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1
00:00:01,615 --> 00:00:02,614
♪ Shut up!♪
2
00:00:02,615 --> 00:00:04,347
CHRIS:
The week before finals
3
00:00:04,336 --> 00:00:06,469
was the most pressure-packed
time of the year.
4
00:00:06,456 --> 00:00:09,221
Kids reacted to the pressure
in lots of different ways.
5
00:00:09,203 --> 00:00:12,536
Some kids took it out
on themselves.
6
00:00:12,514 --> 00:00:15,079
Some kids
took it out on others.
7
00:00:15,063 --> 00:00:16,496
When I got stressed out,
8
00:00:16,487 --> 00:00:18,186
only one thing
ever worked for me:
9
00:00:18,175 --> 00:00:19,507
cracking jokes.
10
00:00:19,499 --> 00:00:21,931
I saw your mama standing
outside the free clinic
11
00:00:21,916 --> 00:00:23,182
reading a bottle of aspirin.
12
00:00:23,174 --> 00:00:24,939
I asked her what she was doing.
13
00:00:24,928 --> 00:00:27,328
She says, "Studying
for my drug test."
14
00:00:27,313 --> 00:00:28,845
( laughs )
That's good.
15
00:00:28,835 --> 00:00:30,101
( chuckles )
16
00:00:30,094 --> 00:00:31,526
Very good, very
good, very good.
17
00:00:31,517 --> 00:00:32,683
Very funny.
18
00:00:32,676 --> 00:00:33,874
You got a way with words.
19
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,567
Which would be
a good thing
20
00:00:35,556 --> 00:00:36,788
if this was...
21
00:00:36,781 --> 00:00:39,780
you-got-a-way-with-word-ology!
22
00:00:39,760 --> 00:00:41,359
But is this that?
23
00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:42,516
No.
24
00:00:42,509 --> 00:00:43,842
You're right.
25
00:00:45,057 --> 00:00:47,923
Do you know
William Henry Harrison?
26
00:00:47,905 --> 00:00:49,304
Yeah, wasn't he that guy
27
00:00:49,295 --> 00:00:51,194
who cleaned up that woman
in My Fair Lady?
28
00:00:51,182 --> 00:00:53,081
No, that was RexHarrison.
29
00:00:53,069 --> 00:00:54,068
Oh.
30
00:00:54,062 --> 00:00:55,828
William Henry Harrison
31
00:00:55,817 --> 00:00:59,450
was the ninth President
of the United States,
32
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:01,192
and he gave
33
00:01:01,181 --> 00:01:05,380
the longest inaugural address
in history.
34
00:01:05,352 --> 00:01:06,517
And guess what?
35
00:01:06,510 --> 00:01:07,709
What?
36
00:01:07,702 --> 00:01:10,168
Since you like
to talk so much,
37
00:01:10,152 --> 00:01:13,185
you are gonna memorize
38
00:01:13,166 --> 00:01:14,332
that speech!
39
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:15,856
But I have to study for finals.
40
00:01:15,846 --> 00:01:17,845
Not if you don't get
that speech memorized--
41
00:01:17,833 --> 00:01:21,699
because if you don't,
you're gonna get suspended!
42
00:01:21,673 --> 00:01:23,139
And then you
won't be here
43
00:01:23,130 --> 00:01:25,596
to take final exams!
44
00:01:26,506 --> 00:01:28,372
You got a mama joke for that?
45
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:31,961
CHRIS:
If I tell it, I'll get suspended right now.
46
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:47,285
♪ Ah, make it funky now♪
47
00:02:02,651 --> 00:02:04,416
CHRIS:
In 1987, there was no Internet.
48
00:02:04,405 --> 00:02:06,037
If you wanted information,
49
00:02:06,027 --> 00:02:08,660
you actually had to walk
out of your house and get it.
50
00:02:08,643 --> 00:02:10,876
William Henry Harrison's
inaugural speech.
51
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:12,394
There you go.
52
00:02:12,384 --> 00:02:14,750
Thanks. Uh, which page is it on?
53
00:02:14,735 --> 00:02:16,167
All of 'em.
54
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:17,892
I can't memorize all this.
55
00:02:17,881 --> 00:02:20,546
Memorize? Harrison couldn't
memorize that, and he wrote it.
56
00:02:20,529 --> 00:02:22,294
Well, I guess I'm gonna need
to take it home.
57
00:02:22,283 --> 00:02:24,683
Can't. It's a reference book.
58
00:02:24,667 --> 00:02:26,666
Can I make a copy?
59
00:02:26,654 --> 00:02:28,253
Sure.
60
00:02:29,435 --> 00:02:33,233
Don't we have a copy machine?
61
00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:35,141
We did, but it
turned out to be a fake.
62
00:02:35,129 --> 00:02:36,695
It was a copy of a copy machine.
63
00:02:36,685 --> 00:02:38,317
The Xerox police
confiscated it.
64
00:02:38,307 --> 00:02:41,273
If your hand starts to cramp up,
use the other one.
65
00:02:41,254 --> 00:02:43,586
CHRIS:
I was quite familiar with that principle.
66
00:02:43,571 --> 00:02:45,303
Your battery's dead.
67
00:02:45,292 --> 00:02:46,358
Dead?
68
00:02:46,352 --> 00:02:48,051
Tattoo, that
doesn't make sense.
69
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:50,372
I gave my wife money to buy
a new one two months ago.
70
00:02:50,357 --> 00:02:53,023
I don't know, man, I never seen
anything like this before.
71
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,905
It look like this battery been
in here three or four years.
72
00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:57,919
( sighs )
How much to replace it?
73
00:02:58,832 --> 00:03:00,165
Sixty dollars.
74
00:03:00,157 --> 00:03:02,389
But that don't include
the spare tires,
75
00:03:02,375 --> 00:03:03,907
the shocks or the brake pads.
76
00:03:03,898 --> 00:03:05,465
What? When did all that happen?
77
00:03:05,455 --> 00:03:06,653
I don't know.
78
00:03:06,646 --> 00:03:07,812
CHRIS:
Just now.
79
00:03:07,805 --> 00:03:09,137
It's your car.
80
00:03:09,129 --> 00:03:10,495
( whimpers )
81
00:03:10,486 --> 00:03:11,851
( tapping counter )
82
00:03:11,843 --> 00:03:14,443
( Jamaican accent )
My name is Tallulah LaFitte.
83
00:03:14,426 --> 00:03:18,325
I came in here the other day to
get my hair dyed honey brown,
84
00:03:18,300 --> 00:03:19,965
and it come out like this.
85
00:03:19,955 --> 00:03:22,554
Well, did you have color
in your hair before you came in?
86
00:03:22,537 --> 00:03:23,936
So, what if I did?
87
00:03:23,927 --> 00:03:26,060
I didn't want my
hair to be orange.
88
00:03:26,047 --> 00:03:27,845
I look like Ronald Blackdonald.
89
00:03:27,834 --> 00:03:30,466
Well... hair is
like crayons, you know?
90
00:03:30,449 --> 00:03:32,682
You mix colors,
you get new colors.
91
00:03:32,667 --> 00:03:34,333
If you don't know
what you're mixing,
92
00:03:34,323 --> 00:03:36,055
then you don't know
what you're gonna get.
93
00:03:36,044 --> 00:03:39,610
I don't care about
no mixing colors, miss.
94
00:03:39,587 --> 00:03:41,853
You need to give me
a refund.
95
00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:44,571
CHRIS:
Youneedto put those fingers away.
96
00:03:44,553 --> 00:03:46,585
Um, we don't give refunds.
97
00:03:46,572 --> 00:03:48,138
That's our policy.
98
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,560
Didn't you read the sign?
99
00:03:49,552 --> 00:03:51,185
Then I need to speak
to the manager.
100
00:03:51,175 --> 00:03:54,573
She's just gonna tell you
the same thing I just said.
101
00:03:54,550 --> 00:03:56,117
How do you know that?
102
00:03:56,108 --> 00:03:58,306
Because she is me!
103
00:03:58,292 --> 00:03:59,991
So I'm sorry, but no.
104
00:03:59,980 --> 00:04:01,879
Whatever happened
to that head of yours
105
00:04:01,867 --> 00:04:03,633
is not our fault.
106
00:04:03,622 --> 00:04:05,554
CHRIS:
That's what the president of Hollywood
107
00:04:05,542 --> 00:04:06,975
said to Britney Spears.
108
00:04:06,966 --> 00:04:08,531
Ah-ah, this is not over, miss.
109
00:04:08,522 --> 00:04:11,254
Until you give me
back my money,
110
00:04:11,236 --> 00:04:14,736
I'm putting a mojo
on you and yours,
111
00:04:14,713 --> 00:04:16,012
a hex...
112
00:04:16,004 --> 00:04:19,803
on everything you touch
and everything you do.
113
00:04:19,779 --> 00:04:21,844
So it is said,
114
00:04:21,831 --> 00:04:23,530
so it shall be done.
115
00:04:23,519 --> 00:04:25,585
( grunts quietly,
clicks tongue )
116
00:04:25,572 --> 00:04:28,304
( speaking foreign language )
117
00:04:28,286 --> 00:04:31,219
( continues
in foreign language )
118
00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:36,775
( grunting foreign language )
119
00:04:36,762 --> 00:04:40,360
CHRIS:
That was Barack Obama's middle name.
120
00:04:40,337 --> 00:04:42,770
And Obama-lu to you, too!
121
00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:45,365
Back home, my father thought
122
00:04:45,357 --> 00:04:47,456
someone put a hex
on his dinner.
123
00:04:47,443 --> 00:04:49,043
We're having soup
for dinner?
124
00:04:49,033 --> 00:04:52,798
Yeah. Drew and Tonya are sick--
they got a touch of the flu.
125
00:04:52,773 --> 00:04:54,772
The flu? They were
fine last night.
126
00:04:54,759 --> 00:04:56,124
They aren't
faking, are they?
127
00:04:56,116 --> 00:04:57,349
CHRIS:
If she thought that,
128
00:04:57,342 --> 00:04:58,841
she'd have made fake soup.
129
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,531
No. I took their temperature
with a rectal thermometer.
130
00:05:01,513 --> 00:05:03,679
Just one?
Either they got the flu,
131
00:05:03,665 --> 00:05:05,597
or they're going
a long way for a joke.
132
00:05:05,585 --> 00:05:06,784
How about Chris?
133
00:05:06,777 --> 00:05:08,276
He's upstairs studying.
134
00:05:08,267 --> 00:05:10,766
He's trying to memorize
a speech for his history class.
135
00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,216
Where you been?
136
00:05:12,207 --> 00:05:13,739
Tattoo down
at the garage.
137
00:05:13,729 --> 00:05:15,395
The battery's dead.
138
00:05:15,385 --> 00:05:16,417
What?
139
00:05:16,411 --> 00:05:18,444
I know--
it's a brand-new battery.
140
00:05:18,431 --> 00:05:20,730
I told him you bought
a new one two months ago,
141
00:05:20,716 --> 00:05:23,248
and he said it looked like
it was four years old.
142
00:05:23,231 --> 00:05:24,530
I don't get it.
143
00:05:24,523 --> 00:05:26,756
He said it looked like
it was four years old?
144
00:05:26,741 --> 00:05:29,473
That's crazy.
Yeah, it's been a crazy day.
145
00:05:29,456 --> 00:05:32,154
One bad thing happening
right after the other.
146
00:05:32,136 --> 00:05:34,536
I found out I had a
hole in my pocket,
147
00:05:34,521 --> 00:05:35,819
and I lost 89 cents.
148
00:05:35,811 --> 00:05:37,544
Aw!
Hey, are you okay?
149
00:05:37,533 --> 00:05:40,198
CHRIS:
No, she's mad she can't slap soup.
150
00:05:40,181 --> 00:05:43,180
Yeah. If that woman
wasn't so ridiculous,
151
00:05:43,161 --> 00:05:47,094
I swear I might really believe
she put a mojo on me for real.
152
00:05:47,068 --> 00:05:48,733
What woman? What mojo?
153
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:50,089
What makes you think
you got a mojo?
154
00:05:50,080 --> 00:05:51,379
Oh, it was nothing.
155
00:05:51,372 --> 00:05:53,305
Some crazy woman
came in the shop,
156
00:05:53,292 --> 00:05:55,357
talking about she didn't
like the way we did her hair,
157
00:05:55,344 --> 00:05:57,343
she wanted her money back,
and I told her no,
158
00:05:57,331 --> 00:05:59,264
and she got mad
and said, oh, well,
159
00:05:59,252 --> 00:06:02,417
I'm gonna put a hex on,
mojo or something on you.
160
00:06:02,396 --> 00:06:03,596
Well, did this happen today?
161
00:06:03,589 --> 00:06:04,787
Yeah.
162
00:06:04,780 --> 00:06:06,213
Maybe we still have time.
163
00:06:06,204 --> 00:06:07,969
I'll stop by
Aunt Mousey's tomorrow
164
00:06:07,958 --> 00:06:10,723
on the way home from work
and get her mojo remedy.
165
00:06:10,705 --> 00:06:13,138
In the meantime, I'll just
get the kids some 'Tussin.
166
00:06:13,123 --> 00:06:15,889
No, no. You can feed 'em,
but don't give 'em medicine
167
00:06:15,871 --> 00:06:17,137
until you treat the mojo.
168
00:06:17,129 --> 00:06:19,128
Anything you do
might make it worse.
169
00:06:19,115 --> 00:06:22,513
Fine. Drew, Tanya, Chris,
get down here and eat this soup!
170
00:06:22,491 --> 00:06:23,991
( grunting )
171
00:06:23,982 --> 00:06:25,181
Ow!
172
00:06:25,174 --> 00:06:26,973
I just bit my tongue.
173
00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,962
Mojo.
174
00:06:32,688 --> 00:06:34,221
Do we have to drink this?
175
00:06:34,212 --> 00:06:37,044
You don't have to do anything
but stay ugly and die.
176
00:06:37,026 --> 00:06:39,025
Yeah. We need to be
on the safe side.
177
00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:41,345
It looks like
Clay-Dough and grits.
178
00:06:41,330 --> 00:06:43,628
Ugh! It tasteslike
Clay-Dough and grits.
179
00:06:43,614 --> 00:06:45,047
It isClay-Dough and grits.
180
00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:47,970
If you treat the mojo
in the first 24 hours,
181
00:06:47,951 --> 00:06:49,683
you can stop it
from taking hold.
182
00:06:49,672 --> 00:06:52,172
Julius, can I, um, talk
to you for a minute?
183
00:06:52,156 --> 00:06:53,420
Yeah.
184
00:06:53,412 --> 00:06:55,046
Drink that.
185
00:06:59,272 --> 00:07:01,605
Why can't we just give the kids
some cough medicine?
186
00:07:01,590 --> 00:07:03,190
They have the flu, not the mojo.
187
00:07:03,181 --> 00:07:04,979
Well, let's be on the safe side.
188
00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:06,499
This cures the flu andthe mojo.
189
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:08,623
If there's no mojo,
then they won't get it.
190
00:07:08,609 --> 00:07:11,474
You're not making my kids
drink Clay-Dough and grits.
191
00:07:11,456 --> 00:07:13,188
CHRIS:
Too late.
192
00:07:13,177 --> 00:07:14,410
* Watch out! *
193
00:07:14,403 --> 00:07:16,836
JULIUS:
Good job.
194
00:07:16,820 --> 00:07:20,353
If they throw it up,
you clean it up.
195
00:07:21,388 --> 00:07:23,055
* I... *
196
00:07:23,044 --> 00:07:24,842
* Can't stand... *
197
00:07:24,831 --> 00:07:26,765
( rattling )
198
00:07:29,555 --> 00:07:32,220
CHRIS:
While Drew and Tanya were trying not to throw up,
199
00:07:32,203 --> 00:07:34,235
I was trying
to get my speech down.
200
00:07:34,222 --> 00:07:35,555
"...in the early period..."
201
00:07:35,547 --> 00:07:38,846
"...that a most striking
contrast was observable
202
00:07:38,825 --> 00:07:40,990
in the conduct of..."
203
00:07:40,976 --> 00:07:42,908
After three days of studying,
204
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:46,329
I was a lot like
William Henry Harrison:dead.
205
00:07:46,306 --> 00:07:47,339
Um...
206
00:07:47,333 --> 00:07:48,898
Come on, man, you can do this.
207
00:07:48,889 --> 00:07:50,622
This is too
much pressure.
208
00:07:50,611 --> 00:07:53,143
If I had, like, one more day,
maybe I'd have a shot at it.
209
00:07:53,127 --> 00:07:54,992
Well, I can't help you--
I've run out of ideas.
210
00:07:54,980 --> 00:07:56,513
It's, like,
you're cursed or something.
211
00:07:56,503 --> 00:07:58,901
So what am I gonna do?
This is a disaster.
212
00:07:58,886 --> 00:08:00,586
Dude, pull yourself together.
213
00:08:00,576 --> 00:08:02,108
Everything's gonna be all right.
214
00:08:02,098 --> 00:08:03,431
Really?
215
00:08:03,423 --> 00:08:05,388
No. You're totally gonna
fail the tenth grade.
216
00:08:05,376 --> 00:08:07,708
That reminds me
of a funny story.
217
00:08:07,693 --> 00:08:09,092
My life is hanging by a thread,
218
00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:10,715
and you're gonna tell me
a funny story?
219
00:08:10,705 --> 00:08:12,105
( chuckling )
Yeah, yeah.
220
00:08:12,097 --> 00:08:14,196
So, this one time,
my cousin Benny,
221
00:08:14,182 --> 00:08:16,047
he didn't study for
a test, either, right?
222
00:08:16,036 --> 00:08:18,069
( laughs )
So... he picks up a phone,
223
00:08:18,056 --> 00:08:19,921
and he calls in a bomb threat,
224
00:08:19,909 --> 00:08:21,409
and they cancelled school.
225
00:08:21,400 --> 00:08:24,199
Right. Like, I'm gonna
call in a bomb threat.
226
00:08:24,181 --> 00:08:27,913
( deep voice )
Hello. I have planted a bomb
227
00:08:27,888 --> 00:08:29,287
at Tattaglia High.
228
00:08:29,279 --> 00:08:32,211
Unless everybody's
out of that building
229
00:08:32,192 --> 00:08:34,591
in the next 40 minutes...
230
00:08:34,576 --> 00:08:37,275
everybody will be
out of that building
231
00:08:37,257 --> 00:08:39,124
in the next 40 minutes.
232
00:08:42,205 --> 00:08:44,171
In the '80s,
making a bomb threat
233
00:08:44,159 --> 00:08:46,924
was nowhere near
as easy as it is now.
234
00:08:46,906 --> 00:08:48,772
Sir, unless the bomb
is committing a crime,
235
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,359
there's nothing we can do.
236
00:08:50,349 --> 00:08:52,148
Unless the bomb is up a tree
and can't get down,
237
00:08:52,137 --> 00:08:54,103
there's nothing we can do.
238
00:08:54,090 --> 00:08:56,655
CHRIS:
I thought I finally got the right people on the phone,
239
00:08:56,639 --> 00:08:58,172
but I still couldn't figure out
240
00:08:58,163 --> 00:09:00,462
why the school
wasn't being evacuated.
241
00:09:00,447 --> 00:09:03,812
Bomb. School. 40 minutes.
242
00:09:03,790 --> 00:09:06,589
Okay, you have a nice day.
243
00:09:06,571 --> 00:09:08,071
I'm going to lunch.
244
00:09:08,062 --> 00:09:11,195
Tell the Bomb Squad
they got a message.
245
00:09:12,233 --> 00:09:14,166
( grumbles quietly )
246
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:21,371
Back home, my dad's
mojo recipes were laying eggs.
247
00:09:21,338 --> 00:09:22,970
Honey, I've done
everything I can,
248
00:09:22,960 --> 00:09:24,658
and things just
keep getting worse.
249
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,546
They've had over four
glasses of the remedy each,
250
00:09:26,534 --> 00:09:28,201
and their temperature
just keeps going up.
251
00:09:28,191 --> 00:09:29,756
Maybe that's because Clay-Dough
252
00:09:29,746 --> 00:09:32,478
is not the stuffy-nose,
runny-eyes,
253
00:09:32,461 --> 00:09:35,094
scratchy-throat and knock-you-
out-so-you-can-sleep medicine.
254
00:09:35,077 --> 00:09:36,809
Well, can you check
the kitchen drain?
255
00:09:36,798 --> 00:09:37,864
It's stopped up.
256
00:09:37,858 --> 00:09:38,757
Since when?
257
00:09:38,751 --> 00:09:40,316
I don't know-- it was slow
258
00:09:40,307 --> 00:09:42,539
a couple of days ago,
and now it's totally clogged.
259
00:09:42,525 --> 00:09:45,391
You know, this would all be over
if you just go apologize
260
00:09:45,372 --> 00:09:46,738
to that woman.
261
00:09:46,730 --> 00:09:48,262
Well, I guess
it's not gonna be over,
262
00:09:48,252 --> 00:09:50,451
because I'm not gonna apologize
for being right.
263
00:09:50,437 --> 00:09:53,236
CHRIS:
Men do it all the time.
264
00:09:53,218 --> 00:09:55,318
( chicken clucking )
Breathe.
265
00:09:57,125 --> 00:09:59,291
If the Bomb Squad didn't get
the word soon,
266
00:09:59,277 --> 00:10:02,476
there was still gonna be
an explosion in my heart.
267
00:10:02,455 --> 00:10:03,621
Well, look who's here.
268
00:10:03,614 --> 00:10:05,680
We've all been
waiting for you.
269
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:06,666
You have?
270
00:10:06,660 --> 00:10:08,125
Yeah. Why don't you start off
271
00:10:08,116 --> 00:10:09,849
with a few of those
"Yo, mama" jokes,
272
00:10:09,838 --> 00:10:11,169
just to get the crowd going?
273
00:10:11,161 --> 00:10:14,427
( bell rings )
274
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:16,372
All right,
everybody, don't panic!
275
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:17,559
It's just a fire.
276
00:10:17,552 --> 00:10:20,318
Line up single file by the door.
277
00:10:20,300 --> 00:10:22,132
You know the drill.
278
00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:23,319
Dude, come on.
Snap out of it.
279
00:10:23,312 --> 00:10:24,645
My plan was working.
280
00:10:24,637 --> 00:10:26,169
Yes!
281
00:10:26,160 --> 00:10:29,592
While the fire alarm rang,
Drew and Tonya were burning up.
282
00:10:29,569 --> 00:10:32,068
So you just gonna go to work
and leave us like this?
283
00:10:32,052 --> 00:10:34,051
There is no mojo, Julius.
284
00:10:34,039 --> 00:10:35,305
The children are sick.
285
00:10:35,297 --> 00:10:36,629
You refuse to give them
real medicine.
286
00:10:36,621 --> 00:10:38,587
CHRIS:
Just like the government.
287
00:10:38,575 --> 00:10:39,675
( knocking )
288
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,975
Ah, Ms. Rochelle,
289
00:10:44,964 --> 00:10:47,063
Mr. Julius, I just want
to tell you
290
00:10:47,049 --> 00:10:49,048
I might be a little
late on the rent.
291
00:10:49,036 --> 00:10:51,369
The mortuary had
a run of bad luck,
292
00:10:51,354 --> 00:10:54,852
and tragically, we lost
three customers.
293
00:10:54,829 --> 00:10:55,962
CHRIS:
That means they lived.
294
00:10:55,955 --> 00:10:57,354
You see there,
Rochelle?
295
00:10:57,346 --> 00:10:59,145
The mojo's spreading
all over the building.
296
00:10:59,134 --> 00:11:01,266
Mojo? What
mojo? You got
297
00:11:01,252 --> 00:11:02,751
a mojo on you?
298
00:11:02,742 --> 00:11:04,575
Oh, don't tell me you believe
in that nonsense too.
299
00:11:04,563 --> 00:11:07,328
I believe it
because it's not nonsense.
300
00:11:07,311 --> 00:11:08,144
I'm sorry,
301
00:11:08,139 --> 00:11:09,837
if you got a mojo on you,
302
00:11:09,826 --> 00:11:12,159
I got to move the hell
up out of here now.
303
00:11:12,145 --> 00:11:13,177
What for?
304
00:11:13,171 --> 00:11:14,703
'Cause you got a mojo on you,
305
00:11:14,693 --> 00:11:16,725
and I'm in this house,
I got a mojo on me.
306
00:11:16,712 --> 00:11:18,212
And if people keep
surviving around here,
307
00:11:18,203 --> 00:11:20,135
y'all gonna run me out
of business.
308
00:11:20,123 --> 00:11:23,688
So do what you need to do,
and let me know when it's done.
309
00:11:23,665 --> 00:11:25,198
CHRIS:
That's what my wife says.
310
00:11:25,188 --> 00:11:28,354
JULIUS:
See that? Now we're losing a tenant.
311
00:11:28,334 --> 00:11:29,400
What else has to go wrong
312
00:11:29,393 --> 00:11:30,591
before you
take this seriously?
313
00:11:30,584 --> 00:11:32,683
Hey, Ma,
Chris's school.
314
00:11:32,670 --> 00:11:35,403
TV REPORTER:
Tattaglia High School in Queens where just a short while ago,
315
00:11:35,385 --> 00:11:37,117
the Bomb Center received a call
threatening
316
00:11:37,107 --> 00:11:39,106
to blow up the
school. ( sirens wailing )
317
00:11:39,093 --> 00:11:42,725
So far, the school
is still there.
318
00:11:42,701 --> 00:11:43,934
So we'll be here with live,
319
00:11:43,927 --> 00:11:45,425
up-to-the-minute reporting.
320
00:11:45,416 --> 00:11:47,450
( sirens wailing)
321
00:11:50,746 --> 00:11:52,645
Now do you believe it?
322
00:11:52,633 --> 00:11:53,900
( sighs )
323
00:11:54,587 --> 00:11:55,953
Where you been?
324
00:11:55,944 --> 00:11:57,576
I've been
at the emergency triage area
325
00:11:57,566 --> 00:11:59,032
with heart palpitations.
326
00:11:59,023 --> 00:12:00,622
Don't worry.
Everything's gonna be fine.
327
00:12:00,612 --> 00:12:02,178
How do you know?
This whole place could blow.
328
00:12:02,169 --> 00:12:04,467
Metal chairs flying
like shrapnel everywhere.
329
00:12:04,452 --> 00:12:06,119
Greg, I called in
the bomb threat.
330
00:12:06,109 --> 00:12:09,141
What?! Where would you get
such a crazy idea?
331
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:11,653
From you, with that story
about your cousin Benny.
332
00:12:11,637 --> 00:12:15,502
Oh. I may have exaggerated
a bit.
333
00:12:15,477 --> 00:12:16,810
What's wrong with you?
334
00:12:16,802 --> 00:12:18,801
Why would you make up
a story like that?
335
00:12:18,788 --> 00:12:22,320
I have a penchant for hyperbole
to aggrandize myself.
336
00:12:22,297 --> 00:12:23,863
I've been working it out
with my shrink.
337
00:12:23,853 --> 00:12:27,052
Look, bottom line is,
the school is not gonna blow up.
338
00:12:27,031 --> 00:12:28,763
They're gonna send us
all home for the day,
339
00:12:28,753 --> 00:12:30,619
and I won't have to
recite that stupid speech.
340
00:12:30,607 --> 00:12:32,139
( over bullhorn )
Attention, everyone.
341
00:12:32,130 --> 00:12:35,030
I'm Captain Tyrone Williams
of the Bomb Squad.
342
00:12:35,011 --> 00:12:38,576
The school has been cleared
and the bomb threat is over.
343
00:12:38,552 --> 00:12:40,851
Thank you for your cooperation.
344
00:12:40,837 --> 00:12:44,536
CHRIS:
I've never seen a black man onthatside of a megaphone.
345
00:12:44,512 --> 00:12:47,311
We would send you all home,
but with finals next week,
346
00:12:47,293 --> 00:12:49,525
it's best if you go back
to your classes.
347
00:12:49,510 --> 00:12:51,309
So, we'll resume
with fifth period,
348
00:12:51,298 --> 00:12:54,664
and Tyrone will resume searching
my office any my person.
349
00:12:54,642 --> 00:12:58,642
Hey, yo, mama, I'll see you
back in class, huh?
350
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,099
Maybe if I
start you off,
351
00:13:02,091 --> 00:13:03,357
you'll remember
the speech.
352
00:13:03,350 --> 00:13:05,482
All right, it
starts like this.
353
00:13:05,468 --> 00:13:07,900
"Called from a retirement
in which I had supposed..."
354
00:13:07,885 --> 00:13:09,184
I don't know the speech,
355
00:13:09,176 --> 00:13:11,075
and I cannot go back
into that class!
356
00:13:11,063 --> 00:13:12,429
What are you gonna do?
357
00:13:12,420 --> 00:13:14,387
CHRIS: Panic!
( screams )
358
00:13:17,552 --> 00:13:19,452
( continues screaming )
359
00:13:22,385 --> 00:13:23,519
No, no, no!
360
00:13:26,060 --> 00:13:29,760
CHRIS:
I didn't freak out like that again until Big Puddin' died.
361
00:13:35,596 --> 00:13:37,428
There, there, Chris.
362
00:13:37,416 --> 00:13:39,781
It's perfectly natural
for you to freak out
363
00:13:39,766 --> 00:13:41,265
after a bomb scare.
364
00:13:41,256 --> 00:13:43,922
It's called Post-Traumatic
Stress Syndrome.
365
00:13:43,905 --> 00:13:46,137
But being from
the ghetto,
366
00:13:46,123 --> 00:13:48,222
it never occurred to me that
your stress would ever end.
367
00:13:48,208 --> 00:13:51,007
Miss Morello, I'm flippin' out.
368
00:13:50,989 --> 00:13:52,688
I think you should send me home.
369
00:13:52,678 --> 00:13:55,444
I tell you what,
go back to your class,
370
00:13:55,426 --> 00:13:57,392
and if you're still
feeling shaky after that,
371
00:13:57,379 --> 00:13:58,278
then you can go home.
372
00:13:58,273 --> 00:13:59,471
Thanks.
373
00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:00,897
CHRIS:
That was as helpful
374
00:14:00,888 --> 00:14:03,155
as a bookshelf
at Paris Hilton's house.
375
00:14:25,189 --> 00:14:26,487
Ooh!
376
00:14:26,479 --> 00:14:27,880
( gasps )
377
00:14:29,062 --> 00:14:31,293
Okay, um...
378
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:34,979
I think we got off
on the wrong foot.
379
00:14:34,955 --> 00:14:37,387
Now, you would think that.
380
00:14:37,371 --> 00:14:40,303
Look, I was wrong, okay?
381
00:14:40,284 --> 00:14:41,517
Mm-hmm.
382
00:14:41,510 --> 00:14:42,909
And I just wanted to...
383
00:14:42,900 --> 00:14:44,133
( coughs )
384
00:14:44,126 --> 00:14:46,724
...apologize for my attitude.
385
00:14:46,707 --> 00:14:48,973
Thank you so much
for coming by.
386
00:14:48,959 --> 00:14:50,791
Wait, wait, wait, now!
387
00:14:50,779 --> 00:14:53,178
I need you take off
this whammy, you know?
388
00:14:53,163 --> 00:14:54,829
The mojo hojo stuff.
389
00:14:54,819 --> 00:14:57,718
I thought you said you didn't
believe in all this stuff.
390
00:14:57,699 --> 00:15:02,264
I don't, but, you know,
everybody else around me does,
391
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,734
so would you do that voodoo
that you do so well?
392
00:15:04,718 --> 00:15:06,016
Hmm.
393
00:15:06,008 --> 00:15:09,541
Well, I can fix you,
but it gonna cost you.
394
00:15:09,518 --> 00:15:14,551
Okay, you know, I knew that,
and here's your refund.
395
00:15:18,358 --> 00:15:20,190
All right.
396
00:15:20,178 --> 00:15:22,144
Tunde baba ashayokay.
397
00:15:22,132 --> 00:15:23,498
That's it?
398
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:24,654
Uh-huh.
399
00:15:24,647 --> 00:15:25,912
CHRIS:
That means
400
00:15:25,905 --> 00:15:27,538
"Thanks for the refund,
sucker."
401
00:15:27,528 --> 00:15:30,928
And put me on your book
for next Tuesday, 10:00.
402
00:15:32,759 --> 00:15:34,024
Well...
403
00:15:34,016 --> 00:15:36,982
hello, Chris.
Nice of you to join us.
404
00:15:36,963 --> 00:15:38,663
Oh, no, you don't!
405
00:15:38,652 --> 00:15:40,884
The front of the class, please.
406
00:15:46,928 --> 00:15:50,127
Now, class, if you
recall the other day,
407
00:15:50,106 --> 00:15:52,372
Chris ran his mouth off.
408
00:15:52,358 --> 00:15:55,990
Chris, did you
learn the speech?
409
00:15:55,966 --> 00:15:57,299
CHRIS: No.
Yeah.
410
00:15:57,291 --> 00:15:58,457
No!
411
00:15:58,450 --> 00:15:59,715
Good.
412
00:15:59,707 --> 00:16:01,039
Now take a seat.
413
00:16:01,031 --> 00:16:04,231
And don't ever talk
in my class again.
414
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:05,542
CHRIS:
Huh?
415
00:16:05,534 --> 00:16:08,233
Huh? You don't want
me to recite it?
416
00:16:08,216 --> 00:16:10,182
Recite it?
417
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:13,369
Did I say you had
to recite it? No!
418
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,213
I said for you
to memorize it!
419
00:16:16,194 --> 00:16:18,926
Maybe if you spent
more time listening
420
00:16:18,909 --> 00:16:20,675
and less time talking,
421
00:16:20,664 --> 00:16:23,097
you might have heard
me correctly.
422
00:16:23,081 --> 00:16:25,313
But I worked my butt off
learning this speech.
423
00:16:25,299 --> 00:16:27,131
CHRIS:
What are you doing, fool? Sit down!
424
00:16:27,119 --> 00:16:30,085
You know, it's interesting,
isn't it? Sometimes,
425
00:16:30,066 --> 00:16:31,431
to get people
to do things,
426
00:16:31,423 --> 00:16:33,189
we have to threaten
to do something,
427
00:16:33,178 --> 00:16:36,077
we really have
no intention of doing.
428
00:16:36,058 --> 00:16:38,358
CHRIS:
Later on, North Korea would follow the same advice
429
00:16:38,343 --> 00:16:40,941
and get billions of dollars
in foreign aid.
430
00:16:40,925 --> 00:16:44,991
Look, I memorized it,
I'm gonna recite it,
431
00:16:44,964 --> 00:16:46,462
and you're gonna
listen to it.
432
00:16:46,453 --> 00:16:47,886
Is that a fact?
433
00:16:47,877 --> 00:16:49,110
Sit down.
434
00:16:49,103 --> 00:16:50,968
"Called from a retirement
which I had supposed
435
00:16:50,956 --> 00:16:52,889
would continue for the
residue of my life...."
436
00:16:52,877 --> 00:16:54,475
That's enough.
You know it.
437
00:16:54,465 --> 00:16:56,098
Take your seat.
"to fill the chief executive
438
00:16:56,088 --> 00:16:58,020
office of this
great and free nation.
439
00:16:58,008 --> 00:16:59,273
( bell rings )
Talk.
440
00:16:59,265 --> 00:17:01,032
"which will govern
me in the duties
441
00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:03,720
of these discharge
which I had to perform."
442
00:17:03,703 --> 00:17:05,069
Enjoy. Good-bye.
443
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:07,458
"I fear that a strict
examination of the annals
444
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:09,776
"of some of the modern
elective governments
445
00:17:09,761 --> 00:17:13,292
would develop similar instances
of violated confidence."
446
00:17:13,269 --> 00:17:15,535
"I, too, well understand
the dangerous temptations
447
00:17:15,521 --> 00:17:16,754
to which I shall be exposed
448
00:17:16,746 --> 00:17:18,079
"from the magnitude
of the power,
449
00:17:18,071 --> 00:17:20,202
which it has been
the pleasure..."
450
00:17:20,189 --> 00:17:22,689
CHRIS ( over phone )
"If parties in a republic are necessary to secure
451
00:17:22,673 --> 00:17:24,538
a degree of vigilance
sufficient to keep..."
452
00:17:24,526 --> 00:17:26,692
All right, all right!
I get it. Now leave me alone.
453
00:17:26,678 --> 00:17:28,977
You know the speech.
I'm sorry.
454
00:17:28,963 --> 00:17:30,161
Thank you.
455
00:17:30,153 --> 00:17:31,820
* We're not gonna take it... *
456
00:17:31,810 --> 00:17:34,576
Chris, bring Vanessa a plate!
457
00:17:37,636 --> 00:17:39,035
Thank you.
458
00:17:39,027 --> 00:17:40,360
And something to drink too.
459
00:17:41,742 --> 00:17:44,174
So, what's going on?
460
00:17:44,159 --> 00:17:45,525
Oh, I had to check with you.
461
00:17:45,516 --> 00:17:47,348
I was going over
my receipts,
462
00:17:47,337 --> 00:17:50,536
and my register keeps coming up
short about $40.
463
00:17:50,515 --> 00:17:53,447
CHRIS:
My mom could have been the mayor of Detroit.
464
00:17:53,428 --> 00:17:56,828
Oh... I meant to
tell you about that.
465
00:17:56,806 --> 00:17:57,805
About what?
466
00:17:57,799 --> 00:17:59,798
Um, you know Miss Tallulah?
467
00:17:59,785 --> 00:18:01,183
Yeah. What about her?
468
00:18:01,175 --> 00:18:04,341
Well, she was unhappy
with her hair color,
469
00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:07,519
so she seemed pretty upset,
so I just gave her a refund.
470
00:18:07,499 --> 00:18:11,964
Refund? What'd you
do that for?
471
00:18:11,934 --> 00:18:13,900
I have a strict
no-refund policy,
472
00:18:13,888 --> 00:18:15,254
you know that.
473
00:18:15,246 --> 00:18:18,445
Well, Vanessa,
she put a hex on me. A mojo!
474
00:18:18,424 --> 00:18:20,557
VANESSA:
A mojo? You let that woman come in
475
00:18:20,543 --> 00:18:22,908
and scam you for $40
because she threatened
476
00:18:22,893 --> 00:18:24,791
you with a mojo?
477
00:18:24,779 --> 00:18:27,279
She's been doing that
ever since she came in, 'Chelle.
478
00:18:27,263 --> 00:18:30,429
She's crazy! She's the reason
I put the sign up there.
479
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:32,807
VANESSA:
Oh, ooh, I got
480
00:18:32,791 --> 00:18:35,325
to watch TV when I eat.
481
00:18:37,096 --> 00:18:39,328
I can't believe you had me go
all the way down there
482
00:18:39,314 --> 00:18:41,913
and apologize
to that crazy woman for nothing!
483
00:18:41,896 --> 00:18:43,429
It wasn't for nothing.
484
00:18:43,419 --> 00:18:46,151
Drew and Tonya had a fever.
It was getting worse.
485
00:18:46,134 --> 00:18:47,866
That's because
we didn't drink
486
00:18:47,855 --> 00:18:48,887
that nasty mojo remedy.
487
00:18:48,881 --> 00:18:50,448
DREW:
Yeah,
488
00:18:50,438 --> 00:18:52,103
we poured that
down the drain.
489
00:18:52,093 --> 00:18:54,525
I really don't think
it's safe to drink Clay-Dough.
490
00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,675
What about that battery?
491
00:18:56,662 --> 00:18:58,028
I mean,
it was brand-new.
492
00:18:58,019 --> 00:19:00,151
He said it looked like
it was four years old.
493
00:19:00,138 --> 00:19:02,337
Oh, th-the battery?
494
00:19:02,323 --> 00:19:03,555
Yeah.
495
00:19:03,548 --> 00:19:05,147
Yeah, I used that money
496
00:19:05,137 --> 00:19:06,604
to buy a new outfit.
497
00:19:08,811 --> 00:19:10,844
What about the bomb threat
at Chris's school?
498
00:19:10,832 --> 00:19:14,631
Oh, um, it turned
out to be a hoax.
499
00:19:15,897 --> 00:19:17,996
It happens so much
that, you know,
500
00:19:17,983 --> 00:19:20,381
I think that's the reason why
they call it a "bomb threat."
501
00:19:20,365 --> 00:19:22,898
Because nobody
really calls in bombs.
502
00:19:22,882 --> 00:19:25,547
Oh, look, a school
just blew up!
503
00:19:25,530 --> 00:19:30,529
TV REPORTER:
I'm here at Bardini High with Captain Tyrone Williams
504
00:19:30,496 --> 00:19:31,662
of the Bomb Squad.
505
00:19:31,655 --> 00:19:33,320
Can you tell us
what happened?
506
00:19:33,310 --> 00:19:35,576
Well, apparently, there was
a bomb inside the building
507
00:19:35,561 --> 00:19:37,327
and before we were
able to defuse it,
508
00:19:37,316 --> 00:19:39,181
it blew up and
destroyed the school.
509
00:19:39,169 --> 00:19:41,869
Okay. Can you tell us,
does this have anything
510
00:19:41,852 --> 00:19:44,718
to do with the bomb threat
earlier at Tattaglia?
511
00:19:44,700 --> 00:19:45,966
Oh, absolutely.
512
00:19:45,958 --> 00:19:47,756
Because there was
no bomb over there,
513
00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:49,411
we figured there was
no bomb over here,
514
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:51,065
so we ignored
the call.
515
00:19:51,055 --> 00:19:52,988
Fortunately, it
was after hours
516
00:19:52,976 --> 00:19:55,942
so no students were destroyed
in the blast.
517
00:19:55,923 --> 00:19:58,321
But whoever called in
that Tattaglia threat,
518
00:19:58,305 --> 00:20:01,004
we're holding you
personally responsible.
519
00:20:00,987 --> 00:20:05,153
Wherever you are, we will hunt
you down and blow you up.
520
00:20:05,126 --> 00:20:09,625
And that's not a threat,
that's a promise.
521
00:20:09,595 --> 00:20:15,061
* Everybody hates Chris. *
522
00:20:15,111 --> 00:20:19,661
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