Original subtitles

Synced and corrected by : Katniss Everdeen www.addic7ed.com

Hey, Charlie.

Well, I'm about to go off to college.

So it's time to make my last video diary.

Man, it seems like just yesterday I was doing the first one of these.

(Chuckles) Spencer was coming over for a study date,

and you were covered in smushed bananas.

And, uh... yeah. Now I'm packing for college.

I'm gonna have a going-away party.

And, uh...

I have absolutely no idea what else to say.

You know, sometimes, at this point,

funny things just happen behind me.

Hey, Swiss cheese.

You know, if we were in Switzerland,

we'd just call this cheese.

And sometimes they don't.

Oh, good! Here's dad.

Wow! Don't hear those words very often.

I'm trying to make my last video diary.

Wow, your last one?

That's a lot of pressure.

I'm aware of that.

Ooh-hoo-hoo! Better be a good one.

I'm trying!

Oh! Hey, Gabe.

He's always good for some laughs.

Say something, Gabe.

Hey.

"Hey"? That's all you got?

What's going on?

Teddy's trying to do her final video diary.

Wow. Your final video diary?

Ohh. Better be a good one.

I know!

Hey, Canadian bacon.

You know, if we were in Canada...

(Rock music playing)

Today's all burnt toast

running late and dad jokes

"has anybody seen my left shoe?"

I close my eyes, take a bite

grab a ride, laugh out loud

there it is up on the roof

I've been there, I survived

so just take my advice

hang in there, baby

things are crazy

but I know your future's bright

hang in there, baby

there's no maybe

everything turns out all right

sure life is up and down

but trust me, it comes back around

you're gonna love who you turn out to be

hang in there, baby.

(Doorbell rings)

Hi, Amy.

Come on in, Debbie.

Another mix-up by the mailman.

He gave us Charlie's "gurgles" magazine.

Oh, that's, uh... That's p.J.'S, but thank you.

Ohh! "Good morning Denver,"

my favorite show.

Are you just saying that because I'm on it?

(Chuckling) You're on "good morning Denver"?

For real?

Because I know you sometimes tend to exaggerate things

just a skosh.

No, I'm on it.

Come on, you've seen it. I do the "mama bird" segment.

Well, I only watch the important stuff,

so I guess we'll never know for sure.

- Hey, uh, Rhonda. - Yeah?

What has two thumbs and likes to hit the putting green?

Oh. Well, I don't know, Phil. What?

This guy!

(Both laugh)

Phil!

Oh, I'm gonna miss this.

Oh, that's right. You know what?

- Rhonda has a little announcement to make. - Mm-hmm.

(Exhales) I am leaving the show

to pursue a very exciting new opportunity.

You are looking at the new host...

Of "wake up waco!"

(Phil chuckles)

Oh, we're gonna miss you around here, Rhonda.

Aww.

I don't know how we'll replace you.

Well, I do.

With me!

Oh, you can't be serious.

I can just see it now.

"Good morning Denver... With Amy and Phil."

Isn't it "Phil and Amy"?

For now.

Well! If it isn't the free lunch bunch.

- (Laughing) - You're funny, dad.

(Chuckling) Yeah. Not trying to be.

Emmett, is that my bathrobe?

Yeah. Mine's dirty,

and Mrs. Duncan's a little behind on the wash.

Oh. Well.

I guess I'll have to speak to her about that.

Could you?

Well, since subtlety doesn't seem to be working,

let me be direct.

P.J., you promised to look for a job

after you graduated cooking school.

I know. I'm off to kind of a slow start.

Have you started?

No.

I promise. Right after lunch

I'm gonna get out there and find a job.

Right after lunch "yacky the duck" is on,

so it'll be right after that.

Okay.

Well, Emmett,

all we need is a plan for you.

Oh, I got a plan.

Seven more years of community college

then it's "hello, job market."

So I guess there's no rush to get you out of that bathrobe.

Not unless you wanna see some of your underwear.

So, do you think I'm a good girlfriend?

Well, I don't have much to judge it on, but yeah.

I'm glad.

And as a good girlfriend,

I want you to know if you ever need anything,

I'll be there for you.

Okay.

Would you be there for me?

Sure.

Great.

Grandma! He said yes!

Hey... oh. Wha... What's going on here?!

Nice job, Lauren.

I'm so sorry. She forced me.

Okay, what do you want?

I've got a situation.

The house next door to me is for sale.

Well, that's understandable.

Anyway... The family that's gonna buy it

has a 10-year-old boy.

- So? - A 10-year-old boy

who reminds me of you!

Same evil twinkle in his eye!

I can't go through another Gabe Duncan,

I can't! I tell you!

Okay, c-calm down.

What do you want me to do?

I want you to talk to him, one devil child to another.

Tell him I'm off-limits.

Fine, I'll do it.

(Gasps) Good.

Again, I am so sorry.

Yeah, well, the next time we talk about our relationship,

I'm paying attention.

- Hey, Phil. - Hey, Amy.

Do you mind if I, uh...

If I sit in Rhonda's chair?

Sure, knock yourself out.

(Quietly) Okay.

I'm just gonna... Ohh... wow.

That is really comfy.

(Chuckles)

(Exhales) Almost like it was made for me.

Actually, they were made for me and Rhonda.

They measured our butts and everything.

Oh. Cute story.

Say, I wonder whose butt they're gonna be measuring for this chair now.

Well, I don't know.

- Oh. - We're gonna miss that Rhonda.

Are we?

I mean, let's face it, Phil.

You've been carrying Rhonda for years.

Well, I don't wanna get into it, but yeah.

Knowing you, I'm sure you'll make the wise decision

to promote from within.

Hmm. Well, I hadn't thought about that.

Yeah, the question is: Who?

Mean, Pilar's okay on traffic,

but how is she with small talk?

- (Chuckles) - Yeah.

And misty mountains is great with weather,

but, um, is her brain a low-pressure system?

- (Meows) - (Laughs)

My goodness, Phil. I said something catty,

- and you made a cat noise. - I did.

- (Both laugh) - I love it. I love it!

We are clicking.

We are. Are we?

We are!

If only the viewers could see us.

I j... I just had an idea.

Why don't you audition?

- Me? - Yeah.

Well, I would say that that sounds crazy,

but I know what good judgment you have.

Tell you what, I'm gonna give you

an on-air tryout. If all goes well,

who knows?

"Good morning Denver with Phil and Amy."

(Exhales)

It's all happening so fast.

(Chuckles)

- Packing for college, huh? - Mm-hmm.

Need some help?

What do you want?

(Laughs) What makes you think I want something?

You said "need some help?"

Yeah, right. You got me. Of course I want something.

- What? - Your room.

Gabe! No one's getting my room.

I'm sure mom and dad are gonna leave it as is.

That's right. It's gonna be a shrine to you,

because we're all gonna miss you so much.

Look, I know you're trying to hide it,

but you're gonna miss me.

No, I wont.

Aww.

Well, I'm gonna miss you!

You know, I'll never forget that time when we...

(SIGHS)

Or when we, um...

You know what? Before I go,

let's do something together.

Does this count?

- Get out. - (Mumbles)

Oh, hey, Charlie.

Whatcha doin'?

I'm packing for Yale.

Need some help?

You gonna leave that TV, right?

"Good night, moon..."

And...

Good night to a whole bunch of other stuff.

- (Groans) - Hey, there he is!

How was job hunting today?

Terrible.

Every restaurant I walked into was the same thing.

As soon as the hostess finds out you're not a customer,

they're not very nice to you.

"Hello, sir, can I help you?"

Yeah, they don't mean it.

Well, tomorrow's another day.

I don't know, dad.

The food biz is pretty tough to crack.

Maybe I should just go back to my original dream

of being a baseball player or a police guy.

Your dream from when you were four?

Yes, I said my original dream.

Look, it's not supposed to be easy.

Hey, it's not like someone's just gonna knock on the door

and offer you a job.

(Knocking on door)

Hey hey, gravy!

Hey, buddy! Hey, you need a job?

- Hey, Mr. d! - Hey.

Dude, how'd you know I needed a job?

Alumni association newsletter that you graduated from cooking school.

Kwikky chikki university

has an alumni association?

You were only there for two days.

So we can't have a newsletter?

I believe there was something about a job.

Yeah, my dad bought me my own food truck,

and I need a little help. Interested?

- Mmm... - Hey, he'll take it!

- When does he start? - Tomorrow.

Perfect!

Gravy, you have made us very happy.

It's what I do! (Exhales deeply)

- Hi. - Hi.

I'm Gabe Duncan. I live a couple houses over.

I just wanted to welcome you to the neighborhood.

Oh. Well, thank you.

But we're not officially neighbors until after the inspection.

But if everything goes well, we'll be moving in right away.

Oh, great story. So do you have any kids?

Um, sure.

Matt, there's somebody here who wants to meet you.

- Gabe, this is my son Matt. - Hey.

- Hey. - (Cellphone rings)

Oh. Excuse me. I have to take this.

Hello?

So, how you doin', Matt?

- (Chuckles) - Okay.

Good. Now tell me, Matt.

Do you like trouble? You know, mischief?

Shenanigans?

Pranks?

- No. - (Chuckles) Don't lie to me.

- Maybe a little. - (Chuckling) Yeah, all right.

So, have you noticed the lady who lives next door,

Mrs. dabney?

I guess so.

You guess not. Hands off.

That poor beaten-down old lady is mine.

What are you talking about?

Nobody pranks her but me.

I was pranking her when you were in diapers.

I was pranking her when I was in diapers.

I was kind of a prodigy.

What I'm trying to say is leave her alone.

Okay.

Is there anybody I can prank?

Yeah. Sure, man. I don't wanna tie your hands.

Okay, Mr. duggan across the street...

He does not have caller I.D.

Use that as you will.

You're not gonna have any?

No, ma'am.

Maybe I'll have a bite of yours.

So... What flavor you gonna get?

Vanilla.

Or... Strawberry?

Or... Chocolate?

Chocolate! If you insist.

Uh, excuse me?

Spencer?!

Why is everyone always so surprised to see me?

What are you doing here?

Yeah... I'm gonna give you a minute

to take in the uniform.

I mean, I thought you were in Boston.

Actually, I've been in Denver all summer.

I'm going back to school next week.

Why haven't you come by the house?

Well, you know, Teddy and I...

Oh, right. You two aren't...

Talking very much anymore.

Yeah.

So how's she doing?

I'm getting her room!

(Laughs)

She's going to Yale.

Really? Oh-ho, good for her.

I knew she'd get in.

And, uh, the room thing

has not been decided, little lady.

It's a girl's room. Just saying.

So, is Teddy still dating that guy?

You know, the one with the, uh,

hair and the fake smile?

- Beau? - Yeah.

Yeah, that was his weird name.

No. No. He went back to Tennessee.

Oh.

Too bad.

Yeah, Teddy's doing okay with it.

I'm still struggling.

Well, here she is.

- What do you think? - "The gravy boat."

You get it? 'Cause I'm gravy.

(Chuckles) Why the "boat" part?

- Oh, 'cause we serve fish... - Ohh.

- ...with gravy. - Oh!

Yeah, flounder with gravy, Halibut with gravy, COD with gravy.

Our slogan is: "If you like fish, we got it covered...

In gravy!"

Dude, I'm not sure about this concept.

Oh, come on. There's nothing else out there like this.

There may be a reason for that.

It sounds kinda gross.

No no, you're just not used to it yet.

I mean, hey, they first time someone put eggs and bacon

on a plate together, I'm sure people were like,

"what?! Eggs come from chicken, bacon comes from pig.

I mean, this is chaos on a plate!"

I don't know, man. Fish and gravy?

Okay, what if we call it "fish 'n' gravy"?

Well, I do like things with "'n'" in the middle.

All right, I'm in.

First, we gotta go to the store, pick up a few key supplies.

- Like what? - Fish and gravy.

- Hey, dad. - Hey.

Oh! Guess who I ran into at the yogurt store?

- Hmm? - Spencer!

Really?

He's back in Denver?

Asked how you were doing.

He did? Wha... so, um...

So how did he say it? Like he was just being polite

or like he really wanted to know?

Uh, I'm... I'm not sure.

Well, dad, did he say it like,

(cheerily) "How's Teddy doing?"

Or... (intensely) "How's Teddy doing?"

I don't know.

I'm barely paying attention to this conversation.

Look, sweetie, if you wanna know,

go talk to him.

(Laughs) Dad, I can't do that.

The last time he saw me,

he said he didn't wanna be friends anymore.

Ahh, maybe he's changed his mind.

That's what I want you to find out.

- Me? - Yes.

Tomorrow I want you to go back to the yogurt store

and invite him to my going-away party.

- Okay. - Hold on.

When you invite him, you cannot say that it was my idea.

Okay? That way, if he says no,

you're the one who invited him,

so it looks like you got rejected.

But if he says yes,

and then you can tell him that I asked you to ask him, okay?

I better write this down.

(Zapping on TV)

Remember when you asked me if I was a good boyfriend?

I believe the answer has been confirmed.

(Chuckles)

You talk to that kid?

Oh, yes, the situation has been dealt with,

and I think I deserve a little reward.

You want me to let you win this game?

It's better when you don't say it.

You know, I really do appreciate it.

If my grandma's happy, I'm happy.

Mrs. dabney: Help! Help!

Oh my gosh! That's her, come on!

Mrs. dabney yelling for help used to be such a happy sound.

Finally!

What happened?

This happened!

That kid from next door

put glue on my chair.

You said you were gonna take care of this.

I thought I did. The little weasel lied right to my face.

What's wrong with kids today?

Stop talking and get me out of this thing.

What do we do?

Well, if I know my glue...

(Chuckles) And I do...

Then you need to go to the hardware store and get some solvent.

All right, sit tight.

(Laughs)

"Sit tight."

Oh, that's pretty good. Come on.

- Just go already. - Okay.

How did that kid know I was gonna sit in this chair?

What if I sat in that one?

Devil child!

Help!

(Groaning, grumbling)

I need your help.

Well, I'm not a psychiatrist,

but I'll see what I can do.

Look, I don't have time to trade insults with you today.

Okay? I have a very important audition to be the co-host

for "good morning Denver."

(SIGHS)

Why don't we start by talking about your mom?

(Exhales)

I'm serious.

Look, now the key to this job is to look interested

when Phil is telling one of his boring stories.

Now that's where you come in.

I want you to tell one of your boring stories

and I'll react as if it's interesting.

I happen to think my stories are interesting.

And now so will I.

Okay, so go ahead. Just talk about anything

and I will throw in some co-host banter.

- (Chuckles) - Okay. Ho-ho. Well...

I guess I could talk about tea.

Tea!

(British accent) A favorite beverage

of all friends across the pond it is.

I wouldn't do the accent.

(Normal voice) Okay okay, tell me more about tea.

Well, I like to sip my tea, but I don't like it to get cold.

So what I do is I preheat the cup.

(Incredulously) Preheat the cup?

I'm on the edge of my seat.

That's all I got.

That's all you got? You say that as if it weren't enough.

Oh! (Laughs) Debbie!

You are priceless.

Okay, I need you to tell me a sad story so I can work on my sad face.

Something sad.

Okay, well...

(Gasps) Deedee won a goldfish at the county fair...

But it didn't last too long.

What happened to it?

The cat ate it.

(Gasps) Oh my... (Sobs)

(Sniffles)

(Voice breaking) It's the circle of life.

Sunrise, sunset.

(Composed) We'll be back right after

this short break.

(Bell jingles)

Oh, hey, Mr. Duncan.

Hey, Spencer. Uh, listen.

We're having a little going-away party for, uh, Teddy tomorrow night,

"and, uh, I was wondering if you wanted to come by.

That's my idea, not hers.

She doesn't know I'm here.

Has no idea I'm inviting you."

And a large chocolate with sprinkles.

I'm sorry, what was that?

Okay, you know what? Let's just start with the important stuff...

Large chocolate with sprinkles, please.

So you want me to come to Teddy's party?

Yeah. Me.

Not her.

Un... unless of course you say yes.

And then, I don't know...

I guess the whole thing's different.

I don't know.

Let me think about it.

All right. Well, I understand.

You and Teddy have been through a lot.

You know, you gotta look down deep into your heart and fig...

Seriously, dude, that's all the sprinkles you're gonna give me?

Oh oh! Finally our first customer.

Uh, actually, that's my girlfriend.

And I had to beg her to come here.

Thanks, skyler.

Ahoy, Matey!

Welcome to the gravy boat.

Fish with gravy?

You owe me.

(Mouths)

Would you like to try our special today?

The mystery fish?

Ooh! What's the mystery fish?

We forgot when we put the gravy on.

I'll try the Halibut with gravy.

Here you go.

Uh, what's wrong?

Well, I like the fish...

And I like the gravy.

I'm just not sure I like the two together.

Oh. Well.

I like p. J... And I like you.

I'm just not sure I like the two of you together.

Oh, gravy, come on.

Admit it. It's a terrible idea.

What? We don't belong together?

No. No no no.

Fish and gravy.

Guys, come on!

How bad could it possibly be?

Okay, yeah. It's pretty bad.

What are we gonna do now?

Well, I don't know what you're gonna do,

but I'm outta here! Abandon ship!

What?!

You're the captain now.

You're giving me your truck? What are you gonna tell your dad?

Same thing I told him when he got me a plane:

"I lost it!"

Gravy out!

(Doorbell rings)

What do you want?

I thought I told you hands off Mrs. dabney.

I don't have to listen to you, old man!

You're past your prime. What are you, 13?

14.

Then go take a nap, grandpa.

(Exhales) Look, all I'm asking

is that you leave Mrs. dabney alone.

Once I move in, I'm gonna do whatever I want

to whoever I want and there's nothing you can do to stop me!

Yeah, well, in this neighborhood you're not welcome, Matt.

(Chuckles)

Get it?

Welcome mat.

Lame!

That was lame!

Man, I've lost it.

But I'm gonna get it back.

Hear that?! Getting it back!

Now I'm talking to a door.

What happened to me?!

Hey, Charlie.

Last video diary. Here we go.

Oh, um, actually,

before I get to the big piece of wisdom

that'll summarize the last four years,

there's just one little thing that I wanted to mention.

So dad ran into Spencer at a yogurt store

and he may or may not be coming to my farewell party.

Interesting, right?

(Chuckles)

Anyway, that said, the big wisdom is...

Wait, why wouldn't he say yes or no?

Why "maybe"?

Okay, I'm sorry. I got distracted,

the big message is...

I need to know if he's coming to the party.

Dad!

On tomorrow's show I'm gonna start with a funny story about you kids.

Okay. But mom, just don't forget to listen.

Oh, thanks. I just got it.

Is she okay?

(Chuckles) Charlie, it's mom.

Of course she's not okay.

Teddy, I know I'm focused on the show, but I want you to know

that I'm really looking forward to your going-away party.

Thanks, mom.

I can't believe it's the last time

I'm gonna see everybody before I go off to college.

It's the last time everyone will see me

before I become a giant international media celebrity.

Mom, you have an outside chance to be the second banana

on a third-rate local TV show.

Isn't it exciting?

Okay, dad. You can look now.

Gravy's food truck.

Wondered what that smell was.

It's not gravy's anymore.

It's mine.

- What? - Yeah. He gave it to me.

Isn't that amazing?

I got it for free!

Well, what are you gonna do with it?

Make it my own. All I need are two things:

A new concept and a wise investor.

Oh, p.J., I don't know.

I just need a little help getting started.

- Food trucks are hot right now. - Yeah.

I mean, I've seen them with Mexican food

and Korean, lobster rolls...

Are you as hungry as I am right now?

What do you say?

Let's do it!

- Yes! - (Both chuckle)

All right, I'll be your partner.

Okay. Now as your partner, I think the first thing we should do

is roll down the windows and take this bad boy out on the highway.

Air out the fish and gravy?

Air out the fish and gravy.

Okay, let's review.

You were supposed to go next door and talk to that devil child

and you failed!

Horribly!

Well, you ended up glued to a chair,

so it wasn't a total loss.

We just need a plan

to keep him and his family from buying that house.

Well, if knowing that you're their neighbor isn't enough,

I'm not sure what else to do.

Well, think of something.

(SIGHS) Okay.

Well... (SIGHS)

Come on, Gabe. We just need an evil plan.

This is where you shine.

I know, I know! Stop pressuring me.

Just go crazy. Nothing is too evil.

I can always pull you back.

I usually plan this kind of stuff behind your back.

You're making me nervous.

I'll turn around.

That certainly can't hurt.

See?! You can still think of insults.

Insults are easy. I mean, look at you!

Stop that!

Dad, I got it!

- Got what? - The concept for the food truck.

Two words:

Peanut butter and jelly.

Oh.

Wait, that's four words.

Although peanut butter might be hyphenated.

Do you have a dictionary?

Wait a minute.

Peanut butter and jelly?

That's it?

No.

Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Meets?

With meats?

- That will be terrible. - No.

Peanut butter and jelly meets something else.

No. Just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

That's all. It's simple. Perfect.

P.J., I'm not shelling out big bucks for a p.B. And j. Truck.

I thought you said you believed in me.

I do. I do.

I... I just don't believe in peanut butter and jelly.

Well, that's who I am, dad.

Why don't you think about French food?

You're really good at that.

No, French food isn't my vision.

No, but it could be our vision.

With all due respect, dad,

just write the checks and leave the creative to me.

Your ideas aren't that good.

Where's the respect in that?

Well, dad, if you say "with all due respect"

you can say whatever you want.

Don't you know anything about running a business?

With all due respect.

I think it's a mistake to jump on the very first idea.

It wasn't the first idea.

Peanut butter was the first idea!

Jelly came to me in a dream!

(Pop music playing quietly)

- Hey, Teddy. Hi. - Oh, hi!

Oh, I'm so glad you guys are back together.

You're like the yin to each other's Yang.

Oh, I don't know what yin is.

And I don't know what Yang is.

Exactly.

Hey, vonnie.

Oh, hey, Teddy!

One of the more rockin' parties I've been to,

I gotta say. (Laughs)

Do you go to a lot of parties?

Uh, no, ma'am, I do not.

(Laughs)

Oh, Victor, I'll miss you most of all.

Teddy, I'm going to Yale with you.

So I can't say my favorite line from "the wizard of oz"?

Plus, it's a pretty big campus.

We might not be seeing a lot of each other.

Good. We're on the same page.

(Doorbell rings)

I'll get it!

Hi.

Uh... come on in.

Who's that guy?

I don't know, but he's always around.

(Doorbell rings)

Hey.

Hi.

I wasn't sure if you were gonna come.

Well, here I am.

I'm just glad your dad invited me.

Actually, um... That was my idea.

Yeah, I kinda figured when he had to read

the invitation out loud.

Spence!

Glad you could make it, buddy.

Thanks, Mr. Duncan.

Oh! Hey, the big bug's back.

Yeah, Amy's distracted. I thought it'd be a good time to bring him out of the garage.

Bob, what is this doing here?

And away he goes.

Dad.

P.J.

Crush anyone's dreams lately?

So things aren't going so great between the two of you, huh?

No.

'Cause you know what he was really excited about?

Being your partner.

Well, I let him give me money.

And that was very generous on your part.

But... (SIGHS)

Maybe he didn't wanna just write a check, you know?

Maybe he actually wanted to work with you.

Do you understand what I'm saying?

Because it's time for mommy to go back to thinking

about her audition again.

Thanks, mom. You're really...

Eh eh eh. It's already started.

Ohhh... She came from Colorado

with a laptop on her knee

she's moving to Connecticut

a yalie she will be Teddy Duncan

we're sad to see you leave

we know you'll make some friends out there

And one might be named... Steve.

(Mouths)

We ran out of time on the lyrics.

Hey, if you do make a friend named Steve,

text me, 'cause that'd be so freaky.

(Laughs)

(Mouths)

What's all this racket over here?

Having a little good-bye party for Teddy.

Is there something you wanna say to her?

Yeah. Keep it down!

The noise is driving me crazy.

I'm gonna miss her.

You just gave me an idea about how we're gonna get rid of that kid.

- I knew that evil brain wouldn't let me down. - Mm-hmm.

The original devil child is still the best.

Ha!

Okay, who wants to sing next?

I'd do it myself, but I'm saving my voice for my...

All: Audition.

Teddy and Spencer.

Wh... What do you mean, Charlie?

- Teddy and Spencer what? - Sing.

Ohh.

Uh, I don't think so.

Please.

Yeah, why not?

You know, for old time's sake.

- Yeah. - Yeah, come on, you guys.

Please.

Okay.

Um, what do you wanna sing?

Um, how about that one song that we were gonna do for the talent show?

Oh, yeah. Okay.

(Plays slow melody)

It's a little bit funny

this feeling inside

I'm not one of those

who can easily hide

I don't have much money

but, boy, if I did

I'd buy a big house where

we both could live

if I was a sculptor

but then again, no

or a man who makes potions

in a traveling show

I know it's not much

but it's the best I can do

my gift is my song

and this one's for you

and you can tell everybody

this is your song

it may be quite simple

but now that it's done

I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

how wonderful life is while you're in

the world.

Phil: Good morning, Denver!

Today's guest co-host is our very own mama bird,

Amy Duncan.

Good morning, Amy.

(Loudly) Good morning, Phil.

Whoa.

(Clears throat)

(Normal voice) Sorry.

Good morning, Denver.

And good morning, Phil.

So nice to have you with us.

- Yes. - (Chuckles)

Kids are funny.

Okay. (Chuckles)

Anyway, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Well, Phil, I'm a Denver girl,

born and raised,

and the mother of five beautiful children.

Names?

Yes, we named them.

- No, I mean... - We're very traditional that way.

I meant, what are their names?

Oh. Um...

Um... They are...

One of them is...

Um, I know one of them

just goes by initials.

Um... I'm so sorry, I'm blanking.

Totally understandable. You're a little nervous.

Oh, thank you. I just got it.

(Chuckles)

Have a seat.

(Mouthing)

- Dad, first of all... - (Clears throat)

I want to apologize for my behavior yesterday.

I was out of line.

All right. Apology accepted.

This is the part where you might chime in with "I'm sorry too."

And if I had anything to apologize for,

I certainly would.

I'll just pretend you did.

- Even though I didn't? - You're forgiven.

(Groans) Anyway, I, uh, did some thinking.

And I want you to try something.

Ooh.

Looks like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

Just try it.

Wow.

Wow! What's in this?

Freshly-ground, handpicked Georgia peanuts

with homemade strawberry preserves

on locally-baked artisan bread.

This is fantastic.

It... it's the best sandwich I've ever had.

I mean, the peanut butter

and the jelly and the bread and... and...

Well, that's pretty much it,

but wow, it's really good!

Now I have another surprise for you.

- Here it is. - Uh, b. And p.J.'S p.B. And j.S.

- I don't get it. - You're the "b."

I'm the "b"?

Oh! I'm the "b"!

And I have one more surprise for you.

Welcome to b. And p.J.'S p.B. And j.

I'm e.

And not only that; He's moving out.

Yup, found my own place.

I'm the "b."

"E" is moving out.

Oh, this is fantastic.

(Sobbing)

Are you okay?

(Voice breaking) It's just all happening so fast.

Is that my scarf?

Yeah.

- And... - And we're back.

I do that part, Amy.

See where it says "Phil: And we're back."

"Amy: Yes, we are."

You don't have to read "Amy."

Oh.

Whose part do I read?

Just don't say "Amy."

Got it.

I'll just sit here quiet as a mouse.

(Cellphone ringing)

A mouse with a cellphone.

(Clears throat)

Why don't you answer it?

Hello?

Oh, Charlie. Charlie!

Charlie.

Yeah, you can see me on TV.

Yeah, I know. I'm not doing a very good job.

Why, yes.

That man does look mad at me.

(Chuckles nervously)

Why don't you put her on speaker?

Hold on, honey.

Look, Charlie, honey, now you're on TV too.

Mommy, I don't care if you're doing bad.

I still love you.

I love you too, Charlie.

And I miss you.

I miss you too.

After this, I think I will be spending a lot of time at home.

(Mouths)

Hey.

Hi. I, um... I left my jacket here yesterday.

Oh, yeah.

There you go.

Thanks.

Why don't I walk you out?

You know, I had a great time yesterday.

I mean, it was really great seeing everybody.

Especially you.

Yeah, and I'm so glad we're back to being friends again.

Yeah, me too.

You know, Boston and new haven are pretty close.

Maybe we can make plans to see each other?

Yeah, no, I'd love that.

So would I.

Yeah, it'd be awesome to see each other.

You know, as friends.

Yeah. Yeah, as friends.

Or maybe more than friends?

Yeah, that works too.

You know, I...

I left my jacket here on purpose.

I know.

(Cacophony)

Excuse me. What is going on?!

(Whistle tweets)

I'm sorry, what did you say?

I said, "what's going on?"

Rehearsal. This is the edgewood drive

marching band.

This street has a marching band?

Doesn't every street?

How often do you practice?

Once a day for three hours.

Except on weekends.

Then we practice twice a day for six hours.

No. Isn't there anywhere else that you can practice?

No, the acoustics are perfect right here,

because the sound bounces off your house.

Oh, you know what? I wonder if that's why that house is always for sale.

Huh.

Never put that together.

Emmett, hit it!

(Whistle tweets)

(Cacophony)

Emmett: Order up.

Thank you.

There you go.

Enjoy your b. And p.J.'S p.B. And j.

I'm the "b." Whatever.

Dad, you don't need to say that every time.

But I love it!

- This is fantastic! - Mm.

No wonder their truck is such a big success.

I gotta say, this is a good p.B. And j.

I'm not usually a p.B. And j. Guy.

Mm. I'm all about the Turkey club usually.

Oh, now the b. L.T... That's a close second.

And then you get into what I call "the overrated salads."

You know, you got your tuna, your chicken...

Just eat the sandwich.

I'm sorry about "good morning Denver," mom.

It's okay.

At least I got to live out my dream for one day.

Right? That's more than most people get.

So what are you gonna do now?

Oh, I don't know.

Focus on what's really important in my life.

Your family?

Yeah. Okay, sure.

(Cellphone ringing)

Hello?

I... I did?

Oh.

Okay, thanks.

Um, yeah. Bye.

That was "good morning Denver."

I got the job.

What?!

I got the job.

The viewers found the call from Charlie

to be heartwarming.

They said it made me sound like a regular person.

You're welcome, mommy.

(Doorbell rings)

Oh.

(Both sigh)

- What's this? - It's a pie.

I made it for you.

Is it gonna explode?

- No. - Is it gonna make me sick?

No.

Then what's the point?

I was just trying to thank you

for keeping that family from moving in.

Your plan worked.

Oh. Well, thank you.

Thank goodness I'm not gonna have to worry about that kid.

You know what?

You're not gonna have to worry about me either.

I'll be 15 soon. I'm moving on with my life.

Oh.

I guess this is the end of an era.

It's been a heck of a ride.

It sure has.

We've had some bad times.

We've had some worse times.

Through it all, there was the hatred.

Always.

You know, you taught me an important life lesson:

To fear and mistrust adults.

You taught me that children are the future

and the future is a dark and scary place.

Goodbye, Mrs. dabney.

(Gasps) I can't believe

I'm finally gonna have a devil-child-free life!

(Laughs, gasps)

What's the matter?

I just saw it. The... the twinkle.

He has that same evil twinkle.

Toby?

Yes.

It... it's happening again.

There's another devil child.

She's all yours, kid.

Okay, everybody,

this is Teddy's last breakfast before she leaves for college.

(Voice breaking) So I want everyone to treat it just like it's another day,

okay?

You're doing great, mom.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm all packed.

Ohh, here I go.

Oh, dad. You're such a...

(Voice breaking) Big softie.

Well, don't look at me. I'm not gonna...

(Voice breaking) Dang it.

I'm gonna miss you, Teddy.

Aww, I'm gonna miss you too, Charlie.

(Voice breaking) I'm gonna miss all you guys.

(Sniffles, SIGHS)

Wait.

I finally figured out what I wanna say for my video diary.

Come on, I want all you guys to be in it with me.

Well, Charlie. I guess this is it.

(SIGHS)

You know, I started making these video diaries

to help you survive our crazy family.

And after four years of doing them,

I've realized how lucky we are to be a part of this family.

And just know that...

As long as you've got us,

you always will have...

Come on, guys, say it with me...

All: Good luck, Charlie.

- (Dance version of theme song playing) - Hey hey hey

today's all burnt toast

running late and dad jokes

"has anybody seen my left shoe?"

hey hey hey

I close my eyes, take a bite

grab a ride, laugh out loud

there it is up on the roof

hey hey hey

I've been there, I survived

so just take my advice

hang in there, baby

things are crazy

but I know your future's bright

hang in there, baby

there's no maybe

everything turns out all right

sure life is up and down

but trust me, it comes back around

you're gonna love who you turn out to be

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