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1
00:00:01,940 --> 00:00:03,439
Mine curves to the left when it's...
2
00:00:03,440 --> 00:00:04,440
Penis!
3
00:00:04,441 --> 00:00:05,779
Ding!
4
00:00:05,780 --> 00:00:08,179
- Mine smells like death and Sauerkraut...
- Grandmother!
5
00:00:08,180 --> 00:00:09,310
Ding!
6
00:00:09,320 --> 00:00:10,510
You get this when I touch your...
7
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:12,079
- Headache.
- Ding ding ding ding
8
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ding ding ding ding ding ding ding!
9
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(Game show host voice): Blistering round for
10
00:00:15,350 --> 00:00:17,150
the husband and wife team Andi and Bobby,
11
00:00:17,160 --> 00:00:19,019
with 30 correct answers
12
00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:20,320
in 60 seconds.
13
00:00:20,330 --> 00:00:21,589
(Normal voice): You know, in another life,
14
00:00:21,590 --> 00:00:22,959
I could've made a great game show host.
15
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:26,529
Well, you certainly have
the giant head for it.
16
00:00:26,530 --> 00:00:29,029
(Game show host voice):
It's that kind of anger
17
00:00:29,030 --> 00:00:31,099
that scares off men.
18
00:00:31,100 --> 00:00:32,339
Up next,
19
00:00:32,340 --> 00:00:33,439
she's an actress,
20
00:00:33,440 --> 00:00:34,769
he owns a health food restaurant.
21
00:00:34,770 --> 00:00:35,610
They're newly engaged.
22
00:00:35,611 --> 00:00:38,910
Welcome, Jules and Lowell!
23
00:00:41,110 --> 00:00:43,279
It's like watching two chickens
24
00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:45,449
hypnotize each other.
25
00:00:45,450 --> 00:00:47,280
Hey!
26
00:00:47,290 --> 00:00:48,449
Hey! Hey!
27
00:00:48,450 --> 00:00:49,950
- Oh, we're up, sorry.
- We're up, okay.
28
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,420
(Game show host voice):
Okay, here comes the ding.
29
00:00:53,160 --> 00:00:55,129
(Bell clatters on floor)
30
00:00:55,130 --> 00:00:56,959
All right, my favorite food is...
31
00:00:56,960 --> 00:00:58,799
Bean! Curd.
32
00:00:58,800 --> 00:00:59,829
Paste.
33
00:00:59,830 --> 00:01:00,960
Mush. Pass.
34
00:01:00,970 --> 00:01:03,030
Okay.
35
00:01:03,040 --> 00:01:04,169
All right, okay.
36
00:01:04,170 --> 00:01:05,140
My middle name is...
37
00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:06,300
Perfection.
38
00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:07,400
Just kidding.
39
00:01:07,410 --> 00:01:09,169
Um... uh, p-pass.
40
00:01:09,170 --> 00:01:10,670
Okay, pass.
41
00:01:10,680 --> 00:01:12,809
Okay, I have a family history of...
42
00:01:12,810 --> 00:01:14,040
Pass!
43
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:16,310
Oh, my god.
44
00:01:16,320 --> 00:01:18,010
This is ridiculous.
45
00:01:18,020 --> 00:01:19,919
Aren't you at all concerned
46
00:01:19,920 --> 00:01:21,249
that you two are engaged
47
00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:22,719
and don't know a thing about each other?
48
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:25,319
Oh, well, while some people value history,
49
00:01:25,320 --> 00:01:27,559
we value mystery.
50
00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:28,390
Oh, yeah.
51
00:01:28,391 --> 00:01:29,529
I love him.
52
00:01:29,530 --> 00:01:32,029
That's all I need to know.
53
00:01:32,030 --> 00:01:34,430
Oh, that's sweet.
54
00:01:35,430 --> 00:01:36,830
Where's my friend?
55
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:37,999
Oh, there she is.
56
00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,900
Hi, I've missed you.
57
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:55,000
C17
58
00:01:55,290 --> 00:01:58,119
Jules and Lowell are just so happy
59
00:01:58,120 --> 00:01:59,520
and in love.
60
00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:00,720
Of course they are.
61
00:02:00,730 --> 00:02:02,289
They barely know each other.
62
00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:03,529
Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:03,530 --> 00:02:05,129
- God, I'm exhausted.
- Yeah.
64
00:02:05,130 --> 00:02:06,429
(Beeping) Oh.
65
00:02:06,430 --> 00:02:08,869
I just got a calendar alert.
66
00:02:08,870 --> 00:02:11,030
It's sex Tuesday.
67
00:02:11,040 --> 00:02:12,969
- Already?
- Mm-hmm.
68
00:02:12,970 --> 00:02:14,400
I didn't get a... (Beeping)
69
00:02:14,410 --> 00:02:16,039
- Oh, there it is.
- Mm-hmm.
70
00:02:16,040 --> 00:02:19,209
Uh... do you want to take
each other's pants off?
71
00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:20,579
Nah...
72
00:02:20,580 --> 00:02:22,709
It's too much work.
73
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:23,850
Mmm.
74
00:02:25,050 --> 00:02:27,450
(Sighs)
75
00:02:28,590 --> 00:02:30,950
Oh, no, it's the second Tuesday.
76
00:02:32,160 --> 00:02:34,560
All right, I'm up.
77
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:39,229
Oh, my god, I have mommy and me tomorrow.
78
00:02:39,230 --> 00:02:40,399
Okay, I'm taking the 10,
79
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,899
'cause the 405 is just ridiculous.
80
00:02:41,900 --> 00:02:43,430
And then afterwards, I
have to go to the market
81
00:02:43,440 --> 00:02:44,769
'cause I'm the one who's
supposed to bring the snacks,
82
00:02:44,770 --> 00:02:46,339
and some kid is allergic to melon?
83
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:48,069
Who is allergic to melon?
84
00:02:48,070 --> 00:02:50,510
(Snoring)
85
00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:53,409
Bobby?
86
00:02:53,410 --> 00:02:55,079
(Bobby snoring)
87
00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,480
(Sighs)
88
00:03:00,690 --> 00:03:02,589
How did he fall asleep?
89
00:03:02,590 --> 00:03:04,990
Did you soak it in chloroform?
90
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:07,959
We're tired.
91
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:10,259
We wake up at 6:00 A.M. with Charlie.
92
00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:12,329
Okay, well, you gotta change things up
93
00:03:12,330 --> 00:03:14,160
if you don't want him snoozing on your kitty
94
00:03:14,170 --> 00:03:15,929
for the rest of your life.
95
00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:17,130
Yeah, before you know it
96
00:03:17,140 --> 00:03:18,670
you're gonna be scheduling sex.
97
00:03:20,170 --> 00:03:21,269
Hey, sorry we're late.
98
00:03:21,270 --> 00:03:22,270
Did we miss anything?
99
00:03:22,271 --> 00:03:24,109
Please say it's the food.
100
00:03:24,110 --> 00:03:26,109
All right, some complimentary
101
00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:27,979
algae shots for my friends.
102
00:03:27,980 --> 00:03:29,309
Enjoy,
103
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:31,720
and namaste.
104
00:03:32,620 --> 00:03:34,149
- Namaste.
- Thank you.
105
00:03:34,150 --> 00:03:36,019
Thank you.
106
00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:38,120
- Okay.
- Okay.
107
00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:41,629
All: Mmm!
108
00:03:41,630 --> 00:03:44,030
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
109
00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:45,959
Ugh.
110
00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:48,930
Well, now I know what a
frog's ass tastes like.
111
00:03:53,040 --> 00:03:54,400
It's true,
112
00:03:54,410 --> 00:03:55,509
the food is repugnant,
113
00:03:55,510 --> 00:03:57,370
but the view...
114
00:03:57,380 --> 00:03:59,040
Is unbeatable.
115
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,910
Kate is dating Steve the waiter.
116
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:04,880
A waiter, huh?
117
00:04:04,881 --> 00:04:06,319
That's not usually your type.
118
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,349
Well, he's also a waiter
119
00:04:08,350 --> 00:04:10,019
in the bedroom.
120
00:04:10,020 --> 00:04:12,389
Was everything to your satisfaction?
121
00:04:12,390 --> 00:04:15,859
Very much to my satisfaction.
122
00:04:15,860 --> 00:04:18,929
Hope you saved room for dessert.
123
00:04:18,930 --> 00:04:21,230
I could be tempted.
124
00:04:25,840 --> 00:04:28,940
(Spraying)
125
00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:35,349
Oh, my.
126
00:04:35,350 --> 00:04:37,750
That's big enough for two.
127
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:42,650
Gosh, you are such a... dude.
128
00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:45,289
Thank you.
129
00:04:45,290 --> 00:04:46,920
Jules...
130
00:04:47,860 --> 00:04:49,289
Oh, my god.
131
00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,229
It's Jack, the guy that I used to...
132
00:04:51,230 --> 00:04:52,459
Jules!
133
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:53,729
You're back from India.
134
00:04:53,730 --> 00:04:55,970
Hi, Jack, listen. Things have sort of...
135
00:04:59,200 --> 00:05:00,739
(Clears throat)
136
00:05:00,740 --> 00:05:02,239
changed for me.
137
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:03,709
Darling...
138
00:05:03,710 --> 00:05:06,540
Why was that man just tongue-blasting you?
139
00:05:06,550 --> 00:05:08,109
I'm her friend Jack.
140
00:05:08,110 --> 00:05:09,879
I'm her fianc�, Lowell.
141
00:05:09,880 --> 00:05:11,379
Ooh, drama!
142
00:05:11,380 --> 00:05:12,879
Fight, fight!
143
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:15,350
- Fight...
- No, no, no, no.
144
00:05:16,150 --> 00:05:17,150
No...
145
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:18,319
No fight.
146
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:19,220
I'm sure that Jules can explain.
147
00:05:19,221 --> 00:05:20,959
Okay.
148
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:23,090
Jack and I used to model together,
149
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,229
and occasionally...
150
00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:25,599
Hook up.
151
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:28,130
And I kind of forgot to
tell him I was engaged.
152
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,499
So should I...
153
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,900
(All murmur agreement)
154
00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:38,809
I am so, so sorry.
155
00:05:38,810 --> 00:05:40,279
Don't worry about it, all right?
156
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:41,579
We've all got bits of baggage.
157
00:05:41,580 --> 00:05:43,810
I mean, you've got... This guy,
158
00:05:43,820 --> 00:05:45,479
I was engaged twice before.
159
00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:46,980
So...
160
00:05:48,820 --> 00:05:50,990
Oh, no. Kitchen fire.
161
00:05:52,620 --> 00:05:55,029
I knew it. I. Knew. It.
162
00:05:55,030 --> 00:05:56,760
Bathroom now.
163
00:05:58,260 --> 00:06:00,400
Just the girls.
164
00:06:09,340 --> 00:06:10,939
Jules, look, we need to know
165
00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:12,439
what happened to those fianc�es.
166
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,540
And we are certainly not gonna find out
167
00:06:14,550 --> 00:06:17,210
from Mr. Outback Fakehouse.
168
00:06:17,220 --> 00:06:18,849
You are totally cynical.
169
00:06:18,850 --> 00:06:20,849
You have a pattern of
rushing into relationships,
170
00:06:20,850 --> 00:06:22,689
and this time, you could really get burned.
171
00:06:22,690 --> 00:06:24,950
Kate, he will tell me in his own good time.
172
00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:26,459
Seriously, let me handle it.
173
00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:27,689
(Exhales) Okay.
174
00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:29,890
All right. I'll let you handle it.
175
00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,060
You're not gonna let her
handle it. I am not gonna
176
00:06:33,070 --> 00:06:34,399
let her handle it.
177
00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:35,370
(Phone chimes)
178
00:06:35,371 --> 00:06:37,499
Whoa. Val texted me.
179
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,639
Val texted me, "hi."
180
00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:39,669
She hasn't texted me in weeks.
181
00:06:39,670 --> 00:06:40,969
What should I say?
182
00:06:40,970 --> 00:06:42,509
Tell her you're signing your divorce papers
183
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:43,709
and get on with your life.
184
00:06:43,710 --> 00:06:45,409
I want to put on a tuxedo
185
00:06:45,410 --> 00:06:46,909
and sing to her.
186
00:06:46,910 --> 00:06:49,409
Okay, you're spiraling out.
187
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,379
I made a promise to love her forever,
188
00:06:51,380 --> 00:06:52,819
and I can't just turn that off.
189
00:06:52,820 --> 00:06:54,349
All right, look, if you're gonna play,
190
00:06:54,350 --> 00:06:55,549
at least play to win.
191
00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,089
First thing you do is you don't respond.
192
00:06:57,090 --> 00:06:58,090
I gotta respond.
193
00:06:58,090 --> 00:06:59,060
No.
194
00:06:59,061 --> 00:07:00,489
Because sometimes, the best response
195
00:07:00,490 --> 00:07:01,559
is no response.
196
00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:03,159
(Phone chimes)
197
00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,160
See that?
198
00:07:04,161 --> 00:07:05,229
"Can we talk?"
199
00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:06,329
Type "yes."
200
00:07:06,330 --> 00:07:07,829
"Yes" in all caps.
201
00:07:07,830 --> 00:07:10,399
With a smiley-face emoticon
so she'll know I'm fun.
202
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,869
- I'm typing "no."
- No!
203
00:07:11,870 --> 00:07:13,369
Don't type "no." don't type "no"!
204
00:07:13,370 --> 00:07:14,400
(Phone chimes)
205
00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:15,839
See that? "No."
206
00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:18,039
It's the most erotic word
in the English language.
207
00:07:18,040 --> 00:07:20,440
At least, that's what my wife tells me.
208
00:07:25,020 --> 00:07:27,019
(Laughing): This is incredible.
209
00:07:27,020 --> 00:07:29,889
Val has texted me seven times
since we've left the restaurant.
210
00:07:29,890 --> 00:07:32,019
"Want to meet for coffee?"
211
00:07:32,020 --> 00:07:32,860
No.
212
00:07:32,861 --> 00:07:34,189
"Lunch next week?"
213
00:07:34,190 --> 00:07:35,529
Negative.
214
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,029
"Can we Skype?"
215
00:07:37,030 --> 00:07:39,430
As the French would say, non.
216
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:42,269
She's frothing at the mouth.
217
00:07:42,270 --> 00:07:45,000
You were right, man. It's the power of "no."
218
00:07:46,970 --> 00:07:49,409
Bobby... Does it bother you
219
00:07:49,410 --> 00:07:51,909
that our lives have become
completely predictable?
220
00:07:51,910 --> 00:07:53,279
What are you talking about?
221
00:07:53,280 --> 00:07:54,940
I know everything about you,
222
00:07:54,950 --> 00:07:56,479
and you know everything about me.
223
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:57,710
Like, for instance, tonight,
224
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,619
we both want to have a second dinner,
225
00:07:59,620 --> 00:08:01,049
get too bloated to have sex
226
00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:02,889
and then fall asleep watching TV.
227
00:08:02,890 --> 00:08:04,389
Great. Nuke the burritos.
228
00:08:04,390 --> 00:08:05,459
I'll get the remote.
229
00:08:05,460 --> 00:08:07,159
No, Bobby, I'm serious.
230
00:08:07,160 --> 00:08:07,990
Think about it.
231
00:08:07,991 --> 00:08:09,629
For the rest of our lives,
232
00:08:09,630 --> 00:08:11,229
until we die,
233
00:08:11,230 --> 00:08:14,060
there will be no more shocking revelations,
234
00:08:14,070 --> 00:08:15,799
no more intimate discoveries...
235
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,499
Nothing new, ever.
236
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,739
- Wow.
- Yeah.
237
00:08:19,740 --> 00:08:21,400
Never really thought about it that way.
238
00:08:21,410 --> 00:08:23,470
Guess we should add some variety.
239
00:08:23,480 --> 00:08:25,309
Yes, we should.
240
00:08:25,310 --> 00:08:26,409
I have an idea.
241
00:08:26,410 --> 00:08:28,079
You are not putting it there.
242
00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:31,480
Just trying to throw a little
pineapple on the pizza.
243
00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:45,459
Okay, what happened with the other fianc�es?
244
00:08:45,460 --> 00:08:46,599
Oh.
245
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:47,600
Right.
246
00:08:47,601 --> 00:08:49,599
Okay. Um...
247
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:50,799
Well...
248
00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:53,439
Look, they were fair dinkum for a tick,
249
00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:55,939
but you know the saying,
"without come a guster,
250
00:08:55,940 --> 00:08:58,580
you're never gonna find good oil."
251
00:09:00,010 --> 00:09:01,809
(Sighs)
252
00:09:01,810 --> 00:09:04,210
(Knocking at door)
253
00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:08,789
Hey. I need to talk to you.
254
00:09:08,790 --> 00:09:09,850
Oh, Lowell.
255
00:09:09,860 --> 00:09:11,019
Thought you'd be at the restaurant.
256
00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:12,619
Yeah, no, I'm just heading there now.
257
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:13,620
See you, babe.
258
00:09:13,630 --> 00:09:14,620
See, it's actually time
259
00:09:14,630 --> 00:09:16,159
to drain the tofu.
260
00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,900
The curd congeals, and you
need a cheesecloth just to...
261
00:09:20,730 --> 00:09:22,329
Steve the waiter got me the names
262
00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:24,669
of the other fianc�es,
and I tracked them down.
263
00:09:24,670 --> 00:09:26,199
- Kate!
- Don't worry.
264
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,240
I was discreet.
265
00:09:29,070 --> 00:09:32,479
Hi. I'm with the U.S. census bureau.
266
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,879
The U.S. census bureau?
267
00:09:34,880 --> 00:09:37,149
Why does the census bureau care about
268
00:09:37,150 --> 00:09:39,019
my relationship with Lowell?
269
00:09:39,020 --> 00:09:40,919
You know, a lot of people
270
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:42,719
ask questions like that.
271
00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:45,659
They're called "terrorists."
272
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:47,259
I wish you hadn't done that.
273
00:09:47,260 --> 00:09:49,059
But since you did, what'd they say?
274
00:09:49,060 --> 00:09:51,259
He left the day of our wedding.
275
00:09:51,260 --> 00:09:52,729
I was heartbroken.
276
00:09:52,730 --> 00:09:55,599
He banged my little sister.
277
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:57,730
She and I still don't talk.
278
00:09:57,740 --> 00:10:00,839
My deepest sympathy.
279
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:04,440
And now I should probably count you, so...
280
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:06,779
One.
281
00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:08,749
Oh, my god.
282
00:10:08,750 --> 00:10:10,049
I don't know anything about him.
283
00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:11,549
Maybe you were right.
284
00:10:11,550 --> 00:10:13,179
Maybe I rushed into this.
285
00:10:13,180 --> 00:10:14,619
Aw, honey.
286
00:10:14,620 --> 00:10:16,289
I get it.
287
00:10:16,290 --> 00:10:18,859
The smooth abs, the beachy smell...
288
00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:21,520
You were thinking with your kitty.
289
00:10:22,730 --> 00:10:25,600
We all do it sometimes.
290
00:10:38,740 --> 00:10:41,809
Hi. In the mood for a little company?
291
00:10:41,810 --> 00:10:44,249
Why? Do I look like a hooker to you?
292
00:10:44,250 --> 00:10:46,649
No, no. God, no.
293
00:10:46,650 --> 00:10:49,950
Well, maybe a little, yes.
294
00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:51,959
Good! That's what I was going for.
295
00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:55,059
My husband and I were
trying to spice things up,
296
00:10:55,060 --> 00:10:56,929
you know, add a few surprises.
297
00:10:56,930 --> 00:10:59,429
- You know what'd really surprise him?
- Hmm?
298
00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:02,269
If you gave me a handy for a hundred bucks.
299
00:11:02,270 --> 00:11:06,400
How about I give you a nut crusher for free?
300
00:11:10,140 --> 00:11:11,670
(Sighs)
301
00:11:14,140 --> 00:11:15,650
Oh.
302
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:21,449
- Hey, there.
- Hello.
303
00:11:21,450 --> 00:11:23,289
What's your name?
304
00:11:23,290 --> 00:11:26,319
Dominique.
305
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,320
And you are?
306
00:11:28,330 --> 00:11:29,929
John...
307
00:11:29,930 --> 00:11:31,690
Varva-tos.
308
00:11:31,700 --> 00:11:36,599
Do you mean John Varvatos,
like the clothing designer?
309
00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:37,769
Crap. Restart.
310
00:11:37,770 --> 00:11:39,240
Okay.
311
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:42,609
- Hi.
- Hey, there.
312
00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:44,109
I'm Charlie.
313
00:11:44,110 --> 00:11:46,410
Like our son Charlie?
314
00:11:49,280 --> 00:11:51,149
I'm gonna go back to Varvatos, okay?
315
00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:52,319
Okay. (Clears throat)
316
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,549
- So, uh, Dominique...
- Mm. Mm-hmm?
317
00:11:54,550 --> 00:11:55,789
Can I buy you a drink?
318
00:11:55,790 --> 00:11:58,350
Oh, you can buy more than a drink.
319
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,989
You know, if you're looking for a good time.
320
00:12:00,990 --> 00:12:02,359
I'm always looking for a good time.
321
00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,990
Oh. Well, you'll have to make it quick.
322
00:12:05,000 --> 00:12:06,559
- Quick?
- Mm-hmm.
323
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,629
It's my specialty. Oh...
324
00:12:08,630 --> 00:12:14,000
Great, 'cause I have to, uh,
pick up my daughter at daycare.
325
00:12:14,010 --> 00:12:15,709
Whoa, whoa.
326
00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:16,710
What-what?
327
00:12:16,711 --> 00:12:17,870
- Time-out.
- Why?
328
00:12:17,880 --> 00:12:19,409
You're supposed to be a sexy hooker.
329
00:12:19,410 --> 00:12:24,610
I am... so that I can
support my blind daughter.
330
00:12:25,980 --> 00:12:29,319
That's not sexy. That's the opposite of sexy.
331
00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:31,150
Okay, but if I don't have a kid,
332
00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,989
then why would I resort to prostitution?
333
00:12:33,990 --> 00:12:36,229
I don't know. Because you love sex.
334
00:12:36,230 --> 00:12:38,390
(Laughs)
335
00:12:42,670 --> 00:12:44,499
Ah, Mrs. Grossbard,
336
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:46,340
it looks like the...
337
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:50,109
Val, what are you doing here?
I don't have time to socialize.
338
00:12:50,110 --> 00:12:53,039
This isn't social. It's vaginal.
339
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,179
But I'm not your gynecologist.
340
00:12:55,180 --> 00:12:57,179
I decided I needed a change,
341
00:12:57,180 --> 00:12:59,019
and I thought you could do it
342
00:12:59,020 --> 00:13:01,519
since clearly you've moved on.
343
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:03,419
I have moved on,
344
00:13:03,420 --> 00:13:07,660
so I will gladly examine your vagina.
345
00:13:09,060 --> 00:13:13,259
As a doctor who has moved on.
346
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,229
Quick heads-up: I removed the carpeting.
347
00:13:15,230 --> 00:13:19,100
I am ready for the hardwood installation.
348
00:13:21,110 --> 00:13:23,439
I will put a note in your file.
349
00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:27,540
(Knocking) Bobby: Will, can
I talk to you for a second?
350
00:13:27,550 --> 00:13:29,210
I will be right back.
351
00:13:30,380 --> 00:13:32,879
- Did I hear that right? Is that Val in there?
- Yeah.
352
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,119
And she wants to have sex with me.
353
00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:35,219
Do you want sex in your office,
354
00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:36,549
or do you want your wife back?
355
00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:37,650
I want my wife back.
356
00:13:37,660 --> 00:13:38,819
Well, then make her earn it.
357
00:13:38,820 --> 00:13:40,259
You walk away from this right now,
358
00:13:40,260 --> 00:13:41,589
or she will never respect you.
359
00:13:41,590 --> 00:13:44,059
You realize how long it's been since...?
360
00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:47,330
Do it yourself just like the rest of us.
361
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:54,969
Oh, Lowell.
362
00:13:54,970 --> 00:13:56,239
Hi.
363
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,410
Just came to pick up some...
364
00:13:59,580 --> 00:14:01,509
- takeout.
- Uh, Steve,
365
00:14:01,510 --> 00:14:03,249
could you give us a moment, mate?
366
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:05,410
I'll go punch out... And oil up.
367
00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:06,849
Thank you.
368
00:14:06,850 --> 00:14:10,319
Jules hasn't spoken to me since
I left for work yesterday.
369
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:11,850
What did you say to her?
370
00:14:11,860 --> 00:14:15,420
Just that you're a lying,
cheating douche from down under
371
00:14:15,430 --> 00:14:17,759
and she's lucky she found out.
372
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:19,259
Found out? Found out what?
373
00:14:19,260 --> 00:14:21,700
(Mocking): Found out what? Found out what?
374
00:14:23,100 --> 00:14:26,169
Talk to you ex's green card, Johnny.
375
00:14:26,170 --> 00:14:28,269
You investigated me?
376
00:14:28,270 --> 00:14:31,270
Yeah, and I know you left your
first fianc�e at the altar.
377
00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,040
What altar?! We never even got to the church.
378
00:14:34,050 --> 00:14:36,279
What, uh... what do you mean?
379
00:14:36,280 --> 00:14:37,849
We were 17, all right?
380
00:14:37,850 --> 00:14:39,619
I was here as an exchange student.
381
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:42,449
And we were going to elope,
but her parents found out.
382
00:14:42,450 --> 00:14:44,350
Didn't she mention that we were just kids?
383
00:14:44,360 --> 00:14:47,159
Well, I may have left as soon
384
00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,729
as I got the damning information I needed.
385
00:14:49,730 --> 00:14:51,029
- Right.
- But you still slept
386
00:14:51,030 --> 00:14:53,059
with the other fianc�e's sister.
387
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,299
No, I didn't!
388
00:14:54,300 --> 00:14:55,829
Okay, how about a little fact check?
389
00:14:55,830 --> 00:14:57,230
No, please, don't do that.
390
00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,569
Oh, it's done.
391
00:14:58,570 --> 00:14:59,899
Hello?
392
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:04,039
Ms. Mcknight, Jane Austen
from the U.S. census bureau.
393
00:15:04,040 --> 00:15:06,979
Jane Austen? The novelist Jane Austen?
394
00:15:06,980 --> 00:15:08,379
Yeah, I needed an alias,
395
00:15:08,380 --> 00:15:10,979
and I could tell she wasn't a reader.
396
00:15:10,980 --> 00:15:12,579
How can I help you, Ms. Austen?
397
00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,380
Could you please restate your reasons
398
00:15:14,390 --> 00:15:16,489
for terminating your nuptials with Lowell?
399
00:15:16,490 --> 00:15:18,150
He slept with my little sister.
400
00:15:18,160 --> 00:15:19,819
Aha, right.
401
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:21,189
Thank you.
402
00:15:21,190 --> 00:15:23,159
He also slept with my
mother and my grandmother
403
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:24,990
and my great-grandmother.
404
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,830
He's a time traveler.
405
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:33,399
Okay, I'm gonna go ahead and hang up now.
406
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:35,669
- She's unwell, okay?
- Ah.
407
00:15:35,670 --> 00:15:37,009
She hid it at first,
408
00:15:37,010 --> 00:15:38,339
but she went off her meds.
409
00:15:38,340 --> 00:15:40,940
And when I found out, I tried to help her.
410
00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:42,709
She just kept setting fire to ants,
411
00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:45,110
yelling, "I am your god!"
412
00:15:45,120 --> 00:15:48,019
So...
413
00:15:48,020 --> 00:15:50,820
My bad. (Chuckles)
414
00:15:53,860 --> 00:15:55,490
(Doorbell rings)
415
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:01,799
I was riding by your house
and the sprinklers got me.
416
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:02,869
Now I'm all wet.
417
00:16:02,870 --> 00:16:04,299
Sprinklers aren't on.
418
00:16:04,300 --> 00:16:07,500
Then maybe it's just me.
419
00:16:09,240 --> 00:16:11,039
Look, we were together for 12 years,
420
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,109
and I know we had our ups and downs,
421
00:16:13,110 --> 00:16:15,609
but I care about you and I can't just stop!
422
00:16:15,610 --> 00:16:18,479
(Sighs) The things I do for new patients.
423
00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,219
Let's go!
424
00:16:20,220 --> 00:16:23,219
So this is what giving up looks like.
425
00:16:23,220 --> 00:16:25,919
I think it suits us.
426
00:16:25,920 --> 00:16:27,659
(Door shuts)
427
00:16:27,660 --> 00:16:30,890
Whoo! (Giggles)
428
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:34,399
(Val squealing): Oh, my god!
429
00:16:34,400 --> 00:16:36,299
Why are Will and Val in our bed?
430
00:16:36,300 --> 00:16:38,069
'Cause he did not listen to my advice.
431
00:16:38,070 --> 00:16:39,939
And you cannot do that on a foldout
432
00:16:39,940 --> 00:16:41,839
in the guestroom.
433
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:46,279
Oh, come on. We eat there.
434
00:16:46,280 --> 00:16:47,640
There's no stopping 'em now.
435
00:16:47,650 --> 00:16:50,249
I once tried to do that with two dogs,
436
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,349
and it didn't end well.
437
00:16:52,350 --> 00:16:53,350
(Will, Val laughing)
438
00:16:53,351 --> 00:16:54,819
Val: Take it off!
439
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:56,319
So brazen, so wrong.
440
00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,950
God, I feel like we're,
like, back in college.
441
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,089
Totally.
442
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:02,660
Will: Wow! Hang on.
443
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:07,629
Wow, now, that's a surprise.
444
00:17:07,630 --> 00:17:09,499
Remember when we met back in my senior year,
445
00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:11,199
we just, like, couldn't
get enough of each other?
446
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:12,369
We didn't care who was around?
447
00:17:12,370 --> 00:17:13,539
Yeah, I know. We just did it.
448
00:17:13,540 --> 00:17:15,439
Yeah. Get those sweatpants off,
449
00:17:15,440 --> 00:17:17,639
and make it quick or we'll be late for class.
450
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,709
Yeah, if we're late, we might get punished
451
00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:21,440
sexually by that hot female professor.
452
00:17:21,450 --> 00:17:23,609
- All right, I'll give you that one.
- Okay.
453
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:27,350
Give it to me, John "Varva-tos."
454
00:17:29,450 --> 00:17:32,319
I told you not to get involved.
455
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:35,459
Yeah, but not in those exact words.
456
00:17:35,460 --> 00:17:37,790
No! In those exact words!
457
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:38,990
You know what?
458
00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,399
This isn't all Kate's fault.
459
00:17:40,400 --> 00:17:42,329
I have to take some of the blame for this.
460
00:17:42,330 --> 00:17:45,330
Oh, you can have it all. It's okay.
461
00:17:45,340 --> 00:17:46,669
When you asked me,
462
00:17:46,670 --> 00:17:48,300
I should have been totally honest,
463
00:17:48,310 --> 00:17:50,639
but the truth is, I didn't go into details
464
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:54,079
'cause... I was embarrassed.
465
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:58,349
I chose badly... twice.
466
00:17:58,350 --> 00:18:00,349
Now, what does that say about me?
467
00:18:00,350 --> 00:18:04,350
You only had to choose
right once, and you did.
468
00:18:04,360 --> 00:18:06,560
You chose me.
469
00:18:12,030 --> 00:18:14,099
See?
470
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,560
You came through this crisis,
471
00:18:15,570 --> 00:18:18,069
and your love is stronger for it.
472
00:18:18,070 --> 00:18:21,069
Know what I'm looking forward to?
473
00:18:21,070 --> 00:18:23,470
The wedding.
474
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:27,080
I'm gonna dance.
475
00:18:29,250 --> 00:18:31,580
Hey...
476
00:18:41,790 --> 00:18:42,859
That was amazing.
477
00:18:42,860 --> 00:18:44,029
Yes, it was.
478
00:18:44,030 --> 00:18:47,029
(Chuckles) So where should we go for dinner?
479
00:18:47,030 --> 00:18:50,129
Huh? Mozza?
480
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:51,730
Uh-oh.
481
00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:54,469
What?
482
00:18:54,470 --> 00:18:57,209
It's just... the idea of being with you again
483
00:18:57,210 --> 00:18:59,109
was really exciting, and I thought I...
484
00:18:59,110 --> 00:19:01,540
But now that we've... I'm just not.
485
00:19:01,550 --> 00:19:03,950
Wait. Hold on, hold on.
486
00:19:04,820 --> 00:19:06,149
You just wanted what you couldn't have,
487
00:19:06,150 --> 00:19:07,880
and now that... now that
you've got it, you're done?
488
00:19:07,890 --> 00:19:11,650
That makes me sound like the bad guy here.
489
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,490
You know what?
490
00:19:18,660 --> 00:19:20,899
I've been carrying these around for weeks.
491
00:19:20,900 --> 00:19:23,970
I've not been able to
bring myself to sign them.
492
00:19:26,300 --> 00:19:29,269
You like it when I say no?
493
00:19:29,270 --> 00:19:31,609
Well, get ready to go nuts.
494
00:19:31,610 --> 00:19:34,840
Because here is your divorce.
495
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:39,849
You know, maybe we should go to mozza.
496
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:41,650
Good-bye, Val.
497
00:19:47,820 --> 00:19:49,789
(Sighs)
498
00:19:49,790 --> 00:19:53,659
(Bobby and Andi applaud and whoop)
499
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:57,870
"Get ready to go nuts
'cause here's your divorce"?
500
00:19:59,370 --> 00:20:01,339
So badass!
501
00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:03,709
We are very proud of you, Will.
502
00:20:03,710 --> 00:20:06,439
You guys have been in here the whole time?
503
00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,209
Yeah! For the moaning and the squealing.
504
00:20:08,210 --> 00:20:11,179
And that part where it sounded
like someone was slapping
505
00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:12,949
a fish against a snare drum.
506
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,280
Hey, quick question.
507
00:20:14,290 --> 00:20:17,189
- Which one of you cried during the big finish?
- Yeah.
508
00:20:17,190 --> 00:20:19,019
Okay, what are the chances
509
00:20:19,020 --> 00:20:21,559
that you won't tell anyone about the crying?
510
00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:23,129
Slim to none.
511
00:20:23,130 --> 00:20:25,030
Already sent a group text.
512
00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:34,039
Hey.
513
00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:35,739
Last night was amazing.
514
00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:37,370
And I know we've had a bit
515
00:20:37,380 --> 00:20:38,639
- of a dry spell lately.
- Mm.
516
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:39,909
I mean, besides last night,
517
00:20:39,910 --> 00:20:41,979
I can't even remember the last time we...
518
00:20:41,980 --> 00:20:44,149
Exactly six weeks.
519
00:20:44,150 --> 00:20:45,979
- That's... wow, okay.
- Yeah.
520
00:20:45,980 --> 00:20:48,149
Anyway, I think our little college fun
521
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,519
symbolizes a new beginning.
522
00:20:49,520 --> 00:20:52,989
- Hmm.
- One full of passion, romance and sexual...
523
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:54,389
I'm pregnant.
524
00:20:54,390 --> 00:20:57,060
Surprise.
525
00:20:57,890 --> 00:20:59,159
Oh, my god!
526
00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,160
I know. (Laughs)
527
00:21:00,161 --> 00:21:01,760
Oh, my god!
528
00:21:01,770 --> 00:21:03,499
I have one more surprise.
529
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:05,729
- It's John Varvatos's baby.
- Oh, boy.
530
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:08,730
C17
35126
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