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1
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,359
You all right, Grandma?
Thank you, dolly.
2
00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,999
Yes, they certainly
gave it a good style.
3
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:48,679
Please keep talking about
your hair. Until we die.
4
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:52,680
I must admit, I do like a curl.
I've just died.
5
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:57,480
To be honest,
Andre's so good with his hands,
6
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:00,399
I let him do
whatever he wants to me!
7
00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:03,199
And that's why she's now pregnant.
What?
8
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:07,200
We're home now, Grandma.
9
00:01:08,040 --> 00:01:09,879
Hello?
10
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:12,079
Oh, hello, bambinos.
11
00:01:12,080 --> 00:01:16,080
165 multiplied by...
12
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,399
Hello, Martin.
13
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:22,400
67.3...
14
00:01:23,120 --> 00:01:27,120
Twenty... four thousand
five hundred and sixty...
15
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:30,359
Warm welcome.
16
00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:34,119
I think I just swallowed
a chest hair.
17
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:35,679
Hi, Mum!
18
00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,439
Hi, boys!
19
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,239
Jon-Jon, have you ever
thought of having a perm?
20
00:01:40,240 --> 00:01:41,679
Not really, Grandma.
21
00:01:41,680 --> 00:01:44,479
It's a shame.
I think you'd look very pretty.
22
00:01:44,480 --> 00:01:46,159
Aw! Wouldn't he?
23
00:01:46,160 --> 00:01:47,199
Ugh!
24
00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,439
Now, let me show you what they did.
25
00:01:50,440 --> 00:01:54,319
Really? Um, I think we've done hair
now. Yeah. Oh.
26
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:55,839
Hi, Mum. Hi, boys.
27
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,359
Hi. Mwah! Mwah!
28
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,039
Where's Grandma? In the hall.
29
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:01,959
Examining herself. What?
30
00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,119
What's with Dad
and his calculator?
31
00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,599
That bloody thing!
He won't stop playing with it.
32
00:02:06,600 --> 00:02:08,439
A calculator?
Last night he worked out
33
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,519
how many times he goes to the loo
in a month.
34
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,439
Excellent. How many? You really
don't want to know the answer.
35
00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:14,679
Hmm.
36
00:02:14,680 --> 00:02:17,319
Adam, can you remember
something for me? What?
37
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:20,039
Twenty six thousand,
two hundred and forty three.
38
00:02:20,040 --> 00:02:22,359
OK. And... instantly forgotten.
39
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:25,879
Hello, Jackie!
There you are! You all right, Mum?
40
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,639
Yes. These are for you.
41
00:02:28,640 --> 00:02:30,359
Oh, they're gorgeous!
42
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:33,199
Yes, they were very reasonable,
because they were old.
43
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,879
Right.
44
00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,999
Do you like my new style?
45
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,079
It's lovely, Mum. Come through.
46
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:43,080
I mean, who needs computer games
when you've got one of these?
47
00:02:44,520 --> 00:02:46,599
Did you have your hair done?
48
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:47,959
I did actually.
49
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,439
I think you should change
hairdressers.
50
00:02:50,440 --> 00:02:51,959
Martin, get me a drink.
51
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,079
Gin and tonic? No.
52
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:55,479
- Oh, no, that's for when you're...
- Depressed.
53
00:02:55,480 --> 00:02:58,999
Thank you. Wait, I bought you all
some bubbly.
54
00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:02,719
Oh, thanks, Mum!
Yeah, thanks, Grandma.
55
00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:05,719
Bubble, bubble, bubble!
Adam, glasses.
56
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:09,720
Your humble servant.
57
00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:13,359
Ow! Boys!
58
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,039
What's the occasion?
59
00:03:15,040 --> 00:03:17,279
I'm just very happy at the moment.
60
00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:20,839
Are you? Yes I am.
61
00:03:20,840 --> 00:03:23,599
Martin, isn't life wonderful?
62
00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:24,879
Not really.
63
00:03:24,880 --> 00:03:28,880
Did you read about that man who
beheaded all those horses? Terrible.
64
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,279
Your ladyship.
Done it! Done what?
65
00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,119
My calculation.
It's not toilet maths again, is it?
66
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,919
No, it's not toilet maths.
67
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:40,919
Listen to this - did you know
that your mother and I
68
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,879
have known each other for exactly
69
00:03:43,880 --> 00:03:47,880
thirteen million, seven hundred and forty six
thousand, six hundred and forty minutes?
70
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:50,119
Do you know, I did not know that.
71
00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:52,879
Nor I. Aw, how sweet!
72
00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:54,479
Very sweet.
73
00:03:54,480 --> 00:03:58,480
But we've only been physically
intimate with each other for...
74
00:03:58,560 --> 00:04:00,039
Please don't work that one out.
75
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:01,439
Carry on, Mum.
76
00:04:01,440 --> 00:04:05,440
Yes, well... I've sort of got
something to tell you all really.
77
00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:09,359
OK? Definitely pregnant.
78
00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:13,360
It's quite big. What is it?
79
00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:15,719
I'm in love!
80
00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:18,799
Martin! Sorry.
81
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,399
In love? With a man.
82
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:24,400
A tramp. Wow! That's...
that's... great, Mum.
83
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,719
Really, you deserve to be happy.
84
00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:29,439
Thank you, dolly.
85
00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:32,879
Yeah, especially after that
horrible man you brought round.
86
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,639
You mean Lou? Lou Morris?
87
00:04:34,640 --> 00:04:36,839
Yes, Mr Morris.
88
00:04:36,840 --> 00:04:39,439
God, Mr Morris!
The angriest man in the world.
89
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,319
Now, he was a bleeding loony!
90
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,039
He was not a loony!
Well, he drove into the front door.
91
00:04:44,040 --> 00:04:46,719
Chased me round the bloody house!
With his tits hanging out!
92
00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,519
Jon-Jon!
93
00:04:48,520 --> 00:04:49,679
Tell them, Jackie.
94
00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:52,959
Mum, he was still married
when he was seeing you.
95
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:56,759
Actually, his wife died
not long ago.
96
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,599
She was 94!
97
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,519
Poison, was it?
98
00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:03,399
Sorry, Mum.
99
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:07,400
But the good thing is that now
you've found someone you really like.
100
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:08,959
Yeah. Yeah.
101
00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:11,799
Who is it? Well, actually...
102
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:13,759
I invited him round for dinner.
103
00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,839
Oh! Really? Yes.
104
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:20,359
So who is this chap then?
105
00:05:20,360 --> 00:05:23,280
Mr Morris.
106
00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:30,359
Oh, yes, it really is wonderful
to be back in your delightful home
107
00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,639
with your equally delightful family.
108
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:34,759
Ooh! Well, it's...
109
00:05:34,760 --> 00:05:37,639
Hideous. Lovely to see you too.
110
00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:40,199
Oh, and, er... I've brought you
a little something.
111
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,199
Condoms. Here.
112
00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,479
What is it?
113
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:47,439
It's a photo of me as a youth.
Isn't it wonderful?
114
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:50,959
Yes. You see,
I was a very good-looking young man.
115
00:05:50,960 --> 00:05:53,839
Much more good looking
than those two. Eurgh!
116
00:05:53,840 --> 00:05:55,599
Thank you. Yes, thank you.
117
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:59,239
Lovely. I'll put it...
In the incinerator.
118
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:03,240
Try it on the mantelpiece.
119
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:07,239
OK. On the mantelpiece.
120
00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:09,399
It looks really good up there.
121
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,839
Yes, I was a handsome man.
122
00:06:11,840 --> 00:06:15,479
A real Beau Brummell, I was.
What was I, Nellie?
123
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:16,999
A real Beau Brummell.
124
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:20,639
You see these men on TV these days
calling themselves Beau Brummells.
125
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,319
Do you? Yes.
They're not Beau Brummells.
126
00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:26,759
They don't deserve to be called
Beau Brummells, do they?
127
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,239
Um, Nellie told us
the sad news about your wife.
128
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,559
She died.
129
00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:32,799
We are sorry.
130
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,800
Yeah. Well, what can you do?
It happens to all of us.
131
00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,879
I mean, your boys'll be dead in...
132
00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,199
Him, 60 years. Good to know.
133
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:44,799
Him, 65 years.
134
00:06:44,800 --> 00:06:46,159
I win.
135
00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:50,160
You're wrong.
You can never win against death.
136
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,839
Well, cheers, everyone!
137
00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:56,079
Lou... What?
138
00:06:56,080 --> 00:06:57,679
That thing...
139
00:06:57,680 --> 00:07:01,680
Oh, yeah.
140
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:11,280
"I would like to formally apologise
to the entire Goodman family
141
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:14,719
"for the..."
142
00:07:14,720 --> 00:07:17,479
I can't read your bloody writing.
143
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:21,480
Oh, yeah. "..really awful behaviour
I exhibited
144
00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:26,240
"when I last came
to your lovely house..."
145
00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:30,359
Done.
146
00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:32,039
Isn't that nice of Lou?
147
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:33,359
Very moving.
148
00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:36,799
Don't remember what I did,
but I hear it wasn't appreciated.
149
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:39,159
You called us a bunch of penises.
Martin!
150
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:41,399
I called you a bunch of penises?
151
00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,919
Well, I should wash my mouth out
with soap and water.
152
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,039
Um, the bathroom's just down there.
153
00:07:47,040 --> 00:07:49,559
But thank God
I'm a completely changed man,
154
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:53,199
and it's all thanks
to your wonderful grandmother.
155
00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:57,200
Look...
156
00:08:00,920 --> 00:08:02,399
Oh!
157
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,159
Raw passion, that is.
158
00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:07,359
I'm going to find some new
batteries. I think we've run out.
159
00:08:07,360 --> 00:08:10,479
Excuse me, everyone,
I must spend a penny.
160
00:08:10,480 --> 00:08:13,159
Of course, my darling.
161
00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,599
Oh! What a body...
162
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,600
Um... one moment.
163
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:26,800
This way, Mum. Jackie?
164
00:08:28,280 --> 00:08:29,799
OK. What is going on?
165
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:32,999
What? Mum, he's still a nutjob.
166
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:37,000
A nutjob? No, Jackie, he's changed.
167
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:39,159
Into a bigger nutjob.
168
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,319
Oh, it's just a bit of fun.
169
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,399
Just a bit of fun? You're 80, Mum.
170
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:48,400
80! Look, I've got everything
under control.
171
00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,919
Including his temper? Yes.
172
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:53,679
Whenever Lou gets angry now,
173
00:08:53,680 --> 00:08:57,319
he just shuts himself in the car
and screams.
174
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,679
He screams in the car.
175
00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:03,319
Jacqueline, you should be
happy for me.
176
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:06,639
I'm a sexually satisfied woman.
177
00:09:06,640 --> 00:09:09,359
OK...
178
00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:13,360
Come on.
179
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,959
What's happening?
180
00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,480
All I said was - I didn't really
like coffee. What?
181
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,279
Ahhhhh!
182
00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:30,280
It's just a bit of fun.
183
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:34,119
Aaaaargh!
184
00:09:34,120 --> 00:09:38,120
Ah, yes, very tasty, my dear.
185
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:42,360
Thank you. Although not as tasty
as your mother!
186
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:45,799
Oh, God!
187
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:47,919
So, I never got to ask...
188
00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:50,119
how long have you two
been back together?
189
00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,199
Oh, not too long. Six months.
190
00:09:52,200 --> 00:09:53,679
Six months?!
191
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:54,999
You never said it was...
192
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,799
Yes, six months.
193
00:09:56,800 --> 00:10:00,800
Six erotic months. Hee-hee!
194
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,039
Mum, I don't want any more.
195
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,439
Nor do I. I'll have some.
I love scraps.
196
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,039
Dad!
197
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,999
Yes, six months -
doesn't time fly?
198
00:10:13,000 --> 00:10:14,199
Not at the moment.
199
00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:17,359
Of course, you know what it's
all about these days, don't you?
200
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:18,559
What's that?
201
00:10:18,560 --> 00:10:20,919
Everything. What it's all about.
Um...
202
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,479
You - have a guess.
203
00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:25,799
You want me to guess what
everything's all about? Go on.
204
00:10:25,800 --> 00:10:28,359
Er...
205
00:10:28,360 --> 00:10:31,279
..pineapples. Pineapples?!
206
00:10:31,280 --> 00:10:33,159
You - stick insect.
207
00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:36,279
Excellent. Have a guess
what it's all about.
208
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:40,079
There's quite a lot to guess from.
Well, go on.
209
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:41,119
The government?
210
00:10:41,120 --> 00:10:43,119
Pineapples and the government?
211
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,679
Pineapples and the government?!
212
00:10:44,680 --> 00:10:47,399
No, I'll tell you what
it's all about -
213
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:49,559
punk rock. Punk rock?
214
00:10:49,560 --> 00:10:53,359
Yes, it's everywhere.
You turn on the radio - punk rock.
215
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,239
Right. You walk down the street,
everywhere, punk rockers.
216
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,559
Everywhere?
Aren't I right, Nellie?
217
00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,479
Yes, Lou.
He doesn't like punk rockers.
218
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:04,759
I don't. Puh-puh-puh!
219
00:11:04,760 --> 00:11:07,079
Um... I don't like 'em.
220
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:09,559
Ogling my Nellie and her privates!
221
00:11:09,560 --> 00:11:12,639
Okey-dokey... He's very protective.
222
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,359
How nice. I tell you,
223
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:18,959
if I had a son and he turned out
to be a punk rocker,
224
00:11:18,960 --> 00:11:21,319
do you know what I'd do?
What's that then?
225
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,719
I'd spurn him, I would. Spurn him.
226
00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:27,720
Well, I don't think you two will be having
any little punk rockers for the time being!
227
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:31,759
What are you trying to say?
228
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:34,439
That my seed is bad?
229
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,039
Well, no... There's nothing wrong
with my seed.
230
00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,679
Tell him, Nellie.
There's nothing wrong with his seed.
231
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:43,680
Nothing wrong with it?
It's grade-A stuff - grade A!
232
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,359
Oh, but look at us all!
233
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:50,079
I mean, this is meant to be
a joyous occasion.
234
00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,159
Here I am, back in the bosom
of your family.
235
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,479
And the bosoms of Grandma.
I heard that.
236
00:11:54,480 --> 00:11:58,359
So, come on,
let's all raise a glass to...
237
00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:00,399
Oh, shame.
238
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:04,400
I'll go! Me too! I'm coming.
239
00:12:04,880 --> 00:12:08,199
Nellie? Yes?
240
00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:11,559
Juicy.
241
00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:14,279
Hello, Jackie. You look nice!
242
00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:16,559
Oh, Christ! Um, hi, Jim.
243
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:17,959
Why are you...?
244
00:12:17,960 --> 00:12:21,960
You may be wondering
why I am dressed like so.
245
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,519
Um... That's because
I'm collecting money
246
00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:28,199
on behalf of... Oh!
247
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:29,919
Did you make that outfit yourself?
248
00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,559
No, Martin, I hired it.
249
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,559
It's quite... Accurate?
250
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:35,999
Oh, yes.
251
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,519
No, I added that bit myself.
252
00:12:38,520 --> 00:12:40,119
You know, for fun!
253
00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:42,919
Ding-ding!
254
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,199
Fun. Right.
255
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:49,039
I'm going to look
for those batteries. Thank you!
256
00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:51,799
Jim, it's a bad time.
257
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:55,519
It's a bad time for these
poor little doggies.
258
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,799
This one can't eat chicken any more.
259
00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:01,679
Um, sorry, Jim. We don't have
any money on us at the moment.
260
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:05,079
No more chicken... Maybe later.
Yes, later.
261
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:09,080
Goodbye, Jim.
262
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,639
Bloody hell!
263
00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:12,719
He had a tail!
Back and front.
264
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:14,879
Maybe we could get Jim
to mate with Mr Morris.
265
00:13:14,880 --> 00:13:16,919
Ssh! For six erotic months!
266
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,079
Sorry, Mum...
267
00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:21,479
Which is why I'm asking you now,
Nellie...
268
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,359
Oh, Lou...
269
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,319
What was your second name again?
270
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:26,639
Buller. Mum?
271
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:28,279
Nellie Buller...
272
00:13:28,280 --> 00:13:29,679
will you... Mummy?
273
00:13:29,680 --> 00:13:33,680
Will you marry me?
274
00:13:35,745 --> 00:13:39,700
Yes! Oh yes!
275
00:13:40,033 --> 00:13:44,871
Engaged! We're engaged!
We're engaged!
276
00:13:44,906 --> 00:13:46,866
I know, Val. I know,
277
00:13:46,939 --> 00:13:49,899
but she doesn't have to marry
the man, for Christ sakes!
278
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:53,379
I mean, she's 80 years old! He's 85!
279
00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:57,380
Are you depressed enough
now for your gin and ton...?
280
00:14:00,912 --> 00:14:04,671
I know, Val. I know.
281
00:14:04,672 --> 00:14:08,191
I know.
282
00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:09,912
Is mum all right?
283
00:14:09,994 --> 00:14:11,313
Oh, dear.
284
00:14:11,314 --> 00:14:13,673
What are we gonna do about...
Pocket Hitler?
285
00:14:13,674 --> 00:14:15,993
Drown him in the bath?
Drown him in the sink?
286
00:14:15,994 --> 00:14:17,873
I'll hold his head down.
287
00:14:17,874 --> 00:14:19,473
Oh, there you are.
288
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:22,313
- Come on, I'm taking you all out.
- Out?
289
00:14:22,314 --> 00:14:25,113
Yes, it's a celebration!
Hurry up, Nellie!
290
00:14:25,114 --> 00:14:27,633
It's OK, Mr Morris, we haven't
finished our dinner yet.
291
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:31,553
Nonsense! I will not have
my beautiful daughter slaving over
292
00:14:31,554 --> 00:14:33,833
the hot dishes on this night.
293
00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:34,993
Daughter?
294
00:14:34,994 --> 00:14:38,793
No, I'm taking you all out for a
bit of fun. Somewhere special.
295
00:14:38,794 --> 00:14:42,433
Favourite brothel? And don't worry,
the drinks are on me.
296
00:14:42,434 --> 00:14:45,393
You can have whatever you want...
297
00:14:45,394 --> 00:14:49,394
..up to the value of �4.50 per head.
298
00:14:51,114 --> 00:14:54,353
God... this is our surprise -
bowling.
299
00:14:54,354 --> 00:14:57,393
Rolling a ball at some sticks.
300
00:14:57,394 --> 00:15:00,633
Lovely damp bowling shoes.
Instant verucas.
301
00:15:00,634 --> 00:15:02,433
But him, mum, him?!
302
00:15:02,434 --> 00:15:03,753
Go on, smell!
303
00:15:03,754 --> 00:15:05,153
Stop it, Jackie!
304
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:09,154
He's just... someone to be with,
all right? It's company.
305
00:15:10,154 --> 00:15:12,353
Mum, a cat is company.
306
00:15:12,354 --> 00:15:16,354
Yes, but a cat can't do the same
things to a woman as a man.
307
00:15:17,954 --> 00:15:21,113
Well, it can do some of the things.
308
00:15:21,114 --> 00:15:24,073
Toilet. Toilet.
309
00:15:24,074 --> 00:15:26,793
Say something, Martin.
Hmm?
310
00:15:26,794 --> 00:15:30,273
What are you doing down there?
311
00:15:30,274 --> 00:15:34,274
1,298,108?
312
00:15:34,554 --> 00:15:38,554
How many days it would take to
walk to the sun.
313
00:15:40,434 --> 00:15:41,873
It's not good, is it?
314
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:43,273
It could not be not gooder.
315
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:46,273
Grandma's actually gonna
marry that loony. Oh...
316
00:15:46,274 --> 00:15:48,513
Someone calling me a loony?
317
00:15:48,514 --> 00:15:50,513
Oh, hello, Mr Morris. Hi.
318
00:15:50,514 --> 00:15:53,633
Let me tell you something about this
loony...
319
00:15:53,634 --> 00:15:57,634
This loony built up a button-sewing
business from nothing but dust.
320
00:15:58,874 --> 00:15:59,953
Right.
321
00:15:59,954 --> 00:16:03,954
To become not the fifth,
not the fourth, not the third,
322
00:16:05,314 --> 00:16:09,233
but the second biggest button-sewing
business in the whole
323
00:16:09,234 --> 00:16:13,234
of the Hertfordshire region!
324
00:16:13,274 --> 00:16:17,274
Now, finish your widdle!
325
00:16:18,554 --> 00:16:20,673
Oh...
326
00:16:20,674 --> 00:16:22,033
What did he say in there?
327
00:16:22,034 --> 00:16:24,713
He didn't really say much.
It was more of... An angry piss.
328
00:16:24,714 --> 00:16:26,593
A very angry piss.
A what?
329
00:16:26,594 --> 00:16:28,673
Yeah, I've had one of those.
330
00:16:28,674 --> 00:16:31,033
Right, I'm going to do my bowl now.
331
00:16:31,034 --> 00:16:34,193
You look after Nelly for me.
Um, OK, Mr Morris.
332
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,513
And make sure none of the men
try it on with her.
333
00:16:36,514 --> 00:16:37,753
We'll do our best!
334
00:16:37,754 --> 00:16:40,233
You know, ogle her breasts
and so forth...
335
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:43,153
Er...
336
00:16:43,154 --> 00:16:47,154
Like I told you,
he's very protective.
337
00:16:48,234 --> 00:16:51,353
Maybe you two should talk to
Grandma. No way!
338
00:16:51,354 --> 00:16:54,273
All right, then,
maybe talk to Mr Morris.
339
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:56,593
And say what? "We hate you."
"Please die."
340
00:16:56,594 --> 00:16:58,233
Maybe don't say please.
341
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:00,313
Someone has to do something.
342
00:17:00,314 --> 00:17:01,593
Why can't dad talk to him?
343
00:17:01,594 --> 00:17:03,913
Cos you know your father
can't talk to people.
344
00:17:03,914 --> 00:17:06,993
I can't talk to people.
345
00:17:06,994 --> 00:17:09,473
Er... should he be doing that?
346
00:17:09,474 --> 00:17:12,873
Er, Mr Morris?
That is quite near.
347
00:17:12,874 --> 00:17:16,874
Impossible to miss?
348
00:17:17,354 --> 00:17:18,633
Possible to miss.
349
00:17:18,634 --> 00:17:20,113
Bad luck, Lou!
350
00:17:20,114 --> 00:17:22,753
Ach! It was a faulty ball!
351
00:17:22,754 --> 00:17:24,913
It was bloody buggered!
352
00:17:24,914 --> 00:17:27,953
That man is going to
be your grandfather.
353
00:17:27,954 --> 00:17:29,793
Here, Lou...
354
00:17:29,794 --> 00:17:32,073
Let me help you.
Oh, thank you.
355
00:17:32,074 --> 00:17:33,993
Oi, you, leave her alone!
356
00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,713
I'm sorry? Oh, dear.
357
00:17:35,714 --> 00:17:39,113
I know your game.
Keep your filthy hands off her.
358
00:17:39,114 --> 00:17:40,433
I told you.
359
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:42,593
Um, Mr Morris...?
What did you say?
360
00:17:42,594 --> 00:17:45,593
I said, "Keep away from her,"
you dustbin!
361
00:17:45,594 --> 00:17:48,593
Dustbin?!
Get out of it! Go on!
362
00:17:48,594 --> 00:17:50,793
Bloody punk rocker.
363
00:17:50,794 --> 00:17:53,593
Lou, do you want to go
and scream in the car?
364
00:17:53,594 --> 00:17:56,753
No, I do not want to go
and scream in the car.
365
00:17:56,754 --> 00:18:00,553
If I had turned my back for just one
millisecond,
366
00:18:00,554 --> 00:18:02,753
that piece would have had his hands
all over
367
00:18:02,754 --> 00:18:06,754
your grandmother's beautiful bottom.
Thanks for that.
368
00:18:07,274 --> 00:18:11,274
And you can stop gawping at her
bosoms and all.
369
00:18:11,834 --> 00:18:15,834
What a celebration!
370
00:18:16,874 --> 00:18:20,874
A roped-off area?
Yes, so my fiancee can bowl in peace,
371
00:18:21,154 --> 00:18:23,473
away from all these filthy
punk rockers.
372
00:18:23,474 --> 00:18:25,993
S... Punk rockers?
373
00:18:25,994 --> 00:18:27,753
Ach!
374
00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:30,073
The man's a professional twit.
375
00:18:30,074 --> 00:18:31,793
Bloody punk rocker.
376
00:18:31,794 --> 00:18:35,794
Martin...
Um... anyone want a hot dog?
377
00:18:37,834 --> 00:18:41,073
Mr Morris, we know how
much our grandma means to you...
378
00:18:41,074 --> 00:18:43,713
How much she means to me?!
I just proposed to the woman!
379
00:18:43,714 --> 00:18:45,953
Yes, yes, I know that,
380
00:18:45,954 --> 00:18:48,713
but what I want to say is...
381
00:18:48,714 --> 00:18:50,313
What do I want to say?
382
00:18:50,314 --> 00:18:54,314
Um, maybe, like, try to... calm down
a little? Yeah.
383
00:18:55,314 --> 00:18:57,593
Calm down a little?!
I am calmed down a little!
384
00:18:57,594 --> 00:19:01,153
Lou, you need to calm down.
385
00:19:01,154 --> 00:19:05,154
Remember, you're a changed man.
386
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:08,353
Yeah.
387
00:19:08,354 --> 00:19:10,193
Yes, I'm a changed man.
388
00:19:10,194 --> 00:19:13,273
So, is that "yes" to the hot dog?
Maybe you're right.
389
00:19:13,274 --> 00:19:15,673
Maybe I do need to calm down a
little.
390
00:19:15,674 --> 00:19:17,153
Well...
391
00:19:17,154 --> 00:19:19,313
Oh, Lou...
392
00:19:19,314 --> 00:19:21,873
From this moment on,
393
00:19:21,874 --> 00:19:25,193
I promise to keep my terrible
temper under control,
394
00:19:25,194 --> 00:19:27,753
and to treat your grandma -
395
00:19:27,754 --> 00:19:31,313
my beautiful fiancee -
like a princess.
396
00:19:31,314 --> 00:19:33,313
Oh, thank you Lou.
397
00:19:33,314 --> 00:19:36,753
- You're sitting on my coat.
- Sorry, Lou.
398
00:19:36,754 --> 00:19:40,754
Come here, my love.
399
00:19:40,994 --> 00:19:42,993
Hello, all!
400
00:19:42,994 --> 00:19:44,433
Oh, Jim!
401
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,633
What are you doing here?
402
00:19:45,634 --> 00:19:48,153
Well, I'm in the area,
collecting money...
403
00:19:48,154 --> 00:19:50,113
Did you follow us here? Hmmm?
404
00:19:50,114 --> 00:19:52,713
Yeah, it's not the best time, Jim.
405
00:19:52,714 --> 00:19:54,313
I know.
406
00:19:54,314 --> 00:19:55,713
No more chicken.
407
00:19:55,714 --> 00:19:58,193
- I don't like dogs.
- Lou...
408
00:19:58,194 --> 00:20:01,233
I mean, how wonderful, a dog!
409
00:20:01,234 --> 00:20:03,153
Well, thanks Jim, we better...
410
00:20:03,154 --> 00:20:04,793
I like your little ding-a-ling.
411
00:20:04,794 --> 00:20:06,633
You mean this?
412
00:20:06,634 --> 00:20:08,513
Ding-ding! Ooh.
413
00:20:08,514 --> 00:20:09,833
Can I have a go?
414
00:20:09,834 --> 00:20:11,153
Of course you can.
415
00:20:11,154 --> 00:20:13,113
- Ding-ding!
- Nelly...
416
00:20:13,114 --> 00:20:14,273
Um... Ding-ding!
417
00:20:14,274 --> 00:20:15,993
- Ding, ding, ding!
- Nelly...
418
00:20:15,994 --> 00:20:18,033
Ding, ding, ding!
Dinga, dinga, ding!
419
00:20:18,034 --> 00:20:19,953
Oh, for bleeding shit's sake!
420
00:20:19,954 --> 00:20:21,633
I've had enough of this!
421
00:20:21,634 --> 00:20:24,153
- Lou!
- Right, come on, let's have you.
422
00:20:24,154 --> 00:20:26,153
Here we go. Seconds out, round two.
423
00:20:26,154 --> 00:20:27,753
Put 'em up, you scoundrel!
Help!
424
00:20:27,754 --> 00:20:30,433
Help! Oh, God!
425
00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:32,833
Shit on it! Shit on it!
426
00:20:32,834 --> 00:20:36,193
Shit on it! Penis monger! Ow!
427
00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,794
Come here, you! Don't
run away, you coward!
428
00:20:42,874 --> 00:20:45,193
I'll kill him!
429
00:20:45,194 --> 00:20:48,393
Get off him!
I want to fight the big dog!
430
00:20:48,394 --> 00:20:51,113
You're squashing my pancreas!
431
00:20:51,114 --> 00:20:53,834
Oh, my calculator!
I'll kill you!
432
00:20:56,434 --> 00:20:58,753
My ding-a-ling!
433
00:20:58,754 --> 00:21:01,353
Come on, Mr Morris, spit it out!
Spit it out!
434
00:21:01,354 --> 00:21:05,153
Our new grandad. With a dog's penis
and balls in his mouth.
435
00:21:05,154 --> 00:21:09,154
Spit it out, Mr Morris!
Spit it out!
436
00:21:10,794 --> 00:21:14,794
That's right. This way...
437
00:21:14,914 --> 00:21:18,193
Car... car...
438
00:21:18,194 --> 00:21:21,713
Well, that was fun!
Hmm.
439
00:21:21,714 --> 00:21:24,713
Well, good night, everyone.
Night, Grandma.
440
00:21:24,714 --> 00:21:28,193
Yeah. Night, Nellie.
Sorry about your calculator, Martin.
441
00:21:28,194 --> 00:21:32,194
It's OK, I was carrying a spare.
442
00:21:32,474 --> 00:21:33,713
Jackie?
443
00:21:33,714 --> 00:21:35,113
What, Mum?
444
00:21:35,114 --> 00:21:37,113
- Good night.
- Good night, Mum.
445
00:21:37,114 --> 00:21:40,513
Maybe now you'll have a think
about... you know...
446
00:21:40,514 --> 00:21:43,753
What's there to think about?
447
00:21:43,754 --> 00:21:47,754
I'm his fiancee.
448
00:21:47,954 --> 00:21:50,354
But...
449
00:21:55,714 --> 00:21:58,754
Well, it's gonna be a great wedding.
450
00:22:02,856 --> 00:22:27,960
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