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This boyfriend was really cute...

handsome, always voted, like, best eyes, best hair,

that type of thing in school,

so there's like, a lot of butterflies,

a lot of excitement

for me because that's, like,

you know, it was just exciting that somebody like that

would be, you know, so interested in someone like me.

I just remember being in this Italian restaurant

and we ordered, like, a pizza to share

and the cheese was kind of stringing out of my mouth

and, you know, there's just no good way to handle that.

So, that was embarrassing.

And I thought, oh, why did you order pizza

on your first ever date?

I mean, he really loved to shop.

And he really loved to buy things for me.

And he lived with two really... very out men

who, one time I came over there,

and they were shaving each other's backs

for a drag contest

and I thought... it's not typical to...

it's not a typical scenario.

Three years since I'd seen him,

and we were standing there talking about nothing,

like something completely inane.

And my parents were boring down on us.

And then completely unconsciously,

I put my finger on his widow's peak.

Just out of nowhere.

Completely unconsciously.

I hadn't touched him in three years.

And I remember very distinctly,

like, waking up in his little twin bed

that he had that we would share when I was visiting

and finding these long, black hairs on the pillow.

Yeah, and... and I was sort of, like, you know, "What's this?"

We broke up and he gave me an Elvis doll.

It was really weird.

He was like, "I know we... you're leaving. Here."

And I opened it and it was, you know,

like a collector's item Elvis doll

in a wrapping.

It was, like, the strangest breakup parting gift

I think there could be.

If I saw him or I found out anything about him,

it would destroy these beautiful memories that I have.

'Cause there's something about that first high school romance.

There's, like, a glow to it in your mind,

even if it wasn't really like that.

The second we got together,

I instantly stopped caring about what other people thought,

because I had Jason and he had me.

And for that last glorious chunk of high school,

that freedom we shared,

it meant everything.

MAN: And then?

Uh, we went to different schools.

Was it mutual or...

which one of you first decided to end the relationship?

Mm... neither of us.

Neither of us ended it.

You told me things ended before college.

Yeah, I suppose that's true, but in reality,

we didn't break up.

We never have.

d

Come on.

(bell chimes, jingles)

(dogs barking) Go on. Who needs a walk?

What about Sadie? Uh-uh.

You took her a couple of hours ago with Rico and Doc.

What about Molly?

She's getting picked up in 20 minutes.

Alicia, did you give Moses a bath like I asked?

MAN: I think all these rascals are good for now, boss.

I think Primo and Doxy need to learn to get along better.

I'm gonna take them out together.

I can take them. No, it's all right, I got them. Come on.

Primo's being a dick today anyways.

All righty. See you in 45.

Come on. Adeus.

(dog barking)

(dogs barking)

(dog whining)

I know. I know, Cocoa.

I'm going to be right there.

(panting)

(chuckling): Oh...

Come here, come here.

Are you ready to go?

There you go, sweetie.

(dog yawning)

I am not at all the type of person

to try out for a reality show.

No. (chuckles)

My show will be for people who are curious.

People wonder, "What if?" from time to time.

What about my old boy-- Jason?

Are you gonna have to get to know him, too, if we do this?

I've been in touch with him.

(laughs)

Wow, God, h-how is he?

The way I approached it with Jason

is that we were doing a show about past relationships.

I couldn't tell him I intended to reunite the two of you

because if we were to film it,

it would need to be a surprise.

So when are we gonna do this? Emmie,

unfortunately, after speaking with Jason, it seems

you don't meet the qualifications

as a subject for the show. What qualifications?

I don't understand; you said that

I was one of the final candidates.

As he was sharing with me

some of his thoughts about previous girlfriends...

Did he mention me much or...? Emmie, why didn't you

tell me you and Jason have been in contact

over the past couple years?

He sent me a couple of postcards.

I never mailed anything back.

It doesn't constitute contact.

It was nothing.

Okay, everybody, now, for your very first lobster ever,

you have to learn one essential rule,

and that is that not only can you be unafraid of getting messy,

but you have to love being messy.

Yo, yo! Like love it. Yes?

You promised.

Okay, I know.

I can't do it right. Okay, I'm coming.

Well, when? Table six is almost ready for their dessert.

Very soon. Hurry up.

Okay.

Sorry about that.

Who was that? I don't even know who that was.

She doesn't work here. She just likes the uniform,

so we let her, like, run around and bark orders at people.

Okay, for the demonstration,

I am calling on the assistance of my trusty assistant, lobster,

but there's a problem with this lobster.

He doesn't have a name, and I need him to have a name.

Is there a name that you guys can help me with?

Please. Yes, what is it?

Bob. Bob? Are you serious?

You know, he actually does look like a Bob.

So, this... I'm in luck.

Thank you very much. You know what, you should

help me name some of my frogs. You have frogs?

I do have frogs; I have a lot of frogs actually.

Once you guys are black belts at this,

I'm going to tell you all about what I do in real life.

Now, everybody, grab your crackers.

(train passing nearby)

(distant siren wailing)

(keys jangling)

(dog whining)

(door closes)

Em.

We'll talk tomorrow. Don't wake yourself up.

No, I'm up, I'm up.

I want... I want to, I want to hear about it.

How'd it go?

JASON: d You're not the Pope WAITERS: d You're not the Pope d

d You're not the president d You're not the president d

d You might not even be d You might not even be d

d A mean resident d A mean resident d

WAITERS: d But your friends and your family brought you here d

d To celebrate another year

d And stuff yourself with shrimp galore d

d Chowder, clams and crab and more d

d You overdose on lobster tail...! d

d So then you'll forget you're gettin' old as hell! d

Oh, my goodness! Happy birthday!

(all cheering)

You guys need anything else?

Is everything okay?

You're crazy.

Well, don't ask me again tonight.

Okay, happy birthday.

EMMIE: Goddamn! Graham!

I said you have to flush it before you're done.

I have to wipe a lot.

(toilet flushing)

Fucking finally!

Miracle.

(toilet flushing)

(door opens)

You really have to get that thing taken care of.

I don't know what to do.

So, the guys want to put up the money for another location or...?

Oh.

(chuckles)

(kissing loudly)

Mm? What's... What's wrong?

(sniffs)

Nothing. What?

No, it's nothing. What?

Ems, maybe you should... maybe you should shower.

I... I just, you know how it is when you work with the dogs all day.

...took a shower after work.

I know. I... I know, but it-it's, um... Graham,

I'm clean. It's kind of...

It's... (sniffs)

Okay, you know, I'll light a match.

No, it's just... It-it's just...

It's unsanitary.

Don't you think?

I hate to break it to you, but, um, my rectum

wasn't gonna factor into tonight's activities whatsoever.

I know, I know. Okay.

I know. It's just, it's the whole area.

It's... What?

It's bacteria...

It really bothers you.

Health safety?

Y-Y... Sure.

God.

Do you remember the thing... the places

you put in your mouth when we first got together?

I know.

Em...

Whatever. Em, come on. I didn't...

I didn't mean anything by it.

I... Oh, c... Don't be angry.

(TV playing indistinctly)

(chair squeaking)

(sighs)

d

(shredder whining)

(clicking)

JASON: I want the biggest

goddamn one you got.

Yeah. Just... you-you put five of them together

if you have to.

Well, money is absolutely no object.

Okay.

Okay, is it gonna be the-the biggest one

that you've ever made?

Well, check with your co-workers. I'm totally serious.

I want this to be the biggest one that any of them

have ever seen going out the store.

That's right.

Wow, that is pricey.

No, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.

That's cool. That's totally worth it.

Um...

Goddamn right I want a note to go with it.

Yeah. Um...

Is that gonna cost extra?

Okay, good. Um...

Do you have a pen?

'Cause this-this has to be exact.

(whispering): Have a great day, baby.

You have about another hour.

I love you.

(mutters)

(dogs barking)

Why don't you let me do the walks?

Our customers put faith in us, all right?

They give us keys to their houses and they trust us.

So what you saying? I'm trustful.

You wouldn't be tempted to snoop, just a little bit?

Just give me a blindfold when I'm up in there.

Alicia, I'm sorry, but I can't trust you.

See, why you gotta say something like that?

Look at your personal life, all right?

You disrespect Mickey all the time. No.

It ain't disrespect unless it's with somebody we both know.

You see, you haven't been listening to me, girl.

Mm-hmm. It's still cheating.

It's cheating when two people are doing something

that they're not permitted to do.

You know what? It's easy for you.

You can do whatever you want. What?

You don't even got kids to worry about.

I'm married. All right?

I can't do whatever I want.

(laughs) What's so funny?

(dogs barking)

Can I help you? Yeah.

Where I can leave this?

Hey! Come on. They're for me.

Alicia, give it.

Oh... Come on.

"A little birdie told me

"you were asking about me.

What if..."

That's it?

Damn, girl!

Who this?

Can I have you sign this, please?

d

d

Come on.

Come on.

Go on.

Good boy.

Hey, Brandon.

How you doing, jerky?

Listen, call me back.

Or don't, it's okay, 'cause I'm coming home.

And I wanted to know how you were doing,

and if I could stay with you, maybe.

Mom and Dad do not know I'm coming to town,

so don't tell them, all right?

I don't want them to know, I don't need them to.

Okay? So I'm going to be there at about

2:00 or 3:00 this afternoon.

Call me, jerky!

d

d

(knocking, door opens)

What?

Is Brandon here?

Who's Brandon? Who are you?

What, are you one of Shannon's friends? I...

Don't even ask me where Brandon is.

Is he in Damariscotta?

I don't know if he's in the state of Maine.

You know, I don't know jack about shit about Brandon

except that he's the hell out of my house.

EMMIE: You're absolutely, positively sure

you can't make an exception? Yep.

Please? Nope.

Oh, come on, you seem like such a nice woman.

He's housebroken. No.

He is just a tiny little quiet... You see our sign?

"Absolutely no pets. Period!"

That's right.

Why is there an exclamation point if it says "period"?

Hi.

Do you allow... credit cards?

Thank you.

(phone ringing)

Okay, hold on. Wait, wait, wait.

Okay. What-what are you doing?

What do you mean?

Why are you doing that?

Mm.

(laughs)

'Cause I know you like it.

No.

You don't... you don't like it? Okay.

Well, that's not why you're doing it.

I d...

Huh?

Why are you doing that right now?

'Cause I've... I don't...

well, it's...

It's your birthday... Ah-ha.

Yes. Okay, you're weirding me out.

No, no, no.

Okay, okay, um...

When was the last time you-you-you did...

you did that for me?

I don't know.

Just think about it.

(sighs)

Um...

(sighs)

I guess it's been a while. Yeah.

It's been a while. It's been 365 days.

No. Yeah.

No, it has, I-I swear, I've... kept track.

It's been a whole year? Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Ooh.

The last time that-that you gave me head

was on my last birthday.

Okay? But if you think about it, like, the first year

that we were, like, hanging out or whatever, together...

you did it, I mean, probably like a hundred times.

But, you know, ever since then, like for the past couple years,

it's only been on my birthday.

Now, we-we've been together

off and on for, like, three years. Right?

So that means that if we stay together,

then I'll only get a blow job once a year

until, you know, who knows when?

See, that's why I don't want you to do it right now.

Because if you give me head right now,

that means I know for a fact that

I won't get it again until my next birthday.

But on the other hand,

if I don't let you do it right now...

No, that's not what I meant.

I didn't mean "let you,"

I mean, like, if you choose not to perform it right now,

then that means I can go about the rest of our relationship,

you know, with the... the outside chance,

the-the hope against hope

that I could get a-a blow job on any given night.

I mean, who knows when it'll happen?

You know? And that's exciting to me.

That's an exciting way to live.

Like, I would rather live with the minute possibility

that it could happen at any moment

rather than the assurance

that-that it'll happen

just once a year.

Hmm.

What did you mean, "if we stay together"?

I didn't say that. Yeah, you did.

No. I...

I did?

Well, that's not the...

I'm... that's beside the point.

Becker...

Don't call me that.

So... you know, I-I...

I really tried to make this special.

This is the first time since we've been together

I have even been to your town,

much less to your apartment.

Well, you're the one who's always wanted to come here.

(choking up): Oh, why am I always doing this?

Beck, why are you crying?

I'm crying 'cause I love you.

Why would you cry about something like that?

'Cause you don't love me.

You love... frogs.

(door opens, closes)

ALICIA: Let me just do the walks for one minute, please.

She doesn't want you to.

Come on, Nilo.

(bell jingles) Cut it out.

What do I have to do, huh?

Stop. Hmm?

(dogs barking) ALICIA: Hi.

I'm, uh, I'm Emmie's husband.

I remember you.

You're the one who bought this place, right?

I-Is she here?

No, papi, I haven't seen her.

(dog barking)

Well, do you, uh, do you know where she is?

Nope.

Or when she'll be back?

We don't know nothing.

(sighing anxiously)

Fuckin' shit.

(sighs)

Who's that for?

d

(footsteps departing, descending stairs)

(door closes)

(crickets chirping)

(sighs)

(phone rings)

Brandon.

It's your mother. Remember me?

Hi, Mom.

(car door closes)

Grandma, it's Emmie!

Grandma? Hi.

Hi... Oh, hey, sweetheart!

How are you?

I didn't know you were coming home.

Who was that that dropped you off?

What brings you home?

I saw a man in the car...?

I was just out for an evening stroll, all by my lonesome.

I just saw you get out of the car.

Graham with you?

Hi, Emmers.

Hi.

(kettle whistling) EMMIE: What do you say we have a real drink?

I don't think we've ever really had a beer together.

Since Brandon came home, or--

I should say-- when your father dragged his butt

away from that girl,

we haven't kept any booze of any kind in the house.

Brandon has a severe alcohol problem.

I also think that he's clinically depressed.

Wow.

I guess I haven't talked to him in a while.

I tell you what-- when he and your father get home,

you spend a little time with him and tell me if you disagree.

Okay. I will.

You know, I'm not going to ask you why you came home.

And I'm not going to ask you why you left messages

with Brandon, specifically telling him not to let

your father and I know that you were coming up.

And I'm not going to ask you why Graham isn't with you.

Thank you.

(techno music pulsing)

Thanks, honey!

Here you are.

It's okay, Marty, I'll throw it on your tab.

Oh, uh...

That's fine. Thanks.

(weeping)

(crying, sniffling)

d

(knocking on door)

(sighs) Hi.

Hi. Oh, my God.

(both laughing)

Honey...

Hey...

GAIL: Why, in God's name,

would you take him

to a strip club, of all places?

Gail, we have been over this.

We've been over what?

I am free to go there whenever I want to.

You may remember that you agreed to this arrangement.

I never agreed to let you take our alcoholic son

to a strip club!

I just thought he could use some... stimulation.

I don't think he's seen a girl in-in weeks.

You took our alcoholic son to a bar!

It's not a bar! It's a club!

They don't sell alcohol!

You expect me to believe that they don't sell alcohol

at a strip club?

Do you think I'm an idiot?

Topless places, yeah, as much booze as you want.

But this place is prohibited by law from selling alcohol,

because it is not topless.

It is fully nude.

You can only order juice.

And they have tons of choices.

You do think I'm an idiot...

(conversation continues) It's, like, any moment,

no matter what I'm thinking about,

sometimes I don't think I'm thinking about anything at all,

all of a sudden, I'm fuckin' bawling like an infant

and I can't stop.

Mom thinks you're drinking because you're depressed.

Yeah.

Hm.

Yeah, Mrs. Web, MD, has shared that theory with me,

like, a thousand times.

Mm.

Well, what do you think?

I don't know, I mean...

Been having a hard time.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Like...

before Mom and Dad made me move out of Shannon's, uh...

...like, the only time I wasn't crying was when I was drunk.

(Gail and Marty arguing, muffled through wall)

God, do they always fight like this?

No, not really.

Only when he gets home from the titty bar.

Does Grandma hear?

She's oblivious.

She's so into some older than dirt dude,

I don't think she's aware of anything else.

Grandma's got a boyfriend?

I guess.

That is so sweet.

It's gross.

God, it's so weird.

All they wanted was for us to be happy.

Were they happy when we were little?

I don't know.

I didn't think about it like that then.

Is that why you're home?

You're unhappy?

I have some unfinished business.

(wry laugh)

What? What?

That... that's what "hometown" means.

This place is nothing but unfinished business.

I guess so, yeah.

Are you and Graham the way mom and dad were, you think?

Mm...

I always thought that I would end up with somebody

who made the world feel bigger to me.

And Graham and I have been together for five years,

and...

I feel like he makes the world smaller.

You think Jason Barrister

would've made the world bigger for you?

Maybe.

He did before.

Well, that was different, I mean...

How?

You know, I was playing Ultimate a lot with him, in the fall.

Really? Yeah.

He's a little overly competitive

for my taste, but...

overall, he's a good guy.

He always asked me about you.

No way.

You like it?

Oh, man! This is pretty sweet.

Do you think, uh... do you think Karen will like it?

And be honest.

Are you kidding me?

She'll flip. Yeah?

Okay. Awesome.

Let me pay you something for it.

Pay me? Are you kidding? No way.

This is very generous, Jason.

I feel like I should at least pay you for the frame.

Well, it's a gift for you guys and the-the, the baby.

Probably be worth something someday, huh?

Ah...

Well, I, in return, have a favor for you.

Okay.

As much as I'm gonna miss seeing you every day,

I've gotten orders from on high

to transfer you to our new location.

Where's that?

Damariscotta.

You believe that?

Huh.

Well, um...

No, thanks. Jason, did you not hear me?

No more hour and a half drive each way for you anymore.

No, I heard you.

Um, you know, I'm good.

I'm... I don't get you, man.

The new place is going to be like

five minutes from your apartment, right? Yeah.

I mean, I do appreciate it,

but I-I just... I mean, if I wanted to

work in Damariscotta... Why drive all the way to work here...

I would work in Damariscotta, Kyle, so...

You must be blowing a third of your tips on gas. I am not.

I'm not, I'm actually... You told me no one was hiring up there.

Well... it's, you know, it's a, it's a more nuanced issue.

Thank you very much.

But no, thanks. I'm, uh...

I'm sorry, Jason. The Campbells asked me

to send my very best for the new place.

Then send Kate.

Or-or-or Dara, or Mike.

Mike's... getting pretty good.

Those guys live here,

Why should I ask them to drive that far?

I won't do it.

Tracy, the manager up there, she's cool.

She'll let you hand out your business cards to customers.

Just think about it.

(birds chirping)

BRANDON: I'm not sure about this.

EMMIE: You are so good.

I'm not worried about how I'll play, Em.

What if I start...

you know?

Here.

(giggles) Are they dumb?

You look like you're in a video game.

You look cool!

Like the Terminator. Shut up.

(laughs) You're an ass.

You all right?

(sighs) Yeah, I guess.

Except what did you want me to tell him? Nothing.

Look, I don't want him to know I'm here.

Then why are you coming?

What, are you going to like, hide behind a bush

or something, and spy?

Well, are there bushes near the field?

Don't look at me like that.

Psycho.

Okay. Technically, we never broke up.

What?

Well, it wasn't ever said, the-the words.

We never broke up.

So you're two-timing Graham?

Or maybe I've been cheating on Jason all these years.

MAN: Got it?

Yeah. I think.

Hey! (whoops)

(low, overlapping chatter, laughter)

(man yells)

(low, overlapping chatter)

MAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah!

Oh!

(low, overlapping chatter)

(low, overlapping chatter)

Yes!

(cheering) Excellent.

JASON: Good game, guys.

Hey, old buddy.

How you doing?

Good to see you, man.

Yeah, you, too.

Where you been?

Uh...

Oh, you know, uh...

just needed...

you know, some time off.

Yeah? All right.

I'm glad you're back.

What's new with you, Jason?

Oh, you know, just

taking a lifetime to become an overnight success.

Wh... What do you do for money?

Just my art.

That pays the bills and shit?

Yeah. Wow.

That's fucking cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm lucky.

I mean, I'm not exactly swimming in it yet,

but... you know.

I get along decent enough.

How's that girl you were seeing?

Who, Becky? Yeah.

Well, she's not the one.

Is there really such a thing?

Well, maybe not for everyone.

But... your sister sure spoiled me.

Isn't that relationship

kind of an unrealistic barometer at this point?

Wow, you are one romantic son of a bitch,

anybody ever tell you that?

Maybe you and Emmie are lucky.

Me anEmmie?

Me anEmmie.

Did she say something?

No.

All right.

Hey, what's her husband like?

Just...

Uh...

Yeah, it's...

I don't feel comfortable talking about him.

Sure, yeah. Sorry.

Well, maybe I'll get to meet him

myself one day, you know?

Does she ever

come to visit?

(stifled sobbing)

Hey. (sobs once)

Are you crying?

Yeah.

(sighs)

I'm sorry, Brandon, I didn't mean to, like, get heavy

or-or wh... whatever it is.

Hey. Why don't you and I...

like, get together and hang out?

You know, there aren't that many people left around here

worth hanging out with

that don't have little squirts, so...

I should be done with some paintings I gotta work on

this afternoon around 6:00.

Swing by at 7:00?

You remember where my folks live?

Yeah.

(car engine starts)

(phone ringing)

(engine revving, tires squealing)

BRANDON: Em. Em!

Goddamn it.

Em! Wait up!

Em! Jesus Christ.

Em, fuck. You're gonna fucking kill me.

I'm sorry! Jesus, I'm sorry.

GRAHAM: I just... at least just tell me

if she's okay.

GAIL: If I knew, I would tell you.

Aren't you worried about her?

Of course, Graham.

If I hear from her, I'll have her call you.

Well, I've already left her about a million messages.

Obviously, she'll call me when she feels like it, I...

(sighs)

Just please, just let me know if you hear from her, okay?

I'm sure she's fine.

We all know Emmie can take care of herself.

All right, tell her I love her.

If I talk to her, of course.

Hang in there.

JASON AND WAITERS: d And stuff yourself with shrimp galore d

d Lobster, clam and crab and more d

d You'll overdose on lobster tail, so... d

d You forget you're getting old as hell. d

Happy birthday!

(giggles)

What's this?

It's for your transfer.

(sighs)

Now, wait a minute...

Jason.

Hey.

Hey.

Um...

I'm done.

With... with what?

With the job?

With me?

It's not right, Beck.

None of it.

BRANDON: Hey, I gotta get back

in a little while. Mm.

Another rousing evening of Scrabble with Mom and Dad?

Jason wants to hang out.

With you?

Yeah.

Tonight? Yeah.

Were you going to maybe fucking tell me? Ah!

(laughs)

Wouldn't you rather go out with him?

Not yet. Come on, I know you would.

Why don't you come with us?

I... I'm not...

ready to see him yet.

So why the new outfit?

It's for when I am.

When you're ready?

You know full well that I'm not the kind of person....

But that's what everyone thinks.

It's what everyone thinks.

Until they do the thing they think they'd never, ever do.

Does Graham know you're here?

Okay, in all honesty,

tell me what you really think of Graham.

In all honesty?

Yeah.

He's good.

Good?

Okay, I was a little surprised

when first you told me you were engaged.

I mean, it had nothing to do with Graham.

I just... I don't know.

I didn't expect you to settle down so quickly.

Settle down or just settle?

WOMAN: Emmie?

I'm going to the bookstore. (mouthing)

Emmie Carey.

Tami Beck. Yeah! Yeah.

Come here, cutie! You look so good!

Thank you. Yeah.

Yeah, you, too.

You know what, it's actually Tami Ayers now, yeah.

At first it was Beck, and then it was Highsmith.

Now it's Ayers, so... Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

You look awesome!

Yeah. Thank you. You, too.

Thank you. Yeah, yeah. Buying some stuff?

Yeah, really cute stuff. Did you see this over there?

Graham?

Hey. It's Marty.

(seagulls calling)

I thought Tommy and I were

perfect for each other, you know.

Not just because of the whole "Tami/Tommy" thing either,

even though that was really fun.

Um, but no, we had the same tastes in

a lot of different things: um, shoes.

We're both really into shoes big-time.

We both loved the same shows.

That was important to me.

But I think, looking back, that's how I knew

that we were not really on the same page anymore

because I liked to watch Housewives,

and, um, Tommy didn't, which is fine.

He can have his cable news shows.

That's why God invented more than one TV set.

So we watch in different rooms, no big deal.

We had, like, seven TVs in the house,

you might as well use 'em.

But the thing is, we both like Grey's.

And Grey's comes on right after Housewives

and right after Tommy's show.

But instead of us watching watching Grey's together

in the same room, we both just ended up staying in

separate rooms to watch the same show.

Which was nuts. And neither of us noticed for weeks.

Once I figured out what

was going on, I kind of was, like, "Oh, this is bad.

Yeah, this is bad. We're doomed."

But it's okay. Things were really getting stale anyway

up to that point, so...

Well, what did you do?

Divorce. That's what I'm talking about.

Wow. God.

You didn't try anything first?

What do you mean?

Like, I don't know, counseling

or something like that.

No, no, we thought about it. But no, life is too short.

And plus it's worked out.

I'm with Mark and I love him. He's awesome.

Yeah, he's amazing.

That's great. Yeah, it is.

But what about you? How's your hubby?

How's your old man?

Well, you're married, right?

No. No?

Somebody told me you... I am.

I thought you were married.

I am. You are?

I thought so! It's like, "What, what?" Yeah.

Sorry about that.

Didn't Meredith and Tory Cage get married

a couple years ago?

Yeah. Divorced. (phone chimes)

Excuse me. I don't mean to be rude.

Mm-hmm, yeah. I've been waiting for a call from my brother.

But I've been doing all the talking.

Tell me about yourself.

You're the one who lives in the Big Apple.

I want to hear about city life.

Come on, come on, come on. Not a lot, really.

There's got to be some crazy stories.

It's the city. The city that never sleeps.

You know what your mom calls me.

The best lay north of Boston.

(chuckles)

Well...

she used to, son.

(chuckles) She used to.

No. She calls me an enabler.

Now, every time I've covered your rent

or bailed you out of debt,

it's always been because I want my son

to have every chance to follow his dreams.

Okay, all right, Dad.

But you know, it's not like

you just give me money, like a handout or something.

Jesus, how many friggin' pictures of frogs

do you think we need in the house?

All right, look, um, I'll pay you back.

You know I'll pay you back when something...

You know what? I had dreams, too.

You may find that hard to believe, but I did.

I have supported you

because I always defend your right to be what you want

because I love you and believe in you,

and I want you to have everything you want.

I know what you're capable of.

It's just that it's hard to blame Mom, you know?

Because at some point we'd like to be able

to see you take care of yourself.

To see all your dedication come to fruition.

Well, look, I know that

something is going to happen soon. I know it.

I can feel it.

(sighs)

This is a new one.

Your mother doesn't know about it

and she doesn't have to.

Okay.

Don't abuse it, okay?

I won't. I won't.

Necessities only.

Um... what about...?

Oh, I'll send Gary rent for the next three months.

By then, who knows? Maybe you'll be

the Thomas Kinkade of amphibian paintings.

Thanks, Dad.

BRANDON: How long have you been

holding onto that stuff?

(sighs)

Most of it since high school.

But he's sent me a ton of stuff

in New York over the years.

And when I come home, I... I bring it with me

and I leave it here.

Like the letters. Are these postcards?

Yeah.

They're not places he's ever been, but...

they're places he wants to take me.

What's that?

This came two days before my wedding.

(chuckles)

Wow.

This must have kind of fucked with you, huh?

I shit you not,

I thought that Jason was gonna show up

at the wedding and...

He was always that passionate,

throw-caution-to-the-wind kind of person, you know?

That would have been terrible, right?

If he showed up?

Em?

You have to promise that you're not gonna say

anything about me, right?

I want it to be a surprise.

Just meet us there.

No! No, no, no, no, no.

It has to be right.

It's got to be perfect.

(vehicle approaches)

I think he's here.

Huh. Oh, no.

BOTH: It's Grandma's boyfriend.

(both chuckle)

What is he like?

He looks like 80 million years old.

Why doesn't he drop her off in the driveway?

I think he's blind.

(vehicle approaches)

Oh, shit. What?

Jason. Oh, my God.

Uh, hand me the shades.

Are you sure they're not in the car?

No, I know I brought them in.

Hurry up and get them before Mom and Dad see him! Go!

Okay, sorry, sorry. I'm trying. Go, go, go!

I'm trying! Fuck it. You don't need 'em.

Yes, I do. What if I start...?

Could you just suck it up for once. Jesus.

(door opens, indistinct conversation nearby)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

Brandon, I'm sorry.

I'm doing this for you. I know. I'm sorry.

Okay... Go, go, go.

Remember everything he says so you can tell me, okay?

JASON: Is Emmie here, by any chance?

MARTY: You didn't tell us you were going out.

(door opens) BRANDON: It's cool. I'll be home soon.

JASON: Nice to see you, Mr. Carey.

(door closes)

JASON: Hey, guys.

Hey, fucknut, how's it going?

Hey, do you know Brandon, JP?

How's it going? All right.

You're with that girl, Shannon, right?

My bad, dude.

You guys were together for a while,

practically married.

Yeah.

And he is also a poet.

Get you two artistes a couple of brews?

Sure. Two darks.

I'd rather get... Ay, yi...

What? So embarrassing.

Look... on the wall behind the register.

BRANDON: Oh, wow, that's cool.

They... they let you hang your stuff here?

Well, I mean, it's not like they let me, you know?

I gave him a discount, but I gotta make a living.

Uh!

Tab? Mm-hmm.

You know what?

I gotta take a leak.

d Your father had it right when he laid his eyes d

d Upon the fabric woven in my ties d

d Don't go

d Oh, don't go with him

d He'll make you poor

d He'll make you poor with him

d I know

JP: Run it back?

What's with the shades, man?

d Your mother had it right when she took my coat d

I won't be needing them.

d Wrinkles on the sleeves and a pocket... d

You're making your mom and me feel

pretty damn guilty.

Don't be disappointed in me.

Come on. We love you no matter what.

And we love each other very much.

You know that, right?

I don't see it.

I don't think I've ever seen it.

Don't you ever wonder "What if?"

I mean...

No.

Well, yeah, yeah, I used to.

But you can live your whole life with "what if's."

It'll make you crazy.

I mean, don't you sooner or later have to start

to relish the choices that you made?

Like the choice that you and Graham made.

I have been 27 different people in the last 35 years.

People change, that's all.

It's not about that.

It's about...

(sighs)

It's about expectations.

It's about... Isn't it?

It's about letting your expectations change.

Your idea of-of how thing should be.

When I was in the air force, we had

these things called cybernetic missiles, okay?

Now, when my dad was in World War II,

he had ballistic missiles.

You know the difference?

Good, 'cause I'm gonna tell you.

Ballistic missile, you know the target,

you fired the ammo,

and it never changes course, right?

Once a that thing leaves the ground,

it's going to hit the spot

that you aimed it at no matter what.

Now, the problem with that is,

that the targets got smart.

The targets learned to move, and the missile didn't.

So, you fire the missile, and that's all folks.

I mean, it's gonna hit something,

but it isn't gonna hit the thing that you aimed it at

because that's not there anymore.

So, they invented cybernetic missiles.

Now, cybernetic missile,

you program it at launch,

you let it go, but if the target moves,

the missile changes course.

And it's constantly calculating and recalculating

and changing course to stay with the target

no matter what.

It knows its ultimate goal.

It has no idea what it's going to take to get there.

It has no idea how difficult the target is going to make it.

All it knows is it's committed

to making whatever adjustments are necessary

to reach that object.

Have you and Mom always been faithful?

Yeah.

We've been lucky that way.

Neither of us ever crossed that line.

How is that luck?

Here.

You're a chip off the old block.

Do you ever...

Do you ever wonder if things are going to work out?

Your art stuff?

Not at all.

I-I know it will.

H-How-how do you know?

It has to.

I got nothing else.

I'm not like the other kids I went to college with.

You know, the artists and actors and shit.

They all grew up

thinking they had some God-given right

to be famous or successful or whatever.

Like, they saw it on the tube,

so, you know,

they just assumed that's what their life would be like.

Well, I guess I did the same thing at a certain point, but...

I don't know.

Everyone else just eventually got depressed

and gave up.

But I realized that it was gonna

take hard work and sacrifice,

and nothing was gonna be handed to me.

Yeah, but that doesn't necessarily...

Like, that doesn't mean it's gonna happen.

Fuck you, man.

Yeah, it does.

Sure, I figured it probably would have happened by now,

but, you know, I felt that way about a lot of things.

What the fuck are we doing here?

What the fuck is this place?

You ever been here?

No.

I don't think I knew it was here.

Well, this is where I come to...

think.

Think?

About what?

Shit.

Everything.

Your sister, for example.

(tsking)

(singsongy): My sister's married.

Really?

Yeah, my sister's married.

No shit.

Dude, come on, this is the best you can do?

All the immaculate coastline around here

and you come to this shitty reservoir?

Look, everybody else, they-they want the shore.

They can have it.

But this place...

This is me and Emmie's.

It's your special place?

Yeah, it is. (chuckles)

Dude, that, uh... (laughs)

That, uh, parody of The Graduatwith the frogs,

that's some classic shit.

It's fucking hilarious.

Let me ask you something.

Would you be willing

to give up frogs for her?

Well, I don't just paint frogs.

I mean, it's my primary subject, but I, you know...

You'd give up your life's work for her?

Well, she would never ask me to give up my work.

No matter what age I am,

or-or how much money I don't have or if...

I still lived in the same shithole I lived in

when I graduated from school, she would never do that.

She would encourage me to keep at it

for as long as I needed to, no matter what.

And she would believe that one day, it would pay off.

She's different.

No. She's different than she was when you knew her.

No, she's not. Of course she is.

I'm not.

And I believe that she knows that.

How?

How?

Because I've been sending her stuff, man.

I've been sending her cards

and postcards and drawings and letters

ever since... You broke up?

No, ever since she moved away.

We never broke up.

(sighs)

I admire you.

(laughs)

No, I'm serious.

I'm serious, I admire you, Jason.

For not giving up.

I wish I hadn't quit, but I did long ago.

What did you quit?

I don't remember.

Something...

Something great.

I think.

(sniffles, crying)

Sweetheart?

These letters, this is not you and Mom.

Dad, this isn't you.

Who do you think wrote them?

Of course it's us.

I don't know these people.

I don't know.

It was a long time ago.

There's still some of that in us.

GAIL: What's going on?

These letters, I mean...

You and Dad, you were so in love.

You were so passionate.

What happened to these people?

They're crazy about each other.

(banging on door) I mean...

I'm not crying!

Christ.

BRANDON: I'm not crying.

Hey, Mama.

Look, I'm not crying.

Get in here; come on, inside. Oh, Jesus Christ.

Dad, look, I'm not crying. Hi, Mrs. Carey.

Yeah, I see that. Come on.

I think he might be a little drunk.

GAIL: You took him out?

JASON: Well, yeah.

Um, is Emmie here, by any chance?

Have you... Why the hell would you take him drinking?

It's so good to see you.

Well, it started out as just a couple of beers.

See? What do you say you go to your room, son?

No, no, I'm good, I'm good. I'm not dru...

I'm not even drunk. GAIL: He's not supposed to drink.

He's wasted... He's not supposed to drink?

Brandon is not supposed to be drinking.

I didn't know that and I apologize. "Brandon is no supposed

to be drinking." Marty...

"Brandon is not supposed to be drinking."

Marty, would you please

shut him up?

Hey, that's enough. But it's okay, I'm fine.

That's enough. I know. I'm just playing.

BRANDON: I was just... GAIL: She's not here, Jason.

Well, I...

I saw a car with New York plates.

Brandon... Brandon, hey! Hey!

I'd really like you to leave.

Okay, well...

That's enough. That is e-fucking-nough.

Do you hear me? GAIL: I really would like...

That is enough! Hey, Emmie.

Emmie. Is she... Okay.

No, she's not here.

Listen, listen, I just...

I need you to just give her something.

Emmie, come on, Emmie. Brandon, stop it. Stop it.

There you are; there she is, there she is. If you give this to her,

I will leave. I will leave. I... you're going to leave.

Okay, Emmie, I'm gonna leave something for you. One way or another...

BRANDON: Emmie, Emmie.

(door closes) Come on. Emmie. What?

What?

Come...

(chuckles) Now you're crying.

But I'm not crying.

GAIL: Brandon, go to your room.

It's not my room, it's Emmie's room.

Grandma has mine, remember? Brandon,

please, it's bedtime.

I'm not a little kid!

GAIL: You force us to treat you like one.

You're unhappy?

What do you have

to be unhappy about?

What the fuck do you have to be unhappy about?

Hey! Huh? Brandon!

Cut it out.

I got a reason to be unhappy.

I got nothing.

My life is shit.

It's shit.

But you're so unhappy with your life,

you got to come here and live some fantasy?

Just tell me what the fuck you have to be so unhappy about?

MARTY: Brandon.

Tell me what the fuck you have

to be so unhappy about?!

Brandon, I... Tell me what the fuck you have

to be so unhappy about! Brandon!

MARTY: Brandon, I am serious.

You calm down right now. Just tell me. Tell me.

Right now! Tell me. Tell me.

(hits wall)

(sniffling)

I mean, you got everything.

You got your own business, your own life.

You got Graham.

You got the fuck out of here.

But it's not enough?

You expect more?

You need more?

(sniffling)

Everyone disappoints, huh, jerky?

Hey, I'm not crying.

No.

But I will tomorrow.

(sighs)

(door opens)

Oh. Hi.

What's wrong, Mom?

I'm so pleased you're both here.

Just-just let me speak, Gail.

There's something I need to say to both of you,

and it's very hard.

Have a seat.

I'm not proud of this.

I'm not proud of myself one bit.

But I can't keep running around in secrecy

like a little teenybopper.

I'm...

I'm going steady.

With a man.

And have been for several months.

Evelyn, we've all known...

Marty.

I know that it feels like a betrayal right now,

but hopefully with time...

Mom, don't you know that we'd be happy for you?

Well, I can't imagine you'd forgive me

for cheating on your father.

Daddy's been dead for over 15 years.

EVELYN: Jack will never replace Edward for me,

and I don't expect him to do that for you.

We understand, Mom.

You do?

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

I can't believe this is happening.

MARTY: Evelyn,

we're happy for you. (chuckles)

Does he make you happy?

Oh, he does.

And I know this is

a lot all at once, but Jack's waiting right outside.

And, if you want, I'd like to introduce him to you.

Please do.

Oh, my God, what a night.

(sighs)

My dears... (chuckles)

this is Jack Davison.

Well, it's a pleasure to meet all of you.

My lady-friend here has told me just

wonderful things about all of you.

Very pleased to meet you, Jack.

Welcome, Jack.

Hi, Jack. Oh.

You must be Emmie?

Yeah.

What's this?

(sniffing)

(sighs)

WOMAN: When's the last time you had

your hair done, hon?

It's been a pretty long time.

Yeah.

So, uh, this is for something special?

I think so.

(chuckles): Ooh.

Got to hear about that.

d

There you go.

Thank you.

Hope it's enough.

If that don't do you, I don't know what will.

Cash or credit?

Uh, credit, actually.

(sighs)

It's a beautiful day, isn't it?

I suppose it is.

GAIL (in distance): Em?

Yeah?

Brandon, Dad and I

are going to go have dinner in Wiscasset.

Okay.

You want to come?

No. No, thanks.

We'll probably be home around 9:00, 9:30.

All righty.

(door closes)

GRAHAM (over TV): We're gonna live right there.

On that farm, right--

That's where we're gonna live.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna buy that farm for you, Emmie.

(Emmie laughs over TV)

We're gonna, we're gonna raise alpaca.

How we doing?

EMMIE: This is breathtaking.

Wait, tell the camera where we are.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Niagara Falls.

That's right.

Over 12,000 years old.

EMMIE: I'm the one who told you that.

GRAHAM: Are you nervous?

EMMIE: Why would I be nervous?

I'm a little nervous.

Why?

(both laugh)

Will you please say something?

I can't believe it!

I-I can't believe it.

I love you, Emmie.

I love you, too.

You still haven't said yes yet.

(laughs)

Will you marry me?

Of course! Yes, of course!

(laughs): Of course.

God, I love you so much.

GRAHAM: I'm just making sure...

Yes, yes, yes.

Say it on camera.

You'll marry me?

I am gonna marry Graham Barker,

and I love you so much.

I can't believe it.

Turn it off, okay?

(car door opens, closes)

d

d

We need to break up.

Um...

d

d

d

d

(sniffs)

(sighs)

GRAHAM: Niagara Falls! Whoo!

We're gonna be married!

(Emmie laughing)

I love you, Emmie Carey.

I'm gonna marry you!

EMMIE: Oh...

I want to marry you so much.

I really want to marry you.

This is Emmie Barker.

I think it sounds pretty good.

(Emmie speaks indistinctly)

It has a nice ring to it.

d With all the trials and tribulations d

d

d Whisper in the alleyways

d Secret lines we never said

d To anyone who walks without a moon d

d

d I look for a time in which

d Everyone has made the switch

d 'Cause I will never jump

d

d Something lodged itself into

d The years that brought us all to you d

d And pleaded to the night

d To take us home

d When the evening light is fading d

d I'm still waiting for your wayward kiss d

d In the belly of the lion

d I am trying to remember

d What we missed

(door opens)

(door closes)

d We collect rabbit's feet

d The... the land, the salt, the sea d

d We found this place between the border lines d

d We yelled our names over the noise d

d Oh, save the girls and drown the boys d

d We lay down and we waited for a sign d

d When the evening light is fading d

d I'm still waiting for you

d Here on this road

d In the belly of the lion

d I've been trying to

d Breathe through his...

d La, la, la, la, la, la, la

d La, la, la, la, la, la, la d

d La, la, la, la, la, la

d La, la, la, la, la, la d

d La, la, la, la, la, la

d La, la, la, la, la, la d

d La, la, la, la, la

d La, la, la, la, la, la, la

d La, la, la, la.

(song ends)

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