All language subtitles for Fresh off the Boat s03e11 Clean Slate.eng

Evan, I know you're nervous

about your first grown-up haircut,

but you're in safe hands with Reuben.

He's the best in the biz.

I used to cut Gregory Hines' hair.

So what will it be today, Louis?

Well, with Chinese New Year coming up,

we're gonna need extra fresh cuts.

Better make it two usuals.

Actually, I'll have the "Randy."

The who?

Randy from "Home Improvement."

You know, Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

Is that one person or three people?

One, but with the talent of three.

Okay, your haircut, your choice.

One usual and one "Randy," please.

A usual and a "Randy," coming up.

I hope we don't run into
any balloons on our way home

because we are gonna look sharp.

[Chuckling] Thanks, Reuben.

See, what did I tell you?
Isn't Reuben the best?

S03E11 Clean Slate

sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com

[Birds chirping]

Art thou the bird who man loves best?

The pious bird with the scarlet breast.

Is that a "Yes,
I returned Marvin's birdfeeder"

or a "No,
I didn't return Marvin's birdfeeder"?

Yes, I returned it.

Good, Louis is clean.

That just leave you boys,
with the exception of Emery,

who is clean all year round.

I don't get why we're going through

all this trouble for a holiday.

Having a clean slate
is an important part

of the lunar New Year.

All debts, disputes,
and grudges have to be resolved

in order to ensure good
fortune for the coming year.

Mom's just looking out for future us.

Well, she better also be
looking our for Mariah Carey

because that's who the
future me is married to.

I'm gonna marry Jewel.

[Sternly] Stay away from Jewel.

Evan,
did you settle things with Carol-Joan

after your incident?

And so the bartender says,
"Why the big pause?"

And the bear says...

"I don't know. I've always had them."

[Laughter]

I apologized with a fig basket.

- It's done.
- Good.

Eddie,
did you care for Grandma's flowers

like I asked you to?

Care for them?

I spoiled them.

Turns out, they love Mr. Pibb.

Technically, it's still alive,
so good enough.

_

Second cousin Susan?

You've been in a fight
with her for 30 years.

_

Louis, do you know what this means?

This could be the first
time our entire family has

a clean slate for the New Year!

Imagine what that kind of
good fortune could mean

for our future business
dealings and scratch-offs.

But, Mom,
you've never had a clean slate.

You always end up getting
into a fight with somebody.

You're kind of a loose cannon.

A loose cannon downs more ships.

- I don't...
- Don't worry.

This year, to ensure success,

I am putting myself on lock down.

If I don't leave the house,
I can't get into any fights.

Really? You're just gonna stay inside?

I've already run all my errands,

paid all my debts, settled my disputes,

and had enough time to rent
"Courage Under Fire."

Um...

Who is that?

_

_

_

Very...

_

_

[Sighs]

Simon, welcome.

Eddie will take good care of you.

[Whispering] Me? Have Evan do it.

He's basically a big Evan. Look at him!

Welcoming family is an
important New Year's tradition.

He is your new "Grandma's flowers."

Don't let him die.

[Tune of "Hit Me with Your Best
Shot"]
Organize my dress socks

Uh... Dad.

Oh, Evan, hi. What's up?

I have a problem.

The letter was right here,
stamped and addressed,

and now it's gone.

So? Your mom probably mailed it.

You don't understand.
The letter was hate mail.

You sent hate mail?

I was gonna send it after the New Year,

but then someone went and mailed it.

Now Reuben's gonna read it today,

and I'll have bad luck
for the entire year.

Evan, relax.

I'm sure whoever...

Wait.

Reuben who?

You know, Reuben.

Your barber?

Ooh!

Ooh! Ooh!

- Eddie!
- Trent: I hate the Browns now.

What are you doing?

Get in here and take
care of your cousin.

I found him reading an old MAD magazine.

I was teaching him about
America through humor.

"Dunces with Wolves."

[Laughs] Genius.

That's your cousin?

Is he cool?

His shorts almost touch his nipples.

What if he reads your letter
and won't cut my hair anymore?

Or he tells the other barbers?
You know how they talk.

Do you know how hard it
is to find a good barber?

It's like dating but for your hair.

He's not that good, Dad.

I mean, look at this mess.

I asked for a "Randy,"
and he gave me a "Brad."

Nobody knows who those people are!

I've been going to Reuben
since we moved to Orlando.

I can't start over
and find somebody new.

Maybe he won't know who sent it.

I signed the letter...
"Unhappy Customer."

Oh, really? [Chuckles]

What else did it say?

It said,
"You don't know how to cut Asian hair.

I asked for a 'Randy,
' and you gave me a 'Brad.'"

Evan, he's gonna know that's us!

Put your shoes on.

We've got to get that letter back

before it ruins the New
Year for the both of us.

[Sighs]

[Movie plays on TV]

Ugh!

Well,
good thing I'm wearing my movie jeans

and not my lucky red...

[Gasps]

Emery...[Sighs]

- I need your help.
- What's up?

I forgot to pick up my lucky red
dress from the dry cleaner's...

The one I've worn every
New Year's since I retired

my women's-powersuit-
dragon-broach combo in 1989.

And, let me guess,
you want me to make you a new one.

What? No.

No, I want you to come to
the dry cleaner's with me

- to pick it up.
- Why me?

Because I want to make it

to New Year's dinner with a clean slate,

and I don't trust
myself out there alone.

So you want me to be
your kindness Sherpa,

your karma spirit guide,
your bodyguard for...

Enough examples, but yes.

You get along with everybody,

so I'm just gonna follow your lead.

No more loose cannon.

Don't worry, Mom.

Just put your hand on my shoulder,

and I'll guide you,
like a seeing eye dog except...

I'll wait outside.

[Wind chimes ring loudly]

Hey! You like?

We brought it back from New Mexico.

Too big for the overhead,
so we had to check them.

If the wind blows just right,

they play the intro to "Jack & Diane."

[Laughs]

Emery, go get my step ladder

and the big scissors I use to cut meat.

We love them!

Wind chimes are nature's instrument.

[Both chuckle]

What are you doing?

Those pipes sound like somebody

let an octopus loose
in the Williams-Sonoma.

I know, Mom,
but if you're gonna stay clean today,

you're gonna need to
control your temper.

I'm your kindness Sherpa, remember?

Yes, you're right.

But just so you know,
as soon as the New Year is over,

I'm going to steal those chimes

and drop them in the
bottom of the ocean.

I know you will, Mom.

- Hide them where no one can find them.
- Okay, Mom.

Wrap them in chains,
drive them to the pier,

and then I'm gonna drop them off...

Mom! I get it. You hate the chimes.

Ding-dong!
You're at the bottom of the ocean.

[Video game music plays]

Are you sure I'm controlling the Koopas?

Yeah, yeah, I told you, I control Mario,

and you control the Koopas and the Boos.

It's how the game works.

Hey, what'd you do that for?

_

_

Grandma,
what does it look like I'm doing?

He's having fun.

_

_

Grandma, that's a great idea.

I know just the place.

Hey, Simon.

Have you ever...

built a bear?

I built a miniature
model of the Titanic once

for history class.

I used Tic Tacs for the life boats.

Uh-huh.

Well, here, you build a bear.

All the cool kids do it.

Okay, do you want to build one together?

We can make it a blend of both of us.

What boy names do you like? I like Carl.

It's kind of something
you do by yourself.

Like, the bear chooses you.
That kind of thing.

Have fun.

And then you just hand the dry
cleaner your ticket, smile,

and I'll handle the rest.

He calls me "Jessie."

You know that? Jessie.

Like I'm a German shepherd.

You can do this. I believe in you.

All we have to do is
walk over there and...

Uh-oh.

Hello, can you spare any change
today to save the whales?

Okay, new plan.

I go in alone and get your dress.

- What do I do?
- You stay here, relax,

and listen to the
soothing sounds of NPR.

Man: And with that,
Coney Island was born.

The boardwalk, the cotton candy,

and, of course, La Marcus Thompson's

[Yawns] switchback gravity railway.

You know what?

I am relaxed.

- I'll be back in five minutes.
- Okay.

- Stay in the car and lock the doors.
- Mm.

The island itself?

Named for all the Coneys, or rabbits...

Louis:
Reuben always goes on break at 1:30.

He'll head to the back to eat a yogurt,

and we can duck in and see if
the letter's been delivered yet.

How will we know?

Reuben always gets the new issue

of Sports Illustrated in the mail.

If the new issue's on the counter,

that means the mail has been delivered,

and it's too late.

If it's still last week's, we're okay.

Now's our chance. Let's go.

"America's Top 50 Jock Schools."

Is that this week's or last week's?

I only read "Zillions."

Last week's, which means the
mail hasn't been... [Door opens]

Louis.

What are you doing here?

Oh. [Laughs]

We're here because, um,
Evan needs another haircut.

Thanks, Reuben, great work as always.

This is great.
Reuben hasn't gotten your letter yet.

Great? Look at my hair.

I look like Grace Jones.

What's the problem?
She's a handsome woman.

Hey, cousin Eddie.

You were right about that place.
It was awesome.

You can design your bear's
shirt and everything.

I made one of you...

and one of me.

Why is mine holding a fishing rod?

I had to guess your hobbies.

Nice tweddy bear, Eddie.

Walter, give me a beat.

[Beatboxing]

Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh!

Ohhhhhhh!

- That was so cool.
- That was tight.

[Laughter]

- How did you do that?
- Sick, man.

- That was so cool.
- Love it.

Woman:
And that's where I met my husband,

right there on the boardwalk.
Why is this taking so long?

He was an engineer on the Cyclone,

and I sold cotton candy at the...

Hello.

Can you spare any change
today to save the whales?

Yes.

[Coins clink]

You owe me another $5.

I gave a $20.

No, you gave me a $10.

You owe me another $5.

Oh, now you're in for it, buddy.

Mom, this guy's a liar,

and he's trying to steal my money.

Emery, just pay the man
what he says you owe him.

What?

Me?

But he's a liar.

You come into my store
and call me a liar?

That's it.

You're going on the wall.

[Camera shutter clicks]

Aren't you gonna say anything?

[Sighs]

Great, now how are people
going to know we do shoes?

Why didn't you stick up for me?
Don't you believe me?

Of course, I believe you.

We're supposed to be avoiding conflicts,

not starting new ones.

Last week, you yelled at a bus driver

for not wearing his hat.

But the one time I need
you to get angry for me,

you leave me hanging?

You care more about your
holiday superstitions

than you do about me.

No. That is not true.

I just want our whole family

to start out the New Year
on the right foot for once.

That is worth $5 to me.

So please, just go in there
and give that man his money.

No way.

You know,
$5 could de-barnacle a whole pod.

Okay, now let's go over the plan again.

I pretend to lose my car
keys down this grate,

then when the mailman comes to help me,

I hit the mail out of his hands,

you grab the letter and rip it up.

Isn't holding up a mailman

worse than just sending an angry letter?

Can we just ask for it back?

Have you ever tried reasoning
with a mailman, son?

You can't. They're crazy.
You've got to come strong.

Oh. [Laughs] Thank God you're here.

Uh, my keys have fallen down this grate.

- Oh, no.
- Yeah.

Now!

What'd you do that for?

Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
I don't know what came over...

Now!

Will you stop doing that?

[Siren wails]

Everything okay, Louis?

Looks like you're trying to
assault a federal employee.

Assault? [Laughs]

Oh, no.

I just, uh... I...
My keys fell down a grate.

Look, I'm late for a bamitzvah,

so I'm gonna let you off with a warning.

Just, you know, be cool.

[Whistling]

There goes my relationship with Reuben.

[Sighs] We didn't get the letter back,

and I have a terrible haircut.

My year of bad luck has already begun.

So you didn't exactly get
the haircut you wanted.

I didn't like my haircut
when I first went to Reuben.

I wanted the "Clooney,"
but he gave me this.

After a while, I got used to it.

Why'd you keep going back to him
if it wasn't what you wanted?

I don't know. He was just so nice.

He called me "Big Guy."

I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Plus, it's a good haircut.

But it could be a great haircut.

You said that finding the
right barber was like dating.

Would you have settled
for anyone less than Mom?

No.

You deserve the "Clooney," Dad.

We all do.

[Wind chimes ring to the tune of
"Jack & Diane"]

Looks like we're getting a storm.

[Laughs]

That's right, girls.

Sing for your supper.

Are you sure?
I could have sworn I gave you a $20.

Nope. You gave me a $10. I'm sure of it.

You owe me another $5.

[Sighs] Not you again.

I am here to make
things right for my son.

This is the extra $5 he owes you.

I apologize for his behavior.

And I ask that you take his
photo down from your shame wall

so he can start out the New
Year with a clean slate.

Apology accepted.

But only because I need the business.

My wife has... expensive tastes.

- My son's photo, please.
- Oh!

Thank you.

And now you're going to
want to take my picture.

Why would I want to take... Trust me.

You're going to want to take my picture.

- Hey.
- Hey.

What you did back there...

It... [Sighs] It was impolite.

I'm sorry.

Don't be sorry. You were awesome.

I'm the one who should be saying sorry

for the way I treated you.

You're not mad that I embarrassed you?

I was just mad because you were so good.

I mean,
you rhymed "balance" with "allowance."

You're amazing, dawg.

How'd you get so dope at freestyling?

I love hip-hop.

How come you never said anything?

You never asked.

Hmm.

For real though,

you could become a
famous rapper one day.

Rap's just a hobby for me.

My real passion is marine biology.

Do you see any Asian rappers in here?

Me neither.

You have a gift.

You have a chance to change the game.

I'll think about it.

Come on.

How did you get this?

I'm sorry for not having your back.

I get it.

It's Chinese New Year,
and you wanted to start clean.

It's not just that.

I didn't stand up for you

because I don't want to set
that kind of example for you.

I don't want to teach you that fighting

is always the answer.

But you fight with,
like, everybody...

Delivery guys, firemen,

the cat outside the frozen yogurt place.

Yes.

And you're good.

And you get along with everybody.

And you're always smiling.

I don't want you to be more like me.

I want to be more like you.

I've witnessed the softening

of the hardest of hearts
by a simple smile.

Goldie Hawn said that.

Goldie...

also sounds like a dog's name.

_

_

[Speaking Chinese]

What happened to your hair?

Tried out a new barber.

He finally gave me exactly
what I asked for...

The "Clooney."

You hate it, don't you?

So much.

[Inhales deeply]
But at least now I know.

Like I know sending that
letter won't bring me bad luck

because it wasn't hate mail,
it was truth mail.

[Chuckles]

You did it, Mom.

You made it to the New
Year with a clean slate.

Yeah...

Uh, orange and full of juice.

Um... an orange?

The color of my first car.

Tan!

Powder blue!

Electric plum!

You're shouting in my ear.

It's tangerines.

Now sit back and enjoy
the entertainment.

Sorry, Evan!

[Laughter, cheering]

Well, that's great.

Who is that?

Right. We're running a bit
late this morning, darling.

Who's ready for a game of
"This or This"?

This or this?

This or this?

This or this?

Jeans, red shirt, blue sneakers.

Dylan,
what outfit did I say he'd choose?

Dylan: Jeans, red shirt, blue sneakers.

Noice!

Okay, kids. Breakfast is served.

Delicious nutrition bars.

"Specially formulated for the
needs of a pre-menstrual woman"?

Eat it. Don't read it.

I couldn't write my book
report because of my arm.

That's not the arm
you use to write with.

Can't sneak anything past you, Mom.

"Tale of Two Cities." You loved it.

Hey, that's mine.

Far too brilliant to use only once,
darling.

"I forgot my food-drive donation."

Oh! Hold on.

Was my lunch. All yours.

Anything you need, Ray?

Nothing, and this actually isn't bad.

I'm feeling good about my
body and not at all moody.

I'm on fire today.

Gonna be on time for carpooling duty.

I'm making every green light.

[Horn honks] That one was actually red.

Well, before it was red,
it was green, Ray.

Attitude is everything.

Keep it moving. Come on.

Keep it moving, please. Keep it moving.

All the way up to the orange cones.
All right, come on.

I thought people hated this job.

I mean, volunteer hours
to boss around strangers.

I don't know how this
day could get any better.

I was gonna offer you this,

but doesn't seem like you need it.

Oh, now I get to be loud?

[Feedback] I love my life!

Yeah, don't need it.

Captions by VITAC...

All right, darling.
Go on, hit the target.

And...

Ka-pow! [Both laugh]

Well, Mr. Bruce Lee,
what have you done with my son?

Great stretching, Mom.
You make him so limber.

Weirdest sucking up ever.

All right, Ray, no need to be snippy

just because your science
project isn't coming together.

This is how it's supposed to look.

You don't even know what they...

Phobos and Deimos... Moons of Mars.

Jimmy: I got him, honey.

Mom, insulted but impressed.

You are in the zone. [Door opens]

Yeah, you know what?
Nothing can stop me today.

[Sneezes]

Sickness! No!

We got a sneezer. This is not a drill!

What the hell's going on?

You sneezed into your
hands like a barbarian.

Am I not supposed to?

[Sneezes] Jimmy: Kenneth!

Oh, are you trying to kill us?!

You just told me not to
sneeze into my hands.

Sneeze into your elbow.

I mean, not the elbow...
That's the outside...

But the inside elbow, the...
Where the crease-thing is.

The... Oh, my God. What's it called?

Thanks, Kenneth,
the woman was on a roll,

and now she can't even remember
the name for a chelidon.

A sniffle can really take
out a family like ours.

JJ takes a little bit longer to recover.

We like to be cautious.

Please take your leave. What?

Come back when you have been
symptom-free for 24 hours.

Maya, are you serious?

Ugh! Oh!

I know that was a bit harsh.

If he survives, he'll understand.

So, someone's gonna need
to read JJ's board today.

Any takers? Ray: I'll do it.

Great chance for me to
check out the classes

I'll be taking next year.

I'll do it.

"Dylan.

I like her reason better."

Geez, upperclassmen sure do like

to give each other back massages.

Are they that sore?

Hey, sweetie,
if you got a sprain up there,

that guy's doing a lot
more harm than good.

Let me give you the number
to my sports medicine guy.

He's the best.

Yeah?

Hey, I should probably sharpen my pencil

in case anyone tries
to give me a back rub.

I'll be right back.

Hey, get in line, los... Sorry.

Go ahead.

Wait. Are you new?

No.

I'm here with JJ.

As a sibling! I'm single.

[Chuckles] Hi, single. I'm Chase.

Oh, my God. You are insanely funny.

I got to go. Bye.

[Sighs]

"You seem weird."

What? No. Nothing's changed.

Forever.

Right, does everyone got their
backpacks, their lunches?

[Sneezes]

Uh-oh. Germ alert.

Uh-oh. Nerd alert.

I'm fine.

[Maya groaning]

Who moved this bloody chair so high?

[Breathes heavily, groans]

[Door closes]

[Horn honks]

Oh, relax! I'm just waiting
for the light to change.

[Shivering] Ohh, I'm so cold.

I just...
I got to go back and get my parka.

Up the stairs.

Oh,
so nice and warm inside this dead bear.

Oh!

M-Mom?

Oh! I'm here!

I'm the only one left.

You have to take over.
You will be the "me" today.

Look. I made you a list.

[Cellphone rings]

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