Original subtitles

Previously on "All Stars..."

For this week's maxi challenge,

you'll be appearing on a twisted daytime court show,

"Jersey Justice."

This is my courtroom. You don't talk to me that way.

I want my $5,000.

Naomi and I are topping tonight.

You're on your freaking second marriage.

- Security. - Security? Sugar daddy.

[snores]

It wasn't your best, Latrice.

But no one wants to send your ass home, bitch.

Girl, you're so beloved. You ain't going home.

You guys basically handed the scene over to Monique.

Monique Heart, Manila Luzon,

you're the top two All Stars of the week.

[applause]

I'm gonna tear the fucking roof off this place

to save my friend.

Bitch, the bottom line is that it is shady if I go home today.

Monique Heart, you're a winner, baby.

[applause]

Which queen have you chosen to get the chop?

I chose Latrice.

Latrice Royale, sashay away.

Latrice!

Oh, Latrice is gone,

and I feel like I've let down someone I love so much.

I feel like I've let myself down.

And I'm just wrecked.

"It ain't over till the fat lady sings.

"I love you all.

"Stay fierce and above all, love each other.

Latrice Royale."

A class fucking act, girl.

I love you, Tricee.

- Love you, Latrice. - Love you, boo.

Love you, Latrice.

I will see you on the road, bitch.

Monique, you should be so proud of yourself.

You really should.

They fucking ate you up.

You really turned that lip sync out.

Her wig stayed on.

- Let's celebrate that. - Yay.

This elimination was hard because it was Latrice,

and I love Latrice.

But I saved Monét

because Monét had a better report card.

America, I didn't keep Monét because she's my friend.

Like, I love the bitch, but not that much.

I'm very grateful that Monique decided to save me

and give me another week

to fucking prove my worth here in the competition.

You know what I mean?

Was that a hard decision to make, Monique?

It was report card. That's what we're holding.

Had it been me in the bottom, y'all would have said

well, Monique, you were in the bottom already,

so you're going home.

She had it easy

because her friend has done better than my friend.

And so she can follow her heart and also be fair.

How do you feel right now, Manila?

I mean, it's just so...

It's so hard because I couldn't save my friend,

and that makes me feel like I'm not good enough.

[Manila] Everyone in the room loves Latrice,

but they don't love Latrice the way I do.

You know, they don't have our history.

They don't have that loyalty to each other

the way that we do.

And it's weighing down on me in this moment.

And it's just so much harder than I expected.

Can I just assume that Monét's name

is in your titty right now?

when it comes down to it,

I just can't deny what's in my heart.

You know how loyal I am to my friends.

So I'm so sorry.

You know, there's no rule book of how to play "All Stars."

If you wanted to pick my name to go home,

that's your prerogative and how you want to play the game,

and it's good to know.

Bitch, I'm gagged.

The bitch was gonna send me home when I was doing well.

Now we're all realizing

the kind of game that she wants to play, and you know what?

Drag queens, bitch? A drag queen scorned, girl?

I'm done. [sniffles]

All right.

I don't know if the other girls understand

that I owed it to my friend to do my best to keep her here,

because I failed her before.

At the end of the day, this is my decision.

And you know what?

I didn't get to exercise it, so lucky you.

You get to stay.

Miss Congeniality is cracked,

the trophy is down, and I am ready to play ball.

If Manila is in the bottom,

we don't even need to deliberate.

I'm turning the lip sync out, and you are going home.

[sobs]

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

The winner of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars"

receives a one-year supply

of Anastasia Beverly Hills cosmetics,

a coveted spot in the Drag Race Hall of Fame,

and a cash prize of $100,000.

With extra-special guest judges

♪ RuPaul's Drag Race ♪

♪ May the best woman ♪

♪ Best woman win ♪

Yes, girl.

Another day.

♪ Kitty girl, it's your world ♪

Here we are. It's a new day.

My ride-or-die Latrice is no longer with us.

That sounds like she died.

Last week was last week.

This week is gonna be fabulous.

A fabulous brand-new day.

Jesus is a biscuit.

[alarm]

Ooh, girl.

She done already done had herses.

My All Stars.

Soap Opera says you've got one life to live.

But I say old queens don't die,

they just tucker out.

You're killing me, Mary.

We're all gonna die!

[all laugh]

I'm made of preservatives,

so, bitch, I ain't dying any time soon.

Yes, bitch, you gonna outlive us all.

Hello, hello, hello.

- [cheers] - Ladies.

- Come on, butterfly. - Butterflies.

You know, like I always say,

as queer people, we get to choose our families.

And over 30 years ago, I chose my twisted sister...

[drum roll]

The Lady Bunny. [cheers and applause]

Lady Bunny is the funniest, nastiest,

smartest person I know.

I may not be a boxer, but I can sure take a pounding.

I met her when she was 19 years old,

and I actually put her in drag the very first time.

- Oh. - Yes, blame me.

Blame me. [all laugh]

And when we moved to New York,

she started the legendary Wigstock Festival,

and I haven't spoken to her since.

[all laugh]

So it's with heavy heart that I share this sad news.

For this week's maxi challenge,

we're celebrating the life and times

of the great Lady Bunny.

May she roast in peace.

- [cheers and applause] - Okay.

Now, each of you needs to write and perform a eulogy

as hilarious and outrageous as Bun-Bun herself.

#AllStars4

Now, Monique, you won last week,

so you get to choose the order in which the queens appear.

Dearly beloveds, start your engines,

and may the best All Star win.

- Yes! - Whoo!

Girl, black funerals, they have like 19 eulogies.

Yes, girl, and you smell the fried chicken coming from--

It's like, let's go, girl.

Cut, put her in the dirt, and let's go.

Put her in there.

I want to go to one. I'm starving.

- I'm starving. - We'll just go.

We'll just look in the newspaper, find someone.

You know, I used to do that in Brooklyn.

I would show up and be like, yes, I miss her, too.

[laughs] Get out. Are you serious?

Girl, me and my three friends.

Everyone has crashed a funeral in their lifetime.

Am I alone?

- Have you thought about-- - Bitch.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

I didn't mean to scare you, girl.

Have you thought about how you're going--

what order you're going to do?

Um, yeah.

I know how to play the game.

I'm going to use this power to my advantage.

Hopefully it works.

I know I want to go in the middle.

Um...

First.

Yes.

Opening. I like that.

So you're going to open it.

- Girl, I'm ready, girl. - Okay.

Second.

Okay.

So one, two, three, four, five, last.

I'm last?

This is so much more pressure

because I have to close the show with a bang.

If I don't give everything I've got,

I might find myself in the bottom.

Stunning. So Manila will close.

Miss Manila has been doing very well in the comedy challenges,

so I put her last.

On purpose.

Because ending the show is hard, America.

You bomb, you're going home.

Bunny is dead.

[cries and laughs]

I need another word.

Do we have a thesaurus?

This week's maxi challenge is the roast of Lady Bunny.

She is dead before us,

and we have to give our Ru-ology?

Ru-eulogy? A Ru-eulogy.

Right now I at least just want to have one joke to tell Ru,

just so that he can tell me if my humor is--

- There. - There.

Lady Bunny smells so bad,

I heard she uses Wigstock as her signature scent.

It smells like wet rag and cum at the same time.

Hey, All Stars.

- Hello. - Hey, Ru.

Why so quiet? It's like a funeral in here.

[all laugh]

- Monét X Change. - RuPaul.

Where da money at?

I don't know. I'm trying to find it.

Yeah, you've got that dashiki on.

Where'd you get that?

Well, you know, it was $3.00 on 125th,

so I was like, mine.

Yeah, that's your eating dress.

[laughs]

So you were in the bottom two last week.

I was.

Does this scare you, this eulogy?

I am going first,

so that is setting the tone for the whole thing.

And as we all know in "Drag Race" herstory,

if you fuck up in the beginning, you're done, girl.

Have you worked with Lady Bunny?

We've never necessarily worked together,

but I have seen her running around the West Village

with her little go-go heels,

and her wig bopping down behind her down Christopher Street.

- Yeah. - Her comedy is so, like--

she just makes you feel okay about, like, the worst things.

Well, Lady Bunny makes it okay for you to make fun of her

because she makes fun of everybody else.

So she allows you to make fun of her.

Are you going to make fun of her?

Oh, I am going to destroy her.

Well, bitch, you better make me laugh.

- I'm praying. - I'll see you out there.

- Okay, Ru. - All right, thanks.

- Thank you. - Hi, Valentina.

Hi, mamacita.

You've done roasts here before.

- I have. - And you were safe.

It was good.

Was it good?

Michelle, you is such tired-ass ho

that when you got carpal tunnel from giving out free hand jobs,

she just became left-handed.

I'm so confused.

Tell me about your jokes. Do you know Lady Bunny?

I know Lady Bunny personally.

I've been on tour with her.

- I'm sorry. - I know.

As Lady Bunny, I want you to talk about Valentina.

Girl, can you keep it on? Please.

- Keep what on? - The mask.

She always tells me, please keep it on. Please.

Do you consider yourself a comedy queen?

Absolutely not.

- No. - No.

You are a what queen? Fill in the blank.

- A star. - Star queen.

- Yes. - Okay.

I'm totally fine not being a comedy queen.

There's so many out there, and they do it well.

That being said, being a funny queen

would be fucking helpful right now.

I know who Valentina is.

It's usually something to do with glamour. But--

You can do the Valentina character with the fashion,

but do you doing a eulogy for Lady Bunny.

You know what I'm saying?

- Can I get an amen? - Amen.

The wheel has already been invented,

so just do your wheel.

- Okay. - All right.

We'll see you out there.

Thank you so much, Ru.

Trinity The Tuck.

You're a funny bitch.

Oh, God, please don't say that.

You are.

Bitch, you've been on stage since the day you were born.

I don't understand why you come up into my house,

and you want to act like, oh, oh, I'm all shy.

Oh, girl. I don't understand that.

What makes me the most nervous

is the fact that this is like my last hurdle to prove to myself

that I can do the things that I didn't do well last time.

The roast on Season 9 was my biggest challenge.

I was bottom three.

Michelle, every time I walk the runway,

you have this pungent look on your face.

I reckon they have some laxatives for that.

When you're trying to deliver jokes,

it's an eternity in purgatory.

And I don't want to go to hell.

Again.

Don't overthink it.

You're giving a friggin' eulogy to a dead whore,

for cryin' out loud.

How hard can that be?

Yeah.

And you're from Alabama. Bunny's from Tennessee.

You know, that connection there is innately funny.

No, it's not, 'cause we're probably cousins.

[both laugh]

I do think I'm funny, but there's a difference

between being funny with an act written out,

and just being funny.

Because not everybody can do a roast.

And I don't feel confident with that yet.

Make me laugh. I'll see you out there.

- Okay. Thank you, Ru. - Okay.

Manila Luzon.

- Hi, Ru. - You know Lady Bunny.

- Mm-hmm. Yeah. - Personally.

Have you worked with her?

I've worked with her several times.

Have you ever seen her out of drag?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because she looks entirely different.

She looks like a homeless man.

I mean, and she smells like one, too.

So now, at the funeral, do you know what you're going to wear?

I'm going to be wearing celebratory black.

[laughs]

Because finally Lady Bunny's dead.

We've just been waiting and waiting and waiting

for this old hag to finally die.

[laughs]

Oh, fuck.

I'm nervous because Manila,

who used to live in New York for the past 10 years,

who knows Lady Bunny,

she is making Ru laugh probably the most.

Gagging.

All right, Manila. We'll see you there.

- Thanks. - Thanks.

Ladies, gather around.

Joining us this week, we have two extra-special guest judges.

You know and love her

from the television show "Community,"

the shilarious Yvette Nicole Brown will be here.

[cheers and applause]

And you know and love her from "Saturday Night Live."

Cecily Strong will be here.

[cheers and applause]

Now, in a few moments you'll meet Cecily,

who will help you punch up your material

so you kill it tomorrow.

Good luck,

and don't fuck it up.

By-ee.

- Bye. - Bye, Ru.

Oh. Oh, my God.

- It's Cecily Strong. Hello. - Monét X Change.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

It's very much my pleasure.

Today we are working with Cecily Strong,

and she is legendary, girl.

I live for Miss Cecily.

So, Monét, you're doing your roast,

- your Ru-eulogy. - Yeah.

Let's hear where you're starting.

Lady Bunny dabbled as a magician's assistant,

where she bragged about achieving

one of the greatest disappearing acts of all time:

her waistline.

There's got to be--

there's something better to be a magician's--

I mean, magicians are freaks.

I think the more unexpected I think always works better.

Better.

I mean, even if you do a weight joke,

I think that's fine,

especially in drag world where big is beautiful.

- Yeah. - And it's nowhere else.

- [laughs] - That's not my opinion.

That's society.

I've been pregnant for six years.

[laughs]

And you're very nice naturally,

so I think that you can get away with a bit more, because--

- I'm Miss Congeniality. - Exactly. Yes.

Lady Bunny was born in Tennessee,

but developed her appetite for black dick

when she met RuPaul in Atlanta.

[laughs] That's great.

Working with Cecily is great.

She gives me great advice

about what I can make a little stronger

and where I can take a little more time for jokes to land.

I'm going to be so funny,

Lady Bunny's going to turn over in her grave,

resurrect, and slap the shit out of me.

- Hi. - Hi.

Oh!

[laughs]

Nice to meet you. How are you?

I am really nervous.

I feel very out of my element,

and I would love to use this time

to get as much help that I can from you.

Well, let's hear what you have.

I have three jokes.

Okay, you probably need more.

Okay. All right.

Lady Bunny is an inbred pig in a wig.

[laughs] You started very harsh.

There are a lot of people, when they do roasts,

it comes off as mean,

so we just have to find how you approach this.

Well, I just imagined her being like a roast, like...

[laughs]

You know, like with the apple.

Right. I think like that movement was funnier

than coming out and going she's a big fat pig.

You just have to soften it somehow.

So even if that's--if you just say it like you're so sad.

Mm-hmm.

That that inbred pig died.

You know what I mean?

If you're going to be rude,

do it pretending that you don't know that you're being rude.

Okay. Thank you so much.

- Don't get too nervous. - Okay.

I want to tickle that pickle, honey.

- Oh, wow. - [laughs]

- Thank you. - Okay. Oh.

I really want to take the element

of a traditional southern charismatic black preacher.

- Oh, that's nice. - That's what I know.

- I come from that place. - Perfect.

and all of those things.

- I think that's super smart. - Very that.

I was thinking it would start like this.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to pay some old bitch some respect. Uh-huh.

And the man on 125th said for a bag of hot Cheetos,

she would give you the yum-yum, ooh-ah sensation,

but yet you would come back with a burning sensation.

- I'm liking all of this. - Okay, well, good.

- This is the other one. - And I would say

make sure you leave space...

- Room to laugh. - ...for laughs.

Uh-huh. Now, I also have--

Now, this is where I need a little finesse.

I'm trying to like connect Jonah in the belly of a whale

to Lady Bunny is shaped like a whale.

Sure. I mean, if you want to do that,

I mean, you could say like,

and I hope Jonah will get out now or something--

Ha!

Or maybe I could say, or I hope Ru gets out.

Well, the only thing is,

if you say Jonah and the whale,

I think then just keep it Jonah.

Stunning. Circle. We gonna keep that name.

- Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't-- - No, you know what?

I don't want to stop what you're doing.

I'm going to take all the cues and hints,

and then we gonna go pray on it, all right?

I think Monique is taking whatever she found helpful,

and whatever she didn't find helpful doesn't matter.

Yeah, I'm good. Okay, stunning.

Stunning.

Do you wanna run some jokes by me?

Okay. Did you know that doctors use a picture of Bunny

to immediately cure Viagra users

experiencing erections lasting longer than four minutes?

Or four hours. Four hours.

That's how long mine are.

Okay.

That face is not even one a mother could love.

Her parents are now vegetarian.

Wait, I don't get that one.

Her parents are vegetarian.

But what does that have to do with--

- are you saying because of pig? - Because her face is so ugly,

like, why would you eat meat after that?

That's a confusing joke, so don't do that one.

Don't even do it. Scratching it out.

Girl, this is not good.

Not good. Abort mission, bitch.

Stunt double.

You can't tell, but I'm sweating.

It's the Botox, but I'm sweating right now.

Trinity needs to go in the house

and find out where she kept the drawing board.

I think she's got some writing to do.

- Well. - Hi, how are you?

Hi. What an entrance.

Are you going to do a character? Are you doing--

I'm going to do me.

I want to show what Naomi Smalls' humor is like.

Well, let me hear it.

Death is scary, but you know what else is scary?

Bunny without bangs.

She's got more lines on her forehead than a sheet of paper.

So like she was born before Nintendo 64.

[laughs] Good. I'm into that. Yes.

Obviously, like, everybody's going to be doing age things,

so you have to think about it in a different way.

Do you feel like you have enough?

- Not yet. - Okay.

Write a bunch and then pick your best five minutes.

Okay.

- I guess that's obvious. - Yeah.

But I'm saying it anyway.

- [laughs] - I have some jokes,

so maybe you can help me out on some of them.

Sure. Let me hear them.

- I'm excited. - Okay.

So Lady Bunny was so old

that she actually caused the extinction of dinosaurs.

Except the sores came

from when she gave them all cold sores,

and that's why they went extinct.

I think the second part of the joke was stronger.

The sores part is the funny part.

- Right. - Okay.

Sores are hilarious.

Some of the people here are just here

because they want to know what she left them in her will.

You could even have the will.

Ooh, a prop will.

And you've got the honor of being last,

so take it and own it.

I don't want to like put more pressure on you,

but you have a big job ahead of you.

So take tonight,

and figure out how do you end this funeral.

How do I end this?

It's really easy. Just make it really funny.

Cool.

You can be funny in real life,

and totally bomb when it comes to performing on stage.

And I'm really nervous that I'm going to have a little fuck-up

and the girls are gonna taste that blood in the water,

and they're gonna just attack and get me off.

Here we are.

The sponge and the broom.

Hello? It's me, Villain-tina.

Villain-tina, girl.

All right, ladies, I will not be talking today,

because I'm going to get ready.

Today is the day of the roast,

and it's a tense situation

because I have to get my script done while getting ready.

I've yet to have really done a full run-through of everything,

and my funny bone is exhausted.

Whose is this?

It looks like Latrice's cover-up thingy.

Maybe since you couldn't save her, she left you that.

Girl.

Speaking of eliminations, y'all,

like, now that it's getting, like, to the nitty-gritty,

has anybody changed their mindset

on how they're going to judge?

No, I think I'm still going to do it based on the report card.

That's a good way when it's obvious,

but at this point, it's getting to a point

where we don't know, you know,

is someone in the bottom safe, or in the top?

Or did you win the lip sync or not? I mean--

Are they your best friend?

[laughs] Very that.

I mean, it's a really hard decision,

and like honestly, I didn't want to have to make that decision.

When I found out that I was in the top, I was devastated,

because I knew my friend was going to be in the bottom.

And it didn't have anything to do

with me trying to get rid of you, Monét.

And it was more than just, oh, here's her grades,

here are her statistics.

It was a lot more than that for me,

and that's why it was such a hard decision.

And it's going to get harder and harder and harder

because the longer we're here with each other,

the more I'm in love with all of you.

Before this conversation with Manila,

I was ready to send her ass packing.

But now I'm hearing what she's saying,

and I'm all up in my feelings, because I get it.

Sometimes I wish I could be just like a nasty bitch.

An evil, nasty cunt.

Oh, can I say that on TV? Well, I just did.

You know, I don't have the loyalties to Latrice anymore

because she's not here.

And, you know, going forward,

I mean, I'll do it my way when it's my turn to do it my way.

That's a little nerve-wracking for everybody,

because no one really knows

where they're going to stand with you.

Very that.

Manila is playing by her own set of rules.

You don't know what is going through her head,

so that is kind of scary.

It's kinda like being around a crazy person.

You don't know what they're going to do next, girl.

She might pull out a blade, girl.

Bye-bye, silicone.

[RuPaul laughs]

♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

Walk?

♪ Cover girl, put the bass in your walk ♪

♪ Head to toe, let your whole body talk ♪

♪ Cover girl ♪

And what?

[applause]

Welcome to the main stage of "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars."

Michelle Visage, do you believe in heaven?

Oh, honey, you're soaking in it.

[laughs]

The hilarious Ross Mathews.

Now, have you roasted anyone today?

I don't know if I could, Ru. I think I'm too nice.

- Give it a try. - Okay.

What's the difference between Lady Bunny

and a filthy, disgusting, gross, old, dusty whore?

I don't know.

Me, neither.

[all laugh]

But do let me know if you find out, okay?

- [bell dings] - And Cecily Strong.

Girl, you look so cute.

Oh, Ru, I don't get cute.

I get drop-dead gorgeous.

[all laugh]

And good grief, it's Yvette Nicole Brown.

Ru, I love you.

And for good reason.

[all laugh]

This week, we challenged our queens

to put the fun in funeral,

as they roast the immortal Lady Bunny.

Dearly beloved, start your engines,

and may the best All Star win.

[crying]

Oh, I just hope Lady Bunny's in a better place.

Trust me, she is.

I've seen her apartment.

Friends and loved ones,

to pay tribute to the Lady Bunny,

please welcome Monét X Change.

[exhales]

[all laugh]

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today

to celebrate the life, liberty,

and illiteracy of our dear friend Lady Bunny.

[all laugh]

Many know her as Lady Bunny,

but I like to go by her original drag name, Methuselah.

Or as they know her down at the clinic, Patient Zero.

[all laugh]

She was often called the Beyoncé of drag,

not because she was rich and beautiful and famous,

but because she looked like she was carrying twins.

[all laugh]

Look at that big bloated bitch in that box.

Have you ever seen her out of drag?

Anybody?

Category is Ben Franklin fucked the Michelin Man. Amen.

You know, this reminds me of a story

when we all went on tour.

Bunny expressed that she wanted to eat a little Mexican.

Poor little Valentina didn't stand a chance.

[all laugh]

Thank you all for being here for me

in my time of need.

I cracked a nail, and these are French tip.

Bunny is dead.

I personally blame Ru.

She created this mess.

But I understand.

Everyone needs that one ugly friend.

Isn't that right, Valentina?

She's ugly on the inside, too.

- Ooh. - Ooh.

Bunny does have that special kind of face.

Ooh-hoo-hoo.

Doctors use a picture of her to solve Viagra users with--

to solve Viagra users

with erections lasting longer than four hours.

Is this the same Trinity from Snatch Game?

Wish they would have solved that joke, bitch. Whew.

Trinity should have just brought Caitlyn Jenner back

to do this roast.

Praise the Lord, saints.

Praise the Lord.

I said praise the Lord, saints.

Praise the Lord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[laughs]

Dearly beloved, we're gathered here today

with heavy hearts

and with full indigestion

over our dear sister's departure.

The big bitch. The big bitch lady named Bunny.

Come on, sing it with me. ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ She a ho ♪

Oh, I'm reminded of the story

of Jonah and the whale.

And how Jonah was gonna get out

of this big beached whale right here.

And I do believe from all the loads she has taken,

she might even be a sperm whale.

So my question to you tonight, Jonah.

Jonah, can you hear me?

Get out!

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Church lady, singing, okay.

I will laugh at anything that's silly and funny,

but I didn't get the jokes.

Girl, I am lost and I'm, huh?

Hallelujah.

All right, let's get into this.

Ah. We are here to honor someone

who had no problem offending literally everybody.

And I think that came with confidence.

And confidence comes with age.

And we know how the bitch died.

From old, old, old, old, old age.

Gosh, could you imagine

being born in a time with no Nintendo 64?

And it's really cute to me that Ru, you and Lady Bunny

went to the same wood shop to get your teeth done.

But that's who you go to in 1832.

[laughs]

It's very awkward to see Naomi bomb like this.

What is really making this weird

is her laughing at her awkward pauses and her awkward jokes.

She says a joke, and it's like ha-ha-ha-ha.

It's like that makes it even worse.

[laughs]

Oh, Bunny.

Rest in peace, Lady Bunny.

Oh.

Ru, this is a funeral, goddamnit.

What part of mourning don't you understand?

I'd like to keep them on, please.

Mother, may I?

No.

[all laugh]

Oh, gosh, I was running late

and didn't have time to finish my goddamn eyes.

That was that joke?

Okay.

Lady Bunny is an inbred pig in a wig.

[chuckling]

Can't you just see her now

with the big juicy red apple in her mouth

and Satan's finger up her ass?

[laughs]

It's like a car wreck you just can't look away from.

You're like...

Mm-hmm.

Lady Bunny is such a whore.

Her sphincter ripped

and she's been using her denture-less gums ever since.

[groans and chuckles]

[all laugh]

Oh!

[all laugh]

Dearly beloved,

and Michelle Visage.

[all laugh]

At least our poor Lady Bunny

met her fateful demise doing something she loved:

when she choked to death at a hotdog-eating contest.

[all laugh]

When the doctors performed the autopsy,

they found that she was full of seamen,

and the aircraft carrier that they served on.

[all laugh]

Here I have Lady Bunny's last will and testicle.

[all laugh]

To Trinity The Tuck,

the Lady Bunny has left her biggest synthetic wig to you

that she melted down

so you can inject it directly into your ass.

[all laugh]

Monique Heart, the Lady Bunny leaves you

her crusty, dusty, old lashes,

because she thought you needed a newer pair.

[all laugh]

Valentina, Lady Bunny wanted you to know

that before she passed, she called ICE,

and they're waiting for you after the service.

[all laugh]

And last but not least,

to Lady Bunny's oldest friend RuPaul.

[bell dings] Lady Bunny wants you to know

that finally you're the pretty one.

[all laugh]

Thank you guys so much

for coming and enjoying our obituary,

or in her terms, "oh, bitch, you hairy."

[all laugh]

Thank you.

[applause]

That was such a beautiful tribute, ladies.

Now is there anyone who has something else to say?

Say it now or forever hold your--

- Hallelu! - Oh.

[all laugh]

Oh, dear, where am I?

This can't be hell.

Bianca Del Rio's not here.

[all laugh]

I was worried that I would not be able to keep a straight face,

but thanks to your roast jokes, I didn't have much of a problem.

[all laugh]

No, I'm kidding. You were terrific.

I really haven't seen you all work before,

because I tend to know, you know, like Bob and Bianca,

the ones that won their seasons the first time around

and didn't have to come crawling back.

[all laugh]

In some cases, Manila, a couple "All Stars."

She's back again, honey.

Manila Luzon, she's gonna keep on losing.

[all laugh]

Bunny, I am so glad that you're alive.

I wish I could say the same of you.

[all laugh]

Now you can die again.

Okay. Let me get this right.

[imitating Miss Vanjie] Miss Bunny, Miss Bunny.

[all laugh] Miss Bunny.

♪ She's a super queen, super queen ♪

Category is angelic white.

First up, Monét X Change.

Someone's gotta tell her she's got toilet paper in her shoe.

[all laugh]

I'm bringing my own runway to the runway.

This little train? Ha, whatever, bitch.

- Oh. - Oh.

I'm so fucking holy, bitch,

that I am stigmata the house down boots.

I feel like I'm giving you Saint X Change.

I'm holy.

Another bleeding heart liberal.

- [all laugh] - Thank God.

Forgive me, Father, for I have stunned.

[all laugh]

Say three Hail Marys and call me in the morning.

[all laugh]

Trinity The Tuck.

Oh, my goddess.

I do like she's feathering her hair now.

Yes, she is.

I'm an angel in disguise,

an angel that used to be a fucking supermodel, bitch.

She looks fierce,

and she's going to walk this runway with this halo, bitch.

Eat it.

Halo, she didn't.

Unleash the Kraken.

[all laugh]

It's not Versace. It's Trinite.

[all laugh]

Monique Heart.

Oh, my God, she's got a heart on.

She's got a big heart on.

[all laugh]

Mickey Mouse is holding her head up.

[all laugh]

America, I am giving you angelic white realness,

serving you Josephine Baker

meets with Michael the Archangel.

It's beautiful.

That skort's made of forks.

[all laugh]

Levelor blinds.

They're not just for windows anymore.

[all laugh]

Naomi Smalls.

Well, that queen's a prince.

Now, that guitar is practical.

Uh-huh.

Oh, she got that outfit on sale for 1999.

[all laugh]

I am feeling my Prince fantasy, erotic city come alive.

Even in heaven, I'm a sexy motherfucker

giving you diamonds and pearls.

This is what it looks like when doves cry.

Raspberry ber-gay.

[Ross laughs]

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here

to give you this thing we call a life.

[all laugh]

Valentina.

Oh, you guys, her stomach's in knots.

[all laugh]

Well, that's where my lasso went.

Yes. Oh, knotty girl.

This gown is so expensive, it's worth more than your life.

I'm wearing 100% of the finest silk that there is

covered in plumes of ostrich,

and hand-tied knots of crystals all over my body.

Ba-gawk!

This is why you have to cut those soda can things

- before you throw them away. - Yes. Exactly.

Protect the wildlife.

This dress really strikes a cord.

At least the floor's getting cleaned.

Dust her? I barely know her.

[all laugh]

Manila Luzon.

Well, this is from my era: The Hades.

[all laugh]

Gladiator.

[all laugh]

I'm serving angelic fresco on the ceiling of a church.

I'm giving you Aphrodite, cherubs, and baroque arts.

I feel like I'm serving legs for days

and blonde bombshell Grecian fantasy.

If you don't like my angelic look, then I'll see you in hell.

That bell cherubs me the wrong way.

Oh, she's having twins.

[all laugh]

♪ She's a super queen ♪

Welcome, ladies.

It's time for the judges' critiques,

starting with Monét X Change.

When you came out, the first thing I wrote was fierce,

and then I wrote fearless.

And that's what I got

from the whole time that you were speaking about Lady Bunny.

- Girl, you were funny. - Thank you.

It was a joy to watch you,

because you had the audience in the palm of your hand,

because you came out strong

and every single time you delivered.

You had so many jokes.

Just in terms of hard jokes, you had the most tonight.

And I thought you were not just reciting them,

you were still staying present

to bounce off what was happening in the moment.

Just so many good jokes.

- Thank you. - I'm jealous.

Sometimes when it comes to the main stage,

I worry about Monét X Change, I'm not going to lie.

Tonight you have elevated your look.

This is a beautiful interpretation of angelic white.

The beadwork is extraordinary. It fits your body.

The headpiece, the inclusion of hair.

You almost rented your own runway back there, the train.

It was just all really beautiful.

- Thank you. - I'm proud of you, Monét.

Thank you, Michelle.

Keep it up. Don't let me down.

- I will not. - Up next, Trinity The Tuck.

This outfit is Las motherfucking Vegas.

This is Paris, France.

This is the top level of drag.

You're doing it right here and right now.

- Thank you. - Yes.

There's always the queen, each season,

that I get excited, edge of my seat

to see how she's going to hit the runway.

You're that queen in "All Stars" 4 for me.

Thank you.

But let's talk about the challenge.

I think you were so caught up

in the "this joke, then this joke,

and I'm looking here,"

that your timing got off and you lost the crowd.

I think you overthought it.

I know you can do better than what you did.

Thank you.

Up next, Monique Heart.

The look tonight, what is that plastic-looking material?

- What is that? - They're blinds.

Huh.

You know, blinds are supposed to throw shade.

I'm not going to do that.

You're the only queen who did a character.

I said praise the Lord, saints.

Praise the Lord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Had you done that character before?

No.

- First time. - First time.

Well, it worked for me.

Where it had issues

was because there was so much after one another

and it was constantly at the same pitch,

we lost some of those jokes.

You had some funny things in there.

I'm a church girl, so I really was the amen corner

the whole time you were doing it.

It was biblically sound.

All of it was just right in the Bible,

so I was like, yes.

And I just thought it was really funny.

I thought you really engaged the crowd.

You went for it.

Those big bouncing titties.

It was all so great.

And your head is so beautiful, I could cry.

Up next, the artist formerly known as Naomi Smalls.

Hi, judges.

You were Prince when you walked out.

Only thing different is you got legs for days.

Everything else was Prince.

Let's talk about the challenge.

- Okay. - This was a little rough.

I just didn't feel like you were comfortable.

I felt like 90% of your jokes were about age.

Old, old, old, old.

- It got old. - [laughs]

I was trying to go with more of the millennial approach

because I was kind of the only one here who could do it.

Um...

Shade, shade.

[all laugh]

If you were giving more to that obnoxious character,

I think that would have helped you.

Bigger is always better.

[chuckles]

Up next, Valentina.

You are just the most beautiful, sparkling,

strangest little bird.

I think you just kind of do your own thing,

and it's fun to watch.

Thank you.

On the runway, you looked beautiful.

White and gold just look really beautiful on your skin.

It's just a great color palette for you.

At the funeral, there wasn't much in the joke realm.

You had some moments.

I'm not sure they were the movements that were intended.

We just laugh at you because you're likeable.

It just wasn't very funny.

I had an issue with you in the challenge.

You didn't have eye makeup on.

I honestly ran out of time with my makeup.

If I would have continued my makeup,

I wouldn't have had a full set.

I still wish your eyes had been done.

Up next, Manila Luzon.

♪ Ahh ♪

Manila, you had a great entrance.

And once you peeked through the little blinds and recoiled,

I was like I'm so here for whatever this is about to be.

I really, really, really enjoyed it.

You were gold.

You know, roasts are all about go big or go home.

And with me, the harder, the better, baby,

and you went hard.

It was a mic drop.

Thank you.

All of the jokes were great.

Your delivery was really fantastic.

And you looked great.

You remind me of, like,

what I wanted to look like in eighth grade.

[all laugh]

The runway tonight, you know, this could look very costume-y.

But the small details that make it tasteful,

like the shoes, like the hair, are just really well done.

Good week for you.

And in this competition, this is a good time to build momentum.

Thank you.

Thank you, ladies.

Based on your performances in the roast and on the runway,

I've made some decisions.

Manila Luzon.

Monét X Change.

Con-drag-ulations.

You are the top two All Stars of the week.

[applause]

You've each won a $3,000 gift card from MuLondon,

and a wig wardrobe from Rock Star Wigs.

Merkins included.

[all laugh]

Ladies, this week if you're not in the top,

you're in the bottom.

I have died and gone to hell.

Manila, Monét, each of you needs to decide

which of the bottom queens you'll eliminate

if you win the lip sync.

Thank you, ladies. You may leave the stage.

Where's the drinks, honey?

When Ru says I'm in the top two,

I'm ecstatic, because this week,

if you're not in the top, you're in the bottom.

And with Manila pulling lip syncs, girl,

who knows what she's gonna do.

She might send RuPaul home.

We don't know what she's gonna do.

I mean, I don't even know how, like, to even feel.

However you judge is up to you.

My track record speaks for itself.

I've been in the top twice,

and this is my first time in the bottom.

You can take that and make your judgment based off that or not.

Being in the top twice,

this technically makes my second time in the bottom,

which really, really sucks.

However, I feel like I delivered and I showed up

and I'm going to continue to do that.

And you have been safe.

And I have been safe, safe, safe, safe, safe, safe, safe.

The queens who are in the bottom

are all of a sudden realizing

that the numbers aren't actually working out in their favor.

If you're going by report cards,

everyone's GPA kind of averages out.

So where's being fair going to take you now?

How do you feel, V?

I've been in the bottom once,

and that was with Gia Gunn for Snatch Game

for something I didn't feel I needed to be in the bottom for.

I didn't agree with that bottom,

and I don't agree again.

I've been doing very well.

During this challenge,

all of those judges were laughing at my jokes.

Can't you just see her now

with the big juicy red apple in her mouth

and Satan's finger up her ass?

[RuPaul laughs]

I don't understand.

They did say that they weren't sure

if they were laughing with you or basically at you.

They were laughing.

You are delusional if you think that you did good,

because I was there.

I wasn't the worst.

I don't find myself deserving of going home right now.

I've been doing so well in this competition.

Who do you think was the worst?

I think it would have been...

Monique or Naomi this week.

Based on the reaction.

- Reaction? - Of the judges.

Man, how the fuck you think I deserve to be in the bottom?

The bitch is delusional,

so I hope she gets chopped.

Well, maybe we should talk with some of you guys.

Whatever you guys need from us, just let us know.

I really don't need to have

a one-on-one conversation with you.

I'm not trying to go home.

I just won last week and thought I was winning this week.

Very that.

How are you feeling right now?

I feel, obviously, happy to be, you know, at the top.

But it is, like, a very hard decision to fucking make,

you know what I mean?

I mean, my heart is like--

You know, right now, I'm like, silly boy,

what the hell's happening?

Girl, it fucking sucks.

I've never been in the bottom,

and this is not a cute place to be.

Trust and believe, I know that.

The fact that I've never been in the top two

is scary as fuck.

But I've been consistent and safe this entire competition,

so I hope that my performance prior to this

is being factored in

when it comes to the decision making

on who's going to stay.

If you were in my place, like, what would you--

I would eliminate Valentina.

I mean, this is Naomi's first time being on the bottom.

It's my first time being in the bottom.

Monique has had two wins.

To me, that's a clear path to me.

Trinity has proven that she is a fabulous performer.

She's been in the top two a couple times,

and she's fierce competition.

So maybe I should get rid of her now,

so I don't have to worry about her getting rid of me later.

I want to be here so bad.

I have so much more to show.

You know, it sucks.

You've been here to make the decision about who goes home.

My biggest suggestion would be

trust your criteria the way your mind works.

Be fair. Do the right thing.

With that being said, it shouldn't be me. I know it.

Yeah. Valentina was someone I was like

she is going to a frontrunner.

From day one, she entered the workroom.

I was like top four Valentina, down.

She's just not turning it out.

Oh, my God, this is not where I expected you to be.

Me either.

But I'm really proud of what I've done here.

And I think that I keep growing with every challenge,

and keep learning.

And I want to keep competing.

I think I'm a really good competitor.

Naomi made top three on her season,

so I know she has what it takes

to come and slay this competition.

But recently, Naomi has been

really fading into the background.

So maybe this is her time?

[sighs] Um...

Manila's a wild card.

I don't know.

I think there's a fair way to judge this.

I'm confident if Monét wins I'll stay.

I'm not so confident with Manila.

I don't know, but I am trigged

to the motherfucker.

You want to be the Venezuelan Barbie, great.

But you take three hours to paint the same face,

and unless you're doing a character,

there's no personality.

She needs to go home.

Like I want her to get chopped.

I am so proud of how I've done and where I'm going.

I'm not the kind of person that wants to ever come off

as desperately begging to stay, please.

The power's in your hands.

No, that's not fierce.

That's not a star.

Like I said last time,

I can't wait to be in that top with you, girl.

To be holding your hand like two Miss Potential Universe.

I think Valentina might have a distorted perception

of her performances recently.

Like, going home is not part of my fantasy, either,

but we have to look at reality, not fantasy right now.

- You want $10,000? - [laughs]

- Do you want $10,000? - Bitch.

Because this is like a--

This is a hard decision to make.

It's a very hard decision to make.

In picking the lipstick, I want to be as fair as possible,

and I want to make a decision

that when I rest my head on my pillow tonight,

that I feel okay with the decision I made.

It's going to be the person who I think did the worst today,

and who, by their track record, deserves to go home.

I love all four of these girls,

and it's a very hard decision to make,

but one that has to be done.

It's time to decide who I will send home.

And I still don't even know who I'm going to pick

walking up to this box.

Last week was an emotional decision for me,

but it wasn't a hard decision for me.

This is really hard.

I don't want to have the same backlash that I did last week.

But I'm here to win the crown and win the money,

and I need to do what's best for my own game.

Welcome back, ladies.

Two top All Stars stand before me.

Ladies, this is your chance to impress me,

win $10,000,

and earn the power

to give one of the bottom queens the chop.

The time has come... [thunder]

for you to lip sync

[echoing] for your legacy.

Good luck,

and don't fuck it up.

[Michelle laughs, music plays]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Girl, I gotta go ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I got to go now, really ♪

♪ Yeah, I'm kinda in a hurry ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Uh-huh, here's the reason why ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Shabba-doo-la-dwee-da ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Do-do-do-dwee-da- do-do-do-dwee-da ♪

♪ I can't talk to you now, girl ♪

♪ I got love to get ♪

♪ When my baby calls I gotta jump to it ♪

♪ I'm in a hurry, there's love to get ♪

♪ When my baby calls ♪

♪ I jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ I really feel I'm-a jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪

- ♪ Now, Kelly ♪ - ♪ Jump to it ♪

♪ You know when we talk ♪

♪ We have a lot of fun, don't we, girl? ♪

♪ Dishing out the dirt on everybody ♪

Yeah, girl.

♪ And giving each other the 411 ♪

♪ On who drop-kicked who this week ♪

♪ You know what I'm talking about ♪

♪ When my baby calls ♪

♪ Sha-wee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee- dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee ♪

[all laugh]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Ooh-oh-ho-ho-oh-ho-uh ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, huh ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ I really flip and I jump, jump, jump to it ♪

♪ Jump to it, oh ♪

♪ Jump, jump, jump to it ♪

[cheers and applause]

Oh, that was great.

Ladies, I've made my decision.

Manila Luzon.

Con-drag-ulations. You're a winner, baby.

Thank you.

[applause]

Monét X Change.

Con-drag-ulations. You're also a winner, baby.

[applause]

Ru, thank you.

You've each earned a cash tip of $5,000.

[applause]

Will the bottom queens please step forward.

So this makes two.

Are we sending two girls home

- or did we pick the same girl? - Oh, my God.

America, that's two lipsticks,

which means we could have two people getting the chop.

Manila,

Monét,

with great power comes great responsibility.

I should know.

For tonight...

no one is going home.

Oh.

[laughs] Thank God.

Cue the slime.

For the first time in "Drag Race" herstory,

"All Star" rules are suspended

until further notice.

Oh, my God.

Ladies, please return to the workroom

and wait for further instructions.

You may leave the stage.

She ain't gotta tell me twice.

[all laugh]

Bye, ladies.

Bitch, what is the T?

I'm so confused.

- Maybe. - Uh-oh.

"Get ready to lip sync for your life."

"Life, life, life, life."

Oh, my God. So they're going back to old way.

Back to the old rules. No lipstick legacy.

It's lip sync for your life.

She was done giving out them tips.

Girl, she was like we will not have another Shangela

in the name of Jesus.

Boo!

[all scream]

Guess who's back.

No! Hey, I thought she was dead.

No, not me.

Look behind you.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Just like Jesus rose Lazarus,

for some reason he rose these horrible hos.

Uh.

Oh, this is gaggy.

Now, remember, if you can't love yourself,

how in the hell you gonna love

a "RuPaul's Drag Race All Stars" cliffhanger?

[all laugh]

Can I get an amen?

- Amen. - Amen.

[evil laugh echoing]

Next time on "All Stars..."

If you are not shaking in your boots right now, you--

- Oh, I'm shaking. - You will. You better.

Gooped.

I felt like you were disingenuous.

Ooh, girl.

Let it be known you did what you did.

I think you are a little--

- No, she's not. - I'm not.

You keep saying that, girl.

That's not going to be my narrative

because that's not how I feel, Gia.

These bitches have got to go.

Did you really feel like I was the complete worst?

- Yeah. - Wow.

I just wish it could have been anyone else.

For the first time in "Drag Race" herstory,

everything is going to change forever.

But why?

Expect the unexpected.

- [laughs] - [snarls]

[RuPaul laughs, bell dings]

♪ Who, who, who do you think you ♪

♪ Who, who, telling the truth now ♪

♪ Who, who, who do you think you ♪

♪ We're all born naked and the rest is drag ♪

♪ I'm telling the truth now ♪

♪ Telling, telling, I'm telling the truth now ♪

♪ Telling, telling, I'm telling the truth now ♪

♪ We're all born naked and the rest is drag ♪

♪ Who, who, who do you-- ♪