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1
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Why does your mother have to announce
2
00:00:04,654 --> 00:00:07,355
who's hosting Thanksgiving
at 5:30 in the morning?
3
00:00:07,390 --> 00:00:08,723
It's her ritual, Louis.
4
00:00:08,758 --> 00:00:10,725
She wakes up at 4:00,
sweeps the driveway,
5
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,727
looks at old photographs next to a candle,
6
00:00:12,762 --> 00:00:13,995
then calls.
7
00:00:14,030 --> 00:00:16,397
But your mom chooses Connie
and Steve to host every year.
8
00:00:16,432 --> 00:00:18,666
And Connie never lets me forget it.
9
00:00:18,701 --> 00:00:20,001
But this year is different.
10
00:00:20,036 --> 00:00:21,962
We live in Florida now.
11
00:00:23,807 --> 00:00:25,606
I've been sending crates of these babies
12
00:00:25,642 --> 00:00:27,608
to my mother for weeks.
13
00:00:27,644 --> 00:00:29,777
Who could say no to this face?
14
00:00:29,813 --> 00:00:32,146
[Chuckles]
15
00:00:32,182 --> 00:00:33,147
"Juice-ica."
16
00:00:33,183 --> 00:00:34,248
[Chuckles]
17
00:00:34,284 --> 00:00:35,516
[Telephone rings]
[Gasps]
18
00:00:35,552 --> 00:00:37,618
Mom, what have you decided?
19
00:00:37,888 --> 00:00:40,830
_
20
00:00:41,144 --> 00:00:42,794
_
21
00:00:42,859 --> 00:00:45,326
Yes! Yes!
[Stifled screaming]
22
00:00:49,332 --> 00:00:51,699
S02E08
Huangsgiving
23
00:00:51,734 --> 00:00:52,867
Fresh off the boat
24
00:00:52,902 --> 00:00:54,735
I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go
25
00:00:54,771 --> 00:00:56,871
If you don't know, homey,
now you know
26
00:00:56,906 --> 00:00:58,172
Fresh off the boat
27
00:00:58,208 --> 00:01:00,474
Homey, you don't know
where I come from
28
00:01:00,510 --> 00:01:02,009
But I know where I'm goin'
29
00:01:02,045 --> 00:01:03,503
I'm fresh off the boat
30
00:01:03,569 --> 00:01:05,456
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
31
00:01:06,883 --> 00:01:08,449
Why are you staring at the phone?
32
00:01:08,484 --> 00:01:10,985
We already got the good news...
We're hosting Thanksgiving.
33
00:01:11,020 --> 00:01:13,454
I'm waiting for the loser's concession call.
34
00:01:13,489 --> 00:01:15,189
[Telephone rings]
35
00:01:15,225 --> 00:01:17,124
[Sighs]
36
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,326
Huang residence.
37
00:01:18,361 --> 00:01:20,728
Congratulations, sister.
38
00:01:20,763 --> 00:01:24,665
I'm excited to spend Thanksgiving
at your house this year.
39
00:01:24,701 --> 00:01:28,636
I just hope we can do as good a job as you and Steve.
40
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:32,440
Don't forget to bring your famous potato salad.
41
00:01:32,475 --> 00:01:34,308
- Can't wait.
- Can't wait.
42
00:01:35,378 --> 00:01:38,204
It's on like Donkey Kong.
43
00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:41,682
Connie can't wait to see us
crash and burn in front of mom.
44
00:01:41,718 --> 00:01:44,952
Well, lucky for us, I run
a semi-successful restaurant.
45
00:01:44,988 --> 00:01:47,355
Together, we can make this Thanksgiving great.
46
00:01:47,390 --> 00:01:49,790
If not, it's back to D.C., potato salad,
47
00:01:49,826 --> 00:01:51,826
and Steve making everybody play charades.
48
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:54,362
How was I supposed to know that was Ronald McDonald?
49
00:01:54,397 --> 00:01:56,163
He was just miming a big afro.
50
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:58,633
Your guess made everyone uncomfortable.
51
00:01:59,835 --> 00:02:01,369
Louis: Boys, big news!
52
00:02:01,404 --> 00:02:04,038
This year, we're hosting Thanksgiving.
53
00:02:04,073 --> 00:02:05,072
Eddie: Nice! Sweet! Yay!
54
00:02:05,108 --> 00:02:06,674
I can't wait to hang with cousin Justin
55
00:02:06,709 --> 00:02:07,875
and listen to music.
56
00:02:07,911 --> 00:02:10,544
But you like rap and he likes grunge.
57
00:02:10,580 --> 00:02:12,346
I have found our common ground.
58
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:14,048
Yeah
59
00:02:14,083 --> 00:02:15,149
Pearl Jam.
60
00:02:15,184 --> 00:02:16,751
"Pearl Jam"?
61
00:02:16,786 --> 00:02:19,504
That's what I'm calling mayonnaise from now on.
62
00:02:21,824 --> 00:02:24,258
So, unless anybody needs to use the bathroom
63
00:02:24,294 --> 00:02:25,393
for a third time...
64
00:02:25,428 --> 00:02:27,461
I drink a lot of juice, okay?
65
00:02:27,497 --> 00:02:29,797
I call this Thanksgiving planning session to order.
66
00:02:29,832 --> 00:02:32,233
This year, we're going to create our own traditions
67
00:02:32,268 --> 00:02:33,701
and blow everyone's mind.
68
00:02:33,736 --> 00:02:37,171
I thought I would invite mom's
favorite person, Oscar Chow.
69
00:02:37,206 --> 00:02:40,174
I hope you don't mind that I borrowed this robe.
70
00:02:40,209 --> 00:02:41,375
Very swish.
71
00:02:41,411 --> 00:02:43,982
They like to re-enact scenes
from "Dynasty."
72
00:02:44,179 --> 00:02:47,081
Also, since Connie always buys canned cranberry sauce,
73
00:02:47,116 --> 00:02:48,516
I've decided I would make my own.
74
00:02:48,551 --> 00:02:50,351
Excellent. Evan and Emery?
75
00:02:50,386 --> 00:02:52,253
We'll take the table decorations.
76
00:02:52,288 --> 00:02:54,121
The theme... "harvest hoedown."
77
00:02:54,157 --> 00:02:55,423
Or "polar bear pilgrims."
78
00:02:55,458 --> 00:02:57,091
"Harvest hoedown."
79
00:02:57,126 --> 00:02:59,160
We had an arm-wrestle, and I won.
80
00:02:59,195 --> 00:03:00,494
Great. Eddie?
81
00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:04,065
I...Promise
not to bump into stuff?
82
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:05,299
That's a nice thought,
83
00:03:05,335 --> 00:03:06,887
but let's not make any promises we can't keep.
84
00:03:06,903 --> 00:03:09,103
Now, on to the big ideas.
85
00:03:09,138 --> 00:03:11,405
First, at Steve and Connie's Thanksgiving,
86
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,007
everybody plays charades.
87
00:03:13,042 --> 00:03:15,076
Boo!
88
00:03:15,111 --> 00:03:17,745
But at "Huangsgiving," we play...
89
00:03:19,148 --> 00:03:20,181
Monopoly!
90
00:03:20,216 --> 00:03:22,316
Yay!
91
00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:24,418
Second, aren't you sick of having to fight
92
00:03:24,454 --> 00:03:27,154
over one measly roast duck at Steve and Connie's?
93
00:03:27,190 --> 00:03:28,556
Last year, I got the beak.
94
00:03:28,591 --> 00:03:31,325
That's why at Huangsgiving, we don't serve duck.
95
00:03:31,361 --> 00:03:32,326
No.
96
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:33,294
We serve...
97
00:03:34,664 --> 00:03:36,931
individual cornish hens.
98
00:03:36,966 --> 00:03:39,367
They're the personal pizzas of the bird world.
99
00:03:39,402 --> 00:03:42,169
I'm gonna eat mine with my hands, like a cookie.
100
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:45,439
Here we go, yo,
here we go, yo
101
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,475
So what, so what,
so what's the scenario?
102
00:03:47,510 --> 00:03:50,711
Oh, my gosh, oh, my gosh
103
00:03:50,747 --> 00:03:52,046
Here they come!
104
00:03:52,081 --> 00:03:54,015
- Hello.
- Hey!
105
00:03:54,050 --> 00:03:55,716
Hello.
106
00:03:56,584 --> 00:03:58,101
Happy Thanksgiving!
107
00:03:58,207 --> 00:03:59,361
_
108
00:03:59,466 --> 00:04:02,844
_
109
00:04:04,894 --> 00:04:05,860
Emery: Whoa.
110
00:04:05,895 --> 00:04:07,628
Why do you look like a taxicab?
111
00:04:07,663 --> 00:04:09,697
I'm straight-edge ska now.
112
00:04:09,732 --> 00:04:10,998
Happy "Skanksgiving."
113
00:04:11,034 --> 00:04:13,467
Yo, Justin.
Got the new Pearl Jam.
114
00:04:13,503 --> 00:04:14,835
Grunge is dead.
115
00:04:15,877 --> 00:04:17,658
It's like chasing the wind.
116
00:04:18,441 --> 00:04:19,507
Where's Steve?
117
00:04:19,542 --> 00:04:22,143
Oh. He's driving separately.
118
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:23,778
Louis: Oh.
He did that last time.
119
00:04:23,813 --> 00:04:26,280
Yeaaaaaaaaah
120
00:04:26,315 --> 00:04:27,515
[Horn honking]
all right
121
00:04:27,550 --> 00:04:29,350
[Engine revs, tires screech]
122
00:04:31,020 --> 00:04:33,054
[Horn honking]
yeaaaaaaaaah
123
00:04:33,089 --> 00:04:34,221
All right
124
00:04:34,257 --> 00:04:37,024
[Engine sputtering, honking continues]
125
00:04:38,494 --> 00:04:40,494
[Sputtering, honking continue]
126
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,729
[Engine stops]
127
00:04:41,764 --> 00:04:42,997
[Engine sputters]
128
00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,033
[Suspension creaks]
129
00:04:52,041 --> 00:04:53,374
[Emergency brake cranks]
130
00:04:53,409 --> 00:04:55,009
It's okay...
Must have accidentally knocked
131
00:04:55,044 --> 00:04:56,977
the keys out of the ignition with my knee.
[Chuckles]
132
00:04:57,013 --> 00:04:59,980
Wow, Steve. Nice... Car?
133
00:05:00,016 --> 00:05:00,881
Geo.
134
00:05:00,917 --> 00:05:02,716
Oh, forget it! I can't do this!
135
00:05:02,752 --> 00:05:04,518
I can't pretend anymore!
136
00:05:04,554 --> 00:05:05,686
You just got here.
137
00:05:05,721 --> 00:05:07,988
Steve and I drove separately because...
138
00:05:08,024 --> 00:05:10,024
our marriage is on the rocks.
139
00:05:11,496 --> 00:05:14,570
_
140
00:05:14,797 --> 00:05:16,964
Sorry I didn't tell you sooner, ma.
141
00:05:16,999 --> 00:05:19,200
I was just waiting for the right time.
142
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:21,669
Don't leave me, Connie.
143
00:05:21,704 --> 00:05:24,438
Get ahold of yourself, Steve.
Nobody wants to see this.
144
00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:25,973
Now, if you'll all excuse me,
145
00:05:26,008 --> 00:05:27,708
I'm going to go cry into some bath towels.
146
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:28,542
[Sobs]
147
00:05:28,735 --> 00:05:30,543
_
148
00:05:30,688 --> 00:05:32,156
_
149
00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,080
[Scoffs]
150
00:05:33,116 --> 00:05:34,782
What does this mean for the table?
151
00:05:34,817 --> 00:05:37,118
We had them sharing a love seat made of hay!
152
00:05:37,153 --> 00:05:38,586
It's been kind of rough with Connie and I
153
00:05:38,621 --> 00:05:39,954
since our last visit here,
154
00:05:39,989 --> 00:05:42,423
when she found out about our financial situation.
155
00:05:42,458 --> 00:05:44,425
You, uh, brought your computer again.
156
00:05:44,460 --> 00:05:47,161
[Sighs]
The Internet is the only connection
157
00:05:47,196 --> 00:05:48,996
I can count on right now.
158
00:05:51,644 --> 00:05:53,767
I feel so bad for them.
159
00:05:53,803 --> 00:05:56,237
Their marriage is fine, Louis.
160
00:05:56,272 --> 00:05:59,507
This is just classic Connie trying to steal focus.
161
00:05:59,542 --> 00:06:01,642
Remember when she was late for our wedding
162
00:06:01,677 --> 00:06:03,277
because she got hit by a car?
163
00:06:03,312 --> 00:06:04,745
Or my college graduation,
164
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:06,714
when she contracted lyme disease?
165
00:06:06,749 --> 00:06:08,549
She said she got it from petting a baby deer.
166
00:06:08,584 --> 00:06:11,204
Who pets a deer?
What is she, snow white?!
167
00:06:12,388 --> 00:06:14,788
So, come on down to my Thanksgiving day sale!
168
00:06:14,824 --> 00:06:17,091
Remember, I'm across from the big q...
169
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:18,859
Which is putting me out of business.
170
00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:21,811
_
171
00:06:21,969 --> 00:06:23,236
_
172
00:06:23,406 --> 00:06:24,514
_
173
00:06:25,334 --> 00:06:27,268
I hate to be a bother,
174
00:06:27,303 --> 00:06:29,270
but Steve and I can't sleep in the same room,
175
00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:32,339
what with our marriage falling apart!
176
00:06:32,375 --> 00:06:34,375
It wouldn't be a problem if we were hosting.
177
00:06:34,410 --> 00:06:35,709
We have extra bedrooms...
178
00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:37,778
Uhp-bup-bup-bup-bup.
Not a problem.
179
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:39,580
Steve can sleep on the sofa.
180
00:06:39,615 --> 00:06:41,148
It's a pull-out!
181
00:06:41,184 --> 00:06:43,350
Mmmmmmm!
182
00:06:44,095 --> 00:06:45,229
Great.
183
00:06:47,690 --> 00:06:49,790
Louis Huang, I'm impressed.
184
00:06:49,825 --> 00:06:51,792
Connie is no match for the both of us.
185
00:06:51,827 --> 00:06:52,893
Now, you go to bed.
186
00:06:52,929 --> 00:06:54,461
I'll stay up and finish prepping.
187
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,564
We're going to throw the best damn Huangsgiving
188
00:06:56,599 --> 00:06:57,865
your mother's ever seen.
189
00:06:57,900 --> 00:06:59,633
You're really committed to that name, huh?
190
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:01,001
That's the shortened version.
191
00:07:01,037 --> 00:07:03,204
The full name is Louis Huang's Huangsgiving
192
00:07:03,239 --> 00:07:05,372
featuring Louis and the Huangs.
193
00:07:05,441 --> 00:07:06,807
[Sighs]
194
00:07:08,427 --> 00:07:11,145
She stopped doing my laundry.
Did I tell you that?
195
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,847
Look... These used to be white.
196
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:16,550
Why is laundry so hard?
197
00:07:16,586 --> 00:07:18,452
Okay, you're all set here.
198
00:07:18,487 --> 00:07:19,970
Got a lot of prep to do for tomorrow, so...
199
00:07:19,989 --> 00:07:21,322
Have one drink with me.
200
00:07:21,357 --> 00:07:22,957
I'd love to, but I...
201
00:07:22,992 --> 00:07:24,491
Come on, Louis.
202
00:07:24,560 --> 00:07:26,327
I really need this right now.
203
00:07:43,169 --> 00:07:45,319
Oh, I see some whiskers.
204
00:07:45,370 --> 00:07:47,631
Could it be everybody's favorite tabby?
205
00:07:47,705 --> 00:07:48,704
Garfield.
206
00:07:48,740 --> 00:07:49,772
It is!
207
00:07:49,807 --> 00:07:50,740
Here comes...
208
00:07:50,775 --> 00:07:52,275
Heathcliff!
209
00:07:52,310 --> 00:07:53,542
[Remote clicks]
210
00:07:53,578 --> 00:07:55,778
So, come on down to my Thanksgiving day sale.
211
00:07:55,813 --> 00:07:59,048
Remember, what I don't sell, I have to burn!
212
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:01,717
[Door opens, closes]
213
00:08:01,753 --> 00:08:03,404
[Groaning]
214
00:08:03,425 --> 00:08:06,455
Louis! Where have you been?
Nothing is done!
215
00:08:06,491 --> 00:08:08,575
I thought you said you were going to...
216
00:08:09,494 --> 00:08:10,559
Wait a minute.
217
00:08:10,595 --> 00:08:12,962
Why do you smell like a Korean hotel?
218
00:08:12,997 --> 00:08:14,263
Um, well...
219
00:08:14,299 --> 00:08:15,698
Steve: Go, go, go.
220
00:08:15,733 --> 00:08:18,401
Steve and I had just one drink before bed...
221
00:08:18,436 --> 00:08:19,769
Whoo!
222
00:08:19,804 --> 00:08:21,871
[Laughs]
223
00:08:21,906 --> 00:08:23,539
And then, we talked some business.
224
00:08:23,574 --> 00:08:26,676
[Both laughing]
225
00:08:28,379 --> 00:08:31,147
I bet this is all part of Steve and Connie's plan
226
00:08:31,182 --> 00:08:33,382
to sabotage our Thanksgiving!
227
00:08:33,418 --> 00:08:35,985
I just need a couple of Aspirin and a shower,
228
00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:37,286
and I'll be back to 100%.
229
00:08:37,322 --> 00:08:38,888
Besides, I'm sure Steve is feeling
230
00:08:38,923 --> 00:08:40,456
even worse than me this morning.
231
00:08:40,491 --> 00:08:43,693
Hey, Louis. Think fast.
Blueberry muffin comin' at ya.
232
00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,562
How are you not hungover?
233
00:08:46,597 --> 00:08:48,597
Oh, I can't get drunk anymore.
234
00:08:48,633 --> 00:08:51,267
My blood is 100% alcohol at this point.
235
00:08:51,302 --> 00:08:55,638
Oh, hey, uh, thanks for the, uh,
relationship advice last night.
236
00:08:55,673 --> 00:08:58,808
I'm gonna do it... today...
Just like you said.
237
00:09:00,845 --> 00:09:02,611
Good.
[Chuckles]
238
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:06,115
[Computer chimes]
239
00:09:06,150 --> 00:09:08,117
So, Pearl Jam's out.
240
00:09:08,152 --> 00:09:09,151
Want to play "Duck Hunt"?
241
00:09:09,187 --> 00:09:10,152
[Computer beeps]
242
00:09:10,188 --> 00:09:11,921
You mean "Duck Murder"?
243
00:09:11,956 --> 00:09:15,091
This is gonna be a long weekend.
244
00:09:15,126 --> 00:09:17,259
We could look up sexy ladies on the Internet.
245
00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,395
There are sexy ladies on the Internet?
246
00:09:19,430 --> 00:09:22,064
Dude! That's
what the Internet is!
247
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,300
But it takes forever for a picture to download,
248
00:09:24,335 --> 00:09:25,768
so you have to pick what sexy lady
249
00:09:25,803 --> 00:09:27,370
you're gonna look up ahead of time.
250
00:09:27,405 --> 00:09:29,038
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
251
00:09:30,942 --> 00:09:32,708
- Janet Jackson.
- Janeane Garofolo.
252
00:09:34,812 --> 00:09:37,513
Uh... [chuckles nervously] see?
I'm already feel...
253
00:09:37,548 --> 00:09:38,481
Aah!
254
00:09:38,516 --> 00:09:40,983
Cranberries...
Very stingy Berry.
255
00:09:41,019 --> 00:09:43,219
Look how little juice I've yielded!
256
00:09:43,254 --> 00:09:46,589
Look, I know I got us off
to a rough start this morning
257
00:09:46,624 --> 00:09:48,290
and we're behind schedule on our prep...
258
00:09:48,326 --> 00:09:49,792
The carrots aren't even washed.
259
00:09:49,827 --> 00:09:51,460
We have dirty carrots.
260
00:09:51,496 --> 00:09:52,461
[Doorbell rings]
261
00:09:52,497 --> 00:09:54,397
Those are probably my cornish hens.
262
00:09:54,432 --> 00:09:57,233
I'll have them brined, roasted,
and on the table by 6:00 P.M.
263
00:09:57,268 --> 00:09:59,702
Don't worry.
We'll get back on track.
264
00:10:00,772 --> 00:10:01,871
What?
265
00:10:01,906 --> 00:10:03,639
[Chicken clucks]
What the hell are those?
266
00:10:03,674 --> 00:10:04,840
The cornish hens you ordered.
267
00:10:04,876 --> 00:10:06,342
I ordered dead hens!
268
00:10:07,211 --> 00:10:09,111
Nope.
See that "I-h" right there?
269
00:10:09,147 --> 00:10:10,913
Stands for "living hens."
270
00:10:10,948 --> 00:10:13,883
Louis, who are all these tiny birds?
271
00:10:13,918 --> 00:10:16,318
Well, ma'am, this one here is rose.
272
00:10:16,354 --> 00:10:18,087
The cream one in the back is Sue.
273
00:10:18,122 --> 00:10:19,188
You got Tori right...
274
00:10:19,223 --> 00:10:20,689
I can't learn any hen names today!
275
00:10:20,725 --> 00:10:22,091
[Breathing shakily]
276
00:10:22,126 --> 00:10:24,326
This is a slight hiccup.
That's all.
277
00:10:24,362 --> 00:10:26,328
I'll run out and get a turkey from the restaurant.
278
00:10:26,481 --> 00:10:28,143
_
279
00:10:30,755 --> 00:10:32,468
Do we own any miniature overalls?
280
00:10:32,503 --> 00:10:33,903
We want to gussy up the gourds.
281
00:10:33,938 --> 00:10:35,271
I don't understand what you're saying,
282
00:10:35,306 --> 00:10:36,672
but come try mommy's cranberry sauce.
283
00:10:37,708 --> 00:10:40,242
Mnh! Blech! Ugh!
284
00:10:40,278 --> 00:10:41,911
"Blech" good, or...?
285
00:10:41,946 --> 00:10:43,679
[Groans]
286
00:10:43,714 --> 00:10:45,281
[Door opens, closes]
287
00:10:45,316 --> 00:10:47,216
One turkey at your service.
288
00:10:47,251 --> 00:10:49,085
What happened to its other leg?
289
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:51,620
It was frozen to a tub of
mayonnaise, so I had to amputate.
290
00:10:51,656 --> 00:10:53,756
I'll cover the stump with a yam.
Let's put it in the oven.
291
00:10:53,791 --> 00:10:55,491
We don't have a lot of time.
[Doorbell rings]
292
00:10:55,526 --> 00:10:57,960
Oh, it's Oscar! Thank God!
293
00:10:59,063 --> 00:11:01,130
- Oh, Oscar! Welcome!
- Happy Thanksgiving.
294
00:11:01,165 --> 00:11:02,531
- Happy Thanksgiving!
- That's for you.
295
00:11:02,567 --> 00:11:04,033
- Mwah. [Chuckles]
- Mwah.
296
00:11:04,068 --> 00:11:05,234
- You look so handsome.
- Thank you.
297
00:11:05,269 --> 00:11:06,535
Hello.
298
00:11:06,571 --> 00:11:09,939
Jessica, I want you to meet my new boyfriend, Michael.
299
00:11:09,974 --> 00:11:12,108
You didn't tell me you had a boyfriend.
300
00:11:12,143 --> 00:11:13,409
We met at the farmers market.
301
00:11:13,444 --> 00:11:14,877
We both reached for the same gouda.
302
00:11:14,912 --> 00:11:16,445
"Gow-dah."
303
00:11:16,481 --> 00:11:17,813
[Chuckles]
304
00:11:17,849 --> 00:11:19,448
Michael listens to NPR.
305
00:11:19,484 --> 00:11:21,016
Show her your tote.
306
00:11:22,720 --> 00:11:23,986
Mom, look who it is...
307
00:11:24,021 --> 00:11:25,888
Your favorite person, Oscar Chow,
308
00:11:25,923 --> 00:11:27,957
who you only get to see at my house.
309
00:11:29,460 --> 00:11:30,726
Is that my chu-chu?
310
00:11:30,795 --> 00:11:32,495
Chow-chow!
311
00:11:33,831 --> 00:11:36,599
And so she said,
"we don't do returns."
312
00:11:36,634 --> 00:11:37,566
That bitch!
313
00:11:37,602 --> 00:11:38,534
I know.
314
00:11:38,569 --> 00:11:40,202
Anyway, so, I get in my car...
315
00:11:40,238 --> 00:11:42,505
[ukulele plays note]
They should really make a big version of the ukulele,
316
00:11:42,540 --> 00:11:43,672
like...
317
00:11:45,076 --> 00:11:47,109
Ma, I've cut you a mango.
318
00:11:47,145 --> 00:11:49,345
Look how I haven't wasted any meat.
319
00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:50,579
I thought we could eat it
320
00:11:50,615 --> 00:11:53,149
and relive our memories of thanksgivings past.
321
00:11:53,525 --> 00:11:56,603
_
322
00:11:56,754 --> 00:11:59,188
I wish I was allergic to trouble.
323
00:11:59,223 --> 00:12:01,115
[Both laugh]
324
00:12:08,366 --> 00:12:09,865
Why is this acorn here?
325
00:12:09,901 --> 00:12:11,567
I think it brings a rustic quality.
326
00:12:11,602 --> 00:12:12,835
You know what else is rustic?
327
00:12:12,870 --> 00:12:14,203
The squirrel that peed on it.
328
00:12:14,238 --> 00:12:16,872
Get this out of my sight.
329
00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:17,773
[Knock on door]
330
00:12:18,743 --> 00:12:20,943
Hey, happy Thanksgiving!
[Chuckles]
331
00:12:20,978 --> 00:12:22,611
Is Louis ready to lug the leather?
332
00:12:22,647 --> 00:12:24,346
Uh, Marvin, honey.
What are you...
333
00:12:24,382 --> 00:12:25,514
Well, Louis called last night
334
00:12:25,550 --> 00:12:27,033
and said we should come ready to play ball.
335
00:12:27,051 --> 00:12:29,151
Honey: I've been
massaging his legs all morning.
336
00:12:29,187 --> 00:12:30,252
He is ready to go.
337
00:12:30,288 --> 00:12:31,420
[Laughs]
Get in there.
338
00:12:31,455 --> 00:12:33,689
Okay, now, teams...
339
00:12:33,724 --> 00:12:35,157
Uh, let me see here.
340
00:12:35,193 --> 00:12:37,426
Me and, uh, Eric Clapton here...
341
00:12:37,461 --> 00:12:39,094
Versus Louis...
342
00:12:39,130 --> 00:12:41,997
And this handsome older lady.
343
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:44,600
No offense, Dorothy.
344
00:12:44,635 --> 00:12:46,802
What... you think
I can't play football?
345
00:12:46,837 --> 00:12:49,238
I threw a carburetor across the stage
346
00:12:49,273 --> 00:12:51,907
as Kenickie in "Grease" for two summer tours.
347
00:12:51,943 --> 00:12:54,910
Okay, fine.
But we don't pull any punches.
348
00:12:54,946 --> 00:12:57,012
We play hard touch. Huh?
349
00:12:57,048 --> 00:12:58,447
Face tags allowed.
350
00:12:59,483 --> 00:13:01,984
[Chuckles]
Uh, I'd love to play, uh, Marvin,
351
00:13:02,019 --> 00:13:03,586
but I have to help Jessica with...
352
00:13:03,621 --> 00:13:05,054
I don't need any help.
353
00:13:05,089 --> 00:13:06,622
Go play.
354
00:13:06,657 --> 00:13:08,157
[Chuckles nervously]
355
00:13:08,192 --> 00:13:10,926
I don't want to play.
My stomach hurts.
356
00:13:10,962 --> 00:13:13,696
You should have thought of that
before you invited him over.
357
00:13:13,731 --> 00:13:15,397
Have fun!
358
00:13:15,433 --> 00:13:16,799
Go get your face touched.
359
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:18,367
Come on, Louis!
360
00:13:18,402 --> 00:13:20,536
Let's go, boys! Let's get 'em!
361
00:13:20,571 --> 00:13:21,737
Louis, get out here!
362
00:13:21,772 --> 00:13:23,606
[Door closes]
363
00:13:23,641 --> 00:13:27,009
So, I was listening to the most fascinating story
364
00:13:27,044 --> 00:13:29,245
on NPR this morning about almonds.
365
00:13:29,280 --> 00:13:32,881
I was on the train, tears streaming down my face.
366
00:13:32,917 --> 00:13:34,250
You know, and Oscar says,
"what's wrong?"
367
00:13:34,285 --> 00:13:35,884
[Voice breaking]
And I sa... sorry.
368
00:13:35,920 --> 00:13:38,387
I said, "the almonds are in trouble,
369
00:13:38,422 --> 00:13:40,322
and we're doing nothing."
370
00:13:40,358 --> 00:13:41,690
Connie!
371
00:13:42,729 --> 00:13:44,603
_
372
00:13:44,669 --> 00:13:45,728
[Sighs]
373
00:13:45,763 --> 00:13:47,396
Happy to, ma-ma.
374
00:13:48,299 --> 00:13:49,765
[Buzzer]
Oh!
375
00:13:49,800 --> 00:13:51,200
Don't go far!
376
00:13:51,235 --> 00:13:52,968
Dinner is about to be served.
377
00:14:00,011 --> 00:14:01,310
No.
378
00:14:01,345 --> 00:14:02,678
Jessica?
[Over door slams]
379
00:14:02,713 --> 00:14:05,047
Did you say dinner is ready?
Mom's starving.
380
00:14:05,082 --> 00:14:07,449
Almost. I just need
to let it cool off.
381
00:14:07,485 --> 00:14:09,151
It's so hot and brown.
382
00:14:11,522 --> 00:14:13,155
Marvin: Set! Hike! Louis!
383
00:14:13,190 --> 00:14:15,858
- One Mississippi! Two Mississippi!
- Come on, come on, come on. [Laughs]
384
00:14:17,128 --> 00:14:19,094
[Knock on window]
[Indistinct shouting]
385
00:14:19,130 --> 00:14:21,096
The turkey is raw.
386
00:14:21,132 --> 00:14:22,164
What?
387
00:14:22,199 --> 00:14:23,666
The turkey...
388
00:14:25,836 --> 00:14:27,002
is...
389
00:14:27,038 --> 00:14:28,404
raw.
390
00:14:28,439 --> 00:14:29,772
Oh, astronaut?
391
00:14:32,176 --> 00:14:33,442
Sweater for an astronaut?
392
00:14:33,477 --> 00:14:35,010
[Growling]
Raw!
393
00:14:35,046 --> 00:14:36,979
Oh! Paula Abdul!
394
00:14:39,016 --> 00:14:41,418
Worst charades player ever.
395
00:14:46,297 --> 00:14:47,396
[Groans]
396
00:14:47,932 --> 00:14:49,765
What? What happened?
397
00:14:49,800 --> 00:14:51,500
You got hit in the head.
398
00:14:51,535 --> 00:14:53,936
Oscar threw a football at you.
399
00:14:53,971 --> 00:14:55,737
The turkey is raw.
400
00:14:55,773 --> 00:14:57,606
You didn't turn on the oven.
401
00:14:57,641 --> 00:14:59,007
Tell me if this needs more sugar.
402
00:14:59,043 --> 00:15:00,442
I don't...
[Gurgles]
403
00:15:00,477 --> 00:15:02,144
[Speaking indistinctly]
404
00:15:02,179 --> 00:15:03,211
Still too sour?
405
00:15:03,247 --> 00:15:04,613
[Speaking indistinctly]
406
00:15:04,648 --> 00:15:08,083
Why would anybody make a sauce
out of these devil berries?
407
00:15:08,118 --> 00:15:09,851
Wait.
408
00:15:09,887 --> 00:15:11,720
Did you say the turkey is raw?
409
00:15:11,755 --> 00:15:12,888
Yes, that's right.
410
00:15:12,923 --> 00:15:15,157
You turned on the oven light, not the actual oven.
411
00:15:15,192 --> 00:15:16,959
It's on now, so in about six hours
412
00:15:16,994 --> 00:15:19,027
we'll be ready to eat, which would be around midnight.
413
00:15:19,063 --> 00:15:21,163
I may seem calm, but it's a calm anger,
414
00:15:21,198 --> 00:15:23,265
which is a much scarier type of anger.
415
00:15:24,301 --> 00:15:25,901
Okay, uh...
[Chuckles]
416
00:15:25,936 --> 00:15:27,436
You know what? We'll be fine.
417
00:15:27,471 --> 00:15:29,638
We've got bags of nuts, Monopoly.
418
00:15:29,673 --> 00:15:31,139
We'll stall until the food is ready.
419
00:15:31,175 --> 00:15:32,841
[Chuckles]
Everything is going to be great.
420
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:34,910
[Chuckling nervously]
421
00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:39,514
98%.
422
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:40,983
99%.
423
00:15:41,018 --> 00:15:42,084
[Sighs]
424
00:15:42,119 --> 00:15:43,619
98%.
425
00:15:43,654 --> 00:15:45,721
She's almost here.
426
00:15:45,756 --> 00:15:47,422
Our compromise.
427
00:15:47,458 --> 00:15:49,257
A smart, talented, female musician
428
00:15:49,293 --> 00:15:50,993
with lots of opinions on social change.
429
00:15:51,028 --> 00:15:51,827
[Computer beeps]
430
00:15:51,862 --> 00:15:54,630
Tracy Chapman. Tracy Chapman.
431
00:15:56,033 --> 00:15:58,033
Sensible vest.
432
00:15:59,103 --> 00:16:00,335
All right, 7!
433
00:16:00,371 --> 00:16:02,204
1, 2, 3, 4, 5.
434
00:16:02,239 --> 00:16:03,105
Buy it!
435
00:16:03,140 --> 00:16:04,706
You landed on jail.
436
00:16:04,742 --> 00:16:06,708
[Laughs]
Sold!
437
00:16:06,744 --> 00:16:08,810
You got a great arm there, son.
You belong on the gridiron.
438
00:16:08,846 --> 00:16:10,846
You know, you go to a junior college, transfer.
439
00:16:10,881 --> 00:16:12,247
What are you... 23, 24?
440
00:16:12,282 --> 00:16:13,115
I'm 45.
441
00:16:13,150 --> 00:16:14,349
Jessica: Getting close now.
442
00:16:14,385 --> 00:16:16,985
I just need to put paper booties on the bird.
443
00:16:19,523 --> 00:16:21,123
Why are the gourds naked?
444
00:16:21,158 --> 00:16:22,457
Where are their overalls?
445
00:16:22,493 --> 00:16:24,593
Cute, right?
[Laughs]
446
00:16:24,628 --> 00:16:27,529
Someone had put them on some potatoes or something.
447
00:16:27,564 --> 00:16:28,897
It was weird.
448
00:16:29,900 --> 00:16:33,035
[Straining]
Get those off the wine bottles
449
00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:35,804
and back on the damn gourds!
450
00:16:35,839 --> 00:16:36,972
[Dice rattle]
451
00:16:37,007 --> 00:16:37,939
[Sighs]
452
00:16:37,975 --> 00:16:38,907
Yes!
453
00:16:38,942 --> 00:16:40,542
I'm gonna buy a house...
454
00:16:40,577 --> 00:16:41,576
For Connie.
455
00:16:41,612 --> 00:16:42,844
No, thanks.
456
00:16:42,880 --> 00:16:44,746
It'll just get repossessed.
457
00:16:44,782 --> 00:16:47,482
All right, I-i know I'm not always good
458
00:16:47,518 --> 00:16:48,884
at saying how I feel,
459
00:16:48,919 --> 00:16:52,320
but last night, Louis told me
I need to take a big swing.
460
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:56,625
[Note plays]
461
00:16:56,660 --> 00:17:00,796
Turn around, Connie
462
00:17:00,831 --> 00:17:03,832
Every now and then,
I get a little bit lonely
463
00:17:03,867 --> 00:17:05,434
And you're never coming
around
464
00:17:05,469 --> 00:17:06,902
"Never coming around"?!
465
00:17:06,937 --> 00:17:09,771
Turn around, Connie
466
00:17:09,807 --> 00:17:11,907
You always smell
like coconut
467
00:17:11,942 --> 00:17:15,510
And that's my favorite smell
468
00:17:15,546 --> 00:17:16,978
This isn't going to work, Steve.
469
00:17:18,082 --> 00:17:19,815
[Snoring]
470
00:17:21,018 --> 00:17:22,884
[Hair dryer whirring]
471
00:17:32,896 --> 00:17:35,530
Who says we have to eat everything together?
472
00:17:35,566 --> 00:17:36,865
Let's do courses.
473
00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,266
First course... sauce.
474
00:17:38,896 --> 00:17:40,980
_
475
00:17:41,271 --> 00:17:42,037
What?
476
00:17:42,072 --> 00:17:43,171
Connie told us...
477
00:17:43,207 --> 00:17:45,207
Right before she left to get the turkey fryer.
478
00:17:45,242 --> 00:17:46,575
Cooks the bird in less than an hour.
479
00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:48,577
What's open on Thanksgiving?
480
00:17:48,612 --> 00:17:50,045
Glenn's.
481
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:52,647
That's right...
No Thanksgiving dinner for me.
482
00:17:52,749 --> 00:17:55,071
_
483
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:57,802
_
484
00:17:58,488 --> 00:18:00,856
It's not Thanksgiving.
485
00:18:00,891 --> 00:18:03,325
It's Huangsgiving.
486
00:18:05,395 --> 00:18:07,229
[Door opens]
487
00:18:07,264 --> 00:18:09,331
[Door slams]
488
00:18:09,574 --> 00:18:12,292
Well, I think it's my turn, so...
489
00:18:14,538 --> 00:18:15,504
[Dice rattle]
490
00:18:19,610 --> 00:18:20,742
Hello, Connie.
491
00:18:20,778 --> 00:18:21,643
Jessica.
492
00:18:21,678 --> 00:18:23,345
Where did you find parking?
493
00:18:23,380 --> 00:18:26,548
Children's hospital next door.
Walked through the bushes.
494
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:30,819
No way you're gonna swoop in
and "rescue" my Thanksgiving.
495
00:18:30,854 --> 00:18:32,020
I'm just trying to...
496
00:18:32,055 --> 00:18:34,422
To make it all about you, like you always do,
497
00:18:34,458 --> 00:18:38,360
with your car accidents, your lyme diseases.
498
00:18:38,395 --> 00:18:40,529
My face was paralyzed for a year!
499
00:18:40,564 --> 00:18:41,997
How convenient!
500
00:18:42,032 --> 00:18:43,598
Just admit it.
501
00:18:43,634 --> 00:18:46,234
Admit you wanted to ruin my Thanksgiving.
502
00:18:46,270 --> 00:18:49,371
Yes! Because
Thanksgiving is mine!
503
00:18:49,406 --> 00:18:51,006
It's the one time I get attention
504
00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:52,607
for the right reasons...
505
00:18:52,643 --> 00:18:55,644
Not because a car backed into me
or I pet the wrong deer
506
00:18:55,679 --> 00:18:58,146
or... had a tattoo get infected.
507
00:18:58,215 --> 00:19:00,782
I told you not to get a tattoo at the airport.
508
00:19:00,818 --> 00:19:02,717
Why couldn't you just let me have this?
509
00:19:02,753 --> 00:19:04,386
You have everything else!
510
00:19:04,421 --> 00:19:06,521
Your business is
semi-successful.
511
00:19:06,557 --> 00:19:08,390
Your marriage is solid.
512
00:19:08,425 --> 00:19:11,660
Wait... are you and Steve
really having trouble?
513
00:19:11,695 --> 00:19:13,595
It's been hard.
514
00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:16,598
He's just so annoying, you know?
515
00:19:16,633 --> 00:19:18,466
I know.
516
00:19:18,502 --> 00:19:19,768
We all know.
517
00:19:19,803 --> 00:19:21,703
I just want to punch his face.
518
00:19:21,772 --> 00:19:22,938
I know.
519
00:19:22,973 --> 00:19:24,706
And those whale shorts?
520
00:19:24,741 --> 00:19:25,874
I bought him those shorts.
521
00:19:25,909 --> 00:19:28,675
Are appropriate for a man his age.
522
00:19:29,446 --> 00:19:33,748
I also know that he loves you and Justin very much.
523
00:19:35,419 --> 00:19:36,351
You know what?
524
00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:38,587
I'm going to buy this fryer
525
00:19:38,622 --> 00:19:41,022
so I can bring it to your house next year,
526
00:19:41,058 --> 00:19:43,024
when you host Thanksgiving.
527
00:19:43,060 --> 00:19:44,693
No!
528
00:19:44,728 --> 00:19:46,895
I want to buy it for you
529
00:19:46,930 --> 00:19:49,364
so this Thanksgiving will be great.
530
00:19:49,399 --> 00:19:51,399
Don't be silly. Let me.
531
00:19:51,435 --> 00:19:53,172
You have to be married to Steve.
532
00:19:59,346 --> 00:20:01,313
What a beautiful table.
533
00:20:01,348 --> 00:20:04,583
Honey's taking the bonnet off the gravy boat.
534
00:20:04,618 --> 00:20:05,817
What is she...
535
00:20:05,853 --> 00:20:07,119
Oh, my God!
536
00:20:07,154 --> 00:20:09,154
She's putting it on her thumb!
537
00:20:09,189 --> 00:20:10,689
Do do do do do
538
00:20:10,724 --> 00:20:12,157
Look! Look!
539
00:20:12,192 --> 00:20:13,158
Hm.
540
00:20:13,193 --> 00:20:15,227
Thanks for introducing me to Ska.
541
00:20:15,262 --> 00:20:16,028
I hate it.
542
00:20:16,063 --> 00:20:18,764
[Ska music plays]
543
00:20:18,799 --> 00:20:21,667
You tie a rope to a tire, hang it from a tree,
544
00:20:21,702 --> 00:20:24,136
and just... throw.
545
00:20:24,171 --> 00:20:26,438
I'm not gonna do that, but thank you.
546
00:20:26,473 --> 00:20:29,875
Turn around, Connie
547
00:20:29,910 --> 00:20:31,643
It's so catchy.
548
00:20:31,679 --> 00:20:33,845
It's about wanting you to turn around.
549
00:20:35,016 --> 00:20:37,655
_
550
00:20:38,249 --> 00:20:40,986
Thank you, ma-ma.
551
00:20:41,021 --> 00:20:42,587
[Sighs]
552
00:20:42,623 --> 00:20:44,022
We did it.
553
00:20:44,058 --> 00:20:45,957
We did Huangsgiving.
554
00:20:46,643 --> 00:20:49,261
You're not mad that I got drunk
and messed everything up?
555
00:20:49,296 --> 00:20:51,863
Oh, I'm mad. I'm super-mad.
556
00:20:51,899 --> 00:20:54,333
I'm just waiting till tomorrow, when everybody leaves.
557
00:20:54,368 --> 00:20:55,567
Hm.
558
00:20:55,602 --> 00:20:57,169
[Glass clinks]
[Clears throat]
559
00:20:57,204 --> 00:20:58,470
Oh, boy.
[Groans]
560
00:20:58,505 --> 00:21:00,238
Thanksgiving...
561
00:21:00,274 --> 00:21:03,496
Or, in the German, Erntedankfest...
562
00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:06,900
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
563
00:21:06,950 --> 00:21:11,500
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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