45,536
I'd love to have you
as a cast member...
326
00:21:45,704 --> 00:21:47,729
- No.
...on the show.
327
00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:50,306
Okay, I was joking, actually.
328
00:21:50,475 --> 00:21:53,501
- Just kidding around.
- No.
329
00:21:53,679 --> 00:21:57,137
No, no, no. I know.
Of course, I wouldn't even...
330
00:21:57,316 --> 00:22:00,444
Seriously, if you ever wanted
to hang out sometime...
331
00:22:00,619 --> 00:22:03,588
Listen, I really have to go.
But it was nice to meet you...
332
00:22:03,755 --> 00:22:06,349
...and good luck with everything.
Bye.
333
00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:13,022
Killed on national TV.
334
00:22:13,732 --> 00:22:17,224
Why don't you tell
another licorice story, Andy?
335
00:22:17,402 --> 00:22:19,393
- What's the matter, Ben?
- What's that mean?
336
00:22:19,571 --> 00:22:22,165
I guess I'll see you guys next week.
337
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,366
- Get him a glass of water.
- You lightheaded?
338
00:22:24,543 --> 00:22:26,704
Somebody get this man a shower.
339
00:22:26,878 --> 00:22:29,972
- Is there a shower out here?
- Yeah, cold shower for Ben.
340
00:22:30,582 --> 00:22:32,345
Hello?
341
00:22:32,884 --> 00:22:35,978
He's not here right now,
but he'll be back shortly.
342
00:22:36,154 --> 00:22:38,452
Can I take a message for him?
343
00:22:39,057 --> 00:22:40,752
Okay.
344
00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:42,086
Yeah.
345
00:22:42,260 --> 00:22:44,455
At 4? Okay.
346
00:22:44,629 --> 00:22:47,097
And anything else?
347
00:22:49,534 --> 00:22:52,765
No, I can remember.
I'll tell him. Sure.
348
00:22:52,938 --> 00:22:54,200
Cut.
349
00:22:57,876 --> 00:22:58,865
[ENGLISH]
350
00:22:58,915 --> 00:23:03,465
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
28943
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
