Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:02,557
And, for the last time,
2
00:00:02,593 --> 00:00:06,346
the olives in the salad bar
are for eating, not wearing.
3
00:00:06,517 --> 00:00:07,889
[As Mr. Burns] Excellent.
4
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:09,802
And no more
"Simpsons" impressions.
5
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:11,232
[As homer Simpson] D'oh.
6
00:00:11,268 --> 00:00:14,402
And, finally, I'm flying back
to D.C. this weekend
7
00:00:14,437 --> 00:00:16,004
to spend the holiday
with my family,
8
00:00:16,039 --> 00:00:17,672
but the restaurant
will still be open,
9
00:00:17,707 --> 00:00:19,574
so I'm going to need
you all to work.
10
00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:21,142
You're making us work
on Valentine's Day?
11
00:00:21,177 --> 00:00:22,677
I already have tickets
to see Morrissey.
12
00:00:22,712 --> 00:00:24,651
No, he's talking about
Presidents' Day.
13
00:00:24,681 --> 00:00:27,782
Which is always
the third Monday in February.
14
00:00:27,817 --> 00:00:29,984
I'm kind of a history "boof."
15
00:00:30,053 --> 00:00:31,920
I'm talking about
Chinese New Year.
16
00:00:31,955 --> 00:00:34,789
But you also have to work
those other holidays, as well.
17
00:00:34,824 --> 00:00:36,424
You guys have your own new year?
18
00:00:36,459 --> 00:00:39,027
Yeah. We get together with
family, have a big dinner.
19
00:00:39,062 --> 00:00:42,063
There's decorations,
dragon dances, fireworks.
20
00:00:42,098 --> 00:00:44,866
I mean, you should see
how crazy it gets in Chinatown.
21
00:00:44,901 --> 00:00:47,702
[Fireworks squealing
and exploding]
22
00:00:47,737 --> 00:00:49,737
[Man coughing]
23
00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:52,974
If you can breathe properly
the next day, you weren't there.
24
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:55,343
S02E11
Year of the Rat
25
00:00:55,378 --> 00:00:56,511
Fresh off the boat
26
00:00:56,546 --> 00:00:58,212
I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go
27
00:00:58,248 --> 00:01:00,348
If you don't know, homey,
now you know
28
00:01:00,383 --> 00:01:01,616
Fresh off the boat
29
00:01:01,651 --> 00:01:03,952
Homey, you don't know
where I come from
30
00:01:03,987 --> 00:01:05,486
But I know where I'm goin'
31
00:01:05,522 --> 00:01:06,796
I'm fresh off the boat
32
00:01:06,869 --> 00:01:08,664
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:01:09,359 --> 00:01:11,326
[Vacuum whirring]
34
00:01:13,096 --> 00:01:14,862
[Whirring stops]
Honey: Jessica, open the door!
35
00:01:14,898 --> 00:01:16,864
[Doorbell ringing,
pounding on door]
36
00:01:19,369 --> 00:01:22,070
I have been ringing this bell
for half an hour.
37
00:01:22,105 --> 00:01:24,405
What is going on?
Did you commit a murder in here?
38
00:01:24,441 --> 00:01:27,875
A murder? On carpet? Come on.
39
00:01:27,911 --> 00:01:28,977
[Laughs]
40
00:01:30,213 --> 00:01:32,313
Chinese New Year
is in a few days,
41
00:01:32,349 --> 00:01:34,582
and it's tradition
to clean our home
42
00:01:34,617 --> 00:01:36,551
to welcome in good fortune.
43
00:01:36,586 --> 00:01:37,852
Oh.
44
00:01:37,887 --> 00:01:39,020
Our new year's tradition
is to get drunk
45
00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:40,355
and shoot guns in the air.
46
00:01:40,390 --> 00:01:42,824
Thank you so much for taking
care of things while we're gone.
47
00:01:42,859 --> 00:01:44,025
There's not much to do.
48
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,426
Just water the tomato plant
49
00:01:45,462 --> 00:01:48,796
and move the kitchen bamboo
out of the sun hourly.
50
00:01:48,832 --> 00:01:50,832
If the moon is strong,
then at night, too.
51
00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:52,066
Mm-hmm.
52
00:01:52,102 --> 00:01:53,935
Why did you pack this?
53
00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:54,736
What do you mean?
54
00:01:54,771 --> 00:01:56,337
[Sighs] We're traveling.
55
00:01:56,373 --> 00:01:58,473
We need travel-sized toiletries.
56
00:01:58,508 --> 00:01:59,941
[Laughs]
57
00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:01,376
Look how fun it is.
58
00:02:01,411 --> 00:02:02,276
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
59
00:02:02,312 --> 00:02:03,578
Look at this little nivea.
60
00:02:03,613 --> 00:02:06,314
It's more container than lotion,
but I don't even care.
61
00:02:06,349 --> 00:02:08,383
I'm ready for
my new year's haircut.
62
00:02:08,418 --> 00:02:10,485
Oh, that's another
new year's tradition.
63
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,321
You don't want to cut your hair
too soon after the new year,
64
00:02:13,356 --> 00:02:16,391
because you might be getting
rid of any good luck
65
00:02:16,426 --> 00:02:17,592
you just received.
66
00:02:17,627 --> 00:02:20,028
Oh, kind of like how
you don't want to shower
67
00:02:20,063 --> 00:02:22,497
after garth Brooks
signs your boobs?
68
00:02:22,532 --> 00:02:23,598
Yeah.
69
00:02:23,633 --> 00:02:24,999
I brought some photos.
70
00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:28,369
I want half Anthony Mason,
half kwam? the boy genius.
71
00:02:28,405 --> 00:02:31,472
How about flowbee setting
number 3?
72
00:02:33,343 --> 00:02:34,976
[Vacuum whirring]
73
00:02:36,579 --> 00:02:38,446
I'm so excited
for Chinese New Year.
74
00:02:38,481 --> 00:02:40,715
It's gonna be great
to see the whole family.
75
00:02:40,750 --> 00:02:43,518
And to get all those
red envelopes full of cash!
76
00:02:48,158 --> 00:02:49,190
[Gasps]
77
00:02:49,225 --> 00:02:51,192
I'm gonna buy
a snoopy sno-cone machine.
78
00:02:51,227 --> 00:02:52,493
I'm gonna buy a fedora
79
00:02:52,562 --> 00:02:55,329
and bring back the golden age
of railway travel.
80
00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:56,464
Mm.
81
00:02:57,529 --> 00:02:58,399
Listen, guys.
82
00:02:58,435 --> 00:03:00,935
I did the math, and even if
I get one red envelope
83
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:02,437
from every adult in the family,
84
00:03:02,472 --> 00:03:04,839
I still won't have enough money
to buy the new Jordans.
85
00:03:04,908 --> 00:03:07,675
That's why if you guys give me
three of your envelopes each,
86
00:03:07,744 --> 00:03:10,211
I'll give you this gently used
castle grayskull.
87
00:03:10,246 --> 00:03:11,646
The trapdoor doesn't work,
88
00:03:11,681 --> 00:03:13,915
but he-man wouldn't
fall for that anyways.
89
00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:15,149
Hey.
90
00:03:15,185 --> 00:03:17,552
_
91
00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:24,258
Eddie, I overslept!
Get up, get up!
92
00:03:24,294 --> 00:03:25,226
We have to go to the airport!
93
00:03:25,261 --> 00:03:27,261
- What time is it?
- 5:00 A.M.!
94
00:03:27,297 --> 00:03:29,597
The flight doesn't leave
until 2:00 in the afternoon.
95
00:03:29,632 --> 00:03:31,632
Exactly! We're late!
96
00:03:31,668 --> 00:03:33,968
Emery! Evan!
Just eat some toothpaste!
97
00:03:34,003 --> 00:03:35,203
No time to brush!
98
00:03:35,238 --> 00:03:36,237
Ugh!
99
00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:41,175
Why are you dressed so nice?
100
00:03:41,211 --> 00:03:43,811
I'm trying to get bumped up
to first class.
101
00:03:46,616 --> 00:03:47,482
No.
102
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,817
It's too early for this.
103
00:03:50,987 --> 00:03:52,520
All right,
I turned off the sprinklers,
104
00:03:52,555 --> 00:03:53,921
locked the doors,
got the tickets.
105
00:03:53,957 --> 00:03:55,389
And I've got breakfast
for the car,
106
00:03:55,425 --> 00:03:56,691
snacks, lunch, and dried plums.
107
00:03:56,726 --> 00:03:57,825
We're all set.
108
00:03:57,861 --> 00:03:59,760
Bye, Evan. happy new year.
109
00:03:59,796 --> 00:04:03,097
Bye, girls. Don't forget...
Keep that heart rate above 125.
110
00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:05,833
And don't you forget to bring me
back a commemorative thimble.
111
00:04:05,869 --> 00:04:07,768
You know it.
112
00:04:10,907 --> 00:04:12,540
Oh, damn it. We forgot...
113
00:04:12,641 --> 00:04:13,897
_
114
00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:15,628
_
115
00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:19,069
_
116
00:04:21,751 --> 00:04:23,751
Why did we
have to park so far away?
117
00:04:23,786 --> 00:04:25,987
It wasn't that far.
118
00:04:26,022 --> 00:04:27,321
We took two buses, a tram,
119
00:04:27,357 --> 00:04:29,223
then had to run across
the freeway.
120
00:04:29,259 --> 00:04:31,993
Good. So now you're tired,
so you'll sleep on the plane.
121
00:04:32,028 --> 00:04:34,295
And look, no lines.
122
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:36,964
I can't wait to see everybody.
123
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,866
I hope they're karaoke'ing
when we get there,
124
00:04:38,902 --> 00:04:40,735
because I'm gonna grab the Mike
125
00:04:40,770 --> 00:04:42,737
and I'm gonna
slide right into...
126
00:04:42,772 --> 00:04:47,375
What's love got to do,
got to do with it?
127
00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:50,978
What's love
but a second-hand emo...
128
00:04:51,014 --> 00:04:51,979
Hi.
129
00:04:52,015 --> 00:04:52,847
Good morning.
130
00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:54,115
Where are you all
flying to today?
131
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,651
Oh, uh, Washington, D.C.,
for the holiday.
132
00:04:56,686 --> 00:04:58,619
A popular destination
for Presidents' Day.
133
00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:00,788
Are you traveling with
any hazardous materials?
134
00:05:00,823 --> 00:05:02,823
No, just a bag of fireworks,
a pocket knife,
135
00:05:02,859 --> 00:05:05,126
and some cr??me br??l?e torches
we're giving as gifts.
136
00:05:05,161 --> 00:05:08,111
That's all fine. Just as long as
you're not bringing any citrus.
137
00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:10,831
Oh.
138
00:05:10,867 --> 00:05:12,733
Oh, no. I'm afraid
you've missed your flight.
139
00:05:12,769 --> 00:05:14,335
What? No, that's impossible.
140
00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:15,836
It doesn't leave till 2:00 P.M.
141
00:05:15,872 --> 00:05:17,405
2:00 P.M. yesterday.
142
00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:23,211
I thought you said
that our flight was on Friday.
143
00:05:23,246 --> 00:05:25,012
It is. Friday the 15th.
144
00:05:25,048 --> 00:05:26,086
Mnh-mnh.
145
00:05:26,234 --> 00:05:29,483
The 15th was yesterday.
146
00:05:29,519 --> 00:05:31,619
Oh.
147
00:05:31,654 --> 00:05:33,521
Are we gonna miss
Chinese New Year?
148
00:05:33,556 --> 00:05:36,791
We don't have to run across
the freeway again, do we?
149
00:05:36,826 --> 00:05:37,959
[Sighs]
150
00:05:40,776 --> 00:05:41,841
I'm sorry, Connie.
151
00:05:41,877 --> 00:05:44,844
We won't be coming to D.C.
for new year's.
152
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:45,979
Why?
153
00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:50,650
Because I messed up
the days on the tickets.
154
00:05:52,621 --> 00:05:54,320
No, don't put big auntie
on the phone.
155
00:05:54,356 --> 00:05:55,355
Don't put big...
156
00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:57,824
[inhales sharply]
Hi, big auntie.
157
00:05:57,859 --> 00:05:58,691
[Sighs]
158
00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:01,127
No, we're not coming.
159
00:06:01,163 --> 00:06:02,595
Why?
160
00:06:03,832 --> 00:06:06,766
Because I messed up
the days on the tickets.
161
00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:09,936
Mm-hmm.
162
00:06:09,971 --> 00:06:11,204
No, I called.
163
00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:14,107
Six last-minute tickets to D.C.
are too expensive.
164
00:06:14,142 --> 00:06:17,010
I guess everybody's going there
for Presidents' Day.
165
00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:19,986
Yes, even five last-minute
tickets are too expensive.
166
00:06:20,039 --> 00:06:23,057
Five?
Who does she suggest to cut?
167
00:06:25,126 --> 00:06:26,572
Tell everyone to send
the red envelopes
168
00:06:26,614 --> 00:06:29,202
in the mail today so we can
get them by new year's.
169
00:06:29,349 --> 00:06:31,397
They're not gonna send cash
in the mail.
170
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:34,373
It's time you boys learned
what all dogs are born knowing.
171
00:06:34,405 --> 00:06:35,756
Postal workers are thieves.
172
00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:37,030
No, they're not.
173
00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:41,267
Neither snow nor rain nor heat
nor gloom of night...
174
00:06:41,302 --> 00:06:42,542
Emery, please.
175
00:06:42,585 --> 00:06:44,812
How's the family gonna get us
our red envelopes?
176
00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:45,561
They're not.
177
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,473
The only ones you're
going to get are from us.
178
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:54,614
Mom and dad's envelopes...
Those are the worst!
179
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,486
Read the back.
180
00:06:59,521 --> 00:07:01,054
We wrote you a message.
181
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,151
_
182
00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:06,092
Wha...
183
00:07:06,128 --> 00:07:09,027
That means the only money we're
gonna get this year is from...
184
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:14,668
Grandma.
185
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:18,238
I'm really sorry.
186
00:07:18,273 --> 00:07:19,973
I feel terrible.
187
00:07:20,008 --> 00:07:22,442
I should have
double-checked the tickets.
188
00:07:22,477 --> 00:07:24,944
Just when you think you've
micro-managed everything.
189
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:27,147
But, you know, we can
make the most of this.
190
00:07:27,182 --> 00:07:29,482
I know you were really looking
forward to seeing everyone,
191
00:07:29,518 --> 00:07:31,751
but we can celebrate here,
just us.
192
00:07:31,787 --> 00:07:33,053
It's not the same, Louis.
193
00:07:33,088 --> 00:07:36,022
There's no fireworks.
There's no parade.
194
00:07:36,058 --> 00:07:38,258
It's not gonna feel
like new year's.
195
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:40,794
Well, maybe we could find
something like that here.
196
00:07:40,829 --> 00:07:41,928
I doubt it.
197
00:07:41,963 --> 00:07:44,030
People here don't care
about this holiday.
198
00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:44,898
That's not true.
199
00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:45,965
We know there are
200
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:48,501
other Chinese people
in the area, remember?
201
00:07:48,537 --> 00:07:49,703
[Beeping]
202
00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:57,877
Yeah, one other Chinese guy
in Orlando, and he's deaf.
203
00:07:57,913 --> 00:07:59,312
He's here somewhere.
204
00:07:59,347 --> 00:08:02,015
If we just had a, I don't know,
some sort of
205
00:08:02,050 --> 00:08:04,884
a list of people's names
in the area
206
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,686
and a way
to get in touch with them.
207
00:08:08,457 --> 00:08:10,457
There's got to be at least
one Chinese person
208
00:08:10,492 --> 00:08:11,591
listed in here.
209
00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:14,427
Uh, let's start with "Yang."
210
00:08:14,463 --> 00:08:17,564
It's like
Chinese people's "Smith."
211
00:08:18,633 --> 00:08:20,333
Hmm. Nothing.
212
00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:22,502
How about "Ma"?
213
00:08:22,537 --> 00:08:23,770
Uh...
214
00:08:25,107 --> 00:08:26,139
Nope.
215
00:08:26,174 --> 00:08:28,241
Liang?
216
00:08:31,646 --> 00:08:33,880
Together: Hi, grandma!
217
00:08:33,915 --> 00:08:35,515
We made you
your favorite snack...
218
00:08:35,550 --> 00:08:36,950
Mountain dew and combos.
219
00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:39,091
_
220
00:08:39,207 --> 00:08:41,387
Are you upset
that we missed our flight?
221
00:08:41,803 --> 00:08:42,975
_
222
00:08:43,165 --> 00:08:46,416
_
223
00:08:55,303 --> 00:08:57,137
I hate to see grandma so down.
224
00:08:57,172 --> 00:08:58,538
We have to cheer her up.
225
00:08:58,607 --> 00:09:00,974
Yeah, so she can be generous
with the red envelopes,
226
00:09:01,009 --> 00:09:02,742
and we can get paid!
227
00:09:02,778 --> 00:09:05,311
No, because she's our
grandmother and she's sad.
228
00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:07,313
Right.
We're saying the same thing.
229
00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:08,782
Whatever our motivation,
230
00:09:08,817 --> 00:09:11,518
we need to get grandma happy,
like, yesterday.
231
00:09:11,553 --> 00:09:12,986
What does she like?
232
00:09:13,021 --> 00:09:14,454
She loves "Garfield."
233
00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:16,289
Yeah, what else?
What does it mean?
234
00:09:16,324 --> 00:09:18,224
What does it mean
to like "Garfield"?
235
00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:20,593
It means she likes things
that are small, cute, and funny.
236
00:09:20,629 --> 00:09:22,695
[Snaps fingers] That's the
first thing you've said all day
237
00:09:22,731 --> 00:09:24,045
that makes sense.
238
00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:29,636
Hey, how ya doin' today?
239
00:09:29,671 --> 00:09:30,970
Having fun?
240
00:09:31,039 --> 00:09:34,607
Speaking of fun, what's the deal
with fun-sized candy bars?
241
00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:35,809
What?
242
00:09:35,844 --> 00:09:38,511
Of all the sizes,
aren't they the least fun?
243
00:09:38,547 --> 00:09:40,580
You know what I wish
was fun-sized?
244
00:09:40,615 --> 00:09:42,382
My homework!
245
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,233
_
246
00:09:44,328 --> 00:09:46,207
_
247
00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:49,989
Anyone here from New Jersey?
248
00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:55,128
No Changs, no Chins, no Chus.
249
00:09:55,163 --> 00:09:56,796
You know, we need to start
from the beginning.
250
00:09:56,865 --> 00:09:58,198
Here, let me try.
251
00:09:58,233 --> 00:10:00,033
[Scoffs] Jessica, why would
you have any more luck...
252
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:03,770
Boom. Asian-American association
of Orlando.
253
00:10:03,805 --> 00:10:05,572
A.A.A.O.O.
254
00:10:05,607 --> 00:10:07,674
Ay-oh.
255
00:10:07,709 --> 00:10:08,975
Like the Fonz.
256
00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:10,076
[Chuckles] No, it's like
257
00:10:10,111 --> 00:10:11,578
"Who's the Boss?"
Like Tony Danza.
258
00:10:11,613 --> 00:10:12,679
Ey-o.
259
00:10:12,714 --> 00:10:14,080
Ay-oh. Ey-o.
260
00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:15,548
[As Tony Micelli] Hey, Angela.
261
00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:17,150
I'm calling them.
262
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:19,719
[Dial tone]
263
00:10:19,754 --> 00:10:21,688
[Dialing]
264
00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:23,323
[Sighs]
265
00:10:23,358 --> 00:10:25,291
[Ringing]
266
00:10:25,327 --> 00:10:27,760
Rick: Hello. Asian-American
association of Orlando.
267
00:10:27,796 --> 00:10:29,229
[Gasps] It's real!
268
00:10:29,264 --> 00:10:30,630
Yes, hello!
269
00:10:30,665 --> 00:10:34,534
We are Louis and Jessica Huang.
We live in Orlando.
270
00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,469
Oh, my gosh, the Huangs!
271
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:38,338
We've been trying to get
in touch with you for months!
272
00:10:38,373 --> 00:10:39,739
Have you not been getting
our mailers?
273
00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:40,573
Mm...
274
00:10:40,609 --> 00:10:41,374
- Thieves.
- Thieves.
275
00:10:41,409 --> 00:10:42,709
[Chuckles]
276
00:10:42,744 --> 00:10:46,379
Uh, we are going to be in town
for Chinese New Year,
277
00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:48,214
and we were wondering
if you're doing anything.
278
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:49,983
We're having a huge party.
279
00:10:50,018 --> 00:10:51,684
It's the biggest day
of the year.
280
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,920
We would be so excited
if you'd join us.
281
00:10:53,955 --> 00:10:56,014
[Both laugh]
282
00:10:58,093 --> 00:11:02,428
What if God was one of us?
283
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:08,434
Just a slob like one of us?
284
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:15,608
Just a stranger on a bus,
trying to make his way...
285
00:11:15,644 --> 00:11:17,944
[Lock clicks]
286
00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:19,379
Eddie: I can't wait.
287
00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:22,215
We're gonna be drowning
in a sea full of red envelopes.
288
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,617
Why would grandma care
about fun-sized stuff?
289
00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:27,587
I should have started with jokes
about Filipino food.
290
00:11:27,622 --> 00:11:31,090
Ah, looks like they already
got started with the fireworks.
291
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:33,826
Ignoring fire codes...
So Chinese.
292
00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:35,328
[Laughs]
293
00:11:35,363 --> 00:11:37,764
[Russian music playing]
294
00:11:43,705 --> 00:11:46,339
_
295
00:11:49,444 --> 00:11:52,111
There's so much oil
in this food.
296
00:11:52,147 --> 00:11:55,748
My son Raj
is addicted to cocaine.
297
00:11:57,786 --> 00:11:59,819
This one means "understanding."
298
00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:03,456
What?
No, this means "understanding."
299
00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:06,459
What's going on?
Where are all the...
300
00:12:06,494 --> 00:12:07,961
Rick: Chinese people!
301
00:12:07,996 --> 00:12:09,862
Welcome, Huangs.
302
00:12:09,898 --> 00:12:11,397
And happy new year.
303
00:12:11,433 --> 00:12:12,598
I'm Rick.
304
00:12:12,634 --> 00:12:14,367
Ni hao.
305
00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:19,539
The length and depth of my bow
expresses my deep appreciation.
306
00:12:19,574 --> 00:12:21,908
Uh, I think that's more
of a Japanese thing,
307
00:12:21,943 --> 00:12:23,977
but, uh, thank you, Rick.
[Chuckles]
308
00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:25,411
We spoke on the phone,
I believe.
309
00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:27,647
I'm one of the founding members
of the triple-a double-o.
310
00:12:27,682 --> 00:12:30,550
I thought this was
an Asian organization?
311
00:12:30,585 --> 00:12:31,617
Oh, it is.
312
00:12:31,653 --> 00:12:33,119
Everyone here is Asian.
313
00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:35,121
Or hoping to associate with one.
314
00:12:35,156 --> 00:12:36,189
[Chuckles]
315
00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:39,959
I myself was born
on a layover in Thailand.
316
00:12:39,995 --> 00:12:42,895
Well, I guess technically
India and parts of Russia
317
00:12:42,931 --> 00:12:44,831
are in Asia, but we assumed...
318
00:12:44,866 --> 00:12:47,033
That there would be
some Chinese people
319
00:12:47,068 --> 00:12:48,568
celebrating Chinese New Year.
320
00:12:48,603 --> 00:12:51,070
We don't have any
Chinese members yet.
321
00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:53,906
But we did get the kid
who played short round
322
00:12:53,942 --> 00:12:56,809
to send us an autographed
picture for our wall.
323
00:12:56,845 --> 00:12:58,478
Very cool of him.
324
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,711
_
325
00:13:01,397 --> 00:13:03,370
_
326
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:05,766
_
327
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,687
- Man: What'd she say?
- Man 2: I think she likes it.
328
00:13:07,722 --> 00:13:09,689
I don't care
what kind of people are here.
329
00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:11,391
As long as they have
red envelopes,
330
00:13:11,426 --> 00:13:12,225
I'm cool with it.
331
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:13,259
Ooh, red envelopes.
332
00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:14,994
What is that? Like a party game?
333
00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:17,463
You don't even know
about red envelopes?
334
00:13:17,499 --> 00:13:20,033
Well, what do you have planned
for Chinese New Year?
335
00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:22,068
Oh, it is going to be epic.
336
00:13:22,103 --> 00:13:25,405
We just got these
"year of the rat" glasses.
337
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,907
There's also gonna be
an authentic dragon dance.
338
00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:33,046
And at midnight Beijing time,
we're gonna drop the rat.
339
00:13:33,081 --> 00:13:35,681
Uh, that's not a real thing.
340
00:13:35,717 --> 00:13:37,350
See, this is what
I was talking about.
341
00:13:37,385 --> 00:13:39,018
They're having
a Chinese New Year's party,
342
00:13:39,054 --> 00:13:41,187
but nobody cares enough
to get it right.
343
00:13:41,222 --> 00:13:43,389
Y'all ready for this?
["Get ready for this" plays]
344
00:13:43,425 --> 00:13:46,292
Who's ready for a dragon dance?!
345
00:13:51,066 --> 00:13:52,799
The guy in the suit
is my brother, Mark.
346
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:54,600
He's a male stripper.
347
00:13:54,636 --> 00:13:57,236
["Get ready for this" continues]
348
00:13:57,272 --> 00:13:59,305
[Cheering]
349
00:14:08,298 --> 00:14:09,431
Happy New Year!
350
00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:10,565
I wish we could...
351
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:12,400
[fireworks squealing]
I said, Happy New...
352
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:14,035
[fireworks exploding]
Damn it, Happy New Year!
353
00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:14,936
[Beep]
354
00:14:14,972 --> 00:14:15,827
[Sighs]
355
00:14:15,901 --> 00:14:19,407
I wish we were there so they
could annoy me in person.
356
00:14:19,476 --> 00:14:22,744
What's the deal
with disappointment?
357
00:14:24,748 --> 00:14:26,148
I don't have a joke.
358
00:14:26,183 --> 00:14:27,729
I just want to know.
359
00:14:28,679 --> 00:14:31,032
Happy new year! [Chuckles]
360
00:14:31,064 --> 00:14:32,588
What's so happy about it?
361
00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:33,856
No red envelopes.
362
00:14:33,891 --> 00:14:34,823
No family.
363
00:14:34,859 --> 00:14:36,125
No parade.
364
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,392
Bubkes.
365
00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:39,895
But we do have pork buns.
366
00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:41,330
You found pork buns?
367
00:14:41,365 --> 00:14:42,765
Uh, no, jelly doughnuts.
368
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,399
Same basic concept, though.
369
00:14:44,435 --> 00:14:46,668
Dough filled with something
delicious. [Chuckles]
370
00:14:46,704 --> 00:14:49,037
I'm too sad to eat doughnuts.
371
00:14:50,141 --> 00:14:52,107
I'll eat the jelly, though.
372
00:14:53,911 --> 00:14:55,611
[Sighs]
373
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,412
Come on, guys.
374
00:14:57,448 --> 00:14:59,448
Look, sure,
I messed up the plane tickets,
375
00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:01,316
and sure,
Chinese New Year is ruined,
376
00:15:01,352 --> 00:15:04,019
but that doesn't mean we still
can't have fun as a family.
377
00:15:04,054 --> 00:15:05,687
Tonight, to celebrate,
378
00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:08,290
the Huangs are going to
Cattleman's Ranch for dinner!
379
00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:09,925
And this time, it's personal...
380
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,727
Pan pizzas. You each get one.
381
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,663
Sure, fine. [Sighs]
382
00:15:14,698 --> 00:15:16,431
At least I don't have to cook.
383
00:15:16,467 --> 00:15:18,300
I just want this day to be over.
384
00:15:20,538 --> 00:15:23,772
Well, another year without
a snoopy sno-cone machine.
385
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,632
I guess I should
tell my business partners.
386
00:15:42,927 --> 00:15:44,326
Louis!
387
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,828
What is that?
388
00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:47,763
I just thought, you know,
for Presidents' Day.
389
00:15:47,798 --> 00:15:50,399
You know I hate animals
doing people things.
390
00:15:50,434 --> 00:15:51,400
Well, what are you doing here?
391
00:15:51,435 --> 00:15:52,401
I-I thought
you were out of town.
392
00:15:52,436 --> 00:15:54,069
No, there's been
a change of plans.
393
00:15:54,104 --> 00:15:55,704
Okay, so here's what we need.
394
00:15:55,739 --> 00:15:57,973
[Chinese drums playing]
395
00:16:03,914 --> 00:16:06,648
Emery: Whoa, lion dancers!
396
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,855
Awesome! Wow!
397
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,423
Look at that.
398
00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:22,598
[Laughs]
399
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:24,233
Whoa!
400
00:16:24,268 --> 00:16:27,102
[Drumming continues]
401
00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:34,409
[Applause]
402
00:16:34,445 --> 00:16:35,744
Whoo!
403
00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:38,579
That's awesome!
404
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:42,431
_
405
00:16:47,491 --> 00:16:49,157
Louis, how did you...
406
00:16:49,193 --> 00:16:51,560
I wanted you to have
a real Chinese New Year.
407
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:55,230
How did you find people
who care about Chinese New Year?
408
00:16:55,266 --> 00:16:57,699
You found the bus guy.
409
00:16:57,735 --> 00:16:59,101
[Gasps]
410
00:16:59,136 --> 00:17:00,802
Mitch?
411
00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:02,204
Nancy?!
412
00:17:02,239 --> 00:17:04,273
They spent all day rehearsing.
413
00:17:04,308 --> 00:17:07,242
We decided to go with
the Southern lion-style dance.
414
00:17:07,278 --> 00:17:08,510
[Chuckles]
415
00:17:08,545 --> 00:17:09,845
Mitch got the lion costume.
416
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,044
I used to work at Epcot.
417
00:17:11,081 --> 00:17:12,981
I still have the key
to the costume locker.
418
00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:15,150
The drummers I got on loan
from the high school.
419
00:17:15,185 --> 00:17:16,184
Jessica: Oh.
420
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,086
And honey brought
all the lanterns.
421
00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:19,888
They're from
Janet Jackson's "If" video.
422
00:17:19,924 --> 00:17:21,690
My hairdresser used to be
her prop guy.
423
00:17:21,725 --> 00:17:23,625
Oh, and Sandy
has got some stories.
424
00:17:23,661 --> 00:17:24,393
Oh, yeah.
425
00:17:24,428 --> 00:17:25,460
[Laughter]
426
00:17:25,496 --> 00:17:27,429
Deidre brought oranges
and tangerines.
427
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,499
I have three trees in my yard
that are really flourishing.
428
00:17:30,534 --> 00:17:32,434
My secret... human urine.
429
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,070
Carol-Joan brought
illegal fireworks.
430
00:17:35,139 --> 00:17:38,006
My son is troubled, but he knows
where to buy explosives.
431
00:17:38,042 --> 00:17:38,974
[Laughs]
432
00:17:39,009 --> 00:17:40,542
Hector made fish and dumplings.
433
00:17:40,577 --> 00:17:43,011
He did a great job,
and with such short notice.
434
00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:45,314
It gave me an idea
for a Chinese fast-food chain.
435
00:17:45,349 --> 00:17:49,284
Could call it "Pronto Panda"
or, uh, "Panda Chop-Chop"
436
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,653
or "Panda Train, limited stops."
437
00:17:51,689 --> 00:17:53,388
How about Panda Express?
438
00:17:53,424 --> 00:17:56,224
I like my names better.
439
00:17:56,260 --> 00:18:00,829
And for you boys, your father
told us about red envelopes.
440
00:18:00,864 --> 00:18:02,130
Sno-cone! Thank you!
441
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:03,732
Eddie: Loot! [Laughs]
442
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,536
Look on the back.
443
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,238
"Be the change"?
444
00:18:10,274 --> 00:18:12,441
Your father said you liked
handwritten messages
445
00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:13,775
on nice stationery.
446
00:18:13,811 --> 00:18:15,510
[Chuckles]
447
00:18:15,546 --> 00:18:16,812
Goodbye, Jordans.
448
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:19,214
I guess I have to wait
another year until I can dunk.
449
00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:21,483
Why did you all go
to all this trouble?
450
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:23,285
It's not even your holiday.
451
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,687
Louis said you were upset about
missing Chinese New Year,
452
00:18:25,723 --> 00:18:28,390
so we wanted to help.
453
00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:30,792
It's not that people didn't care
enough to get it right.
454
00:18:30,828 --> 00:18:33,028
It's that they didn't know.
455
00:18:33,063 --> 00:18:36,131
Also, it's you,
so if we don't get it right,
456
00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:37,165
we're gonna hear about it.
457
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,333
Yeah, that's true.
458
00:18:38,369 --> 00:18:40,002
[Laughter]
459
00:18:40,037 --> 00:18:43,305
So, I've always been curious,
why the color red?
460
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:44,873
Thank you for asking.
461
00:18:44,908 --> 00:18:48,410
The color red represents
good luck and happiness.
462
00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:49,411
Marvin: Ah.
463
00:18:49,446 --> 00:18:50,979
Why do you serve dumplings?
464
00:18:51,015 --> 00:18:53,415
Well, dumplings
are a similar shape
465
00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:56,351
to ancient
silver and gold pieces.
466
00:18:56,387 --> 00:19:00,188
So when you eat them, it's like
you're taking in wealth.
467
00:19:00,224 --> 00:19:01,189
Ah. Ooh.
468
00:19:01,225 --> 00:19:03,058
I like that.
[Indistinct talking]
469
00:19:03,093 --> 00:19:04,626
So the Chinese word for fish
470
00:19:04,661 --> 00:19:06,762
is a homonym for the word
"surplus."
471
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:07,896
And why lions?
472
00:19:07,931 --> 00:19:10,098
They're used to summon
wealth and good fortune.
473
00:19:10,134 --> 00:19:12,234
I thought red was for
wealth and good fortune.
474
00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:14,870
And you said the haircuts were
for wealth and good fortune.
475
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:17,706
We like wealth and good fortune.
476
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,341
I could listen to this
all night.
477
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:22,310
Each year corresponds
to one of 12 different animals
478
00:19:22,346 --> 00:19:23,712
in the Chinese zodiac.
479
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,781
I am the year of the dog.
480
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:26,982
What kind of animal am I?
481
00:19:27,017 --> 00:19:28,150
What year were you born?
482
00:19:28,185 --> 00:19:28,984
Pass.
483
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,319
Are some zodiac signs better...
484
00:19:31,355 --> 00:19:32,921
You know what? Enough for today.
485
00:19:32,956 --> 00:19:34,156
Great questions!
486
00:19:34,191 --> 00:19:36,691
No more! Thank you!
487
00:19:36,727 --> 00:19:37,759
[Sighs]
488
00:19:37,795 --> 00:19:39,795
Isn't it nice
our friends care so much?
489
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,563
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
490
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:44,266
Ooh, maybe throwing
a Chinese New Year party
491
00:19:44,301 --> 00:19:46,201
at Cattleman's
becomes our new tradition.
492
00:19:46,236 --> 00:19:49,237
Yeah, maybe.
493
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:52,771
_
494
00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:54,945
_
495
00:19:58,148 --> 00:19:59,714
Grandma, that's very generous,
496
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,183
but all we need is your love.
497
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:02,417
I'll take Emery's!
498
00:20:02,453 --> 00:20:05,720
No! I was just expressing
a sentiment, you animal!
499
00:20:05,756 --> 00:20:06,688
No!
500
00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:07,802
[Laughs]
Give it to me!
501
00:20:07,866 --> 00:20:09,934
_
502
00:20:10,094 --> 00:20:10,892
[Laughs]
503
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:15,429
Thanks, everybody,
for a great Chinese New Year.
504
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,751
But the celebration
wouldn't be complete
505
00:20:17,846 --> 00:20:19,809
without the grand finale.
506
00:20:19,904 --> 00:20:20,590
Fireworks!
507
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,892
[Laughter] Jessica:
Ooh, we have fireworks!
508
00:20:22,927 --> 00:20:24,827
Verbal fireworks!
509
00:20:25,263 --> 00:20:26,362
[Laughter]
510
00:20:26,397 --> 00:20:27,630
Have you ever noticed
511
00:20:27,665 --> 00:20:29,965
how American and Chinese dogs
speak differently?
512
00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:33,569
American dogs go,
"bow-wow, bow-wow."
513
00:20:33,604 --> 00:20:37,006
Chinese dogs go,
"wong-wong, wong-wong!"
514
00:20:37,041 --> 00:20:38,174
[Laughs]
515
00:20:38,209 --> 00:20:39,575
You know,
that's funny because it's true.
516
00:20:39,610 --> 00:20:41,035
[Laughter]
517
00:20:41,098 --> 00:20:43,072
What's the deal with Capri Suns?
518
00:20:43,135 --> 00:20:45,981
I have to puncture
a foil pouch with a straw.
519
00:20:46,017 --> 00:20:49,118
Hello, I'm a child,
not a registered nurse.
520
00:20:49,153 --> 00:20:50,119
[Laughter]
521
00:20:50,154 --> 00:20:51,520
Oh, he's bringing out
the big guns.
522
00:20:51,556 --> 00:20:53,389
[Rim shot]
523
00:20:53,424 --> 00:20:55,025
What else? What else?
524
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:55,776
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
525
00:20:55,826 --> 00:21:00,376
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36726
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
