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1
00:00:01,435 --> 00:00:03,588
Emery, we're gonna be late for
dinner at Honey and Marvin's.
2
00:00:03,668 --> 00:00:04,270
Why aren't you ready?
3
00:00:04,337 --> 00:00:05,537
Sorry. Just give me one second.
4
00:00:05,605 --> 00:00:07,625
I'm almost done
with my love wall.
5
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:08,734
Jessica: Love wall?
6
00:00:08,813 --> 00:00:11,095
I'm decorating my room with
all the valentines I got
7
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:12,544
from the girls in my class.
8
00:00:12,645 --> 00:00:14,813
You give love, you get love.
9
00:00:14,881 --> 00:00:17,749
I don't know where you get
this romantic side from,
10
00:00:17,834 --> 00:00:20,752
but this wall looks pretty cool.
11
00:00:20,786 --> 00:00:22,754
"Cool."
Did I use that word right?
12
00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:23,772
Cool.
13
00:00:23,856 --> 00:00:25,123
I get it from you two.
14
00:00:25,158 --> 00:00:28,093
What's more romantic than
meeting the love of your life
15
00:00:28,144 --> 00:00:29,794
and living happily ever after?
16
00:00:29,879 --> 00:00:31,329
We met at a seafood restaurant
17
00:00:31,364 --> 00:00:32,898
waiting in line
for the bathroom.
18
00:00:32,982 --> 00:00:34,266
I bet it was love
at first sight.
19
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:35,800
We both had food poisoning.
20
00:00:35,851 --> 00:00:37,168
And love poisoning.
21
00:00:37,236 --> 00:00:40,705
Oh, that was the last time I
ever ordered an octopus po' boy.
22
00:00:40,773 --> 00:00:43,458
I lost two pounds
but gained a wife.
23
00:00:43,542 --> 00:00:46,044
S02E12
Love and Loopholes
24
00:00:46,128 --> 00:00:47,212
Fresh off the boat
25
00:00:47,296 --> 00:00:48,930
I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go
26
00:00:49,015 --> 00:00:51,049
If you don't know, homey,
now you know
27
00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:52,317
Fresh off the boat
28
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,652
Homey, you don't know
where I come from
29
00:00:54,720 --> 00:00:56,187
But I know where I'm goin'
30
00:00:56,288 --> 00:00:57,330
I'm fresh off the boat
31
00:00:57,415 --> 00:00:59,283
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:00,096 --> 00:01:02,394
Mm. It's too bad grandma huang
couldn't come.
33
00:01:02,478 --> 00:01:04,062
She loves my enchiladas.
34
00:01:04,196 --> 00:01:06,364
Yeah. She's out of town
at a mah-jongg tournament.
35
00:01:06,449 --> 00:01:08,783
I think this is the year she
finally doesn't get in a fight.
36
00:01:08,901 --> 00:01:10,819
[Chuckles] Oh,
speaking of out of town,
37
00:01:10,903 --> 00:01:14,155
Nicole's with her mom this week,
so we went out last night...
38
00:01:14,240 --> 00:01:16,908
Both: Afro-Brazilian dancing!
39
00:01:16,992 --> 00:01:19,544
You said that louder
than expected.
40
00:01:19,628 --> 00:01:22,547
We went to Chi-Chi's
and danced the night away.
41
00:01:22,631 --> 00:01:24,916
The room completely disappeared,
42
00:01:25,050 --> 00:01:28,336
and it was just Marvin and I
alone on the dance floor.
43
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:31,639
Our souls unified
into one mega-soul.
44
00:01:31,757 --> 00:01:32,924
[Both chuckle]
45
00:01:33,058 --> 00:01:34,425
- Mm.
- Mm.
46
00:01:35,844 --> 00:01:37,178
Similar story.
47
00:01:37,263 --> 00:01:40,765
I was running an open house,
and I spotted a cockroach.
48
00:01:40,849 --> 00:01:45,019
It was just me and that roach
in a dance for survival.
49
00:01:45,104 --> 00:01:48,439
I didn't use bug spray.
Oh, no. That's too easy.
50
00:01:48,524 --> 00:01:50,658
I prefer a battle of a wits.
51
00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:52,193
[Chuckles]
52
00:01:52,277 --> 00:01:55,279
...many times I wonderhow 'bout you, day and night
53
00:01:55,414 --> 00:01:56,581
So, how'd Alison like
54
00:01:56,682 --> 00:01:58,349
the Janet Jackson
concert tickets
55
00:01:58,417 --> 00:01:59,784
you got her for Valentine's Day?
56
00:01:59,918 --> 00:02:01,119
She flipped.
57
00:02:01,253 --> 00:02:03,087
We're gonna have so much fun
tomorrow night.
58
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:04,956
Now all I got to do is
win tickets and I'm good.
59
00:02:05,057 --> 00:02:06,374
Win the tickets?
60
00:02:06,458 --> 00:02:08,342
You gave her tickets
you don't even have?
61
00:02:08,460 --> 00:02:11,128
We both know I blew all my money
on that snake that ran away.
62
00:02:11,213 --> 00:02:14,632
But wdoy 94.8 is having
a call-in ticket giveaway
63
00:02:14,766 --> 00:02:15,883
all day tomorrow.
64
00:02:15,968 --> 00:02:17,718
My boy Trent's coming over
to help.
65
00:02:17,803 --> 00:02:20,187
We'll be calling from
the phone line and the fax line.
66
00:02:20,272 --> 00:02:22,106
I'll be like,
"boop, boop, boop, boop.
67
00:02:22,190 --> 00:02:24,809
Hello? Yes? I won! Great!
68
00:02:24,943 --> 00:02:26,360
Oh, hold on.
I got another call."
69
00:02:26,478 --> 00:02:27,445
[Clicks]
70
00:02:27,529 --> 00:02:28,479
"Hello? God?
71
00:02:28,563 --> 00:02:30,481
Oh, you're calling
to congratulate me."
72
00:02:30,615 --> 00:02:31,816
So, I was a little skeptical
73
00:02:31,950 --> 00:02:33,534
about taking a couples'
cooking class.
74
00:02:33,652 --> 00:02:34,485
[Both chuckle]
75
00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:35,653
He has this worry
76
00:02:35,787 --> 00:02:36,871
that his knuckle hair
will get in the food.
77
00:02:36,989 --> 00:02:38,122
[Chuckles]
78
00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:41,125
But when I saw her making that pizza...
79
00:02:41,209 --> 00:02:42,710
Kneading the dough,
80
00:02:42,828 --> 00:02:46,130
pounding it
with her little fist...
81
00:02:47,132 --> 00:02:50,501
Sweetheart, I think I hear
a water leak in the bedroom.
82
00:02:50,635 --> 00:02:51,836
Oh, no. We should
go check on it.
83
00:02:51,970 --> 00:02:52,837
- We should.
- Yeah.
84
00:02:52,921 --> 00:02:54,004
[Both giggle]
85
00:02:56,875 --> 00:02:59,009
[Door closes]
86
00:02:59,144 --> 00:03:01,095
They're not coming back,
are they?
87
00:03:01,179 --> 00:03:02,096
Probably not.
88
00:03:02,180 --> 00:03:04,849
Water leaks
take a long time to fix.
89
00:03:06,852 --> 00:03:09,153
I feel bad we never went
back out there for dinner.
90
00:03:09,237 --> 00:03:11,772
Oh, they're fine.
We heard them leave.
91
00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:12,740
[Chuckles] Yeah.
92
00:03:12,858 --> 00:03:14,191
I also heard
the sound of tinfoil,
93
00:03:14,276 --> 00:03:16,026
so I think Jessica wrapped up
our country ham
94
00:03:16,077 --> 00:03:17,444
and took it with her.
[Chuckles]
95
00:03:17,529 --> 00:03:18,362
[Chuckles]
96
00:03:18,446 --> 00:03:19,580
Hey, did you notice
97
00:03:19,698 --> 00:03:21,365
that all of their stories
tonight were about work?
98
00:03:21,416 --> 00:03:22,499
Well, boopsy, you know,
99
00:03:22,584 --> 00:03:24,501
they have two businesses
and three kids.
100
00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:26,870
They don't have much of
a social life to talk about.
101
00:03:26,955 --> 00:03:28,622
I didn't think of that,
cuddlepuss.
102
00:03:28,707 --> 00:03:30,841
Meanwhile, every other week
is like our honeymoon
103
00:03:30,925 --> 00:03:33,043
with Nicole being
at her mother's house.
104
00:03:33,128 --> 00:03:35,212
Aww, our honeymoon. [Chuckles]
105
00:03:35,347 --> 00:03:37,047
I miss "Barthelona."
106
00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:39,283
Oh, Barthelona
will always be in our hearts.
107
00:03:39,367 --> 00:03:40,250
[Chuckles]
108
00:03:40,335 --> 00:03:41,885
You know what?
109
00:03:41,953 --> 00:03:43,153
Tomorrow's Valentine's Day,
110
00:03:43,221 --> 00:03:45,322
and I bet Jessica and Louis
aren't doing anything.
111
00:03:45,407 --> 00:03:46,373
Hmm.
112
00:03:46,458 --> 00:03:48,392
What if we offer
to babysit the kids
113
00:03:48,476 --> 00:03:50,494
and give them
a romantic night alone?
114
00:03:50,578 --> 00:03:51,962
That's a great idea!
115
00:03:52,097 --> 00:03:53,347
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
116
00:03:53,398 --> 00:03:55,699
It'll be fun seeing the boys
running around the house.
117
00:03:55,750 --> 00:03:58,268
[Chuckles]
Teach them how to chop wood.
118
00:03:58,369 --> 00:04:00,804
Maybe I could show them
my trains.
119
00:04:01,773 --> 00:04:03,607
[Dialing, busy signal]
120
00:04:03,641 --> 00:04:05,542
[Dialing, busy signal]
121
00:04:05,577 --> 00:04:07,344
[Dialing, busy signal]
122
00:04:07,378 --> 00:04:08,896
I have to wiz!
123
00:04:09,013 --> 00:04:09,980
Don't think about it.
124
00:04:10,014 --> 00:04:12,282
I had to go 30 minutes ago.
It goes away.
125
00:04:12,367 --> 00:04:13,700
[Ringing]
126
00:04:13,785 --> 00:04:15,452
It's ringing.
127
00:04:15,553 --> 00:04:16,937
Yes. Hello?
128
00:04:17,021 --> 00:04:18,505
Trent Masterson, sir.
129
00:04:18,590 --> 00:04:19,673
I won?!
130
00:04:19,724 --> 00:04:20,807
Two tickets?!
131
00:04:20,925 --> 00:04:21,975
I won!
132
00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,060
Both: Yes!
133
00:04:23,194 --> 00:04:24,244
We did it!
134
00:04:24,329 --> 00:04:26,546
Alison's gonna be so happy
she can go with me.
135
00:04:26,631 --> 00:04:28,732
Yeah, man. Super happy for you.
136
00:04:28,783 --> 00:04:30,167
Glad I could help.
137
00:04:32,136 --> 00:04:33,770
I'm still on the air?
138
00:04:33,855 --> 00:04:35,739
Class of '97 rules!
139
00:04:35,790 --> 00:04:37,174
[Chuckles]
140
00:04:37,241 --> 00:04:40,410
Thank you, honey.
That's such a nice offer.
141
00:04:40,461 --> 00:04:43,847
You know what? I'm gonna talk to
Louis, and I'll let you know.
142
00:04:43,898 --> 00:04:45,282
Honey's got a set of balls.
143
00:04:45,383 --> 00:04:46,500
What's wrong?
144
00:04:46,534 --> 00:04:48,652
She and Marvin are offering
to take our kids tonight
145
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,187
so we can have
a Valentine's date.
146
00:04:50,271 --> 00:04:51,988
[Scoffs]
You're kidding me, right?
147
00:04:52,073 --> 00:04:53,623
They think we need help?!
148
00:04:53,674 --> 00:04:55,442
Help? Um, no, thanks.
149
00:04:55,526 --> 00:04:59,012
Go help the Andersons' kid.
He's always humping the bushes.
150
00:05:01,065 --> 00:05:02,399
Well...
151
00:05:02,483 --> 00:05:06,002
Now that I think about it,
it might not be the worst idea.
152
00:05:06,087 --> 00:05:10,006
I mean, the kids aren't around.
It'll be nice and quiet.
153
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,341
We could, um...
154
00:05:11,442 --> 00:05:13,026
You know...
155
00:05:13,077 --> 00:05:14,628
That's true.
156
00:05:14,712 --> 00:05:16,763
We could really take our time.
157
00:05:16,881 --> 00:05:18,064
Not rush it.
158
00:05:18,149 --> 00:05:19,716
Hmm. I hate when we rush it.
159
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:22,152
I always feel like
I'm forgetting something.
160
00:05:22,253 --> 00:05:23,570
[Doorbell rings]
161
00:05:25,489 --> 00:05:27,591
Hey, man. You pick up
the tickets already?
162
00:05:27,692 --> 00:05:29,359
That's dope! Thanks.
163
00:05:31,228 --> 00:05:33,263
"Member of the rhythm nation"?
164
00:05:33,347 --> 00:05:35,949
Since 1991.
165
00:05:36,033 --> 00:05:38,968
The rhythm nation is built on
honesty and, obviously, rhythm.
166
00:05:39,019 --> 00:05:40,954
I tried to be okay
with giving the tickets
167
00:05:40,988 --> 00:05:43,339
to you and Alison,
but I'm Janet's biggest fan.
168
00:05:43,424 --> 00:05:45,308
It's unfair to Janet
if I'm not there.
169
00:05:45,393 --> 00:05:46,943
But Alison's super excited
to go.
170
00:05:47,078 --> 00:05:50,513
I'm happy to take Alison,
but we won on my dial.
171
00:05:50,564 --> 00:05:53,166
So I feel like I need to
take one of those tickets.
172
00:05:53,250 --> 00:05:54,918
Let me be clear.
173
00:05:55,019 --> 00:05:56,486
I'm seeing Janet.
174
00:05:58,973 --> 00:06:00,640
Thanks again
for taking the kids tonight.
175
00:06:00,724 --> 00:06:02,091
[Chuckles]
Of course. Our pleasure.
176
00:06:02,192 --> 00:06:03,543
Mm-hmm.
177
00:06:03,627 --> 00:06:06,012
I love that you two are making
this Valentine's Day special.
178
00:06:06,096 --> 00:06:07,530
- Well, so do we.
- Yes.
179
00:06:07,565 --> 00:06:08,831
Where's Eddie?
180
00:06:08,866 --> 00:06:10,833
Oh, we're dropping him off
at the Janet Jackson concert
181
00:06:10,968 --> 00:06:11,968
on the way to dinner.
182
00:06:12,052 --> 00:06:15,038
Fun fact... I gave Jermaine
a root canal in '87.
183
00:06:15,122 --> 00:06:16,172
- Hmm.
- Oh.
184
00:06:16,223 --> 00:06:18,241
So... Where are
you going to dinner?
185
00:06:18,342 --> 00:06:20,076
Oh, uh, I pulled a few strings
186
00:06:20,110 --> 00:06:21,928
and got us a table
at Chez fran?ais.
187
00:06:22,012 --> 00:06:24,147
[French accent] Hon, hon, hon.
188
00:06:24,231 --> 00:06:26,416
We might also go dancing after.
189
00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:28,434
- In fact, we should probably get going.
- Yeah.
190
00:06:28,519 --> 00:06:30,269
[Singsong voice]
Not without a picture.
191
00:06:30,354 --> 00:06:32,588
[Chuckles] Aww.
192
00:06:34,124 --> 00:06:35,475
Uh, dad, stand behind mom.
193
00:06:35,559 --> 00:06:36,642
Uh, okay.
194
00:06:36,727 --> 00:06:37,727
And then... good. Okay.
195
00:06:37,828 --> 00:06:41,030
So, wrap your arms
around her waist.
196
00:06:41,131 --> 00:06:44,700
A little bit more... under.
Under her arms.
197
00:06:44,785 --> 00:06:45,701
Under the purse.
198
00:06:45,786 --> 00:06:47,203
Under the purse. Okay.
199
00:06:47,304 --> 00:06:48,304
Okay. [Sighs]
200
00:06:48,355 --> 00:06:50,189
Okay. Perfect.
201
00:06:51,708 --> 00:06:53,042
[Camera shutter clicks]
202
00:06:53,126 --> 00:06:55,895
[Indistinct conversations]
203
00:06:55,979 --> 00:06:57,246
Trent!
204
00:06:57,331 --> 00:06:58,331
I knew it would be you.
205
00:06:58,365 --> 00:06:59,665
I would have been fine
if it was her,
206
00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:03,152
but two dudes at a Janet Jackson
concert on Valentine's Day?
207
00:07:03,187 --> 00:07:04,687
That's the way it should be.
208
00:07:04,771 --> 00:07:06,422
Oh, you nasty boys
209
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:08,341
Nasty, nasty boys
210
00:07:08,425 --> 00:07:09,792
Don't mean a thing
211
00:07:09,893 --> 00:07:11,694
Do do do-do-do-do
212
00:07:11,778 --> 00:07:13,629
Oh, you nasty boys
213
00:07:13,714 --> 00:07:15,815
Whoo! We're gonna have fun!
214
00:07:15,849 --> 00:07:18,617
Hi, Trent!
Happy Valentine's Day.
215
00:07:18,702 --> 00:07:20,136
Eddie explained everything.
216
00:07:20,237 --> 00:07:22,021
I think we all deserve
to see Janet.
217
00:07:22,139 --> 00:07:23,439
But we only have two tickets!
218
00:07:23,523 --> 00:07:25,408
I have a plan.
219
00:07:26,843 --> 00:07:29,311
So, what do you boys
feel like doing?
220
00:07:29,396 --> 00:07:30,479
Huh?
221
00:07:30,514 --> 00:07:32,214
Want me to show you
some strangleholds?
222
00:07:32,282 --> 00:07:34,083
Teach you how to play
a dirge on a bugle?
223
00:07:34,151 --> 00:07:35,084
Oh, I know!
224
00:07:35,185 --> 00:07:37,052
How about a game, huh?
225
00:07:37,154 --> 00:07:39,188
Let's play "Dare or Dare."
226
00:07:39,239 --> 00:07:41,173
You mean "Truth or Dare?"
227
00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:43,342
Truth is for moms.
228
00:07:43,427 --> 00:07:45,744
Men dare each other.
229
00:07:45,862 --> 00:07:47,329
Okay. I'll go first.
230
00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:48,531
Great.
231
00:07:48,598 --> 00:07:51,934
I dare you
to go in your dad's sock drawer
232
00:07:51,968 --> 00:07:53,552
and mismatch a few.
233
00:07:53,637 --> 00:07:55,304
[Both laugh]
234
00:07:55,388 --> 00:07:57,723
Oh, my gosh! That's too much!
235
00:07:57,807 --> 00:08:00,659
He's gonna be so annoyed!
236
00:08:00,744 --> 00:08:01,710
[Chuckles]
237
00:08:01,845 --> 00:08:03,045
Okay, your turn.
238
00:08:03,146 --> 00:08:04,280
Huh?
239
00:08:04,314 --> 00:08:07,366
I dare you to tell me a secret
that honey doesn't know.
240
00:08:07,450 --> 00:08:08,784
Okay, okay.
241
00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:11,654
Uh... But what I say in this room
stays in this room.
242
00:08:11,688 --> 00:08:12,821
You have my word.
243
00:08:12,906 --> 00:08:14,323
I had a wife before honey.
244
00:08:14,457 --> 00:08:16,492
That's not a secret.
Everyone knows that.
245
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:17,976
Nicole's mom.
246
00:08:18,011 --> 00:08:21,997
No, no. I had a wife
before that wife... Lucinda.
247
00:08:23,917 --> 00:08:25,634
You're good at this game.
248
00:08:25,769 --> 00:08:27,002
[Chuckles]
249
00:08:27,103 --> 00:08:30,105
[Laughs]
250
00:08:30,190 --> 00:08:33,025
[Jessica laughing]
251
00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:37,196
Louis: Oh, wow.
That feels amazing.
252
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:40,199
Jessica: [Sighs]
It does feel amazing.
253
00:08:40,283 --> 00:08:43,836
[Giggles] Oh, I like that.
254
00:08:44,504 --> 00:08:46,788
I can't believe we can deduct
your sit-down hair dryer
255
00:08:46,856 --> 00:08:48,173
as a business expense.
256
00:08:48,291 --> 00:08:50,492
Deduct that bitch! [Chuckles]
257
00:08:50,593 --> 00:08:51,960
[Adding machine prints]
258
00:08:53,612 --> 00:08:55,043
What's going on?
259
00:08:55,861 --> 00:08:56,705
Emery!
260
00:08:56,798 --> 00:08:58,238
What are you doing here?
261
00:08:58,327 --> 00:08:59,460
It's not what it looks like.
262
00:08:59,528 --> 00:09:02,296
This is your romantic date?
Doing your taxes?!
263
00:09:02,364 --> 00:09:05,166
Son, when a man and a woman
love each other
264
00:09:05,217 --> 00:09:07,001
and both own
their own businesses,
265
00:09:07,069 --> 00:09:09,287
there's a lot of paperwork
around tax season.
266
00:09:09,371 --> 00:09:11,973
A quiet night alone gives us
the chance to focus
267
00:09:11,975 --> 00:09:14,041
and not miss
any crucial deductions.
268
00:09:14,109 --> 00:09:15,910
It's completely natural.
269
00:09:15,944 --> 00:09:17,945
There's nothing natural
about this!
270
00:09:17,980 --> 00:09:21,415
You guys had one night alone,
on Valentine's Day!
271
00:09:21,516 --> 00:09:22,867
And this is what you did?
272
00:09:22,951 --> 00:09:25,803
[Sighs]
273
00:09:25,921 --> 00:09:27,188
He'll be fine.
274
00:09:27,222 --> 00:09:28,656
He just doesn't understand
the demands
275
00:09:28,690 --> 00:09:30,007
of an adult relationship.
276
00:09:30,092 --> 00:09:32,310
I don't see anything wrong
with what we're doing. Do you?
277
00:09:32,427 --> 00:09:34,161
Would you buy it that
that old chair we donated
278
00:09:34,263 --> 00:09:36,530
was worth a grand?
279
00:09:36,632 --> 00:09:37,481
Yeah.
280
00:09:39,368 --> 00:09:41,085
Yo, tickets! Tickets!
281
00:09:41,169 --> 00:09:43,137
What's up, girl? You got pretty
hair. You want some tickets?
282
00:09:43,188 --> 00:09:44,872
What's up, dude? You're so tall.
You want a ticket?
283
00:09:44,956 --> 00:09:45,706
Hey, man.
284
00:09:45,774 --> 00:09:46,924
Hey. What's up, young'un?
285
00:09:47,008 --> 00:09:48,192
Want some tickets?
I got you covered.
286
00:09:48,226 --> 00:09:50,211
Actually, I have a pair
of really good seats,
287
00:09:50,312 --> 00:09:52,847
but I'll swap them
for three just okay seats.
288
00:09:52,931 --> 00:09:54,065
Okay, yeah.
289
00:09:54,149 --> 00:09:56,117
That's what we call
in my business a "trade."
290
00:09:56,201 --> 00:09:57,968
Yo, I'm gonna hook you up, man.
291
00:09:58,086 --> 00:09:59,487
I got three tickets
about 10 rows back
292
00:09:59,571 --> 00:10:00,688
from where you are,
293
00:10:00,772 --> 00:10:02,540
but they are no bad seats
in the rhythm nation.
294
00:10:02,591 --> 00:10:03,457
How's that sound?
295
00:10:03,508 --> 00:10:05,259
That's awesome, man. Thanks!
296
00:10:05,310 --> 00:10:07,795
And we'll just do this
hand off...
297
00:10:07,829 --> 00:10:09,330
Bye!
298
00:10:09,364 --> 00:10:12,399
What?! No! I'll stop him!
299
00:10:14,769 --> 00:10:17,671
[Panting]
300
00:10:17,772 --> 00:10:19,144
He got away.
301
00:10:21,559 --> 00:10:25,713
And so, we got divorced,
and I re-enlisted in the Navy.
302
00:10:25,715 --> 00:10:28,682
Sounds like Uncle Marvin is
sharing some old war stories.
303
00:10:28,783 --> 00:10:30,217
You learning
anything interesting?
304
00:10:30,251 --> 00:10:32,620
I learned that you're
Uncle Marvin's third wife.
305
00:10:32,721 --> 00:10:35,055
[Gulps, coughs] Evan.
306
00:10:36,091 --> 00:10:39,126
You said whatever you say in
this room stays in this room,
307
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:40,594
and we're still in this room.
308
00:10:40,645 --> 00:10:41,895
Wait, what?
309
00:10:41,930 --> 00:10:43,414
What do you mean third wife?
310
00:10:43,498 --> 00:10:45,282
Oh, goodness.
Look at the time here.
311
00:10:45,366 --> 00:10:46,967
I'd better get these boys
back home.
312
00:10:47,052 --> 00:10:48,669
Boys?! I see one boy.
313
00:10:48,770 --> 00:10:50,621
Where's Emery?
314
00:10:50,705 --> 00:10:52,473
Where... huh?
315
00:10:52,524 --> 00:10:54,475
I know where to find him...
Get him.
316
00:10:54,609 --> 00:10:55,793
Come on, Evan.
317
00:10:57,879 --> 00:10:59,563
Thank you, number three.
318
00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:03,600
[Insects chirping]
319
00:11:03,685 --> 00:11:05,719
Sorry if I got you in trouble.
320
00:11:05,787 --> 00:11:07,504
You put me in
some hot water, kid.
321
00:11:07,589 --> 00:11:09,690
But real men
forgive each other instantly.
322
00:11:09,724 --> 00:11:11,525
Besides,
we've lost your brother,
323
00:11:11,609 --> 00:11:13,126
so we have bigger problems.
324
00:11:13,228 --> 00:11:14,811
Hopefully,
he'll be inside the house.
325
00:11:14,896 --> 00:11:16,697
[Knock on door]
326
00:11:16,781 --> 00:11:18,732
I never thought I'd ever
have to tell another parent
327
00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:20,400
that I lost their son.
328
00:11:21,769 --> 00:11:23,754
Hey, guys! Perfect timing.
329
00:11:23,871 --> 00:11:24,972
We just got home.
330
00:11:25,006 --> 00:11:27,607
You lovebirds, uh,
paint the town red?
331
00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:28,992
We did.
332
00:11:29,127 --> 00:11:30,077
[Chuckles]
333
00:11:30,128 --> 00:11:31,728
Well, uh, thanks
for watching our...
334
00:11:31,763 --> 00:11:33,680
Uh, tell me more about
your night out.
335
00:11:33,748 --> 00:11:35,048
What did you have for dinner?
336
00:11:35,083 --> 00:11:36,049
Uh...
337
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,017
Uh...
338
00:11:37,118 --> 00:11:38,402
Oh, ooh.
339
00:11:38,519 --> 00:11:39,219
[Chuckles] Well...
340
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,704
We had shrimp.
341
00:11:40,788 --> 00:11:42,556
And pork.
342
00:11:42,590 --> 00:11:44,441
Water meets land. Delicious.
343
00:11:44,492 --> 00:11:45,859
[Laughs]
344
00:11:45,960 --> 00:11:47,427
Hey, what kind of wine
did you have?
345
00:11:47,462 --> 00:11:48,595
Oh, uh, white. Red... White.
346
00:11:48,696 --> 00:11:50,313
Well, she... yeah. She had red.
I had white.
347
00:11:50,398 --> 00:11:52,065
Two bottles. We went for it!
[Chuckles]
348
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:54,801
A little Dutch courage
for the dance floor, huh?
349
00:11:54,886 --> 00:11:56,536
Where'd you guys
end up going dancing?
350
00:11:56,571 --> 00:11:59,623
- Oh, El Toucan.
- We decided not to go dancing.
351
00:11:59,707 --> 00:12:01,808
Kidding.
She's famous for her wit.
352
00:12:01,859 --> 00:12:02,859
[Chuckles] I'm a jokester.
353
00:12:02,977 --> 00:12:03,877
Right. Right.
354
00:12:03,911 --> 00:12:05,145
Well, it was fun
watching Evan and...
355
00:12:05,246 --> 00:12:06,246
Emery?!
356
00:12:06,347 --> 00:12:07,230
Emery: [Muffled] What?
357
00:12:07,315 --> 00:12:09,533
Oh, thank God.
358
00:12:09,650 --> 00:12:10,417
Bye-bye.
359
00:12:10,484 --> 00:12:11,968
- Bye-bye.
- Bye-bye.
360
00:12:12,053 --> 00:12:14,187
[Laughs]
361
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:16,523
- Best concert I've ever seen.
- Janet rules!
362
00:12:16,624 --> 00:12:18,475
Girl: I can't believe
Janet did eight encores!
363
00:12:18,559 --> 00:12:20,443
At least we kind of heard
the whole show from out here.
364
00:12:20,528 --> 00:12:23,163
We heard Trent sing along
to the whole show.
365
00:12:23,214 --> 00:12:25,398
Let me take you
on an escapade
366
00:12:25,499 --> 00:12:28,585
On an escapade, baby
367
00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:31,604
Singing a happy song doesn't
make the sadness go away.
368
00:12:31,606 --> 00:12:34,374
Jimmy Jam: You guys don't look like
you had a very good time tonight.
369
00:12:35,676 --> 00:12:37,811
Whoa! Jimmy Jam and Terry Lewis!
370
00:12:37,862 --> 00:12:38,945
Janet's producers!
371
00:12:38,996 --> 00:12:40,497
Uh, they're crazy.
[Indistinct shouting]
372
00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:43,399
I'm gonna get my taser,
and I'm gonna set it to "kid."
373
00:12:43,517 --> 00:12:45,902
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Jam.
374
00:12:45,986 --> 00:12:47,504
They're just
really big Janet fans.
375
00:12:47,588 --> 00:12:49,889
Terry! Jimmy! Look at me!
376
00:12:49,974 --> 00:12:52,158
Homemade t-shirt.
Style on a budget.
377
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:53,293
I respect that.
378
00:12:53,377 --> 00:12:55,461
I was gonna buy
a shirt inside, but...
379
00:12:55,563 --> 00:12:57,197
Our tickets got stolen.
380
00:12:57,281 --> 00:12:58,915
Oh, well, you'll just have to
pick one up
381
00:12:58,999 --> 00:12:59,999
at the show tomorrow night.
382
00:13:00,134 --> 00:13:01,200
What do you mean?
383
00:13:01,335 --> 00:13:02,969
I think what he means
is he's setting you up
384
00:13:03,103 --> 00:13:04,237
with V.I.P. seats.
385
00:13:04,321 --> 00:13:05,238
Yes!
386
00:13:05,289 --> 00:13:06,539
We got tickets! Yes!
387
00:13:06,640 --> 00:13:08,608
Yes! Yes!
388
00:13:08,642 --> 00:13:10,693
It's the anniversary
of my dog's death.
389
00:13:10,778 --> 00:13:14,097
I'm feeling generous...
'Cause Rosy loved the kids.
390
00:13:14,181 --> 00:13:15,181
Yes.
391
00:13:17,284 --> 00:13:19,269
[Sighs]
392
00:13:20,688 --> 00:13:22,522
I thought you were
leaving those up all year.
393
00:13:22,656 --> 00:13:23,740
I changed my mind.
394
00:13:27,695 --> 00:13:30,663
"Give Chloe a chance.
Mrs. White"?
395
00:13:30,748 --> 00:13:32,014
Is this from a teacher?
396
00:13:32,099 --> 00:13:33,599
Yeah, she's been trying
to set me up
397
00:13:33,667 --> 00:13:35,301
with her granddaughter
for months.
398
00:13:35,402 --> 00:13:38,171
Emery, we were just
doing our taxes.
399
00:13:38,255 --> 00:13:39,639
It's not a big deal.
400
00:13:39,690 --> 00:13:40,973
It is to me.
401
00:13:41,024 --> 00:13:44,210
I wanted what I thought you guys
had, but after what I saw,
402
00:13:44,261 --> 00:13:46,679
I guess romance
isn't what I thought it was.
403
00:13:46,814 --> 00:13:48,781
Son, we are romantic.
404
00:13:48,816 --> 00:13:49,832
Really?
405
00:13:49,917 --> 00:13:51,284
Because I was thinking about it,
406
00:13:51,368 --> 00:13:53,386
and I've never seen
you guys kiss.
407
00:13:53,520 --> 00:13:56,122
If you want to see us kiss,
no problem.
408
00:13:57,324 --> 00:13:59,659
I've seen you guys kiss
like that.
409
00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,122
I mean a romantic kiss.
410
00:14:04,064 --> 00:14:04,814
Okay.
411
00:14:04,898 --> 00:14:06,799
Okay. [Chuckles]
412
00:14:10,854 --> 00:14:11,687
Ow, my hair!
413
00:14:11,805 --> 00:14:13,856
- Oh, oh, oh!
- My hair! Aah!
414
00:14:13,941 --> 00:14:14,857
It got caught in my ring.
415
00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:16,125
That's okay. Okay.
416
00:14:16,209 --> 00:14:18,094
Uh [Clears throat]
417
00:14:20,314 --> 00:14:21,230
[Groans]
418
00:14:21,315 --> 00:14:22,648
Oh, you're hurting my ribs!
419
00:14:22,749 --> 00:14:24,166
- Oh.
- Aah!
420
00:14:24,251 --> 00:14:24,967
Okay.
421
00:14:25,085 --> 00:14:26,385
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
422
00:14:26,470 --> 00:14:29,021
Just relax. Calm down.
423
00:14:29,122 --> 00:14:31,941
It's weird with him staring.
424
00:14:34,327 --> 00:14:35,444
[Sighs]
425
00:14:35,529 --> 00:14:36,662
Okay.
426
00:14:36,696 --> 00:14:37,580
Right here.
427
00:14:37,697 --> 00:14:38,747
[Teeth clack]
428
00:14:38,865 --> 00:14:39,532
Oh! Aah!
429
00:14:39,666 --> 00:14:41,283
- Oh!
- Oh, God!
430
00:14:41,368 --> 00:14:42,201
Oh!
431
00:14:42,335 --> 00:14:44,745
- Oh, you came in so fast!
- Oh!
432
00:14:46,494 --> 00:14:47,595
It's because he was watching.
433
00:14:47,696 --> 00:14:48,929
We're romantic.
434
00:14:48,964 --> 00:14:51,181
We're just not used to kissing
in front of an audience.
435
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,734
Sorry for not being a slut.
436
00:14:54,411 --> 00:14:56,812
Mind if I clear away
this romance?
437
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:59,656
[Doorbell rings]
438
00:15:03,428 --> 00:15:05,162
Hey! Howdy, neighbor.
439
00:15:05,246 --> 00:15:08,993
You know, Emery and Evan and I
had such a great time yesterday.
440
00:15:09,138 --> 00:15:11,001
I wondered if I could have them
over again today.
441
00:15:11,085 --> 00:15:14,187
You need to use us as a shield
so honey won't yell at you?
442
00:15:14,222 --> 00:15:15,856
[Chuckles]
What did you do, Marvin,
443
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,090
leave the toilet seat up?
444
00:15:17,175 --> 00:15:19,659
Uncle Marvin was married twice
before honey.
445
00:15:19,727 --> 00:15:22,179
Honey didn't know about
the first first wife.
446
00:15:22,263 --> 00:15:23,063
Oh, damn!
447
00:15:23,147 --> 00:15:24,898
Hey! We're outside that room.
448
00:15:24,999 --> 00:15:26,133
Why did you say that?
449
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:26,967
Sorry.
450
00:15:27,068 --> 00:15:28,702
I forgive you. [Chuckles]
451
00:15:28,736 --> 00:15:30,303
Come on, Lou.
452
00:15:30,371 --> 00:15:32,773
You and Jessica could use
another day alone, right?
453
00:15:32,807 --> 00:15:35,308
Well, I, uh, guess
I don't see the harm in that.
454
00:15:35,409 --> 00:15:36,243
[Chuckles] Oh.
455
00:15:36,294 --> 00:15:38,178
Emery, you're going to Marvin's!
456
00:15:38,262 --> 00:15:41,531
You and mom have fun...
Cleaning out the attic.
457
00:15:41,616 --> 00:15:43,717
Oh, ho, ho! Nice.
458
00:15:48,089 --> 00:15:49,389
[Door closes] Hey, hey, hey.
459
00:15:49,423 --> 00:15:51,892
Look who's going to spend
another day with us.
460
00:15:52,741 --> 00:15:54,244
Come on, boys.
461
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,012
Let's go make some sandwiches.
462
00:15:56,097 --> 00:15:57,097
Do you have goober grape?
463
00:15:57,181 --> 00:15:59,833
It's peanut butter and jelly
in one jar.
464
00:15:59,867 --> 00:16:01,167
It's my favorite.
465
00:16:01,252 --> 00:16:02,302
I saw a commercial for it,
466
00:16:02,353 --> 00:16:04,738
and I feel like it could
change my life.
467
00:16:04,822 --> 00:16:06,923
[Chuckles]
468
00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:10,276
[Sighs]
469
00:16:15,316 --> 00:16:17,117
Hey, you want to listen
to some rat pack?
470
00:16:17,201 --> 00:16:19,753
I've got this live album
where Dean Martin says
471
00:16:19,837 --> 00:16:22,372
racially insensitive things
to Sammy Davis, Jr.
472
00:16:22,490 --> 00:16:23,957
How about this?
473
00:16:24,041 --> 00:16:25,592
Mississippi John Hurt?
474
00:16:25,676 --> 00:16:28,027
Well, that's delta blues, man.
475
00:16:28,079 --> 00:16:29,462
That's the hard stuff.
476
00:16:29,547 --> 00:16:31,231
What's got you so down, son?
477
00:16:31,265 --> 00:16:34,000
I found out my parents weren't
on a romantic date last night.
478
00:16:34,034 --> 00:16:36,936
They were home
doing their taxes.
479
00:16:36,971 --> 00:16:37,937
No.
480
00:16:37,972 --> 00:16:39,439
Right there
on the kitchen table.
481
00:16:39,441 --> 00:16:40,924
Right on the kitchen table.
482
00:16:41,008 --> 00:16:42,759
So, they lied to us.
483
00:16:42,843 --> 00:16:44,227
Well...
484
00:16:44,345 --> 00:16:45,612
That's not a big deal.
485
00:16:45,663 --> 00:16:47,080
It's not that they lied.
486
00:16:47,114 --> 00:16:50,516
It's that my idea of them as
this romantic couple was a lie.
487
00:16:50,584 --> 00:16:52,585
[Sighs] If that's what
they do on Valentine's Day,
488
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:55,138
then maybe they're not
who I thought they were.
489
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:58,107
Yeah, well, I know
you think that romance
490
00:16:58,192 --> 00:17:00,760
is all about
the big gestures, huh?
491
00:17:00,794 --> 00:17:02,645
But it's about
the little things, too.
492
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,597
You want to hear
the most romantic thing
493
00:17:04,698 --> 00:17:06,397
honey ever did for me?
494
00:17:06,767 --> 00:17:10,770
Well, one day,
I came home late from golf.
495
00:17:10,871 --> 00:17:15,058
And there on the table,
I saw a pair of over-easy eggs
496
00:17:15,142 --> 00:17:16,642
that honey had left for me.
497
00:17:16,710 --> 00:17:20,346
I ate them up, and I passed out
with the plate on my chest.
498
00:17:20,397 --> 00:17:23,366
And when I came to,
I looked down.
499
00:17:23,484 --> 00:17:25,207
What did I find?
500
00:17:25,769 --> 00:17:27,820
Another pair of eggs.
501
00:17:27,855 --> 00:17:30,890
She knew that I'd want more.
502
00:17:30,924 --> 00:17:32,892
More eggs.
503
00:17:32,943 --> 00:17:34,744
Those are the little things.
504
00:17:34,828 --> 00:17:37,997
That's romance, son.
505
00:17:38,862 --> 00:17:42,335
Emery, can you help your brother
in the kitchen?
506
00:17:45,839 --> 00:17:47,073
Oh, look.
507
00:17:47,124 --> 00:17:49,342
I'm sorry I didn't tell you
about Lucinda.
508
00:17:49,426 --> 00:17:51,344
Lucinda? [Chuckles]
509
00:17:51,395 --> 00:17:53,496
What, did she play fiddle
in a country-Western band?
510
00:17:53,613 --> 00:17:54,830
She did, actually.
511
00:17:54,915 --> 00:17:56,515
You always were a good guesser.
512
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,100
Why didn't you
tell me about her?
513
00:17:58,185 --> 00:18:00,920
I just didn't want you to think
I was bad at marriage.
514
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,222
I mean, one divorce...
That's life.
515
00:18:03,224 --> 00:18:05,992
Two divorces? That's a pattern.
516
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:09,395
Boopsy, I just didn't want
to give you another reason
517
00:18:09,429 --> 00:18:11,864
to think that
it wouldn't work out with me.
518
00:18:11,948 --> 00:18:14,033
Cuddlepuss, come here!
519
00:18:14,167 --> 00:18:15,134
Oh!
520
00:18:15,235 --> 00:18:16,018
[Chuckles]
521
00:18:18,071 --> 00:18:18,871
Both: Ohhhh.
522
00:18:18,905 --> 00:18:20,406
Guys...
523
00:18:20,490 --> 00:18:23,876
Goober grape is wonderful.
524
00:18:23,977 --> 00:18:25,744
[Bass thumping]
525
00:18:25,829 --> 00:18:26,946
Eddie: I can't believe it!
526
00:18:26,997 --> 00:18:28,547
Look how close we are
to the stage!
527
00:18:28,632 --> 00:18:30,015
We're front row! [Gasps]
528
00:18:30,050 --> 00:18:31,550
I bet Janet's
gonna do that thing
529
00:18:31,651 --> 00:18:33,469
where she's singing
and touching our hands.
530
00:18:33,663 --> 00:18:35,140
"Y'all having fun tonight?"
531
00:18:35,932 --> 00:18:38,191
Sorry, but you're at the wrong entrance.
532
00:18:40,898 --> 00:18:42,280
Excuse me.
533
00:18:42,808 --> 00:18:44,454
Excuse me. Sorry.
534
00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:46,491
Sorry.
535
00:18:50,504 --> 00:18:52,320
Okay.
536
00:18:52,742 --> 00:18:54,515
This will be fine I think.
537
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:56,204
I can't see the stage.
538
00:18:56,531 --> 00:18:57,892
This must be Jimmys fault.
539
00:18:57,956 --> 00:18:59,328
Terry wouldn't do this.
540
00:19:04,422 --> 00:19:06,472
Is that Janet?!
Who's saying that?!
541
00:19:06,575 --> 00:19:08,527
Does anybody have eyes on Janet?
542
00:19:08,612 --> 00:19:10,338
What is this pillar even holding up?
543
00:19:10,469 --> 00:19:12,147
It doesn't even seem structural!
544
00:19:14,885 --> 00:19:17,011
How is our cable bill so cheap?
545
00:19:17,285 --> 00:19:18,461
Oh, I cancelled our account
546
00:19:18,525 --> 00:19:20,329
And I rejoined under my alias,
Sydney Jones.
547
00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:22,591
Got us a promotional rate and free HBO.
548
00:19:22,768 --> 00:19:26,280
Thank god. I'd be furious
If we were paying for "Dennis Miller Live."
549
00:19:26,457 --> 00:19:27,891
[chuckles]
550
00:19:28,132 --> 00:19:30,017
I don't remember this, though.
551
00:19:30,097 --> 00:19:31,998
It's a bill for car repairs.
552
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:33,729
Oh, right. I had the van serviced.
553
00:19:33,858 --> 00:19:35,759
I must have forgotten to tell you.
554
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,225
It's a lot of money, Louis.
555
00:19:37,305 --> 00:19:38,771
Well, I thought it was worth it.
556
00:19:38,852 --> 00:19:40,978
You were driving around
some big clients the next day,
557
00:19:41,042 --> 00:19:44,253
And I wanted to make sure
you made the best impression possible.
558
00:19:44,624 --> 00:19:47,797
Louis Huang. Not bad.
559
00:19:58,695 --> 00:20:00,193
Emery, what are you doing?
560
00:20:00,290 --> 00:20:02,352
Putting my love wall back up.
561
00:20:02,561 --> 00:20:05,751
Turns out romance isn't
what I thought it was.
562
00:20:06,090 --> 00:20:08,007
Sorry I've been kind of a jerk.
563
00:20:08,168 --> 00:20:09,215
Aw, it's okay, son.
564
00:20:09,327 --> 00:20:11,196
Sorry we lied to you
about our date night.
565
00:20:11,341 --> 00:20:13,966
You were quite the handful
the past couple of days.
566
00:20:14,073 --> 00:20:16,247
"I'm mad! I'm mad!"
[chuckles]
567
00:20:16,344 --> 00:20:18,406
Well, I wanted to make up for it.
568
00:20:18,696 --> 00:20:20,628
So I made you this.
569
00:20:22,642 --> 00:20:23,818
Aww.
570
00:20:23,914 --> 00:20:25,622
You guys overpaid in love this year,
571
00:20:25,799 --> 00:20:27,699
So you're getting 20% back.
572
00:20:27,925 --> 00:20:31,130
This is probably the wrong form,
but I appreciate it.
573
00:20:58,634 --> 00:21:02,065
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
574
00:21:02,115 --> 00:21:06,665
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39946
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