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1
00:00:05,900 --> 00:00:09,900
This programme contains strong
language throughout.
2
00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:39,580
Ugh...
3
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:41,980
Are you going to text him crap
all night?
4
00:00:42,020 --> 00:00:43,540
You're seeing him in, like, like
half an hour.
5
00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,940
Er, his fiancee left him two weeks
before his wedding.
6
00:00:45,980 --> 00:00:47,340
Maybe he's a bit upset.
7
00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,900
Right, and you're cheering him up,
are you? It's called being a friend.
8
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:52,380
By sending him videos of horses
having sex with donkeys.
9
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:54,660
That's right, and pigs.
JONNY LAUGHS
10
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:58,700
GRUNTING AND WHINNYING
11
00:00:59,580 --> 00:01:01,700
Thanks for that. Any time.
12
00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:03,300
There's a leak in the loft.
13
00:01:03,340 --> 00:01:05,860
Is it Brad Pitt?
I think it's Brad Pitt.
14
00:01:05,900 --> 00:01:08,860
Yeah, a roof tile must have cracked
or something.
15
00:01:08,900 --> 00:01:11,420
Maybe the connecting membrane's
started to rot or...
16
00:01:11,460 --> 00:01:15,460
Please, go on. Yes, this is most
interesting. Prannies.
17
00:01:15,500 --> 00:01:18,020
Oh, Jonny, Mum said you've got a
friend coming tonight.
18
00:01:18,060 --> 00:01:21,340
Um, Stanley. Stanley? Close.
His name's Ben.
19
00:01:21,380 --> 00:01:22,740
Oh, yes. Ben.
20
00:01:22,780 --> 00:01:24,380
I hear his fiancee just pissed off.
21
00:01:24,420 --> 00:01:27,220
Er, maybe don't say that when you
see him. Poor bastard.
22
00:01:27,260 --> 00:01:28,460
But do say that.
23
00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:30,260
Hi, boys. Hi, Mum.
24
00:01:30,300 --> 00:01:32,940
SHE MAKES ELONGATED KISSING NOISE
25
00:01:32,980 --> 00:01:34,540
Thank's for saying Ben could come.
26
00:01:34,580 --> 00:01:37,900
Aw, anything to cheer poor Benny-boo
up.
27
00:01:37,940 --> 00:01:41,540
Oh, but it's OK. Jonny's been sending
him some lovely nature videos.
28
00:01:41,580 --> 00:01:42,900
Have you? Yes.
29
00:01:42,940 --> 00:01:44,180
PIERCING ALARM
30
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,420
Ah! What is that?
31
00:01:45,460 --> 00:01:47,260
Blinking hell.
32
00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:48,740
Shitting thing!
33
00:01:48,780 --> 00:01:51,220
What is that noise? Bloody smoke
alarm.
34
00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:53,380
It keeps going off.
Where's the big carrot?
35
00:01:53,420 --> 00:01:55,020
The big carrot?!
36
00:01:55,060 --> 00:01:57,220
Oh, Martin, just use the spoon.
37
00:01:57,260 --> 00:01:59,980
Bingo! Oh, please, change the
batteries!
38
00:02:00,020 --> 00:02:01,500
Jackie, it's not the batteries.
39
00:02:01,540 --> 00:02:02,780
ALARM IS SILENCED
40
00:02:02,820 --> 00:02:05,540
It must be the batteries. It's not
the bleeding batteries,
41
00:02:05,580 --> 00:02:06,860
it's the wire.
42
00:02:06,900 --> 00:02:09,980
Well, whatever it bleeding is, it's
giving me a bleeding heart attack.
43
00:02:10,020 --> 00:02:12,020
Every bleeding five minutes. Argh!
44
00:02:12,060 --> 00:02:15,660
Sorry, the big carrot?
45
00:02:15,700 --> 00:02:17,100
Well, it's the perfect size, isn't
it?
46
00:02:17,140 --> 00:02:20,100
Ah, yes the perfect-sized carrot
for deactivating smoke alarms.
47
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,300
Morons.
48
00:02:22,340 --> 00:02:23,780
Him and that bloody carrot.
49
00:02:23,820 --> 00:02:25,796
Right, so, are you two
berks going to help me
50
00:02:25,876 --> 00:02:27,380
clean up that muck
in the loft then?
51
00:02:27,420 --> 00:02:30,260
Uh, sorr-ee! Yes. Sorr-ee!
52
00:02:30,300 --> 00:02:31,620
Shitheads.
53
00:02:31,660 --> 00:02:33,300
JACKIE GROANS
54
00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:36,020
Boys, can we lock your dad
up in that loft?
55
00:02:36,060 --> 00:02:40,060
SHE CACKLES
56
00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,500
What? What's that thing.
Yes, what is that thing?
57
00:02:43,540 --> 00:02:44,660
My new table.
58
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:45,860
Don't you like it?
59
00:02:45,900 --> 00:02:49,580
It's hideous. And revolting.
Thank you. JONNY'S PHONE BEEPS
60
00:02:49,620 --> 00:02:52,300
What's wrong with it? Cool.
Ben's just got in the cab.
61
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:54,700
Well, this won't be a depressing
evening(!) Er, shut up.
62
00:02:54,740 --> 00:02:56,620
Yeah, Adam, don't be so mean.
63
00:02:56,660 --> 00:02:59,660
It's horrible being dumped.
I remember the first time I was dumped.
64
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:01,420
Ah, ah, we don't want to know.
No way.
65
00:03:01,460 --> 00:03:04,660
I'm sorry? Mum, we don't want to
hear about you and other men.
66
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,500
Oh, God. Mum with other men.
67
00:03:06,540 --> 00:03:08,740
All right, you make it sound like
I'm an at an orgy!
68
00:03:08,780 --> 00:03:11,620
Oh, God, Mum at an orgy! Jesus, Mum!
JACKIE CACKLES
69
00:03:11,660 --> 00:03:13,620
Bloody, bloody hell.
70
00:03:13,660 --> 00:03:15,900
Are you all right, Martin? Yeah.
71
00:03:15,940 --> 00:03:17,820
What's in the bag? What?
72
00:03:17,860 --> 00:03:21,580
Oh, nothing, I just, er, found
something up there.
73
00:03:21,620 --> 00:03:23,260
Something? A dead crow.
74
00:03:23,300 --> 00:03:24,420
ALL EXCLAIM IN DISGUST
75
00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:25,860
WINGS FLAP IN BAG
76
00:03:25,900 --> 00:03:28,180
THEY SCREAM
Er...
77
00:03:28,220 --> 00:03:32,180
Dying crow. Oh...
78
00:03:32,220 --> 00:03:34,740
Well, I had to put it out of its
misery somehow, didn't I?
79
00:03:34,780 --> 00:03:36,460
You banged it on the head
with a hammer.
80
00:03:36,500 --> 00:03:39,460
What else am I meant to bang on the
head with, a tin of spaghetti?
81
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:41,460
Hmm, isn't it nice up here?
82
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:44,540
Poor crow. Honestly, Jonny,
it was half dead already.
83
00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:48,060
Its wing was all bust, its
entrails... All right.
84
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,340
Where'd you put it? In a sandwich.
85
00:03:50,380 --> 00:03:52,820
Where do you think I put it?
In the bloody bin, you dullard.
86
00:03:52,860 --> 00:03:55,580
Well, I hope you washed your hands.
Sorry?
87
00:03:55,620 --> 00:03:57,900
He didn't wash his hands.
He didn't wash his hands.
88
00:03:57,940 --> 00:04:00,180
OK, er, that stuff over there.
JONNY'S PHONE BEEPS
89
00:04:00,220 --> 00:04:04,220
It's all wet. It needs to go over
here.
90
00:04:04,780 --> 00:04:08,580
I'll do it then, shall I? Mmm?
91
00:04:08,620 --> 00:04:11,020
Isn't he here yet? Is that Stanley?
92
00:04:11,060 --> 00:04:12,180
Yes, Dad, it's Stanley.
93
00:04:12,220 --> 00:04:15,580
It's going to be fun having someone
really depressed round for dinner(!)
94
00:04:15,620 --> 00:04:17,620
He's just had to pull over
to have a cry actually.
95
00:04:17,660 --> 00:04:20,740
Fun! Poor sod, losing his female
like that.
96
00:04:20,780 --> 00:04:23,020
"Female." Talking of females...
97
00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:26,500
Dad! Any females? Yes! Really? Now?
Take it that's a no then.
98
00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:29,420
Of course it's a no.
Pusface never has a female.
99
00:04:29,460 --> 00:04:31,780
JONNY LAUGHS
Thank you, Dr Sex.
100
00:04:31,820 --> 00:04:33,820
Pusface!
101
00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:35,620
Oh! What is that?
102
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:37,420
What is that? Jesus!
103
00:04:37,460 --> 00:04:40,860
Oh! You found him! You've found him!
104
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:44,420
Can't believe it! Is it a scarecrow?
105
00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:47,660
A scarecrow? No, you berk.
It's Lord Luck!
106
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:49,380
HE LAUGHS
107
00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:50,620
Jackie!
108
00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:53,140
Jackie! They've found Lord Luck!
109
00:04:53,180 --> 00:04:55,180
Who's Lord Luck?
110
00:04:55,220 --> 00:04:57,540
MARTIN HIGH PITCHED: Bugger off!
111
00:04:57,580 --> 00:04:59,900
Bugger off! Bugger off!
112
00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:02,140
That's the catchphrase then.
Is that all he says?
113
00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:05,300
Um, I think it was generally
bugger-related, yes.
114
00:05:05,340 --> 00:05:09,340
And you can bugger off too! See?
Isn't he terrific? Horrific.
115
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:13,740
To think he must have been all on his
own in that loft for, what, 20 years?
116
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,900
He can go up there
for another 20 years if you like.
117
00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:17,460
Bugger off!
118
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:20,220
And you actually used to play with
that thing, did you? What?
119
00:05:20,260 --> 00:05:23,100
Only all the time. He took it
on our first date. Your first date?
120
00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:24,260
And you had a second date?
121
00:05:24,300 --> 00:05:25,620
JACKIE LAUGHS
122
00:05:25,660 --> 00:05:29,660
We made love all night! Martin!
123
00:05:29,820 --> 00:05:32,380
Oh, I've missed you, Lord Luck.
I've really missed you.
124
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:34,620
Go bugger yourself!
MARTIN LAUGHS
125
00:05:34,660 --> 00:05:36,140
Just put the crisps out, will you?
126
00:05:36,180 --> 00:05:37,700
Mmm! Tasty burgers!
127
00:05:37,740 --> 00:05:39,660
MUNCHING SOUND
128
00:05:39,700 --> 00:05:43,060
Yes, you really are a master
of ventriloquism(!)
129
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:44,620
JACKIE LAUGHS
130
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:47,340
You can laugh, but this takes
a hell of a lot of practice.
131
00:05:47,380 --> 00:05:49,740
What, to be that crap?
Bugger off, you bugger!
132
00:05:49,780 --> 00:05:51,220
DOORBELL RINGS
133
00:05:51,260 --> 00:05:54,180
It's Ben. Bugger off! Martin!
134
00:05:54,220 --> 00:05:58,220
Coming! All right, everyone just be
nice and friendly, OK?
135
00:05:58,460 --> 00:05:59,740
And put that bloody thing away.
136
00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:03,020
We're meant to be cheering him up,
not giving him nightmares.
137
00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:05,900
Put it away, Jackie? Lord Luck
is exactly what the boy needs right now.
138
00:06:05,940 --> 00:06:08,780
If he wants to have a coronary.
DOORBELL RINGS
139
00:06:08,820 --> 00:06:12,820
Put it away.
140
00:06:12,980 --> 00:06:14,980
Oh, it's you.
141
00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:17,420
Hello, Jackie.
Something smells nice.
142
00:06:17,460 --> 00:06:19,700
Jim, it's not a great time.
Yeah, we're quite busy.
143
00:06:19,740 --> 00:06:23,740
No, it's just I found something in
your drive that might belong to you.
144
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:27,940
Really?
145
00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:29,500
Oh.
146
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:31,020
A pound.
147
00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:32,620
Erm, thanks, Jim.
148
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:35,460
Might there be a reward? A what?
149
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:39,500
For finding the lost coin.
150
00:06:39,540 --> 00:06:42,020
How about a pound, Jim? A pound?
151
00:06:42,060 --> 00:06:46,060
Hmm... Yes, that seems fair.
152
00:06:48,620 --> 00:06:50,300
Thank you, Jackie.
153
00:06:50,340 --> 00:06:53,140
Right, well, we are expecting
a guest, so...
154
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:56,060
Ah, a guest. Jim...
155
00:06:56,100 --> 00:06:58,540
Bugger off!
156
00:06:58,580 --> 00:07:02,580
Little talking man!
Little talking man!
157
00:07:02,860 --> 00:07:05,540
HE CRIES
158
00:07:05,580 --> 00:07:09,580
He's a little talking man!
159
00:07:10,260 --> 00:07:14,260
Jim? Yeah, it's me, Jackie. I do
hope you're OK.
160
00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:16,500
Can you call me, please?
161
00:07:16,540 --> 00:07:18,180
Thanks.
162
00:07:18,220 --> 00:07:20,580
God, you are such an idiot,
Martin. Me?
163
00:07:20,620 --> 00:07:23,212
How was I to know the man would be
frightened of a...
164
00:07:23,292 --> 00:07:24,300
Terrifying voodoo doll.
165
00:07:24,340 --> 00:07:28,180
And you can bugger off too. Right...
Jackie...
166
00:07:28,220 --> 00:07:29,260
Jackie!
167
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:32,260
Goodbye forever. Yeah, so long!
168
00:07:32,300 --> 00:07:34,700
That thing stays in there.
169
00:07:34,740 --> 00:07:36,940
All right?
170
00:07:36,980 --> 00:07:38,740
All right? All right.
171
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,740
Bloody all right.
DOORBELL RINGS
172
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:44,780
It's Ben. I mean it. It's Ben.
173
00:07:44,940 --> 00:07:46,540
Hey, mate! Hey.
174
00:07:46,580 --> 00:07:49,340
JONNY LAUGHS
175
00:07:49,380 --> 00:07:53,380
Yes! Hello, Ben. Aw! Thanks
for letting me come tonight, Jackie.
176
00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:58,340
Don't be silly, Benny. It's lovely
to see you again. Isn't it lovely?
177
00:07:58,980 --> 00:08:00,900
Yeah. Hi, man. Pusface.
178
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:03,580
Great(!) Hello, Stanley.
179
00:08:03,620 --> 00:08:07,620
Stanley? It's Ben. Oh, yes, Ben.
Sorry you're all depressed.
180
00:08:09,100 --> 00:08:11,500
Thanks. Now, I've made you
a lovely lasagne.
181
00:08:11,540 --> 00:08:15,540
Vegetarian, haven't forgotten.
Thanks, Jackie.
182
00:08:15,780 --> 00:08:18,740
HE BLOWS NOSE LOUDLY
183
00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:21,100
Sorry, have you got anywhere
I can put these disgusting things?
184
00:08:21,140 --> 00:08:23,780
Yes, my wife will eat them.
HE LAUGHS
185
00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:27,740
Martin! Ignore him,
sweetie. Come through. Thanks.
186
00:08:27,780 --> 00:08:29,860
Do you like ventriloquism? Pardon?
187
00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:33,900
Cos if you do, you're going
to love this. Oi!
188
00:08:33,940 --> 00:08:36,020
I'm so sorry you're having such
a hard time and...
189
00:08:36,060 --> 00:08:37,380
PIERCING ALARM
190
00:08:37,420 --> 00:08:38,620
THEY SCREAM
191
00:08:38,660 --> 00:08:42,420
Again! What's that noise?
Oh, smoke alarm! Martin! I am sorry.
192
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:45,860
Oh, shitting thing. Have you seen
a big carrot? A big what?
193
00:08:45,900 --> 00:08:49,380
Just use the spoon!
I'm not using a spoon. Here.
194
00:08:49,420 --> 00:08:51,620
Maybe you should change
the batteries. What?
195
00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:54,220
Maybe you should change
the batteries! What?!
196
00:08:54,260 --> 00:08:55,940
MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHANGE
THE BATTERIES!
197
00:08:55,980 --> 00:08:57,060
ALARM IS SILENCED
198
00:08:57,100 --> 00:08:59,740
It's not the batteries, it's the
wire.
199
00:08:59,780 --> 00:09:01,380
OK. Well, why don't you change
the wire then?
200
00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:02,780
Cos I don't have a freaking wire,
do I?
201
00:09:02,820 --> 00:09:06,700
Do I look like I have a freaking
wire? All right! God! Martin!
202
00:09:06,740 --> 00:09:10,340
We've got a guest! Oh, yes, sorry.
203
00:09:10,380 --> 00:09:13,460
So, are you, erm...
204
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:15,340
..still depressed? Er...
205
00:09:15,380 --> 00:09:18,420
Great start(!) So...
206
00:09:18,460 --> 00:09:20,540
Oh, of course, here.
207
00:09:20,580 --> 00:09:22,700
Yeah, it keeps going off,
the stupid thing.
208
00:09:22,740 --> 00:09:26,100
God knows what's wrong with...
Erm...
209
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:29,060
Is that a dead crow in the bin?
210
00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,940
Sorry? Dad...
There's a dead crow in the bin.
211
00:09:31,980 --> 00:09:35,300
You put the crow in the bin?
The kitchen bin? What?
212
00:09:35,340 --> 00:09:38,100
Why is there a crow in the bin?
I killed it.
213
00:09:38,140 --> 00:09:40,340
Well, where should I have put it?
You killed him?
214
00:09:40,380 --> 00:09:44,380
Er, not in that bin, the outside
bin! Sorry, killed a crow? Why?
215
00:09:45,940 --> 00:09:49,940
How? It wasn't well. With a hammer.
A hammer? Come through, darling.
216
00:09:50,300 --> 00:09:54,300
He killed a crow with a hammer!
Come on, my love.
217
00:09:54,460 --> 00:09:56,180
Fun(!)
ADAM LAUGHS
218
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:59,620
I don't understand why he didn't
just call the animal people
219
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:02,540
or something. Oh, it was very ill,
wasn't it, Martin?
220
00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:06,580
It was when I finished with it.
HE LAUGHS
221
00:10:07,020 --> 00:10:11,020
Oh! Mmm.
222
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:15,300
Um, sorry, mate, about, you know,
Lucy and everything. I'm all right.
223
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:19,420
Yeah, of course he's all right.
224
00:10:19,460 --> 00:10:23,460
Obviously, when I say I'm all right,
I mean I'm not all right. I'm awful.
225
00:10:24,780 --> 00:10:28,580
The worst I've ever been in my life.
226
00:10:28,620 --> 00:10:31,060
Ever.
227
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,060
So, yeah...
228
00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:35,100
MARTIN CHEWS CRISPS
229
00:10:35,140 --> 00:10:39,140
Terrible about the economy
at the moment.
230
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,020
JONNY LAUGHS
231
00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:46,060
Hey, Ben, do you remember when we
made Pusface eat all that talcum powder?
232
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:49,580
What? And he literally couldn't
breathe. Oh, yeah.
233
00:10:49,620 --> 00:10:52,780
Yes, I enjoyed that.
Clawing for oxygen. GIGGLING
234
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:56,260
What about when we buttered
the kitchen floor? Oh, God!
235
00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:58,900
Buttering the floor.
236
00:10:58,940 --> 00:11:01,940
Sorry, mate. No, it was cool.
Almost shattering my pelvis.
237
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:03,340
JACKIE LAUGHS
238
00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:05,060
They were the good old days,
eh, mate?
239
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,580
JACKIE LAUGHS
240
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:09,220
But now it's the bad old days.
241
00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:13,260
The rubbish, terrible,
"what is the point any more?" days.
242
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:20,940
Not depressing(!) Why don't you have
a crisp? Oh, yeah, thanks.
243
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:23,580
I'm really hungry.
244
00:11:23,620 --> 00:11:27,220
Oh, sorry.
245
00:11:27,260 --> 00:11:30,940
Do you mind if I have one of those
oranges? Oh, no, of course, my love.
246
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:33,940
You don't need to ask. Thanks.
247
00:11:33,980 --> 00:11:37,740
Oh, they're really juicy.
248
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,380
HE SLURPS
249
00:11:40,420 --> 00:11:44,420
Dinner really won't be long.
250
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:48,700
HE SLURPS
251
00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:54,700
Have a nice little bowl... Oh.
..for that orange.
252
00:11:54,740 --> 00:11:58,740
Lucy always used to make me
use a bowl when I had my orange.
253
00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:04,780
I loved her so much.
254
00:12:04,820 --> 00:12:06,620
What did I do wrong?
255
00:12:06,660 --> 00:12:10,660
What did I do wrong?
HE SOBS
256
00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:14,820
HE SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY
257
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:18,300
I know.
258
00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:21,020
She just dumps me like that!
259
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:24,900
Text me on my stag. My own stag do.
260
00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:28,940
And now I'm just left with this
stupid pile of presents,
261
00:12:29,420 --> 00:12:33,420
just sitting there looking at me,
mocking me!
262
00:12:33,900 --> 00:12:37,900
I've got to get her back!
I've got to get her back!
263
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:41,820
MARTIN CLEARS THROAT
Bugger off!
264
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:43,140
BEN SCREAMS AND SHATTERS TABLE
265
00:12:43,180 --> 00:12:45,000
JACKIE SCREAMS
Bugger.
266
00:12:48,960 --> 00:12:51,120
Um... You missed some there.
267
00:12:51,160 --> 00:12:52,760
Oh, you mean there?
268
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:56,800
Ow! Sorry, Pusface!
269
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,720
Adam?
270
00:13:01,760 --> 00:13:03,360
Do you think Ben's all right?
271
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:06,240
Erm... I'm not sure he's having
the greatest night of his life.
272
00:13:06,280 --> 00:13:08,440
The boy just needs
a proper cheering up.
273
00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:12,200
That's why Lord Luck...
Don't touch that cupboard.
274
00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,640
I think that's
the last of the glass.
275
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,320
Aw, thank you, sweetie.
276
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:18,280
And look. Ta-da!
277
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,880
Oh, lasagne. Amazing.
278
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,920
And again, I'm so sorry
I broke your lovely table.
279
00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:25,640
It wasn't lovely.
280
00:13:25,680 --> 00:13:28,520
Horrible.
281
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:30,760
Crow's still in the bin. What?
282
00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:33,000
Martin! I told you to take it out.
283
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,080
All right! It's not going
to go anywhere, is it?
284
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,040
Just take the bloody thing out and
put it in the outside bloody bin!
285
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:41,160
Yeah, Dad. Fuss about nothing.
286
00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,600
I am sorry.
287
00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,280
ALL YELL
288
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,240
Put it back! Put it back! What?
289
00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:50,120
What? Put the bloody thing back!
Oh, my God! Jesus, Dad.
290
00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,720
Take it out, don't take it out.
What do you want me to do?
291
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,000
DOORBELL RINGS
292
00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:55,840
Just get the bloody door, will you?
293
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:58,480
Now I've got to get the bloody door.
Honestly!
294
00:13:58,520 --> 00:13:59,520
Christ.
295
00:13:59,560 --> 00:14:02,240
Ow!
296
00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:05,920
Oh, hi, Jim.
297
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,600
You all right?
298
00:14:08,640 --> 00:14:12,640
Help.
299
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:15,400
So when you opened the door,
300
00:14:15,440 --> 00:14:18,560
I saw the little man.
I was terror-stricken.
301
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:19,920
I know, Jim.
302
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:23,560
I had to change my trousers because
I'd filled them all up with wee-wee.
303
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,880
How lovely.
304
00:14:24,920 --> 00:14:27,200
Well, now you know -
nothing to be scared of.
305
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,360
Yes. Nothing to be scared of!
306
00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,800
It's only Lord Luck.
307
00:14:30,840 --> 00:14:33,440
HIGH-PITCHED: Bugger off!
308
00:14:33,480 --> 00:14:36,720
Has he been talking for long?
309
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:40,200
Jim, haven't you seen
one of those before?
310
00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,320
You mean there are others?
311
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:44,120
Sorry?
312
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,240
Will dinner be much longer?
313
00:14:46,280 --> 00:14:48,360
Oh, sorry, love.
314
00:14:48,400 --> 00:14:49,880
Any minute.
315
00:14:49,920 --> 00:14:51,960
Jackie...
316
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,600
Is he another one of the brothers?
317
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,440
What? A new one?
318
00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:57,600
No, Jim. That's...
319
00:14:57,640 --> 00:15:00,920
Jonny's very depressed friend.
320
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:04,960
Martin, would you mind if I had
a little go with Lord Lucky?
321
00:15:05,240 --> 00:15:07,280
Lord Luck? Lucky, Luck.
322
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:11,320
Sure, Jim. This will be good.
323
00:15:15,280 --> 00:15:16,800
He's not saying anything.
324
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:20,840
You're meant to
move the lips up and down.
325
00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,120
Hurrhrrgh...
326
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:27,160
No, Jim. His lips - while you talk.
327
00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:36,120
The butter's off! The butter's off!
328
00:15:36,920 --> 00:15:40,920
It was "bugger off". Was it?
329
00:15:42,120 --> 00:15:43,400
Bugger off!
330
00:15:43,440 --> 00:15:47,440
BEN BLOWS HIS NOSE
331
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,800
Sorry. Just need to...
Of course, love.
332
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,480
OK. Well, we...
333
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:59,520
Oh, God! Ben?
334
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:05,480
Oh, Wilson!
335
00:16:05,520 --> 00:16:09,520
WILSON WHIMPERS
336
00:16:12,280 --> 00:16:14,480
Kitchen was like
a bloody murder scene.
337
00:16:14,520 --> 00:16:17,720
All right, Dad.
Guts and innards all over the shop.
338
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,280
Er, shut up.
339
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:21,280
Have some more of
your lasagne, sweetie.
340
00:16:21,320 --> 00:16:24,200
Thanks, but
I'm not that hungry anymore.
341
00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:27,760
I wonder why.
342
00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,680
It's very nice, Jackie.
343
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,960
Thank you, Martin.
344
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:34,040
Lovely bit of crow, eh, Ben?
345
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,600
Oh, God. Dad!
346
00:16:35,640 --> 00:16:39,520
Actually, the Lithuanians
are the ones that eat crows.
347
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:43,560
Dad! Martin! The boy doesn't want to
know about Lithuanians eating crows.
348
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:45,120
What?
349
00:16:45,160 --> 00:16:48,320
Apparently they say
it increases sexual potency.
350
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:49,520
Really?
351
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:53,560
So, you know, next time you and
your lady are out for dinner...
352
00:16:54,640 --> 00:16:56,920
I haven't got a lady
at the moment, have I?
353
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,120
Oh, yeah. Shit. Martin!
354
00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:00,720
Do you think Lucy will come back?
355
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:01,920
Pardon?
356
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,600
Do you think she'll come back to me?
357
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:08,640
Course she'll come back to you.
Won't she?
358
00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,840
Definitely. Yeah.
359
00:17:10,880 --> 00:17:13,040
She probably just needs, um...
360
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,040
you know, time to think.
361
00:17:15,080 --> 00:17:16,320
Time to think.
362
00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:19,160
Yeah. She just needs some time.
Yeah. Time.
363
00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:23,200
So she'll come back, then?
Definitely come back?
364
00:17:27,360 --> 00:17:28,800
Can I say something?
365
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,920
Yeah.
366
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:33,000
Actually, can Lord Luck
say something?
367
00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:37,040
All right.
368
00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:43,360
She's not coming back.
369
00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,240
Sorry?
370
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:49,280
She's not coming back, mate.
If she's run away, there's a reason
371
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:54,200
and that reason is,
it's just not meant to be.
372
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:56,160
But... The thing is,
373
00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,200
life's a bugger-r-r-r!
374
00:18:02,160 --> 00:18:05,640
I'm sorry. Ben.
375
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,760
Bravo, Dad. Yeah.
What did you do that for?
376
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,320
What? It's true. I know it,
you know it. We all know it.
377
00:18:12,360 --> 00:18:15,240
Your dad's right, Jonny.
She's not coming back.
378
00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:17,360
Yeah. Who would come back to him?
379
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,240
He's such a miserable bastard.
Er, Pusface.
380
00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:24,280
Go on, better see your friend.
381
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,680
Scraps!
382
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,640
Hey, mate.
383
00:18:32,680 --> 00:18:34,680
Cab's going to be here in a minute.
384
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,280
Really?
385
00:18:36,320 --> 00:18:39,520
Just looking at...
386
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:43,560
That was in Greece.
I loved her in that dress.
387
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,560
Is that the big carrot?
388
00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:47,680
Mmm?
389
00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,280
Nothing.
390
00:18:50,320 --> 00:18:54,320
Hey, mate, remember this?
391
00:18:54,720 --> 00:18:56,600
What are you doing?
392
00:18:56,640 --> 00:18:57,960
The good old days, eh?
393
00:18:58,000 --> 00:18:59,160
I'm not sure you should...
394
00:18:59,200 --> 00:19:00,680
Pusface! What?
395
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:01,960
Can you come here a minute?
396
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,520
Isn't it quite dangerous?
397
00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:06,320
Nah, he'll love it.
398
00:19:06,360 --> 00:19:07,600
Everything all right?
399
00:19:07,640 --> 00:19:11,320
Yeah. Ben was just wondering...
Careful, Adam!
400
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:14,600
Shit! Ben! Ah, my back!
401
00:19:14,640 --> 00:19:17,600
Oh, my God! What happened? It was
a joke. It was meant for Pusface.
402
00:19:17,640 --> 00:19:19,160
Thanks. OK...
403
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,720
How many fingers am I holding up?
404
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,160
Please get that fucking thing
away from me.
405
00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:24,400
Jackie!
406
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,760
Well, help him up. Help him up!
407
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,400
It's OK, Ben.
408
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:30,560
You are such an idiot, Jonathan.
409
00:19:30,600 --> 00:19:31,760
God!
410
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,800
FIRE ALARM BEEPS
411
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,840
Where's the big carrot?
Just use the spoon!
412
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,080
Huh?
413
00:19:39,120 --> 00:19:42,280
Oh, God!
414
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:44,160
BEEPING STOPS
415
00:19:44,200 --> 00:19:46,680
I am so sorry, Ben.
416
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,280
Can you walk a bit?
417
00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,760
Yeah, I think so.
418
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,960
Thank God. Any less depressed now?
419
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,520
Please stop asking that!
420
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:57,240
Maybe the pain has taken
his mind off the depression.
421
00:19:57,280 --> 00:19:58,520
It really hasn't.
422
00:19:58,560 --> 00:19:59,920
PHONE PINGS
423
00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:02,880
Think my cab's here.
424
00:20:02,920 --> 00:20:06,000
Mind that.
425
00:20:06,040 --> 00:20:08,000
One minute. Is something burning?
426
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:12,040
What?
427
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,120
Ohhh... Martin.
428
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:17,880
Shit on it! Shit on it!
429
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:20,320
I forgot the hob was on.
I forgot it was on!
430
00:20:20,360 --> 00:20:22,560
Look at his face! Look at his face!
431
00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:25,800
Dad... He looks like
the shitting Elephant Man.
432
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:29,080
The cab's here. Yes. Of course.
433
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,760
Thanks, though,
for everything tonight.
434
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:35,800
I'm sorry for being
such a pain in the...
435
00:20:36,120 --> 00:20:38,680
My God.
436
00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:41,000
LAUGHS: What happened?
437
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,280
Look at his face!
438
00:20:42,320 --> 00:20:44,960
Look at his bloody face!
Looks like the Elephant Man.
439
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,680
HE LAUGHS
440
00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:49,840
Brilliant!
441
00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:53,880
Brilliant.
442
00:20:54,680 --> 00:20:58,680
Ah, brilliant!
443
00:20:59,560 --> 00:21:01,120
Ah...
444
00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:03,760
HE GROANS AND CARRIES ON LAUGHING
445
00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:06,120
Well, at least
something cheered him up.
446
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:08,840
Ungrateful little sod!
447
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,160
Helloo!
448
00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:12,520
God. Please, not now.
449
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:16,560
Everyone. Look what I made.
450
00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:20,720
It's little Wilson.
451
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:22,600
Jim is my friend!
452
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:26,400
Jim is my friend! Jim is my friend!
453
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,920
Jim is my... Jim! Yes, Jackie?
454
00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:33,960
Bugger off.
455
00:21:34,010 --> 00:21:38,560
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