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1
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:21,620
Stop it!
Everyone's looking at me!
2
00:00:22,353 --> 00:00:24,662
You've got a right dirty laugh,
d'you know that?
3
00:00:25,095 --> 00:00:27,353
You sound like Barbara Windsor!
4
00:00:27,473 --> 00:00:30,138
It's the smoking.
I didn't know you smoked.
5
00:00:30,258 --> 00:00:33,249
Yeah, I do, but I'm gonna start
giving up when I'm 28
6
00:00:33,261 --> 00:00:35,629
and then definitely stop when I'm 30.
7
00:00:35,749 --> 00:00:38,851
Can you believe we're actually going
to meet tomorrow?
8
00:00:38,970 --> 00:00:41,174
Only 17 hours to go now, babes.
9
00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:04,682
- Hiya, Stacey.
- All right, Doris? How's the leg?
10
00:01:04,802 --> 00:01:08,326
- I wish they'd cut the bugger off.
- Oh, you don't mean that.
11
00:01:08,446 --> 00:01:11,609
Oh, yes, I do. You hand me the axe,
I'll do it myself.
12
00:01:11,729 --> 00:01:15,687
- You still going up London on your blind date?
- It's not really a blind date.
13
00:01:15,807 --> 00:01:19,273
We've been talking for six months.
Just haven't met, like.
14
00:01:19,393 --> 00:01:23,060
What time are you off? First thing.
Dave's Coaches. Cacking myself, I am.
15
00:01:23,180 --> 00:01:25,768
Stace, love, you've got to chill out.
16
00:01:25,888 --> 00:01:29,491
The thing to remember is don't go giving
him nothing on the first night.
17
00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:32,497
- Really?
- Well, no, not nothing.
18
00:01:32,617 --> 00:01:37,657
A kiss, a cuddle, a cheeky finger.
Just don't go selling him the whole farm.
19
00:01:37,777 --> 00:01:40,008
- Oh, thanks, Dor.
- See you, love.
20
00:01:44,022 --> 00:01:45,840
- Hiya, Mam.
- Hiya, luv.
21
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:48,261
- Is that Doris out?
- Yeah.
22
00:01:48,382 --> 00:01:50,240
- How's her leg?
- Fine.
23
00:01:50,751 --> 00:01:53,969
- What's that top?
- TK Maxx. 5 quid, down from 10.
24
00:01:54,088 --> 00:01:58,930
- Can't go wrong. Fancy an omelette?
- Aye, go on, then. Nessa'll be here at six.
25
00:01:59,049 --> 00:02:01,086
- Will she want an omelette?
- I dunno.
26
00:02:04,117 --> 00:02:07,467
Hiya, it's me. Mam's doing an omelette
- d'you want one?
27
00:02:11,746 --> 00:02:12,816
Mmm...
28
00:02:17,266 --> 00:02:18,155
Yeah...
29
00:02:26,041 --> 00:02:28,975
OK...
She don't want one.
30
00:02:38,342 --> 00:02:39,572
Oh, come on!
31
00:02:40,386 --> 00:02:41,578
I DO know her!
32
00:02:42,646 --> 00:02:45,618
You can know someone
without meetin' 'em, y'know.
33
00:02:47,222 --> 00:02:49,133
Look, what's the big deal?
34
00:02:49,437 --> 00:02:52,220
She's bringing a mate,
I'm bringing you.
35
00:02:52,663 --> 00:02:53,742
No, I won't!
36
00:02:54,064 --> 00:02:57,642
'Cos I'm not ringing her, saying,
"Text a photo of your friend for Smithy.
37
00:02:57,762 --> 00:02:59,212
'He wants to see if she's a minger'.
38
00:03:00,437 --> 00:03:03,161
It's too late now, anyway...
All right.
39
00:03:04,044 --> 00:03:06,221
Hiya, Gav. All right, Mum?
40
00:03:06,341 --> 00:03:08,947
No, not really.
I'm absolutely shattered.
41
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:11,976
- I've been crying all afternoon.
- How come?
42
00:03:13,106 --> 00:03:17,574
That Pet Rescue. There was this badger,
and all its litter died,
43
00:03:17,694 --> 00:03:20,716
and you could actually see
the mother badger crying.
44
00:03:20,837 --> 00:03:24,085
- I don't think badgers can cry, Mum.
- Nor did I, my little prince.
45
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:27,095
But I know what I saw,
and it's knocked me for six.
46
00:03:27,493 --> 00:03:29,783
Still, life goes on.
47
00:03:30,668 --> 00:03:34,321
Your dad'll be home in a minute,
and those steaks won't cook themselves.
48
00:03:35,419 --> 00:03:38,676
And will you please make sure you stay
with Nessa at all times.
49
00:03:38,796 --> 00:03:40,149
Do not let her out of your sight.
50
00:03:40,269 --> 00:03:42,117
I don't know why you think
Nessa's any safer than me.
51
00:03:42,237 --> 00:03:44,673
She's a big girl...
Gets it from her father.
52
00:03:44,794 --> 00:03:47,855
If she's one iota of his aggression
inside her, you'll be OK.
53
00:03:47,975 --> 00:03:51,243
- We don't know anything about Gavin.
- He might be a paedophile.
54
00:03:51,363 --> 00:03:55,347
- He wouldn't be interested in me, would he?
- He might be grooming you.
55
00:03:55,467 --> 00:03:57,766
Your Uncle Bryn's coming around
with the rape alarm.
56
00:03:57,886 --> 00:04:01,482
- He tried for pepper spray,
but he haven't had no luck. - Oh, Mam!
57
00:04:03,806 --> 00:04:06,701
- All right?
- Hey, love. Where's your stuff?
58
00:04:07,814 --> 00:04:09,783
- What, that's it?
- I got my sling,
59
00:04:09,903 --> 00:04:12,605
a packet of feminine wipes and 60 Regal.
What more do I need?
60
00:04:12,725 --> 00:04:15,312
- What about your toothbrush?
- I got Tic Tacs.
61
00:04:18,593 --> 00:04:20,183
Oh, tell me you are joking.
62
00:04:23,212 --> 00:04:25,068
We're only going for one night.
63
00:04:29,291 --> 00:04:31,847
I've been looking forward
to this all day long.
64
00:04:32,831 --> 00:04:35,916
You're too good to me, sweetcheeks,
you are, really.
65
00:04:37,247 --> 00:04:39,304
- Good day, Dad?
- Yeah, not bad, mate.
66
00:04:39,803 --> 00:04:43,437
I left work at two just to play the full 18
with Chalky and Woodruffe.
67
00:04:43,557 --> 00:04:45,474
Don't tell your mother.
How did you get on?
68
00:04:45,574 --> 00:04:47,937
- Not bad. A couple of birdies.
- What's that?
69
00:04:48,238 --> 00:04:52,157
A couple of birdies in the bush in the front
garden when I got in from work.
70
00:04:52,257 --> 00:04:56,297
You wanna get a life, Michael. Gavin doesn't
wanna now about birds in the bush.
71
00:04:56,397 --> 00:04:58,688
Good job he's playing golf tomorrow,
eh, Gav?
72
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:02,837
- What on earth have you got there?
- I'm on the Atkins.
73
00:05:02,937 --> 00:05:06,622
You what?
Atkins means - unlike you two,
74
00:05:06,722 --> 00:05:09,758
I'm not entitled to any carbohydrates,
vis-a-vis chips.
75
00:05:09,858 --> 00:05:13,554
So I have substituted my chips
by having two extra steaks.
76
00:05:13,654 --> 00:05:16,582
Three steaks? Are you mad?
No. It's not three steaks,
77
00:05:16,682 --> 00:05:19,478
it's one steak for me as an actual steak,
78
00:05:19,578 --> 00:05:22,826
one as a substitute for my chips
and one as a substitute for my peas.
79
00:05:22,926 --> 00:05:25,874
- But you're eating half a cow, woman!
- Right. That's it.
80
00:05:25,974 --> 00:05:28,941
- I knew you'd say something. I'll starve.
- Mum, come on!
81
00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:30,714
No, Gavin. I've had enough.
82
00:05:30,814 --> 00:05:33,345
I've tried. God knows I've tried.
Fve done the lot.
83
00:05:33,445 --> 00:05:34,936
Pilates. Doesn t work.
84
00:05:35,036 --> 00:05:38,855
Can't do cabbage soup, you don't like
the smell. Now I can't have steak.
85
00:05:38,955 --> 00:05:41,448
- Oh, for the love of Mike.
- Dad, she's on a diet.
86
00:05:41,548 --> 00:05:46,621
- Look, I'm sorry, have the sodding steaks.
- No. And d'you know why?
87
00:05:47,095 --> 00:05:50,540
Because you will be up that golf club
tomorrow and you'll be giving it all this.
88
00:05:50,640 --> 00:05:53,351
'D'you know what my wife
Pamela had last night?'
89
00:05:53,451 --> 00:05:57,157
'D'you what my fat, disgusting wife
Pamela had? Three steaks!'
90
00:05:57,256 --> 00:06:01,529
They'll tell their wives, and before you know
it I'll be known as Three Steaks Pam.
91
00:06:02,035 --> 00:06:06,539
Like when I had a urine infection.
Look what they called me then.
92
00:06:06,639 --> 00:06:11,404
- Just eat the steaks. - Oh, you'd love that,
wouldn't you? Well, no Michael.
93
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,250
You are gonna watch me starve.
94
00:06:13,350 --> 00:06:16,980
- Prepare to watch your wife starve,
potentially to death. - Gav-la?
95
00:06:17,080 --> 00:06:20,671
- Pam-la? Michael?
- Hello, Smithy!
96
00:06:21,070 --> 00:06:23,814
- Ah, darling!
- Pamela, you're looking beautiful!
97
00:06:25,090 --> 00:06:26,262
Oh, stop it!
98
00:06:27,342 --> 00:06:29,279
- Would you like a steak?
- One going, is there?
99
00:06:29,379 --> 00:06:32,497
Due to recent events, there
happens to be three going.
100
00:06:32,597 --> 00:06:35,961
Three? I just had shepherd's pie,
but I'll take two of them on.
101
00:06:36,872 --> 00:06:38,954
- You not eating, Pam?
- Er, no, Smithy.
102
00:06:39,617 --> 00:06:42,645
And this may be the last time
you ever see me.
103
00:06:44,386 --> 00:06:46,867
- Give it a rest!
- Chuck us that sauce.
104
00:06:47,245 --> 00:06:50,464
So I said to him,
'Oh, scaghead. Do what you like.
105
00:06:50,564 --> 00:06:52,943
'It's your life. I'm not about
to tell you how to live it.
106
00:06:53,043 --> 00:06:56,117
I wouldn't tell myself
how to live my life.
107
00:06:56,388 --> 00:07:00,477
But don't come round here peddling
your wares, cos I've got a business to run.'
108
00:07:00,578 --> 00:07:02,389
But you haven't a business to run.
109
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:06,114
Between twelve and two, I am in charge.
At that particular moment,
110
00:07:06,214 --> 00:07:09,861
I was in charge. So yes, I do have
a business to run, as it goes.
111
00:07:10,352 --> 00:07:12,151
- Only me!
- Hiya!
112
00:07:13,104 --> 00:07:14,314
I got the alarm.
113
00:07:15,162 --> 00:07:17,377
- Oh, hi, Ness.
- All right, Bryn?
114
00:07:17,477 --> 00:07:20,936
- How's it going down the slots?
- I won't lie to you, Bryn. I hates it.
115
00:07:21,036 --> 00:07:23,433
Barry Island's not what it used to be,
but what can you do?
116
00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,269
Times change. People move on.
117
00:07:27,183 --> 00:07:30,817
- What do I owe you for that alarm, Bryn?
- Don't worry - this one's on me.
118
00:07:30,917 --> 00:07:33,828
- No, come on.
- 'Ey, these things are important.
119
00:07:33,928 --> 00:07:37,613
My brother would turn in his grave if he
thought I wasn't looking after his little girl.
120
00:07:37,713 --> 00:07:42,174
And the truth is, I don't want anyone
in this room being raped, myself included.
121
00:07:42,590 --> 00:07:44,957
- That's very good of you, love.
- Aye. Fair play.
122
00:07:45,372 --> 00:07:47,001
Oh, thanks, Uncle Bryn.
123
00:07:47,794 --> 00:07:50,217
'Ey, come on, don't get me started now.
124
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:51,826
Right!
125
00:07:52,385 --> 00:07:56,486
The man in the shop says I should give
you a little demonstration. So, Stace,
126
00:07:56,860 --> 00:08:00,858
I want you to run at me as if to all intents
and purposes you were my attacker.
127
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,339
You don't have to show me.
I can work it out myself.
128
00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:07,786
Stace, tomorrow morning you are
travelling to London, England,
129
00:08:08,052 --> 00:08:11,175
to meet a boy you've never met before.
I offered to come with you.
130
00:08:11,275 --> 00:08:14,716
You said, 'No.' I offered to drive
and wait in the car. You said, 'No.'
131
00:08:14,816 --> 00:08:19,259
Now, you've met me halfway on the
rape alarm - at least have the decency
132
00:08:19,358 --> 00:08:23,697
to let me give you a demonstration
because, I tell you this for nothing,
133
00:08:23,797 --> 00:08:27,588
if you come back on Sunday raped
and I showed you how to use it,
134
00:08:27,688 --> 00:08:29,338
I'll rest easy in my bed.
135
00:08:29,811 --> 00:08:34,033
You come back on Sunday raped,
the fault will lie solely at your door.
136
00:08:34,286 --> 00:08:35,781
So, please, attack me.
137
00:08:43,437 --> 00:08:45,708
Oh, no, no.
What are you doing?
138
00:08:45,809 --> 00:08:48,547
You've got to put a bit of
aggression into it.
139
00:08:50,187 --> 00:08:52,875
Stace, sit down.
Ness, you have a go.
140
00:08:57,243 --> 00:09:00,460
Not too late to back out, y'know.
All it takes is one phone call.
141
00:09:00,560 --> 00:09:03,276
- No, I've got to meet her. I wanna meet her.
- Really?
142
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:06,058
- Yeah, it's exciting.
- Maybe it is exciting,
143
00:09:06,159 --> 00:09:08,956
but you know what they say about excitement?
- What?
144
00:09:09,056 --> 00:09:10,639
It's by the by. Look.
145
00:09:11,144 --> 00:09:13,832
I was talking to Gary and Simon
about you, and we're worried.
146
00:09:13,932 --> 00:09:16,766
- Why?
- You're putting all your eggs in one bag.
147
00:09:16,866 --> 00:09:19,700
She's Welsh! She might not even turn up.
148
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:22,142
All I'm saying is don't get your hopes up.
149
00:09:22,938 --> 00:09:25,436
Since when did you became
an expert on relationships?
150
00:09:25,695 --> 00:09:28,327
You've only had one girlfriend,
she's just turned 17.
151
00:09:28,426 --> 00:09:30,900
So forgive me if I don't hang on your
every word regarding my love life.
152
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:35,009
17-and-three-quarters and she got 90%
in her driving theory test.
153
00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:37,035
Look, you don't have to come.
I'll go on me own.
154
00:09:37,135 --> 00:09:40,310
You're not going on your own
to meet up with two freaks!
155
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:44,167
Stacey's not a freak. She might not be
but her mate could be a complete nutter.
156
00:09:44,267 --> 00:09:45,227
Course she won't be!
157
00:09:45,327 --> 00:09:48,992
- You perverted piece of shit!
- Put him down, Nessa!
158
00:09:49,092 --> 00:09:50,462
You make me sick!
159
00:09:52,154 --> 00:09:55,089
- Is that the sort of thing you meant, then?
- Yes.
160
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:21,645
- Night, Ness.
- Night, Stace.
161
00:10:41,606 --> 00:10:44,352
- Forgotten your case, Ness?
- Don't be a twat, Dave.
162
00:10:48,591 --> 00:10:51,260
I had the best night of my life
with that woman.
163
00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:55,685
- Are we all right to smoke, then?
- Animal. Absolute animal.
164
00:10:55,950 --> 00:10:59,150
- Dave?
- What? Oh, sorry luv... Smoking? Yeah.
165
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:04,248
My motto is 'Fags and weed, glue and
speed, but I draws the line at crack'.
166
00:11:04,545 --> 00:11:07,687
- That way, everyone knows where they stand.
- Oh, fair play.
167
00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:18,838
- THAT is de-bloody-beautiful!
- Yeah, it is nice.
168
00:11:19,331 --> 00:11:22,905
This beer is allowed to ferment for nine
years in North Rhine-Westphalen,
169
00:11:23,005 --> 00:11:27,186
home of Munchengladbach FC, and is considered
one of Germany's best-kept secrets.
170
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:31,412
Right, Gav-la...
171
00:11:31,998 --> 00:11:36,011
I think you'll agree, that THAT
is easily worth an 8.5.
172
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:37,622
Gav?
173
00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:40,651
- Gavin?
- Yeah?
174
00:11:42,013 --> 00:11:43,188
Yeah, whatever.
175
00:11:45,327 --> 00:11:47,106
- This was your idea!
- What?
176
00:11:47,385 --> 00:11:48,161
This!
177
00:11:48,261 --> 00:11:49,354
You came to my house.
178
00:11:49,454 --> 00:11:52,079
You said, "Let's try every beer around
the world within 12 months."
179
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:54,219
I said, "No, you'll never do it."
You said, "Come on.
180
00:11:54,319 --> 00:11:56,603
I said, "No."
You said, "Please?" I said, "Fine."
181
00:11:56,703 --> 00:11:58,970
Now I'm the only one who gives a shit!
182
00:11:59,070 --> 00:12:02,946
Gary and Simon dropped out after Belgium.
I don't know where Fingers is. But you!
183
00:12:03,046 --> 00:12:06,240
Once things turned up a notch
with Stacey, you've gone missing!
184
00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:09,628
The lights are on, but everyone's gone out.
I wash my hands of you.
185
00:12:09,728 --> 00:12:12,336
- Smithy...
- And if this mate of hers turns out to be a munter,
186
00:12:12,436 --> 00:12:14,342
that could be it for me and you.
187
00:12:19,564 --> 00:12:20,832
Are you drinking that?
188
00:12:20,932 --> 00:12:23,237
- I'm just too nervous, mate.
- Right. Well...
189
00:13:27,193 --> 00:13:29,239
- There she is. - Where?
- There!
190
00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:31,586
Oh, my God. Right, come on.
191
00:13:32,238 --> 00:13:34,755
But where's her mate?
Oi! Where's her mate?!
192
00:13:37,803 --> 00:13:38,655
Stacey?
193
00:13:39,374 --> 00:13:42,630
Oh, my God!..
Hiya!
194
00:13:42,916 --> 00:13:44,884
When did you get here?
I thought you weren't gonna come!
195
00:13:44,984 --> 00:13:46,875
I've only been here ten minutes.
196
00:13:48,067 --> 00:13:50,944
- I like your cardi.
- Cheers. River Island.
197
00:13:51,044 --> 00:13:53,590
Oh, so is my belt! Amazing!
198
00:13:56,693 --> 00:13:59,022
Oh, sorry, mate. Stace, this is Smithy.
199
00:13:59,122 --> 00:14:02,236
- Hiya, Stacey, all right? Heard a lot about you.
- Heard a lot about you, too.
200
00:14:02,494 --> 00:14:04,633
- Came on your own in the end
then, did you? Or. . . ?
201
00:14:04,733 --> 00:14:09,227
What? Oh, no, no, I came with...
Oh, here she is now! Nessa!
202
00:14:09,782 --> 00:14:10,766
Oh for. ..
203
00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:15,107
- This is Vanessa.
- Six quid for two slices of pizza!
204
00:14:15,207 --> 00:14:17,607
They take the piss, these Cockneys.
- Ness! - What?
205
00:14:17,706 --> 00:14:21,143
- This is Gavin.
- All righ', Gav? How's it going, all righ'?
206
00:14:21,400 --> 00:14:24,390
Yeah, great.
Er. . .and this is Smithy.
207
00:14:30,087 --> 00:14:33,135
- Right... Well, shall we get a drink?
- Yeah, great!
208
00:14:35,090 --> 00:14:39,084
- Oh, Stace! D'you not want this now?
- No, I'm not hungry any more!
209
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:44,349
Yeah, might as well.
210
00:14:48,608 --> 00:14:52,243
- Oh, it's a bit dead in here.
- I don't mind, it's well base
211
00:14:52,343 --> 00:14:53,321
What do you want to drink?
212
00:14:53,422 --> 00:14:56,597
I'll have a white wine spritzer and Ness
will have a gin and tonic. - All right.
213
00:14:58,373 --> 00:15:02,708
All right, er, yeah - two beers, double
gin and tonic, white wine spritzer.
214
00:15:02,808 --> 00:15:04,464
And eight After Shocks.
215
00:15:07,161 --> 00:15:07,937
What?
216
00:15:10,854 --> 00:15:11,744
Smithy?
217
00:15:13,183 --> 00:15:15,511
This is a nightmare of epic proportions.
218
00:15:15,909 --> 00:15:17,405
What's wrong with her?
219
00:15:18,407 --> 00:15:21,693
A - how old is it?!
B - have you seen the tattoo?!
220
00:15:21,793 --> 00:15:24,066
- And 3 - look at the size of it!
- What d'you mean?
221
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:25,808
- She's massive! - She's not.
- She's huge.
222
00:15:25,908 --> 00:15:28,780
- With respect, Smithy...
- I'm big, I'll give you that.
223
00:15:28,880 --> 00:15:31,676
Sorry, the size of that... Look at it!
- Hey!
224
00:15:32,206 --> 00:15:34,345
All right? Been powdering your nose?
225
00:15:35,171 --> 00:15:36,932
Oh thanks, Stace. Thanks a lot.
226
00:15:37,032 --> 00:15:39,449
- What?
- Look, let's get one thing straight.
227
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:42,780
I don't touch that shit no more,
all right? I did... and now I don't.
228
00:15:42,880 --> 00:15:44,670
So let that be an end to it.
229
00:15:48,161 --> 00:15:49,315
Oh, Nessa!
230
00:15:51,588 --> 00:15:54,956
And D - to top it all off -
she's a drug addict! Brilliant!
231
00:15:57,228 --> 00:15:58,307
Cheers, mate.
232
00:17:02,053 --> 00:17:04,817
- I'm so hot!
- I know. I'm wet through!
233
00:17:05,669 --> 00:17:07,826
I can't believe this, you know.
You what?
234
00:17:07,926 --> 00:17:10,269
- This! Us, I can't believe it!
- I know.
235
00:17:10,369 --> 00:17:13,846
- It's better than I thought it would be.
- It's like I've known you ages.
236
00:17:13,946 --> 00:17:15,985
- Like I've known you for life.
- What?
237
00:17:16,085 --> 00:17:18,067
Like I've known you all my life.
238
00:17:18,956 --> 00:17:21,550
- I was so worried you wouldn't like me.
- You what?
239
00:17:21,650 --> 00:17:24,332
- I was so nervous.
- Yeah, me too!
240
00:17:24,768 --> 00:17:27,455
- Look, Stace, I just want you to know...
- Sorry?
241
00:17:27,555 --> 00:17:30,176
- I just want you to know...
- I can't hear you!
242
00:17:30,631 --> 00:17:32,297
I just wanted to...
243
00:17:44,121 --> 00:17:45,182
..say that.
244
00:18:00,397 --> 00:18:03,046
Smithy! Train goes in 20 minutes!
245
00:18:04,189 --> 00:18:07,465
You don't have to go, y'know.
Not if you don't want to.
246
00:18:07,565 --> 00:18:10,607
- What, you mean come back?
- Yeah. Well, if you like.
247
00:18:10,707 --> 00:18:12,940
It's up to you.
I don't want you to think that...
248
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:15,799
Gavin, I'm asking you to come back with me.
249
00:18:18,145 --> 00:18:21,117
S'all right, mate. You get the train.
I'm gonna go back with erm...
250
00:18:21,218 --> 00:18:23,124
- Nessa.
- Nessa, that's it.
251
00:18:23,224 --> 00:18:24,581
Can I have a word?
252
00:18:27,480 --> 00:18:30,623
You got any johnnies?
I ain't going in there bareback.
253
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,708
- We'll have to stop off at a garage on the way.
- Are you in?
254
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,728
- I think so.
- Quality! Quality.
255
00:18:35,828 --> 00:18:38,132
- Well have to make a stop, girls.
- What for?
256
00:18:38,232 --> 00:18:41,698
- Well we might have to... erm...
get some...
257
00:18:41,798 --> 00:18:45,634
- Don't worry. I got a stash... Ribbed.
- Taxi!
258
00:18:57,528 --> 00:18:58,928
There's no mini bar.
259
00:18:59,029 --> 00:19:01,744
- I'll order some room service, shall I?
- Yeah. Gav,
260
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,650
I'm not bein' funny, but it's half two
now and we're leaving in eight hours.
261
00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:08,693
We all know what's gonna happen,
who wants what...
262
00:19:08,793 --> 00:19:11,683
so why not cut to the chase
and we can all get some?
263
00:19:12,571 --> 00:19:15,562
- And they say romance is dead.
- Don't be a prick, Gav.
264
00:19:16,224 --> 00:19:18,459
Right, Stace, how d'you want to do this?
265
00:19:18,559 --> 00:19:20,352
Well, we'll have this bed,
you have that one.
266
00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,604
- Switch the lights off and get on with it.
- Right.
267
00:19:22,704 --> 00:19:26,095
Hang on, are you serious?
Those beds are like two feet apart.
268
00:19:26,195 --> 00:19:27,477
I don't give a shit.
269
00:19:28,025 --> 00:19:30,240
I just feel a little bit uncomfortable!
270
00:19:31,270 --> 00:19:33,505
OK. OK, as a mate...
271
00:19:34,546 --> 00:19:36,817
we'll go in the en suite. Yeah? Nessa?
272
00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:40,082
All right...
but only for the first one.
273
00:19:40,799 --> 00:19:42,635
I hopes you're hungry, big boy.
274
00:19:45,929 --> 00:19:46,876
Come on!
275
00:19:47,255 --> 00:19:48,618
Get in here now.
276
00:19:49,640 --> 00:19:50,624
Bit of music?
277
00:19:52,821 --> 00:19:54,334
Sorry. Bloody thing...
278
00:19:55,129 --> 00:19:57,212
Hang on, let's try this.
279
00:20:04,255 --> 00:20:05,562
I love this one.
280
00:20:07,227 --> 00:20:08,930
Right. D'you want a drink, then?
281
00:20:09,253 --> 00:20:11,524
- Gavin...
- I can go down to the bar if you like...
282
00:20:11,624 --> 00:20:14,913
- Gav...
- I'm easy...I just don't... We can talk if you want.
283
00:20:43,568 --> 00:20:45,044
This is so lush.
284
00:20:49,694 --> 00:20:50,925
Mmm. It is.
285
00:20:52,135 --> 00:20:53,498
It's totally lush.
286
00:20:58,623 --> 00:21:01,690
Oh, fucking hell.
Oh God!
287
00:21:02,820 --> 00:21:04,523
Oh! Dirty!
288
00:21:06,107 --> 00:21:08,425
Oh! Oh! That's it.
289
00:21:09,584 --> 00:21:12,404
Oh! Oh! Now we're talking.
290
00:21:12,704 --> 00:21:14,041
Oh, yeah. Oh...
291
00:21:15,316 --> 00:21:17,341
Ow! Ow! OW! Oh, God!
292
00:21:21,277 --> 00:21:22,526
Ooooh, God.
293
00:21:32,364 --> 00:21:35,070
- Oh, Stace, don't wake him.
- Why?
294
00:21:35,582 --> 00:21:37,949
I'm not being funny,
right now you look like shit.
295
00:21:38,048 --> 00:21:40,541
Last night you looked cracking.
Let that be the memory.
296
00:21:40,641 --> 00:21:42,479
Good point. I'll leave a note.
297
00:21:42,992 --> 00:21:44,941
- What about Smithy?
- No, leave him.
298
00:21:45,521 --> 00:21:47,967
His breath is rank
and mine's not much better.
299
00:22:11,739 --> 00:22:12,551
Smithy!
300
00:22:12,781 --> 00:22:13,653
Smithy!
301
00:22:15,589 --> 00:22:16,474
Oh, God.
302
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:18,497
Oh, my God.
303
00:22:20,096 --> 00:22:22,229
- Come on, mate, we haven't got time for this.
- Ohh...
304
00:22:22,959 --> 00:22:24,897
I feel like I've been abused!
305
00:22:24,998 --> 00:22:27,914
Look, I wanna say goodbye properly.
Their coach leaves in half an hour.
306
00:22:28,014 --> 00:22:29,307
Oh God, the guilt.
307
00:22:30,189 --> 00:22:31,364
Oh, the guilt!
308
00:22:32,709 --> 00:22:34,126
Oh, what about Lucy?
309
00:22:34,962 --> 00:22:37,469
I'm going to have to confess.
No, mate! Look, what's the point?
310
00:22:37,569 --> 00:22:38,741
I've got to!
No you don't!
311
00:22:38,842 --> 00:22:41,131
- I have! - Why?
- You don't understand!
312
00:22:44,890 --> 00:22:46,501
She did things...
313
00:22:46,601 --> 00:22:47,542
Mate...
314
00:22:48,105 --> 00:22:50,818
she put things... in
315
00:22:53,526 --> 00:22:56,203
Did Stacey... Listen, did Stacey...?
Did she...?
316
00:22:56,303 --> 00:22:57,888
Did she stick anything...?
317
00:22:57,988 --> 00:23:00,178
Smithy, I can't believe
you're even asking me?!
318
00:23:00,278 --> 00:23:02,653
I am not discussing anything
about last night with you!
319
00:23:02,753 --> 00:23:04,810
I need to know whether
this is something that just...
320
00:23:05,837 --> 00:23:06,564
Oh...
321
00:23:07,944 --> 00:23:09,047
- Nessa.
- Nessa.
322
00:23:09,146 --> 00:23:12,208
Whether it's something just she does
or is it a Welsh thing?
323
00:23:12,308 --> 00:23:13,009
Why does it matter?
324
00:23:13,108 --> 00:23:15,395
If it's something everybody does
I don't need to see a doctor.
325
00:23:16,013 --> 00:23:18,048
- Get dressed!
- All right!
326
00:23:21,887 --> 00:23:22,941
Oh, God!
327
00:23:31,233 --> 00:23:34,371
Don't suppose I can tempt you
to a Chinese down mine later?
328
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:37,287
Oh, Dave, when are you going to learn?
329
00:23:37,796 --> 00:23:39,189
You could buy me all the chocolates,
330
00:23:39,289 --> 00:23:41,767
all the chow mein you like, but it
won't wash, and you knows why.
331
00:23:41,867 --> 00:23:45,089
Back off or I'll tell everyone on that
coach about my trip to the doctor's,
332
00:23:45,188 --> 00:23:46,685
is that what you want?
333
00:23:47,230 --> 00:23:48,187
No. Sorry.
334
00:23:48,287 --> 00:23:51,577
Look, I think you're a cracking bloke,
Dave, but let's face it -
335
00:23:51,868 --> 00:23:53,710
- you're riddled.
- I know.
336
00:23:55,471 --> 00:23:56,938
How is everything, er,
337
00:23:57,471 --> 00:23:58,852
down there, by the way?
338
00:23:59,385 --> 00:24:01,990
Shipshape and shiny now,
no thanks to you.
339
00:24:03,249 --> 00:24:05,490
Stacey! Stacey!
340
00:24:06,811 --> 00:24:10,081
- Oh, God!
- I had to say goodbye.
341
00:24:11,708 --> 00:24:13,734
You, er... forgot this.
342
00:24:14,510 --> 00:24:15,589
Oh. tidy.
343
00:24:18,015 --> 00:24:20,361
- So I'll give you a ring.
- Why?
344
00:24:21,895 --> 00:24:24,753
- Well, y'know...
- Oh, get a life, Smithy.
345
00:24:25,434 --> 00:24:26,513
Oh, Stace!
346
00:24:27,010 --> 00:24:29,412
Come on, babes.
I'll see you again really soon.
347
00:24:29,512 --> 00:24:30,795
- Don't.
- What?
348
00:24:30,895 --> 00:24:32,763
Don't promise me nothin'.
349
00:24:33,483 --> 00:24:35,432
If this is all it's meant to be,
350
00:24:35,532 --> 00:24:37,552
I'm still so happy I met you!
351
00:24:55,466 --> 00:24:58,192
- Right. KFC?
- No, mate, there's something I gotta do.
352
00:24:58,293 --> 00:25:00,349
- Taxi!
- What? Where are you going?
353
00:25:00,449 --> 00:25:02,696
I've got to go home.
Billericay, please mate.
354
00:25:02,796 --> 00:25:05,990
- I thought we were going to share a bucket?!
- Are you coming or what?
355
00:25:28,584 --> 00:25:29,759
Cheers, mate.
356
00:25:37,441 --> 00:25:39,580
Gav? Gavin?
357
00:25:41,017 --> 00:25:42,758
- How did it go?
- Brilliant.
358
00:25:42,858 --> 00:25:45,029
- What's she like?
- I'll tell you later.
359
00:25:46,638 --> 00:25:47,755
See you then.
360
00:25:49,515 --> 00:25:51,635
- What on earth's going on?
- Don't ask!
361
00:25:51,735 --> 00:25:53,856
All I know is I'm so ravenous
I can barely see!
362
00:25:53,956 --> 00:25:55,729
Do you want a Pammy's full English?
363
00:25:55,829 --> 00:25:58,076
- You read my mind!
- How about you, Smithy?
364
00:25:58,176 --> 00:26:00,518
- Did you have a good time?
- Not really, no.
365
00:26:36,999 --> 00:26:38,211
Oh, my God!
366
00:26:39,497 --> 00:26:42,735
- What you doin' here?!
- I said I'd see you soon, didn't I?
367
00:26:50,250 --> 00:26:51,215
What's up?
368
00:26:52,256 --> 00:26:53,222
Nothing.
369
00:26:55,090 --> 00:26:55,866
What?
370
00:26:56,926 --> 00:26:58,649
- It's stupid...
- Stace?
371
00:26:59,943 --> 00:27:01,003
It's just...
372
00:27:02,196 --> 00:27:03,406
I told myself...
373
00:27:04,554 --> 00:27:08,000
if ever I saw you again
in the flesh, like, that I'd...
374
00:27:10,196 --> 00:27:10,953
What?
375
00:27:12,552 --> 00:27:15,580
That I'd tell you something.
But I can't.
376
00:27:16,621 --> 00:27:21,013
Oh, Stace, I'm going for a curry with Dave.
I'll call you tomorrow.
377
00:27:24,209 --> 00:27:26,045
If you say it, I'll say it back.
378
00:27:28,712 --> 00:27:30,454
- I love you.
- I love you too.
379
00:27:34,815 --> 00:27:36,916
- What's that?
- Just my rape alarm!
380
00:27:36,966 --> 00:27:41,516
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