Original subtitles

That's how I know you.

Robert: The suicide dummy.

Jorge: What about girth?

Joyce: That's where we can really improve. Más. Más.

I've always wanted to try yoga. You'll come with me.

What, are you guys, like, "bromancing" now?

Miller: I'm afraid I have prostate cancer.

You jump right in, don't you? So do I.

Jack, what do you got for me?

Uh, your funds are being channeled through not one,

But, uh, several different well-covered swiss bank accounts.

I don't get it, dogg. You're our leader.

[ train whistle blares ]

Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

The person who walked in here

Will attempt to kill themselves again if they don't change.

And even change doesn't ensure immunity

Against going to a dark place once in a while.

For most people,

A dark place is soothed with a good cry,

Shopping, a slice of cake,

A good whiskey, or a good fuck.

But for us, the headlights of an oncoming train

Seem like the only panacea sometimes.

And the only true kryptonite

Is being honest when they come up

And talking about it with people who understand.

Us.

Jorge: I had a dream last week

That I walked into a rigged building

Before it blew up again.

It kind of freaked me out.

I've had dreams like that.

I mean, not about blowing myself up,

Which probably would have been a better way to go

Since I'm such a bad shot.

[ all chuckle ]

Except you feel even more pathetic when you fail.

I mean, who walks away from 200 pounds of dynamite?

Man, Georgie porgie does!

Or, en español, Jorge porje.

That's what I'm talking about.

Alive is the new dead.

Baleedat!

[ chuckles ]

[ indistinct whispering ]

Okay.

[ sighs ]

Oh! Robert! Robert!

What? Hold on a second.

Isn't that that "suicide dummy" guy

Who drove his car off a cliff?

He's cute.

Hey, man. Hey.

Oh, shoes off. Shoes off.

Never thought I'd actually be taking a yoga class, you know?

Yeah, you probably never thought

You'd actually try to drive your car off a cliff, either.

So I just -- I... Socks.

And I just roll the mat down here?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's, you know, a little claustrophobic for some,

But, you know, you get used to it.

Namaste.

Hey, can I ask you a favor?

Yeah.

Could you please stop making jokes about my...

You know, car thing?

Did I do that?

Yeah, you've done it a couple times.

Oh, wow. I'm sorry.

I get it. It totally won't happen again. Sorry.

Done. Thanks. Thanks.

[ sighs ]

I see why you come here now.

Lot of fit young ladies.

Oh, yeah, no. I actually come here to get closer to god.

[ chuckles ]

I'm serious.

Well, that's admirable, but, I mean,

A loving union with a woman is certainly a major conduit

To feeling nearer to our creator, right?

Nah. I've fucked enough girls for a lifetime.

I-I only really want to share that kind of intimacy

With someone that ends up becoming my wife, at this point.

All right.

I don't -- I don't really even jerk off anymore.

Like, what is that?

"Ooh. Ooh. Cumming. Ooh. Orgasm."

Fucking whatever. Big deal.

Total chi retention, like a boxer.

It's amazing how much more energy you have

When you don't waste it foolishly.

Yogi: Ommmm.

All: Ommmmm.

Ommmmm.

How'd you like it?

Oh. I couldn't believe -- I just did a headstand.

Dude, that was crazy.

Do you understand that it took me like two years

Before I could balance without the wall?

Freaked me out a little bit.

I mean, there's nothing between the floor and my face.

You know, it's really interesting

That falling over backwards scares you less than falling on your face.

Not falling over backwards requires faith, which I have.

Not falling on my face requires me to not care what other people think,

Which, apparently, I need to work on, right?

What did you think of that kabalabati breathing?

It was a little weird, but I liked it.

I actually do it underwater,

Because I feel more connected to my breath that way.

That's so interesting.

I-I've always liked the sound of my own breath when I'm scuba diving.

Yeah, that's why that is.

I'm actually doing a session tonight at my house at 9:00.

You should come over and do it with me.

Oh. Um...

Did you have something more important going on

Than radically changing your life, I guess?

I'm in.

Awesome.

Dude, fucking photo booth?

I-I didn't even know they made these.

Come on. We got to document your first headstand, man.

No, no.

You don't give a fuck what people think about you anymore, right?

Come on. Let's go.

Yeah. Gay, not gay -- don't worry about it. Come on.

Not gay.

So, where am --

Um, where do I sit?

I'm a big fat cop. Don't worry about it.

Just sit down. Go ahead.

[ laughing ] oh, man.

Go ahead.

I'm glad we're getting [ straining ] to be friends.

[ coins clink ] ah! Come on. Get your handsome mug in here.

Am I -- I'm in?

When I finally start fucking people again,

It's gonna be people with a pussy -- don't worry about it.

[ camera shutter clicking ]

And this is all the stuff that Beatrice left for me --

That woman from the senior citizens home?

Oh, Beatrice. She left this to you?

Mm-hmm. That is so sweet.

Wow. Look at this.

A beauty in her day, I am positive.

[ chuckles ]

[ humming ]

What I'm gonna do is take old designs

And then add -- like, this one needs lace.

My mannequins aren't here yet.

Hmm?

[ chuckles ]

One thing I love about myself

Is I can look alternately really quite handsome --

Like, male-supermodel handsome --

And also semi-retarded.

I'm gonna see you later?

Yeah. Yeah, tonight, right?

[ horns honking ]

I'm Barbie.

No, you're ken. I'm Barbie.

But I'm wearing the dress.

Well, stop being a baby.

Ken always did favors for Barbie.

Yeah. Ken did favors for g.I. Joe.

Uh-huh. Barbie was a bitch.

I mean, I still wanted to bang her -- don't get me wrong.

Well, brushing her hair would have been enough for me.

I was one of those girls who didn't even have a Barbie.

Really? Wow.

Strict is one thing, but that's -- that's crazy.

But, you know, I wish I had a little bit more of it.

See, I was a boy that was never punished.

Ever?

Well, my dad -- he, um...

He caught me once

With my dick in the end of a vacuum-cleaner hose.

See, I was using the suction to try to make it longer.

[ chuckles ]

And he just closed the door

So my mother wouldn't find out.

Yeah. He told her that I was cleaning my room.

I mean, they thought I was perfect.

[ chuckles ]

Don't worry. My father doesn't know me, either.

Mm.

[ wolf-whistles ]

I don't know -- I had a whole great day planned,

But I-I don't think I can top this.

She made me wear this.

[ clicks tongue ] I got to go.

I got a football game to get to.

Ugh!

Tackle. Rugby, actually.

No pads.

Yeah, 'cause football's for pussies.

[ chuckles ]

A picnic basket? I feel like Doris day.

Oh, my god. I love Doris day.

I mean, rock Hudson.

Rock Hudson, yeah.

I mean...Uh...

John Wayne.

[ chuckles ] john Wayne. I love john Wayne.

Look, uh, I'm going to come back tomorrow

With my big metal tools.

Oh, hey, I meant to ask you --

How's the, uh, newest big tool working out?

Oh, it's good.

I still, you know, got to work out some kinks,

Like not face-fucking chicks with lockjaw,

But other than that, it's -- it's superb, man.

Yeah. Thanks for asking. Oh, yeah.

I know I'm lily, but I'm still a girl.

[ chuckles ]

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, my delicate flower.

[ smooches ]

All right, bro.

[ chuckles ]

Wow.

[ sighs ]

I want to spend the day with you.

I want to spend the day with you.

[ clears throat ]

[ breathes deeply ]

[ cellphone rings ]

Yeah. What do you got for me?

Hi.

Uh, well, I have some calls in

To some people who handle swiss bank accounts,

So I should be onto the source of your money

In a couple of days at most.

That's great. Thanks a lot, jack. I appreciate it.

[ engine turns over ]

[ birds chirping ]

[ indistinct conversation ]

This is the most beautiful city in the world.

I mean, look at this.

I would never live anywhere else.

The park used to be so much dirtier, though.

I know. Now it's all green and conscientious.

It's like a fairy tale. You make it sound like you don't approve.

No, I'm all for saving the planet.

I just think that people go a little overboard.

Like that flushing thing?

I ascribe to that philosophy.

If it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down.

Yeah, but it's propaganda.

It's more wasteful,

Because by leaving the disgusting pee in there,

You get that dark ring around the edges,

And that takes even more water to scrub off

Than the 8 gallons per flush it would take

If you hadn't let it "mellow" in the first place.

[ chuckles ]

Wow.

Yeah.

So...You were coming in every weekend from Westchester

In girl caravans

To go clubbing, right?

We would.

But I was sneaking off and going to museums

And salvation armies and flea markets,

While the other girls were getting date-raped on GHB.

Smart girl.

Lonely girl.

Are you lonely now?

Really?

You're gonna tee up for a kiss when I have soy cheese in my mouth?

Well, really pungent blue cheese would have been better,

But I'm gonna take what I can get.

[ smooches ]

[ chuckles ] prude.

I will make your nastiest fantasy

Seem like a Disney movie, but not when food's involved.

I take eating very seriously.

I need to concentrate and enjoy every bite.

I don't like being distracted.

[ thunder crashes ]

Shit. We got to go.

Why? We'll get a little wet. So what?

I'll melt.

[ groans ] get everything!

[ laughs ] oh, my god! In here! It's gonna start pouring!

Robert: You're a little high-maintenance, aren't you?

Damn Skippy.

[ scoffs ]

Oh, my god.

What?

Oh, my god, no.

[ sighs ]

[ chuckles softly ]

[ lily chuckles ]

Robert: Mnh-mnh.

Oh, yes. Yes.

[ laughs ]

This is the one -- a leprechaun straddling a barrel.

Right on my forehead, too. What do you think?

So sexy.

How about a car driving off the edge of a cliff

With the words "suicide dummy" underneath it?

[ laughs ]

Classic raduall.

[ chuckles ]

It is an honor to have you in my shop.

I'm gonna inkify you, my underworld brother.

Suicide dummy! [ laughs ]

[ chuckles nervously ] that's a great idea.

[ chuckles ]

I-I don't want to be rude, but it's kind of last month.

Oh, yes, Robert has always been on the cutting edge,

And we are moving him yet again,

From death to life!

L'chaim! Dig it, man!

Let's, like, raise a toast to life,

Guy who used to be trying to kill himself.

[ chuckles ]

No, no, no, wait.

That's...A great idea, actually.

What?

Raising a small glass of champagne...

That says...

...That says "full" underneath.

Yes! [ laughs ]

I am starting to like you a lot.

You know I like it. That's not the point.

Just don't make it so obvious when you grab my cock next time.

[ cellphone rings ]

Miller.

Hi! It's Dr. Tepperman. Go -- I'm sorry.

They're delivering water. Get o--

What's up?

I just got your blood work back,

And I'm not at all concerned about your prostate.

But I would like you to come in for a colonoscopy

As soon as possible.

Okay? It's probably just polyps.

And what's the worst it could be -- cancer?

Yes.

Jane will call you for an appointment.

Set you right up.

Okay?

Bye.

[ needle buzzing ]

You're doing great, bro. This is gonna look awesome.

[ telephone rings ] lily: Does it hurt?

For some people, it probably does.

Excuse me. It's my wife. My son's been really sick, so...

Hey.

How's he doing?

104?

Fuck me!

No, it's cool.

Um, take him to Roosevelt hospital,

And I'll meet you there in just a minute.

Guys, I'm really sorry. I gotta go.

Oh.

If you guys come back tomorrow,

I will take care of everything, on the house, okay?

I'm sorry.

Excellent.

[ chuckles ]

I don't mean to rush you, but, um...

Oh, yeah. Okay.

We have everything? Let's go.

All right, you guys.

All right.

You guys want a psychic reading?

Hey, thanks again, bro. I really appreciate you helping me out like that.

Psychic reading.

Kid in a suit over here.

Hope everything's all right.

Me -- hi.

Get a psychic reading -- best in the city.

My grandmother -- she's been doing it since the '30s.

She told Lauren Bacall she would marry Humphrey Bogart,

And boom!

A week later, he proposed.

Is that true?

I'm gonna lie to you, lady?

I really need your 10 bucks?

I own this building.

She predicted twinkies and 9/11.

See her, don't see her -- I really don't care.

Ahh, I see a new business venture,

And it's going to be very, very...

Successful.

Your ideas will rrrrevolutionize your industry.

Pictures? Are you a photographer?

No, but I use pictures in the --

Fashion -- something to do with dresses.

Yes.

You will do very well.

And...What about love? [ chuckles ]

It's right here.

So...

The love of my life isn't in heaven?

No, he's here on earth,

And he's very, very near to you.

And you will know him by his...

Hat.

By his hat? Yes.

I don't know what that means,

But he wears a distinctive hat.

Robert: So, it didn't really hurt me,

But I heard tattoos hurt.

So, did she confirm that we're perfect for each other?

Sort of.

Come on. I'm tired of being destiny's bitch.

It's kind of cool, in a dumb way.

That's my style -- dumb cool.

[ chuckles ]

[ chuckles ]

No, this one, I actually would wear.

No. No, no, no, miss new business owner.

You can buy me something after your store opens.

Thanks.

It's like a drug to me. What is?

Wallet snooping. I'm jonesing to grab that from you.

Go for it. I got nothing to hide.

[ chuckles ]

What's this?

Those are the pictures that miller and I took after yoga.

You took yoga with miller?

Yeah.

Hey...

You don't think miller's gay, do you?

No. Why do you ask?

He's just a little touchy-feely.

You know what I mean? Especially for a cop.

I mean, don't get me wrong --

I'm all into evolving, but...

I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, he's probably just lonely. He probably has no friends.

That's what he said -- he said he missed the camaraderie

Of high-school-guy friendships,

And I think the other cops think he's strange or...

I'm sure that's what it is, then.

[ engine turns over ]

It's been a perfect day.

[ breathes deeply ]

It has. Thank you.

You know, as much as I...

Love doing it with you on this couch,

It'd be really nice to go in the bedroom once in a while.

What's the big mystery? Why is it off-limits?

When your house is no longer off-limits,

My bedroom will no longer be off-limits.

You want Chinese food?

Chinese food?

[ cellphone ringing ]

It's miller.

So, let it go.

Oh, man!

Hello?

Yo. Where are you? It's 9:00.

The womb is almost prepared. Get over here.

Yeah, I-I just -- I'm sorry. I lost track of time.

Well, hurry up. We got to do it before the new moon rises.

The salts are dissolving -- they're very rare and expensive,

From Tunisia.

I'm just kind of in the middle of something right now.

[ giggles ]

Look, you can see lily anytime, okay?

Freeing yourself from your toxic past --

That has to happen in the next 30 minutes,

Or you're gonna have to wait a whole nother month.

Do you really want to live even one more day with death in your cells?

Tell him to fuck off.

I have death in my cells. Don't touch me.

[ giggles ]

Look, come on, man. We had a plan.

I stopped fighting crime just for the night to help you.

Um, yeah, okay. I'll be right over.

Okay, I'll see you then.

[ cellphone beeps ]

I can't believe you're seriously considering

Leaving this for that.

The moon is only in this position once a year,

And the womb is ready, and the salts cost $1,000.

They're Egyptian.

Come on.

I'll be back in time for your fortune cookie.

I think the psychic was wrong

And you and miller are the perfect couple.

Oh, you do?

♪ miller's your boyfriend, miller's your boyfriend ♪

[ giggles ]

[ sighs ]

Here -- you better take some condoms.

[ zipper opens, closes ]

This is a really nice place.

Thanks, man. I appreciate it.

It was the insurance money from my mother's death.

How'd your mother die?

She was murdered when I was 10.

I'm really sorry.

Thanks.

So...

You have an extra suit for me or anything?

Oh, yeah, I should.

Think I got something here.

Oh, yeah, here's one.

These are -- this isn't -- [ chuckles ]

These are girl's underpants.

[ laughs ] oh. Really?

Huh.

Must be a holdover from some chick

From before I became chaste.

I'm not wearing these.

[ sighs ]

That's all I got, man. Just go in your underwear.

But... What about after?

After, we'll put them in a little baggie,

And you'll go home Woodstock-style.

Woodstock?

Yeah. Woodstock, hippies. They -- come on.

Dude, you -- you were raised in the '70s.

I didn't even fucking wear underwear till I was 30.

Well, I wore underwear until I was 30.

You'll survive until you get home.

Listen, not wearing underwear is very freeing.

It's like you have your own little secret.

Or...

...You could wear these home.

Then you'd have a much bigger secret.

[ chuckles ]

Okay.

All right.

Okay, so, here's the deal.

Put this on.

You scuba, right? You've, like, snorkeled before?

Yeah.

Okay, good. So put that on.

You're gonna submerge completely under the water.

Let go of all your thoughts.

Just focus on the sound of your breathing.

[ breathes deeply ]

Okay?

All the past trauma in your life

That isn't released from your body

Gets relived, replayed over and over and over again

And makes your body very toxic.

Yeah. And that's how disease starts.

Every occurrence in your life,

From the littlest time that you got your feelings hurt

To your suicide attempt.

Powerful, conscious breathing

Acts like a white, brilliant light

That fucking explodes all that toxic bullshit

And gets it out of you forever.

Clearing space for new, beautiful energy to come in.

So it's really good to set an intention right now

For what you want to bring into your life

Into that new space.

Make more room for lily.

That's beautiful. Okay?

Dunk. Okay.

Just on your knees and dunk right down in here.

This is just -- okay.

Dunk right down.

Little awkward.

[ breathing deeply ]

So I just go underwater and I breathe?

I don't think about anything?

Yeah, just -- just go underwater.

Just feel the warm water.

Feel your breath as you inhale and exhale.

Close your eyes and just let go.

Okay.

[ speaking indistinctly ] yeah.

[ breathing deeply ]

Yeah, I don't think I'm doing it right.

Dude, you are doing it so right.

Just go. Just go and relax.

Just stay under there. You'll be fine.

It's perfect.

Lily.

[ exhales sharply ]

[ breathes deeply ]

♪ om ♪

♪ purnamadah ♪

♪ purnamidam ♪

[ grunts ]

♪ purnat purnamudachyate ♪

♪ purnasya purnamadaya ♪

♪ purnamevavashisyate ♪

♪ om ♪

♪ purnamadah ♪

♪ purnamidam ♪

♪ purnat purnamudachyate ♪

♪ purnasya purnamadaya ♪

♪ purnamevavashisyate ♪

♪ om ♪

♪ purnamadah ♪

♪ purnamidam ♪

♪ purnat purnamudachyate ♪

♪ purnasya purnamadaya ♪

♪ purnamevavashisyate ♪

Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0