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1
00:00:04,605 --> 00:00:05,871
The baby's coming out!
2
00:00:05,906 --> 00:00:07,339
It's... it's a big one!
3
00:00:07,374 --> 00:00:09,875
Eddie, stop pretending
to be pregnant.
4
00:00:10,978 --> 00:00:12,010
I'm an Uncle!
5
00:00:12,045 --> 00:00:13,578
[Gasps] It's a boy!
6
00:00:15,606 --> 00:00:17,983
Oh, my God. Louis did it.
7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,185
He's raising his own veal.
8
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,453
[Computer beeps] Nope.
9
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,088
I accidentally went in a store
10
00:00:23,123 --> 00:00:24,890
that looked like
it sold ice cream
11
00:00:24,925 --> 00:00:27,192
and got us our first family
Internet computer!
12
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:28,426
Is it better than
my brother-in-law's?
13
00:00:28,462 --> 00:00:29,694
It is better than
your brother-in-law's.
14
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,163
Do a search for biggie lyrics.
15
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:33,031
No, look up where rainbows end.
16
00:00:33,066 --> 00:00:34,232
Hold on.
17
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:35,467
Before we touch the computer,
18
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:36,835
we need to take
this course first.
19
00:00:36,904 --> 00:00:39,197
It's called "Mavis Beacon's
introduction..."
20
00:00:39,261 --> 00:00:39,738
[keyboard clacking,
monitor beeps]
21
00:00:39,773 --> 00:00:42,340
I just did a search
for Cattleman's Ranch.
22
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:43,909
How did you do that?
[Mouse clicks]
23
00:00:43,944 --> 00:00:46,044
Just type in a word,
or lycos it,
24
00:00:46,079 --> 00:00:49,181
and if it's anywhere on
the Internet, it'll come up.
25
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:50,615
Oh, look, we're mentioned
26
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,351
on a restaurant-review site
called Phil's Phaves!
27
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:57,255
[ Happy music plays]
28
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:58,990
It's a beautiful design.
29
00:00:59,026 --> 00:00:59,858
[Mouse clicks]
30
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,159
Uh-oh.
31
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:03,562
They give out letter grades
to all the restaurants.
32
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:04,629
Dad's got a...
33
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:06,031
B-minus?!
34
00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:09,000
Both: That's a Chinese "f."
35
00:01:10,003 --> 00:01:12,204
S02E13
Phil's Phaves
36
00:01:12,239 --> 00:01:13,705
Fresh off the boat
37
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:15,407
I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go
38
00:01:15,442 --> 00:01:17,542
If you don't know, homey,
now you know
39
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:18,810
Fresh off the boat
40
00:01:18,845 --> 00:01:21,146
Homey, you don't know
where I come from
41
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,681
But I know where I'm goin'
42
00:01:22,716 --> 00:01:23,747
I'm fresh off the boat
43
00:01:23,810 --> 00:01:25,425
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
44
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:27,385
I don't understand.
45
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:29,654
How could Cattleman's
get a B-minus?
46
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:32,591
Well, dad, maybe
if you applied yourself,
47
00:01:32,626 --> 00:01:34,526
your grades would be higher.
48
00:01:34,561 --> 00:01:36,294
Jessica: Boys, this is serious.
49
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:39,364
Why don't the dancing babies
like our restaurant?
50
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:40,432
[Mouse clicks]
51
00:01:40,467 --> 00:01:41,566
According to the review,
52
00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:43,268
this Phil guy thought
the food was okay,
53
00:01:43,303 --> 00:01:44,769
but the ambiance was a bit dull.
54
00:01:44,805 --> 00:01:46,938
Dull? Dull?
55
00:01:46,974 --> 00:01:49,374
As in boring? Repetitive? Dull?
56
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:50,809
That's impossible.
57
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,044
I make sure Cattleman's is the
funnest restaurant in town!
58
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,813
At least it's only
on the Internet.
59
00:01:54,848 --> 00:01:56,147
It's not somewhere important
60
00:01:56,183 --> 00:01:57,849
like a newspaper
or shopping bag.
61
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,851
I mean, how many people
could've seen it?
62
00:01:59,886 --> 00:02:02,887
[Mouse clicks]
According to the counter, 149.
63
00:02:02,923 --> 00:02:03,989
[Gasps] What?!
64
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,724
Our reputation is at stake.
65
00:02:05,759 --> 00:02:07,325
Evan, write the Internet.
66
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:09,594
Tell them to take
that grade down!
67
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,196
It's not that easy,
68
00:02:11,231 --> 00:02:14,099
but there is a button to contact
the webmaster.
69
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,267
- Yes. Do that.
- Okay.
70
00:02:15,302 --> 00:02:16,901
Ask Phil to give us
another chance.
71
00:02:16,937 --> 00:02:18,737
Like the real Cattlemen
of the old west,
72
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,072
we need to defend our restaurant
against enemy attack.
73
00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,007
[Monitor beeps]
74
00:02:22,042 --> 00:02:23,241
According to this,
75
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,410
most Cattlemen were killed
by poor sanitation.
76
00:02:25,445 --> 00:02:28,013
No more computer for today!
77
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:30,015
[Bell rings,
indistinct conversations]
78
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:33,018
"Liquid swords" might be the
best solo Wu-Tang album ever.
79
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,420
You think it's better
than ODB's solo album?
80
00:02:35,455 --> 00:02:39,190
Well, better than the clean
for sure, not the dirty.
81
00:02:39,226 --> 00:02:41,326
That's 'cause they don't call
him ol' clean bastard.
82
00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:43,595
Woman: Alison,
get your butt in gear!
83
00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:45,997
The longer you wait,
the faster I have to drive,
84
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:48,343
and you know that
we don't have seatbelts!
85
00:02:48,934 --> 00:02:51,036
I wish I could keep rapping
with you, girl.
86
00:02:51,071 --> 00:02:52,070
Why don't you give me a call?
87
00:02:52,105 --> 00:02:53,571
On the phone?
88
00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:55,073
[Chuckling] Of course, silly.
89
00:02:55,108 --> 00:02:56,508
My number's easy to remember.
90
00:02:56,543 --> 00:02:59,110
It's 407-555-corn.
91
00:02:59,146 --> 00:03:01,546
I figured it out one day.
92
00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:05,216
Hi, Eddie. [Sighs]
93
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:07,319
Hi, Reba.
94
00:03:07,354 --> 00:03:09,054
I told a joke during
morning announcements
95
00:03:09,089 --> 00:03:10,488
that I thought you would like.
96
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,823
Did you hear it?
97
00:03:11,858 --> 00:03:15,293
Good morning, students.
98
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:19,698
Quick question... what kind
of bees give milk?
99
00:03:19,733 --> 00:03:21,032
Boo-bees. [Boobies]
100
00:03:21,068 --> 00:03:22,367
Man: Reba!
101
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:24,536
Just announce that P.E.
is indoors today!
102
00:03:24,571 --> 00:03:25,570
Sorry. I missed it.
103
00:03:25,605 --> 00:03:27,505
I like that you went there,
though.
104
00:03:29,232 --> 00:03:31,910
Um, is that my face
on your trapper keeper?
105
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,144
Yep.
106
00:03:33,180 --> 00:03:34,813
You know I have a girlfriend,
right?
107
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,748
- Alison.
- I know.
108
00:03:36,783 --> 00:03:38,583
I call next.
109
00:03:38,618 --> 00:03:39,951
Ri-i-ight.
110
00:03:39,986 --> 00:03:41,477
See you, Reba.
111
00:03:42,923 --> 00:03:46,491
I hate to see him go,
but I love to watch his butt.
112
00:03:52,117 --> 00:03:53,832
Are you still on the computer?
113
00:03:53,867 --> 00:03:55,800
I want to work
on my keyboarding.
114
00:03:55,836 --> 00:03:58,002
We need to monitor how many
people are seeing
115
00:03:58,038 --> 00:03:59,804
this stain on our reputation.
116
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:02,207
Luckily,
it's holding steady at 149.
117
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,608
You wouldn't be able to tell
118
00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,210
unless you hit
the refresh button.
119
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:06,578
Refresh button?
120
00:04:06,613 --> 00:04:07,912
[Mouse clicks]
121
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,314
[Both scream]
122
00:04:09,349 --> 00:04:10,548
It went up to 154!
123
00:04:10,584 --> 00:04:12,984
Oh, what if one of
my enemies saw it?
124
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:14,452
Or Pete Sampras?
125
00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:17,222
Have you checked your e-mail
to see if they wrote back?
126
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,191
Mail? At this time of night?
127
00:04:21,862 --> 00:04:22,694
[Mouse clicks]
128
00:04:22,729 --> 00:04:24,396
You've got mail.
129
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,431
Well, of course
it's a white guy.
130
00:04:26,466 --> 00:04:27,799
Phil wrote back.
[Mouse clicks]
131
00:04:27,834 --> 00:04:30,101
He says he'll give us
another chance.
132
00:04:30,137 --> 00:04:33,004
He's coming back to the
restaurant on Wednesday.
133
00:04:33,039 --> 00:04:35,006
Okay, this is our shot
at redemption.
134
00:04:35,041 --> 00:04:37,075
We need to make sure
Cattleman's Ranch
135
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,843
is funner than it's ever been...
136
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:42,547
Even if it means replacing every
"c" with a backward "k."
137
00:04:44,785 --> 00:04:46,918
Four... [Beep]
138
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:49,120
[Groans]
139
00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,291
Hello. [Groans]
140
00:04:53,326 --> 00:04:54,759
'Sup? [Groans]
141
00:04:57,130 --> 00:05:01,199
[Dialing] 555-c-o-r-n.
142
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:03,334
[Ringing]
143
00:05:03,370 --> 00:05:04,269
[Sighs]
144
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,703
Hello?
145
00:05:05,739 --> 00:05:07,005
Hello. Who's this?
146
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:07,605
Dad?
147
00:05:07,641 --> 00:05:08,306
Sweetie?
148
00:05:08,341 --> 00:05:10,208
[Dialing]
149
00:05:10,243 --> 00:05:12,710
Hello? Is someone on the phone?
150
00:05:12,746 --> 00:05:14,012
Hello. Who's this?
151
00:05:14,047 --> 00:05:15,513
This is Louis Huang. Who's this?
152
00:05:15,549 --> 00:05:16,948
This is Gary Olsen.
153
00:05:16,983 --> 00:05:17,916
Gary Olsen?
154
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:18,783
[Grunts]
155
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,318
That was a disaster.
156
00:05:20,353 --> 00:05:22,120
I know. I was listening.
157
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,389
I hate talking on the phone.
158
00:05:24,424 --> 00:05:27,959
She can't see me, and I'm like
80% body language.
159
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:29,761
She doesn't know if I'm like,
"what's happening?"
160
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:32,030
Or if I'm like,
"what's happening?"
161
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:33,331
So, what are you gonna do?
162
00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,001
Man: [Echoing] Yeah.
163
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,803
I'm gonna make her
a dope-ass mixtape!
164
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,205
It'll do the talking for me!
165
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,407
That's a great idea, Eddie.
166
00:05:42,442 --> 00:05:45,577
[The Dove Shack's
"Summertime in the LBC" plays]
167
00:05:49,216 --> 00:05:50,782
Yo, girl.
168
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:53,918
This is your boy, E-Money...
Notorious E.I.G...
169
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:56,087
E to the M.C.-Squared.
170
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:57,322
What's up, physics?
171
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:58,857
For the next 90 minutes,
172
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:01,292
I'm gonna make you
an audio love nest,
173
00:06:01,328 --> 00:06:04,028
'cause, girl,
if you're feeling this...
174
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:07,398
Let me hear yousay oooooh-ooh
175
00:06:07,434 --> 00:06:10,435
Ahhhhhhh-ahh
176
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:14,205
Summertime in the LBC
177
00:06:14,241 --> 00:06:16,875
Louis: [Chuckles]
Look at these fun hens
178
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:19,844
just sitting here, sunglasses
on, ready for the beach.
179
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,880
Festive hens,
new staff uniforms,
180
00:06:21,915 --> 00:06:24,215
googly eyes on
the toothpick dispenser...
181
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,684
No way Phil can call us dull.
182
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,919
[Chuckles]
183
00:06:27,954 --> 00:06:29,621
Uh, Mitch? Yeah?
184
00:06:29,656 --> 00:06:32,023
Your new comically small hat
isn't askew enough.
185
00:06:32,826 --> 00:06:35,727
It's supposed to be sitting on
your head at a jaunty angle.
186
00:06:35,762 --> 00:06:36,928
That angle is not jaunty.
187
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,130
Jauntier.
188
00:06:40,500 --> 00:06:41,399
Jauntier.
189
00:06:42,502 --> 00:06:43,368
Jaunty.
190
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:44,602
Hey, hey.
191
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:46,771
Boy: Hello?
192
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,406
Down here.
193
00:06:51,344 --> 00:06:54,546
Phillip Goldstein,
what are you doing here?
194
00:06:54,581 --> 00:06:56,214
I have a reservation.
195
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:59,484
It's under Phil...
As in "Phil's Phaves."
196
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,153
And I would like to sit
197
00:07:02,188 --> 00:07:04,856
as far away from the bear
as possible.
198
00:07:11,872 --> 00:07:13,005
Phillip Goldstein,
199
00:07:13,040 --> 00:07:15,110
the Chinese-Jewish boy
who abandoned our son
200
00:07:15,141 --> 00:07:16,841
at the Beastie Boys concert.
201
00:07:16,909 --> 00:07:19,333
I sleep well at night,
if that's your next question.
202
00:07:19,406 --> 00:07:21,982
Of course you sleep well.
You're a child!
203
00:07:22,112 --> 00:07:23,174
I thought Phil was an adult.
204
00:07:23,216 --> 00:07:25,728
Probably because my writing
style is straightforward
205
00:07:25,781 --> 00:07:28,183
and concise, like a man's.
206
00:07:28,219 --> 00:07:30,487
Well, whatever our differences,
207
00:07:30,555 --> 00:07:32,721
it is a relief
to find out it's you,
208
00:07:32,757 --> 00:07:35,057
just like you're finding out
that this is our restaurant.
209
00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:36,926
So you can gahead
and change your review.
210
00:07:36,961 --> 00:07:38,294
Why would I do that?
211
00:07:38,329 --> 00:07:40,302
Well, you know...
212
00:07:42,834 --> 00:07:45,201
_
213
00:07:45,526 --> 00:07:47,536
I actually don't
understand Chinese,
214
00:07:47,572 --> 00:07:50,372
but I do understand
good service.
215
00:07:51,843 --> 00:07:53,509
Do I have to seat myself?
216
00:07:57,014 --> 00:07:58,080
More iced tea?
217
00:07:58,115 --> 00:08:00,249
- No, thank you.
- Okay.
218
00:08:00,284 --> 00:08:02,585
Um, that crayon
looks stubby. Here.
219
00:08:02,620 --> 00:08:04,386
Let me get you
some fresh points.
220
00:08:04,422 --> 00:08:05,788
No, those are fine!
221
00:08:05,823 --> 00:08:08,390
Are you enjoying
your "khikken" nuggets?
222
00:08:08,426 --> 00:08:09,959
We changed all the c's to k's.
223
00:08:09,994 --> 00:08:11,760
It's just a little fun thing
we do.
224
00:08:11,796 --> 00:08:13,562
Oh, I thought that was a typo.
225
00:08:13,598 --> 00:08:15,331
[Sighs] This is ridiculous.
226
00:08:15,366 --> 00:08:17,800
He's just gonna give us
a bad review anyway.
227
00:08:17,835 --> 00:08:20,236
I would never let our personal
history color my review.
228
00:08:20,271 --> 00:08:21,504
Oh. Mm.
229
00:08:21,539 --> 00:08:24,039
That said, I'm bumping you down
to a c-plus.
230
00:08:24,075 --> 00:08:25,174
A c-plus?!
231
00:08:25,209 --> 00:08:26,375
Did you see the sunglasses
on the hens?
232
00:08:26,410 --> 00:08:28,978
I didn't, because your staff
was surrounding me
233
00:08:29,013 --> 00:08:31,981
at every moment... refilling
my mug, taking my crayons.
234
00:08:32,016 --> 00:08:34,116
It was a nightmare!
235
00:08:34,151 --> 00:08:35,851
Nuggets were good, though.
236
00:08:37,922 --> 00:08:39,722
And that's why I say
that Marky Mark
237
00:08:39,757 --> 00:08:42,425
is the nucleus
of the funky bunch.
238
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:43,726
Huh?
239
00:08:43,761 --> 00:08:45,595
I made you something.
240
00:08:45,630 --> 00:08:47,196
You did? What is it?
241
00:08:47,232 --> 00:08:48,164
After class.
242
00:08:48,199 --> 00:08:50,233
All right,
now to turn our attention
243
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,468
from the subatomic world
to the state-mandated,
244
00:08:52,503 --> 00:08:55,304
although not state-funded,
unit on dissection.
245
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:57,240
Namely...
246
00:08:57,275 --> 00:08:58,174
Rocks?
247
00:08:58,209 --> 00:08:59,609
No. Oysters. [Kids murmur]
248
00:08:59,644 --> 00:09:01,944
Unfortunately, it wasn't until
I got to the supermarket
249
00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:04,080
that I realized how expensive
these suckers are,
250
00:09:04,115 --> 00:09:06,215
so we're gonna have
to pair off two to an oyster.
251
00:09:06,251 --> 00:09:08,084
Man: [ Echoing] Yeah.
252
00:09:08,119 --> 00:09:10,253
Like Marky Mark,
let's do the unexpected.
253
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:12,121
Alison,
you can partner with Ned.
254
00:09:12,156 --> 00:09:13,389
Eddie, you're with Reba.
255
00:09:14,155 --> 00:09:16,792
[ Echoing] No.
256
00:09:17,806 --> 00:09:19,495
You're in my station.
257
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:26,369
Hi, Eddie. This is gonna be fun.
258
00:09:26,404 --> 00:09:27,670
For who?
259
00:09:27,705 --> 00:09:28,938
I understand.
260
00:09:28,973 --> 00:09:31,440
You're too gentle to dissect
a living creature.
261
00:09:31,476 --> 00:09:34,910
But lucky for us,
I don't give an "elf."
262
00:09:34,946 --> 00:09:37,913
I'll fill out your
dissection journal for you.
263
00:09:41,185 --> 00:09:43,953
All right. Let's see
what's under the hood.
264
00:09:47,859 --> 00:09:49,925
Cattleman's Ranch is our livelihood.
265
00:09:49,961 --> 00:09:51,927
So you can understand
our concern
266
00:09:51,963 --> 00:09:53,896
when we found
your son's website.
267
00:09:53,931 --> 00:09:55,231
Oh, I do understand.
268
00:09:55,266 --> 00:09:57,600
I am so sorry
about Phillip's review.
269
00:09:57,669 --> 00:09:59,502
[Sighs] Great.
So you'll take it down?
270
00:09:59,537 --> 00:10:01,337
Oh, no, I can't do that.
271
00:10:01,372 --> 00:10:03,306
Phillip's father and I
have been teaching him
272
00:10:03,341 --> 00:10:04,874
about journalistic integrity
273
00:10:04,909 --> 00:10:07,777
from our years working
at Mother Jones.
274
00:10:09,113 --> 00:10:11,347
Miteh, haust du gizane mana...
275
00:10:11,382 --> 00:10:12,548
Oy.
276
00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:15,518
Oh, uh, Phillip, don't be rude.
277
00:10:15,553 --> 00:10:17,687
No yiddish in front
of the goyim.
278
00:10:17,722 --> 00:10:21,223
Only one Chinese boy can tarnish
the Huang family name,
279
00:10:21,259 --> 00:10:22,391
and that's Eddie.
280
00:10:22,427 --> 00:10:24,360
Please take down your website!
281
00:10:24,395 --> 00:10:26,896
I can't do that.
It's called integrity, madam.
282
00:10:26,931 --> 00:10:28,731
- But I just want you...
- W-we understand.
283
00:10:28,766 --> 00:10:31,189
Thanks for hearing us out.
We'll be on our way.
284
00:10:32,224 --> 00:10:34,804
May I just use
your restroom first?
285
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,708
I didn't really go
to the bathroom.
286
00:10:38,743 --> 00:10:39,942
Is that their computer mouse?
287
00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:41,210
Yes.
288
00:10:41,245 --> 00:10:43,446
I've crippled his access
to the Internet.
289
00:10:43,481 --> 00:10:44,930
I've shut him down.
290
00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:47,126
You're a genius.
291
00:10:48,119 --> 00:10:49,685
[Phone rings]
292
00:10:49,721 --> 00:10:51,987
Emery: Eddie, it's for you!
293
00:10:52,023 --> 00:10:54,223
[Singsong voice] It's a girl!
294
00:10:57,999 --> 00:10:58,861
Alison?
295
00:10:58,896 --> 00:11:00,707
Don't worry. It's not her.
296
00:11:01,151 --> 00:11:02,131
Reba?
297
00:11:02,166 --> 00:11:05,334
I got your mixtape,
and I love you, too!
298
00:11:05,370 --> 00:11:07,269
[Dial tone]
299
00:11:14,545 --> 00:11:16,612
Evan: Oh, da-a-mn.
300
00:11:16,647 --> 00:11:17,913
Evan?!
301
00:11:17,949 --> 00:11:18,981
No.
302
00:11:19,016 --> 00:11:20,182
[Line clicks]
303
00:11:23,254 --> 00:11:25,721
Reba? Egg-salad Reba?
304
00:11:25,757 --> 00:11:28,190
Why don't you just tell her
the mixtape wasn't for her?
305
00:11:28,226 --> 00:11:29,625
I tried.
306
00:11:29,660 --> 00:11:32,928
Reba, I made that mixtape
for Alison, not for you.
307
00:11:32,964 --> 00:11:34,230
I understand.
308
00:11:34,265 --> 00:11:35,598
You're unhappy
in your relationship,
309
00:11:35,633 --> 00:11:36,932
and you don't know how
to get out.
310
00:11:36,968 --> 00:11:38,033
I'll talk to Alison for you.
311
00:11:38,069 --> 00:11:40,669
No! I mean, I'll do it.
312
00:11:40,738 --> 00:11:43,172
Like what sisters with voices
said on your mixtape,
313
00:11:43,207 --> 00:11:47,343
'cause my heart starts
beatin' triple time
314
00:11:47,378 --> 00:11:50,880
With thoughts of lovin' you
on my mind
315
00:11:50,915 --> 00:11:52,848
You put sisters with voices
on there?
316
00:11:52,884 --> 00:11:54,517
It's a good-ass song.
317
00:11:54,552 --> 00:11:55,751
[Microphone feedback]
318
00:11:55,787 --> 00:11:57,486
Reba: Good morning, students!
319
00:11:57,522 --> 00:11:59,188
To the mix master supreme
320
00:11:59,223 --> 00:12:01,957
who taught me the way
to a woman's heart
321
00:12:01,993 --> 00:12:03,659
is through her ear holes.
322
00:12:03,694 --> 00:12:04,894
Hi, Eddie!
323
00:12:04,929 --> 00:12:08,297
A big shoutout
to my new boyfriend...
324
00:12:08,332 --> 00:12:10,366
[fire alarm blaring]
325
00:12:10,401 --> 00:12:14,370
Tell the firemen I know how busy
they are and I'm sorry!
326
00:12:14,405 --> 00:12:18,307
I don't understand.
How did Phillip update it?
327
00:12:18,342 --> 00:12:20,976
Evan: Taking his mouse doesn't
make his website disappear.
328
00:12:21,012 --> 00:12:23,345
But he has no way
to control the little hand.
329
00:12:23,381 --> 00:12:24,613
There's only one thing to do.
330
00:12:24,649 --> 00:12:26,015
Evan, I'm extending
your bedtime.
331
00:12:26,050 --> 00:12:27,349
But why?!
332
00:12:27,385 --> 00:12:30,052
I need you to make me a website.
333
00:12:32,123 --> 00:12:33,122
[Mouse clicks]
334
00:12:35,417 --> 00:12:36,616
I can't believe
335
00:12:36,651 --> 00:12:40,920
www.Phillipgoldsteinhas
badopinions.com wasn't taken.
336
00:12:40,956 --> 00:12:43,022
Our luck is finally
turning around.
337
00:12:43,058 --> 00:12:44,924
I'm not sure I'm comfortable
with this.
338
00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,160
Why not?
Phillip rates our restaurant.
339
00:12:47,195 --> 00:12:48,161
We rate Phillip.
340
00:12:48,196 --> 00:12:49,863
Personality... "f."
341
00:12:49,898 --> 00:12:50,964
Wardrobe... "f."
342
00:12:50,999 --> 00:12:52,665
Table manners... "c."
343
00:12:54,519 --> 00:12:56,770
He used his salad fork properly.
344
00:12:56,805 --> 00:12:58,004
Grudging respect.
345
00:12:58,039 --> 00:12:59,105
Mm.
346
00:12:59,141 --> 00:13:00,740
This is like teasing someone
347
00:13:00,776 --> 00:13:01,975
but on the computer.
348
00:13:02,010 --> 00:13:03,109
It's like we're...
349
00:13:03,145 --> 00:13:04,711
E-vigilantes,
350
00:13:04,746 --> 00:13:06,346
because we're
dishing out justice
351
00:13:06,381 --> 00:13:08,181
and clearing our name.
352
00:13:08,216 --> 00:13:10,150
If Trent hadn't
pulled that fire alarm,
353
00:13:10,185 --> 00:13:12,352
Alison would think I had a honey
on the side.
354
00:13:12,387 --> 00:13:14,053
This Reba girl's out of control.
355
00:13:14,122 --> 00:13:15,755
Eddie, you can clear
this whole thing up
356
00:13:15,791 --> 00:13:17,590
if you just call Alison.
357
00:13:17,626 --> 00:13:19,726
No. Not gonna happen.
358
00:13:19,761 --> 00:13:22,662
I need to look my woman in
the eye like a snake charmer.
359
00:13:22,697 --> 00:13:24,130
So what are you gonna do?
360
00:13:24,166 --> 00:13:27,367
[Exhales slowly]
361
00:13:27,402 --> 00:13:29,502
If a good mixtape can make Reba
think I love her,
362
00:13:29,538 --> 00:13:31,271
then a bad mixtape
can scare her away!
363
00:13:31,306 --> 00:13:33,039
I'm a genius!
364
00:13:33,074 --> 00:13:34,240
Emery, get out.
365
00:13:34,276 --> 00:13:35,842
You're in my room.
366
00:13:36,276 --> 00:13:37,088
Oh.
367
00:13:43,463 --> 00:13:44,284
Hey.
368
00:13:44,319 --> 00:13:46,853
I got all the lamest CDs
from my dad's collection...
369
00:13:46,888 --> 00:13:49,088
Alvin and the Chipmunks,
Alvin's solo album,
370
00:13:49,124 --> 00:13:51,124
the soundtrack
from the movie "Arthur."
371
00:13:51,159 --> 00:13:53,960
Oh, thanks.
These are perfect, Nicole.
372
00:13:53,995 --> 00:13:55,462
Weird choices for a mixtape.
373
00:13:55,497 --> 00:13:57,831
Well, it's kind of
an anti-mixtape.
374
00:13:57,866 --> 00:13:59,399
Oh, a nixtape. Been there.
375
00:13:59,434 --> 00:14:01,201
You trying to get rid of Alison?
376
00:14:01,236 --> 00:14:03,269
No. Alison is dope.
It's this other girl.
377
00:14:03,305 --> 00:14:04,871
You know, it's a long story.
378
00:14:05,841 --> 00:14:07,407
So, how's what's-his-name?
379
00:14:07,442 --> 00:14:08,608
Hot Chris? He's hot.
380
00:14:08,643 --> 00:14:10,910
He did this Forrest Gump
impression the other day.
381
00:14:10,946 --> 00:14:11,978
It was hilarious.
382
00:14:12,013 --> 00:14:13,646
[As Forrest Gump]
Lieutenant Dan,
383
00:14:13,682 --> 00:14:16,516
I got you ice cream.
384
00:14:17,577 --> 00:14:19,752
Well, I better get going.
385
00:14:20,807 --> 00:14:23,490
For the record,
you never made me a mixtape.
386
00:14:36,605 --> 00:14:39,606
[Frank Stallone's "Walk Away" plays]
387
00:14:39,641 --> 00:14:42,442
Walk away
388
00:14:42,477 --> 00:14:46,246
Or should I staywith that moody girl
389
00:14:46,281 --> 00:14:48,915
She's down on love
390
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:51,484
[Groaning]
391
00:14:51,520 --> 00:14:56,789
Moody giiiirl tonight
392
00:14:58,927 --> 00:15:00,493
No sign of him yet?
393
00:15:00,529 --> 00:15:01,628
He'll show.
394
00:15:01,663 --> 00:15:03,930
Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Huang.
395
00:15:03,965 --> 00:15:06,366
Well, how did you get in here?
396
00:15:06,401 --> 00:15:07,734
Through the kitchen.
397
00:15:07,769 --> 00:15:10,436
In keeping with your barn theme,
the door was open.
398
00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:12,572
It's a ranch!
399
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:14,741
I want you to take down
400
00:15:14,809 --> 00:15:16,776
phillipgoldsteinhasbadopinions.com.
401
00:15:16,811 --> 00:15:17,877
What's that?
402
00:15:17,913 --> 00:15:20,680
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
403
00:15:20,715 --> 00:15:23,116
Maybe one of Cattleman's
loyal customers made it
404
00:15:23,151 --> 00:15:25,218
after you slandered us
on the Internet.
405
00:15:25,253 --> 00:15:26,319
But who knows?
406
00:15:26,354 --> 00:15:28,121
Maybe if you take down
your bad review,
407
00:15:28,156 --> 00:15:29,756
that site will magically disappear.
408
00:15:29,791 --> 00:15:32,392
Obviously you don't understand
how magic works.
409
00:15:32,427 --> 00:15:33,426
Oh, and you do?
410
00:15:38,199 --> 00:15:40,366
He just carries those around?
411
00:15:40,402 --> 00:15:42,502
I keep underestimating him.
412
00:15:42,571 --> 00:15:43,736
[Bell rings]
413
00:15:43,772 --> 00:15:45,572
[Sighs] I have some bad news.
414
00:15:45,607 --> 00:15:48,408
Apparently a cat got into
the storage room last night
415
00:15:48,443 --> 00:15:50,410
and ate up all
the oyster cadavers.
416
00:15:50,445 --> 00:15:52,979
So, project complete.
417
00:15:53,014 --> 00:15:53,846
Yes!
418
00:15:53,882 --> 00:15:55,114
Hey, Reba,
419
00:15:55,150 --> 00:15:56,527
I made you a new mixtape.
420
00:15:57,339 --> 00:15:58,651
So prolific.
421
00:15:58,687 --> 00:16:00,219
You're like the Stephen King of love.
422
00:16:00,255 --> 00:16:02,055
Eddie!
423
00:16:02,123 --> 00:16:03,389
Is there something
you want to share
424
00:16:03,425 --> 00:16:04,424
with the rest of the class?
425
00:16:07,796 --> 00:16:09,429
"The real me"?
426
00:16:09,464 --> 00:16:11,097
It's a tape. Huh.
427
00:16:11,132 --> 00:16:12,465
I guess there's no way
of knowing...
428
00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:14,033
You could put it
in the tape deck
429
00:16:14,069 --> 00:16:16,069
you used to teach us
about the doppler effect.
430
00:16:17,706 --> 00:16:19,939
That's a very good idea, Ned.
431
00:16:19,975 --> 00:16:21,474
Let's do that.
432
00:16:23,812 --> 00:16:25,044
[ Enigma's"Return to Innocence" plays]
433
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:27,080
- Eddie: Yo, Reba...
- Reba?!
434
00:16:27,115 --> 00:16:29,949
This is what I listen to
when I clean my ears.
435
00:16:29,985 --> 00:16:30,850
[Laughter]
436
00:16:30,885 --> 00:16:32,118
Ew.
437
00:16:32,153 --> 00:16:35,705
Enigma, get the wax out.
438
00:16:36,254 --> 00:16:38,840
Thank you for coming to this
emergency parent meeting.
439
00:16:39,009 --> 00:16:40,693
Unfortunately,
there's a new threat
440
00:16:40,729 --> 00:16:42,295
targeting our students
441
00:16:42,330 --> 00:16:45,298
in our libraries,
on our desktops,
442
00:16:45,333 --> 00:16:46,866
in our homes.
443
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:50,103
It's called... Compu-teasing.
444
00:16:50,138 --> 00:16:51,170
[Crowd murmurs]
445
00:16:51,206 --> 00:16:52,768
Uh-oh.
446
00:16:53,475 --> 00:16:55,575
Compu-teasing... What's that?
447
00:16:55,610 --> 00:16:58,011
It's like a crank call,
but on a computer,
448
00:16:58,046 --> 00:16:59,966
and anyone can listen in.
449
00:17:00,641 --> 00:17:03,383
And sadly, one of our students
has already fallen victim.
450
00:17:06,454 --> 00:17:08,321
He's still into drama.
451
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:14,961
My name is Phillip Goldstein.
452
00:17:14,996 --> 00:17:17,764
I used to enjoy posting
restaurant reviews
453
00:17:17,799 --> 00:17:20,066
on my Internet website.
454
00:17:20,101 --> 00:17:23,569
But ever since I found a page
compu-teasing me,
455
00:17:23,605 --> 00:17:26,272
I've been too scared
to use my computer.
456
00:17:26,307 --> 00:17:27,774
[Audience murmurs
sympathetically]
457
00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:30,677
You're doing great, Phillip.
458
00:17:31,226 --> 00:17:35,048
I have my suspicions about
who's behind the teasing,
459
00:17:35,083 --> 00:17:38,953
but without proof,
I won't accuse anyone.
460
00:17:39,143 --> 00:17:41,391
They can insult me
all they want,
461
00:17:41,465 --> 00:17:44,023
but I won't let them
take my integrity.
462
00:17:44,092 --> 00:17:45,324
[Applause]
463
00:17:45,360 --> 00:17:46,859
That makes me love him
even more.
464
00:17:46,895 --> 00:17:49,395
That makes me want to kill
whoever's hurting him.
465
00:17:49,431 --> 00:17:50,363
Officer Bryson?
466
00:17:50,398 --> 00:17:52,198
He called the cops?
467
00:17:55,513 --> 00:17:59,038
The Orlando Police Department
takes every threat seriously.
468
00:17:59,074 --> 00:18:01,407
So we've created
the city's first
469
00:18:01,443 --> 00:18:04,243
cyber-crime division,
headed up by Peter.
470
00:18:04,279 --> 00:18:06,195
[Slurps]
471
00:18:07,015 --> 00:18:09,182
With Peter's help,
we will track down
472
00:18:09,217 --> 00:18:12,785
Phillip's compu-teasers
and bring them to justice.
473
00:18:12,821 --> 00:18:15,822
Rest assured, we will not stop.
474
00:18:16,264 --> 00:18:17,724
They're just trying to scare us.
475
00:18:17,759 --> 00:18:19,826
They got nothing.
They got nothing.
476
00:18:19,861 --> 00:18:21,127
According to our research,
477
00:18:21,162 --> 00:18:23,329
the website was made
on a gateway computer.
478
00:18:23,364 --> 00:18:25,298
He bought it!
He bought the computer!
479
00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:26,632
Uh, what? No!
480
00:18:26,668 --> 00:18:28,167
It was her idea
to do the website.
481
00:18:28,203 --> 00:18:30,470
Wait. Are you saying you're
the compu-teasers?
482
00:18:30,505 --> 00:18:33,339
No. We're e-vigilantes.
483
00:18:33,374 --> 00:18:34,841
[Crowd murmuring]
484
00:18:34,876 --> 00:18:36,743
He said Cattleman's Ranch was dull.
485
00:18:36,778 --> 00:18:38,411
You know me. You all know me.
486
00:18:38,446 --> 00:18:40,480
I am fun. I am fun, damn it!
487
00:18:40,515 --> 00:18:43,282
[Crowd boos]
488
00:18:44,497 --> 00:18:45,996
Great work, Peter.
489
00:18:46,756 --> 00:18:47,920
[Slurps]
490
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:53,192
Hey, Eddie.
491
00:18:53,228 --> 00:18:55,361
You okay? I heard what happened.
492
00:18:55,396 --> 00:18:56,748
My life is ruined.
493
00:18:56,991 --> 00:18:59,565
I'll be lucky if Alison
ever speaks to me again.
494
00:18:59,601 --> 00:19:02,001
Eddie, just talk to her.
495
00:19:02,036 --> 00:19:03,503
Just call her.
496
00:19:06,808 --> 00:19:09,809
[Dialing]
497
00:19:10,246 --> 00:19:12,011
[Sighs]
498
00:19:12,046 --> 00:19:12,812
[Ringing]
499
00:19:12,847 --> 00:19:14,280
[Phone rings]
500
00:19:14,315 --> 00:19:15,448
Hello?
501
00:19:15,483 --> 00:19:17,850
Hi, Reba. It's me, Eddie.
502
00:19:17,886 --> 00:19:20,353
Look, I'm sorry
if I embarrassed you.
503
00:19:20,388 --> 00:19:22,021
You embarrassed yourself.
504
00:19:22,056 --> 00:19:24,957
Trying to discourage me
with some cornball mixtape.
505
00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:26,993
I know I come on
a little strong,
506
00:19:27,028 --> 00:19:28,127
but you know what?
507
00:19:28,163 --> 00:19:29,462
That's who I am.
508
00:19:29,497 --> 00:19:32,231
And if you can't handle that,
we're never gonna work.
509
00:19:32,267 --> 00:19:33,666
Find yourself, boy.
510
00:19:33,701 --> 00:19:35,701
[Dial tone]
511
00:19:36,168 --> 00:19:37,361
Reba.
512
00:19:38,573 --> 00:19:39,572
[Dialing]
513
00:19:39,607 --> 00:19:42,241
[Phone rings]
514
00:19:42,277 --> 00:19:43,576
Hello?
515
00:19:43,611 --> 00:19:44,944
Hey, Alison. It's Eddie.
516
00:19:44,979 --> 00:19:45,978
Don't hang up.
517
00:19:46,014 --> 00:19:47,713
I'm... Sorry.
518
00:19:47,749 --> 00:19:49,015
This whole thing happened
519
00:19:49,050 --> 00:19:51,684
because I was too afraid
to talk to you on the phone.
520
00:19:52,178 --> 00:19:54,487
I mean, Eddie,
nothing you say is gonna...
521
00:19:54,522 --> 00:19:55,855
[ 2Pac's "I ain't mad at cha"plays]
522
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:57,256
Eddie.
523
00:19:57,292 --> 00:19:58,691
And that's why I'm doing
524
00:19:58,726 --> 00:20:01,294
this special live apology mix,
just for you.
525
00:20:01,329 --> 00:20:03,396
And, girl,
I'm hoping you'll say...
526
00:20:03,431 --> 00:20:07,066
I ain't mad at cha
527
00:20:07,101 --> 00:20:09,235
This isn't gonna make...
528
00:20:09,270 --> 00:20:12,872
I ain't mad at cha
529
00:20:12,907 --> 00:20:14,307
I ain't mad at cha
530
00:20:14,342 --> 00:20:15,408
I ain't mad at cha
531
00:20:15,443 --> 00:20:18,144
I ain't mad at cha
532
00:20:18,179 --> 00:20:19,745
I ain't mad at cha
533
00:20:19,781 --> 00:20:21,881
I ain't mad at cha
534
00:20:21,916 --> 00:20:25,084
I ain't mad at you
535
00:20:25,428 --> 00:20:27,553
Kid can make a mixtape.
536
00:20:32,770 --> 00:20:33,904
The hell?
537
00:20:33,938 --> 00:20:35,571
Where's the computer?!
538
00:20:35,607 --> 00:20:37,840
We put it away after
being publicly shamed
539
00:20:37,876 --> 00:20:39,742
in front of Eddie's
entire school.
540
00:20:39,778 --> 00:20:41,477
We won't have time
for it anyway,
541
00:20:41,513 --> 00:20:44,247
what with the 100 hours of
community service we have to do.
542
00:20:44,282 --> 00:20:46,149
You'll sign me in, right?
543
00:20:46,184 --> 00:20:48,151
But you just spent
all that money on it.
544
00:20:48,186 --> 00:20:50,386
Well, the good thing about
computers is they last forever.
545
00:20:50,422 --> 00:20:51,888
We'll hook it back up
in a few years
546
00:20:51,923 --> 00:20:53,823
- when you boys are older.
- Once the heat dies down.
547
00:20:53,858 --> 00:20:56,426
But I just enrolled
in the University of Phoenix.
548
00:20:56,461 --> 00:20:58,386
I'm minoring in nursing!
549
00:20:58,503 --> 00:20:59,328
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
550
00:20:59,378 --> 00:21:03,928
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
38279
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