All language subtitles for Grandfathered s01e21 The Memorial.eng

So his dad just died, just like that?

GERALD: Yeah, heart attack.

He's on the phone with
the hospital now.

BOTH: Oh, it's so sad.

Jinx.

Do you think he's okay?

When my dad died, I watched
When Harry Met Sally

for 48 hours straight,

and City Slickers for the next 72.

My dad really looked
like Billy Crystal.

GERALD: Here he comes.

ALL (cheerfully): Hi.

So, my dad's dead, you know.

It was a heart attack; sudden.

Oh, honey, I'm-I'm so sorry.

Where is the funeral?

You know, I can clear my schedule

for next week...

No, no, no, no, there
won't be any funeral.

I mean, we didn't have
much family, so...

it's fine, you know.

Jimmy, you know, if you ever
want to sit and just...

Ravi, it's life, okay?

I'm gonna be just fine, you guys.

Don't worry about me; I'm good.

Let's talk about something else.

All right, so what's new?

Oh, Cinco de Mayo right
around the corner, huh?

We having any taquito
parties this year?

Hmm?

Really, you don't want
to have a funeral?

It could be cathartic.

I'm fine.

You know, i-it's sad, yes, but...

I have no regrets.

I mean, like I always say...

it's the circle of life, you know?

Hakuna matata.

Mm-hmm, hakuna matata.

Exactly.

Look, everybody, my dad
had a long life...

And...?

That's it. Vodka martinis? Anyone?

Oh, was that your dad's favorite drink?

Yeah. Not anymore. (wry chuckle)

Okay, wh-what was that?

You have so much to learn, new girl.

Jimmy Martino is not an
emotionally mature adult.

Instead of mourning, he
makes rash life decisions,

usually involving the
restaurant or himself.

When Paul Newman died,

he put in a sushi conveyor
belt and grew a ponytail.

Guys, call me crazy, but I
think this area over here

needs a little sprucing up, huh?

You know what I'm thinking?

Fish tank.

What I'm seeing is sort of a...

a wide tank, like so...

maybe some sea anemones...

a sea otter here...

maybe a shark.

Oh, sharks are sexy.

(sighs)

I wish mermaids were real.

We don't have to decide now,

we can let it, you know,

"perk-u-late," or... percolate.

This is still better than the ponytail.

Percolate, perk-u-late,

perk-u-late, percolate.

We'll table it.

Sync and corrections by
squallounet www.addic7ed.com

RAVI: What you doing?

(gasps) What-- uh, nothing.

Looks like you're putting a
tiny box in Jimmy's safe.

(deep voice): What's in the box?

What's in the box?! (laughs)

Seven, Brad Pitt, classic quote.

(laughs)

Seriously, color me, uh, intrigued.

What's in that ring box?

Can you keep a secret?

Bro, are you kidding me?

My soccer coach, he paid me

to sit on his lap for
an entire summer...

you're, like, the first
person I've ever told.

Yeah, I can keep your little secret.

Horrifying.

Okay, um, it's a ring.

I'm gonna propose to Vanessa.

(laughing): What?

- Dude, that's awesome!
- Yeah!

Ah, man, if her grandma
is any indication,

she is gonna ripen like a
peach in the Georgia sun.

When are you popping the question?

Well, you know, I was
gonna do it right away,

but then Jimmy's dad died,

and I feel like I should wait a
couple weeks, out of respect.

Wait, what, I'm supposed to sit
on this for a couple weeks?

Nuh-uh, no, no, I can't do that,
you know I can't keep a secret.

You just said that you kept your
soccer coach thing a secret.

I lied, man.

I told everyone about my soccer coach.

I even made some things up.

As soon as I see Vanessa,

I'm gonna freak out and
I'm gonna blow it.

Yeah, but, you see
Vanessa all the time.

I'm gonna blow it!

Okay, uh...

you know, maybe it's not too
soon to propose, right?

Uh, maybe my dad's feeling okay now.

- Right?
- Hoo-hoo! Hi, guys!

I've been up baking all night long.

Dad, you have some flour on your...

Did I get it?

- Mm-hmm.
- Good.

Listen, I'm working on
a new specialty dish,

and-and I asked myself:

Is it a pasta? No.

Is it a steak? No.

What I'm doing is...

I'm taking a winter classic

and I'm bringing it

all the way back to summer, baby.

Look at this: gingerbread beach house.

- What do you think?
- Hmm...

Good. I'm gonna go update the menu,

and, uh, tell me when the
fish tank gets in, will you?

Guys, how do you think
I'd look as a blond?

And-and do they do
that surgery for men,

that-that permanent eyeliner surgery...

I wore eyeliner in a high school play,

and I got to tell you,

I made me feel very sexually free.

Hey.

We should talk about Dad, right?

Yeah, uh, he keeps sending
me these crazy texts.

"Do you think I would
look good as a blond?

"I'll have Annelise do a mock-up.

Here's the mock-up."

Oh, God!

He looks like Glenn Close.

Uh, we need to pull him out of this.

Right? Help him deal with his grief

i-i-in a healthier way.

(phone ringing) Wait, um...

It's him.

Hey, Dad.

I don't think you should
get that surgery.

Wha...?

Because your jawline's

already very well-defined.

- Oh, hey.
- Hi.

There you are.

How was your day?

Well...

I feel like I spent most
of it driving over here.

- Oh.
- Who knew Santa Monica

to Pasadena counts as a
long-distance relationship?

I don't understand why I'm
driving so far to be with you...

Hey, screw you, jerk face!

I drove out to Santa Monica on Tuesday.

...because I want to be
with you all the time.

Oops.

Hmm.

I should never talk.

Hey, listen...

I think we should move in together.

- You do?
- Yeah.

Isn't it a little soon?

Maybe, but I know what I want,

and I want you, so why wait?

Look, take some time, think about it.

- Okay, I'll think about it.
- Good.

Mm!

(phone chimes)

Ugh.

Oh, is that Billy Idol?

Love him.

- (sighs)
- Yikes.

Oh, my God, he bought fish.

Yeah, for my new fish tank.

Fishies!

Wait a minute,

how did all you guys

get into my apartment?

An emotional intervention?

Come on! Whose idea was this?

Not yours because you're too cool.

He's right, I am.

You don't like me enough.

He's right, I don't.

And you don't like to share me,

so if this was your idea,

it'd be just the two of us somewhere...

Dolphin-watching for two in Catalina.

Leaves every hour if
you still want to go.

This whole nonsense

has you two hippy-dippy nerds

written all over it.

You need help.

Mom's a therapist;

she knows this stuff.

Look at you, you're
baking your pain away.

Let us throw a memorial

for your dad so you can
give him a proper good-bye.

- No.
- Mom and I will handle

everything, all right?
We will invite everyone,

and, yeah, Edie will help...

we'll deck out the restaurant,

it'll be a blast... of
appropriate sadness.

Yeah.

A memorial?

All right, a memorial.

I'll do anything to get you
guys out of my apartment.

Oh, great, Jimmy, all you have to do

is prepare a few words
to say about your dad.

You mean like a eulogy?

No, I'm not good at that.

Think of it like a toast.

Oh, I'm good at that, yeah.

I can make a toast.
Remember the toast I made

at Ravi's 30th?

That was a roast and you made him cry.

(laughing): No, because
I was laughing so hard.

Sorry I'm late.

Did you guys make Jimmy cry yet?

Vanessa!

Everything's totally normal here,

don't let me keep secrets!

RAVI: Get off my neck!

Why are you staring out the window?

Oh crap, is the ice cream truck coming?

Sara, quick, give me your purse.

No, no, Craig asked me
to move in with him.

Seriously?

Oh, you should do it.

Th-That guy is, like, soap opera hot.

You leave him alone with
me in a walk-in-closet...

- Vanessa!
- Sorry.

Point is, you should lock that down.

Isn't it a little fast?

I don't know.

Ooh, let's try this thing

that I made up to decide stuff.

I used it to decide whether or
not I was gonna have Edie...

(Sara gasps)

...have Edie's birthday

at a park or the pizza place.

Park won. (chuckles)

(giggles)

Okay, what is it?

It's called "fors and againsts."

Oh, so, like pros and cons?

Does pros and cons use...

elastics?

Green...

is fors.

Red is against.

Okay, let's see, um, I
love how direct Craig is.

That's a green.

Edie, arm.

But I don't totally feel like

I can be myself around him yet.

Mm... you mean like going to
the bathroom for number two

when you're staying in
a hotel room together.

Why do they always put the
bathroom right off the bedroom?

I do love when he stays over.

Night sex and morning sex.

That's two greens.

But my gut is telling me

it might be too soon.

Now, when people say, "gut,"

it usually means something's
holding them back.

And by something...

I mean someone else.

N-- that's ridiculous.

Not buying it.

And "someone else" gets
the gold hair tie,

and gold beats all.

"Against" wins.

- (ice cream truck jingle playing)
- What, that's...

Ooh, that is the ice cream truck!

That's my purse!

Eulogy... eulogy...

How's the eulogy coming, boss?

Hey, if you're looking for
an opening, how about,

"Webster's defines death as..."

As what?

Wait, I'm sorry, do you want
me to write the whole thing?

- Look it up, Annelise.
- (sighs)

Oh, this is stupid. My dad died.

We weren't close and he
wasn't very nice to me.

What am I supposed to say?

Definitely not that.

Yeah, that would be a bad eulogy.

Hey, you know what I need?

- Empathy?
- No, my Jimmy-isms.

My Jimmy-isms you've been
compiling over the years.

- Your what?
- You know, the musings and sayings

that I come up with off
the top of my head.

You know, I'll say something,

and I'll say, "Annelise,
write that down,"

and Annelise writes it down.

Yup, he definitely says that,

and I definitely do that.

I've been saving them for my memoir,

but I could spare a few pearls
for my dad's eulogy, right?

Right.

Yeah... Annelise, go
get the master list.

No problem, boss.

Just give me a little time

to organize them with the staff.

Everyone, stop what you're doing.

Jimmy wants me to compile
all his stupid musings

I've been pretending to write
down over the last ten years.

You haven't been writing them down?

- What do you do here?
- Shut it.

We need to band together and remember

all the stupid crap Jimmy
has said over the years.

- Ooh, I remember one.
- Uh-huh.

"Whoever wins, we lose."

Nope, that's the tagline to Alien vs.
Predator.

Come on.

Dad gave me a list of
Jack's closest friends.

- Let's let the inviting begin.
- Okay.

Hi, Ms. Rabinowitz.

I understand you're a
friend of Jack Martino's?

Oh, ex-friend.

He called you what?

Uh, well, maybe he just meant
you're good with money?

Yes, Dr. Lerman, I understand

Jack was a patient of
yours for several years.

Yes, Martino... Hello?

Oh, you're glad he's dead.

Well, why don't you come
celebrate that with us?

I'll pay you.

He owes you how much?

And now I inherit his debit...?

No, no, I don't think
that's how it works.

I got to go, bye.

Forty-one dollars.

Sixty-three dollars!

Sixty-six...!

- (groans)
- That's our ceiling.

(sighs)

Eulogy, eulogy...

Welcome, everybody.

Sex! Now that I got your
attention, my dad's dead.

Nah.

- Jimmy.
- Huh?

This came for you at the restaurant.

Let's see.

Oh!

Contents of my dad's safe deposit box.

My transistor radio.

Wow, used to sit in the backyard

and listen to the Angels play.

Just a father and son,

enjoying the game.

I can't believe he kept this.

Jack Martino wasn't such a bad guy.

Jack Martino was a real son of a bitch.

God, why did we force
Dad into doing this?

You should've let him
work through his feelings

with-with makeovers and
restaurant overhauls.

We'll tell him that we were wrong,

that the memorial service
was a stupid idea.

JIMMY: Hey, guys.

GERALD: Yo.

Just came by to tell you

that, uh, you were right.

I mean, just 'cause my
dad was a difficult man,

doesn't mean it won't feel good

to be around some of his friends, so,

thank you for twisting
my arm and making me

throw this memorial for my father.

You're welcome.

Hm. I brought smoothies.

- Ooh.
- Smoothies.

Great turnout guys

Oh, luckily, there's a
certain type of person

willing to drive up to 90 minutes

if you promise them
free wine and cheese.

SARA: Oh, there's Jack's
former cleaning lady.

There's Jack's old dental hygienist

and her boyfriend Rick.

How come you didn't get

any of his actual friends?

We tried... and failed,

so we called around
Jack's old neighborhood

and scrounged up some randos.

That group is here
because we promised them

free student haircuts.

Why is Ravi staring at us like that?

Hey, Vanessa. Hi, ring-- I mean Gerald.

There's no ring yet, or ever.

You're being weird!

Hey, did you have a chance to
think about us moving in...

(gasps) Here comes Jimmy! Okay.

We have to keep him from having

substantial conversations
with any of the guests.

Luckily, he doesn't really

like to have substantial conversations.

I mean, I was back in
his life for six months

before he asked me a personal question,

and it was, "How big is your package?"

He wanted to know if he was bigger.

And?

- Mom!
- Sara!

What? I'm rooting for you.

Here's the game plan: get
Jimmy on that podium ASAP.

He gives his eulogy, I pull the
fire alarm, everybody goes home.

All right.

Everybody seems dressed casual here.

Well, I guess that makes sense.

Jack Martino was a no-frills
kind of guy, you know.

And these people

are honoring that with
their cut-off shorts...

and tube tops.

Hi.

So... eulogy time?

These mourners are craving
that sweet, sweet eul.

Let me say hi to the guests first.

Excuse me.

Hi, I'm Jimmy Martino.

How did you know my father?

Lo siento, no puedo hablar ingles.

I better get Victor to translate...

Oh, no, you can't ask a Latino
person to translate Spanish.

- It's racist.
- Yeah.

- Is it racist?
- No, it's not racist.

It's not racist.

- ?D?nde est? el vino?
- Victor!

Oh, uh, so... eulogy?

I haven't written it yet.

- Are you kidding?
- What?

No, Annelise's gonna give me

all my Jimmy-isms. Once I get those,

- it'll practically write itself.
- Hmm.

need those Jimmy-isms
yesterday, people.

It's not that hard, what are
some things he always says?

Okay, how about this:

"No, Ravi, I don't want to get drinks."

How about this?

"The air is hot with sweat,

anticipation, and the promise
of a future not yet written."

It's way too beautiful for Jimmy,

but you should be a writer.

I know.

(laughs)

You're not even trying, Cindy.

Sorry, Kylie Jenner just
tweeted something hilarious.

"If there are no two
fingerprints that are alike,

"and no two snowflakes that are alike,

a snowman would be the
best burglar ever."

Perfect.

Kylie Jenner and Jimmy

have the exact same voice.

Are there more of those?

Oh, tons, KJ tweets

like, every five minutes.

Here's another one:

"There is no "I" in cream,

but there is eye cream."

Ravi, copy 50 of them in an e-mail

and send them to me, stat.

I'm already on it.

Hey, where's my Jimmy-isms?

- (computer chimes)
- Forwarding them to you now, boss.

(phone dings)

"When God gives you rain,
make rainbow sorbet."

(laughs) That's so me.

(sighs)

Hey, you guys, let's help poor people.

I don't remember saying that.

Hey, so... you ready to get up there?

Oh, I don't know, I
thought these Jimmy-isms

would help me crack the eulogy, but...

I-I know I said more profound things.

I-I don't ever remember being
this obsessed with side boob.

I don't know what I'm doing.

Oh, God, all right, come on, relax.

You can do this.

Just be honest.

Let yourself be vulnerable.

Uh, do you remember back
when we were dating...

we went on that ski trip to Tahoe?

Yeah... I wanted to go down

one more slope and you were worried

that your lips were getting chapped...

Right, I went back to the lodge,

and-and it started to snow like crazy.

Yes, a-and by the time I got back,

you were so worried about
me, and I walked in,

and you looked at me and you said,

"I was so worried about you."

That's a terrible story.

What's the point?

(scoffs) That is the point.

It wasn't cool or interesting.

It was real and vulnerable.

That's always been my
favorite version of you.

Be that guy.

Did we have sex later that night?

(scoffs) We had sex most nights.

Why didn't you put that in the story?

That would have made it,
you know, something.

Hey, guys.

- Hey.
- Hey, Sara.

- Hi.
- How you holding up?

Not good.

What can I do?

Can you write a speech about my dad?

'Cause all this stuff isn't working....

What are you saying?

I don't know, you could
still put that...

Hey.

Sara, I consider myself pretty secure.

I asked you to move
in over 36 hours ago,

and you haven't given me
an answer yet because

you're so busy helping your
baby daddy, and I get that,

- Yes.
- but...

Yes, what?

Yes, let's move in together.

Okay.

- (chuckles)
- Yeah.

Code red! He's mingling.

Where, what?

You should go.

Wait, so how do you

know Jack Martino?

My girlfriend was his dental hygienist.

Said he was a real jackass,

never opened wide.

Damn it, Rick!

Who are these people?

Where are the people I
gave you on that list?

They really wanted to come...

It was just really short notice...

It's always short notice
when someone dies.

Oh...

Anybody who really knew him
didn't want to come, right?

I don't know why that surprises me.

I'm Jack Martino's son and
I don't want to be here.

Why would they?

By the way, thanks for
forcing me to do this.

Now when I think of my dad,

I can add this sham memorial

to the list of crappy memories.

Dad...

- Jimmy...
- You know what?

Just do me a favor, okay?

Stay out of my business.

Oh, hey, my girl told me

another thing that sucked about Jack.

He used to grab six toothbrushes
on his way out, every time.

God! How'd you know him?

(sighs heavily)

Can you believe Sarah and Gerald,

forcing me to throw this memorial,

filling it with a bunch of people

my father didn't even know.

Yeah, the nerve.

What's that supposed to mean?

Nothing, I'm agreeing with you.

Yeah, but you're agreeing
in a voice that sounds

like you don't agree with me.

I don't like that voice.

Look, I'm not gonna lie.

It's rough out there.

One of the guests is
wearing a shirt that says,

"Gremlins 2 Now Available on VHS."

Yeah. But Gerald and Sara

got your dad's old address
from me yesterday,

so that they could spend
all day cold-calling

every business in his town,

asking if any of the
employees knew your dad

to fill this place up so that you could

give him a proper good-bye.

So, yeah, the nerve.

This is crazy, bro.

I can't keep babysitting
you until I propose.

Listen...

if you don't blow my secret,

I will make you one of my groomsmen.

- Best man.
- No!

Okay, well, then I just can't...

No, okay...

secret best man.

I'm listening.

Yeah, I will have a best man

that isn't you, but secretly,

between you and me, you're my best man.

But you know I'm bad
at keeping secrets.

Well, then I guess
I'll just have to find

another secret best man...

I'll keep it!

I'll keep it so good.

Oh, God, thank God.

- All right? All right.
- (laughing)

Crap, now I have to
plan a bachelor party.

I don't have time for this.

Hi, I'd like to, uh,

say a few words about
my father Jack Martino.

There's an expression I say,

uh, um, "Every day is a gift,

but life doesn't have a return policy."

My dad and I loved to
listen to the radio...

and sit in the backyard,

and we would listen to the
Angels game together...

...but I pretended to love it

because it was the classic
father-son thing to do.

Truth is, I didn't know
anything about baseball.

I didn't know what the hell

the announcers were
talking about, but...

...it was the only thing I
could do with my father

where we didn't have
to talk to each other.

My dad wasn't a great guy.

He was selfish, and he was rude...

that's why you're all here
instead of his real friends...

...but he was my dad...

...and I wish he were still
alive today because...

...he never got to meet my family.

Jack Martino didn't like much,

but he would have liked my family.

He would have said,

"They're too good for you."

And he would have been right.

That's the one thing I regret.

My father never had the
chance to meet my...

Thank you.

Boy, that was embarrassing.

("Zero in the City" by
Great Lake Swimmers plays)

GERALD: Is he all right?
Did you talk to him?

Is he in there?

Baby, that was beautiful.

Thank you.

It really was, Dad.

So, were we right?

Do you feel better?

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