Original subtitles

[Rae Sremmurd's "Perplexing Pegasus" plays]

ZOEY: My Cal U classmates and I were a part of

a large generation of young people

who were defined by our refusal to be defined.

We rejected gender categories...

♪ Mike WiLL Made-It ♪

- ...we defied restrictions... - ♪ Jump in the Pegasus ♪

- ...we fought the establishment... - ♪ All kinda reckless ♪

- ...and we reserved judgment. - ♪ The necklace ♪

- But I was starting to wonder... - ♪ All kinda reckless, I flexed it ♪

...as a generation so unwilling to be defined or constrained

by other people's rules, why did we give ourselves so many?

♪ Call her Lexus ♪

Take my crew, for example.

We had a rule for everything...

outfit check-ins to avoid dressing alike,

texting "Good morning" as soon as we woke up,

never, ever, ever letting our phones die,

and, of course, group approval on all photos.

Guys, can we get a picture, please?

- Yeah. Okay, hang on. - Thank you.

- Let me fix my hair. - Wait, but make sure I look cute.

♪ Neiman Marcus' shawty and I ain't window shoppin' ♪

♪ 2K on my feet, yeah, 2K, I be kickin' game ♪

- You gotta Facetune. - Make me look good.

ZOEY: Yeah, I got you.

Oh, wait, guys. There is a kickback at Hawkins.

- Who's in? - No, pass.

Nothing sadder than a bunch of dudes

who couldn't even score at last call.

- I'm so in. - I'm out.

- We're out, too. - Yeah, we have early track practice.

I guess I'll just head back home to Hawkins, then.

♪ Going hard on a... like Major Payne ♪

♪ Say my name ♪

After I take you guys back home, like the gentleman

- I was raised to be. Right. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Come on.

Wait. Why is everyone being so lame?

I'm down. I'm just gonna text Luca.

♪ The necklace ♪

♪ All kinda reckless, I flexed it ♪

♪ K-Keep the change, yeah, you heard me correctly ♪

♪ If she sleek and foreign, call her Lexus ♪

Hey, everyone has their location tracking on, yeah?

- Yeah. - Yeah, uh-huh.

♪ I just check her wish list ♪

♪ O-Only thing I'm here for is perplexin' ♪

Thank you.

To be clear, most of these rules went unspoken...

we weren't crazy. But we all knew the drill

and, for the most part, acted accordingly.

♪ Makin' plays ♪

♪ I be makin' plays ♪

♪ Makin' plays ♪

♪ I be makin' plays ♪

♪ Makin' plays ♪

♪ I be makin' plays ♪

♪ Makin' plays ♪

♪ I be makin' plays ♪

Come on.

♪ Makin' plays ♪

- ♪ Eat good like buffets ♪ - Whoo!

♪ ...weight ♪

♪ ...don't amaze ♪

♪♪

Damn... Doug is here without Jazz?

[Text messages chime]

♪♪

Okay, what do I say? Am I good?

Yeah, no, I-I-I'm totally good.

I am goody good. I am Mr. Goodbar.

In fact, I am Meagan Good riding in a Goodyear Blimp

with Cuba Gooding Jr. and Sr. in the back bumping Goodie Mob.

♪♪

[Sighs] This is bad.

This is really bad.

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know, so I'm-a feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪ - ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart beating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com

♪ What is sober? ♪

♪ I got problems ♪

♪ I just wanna sit and blaze ♪

♪ Count my funds while gettin' brain ♪

[Sighs] Do I tell Jazz Doug's here?

That's what a good friend would do if her girl's dude

is doing something he's not supposed to be doing, right?

Or... Or will it just start unnecessary drama?

I don't know. Damn it.

♪ I just wanna sit and blaze ♪

♪ Count my funds while gettin' brain ♪

I know exactly what to do...

♪ Went through Hell, fought my demons, grab the product ♪

...text people who know exactly what to do.

Guys, Doug is here at the kickback. What do I do?

He doing anything Sus?

No, he's chill. There's like a five-foot radius

from any girl's ass. But he's here and without Jazz.

ANA: Well, he does live there.

- Does Jazz know? - IDK.

That's why I'm texting you guys.

- You should tell her. - Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

But he isn't doing anything wrong.

I don't want to start dramz.

He's breaking the co-ed kickback rule.

- Isn't that wrong? - That's their rule, not the rule.

If it's Jazz's rule, that makes it your rule by proxy.

♪ Ego boast, salute or shoot ♪

♪ I ain't givin' up my shoes ♪

He just said "'sup" to me.

Doesn't sound like guilty behavior,

but I'm gonna need eyes on this.

Ugh, hold on.

♪ Do your dirt, make sure you got the bond, ah ♪

♪ What is sober? ♪

♪ I got problems ♪

♪ I just wanna sit and blaze ♪

Well, see? He's not talking to any girls or anything.

But he's also still wearing his chain,

which means he's not going to sleep anytime soon.

Maybe it's his sleep chain.

[Cellphone chimes]

Guys, come on. My battery's low.

♪ I done came, saw, and conquered ♪

♪ Went through Hell, fought my demons ♪

Hey, dude, you got a charger?

Not now, Zoey. I'm working.

So, like I was saying, I just really think Ja Rule

and the Fyre Festival deserve a second shot...

Yo, good to see you, bro.

Oh, wait. Doug just got up.

Maybe he's leaving.

Please, God, let him be leaving.

If he leaves, then this definitely

stops being my problem.

Does it, though?

Yes.

Yo, I'll be right back.

- No. - No, don't do it. Don't do it.

FML. He's actually taking shots.

He's turning up the turn up.

Dude, my phone's about to die,

and I still don't know whether to tell Jazz.

What do I do?

No.

And Luca. Shoot.

♪♪

[Sighs]

♪ I'ma do my thing coast to coast ♪

♪ Way before the team had the glow up ♪

Excuse me.

Sorry to interrupt, but we received a noise complaint.

OFFICER MIDDLETON: Yes, who's in charge here?

That would be me. I am the R.A. on duty, my brothas.

I want to say sorry about the noise, Officers. Honestly.

Uh, see, Hawkins is the black dorm on campus,

so we decided to spend our, uh, evening fraternizing

with our fellow black students,

celebrating our black excellence, you know?

We do it for the culture.

- Hey. - My dudes!

- Doin' it for the culture. - Got to respect that.

Thanks, guys. You know, um, blue lives mat...

Whoa, whoa, no. [Clears throat]

But we do want to thank you, guys, honestly,

- for being so cool about this. - No doubt.

We just wanted to congratulate you guys

- on your dope-ass turn up. - Mm.

And give you this dope-ass ticket for the noise violation.

Go on and take it, yep. You'll need to appear

before the dean in the morning, my brotha.

- Wait, what? - Carry on... quietly.

What...

But the culture.

So I screwed up, and I let my phone die,

but everything is gonna be fine.

Luca is an understanding guy.

I'll just explain what happened,

and we'll spend the rest of the night making love

like one of us is dying.

Okay.

Dude. Seriously?

Or he'll say, "Dude. Seriously?"

Luca, I am so sorry. My phone just died.

You hate when my phone dies. But it's cool.

No, it was just... I-I was texting Ana and Nomi

about the whole Doug-and-Jazz situation, and... [Beeps]

- Oh, so your phone didn't die. - No, it did, like,

right in the middle of all of the drama.

And I-I saw your text.

It was just, like, so much was happening.

So you saw my text, read it, and then ignored it.

No, no. Like, I-I swiped up and dismissed them

'cause I-I wasn't even thinking about it like that.

So you dismissed them and didn't think about it?

- Hot. - No, that's not what I mean.

You know that's not what I mean.

Luca, why are you being so extra right now?

I'm here, and you have my undivided attention.

[Cellphone chimes]

That probably wasn't important.

- [Cellphone chimes] - That either.

- [Cellphone chimes] - Or that one.

That wasn't important. Not as important as thi...

I should just check. I should just check.

Just... Let me just check.

[Cellphone chimes]

- What the hell? - You know what?

You are being mad extra right now. Do you.

I'm gonna watch "The Price is Right" with headphones.

Babe, just wait like one sec.

[Cellphone chimes]

♪♪

Great, so not only is Luca pissed at me,

but apparently in the 20 minutes my phone went dark,

all hell broke loose with my girls.

Zoeyyy... hello? Did you decide what you're gonna do?

Yeah, you don't wanna piss Jazz off.

Piss Jazz off about what?

Um, can y'all stop lighting me up? I'm trying to sleep.

Ana! You replied to the wrong group text!

- No, no. - What?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

♪♪

What the hell, Ana?

- Is this your first time texting? - JAZZ: I don't know, Zoey.

Is this your first time doing some snake-ass shit?

Ooh, hey, girl, hey.

Nah, Zoey. I want an explanation.

You know, I don't know, and I-I'm sorry.

I-I didn't know what to do, and, technically,

it didn't seem like Doug was doing anything wrong.

So I didn't want to start unnecessary drama.

You don't think going behind my back,

texting about me for 42 minutes is drama?

You know, in my defense,

42 minutes sounds like a gross exaggeration...

It's actually extremely accurate.

Nomi sent me a screenshot.

♪♪

So, Nomi sent a-a screenshot of our... our group chat,

which was private, which should've included Jazz.

So thank you for forwarding that along.

All right, I was just trying to clarify things

- after Ana's dumb mistake. - Uh, no, you weren't.

You were just trying to cover your ass

while kissing Jazz's because you're scared of her.

- Yeah, there. I said it. - Pbht!

- Your secret's out. - Why the hell are you scared of me?

[Chuckles nervously]

I don't think we should be making this about me,

because Zoey is the one who started this whole thing.

Zoey pulled us all into it.

So, everyone, let's focus our attention on Zoey.

- Zoey Johnson. - No, no, no.

'Cause this is not just about her.

You guys are supposed to be my girls,

and you all are supposed to have my back.

How many other group-text thingies

do you have going on about me?

Jazlyn, don't play the victim here.

Don't act like you didn't start a text about Zoey the other day.

- Wait, what? - Okay, so now we're just blasting people

- for blast's sake? - Hold on. What was being said about Zoey?

That you're too damn smiley.

You're always walking around, teeth all out.

Ain't nothing in the world that [bleep] funny.

[Laughs] That's pretty funny.

There you go again, kissing Jazz's ass,

- you little kiss-ass. - All right, bitch, learn how to text.

Bitch, don't be sending screenshots like that.

- It was one screenshot. - Why are we arguing with each other?

Exactly. You started all of this.

This is ridiculous.

If you're gonna be mad at anyone,

be mad at Doug.

Why would I be mad at Doug? He didn't do anything wrong.

He lives there.

But he was... But I did?

ALL: Yes.

Okay, I'm done. These people are insane.

I'm friends with insane people.

♪♪

ZOEY: I couldn't figure out how one kickback

had exploded into such a disaster.

Everyone was pissed at each other

and especially at me.

And I had no idea how to fix it.

So I slapped some white strips on my big, happy teeth

and I tried to just go to sleep and forget about it.

Obviously, that plan failed.

♪♪

They say "Never go to sleep angry,"

but what happens if you just never go to sleep?

♪♪

[Exhales sharply]

Not one "Good morning" text.

Not even from Luca. Or an accidental nude from Ana.

This is worse than I thought.

All right, you know what?

[Sighs]

This just means that I, Zoey Johnson,

have to be the bigger person.

♪♪

Good morning?

I'll just give them a... a minute.

Yeah.

♪♪

[Ding!]

[Sighs]

[Water running]

♪♪

What's happening?

I'm actually starting to freak out right now.

Yes, but, Dean Telphy, is a ticket completely necessary?

We're in college.

Students are bound to turn up from time to time.

I'm aware of that,

and I've been doing my research on you kids.

Been reading a lot of young-adult material...

Y.A. is a genre of literature, not a rapper.

Common mistake.

And according to the entire "Sweet Valley Twins" series

with the obvious exception of volume 14,

we can all agree that your body's

going through some changes.

That is 100% false, so...

As a resident adviser and a representative of Cal U,

I have to hold you to a higher standard.

Hold up. "A representative of Cal U"?

I signed up to be an R.A. to get a break on my housing, man.

Yeah, sure, I figured I'd have to replace a few keys,

maybe talk a Nigerian kid down from his first high,

but I did not sign... What are you...

I just didn't sign up to be a Cal U representative, okay?

In addition to housing, you also get a food plan,

priority class registration, and a small stipend.

Yes, a very small one compared to the amount of work that I do.

I am the R.A., the therapist, the janitor, the landlord.

You know, what's next, sharecropping?

This isn't about your farming aspirations.

I constantly get complaints from employees

telling me that they're overworked and underpaid,

but at the end of the day,

everyone has to play their position.

So play your position or you're out!

♪♪

[Chuckles]

Did you... You felt that?

That was my first time being authoritative like that,

'cause I... I'm usually happy and not...

You know, I stay lit all the time.

So I don't, you know, just be mad like that,

but did you feel that?

I just... Can I go home?

So, not only had no one responded

to my "Good morning" texts...

What?!

...but they'd all also apparently

logged off of location tracking.

Oh, my God.

I am legit stressing out now.

We're at DEFCON 1.

[Sighs]

Oh, Sky, thank God, a sane person.

Can you believe all this drama?

Everyone's acting, like, completely crazy.

Um, what are you doing?

- Talking to you. - Zoey, I find it strange

that I even have to explain this to you.

If Jazz is pissed at you, I'm pissed at you.

- Mm. - There's a hierarchy.

Chicks before dicks,

depending on the dick, and family over everything.

But Jazz has no good reason to be pissed at me.

- I made a mistake. - Doesn't matter.

I actually don't even know what all this craziness

- is about, so... - What?

So you're mad at me a-and don't even know why?

I don't need to know why.

Squeeze first, ask questions last.

You know what it is, Zoey.

I definitely do not "know what it is."

Well, I just...

Okay, just gonna...

Great.

♪♪

♪♪

You know what? I'm making a new rule for myself:

I don't have to deal with this crap.

[Sighs]

So they want to ice me out for not following their rules.

Well, screw that.

Zoey Johnson doesn't get iced out.

I do the icing, and I am sick of living

by their random, arbitrary,

applying-to-some-but-not-all, stressful A.F. rules.

I was done with the location tracking,

the group texts, the social media,

FaceTuning Ana's butt, all of it.

I didn't need anybody.

[Cellphone rings]

Hey, Luca. Hi. Yeah. Thanks for... Hello?

Hello? No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not again. Not again.

Excuse me. I'm sorry.

Does anybody have a charger, by chance?

Anybody? Sir, do you have a charger?

- Mnh-mnh. - [Exhales sharply]

- Ma'am, I will pay you for a charger. - No, no.

Please.

No. [Breathing heavily]

Does anyone have a charger?

No. What's happening?

Oh, God... I can't breathe...

[Breathing heavily]

I don't wanna die in a shorts/boots combo.

[Breathing heavily, heart beating]

[Sighs] So, the good news is

your girl only had a panic attack.

The bad news is... there's a 9 in 10 chance

everyone at Cal U has HPV.

Uh, Zoey, your identical twin brother is here.

Oh, hey.

What you doing here?

Well, you went ghost again,

so I kind of used your location to track you.

- So you're stalking me. - Chill.

I mean, your phone hung up

and you weren't answering my texts,

- so I knew something was wrong. - Hmm.

'Cause, obviously, your phone wouldn't just die again.

- That would be crazy. - Actually, my phone did die again.

I'm sorry. I've just been really sucking

at everything as of late... an irresponsible phone owner,

a bad girlfriend,

a really, really shitty friend...

- Oh, God, I feel it happening again. - [Heart beating]

- What's happening again? - Panic attack.

The doctor said they're really common.

Everyone's doing it. New wave.

Yeah, you wanna tell me what happened?

Well, just been really overwhelmed,

and everybody's mad at me.

I just don't get it.

You know, we want to act like we're all free and liberated,

but we have all of these rules about everything

and I can't keep up, you know?

It's putting me in the... the literal health center.

These rules are driving me crazy,

and I just don't know why we do it to ourselves.

I mean, sometimes people use rules

to feel like they're in control.

But we are in control.

I mean, are we?

'Cause last night when you were at your boy's kickback

and I couldn't get ahold of you...

I low-key didn't feel in control, so...

Wait, is that why you were mad about the whole phone thing?

Because of, uh, Aaron?

I mean... [clears throat] whatever, it's probably just stupid.

I'm just... I'm just happy you feel better, you know?

Thank you. I feel better.

- Hope so. [Clears throat] - Hmm?

Now, um... [clears throat] I'll be, uh...

[Chuckles] I have no reflexes in that knee.

No, no, your knee's broken.

[Humming]

So I thought about what Luca said.

Giving ourselves all these rules

wasn't about trying to control someone else.

It was about managing our own fears and insecurities,

and it made a lot of sense.

My failure to tell Jazz about Doug

had tapped into her insecurity,

a friend not having her back.

So I decided to reach out and apologize

the way a real friend should.

♪ You know I hate to fight, you know ♪

And in the interest of not breaking another rule,

this text was gonna include everyone.

Hey, guys, this is a blanket apology

for the mess I seem to have gotten us all into.

I really am sorry.

And going forward, I can't promise

I'll perfectly follow each and every rule,

but I can promise to try and be a better friend.

And maybe eventually we can stop leaning on all these rules

and start putting our trust in each other.

♪ And I'm right here thinking 'bout ♪

♪ Here thinking about you ♪

ANA: Love you, Zo.

NOMI: I'm sorry, too. XO.

SKY: I'm trying to take a nap.

ZOEY: Ooh, sorry.

Jazz, you alive?

♪♪

♪ I'm swervin', I'm really urban ♪

Thank you very much. Have a nice time.

Right this way, man.

- Oh, uh, definitely free for you, ladies. - Thank you.

You can just go right in.

Definitely gonna need $10 each. Thank you.

You guys have a good time. Drinks are extra.

Over there.

Savage, bro. You know comping girls is all I got.

Dude, I'm trying to make this money. What are you doing?

Here we go. Watch this.

[Chuckles]

What's going on, my brotha? Good to see you.

Oh, you want me... All right.

Good doin' business with you, my bro.

Hey, we are all just trying to play our positions.

Am I right?

Hey. [Chuckles] For the culture.

Yeah, for the culture. That's what it is.

[Both chuckle]

Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx www.addic7ed.com